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/tg/ - Traditional Games


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[ERROR] No.22380280 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

What acts of Terror and Anarchy have you committed?

>> No.22380328

I spilled blood for the blood god, mister malice, does that count?

>> No.22380332

I made a shit posting to /tg/:

>>22380280

>> No.22380382

Fucking god of hipsters

>> No.22380392

>>22380328
Depends if you caused Terror and/or Anarchy

>> No.22380408

>>22380382
You suck, Chaos Undecided is where hipsters go!

>> No.22380417

Man Malal, you sure are boring. No wonder GW fired you.

>> No.22380453

>>22380417
Yeah right... I changed name and they hired me back.

>> No.22380524

in the 6th grade I took a carton of 18 eggs to school and threw them in the ventilation in the bathroom, the whole school smelled terrible

>> No.22380588

I counted the planets I flew past and set fire to each one in the Fibonacci sequence.

>> No.22380597

Also if anyone see those showed at Nurgle and Khorne party tell them i am hosting the party this time!

>> No.22380612

>>22380597
*those who

>> No.22380668

I derailed a thread on purpose.
>>22376704

>> No.22380700

I insulted someones waifu.

>> No.22380807

I put just a tad of noblebright into peoples grimderp

>> No.22380835

I left the toilet seat up. Take that feminists!

>> No.22380933

>>22380700
I Insulted my own waifu

>> No.22381031

I hope Nurgle get's the invitation i send him!

>> No.22381159

>>22380280

Terror? Well I am plastered as the basic entity of death implanted into the minds of all new little organisms.

Anarchy? Bah to anarchy, discord of the living. The living make enough noise as it is.

>> No.22381210

>>22381159
Hi! Welcome to the party!

>> No.22381231

I painted one half of my skull black and then sucked a thousand and one cocks, in worshipful imitation of Great Malal.

>> No.22381323

How's about fuck you malal there's no cultist to hide behind now. I'm gonna feed you into my black fortress and use your essence as ammunition.

>> No.22381379

>>22381323
Leave him alone you prick!

>> No.22381471

>>22381379
I think you'll find yourselves vastly outnumbered, now get those white bits painted black and you might please the real powers of chaos under my banner.

>> No.22381530

>>22381471
HOW ABOUT YOU RUN ABADDON, I HAVE NO MORE PATIENCE FOR YOU AND I'M WILLING TO DESTROY YOU!

>> No.22381587

>>22381530
Oh look it's shouty the red, you're all talk kharn how's about one of these days you challenge a chaos lord who couldn't tear you in two.

Now run along puppy I know the skulls go to khorne but that leaves you plenty of bones to chew.

>> No.22381643

>>22381471
What's it like having no arms Failbaddon?

I wouldn't know cause my mastery of Heretek has given me a dearth of arms.

Oh and I locked down every spigot, faucet, and general source of moisture in a hotel and served freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. I had a psyker implant the desire to eat these cookies in anyone he saw and I made certain that everyone could have as many as they liked.

I also made certain that there were no sources of hydration present for at least 25 minutes after the person had eaten those cookies. I had the psyker reinforce the emotions and sensations a person wentr through as they desperately searched for a way to quench their thirst.

Those people will never enjoy a chocolate chip cookie ever again.

>> No.22381695

We started a gang war in an investigative game.

>> No.22381700

>>22381695
Do elaborate.

>> No.22381705

>>22381587
RETARD!!! I AM KHORNE NOT KHARN, DO I LOOK LIKE KHARN!?

>> No.22381726

>>22381643
You serve a strange force heretek, I would love to know who put out that ridiculous rumour about me having no arms.

I'd say it was Alpharius if he wasn't dead, that son of a bitch loved doing stuff.like that.

>> No.22381764

What's going on here?

>> No.22381765

>>22381705
Oh I erm *cough* hello there lord of battle.

I've just had so much bullshit off that chosen of yours lately everytime I hear angry shouting I think it's him.

>> No.22381787

>>22381726
Maybe Omegon? You know Alpharius twin brother?

>> No.22381788

>>22381764
It would appear that Malice has gathered us here to share tales of our exploits.

>> No.22381794

>>22381764
I think captain no followers wanted us to come see his basement apartment sized realm after we went to nurgle's place and khorne's.

>> No.22381817

Ugggh, so much noise? Why do I hang out with you upstarts anyways?

>> No.22381818

>>22381726
I serve an entity that has no known name, function, or desires. It communicates what it wants via irresistable impulses.

Mostly it wants to fuck with people.

You know what a communicator is right? Little device, lets people talk to eachother? The force I serve had me go to a major metropolitan area and tie down all the comm networks for fifteen minutes during the lunch hour rush.

This totally FUCKED with a lot of people's schedules so when the comm network came back on the hapless fools took it out on people's secretaries and their coworkers and their peer groups.

All that petty, venal, pointless rage brought into existence by shutting down some machinery for 15 minutes.

>> No.22381828

>>22381764
An attempt at a party but i admit this being the first time i'm hosting this kind of event i don't know what to do...

>> No.22381844

>>22381828
Wait, have you and Malal/you and Malice merged into one being? Or have you always been one?

>> No.22381849

>>22381794
But Malal IS Malice! Malice has the Sons of Malice!

>> No.22381856

>>22381788
Oh, hey Mephet'ran; Glad, I am not the only C'tan around here.

>> No.22381864

>>22381828
Booze, Drugs, music, maybe some hookers and black jack.

These are the things parties are made of.

No seriously, I saw an STC printout for one once.

>> No.22381869

>>22381844
Always was the same being.

>> No.22381875

>>22381828
The food wasn't a bad idea, I mean, watching these things remember they can't eat is entertaining.

>> No.22381878

>>22381705
it's CORN guys. stop messing with him.

>> No.22381885

>>22381700
We were talking to some goth club own about strange happenings lately (It is a nWoD game), and eventually the conversation drifted into one of the party asking about completely unresponsive people going around, and that one of our main NPCs who runs a meth lab said that she didn't know what kind of shit they were on, only she's been losing a lot of her business from it.

This club owner tells us that she knows where all our meth lords business is going, and gives us a name, saying that he was trying to get her to buy "the best thing ever".

Anyways, we go back to our Meth lord friend (We borrowed her car) and mention where all her business is going. Turns out this guy killed her brother. So now we have a very angry Methlord getting her gang together with automatic weapons and matching hoodies in a scene much like something from the dark knight rises.

SOMEHOW, we all ended up agreeing that helping out our friend is a good idea for the investigation.

My face the whole time

>> No.22381892

>>22381856
Ah yes, I spotted you in this cramped apartment and figured I'd stop in.

>> No.22381916

Hey, can any of you guys tell birdface to stop hogging all of the damn drinks?

>> No.22381918

>>22381885
Sounds entertaining, anything come out of this gang war yet?

>> No.22381922

>>22381885
Of what do you speak, your words are strange even for the denizens of the warp.

>> No.22381924

I had sex with your waifu.

>> No.22381954

>>22381916
Ah, it seems we have a visitor.
Malice, do turn the thermostat down, no need to melt the snowflake.

>> No.22381967

>>22381918
No, thats were the session ended was with them getting their gear together and getting in their cars.

We are going under the pretense of buying drugs, my character is pretending to be someone fresh off the boat trying to live the american dream, and one of the other PCs and a follower are will me as bodyguards, to seem more legit.

The plan is to go in, scout the place out, then leave sending in the other gang to kill everyone.

>>22381922
What?

>> No.22381979

>>22381764
Thanks again for helping me out with sharing the joy of AIDS with humanity.

>> No.22381992

>>22381471
>tfw you like to paint the Black Legion but /tg/ brands you as spiky Ultramarines player that should feel bad because you don't care about the primarchs or winning the long war

>> No.22381996

>acts of terror and anarchy
I forcibly bestow my "special" gifts on 3 lucky cultists in this party.
Roll 1d2. You get a 2, you're fine. Get a 1, you get the gift.

>> No.22382007

>>22381916
Hey Draigo.

Draigo.

Draigo, hey.

You see that warp portal over there? Pretty sure it leads to Cadia.

Like I'm really sure, I may be fucked up on malicious code right now but I'm never wrong about these things.

>> No.22382017

>>22381967
This can only end well.
Have you considered filling the ventilation with intoxicating fumes before wading in?

>> No.22382028

Okay everyone, we now go to my mansion!

>> No.22382029

>>22381878
why is it that both times i've tried to mess with Khorne for some lolz, he didn't seem to acknowledge my efforts? :(
at least pretend to be angry at me

>> No.22382040

>>22382017
I briefly entertained the idea in OOC about filling the place with demons.

>> No.22382057

Rolled 2

Pfft, like this will even work on me. I have't had anything you'd call an organic appendage in 30 years.

>> No.22382064

Any of you guys hungry.
I brought a pot of this green stuff from my fridge that needed using up.

It looks like chicken curry... or It could be a roast ham, its kind of hard to tell

>> No.22382069

Rolled 1

Well, let's see.

>> No.22382077

This is my TRUE home!

>> No.22382084

>>22382040
Oh well now that would be a surprise, and even better with some creative summoning.
>someone goes to take a shit
>demons in the plumbing

>> No.22382107

I put empty milk cartons back in the fridge.
I back up as close as I can to the vehicle behind me when parking on the street.
I lock bathroom stalls, when slip out beneath their doors.
I once voted republican.

>> No.22382112

>>22382028
come on man I told you before, a 1 room apartment isn't a mansion.

look I know that you have fallen on tough times, but still

>> No.22382114

>>22382069
....my opytics tell me that your body sheds cocaine instead of dead skin cells.

Hold still I'm taking a bump.

>> No.22382115

>>22382028
>tfw you know it's going to be as shitty as the rest of his realm.

>> No.22382116

>>22382064
Looks....delicious.
Who would like the first serving?
>>22382077

>> No.22382126

>>22382084
The only problem is that I don't really know HOW to do that.

>> No.22382128

>>22380280
Stampeding cattle.

>> No.22382130

>>22382077
Nice, not sure how we are going to fit in a picture though....

>> No.22382139

>>22382115

>> No.22382144

>>22381992
So why do some Chaos players hate the Black Legion anyway? Is it because you don't dedicate yourself to the gods and use Chaos like a tool?

>> No.22382150

Rolled 2

>>22381996
What could go wrong?

>> No.22382153

>>22382069
And we've got our first winner.
This is now your fate
<--
Enjoy daemonhood!

>> No.22382158

>>22382126
Simple!
Infiltrate through the sewers, then hope whatever you summon isn't claustrophobic.

>> No.22382175

>>22382112
look at
>>22382077

>> No.22382178

Terror? No, I have not the timing nor the visage to sow terror. Anarchy? No, I have not the motivation to bring many beings to it's realm.
My way, is to crawl to power through making others feel I am a nice guy, Hard working, possessing of great ingenuity.
Why? Power? Women? Status?
All three actually. But Status most of all.

>> No.22382186

Rolled 1

>>22381996
For the dark gods!

>> No.22382204

>>22381996
Oh boy, pick me!

>> No.22382205

>>22382158
The words "sewer level" and "need a better plan" were said quite a few times. We literally argued for the entire session of why it was a terrible idea to even help with this, then argued the best way to go about doing it.

>> No.22382206

>>22382115
see
>>22382077
That my reall home!

>> No.22382208

>>22382077
So wish this home was actually your sex dungeon, where you've taken me, because you missed me.

>> No.22382240

>>22382186
and YOU'RE sweating LSD, here lemme just... fill this vial...

>> No.22382244

>>22382153
Good thing my boyfriend is bi' I guess.

>> No.22382266

>>22382186
How said that Tzeentch is the only one who has sorcerers? Welcome to the crew.

>> No.22382275

>>22382205
Well if that won't work, find some way to summon demons inside vending machines.
No doubt they'll be surprised when that ginger ale they wanted turns out to be a demon.

>> No.22382281

dun dun

>> No.22382282

>>22382266
Who said*

>> No.22382295

>>22382206
Yes, yes; we get it. Question? Will the land lord have a problem with all of us in your tiny room here>>22382116 ?

>> No.22382303

For you, the day the Dark Eldar graced your planet was the most important day of your life. But for us, it was Tuesday.

>> No.22382326

>>22382275
Yes, that would be incredibly surprising.

>> No.22382328

>>22382144
Nothing but envy clearly, also we do worship chaos the legions more likely to use it as a tool, there are certainly other legions and bands that do use it as a tool though. However they don't know how to swap allegiances without everything demon empowered dying like we do.

>> No.22382331

>>22382303
We C'tan lost count in day....maybe we should stop eating stars....

>> No.22382351

>>22382295
Shut up Deceiver, i own the whole place! Stop mocking me or i will have to kick you out! I am my own landlord!

>> No.22382356

>>22382331
I swear, those things have mind-altering effects.

>> No.22382360

SO many Xenos and Heretics gathered in one place...

SOOOO much easier to purge you all.

>> No.22382376

>>22382351
Kick me out?
Really?

>> No.22382378

>>22382331
Yeah, you are getting a bit tubby with the years.

>> No.22382394

>>22382208
This is my sex dungeon.

>> No.22382402

>>22382328
Oh gods I must still be drunk that came out weird.

>> No.22382418

>>22382360
Ugh, here comes Jehovas...

What should we do?

>> No.22382431 [SPOILER] 

>>22382360
you know the warranty of your HUD software's security programs expire like 10000 years ago right? That lets me send images directly to your HUD.

Dare you open this file?

>> No.22382433

>>22382376
Yeah! I have my own method to get rid of you! I have allies throughout time, spaces and alternate realitIes!

>> No.22382453

>>22382356
Stars are symbols of perfection and drugs can give pleasure. Did you enjoy your meals? I've made them for you and not even in a mean-spirited way, as Chaos and C'tan tend to do.
>>22382360
Is the Emperor here?

>> No.22382475

>>22382433
Neat.
How many can pass the DC 40 will-save my shiny golden ass provides?

>> No.22382490

>>22382453
You washed your hands right?

>> No.22382496

>>22382418
You gonna get purged.
>>22382431
Double Purged.
>>22382453
The Emperor is always with Us.

>> No.22382529

>>22382475
>no showing your ass
>covering your penis with something green
Subtle. But you'll need to do more to seduce me.
>>22382490
Yes, I did.
>>22382496
Not the fake God-Emperor you've created. The real deal, that was with us at every party.

>> No.22382533

>>22382453
No just fanboys of the Big E.

Here lemme show you something, see this extension? Yeah that lets you send image files into old Terminator armor HUDs. Heresy them enough and they should leave.

Or flail around like millenial man children, either way we win.

>> No.22382595

>>22382529
Emperor....Party...With....Chaos.....but...I...We....

>>22382533
I have logged that image into my receptors, in order to purge it. I dont get any satisfaction from it. Ever. Nope.

>> No.22382621

>>22382496
We will just head back to Commorragh. This party is too slow for our speed.

>> No.22382638

>>22382529
Damn necrontyr and their metal vines, keeping me a sun-eating virgin

>> No.22382649

>>22382595
He partied with Chaos...and C'tan. You can come and party too as well....Not like Commissars, commanders, captains and the lord Castellan himself didn't also join either...

>> No.22382669

>>22382595
The real Emperor is ashamed of you and the rest of Imperium for soiling his legacy and ruining humanity. You could ask himself, if he was here.
>>22382638
You want it, don't you?

>> No.22382682

>>22382649

But.... But...But... Heresy!....

>> No.22382690 [SPOILER] 

>>22382496
I have yet to see any purging, just a great deal of talking.
>>22382621

Pussy! I bet you're too chickenshit to ear peg slaanesh!

>> No.22382708

>>22382669
I'm never going to get the touch of chaos out, but yes.

>> No.22382724

>>22382621
Wait! I heard you guys collect souls... Can I have some?

>> No.22382741

>>22382669
>>22382690

My entire life's work, hell my entire genetic code has been for nothing.

WHAT WILL I DO WITH THE TRUTH???

>> No.22382756

>>22382741
Create doomsday theories and cause mass-panic, that's always fun.

>> No.22382783

>>22382708
Oh man, I heard Chaos is pretty nasty, how much Gauss would it take to get rid of that anyways?

>> No.22382802

>>22382783
I don't know man, probably far more than I'd like.

>> No.22382808

>>22382741
>>22382756
Or alternatively, since your "Terminator Squads"....Terminate.... Go on a shooting spree...kill EVERYTHING!

>> No.22382815

>>22382741
You could stay here and wait until his highness arrives or you could leave and do whatever. Your choice.
>>22382756
That works too.
>>22382708
Why can't you just go full-on-chaos? Warp isn't so bad.
>>22382783
>>22382802
Now that's just not nice.

>> No.22382852

>>22382815
Warp is...odd to say the least.
I guess you're used to it or things are different for use C'tan, but it feels like swimming through chalk.

>> No.22382856

>>22382741
Okay look at this.

You see those ears?

Eldar bitches love it when you rub their ears.

Clearly you need to go out and rub some eldar ears.

Am I right?

I'm right.

hey >>22382669 why don't you give these guys some rod and tackle so they canmake good on their ear rubbing?

>> No.22382872

>>22382690
Whatever makes you feel more alive, monkeigh.

>>22382724
Hmm, no. We have non to spare right now. Try asking the monkeighs. They treat most of their subjects as disposable so I'm sure they wont miss them.

>> No.22382892

I had pizza delivered to us and some potential cultists!

>> No.22382917

>>22382892
Great! I have just one more gift to give.
>>22381996

>> No.22382924

>>22382892
>Potential cultists
What have you been telling them now?

>> No.22382971

>>22382924
That they get something they want if they worship a Chaos god.

>> No.22383018

Rolled 2

>>22381996
ok I'll try

>> No.22383019

Rolled 1

>>22382917
How many rolls do you think I can make before fate kicks me in the balls I no longer have?

>> No.22383023

>>22382852
>like swimming through chalk
If only you could take that metal skin off and embrace the Warp. Now you probably want me to be an ordinary star-goddess with a desire for sex in missionary position for the purposes of procreation. And that's just disgusting.

>> No.22383027

>>22380280

I wrote "dick" on some guys face and then made fun of his favorite band

>> No.22383062

>>22383019
only one, it seems

>> No.22383076

>>22382971
Better warn them ahead of time that there's more to that deal than just pizza. That pizza may look delicious, but years down the road in Warp-land and they will start to get more stuff...

tentacles....ew.....

>> No.22383126

>>22383023
>Procreation

Ew....Giving birth to MORE LIFE? EWWWWWWWWWWWWW....

>> No.22383134

>>22383062
The only comfort I take in this is that someone wanted it and now they can't have it.

>> No.22383154

>>22382971
Ah yes you Chaos gods and your silly gift-giving.
It's much better to trick and steal than give you know.
>>22383023
>thinking a guy who eats suns wants offsprings and entire species wants to make more life
My sides are moved Slaanesh

>> No.22383161

>>22383019
You know what? I like you Heretek, so I'll not going to take much from you.

>> No.22383190

Rolled 2

>>22383076
Oh i did tell them.

Hey what alcohol should i serve?

>> No.22383239

>>22383134
Curse you, you bastard!! I deserved Slaneesh' affections *sniff* I hope you feel good about yourself!

>> No.22383241

>>22383076
>>22383154
Uh... we were not offered Pizza, we only delivered it.

>> No.22383244

Rolled 2

>>22381996
Bring it, Oh Prince of Excess.

>> No.22383257

Rolled 2

>>22381996
May I be blessed?

>> No.22383270

Rolled 2

>>22381996
I just want to be chosen!

>> No.22383289

>>22383161
Why thank you, always nice to recieve a compliment.

Lemme just reformat my identification number....

Okay there we go, that's more indicative of my new body.

>> No.22383330

>>22383190
Silly Malal, gifts are for cultists!
>>22383244
>>22383257
>>22383270
I blame Tzeentch.

>> No.22383361

>>22383330
It would be funny if I received the 1

>> No.22383382

Rolled 1

>>22383361
roll

>> No.22383392

>>22383330
Can I have another go? Pretty please!

>> No.22383416

>>22383239
You know what...?

Do ya, do ya know, do ya know what?

I have boobs, I have tits, I have BREASTS.

and you don't.

You NEVER WILL.

>> No.22383418

>>22383382
Have fun with your breast man, I'm out.

>> No.22383523

>>22383382
>>22383418
...TZEEEEEEEENTCH!

>> No.22383549

>>22380280
Not much recently, but I do have a campaign coming up.

>> No.22383638

>>22381726
>knows for sure alpharius isn't dead
So, YOU are Alpharius!

>> No.22383677

Rolled 2

>>22383330
He IS eminently blamable.

>> No.22383792

>>22382244
Ha, you're a Slaaneshi daemon, you probably have a horse cock hidden somewhere.

>> No.22384024

>>22383677
He is also one of my worst enemies out of all the beings in the universe; he is only second to the Tyranid as a whole...

>> No.22384125

Rolled 1

>>22384024
Aww, he ain't so bad.

>> No.22384183

Quick reminder that trollplay circlejerks are against the rules. Report, report, report, that every single avatarshitting braindead motherfucker in this cancerous thread receives a fucking permaban.

>> No.22384268

>>22384183
You should be reported for breaking rules 1 & 2.

>> No.22384365

>>22384183
Not really much Avatarfagging around here; a few but not much, but there isn't really a rule about circlejerks...or trollplay.....

Also rule 7, Don't announce your report... kind of broke that rule pall.

>> No.22384540

>>22384183
>I'm the hero that safeguards /tg/ from fun

>> No.22384773

>>22384183
>Quick reminder that trollplay circlejerks are against the rules.

Screencap which rule plz

>> No.22384820 [SPOILER] 

>>22384268
>>22384365
>>22384540
>>22384773
Remember the first Grandpa Dreadnought thread? It was the ONLY circlejerk that ever had a notion of fun. Pic related, the very reason why /tg/ regulars hate these threads.

>> No.22385685

i destroyed some mailboxes. and went to jail for it

>> No.22387997

I stole my lunch from work today.
Just like every day.

>> No.22388029

>>22381379
>Sons of Malice
>Gold trim
IDTST

>> No.22388173

>>22384773
Blast from the past time. I can't remember if there actually was a modpost but the mod did make it very clear in a final metathread, and in the bans, that avatarfaggotry would be considered /b/ posting because of this >>22384820
very picture and were not welcome. I imagine no one cares anymore save for people like >>22384183
who think they can dictate what everyone else did. The problem of the "Get In Here" threads was the frequency of them and the porn.

>>
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