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22398070 No.22398070 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Dear /tg/

I fucked with the wrong crowd one time too much. A death knight (she) is coming for me. I ripped her head, I killed her lover, I fucked her plans twice. Now she is pissed, she is dead, she is going to get me and hell comes with her.

I'm a fighter, my two friends and allies are not very reliable in combat or reliable at all. How do you fuck a death knight up anyway. I mean he kills good characters as easy as paladins destroy evil ones,

Please help
Hugs and Kisses
Anon

>> No.22398102

Try hiding out with an order of actively militant paladins in a major metropolis.

>> No.22398108

Give him head.

>> No.22398129

Try and hang around volcanoes. Death Knights hate volcanoes.

>> No.22398168

>>22398102
Yeah, I checked, unfortunatly they will not be much of a help, and are weak anyway

>> No.22398206

>>22398070
Kill yourself before she gets to you. Have your buddies show her the body and apologize, then have them resurrect you when she leaves thwarted.

>> No.22398208

>>22398102
>Going to a Paladin for help with a Death Knight.

Just get a Cleric to help you. They do what Paladins do...but are actually good at it.

>> No.22398229

>>22398102

Or find a way to journey to a Lawful Good aligned outer plane and set up semi permanent residence there, let's see her get to you when you're behind fifty thousand archons.

Anyways, there are a few things I kinda need to know before I can advise you further. Namely, some details about yourself, exactly how powerful this Death Knight is, and what kind of resources do you have access to (including your friends). Also just how far are you willing to go to ensure your survival? Are we talking complete lifestyle and alignment change or something less severe?

Still, you should probably make some friends in a knightly order or consider a midlife career change, its never too late to heed the call and become a paladin.

>> No.22398250

>>22398208
I have one. I don't think he will be powerful enough. Spear of puriy is good but she might be too good for it. I was thinking about tricking her into one on one fight and pushing her into a pit of holy water. I have good arguments on how can I bait her into doing it but how the fuck am I gonna make a big den with holy water in it.

>> No.22398256

>>22398108
OP specified that death knight is a she and you can't give head to a girl. Of course unless she have a penis

>> No.22398281
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22398281

>>22398206
>>22398229
Unfortunatly she wants to assault a large metropoly with her army od deamons whom I am the sole protector. Retreat is not an option

>> No.22398309
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22398309

>>22398070
Fucking deathknights always ruinuing your fun

>> No.22398326
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22398326

Well...

>> No.22398330
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22398330

>> No.22398353

>>22398281
>death knight
>army of daemons
Sir, I'm afraid you have been GROSSLY misinformed about the true nature of your antagonist...

I'd pray for your soul, but that would only attract unwanted attention.

>> No.22398363
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22398363

You fucked yourself into it, now unfuck yourself on your own

>> No.22398380

>>22398353
death knight = short for anti-paladin
It's just easier to write

>> No.22398392
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22398392

>>22398380
and sounds cooler

>> No.22398393

>>22398380
No, BLACKGUARD is short for anti-paladin.

Death knights are something else entirely.

>> No.22398435

>>22398393
So a black guard is going to fuck me up. Big deal, I'm going to be dead anyway if it gets me. Tortured by demons in hell or eternal servitude and pain as an undead risen, both equally bad.

>> No.22398446
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22398446

>>22398435
Sometimes it can be a good pain

>> No.22398459

>>22398281
>>22398250

So clearly you need to make better friends. Here's what you're gonna do. First of all, you're gonna go run right out to the tailor, and buy yourself a cloak, doesn't matter what color, though i suppose dark colors are traditional for this kind of thing, but as long as its one of those styles that has a hood that obscures your face when you wear it. Then go to the nearest tavern and sit in the darkest corner you can find. Within minutes you'll be covered in at least semi-competent adventurers. Spin your tale of woe for them, then make clear the kind of riches any hero who saves a metropolis from the ravages of evil can expect. You'll have a party in no time flat. Then stab her in the face till she dies.

Also why the hell does a huge city have as its only defenders a guy whose skilled with a sword, a incompetent cleric, and a third guy.

>> No.22398480
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22398480

>>22398435
Wanna bet on it?

>> No.22398507

>>22398459
There were others, but they are dead now or to scarred to join me in battle for the third time

>> No.22398525

>>22398507

Well like I said, make some new fucking friends. It's not hard but apparently the only thing you're good at is fucking yourself up the ass.

>> No.22398552

>>22398435
>tortured by demons
>in hell
It's like you're doing this on purpose! I'm sending your black guard a sending detailing your location right this instant.

>> No.22398623
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22398623

Find the Dm's mary sue. Bring a women and turn it into a catfight

>> No.22398662
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22398662

>>22398552
There is no more hiding anon, lets end your suffering

>> No.22398694
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22398694

>>22398435
Don't be such a pussy anon. As yourself what would a real HERO do?

>> No.22398783

>>22398623
She's obviously after you because she wants the dick.

Turn yourself into a girl and see what she says then.

>> No.22398957
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22398957

>>22398694
You mean this?

>> No.22399185

Ok, a plan (I give zero promises about how good or successful it will turn out to be):

1)Gather up all of the oil and other flammable liquids you can get.
2) Find or make a hole/pit, deep enough and steep/slippery enough so she can't easily get out.
3) Fill the hole with all that flammable shit you found.
4) When she comes, get here in the pit somehow (camoflaguing the hole, straight shoving her in, whatever works)
5) Light the oil and shit.
6) Stop her from getting out, fire crap at her to speed things up, and deal with that army.

>> No.22399226

>>22399185
Or just make hole really deep and walls slippery.

>> No.22399242

>>22398694
>Fighters
>Good at anything

laighingwizards.pgn

>> No.22399374

>>22398070
Fight her in the foundry. In the right moment just kick bitch into molten metal. Worked for T-1000, worked for the Alien.

>> No.22399452

>>22398070
Fight her on hollowed ground. It'll give you an edge. If you know someone who can cast the spells, try to call up celestials for aid.

>> No.22399513

>>22398070
Fight in the mine shaft. And then make ceiling collapse on her head. How you will survive? No fucking idea.

>> No.22399566
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22399566

Hire a Guerrilla Army of Kobolds, and get them to create a ridiculous amount of traps to lure the Deathknight through.

>> No.22399619

>>22399566
Or hire them to fight her on a boat. Then sink the boat.

>> No.22399707
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22399707

Okay, OP, you're a fighter, so you're strong. She's an antipaladin, so MAD. You can do this!

Get a Helm of Opposite Alignment. It's a cursed item, so it should be cheap. Get your lame cleric to buff you with Bull's Strength. Proceed to grapple the bitch. While you're grappling her have the cleric and 3rd guy remove her helmet and put the Helm of Opposite Alignment on her. Hopefully your DM will at least find it amusing enough not to call bullshit on trying this. Then when she's Good she'll join you and help you get rid of her evil army.

And if that doesn't work just put the helmet on yourself. Maybe she'll let you join her army, or at least you'll get to fuck with her about how now you're more evil than she is.

>> No.22399835

>>22398783
>Someone get me a wizard. I need a genderbending spell here. And a dragon dildo.

>> No.22399993
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22399993

>>22398070

You do not run from destiny my friend, you embrace it.

Now you find yourself in a moment of your life that most men can only dream about: the lowest point in your history, the darkest of your days. This is your finest hour.

You are alone, overwhelmed by the enemy and whit no way out, and you dear to ask for help?... no. You don’t get help; you don’t get mercy, pity or absolution. Only glory, my friend, only glory.

And so you will turn your injuries into strength, for that which does not kill you can only make you stronger. Gather your allies, your armies, your friends, even your enemies, and if you can’t find them, then brace yourself, because it will make no difference in the end: we must all face our destiny alone, it’s the only way.

Give them hell, my friend, give them pain. If they don’t fear you yet, show the how mistaken they are. Show them that they do not face a men, but something else; something more.

Make them remember you, even after you are gone. Know that they will sing of your file, build cities in your name, and fill whit pride knowing that for one short moment in time, they had the honor of calling you their enemy.

Go ahead, die a hero, be a legend… but if your life is too high of a price, then run, for death is an honor that you are not worthy of.

>> No.22400138

Well she doesn't have a head right? So she's effectively blind. I mean there has to be a good reason for why she's able to get along otherwise. Or better yet, if you still have her head, torture that thing to hell and back, maybe you can dunk it in holy water enough times for the rest of it to die.

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