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[ERROR] No.25426947 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

How would you fight a Khorne berserker /tg/ ?

Let's forget meltaguns, lasguns and M1 abrahams.

A Khorne berseker just broke down your wall and is shouting for blood.

The fuck you do.

>> No.25426953

Put on my robe and wizard hat.

>> No.25426977

with the blessed might of sigmar

>> No.25426987

I'd run and would not stop running.

Simple as that

>> No.25426992

I'd use the martial arts they taught me in the military to beat him.

All he has to do is hold still and give me his wrist. Or bear hug me from behind. I'll show him what for.

>> No.25427004

I'd yell BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD and proceed to kill someone innocent so that he'd realize I'm his buddy

>> No.25427005

your going to try and outrun a khorne berserker?

>> No.25427019

Join him is screaming for blood, grab nearest sharp implement, follow him into bloodshed and glory.

>> No.25427021


like, even before he's touched me. i just flop over dead.

>> No.25427027


He runs as fast as a human does according to 40K.

>> No.25427031

I'd greet him with my sword and shield

>> No.25427032

The emperor is my shield there is no greater purpose for my life than to stand against his foes!

>> No.25427036

I would grab the loaded AK I keep beside my computer desk and shoot him.
Thank gud I lib in Murrica.

>> No.25427064


The blood god does not care from were the blood flows as long as it flows. That means he will still kill you.

> That also means periods counts as an offering to Khorne.

>> No.25427093



Like what else can you do you retarded piece of shit, poor excuse for an OP I have seen in a long time I could have made better threads about the numbers of hairs I have in my fucking ass and that would have made more fucking sense I mean what the fuck ELSE can you do you FUCK

>> No.25427096


Small arms can't penetrate his armor.

>> No.25427097

Laugh as he falls screaming through my fragile wooden floor as it disintegrates under him.

>> No.25427098


And once your 7.62×39mm peebles bounced off his armour he'd proceed to sodomize you with his chainsword

>> No.25427118

Joke's on him, I don't have any walls!

>> No.25427154

I'm not yet worthy of the honor of being a skull for Khorne. Hence why I'd join him.

>> No.25427155

Well then, what does OP expect us to do with our fists.
Also, Vepr 7.62x54r masterace.

>> No.25427160

Regret that I have but one skull to give.

>> No.25427166

i grab the nearest table and put up a pathetic attempt to fight.

>> No.25427184

Well, I play DE so I'll have to fight him the only way I know how: strapping a crapload of cardboard onto my body, getting jacked up on every drug known to mankind, and rapidfiring him full of poisoned needles.

Nothing can go wrong!

>> No.25427193

You win the thread

>> No.25427208

>he thinks a woman's menstrual discharge is actual blood

how are things on the virgin isles, pal?

>> No.25427210

Are we talking 40k berserkers or fantasy warriors, here?

>> No.25427218

Remember that Khornates usual go for the quick kill because pain is the domain of his nemesis.

So rejoice in the coming of oblivion.

>> No.25427222

Instagib him with my magical fire sword.
Since we're clearly playing pretend here, I don't see why I shouldn't get the same benefit as the fictional screaming man in the can.

>> No.25427230

> Khorne berseker is breaking down my wall shouting for blood
> I live in a 200 year old apartment building that hasn't seen much in terms of conservation or repairs.
> Get up from my chair as he pulls down the remains of the wall
> Stand by the door frame
> Watch him step his 1000lb body inside the room only to have my floor and my walls collapse over him.
> Watch as he falls throught the floor of the other stories.
> Bang out through the fire escape and run through the rooftops.
> By the time he manages to get up the roof to chase me he'll already have quenched his thrist for blood

>> No.25427247

Grab the SKS at the foot of my bed and hope one of those 7.62x39 rounds makes it through his helmet

>> No.25427265

If Khorne doesn't care from where blood flows, then why don't Khorne worshipers fight each other?

>> No.25427270

Is his weapon a power weapon?

If not then i parry him with my bowstaff till doomsday or till slaanesh thinks im to funny to let die

>> No.25427279

I doubt that I could pledge myself to Khorne and fight alongside him.
I guess I'd accept my fate.
All of these people saying that they could escape somehow are deluded.

>> No.25427284

Khorne doesn't care. It looks like blood, it counts.

Srs, we often make offerings of grape juice to him, he beams up like a child

>> No.25427298

.....They do.

All the time.

>> No.25427305


> they do

>> No.25427322

Then why are there any left?

>> No.25427325


They do.

It's pretty much the reason why the World Eaters don't represent much of threat to The Empire like other Chaos Space Marines chapters do.

They turn on each other half-way through their crusades.

>> No.25427333

Sic Snapjaw on his ass, bring in the Wrastler and Snapper that are nearby as well.
Have new bones for my vest.

>> No.25427348

if khorne doesn't care from whence the blood flows, then why didn't the eagles carry frodo and the ring half way to mordor then dump him into a horde of screaming orcs and screech "u have been rused"?

>> No.25427352


Because everyone that displays violent behaviour, is a warrior or sheds blood of someone else is also a worshiper of Khorne, even if they are not Chaos followers.

Also because since they often fight each other eventually only the stronger remain which basically creates a legion of badasses that can't kill each other anymore.

>> No.25427353

Too many of them and they would, given the chance, prefer to vent their wrath of the enemies of Khorne.

>> No.25427367

Throw the yarn.

>> No.25427393

I'd convice him that his own blood makes a much better offering to the Blood God than mine, and would ask him to sit down while I cut off his head for him

>> No.25427412


>> No.25427415

Just as planned.


>> No.25427461 [SPOILER] 

Because then people would get cheese. And we can''t have that.

>> No.25427493

Fly out of his reach and drop heavy things on him.

>> No.25427601

If Khorne doesn't care about how people are killed, why don't the World Eaters just launch missiles at all the planets?

>> No.25427627

probably drop the berserker I am painting then scream, BY KHORNE BLOOD WILL FLOW THIS NIGHT! and grab the machattie next tome for the most epic death a non astartes servant of the dark gods could hope for, as their chosen servant puts a mass reactive bolt round in my chest then bisects me.at least I may get in to khorne's realm and have a chance at fiighting my up to being a bloodletter.

>> No.25427632

Run up the stairs. Duh.

>> No.25427639

Khorne really likes close combat.

>> No.25427650

>Giving in to monkey urges
>Not being or aspiring for wizardry

Get out of here you un-virgin.

>> No.25427662

Because they didn't build bigger walls you fraggot.

>> No.25427681

I'd join him.

>> No.25427692

So he does care how the blood flows!?

>> No.25427699

fuk u op. korn beserkers ca'nt into real

>> No.25427704

>By the power of Christ I compel thee.
>By the power of Christ I compel thee.
>By the power of Christ I compel thee.

Or I'd wonder who managed to accelerate a 38mm mini so fast that it broke through my wall.

>> No.25427714

>My face is my shield

>> No.25427724

Missiles vaporize too much of the blood, Khorne much prefers a river of blood over saunas of blood.

>> No.25427729



>> No.25427741

He doesn't care where blood flows from.

Yes, he cars on the how.

>> No.25427756

sure, but he is a khorne berserker... Im sure is athletic and through that runs fast

>> No.25427764

>Yes, he cars on the how.
When in doubt: the how much works too.

>> No.25427765


>Sauna of Blood

That's actually an interesting concept. I could see it being used as a sweatlodge equivalent for a primitive Khornate cult somewhere, used to invoke visions of slaughter and carnage.

Or maybe some crazy noble that thinks it keeps them young.

>> No.25427794


dance fight.

>> No.25427835

>dance fight.
until you bleed?


>> No.25428023

I would challenge him to a dance off

>> No.25428058

damn it how did I nit see that

>> No.25428064

Challenge him to fisticuffs.

No armor, no weapons, we kill each other with our bare hands, like god intended.

Khorne is the god of honor too, right?

When he takes off his armor, I shoot him.

> just as planned.

>> No.25428066


>> No.25428159

which is why he would be just as willing to to have a dance off

>> No.25428725

This still going?

>> No.25432212

Also a reason berserkers aren't the universe's biggest threat, once they run out of things to kill they just kill themselves to keep the blood flowing.

>> No.25432220


Armor might be fused to him

Also Spesss marhrines got bullshit bulletproof bodies

>> No.25432244

I die. Probably before he gets a full word out.

>> No.25432289

i roll for diplomacy.

>> No.25432341

In this moment of complete hopelessness and in fear for my life I would mutter black prayers to the warp and promise an eternity of service for the sake of survival. If he doesn't answer I'll probably just cower in the corner and hope I get ignored. A follower of Khorne will look for the path of most resistance to extract his bloody charge.

A follower of Khorne feeds Khorne with rage, a despairing victim feeds Nurgle with despair.
A follower of Khorne feeds Khorne with rage, a steadfast defender who hates his attacker also feeds Khorne.

Guess which situation the follower of Khorne will be more compelled to look for?

>> No.25432408

i climb a flight of stairs.

>> No.25432448

How about...getting out of the room and running?
He will get stuck a bit inside the corridor trying to go forward.

Whiel he is stuck i will ..just hop into the car and call the ministry of defence and police.
I will say there is a armored soldier in my house and i barely made it alive.
No reason to get sent to the mad house.

>> No.25432460


There is only one problem, marine bodies are tougher than human ones, and even if you penetrate it the wound will be clogged very very quickly.
Now you are facing an angry berserker.


>> No.25432480

I thank the emps that it was a follower of khrone because that means my fat ass is not worthy of his tone effort and effort. Hell, killing me would probably be an affront to everything the blood god stands for.

>> No.25432530


>> No.25432541

I attempt to be very, very lucky. Easy access to stairs might be the difference between life and death, here!

>> No.25432569

What honor is there in killing a naked, defenseless human? The very thought of one of the chosen warriors of the blood god wasting his time on me would probably piss off Khorne a lot. So I would say a prayer to Khorne, grab my nugget and hope he smiles upon his much more brave new follower.

>> No.25432607


The Blood God would probably prefer his minions to kill the enemies rather than themselves otherwise there are much fewer blood spillers left.


Someone innocent? Khorne is the god of honour, as well as war and all that jazz. The only way to potentially earn any sort of respect from a Khorne Berserker is to kill a Space Marine in single combat.

>> No.25432648


>say a prayer to khorne

Good one.

>> No.25432730

Re-affirm my belief in the Emperor and start praying straight out of the primer I will be rewarded.

>> No.25432748

I throw a fucking brick at him.

>> No.25432787

Kneel before the scion of the blood god and expose my neck to him, so that he may cleave it all the cleaner.

>> No.25432891

I pick up my axe and challenge him to a Thrash Metal riff/solo duel, see who's more worthy of the Blood God
>And when it's his turn, I club him to death with my guitar from the back. Fuck you, that's how Khorne would have liked it

>> No.25432895

Give him blood.

Just not mine.

>> No.25432968

Use the laptop to smash the window (panic makes humans stronger as normally we dont use our muscles full potential so seeing a zerker would make a laptop edge go through glass im assuming) and then jump out of the window and pray i clear the patio and land on our grass, pray to sigmar (as now it would appear the warhammer gods are real) and hope that he embues me with god power and lend me a god weapon.

Otherwise die horribly.

>> No.25432999

I think he might see that as an insult, considering he is the hand of the god of glorious battle. What glory is there in killing a weak spineless pussy.

>> No.25433022

khorne cares not so long as the blood flows.

>> No.25433038

Khorne also likes violence, blood accelerated by omitting a fight not so much, unless its for a sacrifice to summon a daemon or something.

>> No.25433099

My next character is going to have your mighty matrial arts

>> No.25433148

>If I'm a fat fucking pussy the berserker will leave me alone because I'm not worth his time!

That is not how khorne berserkers work, anons.

Enjoy your chainaxe enemas.

>> No.25433155

Why doesn't Khorne just kill the Joker?

Catchpa: easAss but

>> No.25433181

Id call him a coward for wearing a helmet againt an unarmored foe and if he takea it off id throw broken glass powder into his eyes and run. Or are sphess mehruns immune to that as well?

>> No.25433186

Posting from a phone. Fuck.

>> No.25433187

With a stick, while he slept.

>> No.25433189

Because if you kill everyone, then nobody will be left to kill. What then?

>> No.25433236

I obliterate him with the sheer ferocity of my faith. I shall choke the life from his vile throat with my bare hands, for I am an instrument of His glorious and unrelenting will. His brawn and armor count for naught against me, for I have been tested and found pure.

Or maybe he just gets followed in by like a GK or something and I don't have to do anything. The Emperor protects, yoh.

>> No.25433421

I relish the pleasure of the chainsword ripping apart my genitals as I die.

>> No.25433423

*grab him by the throat*
back the fuck off???

>> No.25433668

slaanesh whorshipper detected.

>> No.25433808

run away till him near water. then hope he follows me in and drowns under the weight of his armour

>> No.25434261

Cry and blubber and beg for mercy, possibly shit and wet myself, hope that Khorne's feeling particularly HONOURABLE today.

Or pray to one of the others to save me.

>> No.25434296

I run up a flight of (wooden) stairs (so he's unable to follow) and pray he doesn't just level the whole building.

>> No.25434312

>Or pray to one of the others to save me.
You're instantly granted spawnhood by Tzeentch.

>> No.25434315


what if he can jump or teleport right next to you?

>> No.25434409

Hey, I'm not saying it's a perfect failsafe plan, but it's the best one I'd be able to come up with on the run.

>> No.25434416

make it a wooden house and we have a deal

>> No.25434433

> Khorne berserkers can't catch you if you are in the warp.

>> No.25434510

I would burn him. With fire of change of course.

BTW i know the guy who made this graphic OP you used in first post

>> No.25434514

Slaughter him for Xiombarg and then rape the corpse, then use the body parts for illicit experiements, then send the resulting morass of technohorror to carious corporations to incide the bio-singularity that will result in the apocolyptic destruction of humanity's understanding of the universe.

Fucking wannabe chaos gods, fucking intruding on my loli time.

>> No.25434554

I'd walk upstairs and enjoy the sounds of his weight breaking them behind me

>> No.25434581

Give him the weekly pile of skulls and blood.
I also notice him that his tourettes therapy is not working as intended and recommend him to ask for another therapist.

>> No.25434626

>ctrl+f 'doll'
>0 entries

I'm ashamed at you, /tg/.

>> No.25434806

Grab the nearest beer bottle, break it over my head and advance on him to stick the bottle in his throat. Screaming like a madman all the while.

>> No.25434832


I grab my axe and yell "BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD", then point him in the direction of other people

>> No.25435841

>Get my head chopped off
>I didn't actually get my head chopped off
>I'm actually the Zerker
>The Zerker is actually Creed

>> No.25435854

>captcha ate my face

>> No.25435894

As it would turn out, you're Creed as well. I know this because I am Creed and I made everybody into Creed.

>> No.25436017

Top lel

>> No.25436437 [SPOILER] 

I should stop visiting /tg/, I can't afford that much door replacing.

>> No.25436496

Oh, and considering that I'm living a bit high in a block with no holy elevatus, I'd probably just have to push the exhausted berzerker down the stairs he came up. Assuming he even gets there.

>> No.25436584

He cant get through my front door or my back they both require the use of wooden stairs and every one knows space marines cant do stairs.

>> No.25436618

Open a rift into a world with no 40k.
All a welcome to join me.

>> No.25437849

Stupid question.

Half of /tg/ would not win against their own grandma.
The other half would be too scared to afront any real fight and run with shat pants.
And the rest are just too fat to fight.

>> No.25438287

Holly fucking shit I this thread is still going

>> No.25438794


pic related.

>> No.25441176

Id roll a six and get my armour save.

>> No.25441771

>Khorne berserker?
>The Gods of chaos are real!
>Oh Tzeentch you could have told me sooner!

And then things happen or not

>> No.25443412

well, you see, I live in a 200 year odl house.

So he'd fall into the basment, and be unable to get back up the stairs.

I, of course, would be magdumping my mossberg into the hole he left, followed by 8 rounds of 30-06, followed by blasting him with piss.

And then, being an American, I'd run down the street to buy more slugs. I'll get him eventually, and then khorne will love ME.

>> No.25444286

Nothing more fun than fucking a girl on her period.

>> No.25444320

Exactly, he gets angry and leaves. I live to fight another day.

>> No.25444326

With those spikes you put on the ends of the cob.

>> No.25444357

Are Khornate cultists more likely to be female?

>> No.25444374

Joke's on him, I'm on an air plane.

>> No.25444383

I yell "hello" as I'm startled, before calmly wishing him luck in killing people. Then I resume reading before my break is up.

>> No.25444385

>then he gets angry

I think you have a fundamental misunderstanding of the situation. It's as fundamental as an astronaut being comfortable at launch.

>> No.25444576

Not according to FFG's rules,
Or fluff.

>> No.25444778

I roll anal circumference.

>> No.25444860

>in atmospherically sealed armor

>> No.25444890

Can space marines actually get tired?

>> No.25444995

Similar to this guy, except less, "multi-story building," and more, "cracked slab foundation on a single-story house, and my room hangs over a slope that's practically a sheer cliff."

He takes the back corner of the house with him while I nonchalantly walk down the hallway away from him, across the yard, which is covered in hills, to my neighbor and ask to borrow a shotgun to take out the nine-foot-tall asshole in red armor that's wielding a chainsaw in my general direction and is currently stuck at the bottom of a very steep hill, buried under a ton or more of rubble and downed trees.

>> No.25445151

Good luck with that, m8.

>> No.25445166


Yes. It just takes a long, long time and a lot of strenuous effort.

>> No.25445216

I figure running up a few dozen flights of stairs wouldn't really count as either.

>> No.25445293


Your average Space Marine could punch a reinforced concrete and steel building until it fell down, then kill the shit out of you, and still be up for a 100 mile jog.

Even in near-constant life-and-death combat, a Space Marine's phsyical endurance is measured in days and weeks.

>> No.25445581

Don't they still need sleep? Longest a Marine's ever been able to survive on just the Catalepsean Node is 328 hours, which is like 13 and a half days.

I should note Crimson Fists are real hardasses and as such the squad in question are special cases.

>> No.25445665

Hahaha the fool.

>mfw I'm a Necron Overlord.

This was our planet, and it will be again

>> No.25445687

An hero before he can get to me.

>> No.25445695


jk just a regular Lord.

>> No.25445706

some dont have it sealed

>> No.25445751

Would a 10 gauge pump action with seven rounds do anything to it at point blank range? Other than pissing it off?

>> No.25445760

Because I have mine loaded and sitting a few feet away in my closet behind the door.

>> No.25445766

citations needed, one dude didnt sleep for 4 years, and the doom warriors dont sleep, ever

>> No.25445920


No I'd read the same thing once... it was during some siege I think. I can't remember where I read it though.

Most (like... 99.9% of Marines) need rest, at some point. Considering that you could get to a car and roar off, and drive to a police station or.. FBI headquarters and point at the smoke from the direction you came and say that the guy chasing you and breaking everything is causing the chaos, and that he's actually a terrorist. They'll go to intercept him, in which time you can stay one step ahead of him. The United States is vast, and he will get tired at some point. And then some State Trooper will be able to pop'em in the head and become Superintendent.

>> No.25445966

Pop him in the head with what?
By FFG rules, a stub pistol is completely incapable of doing any damage whatsoever to him.

>> No.25446011

unless the marine knows how to use cars and stuff, and the US is vast, which means you cant find the roid raging walking disaster

>> No.25446044

Shotgun to the face at point blank range doesn't fail to kill too many things.

Relies on him still being buried, but, hell, if he's strong enough to dig out from under a dozen trees and a quarter of a house, including the foundation block, and I see him do it, I'm not gonna stop at my neighbor's house anyway. I'ma keep running.

>> No.25446090

>doesn't think menstrual discharge is blood

>"Menstruation is the periodic discharge of blood and mucosal tissue (the endometrium) from the uterus and vagina."

>> No.25446095


>The longest any Space Marine has ever been on active combat duty without rest is 328 hours, achieved by a squad of the Crimson Fists' Kill-team during the battle against the Orks for Rynn's World.

>> No.25446100

Yeah, but by tabletop rules limbless cripple (or a gretchin) could kill him if you roll well.

Why is it that space marines are so impossibly badass in the fluff but whenever i play them they all die to laguns?

>> No.25446148


Shotgun? I don't know how current weapons would translate to 40k+ plus years from now I really don't. If the answer is nothing, then this is as good as scenario of how would you deal with a Tarrasque breaking down your wall.


How is he going to FIT into a car though. Maybe if he got a dump truck and could steer and work the pedals with ropes and sticks from the back.

>> No.25446168

Get in a car and drive when I hear him coming. He didn't bring any vehicles and he's probably too huge to drive a 21st century car.

>> No.25446204

The shotgun's not getting through his armor.

>> No.25446220

Nobody said he's not wearing a helmet, brah.
Power armor kind of laughs at your shitty shotguns.

>> No.25446233

Rolled 2


You could always fail that 3+.

>> No.25446236

then you shall die tired

>> No.25446243

take the seat, and slide it all the way back, most cars can hold a 500 pound person, and if he is wearing a suit of corvus he has some wiggle room, but he could easily rip the seat out and sit on the floor

the question isnt how a marine would fit into a car with his armor and weapons, but if the car can support the weight, a normal car weighs around 2,000 pounds, but can only support around 8 to 9 hundred pounds of passenger within design

so a marine could take a pick up truck or an suv

>> No.25446274

What does a BRRRRRRRT count as?

7 heavy stubbers at once?

>> No.25446293


Avenger Bolt Cannon

>> No.25446309

Not assuming he's not wearing a helmet. Assuming that the ventilator isn't made of solid metal and jamming the barrel/s into that.

Again, if he's making headway against the ton or more of rubble by the time I leave the house, I'm running. Otherwise, I'm at least gonna try jamming the barrel of a shotgun into the ventilator on his helmet and pumping it a few times.

If that doesn't work, I'll... I dunno, try something else? Rip his helmet off and try again? Pick his chainsword up and try using that? Iunno, man.

>> No.25446321

>Grab the nearest sharp implement
>Blood for blood god
>skulls for skull throne
>lunge at the berserker and fight untill i died

it matters not from whence the blood flows as long as it flows

>> No.25446433

Probably would be making headway. You just really pissed him off.

>> No.25446446

>it matters not from whence the blood flows as long as it flows
>gain favor of Khorne
>become a Blood Letter

>> No.25446622


A marine is ... what about 1,000 lbs? Even if he sat on the floor in a truck, how could he push just the gas. The boots are huge. Beyond that, if I run out of gas I can pay for it, I know how to pump the gas. Does he? Would he be spending time worried about a machine spirit.

I mean really, this is probably a no win situation. Period. We here in /tg/ are all mortals, and maybe as skilled in combat as the laziest, fattest guardsmen.

>> No.25447191

Many tanks in 40k run on promethium.
He knows fossil fuels.

>> No.25447371


OK so there is no way to win. Is that what you wanted to hear? I only ask because every creative thing has been met with 'nuh uh!'

>> No.25447542

I didn't say he could drive a car. I think he'd have a lot of trouble with that since he's just too fucking big.

Just saying he knows what gas is.

>> No.25447652


I sometimes bemoan the speed of the board. I think the only thing you could do, is stay ahead of him somehow, either in hiding or... in a jet maybe. Wait for him to sleep and then cut his head off. But I don't even know if earth 2013 chainsaws could do it. Doubtless someone here will say you cannot.

So I think it boils down to death at his hand, as before but tired and scared, or suicide.

Maybe suicide to cheat him out of the kill. A final fuck you.

>> No.25447691

Suicide would really piss him off.
Or, you know, a great deal of anti-tank ordinance. That'd work.

>> No.25447752

>then why didn't the eagles carry frodo and the ring half way to mordor then dump him into a horde of screaming orcs and screech "u have been rused"?

ah oh ow my sides

>> No.25447898


OP said no M1 Abrams. But I did read some fluff where a bloodthirster was killed by cannon fire from an entire battery on a hillside.

>> No.25448775


A regular old .44 should do the trick.

>> No.25450733

"I am not a worthy offering! teach me to fight and then we shall do battle for lord khorne!"
>I am now a khorne berzerkers side-kick

>> No.25450775

question: could an army of robots defeat a Khornate army? There's no honour fighting with mindless machines, and 0 blood or skulls for the blood god/skull throne

I mean in terms of tactics and all, the Khornates will probably triumph. But their interest in battle will be minimal and they'll eventually just sod off to do something more interesting

>> No.25452965


probably won't make it past the first sentence.

>> No.25453214

Pray that I'm fast enough to grab my nugget. Hope that this happens when I have my Privi rounds instead of cheaper ones. Apply nugget... die gloriously

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