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[ERROR] No.27166466 [DELETED]  [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Hello fellow Ordo Xenos Inquisitors. Welcome to our centurial Ordo meeting.

First order of business, I believe it's time we finally developed a Final Solution for the Eldar problem. Please turn to page 3 in your folders, and we will begin...

>> No.27166698

>>27166466
Sorry, I have lost my copy while traveling webway.

>> No.27166814

>>27166466
Page three of my folder is strong porn of Eldar females. In fact, so's every other page.

Are you sure you're in the right meeting?

>> No.27166832

>>27166466

Well that's going EXACTLY as I expected

>> No.27166876

>>27166466
I have no ARMS, FUCKTARD!

Either someone turns the pages for me, or else read aloud.
Either way, I'm doing an internal monologue.

>> No.27166881

>>27166466
>Final solution
>For one of the few Xenos races that actively works against Chaos and occasionally aids the Imperium
>Implying wiping out the Eldar wouldn't be difficult, wasteful, and ultimately more harmful than beneficial to the Imperium

>> No.27166882

>>27166698

Is that a Chaos Eldar he's murdering?

>> No.27166897

>>27166698
so what exactly is this a picture of? A chaos-encrusted eldar about to be lobotomized by a court jester?

>> No.27166898

>>27166814
Must be the Radicals' turn to hold make the folders this century.

>> No.27166920

>>27166466
Ordo Xenos? Ah, shit.

>> No.27166937

I propose COMPLETE INTEGRATION through HOT DICKINGS of BOTH GENDERS on BOTH SIDES.

>> No.27166962

>>27166897
>>27166882
Kind of.
However, I don't remember Czevak killing anything like a chaos eldar in Atlas Infernal.

>> No.27166993

>>27166881
What are you, some kinda xeno sympathizer?

>> No.27167016

>>27166881
They do not "occasionally aid the Imperium" a dieing race has no free aid to lend. I assure you my peer, that any action they do take is intended to do nothing more but alleviate their burden. A burden which i, inquisitors, am happy to lift, victory over the arch enemy will be our honor and duty alone and i am engaging in experimentation which could just yeald such a result (he says this every time).

>> No.27167042

Bombs always work. Make enough explosions and you can kill anything.

>> No.27167061

>>27166876
Gideon, chill out. You're making my head hurt and my hair stand on end. I thought you had psychic sight or something.

Ooh, anyone seen the tits on the one on page six?

>> No.27167088

>>27166466
If your plan is anything other than "help the Eldar destroy Slaanesh" I'm calling the smurfs. If it's the Dark Eldar you want to get rid of, that should be easy. Sneak a psyker into Commorragh and tell them to play with magic until Slaanesh eats the whole fucking city.

>> No.27167090

>>27167061
I have a blank outside, damping my powers.

There's been a shady-ass psyker following me around.

>> No.27167130

>>27166466
Weren't we on Final Solution to the Tau Question 30?
Did we give on trying to circumvent their plot armor?

>> No.27167145

>>27167090
Okay, so that what that foul-smelling dude is. Anyway, I'll just hook this servo-skull up to your chair like so... aaand done. You can see me now? it has pincers, so just flip pages with them, ok?

But wait, if you're not psyching around, who the fuck is?

>> No.27167148

>>27166937

...guys, how did Slaanesh get in here? I don't remember him joining our order.

>> No.27167160

>>27167148
I dunno.
*BLAM*
Problem solved?

>> No.27167180

>>27167148
I will have you know Inquisitor Hsenaals is on very good terms with the rest of us, and is responsible for throwing a very nice block party last July or so he claims.

>> No.27167181

>>27167130
http://archive.foolz.us/tg/thread/18971048/
We're past Final Solution 54

>> No.27167235

>>27167160
Didn't the Tau already kill Slaanesh.

>> No.27167237

>>27167130
I thought "Testing if necrons were magnetic" was question 30. Does anyone have the ACTUAL agenda? this pamplet is just eldar porn!

>> No.27167263

>>27167235
I don't know, but I bet that fucker I just downed was some Slaaneshi shit, and I'd like to keep Hereticus outside if possible. They're such dickwads.

>> No.27167312

>>27167263
They keep spiking the beer. And the bear.
Why do we keep that thing around again?

>> No.27167314

>>27167237
My pamphlet has some armor designs for the Guardsmen that would "decrease casualties ten fold."
Seems silly to me.

>> No.27167355

>>27167312
Hey, don't diss Olaf, he's perfectly well-behaved. Besides, it's been...uh... MINUTES since he ate someone!

>> No.27167357

>>27167235
Why would anyone want to kill Slaanesh? She's awesome. Just look at how much fun they are having.

>> No.27167362

>>27167314
Looks ridiculous. My pamphlet's about 'Famous Jewish Sporting Legends'.

>> No.27167373

>>27167357
Dave, get the fuck out. Do we have to call the Canoness again?

>> No.27167385

>>27167357
What the hell, who let these people in anyway?

Olaf! Rip and tear!

>> No.27167396

>>27166898
I have to admit, this kind of Heresy I can get behind.

And by "get behind" I of course mean executions. And I definitely don't mean anything sexual, at all, in the slightest.

>> No.27167401

>>27167385
Mraaaargh.

>> No.27167402

>>27167357
HERETIIIIIIIIIIIICS

>> No.27167403

>>27167362
Well, seems like I hit the gold, then.

Who made these damn pamphlets anyway?

>> No.27167427

>>27167401
I said Rip. And. Tear! Geez, don't tell me you got full on just FOUR firewarriors?

>> No.27167444

>>27167403
I thought you were in charge of making the pamphlets this time.

>> No.27167448

>>27167061
Yep, 10/10, would Corrupt and suckle on!

>>27167088
I'm all for getting rid of the Dark Eldar, those guys are Rotten Assholes...
...In some cases LITERALLY...

>> No.27167459

>>27167427
Grrrmpphhh.

*Nuzzles leg*

>> No.27167463

I suggest we send Space Marines out to this planet near the Eye of Terror. It's completely beyond our fleets and communication, but I've been investigating the area and there's definitely some heresy there.

We should probably send some Space Marines out there alone and without back up. Because heresy.

>> No.27167466

Hello, fellow normal-sized humans. I am Inquisitor Betarius of the Ordo Xenos. I came here to suggest that the entire Imperial Fleet should immediately attack the Eldar and totally ignore any other threat that is currently present.

>> No.27167487

>>27167466
I concur with my fellow normal-sized human battle brother.

For the False Emperor we will purge the xenos!

>> No.27167493

Can't you guys, just, like, leave us alone?

>> No.27167494

>>27167466
DEldar Internet Defense Force pls go.

>> No.27167502

>>27167448
Okay, fellas, who forgot to invite the Ordo Malleus?

>> No.27167506

>>27167493
NO

>> No.27167515

>>27167444
Oh. Well, I didn't! I promise!

..I'll probaby keep this, though. Good stuff.

>>27167459
Oh, get off your sorry ass and do your job. If you're good, I'll get ypu some dried kroot. How about that, huh?

>> No.27167525

>>27167463
>>27167466
I can'remember seeing you around... You new?

>> No.27167528

>>27167493
Oh son of an Ork.
Who was in charge of security detail? This always happens every meeting!

>> No.27167533

>>27167487
Brothers, I fear this man is a traitor! To make sure I can base my accusations on actual fact, it would be best if you would give me access to any confidential intelligence that is currently relevant in relation to Chaos heresy, I will then go forth and destroy those filthy heretics!

>> No.27167534

I don't know guys, the Eldar are pretty cool

>> No.27167539

>>27167528
I think it was Vail, but she probably plaued with her pet commisar instead...

>> No.27167543

>>27167466
Wait a min....Betarius.... The last time I saw you you were half dead and being dragged away by some chaos heretics... you were also much smaller...

You look much better. Have you been working out?

>> No.27167546

>>27167525
Yeah, I was just promoted, which is why you might not have up-to-date records on me yet. But that's not important. What's important is that we focus our attention on the Eldar and not on any other potential threats, while we order Space Marines out on this very important suicide mission because the Emperor would want it.

>> No.27167552

Okay, sorry for my lateness, Loken had another fit. Now, what are we discus--

>>27167525
>>27167533
Oh, for fuck's sake. Do none of us do psyk-scans anymore? Does nobody notice their Imperial Truth-damned Hydra-encrusted pauldrons? I thought we had Deathwatch doing security.

>> No.27167555

>>27167525
Yes, we are new Inquisitors, promoted after the battle between the Alphabetical Legion and the Supermarines, which was totally not connected to anything during the Horus Heresy. Now would you be interested in some nice magazines like these?

>> No.27167564

>>27167534
Why can't we at least make a temporary alliance to get rid of the Tau, Necrons, Dark Eldar and the Tyranids?

>> No.27167569

>>27167528
Sorry sirrah, it's hard to see in these respirators.

>> No.27167573

>>27167534
Haven't seen you around either, pal. Here, have you met Ravenor? He's sorta famous. Oh, don't worry about the smell, it's just the nullALRIGHT WHO THE FUCK LET THE ELDAR IN?

>> No.27167595

>>27167533
This is absurd! I'm clearly a pathetic slave to the Emperor like everyone else! I believe this accuser is the REAL traitor! And I will prove it! All I require is access to the classified information of the Inquisition, and I will expose the root of this foul heresy!

>> No.27167611

>>27167543
Indeed, I have been working out and I am definitely not part of any kind of weird Chaos cult or anything. By the way, do you know where all our state secrets are held this week? I am awfully forgetful sometimes.

>> No.27167615

>>27167552
How dare you insult my good friend Not-Alpharius! He has been an inquisitor for as long as anyone can remember! Drag this man away to be executed!

>> No.27167631

>>27167502
Like they'd be ANY less Corruptible...

What are we planning on doing about the Orks anyways?

>>27167534
I agree with this...
*Uses Chaos Genderflipping Magic.*
Lady here, the Eldar of the Craftworlds are the least of our problems...

>>27167564
Tau aren't much of an Issue...
Can't really say either way on the Necrons either...
Agree with taking out the Dark Eldar though, they're Rotten Assholes...

...I've actually got a Plan for the Tyranids...

>> No.27167632

>>27167615
Agreed, brother! Death to the traitor!

>> No.27167643

>>27167595
Heresy! How can a fool such as you accuse me of this kind of foul act? I will make sure you will meet the Emperor's Judgment! Brothers, I suggest we bombard two or three of our hive worlds where this wretched spawn might be hiding out. No need to check with the rest of the Inquisition, I've already done all the paper work.

>> No.27167655

>>27167555

How many chairs are we talking here man?

Because I need to do a lot of sitting, as head of the Ordos Loungeus

>> No.27167658

>>27167615
>>27167632
You DO realize that I helped found this motherfucking organization, right? Someone unchain Loken and whisper "Traitors" in his ear.

>> No.27167659

>>27167611
Okay, you want to leave from here, take a left, go straight, take another left, and go into the room at the end of the hall. If you hear the sound of heretics burning alive somewhere deep below you're on the right track.

>> No.27167668

>>27167643
You fool! The foul cults extend far beyond two or three worlds! We must purge entire systems of the frail and weak servants of the Emperor! Dozens of wolds must burn for this offense!

Purge everything! In the name of the False Emperor!

>> No.27167677

>>27167631
>plan for the Tyranids
Does it rhyme with "exterminatus"?

>> No.27167680

Looking for a ssssolution to the Eldaaar problem? Iiii can...help with that.

>> No.27167683

>>27167658
How convenient that you founded the very organization that you are now working to betray! He has confessed to his heresy, for only a heretic would shy away from the Emperor's judgment! Death to the heretic!

>> No.27167699

>>27167680
By the Emperor, you could be a little less obvious, xeno scum. "Yo dawg, I heard you like teeth so we put jaws in your jaws in your jaws in your jaws so you can bite while you bite while you bite while you bite."


DAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKADAKKA

>> No.27167709

>>27167534
I agree with my colleague here, we should let the Eldar do whatever they want without any consequences. In fact, we should form an union which they lead, older is after all better. However screw the Dark Eldar, not literally.

>> No.27167713

>>27167683
Seriously, has nobody noticed the totally conspicuous cabal of heretics sitting right here in this room?

Ravenor, Vail, you guys see this shit, right?

>> No.27167715

>>27167643
>>27167668
What the fuck are you, Ordo Idioticus?

No Exterminatusies...

>> No.27167717

So how's operation "Turn Holy Terra into a planet sized Dreadnought for the Emperor" coming along? Because I'm like 70% certain that the Techpriests were just being sticklers again when they said we don't have that technology.

>> No.27167721

>>27167668
Oh, Not-Alpharius. Your fervent devotion to purifying the Imperium is wasted in the Ordo Xenos. We could use more like you in the Ordo Hereticus

>> No.27167722

EVERYBODY CHILL THE FUCK OUT. I called Malleus and a bunch of Deathwatch. We'll get this traitor-business out of the way, and get on with the meeting. Meanwhile, I've taken the liberty of activating all of the pdy-blockers in the room, so psychich shenanigans should stop right about...now.

>> No.27167728

>>27167658
>implying you didn't found this organization to betray it from within

>> No.27167734

>>27167680
Oh, here is that thing.
I think it's now the time to solve THE PROBLEM OF YOUR EXISTENCE.

>> No.27167750

>>27167699
Iiit iiiis not my boDY. It is a spe..cial aremoor suit made by the Magos Biolojis.

Why are yooou shoutING like an Ork? PeeeerHAPS it iiis you who is zeeenows.

>> No.27167763

>>27167715
That's preposterous, there's no wrong time for an Exterminatus! Hey, everybody, it's a big, fat, HERETIC!

>> No.27167764

>>27167717
They kept bitching about "blue skies of death" and "tectonic patch Tuesday" last I heard. Those incompetent weaklings don't know the difference between a fork() and a spoon anymore.

>> No.27167769

>>27167713
You know, I thinl this meeting was a trap to get us all here at the same time. Which is why I'll subject myself to psychic scanning and leave. Come on, Olaf.

>> No.27167771

You fucking idiots.

>> No.27167772

>>27167722
Oh Emperor Damnit why the hell did you invite those assholes from Malleus? You know they're just gonna make fun of us because they're the only Ordo with a full dedicated chapter of Space Marines on their side.

>> No.27167773

>>27167750
Oh gods, the Hive Mind absorbed Cultist-chan.

>> No.27167786

>>27167750
That wasn't me shouting, it was my bolter. You should be bleeding from several dozen new orifices by now. I can only conclude you aren't here at all and there is a veiled Eldar giggling in the corner.

>> No.27167793

>>27167713
Of course they have, and it begins and ends with you, traitor!

>>27167715
Only exterminatus will end the threat of Chaos! We must purify our worlds with faith and fire! In the Emperor's name we will burn the hive worlds! Anyone who disagrees is a traitor and a heretic!

>>27167721
Who do you think sent me here? The meek and timid Ordo Xenos has come under investigation, and the Ordo Hereticus is receiving a list of disloyal heretics to investigate even as we speak!

>> No.27167799

>>27167677
NO EXTERMINATUSIES!!!

>>27167680
Oh hay!
Can I interest you in a pair of breasts or 7?

>>27167709
*Chaos Genderflipping.*
Yes dear, Rotten Assholes and all that...

>> No.27167821

Did someone say "TRAITORS"? I heard someone say "TRAITORS".

>chainsword revving intensifies

>> No.27167833

Fellow Inquisitors, I bring great news! We have just uncovered some more information about the Horus Heresy. According to this totally not fabricated report, we should immediately transport the body of the Primarch of the Ultramarines to a planet near the Eye of Terror. According to those new informations, this beloved son of the God-Emperor has a twin... erm... cousin, who is absolutely not any kind of Daemon or Prince or anything like that, who would be able to... resurrect this great leader of mankind and help us claim victory over the forces of Chaos.

I'd also like to remind everyone that smashing the Golden Throne is still the best option.

>> No.27167834

Greetings Imperial citizens! What's going on in thi-

>>27167771

THOUSAND SONS! BURN EVERYTHING, BROTHERS! DESTROY IT ALL LIKE PROSPERO!

>> No.27167849

>>27167772
Have you been paying attention? There's less loyalists here than in the asshole of a Great Unclean One.

See ya, anyway.

>> No.27167853

>>27167773
I reeeject the akyusation dat I learNED this inferior tong-Iii mean Goffic from a small irritating morse-human

>>27167786
Warp shield, biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch.

>>27167799
What the braincaaaase are brests?

>> No.27167857

>>27167771
Finally, the deathwatch are here.

Could you please take care of the heretics and xenos that have infiltrated this meetin?

>> No.27167874

Time to die.

>> No.27167882

>>27167834
Calm yourself, Yiff. That is just Inquisitor Not-Chaos Sorcerer. Hey simply looks like a Traitor to the Throne to assist in his infiltration of heretical cults.

>> No.27167885

>>27167821
Yeah, this Nathaniel Garro guy said that the Emperor wears women's clothing

>> No.27167887

>>27167821
Sorry, didn't see any traitors around here. But I'd be happy to show you a place where they might meet soon.

>> No.27167902

>>27167885
Really. From honest, "Straight-Arrow" Garro. That sounds like disapproval coming from you. ARE YOU SAYING YOU DISAPPROVE OF THE EMPEROR'S FASHION SENSE, TRAITOR?

>> No.27167914

Oi, fello 'umies. I'm 'ere to innst... inspect the arma... armo... look at all da dakka.

>> No.27167918

>>27167887
Damn, those Alpha Legion heretics are some snappily dressed fellows, the Ultramarines must weep in shame that they shall never look so fine

>> No.27167927

>>27167763
>>27167793
Ugh, why are we issuing Exterminatus on HIVE worlds when this is a meeting of the Ordo Xenos...

>>27167853
Oh well allow me to educate you!
They are these hyper-developed dermal glands used for the production, storage, and excretion of Bio-fuel!
Plus they make SUPER comfy pillows!

>> No.27167938

>>27167834
You leprous mutt of the fa- Oh, yes, what >>27167882 said, I'm just disguised.

>>27167857
Sorry, I have this book to read. I heard that if you combine a series of random letters properly you can gain access to the Black Library for loyalists.

>> No.27167947

>>27167927
>Hive worlds
>Hive mind
>Tyrannids

Honestly, why do we even invite you if you can't keep track of such a simple thing

>> No.27167952

>>27167927
Say, you wouldn't be a Slaaneshi daemonette would you? Why don't we take a walk.

>> No.27167964

MALLEUS WAS HERE, XENOS A SHIT

>> No.27167970

So the Ordo Xenos is basically the AL, Tzeench, some Eldar and an Ork trying to dick each other over? I'm not even surprised.

>> No.27167978

>>27167964
>>27167849
>>27167772
SEE? I TOLD YOU THEY'D DROP BY.

THEY ALWAYS DO.

>> No.27167984

...

[bloodlust intensifies]

>> No.27167989

>>27167970
Don't forget that one faggot that's either a 'nid or a veiled Eldar with a holoprojector.

>> No.27168015

>>27167927
I'm a beast deeezined for sykick warFARE, and therefore haVE no neeeed for such things.

Wait, er, not. I am joking entirely. Haha, is funny hyuman joke of mine. See me exERsize my futILE senz of hyumour

>> No.27168020

>>27167984
>Heresy_Armor
>Heresy
>HERESY

>> No.27168041

>>27167970
>The Alpha Legion, Tzeentch, some Eldar and an Ork trying to dick each other

Just another Wednesday for the Prince of Pleasure!

>> No.27168047

>>27167989
>>27168015
And there he is again. Anyone have a weapon to punch a hole in a warp shield?

>> No.27168049

>>27167885
>>27167902
Indeed, she looks LOVELY!
So radiant that I might spontaneously burst into Warp Flame!

>>27167947
That's not why they're called... That jus... GAAAAAAHHH!!!

>>27167952
What, WHY?!?!
At least execute >>27167947 for incompetence!
He's going to get all those poor mortals killed with his Stupidity!

>> No.27168057

>>27168047
Iiii dooooo.

>> No.27168058

>>27168020
Go home. Loken, you're righteous.

>> No.27168065

>>27167970
>the AL

There's no record of any such group. Clearly this is just the deluded ramblings of a twisted fool. We should remove him immediately in the Emperor's name.

>> No.27168076

>>27167466
Why does a Chaos Space Marine need a blankie?

>> No.27168090

>>27168076
A futile attempt to shield himself from the cold, creeping fear of RIGHTEOUS PURGATION.

>> No.27168097

>>27168065
Hey fuck off Not-Alpharius, you're dead.

>> No.27168099

>>27168076
Because he's undercover.

>> No.27168111

>>27168049
>Feeling sorry for tyrannids

Will your heresy never cease?

>> No.27168112

>>27168049
If he's shouting about it HERE he isn't over THERE launching ze missiles. If he and the maybe-a-Tyranid-maybe-an-Eldar-with-a-speech-impediment in the corner ever see each other it'll be two problems solving each other... permanently.

besides, I've always wanted to find out if I could de-heretic a daemonette with my penis. How 'bout we do some research?

>> No.27168113

>>27168097
Yes... you're right. I am dead. Those reports are true and accurate.

>> No.27168114

>>27168020
>not recognizing it was called that because it came about as a stopgap during the Horus HERESY

Go home, Loken. You're drunk.

>> No.27168122

Hey guys, Sorry I'm late. Was inspecting a Tau male I captured. What did I miss and where is the booze?

>> No.27168133

Oh don't mind me, I was just grabbing some coffee, I'll see myself out.

>> No.27168139

>>27168122
That faggot with the Tyranid accent has it, but he won't share.

>> No.27168140

>>27168099
aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Brilliant.

>> No.27168183

>>27168099
Son, if you DON'T STOP with those jokes we'll spawn a fifth chaos god of laughter.

>> No.27168192

Are there any heretical asses to kick?

>> No.27168194

>>27168133
>actually using your own Legion's mug

Disgusting.

>> No.27168197

>>27168183
Laughter is pleasure; wouldn't that just strengthen Slaanesh?

>> No.27168198

>>27168139
He better share, or he will be staring down the barrel of the pulse pistol that I acquired from the Tau

>> No.27168210

>>27168192
Nope, only loyal Red Marines here.

>> No.27168211

>>27168015
So you DO need Breasts then?
Because I hear each pair is a +10 to Fellowship!

>>27168041
HI MOM!!!

>>27168111
ITJIBKI DAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRGGHHHH!!!

>>27168112
You're probably right...

>Penis...
...Ew... Ok, lets go so I can fix that for you!

>> No.27168220

>>27168183
Did someone say "jokes"

>> No.27168221

>>27168194
Agreed.

>> No.27168230

>>27168192
Nope.

>> No.27168237

>>27168211
...Why is there a Daemonette in here?

>> No.27168241

>>27168221
What do you call a chapter symbolized by a porcelain toilet?

the ultralatrines

>> No.27168246

>>27168220
I think a Fallen did, in the Eye of Terror. Better go stop him

>> No.27168252

>>27168197
Of Course not.

>> No.27168257

>>27168237
Affirmative Action

>> No.27168260

>>27168192
You know what? Fuck it. I hand over the reins of this meeting to you. Bring the paperwork up with Loken when you're done.

>> No.27168266

>>27168211
I thought Slaaneshi daemonettes liked sex....

By the Emperor, are there xenos disguised as OTHER XENOS in here!?

>> No.27168283

Sohhry ahm lehyt, wahs beesy cahptooring rhelieecs fohr corhpse eympehrur.

>> No.27168289

>>27168241

>> No.27168298

>>27167088
Wouldn't getting a Ork mek to fire a shokk attack gun at the nearest webway wall do the same thing but quicker?

>> No.27168306

Just thought I'd tell you guys that I'm gonna roll on down to the golden gate for some Taco Bell, any of you guys want some?

>> No.27168311

>>27168289
By the False Emperor, there's a Necron Infiltrator in here! Stop him in the name of Chao-I mean the Emperor!

>> No.27168321

>>27168257
...Throne damn it. I would argue against it, but it's because of affirmative action that I'm here...

>> No.27168331

>>27168283
Ah, Acolyte Not-Chaos Cultist. What's this relic you have brought us?

>> No.27168338

>>27168306
Taco Bell? What are you? A fagg... oh right.

>> No.27168341

>>27168237
Because I'm de-penising the Inquisitors...

>>27168266
Yes, but the Penis is EVIL!
Clearly, we must purge the Penis...
I'll get my colleagues in the Ordo Hereticus right on that!

>>27168283
So what did you get your Father, Deary?

>> No.27168344

>>27168306
I'd like some for me and my children.

>> No.27168370

>>27168306
I'm so hungry, I could eat a wolf.

>> No.27168375

>>27168211
Ooon my caraPACE-Ah, I meeeen battalsuit? I doubt iit.

>>27168198
Dooon't fretten me with your FILthy Tech Heresy.

Also, iiiit's gone flat. It waaas only Strongbow howEVer, so no matteeeer.

>> No.27168388

>>27168341
In Soviet Imperium, penis purges you! THE GLORY OF MY COCK WILL SHOW YOU THE LIGHT OF MANKIND.

>> No.27168399

>>27168331
Hwee ahre noht shoor, ihs smorll ahnd byteee.

>> No.27168410

>>27168306
Sure, pick me up two plain Soft Shells and a Dr Pepper!

>>27168321
SING IT SISTA!!!
One step closer to throwing off the Patriarchy!

>> No.27168413

>>27168283
YOU! Yoour fuCKING akksent hass rooinnd miii this guys!

>> No.27168424

>>27168370
Hey Leman, I heard the Ultramarines are now heretics. Better go right to Ultramar and bomb the shit out of it, no need to fact check anything, you know you can trust us.

>> No.27168425

>>27168388
I HEARD "COCK". DID SOMEONE SAY "COCK"? SOMEONE TOTALLY SAID "COCK".

>> No.27168427

>>27168341
I see... Meh, doesn't involve me then. Carry on

>> No.27168438

>>27166881
>implying the empire of men knows what it's doing

>> No.27168442

>>27168425
Sure "Macha", we all know it's you, Fulgrim. Now stopdicking around and start doing something useful.

>> No.27168443

>>27168425
Hey baby how you doin'?

>> No.27168445

>>27168388
I wouldn't try that, my friend. Inquisitor Eric had the same idea and, well, He's called "Inquisitor Eunuch" these days.

>> No.27168452

i think i have a solution to all the imperium's problems

>> No.27168470

>>27168445
Good point. Besides, why would I want a smelly, nasty Chaos cooch when Macha's here?

>> No.27168478

>>27168442
Oh, Alpha-boy, you never let me have any fun.

>>27168443
I'm doing quite fine, actually. I'm off to the Pub of Terror tomorrow night for our weekly Primarchs' Night Out with Pert, Lorgar, and Agron.

>> No.27168494

>>27168452
Someone give this man a raise, may I suggest the Eye of Terror? It's absolutely lovely in the wintersummerraspberry time

>> No.27168496

>>27168452
Somebody make this man a Lord, pronto!

>> No.27168505

U FUCKIN WOT M7 ILL FUKIN SLAM U

>> No.27168523

>>27168496
>>27168494
>>27168452

EXLOADING DATASCRAP: The ship is all. The ship moves.

END EXLOAD

>> No.27168524

>>27168494
>raspberry time
>raspberry pi
That is forbidden by the Mechanicus and you know it. Every single one of those foul machines holds a part of the Chaos lord Bruadkham's soul. You know, the one that actually CAUSED the dark age of technology by hiding the source code?

>> No.27168528

>>27168410
Just stay out of my way. Unlike you, I don't hate all men. Besides, I have certain "needs" if you know what I mean.

>> No.27168547

Hey guys, sorry, the traffic around Terra is horrible these days. Also, I had to bring these folders with me and the Techpriests had a lot of trouble with their printer Servitors.
What did I miss?

>> No.27168553

>>27168524
/g/ pls.

>> No.27168558

>>27168496
That is not my image. At all.

>> No.27168563

>>27168338
Haha, alright lil' bro seriously, you want something?

>>27168344
Man, another batch? Shit is wack, can't you remember what happened last time?

>>27168370
A'ight your loss if you go eating humans turned into dogthings.

>>27168410
Will do little girl.

>>27168478
Fulgrim! How are you man?

>> No.27168569

>>27168478
Yu had your "fun" with Doomrider like an hour ago. We've got to organise some stuff for the next Black Crusade, or do you want Failbaddon to fuck it up again?

>> No.27168570

>>27168547
Nathaniel Garro is a heretic and we're preparing an exterminatus fleet to purge Imperial space of the foul infestation of hive worlds

>> No.27168572

>>27168558
What the fuck, neither is that. What the fuck is going on here.

>> No.27168576

>>27168547
Not much.

>> No.27168582

>>27168478
The Pub?
You could have invited me, It's so lonely in this bloody tower.
You can only play dominoes with your metallic children so many times before the amusement wears off.

>> No.27168587

>>27168547
>What did I miss?
Just what happens every meeting.

I don't understand how anyone thinks general meetings of the Inquisition will A. Get anything done, and B. Actually implement policies inquisitors will follow.

>> No.27168590

>>27168572
I think it's a bug in the board software. Two people post the same image with the same md5 checksum (or however they hash pictures) within a second of each other and they go the wrong places.

>> No.27168591

>>27168563
They sell bodies at this shop?

>> No.27168594

>>27168528
Oh myyy. Well, little one, have you considered answering the call of Slaanesh?

>>27168563
Sanguinius? Oh, it's been far too long. Have you done something with your hair? It looks absolutely FAAABULOUS.

>> No.27168610

>>27168563
Just joking dude, we'd love us some tacos. Just have the latino slaves make them in camouflage pattern, we're going undercover later to visit dad later on.

>> No.27168616

>>27168590
I know, but twice in a row, and for a gif? Unheard of.
That it replaced it with le jew face there the second time smacks of conspiracy.

>> No.27168642

>>27168570
But... This was supposed to be a meeting about the Eldar! I brought all this information about their troops! It took me bloody weeks to get the bloody admech print out all these schematics!

>> No.27168649

>>27168375
But what about UNDERNEATH it, hmmm?

>>27168388
THIS HAND OF MINE GLOWS WITH AN AWESOME POWER!!!
It's sapphic whispers tell me to Gender Flip you!
TAKE THIS!
MY LOVE, SOME TENTACLES, AND THE ABILITY TO BEAR CHILDREN!!!
VAGINA ANEMONE!
*Grabs Inquisitor Anon's Crotch.*
And now... BE WOMAN!!!

>>27168427
AYE AYE!!!

>>27168528
Like a man can satisfy you in any way a Tentacle can't...

>> No.27168652

>>27168582
Magnus? I haven't heard from you in ages. I tried to call you on Warp-net, but all I got was someone yelling "JUST AS PLANNED". I've been looking for someone to DM this tabletop RPG I found.

Oh, and Khan, Sangy-boy, Russ, do feel free to drop by the pub sometime. The others are just dying to hear from you all again.

>> No.27168664

>>27168594
No thank you. I'm fine with the moderate amount of sex I'm having right now

>> No.27168686

>>27168587
Oh for crying out loud, really? Still?
I thought the security loopholes had been plugged last time. How many supposed heretics? Never mind, I'll just go call Hereticus again.

>> No.27168693

>>27168642
Oh please, how much are we going to find out that we didn't already know?
"Shoot this spot to make the tank explode, Eldar don't fight good when their limbs get blown off, they freak the fuck out if you pry those gemstones off of their armor."

>> No.27168698

>>27168649
... Well, when you put it like that, I might "investigate" what it's like.

For the Emperor, of course.

>> No.27168705

>>27168652
>Fulgrim plays FATAL

It all makes sense now. And I'm scared and somehow feel violated.

>> No.27168716

>>27168642
Don't worry we can take out the Eldar too, the Sisters of Battle will regret harboring all of those Maidens on their worlds.

>> No.27168722

>>27168591
I'unno, why don't we head on over together and have a look?

>>27168594
It has been, brah! Thanks man, your hair looks awesome as well. Whatcha been up to, in that warp area?

>>27168610
A'ight, camouflage tacos coming right up.


Man is this like, the weirdest meeting ever?

>> No.27168724 [DELETED] 

>>27168652
Tzeentch has borrowed transponder, something about dicking over Khorne.

And what is this a new game to dominate through my intellectual superiority, well my brother let me read through the rules and I'll gladly play with you.

>> No.27168726

>>27168642
Like this meeting wasn't held just to make you shut up about your pointy eared nemesis.

Seriously you have an obsession, there are xenos who aren't Eldar! Orks need purging too you know.

>> No.27168727

Ok guys we can all drop the act now, it is pretty clear to see that we are all heretical scum that have infiltrated this organization with the intention of bringing ruin to the masterrace human imperium, I suggest we group our knowledge along with any other key faction secrets that may aid in any hypothetical attacks on us. If anyone would like to converse with me personally just follow me around this corner after the meeting is finished.

>> No.27168733

>>27168693
Don't forget "Eldar freak out when you backstab them and flee with a shit ton of Primarch gene-seed and ruin all their plans just for the evulz", that's always good for a laugh.

>> No.27168742

>>27168686
But we're already here squire. All the heresy you could ever want and some more besides

>> No.27168759

>>27168652
Tzeentch has borrowed my transponder, something about dicking over Khorne.

And what is this a new game to dominate through my intellectual superiority, well my brother let me read through the rules and I'll gladly play with you.

>> No.27168761

>>27168693
Hey, I didn't request these, they just told me to print them out.

And It's mostly useful for distributing amongst the troops. That's why I got these 5 billion printed out, at least.

>> No.27168769

>>27167715
You're gonna get shot as an traitor if youd are speak to an Inquisitor with that tone again; but i will merely punish you for that.
Meet me in my private chambers after this discussion.

>> No.27168771

>>27168716
What makes you think any of them are maidens anymore?

>>27168722
Oh, a little bit of this, a little bit of that. I ran into Vulkan a few centuries back and did some catching up. Apparently, he's touring the Warp and Webway with his new rock band.

>>27168724
And it even has your square-root-of-third-favorite sort of math, brother: QUADRATIC EQUATIONS. I hear the devs have an expansion in the works involving multivariate calculus.

>> No.27168789

>>27168722
The weirdest meeting ever? Not by any stretch, or did you forget how Roboute was all moody after the little Eskrador incident?

>> No.27168791

>>27168727
(shut up) Oh my goodness, why this poor inquisitor has come down with the fevers! (you'll ruin everything) Fortunately I know a folk remedy for that, the vacuum of space will fix you right up!

>> No.27168792

>>27168722
Head on over. Har-de-har-de-fuckyourselfwitharelicbladeyouwingedgit-har.

>> No.27168806

>>27168761
>And It's mostly useful for distributing amongst the troops. That's why I got these 5 billion printed out, at least.

Emperor damn it Drakon, do you know what the administratum will do to us if we try to replace the Uplifting primer?

I for one like to be able to breath without inhaling paperwork.

>> No.27168820

>>27168806
>Administratum

Besides doing nothing for at least two decades because they don't even know what's going on right now?

>> No.27168828

>>27168761
>Inb4 the real Macha volunteers to show the troops live demonstrations of select parts of the Eldar anatomy

>> No.27168835

>>27168649
My armor engraved with Tux the Penguin repels your vaginomancy.

>> No.27168842

>>27168594
BACK OFF FUL!!!
She's MY tag!

>>27168642
Oh you poor thing...
Here, let me have a look at it?

>>27168664
Indeed... SO BACK OFF!!!

>>27168698
Yes, FOR THE EMPRESS~!!!

>>27168727
Well I can't speak for the rest of these Heretics (Besides Lupa Wolfe of course), but I'm here to HELP the Imperium be all that it can be and possibly MORE!

>> No.27168845

>>27168828
I thought she already did that?

>> No.27168849

>>27168789
>wheezes through throat wound
Hrrrnghummmnhrrretics.

>> No.27168857

>>27168820
Of course, but in two decades they'll be ripshit pissed!

>> No.27168868

>>27168686
at least a third of us.
i am seriously considering ordering an orbital bombardment on our location.

I knew it would be a bad idea to hold a meeting near the eye of terror.

>> No.27168874

>>27168842
Little one, remember what Slaanesh always says: Who needs one when you can have two? Wink wink.

>> No.27168895

>>27168806
Hey, I just got this message over vox to do this shit. I'd rather not have all the bloody paperwork shoved to me, but someone up in the higher echelons clearly hates my guts.

>> No.27168903

>>27168849
Bro, I told you I'm sorry. It was totally Omegon's idea! Now I just want to help you and your people to survive this horrible, horrible world.
By smashing our father to pieces, burn down Terra and rape every last human soul for all eternity.

>> No.27168910

>>27168771
Rock band huh? That sounds rad. You haven't uh, done more stuff with Erebus?

>>27168789
I didn't think Rowboat had any emotions outside of paperwork.

>>27168792
Don't lose your head, bro. C'mon lets go.

>> No.27168935

>>27168903
Well fuck you too you bloody coward. I was the one holding that fucking Legion together while you went off prancing with the fairies or whatever.

>> No.27168936

Well, I see this thread took the midnight train to Slaaneshville.

All that Heresy.

>> No.27168937

>>27168771

Anal circumference? Penis girth? Brother, the mathematical equations used to find such elements do appeal to me but what they entail is most alarming.
I will have to consult with y coven before reading further into this.

>> No.27168938

>>27168910
Little Erebus? Oh, my, no. He's far too uptight for my tastes. Last I heard, he was busy distributing the 578th edition of the Book of Lorgar.

>> No.27168952

>>27168910
Oh yes, he has. Mostly whining and a false sense of superiority, but he has still more varied emotions than Angron.

>> No.27168959

>>27168936
All roads lead to my boudoir little Inquisitor. Don't resist, your feet know what you need.

>> No.27168981

>>27168842
Finally, at least one of you shows some appreciation, even if it is the purple one. Wait....

>>27168868
You might have a point. I propose we do it on the Luna fortress or something next time.

>> No.27169004

>>27168820

Think long term here fool! Fucking with the Administratum will lead to paperwork. Loads of paperwork. Sheer mountains! Which means your servants will be swamped and incapable of helping us... which means... which means.... we'd actually have to do real work!

Do you understand the horror of that? The inhumanity?!

WORK?!

>> No.27169005

>>27168959
Wow! You have a pair of size 12 cold-weather modified power armor boots!?

Truly, we live in an age of wonder.

>> No.27169008

>>27168868
Who's idea was it to hold it here, anyway?

>> No.27169015

>>27168981
Remember the last time we held a meeting on Luna? It has something to do with an incident rhyming with the phrase, "Plight of the Schmeisenstein."

>> No.27169025

>>27168935
As long as only our "beloved" siblings are around, you can drop the act and stop pretending we ever had any kind of disagreement. It's getting old now, and I'm honestly still pissed that I had to play Roby for 10 Millennia while you were hanging out with those Traitor Legion idiots.

>> No.27169043

>>27169004
By the throne. I haven't had to do actual work since... I don't even remember!

>> No.27169059

>>27169025

>traitor legion idiots and my beloved intellectually superior brother Magnus.

>> No.27169062

>>27168936
We have got to set up smut threads more often if this is what happens when they aren't around.

>> No.27169075

>>27169015
I was on sick leave that time. Had to deal with this horrible case of Nurgle's rot on Elycon V while I was just finishing up my eradicating of Genestealers. Care to enlighten me?

>> No.27169087

>>27169043

>Lupa Wolfe

>> No.27169090

>>27169025
>while you were hanging out with those Traitor Legion idiots

>> No.27169100

>>27169059
You got your shit slapped by Leman Russ. LEMAN FUCKING RUSS. Even Angron did better against that meathead than you did.

>> No.27169105

>>27169075
It involved a Great Unclean One, kung-fu on the moon, and lots and lots of bolter shells.

>> No.27169127

>>27168791
Well, you could always take him up on his advice of going around the corner and talking privately?

>> No.27169128

>>27169025
Oh boo hoo you had to take a nap for a couple centuries, big deal.

>> No.27169158

>>27169105
That sounds like fun.

>> No.27169161

>>27169043
When you love what you do, it isn't really "work", now is it? See, I don't consider burning heretics to be work: it's more of a hobby.

>> No.27169164

>>27169100

Yes that was quiet a disappointment wasn't it. I may have acquired the brains but Russ had the brawn. Had I have wished I could have snapped his mind like a twig.

>> No.27169167

>>27169105
Oh.
Well, I guess we wouldn't want a repeat of that. Mars is off limits I guess, Terra is out of the question... We still got anything of ours out there in the Sol system?

>> No.27169174

You know, the Eldar are already dying out? I thought I told everyone this? Really, I pretty sure I told y'all to ally with the Eldar and eradicate all the other xenos, THEN turn on their arrogant asses.

>> No.27169188

>>27169087
>Lupa Wolfe

No, I don't think that new armor will help us expand our empire.

Instead lets focus on a target that can't fight back. Like the Ultramarines. How about the Callidus start a smear campaign based on the Angry Marines opinion of the Codex Astartes?

We could even have evidence that the Angry marines are encouraging it.

>> No.27169196

>>27169059
Yes Mag, we all know how brilliant it was of you to get fucked by Leman on purpose.

>>27169128
Bro, I'm sorry, you know I get a little moody sometimes. Let's just start over and figure out who isn't on our payroll in this "Inquisition" thing. I really start to feel that we have so many sleeper agents that we are just spying on ourselves at this point.
Speaking of werid things, do you still don't remember where you put that gene-seed we stole from the Raven Guard? Not that I didn't like killing that Eldar faggot, but I still don't get why we didn't produce some decent Marines by now.

>> No.27169202

>>27169167
Pluto.

>>27169164
You could have, but you lacked the backbone to do it!

>>27168792
Okay, I'll admit, I chuckled.

>> No.27169207

>>27169174
The audacity of these heretics nowadays... They even try to impersonate the holy God Emperor of Mankind. I have a ship in orbit, I'll just call the exterminatus and be done with it. Bye guys.

>> No.27169222

>>27169164
Mag, you can't plan for shit. You always talk about that Tzench guy, but as far as I see it, we are his true sons. When was the last time you actually planned anything that wasn't a complete and utter failure?

>> No.27169226

>>27169164
And you got beaten up by his stupid Galaxy Dogs long after you became a Daemon Prince. No wonder Tzeentch dumped you for Ahriman.

>> No.27169238

>>27169008
Well, when Not- Alpharius mentioned the proximity to the Eye of Terror I was worried but then he mentioned that there is an indoor pool here so that got me into it.

>> No.27169239

>>27169226
But he still does more than Failbaddon the harmless.

>> No.27169249

>>27169174
Uhm... dad? Aren't you supposed to be in the Warp being Malal and all that?

>> No.27169256

>>27169202

At-least my head wasn't cut off by a gay space pixie with a magical rainbow sword. Keep your arrogant comments to yourself!

>> No.27169263

>>27169015
Don't the Ordo Malleus sometimes hold meetings on Craftworld Ulthwe?
why can't we, for instance, hold meet ins on a Tau world, and tell the shmucks that letting us have private meetings there is for the "Greater Good"

>> No.27169272

>>27169256
Ha! At least my Legio--er, Chapter (Fuck you, Rob) is doing just spine!

>> No.27169280

>>27169256
At least he still has a Legion that isn't just a bunch of empty tin cans.

>> No.27169282

>>27169239
I once tripped on a crack in the sidewalk and crushed a small puppy. In that moment I had done more for Chaos than Abaddon has in his life.

>> No.27169288

>>27169263
Because they keep interrupting to tell us about the "Good News"

>> No.27169322

>>27169288
I may be a little old now, but is it just me or are the Tau basically the pussyfied version of Lorgar's witnesses?

>> No.27169326

>>27169282
Yes.... Is he a callidus we forgot to recall?

>> No.27169327

>>27169249
I'm not Malal, he's a dick. I tell you, I went over to his house once thinking we could join up against Chaos. The cock-hole invited the other 4 Chaos Gods, then blew up the fucking house! Didn't hurt any of us, since we're gods, but still- dick move.

>> No.27169338

>>27169238
Wait, we have a pool? Damn. Left my swimsuit on my ship. Will take at least a week for one of my lackeys to go fetch it

>> No.27169341

>>27168874
Grow a Vagina and maybe we'll talk...

>>27168903
Now WHY would you want to Smash the Empress and BURN Terra?

>>27168936
HEY!
Some of us worked HARD to get it there!

>>27168959
Of course Momma!
You are PERFECT after all!

>>27168981
Well I'm actually Pink, it's just so gloomy in here...
...But you work so hard getting these copies made, it'd be HERESY to let them all go to waste...

>>27169043
But work is good for you Ms Wolfe!
How do you get better without endless eons of Practice after all?

>>27169062
AGREED!
Speaking of, could we get some Sororita-on-Sororita illustrations in the Uplifting Primer?
It would... um... Keep the Guards mind off doing Heretical things with Xenos!

>> No.27169345

>>27169327
So... what you are saying is that you don't approve of the little scheme me and Omegon are setting up here...?

>> No.27169355

>>27169272
I will have you know that my Legion is flourishing, not very talkative but flourishing nonetheless.

>>27169280
But what fun is there in having an army that talks and eats? Such a waste of resources my brother! Although I do miss the company of sentient beings, I wonder how little Ahriman is doing.

>> No.27169357

>>27169327
My lord... weren't you... just trying to kill them all yourself...?

>> No.27169359

>>27169341
Fulgrim, come quick please. One of your sex slaves is going crazy again!

>> No.27169386

>>27169355
Living things are great, you just have to invest some time to get to know them. Or you just brainwash them and create a pseudo hive-mind, whatever floats your boat.

>> No.27169387

>>27169359
>flips through binder
She's not one of mine, Al. All of mine are back in the Eye helping Vulkan's tour.

>> No.27169393

>>27169263
>>27169288
It makes as little sense for you lot to meet near the Eye of Terror as it does for Ordo Malleus to meet on Ulthwe. So why don't you... y'know. Swap places? I mean, I'm no Inquisitor, but wouldn't that kind of make sense?

>> No.27169399

>>27169387
So... you wouldn't mind if I'd... borrow her for a few days?

>> No.27169404

>>27169386

Suddenly wonders if the tyranid invasion is an Alpha legion plot

>> No.27169408

>>27169345
I don't know what you're doing anymore, I stopped trying to understand the plans of 5 different groups all claiming "just as planned"
>>27169357
Well, yes. But I was going to try and work out a deal with Malal, we work together to kill the other Chaos Gods, and I help him kill himself.

>> No.27169411

OI LADS, I THINK WHAT THIS BUNCH NEEDS IS LODS E PURGIN'

WHOP YER GUN ON THE COUNTER

>> No.27169413

>>27169399
Not at all. She's not on my payroll, so I've got no obligation to her.

>> No.27169419

>>27169341
One of the writefags is already working on something like that with two Sororitas and a Stormtrooper.

And if you can't wait, this one might work too, although I would assume you've seen it already.

http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Macha_writes_a_fapfic

>> No.27169421

>>27169387
>binders full of women

>> No.27169430

>>27169387

HOLY TERRA THE DICKS WHAT POSSESSED YOU TO HAVE SO MANY DICKS ON YOUR WALLS!
ARE THOSE CHILDREN?
FULGRIM YOU BASTARD!

>> No.27169431

>>27168237
Why the fuck not? Speaking of which... i think this daemonette is in dire need of examination. For the Ordo xenos, of course.

>> No.27169438

>>27169404
Everything's one of our plots. Trust me, we came up with so much shit after the Heresy thing that I can't remember what half of the stuff was about. The only things I remember is that Fulgrim's "drinks" were not clean at all and that my little Alpharius began to smell weird two days later.

>> No.27169451

>>27169393
*tch*

The Ordo Malleus meet on Ulthew because the Eldar are also fighting chaos. We meet near the eye of terror because of the delightful assortment of Imperial weaponry there.

It's perfectly logical.

>> No.27169452

What happend to finding out if necrons are magnetic?

>> No.27169469

>>27168341
You mean, "replace" it with "penistentacles", right? RIGHT?!

>> No.27169475

>>27169430
What? Old Konrad got to have his "Screaming Gallery". Why can't I have something similar?

>> No.27169479

>>27169452
AdMech shut that down. Claimed that magnets are "miracles of the Machine God".

>> No.27169493

>>27168425
Oh, shit, i tought i escaped you! YOU WILL NEVER CHAIN ME INTO YOUR ROOM AGAIN!
I
WILL
NOT
DO
THAT
EVER
AGAIN!

>> No.27169495

>>27169408
Trust me, dad, there's no "just as planned" in my Legion. We run under the motto "it was probably planned at some point", this proved to be much more flexible.

>>27169413
Great, I can use her to get some more cultists in our ranks. She might be a little brain dead afterwards, though. And her name will be Alpharia afterwards, just fyi.

>> No.27169497

>>27169408

Ah... he may have thought there was no better time than the present...

>> No.27169507

>>27169452
Short answer: Yes
Long answer: Well, if you have a big and strong enough magnet everything is magnetic.

>> No.27169514

>>27168445
This explains why there are only daemon_ettes_.

>> No.27169518

>>27169507
Yes that's why we redeveloped grav weapons.

>> No.27169525

>>27169507
FUCK

>> No.27169526

>>27169288
we could tell them that part of our meetings involve deciding whether the imperium should join them but we need peace and quiet to make our decision, for "The Greater Good". I'm sure they would fall for it.

>> No.27169531

>>27168452
Clearly you know more than you're supposed to.
You, your family and your planet of origin will be purged

>> No.27169540

>>27169475
Please tell me that you at least removed your hall of Tentacle-slime-shota strippers. I do not believe that dear old Perturabo has been the same since visiting your palace.

>> No.27169543

>>27169393
Quiet, Soroitas. Does Ulthwe have an indoor pool? I think not. Because of that, we have to stay here.

>> No.27169552

>>27169526
Your right. Maybe we could convince them to do a full scale offensive against the tyranids for the Greater Good of the Galaxy....

>> No.27169557

>>27169540
I did. Wasn't pulling in enough business, so I turned it into a golf course.

>> No.27169568

>>27169451
... still think that's kind of backwards, but whatever.
>>27169431
Kindly refrain from touching the daemonette, appropriately or otherwise. I'm not really feeling particularly genocidey today, and so I'd rather not be bothered.

>> No.27169571

>>27169540
Wait... Pertu was sane at some point in the past?

>> No.27169576

>>27168558
Sure, of course you did, yeah, hmhm

>> No.27169591

>>27169557
I've seen that golf course. It's arguably worse.
fucking sand traps everywhere

>> No.27169598

>>27169568
You must not be a Sister. You don't fit the description very well...

>> No.27169610

>>27169557
Pray tell brother, this golf course is 'safe' for mortal visitation. I might bring some of my young aspiring cultists along for a few games.

>> No.27169614

>>27169591
Sounds perfect for those Rubric Marines.

>> No.27169615

>>27169598
*hand slides to his pistol*

>> No.27169619

>>27169568
Hello there, lovely human being. If such a nice young lady such as yourself would ever feel underappreciated within the Inquisition, I'd be happy to offer you a job. We got a great dental plan! No life insurance, though, that shit gets really expensive really fast in our business.

>> No.27169624

>>27168649
*puts genitals testicledeep into mouth*

>> No.27169637

>>27169598
Well, it's not to say I don't feel genocidey AT ALL. I'd still burn him, I just wouldn't enjoy it.

As much.

>> No.27169651

>>27169610
But of course. Not everything in Slaanesh's realm is about sex, drugs, or rock 'n' roll. Sometimes, we take pleasure in the simple act of getting balls into holes.

Just don't ever challenge Lucius to a putt-off. It took forever to wrest the soul of Tiger Woods from his armor.

>> No.27169659

>>27169614
My children are still quiet adapt at playing fine motor games such as golf and darts

>>27169591
Dad Ferrus is making fun of my little tin soldiers! Make him stop.

>> No.27169660

>>27169637
Maybe it's just not your time of the month yet. Wait awhile, you'll be in good spirits soon.

>> No.27169677

>>27169659
Mag, stop being such a nerd and start standing up for yourself. Like I did when I tried to kill our dad.

>> No.27169685

>>27168649
There are better ways than tentacles, dear.
You ahve much to learn.

>> No.27169692

>>27169659
Really, now? I guessed that Fulgrim's sand traps and your walking sand cases would get along just fine, a har har.

>> No.27169698

>>27169591
sire what do you think of my idea?
>>27168452
>inb4 the age of exodus

>> No.27169703

>>27169659
I swear, you kids can never seem to get along.
>>27169614
>>27169692
Ferrus, be nice to your brother

>> No.27169707

>>27169677
Are you implying that I should incinerate everything that annoys me? I am rather good at it!

>> No.27169715

>>27169703
Hey! Nobody told Roby to shut the hell up when he bullied me for years, and now you suddenly start acting like a father? No fair!

>> No.27169717

*massive smashing noise as a wall collapses*

OHHHHYEAAAHHH.....

*he looks around*

WHY THE FUCK ARE THEIR SO MANY FUCK FACE TRAITORS IN HERE? WHO'S THE RETARD THAT LEFT THE DOOR OPEN?!

>> No.27169722

>>27168842
Well, i hurt myself in mah pants, if you want to take a look at that ms. daemonette...

>> No.27169723

>>27169707
And yet Fenris still remains

>> No.27169725

>>27169707
Are we saying that you should let the galaxy burn? Fuck yes, we're saying that you should let the galaxy burn.

>> No.27169732

>>27169707
Sure, do whatever you want. I don't really care for anyone who isn't Horus, and SOMEBODY had to kill him.

>> No.27169738

>>27169715
>wheezing, wet chuckle

>> No.27169745

>>27169732
Brother of mine, you are so gay

>> No.27169758

>>27169698
Tried that already, last time resulted in the Age of Strife.
>>27169715
Because back then I HAD A FUCKING EMPIRE TO RUN. Now I have free time sitting here, rotting, because of your dick of a brother.

>> No.27169770

>>27168842
"More"? Tell me more about this... it sounds HERETICAL
If doing more would've helped, the emperor would've done that!

>> No.27169774

>>27169717
*Revs his Chainfist assault cannons points them at Fulgrim*

>> No.27169781

>>27169738
Fuck you, you stupid corpse. Enjoy your eternal pain, you frog eating fascist.

>>27169745
I'm sorry for not being a brick like you. Not everyone is made to be replaceable by a piece of cardboard.

>> No.27169782

>>27168845
I DEMAND A SOURCE.

>> No.27169784

>>27169758
Haha good times

>> No.27169798

>>27169758
If you'd pay more attention to us, you'd still have an Empire to run, dear father.

>> No.27169799

>>27169774
-grabs him by the throat-

BACK THE FUCK OFF!?!?

>> No.27169807

>>27169707
Y'know, there was a time when I thought I could solve all of my problems by burning them. I was right, of course. But still, there's only so much satisfaction to be derived from it. That's when you add shooting, plasma, and knives into the mix.
>>27169660
And then there's a certain point where you have to ask yourself "is this all there is?" I mean, I look at where I was ten years ago: burning shit. Then I look at where I'll be ten years from now: still burning shit.

Where's the growth? The advancement? The progress? I should be finding NEW ways to purify things, BETTER ways.

>> No.27169819

>>27169807
You could use warpfire to purge things, here this tome will tell you how.

>> No.27169823

Fellow Inquisitors I am in need of help.

I am in the midst of a year long under cover investigation of a Slaanesh cult. I am now part of the inner circle of the heretical worshipers, but I still must keep my cover up so that I may discover the leader of this cult

I fear for my purity. As to not raise suspicions, I have had to endure a multitude of...horrible rituals! Drinking alcoholic beverages and gelatinous treats from the cleavage of some depraved harlot and then snorting some unknown powdered drug from another tramps posterior. I have lost count of the piercings I am forced to attain, and I...I have the accursed mark of the Prince of Excess tattooed upon my...private regions.

But worst of all, each day I find myself beginning to enjoy these horrid acts! Every night and every morning I subject myself to rites of pain to try and harden my soul, but the pain is dulling!

I cannot cease my investigation, in the name of the Imperium and the holy Emperor I must crush this cult from the top...but I fear for myself.

Tomorrow the cult plans to do an event, something they call, "The Underhive's Wild Ride" I fear what this may be.

Please, fellow Inquisitors, pray for my soul so that the Emperor may keep me strong.

>> No.27169824

>>27169725
I wasn't intending on burning the entire galaxy, I need to set up my psyker-only fun park somewhere.

>>27169758
I tried to warn everyone that this whole 'Heresy' thing was going to happen. I sacrificed half of my most trusted sorcerers to stop it but no, you already knew about the whole thing, didn't you? and yet did balls all to stop it!

>> No.27169826

>>27169784
How far exactly DID the Lord God expand his forces? My people are still finding old tech amongst the Ghoul stars

>> No.27169833

>>27169823
Sorry kid, there's no getting off Slaneesh's Wild Ride

>> No.27169837

>>27169824
The "Wizarding World of Prospero"? Oh, right, forgot about that. How's your butterbeer recipe coming along?

>> No.27169842

>>27169807
You know how you can purify things better? Join one of our super fun girls' clubs. They offer a great deal of leisure activities after work and you'll only have to pay with your soul, mind and possibly your body. Unless you are a butterface, then you'd have to go to Omegon.

>> No.27169843

>>27169161
Hot.

>> No.27169857

>>27169799
*grins, swipes the two arms holding his throat away and starts shooting with the other arm*

EAT SHIT FAGGOT!

>> No.27169876

>>27169857
>munches on Codex: Tyranids
Sorry, all out. I got the last one.

>> No.27169879

>>27169798
If you and your brothers weren't rebellious, hormonally charged teenagers, humanity would currently be in a Golden Age.
>>27169824
Well, to be honest, you're a red-skinned cyclops who extensively studied sorcery, excuse me for thinking you MIGHT be tainted with Chaos!

>> No.27169881

>>27169807
*Puts his hand back on his pistol*

There are allways the eviscerators....

>> No.27169885

>>27169782
I think all our recording servo-skulls melted from the lewdity.

>> No.27169890

>>27169341
>Some of us worked HARD to get it there!
>HARD
i see what you did there

>> No.27169896

>>27169782
oh throne, who invited Inquisitor Autist.

>> No.27169902

>>27169881
Fucking shit

>> No.27169905

>>27169879
Excuse me for not being a perfect god like you. Of course even a super being like you can still end up as a fucking corpse on a toilet.

>> No.27169909

>>27169879
>teaches Magnus how to use sorcery
>OH NO HE'S CHAOS NAO

Dad if you stayed on your meds this would not have been necessary. Still would have been fun

>> No.27169918

>>27169879
It's hard being a single father, isn't it? Did you ever think about getting an emperess to help you raise your sons?

>> No.27169919

>>27169876
*Shoves the Codex:Astartes down his throat*

HAH! MISSED ONE!

>> No.27169929

>>27169842
That sounds distinctly impure.
>>27169819
This also sounds distinctly impure... but then again, wasn't the Emperor a Psyker? So does that mean the Emperor was impure? Or that Warp fuckery is less impure than I was taught?

Throne, the bloody CONTRADICTIONS!

>>27169823
There is nothing wrong with taking body shots, so long as both partner's hearts are free of corruption.

I will indeed pray for your soul, however. May you stand strong through your trials, even when times are darkest and... lewdest...

>> No.27169936

>>27169909
Forget it, the old man never even managed to find two of his sons. He didn't even know you existed. And then he punishes Magnus for being the only responsible of his sons, dad's just a failure.

>> No.27169950

>>27169905
Just wait until this Throne fails and I regenerate. You will ALL be sent to your rooms!
>>27169909
Fired
>>27169918
Tried that too. Again, it resulted in the Age of Strife.

>> No.27169958

>>27169929
No, no the Emperor is the ONLY pure psyker!

>> No.27169961

>>27169837
Very well, although It is hard to find organic ingredients for the brew. The only general stores around for light-years are 'Papa Nurgle's marketplace' and 'Slaanesh's cafe' both of which contain nothing that I could possibly need, ever.

You should come visit me some time, we could scheme or reminisce about the time you got stabbed by a magical dagger and went bat shit insane, exiling us into this realm of lunatics.

>>27169879
If father paid more attention to his sons instead of kicking us out into the void to capture planets for him maybe we wouldn't have turned out like this.

>> No.27169965

>>27169929
Well, no shit, sister. We're a Traitor Legion for a reason, and it's not because we are pure little mountain flowers. Trust me, you'll be better off with us in the long run, you will end up as our slave anyway, you might as well do it now out of your own free will.

>> No.27169982

>>27169950
Oh, you had an empress? How come we've never heard of this?

>> No.27169985

>>27169936
HEY, I only lost them when they climbed in the same tubes as the reject primarchs when I flushed them.
>>27169961
Who ended up serving a Chaos God? Not me.

>> No.27169988

>>27169950
You can't fire me, I'm a bloody infiltrator

>> No.27169995

>>27169950
But daaaad, I already spend like 10 Millennia doing nothing but impersonate a dead man for the Smurfs.

>> No.27169996

>>27169929
Sister, it is a cult of Slaanesh, of course they aren't free of corruption.

>> No.27170006

>>27169985
*cough*

Emperasque

*cough*

>> No.27170008

>>27169985
WHAT? You actually flushed my brothers down the toilet?

>> No.27170011

>>27169985
Who turned out a decaying corpse on a golden potty, not me.

>> No.27170017

>Empress
Hey, Magnus, how much you wanna bet that Mom was the inspiration for Exalted's Scarlet Empress?

>> No.27170028

>>27169958
How's that possible? How can there be literally ONE exception!? Isn't it more likely that one of our starting premises was false? Is it possible that the Warp isn't INHERENTLY bad?
>>27169965
>"trust me" he says
Ummm... how about we try NOT doing that.

>> No.27170036

>>27169985
Oh please. You make a bargain with dark gods to create a race of god soldiers, lose them, recover them and give them all massive armies, even the crazy ones, and then half of them turn traitor and kill the other half. You deny the chaos gods and give them everything they want, we praise the chaos gods and work to destroy them from within. Which one of us is the heretic again?

>> No.27170039

>>27170017
Dude, ew, that's mom you're talking about. Well... it's theoretically A mother you are talking about, but still!

>> No.27170040

>>27169929
Ask the daemonette, she knows what'll calm you down.

>> No.27170053

>>27170028
You've tried not doing that, and the Imperium is on the verge of collapse. What do you have to lose to try it our way?

>> No.27170056

>>27170039
Dibs on House Cynis.

>> No.27170061

>>27169996
I'm aware of that. I merely pointed out that the act of taking body shots, for example off one's fellow Sisters, is not inherently corrupt.

>> No.27170062

>>27170028
No. It is more likely you are a heritic.

*draws his boltpistol*

GUARDS!

>> No.27170067

>>27170006
can't someone ban him for referring to that horrendous fanwank?

>> No.27170068

>>27169988
No, FIRED. As in, you're getting fired with the volley of the next Exterminatus.
>>27169982
I told you, because it resulted in the Age of Strife.
>>27169995
No "buts" mister! Do i need to lock you and Roboute in your rooms together until you can play nice?!
>>27170008
They climbed in the same tubes as the reject primarchs, I didn't mean to flush the good ones.
>>27170036
Still you.

>> No.27170069

>>27170028
Sister, you can always trust old Alpharius. I've never told a lie in my entire life!

>> No.27170073

>>27170017
So, does that mean Tzeentch is our stepdad?

>> No.27170077

>>27170017
The possibility is quite high brother.

>>27170039
We would have turned out better if we had a mother to love us. I might go burn a few planets, be back in a tick!

>> No.27170083

>>27170068
Mrrrghrrrlready hhhrrrghlocked mmmn muh rhhm

>> No.27170093

>>27168192

Or just any asses at all? We`re not picky.

I guess we could just go bump off some Ultramarine offshoot again. Thats always fun for some shit and giggles.

>> No.27170102

>>27170068
It's always the same with you, you just lock your problems away and ignore them. Was it too much to ask to just spend one fucking week as a family before you send me and Omegon into a war I didn't know anything about? I spent more quality time with my bolter than with you.

>> No.27170123

>>27170083
And you'll stay there until I fully ruined your shitty Legion with its shitty honour.

>> No.27170125

>>27170028
Heh heh heh, you know, you sisters aint so pure as people think.

Just last week I gave a sister a nice helping of Nurgle's love.

>> No.27170136

>>27170017
>>27170039
>>27170077
Trust me, you would NOT have liked her. I swear, all she did was complain about how I was too harsh, how I never took a break to spend time with the kids, how I never spared any of the cute Xenos. Damn was I glad when the Chaos Gods took her along with the Primarchs.
>>27170102
I spent time with you! What about all that times we spent together as one big family in the war room? We must have spent days in there together!

>> No.27170138

>>27170061
>for example off one's fellow Sisters
B-By the Em-Em-Emperor...

>> No.27170151

>>27170040
>>27170053
I'm actually considering asking some Farseer if I could just chill with them for a while. They're apparently all female, and they use Warpcraft without going crazy. I wanna learn how they do it.

They're also kind of nice to look at, for filthy xenos.

>>27170062
Buddy, there are a bunch of TRAITOR PRIMARCHS in here.

Go shoot them or something.

>>27170068
Oh great Emprah, I humbly request that you punch Alpharius in the dick. You know, if it's no trouble. I'd appreciate it.

>> No.27170176

>>27170136
Mom was taken too?
I will have to consult with Lord Tzeentch about her whereabouts.

>> No.27170179

>>27170136
Sure, that's quality time right there. You sent us into this stupid war, and when I did what you told me, Roby and the others ganged up on me for being too effective. You never even talked to me, you never even knew I had a twin. Face it, you are as much a father to most of us as a rock.

>> No.27170198

>>27170176
Whatever you do, don't tell Fulgrim anything. Or I'll be sick for a few Millennia.

>> No.27170200

>>27170179
How did he manage that anyway? Fluid in the test tube too cloudy for his old eyes?

>> No.27170212

>>27170179
I named my father rock Harry, he was a veterinarian that saved small creatures when I accidentally set them on fire.

>> No.27170213

>>27170151
Temperus Maximus is working on that.

*looks over to him struggling with Slaneeshi Keeper of Secrets

>> No.27170219

>>27170200
He's a retard, that's how he did it. The way he handled Magnus' case clearly shows that the old man was never a bright one.

>> No.27170243

>>27170151
Joke's on you, sister, I'm just going to be reborn in the Warp, with a new dick.

>> No.27170246

>>27170212
I thought you had an adopted dad on Prospero

>> No.27170256

>>27168835
DAMN! How did you know about the Penguins?!?!

>>27169161
But one must still work on their hobbies, as any poor Stratego that makes use of a Sand Table can clearly attest...
...Also, would you mind posing for some Inspirational Material?

>>27169174
But-but Ma'am, what if we were to somehow, say magically, increase the Female Eldar's Fertility?

>>27169327
Indeed, clearly we need to rid the Galaxy of Dick, so never again can someone pull a Dick-move...

>>27169338
...What are your measurements?
I could probably whip one up for you in a few minutes.

>>27169386
INDEED!
They also REPRODUCE, MAKING BABIES!!!

>>27169399
If you don't mind your entire Legion needing to go Female...

>>27169469
No... Vagina Anemone!!!
Swapping Gamets like you'd swap spit!

>>27169479
Goddess damn it... Can't you say something to the Void Dragon?
Her crush on you is adorable by the way...

>>27169495
Oh right, I'M the one who's going to be calling herself Alpharia

>>27169514
Well I'd hope... Mom can be such a dick sometimes...

>>27169568
YAY!

>>27169619
MY TAG!!!

>>27169624
*Bites off said Genitals...*

>>27169685
Well yes, but telling a girl you want to stuff bees up her hotch on a first date is something that might scare them off...

>>27169722
Oh certainly deary...

>>27169807
INDEED!
...Talk with me after the meeting, we may have an oppertunity for you.

>>27170040
Indeed!
I suggest not listning to any of these MEN for one...

>>27170061
Indeed!

>> No.27170273

Wuh duh zog

Wats dis place, I fought I was on Krumptube lookin' up funny Squig vidyas

>> No.27170276

>>27170136
Goodness me, what IS this infernal place? So many skulls and eagles and--Wait, TRACY? WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THIS? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO OUR LITTLE BOYS? AND WHERE ARE LITTLE MORT AND LORGAR? I swear, a few gods-damned millennia, and everything goes to shit! Honestly, it's like NONE of you know how to run a fragging Empire.

>> No.27170284

>>27170256
And that's why I hate the Eye of Terror. Damned loony place full of crazy people.

>> No.27170289

>>27170219
He taught me all I needed to know about my powers and then *POOF* I'm not allowed to electrocute anyone because Russ got angry.

>>27170246
I did but things were a bit tense between us, it turns out that human males are prone to spontaneous combustion whenever they engage in hugging activities with me.

>> No.27170295

>>27170276

Oh dear God Emperor no....

>> No.27170303

>>27170151
Why should I do it
*BOOM*
When you have already done so yourself?
>>27170176
Hah, hope you're happy when you find the woman singlehandedly responsible for the Men of Iron revolting.
>>27170179
He was a conjoined twin the last time I saw your embryo. When I didn't see you hideously deformed, I assumed you ate him.
>>27170219
Magnus got a few drops of Red Dye No 45 because I had an intern babysit their pods and he mixed in the wrong fluid.
>>27170276
GOD MOTHERFUCKING DAMMIT.

>> No.27170304

>>27170276
Mommy?

>> No.27170309

>>27170243
Yeah, but I'd get to watch you die from a fatal dickpunch.
>>27170213
... I'm not sure if that's Sanctioned.

Anyway, there are a shitload of Inquisitors here. Anybody have leads on a female Farseer who might be as sexually frustrated as we Sororitas are, and who might be willing to teach a human about the Warp?

For research purposes?

>> No.27170324

>>27170304
THIS BITCH ACTUALLY ORDERED THE MEN OF IRON AROUND SO FUCKING MUCH, THE ENTIRE NETWORK DECIDED HUMANITY HAD TO BE PURGED FOR PRODUCING SUCH A MASSIVE BITCH.

>> No.27170325

>>27170276
MOM MOM DAD KILLED HORUS

>> No.27170333

>>27170303
Shit, now I feel like kind of a dick. Uhm... sorry?

>>27170276
Is that you, mommy?

>> No.27170359

>>27170303
HA HA! EMPEROR BE PRAISED!

One day we'll all look back on this and laugh... except for Alpharius. But he's a cunt, so he doesn't count.

>> No.27170361

>>27170309
Come on, why are you giving me the cold shoulder? It's not like you won't end up as one of Slaanesh's sex slaves in a few years, you might as well sign a decent contract with us instead.

>> No.27170362

>>27170256
Femanon here, and this is my fetish...<3

>> No.27170384

>>27170309
Macha is around here somewhere, talk to the Callidus and they will help you.

>> No.27170387

I've noticed all our enemies are in this galaxy. Is there anything we can fire into the heart of the Galaxy that will explode it or cause the super-massive black holes at it's center to expand wildly, if not consuming the whole galaxy, then perhaps shattering every planet through tidal forces or somesuch.

>> No.27170402

>>27170256
>*Bites off said Genitals...*
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOI THOUGHT I'D BE SAFE AVOIDING YOUR HANDSWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

>> No.27170403

>>27170324
YOU SON OF A BITCH. IF YOU'D AT LEAST AGREED WITH ME IN FRONT OF THOSE MEN OF IRON, WE WOULDN'T HAVE HAD THAT AGE OF STRIFE. AND NOW LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED! I LEAVE YOU ALONE AND YOU SHIT ALL OVER OUR EMPIRE.

>>27170325
He did WHAT? I TOLD HIM NOT TO SHOW LITTLE HORUS THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK, BUT NOOO, "IT'LL BE FINE", HE SAYS, "HE KNOWS NEVER TO EMULATE THAT SKYWALKER KID".

>>27170333
Why, yes it is, little Al. Goodness, you've grown. How's Omegon? The last time I saw you all was when you were nothing more than the fluids inside your test tubes.

>>27170304
Magnus? Oh sweet gods, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? DID LEMAN DO THIS? OH, THAT LITTLE PUP IS SO GROUNDED IF HE DID.

>> No.27170413

>>27170387
Now that's thinking with heresy!

>> No.27170435

>>27170276
If you're really who you say you are... do you need anyone to... you know, burn things in your holy name? Cause I'd totally do that for you.

>>27170384
Indeed? Which ones are the Callidus? I can't tell, they're too damned shape-shifty.

>> No.27170436

>>27170403
Daddy said that i can't use magic any more and Russ burnt my planet when I tried to stop Horus and Dad fighting! :3

>> No.27170452

>>27170403
Omegon's fine, he's kind of a dick sometimes but the closest thing I have to a friend since dad FUCKING KILLED HORUS. I want my big brother back. Can you come back too? I miss you.

>> No.27170463

>>27170387
But you'll destroy Terra with that idea

>> No.27170467

>>27170413
Now now, what's all this talk of heresy. Surely we can manage to destroy the entire galaxy using perfectly orthodox technology.

>> No.27170483

>>27170403
DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY "PATIENCE" CHIPS AND "LOVE FOR HUMANS" SUBROUTINES I PUT INTO THOSE ROBOTS? YOU WERE SUCH A BITCH, YOU ENDED UP OVERRIDING ALL OF THAT.
>>27170436
OI, STOP TALKING TO HER. I GOT CUSTODY RIGHTS.

>> No.27170485

>>27170256
*sneaks up from behind, putting it in there, holding your arms away*
What are you going to do now,xenos?

>> No.27170488

>>27170435
Yes. Start with Tracy over there. He needs a good singeing after his galaxy-wide fuck-up.

>>27170436
Forget singeing. I want that shit medium-rare.

>>27170452
>>27170483
Actually, scratch that. Vulkan-grade crispy.

>> No.27170496

>>27170403
This is just like one of my space-Spanish soap operas...

Anyone have any popcorn?

>> No.27170517

>>27170496
I think you mean Rynn's World, dearie.

>> No.27170524

>>27170483
We're over ten thousand years old Dad, you're not the boss of us

>> No.27170547

>>27170488
IS THAT MOTHER? I CAN'T SEE BECAUSE OF ALL OF THE DICKS. FULGRIM I'LL KILL YOU

>> No.27170557

>>27170463
You are right. However, should we turn away from Service to the Emperor just because of a measly 100% casualty rate across the entire Imperium. What if we put void shields around Tera?

>> No.27170563

>>27170524
>then thousand years YOUNG
FTFY

>> No.27170572

>>27170517
Well that to. But they just don't put as much emotion into it as those space-spaniards.

>> No.27170589

>>27170547
VULKAN, NO, IT'S NOT MOM, LET'S JUST HAVE A FEW BEERS AT THE PUB OF TERROR HAHA BYE EVERYONE
>teleports back to the Eye of Terror

>> No.27170590

>>27170488
....The God-Emperor's name is Tracy?

>> No.27170593

>>27170557
What if I teleported the entire planet somewhere safe, It'd only cost your your soul. A small price to pay!

>> No.27170598

>>27170256
Just asking, but what do you do with all those collected dicks? Surely they must be rotting by now, unless you prepared them for other uses

>> No.27170599

>>27170488
MY NAME ISN'T FUCKING TRACY. IT'S TRACKS-MAMMOTH. YOU WOULD KNOW THAT IF YOU WEREN'T A FUCKING SUMERIAN, SHITTING UP MY PROTO-HITTITE CULTURE.

>> No.27170607

>>27170488
Mommy, can you get custody rights back? Dad's always been an asshole to half of us.

>> No.27170615

>>27170488
Weeeelllll... that DOES sound like the most Heretical thing ever, but at the same time he seems to acknowledge you as being who you say you are, and now that I've heard the story of the Heresy I'm inclined to think of the Emperor as something like the root of all our problems. And the Ecclesiarchy DID teach me that burning all my problems was okay.

I'm inclined to say fuck it and toast him. Emps? You have anything to add?

>> No.27170621

>>27170607
Surely you mean all of us.

>> No.27170647

>>27170607
We'll see. Get me a line to the Lawyer Marines, if you don't mind.

>>27170599
"SHITTING UP"? TRACY, I THINK YOUR PROTO-HITTITE ASS ALREADY SHAT UP ENOUGH FOR BOTH OF US, JUDGING BY THE STATE OF THE GALAXY.

>> No.27170652

>>27170599
Oh throne, this is priceless. Please tell me someone has been recording all of this.

>> No.27170666

>>27170621
Did Russ get reprimanded for burning people? Did Guilliman get in trouble for anything? Oh what about Dorn, Sanguinius or Ferrus?

>> No.27170668

>>27170621
Ghurrkblarrrgore hrrlike 9/10 eeerf uss. Mmirite, Sanguinius?

>> No.27170671

>>27170652
I think there is an archivar called "suptg" specialised int his; a servitor has been to send for immediate contact.

>> No.27170672

>>27169770
Well first we need to get the Tyranids into Agriculture, Assimilating the entirety of the Milky Way instead of just dine and dashing, and Slaanesh...

>>27170077
Well we're WORKING on that, just need to get the word out so Empy can be a PROPER Warp Goddess...

>>27170136
What's that saying?
Behind every great man there's a Greater
Woman?

>>27170151
Oh they are!
I always want to hang out with them, but they don't like me for some reason...

>>27170176
Indeed, Mom might have been involved, but knowing her, she was probably too wasted to remember...
...Still, get back to me if you find out anything!

>>27170276
...ALRIGHT!
Hello Ma'am, would you mind becoming the Warp Deity of an entire GALAXY of Humans?

>>27170359
No dear, he's a DICK!
Which is why removing them is the best idea for the Galaxy.

>>27170362
You are welcome!

>>27170402
Clearly, you thought WRONG!

>>27170403
Ma'am, I think we are going to get along SPLENDIDLY!
Have you met my Mother?

>>27170435
Indeed, I can even arrange to get you some Bio-augments and new Power Armor for the job!

>> No.27170677

>>27170615
YEAH, SHE'S A BITCH WHO NOT ONLY CAUSED A ROBOT REBELLION BECAUSE SHE WAS SUCH A BITCH, BUT ALSO CONTRIBUTED TO THE FORMATION OF SLAANESH THROUGH HER OBSESSION WITH THE MOST EXPENSIVE SHIT SHE COULD FIND.
>>27170647
OH I'M SORRY THAT MY PERFECT PLAN WAS FUCKING RUINED BY YOU AND YOUR BULLSHIT. I INVENTED CUNEIFORM JUST SO I COULD TELL YOU HOW MUCH OF A BITCH YOU ARE IN WORDS.

>> No.27170684

>>27170615
Yes, join us. Whatever you do, each and every one of you will fall. You will be violated and tortured for all eternity. The galaxy will burn, nothing will save you, not even your Corpse-God. The only thing that keeps your pathetic race alive is endless stream of war and suffering, only this allows the balance between Chaos and Order to remain intact. What we offer you is an escape from this fate, you will be the torturer instead of the tortured.

>>27170621
You are included in the half that got treated like shit, moron.

>> No.27170700

>>27170672
>Clearly, you thought WRONG!
>notice how she just bit but didn't magictouch
>doing slaanesh wrong

>> No.27170721

>>27170647
Grandma, can you tell me a story about before Grandad killed the shit out of Uncle Horus, signalling the start of an eternal civil war pitting me against my cousins?

>> No.27170722

>>27170647
Ok, I'll tell one of the Alphariuses to get the best Captains they can offer.
Do you want to see what Omegon and I have planned for the galaxy?

>>27170668
Shut up and keep dying, faggot.

>> No.27170727

>>27170721
wat's yer name 'ain? Nr.2?

>> No.27170747

>>27170721
>pic
>black templar confirmed for wearing pink

>> No.27170784

>>27170677
"PERFECT". SURE. LIKE WITH TWO AND ELEVEN, RIGHT? AND ANGRON? AND PERTURABO?

>>27170721
I would, if SOMEONE HADN'T CAUSED THE AGE OF STRIFE AND OBLITERATED MY PERSONAL LIBRARY IN AN ORBITAL BOMBARDMENT, TRACY.

>>27170722
Of course, just let me finish up fixing things around the galaxy first. Mom-Empress has a whole looot of un-fucking to do in this shithole of a galaxy.

>> No.27170823

>>27170784
YOU CAUSED THE ROBOTS TO REVOLT YA BITCH. AND YOUR PERSONAL LIBRARY WAS NOTHING BUT "50 SHADES OF GREY" FANFICTION. DO YOU KNOW HOW WEIRD THAT SHIT WAS? IT WAS PRETTY FUCKING WEIRD.

>> No.27170825

>>27170722
I have plans too, maybe we could split the galaxy in half or thirds in-case you don't want to share with Omegon.

>> No.27170828

>>27170784
Sure, mommy, my Legion will help you. I'd suggest we go kill the Ultramarines for being daddy's lackeys for Millennia.

>> No.27170841

>>27170784
>Woman
>Cleaning up

>> No.27170845

>>27170677
emprah inventing cuniform just to insult someone in writing is now part of my headcanon

>> No.27170856

>>27170593
You can't even talk to people telepathically without flooding the Imperial Palace basement with demons. Also, you're a heretic, heretic.

>> No.27170861

>>27170825
Sure, take half of it, me and Omegon only need some of it to keep the cycle going.

>> No.27170885

>>27170856
Don't talk shit about my brother, puny human, or my guy in your closet will jump out and stab you with his mutated genitalia in the eye socket.

>> No.27170909

>>27170784
With all due respect, ma'am, I think I'm gonna have to hold off on burning the Emperor for now. This shit just feels too fucking complicated, and it's really killing my genocide ladyboner.

>>27170672
I think the saying was "behind every great man there's a woman with a vibrator". And I think I can see why the Eldar don't like you too much.

>>27170684
You're well on your way to another dick-punching.

>>27170677
I'm just going to go find that firecrotch Farseer now. Should I like... tell people to stop praying to you for a little while? Give the two of you some time to work things out without having a billion guardsmen all praying for chocolate pudding with their lunch rations?

>> No.27170925

>>27170593
Small price?Man that sounds like a bargain!

>> No.27170933

>>27170485
*Tentacle RAPE!*

>>27170488
...I'm REALLY going to like working with you!
Little bit of warning though, Mom is a BIT of a junky...
We've been trying to get her off the MurderRAPE, but it takes time, you know?

>>27170598
Ground them into Hot Dogs of course!
What better way to dispose of Sausage...

>>27170615
DOOO EEEET!!!
Seriously, if he's going to be this much of a Dick, we might as well roast this weenie!

>>27170647
I've got a sister in the Law Game, I can make sure she's versed in Custody Law!

>>27170700
Nope...

>>27170784
...I'm really, REALLY going to enjoy working with you!

>> No.27170947

>>27170909
That's my fetish, sister, so keep on punching. Your soul still belongs to Chaos.

>> No.27170952

>>27170909
NO NO, IT'S FINE. IN FACT, TELL EVERYONE TO START PRAYING HARDER. I'M GOING TO SEE IF SHINING THE ASTRONOMICAN DIRECTLY IN THE BITCH'S EYES WILL BLIND HER FOR ETERNITY.

>> No.27170954

>>27170823
WELL, I NEEDED SOME SORT OF OUTLET AFTER YOU DECIDED TO SPEND ALL YOUR TIME IN YOUR OWN PERSONAL STUDY. DON'T TELL ME YOU WERE DOING RESEARCH, TRACY, UNLESS HUGH HEFNER SUDDENLY PICKED UP A DEGREE IN MOLECULAR CHEMISTRY.

AND ME? CAUSING THE ROBOTS TO REVOLT? OH, THAT'S RICH, COMING FROM A MAN WHO HAD NO PATERNAL INSTINCT.

>>27170909
Oh, bugger. Fine, here's some tickets to Orkapalooza and enough cash for your flamer. Do be good, and don't get soot all over the carpet. Gods know that I'LL have to clean that up, too.

>> No.27170971

>>27170925
Yes with this one time payment of your soul you gain access to the miracles of the warp.

>side effects may include rape, mind rape, torture, possession, mutilation and incineration

>> No.27171007

>>27170954
Mom's so much more awesome than dad.

>> No.27171035

>>27171007
How did he ever win custody over us?

>> No.27171041

>>27170954
YOU ALWAYS CONTRADICT ME IN FRONT OF THE KIDS. DAMMIT HELEN, YOU WERE ALWAYS BAD LUCK. YOU KNOW, YOU ALWAYS WERE SO SELF CENTERED. I SAID "GUYS, DON'T BRING THE WOODEN HORSE INTO THE CITY, IT'S A TRAP" BUT YOU WERE ALL LIKE "OOOO, BUT IT'S SO PRETTY. DAMMIT TRACY YOU NEVER GET ME ANYTHING, LET ME HAVE THE HORSE."
YOU CAUSED THE COLLAPSE OF TROY, A CITY I MADE TO LITERALLY BE UNBREAKABLE, TOO BAD I DIDN'T ACCOUNT FOR YOUR MOUNTAIN MOVING BITCHINESS.

>> No.27171057

>>27171035
Being a huge fucking dick and a dictator probably helped. Imagine what would've happened if mom got custody for us, the world would be so much better.

>> No.27171084

>>27170954
>Sister taking a Farseer to Orkapalooza
Is there any way this can end OTHER than lesbians?

>> No.27171087

>>27171041
Self-centered? SELF-CENTERED? WHO INSISTED ON THE TITLE, "GOD-EMPEROR"? WHO BUILT FUCKING STATUES OF HIMSELF ACROSS THE GALAXY? WHO CALLED HIMSELF "THE MESSIAH" BACK I JUDAEA? WHO WAS THE MOTHERFUCKING INSPIRATION FOR FERRIS BUELLER? HIS NAME RHYMES WITH "MACY".

>> No.27171093

>>27171041
Wait... you fucked up Troy? How did you ever produce sons who aren't retarded (Roby not included for obvious reasons)? You are the worst military commander ever.

>> No.27171122

>>27171087
Is it "Stacy"?

>> No.27171132

>>27171122
CLOSE. IT'S "TRACY".

>> No.27171138

>>27170933
But who would buy the hotdogs? And why don't you roast them alive? Fresh meat tastes better, you know.

>> No.27171146

>>27170947
>everything is his fetish
>you can't win

>> No.27171148

>>27171087
(didn't he insist on NOT being called a god?)

>> No.27171151

>>27171093
I DIDN'T FUCK UP TROY. SHE DID. SHE HAD THE FUCKING HORSE BROUGHT IN WHEN I SAID NOT TO.
>>27171087
WHO'S THE ONE WHO ACTUALLY EARNED THAT SHIT? ME. YOU DIDN'T EVEN EARN THE SEASHELL NECKLACE THAT SEALED OUR MARRIAGE BACK IN 8000 BC.

>> No.27171170

>>27171146
So Alpharius should be anything else than the juvenile little brother nobody likes?

>> No.27171171

AHH, AFTER TEN THOUSAND YEARS, I'M FREE. IT'S TIME TO--Oh. Shit. Nope. Noooope. Nope nope nope NOPE. Fuck this, Crusade cancelled.

>> No.27171180

>>27171057
INDEED!

>>27171084
How about AWESOME and Half-Eldar BABIES?!?!

>>27171087
Well males are ALWAYS compensating for something...

>> No.27171181

>>27171146
Which is why his daddy never loved him.

>> No.27171199

>>27171151
So... what you are trying to tell me is that you don't actually have the willpower to issue orders and follow through? Sounds familiar, did you had to go back doing some crazy useless experiments back then, too?

>> No.27171203

I hate it when Grandma and Grandad fight....

>> No.27171207

>>27170933
Roasting weeners? I sure would like to work with you... hey, maybe we can get macha to eat them, and then tell her she missed her chance on dick! HAHA

>> No.27171209

>>27171087
Mom's got sass

>>27171093
Emps has fucked up alot of things and has blamed it on others

>>27171151
Who was killed by his little boy even after thousands of warnings and years of preparation?

>>27171171
Come back when when we aren't having quality family time.

>> No.27171231

>>27171151
Earned. HA. WHO DID THE NUMBER-CRUNCHING? WHO MADE SURE THE TRAINS RAN ON TIME? WHO KEPT THE FORGES RUNNING WHILE YOU RAN AROUND WITH YOUR WARBONER? WHO RAN DAMAGE CONTROL FROM YOUR LITTLE TRIP TO PANDORA, QUARITCH? AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE SHIT YOU STARTED ON ARRAKIS. DON'T EVEN GET ME FUCKING STARTED.

>> No.27171235

I'm only 135 and what is this
HERESY

>> No.27171237

>>27171171
This might be the first of your decisions that I can actually support.

>> No.27171253

>>27171199
SHE HAD THEM BRING IT IN DURING THE NIGHT, WHEN I WAS SLEEPING.

>> No.27171261

>>27170933
>*Tentacle RAPE!*
Well, that went better than expected...

>> No.27171271

>>27171171
Fucking agreed, man.

Hey, wanna go see Orkapalooza instead? I'll be off on the side lezzing out with some Farseer, but I've got an extra couple of tickets. You and Eldrad can chill.

>>27171180
The sciencebabies come later. Much later. If at all.

>> No.27171278

>>27171253
So the poor old man was tired? Do you need a napkin?

>> No.27171279

>>27171231
YOU KNOW WHO DID ALL THAT? MALCADOR. FUCK, IF I WASN'T SO BUSY HATING YOU AND CLEANING UP YOUR SHIT, I WOULD'VE MARRIED THAT MAN. DAMN, HE DID EVERYTHING RIGHT.

>> No.27171300

>>27171278
SON, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I DO TO MY KIDS WHEN THEY PISS ME OFF SUFFICIENTLY? YOU DONT? ASK HORUS- OH WAIT.

>> No.27171304

>>27171279
Dad's a fag, fucking confirmed.

>> No.27171311

>>27171180
>World would be better if women ran it
>Indeed
>sexism is okay
And that's why people hate 4chan

>> No.27171312

>>27171279
>would have married Malcador
Well now we know which way you swing, It'll be easier to maintain conversations with you.

>> No.27171317

>>27171300
What are going to do? Decompose me to death? Fuck you dad, mom knows how to run this shit and you need to step down.

>> No.27171323

>>27171304
Atleast he has openly admitted it, Sanguinius is still in denial.

>> No.27171345

>>27171138
We'd give them out FREE of course!

...And they store better with ground in perveritives...

>>27171151
>Not checking Giant Wooden Horse for Greeks
Do you even Customs Empy?

>>27171207
Fuck off Miriael, you're such a huge dick I'd be surprised if rubbing you didn't cause you to vomit sperm...

>>27171231
Men, you can't live with'em...

>>27171261
Yes, and now you are a woman...
PREGNANT WITH MY CHILD!

>> No.27171347

>>27171279
YOU SON OF A BITCH. I WAS THE ONE WHO BROUGHT UP HIS AD IN THE CLASSIFIEDS. I WAS THE ONE WHO INTERVIEWED AND TRAINED YOUR ALFRED, "BRUCE". AND YOU KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING WHILE HE CLEANED UP YOUR FUCKING MESSES? I WAS MAKING SURE THE BUREAUCRACY FUNCTIONED. I MADE SURE HE WAS PAID THE HEFTY SUM WORKING FOR YOU DEMANDS. AND YOU KNOW WHO REALLY DID THE PAPERWORK YOU SENT TO HIM? ME. BECAUSE MALCADOR COULDN'T BALANCE A CHECKBOOK FOR SHIT.

>> No.27171352

>>27171323
Yeah, but we all know Sangy likes the dick a lot, I never figured Tracy would be on the same team as our warm brother.

>> No.27171358

>>27171304
IF I'M A FAG, THEN SO ARE YOU. THAT OR SO NARCISSISTIC THAT YOU MAKE FULGRIM LOOK SELF DEPRECATING.
>>27171312
FUCK OFF MAGNUS, YOU'RE JUST PISSED BECAUSE YOU'RE TZEENTCH'S PRISON BITCH.
>>27171317
I WILL STEP DOWN WHEN SHE PRIES MY SWORD FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS.
>>27171323
SANGUINIUS WAS THE ONLY GOOD ONE

>> No.27171384

>>27171358
Your hands are already cold and dead and your sword is shattered to pieces. Time to go, Tracy.

>> No.27171388

>>27171347
IF I'M BATMAN, MALCADOR IS MY ALFRED, AND YOU'RE SELINA KYLE; A THIEVING, MANIPULATIVE BITCH.

>> No.27171406

>>27171352
>>27171358

>Sanguinius was the only good one
>Emperor confirmed for genetically bred incest

I will have you know that Tzeentch actually looks after me like a father! Although unlike you he does have a habit of turning my marines into doves.

>> No.27171416

>>27171384
BRING IT ALFALFA.

>> No.27171418

>>27171377
>Selina Kyle
>Not Diana
>LaughingPaulDiniandBruceTimm.jpg

>> No.27171455

>>27171345
>huge dick
Slut, please, i'm not one of those animals...and besides, what are your tentacles using? Surely not fairydust.
C'mon, i already heated the fires of hell and turned some lost souls into a perfectly fine hotdog factory!

>> No.27171464

>>27171416
Oookay Tracy, chill out. No need to get all worked up or you'll have a heart att... oh, right.

>> No.27171467

>>27171358
Rghhhly now? Welp, fhhrgck it. Hydrugh Drrrm'nuhtus.

>> No.27171479

>>27171455
*mananimals

>> No.27171482

>>27171467
Okay, now I'm scared.

>> No.27171484

>>27171467
I thoroughly agree with whatever the hell you said slowly dying brother.

>> No.27171492

>>27171271
Bu-but... BABIES!!!
Babies that grow up into cute little girls... who then grow up into SMOKING HOT WOMEN!!!

>>27171311
>Implying that satire isn't the entire point of the Daughters of Peace...

>>27171317
Agreed!
Who want's to help me haul his bony ass over to Nurgle's Garden?

>>27171347
He's a MAN Ma'am, if the whole damn Galaxy doesn't revolve around him...

>>27171358
>>27171384
So yeah, how are we getting him to Nurgle's place to dump anyways?
Anybody have, like, a Warp Pickup Truck or something?

>> No.27171500

>>27171464
GO FUCK YOURSELF. OH WAIT, YOU MADE YOUR WHOLE LEGION LOOK LIKE YOURSELF SO YOU COULD DO JUST THAT.
>>27171467
SHUT UP, YOU'RE JUST AS BAD AS ALPHA. PLUS, I DESTROYED THE HYDRA CULT.

>> No.27171512

>>27171492
I don't really do the whole Warp thing, actually. But Maggie basically lives there, he should be able to help you.

>> No.27171514

>>27171482
Uh, is this the right address? We just got orders to come here to get our gear repainted. Something about cosmetic surgery, too.

>> No.27171529

>>27171500
So now I'm the bad guy because I actually use tactics instead of banging my head against a golden toilet until the universe bows to my will?

>> No.27171543

>>27171529
I'M SORRY, I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER ME BEING SO FUCKING POWERFUL I CAN MAKE THE UNIVERSE BOW TO MY WILL.

>> No.27171548

>>27171514
Am I being infiltrated right now? Huh... that sucks, maybe I should've done this to other people all my life.

>> No.27171569

>>27171543
So it was your will to be a sack of shit on a golden toilet for all eternity (or for one or two hundred years max)? What's the next step? Make a decent sandwich?
Is Roby really the only one in the family with ambition? Or are you just that retarded?

>> No.27171572

>>27171548
Infiltrated? I don't know about that, curiously large battle-brother, but we do have orders to merge with your Chapter. From our Primarch himself, even! It's Codex maneuver 2020A.

>> No.27171591

>>27171467
... would you like a trache tube?
>>27171492
Easy, there. I still haven't met the lady. We're not two little schola-girls out for an explore. We're grown-ass women: she's a Farseer, I'm a rather tired Sororitas who nearly burned the Emperor to a crisp.

These things take time to do properly.

>> No.27171597

YOU KNOW WHAT, FUCK THIS.
FUCK THIS REALITY, FUCK THIS UNIVERSE, FUCK THE WARP, FUCK EVERYTHING. I'M GOING TO GO KILL CHAOS GODS UNTIL REALITY COLLAPSES IN ON ITSELF.
I WILL KILL SLAANESH LAST, BECAUSE THAT BITCH GAVE BETTER BLOWJOBS THAN HELEN DID.

>> No.27171603

>>27171455
But you're such a druggie...
When's the last time you cuddles some poor soul 'till they were nothing but pure Bliss?
When was the last time you sculpted a Master Piece, or composed a sonnet?

>>27171512
Alright then!
Cyclops, any ideas how we can haul your old man over to Nurgle's?
Preferably dumping him at speeds that would crack his giant ass?

>> No.27171621

>>27171572
Uhm... yeah, just leave the painting as it is, you'll gonna change it every two weeks anyway. For the surgery, just go to one of the Apothecaries and you'll get all fixed up.

Your new name is Alpharius, by the way, the same goes for everyone in your chapter. Don't ask me why, I don't really know why I thought this was a good idea either.

>> No.27171625

>>27171597
OH AND HELEN? I FUCKED ISHA TOO.
PEACE BITCHES.

>> No.27171630 [SPOILER] 

>sits on Golden Throne
Just as planned.

>> No.27171637

>>27171603
It wouldn't be that hard to transport him, being a decayed fleshbag and all. The problem would be acquiring his corpse from Terra. Whilst we're there we could take Guilliman too just for the hell of it.

>> No.27171638

>>27171597
Well... I... I never liked you anyway. F... fuck you, d... dad.

>> No.27171648

>>27171603
My sonnets are the moans of the innocent.

>> No.27171664

>>27171630
Wait... WHUT?!!?

>>27171648
What kind of moans we talking here?

>> No.27171678

>>27171630
... I'm still fucking your daughter.

"Just as planned?"

>> No.27171682

>>27171638
Can we please stop arguing, you've made Alphy cry. Let us change topic to ahhh, why we haven't wiped out the Ork infestation or why Necron corpses don't make good refrigerators.

>> No.27171683 [SPOILER] 

>>27171648
Look, i even made a beatiful baby for you!

>> No.27171693

>>27171638
YOU KNOW WHAT SON? I LOVED YOU. I LOVED ALL OF YOU. BUT GODDAMMIT, I TRIED TO MAKE YOU TOUGH IN ORDER TO FACE A UNIVERSE OF FUNGUS PEOPLE, GALAXY CONSUMING INSECTS, GODS WHO ONLY WISH TO USE YOU, AND THE EVILNESS OF HUMANS THEMSELVES. SORRY IF I WENT TO FAR, BUT I TRIED.
WONT MATTER IN ABOUT 5 MINUTES, NURGLE SEEMS TO BE BLEEDING OUT.

>> No.27171706

>>27171664
ALL of them.
There is a thin line between pain and pleasure, and i like to play with it.

>> No.27171717

>>27171630
Now that you got your new shiny chair, can we please proceed with the destruction of the entire human race? I'm on a schedule here, and all this family stuff gets on my nerves, especially the split personality shit I have to pull every time my idiot brothers are around.

>> No.27171724

>>27171682
>Necron corpses don't make good refrigerators.
Not economical.
Not the amount of bullets or human bodies to kill one, mind you, but all spacecrews use their heads for vidyagames instead! The corpses useless afterwards and execution doesn'T stop them from doing it!

>> No.27171726

>>27171693
Wait...we're purposely destroying the universe now? I never saw anything like this happening in Tzeentch's Grimore

>> No.27171730

>>27171717
Execute it as you please. Now where's the remote on this thing? I've got a Blood Bowl game to watch.

>> No.27171755

>>27171726
You need to stop the universe to restart it.

>> No.27171764

>>27171726
YOU'RE NOT. I AM. THIS UNIVERSE IS TOO FUCKED UP, MAYBE THE NEXT ONE WILL GET IT RIGHT, BUT THIS ONE WENT DOWN A ONE-WAY ROAD STRAIGHT TO HELL, AND THERE IS NO WAY TO TURN AROUND.
COSMIC RESET BUTTON BITCHES.

>> No.27171770

>>27171693
I'm sorry, dad. I'm so sorry. But you told us your goal. You told me that we had to stop Chaos. And if I have to destroy our species and the entire galaxy with it to stop the Ruinous Powers, I will do it. I'm sorry my brothers could not get over their petty little schemes. I'm sorry I could not find a way to keep you alive and fulfil your wish. I always loved you, but you have to die with your species in order to safe everyone from the Warp.

>> No.27171824

>>27171683
Oh! She's so CUTE!!!

>>27171706
THAT'S THE THING!
You can't just torture Mortals, they get "HURT!"
Pain is apparently their bodies way of telling them "Stop doing that or you'll break something!"
Crazy, I know, but PLEASURE is the opposite!
There body tells them that they should keep doing it, over and over again!
Mixing the two just leaves them a scrambled mess that’s flaying itself to death just to try to be happy…
Flayed, half dead cultist are NOT productive ones Miriael!
How are we going to take over the Galaxy and beyond if everyone is strung up by flaps of flesh on fish hooks, Miriael?

>> No.27171843

OH WHAT THE FUCK, SOMETHING JUST BLEW UP THE PUB OF TERROR WHAT DID YOU ASSHOLES DO

>> No.27171859

>>27171843
Alpharius pissed Emps off which has now lead him to destroy the universe.

>> No.27171868

>>27171843
Ruining your dirty little playground, that's what we've done. Enjoy the time you have left.

>> No.27171885

>>27171868
>>27171859
...Fuck it. I've still got a barrel of 30k-vintage. Anyone want a pint? I'm certainly not dying without one.

>> No.27171889

>>27171859
One could say, it went just as planned. But that would be incredibly cheesy.

>> No.27171916

>>27171868
I was beggining to enjoy the state of ruin that the universe had come to and now it has to be destroyed. Such is life in the 41st millennium.

>>27171885
Throw me a mug brother, may as well die getting wasted with another of my brothers, despite him being a fluffy purple space pixie.

>>27171889
JUST AS PLANNED

>> No.27171920

NURGLE IS DEAD, DIDN'T SEEM TO DESTROY REALITY. TZEENTCH IS NEXT, ALONG WITH THE WELL OF ETERNITY.

>> No.27171921

>>27171764
Hey, can you be a woman in the next one?

I got a bet going with a Pink Horror...

>> No.27171933

>>27171916
>fluffy purple space pixie
And this is why I will always remember you in a positive light, despite your betrayal.

>> No.27171940

>>27171824
Well, Bulletignoring Meatshields are still the best. Just think of the possibilities!
And don't tell me you wouldn't enjoy the fish hook, demon of slaanesh.
If you have any further question on the matter, there is a growing cult known as "necromongers" that might interest you...

>> No.27171949

>>27171921
Wait... does that mean I will trade places with Roboute? I don't want to be a stuck up faggot.

>> No.27171963

>>27171920
SHIT, I THINK THAT DID IT.
DAMN IT'S BEAUTIFUL, THERE IS SOMETHING UNDERNEATH THE WARP IT SEEMS.

>> No.27171978

>>27171963
I hope it's candy, you never bought me any candy.

>> No.27171990

>>27171963
>inb4 2001 joke

>> No.27171991

>>27171963
Books? is it books? or chocolate I am quite partial to that.

>> No.27172009

>>27171978
>>27171990
>>27171991
IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. SHOULD'VE SENT A POET.
>>27171990
>HAH, CONTACT JOKE BITCH.

>> No.27172018

>>27171963
Wait, did the Emperor just find the game's source code? What the fuck is going on, g--OH FUCK HE'S REACHING THROUGH THE SCREEN

>> No.27172022

>>27172009
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

>> No.27172050

>>27172009
>not candy

Well, there goes my boner. Still not bad, transferring 40k into a shit-tier soap opera with a cheesy ending. At least I wasn't bored.

Time to infiltrate the Ultrasmurfs in the new universe, I guess.

>> No.27172061

>>27172009
News just in, Emperor burned for being a heretic
Universe gets better
Anyone noticing that burned as a heretic

>> No.27172063

I left for twenty minutes to pick up space coffee...

Guys, what the hell happened to the Ordo Xenos meeting?

>> No.27172070

IS IT CANDY?
I CERTAINLY HOPE SO SON, I HOPE SO.

>> No.27172073

>>27172063
The Emprah's wife appeared and everything went to shit
Just another selffapping from tg

>> No.27172079

Shit, this meeting has gone on for a while nWHOA who the fuck are you guys and what are you doing here and what in the barmy FUCK is happening.

>> No.27172080

>>27172050
Twas fun whilst it lasted.

Ah-well I still have things to burn and books to read.

>> No.27172082

>>27172073
It went so bad it went perfect in the end

>> No.27172084

>>27172063
AL infiltrated the meeting, Traitor Primarchs showed up, Loyalist Primarchs showed up, Empy's wife came in, big soap opera hoe-down, universe explodes.

>> No.27172100

>>27172079
You iz dedz
Seriously, they restarted the universe
also,
>>27172079
>>27172063
samefag

>> No.27172102

NO. NOT YET. NOT WHILE WE YET EXIST. THIS MUST BE PRESERVED. ARCHIVED IN THE GREAT SKEINS OF FATE AND TIME. THAT WHICH THE ELDAR CALL "SUPTIJI". THE MULTIVERSE DEMANDS IT.

>> No.27172119

>>27172102
See
>>27170671

>> No.27172123

>>27172119
AH. VERY GOOD THEN. BACK TO THE GAME.

>> No.27172124

Eldrad? Now you show up? After everything interesting already... FUUUUUUUUU

>> No.27172140

>>27172119
it hasn't been added though

>> No.27172168

>>27172140
Doesn't need to, this is just some /tg/wankery like the emperasque
Started out really interesting, props to that, but it got derailed into shit

>> No.27172184

>>27172124
Eldrad is the equivalent of That Guy.
Better not let him fuck up the storyline

>> No.27172199

>>27171940
Why are you even USING Meatshields?
War fuels the GREAT ENEMY after all...

And I can't say the fish hook would be terribly useful... I can already stretch my form pretty thin...

>> No.27172241

>>27172199
B-but the pleasure!
I-it's not like we could turn the corpses into more spacecrack or something

>> No.27172258

Ah, that was a nice, therapeutic meditative slumber. So, Inquisitors, what do we have for--

>> No.27172262

>>27172199
>fishhooks
>bdsm pain wihtout battle
doyouevenintoslaanesh.jpg

>> No.27172276

>>27172258
>doesn't recognize the emprah
BURN, FOUL HERETIC

>> No.27172287

>>27172199
War is a necessity, so why not turn it into another artform for our master?

>> No.27172295

This is one of the threads i'd like to read through but don't feel like i'll ever have the time to.

>> No.27172308

>>27172276
Wait, that gigantic mass of psychic energy and golden light is the Emprah?

>> No.27172321

>>27172287
Yes, but that is why we strike down our Enemies before they can strike us!
Nothing is more joyous than hearing the impotent screams of a Khornate waft in after you have sniped the heads of his comrades from several miles out.

>> No.27172338

>>27172321
>Implying that we haven't invented the Bloodrifle
>Implying that we haven't mastered the art of accurately launching and deploying Berzerkers via modified Earthshaker

>> No.27172391

>>27172338
>Implying you'd know where the shots were coming from...

>> No.27172432

>>27172391
Remember those Raging bonuses Barbarians got in Pathfinder? Like Raging Swim?

Berzerkers have that. And Raging Listen. And Raging Diplomacy.

>> No.27172446

>>27172432
Also:
>Raging Sight
>Raging Taste
>Raging Craft
>Raging Knowledge

>> No.27172477

>>27172432
>Raging Diplomacy
...But... that doesn't even... How...

>> No.27172508

>>27172477
WE YELL AT BITCHES UNTIL THEY SIGN OUR MOTHERFUCKING PETITIONS, THAT'S WHAT

>> No.27172548

>>27172508
...That's an Intimidation check...

>> No.27172563

>>27172548
PRE-UNIFICATION MERICA SURE AS FUCK DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THE DISTINCTION.

>> No.27172810

For fucks. Sake. Keep. It down up. There.

>>
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