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34151078 No.34151078 [DELETED]  [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Sup, /tg/. Nid-anon here. Sorry for the late update, but I hope my tale makes up for it.

The Story so far:
For those of you unaware, my ex, who I lived with for nearly 2 years, recently left me for another girl. To make matters worse I had to play against her in a 40K tournament yesterday morning. I play Tyranids and she plays Grey Knights and an Imperial Knight I bought her for her birthday not so long ago. So I came here beseeching you fa/tg/uys for advice, and you obliged along with with the encouragement I needed to see me through.

Parte-Deux: The Prep
>Some hastily bought and painted units
>Lots of encouragement from you and my closest RL friends
>Even more alcohol

>> No.34151156
File: 263 KB, 675x507, nid.01.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Part Three: The Arrival
The second part of the tournament began at 9AM and my first match was against the queen bitch herself. I arrived 20 minutes early with my army, forged in the fires equal parts fury and Captain Morgan, as welkl as 4 of my friends who there to cheer me on.
>Walked in with a sense of determination I hoped my outward appearance showed
>Head right to the tournament chart
>My name has been crossed out, hers has been moved up
>The fuck??
>George, the TO, walks by and my friend "J" calls him over
>"Wha-Oh, yeah. [Ex's new GF] told us you were dropping out and told us what happened. Sorry to hear it, man, but we've got your entry fee at the front desk. Pick it up whenever you feel like."
>Fucking furious.
>"Have they started yet?"
>"They're setting up now."
>I've got to do everyone proud
>"No. I'm still in this."
>Walk into the game room

>> No.34151278
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>See the thieving cunt (the dyke-pocalypse in my lesbian friend's words) walks into the side room
>Luckily she didn't see us
>Get to the table, tell the guy she's about to play that there was a mistake. The schedule's back to the way it was before.
>He has no problem with it and leaves
>she was standing there the whole time with that wide-eyed stare and I'm proud to say I didn't acknowledge her moderate shock
>"Anon, I-"
>You had me dropped from the tournament?
>Friend "E": Seriously!?
>"[Dyke-pocalypse] thought it would be for the best. You were in a mental breakdown. You could barely even get your stuff from my house"
>J: "My" house? It was in his name. Why's she even here? She plays X-Wing and Pathfinder
>Glad he said it before I blew up. It gave me a moment to collect myself a little
>She ignored her. "Look, I'm sorr-"
>Warlord traits
>Roll. For your warlord trait.

As we rolled and my friends helped me put my army on the table I was grateful for the reprieve. The shaking calmed down, my nervousness faded. It was replaced with hatred. Contempt had become my shield.

>> No.34151345

you've captured my interest.

>> No.34151347

Goooo on

>> No.34151361




>> No.34151374
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this should be good

>> No.34151386
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Part Four: The Lists
>The two Paladin squads had banners and kited out how you'd expect
>2 Stormravens, one fully psy-bolted out
>Psyfleman Dread
>Imperial Knight. My goddamn Knight

>Flyrant with 2 TL Devs, Electroshock grubs
>Flyrant with Lashwhip & Bonesword, dessicater larva, regen, adrenal glands, toxin sacs
>2 Hive Guard units
>Venomthrope brood
>Genestealers with Broodlord
>Warrior Brood

>> No.34151392
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>> No.34151403

Sorry your gf turned out to be gay OP but you should really get over that shit.

>> No.34151412

It's not about the girl, anon

It's about the pride of man and the Emperor's disdain for bitches

>> No.34151421

No, it's completely about the girl.

>> No.34151428

wait so are you a dude or a chick

>> No.34151431
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>> No.34151452

Seems like its about hte bitch his ex is with more than her.

>> No.34151468

It's clearly a dude. The man can barely control his disproportionate anger and he's blaming everyone but himself for bad things that happen.

>> No.34151477

don't disillusion me friend, this story is only worthwhile if its some frumpy hiki fighting for her lesbo waifu

>> No.34151489
File: 190 KB, 848x783, 1339233355450.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Part 5: The Game

>She wins the roll-off
>Game type is The Relic, but that doesn't matter.. I'm determined to table the bitch
>Right off the bat her Knight annihilates most of my gaunts,
>Psyfleman knocked a wound off my Exocrine,
And Draigo made a run for the Relic since I have no AP 2 guns in range to hurt them in the open
>Huge mistake
>My turn.
>The Dakka-rant flies up and knocks a hull point off the Knight with warp blast
>The other flies up in in oreoeration to assault the Draigowing next turn.. or so it seems
>He follows up by giving FnP to the gene-stealers that then assault Draigo and his merry band of faggots
>She's not worried, she doesn't thin kthey're much of a threat
>And admittedly they're not... but they'll hold her there for a turn
>After blows are traded 1 Paladin has died and 3 stealers are left
>The swarm has scuttled up the board

>> No.34151493
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>Contempt had become my shield
that is an incredibly heartening thing to hear

>> No.34151545
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They tried to get you dropped from the tournament? That sucks but never forgot what is best in life!

>> No.34151557


Holy .jpeg artifacts, Batman.

>> No.34151579

Anon, I know it's easy to be pissed at this other chick, but remember that she's now involved with your ex. And it probably won't be too long until your ex 'rediscovers' that she was straight all along and this new chick finds her in bed with some random dude.

Some people are really good at hiding how colossally shitty they are, and some people buy into the deception too easily. The only way out of this hell is to let it the fuck go and stop trying to salvage something from the wreck. You could literally set this bitch on fire and you'd just be twisting the knife for yourself. Don't make enemies or lose friends living in the past, it isn't going to do you any good.

>> No.34151607
File: 65 KB, 505x461, Tyranid.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>Turn 2 her Psyraven comes on and immediately guns down the Crone
>The Knight smites the Warriors and takes pot shots at the Hive Guard
>My Terv's all that's holding the backfield together, but ol' Bess hasn't failed yet
>The Psyfleman kills a Hive Guard but not much else
>The Draigo-train wipes out the stealers but consolidation can't get them to the protection of the downed lighter
>Eats a full fucking Paladin squad and appears on the board
>One Flyrant lands, the other v-strikes the Raven and downs it in a flurry of larva and mind bullets
>The Hive Guard get Onslaught and run and gun down the Dread
>Not even the most venerable douches are safe from the rape train
>Tyrant assaults

>> No.34151633
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Keep going

Keep going, you fucking champion

>> No.34151640
File: 128 KB, 160x128, GAHAHAHA.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>Eats a full fucking Paladin squad and appears on the board

>> No.34151675
File: 31 KB, 293x240, Rip_And_Tear.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>Tyrant rape train

>> No.34151684
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pic related
this anon knows what's up. the best thing for you is to walk away. the true opposite of love is not hate but indifference. besides, she may have inadvertently done you a favor. she's sounding like an utter bitch with a side order of crazy, garnished with liar. Find someone better and watch her destroy her current relationship from a safe distance.

>> No.34151695



>> No.34151706

Yeah, this whole thing is seeming incredibly impossible and false, but it's entertaining so I'm going with it. Keep posting, OP.

>> No.34151721

You two make sense, but I cannot help but sympathize with this anon. He needs this, I think. Not in the logical sense, but somewhere, deep down he needs this.

>> No.34151723

She sounds more confused and malleable than anything else, but analyzing ex-gfs we know little about aside GIVE US MOAR STORY.

>> No.34151734

2 strength 6 AP 2 large blasts are actually pretty devastating to Paladins.

>> No.34151754
File: 210 KB, 1007x755, Tiranids2.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>Argument ensues because because she doesn't think MC's are AP 2, Draigo has a "relic blade," and Force weapons are no longer automatic
>Draigo backs out like a bitch and the Tyrant kills 2 Paladins before being taken out
>Now he flees for cover
>The second Stormraven comes on and attempts to send my army running by killing the Tervigon
>But Bess survives with 1 wound left
>The Knight turns the Venomthropes into something resembling the consistency of chunky salsa then assaults the Mawloc
>My turn
>My Tyrant rules the skies, and he will broker no intruders
>The last Raven is shot down,
>The Exocrine wipes the Paladins down to Draigo,
>And the Hive Guard chip another hull point off the Knight
>These grievances are paid back thrice-over in the next turn when the Knight kills Bess, sending the swarm into disarray
>All is not lost however, I still have the Flyrant, 5 Hive Guard, and the Exocrine
>the Tyrant perils Warp Blasting the Knight but still gets it off and removes 3 hull points taking a wound himself
>The Exocrine finishes off the Knight, but is immolated when the war engine goes up in a nuclear explosion
>As for Draigo?
>Poor cowardly Draigo...
>He goes down with his back turned
>Impaled on the justice spikes of my Hive Guard

>> No.34151787

I sympathize with him too. I've been there. It sucks giant donkey schlong.
I don't think "need" is accurate. "want" is more like it. regardless, that's just my autism acting up. And we can all agree that the bitch deserves to get tabled, and he'll feel great after he does it.

fair point. MOAR STORY!

>> No.34151789
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>> No.34151799
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11/10 you glorious bastard

>> No.34151801
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>> No.34151832
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>> No.34151869
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>> No.34151871

>Some hastily bought and painted units
To adjust your strategy in order to better counter her or what?
>thieving cunt
Is this related?

>> No.34151875
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Part Six: The Post Game
>I was victorious and am truly glad to have the amazing friends I do. Because those dorks actually cheered for a Warhammer 40K game
>I was exhausted, my anger, concentration, and prayers to the dice gods having taken their toll on me
>"I think you won largely because you got Warp Blast on both Tyrants, and that Mawloc was lucky"
>Then I tossed Draigo into her padded carrying case
>No damage done, and nothing but net

I'm moving on to the next round tomorrow. Justice was served and I feel a little better, but I probably wouldn't have played against her again her if it weren't for the tournament. Thank you, fa/tg/uys. For spurring me on and giving me the courage and righteous fury I needed to win the day

>> No.34151885
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Simply magnificent

>> No.34151894

If you're ever in vancouver you get a drink on me

>> No.34151896

>No epic shit eating remark from you post-game
Come on anon get your shit together. Still bretty gud though.

>> No.34151905


Well done anon.

Now the healing can begin.

And go get your stuff back.

>> No.34151909
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You've done the Emperor proud, anon

>> No.34151913

He did what he set out to do, he won, there was no need to be a smarmy fuck about winning

>> No.34151917

You can rest assured that you did not win just because of warp blast and the lucky mawloc. Good going dude. I hope this gives you the closure you were looking for.

>> No.34151926

Well played, you magnificent son of a bitch.

>> No.34151945

>Thieving cunt
I think that's his ex's new GF

I'm pretty sure

>> No.34152015
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This thread
It's fucking glorious

>> No.34152051

Someone in the /tg/ Hivemind had better save this tale for posterity.

>> No.34152052
File: 15 KB, 500x500, 1227746962852.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Good job, OP. You had a lot of anger, and while I'm not sure it was justified, this was a much better way of dealing with it than most.

>> No.34152083

Tactical data will be analyzed following reclamation of biomass.

>yeah it's done

>> No.34152145

>Then I tossed Draigo into her padded carrying case
I know it was draigo
and I know it was your ex's draigo
but still tossing minis around it's not cool

congratulations for the victory

>> No.34152207

Saviour your victory because you earned it.

I'd get some Carnifex's, kit them out with some crushing claws and they wreck armour

>> No.34152210
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>> No.34152288

Everyone knows chicks play tyranids.

OP plays tyranids, ergo OP is a chick. QED.

>> No.34152375

/r/equest a caption on the mawlock with SURPRISE MAWLOCK BITCH!

>> No.34152378

Congrats anon! I was one of the guys in the last thread you were in. Glad to see it worked out!

>> No.34152393
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the propper plural of carnifex is carnifeces

>> No.34152399

I have a shitty handmade large blast with a mawloc going SURPRISE drawn on it
but it's really shitty

>> No.34152422


>> No.34152423


regardless of shitty-ness, I must see it

>> No.34152430
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>> No.34152646 [SPOILER] 
File: 2.45 MB, 2000x3552, 1408098089667.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

shittiness inbound

>> No.34152728


you should do a proper one and get it put on some plastic

>> No.34152781

not bad at all.
Op should had one of this for that game.

>> No.34152791


>> No.34152870
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>> No.34153241

GLORIOUS! Been waiting to hear this one anon

>> No.34153267

someone cap this
for the love of the Emperor someone cap this!

>> No.34153268

how did the rest of the tournament go?

>> No.34155770

did someone archived this already?

>> No.34156253
File: 41 KB, 330x367, FuckYeahissar.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Good to see you Nid-anon. The Swarm has been made proud by your actions this day.

>> No.34156779

Fucking heartening. Please tell me someone has capped this?

And can we get a damn drawfag for the SURPRISE MAWLOC BITCH!

>> No.34158728

I'm partial to Carnifexen.
I don't care how wrong it is.

>> No.34159757

>aliem monstrosities slaughter some of minkind's most rare and valuable warriors
>Emps is proud

eh - close enough.

Congrats, Nid-Anon.
>tfw righteous victory over hated foe

pretty sure "carnifeces" gained traction because for the entirety of their fifth edition codex, carnifices were pretty shit.
>shit as in "feces"
>lol for days

but i'm with this >>34158728 anon. kinda reminds me of oxen.
>big smelly beasts doing work

>> No.34160437
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Good job, OP. Glad to see a righteous victory

>> No.34162804


>> No.34162999

Nah, it wouldnt feel great, just hollow and empty. It has no purpose but ones that led you into dark paths. I see we have both experienced the same as op and I can tell.

>> No.34163177

thats why she keeps saying "my gf left me for another girl' and not 'my gf left me for a girl'

>> No.34165110

You're dumb. Read his story and see how his friend said that it was, "his name" not hers on the house.
Way to fail read, stupid cunt.

>> No.34165332

I want one.

>> No.34165399

Aside from throwing around bitch draigo he aint that mad.

>> No.34165488

Latin is a dead language, FYI

>> No.34165597
File: 73 KB, 750x600, Tyranids!.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

I won my next two matches and moved on to the semi-finals, though I don't think I'll win against my next opponent. I don't mind though. I feel better than I have in such a long time, and all you fa/tg/uys were so helpful in my quest for vindication and now my healing process. Thank all of you glorious bastards.

>Trying to look up a Tyranid's cloaca
I left it ambiguous and contradictory for purposes... Same with my friends names. Everything else is as clear as I could make it, like their genders.

>> No.34165638

I think you're missing the point, this nigger had a fucking game of warhammer to win.

>> No.34165644

>I left it ambiguous and contradictory for purposes...
To avoid shitposting when people hear about lesbian attentionwhore blogshit compared to hearing a story about a man getting some success after a bad breakup?

>> No.34165742

I love how /tg/ can't even enjoy a story about Eye of the Tiger type shit without devolving into fucking shitposting.

>> No.34166477

Anonymity, I would think.

Anyway, this thread was glorious OP. Your tale was amazing

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