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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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[ERROR] No.33306012 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Tg! I request we start a humour thread!!

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>> No.33306864

Isn't that why "Here-Techs" are really shitty at being mechanicus? Since Instead of removing corruption by means of more machine parts they stay fleshy to become more corrupted?

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>> No.33306900

There was that one time /tg/ played tic tac toe...

>> No.33306933

And then one time we figured out how much damage you could get from sprayed someone with shit out of a Bag of Holding....

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>> No.33307122

Did anyone ever screen cap that thread where /tg/ had to resist the urge to sodomize their squires? Things got out of hand fast.

>> No.33307144

>/tg/ had to resist the urge to sodomize their squires?
>Things got out of hand
...And into the squires?

>> No.33307191

If I remember correctly, Sir Blackheart sodomized his squire, who happened to be the King's son. The Prince ended up getting sent to the monestary to live the life of a chaste monk. The Monks roved him rong time, Sir Blackheart lost his knighthood, and I finally found my new home board.

>> No.33307232

Here's the thread, fellow anon. Enjoy, but in moderation.

>> No.33307240

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>> No.33307306

I still want to know how this was resolved

>> No.33307323

I would guess you shot him in the head?

>> No.33307335

Then He'd fall down and crush a baby.

>> No.33307336

And squish the babby when he drops?

>> No.33307357

They pretended to negotiate with him, then another hero broke in through the window above and hung him by his neck.

>> No.33307364


Fuck those babies. I would break in there, shoot each baby individually, shoot the woman, and then stick the barrel as far down his throat as it would fit and pull the trigger a bunch more times.

>> No.33307375

How is an eighth-grader going to get a gun?

>> No.33307379


so edgy

>> No.33307382

The greatest lesson never taught until it is too late -- never challenge the PCs to find a way to afely and creatively murder someone. Sadism and imagination will find new continents to chart.

I mean this applies to everything for PCs but especially for killing enemies who are making life difficult for them.

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>> No.33307394

IN the SUMMERtime, when the weather is high. You can REACH RIGHT UP and Tooo-uch the sky.

>> No.33307414

more humor >>33307151

>> No.33307554

I'd say a prayer for the babies and proclaim that there is no halting the hammer before smashing him right in the chest with the spike end my warhammer.

>> No.33307574

Paladin Falls.
You could have hit him in the head and used the spike to hold him up.

>> No.33307583

>Paladin Falls
Sounds like a damn good vacation spot.
The only catch is that all of the drinks are nothing but sacramental wines.

>> No.33307594

How fucking beefy do you have to be to hold a human up at the end of a warhammer?

>> No.33307598

>The only catch is that all of the drinks are nothing but sacramental wines.

I'm not seeing the catch.

>> No.33307641

>Smash in side or top of head
>Apply torque by twisting handle.
I mean it's called a "Beak" for a reason it's got a slight curve to it.
With the density of the human skull, you could pull it back and hold the man long enough to pick up his body by his throat and safely secure the babies.

No more strength required then it would take in getting the warhammer through his skull to kill him in the first place.

>> No.33307767

Goddammit! My sides are now nearing Segmentum Ultimas northernmost corner.

>> No.33307858

That's basically how my party started out in a recent PF game, unfortunately it was already based on pirates.

I had a Lawful Evil pampered sorcerer with a literal pedigree, wandering around trying to find a certain "Captain Schmitty" for some bounty work, with the only instructions on the flier saying "follow the ink" and a bunch of ink dripples and peg leg prints leading into the door of the bar it was posted on.

When I got to see who I'd be partied up with, It was a Sylph Sea Witch with a Air-breathing octopus on his shoulder dribbling ink non-stop, because he had a medical condition...
The same exact captain that I saw this morning literally blow up and sink his ship at the harbor so he could avoid paying the tax of having his ship anchored there.

We then proceeded to team up with our third party member, a stupidly buff squid person that we met after a bar-fight --started by incidentally saying the word "Barfight", crawling out of the ocean with half an anchor and a spiked steel bullwark from a ship, that were his primary weapons.

We then proceeded to accidentally steal a Navy Galleon, with a willing hostage, and sail through a mine field because our Captain could literally talk with the wind and sea.

One thing came to another and later on in that very same session our Captain managed to gain lordship over 300 or so Dire monkeys.
We have yet to decide what to do with Donkey Kong, the awakened gorrilla who is currently chained to our ship.

>> No.33307918

That sounds awesome. I can just picture Captain Schmitty being accosted by the local tax collectors for a docking fee and saying "Yah want me to pay a docking fee? For what ship, matey?"


"Ar, har har har! You'll have to try harder to out-pirate Captain Schmitty!"

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>> No.33307933

My sides.

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>> No.33307955

That one is depressing. Drug addicts are pathetic, they need help.

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>> No.33307987

thats brilliant! I'm laughing my ass of. Got some moar?

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>> No.33307998

also now its carved in stone

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>> No.33308011

Step it up, /tg/-kun.

>> No.33308017

im surprised no-ones posted this yet

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>> No.33308027

or this

>> No.33308041

I want these guys to meet, get drunk, and go doing Vigilante Justice around town

>> No.33308047

we also have a hectoPeasent unit of measure from one of the 5e threads

>> No.33308049

>Reposting what I posted

Fine, I stepped it up for you. If the usual Daily Neckbeard guy is around still, I hope he gets back to doing this instead of me.

>> No.33308051

laughing so much i'm almost shitting myself
needs new pants

>> No.33308056

this! and the world would be a better place

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>> No.33308087

And then Beyond Vigilante shows up to show them the error of their ways.

>> No.33308094

Alright, well seeing as that's where we left off I'll have to rewind a bit.

Well You see, we did pick up a DMPC somewhere along the lines since we're running off a three man party here, but our DM is a good friend and not a total fag.

So basically the person we managed to recruit from the first bar fight for our band of rough sailors --for the reason that he was the only man left standing-- was a Drunken Master Half-Giant Brawler made by the DM when he himself was drunk off his ass.
Said Brawler's Name was "Schmitty" under the reasoning of "Something about the name sounds familiar, like it's on the tip of my tounge, sounds pretty piratey to me."

It took the DM another three hours to realize he named the cohort after our captain. At which point our octopus person also starts calling me Schmitty, because he's convinced that it's the actual name of all land-dwelling humanoid creatures.

So, A LA One Peice Style, we just came to the realization that we set off sailing under the premise of doing extra-legal dirty work, but having no fucking clue what we're actually doing.

So here we are, drifting in the middle of a Naval Mine Field, conversing on what in the hell we're going to do for money.
We eventually decided that we were going to stop by and attempt to trade with the goblin islands like the suicidal bastards we are, since goblins in this setting had a fuck-ton of gold and an industrial revolution out of nowhere, despite living on a small island with no natural resources.

So our plan was to basically hunt down and steal a shipment of monkeys and dogs, the primary imports of goblins for also unknown but rather speculated about reasons, so we could gain access to their island and try to disappear hunting down whatever the source of their gold is and steal it.


>> No.33308113

The man offered help, but the junkie didn't want to be shot.

>> No.33308138

>And that shit rolled right the fuck back up that mountain
I almost woke up the rest of the house

>> No.33308151

oh please, do go on

>> No.33308181

>> No.33308190

So thankfully due to a few Knowlege: Local checks, our drunker-by-the-hour DM decided that the only place we were going to learn about where to get a shipment of monkey's and dogs, was from the Late Thornbeard's ol' crew, who perfected trade with the goblins.
And the only place to find Ol' Thornbeard's crew, was the wretched hive of scum and villainy known as "Skuzdick Cove"

So off we went to Skuzdick Cove with my pragmatic sorcerer rambling about how such lowlifes would never appreciate his artistic work as a sculptor. Cockatrice Familiar hidden in a Tattoo. Lawful evil, connect the dots. when it was brought up that "If you're an artist, you should be able to paint some camouflage on this ship right?" The answer to which was sadly, no, glancing over to my +2 in untrained craft, despite my +12 to craft sculpting at level 3. Thusly the phrase "What kind of artist can't even paint?" was blurted out to stop my sorcerer's monologing addiction.

Upon reaching the dock, the Skuzdick Cove welcoming party greeted with a nice two dozen bandits with Balaklava's wrapped around their heads, questioning us with "How the fuck did a Navy Galleon get out here? With only 5 people steering it?"
"That shit ain't been done since Thornbeard was still kicking."
Fortunately all it took to convince them that we weren't Navy Super Soldiers was Captain Schmitty's Controlled explosion of the local wind and my Sorcerer's min/maxed diplomacy screaming "IT'S FUCKING MAGIC!" with Cpt. Schmitty throwing in an additional Glitterdust from behind me for confetti effects.
3 rounds later I was no longer blind and could safely leave the boat.

>> No.33308221

I only played warzone some 10 or more years ago, and mostly come here for 40k fluff and pics, but this is glorious! thanks for the posts mang.

>> No.33308259

requesting the slavic elves cap

>> No.33308281

So mainly what we did at Skuzdick Cove was mainly upkeep stuff.
First things first, Camouflaging our fucking ship.
That involved getting paint from some old hairless skeever that looked like "The Rake" in a gas mask... We didn't stay there long.
And then getting the sails made, in which we entered a creepy spider dude's house, who honestly would have been more scary when we found him waiting on the roof, if he didn't have a pair of knitting needles in his hands and weren't currently slowly shitting out a sweater.
Since me and my party are all Jewish as fuck but still really poor adventurers who spend all our money on a bag of holding and 100 kegs of booze to feed our Half-Giant's Spiral Power-Strength Ki Pool, I was able to use my DM approved Third Party Medusa Sorcerer Bloodline, plus my massive Diplomacy in which to convince the spiderman that it was a favor for the family since "Brothers in Poison, something something Smoison, or however the adage goes, let me just roll Diplomacy, there that's a 20, plus like 16." To which he agreed for an at-cost price on the sail and to work on it double-time. And a mysterious bounty note fell into our hands on our way out.

OF WHICH WE DECIDED TO COMPLETELY FUCKING IGNORE and go to the bar, to see if we could recruit someone else.

Standard recruiting proceedure occured, sit in the corner, order a drink and then causally talk amongs ourselves until the work "Barfight" occured. The men still conscious after the result would be top candidates.

>> No.33308290

>Standard recruiting proceedure occured, sit in the corner, order a drink and then causally talk amongs ourselves until the work "Barfight" occured. The men still conscious after the result would be top candidates.
Best recruitement ever.

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>> No.33308358

>implying the little xeno shit's death wasn't hilarious
>implying the Ogryn slaughtering 6 space marines by himself isn't hilarious
It's like you don't even know what's funny.
Let me guess, you cried when you watching the Lion King, right?

>> No.33308362

I got your funny content right here.


>> No.33308376

Blood was spilled, and the only people left was our Brawler Schmitty, the rest of our party still chatting in the corner, the local bard, and the massive iron-clad orcish target of said bounty note.

OF WHICH WE DECIDED TO --COMPLETELY-- FUCKING IGNORE in favor of chatting up with the bard, a black man known as "Freddie" and is totally not the one from BroQuest.
So we were rewarded with watching our DM, 8 glasses of 50% Malibu Coconut Rum 50% Pinapple Juice in, attempt to scat.
"Not it"s were called and I was left with the short straw to go get some paper towels and attempt to clean up all of the resulting saliva off of the table, floor, and Core Rule Book.

So now that we had introductions with the Bard, the second cohort on our party, he agreed to head out with us on our "Gig" to the Goblin Islands, but only on our way out since he was still scheduled for tommorrow night.
We then left the tavern over a bunch of broken bodies, COMPLETELY FUCKING IGNO- You ge the point. Dead plot hooks are dead plot hooks.
So we left the building to the tune of Freddie singing (and our DM attempting to) "Rapper's Delight" from the Sugar Hill Gang.

Off into the Jungle we went with a really shoddy bamboo cage we managed to swindle off a passing trader and then drag into the jungle.
We had a day to waste and we had monkeys to catch.

>> No.33308380

anyone have tank-mech pilot duke nukem?

I had it but my last PC crashed.

>> No.33308392

>Brother Cassius, I ask you - what do you call a Space Wolf with a drinking problem?

I don't know Brother Octavian. What DO you call a Space Wolf with a drinking problem?

>You call him a Space Wolf, brother Cassius.


>> No.33308414

>How you call an Ultramarine with an oversized hubris?
>I dunno, Brother Lanius.
>An Ultramarine.

>> No.33308480

So once we made into the Jungle the DM was sobering up slightly, and by that I mean Drinking less rapidly, so things got a little bit more serious.
Descriptions of the dark and foreboding jungle, only flickers of light breaching through the canopy as everything was in low-levels of light, jaguar growls off in the far distance, and monkey howls far above us.

Next thing we know, we're ambushed by a Dire monkey. With it gaining approximately 3 surprise rounds to howl and screech, calling allies, and then punch my character in the face with bone spiked knuckles. All because we chose to ignore it in favor of having a deep economic-buisness discussion on the currency exchange rate of Dire Monkeys to Monkeys.
>"Well I'd assume that a Dire Monkey is worth at least two given the size"
>"I dunno, the goblin's aint that smart at math and a monkey's still just a monkey. They might not know the difference."
>"Will they even take Dire Monkeys?"
>"Is a Nigga goin hafta break out the fucking Postage Scale?"

So I got punched in the face so shit was going DOWN. Roll Initiative, Get 20, Fuck Bitches, Cast Spell.
Piff. 1d6+3 damage, half electric half acid. DM asked how that worked, and my response was "I dunno, I guess like a battery popping on them"
The monkey proceeded to get even more pissed off and entered berserk, gaining flurry of blows.

Four more monkeys show up, and we have to remind eachother to incapacitate and not kill.
Que five dire monkeys all trying to gib me, and a series of 15 really shitty rolls from the DM resulting my character getting called "Neo" for the rest of the fight.
Anchorshield McFUCKSHIT got in a few turns managing to non-lethal beat down two monkeys with a spiked shield into unconciousness, and grapple another with the anchor into submission.
The Captain took down one with a Glitterdust to the face and poking it with a stick until it followed him blindly into the cage
And I finally got my shit together and used Animate Rope, Ender of Worlds

>> No.33308572

So once we started bagging and tagging monkeys we proceeded to get back to the disscussion of logistics in the usage of various qualities of monkey and the conversion rates.

Then the ground started shaking. Trees started falling. And Unnamed Gorilla King Boss, who was deemed everything from Nyuwganga, to Zabumafoo, to Danky Kang, came trapsing out of the jungle.
Queue Monologue. "How dare you enslave my poeple, you shall pay the ultimate blab de brah der bloob." Our response: "How many monkeys do you think he's worth Captain?" Then he started swinging.

Dankey Kang rolled UMD to drop out a giant thorny angry version of Entangle, and proceeded to crit fail and only entangle himself. Cpt. Schmitty guffawed and threw a Web bolt at him to add insult to injury sticking him to the spot even further so Adiran (Anchorshield McFUCKSHIT) began sheild slammin and shooting fireblasts out of that shit because we didn't know the whole time he was a Magus.
Our Brawler Schmitty got knocked out in a single lucky crit, and was patched up by the Witch captain.
8 rounds of combat ensued dumping any and all damage that we had onto him while he was still stuck to the spot.
And then in the brightest flash of Caster Supremacy ever known to man "Oh wait, I've got that Hex" Said Cpt. and dropped the 600+ health gorrilla boss unconscious in a single slumber hex.

So with a quick prod to his wounds, scooping out some blood, the Captain brought it to his face and drank it with a Blood Infusion spells, to learn said magic.
Learning the command Phrase to the King's crown with a Knowlege: Arcana check, he donned the piece beneath his hat and shouted "THERE MUST ALWAYS BE... A MONKEY KING!"

Hundreds of Dire Monkeys poured out of every crevice in the Jungle, quickly rounded up their previous king as they were all brought over to the ship of our newly founded royal Captain.

>> No.33308663


you could also, you know, shot him in the head and catch the corpse before it touches the ground.

>> No.33308678

what is this pic's context?

>> No.33308765

I dont see why thr DM is confused, the logic is impecable

>> No.33308929 [DELETED] 

Our group was exploring the lair of a dead Great Wyrm, situated in an ancient dwarven city he conquered, with a group of NPCs. One of the defence he left was a room filled with Stone Golems. Using "Spider Climb", the group climbs the walls and get to the ceiling, where the magic circle that control the golems is. We examine it to find how to shut it downs, to allow the NPCs to go through the room

>DM: "The magic circle was made by one of the dwarves. The dragon just corrupted the original spell to work for him.

Me>So, it was a corruption of a miner?


>people start laughing

>> No.33308950 [DELETED] 

> made by a dwarf
> therefore must have been made by a miner

That's dwarf-racism, you filthy bigot

>> No.33308951

Our group was exploring the lair of a dead Great Wyrm, situated in an ancient dwarven city he conquered, with a group of NPCs. One of the defence he left was a room filled with Stone Golems. Using "Spider Climb", the group climbs the walls and get to the ceiling, where the magic circle that control the golems is. We examine it to find how to shut it downs, to allow the NPCs to go through the room

>DM: "The magic circle was made by one of the dwarves. The dragon just corrupted the original spell to work for him.

>Me: So, it was a corruption of a miner?


>people start laughing

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Well well well what do we have here?

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>> No.33309031

This story is awesome. I was in this thread

This one is sweet and sad. I've seen it in the same thread as the other

Do anyone has the story of the guy who played the flute in the forrest and became a random encounter?

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This reminds me of the Incestsmith thread

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>> No.33309163

Is that from the Fairy Tale's Kingdom thread, the one where HypnoJew wrote this amazing story?

>> No.33309168

No idea

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>> No.33309179

>didn't deem them "less than beasts"

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>> No.33309206

Picard sounds like best captain.

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>> No.33309267

That is the saddest picture i have ever seen.

>> No.33309317

He really, honestly, is.

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>> No.33309415

This doesn't even make sense. Is that why it's funny?

>> No.33309481

except in the movies where hes gone senile and decided to do shit like ride around primitive planets on a dune bugy and otherwise not act like Picard in the show

>> No.33309531

What part of "libertarian" do you not understand?

>> No.33309544


Fun fact, the dune buggy scene happened because Patrick Stewart wanted to ride around in a dune buggy. And you don't just tell Patrick Stewart 'no'.

>> No.33309557

Yume 2kki I think. Or LCDdem or some other YN fangame I haven't played.

>> No.33309561

ya I know hes a big motor head and if that were the only scene in the 4 TNG movies that made no sense characterwise I would let it go but more often in the movies hes an action hero then the calculated logically and sophisticated Jean Luc

>> No.33309569


They didn't include Sisko.

It would probably go like that:

Hostile alien: I'm going to rape your mom
Sisko: I warn you, this is a bad idea. Continue and we'll retaliate.

Kira: Our planet got raped by the Cardassian. We're gonna rape them so hard when we get the chance.

Hostile alien: And your dad

Sisko: Ok, guys, he is clearly hostile. Let's find a solution.

O'brian, Bashir, Odo, Dax, the Prophets, Nog, various secondary characters: We're on it!

The Klingon: We will help you, this alien also threatened to rape our mom

The Ferengi: Wait! We could make good money doing business with them. Oh, wait, nevermind, this alien tried to rape Quark.

Quark: I was trying to make money, but I was the comic relief character this week

Rom: I helped him.

O'brian, Bashir, Odo, Dax, the Prophets, Nog, various secondary characters: We got this solution, but it may not work.

Sisko: Dammit! If only there was a way for it to work for sure

Damar, Section 31, other various secondary characters: We can make sure it works for sure, but it will be unsavory and unethical.

Sisko: God damn it! Do what you have to do

Jake: Hi, dad, I'm here to provide some daily life interactions

Sisko: Thank you, son. So, who else will help us?

The Romulan: Nah, we're going to help them rape you and your family.

Sisko:... They said they'll rape your mom, you know?

Damar: It's true, they did.


>During that time, various romantic plots and character developments happens

Sisko: Anything more?

the Prophets: The Sisko must trust the Prophets

Sisko: Okay, I'll do that. Thank you for your supernatural help, incredibly powerful being I'm the emmissary of.

Hostile alien: It's rape time!

>Everyone start using the solution that was found to counter the alien

>Hostile alien get fucked

Everyone but the alien: We won.

Happy ending, save from the sacrifices made

>> No.33309590

The shows were more about the sci-fi, philosophy, and solving seemingly impossible space problems than they were action. However, the movies were ALL about action, which tended to be a poor fit for the casts, especially TNG which had a lot less action than TOS.

>> No.33309712

I had a feeling something like this would happen when I saw BD making giant silicone 20 sided die

>> No.33309863

What...the fuck...

>> No.33309892

fug, is this on an archive anywhere?

>> No.33309901

It's an Aristocrats joke, what did you expect?

>> No.33309981

Funny enough as long as players aren't awkward like this players dating and playing can work well in game. Seeing as my group is more or less comprised of almost 50/50 male female with two couples in it as long as they are all serious in game it doesn't matter much.

>> No.33310510

That Doomrider looks more like Captain Pronin.

>> No.33310607

Is every single one of those replies someone shouting at Carlos?

>> No.33310654


what is the context of this image???

>> No.33310669

OP tries to start some furfag thread and /tg/ derails it amusingly.

>> No.33311430

That reminded me of a similar story of mine. The start is identical. We were very serious about airsoft, which in retrospect seems pretty silly, but very good times were had so I have no regrets.

>Some years ago, I was playing airsoft with a bunch of friends
>We're 17-18 years old at the time
>Go out to abandoned big country estate
>We split up to two teams and decide the objective to be to capture the farmhouse the other team is defending
>I'm on the attacking team
>We brainstorm up some really tryhard strategies
>One guy approaches from the back of the building and hooks himself on the emergency ladder and stays on the lookout for that side of the building and bursts in from the window at the A-moment
>Two guys sneak into the cellar and assault the ground floor at the A-moment
>One guy with binoculars is positioned on the roof of nearby shed and reports their movements, he was to join the guy on ladder during A-moment
>30 seconds after the planned A-moment the rest of us, three guys including me, pull up to the front with a jeep that belonged to one of the guys' dad for a full frontal assault
>We prepare for it
>A-Moment arrives
>We burst off the jeep and go for the front door
>Meet up with the cellar guys
>Ladderguys report that there's nobody on the third floor
>They must be all holed up on the second floor
>We just decide to go for it and assault the second floor from two directions
>We enter the second floor
>They're all there, not wearing any of their airsoft equipment
>Reading...Porn Magazines?
>They had found a huge stash of vintage porn under a dank carpet
>We made some coffee, cracked open our packed lunches and everybody read and laughed at vintage porn mags for a couple of hours and discussed our taste in women and so on, no homo

>> No.33311476

Summer-tiiiiiiiime, and the livin's easssy.

>> No.33311533

>no homo

Me think he doth protesteth too much.

Anyway, sounds like you have a fun gay sex party.

>> No.33311555

We call that a sausagefest.

>> No.33311664

I was in that thread! He totally comes back and tells his story of horrid debauchery. Thus converting several others over to Slaanesh

>> No.33311687

Now imagine this happening but with actual specops and insurgents.

Boobs: The key to world peace.

>> No.33311713


that is wrong

>> No.33311876

A dreadnought and a sentinel are walking along together after a battle when the sentinel pilot says to the dreadnought, "Dude, Open-Topped? 2 HP? AV 10? This this is a walking coffin!"
"FUCK. YOU." Says the dread as it stomps off.

>> No.33311928

I'm going to need a link, sir.
I missed that one.

>> No.33311971

And you were not counting using a monk, which moves faster before multiplying his movement. Instead of 300 feet (30x5x2), a lvl 6 monk (lvl enough to buy that Bag of Holding) would move 500 feet (50x5x2), which is a 66% more. I don't know if that would be a 66% more damage or not, but it still obliterates people.

>> No.33312031

And if we added that lvl1 spell that adds more movement speed (+30" exactly), we would be moving at 800 feet per 6 seconds, 166% more than before.

>> No.33312156


The post number was in the picture, btw. Just google "tg archive (post #)" and it usually pops up.

>> No.33312217

Oh, fuck it. Here you go.

>> No.33312227

I posted that "He's like Triforce" comment

I was referring to the Fighting Game Community personality/whipping boy.

>> No.33312474

It was both better and worse than I imagined
I laughed and almost threw up

/tg/ is the greatest.

>> No.33312602


>> No.33313732

This is one of my favorite /tg/ stories. It's as if I were reading Monty Python sketch on DMing.

>> No.33314138


>> No.33314198

Fukkin' saved.

>> No.33314329


>> No.33314612

I thoroughly enjoyed that thread

>> No.33314726

I really liked that picture.

>> No.33314897

>> No.33315150

>invite him to a sleepover
>make sure there's lots of pillows and cushions everywhere
>wait until you're playing truth or dare
>dare him to turn around and close his eyes
>shoot him
>the babies fall safely on the soft ground

>> No.33315200

>Asuka wins the Evanjellyons
>Chamber wins the Gargantia
Is "wins" now a synonym for "dies horribly in"?

>> No.33315204

Are you the autism?

>> No.33315226

>can't stand babies anyway

>> No.33315237

Fucking elves.

>> No.33315278

/tg/ - dating advice

>> No.33315344

>implying it wouldn't work

>> No.33315371

>> No.33315479


>> No.33316064

was the recipe ever posted?

>> No.33316167

Jesus, this is even worse than that thread where someone claimed the rogue was That Guy for not putting up with being the punching bag and having his dream-girl NTR'd.

>> No.33316232

Get hyp

>> No.33316242

goddammit. my sides are kill.

>> No.33316360

>> No.33316394

>> No.33316408

Remind me of the thread about bag of holding as female condom.

>> No.33316410

jesus fuck man

>> No.33316508

>> No.33316543


A group of acquaintance once had a "comedic" RPG session, in the same room my old group played its usual session.

I don't know the exact circumstences, but one guy ended in a lucid dream with rainbows and unicorns

>Guy: I rape the unicorn!
>Guy's GM: Ok, roll for it
>Guy rolls for it
>Nat 1: crit fail
>Guy's GM: You screw up so badly the unicorn rapes you.

>> No.33316638

>> No.33316826

I got some stuff, but the filenames aren't very descriptive, so expect hit or mis

>> No.33316845


>> No.33316866

>> No.33316881


>> No.33316927

>just look at wikipedia you baptist shit
taking that

>> No.33316975


>> No.33316996

jesus, what the fuck are these caps

Anyone lurking this dump?

>> No.33317029

They aren't really shitty per-se, nor do they really become more machine or flesh than AdMech guys, but they're a lot more unethical and greasy about the whole deal. So some are indeed probably horribly mutated, but most of the time Hereteks just perform unethical or mad research, AI development (this may involve daemons), and other crazy stuff. Though in theory normal Chaos guys shouldn't be able to get new and better machines, Hereteks have bridged the gap by creating abominations of science involving warp fuckery, which is what gave us such wonders as the Defiler, Brass Scorpion, Blight Drones, etc. Meanwhile AdMech is turning themselves into robots and keeping all the best goodies for themselves, but still making and 'discovering' newer tech and weaponry for the Imperium. It'd be a close match. Unfortunately it is also very easy for the chaos guys to get material and materiel, since they can loot stuff from Imperial losses or get equipment from renegades and other scum running into the Eye. It's pretty bad all told for the Imperium, but they have actual supply lines and support, as well as what appear to be superior numbers. If one were to set the two 'mech factions against each other, though, I think it'd be pretty close.

>> No.33317102


>> No.33317169

Monitoring. I don't have any caps to contribute on this computer.

>> No.33317207


>> No.33317237


>> No.33317254


i dont know the recipe, but it most likly has that diet-stuff in it, that has the same side effect.

>> No.33317260

That's goddamn beautiful.

>> No.33317284

>> No.33317341

I have a few caps that this thread probably doesn't have yet.

>> No.33317345

Why are all the Irish backpackers I have to deal with chav bastards?

>> No.33317356

Imma start playing Skyrim now, and then my DnD group will be over, so this is it

>> No.33317390

>> No.33317422

>> No.33317480

>> No.33317557

>> No.33317575

>> No.33317617

>> No.33317659

>Fancy Pants tell Krod to choose weapon! Krod choose surprise!
Every time.

>> No.33317675

>> No.33317694

Sometimes I do gag recaps to get a session rolling.

DM: "When we last left off, the party was being held at gunpoint by a flock of ducks. They angrily shuffle around you, watching for the slightest hint of aggression. Two of the ducks part to make room for their leader, who walks up and glares deep into your eyes. He holds the gaze for a minute, his cigar sliding from one side of his beak to the other. Finally he removes the cigar and says:
'Wak wak wak. Wak wak wakwakwak. Wak wak.' He replaces his cigar, blowing a single smoke ring that drifts lazily upwards.

Cleric: "I Stoneshape a birdbath and Create Water to fill it."

*stunned silence*

DM: "The ducks accept your offering and leave you to carry on your way."

Later I gave him experience for the encounter, because gag or no he managed to resolve it quickly and efficiently.

>> No.33317733

Does anyone have Sir Dick Cummington?

>> No.33317784

>> No.33317792

Nope. You'll have to save the image.

>> No.33317913

ask and it shall be delivered unto you.

>> No.33317928

Or you can go directly to archive.foolz.us/tg/ and input the post number into the lookup bar.

>> No.33317960

Hell. Yes.

>> No.33318141

want some more caps? have some more.

>> No.33318168


>> No.33318187 [DELETED] 

>cleric named lalilulelo
Are you fucking kidding me?

>> No.33318224 [DELETED] 

No, that's the activation word for the enchants.

>> No.33318228

Fuck you.

>> No.33318268


>> No.33318273

My personal favorite.

>> No.33318414

This actually pisses me off.

>> No.33318518

This still makes me laugh.

>> No.33318537


mmmmmmm, i love the sweet succulence of rage. It tastes of Escargot and Jalapenos

>> No.33318605

One of the gems I've saved.

>> No.33318645


>> No.33318685

I tried to look up the post in foolz and I am finding a different post from a different time.

Is this a time traveler posting this?

>> No.33318695

This was awesome

>> No.33318711

Those are the best games.

Did that once, except instead of Bruce Orks, we played as the Ginyu Force. And the GM loved it.

Everything else was basically the same.

>> No.33318718

IT may have been reposted at some point

I saw some guy on /b/ reposting all of Edgardo as if he was writing it himself rcently

>> No.33318780

Thornfondling for an axe, is it worth it?

>> No.33318784

Ahhh too bad. Or may be it was another board. Well, it was a good laugh.

>> No.33318790

>> No.33318925

Do you EVEN Bioengineer daughter?

>Enjoy, but in moderation.
...That doesn't sound very Slaaneshi of you...

Praise Slaanesh!

>Boobs: The key to world peace.
You're damn right!

>> No.33319055

thats it for now, gotta jet.

>> No.33319094

>How I identify scrolls and potions in Nethack

>> No.33319225


>> No.33319311


Last time I saw this posted we all had a huge debate over whether or not the host in that story poisoned them.

>> No.33319322

>Potion of Degeneration? Eugh. Let's try a few more in hope of Potion of Restore Abilities.

>> No.33319386

Had characters like that myself in a group. The best thing is that one of our group decided to let us play an epic level game with these characters, our orc warband, which only had one orc in it, a dwarf, an elf, and a Rhino-man(me)

We kinda fought a war with the gods, won and created a new pantheon.

>> No.33319967

Did the resolution to this ever get posted?

>> No.33320138

>> No.33320286

>> No.33321326

thats beautiful

>> No.33321350

> discussed our taste in women, no homo
You're not foling anyone. You dykes are all a bunch of fags.

>> No.33321527

Eh. I met my boyfriend because of /tg/ and we couldn't be happier. Kinda lucked out since he's as big a nerd as I am.

>> No.33321584

By that do you mean he happened to browse /tg/ as well or you somehow met him via /tg/?

Is that still a word?

>> No.33322515

That can't be true.

>> No.33323170


a challenger appears!

>> No.33323232

Not even close.

>> No.33323240

Not sure if weird shadow or incongruous moobs...

>> No.33323286

Finally, I can say "I was in that thread".

My favorite comment was along the lines
>mfw anon has had a gf for two years without knowing about it

>> No.33323289

Only one well compadre.

>> No.33323312

inb4 someone accuses you of being a girl

>> No.33323382

That's not sadder. It's just a dude in a dorky "quirky" hoody with tacky metalhead hair. We're comparing this to a kid with an open peacoat, an emo cut, a fucking pinstriped trilby (which doesn't match the coat), super cheap chain and razor necklaces and jeans. Thus attired, this boy is wielding a plastic toy shaped (but not colored) like a flintlock pistol.

If it gets sadder than this, I can't imagine how.

>> No.33323399

>I can't imagine how
Instead of jeans, he could have been wearing corduroy cargo shorts.

And this isn't even getting into what could be done with tattoos.

>> No.33323493

>If it gets sadder than this, I can't imagine how.
Fingerless gloves with flame pattern and pony poster on background.

>> No.33323513


Nonesense, we're all faggots here.

>> No.33323559

Does anyone have the screencap of the thread where there's a party of people in an evil campaign and they all have their own goals, but are eventually turned neutral because they all really like the little girl the rogue follows around all the time?

>> No.33323658

The best part about /tg/ is the results of incredibly active imaginations.

The worst part about /tg/ is the results of incredibly active imaginations.

>> No.33324268

In addition to the terrible clothing choice, the light switch behind him doesn't have a faceplate, the wall is dirty like you would see in a house with no income, duct tape on the door to hold it together, wall has some word on it in maker, door and door frame is as dirty as the wall, and what looks like a bed in the corner looks like it hasn't been washed ever. Add all that to the look of self-importance the douchebag has.

>> No.33324301

ask and you shall be answered

>> No.33324342

/tg/ introduced me to ERP, I was doing that, played with him. Playing led to chatting about stuff we liked, we were kinda pen pals, and then we learned we lived in driving distance and decided we had to date.

Been going great so far. And by nerd I mean we both love roleplaying games, sci-fi, certain types of anime and internet humor.

On our second date the intro song for Ghost in the Shell started playing on his car speakers and we both sang along together without thinking about it.

Nope, bi guy dating a bi guy.

I look at ladies like I look at fighter jets. They're very pretty to look at, Id love to ride one sometime, but I have no idea how they operate or how to do anything with them..

>> No.33324358


I'm just a man, how could I not?

>> No.33324483

got a couple I thought where fairly brilliant

>> No.33324484

Thank you fa/tg/uy.

>> No.33324515


>let me maximize that fireball

>> No.33324519

particularly this one, which anyone who's ever had a share house will understand

>> No.33324662

>> No.33324700

Oh god, our current rigger Code of Honour for civilians after playing his previous rigger.

>need to kidnap a CEO, driven up to his private island on a boat
>I (StreetSam) mention some new gas grenades I bought
>rigger asks for a couple clips, loads them into his roto-drones
>flying them around the mansion on this island, causes some dogs to start barking to get people to wake up and come out
>a girl appears at the back door
>"I launch a salvo of grenades"
>bit of silence around the table
>"you uh, realise they're riot gas grenades right?"
>he thought they wouldn't cause any pain
>didn't realise a "salvo" would be enough to kill them
>unleashes a grenade anyway since he has to do something
>suddenly kid doubled over in pain

He was mortified.

>> No.33324786

fuck you mungo, you and jerry can suck a dick

>> No.33324808

>roll to coordinate the rope over his head
>hang a baby instead
>BBEG suddenly knows right where you are


>> No.33324883

Its from /k/. Those first couple posts were from /k/.

>> No.33324960

The Patriots!

>> No.33325057


These aren't funny. "Hurr the thread was derailed and now they're talking about something completely unrelated." Very fucking funny and uncommon.

>> No.33325093

Was in this thread, this is actually the tame part.

>> No.33325142

Nice and simple.

>> No.33325431

There was a post a few months back about a guy in a top hat and a bunch of metalheads saving a fa/tg/uys ass. Wonder if they all drink in the same place or something.

>> No.33325720

I wish airsoft was legal in my country, would have been all over that.

>> No.33326007


>> No.33326084

Oh god yes. I had a room mate that could pull ass like no ones business. The problem was his zero fucks attitude toward what said ass looked like or was attached to. Some of the shit that I found in my kitchen on Saturday morning looked straight out of a 1st Ed. Monster Manual.

>> No.33326173

God damn that's awesome, I've done minor shit like this over my time in Scouts but nothing public. I'm still young though and I have a full Jesus-mane of blonde curly Carribean hair, just need tattoos...

>I know now what I must do
I know this exact feeling though.

>mucking around in school, hiding in a thick bush and screaming at kids as they come through this weird back-alley thing behind one of the main blocks
>find out I have this shrill, spine-chilling Banshee scream
>fast forward to a Scout camp
>walking around with 30 or so people, playing with glowsticks in the bush at the dead of night
>super slow since they're all talking, me and two friends who were locals end up couple hundred metres ahead
>one friend whispers "Here, follow me"
>runs off ahead, stuffing his glowsticks under his clothing
>me and other guy do the same, next thing he stops and stands in the middle of the track, just an imposing shadow
>I grab the other guy and take him off the side of the track up a slope to hide
>next thing the girls at the head of the group notice the shadow and pause
>they start heading towards it cautiously, calling out friend's name as they'd noticed we were missing by now
>closer, closer, soon they'll be able to see his face
>I know now what I must do
>the girls scream themselves, the rest of the group still a couple hundred metres away start running
>not at the girls to help them out, but away in a flight reaction

>> No.33326190

So, never having roomed with someone, how difficult would it be to live with someone who's really autistic and irritating, bit keeps to themselves?

>> No.33326252

Mm, same here but with gf. I kind of implicitly saved her from suicide too, and we're a perfect match.

>> No.33326259

It's not bad, so long as they pay their share of rent, utilities, and the like. If a room mate does that, and keeps to him/herself I wouldn't have any issues. I've lived with people that made me keep to myself. Just be smart about who you live with, for legal and fiscal reasons.

>> No.33326278

>I kind of implicitly saved her from suicide too, and we're a perfect match.
romantic storytiems nao plz

>> No.33326404

storytimes pls
I want happy feelings today

>> No.33326432

Depends if you get annoyed by stuff like that easily. I used to be roommate with a guy who was practically Awkward Elemental. He was all sorts of "that guy", he even had gay furshit as his laptop background, which he always left open for everyone to see and he was always pulling this awkward "le classy gentleman" behaviour on top of being a huge fucking weeaboo faggot who threw sissy hissyfit tantrums when something didn't go as he intended or if people misunderstood him or people talked over him or whateverthefuck.
Maybe I'll post greentext stories of him as material for this kind of threads.

Anyways, I was pretty pissed off and disgusted, but I never really brought it up.
Just pretend you're Big Lebowski and you can deal pretty much with any shit life throws at you.

>> No.33326456

I am.

>> No.33326541

There's no real one story, sorry to disappoint. It's just that yeah, she was suffering from PTSD bad and tried to kill herself once already (serious attempt too, scars all over her body), and my introduction to her life brought her right back from the brink.

I'm kind of a depression sink, like an Untouchable in 40K; I can blank out misery and hopelessness the way they blank Warp power. If you still want a bit of a story though...

>we've been talking for a while online outside of the RPG group we met in
>she's constantly turning me down, quite obviously
>I'm never really one to completely give up though
>next thing on a night when we're both drinking
>get onto the topic of FWB, I say I've been looking for one but girls always want a relationship status with sex
>she responds that guys always want that
>really? oh...uh...
>awkward change of conversation as she realises she's opened herself up
>next thing she mentions missing having a "human hot water bottle"
>offer my services as one, say I'm known for staying warm (European stronk)
>pick her up from work one night and take her back to hers
>awkward conversation as we get in, sit on the couch
>"So, uhh..."
>she digs herself into my side and embraces me

To be continued I guess? Really hope she doesn't see this, but she is at work...

>> No.33326842

>get to bed, cuddling face-to-face
>we'd stated just friends, no kissing and stuff
>but...is she angling her face there?
>inch mine closer, she seems to angle her mouth more
>kiss her and she just melts, could just tell she hadn't had physical contact for so long
>we kiss for quite a bit before just snuggling and falling asleep
>second night runs pretty much the same, though with us heading to bed sooner
>bit more intimacy, she was hella pent up
>my roaming hands found scars though, on her wrists and chest
>say nothing, but just weep inwardly a bit as we drift off to sleep

And yeah, that was the start of it. I confronted her about it eventually and she didn't tell me the full story, but opened up much more. She thought I was just "some stupid average 19 year old" and we wouldn't last more than two weeks, now we've been together for over a year. Got her sex drive back up and running, turned her slumps of depression/PTSD into anxiety attacks (which are still not good, but better than whiting out and binging...), play board games, computer games and RPGs with her all the time. Don't know if I'd want to story any more than that, it gets a bit too personal I guess...

>> No.33326891

I don't get it pls help

>> No.33326924

Grats bro, you did a good thing, and you are a good person. I hope I can help someone like you have one day.

>> No.33326959


>> No.33326963

I don't think it's funny really, but I remember seeing a screencap a long time ago in a scary /tg/ thread where the DM sent his players to some kind of temple (underwater I think?) and he passed a piece of paper to each player and told them not to share it. As they went through the temple weird shit was happening, players were disappearing, etc. As it turns out the pieces of paper contained scenarios and instructions as to what happened to their characters and something that they encountered turned out to be one of the players or something. I know it's a piss poor description of what it was about, but that's all I remember. Does anyone have that screencap?

>> No.33327057


Besides the fact that I doubt she would appreciate you posting that online, this really belongs on /soc/ and not on here.

>> No.33327159

Since I'm on my laptop,
It's vague enough that she probably wouldn't mind, and people asked for something so I felt obliged to share. It's a meta thread anyway, it's not like I'm derailing anything.

Also, I don't think you guys even realise what /soc/ is actually used for, it's just replaced the old ">>>/b/" response.

>> No.33327347

nigga you know we still hold bartender threads, right?

>> No.33327395

You living the dream motherfucker. I envy you so fucking much, not because I haven't experienced it but because I did and I let go.

Don't ever let go.

>> No.33327397

It's a story and it was asked for, he's not blogging or anything. Chill.

>> No.33327480

What the actual fuck. Is there any explanation to what the fuck I read

>> No.33327517

The Aristocrats

>> No.33327567

Aww sad to hear that, such a shame. It really is great, she's absolutely adorable and it's so good to have someone that for once I can just talk /tg/ or science to and she understands and actually discusses back. Good luck for finding someone like that again.

>> No.33327767

And thus spawned 60000 terrible players playing 60000 terrible characters.

>> No.33327772

Anyone got Richard Fontaine, Scion of Priapus screens?

>> No.33328676


>> No.33328728

Ditto. Anybody got the pic by itself?

>> No.33329435


>> No.33329818

One guy writes the BBEG a check, while the BBEG looks at what was promised to be, "An absolutely insane ammount of money even for the trillionare writing the check.", the ninja character drops out of the skylight with a noose and hoists the fucker.

>The note said "Fuck you".

>> No.33329985

Is that you, Gojo?

>> No.33330120

Thank you kindly.

>> No.33330262

Eh? I don't know any Gojo sorry.

>> No.33330493

Is it this one?

>> No.33330551


You're the autism.

>> No.33330642

I'll submit a couple, feel its fair for downloading half the thread.

>> No.33330663


>> No.33330677


>> No.33330704


>> No.33330726


>> No.33330739


>> No.33330759

Wasn't that one later proved to be fake?

>> No.33330805

Dunno. A lot of these have been proven to be fake. Like the musketeers IRL one.

>> No.33330829

That's sad, I liked this one.

>> No.33330988

I'm not talking about this one, though.
It could have easily been a homemade book of fails, or something, if there isn't an -actual- book with that effect.

>> No.33331011

when was that proven to be a fake?
i mean, the entire thing comes across as "a story that totally happened and you should all believe it did" but when was it conclusively proven that it was bullshit?

>> No.33331085

Gah, fuck. I can't really remember, it was around a year...ish? ago, someone in city took the time to look up the story and there was no evidence. Something about looking through police records? I might have missed/forgot something, though.

>> No.33331580

A god among men.

>> No.33331727


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