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[ERROR] No.29822905 [DELETED]  [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

How many humans does the average orc kill in his lifetime?

>> No.29822924

average orcs get killed by other orcs

>> No.29822926


>> No.29822965

Given the relative casualties of the various wars, less than one human per orc.

Based on what I can assume about orc lifestyle, maybe like 1 orc: 0.16666 humans.

>> No.29823117

Not many since Orcs are fodder.

>> No.29823230

Better idea.

What is the Orc Elf rape ratio, seeing as they have like 5 prostates which makes them cum with the same viscosity as pig semen.

>> No.29823291


>> No.29823315

Orcs Jizz alot, and seeing as they are loosely related to pigs, which explains this.

>> No.29823329

You know, I'm not convinced that's a better idea at all

>> No.29823337


I love how they were so egalitarian in the Orc society. In our human society a cancer patient could never be Lord Commander of His Majesty's Armed Forces.

>> No.29823357

A fraction of one human. In fact, statistically it would be more accurate to ask how many orcs the average human kills in his lifetime, since every time there's a war, 50,000 orcs march out of mordor and then die to a comparative handful of humans.

Orcs are fucking garbage.

>> No.29823390

We're not repeating that fairy discussion.

>> No.29823423


>> No.29823470

In fairness though, the assault on Minas tirith looked pretty much perfect logistically; thousands of orcs, corsairs and Haradrim all managed to approximate the walls of Minis tirith with appropriate equipment, sufficent food supplies and in strong formation.

The orc is a goddamn logistical genius to manage to achieve that with an army that is 2-5 times the size of a equivalent medieval army and composed of the most ill-tempered and ill disciplined troops with the worst technology and organisational standards on middle earth.

>> No.29823476

I wonder how Gothmog feels about some faggot orc stealing his name like that.

>> No.29823545

Given that they were both generals in their time and the latter one was pretty awesome, he'd probably see it as fitting tribute.

>> No.29823556

The fact that they stormed the walls at all actually suggests that their logistical train was not secure. Nobody assaults a heavily fortified city head-on unless they think they have something to lose by carrying out a siege. My bet is, they plundered the farmland and townships between Osgiliath and Gondor for good and supplies, knowing that they would only need to feed the army long enough to take Gondor, kill and eat everyone inside, and then return to Mordor leaving behind a garrisoning force a fraction of the size.

>> No.29823613

They did have something to lose. If they sieged, the other races of man and elves would come out in numbers too great to defend against. They needed to break into the walls, secure it, and then BE sieged in turn. That's what they wanted.

>> No.29823627

Zero because orcs aren't real.

>> No.29823630

So Gothmog is some kind of unsung tactical Genius?

>> No.29823645

I would suggest differently; I think it was Sauron's intention to break Minas Tirith in a deliberate frontal assualt to cow the rest of humanity into subservience. I would posit that whilst he knew that a direct assault would be costly for him, attacking quickly before the armies of Gondor and Rohan were properly assembled would be a significant morale blow if the white city, the supposedly impregnable fortrees of man was taken so quickly.

Hence I think that it was not done out of practical necessity but overarching stratagem.

>> No.29823668

I think you've come to the wrong board

>> No.29823673

I dunno, don't you reckon valaraukar, especially Balrog Strong valaraukar are probably pretty prideful folks?
Wouldn't it shame him in whatever realm his shadow spirit resides to know of the abject failure of some misbegotten elfkin Orc-thing bearing his name to subjugate mere Men?

>> No.29823693

if orcs are tactical masterminds then how the fuck do their spear formations constantly get fucked up by cavalry charges
checkmate melkorians

>> No.29823695


>mere Men

The fact that Sauron et al got their shit pushed in should show you how wrong such thoughts are.

>> No.29823724


Plot armor and that goddamn wizard constantly driving around with his high beams on like a faggot.

>> No.29823732

valarakaur is literally quenyan word for the sindarin balrog m8 what you just said is
>balrog strong valarakaur
>balrog strong balrog

>> No.29823735


They kill a lot of helpless villagers.

The occasional impotent Guardsman.

And VERY rarely, they might catch a PC.

They obviously must have an okay k/d ratio or it would stand to reason that people shouldn't be all that afraid of them. It's just all "off-screen".

If we're talking about LOTR Orcs, they're probably lucky if they even get to see a human. Those fuckers are counted by the hundred just to keep the paperwork down.

>> No.29823743

>>29823645 (me)
Addemendum: In return of the king, 30 mins in, Gandalf is persuading Theoden to go to Gondor's aid. Gandalf mentions that Pippin saw Saurons' plan that "he knows the Heir of Elendil has come forth, men are not as weak as he supposed, there is courage still, strength enough to challenge him, Sauron fears this. He will not risk the peoples of middle earth uniting under one banner, he will raze Minas tirith to the ground."

Hence, its entirely conceivable that Sauron thought that the clock was against him.

>> No.29823751


He's Creed but with face tumors

>> No.29823776

>balrog strong balrog

Which I think is pretty fitting, really.

>> No.29823781

well, he did somehow make grond appear out of now where

>> No.29823784

My question is:
What did they feed those elephants?


>> No.29823797

I suppose that's fair. I would never use the Sindarin "balrog" to refer to someone like Arien, a valarauka that never went to Middle-Earth proper, but I can see your point, certainly.

>> No.29823801


We dont know what the Mumaks eat, but my guess would be plants, stripping trees on the way shit like that..

And the Watcher is one of the gribbly things Gandalf saw when chasing the Balrog through the deep below, Lovecraft tier shit

>> No.29823805

I think the dwarves put it there on purpose. Probs dragged it from the north.

>> No.29823806

Pretty sure they had to cheat with wizards and hobbits and shit, dude. Minus the wizards and hobbits, they would have suffered a crushing defeat at the hands of the High King of Middle-Earth, Sauron the Magnificent, Lord of the Ring!

>> No.29823812

how is she a balrog
arent balrogs just maiar who got seduced by melkor
arien wasnt seduced she was raped by melkor and then killed herself?

>> No.29823814


Do we have pics of that?

>> No.29823816

Being able to use humans as a food source must actually be a huge advantage for an army

>> No.29823827

>What did they feed those elephants?
Trees and shit, son. That's why they weren't on the battlefield proper. They were probably over near some of that sweet, sweet Ithilien forest, and notice was sent for them to start tromping back when horsey folk approached.

>> No.29823832


Stop using question marks at the end of sentences that aren't questions. Goddamn, that is my one autist peeve.

>> No.29823838

Orcs are cannon fodder, mate
They can only win by zerg rush and they probably share most of kills

>> No.29823839

Valaraukar are maiar associated with flame, m8. Arien is a valarauka. She got the Sun fruit orb thing and everything, and it mentions her being one of the valaraukar in that chapter, iirc.

>> No.29823841


Those Mumaks would have loved seeing forests, Harad is pretty much just desert and some grasslands after all..

>> No.29823859

Also, my image vanished. How embarrassing...

>> No.29823867


My autist peeve is people that use the word "autist" like it's a real thing.

>> No.29823871

Yeah, it's a shame that the animals have to suffer because of the EVILS OF SAURON, LORD OF MORDOR AND MASTER OF TORMENT.

>> No.29823873

USMC first recon battalion was lead by a Lt. Col. with throat cancer during the invasion of Iraq in 2003.

>> No.29823878


>you will never have a pet Mumak to stomp around with

>> No.29823880


Been watching Generation Kill, have we?

>> No.29823887

My autist peeve is people who imply autism doesn't exist.
Idiots may misuse the term but *something* must be happening.

>> No.29823889

no dude thats wrong

the term describes fire maiar corrupted by melkor, not fire maiar in general
by that logic gandalf is also a balrog

>> No.29823912

If Sauron had won, he probably would have divvied up Middle Earth to some generals for admin purposes.
Imagine Mumaks running free in the forest of middle earth.

>> No.29823934

Given how accurate people keep telling me it is, I doubt they'd just make up throat cancer.

And yes, yes I have.

>> No.29823949

Isn't the Rape thing just from the Histories volumes or notes or something? In the published Quenta Silmarillion she just gets appointed because of having an affinity for the Sun's heat and being a total qt.

>Arien the maiden was mightier than he, and she was chosen because she had not feared the heats of Laurelin, and was unhurt by them, being from the beginning a spirit of fire, whom Melkor had not deceived nor drawn to his service. Too bright were the eyes of Arien for even the Eldar to look on, and leaving Valinor she forsook the form and raiment which like the Valar she had worn there, and she was as a naked flame, terrible in the fullness of her splendour.

On Morgoth and Arien:
>And Arien Morgoth feared with a great fear, but dared not come nigh her, having indeed no longer the power; for as he grew in malice, and sent forth from himself the evil that he conceived in lies and creatures of wickedness, his might passed into them and was dispersed, and he himself became ever more bound to the earth, unwilling to issue from his dark strongholds. With shadows he hid himself and his servants from Arien, the glance of whose eyes they could not long endure; and the lands near his dwelling were shrouded in fumes and great clouds

>> No.29823976

>fire maia

Not even once, dude. Olorin was a pupil of Nienna, the Vala of pity, mourning, sorrow, wisdom, and strength of spirit, etc.

>Wisest of the Maiar was Olorin. He too dwelt in Lorien, but his ways took him often to the house of Nienna, and of her he learned pity and patience.

>> No.29823992


No, the problem is that the word "autist" IS NOT A REAL TERM.

Autistic is. As in someone who has autism. But "autist" is not a word.

The fact that you couldn't tell what I was actually railing against may be a sign of autism.

>> No.29823996


Does Sauron really need administrators when he can literally project his will into the minds of his minions? He'd have the ruling ring at that point, too; he could just be one terrible Will, ruling supreme over all of Middle Earth, his burning gaze piercing to every corner of the world. Which seems right in his wheelhouse.

>> No.29823999

servant of the secret fire, wielder of the flame of anor and wore the red ring of fire m8
hes a fire maiar
just because he has other skills and doesnt go around setting forests on fire constantly doesnt change it

>> No.29824009

>Balrog Strong Balrog

REMOVE LEMBAS FROM THE PREMISES. you will get caught. glaurung+sauron+thuringwethil+gothmog=kill gondolin

>> No.29824023

>implying the secret fire isn't the fire of Creation by which the Ainur were crafted by Eru before time

>> No.29824033

You think he'd ever build any big temples again?

>> No.29824035

wielder of the flame of anor m8

>> No.29824054

Samwise Gamgee wielded the Light of Eärendil too, m8. You can wield something without being spiritually composed of that thing.

>> No.29824082


Yolo isn't a real word either, and swag used to mean loot. But hey, would you look at that.

>> No.29824084

thats not a fair comparison
and lets not forget that most spells gandalf used were fire and light spells
blinding orcish armies, burning goblins in hobbit etc

>> No.29824107

Probably erect a mighty spire to commemorate his victory using all that Minas Tirith rubble.

>> No.29824116

>Yolo isn't a real word either

I know. It's still not a real word. It's an acronym. Are you familiar with the concept?

>swag used to mean loot

It still does.

You're not winning this.

>> No.29824122

Are you really going to use those 'words' to try and prop up your excuse for an argument?

>> No.29824137


>> No.29824146

I remember in the book when they were talking to the Mouth of Sauron one of the Terms of Sauron's peace was to install a regent in Isenguard

>> No.29824148

Yolo may not be a word, but together with swag it makes on hell of a hashtag.

>> No.29824150


Better idea.

Orcs have prostates located all over their bodies to shield their vitals.

Orcs' black "blood" isn't really blood.

>> No.29824153


>> No.29824169

>ITT autists arguing about the word "autist"

Never change /tg/, never change.

>> No.29824182


Spear formations will get fucked up by good cavalry. Line infantry squares can be fucked up by cavalry. All you need is a lance and good training.

>> No.29824188

It must be so fun for someone who actually has autism to come to /tg/ or even just 4chan. They must feel flattered to be compared to random strangers who are really just anal retentive.

>> No.29824194

Mordor is best -dor.

Orc Pride, Arda Wide!

>> No.29824201

no they wont dude i played total war games im a bit of an expert on this subject even the cheapest spearmen will fuck the shit out of the heaviest cavalry if they charge directly at the front

>> No.29824217


So on 4chan, a site which includes the twin shining beacons of /b/ and /pol/ you're upset about how autistic people's feelings.

Nice priorities.

>> No.29824223

I have no problem at all with people making up words. I have a problem with people murdering them, like they did with "literally", that is inexcusable. Now we need an entirely new word that means "not figuratively" or else it will be impossible to convey that thought.

>> No.29824236


Everything you need to know about Orc reproduction is right here. Page 14.

>> No.29824273

Unfiguratively? Infiguratively?

>> No.29824275

As someone who is autistic it's tiresome the way people use the word, but some of the stuff that goes on in /tg/ is worth it.

>> No.29824280


>or anything with wh really

You just need longer lances than the pikes the other guys are holding (plus great training but that's a given in this case). Look at those little stubby polearms most of those orc chumps were weilding.

>> No.29824294

You'd need a lot more than training to convince a horse to charge an infantry square. They'll either balk at the bayonets, balk at the shot or try to flank and encounter the same problem.

There's a reason it was used.

>> No.29824323

Stop being so autismal

>> No.29824334

Then we hit the square with cannon fire!

>> No.29824337


>It's an acronym
>But is written more and more as a word, and is recognized as one in its own right
>Swag still means loot
>But this definition is slowly being forgotten

Are you really that much of an autist that a word is only a "real" word when it is defined as one in the dictionary?

>> No.29824346


Hmm, well there's that. But it seems like any offer of peace Sauron made was just him stalling for time while he figured out where the Ring was. He probably didn't even give the MoS any specific terms to offer; probably just sent him out there to bullshit with Gandalf for as long as possible.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't see Sauron wanting to set up a government and delegate authority and rule over Middle Earth in an administrative sense. I think he wanted to just subsume every will completely under his own as utterly as he did the Ringwraiths.

>> No.29824369


This is literally the definition of being autismal.

>> No.29824376

>There's a reason it was used.

It was used to not get outright wiped by underequipped cavalry.

To charge pikes you need to keep formation while charging. The animal can't turn when it's flank to flank with the rest (that's how wh's did it, started with a trot in lose formation then sped up and got progressively tighter). Plus you train em enough they'll stop thinking and fallow through with it all the way to the point where they can sniff the pike. It was done. Thousands of times.

Also squares were fucked over by napoleonic lancers (Polish ones, again).

You just need a longer stick, man (plus a doezen other things but w/e).

>> No.29824399

See, now I can't tell what you mean because you allowed a word to become its own opposite! Up is down, black is white, it's chaos!

>> No.29824408

But chaos is order, so its alright.

>> No.29824416

>But is written more and more as a word
Explain how an acronym can be "written as a word." That makes no sense.

>Swag still means loot
>But this definition is slowly being forgotten
Actually, it's not. It's just not necessarily loot in the literal sense, but goods that you've acquired. Unless it's being used as an alternative of swagger, in which case it's more of an alternate spelling than anything else.

>> No.29824422



>> No.29824424

But alright is now all wrong, genius!

>> No.29824432

Hobbits are a subspecies of Men. Still counts.

>> No.29824436

>erect a mighty spire

Too easy, Anon

>> No.29824451

Mordor a shit, at least Gundabad orcs have proper pride.

>> No.29824455

>this thread

>> No.29824459

>War of the Ring

You feeling alright, Anon?

>> No.29824467


Sauron sure can erect my mighty spire.

>> No.29824478


Simple. It went from Y.O.L.O. to yolo. The difference between yolo being an acronym and a word in its own right is just acceptance.

Laser is no longer an acronym, y'know.

>> No.29824480

This shit hella based. Thanks, nerd, scoping it now.

>> No.29824494


Just because it no longer has periods between the letters does not make it any less of an acronym.

>> No.29824496

Yeah, I'm getting that impression. Sauron and his ragtag band of amateur psychiatrists and dictionary printers showed up in this thread an hour or so ago.

>> No.29824508

I agree. He only "delegates" to minions who give him absolute service, like his Nazgul and the leaders of Orckind.

>> No.29824510

Illuvatar = Brahma
Bombadil = Vishnu
Melkor = Shiva

>> No.29824569


free person of middle earth plz leave

>> No.29824581

>not reading who that was in response to
I'm fine, are you?

>> No.29824583

YOLO [yoh-loh] Show IPA.
You only live once! (used especially to rationalize impulsive or reckless behavior): I bought those expensive shoes I've been eying—YOLO!
verb (used without object)
to engage in impulsive or reckless behavior with this sort of rationalization: We’ve been YOLOing all night.
1995–2000; but popularized by the Canadian rapper Drake in his song “The Motto”

>> No.29824591

How is Bombadil Vishnu? Bombadil doesn't even give enough shits to stick his oar in unless it's happening in his tiny weeny bit of Middle Earth.

>> No.29824616

well done elegan/tg/entleman. for your hard work i give you a cool gif.

>> No.29824723

>implying Sauron isn't Strong

>> No.29824735

How does being a disembodied spirit feel?

>> No.29824737

Swagger always meant a certain arrogance or self-confidence.

>> No.29824751

Feels bad, bro

>> No.29824763


>implying Sauron isn't just a prissy little pretty boy that needs a good hard cock is his boypussy.

>> No.29824799


Yes, but swag hasn't always been a shortened version of swagger.

>> No.29824804

You appear to be misunderstanding how the breaking of an infantry square worked, anon. It's nothing to do with the horses not being able to turn, or your lances being longer than their pikes, or any shit like that.
If given the chance, it is near impossible to force a horse to run onto a spear. Trust me, the horse WILL stop. Every time.

The only reason it works is because the spear is not pointed at the horse.
A line of charging horsemen is a pretty fucking terrifying thing to stand in front of. I know, I've done it. And even despite the fact that I've had it happen quite often, it still terrifies me when a wall of flesh is charging headlong at me, despite the fact that I know they're going to stop. But the horses will stop if there's no room to pass your spears. However, if your line even so much as wavers, you end up with a point of weakness in the otherwise solid spear line. And if there's even the SLIGHTEST gap, the nearest horse will bolt through that gap with everything it has. This then widens the gap, and the next horse finds it can fit through the gap. And so on and so forth. And as soon as one horse is through the line, well Hell anon, you don't have a line anymore, just a whole lot of chaos.

>> No.29824807

>prostrate glands to shield vitals
>not fat, hard skin or bone


>> No.29824839


why the fuck am I seeing all these pics of sauron as a grille

a qt grille no less

/tg/ I'm concerned for you

>> No.29824840

Nice try, Gil-Galad, but aren't you a bit too busy being dead to come here and post on /tg/?

>> No.29824856

Well he IS Mairon the Fair.

>> No.29824862

>implying that is Gil-Galad

>> No.29824866

Hey, we all have phases, Anon.

>> No.29824875


Sauron was pretty once, then he lost that, and decided that if he couldn't be adored, he would be feared. I still adore him.

>> No.29824881

Tumblr has infected /tg/.

>> No.29824898

>upstart chieftain of Men
>daring to threaten the boypussy of the Dark Lord

Arrogance is ever the downfall of Men. You know, I once thought I could tame the Dark Lord's boypussy as well. You should submit to his rule while you still live.

>> No.29824947


>All these lewd aspirations towards the Dark Lord of Torment

>> No.29824949

>Sauron and co. thinks he can stop the heir of Islidur.

Aren't you a little dead anyways?

>> No.29824965

The average orc probably kills one Man before he dies, I'd reckon.

>> No.29824991


>> No.29825011


3/4? I'll take it, and Sauron's pretty ass.

>> No.29825140


He could torment my dick if you catch my obvious sexual implication.

>> No.29825326

Quiet, Anons. Morgoth will detect your lusty thoughts!

>> No.29825557


>I will literally die

>I will,[pause] literally,[shorter pause] die.
>Get the meaning across in your tone of voice and how you break up the flow of speech.

>in the literal way / sense
>highlight that you mean 'not figuratively'

>Literally, and I mean in the real, old, sense of the word.
>Greatly emphasizes how literal something is.
>Lets you rant about your pet peeve whenever you say it

Im litterally the savior of the American languege guys

>> No.29825720

>American language

>> No.29826405

>~Do you think I'm cute, Anon-sama?~

>> No.29826415

About .33. Numbers are heavily skewed by the fact that quite a few orcs are often immediately slaughtered before they can kill anything.

>> No.29826466

Less than one.
Orcs only exist when PCs exist, and only kill humans when fighting them, and usually the odds are stacked against them. Very rarely there's a player kill.

>> No.29826600

See, I always dig orcs in the context of Tolkien, and I always had a soft spot for Orkz in 40k, but I just can't give a damn about orcs anywhere else.

Never played any in D&D, or used any while DMing. I just felt like the three Goblinoids, Gnolls, and Ogres filled all the niches I needed filled.

>> No.29826616

I realize the half-orc PC race is a staple, and orcs are purportedly these ubiquitous throwaway mooks, but I just never really saw the appeal.

>> No.29826678

>He could torment my dick if you catch my obvious sexual implication.

>> No.29826891

INT penalties are pretty shitty

>> No.29827110

10/10 would kneel before

>> No.29827174

Do Dunlendings and hillfolk and Easterling savages count as Men, OP?

>> No.29827201


It's like you don't even japan.

>> No.29827302

Faggot still means bundle of wood.

And I dont think the lovely people on 4chang are reffering each other as bundles of wood.


>> No.29827385


They aren't? Oh god, my life has been a lie.

>> No.29827418

Oh, I'm sure You would~

>> No.29827435

Sauron was only a disembodied spirit for a little while. Tolkien flat-out said that he had regained a physical form by the War of the Ring. Also it was not a giant flaming eye.

>> No.29827479

Guess what happened at the end of the War of the Ring, Anon

>> No.29827501 [SPOILER] 

Don't presume to put lewd thoughts into my head where there were none before, foul Anon!

>> No.29827605

its what I do, anon

>> No.29827824

So do you go around talking like it's 1066 because language never changes?

>> No.29827830

Better question: How many orcs does the average human kill in his lifetime?

>> No.29828529


>> No.29830355

Average orcs wish they could kill humans, but they just ain't shit, OP.

>> No.29830484


>> No.29830611

ZERO, because most orcs are slaves who toil their lives away without ever seeing the sun much less humans.
>bitterness rydtes

>> No.29832493

i mean, why is it that every time there's like 10000000000000 orcs fighting 1000 humans, and the humans always win? orcs can only kick human ass if it's women and children.

>> No.29833610

All the humans you see them fighting are badass motherfuckers. Regular humans, like Easterlings or Dunlendings die like bitches against orcs, maybe taking one or two with them.

It's just that all the Men who are named characters tend to be badass motherfuckers, and most of the races of Men who figure prominently are also badass motherfuckers.

>> No.29833794

The average orc kills a minimum of 2 adventurers parents in its lifetime

>> No.29835439

>> No.29835724


> lives away without ever seeing the sun

That's like the point of being an orc, being burned or turned into stone when facing the sun and stuff.

>> No.29835794

Because the orcs are attacking an entrenched position backed up by Gandalf, a being who is on par with Sauron, and Sauron doesn't bother to show up to help his side, because he's a coward, or in the Peterverse, a big stupid eyeball.

>> No.29835970


I highly doubt his material form if he had any could be strong enough to put a fairly advantage on his side without taking the risk of being slain "easily" by common human. Also being murdered like a bitch by some half dying human with half a broken sword surely didn't help motivating him.

>> No.29836058

>even remotely ordinary

Son, Isildur was a bona fide Numenorean superman. Common humans literally could not face Sauron on the field; the armies fled before him, and only the mighty heroes like Gil-Galad and Isildur and such remained to face him.

Peter Jackson has deceived you something fierce if you think Isildur was just some guy.

>> No.29836126

>This entire thread

>> No.29836271

What about it? We avoided just doing another non-stop dump of Phobs' bish Sauron work, which was probably refreshing for the naysayers.

>> No.29836281

So after really enjoying the films as a kid, reading The Hobbit last summer and having since read a massive amount of information about Middle-Earth, I decided to take my relationship with Tolkien to the next level: Actually reading The Lord of the Rings (it's been in my backlog for years). So I picked up The Fellowship of the Ring but I'm having some trouble, well, sticking with it. The hobbit adventures it begins with are interesting for their look at Middle-Earth, but at the same time it feels like not much is happening and the pace is pretty slow. Does it pick up? I'll be finishing the trilogy regardless, I'm just hoping it isn't all so, well, mundane. I've just reached the part where they spend the night with Bombadil.

>> No.29836327

First of all, pancake ray? Pretty cute, Anon.

Second, it does get better, but if the pace gets to you, that problem won't really go away. It's worldbuilding, and it's so incomplete when you think about it, but it's still very extensive. Sometimes the pace slows down, unfortunately. I was one of those boring "history" students back in the day, so I didn't have trouble with it, but it's not actually as accessible as its "classic" status leads many to believe.

>> No.29836396


>> No.29836416

Hey, I don't even hate, but I know lots of folks have been complaining, so I've mixed up my act with some strong warlord Sauron.

>> No.29836506

Pancake ray? What are you talking about? That's pretty clearly Sauron.

Also, I'm enjoying them but I expected pacing much more in line with The Hobbit. Maybe I ruined it for myself by reading so much about Middle Earth beforehand.

>> No.29836544

this >>29836281 image doesn't look like Sauron to me...

Then again, he was a shapechanger. Maybe Morgoth commanded him to become a manta ray made of pancake to spy on the Noldor without arousing suspicion.

>> No.29836577

And yes, the Hobbit is much more brisk about its pace than LotR. I'd say keep at it, especially if you care as much as you seem to, but understand that the pacing is pretty steady throughout the trilogy.

>> No.29836657


>> No.29836670

>the Hobbit is much more brisk about its pace than LotR

Bullshit, they're on the second movie now and they still haven't had the big battle.

>> No.29836707

>You will never wear Mairon's "one ring" around your sword of kings.


>> No.29837102

I seriously doubt you could handle him, Anon.

>> No.29837248


It would be an okay way to perish.

>> No.29837622

His domain is Torment, Anon. Pretty sure you wouldn't perish. You'd just wish you had.

>> No.29841166

Hang on.
Since when was Gandalf on par with Sauron?

>> No.29842418


Since he is basically jesus with a pipe and a sword.

>> No.29842634

I always assumed Gandalf was a D&D equivalent of a bard/sorc rather than a wizard.

>uses lights and illusions
>has little offensive spells in his repertoire
>relies more on his CHA than anything else

>> No.29842684


Or maybe D&D can't simulate everything after all?

>> No.29842820

REMOVE MANWE remove manwe

>> No.29842840

Clearly, Sauron only wanted the best for the men of Middle Earth, who got the short end of the deal without a say in things.

>> No.29842935

D&D's crawling with Gandalfs. Solars, planetars, demigods, gold dragons, all of the above fit just fine: critters that can turn into a humanlike form and thus limit their POWER LEVEL!?!?! and try to help guide the adventure but not overshadow the humans.

The D&D analog to Gandalf isn't Elminister, its Fizban.

Both Gandalf and Sauron are the same class of being, Tolkien said they were both based off Odin, and they are the two only beings in all of Middle Earth who came back from the dead.

I rather enjoyed the showdown between the two in the second Hobbit movie -- in a way, its like a sad, fateful reunion between brothers, both older than the world. I like to think when Gandalf and Sauron encountered each other, both could still remember when they were friends and wearing divine flesh. I wonder which felt greater contempt for the other: Gandalf, for seeing a once radiant Maia reduced to a hateful shadow of his former self, or Sauron, for seeing Gandalf put such a limit on himself to walk in decrepit mortal flesh, and acting with such a (from Sauron's perspective) lack of pride, acting as teacher and guide instead of lord and master?

>> No.29843378


>Sauron, qt lord of orgasm ruining.

Keeping you always on edge, but never able to finish for all time.

>> No.29844382

I always thought that Sauron was a major spirit, whilst Gandalf was more on par with Balrogs....
Why is Saruman stronger than Gandalf, but weaker than Sauron then?
ARE they all equal in terms of power level/authority/Beings?
I find it hard to imagine Gandalf holding Sauron in contempt; more like...pity.
Sauron is the one who holds things in contempt.

>> No.29844765

They're, of course, not perfectly on the same level. Saruman was initially the strongest of the Istari, though perhaps its due to the fact that he crafted a magic ring and other trinkets for himself.

A major theme of Sauron is that he strives WAY above his stature -- he struggles to equal the legacy of Melkor. But while Sauron always tried damn hard to equal his fallen Valar master, Gandalf always seems to try his damndest not to overshadow his friends and mind his place.

>ARE they all equal in terms of power level/authority/Beings?

I'm only using the whole equal thing in the loose as hell sense that two humans are roughly equal, of course (even though one might be a cripple and one might be a turbo-SEAL). Saruman definitely had more authority than Gandalf the Grey.

>I find it hard to imagine Gandalf holding Sauron in contempt; more like...pity.

Oh yeah, I definitely agree.

>> No.29844815

I dunno, ask Bob Dylan

>> No.29844868

I think you're reading FAR too much into it.

I mean, it's a jackson film. Throw everything you once knew out of the window.

>> No.29844884

bout tree fitty

>> No.29845413

Makes sense.
Didn't Sauron make the rings?

>> No.29845538

>Throw everything you once knew out of the window.


Yup, other than the elf rings. fucking elves.

>> No.29847174


>> No.29847551

Is it time?

>> No.29847675

>Yup, other than the elf rings. fucking elves.

They really did kind of ruin his mind-dominating scheme, didn't they? I think if his plan had worked, he'd probably have won, too.

>> No.29849179

>> No.29849195


Mouth of Sauron looks concerned about recent developments.

>> No.29849344

Gandalf's a tough customer

>> No.29849847

At least Sauron gets to see Melkor one last time at the end of time before being finally turned into nothingness. It's so romantic in a tragic way.

>> No.29849871

>implying they won't cycle back around and do all the same stupid shit again

>> No.29849950

You know, the Valar and what not are kind of dicks, you know, favouring those fucking Elves over anyone else and giving everyone else the 'gift' of being able to die.

>> No.29850168

>he thinks the Valar gave Men their gift
>he doesn't know about the Will of Eru

Know your place. It is not for us to question the nature of Creation, nor disparage the gifts to the Children of Iluvatar by their Creator.

>> No.29850229


Eru isn't THAT much of a dick. Right ? Even though punishing melkor for him wanting to grow up omnipotent and omniscient just like daddy is a bitch move on his side.

>> No.29850237

That's a maiar.

>> No.29850331

Citations are seriously needed here, son.

>> No.29850344

But He never punished Melkor; the Valar punished Melkor because he tried to fuck with them on multiple occasions, and kept breaking shit and hurting people.

>> No.29850350

>Dark Lord Jew Nose

>> No.29850423

But Mumaks are from Far Harad, which can be covered in jungles (probably).

>> No.29850433

>It ain't gonna polish itself

>> No.29850518


How dare you insult my cute dark overlord !

>> No.29850563

Fair point. There would have to be big forests somewhere to support all that girth.

>> No.29850742


Because Eru was a fuck. "So, son, I'll give you immense intelligence and powers but fuck you don't even dare to try to be as great as me or even improve yourself or make anything beyond my views or even make anything at all because fuck you". Eru is basically as retarded as the emperah when it comes to child education and what is even worse is that knowing that melkor was becoming an outcast and a bitter person he did nothing because it was his plan all along to have him sing another partition than the others. Should he have trusted him or spoke to him Melkor wouldn't have turned bad (and gay with a lesser valar).

>> No.29850790

You keep acting like Eru did all this malicious shit, Anon. He didn't do any of this; He gave his Children loads of opportunities to not be dicks, and a bitching world to exist in, and some of them squandered this gift because they were assholes.

>> No.29850991


He planned all along the heavy metal sing of melkor and blatantly said it out loud in front of melkor that was just either disoriented by his own strange thoughts or trying to get Eru's attention. Melkor was just a problematic precocious child that wanted to be as awesome as his dad but the said dad keep reminding him that he will never be like him and was a mere tool in his hand all along. Eru is a bad father.

Fuck you /tg/ seriously, I consider Sauron to be a angsty femboi that is abusing smaller children because his boyfriend was beaten to death by the other bigger boys in the schoolyard and NOW you made me think that even melkor is just a young delinquent with father issues...

>> No.29851078

No shame in having views, Anon.

>> No.29851164


Jackson didn't bring that level of style to the hobbit.

>> No.29851314


>heavy metal sing of melkor

I'm know imagining melkor with a typical death metal look, sauron as a glamrock girly singer with santiags and tight jeans accompanied by an ungolianth drummer and a choir of balrogs with Gothmog as the bassist. Too bad I can't drawn.

>> No.29851708

Stupid Tumblr, stop making me homo for Sauron, you little pieces of shit.

>> No.29852190


At least you are gay for sauron and not melkor. This is "almost" acceptable.

>> No.29852484


>> No.29852552

Posting Ungoliants

>> No.29852665


>> No.29852685


>> No.29852743


Well sauron armies were already on their way to Minas Tirith so maybe he just speed up the time table. Getting the easterlings, Haradrim and siege equipment ready and to the city could be done on the run.

>> No.29852842


>> No.29853067



>> No.29853347

What's the deal with her anyways? She's still alive somewhere right, so why isn't she just eating everything everywhere?

>> No.29853397


Shouldn't it be a spear instead of a sword?

>> No.29853462



>> No.29853544

Didn't she eat herself?

>> No.29853713

>Didn't she eat herself?

Damn that's some appetite.

>> No.29853720

where the hell did she even come from?
did eru just make a giant fucking spider to fuck with everyone?

>> No.29853811

Because /tg/ was never full of faggots.

Before the janitors hit, we had better yaoi dumps than /y/.

>> No.29853874

Shit son I know we're on /tg/ but at least pretend you understand the difference between a cavalry charge on paper as described in WHF and a real cavalry charge, where horses are giant, heavy, and packed with much inertia that even if you skewer the thing it's gonna keep on moving and plow right through your fucking face, and the faces of the five guys behind you.

>> No.29853925

I think it really needs to be pressed that Gandalf wasn't assailed by the things. They were just there. Even if it was off-hand and a mere footnote, Tolkien knew how to do some serious cosmic horror shit. They weren't hostile, or malicious. Just horrible, dark, nameless things that continued about their own business without even batting an eye at two of the greatest Maiar in existence shooting past them.

>> No.29853948

You mean there's people that wouldn't?

>> No.29854017

>without even batting an eye at two of the greatest Maiar in existence shooting past them.
>Durin's Bane
>one of the greatest Maiar in existence

I'm sure she'd appreciate the sentiment, but I'm not sure that's terribly accurate, Anon.

>> No.29854049

That's kinda her thing. She's more a spirit of hunger than anything else.

>> No.29854072

Actually, Sauron "knew" where the Ring was at the time. Aragorn had Sauron convinced he was in possession of the Ring.

>> No.29854092


To my understanding, Eru&pals sung the world, and then sent those interested down to make sure things happened. Atoms spin, hydrogen fuses, and lets make a bunch of dust coalesce into a world.

Long after the world was made, but before there should have been any other life in the universe, Ungoliant climbed down out of space to descend on the world.

She wasn't made. She was just ALREADY THERE.

Lovecraft didn't have shit on Tolkein, as far as lovecraftian horrors went...

>> No.29854108

When I read the Silmarillion I imagined sauron as that guy from 'monk', the detective show.
I don't really remember why, I think an important thing I remembered of him was that he wanted order in all things.

>> No.29854133

Very true. Sauron was right to fear a Numenorean Superman with his Ring hellbent on vengeance against the Dark Lord.

>> No.29854243

Process of elimination. Durin's Bane is one of the greatest Maiar in existence because most of them either never came east or up and fucking died.

>> No.29854265

So cute...

>> No.29854277


My yoga teacher can do that.

>> No.29854397

>The sun and the moon were the only FRUITS from the sun-tree and moon-tree.

>Oh, what a lovely planet you have here, wouldn't it be horrible to leave the spirit world to permanently stay and find out there's a fucknormous spider-god that's so terrible that she had the SUN and MOON for a SNACK and still thought she needed to find something else to eat right after... hog-tying the demigod who created the volcanos and fire of a fucking planet and standing so terrifying before him that the dark fucking god gave a cry of such fear and intensity that it was heard in the depths of Angband through miles of solid rock and got the Balrogs to haul ass to save him.


>> No.29854962

And remember, Melkor's something like twenty feet tall.

>> No.29856155

She's a crazy bitch who once danced so hard she almost wrecked the universe.

>> No.29856243

Nice silmarils faggot!

>> No.29856528

Or maybe Eru planned his discord all along and uses it as yet another element in his crazy cosmic symphony.

>> No.29856550

He basically did.

"There is nothing Melkor can do that does not originate in me."

>> No.29857024

So are half-elves/dwarves/hobbits/whatever a thing in Middle Earth?

>> No.29857446

>Eru Iluvatar is a cosmic version of Ludwig van Beethoven, complete with crazy
It all makes sense now.

>> No.29857590

>No answer of 42 yet
It's 42 you fucking idiots.

>> No.29857792

Half-elves are. Elf-human marriages occurred like 3 times throughout the history of Middle-Earth, and Tolkien elves are perfect catholics who never have extramarital sex.

One of the guys that managed to seduce an elf, Earendil the Mariner, did something heroic that I forget and eventually became the evening star so he was in pretty well with the Valar and Eru so special dispensation was given to the offspring of him and whatshername the elf princess. They had two sons, Elrond and Elros, who were allowed to choose when they came of age whether they would suffer and die like men or live forever but under some unspecified constraint like elves do.

Elros chose to be mortal, but he lived many times the span of normal men and he fathered all the kings of Numenor who shared some of his longevity and elf-power, all the way down to Aragorn. Elrond chose elf-hood, though he'd always be known as Elrond half-elven, and eventually became lord of Rivendell. Elrond's children inherited the right to renounce their mortality, as Arwen did when she married Aragorn. Elros' line weren't allowed the grace of saying "I want to be an elf now please", sad to say, that would have made things a lot simpler for Ar and Ar.

But yeah, Aragorn did marry his first cousin, albeit many generations removed. What was the question again?

>> No.29859398

Nah that's Kali.

Vishnu is the guy promised not to raise arms against Bhsihma in Battle. But he still had to fight him.

So he beat him to death with a Wheel.

>> No.29864836

Now I know why Elrond had such distaste for Aragorn and Arwen marrying

>> No.29867838

Uh, questioning reality is what humans do. Its a fundamental step in perceiving and understanding the world.

>> No.29870617

Getting back on topic, when speculating on fantasy Orc murder statistics it may be helpful to look at actual nigger murder statistics in the US.

Your average Orc, like your average nigger, won't have killed a single person from another race during their lifetime. However, just as with niggers, the chances of an Orc killing someone of another race is far higher than the chances of someone from another race killing an Orc. And, again like niggers, Orcs kill more of their own race than any other race manages to do.

Summing up:
- Orcs are far more likely to be killed by other Orcs than be killed by other races.
- Orcs are far more likely to kill other races than other races are likely to kill Orcs.
- Replace "kill" with "rob" and "rape" and you got those other crimes covered too.

>> No.29871374

Earendil was half-elven, Anon. So was his waifu.

>> No.29871385


Nice try, Morgoth.

>> No.29871404

>- Orcs are far more likely to kill other races than other races are likely to kill Orcs.

Patently untrue; other races make a hobby out of massacring orcs for experience and currency.

>> No.29872456

It's some guy who won't stop dumping Phobs' fan art.

>> No.29872497

There isn't even that much Phobs in this thread, Anon.

Finrod is Best King

>> No.29873142

I recall a lot of stuff about how strong and ferocious orcs are. Also, Jackson tends to skew the numbers to make the battles more heroic. For example, in the books, the battle of Helm's Deep is numerically pretty even and it's not very dramatic. So, one on one an uruk would probably fuck a human up, but maybe a snaga wouldn't do quite as well. Encounters would probably be pretty rare. On the other hand, orcs live just as long as elves, but maybe they don't get to come back after they die.

It's been awhile since I read the Silmarillion. Is there any particular reason Melkor is such a dick? Does he have some greater plan or is that just his nature?

>> No.29875993

>Is there any particular reason Melkor is such a dick? Does he have some greater plan or is that just his nature?

It's just his nature. His greatest plans were all pretty limited acts of dickery. Like, the most complicated thing he ever did was amass legions of dudes and breed supermonsters so he could dick even more people at once.

>> No.29876015


>> No.29876141

>unspecified constraint like elves do
My understanding is that they live forever, but they're stuck with this world.

Like, they die? Their souls go to the Halls of Mandos, which ain't a bad deal, except you're still stuck in this world. And to be honest, this world kind of sucks. The whole point of the Silmarillion is that it was awesome, it's getting worse, and it won't stop getting worse any time soon.

Men, on the other hand, can pass out of this world when they die. Sure, the live shorter, but it doesn't matter how long elves live.
>don't forget, you're here forever!
Men's spirits go "somewhere" when they die. Where? Ask Eru. But men are jealous of elves because elves live forever and men fear that somewhere sucks, and elves are jealous of men because they've lived long enough to know this world will suck and they suspect somewhere to be better than Mandos' pad.

Really, men are the unspecified one.

>> No.29876539

Oh lordy.
They're blood line is that same as Knuckles the Echidna.

>> No.29876890


That's pretty cute.

>> No.29876923

Okay, if Morgoth was DMing some DnD for all of his most important servants and pals, what classes would everyone play, and how would the game go down?

>> No.29877000

Glaurung would keep inserting his disgusting incest and hypnotism/brainwashing fetishes into the game like a total chump. He'd probably play some kind of bard faggot or something, so he could promote incest and brainwashing and shit.

>> No.29878331

ffffuck, I remembered that all wrong. So ok, Earendil was a 1st generation half-elf, son of Tuor and Idril, and his wife Elwing was a descendent of Beren and Lúthien, the original elf-man pairing. Did all half-elves have the privilege of choosing or renouncing immortality? Somewhere I got the impression it was a gift to Earendil's line.

>> No.29878392

"he's a just a dick" is, imo, a good enough motivation for a world-threatening villain when he's an immortal spirit who's been around since the dawn of time. he's got no reason to feel empathy for mortals, he just wants to play with his dad's toys.

>> No.29878431

That's pretty fucking spooky.

>> No.29878697


Except that white middle class oppressive cis gondorian scums aren't likely to do cuckolding videos with orcs like their real counterparts but will tend more to remove kebabs from Harad and orcs from everywhere.

>> No.29878762

>Is there any particular reason Melkor is such a dick? Does he have some greater plan or is that just his nature?

Yes, he strived mightilly to figure out some way to escape the Themes of Eru.

He's been trying this whole life to do something interesting or novel that the creator hasn't already done or foreseen, and has always failed.

Think of a player eternally trying to escape a railroad fest. Think of a son trying to get out from under his dad's shadow. Think of a wolf gnawing off his own foot to get out of a trap. That's Melkor.

>> No.29878813

Get D&D thinking out of your Middle Earth thinking.

Actually that's not even D&D thinking, that's edgy Goblins thinking.

>> No.29878853

>Somewhere I got the impression it was a gift to Earendil's line.

Yeah. The thing that happened beforehand that was special was that Luthien was counted like Men for death purposes, and Tuor was counted like an Elf for death purposes, so they could both follow their loves in spite of the racial divide.

>> No.29878881

Being Turin is suffering

>> No.29878892

Yeah exactly. "in that despair my enemy was my only hope"

Its very minimalist, but eerie, and was a preemptive Take That to all the guys who think they can wrap Middle Earth into a nice little package.

>> No.29878911


Nice try Eru, but everyone know everything is your fault you shit of a father.


> in the books, the battle of Helm's Deep is numerically pretty even and it's not very dramatic.

Of course there wasn't 10000 uruks against 500 men like in the movie but the rohirims were indeed outnumbered by 3 or 4 if I remember well.

>orcs live just as long as elves

They indeed live longer than men but nowhere like real immortality from what we know we can suppose they live as long as dwarves when they aren't killed for any random reason ever an orc can be killed for.

>but maybe they don't get to come back after they die.

Judging orc souls would be kind of tricky since they are of course evil but not on purpose, it is melkor abuse and dark magic that turned them into the self hating psychopaths they are. Maybe a "painful" cleansing of their souls to reinsert it in the cycle of life is what the valar do. Or they just burn the fuck out of those niggers' souls.

>> No.29878938

>Think of a player eternally trying to escape a railroad fest
Except doing it for its own sake.

>> No.29878958

>Judging orc souls would be kind of tricky since they are of course evil but not on purpose, it is melkor abuse and dark magic that turned them into the self hating psychopaths they are. Maybe a "painful" cleansing of their souls to reinsert it in the cycle of life is what the valar do. Or they just burn the fuck out of those niggers' souls.

I imagine Mandos' has a special wing set aside for orc souls, and it's something like a hospital and convalescent home for wayward orc souls, to cure them of the ills that were inflicted upon them. They probably keep to themselves and just chill out and try to forget the pain of living.

>> No.29878989

Eru is a dick and a bad father.

Melkor was a titanic entity who got his kicks by terrorizing and torturing tiny animals.

>> No.29879066

>Except doing it for its own sake.

Nah, its perfectly accurate: Eru said, flat up, there's nothing Melkor can do that wasn't his idea.

Melkor is a massive bastard but Eru made him that way and literally, not figuratively, intended for it all to happen that way.

>> No.29879087

>Nice try Eru, but everyone know everything is your fault you shit of a father.
>talking shit about Eru

"Tar-Mairon," you won't make any friends if you keep acting like this.

>> No.29879112


Ungoliant is the slick records producer who want to drain every last drop of profit out of her artists.

>> No.29879281

elves are tied to arda, as arda dies so will the elves vanish with it
the spirit of men go to eru, and will sing with him a new world

>> No.29879307

That sounds like more Mormonism than anything else. Its never said what men's fate will be.

Also, since Arda is indeed the same planet as ours, its hard to say whether the world will ever die.

>> No.29879391

/pol/ knows.

>> No.29879927

/pol/ is itself a much more aggravating infection

>> No.29879931

Or he could be reading it, seeing as how its the actual reporters account of the invasion you idiot.

>> No.29880113


Am I the only one that is craving for a movie adaptation about Turin and his father Hurin story adaptation ? Even though I don't really think Jackson would be the right realisator for such a tragical story, especially after seeing how the hobbit 2 wasn't good.

>> No.29880379

I lust for Silmarils with a mighty lust, Anon

>> No.29880575

Morgoth pls go

I'd watch the shit out of a Giant Animated Epic in the vein of Fantasia based on the stories contained within the Silmarillion

>> No.29880871


My greatest fear is that 14 yo niggers discovering fantasy and middle age with game of thrones go full retards with "tolkien copied game of thrones with the incest thing yololol".

>> No.29881113

>14 yo niggers
Do black children even watch HBO? I thought that was a thing for middle-aged white people

>> No.29882606

He might mean wiggers.

>> No.29882896

>middle-aged, Sopranos-watching wiggers

That's some funny shit.

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