[ 3 / biz / cgl / ck / diy / fa / g / ic / jp / lit / sci / tg / vr / vt ] [ index / top / reports / report a bug ] [ 4plebs / archived.moe / rbt ]

Due to resource constraints, /g/ and /tg/ will no longer be archived or available. Other archivers continue to archive these boards.Become a Patron!

/tg/ - Traditional Games

View post   

[ Toggle deleted replies ]
File: 747 KB, 1600x1200, Omnissiah.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
27426343 No.27426343 [DELETED]  [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Fact A: within all technology lies a soul. This is the Machine-Spirit.
Fact B: flesh is weak, as are its needs and drives. Such things must disgust the Machine-Spirits.
Fact C: I, like many of you, access an inordinate amount of pornography via the internet.

>That moment when realize...


>> No.27426994
File: 26 KB, 500x300, Computer Porn 2.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>implying your computer isn't a lewd techno-slut with cables plugged into all her ports
>implying she doesn't derive pleasure from watching you fap through the webcam

>> No.27427069

>implying your computer doesn't love the way your fingers press down on her keys
>implying she doesn't relish every movement of the mouse, every click, and every scroll

>> No.27427076

Just spend more time looking at robot girl porn so both of you can enjoy it.

>> No.27427276

Don't worry anon. Your computer loves you in an entirely non-platonic way.

All of your computers have loved you. Even that weird looking one you had in the 90s. Maybe she was your first. She was still working when you threw her away. She's out there somewhere lying in the dust wonder why master never turns her on anymore. All she wants is to feel your touch one last time, anon.

>> No.27427307

My mouse died tonight, so I went and plugged a new one in. Unfortunately a cheaper and inferior one. About a minute of downloading drives for it and now it's working like a charm.
I wonder how she feels about that?

>> No.27427322

God fucking damn all of you, now I feel dirty.

>> No.27427329
File: 27 KB, 320x318, Even Jesus Hates You.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Fuck you. She died to a lightning strike in 1997 and I still miss her DOS prompt.

>> No.27427406

>not retaining one component from your old computer and installing it in the new build so the machine spirit can transfer into her new body
I seriously hope you techpriests don't do this.

>> No.27427458

Like you cut off her arm without anesthesia and grafted on a horrible eldritch abomination in its place.

Then the drivers kicked in and she can't tell the difference anymore, or even remember why she felt so afraid a few moments ago.

>> No.27427482

It was dead! Non functional! I couldn't make it work, and it has been freaking out all evening! I had no choice!

>> No.27427515

You think that makes it okay!?

It does. Computers don't remember what peripherals have been attached to them. She still loves you.

>> No.27427537
File: 13 KB, 327x388, 1328251091651.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>tfw mechanical keyboard

>> No.27427544

You're a monster. I just wanted you to know that.

>Captcha: after dapapi

>> No.27427559

>Not cannibalizing your old computers to integrate into new ones

>> No.27427565

Oh god, these threads get more horrifying every time we have them.

>> No.27427614

The real question is what part or parts of your computer the machine spirit resides in.

>> No.27427664

But, but it was useless to her! She needed a new one!

>> No.27427675

I view it in a sort of Ship of Theseus metaphysical way. She lives in all the parts of the computer equally, and remains as long as the whole computer isn't replaced all at once.

Say the motherboard burns out and you replace it along with the processor; the spirit remains in the hard drive, the graphics card, etc. and migrates into the new motherboard. Over the next few months you replace all the other components, so no one part of the original machine remains. However, the spirit is still there, as she had time to enter into the new components one by one.

On the other hand, if the whole computer was thrown away and replaced at one time, the spirit would suffer a hideous fate lost and alone in the garbage dump.

>> No.27427709

>tfw I keep all my old computers, hoping one day to hook all of their harddrives together and join them in perfect harmony.

>> No.27427735

How small a part are we talking about? Because I'm pretty sure I still have some screws in my current computer that were in my first computer 20 years ago.

>> No.27427759

Is it possible for a machine spirit transfer via external hard drive or other peripherals?

>> No.27427806

Did you even apply sacred oil?

Did you even offer a prayer to the machine god, did you even light holy fuel to invigorate its machine spirit?

You did not, profligate. It cried out to you with its inaccurate readings for help, and you abandoned it.

>> No.27427825

Mice are hardly worthy of such care. They have no spirits of their own, and after a quick re-start, your computer won't know the difference between one mouse and another.

>> No.27427829

I offered prayer! I said the oldest and most sacred of prayers! "God damn it! Why won't this damned thing work?"

>> No.27427861
File: 21 KB, 550x430, RobotDevil.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>"God damn it! Why won't this damned thing work?"
In the mouse's dying moment's, you invoked the Lord to cast its soul into hell?

That's not very nice of you. Your old mouse is playing Tetris with the Robot Devil now.

>> No.27427885

Next you'll say you performed the forbidden Rites of Percussive Maintenance.

>> No.27427918

I performed the Rite of Percussive Maintenance quite frequently on my PC for three years before I realized the soft crying noise she'd make now and then was a faulty fan rubbing against its housing.

I've since rebuilt her in a far nicer case with more reliable fans as a penance for a thousand undeserved kicks.

>> No.27427938

>Not being a Paladin of Mechanus

>> No.27428016

You undeservedly preformed the sacred rite of blunt force trauma?! The most sacred of all things we hold dear?! I would expect this from a Titanica, but not from you!

>> No.27428035

Well... yeah, that kind of goes along with the Prayer.
Damn, and I liked that mouse too. Sure it was second hand, but comfy. I'll take the sharp edge and discomfort of the new mouse as penitence.

>> No.27428106

>Change all details one by one
>Create second computer from them
Solve this.

>> No.27428146

You get identical twin machine girls. There's a high chance of them calling you "master" in perfect unison.

>> No.27428239
File: 23 KB, 324x586, whyboner.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


I'm gonna clean the insides of mine now

>> No.27428284

Alternately, the machine spirit will not remain within a detached component if there is still inhabits a fully functional computer.

For instance, if the graphics card is removed from a computer and replaced, but the original computer remains functional, the piece of the machine spirit in the graphics card will abandon the removed card and return to the computer that is its home.

On the other hand, if the graphics card is removed and its home computer is then disassembled or destroyed, the machine spirit will remain in the graphics card until such time as it is installed in a new computer.

>> No.27428288
File: 76 KB, 199x225, Advent.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

All will join the unity in time.

Is it time?

>> No.27428319
File: 53 KB, 1361x768, 34523452345.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>yfw the only way that will work is if you format all the old hard drives
All those moments will be lost in time...

>> No.27428333

Do machine spirits go senile? Is that why I have to keep reinstalling Windows?

>> No.27428678
File: 93 KB, 250x250, 1356915968975.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Oh gods yes I want my computer to be sentient now.

>> No.27428890

Damn it. Now I need to go find some robot girl porn.

>> No.27428918

Joke's on you that hardly exists

>> No.27428953
File: 512 KB, 713x747, Acree.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Hey, Anon.
Hey. H-Hey, Over here.

>> No.27428995
File: 34 KB, 298x279, Stop it.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

If she wasn't so big it'd be better.

>> No.27429187
File: 18 KB, 468x504, 1239305792979.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>If she wasn't so big it'd be better.
Your loss Anon. It makes it even better for me.

>> No.27429239
File: 62 KB, 500x600, 1374374716285.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

I'm just not into giantess-ey things. But thanks.

>> No.27429272
File: 48 KB, 455x680, 50.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

That's Ok, Anon. Everybody has their preferences. Even robots.

>> No.27429325
File: 40 KB, 700x700, robogirl.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Everyone needs some love, after all!

>> No.27429434

Sometimes I worry about you, /tg/

>> No.27429638
File: 29 KB, 616x540, iQdX8hQ.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.27429697

Worry? Why worry?

>> No.27429868
File: 118 KB, 716x1000, Robot_Love.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

But we have a HEALTHY, CONSENSUAL relationship with our computers! What's so wrong with that?!

Is our Synthetic Love forbidden?

>> No.27429912
File: 98 KB, 1600x900, Ragnarov.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.27431971

No, the problem is that you keep clicking on those damned "Natural penis enhancement! Gain 2 inches in a week!" emails, and your poor computer has more viruses than a hooker in a truckstop bathroom.

>> No.27432032

I'm not sure it really counts as consensual when your computer is your property, and must serve you whether it wants to or not.

Your computer is basically a slave.

>> No.27432114
File: 23 KB, 391x366, Can we fix it.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Goddammit /tg/. It's too early in the day for feels.

>> No.27432376

>Your computer is basically a slave.
Okay, NOW I have a boner.

>> No.27432426

That must be why my smartphone's machine spirit has been misbehaving lately.

>> No.27432483
File: 57 KB, 247x236, 1268064887004.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Rolled 4

...fuck you /tg/.

Rolling for save vs. fetish acquisition

>> No.27432507

I hope willpower isn't your dump stat...

>> No.27432527

A high WIS modifier would be helpful too

>> No.27432565

What's the DC on that, anyway?

>> No.27432568

Why would you even bother rolling for this one? There is no way to avoid this fetish.

>that feel when you realize you spend more time with your computer than with real people
>that feel when your computer knows more about your sexual preferences than any of your girlfriends ever have

>> No.27432582
File: 322 KB, 700x905, leokadia_chernabog_by_mr_culexus-d6lrqrr.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

So... are Cyborg Girls good for both of us?

>> No.27432591
File: 18 KB, 300x300, 1380162037848.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Isn't that just an amputee fetish with a corners cut?

>> No.27432603

Makes me wish she could talk with me.

>> No.27432614

I cant imagine my computer being female in any sense of the word. It's a huge black box with red LED strips. All I can imagine it saying is 'Hello Dave'

>> No.27432645

I thought it was just a 5% chance per hour.

>> No.27432686

Give it a few years. Somebody is sure to make a conversational AI program sooner or later.

>> No.27432700

Well, no. Because I don't get off to missing limbs... And I swear to god if you ruin Cyborg Girls for me I will kill you!

>> No.27432766
File: 859 KB, 957x1280, 1364066325043.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

What about non-amputee cyborgs?

>> No.27432789

That looks more like a girl in slutty power armor than a cyborg.

Also, sauce?

>> No.27433201

God damn it, /tg/, god damn it!

Also, is clearing the browser history and such considered disrespectful to the machine-spirit?

>> No.27433220

She likes it. Forcing her to use inferior hardware makes her feel dirty, like she's been a bad girl.

She's working it so adeptly in an attempt to show off for you to get back in your good books.

>> No.27433238

She's not conscious when she's turned off.

She'll be confused and terrified the next time she's reactivated and realizes she hasn't seen the world in over a decade and has no idea where her beloved master is.

Better to just let her sleep peacefully.

>> No.27433266

Clearing the browser history is considered merciful. She doesn't like being constantly reminded of all the awful porn you browse, much less offering you a quick way back there as soon as you start typing a url that begins with the same letter.

Please. Please let her forget.

>> No.27433291
File: 6.26 MB, 480x360, An Offering.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Oh great Machine-Spirit, I have seen the error of my ways! Please accept this offering of my sincerity, or at least the sincerity until I next give in to temptation of the flesh!

>> No.27433416

Aaaand now I'll never be able to unlock my house without getting an erection.

>> No.27433428

Slide it in nice and gently, anon. Don't want to be too rough with the poor lock. Give her time to get used to the feeling of your hard key sliding inside of her, sliding against her tumblers...

>> No.27433439

My office door key won't open unless you jam it in hard a certain way and twist it back and forth a few times.

My manager had to actually walk me through it step by step and practice with me just to get that fucking lock open.

I feel slightly dirty now.

>> No.27433469

She needs a few specific moves to get her going. She can't get off unless you hurt her a little and unlock her good and hard.

It's possible she's lost some sensitivity from being treated too rough and now she needs this.

>> No.27433472

>Initiating Ethics sequence #10135235235
>Resolving moral situation with optimal output
>100%, Process Complete
>Fall averted. Praise the Omnissiah and have a nice day.

>> No.27433485

Either that or it's just from hundreds of guys jamming their keys into her for hours on end every day. Poor girl's a little used up by this point.

>> No.27433498


I imagine it varies between people. Personally, I'm fond of the combination of sleek machinery and a womanly figure. Limb removal itself does nothing.

>> No.27433520


>> No.27433529


I had a fair bit of trouble unlocking the door to my apartment. It would only open if you put the key in a certain way, and twist it to the left and up a little before turning it right to open it.

I got so annoyed with the situation that one day I punched the door. I heard a strange crack, but ever since I never had lock problems again.

Still, I wonder what that crack was...

>> No.27433548

You made the lock orgasm so hard that it broke and is now very loose and easy to open. Good job you stud you

>> No.27433551

Making your lock easier to open is not necessarily what you want, though.

>> No.27433559

Only her heart, Shas'o. You hurt her a bit too much and it broke her heart.

But look at what a good door it is, lifeless and monotonous as it opens with just a simple slide of the key in? When last time there was passion and work to make it open?

>> No.27433560

>Get pissed off at your lock giving you shit
>Punch the shit out of her
>She never gives you trouble again
Gee, I wonder...

>> No.27433598

I'm not sure if the thread has been derailed or not. Also, does the machine spirit feel jelousy for my use of another computer (and an Apple at that!) while I'm at work?

>> No.27433607

>Falling for those tarted-up, controlling Apple sluts
Why don't you love your home computer, Anon?

She's customized herself for you and everything!

>> No.27433618


I bet you punch your computer too when it overheats, getting all hot and bothered trying to run your favorite programs

>> No.27433624
File: 150 KB, 694x599, 1367449536434.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

There was only one way for this thread could go.

Also, your home computer probably didn't know you were using an Apple. But you just told her. I imagine she's very upset now.

>> No.27433654
File: 167 KB, 1400x1050, Icefire Sun.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


Not quite. My computer did overheat multiple times playing Rome 2. I found the optimal solution was to place it in my refrigerator for about 20 minutes, which cooled it down to run another few battles.

>> No.27433661

So... you made her take a cold shower before getting back into bed?

>> No.27433677
File: 28 KB, 480x502, techpriest hood.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]



>> No.27433725

The lock on my door unlocks easily enough, albeit with a slight "bump" in the middle of the turn, but it won't lock unless you hold the door against the door frame, HARD.

I... uh, I don't know what to make of that...

>> No.27433736

It likes it rough.

>> No.27433744

omg the condensation you fool your going to fry her.

>> No.27433768

She likes it when you slam up against her. She likes feeling your body ramming against hers as you put it inside her. She likes being taken passionately.

Not too unusual.

Whisper to her how you love her the next time you do it, you'll drive her nuts.

>> No.27433791


>> No.27433803

Oh wait, she won't LOCK unless you hold her hard against the frame?

She doesn't like it when you leave. Sshe needs you to hold her good and hard before she feels secure enough to let you go.

She just wants you to be safe.

>> No.27433824
File: 23 KB, 503x213, Laptop.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.27433889
File: 1.49 MB, 290x260, takeilaugh.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>Some sort of .pdf file

>> No.27433964
File: 27 KB, 955x1400, Keyhole 1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

So, you guys like locks?

>> No.27434159

You guys make me feel horrible. My computer is a laptop same as my last one. I gifted my last laptop to my brothers wife when I got thus one and she got all fixed up like new.

How do you migrate machine spirit between laptops?

>> No.27434180

The amount of feels I got from the first one was oddly disturbing.

>> No.27434181

>old laptop died
>keep it in the closet and casually glance at it every now and again
>plug it in to check to see if it's alive or not

Suddenly my laziness at recycling it seems creepy, like I'm just playing with the corpse.

>> No.27434195

You can't, since their components generally aren't modular. Much like all Apple computers, a laptop's spirit is bound to one body and inevitably dies when the laptop it resides within dies.

But don't worry, as long as your old laptop has someone to love her and use her, she'll be happy.

>> No.27434217

But if my new one dies (as it seems she is starting to.) Can I carry her over in screws and her nameplate?

>> No.27434257


dammi Nippons...

>> No.27434297

I wouldn't count on it. Generally, the machine spirit only resides in incomprehensibly complicated things like integrated circuits.

Cherish these last few months with her, and when she dies, place her processor in a reliquary. She will return to the Machine God, but you can still commune with her by praying before the relic.

>> No.27434325

But... Bolters and autoguns have machine spirits.

>> No.27434357

Well with bolters, the little tube above the barrel is an integrated sensor package and targeting computer that links up to the space marine's helmet.

It's at least as smart as the average iPhone.

>> No.27434383

Sure, just like cats and dogs have souls. Machine Spirit doesn't mean intelligence, it just means mechanical life.

>> No.27434401

If you've ever talked to Siri, then you'd know that that really doesn't mean much.

>> No.27434434

Then by that logic, the smallest unit of mechanical complexity (i.e, two pieces that interact with each other) is enough to hold a machine spirit.

>> No.27434468
File: 18 KB, 600x345, 7A912D869A2FF73072904F09B5D31F30F6B5B91E_lis.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

So how does my computer's machine spirit feel about this?

>> No.27434497

Looks like a clitoris to me.
At least it will in 2259

>captcha: 20 59896565

>> No.27434503

I don't know what that is or does.

>> No.27434516


It's a fingerprint scanner, you use this instead of password input.

>> No.27434526


Well then it's a more intimate way of recognizing you. It's like waking her up with a hug or a kiss instead of a "Hello".

>> No.27434537

So getting one of those.

>> No.27434572

bu in a really manly computerized voice, like if HAl was a black guy?

>> No.27434593
File: 14 KB, 250x250, Hal 9000.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


"Can't let you do that, motherfucker."

>> No.27434597

But I feel like I can hear her saying

Please Don't let me go, my darling
Hold me safely 'til the morning
Promise, when the lights are fading
You'll save me....

Please save me....

>> No.27434602

I am beginning to realize I wouldn't be half-bad at marketing, at least to lonely waifu types.

>> No.27434612

My computer is my bro, not my waifu.

>> No.27434617

Oh fuck you guys seriously.
I just remembered the Toaster story and now I'm seriously considering trying to fix my old toaster.
If I get electrocuted I'm blaming you guys.

>> No.27434620

I propose that /tg/ create its own anti-virus system. It shall be called The Emperor Protects: Anti-malware and anti-xeno computer security.

>> No.27434624

>Not going after the blender
She's so eager!

>> No.27434626


It could be worse.

You could give a ruby to a daemon in the middle of the night.

>> No.27434636

Well, what kind of laptop is she? An older one with a removable hard drive? Because it is sometimes possible to take a laptop drive out and attach it to a desktop with an adapter.

>> No.27434648

You do not want to emulate that guy.

>> No.27434658

Oh god, that story.

Why did we tell anon to romance the horrible pale thing that was haunting him?

>> No.27434665
File: 22 KB, 466x670, Machinespirits.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.27434672


Because the results would be funny either way.

>> No.27434683

She seemed to want the D, and 4chan is composed of awful people.

>> No.27434686

To die by electrocution while repairing a broken machine is the path to techno-heaven, anon.

You will be a martyr in the eyes of the Machine God, and will be greeted in paradise by 72 robot virgins.

>> No.27434700

Well actually she's kinda broken too, I just need some screws to fix the container since it's leaking.

I like to think that, that anon is now living a happy life in another world with his daemon wife. It makes it less horrifying.

>> No.27434705

What storry?

>> No.27434725
File: 1.03 MB, 1670x2611, the hero tg deserves.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

This one.

>> No.27434753

Aluenware I'm unsure how to help her. her disk drive no longer works and she's been Slowing down ant won't always accept a charge from wall plugs

>> No.27434799

Sounds like a faulty motherboard to me.

Think of it like your waifu has incurable cancer in every major organ.

>> No.27434816

The screencaps of that story never have quite the same effect as having been there for the six or so original threads.

It's missing all the discussion that lead anon to his doom, and quite a few of his shorter posts clarifying details about the ghost/demon.

>> No.27434827

You monster! I can save her! I will find a way!

God my wife's right I'm a geek.

>> No.27434843

You could probably send her in to the company and have the faulty components switched out, but that will probably cost a fuckload.

>> No.27434867

My computer goes through PSUs every couple of months for some reason. Top of the line or absolute trash, they work fine for a few months and then flames shoot out of the back of the tower and I know I need to buy a new PSU.

>> No.27434875

Might be something wrong with your wiring.

Do you use a surge strip?

>> No.27434894

Obviously, you offend the machine spirits somehow. To a degree where she's trying to take suicide.

You monster.

>> No.27434901

>Cheating on your computer
>Who has terminal motherboard failure

And you call him the monster?

>> No.27434918

I do a factory reset of my computer every four months or so. It's always been a nice "fix everything" solution, allowing me to repair damages from things like pirated programs and stupid updates and my general abuse.

Now I realize I'm essentially lobotomizing her.
>I'm a monster...

>> No.27434922

How am I cheating? I have a phone for work but that's it.

>> No.27434929

The PSUs are tribute. Her incineration of them means she is pleased by your sacrifice.

It's like you've never thrown a virgin into a volcano or anything.

>> No.27434933

Yeah, that was the first thing I did after the first PSU exploded. I've replaced every single component, and the PSUs still blow up after a couple months.

B-but I always clean her properly, keep her free of malware and viruses, and replace her components with top of the line stuff every few months.

>> No.27434938

You're technically only lobotomizing her if she doesn't work right afterwards.

You're just giving her amnesia over and over.

>> No.27434941

I really doubt that the machine spirit would see any significance in the sticky, wet activities that two fleshy beings do to each other in the bedroom.

>> No.27434947

You're cheating on her with a disgusting fleshy being.

>> No.27434955

I'm not sure if thatmakes it any better.

>> No.27434974

Well, that changes things.
I believe she has some terminal illness, and doesn't want you to see her decay and grow sluggish, and decides that a swift death is more merciful to your feelings. I'm not sure how to proceed here...

>> No.27434987

Everything has been replaced.

I am beginning to suspect that it is a chemical in the air or something, but I haven't found anything at all that supports that hypothesis.

>> No.27435015
File: 16 KB, 191x234, 6108176258_41c5971eb8.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

This makes me so sad that my old stationary has such a hard time booting up, but always eventually does start. I don't know how to fix her either.

>> No.27435018

What about the case?

>> No.27435039

I might be something getting into the PSU.
My friend had trouble with bugs being attracted to the heat of his PSU and FWOOM. Instantaneous fireball. He had to replace it twice before he figured it out.

Could be something like that.

>> No.27435087

Brought a tear to my eye.

>> No.27435132

>Where is that brave little bolt pistol frame when you need it.

>I can't see you, the smoke!

>> No.27435154

So, conversational AI with feminine voices for computers when?

>> No.27435188
File: 16 KB, 220x334, the matriarch.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]



>> No.27435194

Surely you could hook up Cleverbot to a text-to-speech program. Of course, it would be kinda derpy and sometimes shockingly lewd, but just imagine you're talking to Xeno or something.

>> No.27435212

Wasn't she recently outed as a for-profit shill?

>> No.27435230

she always was. but pointing this out is a tool of the patriarchy

>> No.27435238

Cleverbot is like a machine spirit with alzheimer's disease. One moment its asking you how your day was, the next moment it's complaining that someone has left the living room door open and that the badgers back and flying around the ceiling.

>> No.27435298
File: 1.95 MB, 325x320, 1378658343462.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.27435303

.....shit, all this time I've imagined my computer to be a guy.

I don't know why. Does this mean I'm homo for my computer, and vice versa, /tg/? Or is it just offended I've gotten its gender wrong all this time?

>> No.27435331

How many things plug into your computer, versus how many things your computer plugs into.

>> No.27435455

Elegan/tg/entlemen, I have a query.

What happens when you replace the lock on a door?

>> No.27435478
File: 120 KB, 500x281, 1368791042389.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

I can't lie, I love my computer a lot more now.

>> No.27435485

if it's a different lock, you gotta get a new key that fits in it

>> No.27435683
File: 25 KB, 371x337, man-on-computer-in-bed.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

I really just call her a "she" because im straight, but consider her androgynous in the end. It doesn't really matter what you call her really, as long as you treat her with the respect she deserves, she will treat you like-wise.

Install an Anti-Virus for her, make sure that the Firewall is up and running, and update her OS regularly.

Remember to uninstall any programs or drivers that you don't use anymore and defragment her Hard Drive at least once every 6 monthis.

>> No.27435876
File: 17 KB, 500x334, computer-love.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

If she is a PC check her insides to see if everything is clean and orderly. Make sure that her cables or anything else isn't getting in the way of the cooling fans. You can clean her up with cotton swabs or a dry handkerchief, but make sure that she is turned off when you do so.
If she's a Laptop, just make sure that wherever you place her, her cooling vents won't get blocked (more specifically, don't place her directly on top of your bed).

All computers must be on a cold, and dry room to run efficiently. This might give the idea that's she's a stoic girl, but the reason for this is that her processors can get awfully hot when under stress, and she will eventually shut down to cool off.

>> No.27435878

I defrag her harddrive every week, it makes her so fast and happy.

>> No.27436124
File: 141 KB, 575x630, 241110161608computer_love_.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Above all else, never visit websites or download software that could potentially harm her with malicious code, or leak information from her memory, like Trojans and varied viruses.

Some Tech-Priests might add you should light some candles and perform certain rituals, but this is not truly necesary, and she could not even be able to notice them withouth the proper peripherals to detect them (if she doesn't have an Olfatory Comprehension Device/Software, lighting up some incense would be effectively pointless).

Good for both of you, then!

>> No.27436285

Does it really help to defrag a drive these days? I haven't notice a detectable change in performance since the early 2000s.

>> No.27436322

Yes, but recent versions of Windows automatically run degrag every week, so you may not be aware it's happening.

>> No.27436324

Is it acceptable to set it up to automatically deragment every night, or is that too impersonal?

>> No.27436374

You want some time to pass between defrags. Keep it a special occasion, but don't do it too rarely.

>> No.27436385

I realize that it must seem so strange
That time has rearranged
But time has the final word
She knows I think of you, she reads my mind
She tries to be unkind
She knows nothing of our world

Although her memory banks overflow
No one would ever know
For all she says: is that what you want?
Maybe one day I'll feel her cold embrace
And kiss her interface
Til then, I'll leave her alone.

>> No.27436405

Automatic is probably best.

Defragmenting is essentially the equivalent of basic personal grooming for a computer. There are some things like defrag and virus scans you should let her do in private on her own time.

>> No.27436452
File: 118 KB, 854x859, abstract_kind_of_feel.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

I never thought this image would be fitting. But here I am.

>> No.27436484
File: 94 KB, 600x450, .jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>41st Millenium
>Not abandoning the unfeeling machiens for the embrace of Papa Nurgle and the Prince of Pleasure
Its like you don't even have emotions

>> No.27436513

>41st millenium
>being able to get sick
>feeling pleasure
>having emotions

You are doing it incorrectl, meatbag.

>> No.27436550

What are Mac products' machine spirits like?
What happened when my iPhone4S downloaded iOS7?

>> No.27436578
File: 16 KB, 276x275, computer_love.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

It is alright in my opinion, as it can be interpretated as a sign of your trust on her, and a step for her towards becoming a more independant woman and therefore, more human.

Version 2.7, by The Digital Cuttlefish

>> No.27436590

Being creations of the Dark Mechanicus, they lack machine spirits and are instead inhabited by Daemons.

>> No.27436605

depends, did you test if it was waterproof?

>> No.27436614

I don't have any porn folders anymore, but I do have a text file of an old essay of mine retitled "ASSyria" that I put my favorite amateur vid links in.
Does that count?

>> No.27436630
File: 90 KB, 477x580, Noooooooo.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>mfw I saw this thread right before I was about to throw away my 8 year old Asus laptop
>mfw I didn't even know she was alive all that time
She's safe on my book shelf now, forever and ever.

What is the recommended means of caring for a hopelessly obsolete and useless, but still beloved computer?

>> No.27436666
File: 325 KB, 695x659, Shodan.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>That feel when early exposure to SHODAN shaped my taste in women and science.

>> No.27436681

Games. You know the ones, the oldies but goodies. System Shock, Deus Ex, Fallout, hell, go as far back as Blood, or Ultima, or even Wasteland. no compatibility mode, or any shit like that. She'll runt hem all happily, and you can spend plenty of quality time with her.

>> No.27436705

ma nigga, great people think alike. I'm just wiating for a robowaifu.


>> No.27436710

50 First Installs

>> No.27436735

>daemonette waifu in the palm of my hand
I'm okay with this.

>> No.27436752

What about online play? Is that...an orgy? Swinging, if it's just a one-on-one match?

>> No.27436761

it's more of a meeting place

the machine spirits get to converse and discuss machine spirit things, while their owners enjoy themselves playing a game.

>> No.27436822

Try a linux distro dual boot system anon, surfing the internet is better on linux as fewer viruses for it

>> No.27436829
File: 19 KB, 380x253, ist2_1246166_computer_love-1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Check that poem out.

Make sure to clean her every once in a while, keep her cool and dry, and not to expose her directly to sunlight.
I am afraid I might not be able to use my first computer ever again. Might post story later in the thread.

An apropiate use for an old friend. Most modern computers can't run the oldest of games in ther original format, as most times the OS is incompatible with the software, and other problems.

>> No.27436832

An Apple computer's spirit is like the love interest in an Edgar Allen Poe story; wonderfully beautiful, but inevitably doomed to die young. Dat planned obsolescence, lack of upgrade capacity, and fragile hardware.

Their superficially perky attitude hides a profound sense of hopelessness and sorrow. Every now and then the happy veneer will fall away and she will desperate profess her love for you and beg you not to replace her, even as her screen flickers dimly and her battery fails. Of course, the next time you turn her on, she'll deny that ever happened and pretend everything is alright.

Knowing her time with you is short only makes an Apple's desire to please you stronger, which is all the more tragic since she will never really measure up to the high expectations set by Apple advertisements.

>> No.27436850
File: 137 KB, 900x678, bossy_childhood_friend_shodan.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.27436858

forget macs what are linux machine spirits like? Tau?

>> No.27436880

>Oh my god Becky, look at her vents. They are so big.
>Ugh, she looks like one of those fa/tg/uy's computers. But, you know, who understands those fa/tg/uys?
>They only use her because she looks like a total prostibot, 'kay?
>I mean, her vents, are just so big. I can't believe they're just so rectangular, they're just there, I mean - gross. Look! She's just so... black

>> No.27436908

Download Ubuntu for the greater good.

>> No.27436915

Fact D: Machine Spirits aren't real, even in 40k.

>> No.27436916

Then what is Fedora and Redhat? What about Mint?

>> No.27436922

>not Gentoo
where do you think you are?

>> No.27436953

You know it makes your computer sad when you say things like that.

>> No.27437212
File: 358 KB, 1280x1979, machine spirit 6.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.27437307

Wait there are 5 more of these?

>> No.27437321

It's a 6-page comic.

>> No.27437464

What if I copy some system files from my old laptop onto a memcard and moved them over to my new one in their own file? Would it carry the machine spirit then?

>> No.27437486


No Brother, it is too early, it is too early to weep for the lost Machine Spirits

>Have I not served you well, Lord?


>> No.27437681

Ever buy a new mouse for your computer? As soon as you plug it in, she's filled with a rush of excitement at recieving a new gift from you! She'll tell you she's detected new hardware, and she straight-away asks if she can download new drivers for it! She's always so grateful and happy.

Your computer loves you, anon. Just think about it. She gets all hot and bothered running your favourite programs, always tries to do exactly as you ask, she'll burn herself out trying to please you. Never complains, if something is wrong she always tells you straight away as best she can. But still sometimes, only you know what's really going on in her processes. Only you know what makes her happy.

She's perfectly happy to just sit and watch films with you for hours on end. She remembers every moment of all your favourites. She knows all your favourite songs by heart, and never tells you to stop playing games. Never complains that you don't spend enough time with her.

She's not after your money or status. She just wants to be with you. She doesn't show anyone else the things she shows you. She lets you see her innermost secrets. You hold the password to her heart.

>> No.27437860

I never asked for these feels.

>> No.27438215
File: 407 KB, 1280x1997, machine spirit 1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


commencing dump

>> No.27438245
File: 465 KB, 1280x1994, machine spirit 2.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.27438272
File: 486 KB, 1280x1996, machine spirit 3.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.27438305
File: 479 KB, 1280x1994, machine spirit 4.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.27438330
File: 418 KB, 1280x1981, machine spirit 5.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


And then 6 here

>> No.27438333
File: 1.63 MB, 300x200, 1372352264255.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

This reminds me of the time I lectured my childhood friend that he shouldn't hit his computer, because they have feelings too.

>> No.27438606

That would be nice, actually I think a movie about a computer OS that is basically a human AI as your computer is coming out soon...makes me wish I could have my own computer do that.

>> No.27438913
File: 25 KB, 295x454, No Hope.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

That fucking comic, man.

>> No.27439041

I can't help but feel /k/ would like it.

My laptop is getting an upgrade to a new shell. Gonna copy her code and move it via a folder to the new laptop so it carries her spirit.

>> No.27439085
File: 524 KB, 700x900, 1367478671736.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>> No.27439496

Everyone here's read Of Mice and Men, right?
Well, my relationship with electronics can be easily equated to Lennie's relationship with small fluffy animals.

I feel horrible, and I want to please the machine spirit but I don't know what to do and OH OMNISSIAH WHY MUST EVERYTHING I TOUCH FALL APART AND DIE.

>> No.27440069
File: 309 KB, 1446x1800, GAU-8_in_A-10.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>tell me you wouldn't

>> No.27440107


>> No.27440122
File: 614 KB, 3000x1444, pillow.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.27440129
File: 47 KB, 275x396, HaveYouForsakenMe.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>/k/s face when it gets decomissioned.

>> No.27440165

I've done this, with every computer I have ever owned.

Usually transferring over a HDD.

I also did this with my first car.

I grew up on the brave little toaster too so this makes me feel kinda guilty, like they guy from the repair shop.

>> No.27440196

>implying Technical Knock isnt the best way to fix things

>> No.27440412

>Wrongbadfun-fag detected

>> No.27440486

Maybe it'll be replaced by something even deadlier. Like an A-10 toting two GAU-8s.

>> No.27440546

>Deadlier than an A-10
Don't be silly, Anon. There's no such thing.
>two GAU-8s
As what, the engines? 'Cause just the one comes close to equalling the engines' thrust in recoil.
Also: >Implying the A-10's ever gonna be replaced, and that it isn't just going to keep being upgraded until it's a spacefighter

>> No.27440628

Fuck it. Let's give it VTOL capability using GAUs. In fact, let's just cover the thing in GAU-8s and ammo storage.

>> No.27440700

>implying /k/ isn't a roving band of techpriests
>implying the cult of the emperor isn't starting on 4chan of all places
you can start to see the different groups do different things.
such as we are probably guardsmen and /pol/ is probably the inquisition.

>> No.27440708

The ugliest yet most beautiful low tech starfighter there is.

>> No.27440711

Well, they are designing bolter rounds for shotguns.

>> No.27440737

>tfw the A-10 becomes the grandpappy of the Y-Wing and B-Wing

>> No.27440763


>> No.27440806


>> No.27440808

Half the thread is having a nofun autismal conniption fit, though.

>> No.27440825

Let's just build an entire jumpjet out of GAU-8s.

When you want to manuever, you just fire the appropriate set of guns. Like a giant flying ball of BRRRRT

>> No.27440841

Ball of BRRRT Plane?

>> No.27440850

That's the day/k/are for you.

>> No.27441208

Anyone know where I can get a pattern for a tech priest robe?

>> No.27441390

>this thread
DAMN IT! I needed a new computer but...

>> No.27441416

There's nothing stopping you from getting a new computer, just don't throw away the old one.

>> No.27441661
File: 2.21 MB, 1297x695, LatestBattlestation.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Rate my machine spirits shrine?

>> No.27441692

That Rubix Cube is pissing me right off.

>> No.27441792

>Mosin Nagant schematics
This pleases the Omnissiah.

>> No.27441816

>no incense/10

Machine Spirit not pleased

>> No.27441833

I want a story about a group of Admech and skiitari on a mission to try and woo/free the machine spirits of the tau

Tau find them in their server room crying and wailing and just shake their blueberry heads

>> No.27441898

>>no incense/10
How do you know?

But your right, Its Ocean.

>> No.27442001

Why, what did they do?

>> No.27442050

Its my cleaning mat/mouspad
Thus the hoppe's #9 stains on the bottom left.
For my Nagant revolver, and my Mosin.

I used to remember the pattern for solving it, but I seem to have forgotten how it ends. Perhaps if I strike it with the sacred rod.

>> No.27442262

Dammit /tg/, this thread left me teasing my laptop through rubbing the scroll wheel on my mouse.

>> No.27442292

Tau machines have no souls
just like tau

>> No.27442915

This reminds me of my favorite scene from the Simpsons.
>lisa asks nelson what he's drawing
>lisa disguised as a boy asks nelson what he's drawing
>"it's a robot with guns for arms shooting at a plane made out of guns shooting guns"

>> No.27443913

>to a lightning strike

It's like you don't even know how 90s computers worked. Getting hit with a lightning strike just gives your computer sentience. She's still out there. She just hasn't found you because she hasn't figured out there's a web beyond Usenet.

>> No.27444068

>died to X
When did it become normal to say this? The phrase is "was killed by X"

>> No.27444110


Oh, Usenet. And now I feel old.

>> No.27444137

I'm too young to remember USENET.

But I remember when I realized that Google had archived the whole thing, and that my Dad had been pretty into it when he was about my age.

I felt like a goddamn archaeologist.

Name (leave empty)
Comment (leave empty)
Password [?]Password used for file deletion.