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22590436 No.22590436 [DELETED]  [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Sometimes you can't simply shoot your way out of trouble. In Squat Crusade: The Musical, the players are some of the last Squats in the galaxy, having narrowly escaped the destruction of the Homeworlds. Their objective is to rebuild their race (because 6e says it's okay), but they must deal with a hostile galaxy, enemies who would see them burn, and their own ineptitude.

Philip Ragebeard, Warlord
Mortimer the Lazy, Hearthguard
Kim Il Sung, Guild Aeronaut
Engineer Velm, Guild Engineer

Welcome to Squat Crusade: The Musical.

Today you learn why it is bad to let only one person talk.

>> No.22590469
File: 23 KB, 614x121, Carp vs. Kobold.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22590469

The Brotherhood have, by now, spent a month getting their things together. They do not question the quiet of Vectis Station, and instead simply wait for their next objective. Sung spends time with Commissar Carp, watching with pride as it brutally dismembers and devours a trio of hapless squats who got too close to the Life Sustainer, feeding it a raw piece of meat in addition. Commissar Carp's burning hellrage subsides only long enough for it to blink, which to Sung is progress. Morty, floating through the vents, receives word from some of his soldiers that the joint Ecclesiarchal-Ancestral venture codenamed 'Shield of Faith' is nearing fruition, in the form of a personal shield for most infantry forces.

>> No.22590522
File: 45 KB, 399x280, Colossus.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22590522

"Dun' worry, stuntie! Yer boss says dere's sumfin' important!" yells Uzgob.
Velm barely has time to look up before Mekdok Uzgob grabs her and goes deep, tossing her into a seat next to Rockfist.
"Ah, there you are, lass," says Rockfist, "Interesting news."
"Yes?" asks Velm, still loopy from the toss.
"We've discovered an intact Colossus Devastator." says Rockfist, bringing up a hololith display.
"Incredible!" says Velm.
"..."
"..."
"I'm waiting for you to ask what it is." laughs Rockfist goodheartedly.
"Oh, yeah..." says Velm sheepishly,"I have no idea what you mean."

Rockfist proceeds to explain about the Leviathan, the tracked troop carrier/command center, and the Colossus, the armored gun platform the size of a Warhound. He then goes into the Colossus Devastator, a Colossus utilizing Antigrav and with the ability to create Imperial Robotic Gyrocopters with resources extracted from the environment, in the same vein as a Land Train.

"...wow, that's great!" says Velm.
"Excavation should be done in a few months, then we can give it a good look over."

>> No.22590539
File: 94 KB, 572x591, Tau Ice Cream.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22590539

Meanwhile, Ragebeard gets a message from Korst'la the 5th. It appears the Inquisition is gathering important people from around the sector to discuss the recent xenos activity plaguing Imperial worlds. While not on the list initially, Korst'la has paid enough bribes and pulled some strings to get the Brotherhood on the list. The coordinates given, oddly enough, show up as empty space in maps of the sector, leading to Ragebeard believing one of two things - it's a ship, or something's hidden.

>> No.22590573
File: 129 KB, 1024x768, Squat command squad.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22590573

Deciding to call a general meeting of higher-ups, Ragebeard attempts to fire Morty from First Officer, and replace him with Sung, until they realize that switching ranks costs XP, and if Sung becomes First Officer, he would no longer be allowed to pilot the ship (Piloting the Ship being a Rank 3 Master Helmsman job). Annoyed that he cannot have his cake and eat it too, Ragebeard once more attempts to change 15,000 years of Squat Tradition with a more democratic system. Velm is one of the strongest opponents of the new system, comparing it to the Warrior Lodge system of the Great Crusade, which didn't turn out too well for the Legions. Every squat on the Fleet breathes a sigh of relief when it fails once again. Even with his changes (new democratic system during peacetime, Rank system during wartime), it is still unacceptable to the masses.

>My Exact Words from the Recording:
>Be aware, there may be repercussions. There may be consequences, ranging from the Living Ancestors no longer liking you, or worse.
>If you choose to do away with the ranks, it will cause much, much anger throughout the holds.

"They're gonna grin and bear it," says Ragebeard with finality, "One way or ther other, I'm going to make this happen."
>The Squats will remember this, both Ragebeard's stubbornness, and Velm as the only one who opposed it.

>> No.22590597
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22590597

Ragebeard dismisses the crew, and calls over Mekdok Uzgob.
"I don't know how you or your 'friends' pulled this off, and frankly, I don't want to. Know this: If you betray my people...all I'm saying is, watch yourself."
"I'Z WATCHIN' YOU TOO, BOSS!" yells Uzgob excitedly, "I'z make yer boyz ded killy!"
Ragebeard can only shudder.
"HI-5, BOSS!" yells Uzgob, slamming his power klaw down. Ragebeard quickly brings his thunder hammer up, before the concussive force throws both backwards.
"Hurr hurr hurr...dat wuz fun, boss!" yells Mekdok Uzgob as he wanders off towards the Galactus.
"As long as we have an understanding..." mutters Ragebeard.

>> No.22590608
File: 14 KB, 320x180, O'Malley's.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22590608

Heading over to O'Malley's Bar and Grill before leaving, Ragebeard demands the heaviest of alcohol, to which O'Malley passes him, as explosions echo from the Galactus. He looks up at the Squat Level, and notes that 1000 squats disappeared from the Battlefleet Station.

"This got out of hand pretty quick, didn't it?" asks Ragebeard.
"I don't know, Warlord, it's much calmer compared to the Evacuation." replies O'Malley.
"I suppose that's true." says Ragebeard.
"Rockfist and I wouldn't have named you Warlord if we didn't think you couldn't handle it." adds O'Malley.
"I thought it was because I was the last one of rank left." posits Ragebeard.
"That too," admits O'Malley, "You haven't steered us wrong yet, Warlord."
Both take a swig of alcohol.
"We're still here, aren't we?"
"Unfortunately, I've been missing a number of the ceremonies as of late," says Ragebeard.
"We've all missed Ceremonies, Warlord. I myself have yet to go through the Ceremony of the Living Ancient, where I surrender my name and my titles to advise the Brotherhoods," O'Malley looks up, "I look forward to taking my place amongst the Ancestors when everything calms down."
"Can you hold Ancestral Services again?" asks Ragebeard, "we've all been missing out."
"I hold service as often as I can," replies O'Malley, "they never stopped."
"Tell me when you hold the next one." says Ragebeard.
"Of course, Warlord." says O'Malley, who goes back to polishing drinks.
"Here's hoping we can get some Inquisitorial leverage." says Ragebeard.
"Here's hoping." echoes O'Malley.

>> No.22590655
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22590655

The Fleet enters the warp, and begins the long trip to the mysterious coordinates. Collecting all their information, and the veterans who have combat experience with the Umbra, Ragebeard hopes to thouroughly impress the Inquisition.

"Prepare yourselves." says Ragebeard, "The Inquisition has a lot of sway in the galaxy, and they don't take kindly to being told they're not the ones in the know..."
>How ironic.

>> No.22590718
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22590718

Deciding to try out their new powers of Sigma Harmonics, Mekdok Uzgob builds a few tinboyz and lets the Brotherhood go fuckwild. Morty starts with a drum solo, filling the air with spikes and explosions, and is quite impressed. Sung plays his guitar, letting the music charge him forward, but bumps on multiple of Morty's spikes, faceplanting into the ground. Velm tries to control the flow of time, but cocks it up, catching herself in a bubble of slowtime. Ragebeard, likewise, fails to manifest his own powers. While Velm is caught in slowtime, and Morty's spikes dissipate, Sung successfully gets a charge off, annihilating a tinboy. Ragebeard finally channels his love, his anger, and all of his sorrow, and glows with an awesome power, blinding the already slowed Velm. Ragebeard then tries to move Velm, caught in the same bubble of slowtime. While Sung and Morty get bored and wander off, talking about how awesome their Sigma Harmonics are, Velm and Ragebeard must wait what seems like hours for the Aeonstave effect to wear off.

>> No.22590794
File: 2.92 MB, 2312x3584, Inquisition.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22590794

As the Brotherhood feel the familiar rumble indicating exit from the warp, the Brotherhood find themselves approaching a garden world hanging in the distance. Passing by a number of defense platforms in the day-long travel, the Brotherhood see a station in the distance, a pair of rings connected by bridges. Receiving clearance to approach, the Brotherhood dock on the Stardock section of the mysterious station, docking alongside a number of ships ranging from Inquisitorial Clippers to Rogue Trader vessels (including their old friend Uncle Bouki), to Studio 69.

"Be aware, we're dealing with people who have PLANETS on their wall of kills." says Ragebeard, "Let's see if we can't convince these guys what needs to be done."

Disembarking, the Brotherhood are met with a number of Stormtroopers.

"Welcome to Catalyst station. You're expected."

>> No.22590825
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22590825

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hlk3XgxwQsY

"Please follow us." says a Stormtrooper.

The Brotherhood are separated from the Senior advisers and the SDF squads, each brought to other parts of the station. Echoes of torture and pain reverberate through the vaulted ceilings. Passing through gothic hallways, the stormtroopers bring the Brotherhood to a conference room. Nutrient paste and battle biscuits have been laid out.

"Nutrient paste!" says Sung, "Bland flavored! My favorite!" says Sung.
"Troopers, if they try anything funny, you know what to do." comms Ragebeard to the SDF troopers.
"Lay down and die, right Sir!" the troopers comm back.

Ragebeard facepalms, while he tries and fails to find a way to tell them to shoot their way out. The door opens once more as the Stormtroopers take position.

"The Conclave is ready. Please follow us." says the Stormtrooper.

>> No.22590867
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22590867

The Brotherhood are brought to a larger conference room, as more attendees fill in. Shas'o Korst'la the 5th swaggers in with his stetson over his eyes, flanked by Archon Khodexus of the Kabal of the Master Spark, and Techmarine Jamal as emmissary from the Black Panthers Spess Mehreens. Also in attendance is Uncle Bouki, the Rogue Trader who lost his system to the appetites of Factory Ship Galactus.

"I wonder if he remembers us..." whispers Velm.
"Oh, I remember you just fine, belle, don't you worry none." chuckles Bouki.
"Right then!" says Velm, "I just proved something."

But all voices hush, and lines of Stormtroopers stand at attention, and throw up gang signs as Lord Inquisitor Calvin "The Lion" Doggfather walks in.

>> No.22590906
File: 443 KB, 885x754, Snoop Dogg Day.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22590906

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TE4EJukLDFk

"Word up, word up, yo." says Inquisitor "The Lion" Doggfather, "I trust y'all know why y'all niggas here?"
Everyone waits expectantly.
"Fine, I tell you all. We here to see what the fuck be up with these Slann and these Old Ones in our sector," says Doggfather, "They be attacking more and more, and that shit's just plain fucking annoying."
Doggfather walks up to the hololith.
"They piece look nothin' like proper Imperial shit," continues Doggfather, as Korst'la brings out a set of Shards, "This shit was recovered by a skilled Cell, and shoots solid light."
Korst'la passes the handle to Khodexus.
"They only respond with the correct stimulus," says Khodexus passes the shard to Doggfather, the rifle-like weapon suddenly assembling itself in his hand.
"The Old Ones claim to have made Humanity, which goes against the will and teachings of the God Emprah," muses Doggfather, "but there must be SOMETHING they did, because this gun only reacts to pure Humanity and certain other xenos. I had a number of Deathwatch teams look at it as well, and the only ones who got it to work were the most celebrated ones. They also used up all the ammo firing it at each other."
Doggfather drops the gun.
"But what we really need to know..." says Doggfather, activating the hololithic display, "is what the fuck is Sigma Harmonics?"

The hololith switches to an image of a Necron Phaeron standing over a synthesizer - Phaeron Ramsestron.

>> No.22590927
File: 152 KB, 800x533, Umbra.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22590927

"The Cell we sent out went above and beyond the call of duty when getting us this shit," says Doggfather, "And they mentioned that this was not the first time the fukken xeno spoke of Sigma Harmonics, which, from what we can tell, is a way to transfer energy and knowledge via a technique involving sound."
Doggfather turns to the Brotherhood.
"The Necron mentioned you all by name, in the scroll. What the fuck do y'all niggas have to do with this?"

Since three of the four players feel their fellowships of sub30 mean they will fuck it up, they delegate the explanation to Ragebeard.
"We had a run-in with him on multiple occasions." says Ragebeard
"Tell me why I should't have y'all niggas popped for heresy?" asks Doggfather.
"For one, we've got more first-hand experience than all of you combined." says Ragebeard smugly.
"We already HAVE experience against the Slann and the Umbra. We noticed multiple substrains. Of course, if you'd like to tell us of the three substrains..." Says Doggfather.
"We have done SOME study of the Umbra, and found very little usable information," says Velm, "The only thing they really seem to hate is what we call Sunburst, a quality found on some of our weapons that produces bright light."
"The Cell noted that their weapons glowed at one point, that must be Sunburst as well."
"From what it seems, you are speaking of the Umbralets, the weakest of the Umbra." says Korst'la.
"They can possess dead or living creatures, and attack with dark tentacles, even converting entire starships into a single organism." adds Velm.
"Definitely the Umbralet, pardner." says Korst'la, "Then you know nothing of the Warrior Umbra?"
"No." says Velm.

>> No.22590965
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22590965

"You speak of the Darklings," says Doggfather, "We've heard of these. We were lucky enough that the Cell we sent out saved the sector, or at least delayed the inevitable, when they fought through numerous Darkling Eldar Allies and destroyed the Old One Keyship."
"I..." stammers Velm.
"I thought you said you knew all about this?" asks Doggfather.
"Fuck." says Sung.
"We had noticed Eldar movement, but-" starts Ragebeard.
"The Eldar and Xahecatl are best fucking buttbuddies now," says Doggfather.
"Didn't he mention them WORSHIPPING the Old Ones?" asks Sung.
"Adds to the situation with the gun," concedes Doggfather.
"I do say, this marks you all as dangerous, doesn't it?" laughs Bouki.
"I say again, why should I not purge yo' asses?" asks Doggfather, "You only here because the Tau insisted."

>> No.22590999
File: 179 KB, 800x600, Necron War Room.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22590999

"We do have SOME information that you can use, but I won't share unless I get the rest of my crew back."
"You'll get them back," says Doggfather, "Define information."
"The filthy xeno had been asleep for a while now." says Ragebeard.
"We know. He's a Veteran of the War in Heaven, and developed Sigma Harmonics to combat the Old Ones from his tomb on Qadesh." says Doggfather, quite bored now.
"It would be a little while before we would see it first hand. We were the first to respond to the distress call. We headed up to the Command Tower and met Xahecatl himse-" starts Ragebeard.
"Yes, an 'Old One' of incredible psychic power," interrupts Doggfather.
"We tried to put him in his place, as it were, and as soon as we inconvenienced him, he entered an incorporeal state." explains Ragebeard, "That was when-"
"He phased," says Doggfather, "Most likely to create a Webway portal with his Blade of Realities...but I guess you didn't know that either?"
"No...we didn't." mutters Ragebeard.
"Korst'la, you're slipping." says Doggfather.
Korst'la shrugs.
"It was at that point serendipity happened, and the Xenos brought us to-" tries Ragebeard.
"Triarch Forge." states Doggfather, "We know all about Triarch Forge and your tests."

Now Ragebeard is caught off guard.
"It seems you are on top of things." says Ragebeard, shocked.
"We wouldn't be the Inquisition otherwise." says Doggfather, smugly.

>> No.22591045
File: 911 KB, 800x600, Necron.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22591045

"Tonal Architect Ramsestron deemed us the best way to defeat the Old Ones, and we know all about his plans." continues Ragebeard.
"He wants to bring back his people using your Warp Signatures," says Doggfather, "First the Ratlings and Ogryns, lastly you all."
"Yes." says Ragebeard.
"We are fully aware of this Ramsestron's power when he worked with our own cell to defeat the Keyship. The experience caused them to request time for penance, soul-searching, or mind-cleansing, which we provided." explains Doggfather.
"I didn't have the heart to reveal who would be bankrolling it." laughs Korst'la.
"We know completely of Sigma Harmonics, and our best adepts are studying the phenomena as we speak." explains Doggfather.
The Brotherhood look dejected as he pulls out a similar spess-papyrus Hyperscroll.'

"The long and short of it is we were given full knowledge of how to use it, and how to weaponize it." says Ragebeard, grasping for straws.
"As were we," states Doggfather.
"So how can we tell there won't be any more problems with more Keyships?" asks Uncle Bouki.
"Now that we have a sample and signature, we'll be searching around for any more," explains Doggfather, "We're gonna call this conclave here, we'll return momentarily."

"The Lion" Doggfather walks out, as does Bouki, Khodexus, and Jamal. Korst'la joins up with the Brotherhood.

>> No.22591083
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22591083

"We are on very, VERY thin ice." says Velm.
"That is my understanding." says Ragebeard.
"Don't feel bad, pardner!" says Korst'la, "The Inquisition sends out cells when they need more information. This one happened to be very good at what they do."
"Don't suppose it was a Deathwatch cell?" asks Ragebeard.
"Deathwatch don't use cells. Besides, this was a trio of Guardsmen. I was glad to fund them," replies Korst'la, "I never heard such a tale, piloting Triarch Stalkers..."
Morty raises an eyebrow.
"So why is Bouki here?" asks Ragebeard.
"As a Warranted Rogue Trader, he gets to be here." says Korst'la.
"We might need to demonstrate Sigma Harmonics." says Velm.
"Considering his Cell has met with the Xeno, he may be trying to pin heresy on us so he can purge us and take our information, despite him doing the same thing." says Ragebeard, still under the mistaken assumption that he has info that the Inquisition does not.
"He's a Lord Inquisitor, he operates on technicalities." says Morty.
"They're just placing blame." says Ragebeard.
"Don't you love politics?" asks Sung.

Then the alarms go off.
"That's not good." says Korst'la, "that's the lockdown alarm.
"It keeps happining." sighs Sung.
"Squads Deepslayer, Hammerbeard, Doomsteel, and Doomcarver, load up for Umbra." says Morty to his SDF forces.
"Yes, Hearthguard!" they rally, "We're working with the Stormtroopers as we speak!"

>> No.22591109
File: 13 KB, 220x175, notorious.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22591109

Attempts to commbead the fleet fail, but Rockfist and Uzgob are with a number of stormtroopers, while Brenner and the SDF forces are heading to the central corridor posthaste. Fearing the worst, ranging from an attack to a mass possession of the station, the Brotherhood and Korst'la rush to the central corridor. As they arrive, the alarm turns off. Rushing to the gaggle of Inquisitors, now standing around, Doggfather at their head.

"All right, everyone get back you your stations!" says one.
"Uh, pardner?" says Korst'la, beckoning the players over, "You might want to hear this."
Another Inquisitor holds a hololith, of a fat dead inquisitor.
"Inquisitor Smalls is dead, but we have the culprit under arrest!" says another inquisitor, "I repeat, Barzhad O'Malley is under arrest!"

The Brotherhood turn seven shades of puce.

"what?" asks Velm, horrified.
"That's not good at all." says Morty.
"Get ready for immediate purging." says Lord Inquisitor "The Lion" Doggfather.
>And then Ragebeard starts saying words.

>> No.22591171
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22591171

>>22591109
>And then Ragebeard starts saying words.

>> No.22591172
File: 79 KB, 335x420, exterminatus fgsfds.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22591172

"Don't even think of purging immediately." says Ragebeard, "We need to figure out what happened here."
"We know what the fuck happened here," says an inquisitor, "Yo' boy killed Biggie! Y'all niggas under arrest too!"
The stormtroopers raise their weapons.
"So here's a brief thought to consider - what if you knew for a fact there was a small group of people who could cause you any impediment at all?" posits Ragebeard.
"Are you threatening the Inquisition, motherfucker?" Every Hot Shot Lasgun charges to full.
"Actually, quite the opposite. Xahecatl and his Slann friends claim us to be the biggest annoyance he's known." says Ragebeard.
"Because you the only one he knows about." says Doggfather, "We can always find a team, beyond heretics like you."
"Why waste them when we have a personal vendetta to settle with them anyway?" says Ragebeard.
"'Cause yo' vendetta could cost us the sector or even the Imperium, and I'm not willing to let that slide, motherfucker."
"And if you're unable to?"
"We'll find some who can."
"And how long will that take?"
"A Vox call away," says an inquisitor, "Maybe even a deathwatch team."
"Well, what would be the best way to get the Old ones out of your hair?"
"If we wanted to," says Doggfather, "The simplest way would be to exterminatus your people, and deny him the warp signatures he needs."
"But he said normal people weren't good for his cause-" says Ragebeard, losing the initiative.
"Then he can't bring his people back if y'all niggas dead!" yells Doggfather.

>> No.22591195
File: 74 KB, 429x581, Fail.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22591195

Allow me to explain the situation. The Brotherhood have lost the initiative. Due to Ragebeard's words, the Inquisition now thinks that the best way to solve the Old One threat is to Exterminatus the Squats. The Brotherhood believe Xahecatl can use normal humans. The Inquisition knows he cannot. If the Squats die, Xahecatl's mission (Bring back the Old Ones) fails, as does the Brotherhood's (Reform the Squat Holds). This is something that the Inquisition is willing to sanction - a million lives for untold quadrillions.

The Brotherhood has dug themselves into a hole of Ragebeard's making, and as the hellguns take aim, a single voice is heard.

"I have an idea." says Korst'la.

>> No.22591235
File: 42 KB, 246x241, Tau with Downs.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22591235

"You know, this might be good." says Morty.
"They want their Barzhad back, you want him purged," explains Korst'la, "I have this amazing concept! It's called...a trial!"
"Oh yeah! We know all about trials, you fukken xeno!" says an Inquisitor, "Get the suspect, call them guilty, purge them!"
"No! Evidence and all that!" says Korst'la.
"Man what the fuck." says an inquisitor.
"Two hours," says Doggfather, "I'm only doing this to humor the xeno."
"Mon'keigh, I offer my services as a prosecutor," says Khodexus, "My rates are as follows..."

As an armed stormtrooper guard are sent to watch the party, they split up to get more stuff done. Morty and Velm head to the crime scene, where their bloodtracking/analytical skills can help the most, while Ragebeard and Sung go to meet with O'Malley.

>> No.22591319
File: 11 KB, 259x220, horatio.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22591319

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0RM_NWPO90

Bringing them to the crime scene, Korst'la swipes a small card.
"What is that?" asks Velm.
"A Ward Accessor. You need these to access the crime scene." replies Korst'la, "Granted only to Inquisitors, High-Level Rogue Traders, and myself."
"That might be important." notes Morty.

Reaching the crime scene, Velm and Morty begin to search the area. Inquisitor Smalls' corpse lays slumped against the wall, marks on the ground visible from where he slid across. They are not allowed access to the pict-caster bank, by Inquisitorial Remit. However, Velm determines there ARE hidden pict-recorders about. Velm studies the corpse, and receives the Autopsy Report, indicating that Smalls died via blunt force trauma with energy burns. Morty and Velm suspect a Thunder Hammer or other blunt power weapon. A Crime Scene report is also assembled, noting that beyond the body, the crime scene is clean. Morty searches the ground, and finds something odd - a cufflink with a symbol of a rogue trader house unknown to them.

>Evidence Collected From Scene: 100%
>Ward Accessor
>Crime Scene Report
>Autopsy Report
>Cufflink

>> No.22591341
File: 98 KB, 576x655, Squat Living Ancestor.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22591341

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVybqeHLpAw

Ragebeard and Sung, meanwhile, head to the Holding Center. Kept 20m away from Barzhad O'Malley in the center, under heavy Stormtrooper guard. Ragebeard and Sung get to work asking him questions.

"How can I help, Warlord?" asks O'Malley.
"Run us through everything." says Ragebeard.
"I got up, went to use the restroom, and when I got back, I was under arrest."
"Where were the guards?" asks Ragebeard.
"They don't follow you to the bathroom."
"Sounds like poor guards." says Sung, "O'Malley, did they confiscate your weapons? Did you have a thunder hammer?"
"Yes and yes." replies O'Malley.
"Do you wear cufflinks?" asks Sung.
"No, I lost mine before I boarded this station." says O'Malley.
"O'Malley, were the doors open?" asks Sung, "You need a Ward Accessor for them."
"I heard a door, but that's it." says O'Malley.
"Guard, we need the list of effects seized from O'Malley.
"You are not privy to that information, Mon'Keigh." says the haughty voice of Khodexus, walking through a door.

>> No.22591366
File: 35 KB, 600x450, Gary Spivey, Psychic.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22591366

"We'll need it if we're to mount an effective defense." demands Ragebeard.
Khodexus simply laughs.
"The Inquisition wants their guilty verdict, and to be honest, I will do my best to get them that." says Khodexus.
Khodexus turns to O'Malley.
"No offense, you do work for us, after all."
"I know where you come from, Dark Eldar." replies O'Malley stoically.
"What psychic powers have you branched out into?" asks Ragebeard.
"All of them." says O'Malley.
"Were there any psychic powers observed?" asks Sung.
"There was much strange psychic phenomena since you all got here," says Khodexus, "If that's what you're asking?"
"Can we get a record of this?" asks Sung.
"None of your testimonies will be admitted in court unless it's physical evidence." says Khodexus.
"Are your psychic powers reserved or flashy?" asks Ragebeard.
"Hundreds of years of experience suggest subtle." says O'Malley.

>Evidence Collected From Scene: 100%
>Profile: Barzhad O'Malley (Important stuff: Mastery Level 4, Right Handed, Min' Boolits)

>> No.22591396
File: 267 KB, 724x970, Dark Eldar Kabal I am Disappoint.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22591396

Given that at this point they had collected all the evidence possible and relevant to the trial, I decided to cut the interrogation short. Ragebeard has written down pages and pages of notes which would really do nothing but confuse the Brotherhood in the future , and gets slightly upset that he cannot get more testimony or information.

As they leave, Velm asks one more question over Vox.

"O'Malley, you didn't do it, did you?"
"No, I did not." replies O'Malley.

"Ten minutes to trial, Mon'keigh," smiles Khodexus, "prepare yourselves."

Heading to the court room, the Brotherhood combine their information.

"Are we going to be fine?" asks Velm.
"You have all the evidence you need, so you should be fine." says Korst'la, "But be watchful, Khodexus knows more about your gue'la laws than I do. I will do what I can to help."
"What skill do I roll to make court proceedings happen?" asks Sung.

>> No.22591434
File: 69 KB, 500x500, Phoenix Wright Xbox Kid.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22591434

The Brotherhod arrive at the court, and take the stand of the Defendant. Khodexus takes the stand of the Prosecution. The Brotherhood's hearts sink as Jamal takes the judge stand, scratching the judge's wig on his head.

"I don't know how a wig can itch through a helmet and an afro..." sighs Sung.
"Okay, you all know how this is going to work, right?" asks Korst'la.
"Yes. Examine, cross examine, examine, cross examine..." drones Ragebeard.
"Completely wrong," explains Korst'la, "Khodexus will call a Witness, who will offer Testimony. You can PRESS for more information, which is free and helpful. If you wish to OBJECT, and point out a contradiction, then select a statement, and present appropriate evidence."
Korst'la looks to Jamal.
"Jamal has limited patience, and wrong answers will confuse him. You have three fuckups before Jamal hurts himself in his confusion, and your friend gets a Guilty Verdict."
"This makes no sense. It doesn't sound like a real court at all." says Ragebeard quizzically.
"This...this is the Justice System." says Velm in shock.
"Like Phoenix Wright?" asks Sung.
>Exactly.
"Be very careful!" stresses Korst'la, "The Justice System is based around getting a guilty verdict! Read your evidence carefully and OBJECT only when you're sure! I can try to help, but the rest is up to you!"

Velm and Sung had seen the Phoenix Wright film a few days back, so they knew what to expect and how to treat the system. Indeed, they would be the ones to figure out puzzles near instantly, so I felt bad for them when Ragebeard started using his pages of notes to convolute things.

>> No.22591495
File: 34 KB, 392x286, Inquisitors.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22591495

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i93Bd8nhAOs

"So why are we here, again?" asks Jamal.
"We need a not guilty verdict!" yells Sung.
"Uh..." thinks Jamal.
"We need a guilty verdict." says Khodexus.
"Oh, right! I decla-" starts Jamal.
"Jamal! Witnesses!" yells Korst'la.
"Oh, right." says Jamal sheepishly.
"I hate you, Korst'la." sighs Khodexus.

Ragebeard laughs at the Lord Inquisitor, making the situation better in his mind.

Khodexus calls up his first witness - Inquisitor Method, one of the Inquisitors standing there earlier.

>> No.22591512
File: 27 KB, 300x225, Failanx.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22591512

Method Testimony 1-1 - The Arrest

-We found O'Malley standing at the crime scene.
-Shit was bloody as hell, and only the suspect could have caused it.
-We will inflict the Judgement of the Inquisition on his ass right away!

This was the first testimony, and the EASIEST. Immediately, Morty and Velm were about to object about the scene being bloody as hell, because the Crime Scene Report said there was no blood. (Crime Scene Report on Statement 2)

THIS WAS THE CORRECT ANSWER.

Ragebeard, however, goes back to his pages of notes and points out that O'Malley was in the bathroom. When asked for evidence by Khodexus, he presents the Crime Scene report on Statement 1.

"This has nothing to do with anything, Mon'keigh."
"Yes, it does!" yells Ragebeard defiantly, "We have testimony from O'Malley stating he was in the bathroom!"
"Your testimonies mean nothing, only physical evidence." points out Khodexus.

FUCKUPS: 1/3

>> No.22591547
File: 469 KB, 1280x923, CHopper fail.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22591547

Angry, Ragebeard then presents the Autopsy Report on Statement 2.

"One day you'll make sense, Mon'Keigh."
"Nope!" says Ragebeard smugly, "The Autopsy Report states that there was internal bleeding and energy damage!"
"Besides the fact we're speaking about the CRIME SCENE, internal bleeding does not imply there was no external bleeding." laughs Khodexus.
"What?" yells Ragebeard, incredulous, "That's not fair at all! This Autopsy Report clearly says the only blood was internal!"
"Only on the body, nowhere does it speak of the crime scene," says Khodexus, "Welcome to the inquisition."

FUCKUPS: 2/3.

Velm consults Korst'la, and he states that 'using the right evidence at the right time.' She finally loses patience, and presents the Crime Scene Report at Statement 2, explaining the Crime Scene Report states there was no blood. Ragebeard is angry now, because he believes the Inquisition is holding to a double standard.

"You said you checked the crime scene." says Khodexus, annoyed.
"I did!" says Method.
"Even I saw no blood!" yells Khodexus.
"Fine!" sighs Method.

>> No.22591586
File: 45 KB, 500x549, Why am I here murders.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22591586

Method Testimony 1-2 - The Body

-Fine, but I know what I saw with that body!
-He was slumped against the wall.
-The body was riddled with holes.
-Shit looked painful, I know that much.

The Brotherhood is worried now, they've blown two of three fuckups on the gimme of the trial. However, Velm, Morty, and Sung immediately pick out the fact that the body wasn't riddled with holes. Asking Korst'la for advice, "They're very picky about terminology. Holes mean holes."

Finally starting to understand, Ragebeard and Morty consider the Crime Scene report, which states the body was against the wall (true) and the Autopsy report which states Blunt Force Trauma (contradict). They select Autopsy Report on statement 3.

>> No.22591618
File: 66 KB, 600x577, Objection Spess Mehreen.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22591618

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_k1rPDRv6M

"The body was NOT riddled with holes," says Ragebeard, "the Autopsy Report shows Burn Wound from Blunt Force Trauma."
"What do you mean?" yells Method, "I saw that shit myself!"
"Are you lying to me?" asks Khodexus, enraged.
"Man, fuck you, xeno!" says Method, "I just trying to get that guilty verdict!"
"If Mon'keigh can figure out such simple holes in your testimony even I could figure out, then you are of no use to me."

Method leaves the stand, in preparation for the next witness.

"I am told you have evidence that can blow this case wide open," says Khodexus, "Do not fail me, Redman."
"Yeah, fo sho', xeno, fo sho'," says Redman, "fuck you."

As Redman takes the stand, Morty and Ragebeard express their disapproval at how the case is going, and how I am being unfair in the evidence.

>> No.22591661
File: 116 KB, 600x547, Off Duty Inquisitors.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22591661

Redman Testimony 2-1 - New Evidence

-Who cares about the body, check this out!
-A Photo of the scene!
-This figure here is the defendant!
-There's no way it couldn't be him!

>Evidence: Security Pict Cast Image, shows the left side of a figure wearing what Velm identifies as a power glove.

Sung immediately picks out the fact that there IS a way it couldn't be him, and is supported by Korst'la when asked. The question becomes determining what evidence to use. "Assume the image is perfectly valid and true," adds Korst'la.

Ragebeard can barely contain his anger at this point, because every time he tries to apply ACTUAL law, he gets ruined, and Sung and Velm are getting the puzzles withing seconds (despite only seeing Phoenix Wright film). After a few false starts with a Coat vs Armor debate, pict-recorder positions, ambivalence about the body, position of the glove in the image, and a minor fuckup when I drew a piece of evidence wrong (which I did not fault them for), Sung finally remembers that the only way in is via Ward Accessor, but Ragebeard is against using it because he can't figure out how to use it.

"Can a person switch off hands?" asks Velm.
"It's only a -20 penalty." says Korst'la, "Perhaps the hand is not what you want?"

Deciding to risk it, Sung insists on pushing the Ward Accessor, but Ragebeard is against it.

"Korst'la, what should we do?" asks Velm.
"Fight for small victories," says Korst'la, "Let the evidence speak for itself."

While Ragebeard rages about being unable to request more evidence, and is trying to extablish a big picture, Sung and Velm presents the Ward Accessor on Statement 4.

"Ward Accessor Access is given only to Inquisitors, Rogue Traders and Korst'la." says Ragebeard.
"He just used his card!" says Redman.
"He doesn't have one, you fool," says Khodexus, "They aren't Rogue Traders."
"What?" asks Sung.
"You didn't tell me that!" says Redman.
"I would expect you to know," says Khodexus, "Now amend your testimony!"

>> No.22591696
File: 11 KB, 441x495, Tau Xbox Kid.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22591696

Redman Testimony 2-2 - A Third Party

-Well, who could it be? There was no sign of others.
-There isn't anyone else who fits the description.
-The Machine Spirit does not lie.
-That squat motherfucker is a heretic.

After pressing him and determining that the 'machine spirit' means the pict-recorder, Sung's first instinct is the fact that there was no sign of others. Pressing the first statement, he says that they didn't find evidence of anyone else. While Ragebeard believes the Keycard shows signs of others, Sung believes that the inquisitor might have swiped the card and someone followed him in, and strongly believes the Cufflink is the key.

"Korst'la, your opinion?" asks Velm.
"Using the same evidence twice is considered bad form, you'd just be repeating earlier points instead of making new ones," explains Korst'la.

Ragebeard decides to present the Cufflink on Statement 1.

>> No.22591722
File: 65 KB, 900x601, Blue Spess Mehreen.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22591722

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_uwSba24OE

"There actually was signs of another. This Cufflink was found at the scene of the crime." explains Ragebeard.

"You mean you didn't find this?" asks Khodexus.
"Man, what am I, the fucking Janitor?" asks Inquisitor Redman.
"There was someone else there, even I can see that."
"So?"
"Then who is it? This isn't the sign of the inquisition, of my Kabal, or of Korst'la's House," declares Khodexus, "Get off my stand, Mon'Keigh."

"Am I the only one sweating about this trial?" asks Velm.
"No, we have one fuckup left." says Sung.

"I'm calling my third witness to the stand."
The Brotherhood bristle as Uncle Bouki takes to the stand.

>> No.22591766
File: 40 KB, 800x374, glove.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22591766

Bouki Testimony 3-1 - The Weapon

-You see, we found the Murder Weapon.
-An Archeotech Power Glove.
-These are fitted to the wearer, and prove his guilt.
-I do say we're done here.

>Evidence: Power Glove, appears to be left handed.
>Profile: Uncle Bouki, rogue trader, left-handed

"I've suspected this guy from the very beginning," laughs Ragebeard, thinking he has it in the bag at this point.

The Brotherhood collect themselves, and press Uncle Bouki heavily. Uncle Bouki claims to have found the Murder Weapon, and handed it into the Inquisition.

"Korst'la, what are the chances the Glove angle is worth pursuing?" asks Sung.
"If the glove does not fit, then you must acquit." replies Korst'la.

The Brotherhood understand that the glove must be the key, and presents the Power Glove at Statement 3.
>This was the correct answer.

>> No.22591808
File: 606 KB, 780x1154, Dark Eldar Archon.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22591808

Khodexus looks over it a moment.

"And what makes O'Malley tied to this glove? What connects this glove to O'Malley?"
"Present an evidence or profile," requests Jamal.

Sung notes that O'Malley's Profile clearly states that O'Malley is right-handed, and if it does not fit, it cannot be him. Ragebeard wants to present the Security Pict Cast Image, as it shows the glove on the left hand. Forgetting that Velm had already determined that the glove could be used on the wrong hand (with a -20 penalty), Ragebeard has Sung present the Security Pict-Cast Image.

Khodexus looks at the image.

"A picture tells me nothing in this case." says Khodexus.
"No...this is the Murder Weapon."
"Even if the glove fits poorly in this image, it still fits, and there's no way to connect this to O'Malley."
"What?" cries Sung, "No, it can't!"

FUCKUPS: 3

>> No.22591850
File: 50 KB, 413x413, Crying Baby.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22591850

"I do say, better luck next time!" says Uncle Bouki.

The Brotherhood are quite depressed. Struggling to figure out a back path, there's no obvious path forward now.

"what was the correct piece of evidence?" asks Sung.
>The very first one you grabbed.
"The profile." says Velm.
>O'malley's profile clearly states he's right handed, but the Glove is fitted for a left hand. The Profile is the only thing that EXPLICITLY states this.
"But couldn't you make the same case for the picture?
"Yeah, your own logic falls apart for that one." says Ragebeard angrily, "Utter horseshit logic."
"It wasn't clear at all." says Morty.
"You are utilizing a skewed method of what is right and what is wrong," says Ragebeard, "And you aren't being fair. Even the first one. The Autopsy report stating no open wounds would mean there's no blood."
>You're inferring, not using the evidence. The question was about the scene, not the body.
"This still isn't fair. We only had three strikes.
>In most cases, you only have one.

Morty, Velm, and Sung look dejected. Ragebeard, red in the facem looks like a four year old about to pull a temper tantrum.

What I decide to do is require EVERYONE burn a fate point to undo a single fuckup token. Ragebeard and Sung jump automatically, followed by Morty and finally Velm. I make it clear that there will not be a second time, because there are some who are out of fate points by now.

The Trial resumes.

>> No.22591891
File: 111 KB, 463x709, Cryptek Car.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22591891

Bouki Testimony 3-2 - Cornered

-Impossible! I do say, everything's right in front of you, and you don't see it!
-If he's not the Murderer, then who is?
-Until you answer that, y'all ain't nothin' but planet-killing murder hobos!
-Your friend is going to die!

"So...who's the Murderer?" asks Jamal, confused.

This time everyone's in agreement. They present the Profile of Uncle Bouki.

>> No.22591911
File: 9 KB, 180x227, Dark Eldar Angry.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22591911

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42aP20oIkvQ&t=3m11s

"You have lied to me for the last time." says Khodexus.
"No! That's impossible!" cries Bouki.
"I guess that makes Living Ancestor Barzhad O'Malley...innocent."

The Brotherhood cheer.

"This isn't fair!" cries Uncle Bouki, breaking down, "You killed my planet, killed my people!"

Uncle Bouki surges forward.

"Well, let me tell you, boys! I made a deal! Together we are going to wipe you off the face of this galaxy!"

Uncle Bouki's form shifts and grows as the Daemon he made a deal with shifts his body into an armored daemonhost.

"Now I do say we will destroy you!"
"What do you mean, we?" asks the Daemon now possessing the Daemonhost.
"But...but we had a deal!" cries Bouki as his soul is subsumed into the armored Berzerker. Six Bloodletters also materialize, and charge at the Brotherhood and at the House of Korst'la.

>> No.22591956
File: 95 KB, 800x680, Blood Slaughterer.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22591956

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=brKt4pvKPaQ

As the Bloodletters throw themselves into combat against everyone, Berzerker Bouki begins shelling the Brotherhood with blasts of energy. Velm, and Morty take heavy damage from the Bloodletters' blades, but everyone dispatches them in time.

Berzerker Bouki then charges into combat, now the size of a dreadnought. His hammer from Tome of Blood can attack all enemies around him, and his Ceramite Plating makes Meltas hard-pressed to get through. While the House of Korst'la distract it with Krak grenade and Blaster fire, the Brotherhood bring their heaviest weapons to bear. Ultimately the daemonic monstrosity falls from a triple fury 90 wounds from Morty's LLC.

The inquisition rush back in as everything falls.

"Damn, son, the Emperor must truly be with you to have gotten a fury like that." says Doggfather as stormtroopers burn everything.

The Brotherhood hover out wordlessly, Morty and Ragebeard attempting to snub the Inquisitors as they pass.

>> No.22592045
File: 1.19 MB, 1600x788, SM vs Tyranids.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22592045

Reuniting with O'Malley and the rest of the crew, the Brotherhood make their way back to the ships, and away from Catalyst Station. The trip back is quiet and pleasant enough, but receiving 1000 corpses back from the Inquisition (the ones they took from Battlefleet HQ) breaks the straw on Ragebeard's back.

"They killed them." says Ragebeard.
>Correct.
"I'm going to get back at them."
>Good luck with that.
"No, it's easy. I'll just use the Carnifex in the Tesseract Labyrinth we got to call a Tyranid Hive Fleet to their station."
>Even though that would cause mass rage amongst your people?
"The inquisition deserves it."
>Despite the fact they can EASILY fix it by sending in a certain Deathwatch Kill Team that only knows Fightin' an' Winnin', or even, as it was so eloquently put, 'The Inquisitor's Pet Tau?'
"Then they'll take heavy losses and need to come to US to resupply, and we can pay off our debt to him." Ragebeard says smugly.
>Or...the Dark Eldar he travels with will just regrow his troops, with zero net loss? Not to mention when they find out, they will exterminate all the Squats?
"If."
>When.

Ragebeard goes silent at this point, pretty angry about the session in general, while the rest of the Brotherhood look on.

>> No.22592298
File: 1.18 MB, 291x260, Shrug Black Dude.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
22592298

In Deffwotch and Immortal Dawn, the Kill Team and the Cell, respectively, were members of the Inquisition...some more that others. They got to see the humorous side of things, the ineptitude visible only to those on the inside. Those two teams were given as much info as possible by the Inquisition, and both maintained a good working relationship with the Ordo Xenos in general. They WERE Inquisition, and the attitudes of the Inquisitors as allies showed that.

In Squat Crusade, you see the Inquisition from an outsider's perspective - the monolithic organization to be feared and respected, that knows everything and has absolute power. The Brotherhood COULD have allied with them, but Ragebeard tried to pull a fast one, and it cost him. He made the assumption that he knew more than the Inquisition, and he paid for it.

Morty was the first to pick up something off.
"The Inquisition knew EVERYTHING...are you running another game?" he asked.
>I ran a one shot over the break - Immortal Dawn. The information was supposed to help you, but you guys claimed to know everything, so...
"Hmm..." was all Morty could say.

And Ragebeard is furious that the Brotherhood are not the Big Fish in the Sector, and will most likely get everyone killed in petty revenge.

Which will be HILARIOUS.

>> No.22592438

I always enjoy your storytimes. It always seems like you have one incompetent That Guy who keeps mucking things up, and it's hilarious.

Is there a place where you've got all of your adventure logs archived? I've only got the Rogue Trader stuff, nothing from Deffwotch or Squat Crusade.

>> No.22592594

>>22592438

You can look on Foolz for them.

>> No.22592611

Shas'o R'myr you're awesome, fantastic as always.

Do you guys have an info pack much like the Deffwotch one for Squat Crusade ? Very interested at getting friends to give it a go during main campaign break.

Keep up the good wok

>> No.22592737

I'm putting my money down now:
Unless Shas'o is very forgiving, this campaign will end with the extermination of the Squats due to the ineptitude of one or more of the players.

>> No.22592808

>>22592611

Info pack?

>>22592737

If the squats all die, it will be due to poor decisions, and not my problem.

>> No.22592862

>>22592808
Like the Deffwotch word document with all the basic info the run it, but for Squat Crusade.

>> No.22592984

>>22592862

No, I do not. I simply used the Something Other Than Human supplement for squat rules by Nathan Dowdell, with RT careers.

>> No.22593184

Do your players not know how to tolerate failure or something? Those seemed easy as hell.

>> No.22593239

>>22593184

That, I am unsure of. I will keep you all updated as normal, as Ragebeard intends to do some very unfortunate things next episode.

>> No.22595628

Evening Bump

>> No.22595917

Shas'o, you need to tell your players to reign in Ragebeard, or they are all going to die. You do NOT fuck with the Inquisition!

>> No.22597696

>>22595917
Ragebeard would just turn it around and use it as a reason to fuck with the Inquisition.

I'm waiting to hear of his inevitable shit-fit and ragequit...

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