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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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[ERROR] No.25505810 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Nurgle here bros.

Why haven't you decided to join papa's side?

I have the best bitches, plagues and immortality...of a sort.

and i know all the best jokes. I know i look a little off putting but i swear i am on the up and up and just want to party.

also khorne is a faget. Nobodies likes you, gb2 /fit/

>> No.25505835

I joined up with Nurgle and got the sentient, bio luminescent flesh eating clap from a nurglette.
But now nobody cares about my B,O and we have movie night on fridays.
Thanks Nurgle!

>> No.25505866

Don't be like that papa, you know you're my number 1.

>> No.25505914

>Why haven't you decided to join papa's side?

The constant pain and despair. Tzeentch would at least give me hope.

>> No.25505922

Nurgle sends me a gift every birthday. I can't say the imperial guard ever gave me that treatment. Also any orifice on a nurglette is moist and tight. Typhus invading my colony was the best thing that ever happened to me.

>> No.25505935

pain and despair?
nigga nurgle is about joy and family and spreading life, mostly fungal, but still.

tzeentch would have birds fuck you because and you would lay large eggs out your nostrils.

>> No.25505938


I want to see cheesey commercials where people endorse Nurgle.

>> No.25505959

Because Nurgle is playing an MMO and grinding to max level and then starting again.

>> No.25505962

The problem with Tzeentch is that you don't realise that what you thought were your plans succeeding were really just his plans that coincide with yours succeeding until the moment where his plan calls for you to die.

>> No.25505982

Because I'm handsome as fuck, and y'all cunts ruin that shit.

>> No.25505983

I like to think nurgle has a garden on his world in the eye of terror where he wears a straw sunhat and nurtures baterium and fungi in flower beds and then sits on a swinging chair and sips ice tea and tells his little nurgling grandchildren about the time he told abaddon to get the fuck off his lawn and get a proper hair cut.

>> No.25505989

and he better have a nice southern drawl and fan himself with his hat.

>> No.25506003

I've thought for a while that a great concept for a Nurgle follower would be someone who'se rotten only on the inside. They would be sexy as all fuck, but really paranoid about being injured. They'd pass it off with an excuse about having haemophelia or something, but the truth is that all the bile and maggots pouring out of a wound would give him away.

>> No.25506020

realistically do you think you could handle living with the sheer rot and decay of being part of nurgle's cult? and seeing shit like pic related every day? I know you dont feel pain, but do you feel anything at all? wouldnt you freak out if like your hands fell ofd and all that was left were these big rotting anus holes? and what about the smell? do you think members of the nurgle cult can smell? does it just start smelling really good?

>> No.25506024


While his Eldar godess wife serves proper home made lemonade and pie.

>> No.25506028

>Nurgle: Kindly old man that gives gifts freely and always wants his kids to achieve their potential and never stops believing in them.
>Tzeentch: gives absolutely zero fucks about you, his red headed stepson he got in a marriage for financial reasons and would see you fucked to death by a giant blue condor if it was to his advantage
>slaanesh: you creepy uncle you now have to call auntie who dresses like every day is gay pride day in brazil and flirts with everything. even pets.
>khorne: knows he is washed up and has peaked already and is just stuck in the motions and his kids are doing the same and will never make him proud enough so he drinks and gets angry and violent.

>> No.25506039

Yeah, I'm not big into that idea.

>> No.25506040

Realistically any of the chaos gods would be shit to work for and anyone who thinks otherwise is fooling themselves.

That said if they existed as toned down versions that didn't hand out mutation like haloween candy I'd be all for it.

>> No.25506044

Isn't that tzeenches thing? whereas nurgle followers are physically rotten but they are the most cheerful and good natured and see their work as spreading gifts and stuff?

>> No.25506047

>I know you dont feel pain

You do though.

>> No.25506065

Not really. Tzeentch is about change, where as rotten on the inside guy is trying his best to preserve himself, which is stagnation.

>> No.25506069

some dont, papa nurgle takes their nerves away to make them better fighters so they feel no pain. only joy. and a constant need to have a big runny shit.

>> No.25506081

Do nurgles have gross sex?

>> No.25506082 [SPOILER] 

worth it.

>> No.25506091

Depends if you gauge your standards of chaos sex on slaanesh or not. I mean its probably physically gross, but not gross for grosses sake like those creepy fucks.

>> No.25506096

Except worship of Nurgle makes you Immune to the negative effects of disease. So you don't die.

>> No.25506097

What sucks is that the other options are also shit to work for.

Head into space, set up a small colony on some moon somewhere, don't draw attention to yourself and live quietly, nukka.

>> No.25506098

Ehh most Nurgle followers delight in their poxes and boils and such. While anything is possible with chaos, that seems kinda unique little snowflakey to me. Part of Nurgles whole thing is his lack of subtlety in his giving of gifts. Tzeentch is more in tune with lies and secrets.

>> No.25506108

I love how Nurglettes are so plucky and upbeat. I bet they are the moe counterpoint to daemonettes that are just coke-whore tier bitches.

>> No.25506120

She probably just gets rapidly pregnant then and their and bursts open with a bunch of nurgling babbies and says "a-are you proud of me anon kun?"

>> No.25506124

Well you kinda die in that your brain rots, and eventually all that made you you disappears and you eventually just become a plague bearer

>> No.25506137

I love it when a plan comes together.

>> No.25506139

I see your point. Perhapse if he wasn't a follower of Nurgle, but a smug asshole that had offended and been cursed by him? Nurgle could have shits and giggles watching the guy try to hide his mutation knowing that nothing lasts forever.

>> No.25506149

But Tzeentch also God of deceit. Being rotten inside, but not showing it on the outside and dong everything you can to hide what's going on inside is pretty deceptive.

This is really just another case where the lines between the Gods blur, since they are emotional/ephemeral concepts which lack exceptionally concrete and exclusive practical definitions

>> No.25506162

I'm assuming Nurgle sex probably smells awful. A Nurglette is probably rife with yeast infections, and probably has a prolapsed uterus on part of being semi-dead. Not to mention her downstairs area is in all likeliness caked with piss and shit.
>inb4 implying that isn't my fetish

>> No.25506166

>mfw Tzeentch does fucking nothing, and is just some faggot who says 'just as planned' whenever luck lets him win or falls back on it being some necessary sacrifice to his nonexistent plan whenever he fail due to general incompetence

>> No.25506170

Give you adress, I'm sure I can give you few gallons of holy promethium for free.

>> No.25506177

This is now my next BC character, thanks!

>> No.25506183

>Not Tzeentch Sorcerer.jpg

>> No.25506192

>yfw Tzeenetch would win if he did nothing, but keeps making overcomplicated plans that blow up in his face

>> No.25506197

But she could have the most uguu personality in the 40k universe and wanted to h-hold hands and cuddle and shit.
You wont get that from a sister of battle thats for damn sure.

>> No.25506207

Just like magnus who sits in his tower screaming JUST AS PLANNED and laughing to himself everytime he eats, blinks or shits

>> No.25506214

>mfw reading this

So much yes

>> No.25506216

>inb4 implying that isn't my fetish
No, but hazmat suits are.

>> No.25506217

Oh Dick, I wanted to see you win just once so badly.

>> No.25506228

>slaanesh=/lgbt/ because futa is too vanilla or him
>nurgle=....../rs/? requests, gifts and viruses?

>> No.25506246

>Not Slaanesh=/d/

You dun goofed.

>> No.25506256

I have peasant girls for that. And they have fewer viruses.

>> No.25506262

That would be hilarious if it were true

>> No.25506272

Wouldn't a daemonette of Nurgle be a "BBW" on account of being all bloated?
>mfw a sister of battle falls to grandfather nurgle and tries to hide from her sisters that her increasing wide measurements are ripping her robes and revealing green, jiggling flesh oozing out like bread rising in an oven...

brb gotta fap-cry

>> No.25506273

Tzeentch is secretly the god of false hope. He lets his followers think there's a great big plan they can work towards, but there isn't.

>> No.25506275

Goddamnit I loved him....I was really rooting for him and muttly....such underdogs

>> No.25506290

modern /d/ is too boring for slaanesh when /lgbt/ has threads like "gender queer bearded guys in pretty dresses that want to fuck diaper fur baby anthro wolves"

i imagine slaanesh is basically a cross between desire from sandman, a cenobite and bueno excellente.

>> No.25506291


>> No.25506304

But as >>25506192 aluded to he was actually the best racer, he just couldn't get over his obsession of laying traps to keep people from stealing his lead, and always ended up losing the gains he'd made by out racing everyone.

>> No.25506306


>> No.25506310

Sad thing is he'd win if he didn't try to fuck with the other racers. They always end up ahead of everyone else for like 5 minutes at a time and get fucked over with their own stupid.

>> No.25506311

And you don't get that on /d/?

>> No.25506317

not anymore.

>> No.25506328

/d/ is sincerely like 99% "girls with dicks" now. Its sad.

>> No.25506329

Because Nurgle, like the other two lesser brothers, are weaklings.


>> No.25506336

I see two futa threads on the front page in my other tab and 12 for other topics.

>> No.25506339

>mfw he was secretly doing this to lose on purpose, because he knows every hero needs a villain and he's so tired of winning that giving them a good run is the only joy he has left

>> No.25506362

Since I accepted Nurgle's embrace, I've developed a giant talking cyst on my back. He helps me through chess tournaments, acts as a conversation starter with women and loves wearing classy hats. Thanks Nurgle!

>> No.25506373

So guys, guys, I think we finally know how the Culture vs 40k debate ends! Nurgle slaps the Culture's shit so hard that Iain Banks himself gets cancer and dies.

>> No.25506382

Secretly that cyst is just an painted walkie talkie.

You have been secretly guided by the autistic bird god himself, tzeentch.

No idea how he managed to pick you up chicks though, may have been whores he bought in before hand.

>> No.25506403

>even his back fat wears a fedora

>> No.25506417

Whats Tzeenetch's grand plan anyways?

>> No.25506467

Unfortunately most people just want to turn things into generic super kawaii animu girls. So Nurgle gets watered down to a green chick with a horn. Even though one of the points of being a nurgle worshipper, is having your apathy to your external appearance reach such an extreme that you actually begin to delight in how disgusting you are.

>> No.25506511

Tzeentch doesn't have a grand plan. He has uncountable smaller plans, many of which are contradictory. In essence, hes doing it for teh lulz.

>> No.25506543

>he hasnt seen her asshole...

>> No.25506552

I like being clean and wish to do magic

So I can be special for once

>> No.25506557

I once had the thought that Tzeentch didn't actually exist, but rather was a proxy God under which the other Gods would act in order to better hide their own activities from Materium-based enemies/rival Gods who wouldn't know which of the other 2 had been working against them.

As such, the god of Deceit was nothing more than a massive deception himself.

>> No.25506565


Same plan as the rest of his brothers.

Total and absolute dominion over all creation. He once had that power when he wielded his staff, before his brother Gods forced him to destroy it.

>> No.25506573

>khorne= straight tsundere, wants to be a lolita dress wearing cute girl but couldnt stand the shame
>nurgle= simple but moe ditz who would want a piggy back from you even though she is far taller than the rest, often bummps her horn on doorways.
>slaanesh= simultaneously a rough and tumble tomboy and a knee shakingly submissive sissy boy who has a vagina for an anus and a anemone for a dick. rude and arrogant in public, shy and tearful in s/his reproaches in private
>tzeentch= seemingly a upbeat and spunky go getter, is really a vindictive bitch whos pretty stupid but an excellent liar so thinks shes much smarter than she really is.

pick your poison.

>> No.25506587


Oh good lord my sides

>> No.25506592

>No Malal

I'll pass.

>> No.25506630

>Malal = yandere who wants to kill all the others to save you from having to choose. May just decide you are getting too close to one based on inane actions like telling white lies, not wanting to get off the couch, enjoying a little extra food, or getting angry at the TV.

>> No.25506640

>Necoho = strange girl who is always at the corner of your eye, but hides behind somethign as soon as you turn to look.

>> No.25506644

>tzeentch= seemingly a upbeat and spunky go getter, is really a vindictive bitch whos pretty stupid but an excellent liar so thinks shes much smarter than she really is.
>is really a vindictive bitch whos pretty stupid
>whos pretty stupid
You've already fallen into her trap.
HFW Justasplanned.jpg

>> No.25506651

>You will never turn your waifu to chaos and watch as the warp reshapes her body over a month as she gets increasingly shy of her body
>khorn makes her ripped and strong
>nurgle makes her chubby and sweaty
>slaanesh givers her a big and a second set of arms and breasts that never stop feeling herself up and pleasuring herself
>tzzentch turns her into a amorphous blob of flesh that is both one large clitoris and an endless sea of vaginas.

>> No.25506661

or is THAT the plan? to make you think she is mafia ojousama but is really just love rival bitch.

>> No.25506667

*- a big dick from slaanesh i meant, obviously.

>> No.25506672

>Malal= does not exist because she was sued out of existence due to potential copyright infringement and killed herself. She has a retarded shut in twin sister named Malice who tries to act like her, but nobody really likes her.

>> No.25506676


Yeah, I liked that visual novel concept too. Shame it never went beyond the planning stage.

>> No.25506679

Zuvassin = Only chases men who are already taken because she gets off on runining relationships. Dumps them once she has them.

>> No.25506693

a man can dream

>> No.25506695

Do you really want a self destructive, emo retard as your deamonette?

>> No.25506705

>Gork=Tsunderely Moe
>Mork=Moely Tsundere

>> No.25506710

Wait, gork and mork got deamonettes?

>> No.25506715

gork and mork get what ever the fuck they want

>> No.25506720

Of course not, it's just them.

>> No.25506724

>gork and mork not being BARA tier papa bears.

>> No.25506731

Yea, the thing is that they look exaclty like Orks, because Gork n' Mork is too busy muckin' about to make them looklike/do anything other than be Orks.

>> No.25506736

So you mean that they got their skimpy, slutty little tsunderes running around the ork part of the warp but in reality it's just gork and mork cross dressing?

>> No.25506756

More like fightin' around

>> No.25506768


>> No.25506769

Eh, it's hard to tell with Orks, even God Orks

>> No.25506791

>an endless sea of vaginas.
And then it would just be a gross freak. Or a beautiful symbol of fertility?

>> No.25506794

I have a joke for you, papa Nurgle.

What's pink, wrinkled, stiff, and makes women squeal?
Cot death babies.

>> No.25506808

Best brotherhood incarnation.

>> No.25506810

So what exactly happens between the chaos gods? Do they slug fest all eternity, because if one of them wins, he just goes "I win; wtf do I know, this is boring?"

>> No.25506835

None of them can win, it doesn't work that way. They fight because.

>> No.25506847

Eternal struggle for power that's as old as the Universe. It's called the Great Game of Chaos.

Who wins it gets be GOD over the universe and all creation forever and ever.

>> No.25506858

The objective is to win.

But since killing each other would threaten to blow up everything that exists, they need to be a little crafty about it.

>> No.25506863

>oh god am i being murdered or raped?!?


>> No.25506878

You. I like you.

Have some trentchfoot.

>> No.25506880


>A Nurglette is probably rife with yeast infections

Lets be real here man, the fact that it's fucking bread down there is the least of the infections you need to worry about.

>> No.25506885

But they can't win. The only way to 'win' would be to wipe the emotions that sustain the gods from the universe, which would mean killing yourself in the process.

>> No.25506886

>khorne hates slaanesh
So hes /fit/ going "GOD WHY THE FUCK DO YOU LIVE FUCKING GIRLS WITH DICKS YOU FUKKEN FAGGOT SCUM" to /d/ when really he wants the D.

>> No.25506894

Nurgle's greatest enemy

>> No.25506907


Its even canon (in Warhammer Fantasy anyway) that Khorne is Tsundere as FUCK for Slaanesh.

>> No.25506916

He has a waifu though.

>> No.25506938

s/he's called slaanesh.

>> No.25506952

There can only be one!

>But they can't win. The only way to 'win' would be to wipe the emotions that sustain the gods from the universe, which would mean killing yourself in the process.

Not necessarily. Defeating the sentience that feeds on those emotion and consuming its power would work. Sorta what Slaanesh did to the Eldar Gods!

>> No.25506959


It's a rivalry old as the world.

>> No.25506980

Your minions are far too flammable.

Seriously, I cannot get enough of purging your minions with holy flame!

>> No.25507008

The real reason Tzeentch and Nurgle are most popular on /tg/ is right the fuck here.

>> No.25507009


>> No.25507022

You say that like it's a secret.

>> No.25507052

I can't remember her name right now, but there was a special character in warhammer fantasy who was a warrior woman resurected by Khorne has a sort of Valkyrie thing.

>> No.25507076

Valkyia the Bloody or something. Think she raped a man in her novels to have an heir.

>> No.25507144

Nurgle iz teh Best God!!! Even though he is ugly and disgusting on the outside, he is full with love and compassion on the inside.

>> No.25507176

Actually it in the lore, tzeentch once had a staff that made him to most powerful god but the other gods ganged up on him- to prevent a war, tzeentch shattered the staff and spread his spells across the galaxy- he now had some deamons looking for them

>> No.25507183

you become a plague bearer after you die bro. So you become infected, get murdered by a space marine because you're a cultist, then your soul blossoms in nurgles garden and you become a plague bearer

>> No.25507200

I bet she tastes like sour lemon gummies and rice pudding.

>> No.25507237

Now currently Khorne is mightier than all his brothers combined.

And Tzeentch will never have his staff back because, thanks to the mortals, the spells are multiplying and becoming or diverse. Which makes the Blue Scribes job futile.

>> No.25507240

My grak

>> No.25507245

Well, then he aint /fit/ is he? Because all of /fit/ is closet homosexuals that get turned on by including, not limited to:
>Chicks with dicks
>Chicks with muscle
>Guys with muscle
>Guys without muscle
>Kangaroos (most ripped fuckin animal you'll ever see)
And also, quite as liberal with drugs as any of the other boards. Or maybe more, if you include steroids.
< Pic related, fit in a nutshell

>> No.25507246


>> No.25507260

we dont exactly have a board that craves blood and violence.

>> No.25507277

I'd say /b/ is most khorny of the boards, gorethreads fuckin everywhere

>> No.25507279



>> No.25507286

or maybe /k/

>> No.25507289

I think we do..

It's called /pol/.

>> No.25507290

RIP original /g/.

>> No.25507293

But unlike Khorne /pol/ does care from where the blood flows. White conservative blood being spilled is unacceptable.

>> No.25507809

You'd probably get used to the smell pretty soon. Mostly because your nose rotted off, but still.

>> No.25508489

>trusting Chaos gods

>> No.25508627

well, yeah, but where's the fun in that?

>> No.25508706

See, that's why I hate Nurgle, this kind of stuff is literally my phobia. Parasites, rotting, feces, disgusting biological matter, all of it is my worst fear and deepest loathing.

Like, it even drives me from Tzeentch, who's my favourite god as a concept, because I hate deformity. If I even had a single eyeball growing out of my shoulder I'd be constantly vomiting b ecause the idea disgusts me so much. But Tzeentch's "Changer Of Ways" persona is so facking cool.

>> No.25508742

oh god, my sides...

>> No.25509279


You are right that the chaos gods can exist without mortals as a lot of sources mention that if the Emperor dies then everything in existence will be consumed by chaos but the chaos gods can never stop fighting each other, there can be no winner.

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