Quantcast
[ 3 / biz / cgl / ck / diy / fa / g / ic / jp / lit / sci / tg / vr / vt ] [ index / top / reports / report a bug ] [ 4plebs / archived.moe / rbt ]

Due to resource constraints, /g/ and /tg/ will no longer be archived or available. Other archivers continue to archive these boards.Become a Patron!

/tg/ - Traditional Games


View post   

[ Toggle deleted replies ]
[ERROR] No.24085585 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

You hear word of a monster attacking the local peasants, and head out to slay the beast.

You arrive to find this thing.

Do you dare face it?

>> No.24085592

We're gonna need some big scissors for that one

>> No.24085600

I'm sure it has a point of vulnerability that can be impacted for a particularly enormous degree of injury.

>> No.24085611

The beast controlling the creature seems more deadly.

>> No.24085624

>>24085600
Good luck finding that on this monster

>> No.24085634

I've never played a realistic feudal japan setting so I think I'm safe

>> No.24085641

>>24085624
You could just stomp on it.

>> No.24085642

>>24085624
have you tried stepping on it?

>> No.24085649

I get out my Iron Mace and start smashing.

>> No.24085657

>>24085641
>>24085642
I hope you enjoyed having a leg. Because it's time to say goodbye

>> No.24085660

>>24085649
Watch where you step

>> No.24085664

>>24085660
>>24085657
Fine, just pick up a thick stick and whack it with that.

>> No.24085683

>>24085585

I've bested mudcrabs more ferocious then that!

>> No.24085692

This kills the crab.

>> No.24085703

>>24085624
>>24085660
>>24085585
did I just return to /co/?

>> No.24085727

>>24085585
Gonna be honest, scrolling past that thumbnail, I thought at first that it was a woman with crab chest and crab arms.

Like some sort of mutant crab-woman cosplay.

Turns out she's just holding a gigantic crab.

>> No.24085774

>>24085692
oh dear god I've never seen that in motion, that's horrible

>> No.24085781

>>24085585
That witch looks terrifying with that sinister grin. And she has a giant crab familiar? no thanks

>> No.24085785

What species of crab is that anyway?

>> No.24085787

>>24085774
Yeah, I'm in the same boat as you...I think I need to lay off the animal pictures for now. I saw a decapitated baby lion earlier.

>> No.24085818

Nope. I'd rather not chop off my own head in an orgy of spastic flailing at it retarded amounts of defense.

Now if I could get it to murder a lizard...

>> No.24085878

>>24085787

>> No.24085902

>>24085878
Wow, surprisingly depressing

>> No.24085913

>>24085878

i understand you completely crabby

>> No.24085925

>> No.24085934

>>24085925
BUT YOU'RE A CRUSTACEAN, CRAB

>> No.24085940

>>24085787

Did it have a funny caption at least?

Like, like, I'm alio fuck I can't think of anything

>> No.24085941

>>24085925
Carloooooos the crab.

>> No.24085954

I can't believe how bad that sad little face makes me feel, so I pretend he was ok

>> No.24085956

>>24085940
It...it didn't have a caption.

>> No.24085963

>>24085940
I have a few spider captions.

>> No.24085997

And now.

Crab vaginas, filled with spiders.

Fuck everything.

>> No.24086023

>>24085585
umm...Okay...Well. First things first let's lure it into a large depression filled with water, then I'm going to cast fireball. Cleric I am going to need you to melt some butter, fighter your on shell cracking duty. Let's cook some crab...er I mean let's kill this "monster"

>> No.24086034

>>24085585
For a secons there, I had a mental image of a giant crab-landwhale hybrid

Like Chaos Witch Quelaaq, the landwhale edition

disturbing. . .

>> No.24086115

>>24085585
>Do you dare face it?

No, I steal his truck and run away.

>> No.24086126

Mudcrabs eh? Nasty little creatures.

>> No.24086330

Fuck no. Giant crabs are ridiculously under CRd. We'd be fucked.

>> No.24086353

>>24085703
Moulting must feel so good.

>> No.24086363

As long as i don't have to flip her fat ass over

>> No.24086376

>>24085585
I miss Crab Quest

>> No.24086417

>>24086126
Horrible creatures. I steer well away from them. Goodbye.


Hello!

>> No.24086436

You can roleplay here with us.
Maybe we can start some simple 20d roleplay.

>> No.24086445 [DELETED] 

>>24086436
Oops, wrong thread, sorry.
On the subject:
Wand of polymorph or something heavy on a long stick to crack his shell.

>> No.24087791

>>24085585
You should already know the anwser.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ap_CRESxNFE

>> No.24088335

>>24085963
Don't you have a bone pit to fondle?

>> No.24088398

>>24088335
No, but I do have toast.

>> No.24088437

>>24088398
I'm sure that's some poor creatures painful last moments but damn it's kawaii

>> No.24088441

>>24085585
>You arrive to find this thing.
>Do you dare face it?

I think we're missing something important here.
Everyone's afraid of what the giant crab can do, but shouldn't we be focusing more on the woman handling it like it's her plaything?

>> No.24088456

>>24088398

2cute. Kill me now.

>> No.24088474

>>24085585
Fuck yeah.
The other guys almost got their asses kicked by an overgrown lobster earlier, I want to show them how it's done.

>> No.24088487

>>24088456

>> No.24088490

>>24085692

>those limp legs

Oh god...

>> No.24088510

>>24085774
>>24085787
It's a bug.

>> No.24088523

>>24088487

>> No.24088537

>>24088510
Say that to my face motherfucker not online and see what happens

>> No.24088557

>>24088537

>> No.24088569

>>24088537
>this is my fapping arm

>> No.24088583

>>24085692
Jesus...are crabs unable to feel pain like lobsters? I hope so.

>> No.24088589

>>24088583
Why's that? You..wouldn't hurt me would you?

>> No.24088595

>>24085585

So a horrifying hambeast have kidnapped the crabprincess with the sole purpose to devour her.

Count my claws in!

>> No.24088596

>>24085585
>Do you dare face it?
The fucking ugly woman? No. No way

Also if you squint slightly it looks like it's a woman with a torso of a crab.

>> No.24088612

>>24085703
And that's not even my final form!

>> No.24088618

>>24088583
Who told you that, lobsters scream when you boil them alive.

>> No.24088632

>>24088618
That's steam

>> No.24088636

>>24088618
They don't actually scream. That is steam being released from their shells.

>> No.24088651

>>24088523
Saved.

>> No.24088657

>>24088636
That's pretty metal.

>> No.24088709

>>24088632
>>24088636
That's what the lobster lobby tells you in order to get you to buy more lobster without any guilt.

>> No.24088725

>>24088709
Finally, an excuse to use this picture

>> No.24088740

>>24085878
Holy shit

>> No.24088745

>>24088583

I'm pretty sure crustaceans have nervous systems, just like all animals. So they should feel pain.

>> No.24088863

>>24088709
Did you know that at one point feeding prisoners lobster was declared cruel and unusual, akin to feeding them rat.

>> No.24088911

>>24085585
>>24085624
>>24085703

jesus christ, australia keeps spawning crazy shit to take away my ability to sleep at night

>> No.24088919

>>24088863
Lobster became popular purely through an advertising campaign. Seriously. They told people it was what all the rich people ate... so the rich people bought and ate it.

>> No.24088935

>>24088709
It is funny I really don´t give a fuck about most animals like cows,chicken etc. ...but I feel bad for all the the dead seafood

>> No.24088938

>>24088911

But crustaceans are pretty relaxed bro. They just want to scuttle and eat detritus.

Mantis Shrimp are the real Khorne Berserkers of the sea

>> No.24088946

>>24088919
If you say so. It's not exactly a high class disk and, aside from the tail meat, is pretty annoying to eat.

>> No.24088965

>>24088911
Have this thing instead.

>>24088938
>Punch for the punch god?

>> No.24088978

>>24088935
Not really. I used to clean and process livestock and can't say I feel sorry for them, but then again I've also had live shrimp and octopus in Korea.

On that note, food should not still be moving when it goes into your stomach...not a very pleasant feeling.

>>24088965
OG GOD, IT'S BLEEDING SPIDERS!

>> No.24088993

>>24088935

That's because we do really fucked up stuff to seafood, since crabs and fish aren't cute and fuzzy. Think of how shitty it is to be a fish and get caught
>Huh cool a meal
>OH GOD THIS WORM IS SHARP FUCK MY MOUTH OW
>OH GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS PULLING ME SHIT MAN SHIT
>CHRIST I CAN'T FUCKING BREATHE UP HERE GODDAMN
>OH GOD I'VE BEEN IMPALED BY A GIANT HOOK
>PLEASE LET ME GO I JUST WANNA SWIM
Then his gills are slit and he's dumped in a box filled with the corpses of his brethren to choke on his own blood. I mean we do horrible things to all the animals we eat out of necessity, but it just seems a lot more violent with fish.

>> No.24089026

Fun fact: These niggas will attack you in large numbers and feast on your flesh!

>> No.24089060

>>24088993
>but it just seems a lot more violent with fish
People really don't care about cruel treatment of sea creatures because you can't tell when they're in pain.

Most other living things make horrible sounds when they suffer, but fishes are silent.

>> No.24089071

>ctrl+f
>crab battle
>0 of 0
WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mHKHKR8x6A

>> No.24089072

>>24088938
>Has probably the fastest strike known to man
Huh
>Known as thumb splitters, one strike can split your thumb open down to the bone
Well shit
>Sit and watch one break open a clam shell with raw power, striking hard as shit
>They actually create a sonic boom
Jesus fuck what

>> No.24089081

>>24089060
>fishes are silent

Fish: stoic martyrs of the sea.

>> No.24089084

>>24088965
>>24089072

CRABS FOR THE CRAB GOD

SHELLS FOR THE SHELL THRONE.

>> No.24089090

>>24089072
>Known as thumb splitters, one strike can split your thumb open down to the bone
Now imagine one that's man-sized, and could pic related.

>> No.24089093

>>24088978
>OG GOD, IT'S BLEEDING SPIDERS!
Nope, just molting. Perfectly natural.

>> No.24089113

>>24089072
>sonic boom
The exact phrase is "cavitation bubble".
Quoted from the "Pistol Shrimp" website.
>All pistol shrimp have one (Or sometimes two) oversized claw that create a cavitation bubble as it snaps shut. This bubble, very briefly reaches temperatures approaching that of the sun, about 4700 degrees Celsius. A loud "popping" noise is created as well.
http://piratefx.hubpages.com/hub/pistol-shrimp

>> No.24089117

>>24089072
>>24089084
There's another called pistol shrimp, they shut their claws so fast it shoots a bubble with the pressure that reaches temperatures almost as hot as the surface of the sun.

>> No.24089128

>>24089084
I wana play too.

>> No.24089136

>>24089117
see
>>24089113
We must provide stats for the Gargantuan sized version of this.
For Science! and reasons.

>> No.24089146

>>24089117
>>24089113

103rd Pistol Shrimp regiment here, fabulous and furious as always.

For the Imperium of Crab

>> No.24089157

>>24089128
Oh god what? Please tell me that's shooped. Surely there can't be spiders that big.

>> No.24089161

>>24089146
That image screams "I will fuck you up".

>> No.24089168

>>24089157

Goliath Birdeaters are even bigger, I believe.

>> No.24089179

>>24089157
Tarantulas, and no, not shooped.

I think they're de-fanged though, so they're harmless.

>> No.24089186

>MFW there was a time in Earths history where the air was so rich in oxygen giant bugs and shell fish existed.

>MFW monsters were real

>> No.24089195

>>24089157
hahaha

>> No.24089198

>>24089157
Just relax and accept that there are some large spiders.

>> No.24089207

>>24089157
>>24089157
http://video.nationalgeographic.com/video/animals/bugs-animals/spiders-and-scorpions/tarantula_goliath/
The Goliath spider can be up to 12 inches long and weigh in at 170 grams.
>and thanks to 3d printing, someone could print one out in your home while you sleep at some point in the future

>> No.24089214

>>24089186
The oxygenation levels of the ocean and atmosphere were different then, making much larger exoskeletal creatures viable. It couldn't happen nowadays.

Take solace in that.

Just fear time machine trips.

>> No.24089218

>>24089195

>> No.24089223

>>24089195
Om nom bird.

>> No.24089229

>>24089223
Dammit, I meant snake.

>> No.24089240

>>24089207
>>24089195
>>24089168
>my fucking face when
That settles it, I need a gun immediately.

What would you recommend for facing an unending tide of arachnid horrors?

>> No.24089242

Fucking cruel man they shipped all those prisoners off to the land of the lost, little did they expect them to survive and found Australia.

>> No.24089254

>>24087791
>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ap_CRESxNFE
MY NNIGGA'~

>> No.24089260

>>24089084
Oh Jesus Christ I had one of these prepared for me in Vietnam. There was a fucking tank of them. Never before have I had such a respect for my own heritage.

>It was fucking delicious
>We cleaned our hands in a bowl of tea water, they still stunk to high heaven of delicious mantis shrimp

On the subject of crabs Remembering that my Family Prepares a dish by just ripping the top shell off a live crab made me a little sad. It still squirms and everything.

>Then I Remembered its also Delicious.

>> No.24089261

>>24089240
flammenwerfer

>> No.24089262

>>24089223
Oh god, KILL IT WITH FIRE!

>> No.24089273

>>24089179
You cannot de-fang a tarantula. When you handle one you are counting on it not mistaking you for food (not likely considering your relative sizes) or thinking that you consider it to be food. No true tarantulas have outright deadly venom, but it will hurt like fuck and some species's venom make sicken/cause necrosis.

>> No.24089285

>>24089273
Plus they can fire irritating hairs into your flesh

Sounds fun

>> No.24089287

>>24089260
>my Family Prepares a dish by just ripping the top shell off a live crab

>> No.24089290

>>24089240
>What would you recommend for facing an unending tide of arachnid horrors?
Suicide.
If they're big, they can smother you; if they're small, the poison can be deadly. If they're numerous, your stomach is full of spiders. If they're few, you never know where a safe place will qualify as.

>> No.24089291

>>24089240

>> No.24089293

>>24088745
Actually they lack a "pain feeling," like how humans in pain think "this hurts and is unpleasant- escape from the harm" instead their brain sends a message more like "hey, avoid this situation in the future"

>> No.24089295

>>24085585

>monster attacking
>Giant Animal

Giant Animals aren't monsters though, they're a perfectly normal part of any fantasy world...

Just because they're a 'little' bigger doesn't mean you can just run around stabbing them in the asshole.

>> No.24089300

>>24085585

I lived near the Chesapeake for many year, so my first thought would be "dinner".

>> No.24089303

>>24089240
Well, you really should Google 'Spider colony' and then look at the images. Really shouldn't.

>> No.24089309

>>24089240
>What would you recommend for facing an unending tide of arachnid horrors?
Doesn't really matter.

It's not like you'll be shooting at the spiders when you see thousands of them coming for you.

>> No.24089313

>>24089261
>>24089291
>flammenmind

>> No.24089314

>>24089293
Is there really a difference?

>> No.24089325

>>24089273
>cause necrosis.
That's not very comforting since that's how a brown recluse's venom works.

>>24089295
I remember them mentioning there being downright gargantuan lobsters in the Chesapeake when the Brits first landed there.

>> No.24089337

>>24089260
>>24089287

Oh maybe I should reiterate.

After you rip off the top shell of the crab the rest of it still twitches and squirms

>> No.24089340

>>24089314
It is the difference between "attending an orgy" and "watching a porno".

>> No.24089366

>>24089287
>>24089337

>> No.24089368

>>24089285
Could I technically give people more hair with enough tarantulas?

>> No.24089384

Have some cute/funny shrimp on a treadmill to make up for all the horror.

>> No.24089386

>>24089366
>>24089337
Not even Scissors or anything, My mother just reaches behind it and yanks it open.

>> No.24089396

>>24089384
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/6972062.stm
THE HORROR CONTINUES
>everything's bigger in Texas

>> No.24089403

>>24089386
That's horrible, reminds me of the thing where Indians put a live monkey head through a hole in a special table and lock it in, then cut the head open while it's alive and eat the brains.

>> No.24089406

>>24089368
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urticating_hair#Urticating_bristles_in_tarantulas

They probably wouldn't like it very much but I guess

>> No.24089434

>>24089406
Gentlemen,

I have found the cure for baldness.

>> No.24089450

>>24089403
Uh, what? That's something more from Faces of Death and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom than it is something from reality.

>> No.24089466

>>24089450
Nope.
Besides, they did things differently in the movie.

Monkey brains could be eaten cooked, raw or fresh.

>> No.24089480

>>24089450
No, that's a thing but it's illegal now for obvious reasons.

>> No.24089483

>>24089466
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monkey_brains_%28cuisine%29
"That the eating of the brains from living monkeys is part of some restaurants' menus is one well-known example of an urban legend."
Don't buy the hype, unless you have matching citations.

>> No.24089494

>>24089293

"Huh. I've got scissors cutting open my shell. Might have been a bad idea. Oh well, I'll do better next time...wait. Shit."

>> No.24089496

>>24089480
Also eating brains doesn't come without its own risks.

>> No.24089498

>this thread

>> No.24089500

>>24089403
>>24089450

The movie started the craze, not the other way around.

Eating Monkey brains is now horrible illegal in China.

I wish it was because of the right reason and that eating a monkey's brain is HORRIBLY unethical...But they only made it illegal because monkey are close enough of a species to us that eating their brains transmit mad cow or whatever it is.

So, yeah..

>> No.24089525

>>24089483
Some people got arrested for it a couple (I think) of years ago.

>> No.24089528

>>24089500
You mean shit like prions?

>> No.24089541

>>24089386
Your mother is small time.

>>Ying yang fish
>On July 8, 2008 Taipei, Taiwan, Animal rights activists slammed a Taiwanese chef for serving a gourmet dish that included a deep fried fish with its head still twitching. The chef served the carp with its body deep-fried and covered with sweet and sour sauce. When the diners picked at the fresh meat with their chopsticks, they watched the fish's mouth open and twitch
>Preparation of this dish is now prohibited in Taiwan and illegal in Australia and Germany.

>> No.24089559

>>24089525
>think
Come on, man. A little research and it takes away the guesswork. And were they successful? Was it part of an ongoing business venture? Did the Paladin fall because of it? TELL US THESE THINGS.

>> No.24089562

>>24089541
>>24089500
Fucking chinks will eat anything man, worse of all they'll eat anything as cruelly as possible.

>> No.24089583

>>24089562
Yep. Not to mention what passes for medicine over there. I mean they're great at math but besides that we're talking Africa levels of scientific ignorance.

>> No.24089603

>>24089559
I think it was two years ago. Look it up yourself if you need to know.

>> No.24089608

>>24089562
Except for the European fascination with eating live oysters. America picked up that lovely trait, as well.

>> No.24089616

>>24088978
> I've also had live shrimp and octopus in Korea.

Good thing eating a living octopus to me is something straight from the depths of my most horrid nightmares that feel like they were summoned into my head from Satan's gaping asshole!

>On that note, food should not still be moving when it goes into your stomach...not a very pleasant feeling.
Pic related.

>> No.24089628

>>24089603
Given how certain you sound about something vague you think you've read about a maybe case a few years ago in some undetermined country, I believe the research is kind of uninspiring. And vague.
>google: people who did something a few years ago somewhere

>> No.24089631

>>24089541
>Kill one man's work or prohibit one's culture because MUH FEELINGS

>> No.24089640

I thought y'all might like this. I actually have a few arthropod pics. I no one minds, I'll post the few crab pictures I have. Then, I you like, I can move on to spiders and such.

>> No.24089650

>>24089640
What. The. Fuck. Man.

>> No.24089655

>>24089608
It's like eating a big living booger, I don't fucking get that one either. To be fair I don't know anyone who would eat that shit.

>> No.24089659

>>24089541
Pffft, whatever. In Japan I was served a fish that had just been pulled out of a tank and had its sides cut into strip. We dipped its flesh strips into sauce in front of it while its mouth opened and closed and its fins moved. When we had eaten it all the chef flash fried the bones and head and we ate that.

It was delicious.

>> No.24089661

>>24089631
>muh freedoms

>> No.24089668

>>24088965
>At last! After 10,000 years I'm free! Time to conquer the Earth!

>> No.24089671

>>24089541
Shit, forgot the link:
http://youtu.be/rTUPHExilFk

In apology, I offer: ikizukuri
>Ikizukuri (生き作り), also known as ikezukuri (活け造り), is the preparation of sashimi made from live seafood. The most popular sea animal used in ikizukuri is fish but octopus, shrimp, and lobster may also be used
>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pixR0Wsr5rU

Anyone up for sushi?

>> No.24089676

>>24089668

>> No.24089681

>>24089628
Well, eat a dick then.

I clearly remember it being frim China.

>> No.24089697

>>24089640
This is a boxer crab. They wear anemones on their claw in order to poison their enemies with their punches.

>> No.24089709

>>24089681
Cool story, bro.
Moving on: how can we turn DnD monsters into their urban legend equivalents?

>> No.24089717

>>24089697

>> No.24089719

http://www.cracked.com/blog/9-restaurants-designed-to-ruin-your-appetite/

>The last restaurant on our list is so exclusive, it doesnt even have a name. To eat there costs between two to eight thousand dollars, and you must be a member (to qualify as a member, you must have a yearly income in excess of $175,000well, in Yen). Its a secretive, controversial club located underground in Tokyos fashionable Roppongi District. Where you have sex with your food.

Playing with your food has never been taken so literally. At the Roppongi club, youll get to make love to your choice of a chicken, dog, pig, or goat; male or female. At this point, unless youve overstepped your bounds, the animal is still alive, and presumably frisky.

Once the deed is done, you (and your family? Guests? Were not really sure what you want to do here) retire to the dining area. In a matter of minutes, you are presented with a delicious meal of roasted whatever-animal-you-just-fucked. The restaurant is not forthcoming with many details, but one imagines, largely for the sake of ones sanity, that the animal is cleaned out first.

Admittedly, this exclusive dining establishment is not for everyone, but if youre a rich person who has literally exhausted every other human experience (remember, that includes injecting heroin into your eyeball), then why not top off your life of debauchery with a humped dog?

As one of the patrons (who wished to remain anonymous) stated, the appeal of the place just came about because when people have got money and done everything else, they turn towards bestiality.

Were on to you, Bill Gates, Donald Trump, J.K. Rowling and Paul McCartney. Watch it.

>> No.24089732

>>24089719
>super sekret club with no name, somewhere
seems legit

>> No.24089738

More crab captions, fgts

>> No.24089739

Why are crustaceans so much fun?

>> No.24089744

>>24089719

>cracked

No, thank you

>> No.24089747

>>24089732
it's asians.
They watch shit like that in shows and instead of thinking "that's fucking weird" they think "man that's a good idea."

>> No.24089761

Not actually a crab, but it's a crustacean.

>> No.24089767

>>24089761

>> No.24089772

>>24089767

>> No.24089773

>>24089719

I can see this happening

>> No.24089784

>>24089761
AAAwww, am I the only who want to scratch its belly? Look at tha...

>>24089767
>>24089772
son of a fucking bitch! Burn it! Burn!

>> No.24089788

>>24088863

Indeed. Why the state of Maine had laws passed restricting prisons from feeding prisoners lobster more then twice a week.

>> No.24089807

>>24089719
This sounds like something out of Speed Grapher...

>> No.24089838

>>24089761
>>24089767
>>24089772
>We require more minerals.

>> No.24089842

They don't make these no more. They had terrifying proboscises. Fortunately, they weren't very big.

>> No.24089848

>>24089761
Do they like doritos?

>> No.24089875

This crustacean has hollowed out the gelatinous, barrel-like body of a salp. She will lay her eggs inside and will take it with her and watch over it even after her young have hatched.

>> No.24089880

>>24089875

>> No.24089918

>>24085692

I hate that .gif so much.

>> No.24089992

This ancient predator could get up to two meters long, which was pretty dang gigantic for the time.

It looks like that's all the crustaceans and other aquatic arthropods I have at the moment. Notable one, anyway. Shall I post some spiders and such?

>> No.24090006

>>24089992
Absolutely.

>> No.24090020

>>24089848
That's an excellent question. I have no idea. With a properly phrased proposal, we might could get a grant to find out.

>> No.24090045

>> No.24090062

>>24088618
Steam is released form in side the shell, making a noise that sounds like screaming, think about it the have gills not lungs there for very little in the way of vocalizing.
>>24088583
>>24088745
they feel pain all creatures with a nervous system do, it's just that crustaceans are very dumb and lack the wherewithal to comprehend whats going on, people really need to stop assuming that all creatures view the world has we do.

you can't torture a lobster.

>> No.24090065

>>24090045

>> No.24090087

>>24090065
I debated whether or not to post this fellow for a bit, seeing as how it's an insect, but I finally decided to go ahead and do so simply because I like the little guys.

>> No.24090094

>>24090087

>> No.24090101

>>24090094
Here's what they grow up to be.

>> No.24090119

>>24085692

the only problem is that is a soft shelled crab, the monster in OPs image will have a shell 2-3 inches thick.

I worked on the fish prep bench for a large restaurant in central London, we make a lot crab soup. I have the pleasure of smashing 2-3 20kg boxes of hard shelled crabs a week.

One day we had a crab that must of been about a 1ft across.
This bastard would .. not .. die, normally we just flip them on their backs and cut them in half through the middle.
Not this one, he just hissed and spat at me for maybe 5 mins until I had to stab it in the face with a boning knife to pierce the brain.

If I had to fight the OP I would use a glass hammer to shatter the shell and then a thin bladed knife to finish the bastard off. Then just pull the arms off and eat the white meat.

>>24088745
I've seen crabs pull each others arms and legs off, while in the box.
They are vicious bastards, they deserve it.

>> No.24090124

This is an assassin spider. Note the freakishly elongated jaws and bizarre "neck."

>> No.24090144

>>24089168
but that is a goliath bird eater
its just not that big for a goliath bird eater

>> No.24090147

>>24085585
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKGyKCLnF5k

>> No.24090167

Another slightly out-of-place one simply because I like it.

>> No.24090171

>>24089325
i think the largest lobster on record was about 44lbs

>> No.24090173

>> No.24090194

One of my favorites.

>> No.24090202

>>24090194

>> No.24090212

>>24090202

>> No.24090218

>>24090212

>> No.24090255

Another insect. This is a female.

>> No.24090269

>>24090255
Here's a male.

>> No.24090287

>>24090255

>> No.24090288

You hear word of monsters attacking the local peasants, and head out to slay the beasts

You arrive to find an entire swarm of these things.

Do you dare face them?

>> No.24090306

>>24090255
Funny thing is they're generally harmless, though even their larva look like the very spawn of hell.

>> No.24090308

I would attack the giant enemy crab in its weak point for massive damage.

I feel dirty for having said that.

>> No.24090310

>>24085585

>> No.24090317

>>24090255
>>24090269
I find most spiders, crabs and all the other stuff cute but this thing is just way too much.

>> No.24090323

>>24090255
>Another insect. This is a female.
She sure is a looker! Definitely rolled well for her charisma score....

>> No.24090351

>>24090288
Fuck no, those things are terrifying.

>> No.24090369

A pretty tarantula.

>>24090288
I must say, I would be inclined to stay the Hell away from those things. I actually encountered some in an L5R game. They messed us up pretty good.

>>24090306
Yeah, the males are totally harmless. Those hug jaws are for mating, but they're just too big to get the leverage necessary to harm a human. The larvae and females can give you a kinda nasty bit if you're not careful, but they usually don't. Plus, they're not venomous or anything as far as I know.

>> No.24090389

>>24090202
>>24090212

I want to scratchbuild mechanical version of this with an ork holding reigns riding it and a turret on top of its abdomen.

The problem I keep running into is the jiond for the legs always look like they would have no range of motion, especially the ones that connect the legs to the cephalothorax.

I've looked around the internet for pictures or robotic models and other things for inspiration but I am still stumped. Does anyone here have any advise?

Pic unrelated.

>> No.24090391

Since we're on the subject of wasps...

>> No.24090393

On the one hand, I could see myself working in a job where I studied insects, because they are kinda interesting.

On the other, I can see myself constantly screaming internally, because AUGH FUCK AUGH

>> No.24090397

>>24090389

joints not jiond, sorry.

>> No.24090421

>>24090391

It reminds me of Meta-Ridley.

>> No.24090423

An adorable weta. Look how cute it is!

>> No.24090430

>>24090194

what species is that?

>> No.24090436

It's his penis.

>> No.24090446

>>24090391
No living Garuda Wasps have ever been seen.

It is suspected that the dead specimen that have been found by humans are actually juveniles.

>> No.24090455

>> No.24090463

>>24090423
And again.

>>24090430
It's a trapdoor spider. That Aztec coin on its ass is for stopping up the entrance to its burrow.

>>24090436
Aw, you beat me to it. Well played.

>> No.24090465

>>24090423
It is kinda kawaii actually

>> No.24090466

>>24090288

depends on who is in the party.

do we have anyone knowledgeable about bugs? or anyone immune to poison?

>> No.24090487

>>24090463
>>24090465
>>24090423

Yes it is

>> No.24090490

>>24090436
Here's mine.

>> No.24090491

>>24089240
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mxiZxN1IN0U

>> No.24090493

>>24090430

>> No.24090497

>>24090463

thanks

>> No.24090498

>>24090288

>Each year in Japan, the human death toll caused by Asian giant hornet stings is around 30-40.

>> No.24090509

>>24090389

Sorry man I have the same problem with making mechanical looking joints.

>> No.24090513

>>24090498
Japan also has Huntsman spiders EVERYWHERE.

>> No.24090515

>> No.24090520

>>24090513
>>24090498
Japan also has a species of bee that kills intruders by cooking them alive using their own body heat.

>> No.24090527

>>24090515
nooooope

>> No.24090533

>>24090515

>> No.24090537

>>24090513

>Huntsman spiders

>> No.24090544

>>24090520
Those bees are fucking bro tier. They fight and kill dick-ass giant wasps that would otherwise wipe out their whole hive.

>> No.24090545

A majestic alligator bug.

>> No.24090548

>>24090498
Ordinary bees kill 50 people a year in the US.

>> No.24090550

>>24090520
They also have Centipedes that sneak into your house and get into your futon.
WELCOME TO THE UTOPIA.

>> No.24090558

>>24090269
Holy fuck! We found one of those at my work last year!

It was laying on the ground, twitching as it died, a small army of ants already beginning to descend on it. Ours was multicolored though.

>> No.24090578

>>24090520
Of course, they only do such because they have no other way of fighting the attacking wasps. In a "fair" fight the wasps can quite easily go ten thousand to one and come out without a scratch.

>> No.24090581

>>24090548

Over a much wider area.

Ordinary bees are also much less aggressive than japanese hornets (who, once they've "marked" a target, will follow them for miles).

>> No.24090585

A beautiful blue carpenter bee. Isn't she lovely?

>> No.24090596

>>24090585
10/10 would snuggle

>> No.24090601

>>24090550

When I lived out in Hiyama we would get centipedes in the house sometimes.

never got hurt by one but had a few nasty scares.

>> No.24090609

>>24090585
Aww. Its wearing a Mr. Rogers sweater.

>> No.24090611

>>24090585

D'aaawwww

>> No.24090617

>>24090585
Daww

>> No.24090626

>>24090601
Do you see them more in the country? I'm going to be moving to Osaka, and I don't want to find one in my apartment.

>> No.24090634

A bullet ant. According to a guy who traveled around the world getting stung by various hymenopterans, they have the most painful sting of any in the world, worse even than the more familiar tarantula hawk.

>> No.24090659

>>24090634
>The Satere-Mawe people of Brazil use intentional bullet ant stings as part of their initiation rites to become a warrior. The ants are first rendered unconscious by submerging them in a natural sedative and then hundreds of them are woven into a glove made out of leaves (which resembles a large oven mitt), stinger facing inward. When the ants regain consciousness, a boy slips the glove onto his hand. The goal of this initiation rite is to keep the glove on for a full ten minutes. When finished, the boy's hand and part of his arm are temporarily paralyzed because of the ant venom, and he may shake uncontrollably for days. The only "protection" provided is a coating of charcoal on the hands, supposedly to confuse the ants and inhibit their stinging. To fully complete the initiation, however, the boys must go through the ordeal a total of 20 times over the course of several months or even years.

>> No.24090680

>> No.24090685

>>24090659
Yeah, nah, I never wanted to be a tribal anyway.

>> No.24090689

>> No.24090695

>>24090689

>> No.24090720

This dapper fellow.

>> No.24090731

>> No.24090739

>>24090731

>> No.24090761

>> No.24090764

>>24090626

Not sure. I will say this though. Turn tour shoes upside down and shake them before putting them on. most of the once I found them a few hiding in my shoes in the morning.

Some of them are really fast too.

>> No.24090769

>>24090695
>what the fuck is it eating
>it's actually one bizarre creature
neat

>> No.24090792

>> No.24090795

>>24090062
Dude, what? Neither do babies. Intelligence doesn't enter into it, suffering is suffering.

>> No.24090802

>>24090792

>> No.24090808

>>24090680

After it!

>> No.24090816

>>24090802

>> No.24090826

>>24090764
How big do they get?

>> No.24090829

>>24085585
Maximized Flame Strike, mo' suckra!

>> No.24090839

>> No.24090842

>>24089767
I am fascinated by their golden eyes, no idea why.

>>24089848
You know it, picture related

>> No.24090843

>>24090720
That is doubly adorable, because he's got built-in formal wear. He's good to go at a dinner party or while crawling up your leg in your sleep.

>> No.24090845

>>24090659

Clearly the Satere-Mawe people are more Alpha than any other culture on the planet.

>> No.24090856

>>24090493
>Not this one, dumbass
lol

>> No.24090869

>>24090845
Only until we get hard data on the Siberian bikers who give each other corneal injections of crushed buckwheat and nitric acid.

>> No.24090894

In my D&D game we have a giant lobster god, Ghuul'torx
(The tide lord) and so i'd probably go fucking ape shit excited.

>> No.24090937

>My face when I will never be able to play as a Thri-Kreen Monk using the Mantis Style Pathfinder feats.

>> No.24090938

The ogre-faced spider is also called the net-casting spider because that's exactly what they do. They toss the little nets they weav onto prey. They have excellent vision (particularly for spiders), even in low light, although it is concentrated in their two large posterior median eyes.

>> No.24090949

>>24090869

>corneal injections of crushed buckwheat and nitric acid

What.

>> No.24090954

Any crab can be killed by stabbing its underbelly.
>roll dexterity to slide under the crab
I have a plus 2 to dexterity, I do sports.

>> No.24090966

>>24090954
Shit.

>> No.24090984

A cute peacock spider.

>> No.24090996

>>24090984

>> No.24091006

>>24090984
>The Aristocrats!

>> No.24091041

Portia here is one of my very favorite spiders. She eats other spiders and she is most clever in how she goes about hunting them. I highly recommend that you read about her here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portia_%28spider%29

or elsewhere.

>> No.24091045

>>24091041

>> No.24091058

>> No.24091099

>> No.24091106

>>24090659

I've heard this before. I always wonder one thing - how do these people know what ten minutes is?

>> No.24091119

>>24090423

I want one of these as a pet.

>>24090761

And one of those.

>> No.24091125

>>24091045
>The spider also practices cannibalism before and after copulation. The female usually twists and lunges at the mounted male (P. fimbriata however, is an exception; it does not usually exhibit such behavior.). If the male is killed before completing copulation, the male sperm is removed and the male is then eaten. If the male finishes mating before being killed, the sperm is kept for fertilization and the male is eaten. A majority of males are killed during sexual encounters.

this is not my fetish

>> No.24091142

>>24091106
It was probably the closest time between "how long it takes for Bob to get kind of bored of the writhing and screaming" and the length of time required to boil their equivalent of pasta. Because if there's one thing you're gonna experience while being essentially shot by poison-laden ants, its a deep and abiding hunger for pasta dishes.

Or they're using clocks, but whatever.

>> No.24091156

Rather nasty things, these. Fortunately, they are not particularly aggressive toward humans.Still, if you step on one, you can get an awful sting. Very few thing eat them (roadrunners being a notable exception).

>> No.24091170

>> No.24091182

>>24091125
All loves have to die - of that there's no help; My favourite way to end em' Is the orb-weaver spider's, whose pedipalp Enters the female pudendum,
Then dies on the spot, his corpse there still stuck, Left for his rivals to curse it. He would rather die than not get to fuck: Personally, I reckon it's worth it

>> No.24091188

>> No.24091198

>>24091106
One possibility is that there's some sort of ritual chant or song that they use to time it (and that the anthropologist who witnesses the event timed it to about ten minutes). Another possibility is that they've gotten watches (or a watch) through trade. Or perhaps they have something like a simply water or fire clock to time it (ie a special funnel, fill it with water, wait until it's empty, repeat X times, or take a length of specially prepared planet matter, light one end on fire, wait until it's all burnt).

>> No.24091199

>>24091142

I'm pretty sure you got it right the first time. When they say 'ten minutes', what they really mean is 'until we think he's had enough'.

All these tribal manhood rituals are cool and all but I have a feeling they're graded on a curve.

>> No.24091236

>> No.24091240

This thread needs more cute

>> No.24091252

>>24091156
I thought that was a dirt dobber the first time I saw it.

>> No.24091260

>>24091106
>My hand hurts
>Bobs screaming is too loud
>I wish I was home playing rock station

>> No.24091261

>> No.24091266

>>24089026
Its ass looks like a hamburger

>> No.24091267

>>24091240
I've got a bunch of moths I can post when I get done with the creepy stuff, if you like.

>> No.24091297

>> No.24091301

>>24091266
It has aspergers.

>> No.24091314

>>24091297
Yes, this creature is actually called a, "wandering leg sausage."

>> No.24091331

>> No.24091344

>>24091301
good one

>>24091106
Natural 1 willpower roll

>> No.24091354

>>24091236
>My head is a Reese's peanut butter cup.
>Your argument is invalid.

>>
Name (leave empty)
Comment (leave empty)
Name
E-mail
Subject
Comment
Password [?]Password used for file deletion.
Captcha
Action