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30232826 No.30232826 [DELETED]  [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

You are in a restaurant for Valentine's Day and this guy smacks your GF's ass.
What do you do?

btw, this guy is 10'7", 580 lbs

>> No.30232915

>Detect Evil

>> No.30232960
File: 643 KB, 1920x1358, Nono.full.374981.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Open a singularity in the general vicinity of his crotch.

>> No.30232983


Kneel down in reverence before the Lord of Mankind.

Also my GF:s ass is now a holy relic, which is a nice bonus.

>> No.30233005

Wait and see if my GF is about to become a Primarch's mother. Naturally I'd petition to get custody because I'd be a better father figure.

>> No.30233016

>implying it won't be Angron

Good luck, nerd.

>> No.30233024

>having a girlfriend

Pick one.

>> No.30233028

>tfw no cavalier gf

>> No.30233034

>>having a girlfriend
>Pick one.
I fall into this category. So, wait til the dream shifts to something else, idk.

>> No.30233042

Bro fist him.

>> No.30233051
File: 96 KB, 864x492, Wonder Frown.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Roll initiative

>> No.30233061

2d and your hands don't count

>> No.30233084

If it is Angron, then I simply won't apply for custody. I win either way.

>> No.30233085

>immanent threesome with a master of biomancy
Could this day get any better!

>> No.30233087

Mourn my late girlfriend, since a smack from a 580lb guy with that sword is pretty much a OHK for a 5'2" skinny lass.

>> No.30233092
File: 12 KB, 150x179, 1375694668587.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>implying it wouldn't be your honour and duty to serve the Emperor in any way you can
Her arse is yours, your highness. Enjoy.

>> No.30233117

Laugh at his cosplay from a shitty setting for an over-priced army men game.

>> No.30233128

>laughing at a ten foot man deranged enough to build a giant costume

Are you insane, m8?

>> No.30233136

He's most likely a skinny nerd on stilts, all the better to push him over.

Plud I sometimes have a deathwish.

>> No.30233141
File: 48 KB, 469x463, 1392383220462.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.30233155
File: 303 KB, 500x375, 1369836709915.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>Plud I sometimes have a deathwish.

Bleeding edge.

>> No.30233163
File: 152 KB, 692x900, 1365847619737.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Call up my bud Horus

>> No.30233189

>tfw you will never tap the Most Holy Booty now
>Ecclesiarchy has taken it out of your GF and put it on display on a shrine world
>such is life in the 41st millenium

>> No.30233190
File: 175 KB, 1041x287, I'm Sad.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>Emperor of Mankind emasculating me and stealing my woman

>> No.30233214

He's testing you you fools. You have to defend what is yours else he will give up on you and leave you to chaos.

>> No.30233223

Joke on him, my girlfriend is a chaos cultist, he just became an heretic.

>> No.30233256

That guy is also a cockless, now asexual, virginmutant, so I wouldn't care that much about it.

He also only hangs around with guys and kills sexy slaaneshi sluts he sees, so he's also a obvious homosexual and not a threat to my sexual fulfillment.

>> No.30233264

Pretty sure the Emperor's dick was so tremendous and virile that he spontaneously created the Primarchs by jerking off via superparthenogenesis, nigga

>> No.30233289
File: 23 KB, 471x455, 1277354843072.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>girlfriend is dead because golden elephant crushed her on the side of the bar
h-happy valentine's day

>> No.30233291


He'll just run off to his throne like a bitch

>> No.30233310

Trick's on you, anon - I don't have a gf!

>> No.30233325

You're in the golden throne room with your Emperor when a girl smacks his ass. What do you do?

>> No.30233360


The Emps is a fucking lord of biomancy who could spontaneously create his own harem of tall busty super-waifus at a whim. He doesn't need some random faggot's pleb gf.

>> No.30233400
File: 208 KB, 729x800, 1391711046462.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.30233477


god emperor of mankind slaps your right hand on the ass, what do you do?

>> No.30234248

Still better than Emps. At least there is a chance of him not being angry for being taken from his last stand.

>> No.30234264

Ask him to purge whatever chaos has given my right hand an ass.

>> No.30234888

Why didn't he smack my ass? I'm cute... Fucking GF stealing my ass-smack.

>> No.30235176

>10'7", 580 lbs
I thought the Emprah was suppose to be buff.

According to these stats he sounds like a skinny punk, no wonder he got his ass beat.

>> No.30235662
File: 54 KB, 800x800, Daemonette02.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


I do as my GF suggests and invite him for a threesome.

>pic related is my GF

>> No.30235724
File: 317 KB, 480x660, 1390870128703.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>Big E will never smack your ass

>> No.30235762

big E givin the big D

>> No.30235852

But my girlfriend IS Horus.

>> No.30235854

So if the emprah was really born 8 millenia BC, was he a 10 feet tall caveman ?

>> No.30235877

Nah. He was actually a 5'something little brown dude of a prehistoric race who is totally unspectacular looking.

He's also a psyker who can shoot supernova mind bullets, so making a 10ft tall superhuman appearance is trivial for him.

>> No.30235902


With all the pre-Horus Heresy technology at his disposal, it was nothing for the Emperor to turn himself into a 10 ft tall superhuman.

>> No.30235936


>> No.30235963

>bf works at a restaurant and is working today

i cant wait to tell him who smack my ass today

>> No.30236022

He was just hiding his powerlevel.

>> No.30236074

Call an ambulance, an ass-smack from Emps would shatter anyone's pelvis.

>> No.30236111

The only brown people in 40k are Salamanders.

>> No.30236137

Inform his brides.

>> No.30236145

Actually he's a collection of ancient brown manlets, that fused together as super captain planet to put chaos' daemons at bay.

>> No.30237912

I think it's sad that this looks better than the real Goblins.

>> No.30240913

I slap Malcador's ass. That'll show him.

>> No.30242887
File: 95 KB, 800x754, 9330765873.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


Or Tryzan comes for it

>> No.30243508
File: 544 KB, 1240x866, EmperorCharacter1.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

> because I'd be a better father figure.

>> No.30245445

The dude has thousands of kids, brah.

>> No.30246526

Scrape my shattered girlfriend off the wall?

>> No.30246854

what makes you think the emperor didnt destroyed her ass when she smacked her?

>> No.30246963
File: 51 KB, 195x195, 1379298977970.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

I bow before the emperor of mankind and only hope my girlfriends ass is transferred to a world so that a great shrine that will encompass said planet be built and shrine world is birthed for my girlfriends holiest of asses.

Ave Imperator, May the god-king rule mankind forever.

>> No.30247003

Sobbing, I scrape her splattered remains off the bar and floor and wall and ceiling.

Patrons laugh.

God-Emperor laughs.

I get really angry and go to punch him in his stupid glowing face but spaghetti falls out of my pockets.

Everyone laughs harder.

I run out with some of my girlfriend's arm and torso, spaghetti trailing behind.

>> No.30247050

It's hard to top Emps for shitty parenting.

>> No.30247166

Call 911 and try to collect all the pieces of my GF's ass that has been eviscerated and thrown across the restaurant.

>> No.30247516

Assuming she wasn't vaporized, I'm not entirely sure what I COULD do. I mean, he's a physical god. What are you going to do, break your hand at him? I suppose I'd sort of passive-aggressively imply he's a dick, if I could without weeping at his beauty and falling on my face in awe.

If the Emperor wants to fuck your girlfriend, there isn't terribly much you can DO about it.

>> No.30248746

So you ask your girlfriend to suck his dick?

>> No.30248907

Well, to be fair, if God wants to fuck your girlfriend, isn't that kind of an honor?

>> No.30248992
File: 129 KB, 550x733, 1286671120807.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Why would I be afraid of some punkass who doesn't even have a warhammer?

>> No.30249977

Because he's a wizard on the level of a Slann?

>> No.30250066

Slap his ass, its only fair.

He'd probably be into it.

>> No.30251547

>see this thread in the catalog
>expect to see a long list of identical posts of people declaring what an honor that would be
>possibly one or two pictures of commissars but hopefully none
>instead, only like 4 guys said that

I am legit ashamed

>> No.30251682

Call arbitres to fight this delusional demon of Slaanesh

>> No.30251832

Look at him and since he slapping my GF ass would kill her, he's now my GF.

>> No.30251847
File: 57 KB, 720x870, Loli-Empress of Mankind.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Was your girlfriend's power to satisfy you sexually?

If so, then he stole nothing. He had that power all along.

>> No.30251860
File: 144 KB, 922x867, 1392460952408.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Make an fuss about it so police is forced to intervene, and get the hell out of there before police tries to arrest him.
Then I would just wait for military and possibly nukes to end his life as situation would escalate.

>> No.30251861

My girlfriend power is to not exist, in any reality or fantasy or explotation of time, for it is >tfwnogf.

>> No.30251872

He has that power too.

>> No.30251899

daily reminder of >tfwnogf.

>> No.30251920

>implying the cops wouldn't just leave and completely forget the incident

>> No.30251932



>> No.30251945

>pubescent/post-pubescent girl

U sum kinda poof, m8?

>> No.30251979


I scream:
>Blessed be the emprah, and the shapelly buttocks of my gf he just blessed

>> No.30251998

Even if its Angron I think that non forcing rage induced implants in his brain and forcing him to be gladiator might somewhat change the way he grows up.

>> No.30252004

Not to terribly worried. My GF would probably just muster up highschool band director-levels of rage and bitchslap him into the next millennium.

>> No.30252034

Slap his arse right back. I bet he has a nice pair of firm buttocks.ripe for a-smacking.

>> No.30252162
File: 277 KB, 1800x1232, 1308707877798.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

he either kills me or Khorne's favor will shine on me, either way I honor the gods.

>> No.30252241

>And then the Emperor gaveth a hearty laugh as the wench broke her pitiful little knuckles on his mighty armor.

>> No.30252260

You underestimate the power of pissed band director. If you've even made on mad, you'd know that even living gods and drill instructors shutter at the thought.

>> No.30252279

They cover a window with a shutter?

>> No.30252450



>> No.30252465

Yes, to try to stop the music stand from flying through it.

It doesn't work.

>> No.30252472

Well, now you don't have a hand, either.

>> No.30252525


>> No.30252562

The real reason behind the Horus Heresy? Emps slapped the asses of every traitor Primarch's gf.

>> No.30252623

Holy shit. If even the emperor hits on my gf that must mean that somehow I have ended up with a demigodess of beauty!

>> No.30252670

I wonder what a primarch's gf would be like.
And how Angron could have one.

>> No.30252702
File: 1.86 MB, 360x428, 1350537898346.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Get a new gf because he probably just turned her to jelly

>> No.30252705

Yeah, past tense, because she's gone now.

>> No.30252735

If you're a grill, does that mean he slaps your bf's ass?

>> No.30252744

It means he slaps your ass, clearly.

>> No.30252747

I need to know this for.....reasons.

>> No.30252753
File: 460 KB, 626x397, 1350093077390.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Now we're talking. Though that'll probably lead to a life of martyrdom.

>> No.30252771

Well, if your pelvis is still intact after the slap, then sure.

>> No.30252788

Or a very short life of martyrdom as you bleed out on the floor

>> No.30252792 [SPOILER] 
File: 516 KB, 1024x683, Skirt-Steak.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

She'd probably be a serious grump.

If you're a grill, he puts his hands in your skirt

>> No.30252803

Yeah, but the guy has anger management issues. I think her being a grump would end in her being a grumpy smear.

>> No.30252842

>580 lbs
Huh, for some reason I always the armor was pure adamantium, steel and the heaviest elements present at construction

>> No.30252854

Just assume he left out a zero.

>> No.30253114

Clearly, she was the only one able to calm him down, but then the Emperor slapped her ass and reenacted an NTR doujin in front of him and he turned to Khorne.

>> No.30253374
File: 147 KB, 800x600, 1391138680217.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

I can dig it. Khorne replaced his gf with a murder gf and gave him loads of murder stuff to murder things with

>> No.30253388
File: 353 KB, 1024x1591, bloodquest daemon brides.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>mfw Khornate daemon princes totally get those

>> No.30253839
File: 1.38 MB, 3376x1264, Chaos Consumes Us.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Now that the Emperor has stolen your gf and thoroughly emasculated you, the Ruinous Powers see an opportunity.
To weaponize your new-found hatred of the Emperor and enlist you as an ally in the Materium, they each offer to replace your gf with one of their own creation, as well as giving you the gifts and powers associated with their respective portfolios depending on the allegiance you choose.
Beware the enmity of the gods you slight, Anons!

Which Chaos gf do you choose?

>> No.30253907
File: 166 KB, 291x386, Keikaku_Intensifies.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

To take on the Imperium and the other gods' factions, I'll need some seriously devious planning and preptime.

I choose Tzeentch gril.

>> No.30253917


I still pine for the dating sim that could be but never was.

>> No.30253968
File: 611 KB, 663x1024, slaaneshi marine.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Tough choice.

>> No.30254000

Khorn & Khornette, no contest

>> No.30254013 [SPOILER] 
File: 109 KB, 900x886, Malal_chaos.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

There is only one answer.

>> No.30254019
File: 16 KB, 350x350, 1382213820954.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>Has tail feathers

Shame she isn't a proper bird, beak and all.

>> No.30254034


My malicious nigga.

>> No.30254106


>tfw no Chaos Undivided gf

Daemonette. Who doesn't want a girlfriend with both a dick and a vagina?

>> No.30254155
File: 174 KB, 734x793, 1391138616282.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Obvious answer

>> No.30254165


>Chaos Undecided can't even decide between a dick and a vagina


>> No.30254187

Khornette, but only if we spill the blood of our enemies and not each other. Otherwise, Nurglette.

>> No.30254194

>even contemplating homiciding your gf

Pretty scummy, Anon. Maybe you should pick Tzeentch.

>> No.30254207


>Not wanting both

Variety is the spice of life.

>> No.30254226

Id awaken the closest tombworld or spray some tyranid psychic jizz on him.

>> No.30254271

Soon as I deal with his prettyboy entourage...

>> No.30254295


>Pink woman with a dick

>> No.30254310


>Pink woman with a dick AND a vagina
>Can be any type of dick/vagina
>You'll never blow a load in the same hole twice

>> No.30254334


>Can change into a bird

I win.

>> No.30254342


>Fucking a bird

Furfag, please go

>> No.30254492


>> No.30254591

>10'7", 580 lbs
I can't read stupid land measurements, where's the metric.

>> No.30254598

HA! I have a CC permit, so fuck him!

*BLAM* Dead Emperah.

>> No.30254620

Watch him disintegrate to the ground because he is dead.

>> No.30255469

Wow, Khornette is kind of a qt3.14, though I'd probably go for Tzeenchette because I'm not angry enough for Khornette and the tzeench one would probably make for the best conversation out of the lot of them.

>> No.30255525


Google is your friend

>> No.30256468

I agree. Tzeentchette is best, followed by Khornette

>> No.30256574

>stupid land

i'll rek u, sware on me mum

>> No.30256599
File: 526 KB, 615x704, Aroused.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.30256695

Ask Joseph.

>> No.30256726

I thought Britain was metric. In fact, I'm pretty sure only America and... some shitty island nation (That isn't Britain) still use Imperial.

>> No.30256741

Nurglette is the finest one there bodywise, but knowing Nugle she's probably smothering and controlling and wants you entirely dependent on her "love" for everything.

>> No.30256884

Yeah, but who invented it, nerd? Britbongs, that's who

>> No.30256905

USA, Liberia and Burma are the only nations that have yet to adopt Metric.

>> No.30257185

Britfag here, we still use Imperial for distances, height, weight and some drinks, like milk or beer, but IIRC everything else is metric.

That "shitty island nation" is probably Australia.

>> No.30257205

Nope. Australia is metric, too.

>> No.30257228

Just thinking about this now but wearing a long cape and wielding a firesword seem impractical.

>> No.30257239

LOL at GenzEmperor and watch as my girlfriend hands him his ass back to him.

>> No.30257857

>implying avian isn't a type of furry fetish

Accept your fate anon.

>> No.30257892

>That "shitty island nation" is probably Australia.
Oh dear god...
Australia adopted metric before Britain did you idiot.

>> No.30257935


Okay, but I'm not buying a fursuit or making an FA account.

>> No.30258171

I'm wondering exactly how this guy managed to start dating She-Ra.

>> No.30258657

I'm guessing this ends in the birth of a sensei and the lack of a gf.

>> No.30258745
File: 1.20 MB, 629x900, 1392497134728.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Rip him open, make a leather coat from his skin, and wear his pretty hair as a belt.

A human wizard in a tin can is still a human.

>> No.30258810
File: 57 KB, 640x469, 1388867285654.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


Thanks you, Anon.

I was looking for a laugh.

>> No.30258828



Fucking hell.

>> No.30258854
File: 2.20 MB, 357x238, 1373484626401.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>people still like that retarded DeviantArt garbage furry shit

>> No.30258960
File: 14 KB, 259x281, 1370651088681.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


Silly people, am I right?

How can they like that shit when there's hardly any pictures of those things wearing frilly summer dresses? Eh?

>> No.30259118
File: 294 KB, 785x1100, 1392498398964.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


Their native dress looks like this, apparently.

>> No.30259219
File: 277 KB, 1057x1280, 1392498644545.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


This isn't frilly but its' all I could find. I'm sorry.

>> No.30259277

Could anon please link the source or dump the rest?

>> No.30260158

Burst into treats.

>> No.30260992

You know, from the thumbnail that looked like a Kevlar vest.

>> No.30261117

Why does their native dress have an airplane seatbelt in the collar?

>> No.30261175

>10'7, 580 lbs
Seems a bit light doesn't it?

>> No.30261396

He's actually pretty thin under the armor

>> No.30261662

If it's not counting the armor, then not really. The BMI is overweight, which means he's at least muscular.

>> No.30264487

[x] Genuflect.

>> No.30265582

Well, her ass and by extension her person is now a holy relic. So, one way or another I'm out a girlfriend.

>> No.30268097

pretty sure the guy is normal height or even less since he was born 4,000 BC

also >>30233092

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