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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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[ERROR] No.30903015 [DELETED]  [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Crit Fail thread?

>> No.30903080

Or is it supposed to be Nat 1?

>> No.30903122

regardless, let's have one of these threads.
>Climb check

>> No.30903143

>> No.30903381

>rolling boxcars on stand&shoot
>Nat 1 charge

>> No.30903555

Nat 1 Charge

>> No.30903652

>round 2 of combat begins
>roll for initiative
>natural 100

>> No.30903709

you're both wrong.
submitted for your approval, anon; here's the REAL nat 1 charge

>> No.30903785

>dex check? dex check.

>> No.30903845

You know it's easy to laugh at your gif OP, but then I remembered that basically the same thing happened to me once.

>> No.30903996

>natural 1 awareness check

>> No.30904294

Rolled for drift.
Nat 20

>> No.30904410

That's gotta hurt his legs.

>> No.30904424

Dude, that's a 10. He's just drifting in his lane.
If he were drifting in between those moving cars, now THATS a 20.

>> No.30904438

>> No.30904484


That guy just looks like he shit himself afterward.

>> No.30904492

>Monk vs Unarmed Swordsage

>> No.30904505 [DELETED] 

>> No.30904533

Rolled 71


>> No.30904568


Drifting is fucking retarded.

>> No.30904597

D: Peckers, NO!

>> No.30904606

Who the fuck video taped this!?! Why the hell did they do that!?!
Also, Nat 20 unarmed combat

>> No.30904631 [SPOILER] 


>> No.30904634

A fear being retarded doesn't change the level of skill (Be it high or low) required to do it.

>> No.30904639

I am suddenly overwhelmed by sadness

>> No.30904649

Pretty standard american egg farming practice.

those would be the male chicks.

>> No.30904667


>> No.30904672

They're male chicks. Apparently that's pretty standard procedure. Something about them not being as meaty as the females and being too territorial to actually raise.

>> No.30904684

Rolled 88

Really? Martial arts are standard procedure?

>> No.30904706


>> No.30904738

I can't stand this shit man, I'm too soft for this hard ass world...

>> No.30904739


Lets endanger everyone around us and waste huge amounts of money trying to push our vehicles to the very limit of what they aren't designed to do.

It's a rich brat sport that should be abandoned to build cars that could take a corner that fast safely.

It's a destructive behavior that encourages people to drive worse than they already do because they think it will make them look like a pro driver. I think the word retarded is not only appropriate here, but wholly accurate.

>> No.30904742

Peckers! You're alive!

>> No.30904752

And folks wonder why I'm a veghead.

The edge is strong in this one.

>> No.30904780

no we don't, you're a vegetarian because you're an idiot.

>> No.30904801


>not eating healthy lean meat acquired with the least amount of animal cruelty possible

>> No.30904802


Chomping at the bit

>> No.30904809

god damn cats are dumb

>> No.30904819


>Not 'Mario tries a Fire Flower.gif'


>> No.30904820

Now, now, wait wait, we don't know yet if he supports PETA or an actually reputable organization like the SPCA.

>> No.30904824

nat 1 Diplomacy

>> No.30904832

What and dogs are the pinnacle of intelligence?

>> No.30904835

Nat 20 on resurrection spell.

>> No.30904858

crit fail against end game boss

>> No.30904861

>> No.30904871

Oh sure, shrug off the fire using your fire-retardant suit.

But why would you even toss the flames at someone not wearing one?

>> No.30904881


>> No.30904915

>Nat 20: Perform

This is also how I Only War

>> No.30904925

Don't get me wrong, if it's from a relavtively humane source, like hunting, I'm fine with it. It's the massive industrial farming I have a beef with.

Aaaaand changing the file name now.

Oh geeze, don't get me mixed in with those PETA shitheads. Those hypocrites sicken me.

>> No.30904928

I love how nonchalant the guy on the right is. He never even turns to face the action. He just continues to shuffle slowly away.

>> No.30904939

Nat 1 Perception

>> No.30904941

>> No.30904949

>Nat 1: Perception

>> No.30904972

I've seen those little buggers regularly beat the ever living shit out of a Sentinel in match ups.

>> No.30904975

nat 1 swim
nat 20 bluff

>> No.30904977

u wot m8?

>> No.30904991

Not that anon, but there was no comparison made to anything. Not dogs, not fish, not lizards, not birds, not small children, not astrophysicists, not anything.

I don't know why cat owners always need to get so defensive and butthurt about their cats, even when no one is talking about them.

>> No.30905007

Because cat owners are losers.

>> No.30905031

nat 20 bluff

>> No.30905038

I knew this led somewhere.

>> No.30905039

Have you ever stepped on something and then there wasnt a step?

That feeling of falling for about a second before your foot catches something, the jarring feeling as you are unprepared for the landing.

Terrifying, even of a short distance.

>> No.30905061


>> No.30905069

nat 20 strength check

>> No.30905073

Aaaaaaaaand it just got so much sadder

>> No.30905080

That is deviously delicious, the confidence with which he took the first couple of steps is remarkable

>> No.30905083

Shouldn't that be a CON check?

>> No.30905098

Can't you tell anon?

It's a pool table

>> No.30905103

>Nat 20: Intimidate

>> No.30905105

Nat 20 ride

>> No.30905107

I swear that hippo is rolling its eyes

>> No.30905109

It does, a station with a worker who is going to immunize each of them individually with a quick prick so they can be happy and healthy forever.

>> No.30905121


You barnacle-head.

>> No.30905131


its actually an industrial baby grinder. it grinds babies. where do you think nuggets come from?

>> No.30905135

nat 1 Wild Empathy

>> No.30905141

Anyone got a suggestion for this one?

>> No.30905148

ah, golden boy. what fun

>> No.30905150

Nat 20 reflex check

>> No.30905159

Oh God.

Now I will never eat nuggets without remembering this.

>> No.30905164

>Ears back, posture like that

Motherfucker is a moron.

>> No.30905166


>> No.30905172


>> No.30905173

More like nat 20 Initiative

>> No.30905177

Nat 1 DEX?

>> No.30905184

Did that woman in the background just throw her baby?

>> No.30905191

Also guessing he just accidentally lost the match by stepping outside the boundaries.

>> No.30905193

Is that a tank filled with tracer rounds? Jesus

>> No.30905200

>Level 20 Bard gets Nat 20 Perform

>> No.30905212

Nah, the goal of the match is to send your opponent though a table in any way. Normally done by picking them up and slamming them through one, but it doesn't matter how it's done. That counted.

>> No.30905216

What kind of asshole does that, even if you're trying to keep to a stage persona, seriously

>> No.30905236

That doesn't change anything, the level of skill required to do it is still the same.
Which is what this thread is about.

>> No.30905240

he probably got shit for it in the locker rooms.

>> No.30905250

Nat 20 intimidate

>> No.30905255

Nat 1 followed by a nat 20 to save.

>> No.30905265

Ever getting near wild horses is a bad idea. Tame, well-behaved horses will still kick, stomp on feet, headbutt and bite.

Also, Nat 20 Escape Artist

>> No.30905266

Well, not shit in the "this gets you in trouble" way; while not what was planned, people do find it hiliarious.

>> No.30905270

>obviously pregnant horse nearby

>> No.30905278


>> No.30905302


He's impressing subhumans
My brother took me to a wrestling match once.
There was a mother with small children watching.
She kept shushing people who were using swear words.

Because violence is okay, as long as nobody gets called bad names.

morons love that kind of Chad behavior

>> No.30905304


>laser made of bullets.gif

>> No.30905306

>> No.30905314

Yeah, I grew up around tame horses. I still got kicked and bit at when I was a dumb 12 year old not watching body language I'd been taught to do.

>> No.30905353


Sure it does.
I called it retarded and then supported my position.
I said nothing about skill.
That just makes them very good at doing something retarded.

>> No.30905357

>> No.30905386

PCs buy a tank

>> No.30905415

It's a shilka, a self-propelled anti-air gun

>> No.30905421

nope, that's every five rounds.

>> No.30905426

>> No.30905429

Nat 20 Reposition maneuver

>> No.30905431

Critical hit

>> No.30905435

>> No.30905487

>> No.30905520

Crit fail acrobatics

>> No.30905522

Vancian magic.

>> No.30905568

Nat 20 Smite Evil

>> No.30905579

Roosters are territorial little psychopaths. If there's another male around, they will go APE SHIT and attack on sight. If another male has been near a female, they will go ape shit an attack both of them. Roosters are INSANE.

At least they apparently die very, very fast.

>> No.30905599

>> No.30905618

>> No.30905648

Don't know what to call this one

>> No.30905650

The anime shit really is awful, though.

>> No.30905666

Being great at retarded things still requires skills.

>> No.30905670

What the hell guys this is /tg/ we are supposed to be better then this. Go to /B/ if you want to polute the internet with such things.

>> No.30905673

>> No.30905676

high dexterity

>> No.30905688

>> No.30905694

So how many days ago did you discover 4chan? One? Two?

>> No.30905695

>NPC makes a nat 20 Sense Motive against a PC

>> No.30905697


is this where mcnuggets come from?

>> No.30905699

PC plans

>> No.30905718

It appears that the machine (macerator) is actually the least painless way to kill them.

Other ways include the grinder. The normal propeller blade kind that takes a few minutes to grind you up.

>> No.30905721

Sauce? Reverse image source isn't doing much for me.

>> No.30905728


>> No.30905731

/B/? Is that a new board?

>> No.30905736

Were all those snakes really necessary?

>> No.30905740


>It appears that the machine (macerator) is actually the least painless way to kill them.

Exactly. It's the fastest, safest, and humane way to remove unneeded chicks from your stock.

>> No.30905753

Natural 20 Bluff:
Successful flaming bull

>> No.30905759

Kamen Rider Gaim.

>> No.30905775


Journeyman retard accumulates enough skill to be an expert retard.

>> No.30905779

Why did I read that as removing undead chicks from your stock.

I have been on /tg/ too long.

>> No.30905798

>> No.30905803

Thank you.

>> No.30905820

nat 20 disguise

>> No.30905836

Yup, and standard procedure everywhere except for England, Germany, Canada, and France is letting them die of exposure in a dumpster.

>> No.30905841

What do the Power Puff Girls have to do with disguise...?

>> No.30905844



>> No.30905856


Oddly, more disturbing than the original.

>> No.30905867

I would feed them to snakes.

And eat the snakes.

>> No.30905870

Chose looks so weird. I know it is the correct spelling, but it doesnt look right.

>> No.30905891

>> No.30905892

>> No.30905898


sorry buddy, my grandfather was a farmer, this is how he shredded the fuckers too

>> No.30905902

nat 1 Perception.jpg

>> No.30905910


Dunno why the file name didn't show up, but I had set it to "Pathfinder Gunslinger."

>> No.30905916

Thank you so much for posting the version without that fucking face.
Good work today anon.

>> No.30905935

>> No.30905937

No, this is going to be labeled "Chicken Byproduct" and used in pet food and joint supplements.

>> No.30905953

was there ever more than two seasons of that show?

>> No.30905959

you needed to know the truth. This is the origin of nuggets

>> No.30905979

Take a moment of silence for our fellow males of chicken descent.

>> No.30905995

>> No.30905996

Also, healthier for human consumption than most chicken sold for human consumption.

>> No.30906005

Let's be honest, none of those chicks were going to grow up to be a fucking dentist or something. They're all barely sentient creatures that probably don't have a capacity to think beyond "HUNGRY." They died quickly and humanely, rather than never living at all or of course starving to death or being dumped in a trash can to suffocate.

>> No.30906016

>Don't get me wrong, if it's from a relavtively humane source, like hunting
So yes to letting an animal bleed to death over minutes, no to killing it in mere moments. Gotcha.

>> No.30906017

I feel ya man. My hopes that the next ones gonna be much better.

Come Lawd Jesus come!

>> No.30906032

Wiki says no

>> No.30906040

>bleed to death over minutes

What a shit shot you must be.

>> No.30906042

That's what I'm saying, the English are humane enough to use the shredder too.

I was doing some exchange work in Spain (I work in agribusiness), and they just dump the fuckers in a dumpster and let them die of exposure/being crushed by their buddies.

>> No.30906055

Why did I laugh.

>> No.30906056

No, he was listing countries, England amongst them, that grind the chicks up.

It's the countries he DIDN'T list that just throw them out to die of exposure or whatever.

>> No.30906063

I bet that guy can't even no scope a doe.

>> No.30906084

I see now I read again, you can see why I was confused though. A few commas wouldn't go amiss

>> No.30906086

If you're a shitty shot maybe.

And even if you really fucked up and shot him in the gut or something, it's still a hell of a lot more humane than getting eaten by a wolf or starving to death during the winter.

>> No.30906100

That is good to know. At least my Canadian chicks can die quickly.

>> No.30906106

There was no need for more commas, you're just a brit so you have a weak grasp of English.

>> No.30906139

The fact of the matter is, my friend - That most wild animals live with not enough food, poor shelter, every day being a struggle to survive: nearly all of them will die a grizzly unpleasant death. Even if the hunter were an awful shot and they got the poor thing in the gut, it's probably a damn sight better than starving to death or being mauled to death by a predator.

>> No.30906143

>shitty shot

You probably don't know a goddamn thing about hunting but I'll let that slide.

Every hunter in the world working around the clock couldn't bag that much product in ten times the time, and would probably seriously damage the ecosystem.

Manufacturing animals for the sole purpose of consumption is kind of a fucked up thought I guess, but as far as I'm concerned if you've got to murder shit to eat it, no real reason not to do it the fast, painless, and efficient way. So if you feel bad for baby chickens being bred just to die, there's really nothing I can say other than "Why?"

>> No.30906156

There's 4 commas there, properly used. A 5th wouldn't violate the rules of grammar, but isn't required by them.

>> No.30906160

I take it a broad side of a barn is elusive quarry for you.

>> No.30906166

>being mauled to death by a predator.

Which is pretty much what's happening when you shoot it, just over a shorter time.

So if your argument is just that a shorter, easier death is better than FIRE UP THE SHREDDERS.

>> No.30906167

This is either a Nat 1 reflex save
or a Nat 20 attack roll.

You be the judge.

>> No.30906186

please go back to /v/ and pretend you're a good shot there.

>> No.30906191

I'm all for the shredders, I was just saying that hunting is perfectly humane (Save for upper class brits hunting foxes with dogs)

>> No.30906201

Nat 20 getting what you deserve?

>> No.30906257

All I know is that I rather have a part in the kill of my food, and make sure I can kill it quickly as I can, than eat something that's been shoved in a cage way too small for it, forcefeed through a tube all of it's life, and then slammed in the head with a hammer.

Oh, and for the ecosystem thing? You know how much factory farming contributes to deforestation, right buddy?

>> No.30906271

Rolled 92

It doesn't take minutes for an animal to bleed out, unless you don't hit any blood-major organs. And in a whitetail deer, you just about have to aim to miss those. If you hit one of those, it will probably be unresponsive in about 30 seconds.

>> No.30906280

So... what's with all the Flash wank? Seems he's not an omnipotent demigod.

>> No.30906290


>> No.30906297

Lobo OP

>> No.30906298

Ten rounds of monks grappling each other in D&D 3.5e.

>> No.30906343

Not sure if this counts as sex or wrestling.

>> No.30906361

Combat in Dark Heresy

>> No.30906374

>> No.30906391

The best sex has a lot of wrestling.

>> No.30906392

You had it right at "Monk Fighting"

>> No.30906399


It's foreplay.

>> No.30906423

monks losing to mimics

>> No.30906446


>> No.30906483

I also sometimes call it "Berserker accidentally enters Frenzy."

I call this next one, "Letting someone else GM for the week."

>> No.30906507

Here's some druid vs. monk pvp.

>> No.30906514

Veghead here, I used to go on hunting trips with my father, and after he would get a dear, I would help him drag it back to the truck, and when we got it back home I'd help him skin and clean it. Still do the skinning and cleaning these days.

If you're worth a shit as a hunter, you make sure you kill it quickly. All my life, I've never seen him make a kill that didn't take more than a minute. If you can't make a quick kill, then you have no business as a hunter.

And that's why I'm a veghead.

>> No.30906515

What the fuck

>> No.30906518

Is that the Turkish politician?

>> No.30906532

Welcome to the thread an hour ago buddy

>> No.30906539

Here's a monk rolling Intimidate against a cleric.

>> No.30906543

Fuck, I need to get some shuteye soon.

>> No.30906558

no it's a monk with blind-fighting being attacked by a bunch of invisible assassins.

>> No.30906563

Okay, I feel obligated to point this out, living in a hunter-gatherer society there is no way we could feed the people of the earth. We need efficient factory farms because they are able to produce more food than an equal amount of forest. They are necessary. It's cool that you prefer hunting your own food and living off the land but that is not a viable model for feeding 7 billion people.

>> No.30906574

That is just so adorable.

>> No.30906578

Here's why you don't see dwarves very often, anymore.

>> No.30906580

I think you've both gotten far enough experience in being retards to solo any BBEG.

>> No.30906609

Yeah, those monks are really something huh?

Now here's what happens when an entire party of monks encounters a mimic.

>> No.30906647

One of my old favorites, a Swordsage using Tornado Throw on the BBEG to put him into a dangerous situation.

>> No.30906648

What is happening. What is this from?

>> No.30906661

I imagine he is talking less about the morality of the situation and more about
>5. All boards that default to the Yotsuba B or Burichan (blue) theme are to be considered "work safe." Violators may be temporarily banned and their posts removed.

>> No.30906689

>more humane than getting eaten by a wolf or starving to death during the winter.
>That most wild animals live with not enough food, poor shelter, every day being a struggle to survive
First off, way to move the goal post, since the topic was how humane it was to kill the chicks quickly in a mincer.

Second: You're both retarded and apparently lack reading comprehension.

>> No.30906691

Grand Theft Auto, I think.

This is the type of thing that happens when you let players charge through allied squares.

>> No.30906709

Luckydo don't fail me now

>> No.30906750

I may stop here. The wizard casts grease!

>> No.30906764

>meat farming
>wasting energy on excretion, movement and general life for between months and years for less than 10% of the output efficiency

Yeah nah. Meat's nice and all but dont pretend efficiency comes anywhere into the picture with livestock.

>> No.30906786

Keep the images coming anon.

I am laughing so hard I need back support.

>> No.30906788

Don't we like, minimise those things with cages and turning shit to fertiliser?

>> No.30906791

You're right, it's probably more efficient if we just go out in mobs and wipe out a species every a few weeks to feed everyone you fucking stupid faggot.

>> No.30906813

>doesn't understand the difference between energy efficiency and efficiency as a general concept

If one process takes half the energy/money it is twice as efficient, overall efficiency is meaningless compared to relative efficiency.

>> No.30906830

Ah fuck it, one more.

What PCs think Sleight of Hand can do.

>> No.30906835

No, he's saying we should all eat soy, yeast culture, and spirulina.

Quality of life be damned.

>> No.30906837

Minimise but not by much.

Hunting is more efficient, they feed themselves that way. I'm not saying we can reliably hunt for modern societies though - there's a reason we moved to agriculture.

The efficient choices are focus more heavily on arable crops or speed up development of synthetic meat.

>> No.30906848

But those require way more work to cultivate than meat does!

>> No.30906849


Meat, however, is delicious.

I did hear some thing on NPR about how America's craving for meat is way above most of the rest of the world and that it leads to some problems for us. But hey, cheap meat!

I leave this for /tg/ to title (I don't even remember what it is).

>> No.30906852

not that guy, but Irons are a much superior way to aim at less than 100 meters

>> No.30906864



>> No.30906866

But less energy.

>> No.30906868

>quick kills
>with a bow
unless he's a rifle hunter in which case i hope you didn't inherit his faggot genes
oooooh sorry.

>> No.30906871


>> No.30906891

How does this man do it.

>> No.30906899

>limited resource, requires far more labor per animal
>more efficient

>> No.30906903

The problems associated with the demand for huge quantities of cheap meat (antibiotic and hormone use, primarily) are far smaller than the ones associated with the demand for cheap processed grain foods (fried shit, dingdongs, candy, etc).

>> No.30906907

God dammit, man.
Just 'cause I eat burgers doesn't mean I want to watch the cow get slaughtered.

>> No.30906910


Goddammit, how did I at random pick the gif someone had just posted?

>> No.30906911

Nat 20 on save to comprehend eldritch abombination

>> No.30906921

you rolled a 1 on a spot check

>> No.30906924

>Skrillex at the library

>> No.30906953

When the fuck did I say anything about him using a bow? I maybe a faggot veghead, but at least I can read.

>> No.30906975

>u mad bro?

>> No.30906995

>but at least I can read.
apparently not

>> No.30907001

That's too bad. I think that people would feel a lot less bad about factory methods if they had to do it by hand once.

I'm a farmfag, I find that beef tastes better if you know it's name, all the love makes it extra juicy.

>> No.30907016

Mildly irritated is more accurate.

... unlike my shot...

>> No.30907036

Yeah, caught that right after I posted...

fuck it, I'm getting some sleep...

>> No.30907039

I spent several summers on my grandparents chicken farm, raising them for meat.

And let me tell you, being around that many chickens has taught me that: 1. Chicken is delicious and 2. Chickens are fucking retarded.

>> No.30907074

Most domestic animals we raise for food are.

>> No.30907087

But anon, they are fluffy and cute!

>> No.30907093

While we certainly have rather questionable (metaphorically speaking of course; we know damn well a lot of what those places do ain't right) practices, there's no helping the efficiency to a degree.

We're converting SUNLIGHT into energy with a multistep process here, and there's loss at every step. For all the self-righteousness a vegan may feel with every unsatisfied, depressing mouthful of Kentucky Blue, we're omnivores, not plankton. We need high levels of proteins and certain vitamins most readily available in meats in order for our bodies to function properly. Plants just stay there, soak up sun and nutrients, animals eat the plants and convert some of that stuff into delicious human nutrition, and then we eat the animals.

Now I totally respect anyone that just plain PREFERS the taste/texture of veggies and what not. That's sensible, and healthier than fried chicken wings as a daily staple. But there's a reason that so much of a vegan diet involves the word "supplement", or long workarounds to make up for dangerous reductions in the intake of certain parts of what should have been a balanced diet.

Creatures that eat only plants are very delicious, and while we should certainly make sure that our growing flanks, roasts vegans and breasts are treated with the care and respect that an amazing meal DESERVES, we should not abuse our own damn bodies just so dinner don't get eaten.

>> No.30907118

Birds in general are nasty, annoying and fucking disgusting. Chickens have just been breed to be extra stupid and extra fat. Just like all meat animals

>> No.30907140

They're really hard to keep alive, too. They're simple creatures in every sense of the term. They're stupid, they're stubborn, they'll very quickly have disease spread through the lot of them, and they're as much a threat to each-other as your slaughterhouse might be!

Also Ducks. Ducks are fucking evil. Every time I see one on the plate I feel fucking vindicated. Fuck you, duck, you should've thought about how delicious you fucking are before being a fucking asshole about it.

>> No.30907158

But anon, they are fluffy and cute!

>> No.30907164

Even wild chickens are pretty damn stupid, just not criminally so.

They won't even get out from under your feet when you're walking.

>> No.30907166

>I'm a farmfag, I find that beef tastes better if you know it's name, all the love makes it extra juicy.

I think I preferred cold professionalism over
>all the love makes it extra juicy
whatever the hell THAT is. Creepy.

>> No.30907173

Tell us about these ducks anon.

>> No.30907176

They shit everywhere, roll around in it, claw the everliving fuck out of eachother if they get stressed/annoyed/too-cramped-because-scared/etc, are disease prone...

Chickens only still exist by the grace of our cuisine.

>> No.30907179

Now swans, swans are assholes.

>> No.30907191

Geese are fucking assholes too.

>> No.30907196

They're still cute though, like navy seals.

>> No.30907197

Yes, yes they are. I used to deal with my grandmother's chickens.
Have you ever seen an adult chicken? Ever seen what they do? They eat, they scratch, and they shit. They shit all over.
Oh and they fight. If one hen or chick is sick, or different or weak, the other hens gang up and peck it to death. Then they eat it. Because chickens are vicious. Vicious, dirty little cannibals.

Roosters are worse. They'll try to kill each other, and you, on principle. I'd have to go into the chicken yard with a broomstick. So that when our resident asian rooster would do his usual routine of trying to gouge my soft bits with his two inch spurs.. I could hit him with it. Repeatedly. Or the two other roosters he spawned, that we named Shake and Bake. Snapped their necks and turned 'em into soup once they got big enough and pissed off Grandma one time too many.

Chickens are stupid, dirty and vicious, but dear god when you pluck and skin and turn 'em into chicken and dumpling stew, they are goddamn delicious. Especially when you raise the little sods yourself.

They're only cute when they're little.

>> No.30907198

I grew up in Alaska.

And let me say this:

Fuck. Geese.

>> No.30907210

All birds are assholes

>> No.30907219


do your birds even lift?

>> No.30907237

I only had Geese honk at me threateningly when I get by. How bad is living with them on a daily basis?

>> No.30907251

I have only one thing to say about Ducks and Geese.

Foie Gras

>> No.30907252

Cockscrew rapecock aside, since that's more of a duck/duck interaction, ducks shit everywhere constantly, will test anything to see if it's edible, and as an extension of this will attack anything that doesn't look like it's about to instagib them with one gulp. They can be friendly as fuck one second, nuzzling up against you, and then a few seconds later, out of nowhere, decide "hey, that reminds me, I haven't tested (today) if that big round thing with the eyes staring back at me is food or not. Alright then, time for science!".

Also they won't shut up when they're pissed off.

Did I mention they diarrhea everywhere?

>> No.30907255

I'll drink to that!

>> No.30907276

well, birds have cloacae, so this makes sense.

>> No.30907277

That... sounds fun. Now I know why my grandparents genocide these things every Christmas.

>> No.30907282

Geese are winged Jeffery Dahmers

>> No.30907290

I dealt with Canadian Geese, growing up north.

They're territorial as all shit, basically hate you for existing, love to gang up on anything that happens to look at them funny, and will chase you for far longer than you'd ever expect.

They are stupid, evil sons of bitches who will attack you just to see you bleed.

>> No.30907321

Based on the Canadian Geese that took over our park pools, do they not only attack you if you go near their young?

>> No.30907326

>running away
>not fighting 6 geese at a time and overrunning their nest

It's like you don't even hate nature.

>> No.30907332

I can answer that, though it's Canada Geese I'm familiar with.

Twice a year we get them for about two weeks at the golf course, as they're on their way south/north at the time.

Well the usual bird stuff applies, shit everywhere, etc... But geese... geese have that hive-mind thing going on.

A duck will decide he wants to fuck you up, and he's going to try and fuck you up. MAYBE its mate will join in, particularly if there's babies (the babies are cute though, but that do not last long).

Oh fuck no.
No one gets "A goose" after them.
That's like saying you get "A Tyranid Ripper" after you.

Geese come in swarms.

>> No.30907350

Canadian Geese are just balls of hate.

And they shit everywhere.

>> No.30907374

The thought of a flying ripper swarm is rather terrifying. Even worse that they'll apparently also be shitting all over you as they consume your flesh and soul?

>> No.30907378

Now I am glad the stores nearby warn us by posting a sign saying a swarm of geese ahead. Please turn back if you value your life.

>> No.30907379

The thing about them is that the more of them there are around, the more aggressive they get. And if one geese fights you, they all fucking want a piece.

So when you've got thirty geese in a park between you and grade school, the only real options are to walk way the fuck around or just run as fast as possible and hope none of them catch you.

Yea, 6 wasn't that big of a deal.

Try fucking 30+

>> No.30907391

Ha, a friend of mine used to tell some stories about geese and turkeys.

Fuckers would drag laundry down from clotheslines and walk all over it with dirty feet. Probably shit all over it, too, because that's what all birds do.

>> No.30907403

So Orks then.
Just bloody wonderful.

>> No.30907409

Are you suicidal anon?

1 is bad enough. A swarm?

That is like poking a zerg nest.

>> No.30907427

To both the vegheads and the meatmunchers, would you eat lab grown meat if we develop it?

Like, you know, flesh that was never a part of an actual animal, grown in a petri dish, but physically the same thing.

I'm already eating fungal cultures... so, why not?

>> No.30907441

Yes. If you have a big yard and a flock descends upon it, say goodbye to most of your garden, any cats or small dogs you had outside, there'll be bits of dead shit in your gutters, the windows need a steam-cleaning, and you should probably just torch the shed and porch. No really, like, light up a flare, throw it, chuck a gas-container that way...

Ideally before the geese have left.

Lots and LOTS of gas.

>> No.30907443


Now I'm imagining Canadians proving their worth by wading into a sea of geese and swinging one around by its neck like a club to fend off the horde.

>> No.30907466

That is the best possible outcome imo and I seriously hope it becomes the norm within 50 years. The efficiency, price and humane-ness (humanity?) trumps every alternative out there, only issue is 'ew it didnt come from a corpse thats gross!'

>> No.30907475

I think most of us have at least once in our youth braved direct contact with a flock of geese.

It never ends well, but those of us that take hockey sticks or golfclubs along usually get a decent supper cooked by very angry parents.

>> No.30907477


>> No.30907478

I would rather have clean meat that has never been part of an animal than disease filled natural meat.

And if we can grow the meat cheaply and quickly enough then we won't have to mistreat animals anymore!

>> No.30907497

Fuck yeah I would

>> No.30907511


I love this it was like "Oh shit run!!"

>> No.30907516

It's entirely moot. Eventually we'll develop designer bio-robots that are born without brains, by design. Meat machines with no brain stem, no arguable consciousness, no personality, no feelings. Crude biological wi-fi, answering to the clicks of the mouse of shepherds overseeing the 'herds' from cameras and a console.

These Bio-bots, these gastro bots, will have digestive systems designed to allow them to process special components from simple things, like dirt. Starting at the top, where we'll have them devour sunlight and rocks, for energy and minerals. And then in perfect efficient symmetry, things will eat those simpler creatures down the chain. We'll have proprietary artificial organisms designed to eat most anything we want them to and to turn it into something other creatures can eat.

Want more gold, copper, aluminum? Organisms designed to select certain minerals and even metals. Could be for their shells, could be for their nails, could even be as just scales designed to flake off harmlessly. But a world where meat machines poop precious metals and minerals is not far off.

>> No.30907519

In Southern Canada, our solution is to create parks for them so they stay the fuck away.

And for tourists to feed them bread crumbs to slowly domesticate them over the years.

It has not worked yet.

>> No.30907531

>> No.30907559


>> No.30907591

These teeth.

>> No.30907599

There's other issues as well. Actually there's just as many considerations for safety, just, different ones. It's nice and clean if the lab environment is nice and clean, but imagine what happens when walmart switches to cheap chinese knockoff suppliers for your vat(now bucket) grown meat.

Lack of genetic diversity could also be a potential issue... I'd hate to see what kinds of conditions cause a RECALL of the stuff.

Personally I have a hard time trusting the stuff were it served to me anywhere other than Quebec (where the food laws are so strict we couldn't even get a Taco Bell's for the longest time). Not to bash Quebec food laws, just the opposite, but that province can be downright vicious with food providers and/or restaurants. Drives up the prices a bit, but honestly, the quality and safety are worth it.

>> No.30907609

There will be a time when the heart of man falls, and loses all meaning in companionship.

That moment is now.

Squad broken.

>> No.30907614

Let's just take them all out on the ice and club them to death then have a feast.

>> No.30907622

Can someone tell me what movie this is from?

>> No.30907627

I am a fucking disgusting slob of a person, especially when it comes to fast food, but holy shit fuck Taco Bell.

>> No.30907629

Of course it hasn't.
Think about it.

We go to a specific place, and bring the geese food.


>> No.30907653


That is who we are.

We need to hire more interior people to shoot them.

>> No.30907675

Southern Ontario people, maybe. But it's no secret that Southern Ontario is a shit.

>> No.30907703

Would it allow for me to taste wooly mammoth?
If so, Hell yes. If not, still yes, Genetic engineering is perfectly safe and there's no reason to fear it

>> No.30907712

Fair points with the concerns about "knock off" meat, and genetic diversity.

Making me think about the case with Henrietta Lacks and her "immortal" cancer cells.

>> No.30907745

We aren't farmers, but live ON a farm (renting a house, but my wife and I are mechanics for surrounding farms). Our daughter was raised around animals, so we got some pretty angry phone calls when she started going to school down in the city (an hour bus ride. every day. each way. Yes, our seven year old daughter got a Vita for her sixth birthday)

Turns out preschoolers (and their parents) do not appreciate finding out just what's in store for all those talking animals in disney films.

"And then Miss Girard said I shouldn't have said that, because the piggy doesn't really become hams and bacon after somebody goes WHACK".

I'll admit I thought it mostly my fault when ducks attacked me until the day one of those fuckers went after a baby in a back carrier. It was motherfucking ON after that day.

>> No.30907754

I grew up in Michigan. Then I moved to Alaska. Geese have always been and will always be assholes. Poultry seems to have evolved for maximum assholery and maximum deliciousness.

I also lived on a farm for twenty-four years. One year, my father bought pigs. Pigs are messy, disgusting creatures... And yet still cuter and easier to take care of than chickens. Or goats. Goats can be assholes, too.

Shit, I'm rambling. Guess I'll stop with a quick tl;dr: Everything delicious is apparently an asshole.

>> No.30907769

So... Koalas are delicious then?

>> No.30907795

Never in a thousand years would I want to eat that. Not any of those meat munchers and vegans from before, but it's just not right. Science is cool and all, but some things are best left to nature.

I'm a fat guy, I like to eat, doesn't matter, to me if its organic or not, I'll eat it because I like food.

It makes me flip my shit when people argue about food when that's the thing that bring people together on a universal level.

>> No.30907810

Unless of course we get ourselves a Bio-Meat situation on our hands.

>> No.30907822

Now think about those immortal cancer cells suddenly being re-labelled "beef".

Again I'm not saying vat-meat is WORSE than real animals. Just that without very, very strict regulation with EXTREMELY severe penalties (I don't mean beheading the poor scapegoat whose job was to take unidentified pink meat and write "beef" on the label, I mean the entire C-Level), we're looking at a nutritional chernobyl.

>> No.30907831

and fragrant. They smell just like eucalyptus.

>> No.30907836


>Typical Shadowrun adventure
Thats what I have it under.

>> No.30907837

>Poultry seems to have evolved for maximum assholery and maximum deliciousness.
The French rooster suddenly seems completely appropriate as their symbol.

>> No.30907866

Telling me you wouldn't want to charge into there, bellowing mightily, and swinging a mace back and forth

>> No.30907883

One question: Will it taste as good?

If yes, sure. I mean, why not? It's still protein. Not that I'll pay out the ass for it, because I'm poor.

>> No.30907905

Pigs are disgustingly dirty, but they're fairly intelligent, and actually really sweet. They're one of the hardest livestock to part with.

Cows are amazingly pain resistant. The reason you use cattle-prods (if you use them) is BECAUSE that's what it fucking takes for the cow to fucking feel enough discomfort that it'll fucking move. Cow giving birth, mid-labor, bad breach birth, it's bleeding and tearing back there, and it's just chewing cud like an old worker sips his morning fucking coffee at 5am. Until it goes into shock, anyways. Cows aren't evil, but holy fuck are their brains "somewhere else"

They'd have to be. They're total dicks.

>> No.30907941

So far, taste can be done easy, it's the TEXTURE that's the problem. Right now it's mostly equal to that pink shit "toupie" ham, or balogna or the contents of cheap hotdog wieners.

Which is fine for a cheap hotdog, but not nearly as fine if it's supposed to be a STEAK.

>> No.30907947

This is why we need National Socialism.

Not for the keynesian economics.
Not for the antisemitism.
Not for the snazzy uniforms.

But because as we delve into this scary cyberpunk future, we need people who're willing to come down HARD on people who would abuse this future's technology.

"Anything that can be done to a rat can be done to a human being. But not when your would-be psychopath experimenter gets thrown in the camps."

>> No.30907957


... Well, I know what's going to be a major part of that cyber punk campaign I've been working on now.

>> No.30907976

>(where the food laws are so strict we couldn't even get a Taco Bell's for the longest time)
Is it actually strict if they're saying "You can't have the most disgusting fast food ever devised"? Seems like a low bar to me.

>> No.30907994

that's what he's saying

>> No.30907998

... Is there something supposed to be there? I jsut see the two dudes near the end

>> No.30908003

In this case, wouldn't a katana actually be a superior choice?

>> No.30908005

I have it as
>Joining a round as the detective in SS13

>> No.30908009

Source of thread derailment and inspiration for GMs everywhere since 2003

>> No.30908023

Your little girl speaks the truth. She's also hilarious.

>> No.30908027

What was this thread supposed to be about again?

>> No.30908031

Enough said

>> No.30908036

The rest of the world in comparison:
"hm... white powder... looks like little spores on the microscope, you say this powdered sugar is gonna be to die for, Doctor...?"
"Bacterion. And yes, we'll make an absolute killing with this stuff"
"Alright, sounds legit."

>> No.30908037


>> No.30908052

Fucker is obviously a samurai.

>> No.30908053

Fumble charts or something I dunno.

>> No.30908067

/tg/ - geese

>> No.30908073

She's got a pretty meaty clam!

>> No.30908091

Natural 1 gifs
That's OP, anon, that's the thread's origin point.

>> No.30908122

Grocery store

We were still in a way on subject all along!

>> No.30908132


If you youtube the entire scene, they just stare at him as they walk past.
Be nice to have the whole scene.

>> No.30908136

>Giving your child a vita
What kind of monster are you?

>> No.30908142

>Pigs are disgustingly dirty, but they're fairly intelligent, and actually really sweet.
Yeah, I left that part out. We raised them from barely-more-than-piglets. And damn, piglets are adorable. The noises especially, the way they squeak. Probably the only animal I've eaten that wasn't a total douchebag.

...Come to think of it, I haven't eaten bacon in half a year and only had ham once. The pre-sliced sandwich meat variety.

Shit, maybe that did affect me. Honestly, it's more that bacon is too fatty and too much of a mess to deal with.

Still, not being an asshole makes it taste a little less good. Even deer are assholes, mostly by virtue of being retarded. Run into roads, eat our crops, etc. Christ, I once saw a deer that jumped a fence one way, but got 'trapped' because it refused to jump back over it. But was too stupid to see that we OPENED A GATE to let it out.

Venison tastes awesome.

>> No.30908160


Honestly, it's more that bacon is too fatty and too much of a mess to deal with.

Cook that shit down some more and then save the grease for french toast

>> No.30908171

We get one moose every year. So Fucking Delicious.

Gods I love animals!

>> No.30908175

Nope, you fuckers derailed from gif dump to food origin and efficiency in meat farms and Vegans VS the world.

>> No.30908180

Stare at who? There's only two people
It could be a liquor store. And is that gum or what?

>> No.30908183

That's hilarious and a little creepy.

>> No.30908196

Yeah, it's like super /b/. In fact since global 1 and 2 apply to it twice it isn't even listed.

>> No.30908213

>> No.30908230


>> No.30908237

we roled a 1 on staying on topic

>> No.30908238

Wasn't there an episode of Batman about this sorta thing?

>> No.30908249

This follows my "asshole animal = tasty meat" theory, then.

>> No.30908250

First time I'm capped! Still you tards derailed this thread harder than Spider-Man

>> No.30908268


>> No.30908279

Caribou is the best meat on the planet. Getting it fresh is the hard part, though. Sucks living in a city, sometimes.

>> No.30908286

That's not even hunting. That's watching the dog hunt and then killstealing at the last minute.

>> No.30908328

I take it you've been charged by one before?

Only reason I didn't piss myself is because I'd just finished when the monster took offense to my defiling of his shrubbery.

>> No.30908332

I imagine moose laugh like Jabba the Hutt.

>> No.30908344


Actually not yet.

Even the test burgers that were produced cost like half a million pounds and still required hormones harvested from cows.

Still very much a pipe dream. More likely harvesting from farmed plankton or fungi and scuplting it into something like meat would be more likely.

>> No.30908350

Frite Alors (a quebec chain) has the Rudolph burger, available 'round christmas. It's exactly what it sounds like. With caramelized onions.

Absolutely wonderful.

>> No.30908365

Are the responsibles for the thread derailment and provoking a flame war. I hope actions will be taken

>> No.30908393

To the shredder with them!

>> No.30908417

No really, if you want to talk of food, go to /ck/

>> No.30908456

This is a disease or disorder, right?

>> No.30908469


It is difficult to forecast what will be possible 20 years from now. Shit, back in 1994 we would have never thought that we could have a particle accelerator that fits on a tabletop, because we didn't have superconducting magnets producing fields in excess of 40 Tesla. But we can make those now, and so particle acceleration in a small science lab is feasible.

We've already grown lungs, hearts, and skin tissue from stem cells, and the tech for that is still in its infancy.

>> No.30908479

Think of this as an informative set of anecdotes, data and plothooks that greatly expands-upon and deepens the ecological and agricultural aspects of your game world.

>> No.30908497

Either that or the kitten's playing QWOP

>> No.30908540

alternatively it's a mobile home or something

>> No.30908578

Pretty typical around here.

>> No.30908589


pretty sure those cats just woke up from anesthetic... I had a cat do something similar after it just work up from an op

Fuck I've done that just after waking up from an op

>> No.30908633


>> No.30908643


You have a good point but you have to note that theoretical work had already begun during the 90s to produce the equipment you mentioned. .

Its nice to point to science but the hormones required for the cells to be produced are still only harvestable from actual living cows and there is no alternative currently in sight. After finding one, it will take even more time and research for the alternative to become feasible.

We used to dream that humans would all have our own personal sky cars and robot personal assistants after the turn of the millennium. I doubt we'll get any progress in this during that time frame.

>> No.30908662

>less than 20 posts
Not bad.

>> No.30908709

While everything delicious is an asshole, anything that is an asshole is not necessarily delicious. It just so happens that, yes, koalas are delicious.

>> No.30908739


Correct. The original video explains that these cats just got back from the vet, and they're still looped out of their cat brains on cat drugs.

This vaguely reminds me of that David Hasselhoff video.

>> No.30908751


>We used to dream that humans would all have our own personal sky cars and robot personal assistants after the turn of the millennium. I doubt we'll get any progress in this during that time frame.

I don't know about that. We're actually due up to see revolutions in autopiloting, electric engines, batteries and materials science.

DARPA produced a microchip that combines all of the relevant data collectors and processors for three-dimensional movement: gyroscopes, accelerometers and a master clock. It's smaller than a penny and costs very little to make.

Boeing and Lockheed Martin are producing electric engines that are going to be able to run half of a 747. If the engine can be scaled down, it would be more than sufficient thrust for a personal skycar.

Supercapacitors are becoming a thing, as are carbon fiber parts to replace heavy steel and expensive aluminum.

>> No.30908763

Looks to me people like to go from /tg/ related to /ck/ related in a manner of a few posts

>> No.30908782

unless you happen to live somewhere that only plants you can't digest will grow

then you're fucked unless you've got goats

>> No.30908793

Well you can't honestly expect a bunch of gamers not to love their eatings!

>> No.30908803

He was on Spongebob. My niece couldn't understand why we were laughing so hard.

>> No.30908829

When I nerd or vidya, I don't eat. I eat when I watch shows or movies or read comics on /co/ when they have story time.

>> No.30908939

Game night for us involves communally cooking some bigass meal (we almost always go too far quantitywise in some way). Prep/gamestart is almost always done while stuff is cooking, and while we take the lappies and sheets off the table for the main part of the meal, later snackings on seconds/leftovers/dessert happens in game.

Does have the advantage of avoiding a sudden midgame pause for snack runs or the like. You just get up in between turns or while someone else is being focused on, fill up your plate a bit, sit back down, without ever missing out on anything because you haven't left the kitchen.

>> No.30909684

let's play spot the vegetarian.
it's not hard. they'll tell you

>> No.30909711

>have beef with

>> No.30909849

nat 1 vehicle operation

>> No.30909855

or nat 1 to hit

>> No.30909970

Nope. I need to taste the suffering.

>> No.30910264

>This is how I CE
For those curious, that's a toro embolao namely they tend to release those bulls on the street at night because FUN.

>> No.30910407

Thats why we need to build the plants near WMD storages.

>> No.30910423

makes me happy when my cats sometimes bring me half dead rabbit babies from nearby woods.

>> No.30910999

That sounds delicious. Personally I'm holding out hope that scientists will one day be able to use bioengineering to grow algae that tastes like chocolate.

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