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[ERROR] No.25477638 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

I am the Emperor of Mankind. I am using my psychik energies from the Golden Throne to materialize this thread. You may ask me one question.

ONE QUESTION.

>> No.25477656

This is Draigo.

When can I get out of here ?

>> No.25477662

Why won't my Space Marines eat chicken ?

>> No.25477666

Was horus REALLY so bad?

>> No.25477668

Finally a chance to-

>>25477656
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

>> No.25477670

>>25477638
has draigo fallen

>> No.25477671

How good is the CRASSUS ARMORED ASSAULT TRANSPORT?

>> No.25477677

Why haven't I gotten my period yet?

>> No.25477678

Why do kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch?

>> No.25477682

Mighty Emperor, I live only to serve you, but perhaps you could inform to these Unholy Inquisition Homosexuals that I am not corrupted by chaos

>> No.25477689

>>25477666
Why are 40kids the worst fanbase when it comes to table top things?

>> No.25477707

>>25477689
no idea why that's quoting you >>25477666

>> No.25477717

>>25477638
Really?

>> No.25477724

So...um...there aren't really any women in my regiment and some of the guys are thinking of just shacking up to relieve tension, that cool?

>> No.25477726

>>25477656

Just wait until the next millenium damn you, you know the prophecy.

>>25477662
In the Grim, Dark future of mankind, there is only pork

>>25477671
It's a Landraider with some new things ductaped to it.

>>25477677
You have been corrupted by Slaneesh.

>>25477678
It's filled with chaos and heresy

>>25477682
Get out Titus

>> No.25477732

>>25477682
Leandros was right!

>> No.25477757

>>25477726

Why can't the Mechanicum into science?

>> No.25477764

Rush, best band or best band?

>> No.25477767

>>25477666
He had a habit of talking back.

>>25477724
Someone deal with this Heretic

>> No.25477783

>>25477764
Rush is an affront even to the ear of Khorne himself

>> No.25477784

Who's on first?

>> No.25477789

>>25477671
Time for dakkadakka?

>> No.25477805

Is your refrigerator running?

>> No.25477811

>>25477757
They can. They light incense and chant and shit gets fixed. Why can't you appreciate science that you don't understand? Do you think Einstein couldn't do science either?

>> No.25477823

Where have all the good men gone?

>> No.25477829

Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!

Um... Ave Imperator! Th-thanks for helping us with the acts of faith! We're all really grateful for them!

Uh, (oh gosh), anyway, I have one question for Your Holy Self. How can we please you? Would you like us to purge more heretics? We can do that if You would llike!

>> No.25477830

>>25477783
THis is why people turn to chaos, you deserve your fate, you nincompoop!

>> No.25477839

DO you protect?

>> No.25477845

oh Holy Emperor, I have but one question:

can I bang that smoking hot Battle Sister from the convent down the road?

>> No.25477846

>>25477783
Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

>> No.25477852

Emperor, Why can't you an Tzeentch just kiss an make up? You two would be good together, I'm sure s/he/it can change into a woman, or a trap if that's what you want.

>> No.25477855

Oh God-Emperor of Mankind, why is your head so small?

>> No.25477868

So are you just one person or a hivemind of shamans?

>> No.25477871

My Emperor, I must know.

Can you slam?

>> No.25477901

>>25477789
Needs about 20% more dakka.

>> No.25477911

>>25477868
His intellect swirls with the great fury of a calm, reasoned debate between men with similar methods and a mutual goal.

>> No.25477912

>>25477871

He both slams AND jams. So sayeth the Emperor!

>> No.25477923

Dear Emperor,

Last Decembrianus I wrote you a letter. I have been good. I follow my work schedule and attend all mandatory nightly work sessions. I even followed protocol and engaged in reproductive activities with my designed breeding partner, even tho she was 250 pounds and crushed my groin.

Anyway, I asked you for a Mark IV helmet for me to play. Not much really, I guess you've could've picked it up from a Minotaur armory, since they got plently laying around.

Anyway, that night after I sent you a letter I went to sleep my designated 1 hour rest period after my mandatory nightly meal. After falling asleep for 2 mins, I heard something come down through my ventilation drain.

I hoped on my feet and readied the bowl of bolter shells and glass of battery acid, for I knew you had sent a Christmas Astartes to deliver me my helm

It was dark but I could clearly see it, a 10' feet talk hulk in shiny red armor. He had a sack on his back. I've must've done something wrong because he looked at me for a while before yelling soemthing that sounded like "CHRISTMAS FOR THE CHRISTMAS GOD" and hitting me over the head with the bag. I woke up several hours later and realized everyone on the forge world was dead. The mysterious Christmas marine was nowhere to be found.

I guess I was better than I thought, because you choose to freed me from my mandatory labor. I just wanted to thank you. Btw, do you Think you could signal a navigator over here to come pick me up ? I'm running out of stuff to eat

>> No.25477952

>>25477789
>only 2 guns on the front

The only frontal armor you need is a hail of more dakka, boy. And replace those tracks with flamers, make that motherfucker hover on a promethium fueled death sentence to any heretics.

Need to stabilize/turn? More dakka.

>> No.25477956

>>25477829
TAKE OFF YOUR TOP! LIKE, SERIOUSLY, YOU GUYS ARE SOME UPTIGHT, GET DEM TITTIES OUT GURL!

>> No.25477984

>>25477805
Yes he is. You Better watch out.
> Mark IV Tatical Dreadnough Refrigerator

>>25477823
Likely they have been accepted into the ranks of the mighty Astartes

>>25477829
Two words.

More Lambada

>>25477839

Son, I always protect.

>>25477845
As long as the shaft does not go in by the front entrance, no harm is done.

>>25477855
Because one does not Terminator armor and looks proportionate.

>>25477868
One person with voices on his head. Where do you think I was before the Unification Wars ? Yes, I was locked inside an asylum.

>> No.25477998

>>25477956
Slaneesh, you are not fooling anyone, I don't go by the name of God-Emperor.

>> No.25478000

>>25477956
>>25477984
all hail the glorious, wise words of our great God Emperor. Ave Imperator.

>> No.25478007

>>25477956
Is it just me, or is he looking up and to the right, like, "Is that mother fucking halo back there again?"

>> No.25478021

>>25477923
>Christmas marine

I laughed

>> No.25478023

>>25477956
Silence heretic! Your heretical beard of heresy betrays your heretical nature as heretical imposter!

Heresy!

>> No.25478045

>>25477923

This was fucking hilarious.

>> No.25478051

>>25478000
>>25477998
OH NO! I HAVE FOOLISHLY LISTENED TO THE WORDS OF CHAOS!

I need to be punished.

>> No.25478052

>>25477984
>>25477984
>>25477984

>> Mark IV Tatical Dreadnough Refrigerator

SOMEONE MAKE THIS, PLEASE

>> No.25478064

>>25477984
Oh god, I laughed so hard at the Dreadnought Refrigerator. This needs to be drawfagged so hard.

>> No.25478074

God-Emperor of Mankind, could you perform a Chaos Dunk so filled with slams and jams that you yourself could not stop it?

>> No.25478077

>>25477923

10/10

>> No.25478085

>>25478051
YES, PUNISHMENT IS IN ORDER FOR THIS HERESY! WITH WHIPS AND CHAINS AND VARIOUS LEATHER ACCOUTERMENTS!

>> No.25478116

>>25478085
yeah, i like the sound of- wait a minute.

I'M ON TO YOU, SLANEESH

>> No.25478117

>>25478085
>DEldar, plz go.

>> No.25478146

Oh mighty God Emperor of All Mankind, will GW ever advance the plot of 40k?

>> No.25478165

>>25478085

This is Draigo

If you don't stop shitposting Slaneesh I'll go over there and start NOT HAVING PLEASURE in front of you

>> No.25478183

>>25477984
Oh mighty Emperor, what is this "Lambada" that you speak of? Is it some sort of battlefield tactic? A form of prayer, perhaps?

>> No.25478205

>>25478165
Too edgy for me.

>> No.25478228

>>25478183
I am but a humble missionary on the outskirts of the Emperor's light, but, here, noble sister, I have found something about this "Lambada."
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lambada

>> No.25478263

>>25478116
Oh great Emperor, how might I repent for letting the words of chaos fool me for even a second?

>> No.25478311

>>25478228
How peculiar! Well, if the Emperor wills it, we shall replace afternoon prayer with this ritual. I can only begin to imagine the power that it shall grant us against the heretic scum!

>> No.25478325

Mighty Emperor, why do bitches be naught but hoes and tricks?

>> No.25478367

Dear Emperor:

It is my understanding that you are a big fan of the Xeno Lolis, as opposed to your mirror counter part from the Brighthammer universe who is all about the badonkadonk figures.

So my question is this: What lolis am I approved to pursue in venerable honor of your own actions and style?

The SoB are going after young boys, but that's not really my thing, you know.

>> No.25478457

>>25477901
Fuck you.

>> No.25478460

Mighty Emperor

What about these Tyranids? Seriously, for real, they're kind of a pain in the fucking ass.
>Tried throwing them at the Orks
>We waste more promethium than all the starships in the Imperial Navy combined
>Fucked up the Ultramarines, although that's not really a bad thing
>Seriously, Mawlocs? I fucking hate snakes

No play play, can't you snuff them out of existence or soemthing?

>> No.25478461

>>25477984
Hello, I hail from a distant land of humans, a great and powerful realm. I seek an alliance with your highness. As a testament of my good will I give to you this ring, which gives power of invisibility to whoever wields it.

>> No.25478464

>>25477638
Hey, Big E, you spelled "psychic" wrong.
Anyways, what's your opinion on Gork and Mork?

>> No.25478512

>>25477638
Why are you so stupid? Making Horus Warmaster and being a bad dad in general...

>> No.25478517

>>25478263
Do the lambada

>>25478183
Seek penetance for not knowing what the Lambada is

>>25478460
Have you tried throwing them at the Eldar ?

>>25478461
Kill this Xeno

>>25478464
It's Mork and Gork

>> No.25478555

>>25478517
But Your Grace, they just run! And the Eldar then lead the Hive fleet into the warm, moist folds of the Imperium!

>> No.25478581

>>25478517
>>25478464
Forgive your humble servant, but that doesn't really answer my question.

>> No.25478589

>>25478517
It shall be done! And I shall help this >>25478183 Battle Sister with her penance by teaching her the Lambada! with the appropriately sanctioned Lambada clothing, of course.

>> No.25478623

>>25478555
And that's why you should throw them back at the Eldar

>> No.25478634

>>25478517
O-of course, my Lord! I shall become a Repentia at once.

Truly, I have failed You utterly. There can be no true redemption from this foul heresy that I have committed.

>> No.25478636

>>25478517
Don't be a pussy, Emps. That ring-giving guy seems legit.

>> No.25478656

You can destroy demi gods empowered by the forces of evil with your mind and hold a door to hell closed with the power of you ass, and project a giant lighthouse across the entire galaxy with the power of countless lives.

But can you see why kids like cinnamon toast crunch?

>> No.25478664

>>25478581
You only have one question.

Demanding an answer counts as another question.

You should expect an Inquisitor with a full retitude of Grey Knights to knock on your door

>> No.25478690

>>25478656

Because Cinnamon Toast Crunch is filled with Chaos and Heresy.

It turns your sons into small Khornate berserkkers, or heretics at best, look at what happened to Horus.

>> No.25478705

>>25478517
>implying

I have no idea what you are talking about. I am definitely not one of those pointy eared elves or their more twist cousins. And if you are saying that I am an ork, then I am almost offended by such an accusation. If you will not have my alliance then at least keep my ring, for I am generous and will not take back my gifts lightly.

>> No.25478717

>>25478623
So, in using circular reasoning, you're saying that we should...keep circling our systems aroungd the Tyranids, eventually forcing thme upon a Craftworld?

PRAISE BE TO HIS DIVINE WISDOM!

>> No.25478737

>>25478705
Mithrandir called, he said you are full of shit

>> No.25478758

Hey, Deadbeat Dad

Why didn't you love me?

>> No.25478766

How did you get the void dragon to mars? I mean, like fuck that was a time when bathrooms were a wooden seat and straw.

>> No.25478794

>>25478758

Yeah, and remember that time you touched me inappropriately? What did you strike me with your initiative 10 "Hammer of Wrath"?

>> No.25478805

>>25478758
Because you kept saying you saw me dead.

>> No.25478823

>>25478794
Are you kidding? Emps loved the fuck out of Fulgrim, so much that he gave him the Aquila.

>> No.25478840

>>25478737
Why that little shit... Fine.. then, I will take my gift and my alliance and give it to the Eldar if you take the word of that peasant over my own! Goodbye!

>> No.25478847

>>25478664
Oh, holy Emperor, forgive my- What are you people doing here? Oh, shi-! *BLAM*

>> No.25478853

Yo

What do you want me to do with your actual soul? I mean, you still haven't done all the tests in the Labrynth of Wailing Doom yet...are you just lazy or have you given up?

>> No.25478876

>>25478823

Oh he gave me much more than the Aquila. That's why Id like some answers

>> No.25478892

Do you still have to shit, or is that why it's called the Golden Throne?

>> No.25478893

If you could choose any woman from the entirety of time and space to be your Empress, who would you choose?

>> No.25478905

Are you REALLY the Emperor of Mankind?

>> No.25478978

How goes life rotting on a Golden Throne, having 1000 psyker sacrificed daily to you all the while having to direct traffic through the warp?

>> No.25478989

>>25477638
What is the circumference of a moose?

>> No.25479039

How many licks does it take to get to the center of the eye of terror?

>> No.25479151

>>25479039
Depends on how many tongues you grow in the meantime.

>> No.25479269

Guess the Emperor bitched out for the night

>> No.25479316

>>25479269
Looks like it

>> No.25479505

Any question?

>> No.25479607

>>25479269

Sort of like he did during the Heresy?

>> No.25479757

>>25478165
Oh my, what fun that would be! Watching you stand rigid as the circus of delight frolics around you, daemonettes teasing and tantalizing you, watching you miss out on the greatest ecstasy of your entire pointless life...

Delicious.

>> No.25479807

>>25478325
They shed their own blood regularly. No creature that makes a monthly dedication to Khorne can be called pure.

>> No.25479818

>>25479757

Someone draw a bunch of daemonettes skipping around Draigo in a circle as he stands there with a grumpy face as two other daemonettes are grinding on his crotch and ass.

>> No.25479820

>>25477638
Why aren't you praising mankind's true god-emperor?

>> No.25479837

>>25478461
>Annatar
Not this time, spirit of Chaos!

>> No.25479851

>>25477638
What do boobs feel like?

>> No.25479864

>>25479820
He isn't much for narcissism.

>> No.25479871

>>25479820
>worshiping a bbc
>>>/pol/

>> No.25479875

>>25478581
I'd be happy to tell you. They irritating simpletons that fortunately keep to themselves. That idiot Khorne once tried to kill them. They utterly schooled him.

I don't think I've ever laughed that hard.

>> No.25479886

>>25478512
Believe me, it seemed like a really good idea at the time.

>> No.25479940

>>25478840
I'll be happy to accept your gift.
I can smell the domination on it. You have no idea of the things I can do to you, for you... Let's dance.

>> No.25479991

>>25478758
You're pretty fucking creepy, dude. Even when me, Dad, and Fulgrim came and met you, you creeped us the hell out.

>> No.25480059

>>25478766
Back then I just buried him under the desert. I thought about taking him to the Moon when Man first starting going there, but decided against it. When Mars first started being visited, I got aboard and took him with me.

>> No.25480079

>>25477638

Clearly your plan to keep your sons ignorant of the ruinous powers did not go well. If you had it to do all over again would you inform and better prepare your sons to resist the influence of Chaos?

>> No.25480102

>>25478876
You're prettier than some of the wives I've had over the years and I had just got done drinking Leman under the table. I'll tell you what, that fucker can handle his methanol.

I'm not proud of what happened, but it happened.

>> No.25480131

>>25479820
It's shit like this that makes us cart around the stuff for Exterminatus.

>> No.25480253

>>25477638

Boxers or briefs?

I am just kidding. The Galaxy knows you rock it commando.

>> No.25480261

>>25480079
Fuck no, have you met any of them? Stubborn, stupid, and bullheaded, every one of them. Go tell Magnus or Lorgar or Angron, or yeah even Horus. Tell them, "hey, there's an incredibly powerful force that hates you and wants to literally eat your brain meats and use your body as a puppet, better stay away from them" and all they'll hear is "there's an incredibly powerful force that could never fuck you over because you're a special goddamned snowflake and you'll be able to handle it and become even stronger"

Seriously. Side effects of creating superhumans who rule over humanity like demigods may include nausia, heartburn, delusions of invincibility, and an insatiable greed for more power.

>> No.25480383

>>25477638

The first two sons you had killed, were they furries?

>> No.25480388

>>25480253
One of the great advantages of being able to control how people perceive you is that I can walk around completely naked and nobody notices. I just project the concept of being clothed in regal dignity and they see me wearing whatever would seem the most like that.

>> No.25480406

>>25480383
>Those two
We're not going there. We will never go there. Fuck you for wanting to go there.

I still have the goddamned nightmares...

>> No.25480460

>>25480388

So you blinded that guy that looked at you on purpose? Asshole.

>> No.25480508

>>25480460
>that guy
That happens so often I don't even bother keeping count. Some people are so weak that seeing the greatest thing to ever live causes them to crash and burn. Sometimes, with the REALLY weak willed, they die on the spot.

>> No.25480569

Hey Emperor...
Why are you so retarded, that it makes you an emotional and physical paraplegic?

>> No.25480576

So how DO you eat all those psyker souls? Do you have a psychic mouth, or do you eat souls with your physical mouth?

>> No.25480597

>>25477638

Is it true that the foulness of the pantheon are really just four different manifestations of Matt Ward?

>> No.25480624

>>25477638

Any truth to the rumors that the High Lords of Terra are deliberately preventing you from healing?

>> No.25480640

>>25480131
I hate to say it emps, but...

letowave superior
emprahcons inferior

>> No.25480641

>>25480624
could be very true
four lords of terra, four stronmg chaos gods.
But hey, it's tooooo cheesy and crusted to work.

>> No.25480678

>>25480569
Someone kill this heretic.

>>25480576
It's less like eating food and more like water drops falling into a lake to replenish what evaporates off.

>> No.25480739

I know it is forbidden my Emprah, but what the hell happened to the primarchs for Legion II and XI?

>> No.25480745

>>25480624
Better question: do you honestly think a handful of assfucks who stabbed their betters in the back enough to be in charge of their particular group of useless idiots are even CLOSE to powerful enough to harm someone as strong as me?

Any truth to the rumors that twelve amoebas are destroying the Imperial Palace?

>> No.25480749

>>25480641

There have been many High Lords of Terra over the ages.

>> No.25480778

>>25477638

The next time GW is having trouble making payroll the setting will advance. Are you looking forward to being on the tabletop as a ridiculously overpriced and under-costed model?

>> No.25480843

>>25480739
I will kill you.
I will kill your friends.
I will kill your family.
I will skin your fucking pets alive.
I will rip off your head and shit down your neck.
You suck at life.
The whole universe hates you.
Live with it.

>> No.25480865

So how DO we heal you? I don't think any progress had been made these last ten millennia.

What if we just took your soul, and put it into some other body? Has that been tried?

>> No.25480883

>>25480843

>> No.25480902

>>25477638

You have been taking that dump for 10M now. Are your bowels empty yet? How many times have you had to flush the Golden Throne so far?

>> No.25480912

>>25480778
Horus Heresy, man. My Custodes already have rules, and so do some of my sons.

Khorne's avatar An'ggrath costs 888 points, so I'll probably cost something around that.

>> No.25480913

Hey Big E, what were you thinking when you made the Primarch Girlyman?

>> No.25480979

>>25480913

Shut it. Now.

>> No.25481005

So, how was ancient Antolia, back in the day?

>> No.25481009

>>25480865
>What if we just took your soul, and put it into some other body? Has that been tried?
Why what an incredibly original idea! In ten thousand years, no one has *ever* had that brilliant notion!

Seriously, at this point I don't even *want* to be healed. I've got a couple hundred personalities you know, and even though we've worked out the details on how to operate as a single being, with the way it is now we're all free to act (mostly) independently. It's a good thing too; there's no way a single consciousness could do all the shit we do.

>> No.25481040

>>25477638

Just who the fuck was Malcador?

>> No.25481050

>>25480913

He was probably thinking this is the one guy that will keep the galaxy going while all the other fucktards fuck it up.

>> No.25481096

>>25480913
That primarch that was so good at his job he ruled over an entire empire when I found him, when most of my sons only controlled a single planet, and sometimes not even that? The primarch that organized his legion so well they dwarfed almost ever other legion in size and blew everyone other than Horus out of the water in accolades? The primarch I seriously considered appointing as Warmaster, and in hindsight really should have seeing as he was a whole lot less of a glory hog and wouldn't have fucked himself over the way Horus did? That's the primarch we're talking about.

I think I did an okay job.

>> No.25481133

What to you think of Catholicism?

>> No.25481145

>>25481040
A psyker who worked for me during the Unification wars. He was good, damn good, both with his powers and in general getting-shit-done.

Ended up as my right hand man, but you probably know that already.

>> No.25481179

>>25481145

Is it true that he was the 2nd most powerful human psyker ever after yourself?

>> No.25481286

WHEN THE FUCK YOU COME BACK ? I CANT WAIT ANYMORE

>> No.25481297

>>25481133
It can go fuck itself. I tried, I really tried to use religion to steer humanity in the right direction. Never worked. Tell someone that god wants you to work together and build a better world for everyone, within two generations they'll be killing each other because a bunch of assholes told them that god wants the other one dead.

Then you wash your hands of the idiots and try it again with a bunch of other people, and then pretty soon they're at war with the first group because a bunch of assholes told them all that god wants the other group dead.

Then you go back to the first place and try to bring the whole ship around, do some reforming, get everybody on the right track, and the whole movement shatters, there's fifty different reformers who all hate ever other one, and pretty soon everybody's at war with everybody because a bunch of assholes told everyone that god wants everyone else dead.

Fuck religion.

>> No.25481337

>>25481179
Third, after Magnus. Keep in mind, I was pumping him full of juice so he was WAY stronger than he was when I met him. Unaugmented, he was strong, really strong, definitely on the A list across history, but I don't know about being the top dog. After I got done with him he definitely was, though.

>> No.25481347

question emprah,

what would angron have been like without the rage implants?

>> No.25481351

Mistah Emprah sah.
Why do bad things appen to good people? 'I tought you proteted evrybody 'oo believed in you.
Ah believe.

>> No.25481403

How do we bring you back!?

>> No.25481416

>>25481403
Rebuild Disney Land.

>> No.25481417

>>25481005
Damn good place to grow up. Open steppes, hardly any flat land, plenty of fish and game, the works. After we decided to do what we did, we picked out with a vote where to incarnate. Anatolia was a good spot; very centrally located, great climate, plenty of everything to get shit done.

Granted, that first "life" went into the shitter remarkably fast, but hey you live and learn.

>> No.25481422

>>25477638

That dinner where John Grammaticus shook your hand, did it really slip your notice or did you know he was an agent of the Cabal?

>> No.25481464

>>25481347
Not a huge dick.

>> No.25481484

Did it ever occur to you putting a pissed of berserker who hated your guts and was already close to treading the Bloody Path in charge of an entire legion might have been a bad idea?

>> No.25481512

Why did you betray the thousand sons?

>> No.25481528

>>25481403
I never left.

>>25481351
If a man lives his whole life without hardship, he will be soft and weak when hardship comes to his door.
If a man has lived among conflict since he was born, he will be strong and will repel hardship from his home.

>>25481347
Hard to say, but his genome was pretty similar to Russ's so he would have still been a dumb, murderous asshole. Just a whole lot less enthusiastic about it. Besides, he's a primarch. He can eat dynamite and drink motor oil. Do you really think some synthetic testosterone is going to have any *serious* effects on him?

I think growing up as a slave did him worse than any drugs did.

>> No.25481546

>>25477638
SKKREEEEEEChchckcirrrrcricrrrraaaAAAAARRRGHHH?

>> No.25481566

toasting to awesome thread

ALL PRAISE TO DA EMPRAH

>> No.25481589

>>25477638

Why did none of your sons think to ask who/what/why/how took and scattered them about from Luna?

>> No.25481600

>>25481422
>the Cabal
The what? Never heard of it.

>>25481484
Not really, no. The World Eaters were really useful, honestly. Sometimes you need subtlety and strategy, sometimes you just need to make everything that's breathing stop doing that.

If it wasn't for FUCKING Lorgar and his FUCKING religion, Angron would never have gone full Khornate. He'd have just been Horus's pet murder-dog.

>> No.25481603

>>25477764
how about of all time?

>> No.25481615

Dear Mr. Emperor,

Is the Astronamican the reason the Tyranids are coming to the Milky Way?

>> No.25481643

>>25477638
In the long term, grand scheme of things wouldn't it be better to put your differences aside and ally with the Eldar and Tau against the hordes of Chaos and the Tyranid threat? Humans have arguably the military force, tau have advanced tech and are immune to the warp and eldar already know chaos inside and out so wouldn't that grand gathering be acceptable if it defeated Chaos and the Nids? hell maybe even trick the Orks into being the vanguard.

>> No.25481650

>>25481589
For all their power, and all their skill, my sons are a bunch of morons.

>> No.25481652

How do I score with eldar chicks?

>> No.25481666

>>25481615

Way I heard it, the Penance of the Elder Gods started on the way to the Milky Way after the birth of Slaanesh caught their attention. The Astro-Ohm-Nom-Nom-Icon is like an Eat-At-Joes sign though.

>> No.25481668

Are you Jesus?

>> No.25481682

>>25481668
***** Were you Jesus?

>> No.25481706

>>25481643
>Eldar
Bunch of weasely bastards. Like houseflies that developed their own society. I'd rather ally with the damned Orks.
>Tau
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Come back when you've got more than baby's first portable fusion reactor.

>> No.25481727

>>25481652

Rape. Rape works best. Can't rape DE chicks though, kinda like mud-wrestling with a pig.

>> No.25481735

>>25481600
But you intended them to be your enforcers, back when they were the War Hounds. Those rage issues were a detriment to the plan, and since they couldn't be controlled well enough the Space Wolves got that job instead.
I bet this isn't actually the emperor at all.

>> No.25481742

>>25477638
Whats with all the pauldrons? It's because they're metal as fuck, right?

>> No.25481753

>>25481652
Chest is 10 points, arm/leg is 5 points, head is 20 points. If you can manage to make all four arms and legs fly off in different directions that's a bonus of 30.

>>25481682
>>25481668
In one of my more passive attempts at advancing humanity, yes.

See >>25481297 for how that turned out.

>> No.25481791

What do you think of the Jews?

>> No.25481826

>>25481753
That is not what I asked, when I said score what I meant was let me put my penis inside them.

>> No.25481837

>>25481706
>Bunch of weasely bastards. Like houseflies that developed their own society. I'd rather ally with the damned Orks.

They partied so hard they tore reality in two, gave birth to a god of chaos and inadvertently helped to fuck humanity up by giving the traitor legions a place to hide.

>> No.25481856

Why haven't you embraced the Greater Good?

>> No.25481891

Dear Emperor of Humanity,

I heard all it took to make the sisters of Battle become completely devoted to you was to look at you once. How can I get bitches to do that when they see me? Also when the fuck will GW release new models for the SoB?

>> No.25481895

>>25481735
Let me tell you something about running a galaxy, kiddo: More than anything else, you roll with it. Your 20 superhumans get scattered across the galaxy? Roll with it. Go find them and work with what skills they picked up in the mean time. Humanity nukes itself to pieces? Roll with it. Use the ensuing civil war to unite everyone under a single banner. Fall into a coma and have to go on life support? Roll with it. Use the opportunity to shed off the single body you've been coping with and put yourself into the warp as individuals again.

One of your legions is experiencing a bug in their genetic programming, and their primarch is an idiot psychopath? Roll with it. Move the enforcement role and use the legion as shock troopers. Instead of trying to force the idiot psychopaths into doing something they're not good at, encourage them to do what they love and let them be idiotically psychopathic against things whose blood I would like to not be inside them anymore.

>> No.25481913

>>25481826

Let you? The Eldar would let a trillion humans die if it would save one of their own from a hangnail. So to answer your question, trick the Eldar chick into thinking you are an Eldar dude.

>> No.25481965

>>25481826
See, now this is where I wish Constantin was still alive. We had this game where he would move to cut traitors like you in half horizontally, while I would go to cut you in half vertically. Sometimes we'd knock into each other around the middle of the beltline; that was always hilarious.

>> No.25481971

>>25481826
Chop it off and leave it laying around near one of them, curiosity will take over soon enough and I don't have to worry about you xenofuckers remaining in the gene pool.

>> No.25481995

>>25477638

Once HBO wraps up production of GoT and starts production of HH who will be cast to play you?

>> No.25482009

>>25481971
>>25481965
Oi, why dem humies got two bosses 'ad once?

>> No.25482026

>>25481891
>How can I get bitches to do that when they see me?
Master biomancy to the point where you can project base concepts and let peoples' minds do the work of figuring out what you look like, that way you're always exactly perfect no matter what.

>when the fuck will GW release new models for the SoB?
September 31st of this year.

>> No.25482067

>>25481971
OH WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!

>> No.25482107

>>25481965
>>25481971
Two emperors!? I see this for what it is, a trick of the ruinous powers! The real emperor would approve of my quest to dominate the xenos through boning! Back demons, I'll have no traffic with your kind!

>> No.25482110

>>25480739

Whatever it was, it was so bad that even the Primarchs that turned against Big E and went full on spikey still won't talk about it.

>> No.25482116

>>25481971
But seriously dude, if you want to pick up the thread, do it. OP left a long time ago and I should follow suit

>> No.25482185

>>25482009

It'z like how us orkz got Gork AN' Mork, ya git! Evry'wun knowz dat da biggest an' da baddest gotz TWO bosses!

>> No.25482211

>>25482110
We're not talking about it. No one will never talk about it. I scrubbed it from the minds of everyone but my sons, and they're all either dead or batshit crazy.

I'd rather make Moravec's scrapcode open source then say even a syllable about it.

>> No.25482370

Emperor, I'm the usual rank and file guardsman of Cadia, and this battle sister caught my eye. We've fought on several worlds together before, and I'm starting to feel for her. What should I do?

>> No.25482376

>>25477638

What's in the box?

>> No.25482468

why does everyone not have this glorious picture of the Emperor?

>> No.25482476

Which depiction do you prefer of yourself? The one you posted or this one? I like this one myself.

>> No.25482483

>>25482468
>>25482476

Well shit.

>> No.25482490

>>25482468
>>25482476
hive of the mind.

>> No.25482507

>>25482370
Be a man about it. Neither of you have much time for courtship, so just get right to the point.

Nothing in the Sororitas code says a damn thing about vows of chastity.

>> No.25482511

>>25482476
>>25482468

(mine is better >>25482468)

>> No.25482514

>>25482370
You realize that they're all symbolically my wife, right? And you're asking me for advice on how to cuckold myself?

>>25482376
Terminus Decree. Don't fucking touch it.

>>25482468
>>25482476
It would appear that everyone does. As for the latter, the one I posted, obviously. Next question!

>> No.25482532

>>25482490

Hive Brother

>> No.25482551 [DELETED] 

>>25482476
>>25482468
Seriously /tg/, sometimes you worry me.

Anyway, they're both good. One's more stylized than the other.

I have to say though, the expression the painter put on my face in the OP is so stupid I can't help but laugh every time I see it.

>> No.25482581

>>25482514
>>25482507
So this is the multiple personality thing you mentioned, right?

>> No.25482728

Oh mighty Emperor, in your greatest and most esteemed of opinions, which LOYALIST Astartes legion has fallen the farthest since the Second Founding enacted through our Spiritual Liege speaking in your name?

>> No.25482729

>>25482514
What were you doing during the DAoT? Did you ever interact with the AI?

>> No.25482882

>>25477638
hi emperor, i've just been wondering something for awhile, is there anyway in fuck for traitor legions to stop beiing faggots and go back to the imperium?

>> No.25482912

See what happens? You let someone else take the reigns and he goes off and leaves. I'm out, good night all.

>> No.25482984

>>25482882

WTF? How the go back after spending ten millennia making eight sided stars with nails and babies?

>> No.25483077

After reading this thread, i decided...
...to open Lambada school!

Praise the Emprah!

>> No.25485932

Oh Almighty Emperor, why aren't thou using a WARHAMMER?

>> No.25485958

Oh, hey, uh, can I borrow this sword real quick? And the claws? And halo?
Actually, if you could just let me use the whole armor for a few minutes, I promise I won't scratch it and will return it when I'm done. My chapter needs it.

>> No.25486007

My god Emperor of Mankind, I have already asked you two questions, and this is my third, my curiosity led met o defy your words, what can I do to regain my pureness?

>> No.25486023

>>25480749
'And there have been always four in power.
>>implying the four 'tards of Terra aren't the four 'tarded chaos gods' mirror.

>> No.25486237

Why have you abandoned us?

The blood angels make open pacts with xenos, and they are more powerful for it.

The 'secret' grey knights reveal themselves and daemons to be real to the masses, openly use heretical wargear, joyfully murder sisters to 'prevent corruption', something they themselves claim to be immune to as they live and hide in the warp with the other daemons, control all the schools of assassins so that no inquisitor can investigate them, summon their daemon lord to battle as any traitor marine summons beasts of the warp, and they are more powerful for it.

The spiritual liege, who the Ultramarines and most of the other space marine armies worship instead of you, calls themselves the battle brother of more xenos, and he strips our armies bear as we lose access to much of our original forces.

The imperial guard in league with Mars break our pact and gain our immolator, at least improved, enhanced versions of the vehicle that spreads the Holy Emperor's flame while we are left with machine spirits weak with age.

And now there is news that the spiritual liege, who paints his armour with our blood, worships himself above You, favors the xenos armies over Your loyal servants, he is the one who takes charge over literally rewriting the histories and legends of Your sisters of battle in his image, as he sees fit.

The years beat upon us, and for every unanswered prayer, more sisters rest beneath the grass. Soon there will be nothing left but dust, and I fear this is your plan for us. I remember the fate of Sister Nica and Sister Maria, abandoned and dead, and I think you intend the same fate for all of us as your enemies grow stronger still.

And so, I repeat myself, accepting the answer will never come. Why have you abandoned us?

>> No.25486638

>>25477638
what's your name emprah?
I mean your first name
no seriously
WHAT'S YOUR FUCKING NAME?

>> No.25486697

>>25486237
Note the Ultramarine's colour is the same as Tzeench's.
They, like the Emperor and the Space Wolves, have been manipulated by the forces of Chaos. Only the Sisters of Battle are loyaleest, everyone is heretic.

>> No.25486712

What did Horus do to you, exactly, to cripple you like that?

>> No.25486805

>>25486237
Because....Giggity!

>> No.25487299

>>25486237
YOU DARE TO DOUBT OUR EMPEROR? HERESY!

*BLAM*

>> No.25487427

>>25477638

the only question I have, my lord, is: how can I serve you better?

>> No.25487449

Are you really the emperor of mankind?

>> No.25487480

>>25477726
>Just wait until the next millenium damn you, you know the prophecy.
>not nagging him for becoming a slaaneshi whore

imposter detected

>> No.25487488

Dear Emprah,

Do you even lift?

>> No.25487644

>>25481706
>Bunch of weasely bastards. Like houseflies that developed their own society. I'd rather ally with the damned Orks.

Is that why you tried to copy their webway tech and fail miserably? Maybe if you had listened to Eldrad when he tried to warn your shitty kids you wouldn't be rotting right now. You don't see Asurmen losing half his children after abandoning them do you?

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