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/tg/ - Traditional Games


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[ERROR] No.32009094 [DELETED]  [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Congrats /tg/, the Ruinus Powers want to thank you for staying on 4chan, where you fap, rage, lie and do nothing productive

You have earned your choice of Loyal Daemon Bride, each comes with it's own chaos boons for you two

With each pick you also get the following boons
Khorne: Mega cardio-vascular endurance, able to run/fight/dance for up to 4 hours straight
-Fan of the Love-tap, may hospitalize you but you won't die
Bonus: House with badass skull decoration theme, sellable to metal bands

Slaanesh: Fancy Appendage, your choice of 3' extending tongue, strong crab claw or slimy moist tentical. (All with orgasmic sensitivity, but dulled to pain)
-Vain and petty, although she loves you is prone to selfishness and superficiality
Bonus: Arts, Will take you to the best concerts, parties and even sing to you to make up for thoughtlessness

Nurgle: You have accepted life for what it is, and have moved on. You care little for pain as it's just apart of life, and don't get depressed nor feel physical pain.
-Hygiene, Although you will never feel pain or shame, you will turn more and more slovenly from living with her
Bonus: One of the Family, Be able to visit and call over nurglings, great unclean ones and enjoy the bonds with them

Tzeench: Limited Magic of Change: You can change small/mundane objects into small mundane objects of similar value, I.e. A pen to pencil. 1 dollar to 4 quarters, apples to oranges. Item must be held in hand and abusing it like a faggot (Durr I turn a 1$ bill to a 100$ cuz paper is same different pattern) will turn you into a chaos spawn.
-Cynicism, Think Daria but less enthusiastic about life, may also do harmless but annoying "Just as planned"s
Bonus- In the fates, You will make about 20% more cash annually

Unaligned/Mahal: Arms of Abadon: Hang them on the wall, use them, sell them to Tryzn. All up to you.
-Really dumb, she'll embarrass you with her mannerisms. A lot.
Bonus- Wheee love Huu, Doesn't die, can come back any age (dfc or busty)

>> No.32009238

Go Slaanesh or go home

>> No.32009284

>>32009094

Came to the wrong neighborhood, Heretic.

I purge this thread in the name of our most holy Emperor.

>> No.32009336

>literally picking anyone other than cultist-chan

>> No.32009345

"Ahhh lohv huu too..."

>> No.32009367

>you will turn more and more slovenly from living with her

I don't think that is possible. In fact, upon further reflection I believe I may already be a nurgling.

>> No.32009377

>>32009094

>> No.32009388

Like Tzneechs
I could turn my debit card into a credit card with the same amount of money on it. A painted Necron army into a CSM army and have Daria for a wife

>> No.32009413

Why not put this in the CYOA General?

>> No.32009439

>not wanting the wife who will do everything PERFECT

>> No.32009456

>>32009413

because OP is a fag

>> No.32009499

>>32009367
The morning after you first sleep with her, you find yourself seriously considering just laying there and shitting the bed rather than bothering to get up to go to the bathroom.

>> No.32009501

>>32009094
Hmmn, I think the three I'd be more inclined to choose would be:

Slaanesh
Cultist Chan
Tzeench

>> No.32009529

>>32009499
To fast that would be after years

>> No.32009569

>>32009529
The guy said he was already borderline nurgling, I assumed he was already virtually about 2.7 years in

>> No.32009579

>>32009094
So
Muscle wife, Buff with free metal house

Futa wife (only if you want it), Tentical hand and parties

Sweet wife, always jolly and family

Magic Wife, minor magic and cash

Sharktoof wife, hand and immortal

Hard choice

>> No.32009641

Best wife

>> No.32009651

>>32009094
Khorne Daemonette

Mega endurance lets
>me work out longer, build muscle faster
>Never drink coffee again
>4 hour sexathons

Her personality lets me
>fight with her, I like fighting anyway
>Honesty

Skull decorations not so much, but meh, I'm okay with it

>> No.32009675

I have carefully read through the options you have presented, and I chose the emperor you heretical scum.

>> No.32009681

>>32009651
>4 hour sexathons
Heart/lungs =/= dick strength

>> No.32009688

>>32009094
Nurgle. Most loyal and loving waifu, best father-in-law, best family in general. Being at peace with the universe is a good bonus.

And, well, I'm already a lazy piece of shit.

>> No.32009720

>>32009681
But you don't have to just use your dick? Most people have fingers and tongues that they could use too.

>> No.32009723

Do I give into desire? Or Take a spin on the roulette of fate?

Rolling. Odds Slaanesh, Evens Tzn

>> No.32009724

>>32009675

that's not fair. lil E is straight shota. of course everyone would choose him if available.

>> No.32009754

>>32009094
Nurgle girl or Tzeench
I'd be happy with either

>> No.32009757

>>32009094
Unaligned, only choice that grants a loli.

>> No.32009778

>Bonus- Wheee love Huu, Doesn't die, can come back any age (dfc or busty)
This reminds me of something...
http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Dranon%27s_delight

>> No.32009795

>>32009724
Onii-chan, stop being so heretical, while your soul shall forever be the plaything of chaos you should stop trying to corrupt others.

>> No.32009839

>>32009795
So where's the non-heretic version?

>> No.32009860

I don't want this to be purged, but I must purge this!

Do I turn myself in to the other Commissars to get sense beaten back into me or do I try to purge it myself or ARGH! WHY MUST I BE INDECISIVE! EMPEROR HELP ME!

>captcha coherent word: fallen

SHUT UP YOU! *BLAM*

>> No.32009877

Magic wife with Tailfeather for me

>> No.32009915

>>32009778
>http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Dranon%27s_delight
I remember a time when that shocked and horrified me.

I weep for the loss of innocence that 4chan has brought.

>> No.32009970

>>32009915
I was desensitized before I learned of 4chan's existence.

Not sure if I win or lose.

>> No.32009995

>>32009970
you lose.

>> No.32010007

>>32009094
>Honey I'm home
>*Punch*
>Fight breaks out into hate-sex

>Honey I'm home
>She kisses you with sex drug laced chocolates
>Bang on the front lawn like champs

>Honey I'm home
>She and the kids (nurglings) are all happy to see me and have dinner
>Bang in a comfy as fuck pile of laundry bareback

>Honey I'm-
>"Home, can we eat out?"
>Uh, ya
>"Fine, but first look in your back pocket"
>You pull out coupons to her favorite restruant
>You get to bang her and play with her feathery tail

>Honey I'm home
>"Whee missed huu! Whee made brownies"
>They are awful but she has god tier tits and is human

All good choices

>> No.32010013

>>32009995
Good day sir.

>> No.32010031

>>32010013
>>>/leddit/

>> No.32010033

>>32009970
There is no victory to be had here.

>> No.32010054

>>32009995
Ah. Thanks for letting me know gently.

>>32010007
Wrong! All bad choices! The human is marginally less bad since it is actually a human, but is still 1.99 times normal heresy!

*BLAM*

>> No.32010078

>>32010033
I blame flurries.
Seems reasonable.

>> No.32010082

>>32009970
I'm somewhat curious as to where you encountered the things the desensitized you in the absence of 4chan.

>> No.32010085

>>32010007
You, I like you

>>32010054
Go to hell Alex
I'm using the power of Lawful Hot Dickings to turn these Daemonettes into Daemonettes of the Emperor


But in all seriousness, if the Emperor did fully turn into a "chaos" god, what would his Daemonettes be like?

>> No.32010094

>>32010078
AUTO-CORRECT!!!!
I MEANT I BLAME THE FURRIES.

>> No.32010116

>>32010085
What are the living Saint from the SoB fluff?

>> No.32010125 [DELETED] 

Rolled 10

Rolling
1 or 5 Und
2 or 6 Sln
3 or 7 Nrg
4 or 8 Khr
5 or 9 Tzn

>> No.32010137

>>32009094
Tzeentch or unalighned. Was going tzeentch until found out I can basically have cultist chan switch between dfc and milf at will.

>> No.32010147

>>32010085
I figure if the emperor became a chaos god his Daemonettes would have armor, not separate from their bodies, but as a part of their bodies.

>> No.32010163

>>32010116
So is there a hidden sixth option where /tg/ rwpents, turns to the emeror, and recieves a sororitas waifu?

>> No.32010166

Rolled 10

>>32009094
Rolling
1 or 6 Sln
2 or 7 Nrg
3 or 8 Khr
4 or 9 Tzn
5 or 10 Und

>> No.32010176

>>32010082
Eka's Portal, Deviant Art, morbid curiosity.

>>32010085
Well, probably either chicks that make Slaanesh wonder what she's doing wrong (Hint: claws) or female space marines- OH GOD EMPEROR MAKE THE HERESY GO AWAY!

>> No.32010195

>>32010163
see
>>32009839

Someone make this happen.

>> No.32010208

>>32010166
I am sorry, you forgot Emperor on there, please report to nearest Commissariat building for re-education.

>> No.32010221

>>32010208
Are you the new Nice Daemonette?

>> No.32010234

>>32009915
Why did I boner?

>> No.32010249

>>32009094
Cultist chan, but only because of the 5 of them she's the closest approximation to decent looking. It's a very rough approximation though

>> No.32010262

>>32010125
>Exactly as Planned

>> No.32010264

>>32010221
no, he's just a wanker. even ND was better

>> No.32010285

>>32009094
Khorne is tempting, But I'm going with nurgle
Because then I can become a part of the big guys family

>> No.32010294

Damn... I'd do terrible things for and with a tentacle, but offering straight up magic? How the fuck do you compete with that?

>> No.32010317

>>32010221
No, I am your local Commissar. Repent before I get the Inquisition involved. Even I don't want that (and not only because PAPERWORK).

>>32010264
Or my bolt gun. Don't want to have to clean up the mess- OH WAIT NOT MY JOB.

>> No.32010348

>>32010294
A bolt gun is a good replacement for magic. I can kill things easier.

>> No.32010375

>>32010264
I liked ND, but yeah the new guy isn't that great.

>> No.32010385

>>32010348
>>32010317
We get it. You don't like heresy. Now shut up before we have the inquisition befriend you from orbit.

>> No.32010396

>>32010375
>I liked ND

>> No.32010399

>>32009094

I don't think I'll invite the wrath of the Inquisition for such a pathetic selection of flesh.

Pass.

>> No.32010418

>>32009094
TOO LONG.
I DID NOT HEAR.
THEY CAN GET A DATE AFTER MY CASUAL SCAT ORGIES WITH A GAY TRANSEXUAL MUTILATED RUSSIAN.
MAYBE AFTER DINNER.
WE'LL BE EATING HIM/HER IT.

>> No.32010420

>>32009681

Actually it does.

Directly so.

Go ask those poor bastards with erections approaching 11 inchs or so.

She can't take anymore Cpt'n!

>> No.32010421

>>32010234
Because why would you not?

>> No.32010430

>>32010396
It was slightly amusing, and I never got on the hate-all-namefags-just-because-they-namefag train.

>> No.32010462

>>32010430
>It was slightly amusing
>XD I'M A DAEMONETTE HERE LET ME SPAM ABOUT MY FETISHES AND HOW I WISH I WAS A GURL FOR AN ENTIRE FUCKING THREAD
Nice Daemonette pls go and stay go

>> No.32010468

>>32010385
Aren't they on my si-

>Capcha: silenced

Okay! Maybe I'll just back down and let the big guys handle it! OH EMPEROR NOT IN THE FA-

Carry on, nothing to see here.

>> No.32010499

>>32009094
I don't think you really understand tzeentch with the cynicism crap

>> No.32010503

Rolled 4

>>32010166
Rolling using the same table

>> No.32010511

>>32009094

Necoho: You never find a bride.
-Forever Alone
Bonus: You have angered Necoho by choosing this path

>> No.32010525

>>32010499
I think it's meant to be the flipside of Nurgle's happy go luck attitude expressed by his daemons

>> No.32010560

>>32010503
>>32010166
why not roll a d5?

>> No.32010568

>>32009681
Cardiovascular health has directly to do with erection duration actually

>>32010420
Why in gods name would I want an 11'' dick? I am not fucking horses here. At most you want 7''

>> No.32010583

>>32010560
cuz sacred #s

>> No.32010608

>>32010462
Personally I always found that Nice Daemonette had something relevant to say, and then ruined it all by continuing down a line that was not only irrelevant, but quite unwanted.

>> No.32010613

>>32010568

'cause some motherfuckers thing mastery of the pussy should be approached the same way you used to gain access to a locked castle.

>> No.32010627

>loyal Slaaneshi bride
Thats so Over powered I got to take it

>> No.32010655

>>32010511
Zuvassin: You NTR other anons.
-Nothing you do seems to go according to plan.
Bonus: You can curse one guy a week with bad luck.

>> No.32010879

Harem, the right answer is always harem.

>> No.32010900

>>32010655

Horned Rat: You are ridiculously stealthy, you can easily subsist off rotten scraps without getting sick, and you now own several thousand square feet of intricate, needlessly spacious sewer to live in
-Your bride is a rodent furry
Bonus: Unlike most Skaven, she is adorable

>> No.32010917

>>32010627
What about when you come home and discover your daemonette waifu has spent your whole bank account on a piece of art because she thought it was pretty?

>> No.32010934

>>32010917
If Slaanesh aproves it has to be worth it

>> No.32010990

>>32010900
But female skaven are giant bloated broodrats.

>> No.32011019

>>32010917
Whore her out until she can pay me back.

>> No.32011100

>>32010613
Subterfuge and the carelessness of the other side, or failing that, starvation?

>> No.32011109

>>32010900
Ans'l, Mo'rcck and Phraz-Etar: Both your waifu and yourself are exaggerated examples of your respective genders and she enjoys posing wrapped around your leg.
-Everything you own has superfluous spikes all over it.
Bonus: Ans'l grants you the gift of one order of free GW or FW figures of your choice once a month.

>> No.32011142

>>32010990
She's a BBR

>> No.32011404

>>32011142
That is one abbreviation I never want to see again in my life

>> No.32011773

>>32009094
I'd go Khorne or Mahal. I'm a sucker for slight muscle femdom and the Mahal's unique personality can make it extra kinky fun.

I mean pure.

>> No.32011901

Definitely Khorne. Being ultra-/fit/ will be an all-around upgrade to all parts of my life, and I've gone through enough motorcycle accidents to have little fear of injury that I know for sure won't kill me.

>> No.32012021

>>32011109
The Emperor: Pious Sororitas waifu from whatever type of order you like. Attractive, traditional.
+/-She wants a lot of kids.
-Will only have sex in the missionary position with the lights out for the purpose of procreation.
Bonus: The Emperor loves you.

>> No.32012137

I'll take Tzeentch's daemonette.

In her hand I will put a mere store bought tulip, and ask her to close her eyes. When she opens them to see what happened, it will be a red rose.

Of course she expected this, but the joy it brings her is what I need. Until the hell that is Tzeenchian offspring thrning school boys into girls.

>> No.32012383

>>32010007
>Honey I'm home
>*punch*
>Fight breaks
>kick her in the stomach
>she kicks you in the nuts
>grab her by the hair and slam her against the closest mirror
>*look what you broke you whore*
>tail wraps around your leg
>trips you
>wrestler knee jump on your chest
>pummels your face
>you grab her by the arm and try to lock her
>she bites your shoulder
>screaming in pain hit her head repeatedly until she lets go
>she licks her lips and lunges at you
>you sidestep and push her into the closest wall
>kick her in the face
>*I love it when you are so enthusiastic*
>jumps at you again
>fight for who is on top ensues
>next morning you come full of bruises, cuts and bitemarks to work, clothes torn in multiple spots
>tzeenchian and slaaneshian colleagues laugh at you
>nurgle colleague offers you to meet his daughter

>> No.32012716

>>32010525
Nah, Nurgle's more like, sleepy-stoner happy. Tzeentch is more "what a time to be alive" happy, constantly amazed by the wonder of the universe

>> No.32012725

>>32012383
>Khorne colleges nod knowingly

>> No.32012752

>>32012383
>slaneshian colleague recorded the whole thing fro your hacked webcam
>tzeenchian prank-call your wife 10-time a day to make her extra-pissed/horny. What a bro.
>Malhal was here, too.

>> No.32012784

Krotnette for fighting lovehatesex

>> No.32012807

>>32012752
>Tzeentch being a bro to Khorne

>> No.32012811

>>32009094
Not angry enough for Khorne, too vanilla for Slaanesh, maybe Nurgle but I like a little clean and too romantic for Tzeench.

Guess I get Mahal.

>> No.32012952

>undivided
>I get Abby's arms AND an immortal with loli option

This is the best thing.

>> No.32012999

>>32009094
Does Unaligned/Malal/Cultist-chan mind at all if you repeatedly off her to switch her age around? Generally I'm averse to murder but if getting tossed into a woodchipper just so I can make love to her in loli form really doesn't bother her I might be able to get over it

>> No.32013046

>>32012999
Doubt it
http://1d4chan.org/images/3/36/Cultistcritic.png

>> No.32013059

>>32009094
>anything other than Khorn's beautiful gift
What are you even doing?

>> No.32013116

>>32009284
Isn't that a mark of Khrone in the background?

>> No.32013138

>>32013116
>Khrone
Who?

>> No.32013156

What?

>> No.32013197

>>32009094
>You can change small/mundane objects into small mundane objects of similar value, I.e. A pen to pencil. 1 dollar to 4 quarters, apples to oranges.
>apples to oranges.
Are you saying that apples are as much worth as oranges?
TZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENTCH!

>> No.32013630

>>32010917
Seems like a normal wife to me. At least she gets off when I beat her for it.

>> No.32013647

>>32012383
Qapla'!

>> No.32013665

>>32009094
The upper left image was my request.

Then for no reason someone requested my photo (that I didn't post on 4chan) get shooped by the same artist to be buttfucked.

So then I later spread rumors that he fucked his sister and it got him in trouble.

Good days were had. The artist was an idiot.

>> No.32013695

Rolled 4

>>32010166
Rolling!

>> No.32013734

>>32010007
you're downplaying the downsides.
cute girl in love + few downsides = all good choices
cute girl in love + downsides galore = FUN
you like FUN, don't you?

>> No.32013748

>>32012725
>Khorne husbands are the new Fight Club

>> No.32014124

Since I'm a girl, is acceptable to reclaim a male version of my preferred daemon?

>> No.32014164

>>32014124
No, but if you pick Slaneesh, she will have a penis.

>> No.32014224

>>32014164
Well shit. I'll go for the khornate, I guess, since I like muscles.

>> No.32014241

>>32014124
>Since I'm a girl
Not anymore!

>> No.32014253

>>32014124
Sure, anon. Sure you are.

>> No.32014297

I can't see any drawbacks with the Khorne one. Khorne, as usual, isn't fucking you over.

>> No.32014322

>>32010166
You forgot best dark god

>> No.32015477

>>32009094
Cultist chan all the way.

>> No.32015498

>>32009094
Cultist Chan is the Chaos Version of Boxxy.

Do want.

>> No.32015650

>>32009499
So nothing would have changed?

>> No.32015680

>>32014297
What other than being hospitalized often from over rambunctious, violent hate sex?

>> No.32015693

what would be my pick if I am actually know whar causes me my problem and want the power to solve it, then enjoy my life and learn many things that matter?

>> No.32015766

>>32015680
Worth it

>> No.32015955

>>32013197
Pear!

>> No.32016047

>>32009094
So the last one is kind of a "little sister onichan daisuki dess" type eh? Or am I wrong in this assumption?

>> No.32016063

Gentleman Pick Slaanesh or Tznch, honorable mention to Cultist

This is balanced, but a wife who will do things perfect and is likely to be a futa, and a magic wife who has a feathery tail are best options

>> No.32016064

>>32014322

>> No.32017209

>>32009094
god work OP, now slap that text in a png, make it setting-neutral, and post it in the CYOA thread.

>> No.32017578

>>32009094
>No Malice punk rock daemon

Can a drawfag rectify this please?

>> No.32017826

>>32010176
> Eka's portal
Holy shit I forgot that existed.

You could get it through school and library filters.
It's funny, but as a teen I so overindulged in sex I wound up with conservative tastes.

I Slaanesh'd so hard I went Tzeentch.

>> No.32017932

>>32009094
>A world where the Chaos Gods exist.
>Wishing for anything except a true death where you won't be trammeled by horror for eternity.
>You chose...poorly.

>> No.32017958

Man, what.

>> No.32018019

CONS
>Khornette has a collection of her ex-husband's skulls. You are required to fuck on them , and since Khorne only has one Khornette you know for a fact your soul will be trapped in your skull to be one of the eternally cuckolded. The future guy banging your wife will rest his balls in your eyesocket. She will break every single thing you own. The car belongs to her.
>Nurglette is ALWAYS pregnant. She will give birth as you fuck her, you may wind up pulling a few out of your newborn children out if your urethra afterwards. Her ta-tas are reserved for half a dozen suckling Nurglings at all times. She's clingy as fuck, you will never be able to do anything alone ever again. You will the poorest of all.
>Tzeentchette will manipulate you constantly. "You are going to cum in five, four, three (*you work extra hard to make her cum first*), two , ooooooaaaaAAAAGHuuuhst as planned." You have an allowance and must submit all financial requests in hepticate and wait four to six weeks for the okay to spend even a dime. SHE IS ALWAYS WATCHING, you will be questioned for hours as to why you even said good morning to another female.
>Slaaneshette never asks, never says thank you, finishes first and expects you to take care of yourself, and has no concept of the needs of others or even herself at a future date. This applies in all areas.
>Cultistchan will never love you as much as the Chaos Gods and all their servants. You are Dranon's slave. Fuklaw is always around. You may have to follow her to Warhammer Fantasy and live at the north pole with Vikings for vacations.

>> No.32018032

>>32018019
Corpse slave detected

>> No.32018094

>>32018032
> Worshipping a homosexual incompetent mutant corpse
> Not worshipping Conan the Barbarian, shortstack goddesses, non-douche keebs, female avatars of Gork and Mork, lizardtits, furries, Undead demigods, forest gods who secrete maple syrup lubricant, Egyptian goddesses, Chinese shape shifting dragons, more Chaos gods than the big four and Malice, and so forth

Seriously, Fantasy is SO much better in the religion department. Also, our Cultistchan speaks in a Swedish accent.

>> No.32018124

>>32018094
I do have trouble trying to decide who's more rad, Sigmar or Emps.

>> No.32018138

>>32009094
Tzeench
Your over all pleasure is just as she plans, and you over all success in everything will go just as she plans.

Sounds like easy mode to life, and you won't even know it. I'll take her.

>> No.32018139

>>32018094
>female avatars of Gork and Mork
Huh? How and why and should I fap

>> No.32018165

>>32018124
My answer would be 'Yes'.

>> No.32018206

>>32009094
Sooo basically a Latina /f/it girl (anger issues, physical violence, house full of skull shit ("But it was Abuela's!")), a career obsessed girl in the entertainment of /fa/shion industry, a /tg/ magical realm girl and all her hambeast friends, a hipster with control issues (daddy raped her til she recorded it and stole the family pants), and a lolrandumb cringelord(lady?).

I can have my pick of those without even leaving LA, why the fuck would I sell my soul to Chaos? (Of course if I went Tzeench I could have her 'just as planned' for traffic. THAT might be worth my soul.)

>> No.32018318

>>32018019
>Cultist-chan
>Cons:
>First is basically like being with ANY Christian gril.
>Second is hanging with a based bro who doesn't really want slaves. Makes you smoke cigars and be the fourth for poker night.
>Third is hanging with based badass whose rage blots out the sun.
>Fourth is having to go on adventures, pound mead, shred pussy, and slay your enemies with a waifu who fully supports all of above.

Not seeing how these cons are remotely sever, or even cons.

>> No.32018361

>>32018139
G&M take on the appearance of anything greenskins think they can. That's why they can build statues of them out of shit and rocks which come to life. That's why Bosses will seem to lead a WAAAGH after they've been killed.
Each type of boy and goblin thinks they're the Orciest. Femboyz exist as cheerleaders in Blood Bowl , and as a rare variant amongst merc greenskins.

Thus, G&M could appear as female Orcs or Goblins. Oh, and some goblins have a fell pantheon. Could include female variant gods too.

>> No.32018452

>>32018094
Oh Fantasy is better all around, I don't doubt that. But that anon was being a little bitch about his love for corpse cock.

>> No.32018533

>>32018138
>option D:
>touch feathery tail

>> No.32018566

>>32013116
That's the Inquisition, you double-heretic.

>> No.32018582

>>32018452
Yeah, he took the joke too far.
I'm surprised nobody went with the "Emps is now a Chaos God, angelic Sister of Battle waifu " one yet.

Or the elf gods. Get a thousand foot tall scrappy Khainettes that can transform into a full size elf waifu after eating a meal, harlequin daemons, Isha mistress with Nurglette, or Ynnead servants.

>> No.32018597

>>32018582
One thousand of one-foot tall Khainettes, not one thousand foot tall one.

>> No.32018664

>>32018582
>SoB waifu
That would be more in line with the idea he was trying to get across. Love you less than the Emprah, deal with asshole Imperials, Inquistor/Commisar is waiting to kill you, etc etc

>> No.32018787

>>32018597
Eh, 72 virgins/72 white raisins, semantics.

As an aside: Jesus fuck, what's with the new font on captchas? Was Comic Sans taken so they went with the next one down the legibility list?

>> No.32018891

>>32018787
Google recently developed text recognition software capable of solving captchas with close to 98% accuracy.

Maybe they figured it's time to crank up the difficulty.

>> No.32018979

>>32018787
>>32018891
It really reminds you that 4chan isn't a charity, it's a commercial website, and if you don't have a pass, you're not a customer, you're part of the service provided to the actual customers: pass users, google and advertisers.

>> No.32018982

>>32018891
Fair enough.

>> No.32019040

>>32018124
Sigmar could arguably do more than the emperor did if he had access to the emperor's, shit, and the empire sigmar left behind isn't ruled by drooling retards.

>> No.32019059

>>32019040
Sigmar also wasn't a genocidal despot liar who took the gods from people in order to make himself a god

Imperial truth my ass

>> No.32019062

>>32019040
>the empire sigmar left behind isn't ruled by drooling retards.

Are you kidding?

>> No.32019094

>>32019062
I'd rather be a Empire Citizen than a Imperial one (at least from the shitty writting)

The Imperium sounds more grimdark than it should be, kinda like Brett peasantry.

>> No.32019115

>>32019059
>Imperial truth my ass

>> No.32019144

>>32019115
Prayer doesn't feed the warp, emotion does
The emps knew this but chose to take religion from people to make himself a god.
Believe what you want but it has done a lot of good for mankind both in the long and short run

>> No.32019150

>>32019062
I'd rather follow Karl Franz than the high lords of terra. If I live in the empire I wont get killed for standing 2 cm to the left of my designated emperor worship place while praying.

>> No.32019175

>>32019094
They are still ruled by drooling retards whose infighting nearly caused the Empire's destruction in more than one occasion.

Also SKAVEN ARE NOT REAL HUUURRR

>> No.32019184

>>32019175
Thats for the orcs. If we get them to ignore Skaven, they are GONE

>> No.32019217

>>32019175
The infighting of the empire is realistic. Infighting did happen in large places like that. In the imperium, people will declare war on every solar system around you just because you looked at a visiting dignitary the wrong way.

>> No.32019266

>>32019040
Sigmar constantly reincarnates to save the Empire's ass too.

Plus, Alarielle is the psyker combination soul entity. She also gets shit done.
With an Everqueen, the Eldar probably wouldn't have fallen into debauchery.

>> No.32019273

>>32018979
>4chan isn't a charity, it's a commercial website
No its a dude's hobby that grew out of control, and beyond his meager powers to contain.

>> No.32019361

>>32009094
Slaanesh, because prettiest, sweetest wife who will always entertain and probably has a futa cock

>> No.32019382

>>32009094
I don't know why but I love the Tzeench demonette so much more than the other ones

>> No.32019461

>>32019175
Everyone knows they're real, it's only Witch Hunters who try (key word is try) to stop people from talking about it).

I also prefer humanity not being one retarded factitious group.

>> No.32019491

>>32019361
The thought of a futa slaanesh wife makes me hard

>> No.32020200

>>32009094
>Tzeentch and Slaanesh girls are hideous
>Nurgle girl gives no good powers
>Khorne girls likes to make sexy unsexy by punching?

Nurgle I guess. But what bland powers. Actually I bet she's fucking crusty. Oh, ew. Nevermind fuck them all. Fuck this.

>> No.32020300

>>32020200
Generally, you'd turn the same as the girl.

Marry crusty, become crusty and not care. Marry futa, grow a vagina and become one too. Marry Tzeentch, become a lawyer.

>> No.32020365

>>32020300
Nah, fuck all of that. Nope nope no way fuck this.

If this is what chaos offers, then =][= for life.

>> No.32020371

>>32020200
>>Tzeentch and Slaanesh girls are hideous
Slaanesh girl literally looks like your ultimate fetish, but scary. It's like a telepathic thing.

Tzeentch girl will literally look different every time you see her. Go in a picture booth, each pic will look like a different girl. With fluffy tails.

>> No.32020398

>>32020365
Forget 40k, go to Fantasy and marry Undead or non-douche elves.

>> No.32020417

>>32018019
>>Cultistchan will never love you as much as the Chaos Gods and all their servants. You are Dranon's slave. Fuklaw is always around. You may have to follow her to Warhammer Fantasy and live at the north pole with Vikings for vacations.
Worth it for loli waifu

>> No.32020462

>>32018019
OP here, those cons are both really shitty and unbalanced

I stuck with minor cons to make it harder to pick. Here it sides more to Tnzch and Cultist

>> No.32020463

>>32009094
Depends. If I can exchange the "moist tentacle" with a nice thick wang, I'll take the Slaanesh bride. Other than that, the Nurgle bride looks pretty cute.

>> No.32020465

>>32020417
>loli
complete and utter faggot.

>> No.32020494

>>32020463
The tentical could be the wang if you wish

>> No.32020733

>>32009094

The only three options that look attractive to me are:

>Tzeench
>Unaligned
>Slaanesh

In roughly that order, but it might change depending on what mood I'm in.

>> No.32020800

Harem. Why? I don't question the Warp.

Khornette - Dominant of other girls and "leader". Personal defense force and all around bro-tier. Likes to play the Pain Game with Cultist more than you.

Tzeentchian - "second-in-command', because letting K get her way is easiest way to manipulate her. Runs half the lives of everyone, but it's always for the best of one of you.

Slaaneshi - life of the party and resident fuck-mule if any of the girls get antsy. T and N keep her from getting too in to herself.

Nurglette - cuddles and affection all the time. Best time. Sexy Bath Time Foursome Fun Time between Nurglette, T, S and yourself.

Cultist - Oh god I can't resist puppy love. Compliments all the other girls.

>> No.32021295

>>32020465
>likes females
>must be homosexual
Do you think I'm a woman?

>> No.32021427

>>32021295

...Do you want to be?

That might be enough to count for SJW's.

>> No.32021462

>>32021427
Only if I can be a legal loli.

>> No.32021473

>>32021462

Of course. This is /tg/, no other options were even on the table.

>> No.32021502

>>32021473
Huzzah!

>> No.32021514

>>32021295
No I think you're a faggot. If you think faggot means only "homosexual" then you're an even bigger faggot than I thought, holy shit.

>> No.32021570

>>32021514
I'm sorry, as I didn't think you were calling me a cigarrette, nor a bundle of twigs, I thought that was the obvious answer. Which of these is it:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Faggot

>> No.32021600

>>32020800
Why the hell didn't I think of this?

>> No.32021606

>>32021570
So you have aspergers too. That's unfortunate.

>> No.32021678

>>32021570
>Not knowing 'faggot' is as much a general pejorative as it is a reference to sexuality.

>> No.32021708

I pick none and order the cannoneer to open fire after accepting a cheese sandwich from one of my crewman.

>> No.32021827

>>32021570
In internet vernacular, "fag" is a synonym for man or person, usually as a suffix.

"Faggot " is a generic insult, unrelated to other uses and references. Whether this is due to a normalization of homosexuality through prevalence of porn or simply evolution of the term past any specific connotation is up for debate.

>> No.32021866

>>32021708
Good luck, I'm behind a 2+ Ward Save with Regeneration, dog of the corpse Emperor.

Heil Franz!

>> No.32021904

>>32021866
Your heresy made me forget my pic.

>> No.32021967

>>32021708
>cannoneer
This made me wince.

>> No.32022581

>>32021827

I like to think it's because of wordplay.

"Bundle of sticks" "Bag of dicks" implying you would like the latter more. Not quite as good as "Septic tank" "yank" meaning septics is slang for Americans.

>> No.32023443

>>32021967
In the realm of 40k terminology is not important.

What are you, 0800?

>>32021866
Oh yeah? Well ur a faget.

>> No.32024092

>>32010031
>Not getting the reference

>> No.32024266

>Khorne
a shit
>Slaanesh
a shit
>Nurgle
pure wife
>Tzeentch
a shit
>Cultist
a shitty meme

the correct answer is obvious c:ogerat was says it's rat ogre waifu

>> No.32024531

>Tzeench
I'm going to find a way to break into a bank and change all the money into pennies until that vault is stuffed full.

>> No.32024553

>>32024266
Nurgle waifu is literally shit

>> No.32024568

>>32024266
>Skaven Broodmother
You'd have an army of loyal (to you) children in a year.

>> No.32024723

>>32011100
No, plant large stones in the walls until the inhabitants are screaming in pain

>> No.32024855

Khorne, would have picked Tzeentch because DAYUM but cynicism is for Fedorian Faggots

>> No.32024891

Still doing heresy?

Yes I'm still alive. Been a day but... Fuck. Five minutes, um... Keep... I gotta murder a hobo trying to summon nurgle into the world, so I honestly have no fucks to give about your heresy at the moment.

>> No.32024960

>>32020300
>red
>horns
>tail (sometimes)
>muscles
>dat tongue
bloodletters are the coolest lesser daemons
also juggernauts and khorne hounds are cute as fuck

>> No.32025485

>>32021600
Because Commissar Max beat you to it.. And then some.
check 1d4chan.org/wiki/Heretical_Love

>> No.32025714

>>32009094
How can people look at Cultist-chan and not be repulsed?
It's not an Imperium-fagging thing, bitch's ugly.
It's like she's drawn exclusively by talentless people.

>> No.32025797

Not anyone of them are my type but at least I figure Cultists-chan wont eat my soul.

>> No.32025867

>>32025714
Look BEYOND the gnarly teef, anon. She has a heart of gold. Admittedly, said gold was made for KAY-OSS, but still. Solid. Gold.

>> No.32026229

>>32025714
Well, for one she's supposed to be so ugly she's cute. Like a pug dog.

For two, it's Warhammer. Not only can GW not do attractive females EVER in miniatures (although their elves are getting better), their artwork shows females as almost less feminine even in the abstract than the men.

The exception was Blanche, and newfags seem to hate his artwork so go fucking figure.

>> No.32026264

Guys, is there like some kind of guide to how Cultistchan talks?
Because I can't seem to do it right.

Anyone have like an audio clip she's supposed to sound like, or like a good example of her talking?
Anyone care to write one to add to her 1d4chan if they're feeling particularly helpful?

>> No.32026378

>>32026264
>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JrtFazaS7g

>> No.32026381

>>32026264
She's supposed to talk like one of the cultists from Dawn of war (The first one)

>> No.32026547

For the people complaining about the looks, how's this?

>> No.32026552

>>32009284
Thank can be arranged, Loyalist!

>> No.32026639

>>32026547
Better yet, choose all of the above and get four Daemon Cultists and the vanilla flavor!
Imperial Cultist comes free.
Earplugs do not.

>> No.32026676

>>32010176
>female space marines- OH GOD EMPEROR MAKE THE HERESY GO AWAY!
>Not wanting best Marine Chapter...
...What the fuck is wrong with you?

>> No.32026710

>>32026676
For some reason once a month they are locked away in fear that the carnage and bloodsheld they commit would open a rift for khornate deamons to pour through.

>> No.32026720

>>32009094
Do you think the Slaanesh girl is into my fetishes?

>> No.32026737

>>32026710
Three days a month, Khornate Daemons stay in the Warp out of fear of the Daemon servants of the Emperor.

>> No.32026754

>>32026676
This picture looks so comical. They're all like "WOAH WOAH WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING WHAT AM I DOING THERE OH GOD THEY'RE EVERYWHERE WHO ARE ALL THESE GIRLS HOW DO I USE THIS THING OH SHIT IT'S GOT MY FACEARGHFBLRGHBLFRGRZGL"

>> No.32027003

>>32010608
Well yeah, probably because someone actually showed interest in the thing I started with...

>>32010990
>But female skaven are giant bloated broodrats.
>>32011142
>She's a BBR
...And you don't want this why?

>>32014124
>Since I'm a girl, is acceptable to reclaim a male version of my preferred daemon?
...But the Yuri...

>>32018019
>Nurglette is ALWAYS pregnant. She will give birth as you fuck her, you may wind up pulling a few out of your newborn children out if your urethra afterwards. Her ta-tas are reserved for half a dozen suckling Nurglings at all times. She's clingy as fuck, you will never be able to do anything alone ever again. You will the poorest of all.
...This is a Con how exactly?

>>32020800
...Damn it, best option right here!

>>32021708
...But what if the TANK was your Waifu?!?!

>> No.32027754

>>32010900
Pic related?

>> No.32027797

So what are the pros/cons of the Chaos Gods of Order?

>> No.32028002

>>32009094
>(dfc or busty)

Hmm, was tempted by Khorne, but I likes what I likes...

>> No.32028448

Good news! I killed a hobo and saved the Imperium!

I think he might have just been just a hobo, though. They tend to get filthy.

>Also, fantastic birthday present. Thoroughly convinced myself slenderman was chasing me home due to noises and shadows.
>I have no pages to find.
>Captcha says I must find seven.

>> No.32028707

>>32026676
Sorry, meant that imagining the Emperor associating with Chaos was bad.

A female chapter? Upon encountering, I might just get my "waifu", as you say. Also having space marine wife might increase my chance of survival. It is abysmal for Commissars.

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