>>31599739
"Alright, guys. There's this place. It's really far away from here. Like, REALLY far away from here. Like, a TREMENDOUSLY UNFATHOMABLE distance away from here. Farther away than any one person could possibly imagine, let alone travel with out mystic powers. Anyway, that place is called Zendikar. It used to be a nice place, all be it the weather was a tad.....homicidal at times. Also, there were all manner of killer living hurricanes and sometimes the land itself will try to manifest itself and murder you in cold blood, but it was a nice place none the less. Anyway, the place is in danger and I need your help in combating the new menace that threatens the existence of not just everything on Zendikar, but Zendikar itself. See, I won't bore you on the details but there are these things....Eldrazi, we call them......that are these ancient....things....that were trapped in mystical floating pyramids all over Zendikar. Long story short, they got un-trapped, and now we need to go and re-trap them."
"Alright, seems legit so far. So, you just need help because of the sheer number of these things, right? Like, these isn't going to be life threatening, is it?"
"Yeah....about that....See, the Eldrazi are kinda....big. Like, the majority of them are tiny, not even one or two feet high. Pretty easy to handle really, but then there's the rest. There's this one, Ulamog we call it......I'm not gonna say he's big, but the last time he was around, we didn't see the sun for about 3 weeks. Birds fly around it's KNEES."
"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, alright. So there is only one of those big things, yeah? You just need help taking care of it? I guess we could get an army together or something...."
"Well.....there is more then one big one. Yeah.....like......the Eldrazi are either the tiny one feet fucks, or they are about 8 stories tall....on the minimum. But, look, if we really try, we can push these thing back into containment! Come on, men! WHO'S WITH ME!.............G-guys?"