/tg/ - Traditional Games

A stone room.

Pretty well sized. About twenty five by fifteen feet inside. A lot thicker outside, because hewen stone walls are 6' thick.

And it flew. Two miles an hour.

The Stronghold Builder's Guidebook was to blame for it, and it became a mix of home, transportation and plot device.

It could not fly itself though, you had to turn a wheel and work levers to make it go and it was easy to get lost before we had good maps and a compass. So fucking lost.

>>26575716
So...you found Zardoz

My character in a Cold Wars game found a copy of FATAL.

He went insane.

The Womb Dagger. I immediately recognized what it was, but no one else did, and I didn't let the DM know that I knew.

I gave it to the cleric.

>mfw my DM frequents /tg/

>>26575849
Enlighten me?

>>26575870
I think he is referencing the fact that him and his DM both peruse /tg/ and he took it from this thread:
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/5978922/#5981676

Just.. he decided to leave this conversation.

>>26575747
THE PENIS IS EVIL

>>26575870

What

>>26575986

Said. A gross item if you're a girl. I wanted nothing to do with it, but the others wouldn't let me just throw it away, so I gave it to the other girl.

My kobold barbarian had a bowl for a helm that could conjure food, but the item to be replicated then made into soup had to be samples in the two cups that could hold animal horns.

On critical fails my DM would have the bowl trigger and instead of dropping my weapon, I would be blinded.

>>26576095

Sell it.

It's a magical item.

No PC should be cursed with that item.

A dragon's egg.

>WE'LL HAVE OUR OWN DRACONIC BACKUP
>IT'LL BE AWESOME
>THE FIGHTER CAN RIDE IT AND BE RELEVANT TO FIGHTS AGAIN
>WE'LL FEED IT OUR FALLEN ENEMIES AND ADORN IT WITH *SO* MUCH GOLD

There's no such thing as a free dragon egg.

>>26576095
I have to say, your DM sounds rather suspect.

>>26576179

I can't tell them what it really is, they are only aware of the stats so the cleric won't sell it. She thinks it will come in super handy, though thankfully she hasn't gotten a chance to use it. She keeps saying I should use it as a rogue, but no way am I falling victim to an item like that.

>>26576204

He's a damn pervert bastard is what he is.

>>26575849
How could you know?

There is no description if it in the thread, only what it does.

>>26576188

Ok, that pic is terrifying.

Had a player in my group who was playing a Kender right. Not a kleptomaniac, good natured, helped out the party, used to give them their gear if they thought that the other party members could use it more (Because who needs a magic sword when, when your best friend could get hurt without it?)

Clearing out a dungeon, I give the party a burlap sack, that every time you reach into it, there's a burlap sack. The old sack won't produce another sack, but the new sack will, and it goes on forever.

The Kender decided he wanted to see what was at the bottom.

Smothered himself because he wasn't paying attention, and the room filled with bags. I warned him like 6 times, but he said that his character would just keep pulling out bags.

The entire party chipped in to bring him back, they loved his character so much... and they burned the bag, because he would have done it again.

>>26576221

There's been more than one thread about it. If anyone can find the picture, it has a distinctive appearance.

>>26576219
So you are metagaming?

>>26576227

>Babby_Finds_ICS.mkv

It's kind of mundane, but in one game my Barbarian had a greatsword that, if I dropped, thrown, or discarded outside of its sheath, would return to my hands (or its sheath if my hands were occupied at the moment) ten seconds later, or at the start of my next turn if we were fighting something. There's a surprising variety of uses for something like that.

>>26576147
Repost in English, with a proof read this time motherfucker.

>>26576188
Gunna have to work this into a campaign or two.

DM's former partymate found a Mokona with a penis in place of the gem. I think he had to rub it to get the it to function. They were in high school.

>>26576219
She's on to you and conspiring with the DM. The next thing you know they'll have planted it back on your person and you'll be put in a situation where it's the only weapon you can use. Kill them before they get you. I don't mean kill the characters, kill the players. It's your only hope. I recommend arsenic.

>>26576437

I will take this into consideration.

>>26576257

If I let anyone else know, then the DM will know that I know, which will give way to problems.

>>26575663
Compass of Passage- Non-stop Aura of Invisible to Undead, but only as long as it was balanced. Had to walk into a zombie infested town with everyone huddled close trying to keep it level.

>>26576467
You should take it back and then conveniently lose it? Never use it? Hide it away somewhere where nobody can find it?

>>26576487

Good idea, I could probably just steal it and lose it. Though there will probably be some issue with the cleric missing her dagger, I'll have to come up with a way of obscuring that.

>>26576467

But your DM obviously frequents /tg/.

He probably already knows.

>>26576514
>76514
> >>26576487 (You)
Wasn't she willing to give it to you? Just ask for it back.

>>26576188
I see... Ahem...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

>>26576539

At first sure, but by now she's supplanted it as her main weapon.

In one campaign I played our party found this special potion from a Wizard we fought. It was in a glass bottle shaped like a clenched fist and called 'The Potion of Manliness'. We used it in the fight against the BBEG (which took place in space) and gained insane stat boosts. It was needed as the BBEG had ascended to Emprah tier at this point.

>>26576595
It better have caused you all to grow massive amounts of chest hair and a luxurious beard.

>>26576624

Saxon Hale bursts out of whoever drinks it

>>26576624
My character already had that. He was a Dwarf who wove anvils in to his beard, disco danced with skeletons and beat a god in a rap battle.

I once gave my players a bagpipe that turned you invicible, but only when you were playing it.

>>26576656
OH GOD WHY

>>26575663
Goddamit

>>26576655
>He was a Dwarf who wove anvils in to his beard, disco danced with skeletons and beat a god in a rap battle.

Story?

>DnD 3.5
>An abandoned shack.
>Actually, it's a forgotten shack, with 5 skeletons sitting on chairs, holding onto goblets.
>I take a closer look, and find that their table has several metal statuettes of elves, humans, and dwarves. It sort of looks like that they tried summoning a pocket demon.
>I check the goblets. They're empty. My guess was poison.
>My party of four (including me) look around the shack, pulling sheets, overturning tables, but we keep the five to their table.
>The barbarian finds a book on the floor next to the dead. It's dusty, and he can't read. So, he gives it to me to read.

"Dungeons and Dragons 3.5: Player Manual"

>We gave it to the wizard, he opens the book, and screams uncontrollably. The rest of us take a closer look, and scream too. Even the barbarian was screaming as frightfully as we were. And he can't read.

>The Wizard closed the book with all his might, and slumped to the wall. The rest of us took a breather while we waited.

It became our Diplomatic Weapon.

>>26576656
That would work if you were a high str charrie. Punch them after you reveal yourself.

>>26576656
>invicible
Wait, invisible or invincible? I mean, a bagpipe of invisibility isn't that bad, bagpipes have a way of resonating so it's not always easy to tell exactly where the sound is coming from. And that aside, it's still great for pranks. But invincibility, that's hella abusable.

>>26576721
Meta as fuck

>>26576720
Alrighty then:

>First time playing DnD. Get together with some friends in the same boat.
>DM has a little experience
>We decide to play for shits and giggles, focusing on the fun rather than the crunch.
>Start off tracking some children who had been kidnapped by bandits
>Along the way get sidetracked exploring ruins, sailing across continents, winning drinking contests, fighting Gods.
>The usual.
>My character is your typical Dorf Fighter called Hans Iron-beard. He's strong, stupid, loyal and drunk.
>He also weaves anvils into his facial hair.
>Other members are Rollplayed Eladrin Cleric Mary Sue (who ends up being the backbone of the party and having mad banter with my character), a Mexican halfling Paladin, a half-elf Ranger, a Tiefling Warlock, a Dragonborn Ranger and a human Rogue.
>Wacky_misadventures.exe
>One time we pour the potion on this boat we have and it grows wheels, becoming some sort of tank/ark thing.
>Another time we fight and defeat a giant crystalline Rhino.
>At one point, we're trapped in the realm of the Goddess of Lightning. We fight and defeat her at level 2, mainly because our Paladin wanted the poncho she had. During the fight our Rogue attempts to teabag her, rolling a nat20. Reluctantly the DM allowed him to slap her with his balls before she disintegrated him.
>We later resurrect him using the horn of the Crystal Rhino, which was magic or some shit.
>My character finds this cuirass that lights up whenever it is struck. We use it as a makeshift light source by having other characters hit me whenever we're exploring dark areas.
>I seem to gain favor with the dice gods. Despite multiple failures by the others to pick locks and such I seem to succeed in opening things my simply smashing them with my hammer.
(con't)

>>26577032
>>26576720
>One time we're cruising across this grassy pain in our tank and spot some deer. We haven't eaten for days so our ranged guys all take potshots at them.
>The all miss.
>Shouting a warcry, I roll to throw my hammer Thor style.
>Nat 20
>I kill them all, tenderizing the meat and catching my hammer like a boomerang.
>Later we encounter this huge black dude who introduced himself as the God of Dark Places. He agrees to help us if we can beat him in a freestyle rap battle. The DM had prepared some lines earlier. Since no one else will, I drop some sick lyrics on his ass (which must have sounded cringewothy to everyone else) and we win.
>This somehow gives me the ability to summon disco skeletons (we were using LEGO minifigs as playing pieces and the DM actually made disco skeletons using lightsaber blades, thus the idea).
>The session finale involved us fighting a godlike Wizard BBEG who was using the captured children as soldiers in his wizard army he was training. He wanted to become some multi dimensional god or something.
>We summoned the gods we had defeated to aid us and used the Potion of Manliness for the battle.
>We beat his ass

>>26577032
>>26577041
>lol so RANDUMB XDDDDD: the game

>>26576656
Oh, sorry invisible

(I haven't slept much and I suffer from being Swedish)

>>26577439

Wahhhh, stop liking what I don't like: the post.

>>26576219
Coathanger, +1.
Problem solved.

>>26577041
SOunds like you guys had a blast

fuck why won't dms let our party not stick to the rails?

>>26577439

>>26576227
Really? Personally I find it quite erotic

>>26576593
Teehee.

>>26577439
>No fun allowed.

None of us took that game too seriously. I've played serious games in my time as well.

>>26577592
It was great fun.

>>26577639
I have both a tentacle fetish and a transformation fetish. That comic still scares the piss out of me. I mean... uuuugh...

>>26577841
Did you see part 2 of it?

>>26575849
It strikes me that that might be pretty good for stealing an inheritance or something.

>>26577878
you serious man? plz post

>>26577888

No. It's the perfect weapon for a yandere.

I'LL KILL YOU

AND BEAR YOUR CHILD

>>26577919
And a link to the source.

http://kdingo.net/champ/pics/main.php

>>26577969
That's both immensely funny and kinda troubling, thanks for sharing

>>26575663
One of the most fun items ever encountered was a magical fairy tale book our party found while tooling around and politicking in a city.

A wealthy noble has a terminally ill daughter. So, to try and make her as happy as possible, he commissions the creation of a cursed fairytale book. When she reads it, she gets turned into the appropriate character from whatever fairytale, temporarily, until she finishes the story or achieves the prerequisite for the character.

At least, that's what was implied. For us? We read it, the GM rolls a percent die for what fairy tale (using a list of real-life ones,) and then rolls a percent die for what character from the fairy tale. (most have =< 4 characters)

We then get transformed into that character, and left there until we get curse removed or accomplish the prerequisite. If you get turned into the lumberjack from Little Red Ridinghood, you have to kill a wolf/werewolf. If you get turned into a knight, you have to kill a dragon/rescue a maiden. If you get turned into a maiden, you might have to get rescued. You might have to kiss prince charming. Whatever.

So, given an artifact level device that had the potential to backfire horribly on us, what did we do? Handed it off to our trollbro cleric who used it for disguises when getting pursued by guards.

It was also responsible for turning my wizard's familiar into Sleeping Beauty. Except that was its last charge, so it broke, and my daemonic familiar got stuck that way.

We found a Deck of Many Things once.
We donated it to an orphanage as playing cards.

>>26578068

>>26577525

There are creams for that.

>>26577962

I laughed heartily. Good one, Anon!

>>26578060

>An item responsible for turning a familiar into a lazy bitch who just lie around all day

Well, I guess if it was cat familiar, nobody would really notice the difference

>>26577969
That eye in stage three just makes the whole thing so much more creepy.
Also, Dragons are now fucking terrifying.

>>26576249
Best. Kender. Ever.
>Until the party brought him back that is. Zing!

Me (NE rogue) and buddy (CN fighter) found a waterskin filled with a viscous fluid. We had just bested some fucks in a tournament, and I had snuck on board the guys ship whilst the fighter drew attention acting crazy. On the trip home from the Tournament, we convince some poor bastard that it is some badass drink. Which it sort of was...

DM called it Treant Sap. It made the poor bastard into an insane, murderous treant. On a ship. In the middle of the sea.

We ended up snapping some ropes and swinging the mast around to knock it into the ocean.

Me and buddy immediately thought to poison a waterwell in the city we were going to. Problem: we died before we could do it.

God I miss that campaign. Two of the guys left, leaving just me and the DM, and we've been trying to get more players to no avail...

>>26575663

I've given out lots of unusual loot over the years, but the one item that caused the most excitement was an old pre-fall Imperial map. Not like I really meant much with it, but my players got so excited I ended up drawing the entire thing, and it spawned a rather long chain of adventures.

Not particularly wondrous on it's own, admittedly, but their reaction to it was.

>>26578312
online or?

>>26578377
In-person. The DM and I have been trying to get a group, but one person reeks like they haven't showered in days, and another lives a full 30 minutes away, with no vehicle (so I'd be stuck in my car for 2 hours for maybe a 4-5 hour game...).

Sucks...

>>26578507
If i lived anywhere near you I'd be there. Darn country city and its 'whats a video game' lifestyle

Maybe you should do an online session once. Harbors you more player. I'd personally play with you and your DM.

>>26576188
That's fucking disgusting.

>>26578507
>Maybe you should do an online session once. Harbors you more player. I'd personally play with you and your DM.

What would happen if the woman stabbed her unborn child (for the sake of argument, lets say she's 6 months along) with the Womb Dagger?

>>26578949
What is the GM's stance on unborn life?

>>26578949

You know how seahorses reproduce?

Yeah.

Manbaggage takes on a whole new meaning.

>>26578949
Is the unborn child male or female?

>>26578970
No, but the rules of the dagger clearly state that whoever is stabbed by it is the sire of the new impregnation, as well it states that if the woman is already pregnant, the fetus would change to accommodate.
I don't even understand how you reached your conclusion. I'm talking about a woman stabbing the fetus in her own womb.

>>26578996
Let's say male.

>>26579007
the child becomes the son of itself had the original self been born and the mother who births it.

>>26578949
Presumably some freaky incest mutations.

>>26576219
inb4 you and the cleric end up in a struggle with one of you forced to stab the other with the womb dagger

>>26576188
okay I'm putting this into my campaign

A big biomechanical dragonfly. Unfortunately it was damaged, nobody knew how to fix it (or even use it apart from pulling random levers), and in a section of Acheron we could only get into through a portal smaller than the dragonfly.

However we also found a smaller version styled after a damselfly, which we took and gave it to our PC that doesn't have her own fly speed, although she might soon get flying armour, since we looted a giant-sized set of adamantine full plate with some wing mechanisms which at some point we're taking to an artificer to see if he can't get a human-sized version of it going. We'll still keep the dragonfly, though, since if anything it can lift pretty well (and if and when we get a fourth PC, they may need it if they can't fly).

>>26578210
If this is the same story I've heard before, this guy's original familiar was replaced with a demon mastiff, that was his spell book (mystic tattoo stuff), and they were telling a story to children when the daemon dog got turned into snow white. So, in order to study his spells, he had to read them off of a naked woman.

>>26583041

Oh yeah, there was also a system of symbiotes that formed a set of armour with natural weaponry. Not sure if we still have it, since the PC that was using it left us (as the player left),

>>26576593
So does the killing of an enemy reset the process of prego or just an even rewriting of DNA with no breakage?

Rolled 78, 40, 37, 73 = 228

In a game I am DMing, the snarky gnome mage that always has something witty to say found a magical staff with the soul of a snarky royal adviser whom always had something witty to say.

They once defeated a demon knight by destroying his confidence with sarcasm and rhetoric.

>>26584083
This makes me sort of want to play an shy-hesitant spellcaster with a magical circlet that has a witty, snarky intelligence contained in it.

It acts as her advisor in social matters and sometimes possesses her when she freezes up too much.

So my party has inherited a small fort that was used as a rest stop for travelers before a railroad was built and it fell into disrepair.

What sort of odd miscellanea do you think they should find? I'm looking for ideas. Nothing too powerful, but possibly amusing/useful. I considered a pair of magic mirrors, one in a bedroom, used for peeping... They could use it as a communication device. But that seemed too /d/M and I scrapped it.

>>26583041
>A big biomechanical dragonfly.
Yo Way Yo

>>26585366

A door that leads to a random other door in the fort. If opened in an anti-magic field, it opens into a brick wall. Behind the brick wall is another door

>>26578999
I thought the rules were that any female stabbed gets a child sired by the wielder (even if also female)?

Bump

>>26576188
reminds me of the crucifix thing from the Hyperion series. neato

i have an army of ghouls that i found in a hole. turns out they were an expairament to see if a wizard could make an army that replenished its own numbers and was perfectly loyal to him. with the wizard dead they went to me, the one who killed him

>>26576467
>which will give way to problems.

Your GM is a fetishy fuck?

>>26575663

bump.

>>26575663

Our venture managed to get a self healing wardrobe (mostly suits) out of a leprechaun.

>>26577969
>>26576188
Is it bad that I can identify who drew that...

>>26592746
No. Just odd.

>>26592746
It is a rather distinctive and common on /d/ artist.

>>26592254
Like... from a leprechaun? Or did you flay one?