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/tg/ - Traditional Games


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[ERROR] No.30654868 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Items that are magical, but in a way that isn't really useful.

Pic Related.

For Example:

Wand of Killing Yourself (Duh)
Ring of Optimism (Can't be removed, but you're optimistic about that)
Hat of Reduced Size (Reduces your height by one inch)
Dragon Belch Belt (You burp fire. You have no resistance to said fire, but it's not a lot of fire.)
Boots of Pessimism (Can be removed, but you don't think you should try)
Knife of Delayed Injury (Anyone stabbed will have the wound appear twelve minutes later. Operates normally on inanimate objects.)
Invisible Training Knife (Invisible to everyone else, but about as sharp as a bowling ball.)

>> No.30654894

Magical Tower.

>> No.30654918

>>30654868
Man a knife of delayed injury would be so fucking useful. An assassin could walk up to someone, stab them without being noticed, and just leave.

>> No.30654963

>>30654918

What this guy said. I'd use the heck out of that.

My favorite example was the fork of unending lettuce. You could command it to produce 1 lettuce leaf at a time. Still couldn't find a use for it...

>> No.30654987

Boots of slow falling:the boots slowly lowers to the ground when dropped. However the wearers torso does not.

>> No.30654994

>>30654963
You could eat free salad for the rest of your life.

>> No.30654998

http://oglaf.wikia.com/wiki/List_of_Magical_Items_in_the_Oglaf_Universe

You mean this whole page?

>> No.30655001

Hammer of Piercing is a classic.

>> No.30655006

>Knife of Delayed Injury
Are you me, OP? My coworkers and I used to discuss "Relativistic Time Wounds" that functioned exactly like that. There was also the inverse where the victim of the attack would get the wound ten minutes before the attack.

Our manager accused us of being high when we came up with these ideas, but we really weren't, I promise.

>> No.30655016

>>30654918
>>30654963

It's incredibly awesome, in fact I make give one to the party.

It's actually a double advantage for me, since I'm dming a 4th edition game and it's a weapon with no use in-combat.

>> No.30655024

>>30654998
The dentist's staff is quite useful.

I'd still prefer a chisel that fired flaming cupboards though.

>> No.30655025

>>30655001
Yet it somehow does slashing damage...

>> No.30655036

>>30654868
Pants of apparent well endowment (Looks good...until you take them off.)
Circlet of Feline Invisibility (invisible to cats and all cat derivatives)
Necklace of Lesser Bowel Control (You can hold in a really big movement for ~48 hours)
Dagger of healing (every time you wound someone fatally, all other wounds are healed)

>> No.30655041

>>30654894
>stabilize convention
>form bridge to aetherius
>dance on top to reform reality
>cuts reality, unreality, Oblivion, and hard-to-open soup cans (Orichalc model only)
>snazzy spaceship (Adamantia model only)
>useless
I bet you think reality is something other than a divine gift, you filthy elf.

>> No.30655051

Ring of Ginger

>> No.30655070

Wand of Killing Youreslf could actually be used for some pretty interesting shit.
For example, if you're trying to take down an evil magical cult that has a following of apprentices trying to learn the dark arts and you have multiple Wands of Killing Yourself at hand, then all you have to do is disguise yourself as one of the teachers and hand out the wands to the apprentices and then have them all try to imitate you using a spell to create a mass-suicide.
The best part is that you can create a conflict between the evil magical cult and some other evil faction to make them kill eachother in the process by just pinning it down on them instead as a decleration of war.

>> No.30655098

>>30654894
One thread and that's a meme already? Damn son.

>> No.30655101

>>30654918
>be assassin pretending to be stage magician
>go to preform for king/lord/local leader
>ask for volunteers
>king of course wants to do it.
>put him in the box
>stab into it with the knife of delayed injury
>he comes out fine
>everyone cheers
>I exit with fireworks and shit
>12 minutes later king is dead
>I'm out of town and not even a suspect

>> No.30655106

I always liked the Wand of Create Wand of Create Wand of...ad infinitum. Each Wand only has one charge.

>> No.30655125

>>30655106
So it's an infinite supply of wood?

>> No.30655145

>>30655106
Dear lord.... INFINITE WAND GOLEMS

>> No.30655150

>>30654868
>Boots of Pessimism (Can be removed, but you don't think you should try)
That's a really good one.

What happens if you wear them together with the ring of optimism, though?

>> No.30655162

>>30655125
An infinite supply of kindling, perhaps. Could be a dick and say it crumbles to nothing when it's used.

>> No.30655165

>>30655101

Wouldn't the kind likely have some wizards that can spot your ruse presuming it's not some podunk kingdom?

>> No.30655167

>>30654868
>Knife of Delayed Injury (Anyone stabbed will have the wound appear twelve minutes later. Operates normally on inanimate objects.)
Perfect Assassin weapon.

Shit in a fight, great for murdering someone unnoticed.

>> No.30655168

>>30655150
They chain and you gain +2 Ambivalence

>> No.30655170

>>30655125
>>30655145
>*Requires 1 depleted wand to use.

>> No.30655174

>>30655150
You become a realist.

>> No.30655177

>>30655150
That's equivalent to wearing the Explosive Hat of Painting the Ceiling with your Brains.

>> No.30655179

>>30655150
Bi-polar disorder?

>> No.30655184

>>30655150
>What happens if you wear them together with the ring of optimism, though?

You see the world as it is and succumb to nihilism.

>> No.30655197

>>30655184
But what if you're already a nihilist?

>> No.30655201

Ring of Annihilation. When the bearer speaks the command word written on the outer edge, the ring will annihilate all matter within the ring. This is probably actually useful but probably not worth severing a finger in the process of learning how it works.

>> No.30655213

I love some of the fountains in Oglaf.

>Maybe it's the fountain of water so delicious even dead people want it.
>That does sound pretty delicious.

>> No.30655221

>>30655197
Your brain implodes

>> No.30655238

>>30655213
> You'll never find the fountain of girl.
> And give some water to the mule.

>> No.30655241

>>30655201
>Swap it with a ring whose inscription gives power or some shit instead when the inscription is read.
>Give to enemy.

There. Found a use.

>> No.30655246

>>30655197
On the bright side, nothing happens!
On the dark side, nothing happens.

>> No.30655273

>>30655213
The entire lore of Oglaf is both insanely funny and well-thought out. It would be a good setting for a humorous campaign.

>> No.30655291

>>30655273
Agreed.

>> No.30655330

>>30655273

Most of the lore. Some of it is just plain stupid.

>> No.30655345

You suck at this OP.
>Wand of Killing Yourself (Duh)
Mail to your least favorite senator.
>Ring of Optimism (Can't be removed, but you're optimistic about that)
Best fucking zanex there is.
>Hat of Reduced Size (Reduces your height by one inch)
Tall guys can buy regular cloths now. ( Also it should just reduce your hat size; that would be funnier. )
>Dragon Belch Belt (You burp fire. You have no resistance to said fire, but it's not a lot of fire.)
If you keep your mouth shut the fire will be fucking nothing because lack of oxygen. If carry some strong alcohol around too you could use this offensively.
>Boots of Pessimism (Can be removed, but you don't think you should try)
Switch them with your rivals boots on the big day of the tournament.
>Knife of Delayed Injury (Anyone stabbed will have the wound appear twelve minutes later. Operates normally on inanimate objects.)
Everyone has already said it: best item on the list.
>Invisible Training Knife (Invisible to everyone else, but about as sharp as a bowling ball.)
An invisible bludgeon is still pretty neat. Could be used for slight of hand or bludgeoning.

>> No.30655362

>>30655330
Are you saying that a race of foul-mouthed, perverted, short-statured inventors is stupid?

The dwarves are my favorite race ever ;w;

>> No.30655384

>>30655362

Eh, they're more like gnomes. And they're amusing.

Some things are pretty dumb though. Like the birdmen comic.

>> No.30655421

>>30655345
>( Also it should just reduce your hat size; that would be funnier. )

So it never fits properly.

>> No.30655428

>>30655273

>> No.30655432

>>30655362
>What happens if you ride in the chariot

>> No.30655462

>>30655428
>Those fucking smiles
Oglaf is one of the few comics that has made me literally laugh out loud.

>> No.30655509

>>30655462
The facial expressions are always perfect.

>> No.30655535

>>30655509
>FUKKEN LOCKS
>YEAH!
Roleplaying as one of those little bastards would be ultra-fun.

>> No.30655550

>>30655535

>> No.30655608

>>30654868
Dude, that knife would be perfect. Twelve minute delay means that I'm twelve minutes into my getaway by the time they sound the alarm. Hell, by the time there's anything to sound an alarm ABOUT. That lets you turn the pickpocket's classic "Oh, goodness, sorry for running into you there, my bad" move into a perfect murder.

>> No.30655635

>>30655550

To be fair, I'm surprised they haven't been genocided.

>> No.30655646

>>30655550
so randumb xD

>> No.30655659

>>30655635
They're too crafty. They would fire cannons shaped like penises, full of molten sperm. Not only would it scald and hurt enemy forces, the morale decrease would be unimaginable.

>> No.30655662

>>30655635
Naw man. They got fukken weapons.

>> No.30655700

>>30655101
>King lets himself get "stabbed" by a traveling stage magician
What kind of dumbfuck kings rule your kingdoms? Kings don't even trust food from their own kitchen without relying on a taster first.

>> No.30655706

>>30655659
>>30655662

Have you guys seen how easy it is to kill a dwarf? Just point out a flaw in their creation and they'll explode.

>> No.30655724

>>30655706
Yeah, but you have to be as crafty as them to see it.

>> No.30655730

>>30655345
>If you keep your mouth shut the fire will be fucking nothing because lack of oxygen.
Your exhalations are about 16% oxygen, compared to ambient air's 21%. The human lung is incredibly inefficient.

>> No.30655762

>>30655700
>"stab" a couple of other people, gently cut yourself as well to convince him it's harmless

>> No.30655785

>>30655724

... Not really. Look at the chariot.

>> No.30655791

>>30655706
They were thrown a paradox, though.
Pointing flaws doesn't do it.

>> No.30655794

The Wand of Making Dangerous Things Look Awfully Cute: Does exactly what it says on the tin. The thing is just as dangerous as before, but now it is very cute.

>>30655785
That was because they explained how it worked.

>> No.30655805

>>30655762
Then there's no trick, that's the complete opposite of how stage magic is supposed to work.

>> No.30655830

>>30655805
You wouldn't show everybody, just the guards. Like how a magician would demonstrate that his tricks are harmless to the insurance company before the show.

>> No.30655858

>>30655830
Also to some firemen and other emergency workers, just in case the guy gets stuck in a contraption at a bad time.

>> No.30655864

>>30655730
Not really, its just that there is only so much blood to oxygenate during the time which an inhalation is held.

>> No.30655883

>>30655830
Extremely risky to try and convince the king to come up on stage and perform the trick in the middle of a performance all in the span of 12 minutes, but I suppose it could work.

>> No.30656526

Electric Lyre - A lyre that plays amplified music.

Only goes up to 1.25x normal lyre volume, requires large battery.

>> No.30656702

>>30655730
I love that you are actually fairly accurate with your numbers there.

>> No.30656714

>>30654868
Magic Item Detector
Enchanted compass. When activated, it beeps whenever there's a magic item in the immediate area, as well as pointing in the direction the nearest item is located in.
Due to a flaw in the enchanting process, the compass is unable to disregard itself from this detection, so when activated, it will always beep and spin the needle in circles.

>> No.30656729

>>30655238

>mule
>not sheep


Superior animal is superior.

>> No.30656938

>>30656526
Spinal Lyre - an enchanted lyre, painted the blackest of blacks, has a knob on the side that controls the volume, the knob goes up to eleven.

>> No.30656960

>>30656729
>superior animal
>not goat
and a P to the L to the E to the B

>> No.30657037

>>30656938
"How much more black could a lyre get?"
"None, none more black"

>> No.30657074

>>30654868
>Ring of Optimism (Can't be removed, but you're optimistic about that)
>implying this would not be perfect for anti-torture

>> No.30657087

>>30655106
to make it more streamlined
"Wand of recharging:wand of recharging:wand of..."
It recharges wands, specifically only wands of recharging.
one charge.

>> No.30657097

>>30657074
> It could be worse guys!
> It could be worse guys!
> It could be worse guys!
> Ok guys, now this is definitely the worse I've ever seen, but from now on, nothing will be as bad as this, that's great!

>> No.30657138

>>30655150
You realize that boots of pessimism really aren't that bad, I mean they're still boots after all, better than going barefoot.
You also think that the ring of optimism is too flashy and people will make fun of you for wearing it.

>> No.30657186

>>30655246
Reminds me of a joke people hate me for telling
"do you the lack of any bad news count as good news?"
"yeah I guess so."
"Then I've got some good news and some bad news..."

>> No.30657258

>>30655794
and it didn't actually kill them, it just blew up their minds.
For them that's probably no more serious than a CTD

>> No.30657375

>>30656729
Welshman pls go

>> No.30657561

>>30656729
>filth sponge
>requires constant attention
>cannot be properly trained
>incapable of doing any work
>only use is slowly converting massive amounts of food into mediocre fibers
>not even worth the meat

Surely you jest, the horse is and always will be the most superior animal. Smart, strong, easily trainable, can be ridden, can be ridden fast as fuck, can perform heavy labor, can assist in military actions, provides massive amounts of meat at the end of its life

Their only downfall is their fragility.

>> No.30657639

>>30657561
Horses, Dogs and Humans truly are the ultimate animals

>> No.30657707

>>30654868
>Ring of animal speech
You can speak the language of any animal, but they can understand you because of your heavy accent, and you can't understand them

>> No.30657793

>>30657639
Nah man, just dogs.
They passed from our stressed predators to stressed guards to lazy fucks who sleep on our couches all day and do cute things. First transition took hundreds, thousands years, latest took 50 tops.

>> No.30657797

>>30655197
It doesn't matter.

>> No.30657890

>>30657707
>You can speak the language of birds
>Walk through a forest
>Nothing but "Aaah! EGG THIEF! DIE!", "Look out, hawk/eagle/owl!", "Hey baby you want some fuck?", "My food, bitch", and "You walked into the wrong territory, bitch!"
>Wall to fucking wall. It never stops.
And that's why people call me Corax Featherbane now.

>> No.30658074

>>30657561
horses are dumb as fuck. literally

>> No.30658084

Belt of Min-Maxing.
While in use, lowers one of your attributes of your choice to 3, adding all deduced points to another attribute of your choice. Can't be removed until next sunrise. Actually, pretty useful in some situations, but can make you helpless in other moments.

>> No.30658116

>>30658074
This. Horses are notoriously stupid animals.

>> No.30658165

>>30658116
Truly stupid animals can't be trained.

Horses are smart, they just aren't border collie smart.

>> No.30658169

>>30658084
Belt of True Roleplaying: When worn, reduces your highest ability score to 3 amd makes your least useful score 25 (So a wizard with 3 Int and 25 Strength, for example). Can be removed, if you're a fucking munchkin.

>> No.30658236

>>30654868
>Hat of Reduced Size (Reduces your height by one inch)
What about a Hat of Increased Size? When worn, the part of your head inside the hat grows outwards just enough to meet the fabric, and returns back to normal if removed.

>> No.30658302

>>30658236
It is a particularly large hat. Use with caution.

>> No.30658310

>>30658236
So a Hat of Perfect Fit, that instead of magically changing its shape to fit your heard, changes your head to fit the hate?

>> No.30658472

Circlet of Wisdom
You instantly know everything as long as it isn't relevant to what you're doing.
>defusing bomb
>know the GDP of Tibecuador
>fighting dragon
>think of average rainfall in amazon basin

>> No.30658629

>>30654868
http://fortg.ww9.me/items.html all those

>> No.30658868

>>30658165
I will never call anything that shits where it stands "smart"

>> No.30658956

>>30654918
>An assassin could walk up to someone, stab them without being noticed, and just leave.

That already happens IRL all the fucking time. Only does not work in fantasy games because of HP and healing magic.

>> No.30658964

>>30657707
That doesn't work. If your accent is so thick you can't be understood, you're not actually speaking it.

You need to undermine it differently.

Like "You can speak the language of any animal, but you still have no idea what you or they are saying."

>> No.30659041

>>30654987

So the idea is that you end up turning around upside down and falling out of the boots when you fall?

>> No.30659090

>>30655238
i want to try giving some of the water to some type of deadly predator like a tiger or bear and then watch as it tries to kill me and i easily hold it off

>> No.30659101

>>30654868
Ring of Hand of Glory: A mummified hand that, when worn as a ring, gives you an extra ring slot.

>> No.30659148

>>30654868
Wand of Killing Yourself could be a glorious wayy of wrecking power-obsessed mages, especially if there's a means of whiffing identify spells.

>> No.30659188

>>30658868

Why not? They're the only ones who never have to clean it up, since they never shit in the same place twice.

In theory.

>> No.30659210

>>30658956
assassins creed isnt real life

>> No.30659242

>>30659188
Look at cats. They won't ever shit in the same place twice (unless you clean it).
Horse won't care if it steps on its own shit and smear it everywhere.

>> No.30659247

>Ring of air breathing
>Ring of solid ground walking

>> No.30659328

>>30657375
kek'd in my pants

>> No.30659357

>>30654868
Ring of Invisibility
When you put it on, you can't see the ring.

>> No.30659374

>>30657639
The dog is man's best friend.
Why?
Because the dog is also man's best creation.
Seriously, we modified; tailored, even, a species to suit our every need and love us.

>> No.30659448

>>30658169
So belt of "being fucking garbage and, since you're a little girly passive aggressive whore calling it roleplaying because you can't just tell the player to stop minmaxing"?

>> No.30659627

>>30658964
See >>30657890
>"You can speak the language of any animal, but animals never say anything interesting or useful."

>> No.30659853

>>30659627
>"So it's a lot like talking to regular people really."

>> No.30659862

>>30658084
That's not a bad item at all, although it would amusingly encourage putting something like a 12 in your dump stat because that favors the pointbuy better when you use the belt to transfer 9 points out from that into your primary stat.

>> No.30660009

>>30659242
Cats are predators, you know. That's why it's important to them that they don't smell of anything. Even of humans. That's why your cat won't shit in the same place twice and will lick itself clean every time you touch it. Horses are not predators, they don't need to care about such trifles. And horses are actually very smart. They can be trained, they can feel the people's attitude to them, they can find their way home when lost. Sheep, for example, are a lot more stupid. I know that shepherds add a goat to a flock of sheep to lead them sometimes, because otherwise sheep can just be lost. Sheep are merely food and wool. Horses are much more than this.

>> No.30660327

>>30655345
I know a lot of senators who would test a wand sent to them anonymously by using it blindly themselves without first casting identify on it.

>> No.30660515

>>30656714
NOISEMAKER!

>> No.30661211

> Boots of Apathy
You don't give a fuck what they do.

> Boots of Ass Kicking
Guaranteed to keep you first in the marching order

> Boots of Luck
You ALWAYS step in sit.

> Boots of the Invisible Feet
Actually cursed Boots of Amputation

Boots of Forgetfulness
>What boots?

>> No.30662872

>>30654868
>Wand of Killing Yourself (Duh)
Perfect mcguffin for the Lazarus types who have been cursed with eternal life/pain.

>Dragon Belch Belt (You burp fire. You have no resistance to said fire, but it's not a lot of fire.)
Beats rubbing two sticks together.

>Knife of Delayed Injury (Anyone stabbed will have the wound appear twelve minutes later. Operates normally on inanimate objects.)
Other people have covered this

>Invisible Training Knife (Invisible to everyone else, but about as sharp as a bowling ball.)
I could still find uses for this.

>> No.30664999

>>30662872
Just use the invisible knife as a really shitty club.
Stab something on top of it and pretend to do magic?
Grind it up, put it in someone's food, then use a really powerful magnet?

>> No.30665289

>>30654868
>Invisible Training Knife (Invisible to everyone else, but about as sharp as a bowling ball.)
>Walk to local smithy
>Pay for a professional sharpening at the stone wheel.
>Sharpen invisible knife
>Profit

>> No.30665309

>>30657797
was that a mereological nihilism joke or am I overthinking this?

>> No.30665479

>>30657793
my dog has evolved to the state of an ambulatory throw pillow

>> No.30665752

>>30665309
The first one.
Carlos strikes again

>> No.30667366

Useful, but who would want to:
>Cursed Cup of Life
>Like a Cup of Life, revitalizes any who drink from it completely
>Puts you in peak physical condition for a while based on how much you drink from it
>Can even pause the aging process
>All drinks poured into it taste like absolute ass
>Like Satan's sphincter after a night at that one really bad Taco Bell
>Doesn't even matter if you even cut out your tongue, the taste will still get to you no matter what you do

Dare you drink?

>> No.30667389

>>30654868

Did no one else notice that he was holding the wand backwards? I think this is a case of user error.

>> No.30668341

>>30667389
I think you're right. Still...

...are you saying there's an actual normal, useful magic item in Oglaf?

>> No.30668625

>>30654868
Made this for /v/ a long while back.

>> No.30668951

>>30668625

Never understood these. The comic makes no sense, and the edit is not funny

>> No.30669023

>>30655036
Dagger of healing is op
"i stab me low heath companion who happens to have 1 hp but 200 max hp"

>> No.30669447

>>30658472

>not using this to catalog information that could be relevant later

And don't tell me that the cataloging effort makes it relevant. Then you're have to literally go braindead.

>> No.30670797

>>30660009
Still, my definition of intelligence includes caring where you shit.
That's why I only like predatory animals.

>> No.30670933

>>30668625
That's stupid

>> No.30671106

>>30659210
Tiny poisoned stabbings were possible though and have happened.

>> No.30671125

>>30654868
Cloak of Style: people often compliment you on your stylishness and taste. It provides no actual, statistical advantages - the bandit will still try to kill you, the shopkeeper will still charge you full price and the buxom tavern maid will still think that only your cloak is stylish...

Boots of walking - they grant you the power to walk. Assuming you have legs. Healthy, functioning legs. Paraplegics excluded.

Wand of Fuck You - three times a day, you can use the wand to shout "FUCK YOU!" at any (or no particular) target with an exact imitation of your voice. Requires you to hold the wand in your hand.

all are actual items i've seen/had in my games

>> No.30671176

>>30655006

The problem with that is that the attacker is then guaranteed to get that hit 10 minutes later regardless of any hindrances.

>> No.30671178

>>30654868
>Boots of Pessimism (Can be removed, but you don't think you should try)
I'm surprised Player Agency asshole hasn't come in here to tell you that you should be raped to death for anything that affects player thoughts.

>> No.30671225

>>30654868

In a game I'm playing in university, our barbarian begged a rich elf queen for something magical.

After quite a while of this, he was eventually granted the "string of tying".

>> No.30671286

One of the classic useless items is a Adapting Belt of Protection (I think it had a different name, but whatever). The idea is that the Belt is meant to make you immune to anything that attacks you, but it doesn't work quite right -- what this means is that the belt makes you immune to one thing, whatever killed the last wearer. If you were killed by a Fire Giant? Then the next guy who wears the belt is immune to Fire Giants. Additionally, the belt doesn't communicate this to you in any way.

Some new ones to go with:
The TimeStopwatch: A fine golden stopwatch that when activated will stop time for a full minute. Unfortunately, this stops all time everywhere for the full minute, so to all observers (including the user) it appears that literally nothing has happened.

The (Misadjusted) Ring of Teleport: a Teleportation ring that was incorrectly calibrated. No matter how near or far you go, it always puts you 2 feet left and 10 feet higher up than what you want. No amount of practice or familiarity can correct this.

The Boots of Gently Moseying: Fine Leather Boots, that make the wearer walk in a calm, relaxed fashion, no matter their intent or urgency.

The Lute of Spectacular Enthrallment: A magic lute that makes anyone who hears it madly obsessed with it. While at first it's pretty great for distracting crowds -- the problem comes from when you stop playing it. Anyone or anything that was enthralled will become agitated when the music stops, and they'll quickly become violent if the player does not resume. Most musicians are faced with decided if they'd prefer to be beaten to death by the crowd, or if they'd rather die of exhaustion from playing.

>> No.30673086

>>30671286
that belt is fucking legit!
>put your arcane mark on the belt
>put belt on mind controlled animal, or if evil, peasant
>send them to be killed by BBEG type of the week
>retrieve it
>wear it
>fight bbeg

It works a lot better against stupid enemies which wouldn't loot it.

>> No.30673179

The dick of ending.

>> No.30673205

Cowl of perpetual honking

>> No.30673273

>>30673205
"There is a goose afoot!"
"No, man, it's just my fucking hood."

>> No.30673362

>>30671286
>The (Misadjusted) Ring of Teleport:
So, it actively senses your intended spot to teleport(instead of where you tell it to)? As if, you to try to teleport 10 feet lower, and 2 feet to right of where you actually want to go, it will instead act as though you tried to teleport do your intended location, and fuck it up?

>> No.30673552

>>30673362
Yep. Every time.

>> No.30673913

>>30665309

>> No.30674760

>>30673913
I totally want to use this in a game someday.

>> No.30674882

>>30674760
I think it has room for lampooning. Like going in to a Tinker Goblins lair, and there's a button labeled, "Spiders" in scratchy goblin scrawl. But you press it, and snakes are dropped! SURPRISE!

>> No.30675009

>>30654868
Knife of delayed injury could actually be useful for an assassin if it delays the pain of said injury too.
>Get mission to kill some noble
>Infiltrate party he's throwing
>Stab him in the back while no one's looking
>Walk out, he dies 12 minutes later
>They can't accuse you because you weren't even there when he died.

>> No.30675026

>>30654868
Ring of Improved Cursive
>improved cursive handwriting: +50% loopy-loops, +14% pretty swirly-things

Light Music Club
>regular club, produces J-Rock when swung

Lousy Garb
It's a garb with lice in it

>>30656714
Amulet of Safety
>Beeps in steady intervals to let the wearer know everything is safe

Holds an unpredictable, undeterminable amount of charge

>> No.30675065

>>30655016
>4e
By time they will end other monsters knife wounds would already appear.

>> No.30675104

>>30667366
Bitter medicine etc pp

>> No.30675518

>>30654868
>Invisible Training Knife
Remember F/SN?

>> No.30675543

>>30675026
>Light Music Club
>not "forces wielder to drink tea and eat cake"

>> No.30675544

spatula of calzonne.
Makes a pizza into a calzonne.

>> No.30675643

>>30655238
>>implying I wouldn't just chug a gallon from the FoG.

It's like you don't even want to be the little girl, anon.

>> No.30675675

>Wand of Explosion (It explodes)
>Antimagical Staff (makes all spells cast do the exact opposite of what the caster wants them to do)
>Living Armor (A suit of armor that's alive)
>Mysterious Potion (a potion that has an indiscernible effect)

>> No.30675816

>>30675675
>Mysterious Potion (a potion that has an indiscernible effect)
Even better is if the GM only gives vaguely ominous descriptions of the effect to the player.
"You feel a bit queasy and you're not sure your fingertips feel quite right."

>> No.30677229

>>30671125

>Boots of Walking
Just cut your legs off, cast Gentle Repose, and make them into a flesh golem.

>> No.30677301

>>30654868

Ring of Impalpability. Anyone who wears it is utterly impossible to recognize by touch.

>> No.30677344

Ring of Invincibility.

The right itself can never be destroyed, melted, turned into another material etc.
The wearer is still vulnerable, though.

Ring of Invisibility. It turns invisible once you put it on, but the wearer is still visible.

>> No.30677390

>>30677301
Ring of Implausability. It seems unlikely that this ring does anything.

>> No.30677407

>>30677344

Being able to stack other enchantments on a Ring of Invisibility sounds really goddamn useful, especially for stealth.

>> No.30677440

>>30677390

Ring of Incorporeality

When worn, the ring becomes incorporeal, often phasing through the finger of the wearer. It never becomes corporeal again unless disenchanted.

>> No.30677465

>>30677344
Ring of Irreducibility: The ring cannot be divided into smaller parts, either physically or conceptually.

>> No.30677499

>>30677440
Ring of Intangibility: You can't touch this ring, let alone put it on.

>> No.30677544

Ring of Irregularity.
> Something isn't quite right about this ring, but you can't put your finger on it.
Or
> Something isn't quite right about this ring, but you can definitely put your finger on it, just not the other way around.

>> No.30677582

>>30677544
Ring of Inconsistency: It isn't always a ring. Sometimes it's a angry weasel.

>> No.30677644

>>30654868
Pantaloons of Unnerving
>Pants that makes the wearer always unsure if their fly is open

>> No.30677696

>>30677301
>>30677344
>>30677390
>>30677440
>>30677465
>>30677499
>>30677544
>>30677582

I think I'm going to find a way to use all of these.

Also, Ring of Invincibility is OP. If more can be created, they can be stacked to create perfect defenses, supports, armor, etc.

>> No.30677807

Ring of Fleecing
Merchants are compelled to cut deals with the wearer.

Only merchants selling less-than-legitimate products are affected

>> No.30677822

>>30677582
Ring of Silence: This ring never produces a sound, even if you hit it with something or drop it, there will be no sound from the resulting impact

>> No.30677888

>>30677822

Put a bunch of these onto a thin club or similar weapon

Silent murder weapon for days.

>> No.30677970

>>30677888
The Ring of the Truth: When activated , people within a 20 foot radius will be locked into a philosophical debate about what qualifies as 'the truth', factoring in different points of view and inherent biases in how we recollect things

>> No.30678025

>>30677696
The Ring of Invincibility is incredibly rare, you need an extremely rare magic metal to forge one.

And the only metallurgist who ever figured out how to work this metal wasted it all on making rings.

>> No.30678159

>The Ring of
Makes one procrastinate, on everyth
ah ill finish this lat

>> No.30678252

>>30678159

10/10. My group would make me wear this on each-
Eh. I'll explain another...

>> No.30678284

That One Ring
No-one can remember exactly what the ring does or how to activate it, but they know it's definitely important.
>It's that one ring! The one that did that thing to that guy!

>> No.30678341

>>30654868
Elder Scrolls 2: Daggerfall had some magic items that sounded useless (actually funny if you have a dirty mind) but actually weren't.
My three favourite were:
The staff of venom spitting.
The pants of shock.
The loincloth of levitation.

>> No.30680364

The Wand of Mundane Transformation.

Can turn into a small useless object of your choosing. Irreversible.

>> No.30680394

>>30680364
What's a "useless object"? Everything has a use, if you're clever.

>> No.30680413

>>30680364

Wow, that's some serious magical realm right there.

>> No.30680419

Nostalgia goggles.
Makes everything looks duller, dumber and less interesting than they used to.

>> No.30680442

>>30680394
If you're planning to use it for anything, it won't work.
It'd be functionally the same as picking up a spoon for no real reason and hoping you can come up with a clever use for a spoon sometime in the future.

>> No.30680481

>>30680442
So if what's useless is defined by the person using the wand, does that mean you could give it to a monk or something that doesn't believe in the worth of money and make him create gold?

>> No.30680544

>>30680481
Hmm, tricky. I'd say it wouldn't work, because the monk would have a purpose-- that of giving the gold to you.
Hard to determine where the line would be, though, now that I think about it.

>> No.30680657

Boots of Conclusion Jumping: Why did the king just yawn? Because he's bored of us and is going to summon his super guards, quick kill him!
Sure your teammate are telling you to take your boots off, that's exactly what they want so they can kill you!

>> No.30680760

>>30659247
>Implying I won't use those for a shark companion

>> No.30680774

>>30669023

>Every time you wound someone fatally, all other wounds are healed

So, you stab your 1hp companion for 12 damage, thus making it a fatal wound, which triggers the magic of the dagger, healing all their other wounds.

They are still dead, just with a single stab wound rather than many injuries

>> No.30680816

>>30680760
I want to see you try to fit two rings to a shark.

>> No.30680855

>>30680816
Hey, it got two fins, don't it?

>> No.30680866

Periapt of Proof Against Evolution

+2 to saves against benign mutations appearing in your offspring.

>> No.30681079

>>30655201
>Enlarge Object
>Ring of Annihilation becomes Portable Guillotine

>> No.30681112

>>30680866
>+10%points to resist
>proof against
not very proofy for being proof

>> No.30681173

>>30681112
Also you'd still be rolling against several hundred of them.

>> No.30681218

>>30655706
>implying that dick wasn't a flawless dick if I've ever seen one
Heh...heheh.

>> No.30681246

>>30681173
>Also you'd still be rolling against several hundred of them.
... you have hundreds of offsprings?

... doh, you mean hundreds of mutations PER offspring. Yea that is a good point.

>> No.30681248

>>30657561
>>filth sponge
>>requires constant attention
>>cannot be properly trained
>>incapable of doing any work
>>only use is slowly converting massive amounts of food into mediocre fibers
>>not even worth the meat
You just described my girlfriend. A lot of shit just started making sense.

>> No.30681313

>>30657561
>not even worth the meat
What? horse meat is gross and sheep meat is delicious!
I will give you all the other points though about the sheep.

>Their only downfall is their fragility.
You are thinking about modern thoroughbred racing horses. They have been selectively bred by humans for speed at the exclusion of all others. It makes them very fragile and ruins their healing (there have been cases where the owners of a thoroughbred spent MILLIONS of dollars to get the best possible treatment for it, still died from a broken leg)

Work horses and war horses are both significantly more durable.

Also, worth noting that the horse is basically a human creation. The reason chariots were a thing was because ancient "horses" were basically ponies and couldn't properly carry an armored dude. So he rode in an open chariot dragged on wheels by two horses. It took hundreds of years of selective breeding to get a horse large enough for human to ride.

>> No.30681316

>>30681248
Damn Welsh. Leave those sheep alone!

>> No.30681347

>>30656729
>implying the type of animal matters when it transforms into a human girl
Really guys? Really? No one has picked up on this yet?

>> No.30681369

>>30681347
It's the principal of the thing.

>> No.30681370

>>30681347

It's the psychology of them. A sheep'll just go along with whatever you decide to do with it. Mules can be temperamental.

>> No.30681389

ple*

>> No.30681412

>>30680544
And if I gave the wand to a barbarian, he could summon books and stuff?

>> No.30681432

>>30681412
I imagine to compensate for this loophole, the wand would know of your intention in handing it off and refuse to work.

>> No.30681448

>>30680544
But he wouldn't create the gold for the purpose of giving it to me, the wand would just randomly create what the monk considers to be useless. Sure, you'd probably end up with a bunch of other junk too, but there's bound to be something valuable in there eventually.

>> No.30681471

>>30681448
No, no, the wand *turns into* the thing.

>> No.30681483

>>30681432
But what if the barbarian found the wand in the first place? Then there's no loophole, yet he'd still make magical grimoires and stuff (which are useless to a barbarian).

If you're gonna change the rules and say that it can only create stuff that aren't useful to anybody or anything, you'd end up with a wand that can literally create nothing, since everything is useful to somebody.

>> No.30681502

>>30681471
The point still stands, though.

>> No.30681503

>>30681483
It's only not immediately useful, i.e. it can't be created with a specific purpose in mind.

>> No.30681524

>>30681502
Once.

>> No.30681574

Just wanted you guys to know that I'm taking all of these (OK most of them) and putting them into a second random item generation table that I will use with the regular one for my upcoming pirate-themed sandbox game. You're all beautiful people.

>> No.30681584

>>30681524
So then there's still a chance that it will turn into gold, or a powerful spellbook.

>> No.30681604

>>30670797
>Still, my definition of intelligence includes
>my definition of intelligence
>my definition
But that's fucking wrong.

You don't get to decide–after literally thousands of years of evidence to the contrary–how smart an animal is based on some arbitrary measure you invented on the spot.

You can't take back every well-trained, well-bred horse ever handled by humans simply because you like predatory animals better. There's a reason most predatory animals aren't fit to do the heavy work humans need you know. And I said MOST, so don't twist my words, fucker.

>> No.30681840

>>30655201
How about the ring of partial invisibility and occasional annihilation.

When you put the ring on a finger, there's about a 75/25 chance of the ring turning your finger numb and invisible opposed to a chance of painless erasing said finger from existence.

>> No.30681982

>>30681584
Well, it does say *mundane* transformation.
And it isn't something that can be counted on, and therefore not really that useful.

>> No.30682032

>>30681370
but she is neither mule nor sheep, she is human now.

>> No.30682054

>>30673205
>Cowl of perpetual honking
The real kicker is that its +10 to Diplomacy rolls but only to the person you're currently talking to and +10 to Stealth rolls (which is nullified because its always fucking honking).

>> No.30682080

>>30681604
The reasons people don't use predators as work beasts is a long list and probably does not include intelligence.

Grazing animals are cheap as fuck to feed in comparison. and you need LARGE animals to be work beasts, so where are you finding that gigantic lion and why is it letting you put a plough on it and whip it.

>> No.30682124

>>30681840

Would make a wonderful torture device, assuming you've got the time to keep putting it on a restrained target's fingers and activating it.

>> No.30682274

>>30677970
so...4chan is collectively wearing rings of the truth?

>> No.30682378

>>30682032
In the comic, the girl-mule can be seen on all fours eating grass, so clearly the mind isn't affected by the change.

>> No.30682652

>>30682378
oh, good point.

in that case your ideal target should be a dog.

>> No.30682743

>>30659090
>holding it off
>not embracing the screaming, clawing, biting naked woman who is trying to throw herself upon you
are you gay or something?

>> No.30682767

>>30659101
Finger of Glory - When placed where you once had a finger, it animates, but still appears to be a mummified finger. You may now wear a ring on that finger so long as you're not wearing a second ring on that hand already.

>> No.30682768

>>30681840

Are you a bad enough dude to stick your dick in it

>> No.30682792

>>30682767
the finger of glory also gives you a +10 circumstance bonus on perform: foreplay, and reduces range penalties to sight based perception against you when you attempt to flip someone off with it.

>> No.30682803

>>30682743
she is trying to actually kill you though. not fuck.
Also, this is gonna totally get people confused into thinking you are raping her.

>> No.30683374

Ring of hindsight: allows you to see exactly what you should have done in any past situation you recall.

>> No.30683406

>>30683374
That could actually be really useful for situation you find yourself in repeatedly.

>> No.30683456

>>30683406
if you find yourself in a situation repeatedly you probably would know what to do anyway

>> No.30683535

Sword of Detect Danger

When unsheathed it only states:
"Watch out for my sharp edges, adventurer!"
Nothing more

>> No.30683588

>>30683456
After some trial and error, sure. The ring lets you know exactly what to do the second time you run into the situation, removing some of the guesswork.

>> No.30683632

>>30683588
true

>> No.30683816

>>30682768
Do you have to always post snide and condescending crap?

>> No.30683846

>>30680774
It'd still be useful for making torture victims look like victims of traditional murder.

>> No.30683866

Dice Bag of Holding.

Functions like a bag of holding. 5 pound weight limit. Cannot hold any item larger than a size category of (fine).

>> No.30683910

>>30656938
>>30656526
Pathological Lyre - No matter how good you are at playing it, everyone will be convinced you are awful.

>> No.30683911

>>30683846
mind blown. this is a horrifying tool

>> No.30683956

>>30678341
Boots of blinding speed? 300% faster, 100% blind.

>> No.30683959 [SPOILER] 

>>30655345
>Mail to your least favorite senator.

>> No.30684162

>>30658302
>put hat on upside down
And that's where the Elemental Plane of Flesh came from.

>> No.30684198

>>30683959
He said LEAST favorite.

>> No.30684222

>>30673205

>> No.30684598

>>30678159
I can't believe it took me so long to get it

>> No.30685128

>>30677822
Or maybe a Flute of Silence: makes no sound when played.

>> No.30685809

>>30682652
in heat

>> No.30686923

>>30658629
Hey, this is a great site, thank you.

>> No.30687229

>>30675518
I don't get it.

>> No.30687249

>>30673552
So? I'll still aim at one spot and be satisfied with the "accidental" location if I can predict it.

It's really just a slightly more restrictive ring of teleport.

>> No.30687272

>>30671178
Cursed items are meant to be assholish.

There's already Helm of Opposite Alignment to screw over most clerics and paladins along with demanding that you act completely out of character.

>> No.30687642

>Compass of deception
>points to a random direction every hour

>> No.30687671

>>30687272
The Bowl of Watery Death is the worst.

Shrinks you down, submerges you in the bowl, there's nothing you can do unless someone has the right spell handy (its a mage only item, so unless there's 2+ mages in the party you're boned, if they don't have the right spell you're boned, etc.) and you can't just flip it over or whatever cuz lolmagic.

>> No.30687700

>>30655794
Make my terrifying minion/mount/myself/etc. look adorable. Walk into town unhindered.

>> No.30687753

>>30659357
Attach a spike to it. Hidden H2H weapon.

>> No.30687795

>>30675026
>Amulet of Safety
Reminds me of the Every Things Ok Alarm.

>> No.30688818

>>30681483
Creating nothing could cause a vaccum which is a useful effect.

>> No.30688869

>>30654868
Damn son, Knives of Delayed Injury have always been as powerful as fuck. They don't even know they've been stabbed until you're a mile away.

Only a Knife of Advanced Injury is more powerful. You just have to find people bleeding and confused from inexplicable stab-wounds and "fill them in" exactly twelve minutes later.

>> No.30688949

>>30655036
That dagger is incredible, and I'd find work for the Necklace of Lesser Bowel Control alright

>> No.30689000

>>30655150
You that episode of Jackie Chan Adventures where the tiger medallion splits him into to Jackies? Something like that but less Asian.

>> No.30690025

>>30675544
So... a normal spatula?

>> No.30692579

>>30677229
>Assuming you have legs.

>> No.30692627

>>30680855
I'm thinking piercings.

>> No.30692679

>>30682080
>you need LARGE animals to be work beasts
Huskies, sheepdogs and ANY type of hunting dog at all (including the odd ones like dachshunds) were originally bred as work beasts.

>> No.30692963

>>30683910
Motherfucker.

>> No.30693039

>>30657793
And to be fair, a woman with the attitudes of a dog is easily better than a woman with the attitudes of a sheep. Dogs like licking, you know?

>> No.30693150

>>30693039
I wonder how long it'd take to any animal to humanize if it found itself in a human body.

>> No.30693166

>>30677822
Make a chain out of Rings of Silence, and make a big meshed ball of them on the end. Wear only items of mail made from Rings of SIlences. You cannot get stealthy, although you can get more comfortable.

>> No.30693181

>>30680419
That's the exact opposite of nostalgia. Surely those would be the Jade Goggles or something.

>> No.30693232

>>30693150
If it was young, as long as a human that age who had been brought up in the wild would take.

If it was an adult? Probably never. They'd go mad, unless they were an intelligent critter and were looked after well. Keep them away from their own species though, oof. Confusing to explain why your simple girlfriend keeps thrusting her butt at dogs.

>> No.30693239

>>30658165
>>30660009
As someone who has worked with many horses over the years and loves them very much, I can verify that horses are EXTREMELY dumb. There are multiple kinds of intelligence. They can learn how to do certain tasks easily, but that is the only place they do well mentally and they do not necessarily excel at it, comparitively speaking. They make eager learners when it comes to being a "workhorse" but they are not smart.

>> No.30693289

>>30655805
>how stage magic is supposed to work.

How stage magic works:

1. Audience goes in expecting something
2. Talking and set up
3. The impossible happens instead, and not necessarily the impossible the magician was trying to set up.
4. Applause / panic and grabbing of torches and pitchforks,
5 "Thank you, you've been a wonderful audience!"
6 Exit WITHOUT EVER EXPLAINING ANYTHING or WITHOUT EVER REFUNDING ANYTHING.

Really, that's it, and some of those are in practice entirely optional and occasionally subverted.

>> No.30693344

>>30693239
> They can learn how to do certain tasks easily
But you can do that with nearly any animal, though. Just gotta hand food.

>> No.30693387

>>30681604
>so don't twist my words, fucker.
Easy, friend. I don't think anyone here is passionate /angry enough over the subject to bother.

>>30673205
Jesus, I want to add this to my next game.

>> No.30693416

>>30693344
Like I said. They're eager learners, but on the whole they are pretty dumb.

>> No.30693449

>>30693416
So, like dogs, they want to please their human?

>> No.30693535

>>30658629

>spinning rapier of nature

Axially symmetrical rapier that rotates, has its own teeny tiny ecosystem and a small moon orbitting it.

>Gruesome bandage of infliction

Legendary cursed magic item used by assassins. Appears as an ordinary clean bandage used to treat wounded soldiers; will aid the recovery of anyone of modest heart yet will kill anyone who believes they've been chosen by the god's, or chosen to perform their will.

>Perfect sword of fabrication replenishment

Created by an artificer who was inspired by the determination of a madman who'd lost all touch with reality during a siege; he'd repeated strike the ruined walls of the castle keep demanding they either rise once again to perform their duty or bleed as the wall of soldiers who fell did.

Its especially good at doing the first, though occasionally causes the second.

>Axe of shaking

Favoured weapon of Barbarian Matriarch Oooman'ko The Formerly Insatiable; who before getting her hands on the axe of shaking was formerly called...

>> No.30693815

>Amulet of fire-breathing: allows wearer to inhale flames as if they were air.
>wand of disintegrate: disintegrates itself
>Scroll of Raise dead: cause the nearest corpse to levitate slightly
>Amulet of Spider Climb: allows wearer to climb a giant spider or pile of spiders without flaw
>Orb of Slope Detection: think about it for a moment
>Gem of Feather Fall: causes all nearby birds to lose their feathers

>> No.30694013

>>30658629
>Double-enchanted scythe of metagaming
>Potion of Gazebo
>Awesome shell

This is the best website ever.

>> No.30694109

>Prop Prop Prop Prop Prop Knife

When attacking a foe with this magical knife, you will see it collapse into a harmless handle. However, when attempting to feign stabbing something (a la stage performance), the blade will not retract, and will cause great harm.

>> No.30694374

>>30692679
and this use has ended since we got better animals to do it. like the cheap as fuck to feed grazers.

>> No.30694806

>>30694374
> cheap as fuck to feed
It's funny because now they're considered expensive to feed, especially in water, and very inefficient.

>> No.30695112

>>30694806
1. You are comparing them to machines. I was comparing them to carnivore workbeasts. its all relative
2. Most of the world still actually uses herbivores as beats of burden.
3. Considered expensive by whom?

>> No.30695266

>>30687753
They can see the spike, but not the ring.

>> No.30695552

If you're french you maybe know the parodic saga naheulbeuk. It's something about bad adventurers in a world where levels are given by a fisc-like organisation.
The game based on it is filled with parodic shit, like a grand piano giving buffs to the party when someones plays on it or cursed underwear that can't be removed.

>> No.30695658

>>30659374
>>30660009
While I agree with the second post mostly, there seems to be in this overall arc of discussion a confusion between clever and "easily able to understand humans".
Because you can train an animal doesn't means it's intelligent, just that it understands you. And yet the concept of intelligence is hardly graspable. Horses may seem stupid when they accept theses eyes thingies (don't know the english word) but that could be called naïvety.

>> No.30695718

>>30665289
>you have ONE throwing knife
>even if you are a master ninja it won't d shit against golems or plate armor
>throw it and lose it most likely

>> No.30695819

>>30655106
Can you actually make a wand of craft (whatever)?

>> No.30696429

>>30695718
Throwing knife
I was thinking actually about using it a stabbing knife without throwing.

>> No.30696521

>>30655345
Most of OPs shit was stupid, but 'give it to someone you don't like' doesn't make it useful. Cursed Items don't become useful because you make someone else use it

>> No.30698946

>>30655345
>>Dragon Belch Belt (You burp fire. You have no resistance to said fire, but it's not a lot of fire.)
>If you keep your mouth shut the fire will be fucking nothing because lack of oxygen. If carry some strong alcohol around too you could use this offensively.
this sounds like an excellent way to burn yourself horribly.
Also, there is oxygen in the air you exhale, the lungs slightly reduce its concentration not absorb 100% of it.

>> No.30701694

>>30682652
>Thebonerthatwillpiercetheheavens.pngif

>> No.30703121

>>30655273
None of my friends read it.
They thought it was just weird when I had the Thane with his DemonBear-Wife.

>> No.30703212

>>30674882
Tried something like that.
A goblin prisoner kept chanting NO CHOICE over and over
They get to two doors. One is said to have horrible monstrous scorpions, etc. behind it. The other is freedom. But no one knows which one is which, or if they change, or what. No one has ever picked the right door, it's said.

Eventually they left the way they came
Where a monstrous scorpion attacked

The answer was that there was NO choice. The doors lead to the same passage (escape).

>> No.30703236

>>30693815
>orb of slope detection rolls up a slope

>> No.30703238

Ring of Proof Against Cold Virus

It only protects against the one cold virus that was around when the ring was made.

>> No.30703259

>>30689000
You mean more Asian.

>> No.30703355

>>30703238

How about "Ring of Resist Cold". It protects against one sort of cold virus. When wizards use detect magic they just know that it "aids in resisting the cold."

>> No.30703566

>>30688949

How is the dagger incredible? When you kill someone all their other wounds are healed.

>> No.30703638

>>30703566
Because you can pummel someone to death and then slit their throat to heal everything else, leaving no extra marks.

A man who spends 5 minutes pounding on you to kill you isn't impressive or scary. It means you can fight back. A guy who kills you with one clean stroke can kill you before you notice them.

>> No.30706692

>>30703638
>A man who spends 5 minutes pounding on you to kill you isn't impressive or scary.

A man who spends 5 minutes pounding on you after he killed you is pretty scary though.

>> No.30706697

>>30706692
Fair enough

>>
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