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32110661 No.32110661 [DELETED]  [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

"What the fuck, Elspeth?" edition

>> No.32110676

I think you mean "What the fuck, Heliod?"

>> No.32110682


At least they didn't rape her before she died.


>> No.32110704

>Implying that having her kill Daxos was the only thing Xenagos did while she was Act of Treasoned.

>> No.32110709

They had at least two other white planeswalkers themed on being warriors anyway.

>> No.32110720

Or, more accurately, "What the fuck, everyone on Theros?"

Or even "What the fuck, Wizards?"

>> No.32110730

Then kill off Gideon. He's a much less interesting character.

>> No.32110776

Seven of twenty-three planeswalkers characters are female.

That means six of twenty surviving planeswalkers are girls. One blue, one black, one red, one green, one green-black, one blue-green.

That's kind of bullshit.

>> No.32110817


Furthermore one of these is Nissa, who is a total shit. One is Liliana who is a stereotypical femme fatale slutty seductress. The only ones who are somewhat decent are Chandra and kiora. We'll probably never see Tamiyo again.

>> No.32110824

Did Heliod have a coherent reason for killing her other than "I'm going to go ahead and be a big ol' douchebag because I'm a Greek god."?

>> No.32110860

Stop it anon, you'll give them ideas

>> No.32110869

She was a planeswalker. He's a god. Can't let a mortal go around having something up on a god.

Note that Ajani was RIGHT NEXT TO HER, but Heliod just told him to take her corpse and go.

>> No.32110904

What'd I miss? Is Elspeth dead or something?

>> No.32110922

Heliod murdered her for no good reason. Greek gods are all psychopaths you know.

>> No.32110939

Heliod stabbed her with Godsend because she was a planeswalker, and that's just not allowed.

>> No.32110958

Let's just hope Ajani can get his shit together and pull an Orpheus without looking back.

>> No.32110961

Where can I read the story?

>> No.32110976


>> No.32110985


>> No.32110991

Is she like...actually dead or is it somekind of journey into the afterlife/ Greek hero thing? Also, was a book released or was this a daily mtg?

>> No.32111000

There is a sentence in the mtgsalvation wiki for elspeth which suggests a tragic misunderstanding, but two words are terribly mispelled in that sentence so I don't really trust it.

>> No.32111005

Book was released.

It looks like she's dead. Stabbed with a spear, collected by the agents of Erebos.

The ending's really a depressing clusterfuck of "No, fuck you Elspeth. Fuck you for trying."

>> No.32111009

This seems like an excellent place to ask.
Where can I get the New Phyrexia novels? I've tried to find the M:tG novels here living in the third world sucks but nobody seems to sell them, and I can't find them online.
Can you guys help me please?

>> No.32111011
File: 42 KB, 720x439, bullshit.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Man fuck mtg story writers, I just don't have enough faith in them to get invested in the story.

>> No.32111018

What sentence?

Also, having read the book, it's unlikely. She was stabbed.

>> No.32111028

Wow if that's true that just...well that just sucks...

>> No.32111031


>> No.32111058

Awesome, thanks.

>> No.32111066

Even if he's successful, her spark is gone for good, like Ob Nixilis' .

>> No.32111078

As shitty as the story writing behind her death might be, I'm glad I'm never going to see Elspeth again. Then again, another planeswalker that is just as shitty and bland will replace her in time.

>> No.32111083

Excuse me it's a little longer than that.
>Outside the tent, the revel had been suborned by Xenagos, and as she fled, she saw Xenagos ascend into Nyx. She was met with scorn by the citizens of the polis, and fled for her life into the wilderness. Her world was thrown into chaos as even the god she had sought to understand turned against her. Heliod was wroth, believing she was implicit in Xenagos's plan and sought to destroy her.

Turns out Wroth is actually a synonym for angry.

>> No.32111094

>shitty and bland
Please GTFO /tg/ forever

>> No.32111095

It's not even a question of shitty writing. It's a question of knowing how to treat your readers.

You don't spend years building them up to a giant middle finger.

>> No.32111107

>implicit instead of complicit

>> No.32111108

No, no. Heliod killed her because she was a planeswalker.

You're really trusting the unofficial wiki over the official book?

>> No.32111116

>Implying neowalkers are anything but bland and shitty

>> No.32111139
File: 168 KB, 495x327, sorin.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

You talkin' shit 'bout mai hasubando there, m8?

>> No.32111142

Sorry, haven't read it.

>> No.32111144

Ajani is pretty cool.

>> No.32111158

If I know nothing about mtg lore and am interested in starting to read up on it, where do I start?

>> No.32111176

Did she actually die? I thought she was left dying when Ajani was pulled away. He was going to defend her from the servants of Erobos.

Then he let Ajani leave...me thinks that was an excuse for the god of dicks.

>> No.32111205

If what I've heard is correct, she did.

>> No.32111227

>shitty writers who are paid nothing produce shit



>> No.32111230

Is the scan of all relevant sections concerning the deaths of Elspeth and Xenagos.

>> No.32111239

Maybe Ajani will go and save her from the underworld like Morpheus

>> No.32111285 [SPOILER] 
File: 259 KB, 607x800, 1400030974771.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Honestly, while I liked Elspeth, I'm happy she's gone. Without her to look for help, there's nothing stopping my true waifu from rising to power.
All will be one.

>> No.32111305
File: 25 KB, 378x388, koobecaf.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

mtg writing is shit, news at eleven

>> No.32111328



I think I figured out what happens next.

The Eldrazi are gonna eat their way off Zendikar and om nom nom on New Phyrexia.

It has to happen.

>> No.32111350

Then Phyrexian Eldrazi happened and MTG ends there because annhiliation and infect are too fucking strong.

>> No.32111364

>Phyrexian Eldrazi
This kills the multiverse

>> No.32111383

Actually, by all appearances we're going to not-Mongolia. Why do people want to mash Phyrexia, the Eldrazi and Ravnica all together anyway? All I see it creating is a diluted mess that has no idea what it wants to do with itself.
In which format? I concede that Poison as-is is a cop-out in Commander, but besides that they don't make much of a splash unless they're on cards that were already good.

>> No.32111399

It wouldn't suprise me the Erobos was scheming a coup and wanted Elspeth under his control; hence the deal and his followers at the end. He keeps her alive with necromancy or something like that to use as his champion in the future. Heroes coming back from the underworld is a well known Greek trope.

Holy shit that writing. Way to skip over a few minor details. Also, Ajani just peacing out at the end. Way to make a token effort there bro.

>> No.32111427
File: 308 KB, 512x512, absolutely beautiful.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>Emrakul the Contaminated
>15/15, flying, pro color, annihilator 6, can't be countered, Infect

>> No.32111436

I'm fine with it as long as I get a ballin eldrazi tentacled Elesh Norn.

>> No.32111451

>on the tails of the worst block ever
I'm fucking done

>> No.32111454

>eldrazi tentacled Elesh Norn.
Now this is going places.

>> No.32111458

>Elesh Norn and Emrakul becoming one
Just like my doujins[/spoilers]

>> No.32111472

What happened with her?

>> No.32111487

But it won't be top-down, so the mechanics should at least be good.

>> No.32111498

Pretty much this

>> No.32111504

>worst block ever
>not homelands

>> No.32111505


>> No.32111519

What the fuck? Why couldn't they kill the useless elf instead?

>> No.32111526

Fine, second worst block.

I hope the story doesn't pull the same shit RtR and, now, Theros did...

>> No.32111541

>I hope the story doesn't pull the same shit RtR and, now, Theros did.

>> No.32111550

>I hope the story doesn't pull the same shit RtR and, now, Theros did...
Which is? Everything that actually mattered in the end happened in shitty novellas, or...?

>> No.32111556

Because The God of Sun is an asshole.

And why does everyone hate Nissa so much?

>> No.32111559

cause Greek tragedy, and wizards.

>> No.32111569

"Hurrdurr, Jace is Mary Sue"

Elspeth is kill

>> No.32111582

but those are different things
I remain confused

>> No.32111585

We need a stronger word.

I go with the flow

Actually, I don't even care that she's dead, because with that writing, this is can only be fanfiction. Nobody would pay cold hard cash for that shit. So, rejoice everybody! Elspeth ain't dead.

>> No.32111588

Probably has something to do with the whole "accidentally the Eldrazi" thing...

>> No.32111625

Because Nissa is a dumb bitch who may be single handedly responsible for the death of the multi-verse because she's racist and makes poor life choices.

>> No.32111638

I thought it was Chandra and Jace that accidentally the Eldrazi?

>> No.32111644

Also, didn't put out for Sorin, but that may fall under "poor life choices".

>> No.32111647


>> No.32111653

>m-muh representation
It's bullshit that Elspeth died, but really?

>> No.32111655

>rejoice everybody!
but that's what got her into this mess in the first place

>> No.32111660

It was a series of fuckups but mainly it falls on Nissa.

>> No.32111666

What mess? Clearly no professional would write something like that. Ain't no mess.

>> No.32111678
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Nothing a little reckless revel couldn't fix...

>> No.32111679

Only the brood sires, the coloured ones. They basically opened the front door to the prison in the minimal security wing. Nissa then walked up to the wardens office, gets told not to release all the prisoners, and goes "Maybe if I let all the prisoners out, they'll go away and not murder-rape everyone". So she let's them all out because the warden is a nigger and not to be trusted, and then everyone get's murder-raped while the warden skips town.

>> No.32111684

What you're feeling right now is perfectly normal. Denial is, after all, the first stage of grief.

>> No.32111695

Oh, fuck you.

>> No.32111699

On a purely mechanical level I think this might have actually been worse than the Scars book. Even the plot has some pretty big holes.

>> No.32111736
File: 315 KB, 1000x1050, Bananas.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

At least now everyone's stopped bitching about that other thing as the death of MtG.

>> No.32111757

M:tG ain't dead. Only its lore is. Or at least should be.

Still can't believe that level of writing got published.

>> No.32111767

It's terrible don't bother

>> No.32111787


The game will never die. It cannot be ruined in any way except people stopping to play it.

The fluff has been shit since... oh gosh. I can't even remember. What was the last genuinely good block? Original Ravnica, I think.

>> No.32111791

Sorin is older than Urza and has been a walker most of his life
He's an oldwalker

>> No.32111803

I liked mostly everything up to and including Lorwyn/Shadowmoor.

>> No.32111809

You are now aware that Amazon sells fanfiction and that the 13-19 year old girl demographic buys the shot out of it.

Coincidentally, that's what the mtg fluff is written like

>> No.32111816

>It cannot be ruined in any way except people stopping to play it.
"We are announcing a new color, Purple!"

>> No.32111819

Obviously you guys skipped Innistrad...

>> No.32111824

Real talk: I agree this is bullshit. I don't really see any real point to Elspeth dying, and I'm a sucker for courageous sacrifice. I coulda dealt with one of those, y'know? This is just stupid.
I'm still pissed off about how they made the Deicide a card. They'd already accomplished illustrating that particular part of the story, flavorfully and tastefully, with Godslayer, and the mechanical role had also already been filled by Revoke Existence. In addition, straight upgrades by rarity is lazy design, and in the same block no less.

>> No.32111825

I have no problem with self-published shit with no oversight. This got through their publishing house. They actually read that shit for lore problems at the very least. And then they okayed it? The fuck?

>> No.32111840


Oh InQuest, you were funny sometimes and embarrasing sometimes.

>> No.32111842

Innistrad atmosphere was great. If you just looked at the art, and skipped over some of the shitty flavor printed on the cards. Let's not talk about everything else, okay?

>> No.32111851

Because she disobeyed a direct order from Sorin (who fucked the moon and made an invincible emo angel baby) and accidentally the Eldrazi titans
But intentionally
She thought they would fuck off back to space

>> No.32111852

The RtR books were vastly more satisfying than Godsend.

>> No.32111865

Obviously you skipped innistrad, since it had that awful letter realms article and the shitpile that was AVR

>> No.32111916

Clearly he meant innistrad, not innistrad block

>> No.32111928

God fucking dammit! I was so close to quitting MTG and this shit just might push me over the limit. I'm a player that actually enjoys the story and Elspeth was my favorite walker. Not just in terms of gameplay but the character was incredible. Fuck wizards for killing off people for no fucking reason. And in a top/down set of all things! They couldn't even kill her in the proper mtg storyline, they had to fucking end her in this god damn side story bullshit. Fuck you wizards, fuck you forever.

>> No.32111929

But we're TALKING about things that are shit. Innistrad definitely falls into that category.

>> No.32111946

That's when the Fluff stopped being *consistently* good. There's still great fluff blocks every now and then. It's just that they're the exception rather than the Rule.

>> No.32111949

>people still read magic fluff since innastrad
lol what happened is elspeth was almost as popular as Jace and Wizards couldn't have that so she ded folks.

>> No.32111957

I hope that's true. The backlash might be enough for them to retcon her death.

>> No.32111961

Yeah, Elspeth dying to complete the task would have been fitting. Having her survive only to have her boyfriend return as a zombie and the god she looks up to kill her; oh and with her own weapon. That was a cheap shot.

Even more so since Heliod's motivation was basically 'your a planeswalker' but he lets Ajani just walk right out. All of her struggles were pointless and the bad guys win. The gods who care not at all for the morals, who sent their monsters to destroy them, reign.

Might as well have had her raped while Ajani was beaten up and forced to watch.

Fuck off Innistrad was fine.

>> No.32111972

>listening to their fann

>> No.32111978

I dunno, I actually kinda liked the RTR storyline...I may be a minority though

>> No.32111985

They do, actually. The problem is that you are apparently not usually in the majority.

>> No.32112009

I think the excuse for ajani not getting ded is that he was never associated with Heliod
I think the line is something like "no one should know more than their god"
Which is total bullshit, since he just up and voltron'd her when her entire character is "i want to do heroic things but I don't want to be the hero"

>> No.32112011

Elspeth is basically the second most popular character. I really don't see them killing her off in a permeant manner. Even more so since all of her story has involved the phyrexians; except for Theros. It'd be so lame if she didn't get to throw down with them in the coming super planar brawl.

>> No.32112015

Retconning deaths is never a good idea. The moment you open that door, you start down a bad road. A road that you don't want to go down. A road where it turns out that Yawgmoth is alive and so is Mishra and a lot of other things that sound cool but ultimately just cheapen the impact of anything that happens.

>> No.32112040

Chandra is a strictly worse Jaya

>> No.32112042

>not the GW of Card games

they will totally do it just to stick to their guns and then tell everyone to eat a dick.
thats what they will do.

>> No.32112055

I didn't like it because it didn't have the balls to follow through with itself. 2 sets showing the guilds becoming more callous, 2 sets showing the gateless becoming more and more of a threat, rising hostility, riot patrols, guard brutality and then Niv-Mizzet discovers ancient Azorius Harry Potter fanfiction which allows Jace to swoop in on his flying carpet made of money and solve all the conflicts on the plane and make the gateless disappear into thin air.

>> No.32112056

Yeah, exactly. Shit's just humiliating.
I almost get the feeling that this writer was trying to push the whole "White is not good" thing again, and Elspeth just happened to be a casualty of it because apparently there was no way to make that apparent without meaningless killing off of the fucking protagonist. Just hit us on the head with a fucking hammer, why don't you, whoever-wrote-this? Not even going to bother looking up the name, because I'm sure it won't be relevant anytime soon.

>> No.32112057

You don't want to, trust me.

>> No.32112077

>and so is Mishra

Fun fact: The Magic the Gathering: Battlegrounds game is actually canon, but the Mishra who emerged in that game was a magic/phyrexian doppleganger according to the lore article they did.

>> No.32112085

>couldn't save home from phyrexia, ran away
>shit got too real during conflux, skedaddled
>fucked over by phyrexia again, bailed out
>manages to actually do something right
>gets killed
Being Elspeth is suffering.

>> No.32112086

second, WotC is always:
"We originally thought about giving the audiences something they would like, then we remember we run this shit and decided to make sure you sad fuckers remember it, also, here is the new reserve list which covers every tournament relevant card printed before Innistrad block, modern decks now cost over two thousands dollar. Our new partnership with Citibank allows you to take a mortade on your deck, so you can perpetually indebt yourself to play a deck that will last you a couple years."

>> No.32112097

>tfw we'll never have Jaya as a planeswalker card
Whatever happened to her anyway, one of the casualties from Time Spiral?

>> No.32112098

I guess, I was rather disappointing at the lack of gateless rebellion, that and the fact that everyone listens to Jace "because the Guildpact says so" and never really explained what power he had over them.

>> No.32112106

Magic/Madoka crossover when?

>> No.32112114

Stop playing magic

>> No.32112118

I guess Wizard made it clear what kind of personalities they want to represent white mana.

A manipulative phyrexian bitch.
A planeswalking furry catman,
And a planeswalking drunken frat boy.

>> No.32112134

Ajani's not even pure white.

>> No.32112140

Jenna Helland.

Fun fact: She was on the design team for Theros.

>> No.32112150

>Having her survive only to have her boyfriend return as a zombie and the god she looks up to kill her; oh and with her own weapon. That was a cheap shot.
That's the part I actually like. That is what Greek Gods did "Oh so you completed my tasks, well it would be kind of risky to have mortals thinking gods can be killed by just any sow, here receive my penetrating gift"
Ajani being a doormat while all of this happens is what was wrong.
Well that and the writer probably being a college kid, from an accounting major.

>> No.32112158

>tfw Godsend Part II is basically Magic's equivalent of The Rebellion Story.

>> No.32112163

fuck. this. noise.

>> No.32112164
File: 625 KB, 1024x1204, qt gideon.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Pretty sure MaRo himself (or some other higher-up) confirmed Gideon for the most archetypical "good" neowalker.

>> No.32112171

Magic fluff is never going to be the stuff of high literature. I'm fine with them retconning deaths if it means we get to keep the interesting protagonists around.

They've also explicitly said that they DON'T want Yawgmoth back, which is different from letting Elspeth actually have a single victory.

>> No.32112175

He isn't but a majority of his card reincarnation are purely white.

And most likely, hes going to return to being purely white when he leaves Theros.

>> No.32112182
File: 20 KB, 500x359, iftm.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>Sorin (who fucked the moon

>> No.32112186

no, i will print magic cards and play them with my friends, fuck the DCI and fuck WotC
>you wouldn't download a deck
of course the fuck i would

>> No.32112202

But Gideon is such a Chad.

>> No.32112211

Isn't it just Old Guildpact with him getting the say-so on guild conflict? Also, considering that the Guilds only need his permission to do things when they want to officially fight, it seems like there'll soon be quite the market for deniable assets on Ravnica.

Shadowrun: City of Guilds

Gideon is a fine person, he only resembles a frat boy. Gideon is an animal person, so what? Those have been in the game forever, but that's not even his main schtick. And Elesh is only main as far as Phyrexia is concerned, we really have no clue how much they'll actually focus on that in the future.

>> No.32112220

All the books are written in-house now. The Return to Ravnica books were written by Doug Beyer, also a member of the creative team.

These aren't outside writers being paid a pittance. These are Wizards of the Coast employees.

>> No.32112225

Elspeth is going to return in some form or another. It is heavily hinted "hey catdude, take her to the mortal realms so Erebos can claim her"
she will probably be a returned a fuck over all of those sad fuckers in Nyx

>> No.32112250

But if you die you lose the spark. I can see her kept on some sort of mad life support, though, or Erebos somehow harvesting her spark.

>> No.32112252

>we are earning more money than ever before
>fuck hiring real writers

>> No.32112253

I had hoped that elspleth would man the fuck up, and become one who unites the neo-walkers and organizes the last stand against the eldrazi.

>> No.32112260

>comes back from the dead
>black/white elspeth
I think it'd be worth the inital pain if this was the result.

>> No.32112264


She's most likely going to return as a villain, black-aligned. Because that's how any good character in MtG lore ends up.

They're like Blizzard. They know one story. Good hero wins, is corrupted, becomes villain

>> No.32112270

>Ajani gives returned!Elspeth his spark so she can be a walker again
If this doesn't happen, Ajani confirmed for worst walker

>> No.32112272

>ever being mentioned again

>ever mentioned again outside core sets

>> No.32112273

The problem is that the novels were actually LOSING money before.

Try convincing corporate Hasbro to let you hire real writers before you've proven that people will buy the books.

>> No.32112275

More likely she becomes some sort of White/Black Nyxborn planewalker.

>> No.32112289

Bolas died and kept his fucking spark, Karn had his corrupted spark somehow be rejuvenated with Venser's spark and heart (why the fuck did his spark had anything to do with his heart, well fuck it)
Elpseth might return as a walker if the writers want, is fucking fiction and they can write whatever they want, even if she does not return a walker she can still become a god, Phenis God of Deception was a returned and became a god
Elspeth becomes fueled by the dreams of the people of theros of having just gods that are not dicks, boom Elspeth the goddes of fuck all that noise m8

>> No.32112299

my only problem with Gideon is how the fuck is a nigga supposed to fight somebody with a razor-tassel glove
>Emrakul u betta step off or I'll ribbon dance at you
it looks like those ribbons on sticks that ballet dancers use, but a real ballet dancer outright would be actually more intimidating. that shit is not even close to a real weapon, what the fuck wizards how am I supposed to take that seriously

It's made all the worse, too, because his personality (a planeswalker who still likes to go mano a mano sometimes) is so fucking cool

>> No.32112312


And evil. Don't forget evil.

>> No.32112317

>were actually LOSING money before.
and, are they making money off the novels now? cuz then is not just WotC who is a shithole, but society in general

>> No.32112325

Presumably the inadequacy of his sural in combating one of the most powerful entities in the multiverse is part of the reason Gideon made a tactical retreat to find more allies to fight it.

>> No.32112337
File: 37 KB, 360x450, jason_biggs.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>Erebos sells her barely alive body to Elesh Norn
>Norn keeps Elspeth as a pet, slowly eroding her spirit and free will under a cascade of sexual humiliation and degradation
>Eventually starts to feel bad about how she treats her pet
>Starts to cuddle with her
>Sometimes pats her head and holds her hand
>Perfect love
>Happy ending
>Vorinclex rapes Heloid with a giant spiky dick for all eternity

>> No.32112338

She killed a god, the mortals learn this and the idea of being able to kill gods manifest, along with their hatred (theros gods be dick) and Elspeth assends into a nyborn demi-god who brings vengeance upon Heliod and the others; thus freeing the world from their tyranny.

>> No.32112354

Nah, the Greek Gods only arbitrarily fucked you over if you had sex with them or they wanted to have sex with you.

>> No.32112358
File: 16 KB, 250x200, why boner.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

The ending we deserve, but not the one we need right now.

>> No.32112360

>Return to Theros
>Elspeth fights her way through the underworld into Nyx and overthrows Heliod
>Becomes the new God of the Sun.

>> No.32112361

We don't know. We're still in the experimental phase.

>> No.32112365

>implying the writing will be that good
>implying people won't continue to get shat on because lolgreektragedy
since the set is in !Notgreece, odds are highly likely you don't get a good ending, just tears.

>> No.32112369

First Sheoldred, now Elpseth, who's next?

>> No.32112374

You guys are fucking cute if you think they're continuing the Theros plotline.

Better wait for Return to Theros in 2019, you'll find out Elspeth's fate then.

>> No.32112376

Well, just as a technical point they're not ribbons, they're swords with a somewhat fluid shape. And as a more pertinent bit of information, they appear to be retractable and extendable and are used as whips.
By the standards of any other plane and against any other enemy he would be the legendary hero who destroyed all the enemy's massive secret weapons and single-handedly turned the tide in the war. In the context of the Eldrazi war, he barely made a dent.

>> No.32112384



>> No.32112385

>Eslepth coming back via Returned shenanigans
If this actually happens, I'll take back what I said in >>32112056, because that would actually be pretty fucking cool, especially if she comes back as B/W
I mean, it would still blow that we lose a white walker, but that would make this story event actually mean something, and I suppose I could get behind that.

>> No.32112386

>not even close to a real weapon

>> No.32112395

I can dream, can't I?
I long for the day when the Walkers get their shit together and start fighting evil; against an actual threat, something that's actually dangerous.
Instead they just run around not doing shit, while Nicol-Bolas does... something, The eldrazi sit around seemingly forgotten by everyone, and the Phyrexians circle jerk themselves with their oil.

>> No.32112401

Probably Tezzeret
It's already sort of happening

>tfw I actually like Tezzeret

>> No.32112408

I have no idea why, but after that post, the regular-ass filename cracked me right up.

>> No.32112409

Imagine this!

>Eldrazi Sliver

>> No.32112410

Maybe Heliod is a secret gore fetishist and Elspeth's knowledge was his one chance and excuse for getting his rocks off while maintaining the public image of an immaculate Sun God?

>> No.32112411

Honestly out of all the dickass gods that are in Theros I wouldn't mind Thassa kicking the bucket.

From all the card text in Journey to the Nyx, Thassa is a cold murderous and vindictive bitch. I mean it is implied that she was the one who killed off the previous g/r god.

>> No.32112412

See if they had a good writer they could make that work...if they had a good writer.

>> No.32112421

>previous g/r god
There wasn't one.

>> No.32112432

Then why even fucking write them? Seriously, if good (or at least decent) MTG books don't make money then just don't print books, making terrible books is the worst option.

>> No.32112444

Sorin like Bolas gets grandfathered in, we just didn't get a chance to meet Sorin before the change.
Only where Bolas went, "fuck this shit, I'm getting my powers back", Sorin went "I can still get shit done even with this massive decrease in power".

>> No.32112446

and i long for the day that Wizards isn't run by a pack of autists but that isn't gonna happen either.

Story means shit these days because its a bunch of terribly written tripe, spells are shit, Nuwalkers are the hotness for insta must have faggotry, creatures only, all decks must turn sideways to win.
D&D 5.0, thats all i gotta say as well.
fuck wizards.

>> No.32112450

That would be fucking stupid on many levels and would make many people who were unsure about the M14 slivers absolutely livid about them.

>> No.32112461

Then why are there giant god hunting octopi roaming Theros?

And just so happens to be blue?

>> No.32112466

Making terrible books that make money will eventually get you to the point of being able to afford making good books.

>> No.32112476

well Hasbro and EA could merge and we could get the privilege of the MtG storyline being written by the award winning writers behind Dragon Age 2 and Mass Effect 3, would that not be cool?
Are you not entertained?

>> No.32112482

That would explain everything.

>> No.32112487

Would still be better.

>> No.32112492


>Jace runs away from his small part in releasing the Eldrazi to hide in a basement in Ravnica and sob with his hood up and hope everyone forgets about him
>He practically trips over supreme executive power over an entire plane without giving up his capacity to leave at will or any notable cost besides having a JOB.

>Tries to live a normal life on Bant, which gets fucked up by Bolas. Wanders in search of a place she can settle, gets sucked back into the nightmare of Phyrexia that messed her up so bad in the first place, has to give Mirrodin up for dead as her few allies drop like flies before the resurgent phyrexians
>Comes to Theros weary to her very soul, but manages to save the entire plane several times because nobody else will get off their stupid ass and do it
>Before Ajani comes to her aid, does pretty much all the fucking work while Ashiok does nothing but make things worse and Kiora fucks around having a pissing contest with Thassa, making Elspeth's life harder
>After FINALLY being allowed to vanquish evil and save everyone instead of watch the world crumble in front of her, she gets ganked by a jealous god and dies.
>The god of the dead everyone was saying was not so bad also fucking cheats on the deal about Daxos so there is ultimately nothing gained from her death but Heliod remaining the unquestioned authority.
>The only being with godlike power on Theros that actually gave a shit about the people living there is now Erebos's prize because Ajani wasn't allowed to save her. Heliod is presumably beyond anyone's capacity to punish.

Fuck this shit, really.

>> No.32112494

>Hasbro and EA

And every nerd community in the world weeps.

>> No.32112496
File: 896 KB, 500x750, sad owl.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]



But she was my favorite white planeswalker...

Maybe it'll give them room for the total badass Aven planeswalker we deserve. But probably not.

>> No.32112515

Whips, swords, what? Ech. It just sounds like a mess of a complicated weapon.
Where is this from? That's pretty cool. I've always liked the mental image of Gideon just socking creatures in the face with his bare fists.
...yeah, I really like that, actually.
>The urumi is considered one of the most difficult weapons to master due to the risk of injuring oneself
That's hardly surprising.... I guess I just can't see anybody being able to triple wield one of these. And Gideon's isn't even on a hilt! It just looks really silly and impractical, I guess.
I'd be willing to give the benefit of the doubt. I get most of my flavor from the cards anyway.

>> No.32112525

Because the mortals are rebelling against the gods at that point in the story, and some of those mortals are blue octopoda?

>> No.32112526

>Ajani x Gideon confirmed partners in justice
>Chandra a polyamorous polyspecies bicurious genki girl
>Kiora x Jace x Ashiok threesomes

>> No.32112532

I'm still waiting for a total badass pacifist/Buddhist Loxodon planeswalker.

But it will never happen.

>> No.32112534

>I guess I just can't see anybody being able to triple wield one of these.

>Multiple blades are often attached to a single handle. The Sri Lankan variation can have up to 32 blades and is typically dual-wielded, with one in each hand.

>> No.32112543

Er, triple wield these, scratch the "one."

>> No.32112544


Biggs seems like the type of dude who would furiously masturbate to lesbian bondage MtG fan fiction, so I went with it.

>> No.32112549

take a look at Glissa, did she do something bad, NO she did not, and still she was made into a phyrexian zombie bitch]
Elspeth is gonna suffer

>> No.32112559

To be fair, she DID stop Memnarch from preventing the Phyrexians from rising.

>> No.32112572

Maybe she'll come back as a Returned?

>> No.32112576


Yeah, well Memnarch tried to rip out her spark.

That is what happened, right?

>> No.32112581


>> No.32112582

>the mortals are rebelling against the gods
>returned elspeth tries to find allies in her war against nyx
>finds emmanations from a plane that once had a similar predicament

>> No.32112586

The difference being no one gives a shit about Glissa.

>> No.32112590

At least she didn't just die and stayed relevant to the story in some ways.

>> No.32112591

Alright, holy shit, that's fucking bonkers, and also egg on my face.

Color me impressed, for real. I think Gideon's my new favorite walker now, because that's fucking sweet.

>> No.32112611

i did

>> No.32112618

Somehow even worse...

>> No.32112627


Honestly? I'd accept it. Because it would still be enough for Elspeth to get some character development, and she wouldn't be dead.

>> No.32112629

Phrexian Eldrazi Slivers.

All Slivers have Annhilator X, where X is the number of Slivers you control.

>> No.32112630


>tfw Tupac gets banned in EDH for laying mad beats on Sheldon "no rhythm" Mancandy

>> No.32112632

how about ME3 version: it was all just a story

>> No.32112660

Slobad got her spark, or had a spark all along, or something. Then he gives the spark up to bring back glissa from the dead.
Either way, its Slobad's fault

>> No.32112661


Best part about him?

Designed in part by a romance novelist.

>> No.32112685

>Not being bored by the sausage party
I like characters that I can be attracted to.

>> No.32112692

But then they'll be in the same position of no one buying the good books because everyone knows that mtg books are terrible. The only way I could see that working is gambling the big bucks on getting a very high profile fantasy writer, which I doubt they will do.

>> No.32112698

Hence his name being an amalgamation of Slow and Bad.

>> No.32112702

Please this.

>> No.32112703
File: 32 KB, 471x226, Capture.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

How I feel.

>> No.32112704

You know, if his damn machine had just not fucking worked, Glissa would have ascended, no one would have died, and she could magic slobad's body back
Then we'd have a worthy elf walker

>> No.32112706

>Instead they just run around not doing shit, while Nicol-Bolas does... something
figuring out what Nicol-Bolas is not that fucking difficult.
Somewhere there is a source of incredible power (split up world coming together, prison of eldritch abomination, etc).
Nicol Bolas will try to capture that power to get back to oldwalker status.

That's it. Nicol Bolas wants oldwalker powers again, he goes after every source that might give him this.

>> No.32112710


A Bant Rhox would also work pretty well for that.

Man, why does white get all the coolest animal-man tribes?

>> No.32112713


That's pretty stupid Anon.

>> No.32112714

even mediocre fantasy writer are ok, just tell them what the fuck the characters are and let them do their shit in peace, then have the card be dessigned by mechanics, with the flavor just tacked on, like in ALL the good blocks

>> No.32112716

You're implying that there aren't a reasonable number of people who'll buy any book just to know what happens.

They just need to show that they're capable of making a profit, and I'm fairly certain they have been with these books.

>> No.32112717

>different anon
>sausage party
I mean, I guess if the only females that are around you are imaginary and in magic lore. Personally I hang around people, where I can be near both men and women, you should try it

>> No.32112725

Because white is the yiff color.

>> No.32112732

>grammer errors

>> No.32112738

cuz black just has rats
red has minotaurs
blue has sphinxes
green somehow manages to not be the bestial planeswalker color
so whites get all the furries, not being rude here

>> No.32112740


Probably to make up for them not having an iconic race.

Seriously, some new Loxodon would be pretty baller. I like another anon's suggestion for a Loxodon pacifist walker, maybe one that can do shit like give creatures defender and ults into an alternate win-con or something.

>> No.32112745

I'm not an author. She is.

>> No.32112748
File: 151 KB, 683x756, 1396488951368.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

I don't follow

>> No.32112764

>Probably to make up for them not having an iconic race.
You mean Angels?

>> No.32112776

Game of Theros?

>> No.32112785

The old magic books were bad, but the stories were interesting and the writers were passionate. They had a bit of charm.
These new books are just uninspired cash ins, written by committee.

>> No.32112787


The lady who wrote the book that Gideon first appeared in worked as a romance novelist before writing it, and probably afterward.

She helped design Gideon.

>> No.32112799


>> No.32112801
File: 624 KB, 760x553, loxodonpeacekeeper.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>The Year of Our Lord Two-Thousand and Fourteen
>Not desiring to be the little girl
>Not dreaming of being cradled in your champion's mighty trunk

>> No.32112806

nah, Ajani is still alive
apparently only the satyr is a complete loss
elspeth could become a returned, then a god and then fix theros
if they had killed Ajani and some other more likeable walker, like say they had forced Sorin upon the plane then we could talk about this being Westheros

>> No.32112822

too bad both of them are probably dead by now

>> No.32112829

No, he means like Elves or Goblins or Merfolk or Zombies.

>> No.32112837

Oh, you mean characteristic race?

>> No.32112838

Your thinking of the big iconic fatties, that anon was talking about iconic fantasy races that fit with a specific color.

Green:No iconic fatties but apparently hydras and wurms get the most love so far.

White:Yiff parade

>> No.32112854

The problem is that Elspeth won't try to fix the world. She would want to rest.

Which is why Ajani needs to stroll down into the Underworld, wake her up, and tell her it's time to go.

>> No.32112856

According to the wiki, she got exclusive control over him with the only requirements being that he was a White 'Walker and willing to work with the main organization of the novel.

>> No.32112861

white got, depending on the plane, humans, kor, and kithkin
although humans tend to be everywhere too

>> No.32112862

Ignore me I'm retarded

>> No.32112869


White gets Kithkin/hobbits, but those apparently don't test well.

>> No.32112887

see, and he is not a shit character, just hire some professional wirter, tons of them lying about, pay them with hamburger and presto, bookies booky books

>> No.32112904

they only live in so few planes

>> No.32112905

Red also gets dwarves, some races are so obscure/old and block dependent they just don't register to most people.

>> No.32112929

they only really needed a stand-in for humans on lorwyn. Kithkin are just the second string for humans

>> No.32112935

Kithkin are more Bant's thing, anyway. They also experimented with Aven for a time.

Whatever, I like White more as a rag-tag collective of people motivated by their ideals and training (soldiers and knights) rather than a horde of X.

>> No.32112948
File: 52 KB, 620x453, stf22_progenitus.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


It'd be nice if Ajani went on a roaring rampage against the dickhead gods to put this shit right and get his friend back. They probably won't do it, but imagine if he called in some backup from Naya...

>"You gotta let it go, 'jani. There's nothing you can do."
>"Maybe I can't...BUT CAPTAIN PLANET CAN!"

>> No.32112965

Let me try and explain my reasoning better

>Wizards hires decent writers to make decent mtg novels
>they lose money

>Wizards conscripts random employees to make terrible novels
>they make (presumably small) amounts of money and piss people off

I don't see how the hell this train of events will end in:

>Wizards hires decent writers to make decent mtg novels
>they make money

Maybe by biding their time the market will more be willing to pay for decent mtg novels than the last time they tried but I doubt it.

>> No.32112985

Realistically speaking what he could do is summon spiritual essence clones of all the gods(The same shit he pulled on Bolas) and just have the clones duke it out with the Theros gods.

>> No.32113005

I read on some creative team's tumblr that Dwarves might make a comeback as the standard White race
I can see it except dwarves usually stick to mountains

>> No.32113008

You're assuming that more people are being pissed off by these books than might actually be the case.

Also, some of the "decent writers" wrote absolutely shitty books. The Onslaught cycle, In the Teeth of Akoum, Test of Metal...

>> No.32113009
File: 30 KB, 312x445, 1878.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Don't forget your friendly lobstermen.

>> No.32113068

>(The same shit he pulled on Bolas)
was it not Sarkhan who did that?

>> No.32113073

>trading MtG's dickass trader pyrotechnic-loving dynamic-forging coal-tossing Red Dwarves for generic White "ON MAIY HONOOURRRRR BEARD!!" Dwarves
I think I really would finally jump ship.

>> No.32113089


No, Ajani.

Sarkhan was getting buttfucked by Bolas from day one.

>> No.32113093

Nah, Sarkhan was too busy slurping on that Bolas cock

>> No.32113104

Sarkhan doesn't know soul magic.

Ajani just channeled the conflux energies on Alara into a soul effigy of Bolas. Which Bolas defeats.

>> No.32113105

ok, i guess that is one more walker who is probably dead by now

>> No.32113182

one doesn't preclude the other, though
on Theros, there were green and white tribes of centaur

>> No.32113247

No dude that doesn't even matter, what matters is that they USED to spend more money on the books and the books were unprofitable as a direct result.

How will writing bad books on a shoestring change this?

>> No.32113383

>How will writing bad books on a shoestring change this?
To grossly oversimplify things, let's say there are always 40 schmucks willing to buy a book no matter the quality. Hiring a good writer costs as much as the sale of 50 books, but only attracts 7 new schmucks and is therefor unprofitable. Conversely, hiring a terrible writer who's already on staff costs as much as the sale of 30 books, and 40 schmucks buy it allowing WotC to turn a profit. Because there are always a certain number of schmucks willing to buy a book (in this case 40), it's a simple matter of hiring the writer who can be payed the least while still producing a book so you can profit off of schmuck sales.

>> No.32113422

Nah, Sarkhan's alive and...uh...alive.
It basically went as follows:
>"We have just met and I love you.
>"Can I suck your giant dragon dick and be your loyal minion?"
>"Eh, I guess."

>> No.32113460


>> No.32113526

I agree with you on that, all I'm trying to say is that the consequence of your argument is Wizards will continue printing terrible books. And that this
is unlikely to happen.

>> No.32113560

Oh, that wasn't my argument. I misunderstood what you understood and tried to explain. But yeah, at the moment it seems like an infinitely repeating formula for minor cash that'll just make the series worse. But who knows? I haven't seen the figures; these could be doing really well jesus christ how horrifying ;_;

>> No.32113905

I figured that was happening, anonymous image boards tend to cause confusion.

Now we can agree on sadness!

>> No.32114006

>ogga booga where da white wimmen at

>> No.32114485

If we're getting any new Planeswalkers any time soon to replace Elspeth, let me think of what the most likely colour combinations are based on what we don't have.


Should be fun.

>> No.32114537

I'd kill for a good UR female character to replace her.

>> No.32114587

The new Ajani is WG.

>> No.32114632

Ajani has both WG and WR versions.

>> No.32114648

The second Ajani was WR.

>> No.32114677

Sarkhan the Mad was BR.

>> No.32114737

UR is pretty over-populated at the moment, with two fairly recent Planeswalkers occupying that territory.

>> No.32114793

Yeah, but it's been a historically under-populated color. It has among the fewest legends.

Also, look at RG the past two blocks.

>> No.32114835

I wouldn't mind seeing her come back as White/Black.

For all the talk that 'Black isn't evil'...they don't exactly get too many cards that are not 'hahahahahah, zombies eating people!' or 'Delicious blood/souls!'

I'd like to see her come back as White/Black and keep the Knight Errant theme. Maybe White/Black Spirit focused. A Shepard of the Dead, rather than the normal cackling necromancer sort.

>> No.32114881

Stop depressing me by talking about awesome shit that won't happen.

>> No.32115603


Deicide isn't a strict upgrade, doesn't hit artifacts. It's fine because they print hoser cards like that in every block, and they barely ever ruin strategies. Fuck, Frites had to deal with a standard that contained both Rest in Peace and Grafdigger's Cage, and it still did okay.

>> No.32116702
File: 1.93 MB, 350x310, fuckthisfuckthat.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Good fucking lord, Elspeth can't win at anything can she?

>> No.32116760

>strong cards
>nice aesthetic
Rather important victories, I think. Reminds me I should do up a janky soldier deck with her.

>> No.32116785

I was referring to lore-wise. She is quite good where it matters though, at least.

>> No.32116923

It's a fucking bullshit ending.

Elspeth watched him disappear into the night. There was an instant before Erebos's agents reached her that Elspeth was alone. Her happiest memories with Daxos flashed through her fading mind. But as the world retreated into darkness, she thought of Heliod. 'Give me quiet. Give me peace. Give me rest at last.'

>> No.32116965

So basically, in the end, after experiencing her home plane being fucked over by Phyrexia, Bolas causing chaos on Alara, Mirrodin getting fucked over by Phyrexia, and now taking out the God of Frat Boys and getting fucked over for it, Elspeth's just had enough of this shit and just wants it all to be over? She just...gives up on living?

>> No.32117011

She gives up on Wizard's lore team.

>> No.32117035

What happened? Did she died?

>> No.32117066


>> No.32117095

Heliod killed her

>> No.32117111



>> No.32117144

And so, it comes to a close as Wizards successfully pisses off every part of the internet at the same time.

>> No.32117162


I really don't care that Elspeth died. I care about the paper thin motive Heliod had to kill her, and I care about Ajani standing there like a drooling retard during the whole thing. AJANI. The motherfucker who stood up against Bolas.

>> No.32117189

Ajani more or less plays second fiddle to Elspeth/Gideon anyway. Well, not Elspeth anymore, but if Gideon stopped fucking around in Ravnica or whatever then he would shine as lead white walker again.

>> No.32117264

I honestly care that Elspeth died. She was a semi-decent character. And the killed her for no fucking reason.

>> No.32117385

Reading this shit is actually making me miss jeff grubb and his POWERSTONES POWERSTONES POWERSTONES writing.
At least shit dying in droves had some kind of meaning at the end of the day.

Let's hope the next block continues to not involve jace, nissa, or chandra.

I also don't want to see Karn because he's disgraced the Legacy by being a shithead.

Bets on next white walker because you know it's not gideon?
If they do anything with ajani it'll be to murder him off at the end too, because reasons.

>> No.32117564

Nobody noticed this gem?
I laughed Anon, thank you.

>> No.32117791

>"And that's how it all happened, the end."
>"But dad, what happened to Kamigawa?"

>> No.32119780

would be another good reason to praise the sun

>> No.32120459

Didn't Teferi keep his spark too? I mean didn't Bolas literally destroy his fucking body and yet he came back, though it took him forever to construct a new form? I didn't think a simple spear to the chest was enough to kill a walker.

>> No.32120816

It's not
Even Godsend shouldn't have been able to kill Elspeth and it's forged from the purest plot ore

>> No.32120898
File: 1.31 MB, 1024x1260, Glissa the Traitor.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Pretty sure Vorinclex is busy having tea parties and seeing the opera with Glissa, chum

>> No.32121102

>WB Elspeth
>travels to Ravnica and sodomizes Teysa into becoming her loyal servant

Best End.

>> No.32121187
File: 191 KB, 926x602, Exava x Teysa.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>sodomizes Teysa
That's Exava's job

>> No.32121194


I can't wait to be on /tg/ when Nissa gets a reprint in m15

>> No.32121220
File: 781 KB, 1024x832, Exava & Teysa.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Isn't that a little too lewd?

>> No.32121230


Erebos Lord of the dead: Enchantment, creature, god, artist, Planeswalker

>> No.32121245
File: 132 KB, 570x980, he can't fap to this.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.32121726
File: 70 KB, 500x290, tumblr_lv8lasQget1r3bmeoo1_500.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

RIP in peace Elspeth :(

>> No.32121755

It's not like they're holding hands or anything

>> No.32121756
File: 110 KB, 620x457, Hot Ajani on Elspeth Action.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>posting shitty Elspeth pairings

not even once, Lilifag

>> No.32121775
File: 225 KB, 842x1191, Exava.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>implying Exava isn't reaching for Teysa's right hand
>implying lewdness isn't about to commence

Where do you think the lipstick on Teysa's cheek came from, m8? Things are getting pretty hot and heavy.

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