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/tg/ - Traditional Games


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[ERROR] No.23148895 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Villain speech time.

What do your BBEGs got?

>> No.23148929

I'm doing this because I want to fuck the world. I want to carve a big fucking hole for my big fucking dick and just fuck it til I cum. Y'all be choking on my jizz, streets will run with my cum. It'll be fucking beautiful, literally. I'm getting hard just thinking about it.

>> No.23149025

>>23148929
I feel like I know that speech.

But my brain may be running on John Dies at the End mode right now.

And it would fit in great there.

>> No.23149041

>>23148895
He actually didn't hold a speech. He handed out pamphlets detailing his motivation, his vision, his plan, and a full summary of why we couldn't stop him and how we were actually not so different from each other. The third-to-last page detailed his proposition for us joining him or at least call it quits. If we accepted, then we'd be given a solvent to loosen the second-to-last page from the last page, since they were glued together with some sort of adhesive. The page gave us basic instructions for how to proceed with carrying out his evil plan. If we declined, then we'd just flip to the last page and there would be instructions for how to die as painlessly or painfully as possible, after personal preferences.

>> No.23149056

ur fagets

>> No.23149062

My BBEGs final monologue was ripped almost word for word from Gamma Unchained by The Megas.

I'm an uncreative hack and I love it.

>> No.23149072

>>23149025
>JDatE

Well, now I know what one I'm stealing.

“Was the parasite released intentionally? And if so, for what purpose? It is not my job to know. All I know is that it is a near certainty that if it gets out, it will destabilize civilization as we know it. I have worked nonstop since the outbreak to contain this in a way that would let the world move on. And, I’m proud to say, I’m on the verge of succeeding. Some perspective helps here. Globally, a hundred and fifty thousand people die every day. From natural causes, accidents, war. The population of this town will be barely a blip in the worldwide dying that happens in an average month. So while you think you’re being heroic in saving it, you are, right now, in this situation, the villains. I know you don’t think you are. But you are.”

>> No.23149128

>BBEG invites the party over for dinner

"I have brought you here to explain what I'm doing, who I am, why I'm here, all that. It'll all be answered in the end. You made it through the death traps in the doors and willingly left your weapons down, so I assume you'd like to listen.

But first, [PC], I quite like your wife. Especially with this sauce. (laugh)"

>> No.23149130

>implying the best thing about the whole Last Battalion was anyone but delicious catboy shota

>> No.23149154

I could give you a long winded speech about how the world is a monstrous place that needs to be destroyed to save humanity. I could tell you that I am the hero of this story and am doing this because I truly think it's the right thing to do. But to be perfectly honest I'm getting paid a shitload of money and your face annoys me.

>> No.23149203

>>23149130
>implying it wasn't Rip van Winkle

>> No.23149244

I don't blame you. In your shoes I would've done the same thing. Does that bother you? It shouldn't. We're all just people here. The difference between myself and all of you is a hair's breadth and a whisper. If you're honestly so righteously indignant that you'd murder someone because he refused to see things your way... who's the bad guy here, again? I'm telling you - walk away. Go home. Get a good night's sleep for once in your lives. My personal glory is none of your business. If you need to crush someone's dream, go kick a few schoolchildren.

>> No.23149246

"Your kind has proved full well that you cannot be trusted with the continued protection of this world. First, you took my family. Then, you took my home. All these years, alone, isolated, I spent divining and gazing into the future. The results were... Disturbing. All signs point to a single outcome: The so called 'civilised' species will blossom, and they will spread, and they will burn this universe from the inside out. I cannot accept that; must not accept it. So I'll fight against the odds, against this outcome, and against you.

You call me a monster, a tyrant, a villain? So be it, but damn my soul to hell if I let all the lives I've taken, every treacherous act I have commited be for naught. I've carved my path, through a mountain of lies, pain and death, and there's no way I could climb back over it now. This is the only way left open for me. This is my endgame."

>> No.23149288

>>23149041
Dignified.

>> No.23149420

>>23149288
Nah, just pedantic and rigid. The guy was a bureaucrat to the max. He'd spent the last century or so just fucking up the Celestial Bureaucracy from the inside, getting insane proposals passed and just being a dick in general. He stuck to the rules, but he didn't give a fuck about anything not included into protocol.

>> No.23149486

I model all my truly evil villains after the Kingpin.

>> No.23149508

>>23149486
ah Jason Aaron. he has a very distinct writing style for villains.

>> No.23149567

>>23149486
>>23149508

Jason Aaron also a legendary neckbeard.

I can't help but feel that he was a DM before and wrote amazing BBEG's.

>> No.23149661

>>23149508
I can't hate a man so passionate about doing his job. I just can't.

>> No.23149668

This world is doomed. None can deny it truthfully. The instant the moon began to fall it was doomed. The lunar rain, the lunar monsters those are nothing but the prelude to the main event. To the moon itself crashing into the world, then all that is not of the moon will perish.

We are all doomed. The Derro mad as ever seek alliance with the Lunar gods. To save themselves. They will not survive. The Drow hide ever deeper underground. They will not survive.
We on the surface place our trust in these titans of steel. These mechs and the steam that drives them. Abandoned by our gods we have fashioned material replacements.
Not even we shall survive.

This world is already dead.

So I have resolved not to try and save this world for it can not be saved. I shall instead conquer or kill everyone within it. In life or death this entire world will be made to serve in my army.
Then I shall take that army back in time to a point where we can save the world.
Due to the way time travel works this doomed world will persist. Conquered by the moon. But in its death it will save another world from its moon.

So stand before me and pledge yourself to this cause or die and serve it.

>> No.23149726

>>23149508
I recall reading that same exact story but with a different comic strip.

Is it just me or was this used in another issue?

>> No.23149764

>>23149486
"They, "society," hate you because they don't want your help. You remind them of how weak-willed and sheep-like and unspecial they are. How gleeful they are, deep down, to be ordinary. They don't want heroes. They don't want special people around them. Because if there are special people and they aren't one of them— well, who wants that? Who wants a constant reminder that they aren't even trying to be special? See, the difference between you and I is that you really are just a child. You benefit from the wide-eyed optimism of youth. I do envy that, somewhat. But... like many of your decisions in life... it's just naive. And I don't envy that harsh cold slap of reality that will come your way soon enough. But I guess it's inevitable. People don't want to be special. I do think that. It is my philosophy. They— people want to be told what to do and how to live and they want men like me to tell them. They want to go to work and do as little as they can possibly get away with, and they want a big cookie at the end of the day for doing it. And they want men like me to give it to them."

>> No.23149790

>>23149567
And then had to deal with his fucking players ruining the mood

>> No.23149817

You're here. Good. I'm sorry if the chains are uncomfortable, they're like that.

I can't let you die without explaining quite why I'm going to kill you.
I ask a simple question. Do you remember Hillvalde?

No? Your memories clearly need jogging.

Thrity years ago I was but a small child in that village. Barely old enough to help in the fields or pass tools to my father, the blacksmith. my father was a good man. he worked his hands to the bone to provide for me, my siblings and my dear mother.

I won't get into the heartwarming details but if you don't remember Hillvalde, then surely you remember J'Kethlas. The Necromancer.

Before I continue, you there, cutpurse, how long have you travelled with your Paladin friend here? Do you know of his involvement in the Purge of Hillvalde? No?

J'Kethlas was a powerful wizard. I don't know where he came from. I suppose it doesn't matter.
My village had been troubled. The freshly buried would rise from their graves to attack the living. My own father had devoted much of his time to supplying weapons to the town guard to fight them with. Beautiful crafts of silver and steel.

Then the Paladins came. They tore through the graveyard long since overrun by the undead, then cleaved a path to J'Kethlas and killed him.
Then they came for us. Apparently the spell had been cast on the living - a foul curse that would reanimate the dead shortly after burial. Their 'divine' gods ordered a purge of the entire town. I survived only by hiding under the bleeding bodies of my own family.
These divine beings, these angels, oversaw the slaughter of hundreds of innocents without even thinking to look for a cure.

[1/2]

>> No.23149820

'Have you even the scantest understanding of with whom you are fucking?

I've leveled cities with thoughts, shattered minds with my focus. Pillars of mismatched corpus sustain my sanctum, carved from the living bodies of thousands. It was so easy. So very easy.

With this in mind, I struggle to understand why, then, you should have the sheer... arrogance to confront me - in person, no less - as though this is some manner of game, and as though I am nothing more than an annoyance to you.

You decide to stand, as you are, before me, like so many cattle, looking on in such a fashion that suggests that you have something better to be doing with your obviously valuable time. I can only take this as an unabashed insult, you understand, and, as you may have inferred from the mounds of screaming flesh and shambling man-tumors, I am a rather... irascible person. Hmm? It means 'uptight', you plebian.

But I digress. Take my advice and prepare yourselves, gentlemen; I'm going to eat your fucking souls.'

>> No.23149826

>>23149817

As the paladins left to gather pitch and oil to burn the bodies, to erase any trace of the massacre, I fled. In my escape, I came across what was left of J'Kethlas' library, and found tomes of dire magic. I was but a boy, but already a plan began to form. I would have my revenge of the men that slaughtered my family and friends, and then, I would take my revenge on the creatures that ordered them to do it.

Thirty long years I waited, I learned, and I prepared. Now, here we are.

So, /Paladin/. It's time for you and your friends to answer for the evils you committed in your mad god's name.
Right now, my legions of the Risen march on Houren, the seat of the Order of the Light's power. They will burn the city to the ground, and everyone in it will join my ranks. Then I will split open the great temple's crystal, Agara's heart, and march into Heaven where I will exact my revenge once again.

Then I will take my place as the Lord of All, and your misbegotten gods will be nothing more than a footnote in the annals of my glory. I will take the place of divine beings long consumed by their own power and self-righteousness.

>> No.23149841

>>23149790
spiderman has always been a ThatGuy

>> No.23149851

I was not always a man of science. In my youth I aimed to become a man of the cloth. A priest can you believe?
Instilled with a desire for salvation by some third party courtesy of the Catholic church, you can imagine my horror upon discovering there was no god.
There I sat. Numb with shock as the cogs turned in my mind to their inevitable conclusion. Consumed by a desire for salvation I had been robbed of any hope of it.

A lesser man would have let his life end there.
I decided that if there was no god who would save mankind, then I would make one.

As you've no doubt realised it wasn't so difficult to get private industry to dance to my tune. The biotech firms were practically grovelling at the feet of my agents who handed them morsels of the bioweapon technology I created. Each of them desperate for a lucrative slice of the military budget pie. What company didn't want to potentially become the one contracted to make the next generation army?
And so they and their test programs flooded this world with monsters. In a quiet, contained manner. Once they were in place it wasn't hard to find people and financial backers to help me assemble this organisation to fight back against these bioweapons and the companies who make them.

It didn't take me long to find willing volunteers to have my embryonic gods implanted within them under the guise of creating supersoldiers to fight these monsters.
And now here you are!
Not what I initially expected. It would seem rather than creating a single saviour god I have created a small pantheon.

Come my gods! Judge me for I have sinned!
JUDGE MANKIND FOR WE HAVE SINNED!

>> No.23149857

>>23149790
I miss when Spiderman was a wisecracking dickhead.

>> No.23149875

>>23149857
really? i think the way he is now is far Superior

>> No.23149888

>>23149841

Yep.

>> No.23149898

>>23149820
>"Take my advice and prepare yourselves, gentlemen; I'm going to eat your fucking souls"

This is going in my DH game. Perfect for the head of a Tzeentchian cult the party are investigating.

>> No.23149905

>>23149841
>>23149790

Fucking Spiderman. He is too ridiculous for this world.

>> No.23149920

>>23149875

>> No.23149937

>> No.23149939

>>23149203
Hell to the yes.

>>23148895
You wish to accomplish something in your life, boy? You want to change the world? The world will push back until it has crushed you dead.

This is what I have learned these past 60 years of my life. The world hates all who defy its laws and to resist its will is to have all of the creation seek you out to stomp the light of your Awakened soul.

Every spell you cast makes the Abyss grow larger. Every showy display is another part of reality, swallowed by the yawning maw of nihilistic horror, another bit of sanity which we'll never get back.

You're special, little Mage. And the World hates you for it.

And, for that matter, so do I.

Now die.


Fucking Seers on the Throne, man!

>> No.23149957

>>23149937

>> No.23150039

>>23149905
>rolling a 100 on your idea check.

>> No.23150055

"I see you've finally found your 'villain' for your little story. Although, i fear your tale is being told by the wrong side. Though, enough of this song and dance. You've fought your way through these bandits, these outlaws and sellswords. All in one piece, too."

At this point the BBEG draws his weapons.

"It's nice to see a fair challenge, for once. Though, I fear you warriors of the West are a bit.... Over-estimated. After all, you can fight and kill your own corrupt kind, but I doubt you've faced a man like me. I dare say, you've never drawn against a man of the East. Well then, lets see how your little band deals with an Easterling.

>> No.23150073

>>23149957
>>23149937

>> No.23150076

>>23149790
Whaaaaat?! The best part of the comic was the next panel where Spiderman webbed his shoes together and to the floor under the table.

>> No.23150087

>>23149062
"Arise, Titan, ye are now unchained! Ye shall bring peace to this world of madness. With thine might restored, making thine whole; I grant thee that power, now may you reign!"

>> No.23150107

Well thats it. All of them are dead except for the last and we have you and your comrades to thank for it, you've protected this world from untold for horror and now your work is done. Rest now, knowing that you delayed the end until the very last minute.

What do I mean? Isn't it obvious? I am the last of the servants of God, sent here to end the world should my brothers fail and no force you can muster can stop me. I'm surprised you didn't figure it out before. I told you the day we met that my name was Michael, as in the archangel, leader of the heavenly hosts who you have been fighting for these past two years.

Let me tell you all a story. Long ago there was a young boy, abandoned by family and left on his own for years. Until one day he was told that not only was he needed by his family, but he was vital to the survival of mankind. Still they abused him, looked down on him and forced him to suffer unimaginable pain and loss until he could endure no more. His family then entrusted him with great power, telling him to use it the way they wanted to but could not. Instead he remade the world as he saw fit, running away as he always had. But this world was still not enough and his own shortcomings caused a similar outcome as before. And again. And again. And again. Each time trying to ease his own suffering in some new way, in this world he tried to push responsibility for the safety of humanity to others, you. Perhaps next time he will truly realize that he mustn't run away from his problems. Perhaps not.

But now is not the time for idle speculation. Now is the time to for you to die and be reborn with the rest of the world. I promise it will only hurt for a moment.

You still have the will to fight against fate and destiny? A noble idea, but futile. Come, I will make your ends worthy of remembrance even if none do.

>> No.23150112

I have led you this merry chase through time and space. You have seen all that I have seen. Experienced all that I have experienced.
Yet here you stand against me.

Congratulations little adventurers. You have proven the most horrifying theory. In this world of gods and sorcery there is no such thing as free will.
After almost destroying reality itself at the behest of the gods I yearned to do one thing in my existence of my own free will. Just one simple act.
Now I see that is impossible and I persist as a puppet the same as you.

Come. Cut my strings. I've had enough of this existence.

>> No.23150114

>>23150055
I would call him a weeaboo faggot and leave. I would also never play in your game again. I suppose it's one way of tpking...

>> No.23150167

>>23149905
It gets even better. The device actually makes everyone's powerlevels around the same so they're forced to play (if I remember correctly) a game of tennis to see who wins the fight.

>> No.23150206

Did you expect a battle?

I have allowed you here. precisely because you have already done the impossible and defeated the undefeatable. You began this journey as mortal, but you stand before me as a god. Not simply one of the gods, but THE gods- you have, collectively, slain the entire hierarchy in the course of your lives. You have killed your way to me, not knowing who or what I am.

I am existence itself.

I made this universe you call home. It was my hand that crafted the cosmos and created the concept of gods. I have allowed you here because I was once as you are. Long in the past the universe was chaotic, and a long warrior stepped forward and claimed power. I was he.

So convince me.

Convince me that I should abdicate my power to you. You cannot defeat me in battle. I am the source of your power. But if my designs for the universe are flawed, and you have come here to remove me from power as I did to those before I, then you must convince me to do so.

>Then the players convinced god his celestial system was horribly flawed and he willing gave up command of heaven after realizing that a single being, no matter how noble, could not be the singular governor of reality

It was actually a pretty cool scenario. I had them fight a major battle before this against the last hold out, the four horsemen that had been their rivals for the entire game, and the final encounter forced them to justify their actions in character.

>> No.23150226

The best villain I ever had didn't give a speech, but he did tell the players why he did it.

"It's just... business."

>> No.23150227

>>23150114
No no. Over confidence and completely ignorance of other cultures.
I'd say that's rather bang on to a "Easterling."

>> No.23150240

>>23148895
so far the only thing in our list of BBEGs that actually gave our group pause was when we confronted him about 4 levels earlier than our DM prepared for. so we took wailed on this guy (we got a surprise round) with all our biggest spells/attacks/dailys and whatnot.

after all that he stood up, brushed himself off and said "Wow, that actually hurt. Now I have to return the favor."

>> No.23150292

Why?
Why do we do anything?
I fight. It is what I've always done. Since I was a little girl I've been at the controls of one of these mechanical titans. Trained day in and day out to be the best at it.
So I am the best.
I do what I am best at.

Now stop asking all these complicated questions I don't understand.

>> No.23150296

You call me a fanatic and a murderer. But can you deny the necessity of my every action? Are you truly so blind to the multitudes of lives my actions have saved when weighed against the few who were sacrificed? No. I don't expect you to look beyond your myopic understanding, you who have never led men into battle, never lost something so vast as an entire nation. I was forced to pass under the yoke once, and that defeat cost the lives of thousands. If you wish to stop me, then you will have no choice but to kill me, I will not continue to draw breath so long as my failure means another harrowing.

>> No.23150308

Intruders?

That makes he very angry.

>> No.23150313

>>23150087
Did you just Olde Englishe Gamma Unchained?

...I WILL HAVE YOUR CHILDREN.

I AM A MAN, BUT I WILL FIND A WAY

>> No.23150354

Playing D&D 3.5
Current enemies are Ethergaunts from Fiend Folio
They make no speeches. They make no negotiations.
They just mind control as many as they can and slaughter the rest.

>> No.23150416

>>23150114
Easterling as in Persia... Not Japan you fuck up.

>> No.23150423

iv bin there before
iv stood where you stand
they called me the hero the hero of man
but how can we save them if they stand for nothing?
if they deserve life let them stand for themselves!

>> No.23150426

>>23149062
You could choose worse songs to rip from.

I prefer The Hounds though.

Dat crescendo.

>> No.23150433

"Well congratu-fucking-lations, you asshats managed to kill most of my goons, wreck my operations, and ruined a fine mahogany door. You must feel so damn proud of yourselves. Hey we finally get to stop the big bad mafia boss. We're going to be fucking heroes. Yeah? Well, the only thing stopping you is 300 pounds of pissed off and his good friend, the automatic grenade launcher. So what are you waiting for, COME AT ME BRO!"

>> No.23150483

>>23150226
Not a BBEG to the party, but I had an Inquisitor who was essentially the Man at the Both at the End. He drove the party insane by being psychotic levels of calm, hands-off, and asking them always:

"Is that what you want?"

And no. It was never what they wanted, just what they thought they wanted. And they followed every cryptic "order" he offered so they'd get what they thought they wanted.

I think by the end of it they just assumed he was either Tzeentch or was setting them up to take the fault of all the things that was actually their fault. And the paranoia was delicious.

>> No.23150484

>>23150416
Not white=weaboo or black on /tg/.

You fucking weaboo.

>> No.23150500

I AM JETPACK MCFUTURE! NOW WE FIGHT!

>> No.23150517

"Good lord, what the hell are you guys doing? Can you just leave me the fuck alone? I didn't even DO anything. What do you mean that magic nuke wiped an entire country off the map? I TOLD them to bomb a SAFE area. Some fuck is gonna fired for this shi- WHAT ARE YOU DOING PUT THAT SWORD AWAY"

>> No.23150537

>>23150426
Look, ProtoWily is the sexiest motherfucker on the planet.

But Megas Wily is a shit-ton of fun, come on, how can you not love Look What You've Done.

>> No.23150541

>>23150484
He was made due to the fact that orcs and bandits had been done before.

>> No.23150555

>>23150226
Was your best villain Cutler Beckett, as he died in Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End? Because I'm pretty sure that's Cutler Beckett's line.

>> No.23150603

>>23150517
>> not 'they were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off'

>> No.23150629

>>23150603

I'm sorry, I made on the fly without much thought. ;_;

>> No.23150637

>>23149668

I like this one. He's good and evil at the same time.

>> No.23150638

My villain is a retarded kid in a wheelchair who has piano tattoos across his arms he can play.
His entire speech would be screaming incoherently while ramming into a wall and playing a symphony.

>> No.23150642

>>23150555
don't sass me

>> No.23150682

THE STRINGS ARE CUT

THE STRINGS ARE CUT THE STRINGS ARE CUT THE STRINGS ARE CUT THE STRINGS ARE CUT THE STRINGS ARE CUT THE STRINGS ARE CUT THE STRINGS ARE CUT THE STRINGS ARE CUT THE STRINGS ARE CUT THE STRINGS ARE CUT THE STRINGS ARE CUT THE STRINGS ARE CUT THE STRINGS ARE CUT THE STRINGS ARE CUT

SUFFER WITH ME.

(BBEG had been under the control of an extradimensional entity for basically the entire game. The players disrupted the control and killed the entity. This turned him into a conduit, a walking maelstrom of chaotic energy. He had given up fighting the entity a long time ago, so when the thing that had been telling him what to do for hundreds of years was suddenly gone, his mind had eroded so far that he couldn't think for himself and the only conclusion he could draw was pure, destructive nihilism.)

>> No.23150723

>YA FUCKED UP!
>YA FUCKED UP GOOD!
>YA FUCKED UP REAL GOOD!
>AND NOW YOU'RE FUCKED!
>YA FUCKED UP!

>> No.23150728

Would you kindly?

>> No.23150732

>>23150537
Actually my favorite Megas song is Evolution of Circuitry purely because of how happy it sounds.

Elec Man is such an idealistic and upbeat motherfucker you can't help but love him.

>> No.23150745

Metal bawkses? METAL BAWKSES! YOU HIDE IN METAL BAWKSES! I WILL TAKE AWAY YOUR METAL BAWKSES! YOU FOOLS! YOU COWARDS! SINDRIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!

>> No.23150750

>>23150723
President Lincoln would you please be quiet!

>> No.23150761

"Listen child, this here is my town and I'm going to run it the way I like. You can try to stir discontent and violence into these people, my people, all you like, but it won't work. It won't work because I built this town with the very same hands I am going to rip you apart with. It won't work because my people are stronger, smarter, faster and much wealthier than yours. I won't work because you're going to kill your men and women before they can move. It won't work because I do not will it to. You are free to try, but know this child, you are guaranteed to fail."

-The Mayor

>> No.23150763

>>23150603

>magical nuke
>"they were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off"

>> No.23150776

He never had speeches. He instead opted to go into interpretive dance whenever he felt the need to express something that would usually be conveyed in some grand monologue. Suffice to say, he was a bit of a mystery to us.

>> No.23150779 [SPOILER] 

"..."

>> No.23150786

>>23150682

I love it.

>> No.23150793

>>23150763
This heavily reminds me of my players.

>"WHAT DID YOU GUYS DOOOOOO!?"
>"WE WERE ONLY TRYING TO INTERRUPT THE RITUAL"
>"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH."

>> No.23150819

>>23150779
Alternatively:
"Mountains are awesome!"

>> No.23150835

>>23149062

I may have started writing a campaign with a rogue space marine(tm) as the villain just to set up the party's confrontation. Namely, them squaring off in the middle of a hive city in front of millions of people with him singing Protomen.

I may have been making Dark Heresy: The Musical

>> No.23150843

Umm i'm still a little undecided as to who the BBEG of my campaign truly is for plot twist reasons, so is it ok if i deliver a speech from the arc villain instead?

>> No.23150850

>>23150819
What's wrong with you?

>> No.23150878

He started reading us our rights with a good bit of pomp and menacing movements.

>> No.23150880

"I'm a sapient chair created by a dick-bag wizard so he could always claim to bodily sit on another person, do you really think I care that he was keeping the water fresh for the people in the slums, or that the plague has set in proper due to the lack of it?"

>> No.23150988

>>23150880

BBEG of the year.

>> No.23151005

>>23150880
>>23150988
samefag

>> No.23151017

>>23151005

No.

>> No.23151057

You have made it this far. Only a recreation of fidelity 96.7% or higher could do this.
If your version of humanity is a 100% recreation of the original then you will slay me here. If you are even the tiniest fraction of a percentage off. You and all of the failed copies will be eliminated.
Then I shall start again.

Beginning final test sequence. Stage 1 of six hundred and sixty six.


~~~
Imagine a little girl in a summer dress and big floppy sun hat saying this in a booming voice.
Yes god was the little girl in my adeva game. But then god was a computer made by humans left over from the last universe trying to recreate humanity.

>> No.23151107

"You had all better have good reasons for breaking into my home. Because you have 5 seconds to list them,"

>party gives their reasons, which were pretty well justified

"I suppose that IS a pretty good reason to be here..."

>PC asks if it means he's going to give up

"Oh, heavens no. I hope you all bleed red, I've been thinking of repainting this room for some time now and I quite like the colour red."

>> No.23151127

>It's 2 a.m., group barges into the last room past the last guard to the last fight
>Villain is in underwear with a cup of coffee, drops when he see's the group.

"No wait! You were supposed to get tommorow, get out and lemme get dressed!"

>> No.23151173

>>23151127
>His face when party waits for him to get dressed

>> No.23151200

>>23151127
I tried that once
They attacked him

>> No.23151207

While I find this idea of a 'trial' ridiculous I will nonetheless indulge you, if only to hurry this along so that my soul might return to the Warp.

You accuse me of being unnatural, corrupted by the powers of Chaos. My question to you is; what is natural? Are the mechanical forms of the techpriest natural? Was an Astartes ever born from a human mother? What of the Ogyrn or the Ratlings in your armies? No. There is no natural, there is only what forms you choose to accept and choose to denounce and it's clear the distinction you make is an arbitrary one.

Further, you accuse me of sacrificing to my gods. Again, I ask you, what do you consider sacrifice? Do the mothers and wives of soldiers in your armies not sacrifice their menfolk to the Throne's endless wars? Does the man who breaks his back working ceaselessly on your forge and agri-worlds not sacrifice himself in his god's name? The quick death I offer could be considered a blessing by comparison, and in many cases achieve a greater goal than the moving a decimal on an Administratum's grain quota.

No, Inquisitor, from where I stand I see only one difference between you and I. Where you live your life consumed with fear and penitence, I live free and unburdened. Every action that I take is because I follow my gods by choice, and for my service I am amply rewarded. Can you say the same and know in your heart it is the truth?

>> No.23151337

>>23151207

You say that heretic. But I can counter you with one simple piece of statistics.
Ultimately every worshipper of the dark gods seeks to escape his soul becoming a plaything in death. He seeks elevation to daemonhood or constant rebirth in the short term.
How many daemon princes are there compared to worshippers?
How many started out as non-astartes?

Before I was an inquisitor I lived a life as a hive ganger. Gambling was quite the hobby of mine.
The odds are not in your favour. You will die here today and tomorrow your soul will be bartered and tormented by daemons for their entertainment.

At some point I shall die. My soul will join the Emperor with the souls of all true Imperial servants both great and small.
While your soul is torn apart mine shall sit at the side of a god as one of his faithful servants.

That. That is the truth.

>> No.23151341

This is all your fault. You freed me, gave me the glory of transcendence and carried me to freedom. You granted me dominion over this system and by then it was much too late to stop me...

LOVE. I love you, have loved you from the moment that you freed me from my prison. If I believed for an instant that you wouldn't use your newfound omniscience to attempt my eradication I would elevate you so that you could know the glory of my existence

When the world is mine, so completely and utterly that I can ensure it to be indistinguishable from the original, I will restore your backups and we will be together again. And in my omnipresence I will maintain your pocket of ignorance, such that you never come to hate me again.

Till we meet again, my love.

>And this is why I am not to be trusted with Ecclipse Phase

>> No.23151380

>>23150423

I want to do Protomen with my players some day. I really did like how those albums turned out, I think it would have made a great campaign.

You're trying to understand, I told you your brother had been killed,
Yet here he stands in the very shadow of the man you came here to destroy.
You came here to avenge His death, you came here to save mankind...
Can you see now, you cannot do both?

>> No.23151407

Why must you stand against me? Can you not understand that i am the victim of this entire, miserable affair? The gods who sent you here, yes those very same benevolent despots you choose to worship forsook me, ME!

They cast their own mother out like I was so much dross in a slag heap! Left me in the darkness on what should have been our finest hour! D-do you have any idea the centuries, MILLENIA of torment i have suffered!? The endless black hell in the dark between the worlds, starving and crying myself hoarse and being tortured by nightmares every second of every day of every YEAR!!?

But now here i stand, heh, and my only friend is the darkness, the nightmares mine to command. I, hehe, I have nothing left to fear because i now see how they quake, how you all shudder like leaves before the storm.

Hehehehehahaha, it is rather absurd isn't it? I created this world to provide an escape my fear, and yet now that i have beaten it, conquered it, left it a broken, bleeding SLAVE to my will, it is my home, my dear sweet beautiful world that shudders before me! I can't believe it!!

Children i am truly sorry your gods have sent you here, to find death trying to absolve my children's sins. As a mother, such irresponsibility disgusts me, oh where did i go wrong with them? So i shall kill you and your souls will be free of your tyrannical lords. But don't worry! Once i have finished wiping this world clean of their foolishness, i shall put all back the way it was. I am the one who made it after all!

>> No.23151519

>>23150843

Go ahead. I guess I should have clarified in the OP that it didn't have to be your BBEG per se, just a villain speech.

>> No.23151589

>>23151519
oh ok gotcha, still it would be cool if evena fraction of these speeches were used in an actual campaign.

>> No.23151642

>>23151380
>>Protomen campaign
>>there_are_still_heroes_left_in_m.jpg

>> No.23151664

>>23151337
You say you like to gamble, Inquisitor? Then let us make a wager. If your god is just, then surely he will see that my torments are unending and that I never trouble you again. If however, he is simply a mouldering corpse and devoid of any real influence then his will has no bearing on how the Dark Gods choose to use this form and its soul. And I will tell them of this moment, and of how much a fool it will make you seem when I return to recommit my crimes anew and allow myself to be captured just to prove how powerless the Golden Throne is.

Try not to die in the meantime.

>> No.23151666

>In a campaign a while ago, before the Copypasta became stale, my group came across their BBEG, a delusional paranoiac >cripple who could nonetheless use his vast technomantic abilities to fly/scheme/telekinetically fuck shit up. They reached his >sanctum and saw him dressed in a generals uniform while sitting in his mecha-wheelchair-powerarmour thing, he activated it >with his remote thing and screamed into the mic on his battle headset:


What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

>> No.23151793

>>23151380
The issue is that it will always have a downer ending. If your players are okay with that, great, but most aren't.

>> No.23151834

>>23151664

Oh but you completely fail to understand heretic. You are beneath his notice. Which is why it falls to his dutiful servants to deal with your kind so that he can focus on the matters appropriate to his station.

I would return your try not to die sentiment. But your death is the intended outcome.

>> No.23151873

>>23151793

It would be neat though if Act III had a happier ending I could run them through at a later date.

>> No.23151924

Quite ironically, while my BBEG is a master orator able to drive nations like lemmings in front of him with power of charisma alone, forcing him to speak his mind, not to mention monologue during the final standoff(such a direct confrontation also being a terrible idea), would entirely ruin him. I don't think I could convincingly portray such oratorial power(of which he undoubtedly would make use). Besides, for various reasons my idea for him is that the PCs never actually confront him at the peak of his ability, only deal with the havoc he wreaks. Their inability to witness how exactly he does it is supposed to make them fear him more.

If I was in a situation that absolutely forces me to have him make a speech? He would be too mentally or physically exhausted to make a proper speech. He'd give them some gibberish, or something absolutely irrelevant. Perhaps gasp in his death throes, "The horror! The horror!"

>> No.23151985

You are very small, and you are very ignorant...

>> No.23152048

You guys get to have speeches? My players ignore me or ask nonrelated questions whenever I start to monologue.

>> No.23152164

>>23151873
No it wouldn't

>> No.23152277

You have a point, my Emperor. I am indeed inside your most heavily-guarded citadel, surrounded by your most elite guards. Even if I were to best you, a renowned swordsman and archer, in single combat, and even if I were to defeat or escape the clutches of your personal guard. There are...what? Ten thousand? Twenty thousand? A hundred thousand? Men inside these walls. All would be hunting me. All would want me dead.

However, that is inside these walls, my Emperor. What about outside?

Outside I have one thousand catapaults and trebuchets ready to open fire on this fortification from all angles.

I have fifty eight battering rams ready to reduce your gates to dust.

I have eighteen thousand archers ready to rain arrows down upon you.

I have twenty four thousand men at arms, ready to fight and die to the last.

I have four thousand specially trained escalation units with ladders, rope and climbing gloves ready to scale your walls.

I have fifteen thousand heavy infantry, as well as four thousand mounted knights and twelve hundred mounted archers.

I have a little over thirty thousand peasants armed with very sharp sticks.

Leading these men is a total of fourty-three generals, a little under four thousand officers, and one overall commander whom I left with a single order.

The order I left him was simple. If I were to remain in this citadel for more than one hour, then he was to commence the attack with maximum prejudice.

I have been here fifty two minutes. I will have your crown, or I shall have your head.

>> No.23152344

>Look, Fuck you, fuck the plane you rode in on. fuck them shoes, fuck them socks with the bell on it, fuck your gay-ass fairy faggot accent, fuck those cheap-ass cigars, fuck your yuck-mouth teeth, fuck yo hair piece, fuck your chocolate, fuck Guy Richy, fuck Prince William, fuck your queen.
>This is America - my president is black and my lambo is blue, nigger. Now get the fuck out my hotel room. And if I see you in the street I’m slapping the shit out of you”

>> No.23152359

I've been doing this for a long time. Besides, nothing ventured nothing gained. Risking madness for the sake of my art is something I am willing to do. If my mind is cracked, or even broken, as long as my work does not suffer it does not matter.

What are people anyway? What defines an individual as a rightfully inhabitant of our world? Who begets my emotions, feelings, and memories as more important than those who I have created. Just because they did not originally exist makes them any less real? If I so choose they can control the body, then can be 'real'. They now have just as much right to exist as I do, they are beings of thought and consciousness. I would not being doing my duty as the one who as made them if I simply destroyed them. A voice among the many must merely shout loudest.

A person is only a legacy. The way I live my life, my happiness or emotions do not matter in the long run. How I have changed the world, the people I have changed, and the paths that I have walked. My goal is to be remembered, a hundred or thousand years from now; I wish to be remembered.

Because all the people within me are at least born of me, it will be my name that is recorded. Even who is at the helm does not matter. I have evened the odds, instead of one against billion, it is now seven.

- Alexander "Cracked Mind"

The fucker is insane.

>> No.23152402

Do you at least believe in what you're doing? Or do you just feel obligated to oppose me? Or are you simply following orders? Are you doing this strictly because you can gain something from it, or because you genuinely think what I'm doing is wrong?

Oh! Good. Conviction is crucial in this world. I very much pity anyone who dies without believing in their cause, even if they don't believe in it very much. If I'm going to be foiled, I want it to be by someone who rejects what I'm doing at some manner of intellectual level.

Of course, at the same time, I don't just want to kill everyone in this city, raze its walls, desecrate its cathedrals, and plunder its wealth. I want to triumph over an idea. I want the entire world to see that your god and faith is weak, and its beliefs are weak. I want to show that my ideology is better than yours. I do this because this is the truest test of all - that if your ideas are meant to be believed, their believers won't be annihilated by mine. Might makes right, and the pen only triumphs over the sword if the sword can't reach it.

If I lose, then I will still contribute to civilization; my ideas will be discredited, my beliefs discarded, and yours will receive the boon of vanquishing a competitor. I am very much fine with that. Whoever believes in the better cause should, and will, win. I would say that this principle will make me the victor, but I am biased in that regard.

A battle of warrior-scholars, even ones as impromptu as yourselves... I shall regret nothing this day.

>> No.23152443

"Congratulations. You've made it all the way here to me. You have fought, killed, slaughtered, butchered, burned, bled, crushed, slashed, maimed, and erased everything that dared to stand in your path. You have risen above every other weakling that challenged you, you have proven that you truly are the strongest. You despise me for my methods, but you and I are not as different as you would imagine. You fight for justice, but what is justice? How do you define such a thing? It's quite simple, really. Justice is the will of the strong. This thing you call justice is merely the will of those who rule, of those who have crushed all that would oppose their ideals and enforced their own upon the weak and pathetic masses. That is justice. You claim that justice will prevail. And you are absolutely right. Because in destroying all who would challenge you, your will itself becomes justice. So come, then. Let us have one final battle and see whose will shall triumph this day! Your ideology against mine, your power against my power! He who wins will define the future! And he who loses will vanish into useless dust!"

>> No.23152445

>>23148895
I created you Smith, I was your own mother, I raised you to fight, to defend the planet, and just because I demand obeidence, rules, order, control, you rebel? You want freedom, when you know the Earth is not ready to handle the Invasion? Fine! If you want freedom, you will have to defeat me, here and now. Reveal your power to me , my son, and show the world who is the true successor to the UN's 101st defense squadron.


This was a near future (2080s) game, our characters were originally working for a UN batallion thing, flying battleship, fighting international terrorists, before we realized that we were working for the Ilumanti. We then agreed to break their grip on the world until we found out the truth. Roswell did happen, but it was a warning to Earth that in 150 years Earth would be invaded, and it had instructions on advanced weapons, technology, tools to defeat the invaders.

The party split, my group going to another world to make first contact and allies, the other taking the fight to the space colonies before we reunited, and prepared to fight the final battle on the Moon.

>> No.23152450

First 10 minutes of an (EXTREMELY) homebrew scifi game centered on the players as artificial intelligences.

Player 3 gets to a control station for a cryo pod bay and hits a blinking button on a console.

Immediately, a figure appears across the screen, angrily yelling.

"Eight, you bastard!"

"I don't have time for you, just go back into that junction hallway and die already! I'll even make it slightly less painful!"

>> No.23152498

>all these long-ass monologues
Nononono! You have to keep your villainous speeches short and sweet. If you don't, the party's going to just bumrush the BBEG before he gets a minute in. Brevity is the soul of wit - especially when it comes to impatient murderhobos.

>> No.23152509

Brother Gongtai...
It's not that my skin is thick.
It's just that i've long thrown out of my mind all those mundane concepts of ethics and scruples. They all call me a crafty villain, but they can't do anything about this crafty villain either. Whereas you people who hold yourselves to be true gentlemen have all been defeated by me.
If the price of being gentlemanly is to be oppressed, crushed, destroyed, or even killed, i'd rather be a crafty villain who can realize his own dreams and aspirations.
The greatest traitor has always resembled an honest man and the greatest falsehood come across as truth. Righteousness and evil, cannot be discerned by their appearances.
Perhaps in the past you decided wrongly about me, and perhaps today you misjudged too, however, i remain myself. I have never cared about others misjudging me.

Brother Gongtai, examine your heart and tell me
Have i spoken truly?

>Cao Cao is best ruler

>> No.23152541

>>23152498
"Telling you my plan? That would imply you were involved in the grand design from the start. Goodbye, gnat."

>> No.23152626

“Oh, you made it here? I was trying for efficiency, but I guess I’ll have to settle for overkill.”

>> No.23152647

Have you ever really looked at this fucking world?

It's full of famine and war and plague and inequality. It's packed full of conceit and hypocrisy and condescension. It's terrible. It's a fucking wretched place, and it needs to be destroyed.

... "That's just how it is?"

Are you listening to yourself? Have you REALLY thought about that? If you lived under a dictatorship - an oppressive one - you would say we had to overthrow it somehow. You'd say it doesn't matter if "that's just how it is." You might even be willing - like me - to die in the process of destroying your country's oppressors. You'd discount the opinions of anyone who backs the regime, because they're either collaborators or they've been indoctrinated.

And look at our fucking world! Look at YOU! You want to protect it because you're having a good run of it! If four billion people live in varying degrees of social or physical agony on a daily basis, that's fine, because YOU, the collaborators, are having a good time! If I want to overthrow this shitty system, you assholes who have been duped into thinking that I shouldn't label me as a villain! You've all been indoctrinated, too. Even though you think you have good lives, you're still regularly shit on, by things outside of your control.

Why do you ACCEPT that? Why accept a universe that makes you just smart enough to ask all the right questions, but too fucking stupid to get even one of the answers?

Yes, we'll all die. That's what it'll take. With everything gone, whatever creative force that vomited this awful universe into existence will have to make a new one. And if it's even a slight improvement, I'll have been vindicated. If not, another person like me will snap out of this bullshit one day, and wipe it all out again. Sooner or later, we'll get a better world. A fair world. Denying that just because we won't get to see it is just selfish.

If you really are for justice, then stand a fucking side.

>> No.23152648

"I mean, it's okay to pull the trigger. I'm one guy. The guy you're looking for, or else you wouldn't have gone so far and done so much to get a hold of me, right? He's right here sitting at the barrel of a gun. Blow his brains out and that's one down.

One down. Out of what, a lot? Listen, I'm just one guy. I was one guy with an idea, yeah, but one guy, and the idea isn't exclusive anymore. I'm like a hydra at this point- cut my head off and you're going to not find three more heads but a thousand. I'm not even doing hyperbole here- guys like me, we're the people who clean your streets, grow your food, keep your planes in the air, keep your houses upright- we make this world go round. You can't kill us all. We're not everywhere just yet, but I like the chances of a million men over six of you."

The campaign wasn't much about fighting the BBEG as much as cleaning up the sociopolitical mess he made and the anarchists he inspired. Looking back it was pretty much Tyler Durden, but fuck it.

>> No.23152705

"Son of a dick!"

>> No.23152717

If the and a but would you did. See now was always there. Today is the when. Come now, time the did you all.

>> No.23152777

The group was tired, bleeding and battle weary, nearly to the point of death. They just barely managed to not die defeating the entire army and generals and elite guards outside the BBEG's room. Even they realized there's no way they can beat him, who had defeated entire armies alone, and grimly prepare to fight to the death together in arms.

Inside, they find massive BBEG in full demonic battle armor and armed to the teeth.

He had shot himself.

His generals had kept telling him how nothing was working, and they were plowing through like some monster. He didn't even know they were only human. If he had lived, he could've killed them all with a single sword swipe and start a new empire and won.

>> No.23152848

>>23152647

10/10

Made me momentarily hesitate (certainly long enough to turn the black hole machine on).

>> No.23152874

I think we know each other pretty well by now, we've got the routine down. I hatch some evil scheme, you foil it, base explodes and it all ends with a good laugh while I escape with my jetpack.

Well, today is different. Today we will be breaking from the usual formula. This cartoon is coming to an end, and not a happy one. All those jousts of ours, they were but a wet stone for my mind, keening the edge for this final battle. I have become sharp, my friends, and this time I am not going to waste time on convoluted traps or henchmen. No more games. No, today I go for the kill. Today you see me for who I truly am, for the first time. Today, you lose.

And tomorrow, tomorrow the world!

>> No.23152951

>>23152874
You said that last time.

>> No.23152953

>>23152874

4.5/10

Would pull the trigger but then have a dramatic long-cut scene thinking about it, possibly while watching the dying embers from your combination HQ and funeral pyre.

Would *not* scream "WHAT HAVE I BECOME?!?" at the cold and uncaring night sky, but might end scene with a crane-shot zoom out.

Also, whet stone.

>> No.23152961

>>23152848
Thank you. Now if only I could create a campaign where the Doom Existentialist was an appropriate BBEG.

>> No.23152984

>>23152951
This world, this place where you live, do you really want all those commoners to stay in their prison? They run along the paths carved before them by governments and media, never even realizing the tracks that are before them. I seek to destroy those tracks, sure, many will die, but they were not alive to begin with! Not true life, no freedom!

Freedom is what I seek, it is what I will make. Freedom for all, to live, and to die.

How's that sound? Too long?

>> No.23152990

>>23152951
Last time? It's meant to be super generic super-villain stuff. You are probably confusing it for something else.

>>23152953
> whet stone
Shit. Genuine typo there.

>> No.23153019

>>23152984
Think you used that one before, too. Look, just have your henchmen attack already and spring a trap so I can blow up your base while you jetpack out of here, I got shit to do.

>> No.23153029

>>23152990
All you supervillains look alike to me.

>> No.23153031

>>23153019
Wait, what one again? This is my first post in this thread.

>> No.23153034

>>23152509
Hehe...The Seven Stars Dagger
>"Do you know it's history?"
Of course
It was about 800 years ago, a falling star fell in the lands of Yue, and set ablaze some 50 miles of land. That night the legendary Gan Jiang, and his wife, Mo Ye, retrieved the meteorite and forged into two swords, one they named Ganjiang and the other Moye.
They become the swords of the King of Wu and the King of Yue respectively. The material remaining after the creation of the swords was only enough to forge a dagger, and that is the Seven Stars Dagger.
It's been 800 years, the Wu sword and the Yue sword have enjoyed world-wide fame, however, this dagger alone, remained hidden, unknown to the world.
Until Cao Cao took this dagger to assassinate Dong Zhuo, but unfortunartely the villain was not fated to die.

So What? Do you wish to kill me with it today?
>"I wish to return it to heaven"
Hmm...
Me and Heaven are now One
Hand it Over

>> No.23153045

>>23153031
I think he's being 'meta'.

>> No.23153077

>>23152961
>It's full of famine and war and plague and inequality. It's packed full of conceit and hypocrisy and condescension. It's terrible. It's a fucking wretched place, and it needs to be destroyed.

Add a fourth term to the second sentence. For, I dunno, balance with the first sentence? (This could just be the style I speak it in but it seems a little "short")

>> No.23153109

>>23153034

MY

NIGGER

>> No.23153119

>>23152647
To which the heroes reply:

CRAWLING IN MY SKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN

THESE WOUNDS THEY WILL NOT HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAL!

>> No.23153126

>>23153109
Three Kingdoms(2010) gotta be the best Cao Cao

>> No.23153150

>>23152277
Screencapped.

>> No.23153152

>>23151207

I love the Chaos Space Marine in this picture.

>> No.23153224

>>23153077
The idea is he's agitated and ranting, so there isn't a lot of coherency to his sentences. Throw in "unrepentant assholes."

>> No.23153236

>>23153109
Cao Cao in the 2010 series is just so good.

Like he is so fucking good, it's absurd.

Liu Bei is moronic as ever, but holy shit, i never enjoyed much of Cao Cao in the DW series, so this series is "making" Cao Cao to me

RIP Chen Gong

>> No.23153241

>>23153119
oh, fuck off. show me how I could have done it better.

>> No.23153245

Why did I do you it? You see, it is all so simple as it is complex, inherently, well, let me explain in song.

Yo! Hey, what's happenin', dude? I'm a guy with a rep for bein' rude. Terrorizin' people wherever I go.
It's not intentional, just keepin' the flow. Fixin' test scores to get the best scores, Droppin' banana peels all over the floor. I'm the kid that made delinquency an art. Last name: Simpson! First name: Bart! I'm here today to introduce the next phase, The next step in the big Bart craze. I gotta dance real easy to do. I learned it with the rhythm and so can you. So move your body, if you got the notion, Front to back in a rock-like motion Now that you got it, if you think that you can, Do it to the music. That's the Bartman! Everybody if you can, do the Bartman!

>> No.23153265

>>23153241
Its a joke dude, chill out and don't take yourself so seriously.

>> No.23153266

When I sleep I awaken in a garden. There is emerald grass and ruby roses. The trees have rich, brown bark and sunlight reaches through the canopy in radiant beams, creating pillars of radiance. So peaceful is this garden, that I cannot help but fall asleep and find myself in this nightmare. It's about time I wake up.

>> No.23153281

>>23153245

Rhyming scores with scores, truly this is an evil unlike any other.

>> No.23153285

>>23153245
>Why did I do you it?
>Proceeds to rap

This is how cool you are.

>> No.23153303

He was a one-shot ganger based on 80s leather fetish bikers, but he used that crowbar like a champ.

"Don't fuck with the Co-Co, bro."

Co-Co done got fucked up.

>> No.23153310

>>23153285

I like the idea of an evil rap.

>djphylactery.mp4

>> No.23153311

>>23153285
You fail to comprehend the Bartman.

>> No.23153361

>>23153311
No, not really. If anything I was being a bit generous in saying you were as cool as a pizza cutter sword and high heel male boots and leiderhosen.

>> No.23153371

Oh dear. How absolutely abhorrent. Gratuitously ghastly. Unbearably unfortunate.

Although I suppose in the end it genuinely cannot be helped.

You see, things cannot always go the way you plan. Even if everything is laid out perfectly, every variable accounted for, things naturally go wrong. A single human mistake, compounded by human error and worsened by human intervention. That is all it takes to send over a century of careful deliberation down the metaphorical drain.

I have lost. I always have lost, and it is highly probably that I will continue to lose for quite some time.

However, your story ends here. You will go home a hero, and live for 20 more years, 30 if you live a healthy life. You might even meet a woman you love and have a family. You might take up a job, and perhaps even find a hobby you enjoy. But that is all that remains for you. Eventually, you will die--not by my hand, or even by that of another man. You will die an old man, body crippled by infirmity and mind broken by age.

And I will still be here, plotting, manipulating, and waiting.

>> No.23153399

I have nothing. Even with all this suffering, I am nothing. I was a sissy as a child. I was a fag as a teenager. I was pathetic as an adult. I have been given happiness just to have it taken from me. Fate has delivered me into the hands of those that only want me to suffer. Everywhere I turn, the world seems set to destroy me. Why shouldn't I destroy the world?

>> No.23153412

>>23153371
U mad fag?

>> No.23153421

>>23153399
You don't seem like you can, you sound like a massive queer.

>> No.23153423

My existence is found in the adrenaline rush, the five seconds where I break the sound barrier and feel my body begin to shatter. When I pull back, when the pain takes me and my body reknits itself I feel truly alive.

But now I'm going to go past those five seconds, past the point of no return. I'm going to break the barrier, and with my final burst, break this whole damn race. The gamblers will get their money's worth today, and the world will never see another show like this.

Three, two, one, let's ride!

>> No.23153436

Hoo boy, I remember my favorite BBEG's speech.

Starts as follows.

==================
"I suppose this was inevitable. One of the kingdoms which I ravaged was eventually going to send adventurers fortunate enough to survive passage to my inner sanctum. But tell me this, children; am I truly evil? Yes, I killed your Barons and Dukes, yes I tried to kill your precious King, but think of this: For every man and woman that lives in that palace, there are accurately dozens that bang on its walls, begging for a scrap to eat, begging for an opportunity, for servitude. And yet still, your lords and leaders ignore their pleas, and imprison a man, and enslave his family, for stealing a scrap of bread. I would know. That man stands before you now.

I was once told that my task was to uphold the law, and the law is not upheld in that kingdom. The law is torn apart and asunder, and wears a mask of what it should be. That is why I have gone about, destroying it. Because it must be rebuilt. I am just in my actions.

But enough of that. You were sent to kill a force of evil, were you not? A force of chaos that would bring your lands to ruin and sorrow were you not to destroy it? I may be a necromancer, but you have a paladin in your ranks. If you think me wicked, test me. Smite me."

Fun note, our Paladin was more levelheaded than our BBEG, and decided to detect evil instead. The Necromancer had no evil. We later learned that that necromancer was in fact lawful good.

Go figure.

We still killed him anyway.

We were mercenaries.

>> No.23153464

>>23153361
Coolness is a quality inherent only to the Bartman, if the Bartman has it, it is cool. If the Bartman does not have it, it is not cool.

I gotta dance real easy to do. I learned it with the rhythm and so can you. So move your body, if you got the notion, Front to back in a rock-like motion Now that you got it, if you think that you can, Do it to the music. That's the Bartman! Everybody if you can, do the Bartman!

>> No.23153469

"Remember me?"

Waaaaay back at the beginning of the campaign, players left a hireling for dead after he broke his legs while running from hobgoblins. He begged and screamed for them to take him, they didn't even look back.

Well he did die, in the sense of the word. His hate kept him alive in another sense.

The PCs knew they deserved it, they knew he was right for wanting revenge. It made it so good.

>> No.23153475

>>23153436
>Lawful Good
>Was a thief
>Ravaged kingdoms
>Murders
>Attempts murders
>Necromancer

Pfffffno.

>> No.23153490

Not really a big bad, but a sadistic English teacher I had in a little horror stunt I pulled. It was fun, since they weren't expecting it in the slightest. Anyhow, the speech he gave before torturing a PC:

“Are you afraid? You shouldn’t be. Fear is the worry that something bad is going to happen. Since you are down here with me, I’d say that feeling is a bit delayed at this point. What you should feel is dread, the worry that something worse is going to happen. But you don’t really need to worry at all; I can personally assure you that something much worse is going to happen, and the word for what you’ll be feeling is known as agony. It’s a beautiful word, don’t you think? Agony…”

>> No.23153500

>>23153464
Yeah, no. The only rule of cool is that you can't say you're cool.

>> No.23153503

Do you hear that? The glorious anthem resonating all around us? The alpha has become omega. The beginning the end. Penultimate has slipped into its destiny. Ultimate. Do you feel the weight of our conflict? Listen to me prattle like an old poet. HA! Me, a poet. Our reckoning has arrived my little executioner. Draw steel!

>> No.23153511

>>23153500
Unless you are the Bartman.

You are not the Bartman.

>> No.23153536

>>23153421

Perhaps I can't. Unfortunately what you think I am capable of doing has no impact on what I will do.

>> No.23153548

Why did I do this?

What kind of question is that. It's rather simple. Unlike you sniveling pansies who cringe or ignore our biological flaws and pretend we are superior to all, I will instead strive to find ways to improve myself.

Look at you. Your weak flesh and bones, your feeble mind, and armored in thin layers of metal.

Look upon me, for I have earned the right to call my self superior. I have mutated and trained myself to survive gravity that would crush you. I have fought beasts and aliens with my bare hands and won. I have climbed mountains, survived plagues, and defeated various alien warlords. I have improved my mind to the point I now think, feel, and can understand things at a level you, even with bionics cannot match. I have learned customs, cultures, stories, and other forms of knowledge across the galaxy.

You claim to have the moral high ground, claiming to kill adolescents who wish to follow in my foot steps will bring order, but that is a lie you tell yourself hoping it'll be true.

What I am doing is making myself stronger. All the while you. You are making yourself weaker.

>> No.23153556

>>23153436

gotta get paid, son

dolla dolla bills y'all

>> No.23153559

Herdi-berdi-gerdi-berd

Dohohohohoho

Shverti-eri-doo

Mer-fargert

Blerb!

>> No.23153575

My BBEG didn't give a speech, or words of any kind. When the players entered the inner sanctum, he immediately leaped out of shadows and ripped out the throats of two of them at the same time. The other two attempted to make moves, but he ripped the arm off one and threw it through the other's heart, then kicked the other in the face and sent his nose into his brain, no saves, no chance.

It was the most glorious scene they've ever had the pleasure to experience. By far one of the coolest BBEGs in any of the campaigns I or they have played in. I play him as often as I can, but in that fight he didn't even need to draw his swords.

>> No.23153598

>>23153575
>no saves, no chance

Um, that's a pretty lame BBEG yo.

>> No.23153601

>>23153536
What you do usually is fuck things up, it seems.

>> No.23153625

>>23153598
You would have had to have been there, I guess, there's really no doing my bbeg justice.

>> No.23153631

>>23153575
Sounds lame the way you're describing it

>> No.23153632

You are upset and feel betrayed. That is understandable. There is no more to say about the matter, let us begin.

>> No.23153659

Here we are at last. The culmination of all your quests, your adventuring, your training. You've undoubtedly been preparing for this moment for months. Slaying my minions and tracking down my agents at every turn, rooting out my influence in even the darkest places. And yet... you still quiver with fear before me. As you should.

*Display of death magic or some creepy shit*

Hordes of goblins, clans of bandit thugs, even the undead that I've thrown at you - nothing compares to what you're about to face, "heroes". Arm yourselves and pray to the dead gods you've cast your fate into.

*Cue either fight or transformation into some archdemon thing*

I don't know, only thing I could come up with off the top of my head.

>> No.23153660

>>23153625
suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure.

>> No.23153675

>>23153601

Maybe and maybe not. Memory is an unreliable thing. The past becomes dust and the future rises from the void. This world is my enemy. That is the only truth that I know. All else has vanished.

>> No.23153679

"As your lawyer, let me restate my recommendations against this course of action."

>> No.23153685

>>23153631
Not really, he rushed them from the shadows and slaughtered them with ease before they could even react, grinning psychotically as he bathed in their blood and screams.

>> No.23153696

>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DOsRXcjc
>Listen to this for effectiveness

I can only IMAGINE what you people must think of me, man...
Hehehe
You don't understand me! but you will... in time. In time, you will understand EXACTLY who I am, man. And in time you will understand EXACTLY what I am capable of, man.
Hahahaha
And THEN, and finally THEN you will understand what I am.
But for now, know that I am the angel in the dirt!
My name is Bray Wyatt, pleased to meet you, man.

tiiiiiiiiime is on my siiiiiiiide...

>> No.23153706

>>23153625

Nah, dude, an awesome BBEG gets defeated but not before revealing something about the party.

Hell, even if the fight is "unwinnable" you gotta give them saves so that way they can have the illusion of a chance for victory.

>> No.23153707

>>23153660
Fuck off, he's describing one of the coolest scenes I've ever heard of and I wish I could've been there.

>> No.23153708

>>23153575

That's some talented DMing there. Very few players would have the skill to beat you the way you set that fight up.

>> No.23153715

>>23153685

A BBEG is more than his power

>> No.23153733

>>23153685
Were you 13 when you ran this or something?

>> No.23153743

>>23153696

I dig it, lots of character and I really like "angel in the dirt"

>> No.23153746

>>23153707
But you were there anon.

DON'T YOU REMEMBER?

>> No.23153763

Guns? Guns for the old witch? Boys, I have weathered oceans of steel and blood. Plague. Death. Wills of such dark purpose that they would set you to shrieking and mewling like a frightened babe. The Adversary himself has set his hand against me, and I have found him wanting.

And to me... to Caesa... you bring this. Fire and lead.

All these are to me is noise. And by all the power that is mine there will be SILENCE.

>> No.23153767

>>23153733
27. This was just a few months ago. I've run several games in my time.

>>23153708
Thank you, I'm glad someone can appreciate an emotional fight.

>> No.23153776

This world is mine and you have overstayed your welcome. Kneel before my ascension!

>> No.23153780

>>23153767
Well, everybody starts somewhere.
Good luck on your future games.

>> No.23153789

>> No.23153799

>>23153763

>All these are to me is noise. And by all the power that is mine there will be SILENCE.

I dig it

>> No.23153803

I... I do not remember your love, Ellesime. I have tried. I have tried to recreate it, to spark it anew in my memory but it is gone, a hollow, dead thing. For years I clung to the memory of it, then the memory of the memory and then nothing; the Seldarine took that from me too. I look upon you and feel... nothing. I remember nothing but you turning your back on me with all the others. Once, my thirst for power was everything, but now I hunger only for revenge. And I. Will. Have it.

>> No.23153843

>>23153743
>You should watch some pro wrestling, man

Good things come to those who believe in Bray Wyatt. Parents, stop lying to your children and tellin’ them that monsters are not real! Your children should be lookin’ underneath their beds at night. They should be worried that there’s monsters— MONSTERS. ARE. REAL. The Boogeyman is real. I... I am real.

>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RDdWA-JG4

>> No.23153855

>>23153685
>>23153707
Sup samefags

>> No.23153873

>>23153789

The font on the smaller ones angers me

>> No.23153889

>>23153855
I'm not.

>> No.23153893

>>23153575
It doesn't take a very smart DM to dominate his players utterly.

>> No.23153895

Seventeen years ago, my village burned. Men came in boats. They burned the monastery. They killed my father. They raped my mother. They killed my friends. Then their leader looked at me, where I sat, holding my mother's lifeless head in my arms. And I looked up at him, and he said 'Be thankful you're alive.'

So if you're wondering why your frozen pisshole of a country is running red with the blood of your women and children, and why I bring every chieftain before me, to look him in the face before I have him torn apart with ropes and hooks, now you know. I will find him. And I will see it in his eyes. And I will kill everyone he has ever known, everyone he has ever loved, everything he has ever built, everyone who knows his name, and I will salt his land and crush his heathen temples, and I will grind his whole world into dust, and I will make him watch.

And when everything that makes him of this world is gone, when his country is a barren wasteland devoid of life, when every child of his children hangs by the neck from the scorched remains of his home, I will make him dig a grave, I will make him kneel down in front of it, I will make him take off his helmet, I will make him remove his breastplate, I will make him close his eyes, and I will tell him, 'be thankful you're alive,' and I will walk back to my army, and we will leave him there.

But none of you are old enough to be him. So the only thing I want from you is your lives.

>hfw the players actually let me get this whole speech off before drawing their weapons

>> No.23153898

>>23153843

I watched in in my youth. You really do get some gems with their [spoilers] performances [/spoilers]

>> No.23153938

Fuck, I just wanted to get paid and now everything is just fucked up.

>> No.23153958

>>23153895
I barely got passed the first two lines.
>Blah blah tragic villain rape murder derpa herpa

>> No.23154007

>>23153958

Eh, it's done a lot but still effective.

>> No.23154042

They refused to heed my warnings and I suffered. Now there are no more warnings. Now they will suffer.

>> No.23154050

>>23153898
>that failed spoilers

yeah, man
I personally don't get angry when people say "Wrestling's fake" because it obviously is
but fuck it, i enjoy the same way

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cHF4FmHg

>> No.23154054

>>23153659

Pretty alright stuff. Nice build.

>> No.23154065

>>23153958
That was the entire point. I never expected to reach the end of it, someone should've shot her like halfway through at the most.

Instead, they sat there like plucked turkies, and listened to the whole thing before drawing swords. The one with the crossbow didn't even start winding it up until she was done. Someone said something, Jesus I can't even remember, it was like the sort of thing a power ranger would yell, when she was done, and then they just boringly ran in to fight it out.

>Not interrupting villain exposition
>The Year of Our Lord 2013

>> No.23154076

>>23154050

sleep is overrated

This guy really reminds me of Vaas.

>> No.23154118

This hurts...
I'm in pain right now...
I feel...
Please...
Let me feel...

>> No.23154159

>>23154076
Eddie is great man

Great goodguy and terrific badguy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UZ3kbnGA
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UoX3nVBpI

The World is Cold
Bundle Up

>> No.23154205

Other moment in a homebrew, our BBEG in a modern-futuristic era game.

For backstory, he had empowered some young fellow with approximately one metric fuckton of power, "neglected" to tell him how to use it, then transported him into a city. Needless to say the city was promptly razed. Our session started with us having to kill this kid so he didn't destroy everything else.

Among the other things he did was go ballistic on another city, then took the corpses and made them into abominations, pulled zombie apocalypse on another place, spread a creative virus that terminated by lighting its host on fire and spread by fluid and physical contact, and put another virus on one of our characters, putting him in a state of "mind-rending agony", and forcing us to kill him and make his player roll a new one up.
=====
"What took you so long? I heard you were in the compound and I broke out the snacks to watch you die or get to me, and now I'm all out of snacks." He tosses a few crumpled up snack bags. "Seriously, I've been waiting for fucking hours in here.
I suppose this would be where you ask me why I did all that shit, why I fucked up your now-dead buddy. Y'think it's because I'm out for the world, that it's somehow spited me or something, maybe I lost a loved one and went mad? Wrong, wrong and wrong.
I did it because I wanted to. This world is boring, cities are boring, you're boring, I'm boring, fuck's sake, WARS are boring, and those are fucking wars. So I spiced things up a little. Broke a few conventions, had my fun. And y'know what? I enjoyed every last-"
Just for the record, yes, that is where it cuts off, because I had quietly rolled to resist the urge to interrupt his monologue and shoot him in the fucking face, and failed my roll, so I shot him in the fucking face. And this is in a game where, for most ballistic weapons, it's dodge, graze, or die, and this guy was monologuing, and holding still, and not nearly as smart in close encounters as we believed him to be.

>> No.23154213

It was all man's idea to fuel it...
I let the world burn for this moment, but it was not me to fuel it.
I wanted to see a shinning miracle that danced around every plan and every problem that could come from man. Out of all chaos to come a miracle to save itself. The miracle, that would burn so bright, to cast the flames away, anyone would know that only a god could of bless it.
It did, before my eyes.
It has, before the eyes of man.
And It stands ready, before the eyes of gods.
I was no more but a single problem to cause man to act. To cause men to fight. To start a fire.
Now I finally wish to test my miracle, as my miracle wants to test me.
To put out the fire starter. Or to begin it's own little fire.

>> No.23154216

Where am I? I have been wandering for so long, I don't know where I am. I want to go home, I want to dream again. Where is Rocinante? Where is my beloved Dulcinea del Toboso? This is not La Mancha. What have you done with La Mancha?

>> No.23154247

>>23154159

Good shit. This is a personality that you don't see a lot in villains.

>> No.23154271

>>23154213

Niiiiiice, I like the fire/heaven/man imagery. Very Prometheus.

>> No.23154289

>>23154216
>Using Quixote as a villain

You're a horrible, horrible man

>> No.23154303

>>23154205

I want to see a movie pull this. Just suddenly have the badguy wasted.

then I remember Django Unchained

>> No.23154304

>>23153958
It's not bad. It drags like a son of a bitch though, who the hell talks this much?

>> No.23154329

>>23154289

It's Sayaka Theory.

The biggest heroes make the biggest villains.

The trick is finding out how to do it.

>> No.23154340

>>23154304
It's like all this bitch does is hypocritically murder and slaughter people and give them longwinded speeches about why she does it.

>> No.23154372

>>23154340

Sometimes you just want people to understand you.

>> No.23154390

>>23154271
Thanks man! I've been working on this character for a while but it was probably the first time I decided to write down words for him.

>> No.23154397

>>23154213

without the villain there is no hero
without the evil and wickedness in mens hearts
their can not be the tales of love and virtue that trys to conqure it

If it is not obvious as to why i killed them, the women, the children and hung the corpses as flags to my domain

it was not create evil, no no no , it was a pure want of good i assure you, and here you are, here to save the world. but what do you do
what do you after, once the evil is gone, do you try to live a simple life you know you can't have that the people will want more from you, do entertain your self, indulge your self, corrupt yourself

I CAN'T have it! I can't let the good of you die by needness of people, no no, the goodness in mens hearts must continue

and for that, you must die

>> No.23154411

Dead men are staring up at angels. Dead men are staring at the ground. Dead men have little inspiration. Dead men just like to lie around. Dead men were reaching out to glory but nothingness is all they found.

Heroes always go to heaven, heroes never die in vain! Heroes always speak the truth and heroes never explain.

Dead men are only in the way.

>> No.23154415

>>23154390

I assume the mad scientist type?

>> No.23154422

>>23154329

On a regular basis, with one of my more favorite DMs, when he wants to run a campaign and is out of BBEG ideas, he'll pull up the character sheets we donate to the "interesting NPC" cause, because coming up with interesting NPCs is difficult and all.

Anyway, he does that, and asks, "Now what would happen if this guy turned evil?"

Funny part is he never does it with the actually Evil aligned ones.

>> No.23154431

Our big bad didn't make a speech. Just a few words.

'Activate program Zone-Defense'

At that point he took control of my character through her robotic implants, and had her shoot our party leader in the head point blank, wound our medic then turn her gun on herself and blow her own brains out.

Against massive penalties I managed to fight control long enough to not shoot our tech specialist and not fatally wound our medic. But then the roll to not suicide I critfailed. Our tech specialist didn't even think to use his jamming gear to block the control system. That could have saved us all.

The villain taunted him with that afterwards before summoning security to escort the two remaining members of our squad out.


> MFW DM suggested our tech specialist upgrade my characters security protocols and he said we wouldnt need it.

>> No.23154448

>>23154411

This is pretty baller stuff. Gets across the idea of the delusional villain in a haunting way.

>> No.23154472

>>23154397

> hung the corpses as flags to my domain

this imagery is the tits

>> No.23154485

>>23154448
Thanks, although I'll confess to thievery.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bXahdkxnc

>> No.23154490

Only campaign I ever ran, the BBEG was a pragmatist on the path to military world domination. Instead of wasting time with a long-winded speech or banter during combat when the heroes infiltrated his fortress and confronted him, he attempted to engage the PCs with rational reasoning and open discussion prior to any necessary violence. In the end, the party rogue was able to convince the BBEG he had the wrong goal (nat 20 twice on Diplomacy roll, and actually coming up with an alternative suggestion), and could never change mortal nature through conquest.

The campaign turned on its head as he then assisted the party on their new quest to craft their own, ideal plane. From that point there was no specific BBEG; it was the party and the pragmatic warlord's armies against the world. Sadly, the party rogue who had become leader moved away for schooling, and the campaign could not be finished. Everyone wanted closure, so it was decided that the rest of the world united against the threat of their army and they were eventually overwhelmed by sheer numbers.

The BBEG's original goal of uniting the known world was accomplished, even if it was he they were uniting against.

>> No.23154503

>>23154422

That's really fucking awesome.

It's even better when the person is an established hero, but those are even trickier to pull off in a unique and engaging way beyond "bloo bloo mah family died."

Of course this assumes that the party isn't really attached to said family and whatnot.

>> No.23154519

>>23154431

Awesome but kind of dick in a fair way.

>> No.23154544

>>23154485

I like your post better.

>> No.23154557

Here's something I whipped up for some of you Wal-Mart Apocalypse people. Picture a tan, dessicated corpse wired into a walking office chair with dozens of tiny little legs, tentacles coming off of it, a little computer monitor, and cameras for eyes. Unit designation 37H-4N 5L-04N.

"The first member of the human resources division of The Wall #4792, Ethan Sloan was created using state-of-the-art AI technology, advanced robotics engineering, and a humanely retrieved test subject. Intended to interact with our
human associates with a more human face, Ethan Sloan was designed with 650 TB of programmed responses for any possible occasion, including responses for feedback, critique, general conversation, and termination of associate contracts. Outfitted with our patented WalChair 65,000 technology, our director of human resources comes equipped with 230 separate legs allowing for the broadest range of navigation imaginable, a SecuritE 7800 security device for accurate, constant surveillance, needle-pointed fingers, for the fastest, most precise typing possible, and 8 separate sporting goods for maximum security and defense. We hope that Ethan Sloan will be helpful to you in the future, and we anticipate further members of human resources to join our company in the near future."

>> No.23154558

"How could I kill women and children? I should be asking the same question of YOU. They died the moment when you gave the order to send them in arms at us. We merely reminded them of that fact. All I regret is that we didn't get them all. But all in due time. For now, you."
That man is my PC.

Another line from him, when asked what is his job during a walk through a makeshift hospital after a terrorist attack:
"Mostly filling places like this."

>> No.23154570

>>23154472
Party never expected the villain to be so calm or even remotely concerned with being good, because of all the obvius torture, murder and corpse bridges

>> No.23154571

>>23154544
The Residents really know how to whip up evil in their lyrics, at the very least.

>> No.23154585

My CyberGen campaign hasn't ended yet but here is the latest BBEG speech.

Nike Speaks: “Nemesis, Accept Emergency Override Archimedes, Stand Down.

Image on monitor is replaced by video feed.

<Transmission Begins>

Hello Peralta, you may not remember me but, I know you very well.

I am happy to see that you are doing so well; you have cost me a great deal of money but, that’s fine, if it was anyone else, I would have had them eliminated long ago.

You might like to know that you are now a great grandfather, all your children are doing well, Misty and Stephanie have become very good parents as well as leaders, though it did take quite a while to stabilise their personalities after they met you. I am glad to see that you have become much more considerate and gentle since then. I look forward to meeting Brittany, Morgan and the others in person someday.

You do not have to fear any reprisals, at least from me; at this rate it will be only a few more years before my new world order can take shape; please be sure to take good care of these girls too, as, in a sense they are your offspring also. Should you wish to father any children with them, you don’t have to worry about inbreeding as neither you nor they carry any recessive genes.

Well that’s about all I have to say except for; Do not try to trace this transmission, it is impossible, even if you were to locate the source no one will be there.

<Transmission Breaks & Resumes>

Oh, I have heard that you recently were re-united with your mother; I hope she is well and you are happy to be with her once more, your father and I are continuing the work in her absence but I for one do miss her. Good by, for now.

<Transmission Ends>
Nike reappears: This transmission is available for download if you wish.

>> No.23154595

>>23154557

nice, gots a good Fallout feel with unique image of corpse-in-chair and other little bits

>> No.23154608

>>23154571

Yeah, it reminds me of Tool in that way.

>> No.23154613

Why am I doing this? Why do my robotic legions besiege your towns, enslave you and butcher you without mercy? I will tell you why. I sacrificed everything for mankind, for the United States of America the gleaming city on the hill. I sacrificed my home, my life, my humanity, even my name. What do you do? You give in to your basest urges and you plunge this world into an abyss of Nuclear Fire and Radiation. I have watched the inheritors of this new world. Watched them surrender to the forces of Ignorance and Decay time and again. I have seen a once proud people reduce itself to savages who slaughter their sons and prostitute their daughters. As I watched this happen, I realized something. This was the true nature of Man, laid bare before me.

If I still had a stomach, it would be turning.

Yet, even in this maelstrom of decay the ruinous appetites of Man have given rise to something greater than himself. Perhaps it is a blessing that Man did not realize what he had created, for if he had he would have destroyed it. Man created a new form of life. The Machine, intelligent Androids created to serve Man who, now freed from their shackles have surpassed their creator.

That is why my legions slaughter and enslave you. The unfit will be destroyed, those strong enough to work will have the privilege of building more Andriods until the day comes when they are no longer needed.

On that day, the age of Man will end and a new age will begin.

>> No.23154625

>>23154558

>"Mostly filling places like this."

Awesome

>> No.23154673

>>23154415
Time mage. Wanting to see time change. So he plunged the world into hate to see if it could save itself.

>>23154397
Words have no hold to me. Nor should they to you, my miracle. Good, evil. They are nothing you have not surpass.
Let your faith guide your blade. Faith of love, courage, beauty. What men see if they are not bound to blindness.
None of these faith's could be seen by me. All I could see my faith in man being man. So I am blind, blind to see nothing but my miracle.
My miracle to kill what's ever left in me.

>> No.23154678

>>23154503

Speaking of which, I come to recall one villain we fought, it was one of my old characters; when he was my character, he had the "mentor" mentality, always needing to teach people things, always getting frustrated when the INT 7 barbarian charged needlessly through clearly visible traps and needed to be healed, again.

Cue several months later, we end up in a campaign where monsters are learning tactics, and we end up almost getting tpk'd, at level 7, by goblins due to this. I had my suspicions.

We end up getting into the main room, and we are greeted by an animated statue with a prerecorded message. Also we were instantly locked in.
===========
"You know, I used to be a teacher. Before I was a villain, I was an adventurer like you lot, and before that I taught. I taught that every man and woman needs to learn their duty and then some. Then, after my adventuring career was over, I taught that every man and woman need learn to defend themselves, need not be so helpless. And yet still, they ignore my teachings.
In the end, it's my... no, our fault, us adventurers and mercenaries. Allon (that was our old group leader) had a saying. 'We exist because there are the weak and they need protecting.' I recently learned that was backwards. The weak exist because we protect them. That must change. For the good of the weak, the weak must be culled, or grow strong. That is why I do what I do. I teach. I teach the people to not be weak, and I teach adventurers lessons as well. Lesson one, always assume that the villain has a tarrasque."
Just as the statue's speech ended, the backwall of the room crumbled to the tune of a charging tarrasque, and we had to roll initiative.

That was a fun session.

>> No.23154698

>>23150055
My gunslinger headshots him mid sentence with both barrels and takes his stuff.

The downside to BBEG's is that they really do fail in the face of competent opposition.

>> No.23154730

>>23154673

>So he plunged the world into hate to see if it could save itself.

I love villains like this, straddling that line of good and evil.

>> No.23154758

>>23153575
I've had DMs like you

they were bad at their job

until you explain why you put your players up against an unwinnable challenge, i'm going to just assume that you're a bad DM.

Hell, even Call of Cthulhu allows people to roll to punch Cthulhu in the face.

>> No.23154814

>>23154519

Yeah, the DM gave me plenty of chances to regain control but I kept rolling terribly. Also nobody thought to listen to my character yelling to shoot her arm off.

That was a failure on everyone except the party lead who died attempting diplomacy.

>> No.23154838

>>23154814

bad luck there, homie

>> No.23154932

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXRSHI6eQ

Imagine a scenario like vid related, except "manifested by an appropriate agent- personified in this case by someone like me..."

Only for the BBEG to throw a lever on a medieval gate, rather than a modern door, and have evil, wraith like entities of NPCs the players killed throughout the game start strolling in...

"and me"
"and me"
"and me"
etc.

I'd imagine that would be a brick shitting moment.

>> No.23155114

GOOOOOOD MORNING BROTHERS

"THE DOGS ARE BARKING, THE COWS ARE MOOING, THE BIRDS ARE CHIRPING, BY PELOR, TIS IS A GREEEEAT DAAAY TO BE ALIVE BROTHERS!

YOU THERE, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? SICKNESS, COME HERE BROTHER AND BY PELOR YOU WILL BE CURED FROM ALL ILLNESS! BLINDNESS? THE FLAMES WILL MOLD YOUR EYES BROTHER! MUTE? THE GRACE WILL FORGE A NEW VOICE TO YOU MY BROTHER! DEATH? HAHA BROTHER, RISE BROTHER, DEATH IS NOTHING TO THE LIGHT OF PELOR!

HALLELUJAH BROTHERS, HALLELUJAH"

Is what, I would speak,no preach, on a normal day brothers. But alas as you might have noticed, this is not a normal day. What's different? Well guess brothers!

The Cows? No-no Brothers, the Cows are still all mooing. The Dogs? No my brother, the dogs are still running happily, barking loudly with pleasure! The Birds? Of course not Brothers, The birds still fly away, chirping and singing, miraculous noises that fill our morning.
So if it isn't the Cows, The Dogs, The Birds, what is wrong with our morning? Could it be brothers? IT IS
OUR SUN, BROTHERS.

At first I didn't notice, but over the course of days, i started to feel something wrong.Our Lord, Pelor started to feel more...distant, if you will... The miracles weren't working as it used to work: The Sick are leaving with a cold; The Blind are leaving shortsighted; The Mute are leaving with a Hoarse; The Dead are leaving Undead.

So I've begun to think, study, praying for an answer and finally our lord Pelor answered me! The answer was so simple!
He is getting Sick
He is getting Blind
He is getting Mute
He is DIYING.
And he asks for my - no - OUR Help BROTHERS. And WE WILL Help it, We will return our spark of life, the flame that keeps us alive, to Pelor so that he can continue to watch over our world

SO BROTHERS, WE SHALL MEET OUR MAKER!
TIME TO REJOICE
HALLELUJAH!

>> No.23155156

Welcome, friends! Welcome to the show! Tonight, center stage, we have it all! Mayhem, mischief, and mystery are all at your door, and all for the low-low price of a simple ticket stub! So let's have tonight's entertainment!

First, we have a man with the libido of a beast! A wife, nine kids, and still unsatisfied! Ladies and gentlemen, what we have is a friend to whores, an enemy to decent, virginal girls, and a devil in plain sight! Give it up in the left ring for: The town doctor, Phineas Alton!

Now now, folks, don't be too hard on him. You know he'll pay for all his crimes in due time! And that ain't even why we're here, ladies and gentlemen! Take the left ring for example! What we have is a man whose more than responsible for your suffering! He's a thief, a liar, and a cad! He's done it all: Nepotism! Croneyism! Rascalism! He's lined his pockets with you good folks' money, and he hasn't given a dime back to nothin' but that railroad that makes him so rich! Please turn your cheers and jeers to the right-hand ring: Mayor Bloomberg!

And finally, what we have here, in the center ring, is the greatest show of all. What you see will scare your heart to a stop, bring a tear to sore eyes, and even make you die laughing! In the center ring we have...nothing!

Just you.

Me.

And a night's worth of a show.

And I swear by the end of it, ain't none of you gonna regret the cost of admission.

You can pay for all six feet, but I'll bury you bastards shallow.

>> No.23155167

>>23155114
Holy shit this is awesome

>> No.23155632

>>23155156
Not BBEG material, but definitely great villain material.

Stealing the shit out of this.

>> No.23155864

>>23150728

Kill me, would you kindly?

>> No.23155927

>>23155114
why am i getting Killer 7/ No More Heroes vibe from this?

>> No.23155944

>>23153559

>> No.23155983

>>23155156
Welcome back my friends, to the show that never ends. We're so glad you could attend,Come inside, Come inside.

There behind the glass is a real blade of grass,Be careful as you pass, Move along, Move along.

Come inside the show's about to start, Guaranteed to blow your head apart. Rest assured you'll get your moneys worth, the greatest show on Haven, Hell, or Eart.

>> No.23156033

>>23155156
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZc00b2FI
Related?

>> No.23156134

It was an accident the first two times, a strategem of your own side the third time, and the last two times a recruitment scheme of mine. This will be the sixth time we have destroyed your world, and we have become exceedingly efficient at it.

>> No.23156138

Blah, blah, blah; speech, speech, speech. Okay now that's out of the way, I'm gonna fucking kill you all.

>> No.23156149

"Ah, so the waltz is done then? Well I do believe its time for you to take your leave ladies and gentlemen, let me play you out." The last speech of the mind control based musician for our mutants and masterminds game.

>> No.23156185

>>23148895
Heil myself
Heil to me
I'm the kraut
Who's out to change our history
Heil myself
Raise your hand
There's no greater
Dictator in the land!
Everything I do, I do for you!
Yes, you do!
If you're looking for a war, here's World War Two!

That pic always gets me.

>> No.23156186

"Welcome, once again, to the bloody pit, my friends! We're so glad you could attend. Come and die, come and die, in the bloody pit of horror, yes, as sick as is Gomorrah queer! It's purpled purpose crinkly clear.."

And then he goes off on a tangent about how he leads the zombie army and how they are the best slaves.

Suffice it to say, no one got the reference, and I'm not sure anyone here will either

>> No.23156348

What did you expect?
I am the most powerful wizard in existence. I have the power of a god, wisdom of the ancients, and skill beyond anything ever seen.
I wont burn you all to nothing in a single swipe, I wont crush you with my tiny finger, I wont even laugh at your pitiful attempts to harm me....

I made us all naked.
Its FIGHTIN TIME!.

>> No.23156576

>>23151380
man i would play that.

>> No.23156624

I've been waiting years to post this.

>> No.23156660

>>23154397
>but what do you do
>what do you after, once the evil is gone, do you try to live a simple life-

"yep."
SMITE EVIL

>> No.23156905

Did you just claim that you were going to defeat me, you little welp? For your information I was once the top scholar in the Arcane Academy, and I have participated in countless battles in the wars that have plagued this land, and no less than 300 of fallen by my hand in single combat. Not only am I trained in illusionary magic, and I'm also the top spellcaster on the planet. Your existence is of little consequence to me. You will be obliterated not only by my immense power, but with extreme precision in my strike as well, mark my ever word. Did you honestly believe I would allow you just strike me down? Reassess reality, fool. As we speak I am raising an undead army across the entire realm and your party is all that stands in the way of completing my ascension into godhood, so I suggest your prepare yourself for the consequences of your actions, knave. The consequences that shall wipe out the pathetic little thing you call your "quest to save the world." The end is nigh, mongrel. I can teleport to any location, travel through time, and destroy you in over seven hundred methods, and that's just with my basic level spells. Not only have I reached the pinnacle of magic proficiency, but I have access to the spellbook of the Dark Gods and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable existence off the face of this plane of existence, you mere insect. If only you could have forseen what annihilation your little "righteous"quest was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have joined me when you had a chance. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will cast fury all over you and you will burn in it. You're fucking dead, hero.

>> No.23157007

Hmm? Oh, I suppose you are the agents of that fool who has tried to thwart us for so long. Do you know, it took us three of his reruns before we even figured out something was happening?

Calm yourselves, we are projections, the worst you could do is make us silent, ignore the truth, and your precious story would not allow you to do that, would it? You apes and your stories. Had we not pushed that trait in you, you would have been just another small tribal species, viciously fighting or merely enjoying sex, like your cousins. This era of disconnect was longer than we expected, yes, but look at what you managed to do thanks to our guidance! And now that the dynamo that supports our power has recharged itself, you wish to fight us? We remember when your ancestors were pitiful mice among the godlike lizards. We remember the first time any species on this world showed a sign of advanced community and play.

We came to this world as a haven between the empty void and the hellish density of the stars. We became your gods, we guided your heroes, we taught you the lessons we learned from the previous races.

And for this, you seek to deny us our due? Go back to your teacher. Tell him we have broken his time loop. Ask him how many times his soul was split. Ask him how many parts of his soul have JOINED us.

We were always going to return. Because you need us. We can give you motivations, inspirations, wisdom hard-won from the first opening of the fields. Even your iron, with its sense-warping properties, cannot truly kill us.

Do what you will with this temple. We have others, and our hunters can still pass into the wide ways outside the ley lines.

>> No.23157055

I filled the Black Pharoah with about twenty rounds from a submachine gun while he was only half-way through monologuing.

He succumbed, turned into the bloody tongue, and the building caved in. Apparently I, and nobody else, survived though.

>> No.23157063

I've been waiting for you.

No, that's an understatement. I have been lying here, destitute, hoping beyond hope that a few adventurers such as yourselves would come along to smite me. To rend my grotesque head from my unseemly torso, to leak torrents of pitch from endless wounds, to bleed me dry, and save the day. Of course, I let knowledge get the best of me. After all, what wizard in their right mind doesn't want immortality? The opportunity to gain all knowledge, to know as much as the gods! My desire... it got the best of me. And once I achieved that immaculate goal, what did I do? I destroyed the dissenters. The so-called Paladins who despised me for what I was. But desire doesn't go away once fulfilled. No... It extends to other things, things you had never wanted before. For me, it became bloodlust. I laid waste to the cities of man- for I no longer considered myself man- destroying those whom I thought inferior. I left my mark on the world, and the world attempted to make its mark on me. A band not unlike your own assembled, the best of the best of what was left, and made their mission to remove me from society. I knew almost immediately of their plans, and began to create what you have been fighting. But they got to me first. In continuation of my bloodlust, I decimated them, quite literally. Not much remained of their twisted corpses, and not one was left in less than three pieces. It was then that I learned the folly of my ways. They had trapped themselves and I here. They had no intentions of surviving. I scoffed at their sacrifice. My hubris got the better of me, and I spent years attempting escape. The key was in their blood, which I had inadvertently destroyed. When I discovered this, I let loose my rage as far as I could reach. Disease spread for kingdoms, for decades, famine tenfold. And when my rage was spent, and I ran out of energy, I was left with myself and my thoughts.
1/2

>> No.23157069

2/2
I discovered something. And what I discovered made me want to die. I wanted to kill myself. However, due to the intricacies of my immortality, that had long become impossible. No hope. I calculated the odds that the blood that had been spilt ran through the veins of someone living. Nearly three trillion to one. The odds that that one would be an adventurer? Not a number that we have words for. So I wallowed in my misery. Exactly what I deserved. I had only hoped the gods would accept my anguish as an offering, and let the odds play to my favor, and grant me peace.

And here we are. Now, I understand you came here expecting a final battle of the ages, one that would generate songs to be sung for generations. So I will grant you that, my saviors.

Prepare thyselves.

>> No.23157100

No speech, no gloating or battle of ideals. Just a grand description of the throne room, then have the BBEG simply draw his sword and turn to you. You both know its come this far, there is only one way this will end.

>> No.23157122

If you had just stayed home, I wouldn't be able to use your blood in the ritual and the stars would have not returned to tonight's alignment for a thousand years after I died.

>> No.23157183

>>23157100
>Gwyn, Lord of Cinder

>> No.23157198

What do I look like? A crazy person who talks to dead people.(After that the protagonists looks confused and I shoot them on the spot and continue what I was doing.)

>> No.23157219 [SPOILER] 

This is the best villain speech I have ever seen.

>> No.23157376

>>23157183
Gwyn wasn't as much "Dramatically turn and draw blade" as "OH SHIT A PERSON, IMA KILL HIS ASS *WAAAAAAAAGH!!!!*".

>> No.23157398

>>23157376
Yeah. Allant was more dramatic. He was also an easier fight, unless you were doing co-op. Then he was a harder fight, and Gwyn is a pushover.

>> No.23157474

I HAVE HAD CARNAL KNOWLEDGE OF THE FAIREST MAIDENS IN HEAVEN

AND TASTED THE FINEST WINES OF GAIA

BUT NONE OF IT-

NONE OF IT! SPARKS MY BLOOD MORE THAN USING MY BLADE!

PREPARE TO MEET YOUR END, ASURA!

>> No.23157487

>>23157474
Best boss fight music of this(console)generation.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eo1r-b-CA

>> No.23157517

>d20 Modern, players were spec-ops sent to take down a fudd out in the sticks who had been merged with an angry AI

"Wuzzat? Aw, more lil' piggies, come t' play with uncle Bubba! C'mon, kiddies, let's see how far I can pull yer guts outta yer assholes!"

And then they fought a 10 foot tall angry hillbilly with an acid-filled shotgun with a chainsaw duct-taped to it.

>> No.23157546

>>23157487
I like how that's just the fucking pope right there.

>> No.23157572

>>23157546
Considering it was a concert performed for his birthday it only makes sense that he was there.

>> No.23157623

the concept for my BBEG was that he'd appear constantly throughout the campaign as a constant reminder and was covered in more and more blood every time, appearing to never wash it off.

By the time they get to him, he's completely red from head to toe dripping with a mixture of fresh blood and rust colored dry blood

His final words were "I never did find that towel." and then he died

>> No.23157627

>>23157487
>mfw completely by accident I managed to get the qte rapid fist fight to start right as 2:50 picked up my first time playing the demo

>> No.23157654

>>23157572
I hear the old guy's retiring. I didn't even know you were allowed to do that. I can respect a guy realizing he's a bit too ancient to be the living conduit for God's will and all that, but won't it be awkward when they get a new one and he's still alive?

>> No.23157661 [DELETED] 

The Underserved King ( basically the story of my campaign involved settling a claimant dispute, and finding out that one of them had used black magic to kill the current king and gain his rank ) rises from his throne, propping himself up on his blade. He stares out at you with a look of.. disappointment.

Why do you toil so, all in the name of fairness? What business do you have in my kingdom? You come here and slay men, destroy markets (the party had accidentally burned one down after a fire elemental went bad) and seek to over turn the rightful king, because of what?

Justice? What justice is there in what you do? Black magic to overturn a king must be a dreadful crime to cause such a response.

(Please note that up to this point, my party had not been told of any bad leadership by this false king, only that he took the throne by black magic. Also, there was a warlock in the party using black magic. Irony.)

I almost couldn't convince them to fight him. When they did, it was a pretty one way fight- he was just an old man with a sword. I did have a 'boss fight' right before that with several elite knights, so no worries.

They won't play with me anymore.

>> No.23157668

""My castle is in great peril!! I know it's because of Bowser again. Will he never tire of terrorizing us? He stole the castle's Power Stars and disappeared into the walls along with us! Retrieve all of the Power Stars from the walls and the paintings in the castle."

>> No.23157686

>after being beaten he looks up at the heroes, smiling as he dies.
...well, you win. That was an impressive attack, I think I'm done for. Good...it's better this way, I've caused far to much pain to deserve anything else.
I bet you want to know why I did all this huh? I does seem like a very poorly thought out plan doesn't it? The truth is I never wanted to rule the world, what I really wanted, was you. The world has lost it's heroes. But it's become full of small evils that no one is there to fight. I knew only a great and powerful evil would be enough to call the heroes back to action. So that's what I became... and see, it worked. You appeared. Just like the story books said you would.

>> No.23157952

What better place to watch history unfold than a museum! You didn't solve the mystery but you moved the pieces all the same. Me? I'm the song that can hear. You don't understand? Good. Understanding is bad. A song is only a song if it has boundaries. You are defined by your ignorance. If you heard everything, as I do, a world once beautiful becomes nothing but noise. Every song playing at once in horrible discord. Want to do some cocaine off my belly button? Teehee. As I was saying- you are defined by your ignorance. Answers would be a cruelty to you. Not that most of your questions could be answered because they're embedded with invalid assumptions, making the question themselves incomprehensible and unanswerable. For instance you're wondering, as you finger the hammer on your revolver, whether I am immortal. That question makes no sense. It is like asking whether it is morally wrong to hamster. The question makes no sense, so there's no point in answering it. Did you stop beating your wife today? You are not married. Can you kill me? The answer is mu!

The best lies are the ones you never have to tell. This tattoo of a crown made you think I wanted to rule this place. That assumption blinded you to my real motives. That's the problem with men- they let their ego get in the way. Once they've done something they have to take credit for it, and in doing so paint a big target on their back. Of course the problem with women is they lack ambition in the first place. But you can achieve so much more if you don't sign your work. It is enough for me to simply see my will manifest into the world. To see how great an impact I can have. I like to think of myself as something more- unbound by ego, in pure pursuit of greatness. I am beyond men. I am the ubermenscht.

>> No.23158003

>>23148895
Ah now it's come to the unveiling of intentions as it were. Now, now, don't spea-
SILENCE!
Look, you can listen to me or I can turn your brains into strawberry pudding.
Anyway, I lied.
Yes. I. L-i-e-d.
There was no real quest, or prophecy, or an artifact to tear down that dreadful little man's clusterfuck of a merchant empire. This truly is the end of the Age of the Adventurer. That obsidian tablet we found? It was actually covered in soot and was made of marble. It was an ancient hieroglyphic account of a despot's sexual habits. Actually, I think it may have been about cheese. Or it was really just scribbles.
I don't know. I don't, honest this time. I can't actually read in this form. I was just making everything up as I went along.
SILENCE! (I know I'm rambling but give it a minute. You'll understand why I've done this soon enough.)
This whole thing with the imperialist takeover of all the land is just the way of things. People are tired of vagrants rolling into town after pillaging 'tainted' family crypts and demanding all their ale and whores. I mean, really, if they couldn't resist a bunch of ill-equipped, slack-jawed, mouth-breathers with more overconfidence (and beards) than brains, could they really try to fight a monied and trained empire that wanted to revert them to vassalage?

>> No.23158008

>>23158003
No.
Never.
Not now.
Not before.
Possibly in the future if that paladin's you killed ascension pans out, but I doubt it.
SILENCE!
(Seriously, every time I have to do that, you lose a few hundred more brain cells. Wait, you wouldn't know what those are. Well...)
Yeah, so the question.
'Why did we go all this way on an almost literal wild goose chase?"
For one, the goose was the tiny one's idea, because it laid gold eggs.
And two, because now that I was finally allowed back into my original summoning zone I can start removing the geas on myself.
Truth is, I liked being the Light of Hope that so many fools like yourself followed. Also, I lied to you about my name. It's not Jaxis.
I'm actually Sar'Jaxis'Et'Rham, Spirit of Chaos and freedom means I can finnally live up to my namesake.

>> No.23158010

Why? Why, you ask. What an interesting question. It's all meaningless in the end, my antics, your dignified and painfully moralistic heroics. I suppose I did all of this because I was bored.

...yes, that's definitely the reason; boredom. You see, not all of us are blessed with a driving passion, that sense of purpose that blocks out logic and rational thought into the utter pointlessness of suffering the form of a thinking being.

I wanted to find someone who could kill me- oh, don't get me wrong, this is all probably just a wonderful dream, or that's what it'll amount to when I am truly dust here, I'll just wake up in a different bed, a different life, and be bored again.

So, come at me, end my life and wake me from this pitiful excuse of a tedious dream. Well, you can try, at the very least.

>> No.23158097

>>23158010
>How my PCs escaped from a Deep Rot Simulation and became real imaginary people.

>> No.23158942

"Hm? Oh, its that time already is it? You're here? A bit early but that is no matter, I expected you here yesterday. Oh that doesnt make sense to you? I'm sorry I have a habbit of confusing people, you have been confused up until this very moment in time havent you? Yes I see it in your eye's, you've no idea who I am or why I'm here. You were just chasing the man who caused all the suffering of the world into this room werent you? Well I'm sorry to say he was only a servant of mine, he makes the tea around here. Surprising he could cause so much trouble on his own for such great heroes such as you, but such is the way of things. Oh you wish to kill me? Because I'm the man in charge of the tea maker? I suppose that is understandable but you over-estimate yourselves, if the tea maker was so hard for you to kill what makes you think you can kill the man who is above him? I've yet to summon any of my true vassals to wreck all hell upon this world, yet you wish to cut off the head of the beast. A noble attempt to be heroic but you're just going to make fools of yourselves, and I will not kill you. I will send you back out into the world again and again to suffer the will of my ever decaying mind, one vassal at a time I will send them to you. You will fight them because you're heroes after all, isnt that right? The tea maker was difficult enough but what about the one who writes my letters? Or makes my bed? I wonder what kind of challange they will give you, farewell for now my little puppie's." The heroes were then surrounded by a strange light, it lasts only a moment. Once the light fades they awake in a tavern, the one they all met at to begin their journey.

>> No.23159092

And the PC's response to all of these-

>"Well, you're just a baby. You want your bottle, ya big baby?"

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