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/tg/ - Traditional Games


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[ERROR] No.22339743 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO HONOR KHORNE! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO PLEASE ME!

>> No.22339770

>>22339743
I ate my girlfriend out when she was on her period.

>> No.22339781

Got massive nosebleed.
While praising Slaanesh.

>> No.22339795

I ate my cereal without any milk

>> No.22339801

>>22339770
FOOL! I HOPE SHE WASN'T DEFENSELESS!

>> No.22339821

>>22339795
Crazy bastard.

>> No.22339843

>>22339743
I beat up 10 people
in a video game.

>> No.22339845

>>22339781
HOPE YOU LIKE HAVING THIS THING KILLING YOU!

>> No.22339870

>>22339795
TRY EATING THAT WITH BLOOD INSTEAD, THEN I'LL BE PLEASED.

>> No.22339899

>>22339843
BEATING UP PEOPLE IN A VIDEO GAME IS A POOR SUBSTITUTE TO THE REAL THING!

>> No.22339914

>>22339743
I stabbed myself in the hand with a mechanical pencil.

>> No.22339937

>>22339914

>> No.22339948

I went out sliding in a tube today and accidental knocked over one of my dogs.

>> No.22339957

>>22339937

>> No.22340000

I wrestled a goat
>>22339957
We derail now?

>> No.22340106

NURGLE MAKES A THREAD AND IT GOES GREAT! I MAKE A THREAD AND NONE OF MY FOLLOWERS SHOW UP!

>> No.22340120

>>22340106
Giving people a cold is easier than cutting them down with an axe

>> No.22340142

>>22340106
Everyone loves Grampa.

You're just that weird uncle.

>> No.22340157

>>22339870
Maybe they were Captain Crunch.

>> No.22340167

>>22340106
Be fair, >>22340000 is pretty metal.

>> No.22340169

I tried eating a steak medium rare instead of well done.

>> No.22340205

>>22340142
I WISH NURGLE WOULD SHOW UP, I HAVE TO TALK WITH HIM!

>> No.22340206

>>22339743
I destroyed the IG in Dark Crusade
Using only pistol cultists
SO MANY BODIES!

>> No.22340207

>>22340106
That's because they are too busy killing in your name.

>> No.22340209

I brought Angron, and FW accidentally gave me a second Angron. So I have 2 Angrons.

>> No.22340277

I read a book.

Wait, wrong God.

>> No.22340278

>>22340209
>>22340206
GOOD, GOOD!

>> No.22340292

>>22340209
So did the guy not go through with buying the second one?

>>22339743

Also I marked my skin in your name.

>> No.22340313

>>22340278
Khorne sucks dick! how about that?

>> No.22340345

>>22340313
He does.

>> No.22340353

>>22340292
>Regular tattoo
>not carved into your flesh

2/10 do you even take skulls for the skull throne?

>> No.22340399

>>22339743
I fooled the inquisition into destroying a pure world through exterminatus In honor of Lord Tzeentch. His wicked blessing of intellect and psyker powers aided me most generously. All hail the Architect of fate!

>> No.22340413

>>22340399
>implying the destruction wasn't done in the name of Khorne

>> No.22340498

>>22340413
I planned, plotted, maybe killed or dominated a few officials and fooled a few Slaaneshi cultists into throwing a debauched orgy in front of an Arbites station while telling some Berserkers that there'd be a ton of skulls in the area at the time of said orgy. That was fucking hilarious, they really will get off to anything, even getting their balls ripped off!

It took me a century or two but look at the payoff, all those innocents destroyed because of one man and his sinister plot executed to perfection. I do believe I did my lord proud.

>> No.22340537

im an ork, and what is this?

>> No.22340542

>>22339743
I raped a woman then ripped her skull from her body as an offering.
Does this please you and Slaanesh?

>> No.22340560

>>22340542
You cannot please this two at once! Both of them will get mad!

>> No.22340578

>>22340498
>fooled into throwing an orgy
>Slaanesh
You're funny Tzeentch. We should "do it" sometime.
>>22340542
Good, but not good enough.
>>22340560
>implying Khorne isn't tsuntsun for me

>> No.22340612

>>22340578
Tsuntsun for you?

>> No.22340643

>>22340578
>implying Khorne isn't a Tsundere in general
>Screaming his hate for his own followers
>Constantly giving them helpful mutations

>> No.22340656

>>22340612
Slaanesh speak. You wouldn't get it.
Tsundere?

>> No.22340672

>>22339801
She was still alive. She died once I got to the liver.

>> No.22340721

I got super pissed and stopped playing Binding of Isaac when it froze as I was about to unlock one of the no-hit achievements

only a faggot would develop a game in flash

>> No.22340760

>>22340721
I had eggs on breakfast.

>> No.22340790

I'm working on my Khorne army

>> No.22340865

>>22340578
Yes you would, but would you do that in front of an Arbites station? Yeah, you would, but at that time and place, with an inquisitor in the building? Your followers aren't entirely stupid, but with my subtle prodding and masterful use of the half-truth they became putty in my hands. It's why my lord likes your followers, such useful patsies.

>> No.22340951

>>22340790
Fucking Carl. Axe in the wrong hand and all that shit.

>> No.22340987

>>22340865
Slaneeshi followers aren't stupid? Really?

>> No.22341021

>>22340578
HI SLANEESH!

>> No.22341055

>>22340865
In time, the wants will overpower the will and even the inquisitor can be corrupted. I'm sure that this inquisitor has some very "interesting" thoughts right now.
And don't worry about my followers. I've replaced those balls with a proper hole. My followers consider it a great gift and both they and I thank your Lord for it.
I just wish he wasn't so in love with his job and paid me a visit sometime.
And I wish that you'd take a slight glance at me. Can you do it for this girl?
>>22340987
Nobody talks about him around here.
>>22341021
Hi there! How is your skull collection?

>> No.22341059

>>22341021

Brother are you on another ego trip?

>> No.22341082

>>22339743
What is up, Khorne. Haven't seen you in a long time. How is it going, man?

>> No.22341095

Guys can't we all just sit down, watch some TV, relax and order some chicken wings?

>> No.22341110

>>22341095
I like that idea, what shall we watch my bloated sibling?

>> No.22341121

>>22341095
... Yeah. Eat wings. That sounds like a great idea.

fuckyouinsensitivefatfuck

>> No.22341123

>>22340106
It's not your fault you're not popular.

>> No.22341142

>>22341110

...I swear I know you.. Bah anytime is good anyone can come little one.

>>22341121

....So~ Variety platter sound good?

>> No.22341161

Oh Emprah, my head.
Slanessh what did you do to that weed. What the hell happened last night.
Why are my sides still daemonic, but now hot pink.

>> No.22341162

>>22341055
Honestly? My skull collection is growing ever larger.
>>22341059
You would know, since you are always on a ego trip, Malice.
>>22341082
My memory most be faulty since i can't remember who you are.

>> No.22341213

>>22341121
>>22341095
HI NURGLE! HI TZEENCH!

>> No.22341228

>>22341110
Lord of the Rings. They are the PERFECT fantasy movies.
>>22341162
Wait, if Malice is self-loathing of chaos, wouldn't that mean, that he has a low ego?
>>22341161
You like them? I've decided to help you change your style.
*gives you the mirror*
*image is what you see*

>> No.22341232

>>22341162

Come on mate! I am the nightbringer, remember? That Crazy C'tan who goes around killing and eating souls. Me and Mephet'ran went to that party last night?

>> No.22341264

>>22341142
I....Im your brother....

>> No.22341266

>>22341228
... Well shit. Esh is going to kill me. Again.

>> No.22341268

>>22341055
Only if boning you furthers my plans, same as the great Changer of Ways, we are plotsexual. Can't get it up unless it's all part of our plans. Sex is nice and all, but plotting is more fun and far more fulfilling. I'm sure my joy fed you a bit when my plan came together as I watched that cyclonic torpedo nail the governor's mansion.

Thus, If you want my lord to give you a proper fuck (and he can, for his knowledge includes all things, even sex) I'd suggest you form a plan where he'll have to bed you to further his inscrutable ambitions. Now if only you could stop enjoying yourself for five minutes and think with your brain instead of your multiple genitals you just might land yourself a partner far better than Khorne in the sac.

>> No.22341275

>>22341228
Not low ego....just low self esteem....

*sniffle*

>> No.22341302

>>22341232
OH YEAH... HI?

>> No.22341313

>>22341275
Dude, you were so upbeat yesterday. What happened?

>> No.22341335

Hey, I heard Khorne was hosting tonight's party!
Whats up everybo-
holy shit, looking good commissar~

>> No.22341371

>>22341313
My brothers never recognize me

>> No.22341376

I GOT THOSE RAMBO MOVIES IF ANYONE WANTS TO WATCH THEM!

>> No.22341398

>>22341376
Freud Freud Freud Freud Freud Freud Freud Freud

>> No.22341419

>>22341371
I RECOGNIZE YOU! JUST TRY DOING SUCCESFUL STUFF AND THE OTHERS WILL RECOGNIZE YOU TOO!

>> No.22341436

I ate both Mexican and Indian food yesterday. My ass is going to shed so much blood for Khorne.

>> No.22341438

>>22341376
Ooooo lets watch them, I love those movies!

>> No.22341439

>>22341398
Since when are Harlequins pretending to be Chaos demigods?

>> No.22341465

>>22341419
I trapped a greater demon of Slaanesh in a field that cripples his pleasure sense and Slaanesh didnt even NOTICE.

>> No.22341492

Attention - Malice is the Starchild. That is all.

>> No.22341494

>>22341376
Have you ever seen "Equilibrium" Khorne? Has one of the highest body counts in any film. Killed by guns mostly and they didn't show much blood but you just know the cemetery was packed and the blood banks dry by the end of it.

And such poor plotting by the villain, my lord's favor is fickle and hey, after years of tyranny it was time for a change. He has a plan and you should all be glad that you are a part of it.

>> No.22341495 [SPOILER] 

>>22341268
>Only if boning you furthers my plans, same as the great Changer of Ways, we are plotsexual.
Shame. Big shame. It's like you don't even try to be interesting to me. It's always you, you and you.
>think with your brain instead of your multiple genitals
I have you know, I enjoy not just sex. Look at this picture. It's a painting of an Eldar writer and a very good one.
Besides, why bother with the plans if anything will fall into my hands eventually, provided I push the right buttons.
>>22341376
>movies where a half-naked man shoots at people
Ok with me.
>>22341465
And then you give him to me because I birthed you a daemonette.

>> No.22341499

>>22341465
THAT's BECAUSE SLANEESH IS A ASSHOLE!

>> No.22341513

>>22341465
>implying taking away their pleasure sense isn't just another perverse pleasure that makes future pleasures more pleasurable

>> No.22341523

>>22341499
You mean Tzeentch?

>> No.22341526

>>22341439
FUCK YOU IM A CHAOS GOD!

>> No.22341530

>>22341494
I'LL WATCH IT ONE DAY.

>> No.22341547

>>22341494
Don't forget the guy who got his face cut off!

>> No.22341552

>>22341495
Thats right dearest....sibling....Now I have to trap another greater daemon. But then again, I do have Abbadons legs and ass, great foot stool it makes.

>> No.22341573

>>22341523
NO, TZEENCH IS A TROLL AND A JERK. WHERE IS TZEENCH ANYWAY!?

>> No.22341616

>>22341573
I say her and the big E heading off upstairs a little while ago. Then half the psykers in the room popped.

>> No.22341637

SO WHICH OF OUR CHAMPION (IS THIS THE RIGHT TERM) IS THE BEST OVERALL? I GOT KHARN!

>> No.22341638

>>22341616
Nope,just here in the bathroom.

>> No.22341648

>>22341616
Boner popped or 'Prometheus' head popped?

>> No.22341660

I get chronic nosebleeds. They generally also cause me to sneeze, launching a hurricane of blood over everything in front of me.

Does that count?

>> No.22341679

>>22341648
The former, then the latter.
Then all four at once.
The blood was blue.

>> No.22341681

>>22341526
But you're the dumbest one of them all, Malal. You're like the Ron Paul of the Chaos Gods where only edgy teenagers who want to be special and crumudgeny old timers who actually remember you care about you.

>> No.22341685

WELL, WELL, WELL, WHAT'S GOING ON IN HERE?
LOOKS LIKE I'M SPENDING AN EVENING CARVING MY NAMES ON HEARTS!

FOR THE EMPEROR!

>> No.22341691

...

>> No.22341697

>>22341523
He only seems to be you know. He's actually quite personable if you are having an intellectual discussion. That might be another way to get his attention Slaanesh. Strike up a discussion about the philosophy of sex or how to integrate fractal equations into artwork or something along those lines. You'll have to work up to it slowly, smart is the new sexy you understand. We don't got time for sex crazed bimbos, prove to him you're more than that.

>>22341573
You just say that because you are so easily played you musclebrained simpleton. Put down the dumbells and pick up a damn book. Assuming you can even read. I know for a fact he went easy on you last time in his plotting just to see if you could catch the obvious hints. You didn't.

>> No.22341700

>>22341681
Slaanesh cares about me.

>> No.22341701

I got angry at someone and put my fist through their glass/wood bedroom door. It went through the glass, I didn't even get a scrape.

They were giving me lip. Thank you for watching over me and granting me a measure of intimidating visage, Lord of Skulls!

>> No.22341708

>>22341637
>Khorne: Kharn the Betrayer, unstoppable monster of death
>Slaanesh: Lusciousness the Eternal, can only fight with swords, will be permanently killed when he dies to a Necron
>Tzeentch: Ahriman the Failure, chronic failure
>Nurgle: Some fat guy

I think your champion is the greatest, Lord Khorne.

>> No.22341716

>>22341685
He's upstairs. Knock before you go in.

>> No.22341728

>>22341685
RRRRRRRAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!!!
>KHORNE gets up from the Skull Throne!

>> No.22341734

>>22341701
>no blood
>praising khorne
The fuck is this shit.

>> No.22341743

>>22341697

Yo, kiddo why don't ya push that big red button over ther?

>> No.22341752

>>22341700
*whispers in your ear*
Sorry to tell you that, but while I care about you, my heart belongs to Khorne, just don't tell him that. We can always be friends though.

>> No.22341783

>>22341708
that's for Marines

Nurgly Daemon champion is pretty neat one, granting benefits to all Papa's unit and not afraid of anything.

>> No.22341784

>>22341734
He's not just blood, but RAGE.

He instilled me with his FURY!

>> No.22341786

>>22341716
I really feel that when he wakes up, he'll super appreciate all the work I put into my heart carpentry. I practice all the time.

>> No.22341797

>>22341638
WHAT TO WATCH A MOVIE, TZEENCH?

>> No.22341799

>>22341752

BAM! Shot down....Malice just got friendzoned...

>> No.22341815

>>22341743
The funny thing is Khorne actually did, and my lord had gone to lengths to show him that for the next few days he should do the exact opposite of what he says to avoid unpleasantness and foil his plot. Dumb fool just can't put two and two together. Tzeentch had hopes, having Musclebrain not play perfectly into his hands would have been a welcome change of pace.

>> No.22341822

>>22341786
I don't think he's sleeping, my friend. Except in the sense of sleeping WITH someone.

>>22341799
Friendzone with benefits. Not such a bad deal, yes?

>> No.22341832

>>22341728
Your bloodletters cannot defeat me!

>> No.22341834

Do you guys ever think of Korn when people mention Khorne?

>> No.22341836

>>22341708
>has never seen Typhus in battle.

>> No.22341837

>>22341697
You know, isn't Tzeentch also a big fan of change? Because, right now I could turn into a sentient sack of vaginas and he wouldn't mind.

>> No.22341838

>>22341752
Thats okay Slaanesh. All is well in the kingdom of Malice

>> No.22341843

>>22341752
THAT'S COLD! YOU DON'T JUST FRIENDZONE SOMEONE LIKE THAT SLANEESH!

>> No.22341871

>>22341837
It's not much of a change when you are one already. ZING!

>>22341834
Other way around, actually.

>> No.22341872

Question.
Do I get points for hate if I hate myself?

>> No.22341874

>>22341837
Indeed he is, but again, for us any seduction must involve plotting and intellect, not the promise of pleasure.

>> No.22341878

>>22341834
"...people named their children and pets "khorne"..."

>> No.22341880

Are you the god of awful avatarfagging?

>> No.22341889

>>22341832
I DEAL WITH YOU MYSELF, YOU DAMN MARY-SUE!
>KHORNE PICKS HIS AXE AND HIS SWORD.

>> No.22341896

>>22341837
could turn you*
Although...
>>22341843
>>22341799
>whispers in the ear
>everyone hears it
But...the truth is great...KHORNE, PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME! YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE I EVER LOVED PLATONICALLY!

>> No.22341899

>>22341843
I was lying all is not fine in the kingdom of malice.

>> No.22341916

>>22341815
;_;

>> No.22341932

>>22341896
PROVE IT!

>> No.22341950

>>22339795
Was it Khorne Flakes?

>> No.22341960

I fought a battle in Empire total war with 20,000 men and only 500 or so lived to tell the tale.

>> No.22341971

WHERE IS NURGLE?

>> No.22341989

>>22341960
>Empire
Pussy, I hope all of your men were sword-armed Sikhs. Ranged weapons are for Slaanesh.

>> No.22342022

>>22341932
*grabs a random cultist*
*make blood flow out of his pores*
*bathes in it*
*when the cultist is completely drained, tears off his head*
*tears off his skin and flesh*
*empties it completely and perfectly*
*cleans the skull to the point of being shiny*
Here you go, my love.

>> No.22342025

>>22341971
Probably off on another cataclysm....

>> No.22342049

What's goin' on in this area of the immaterium?

>> No.22342059

>>22342022
I ACCEPT YOU PROOF OF LOVE.

>> No.22342087

>>22342059
FUCKING KHORNE!!!

>> No.22342107

>>22342087
Look, there are plenty fish in the Warp. I think I still have one of the Eldar goddesses with me.

>> No.22342112

>>22342049
Oh hai yummy treat...er. I mean, guardsman, come and joooooiiiiinnn ussss.

>> No.22342123

ITT: people mention Luciousness over Fabuluous Bile.

>> No.22342124

>>22342022
>Slaanesh
>No bulge
I call bullshit.

>> No.22342136

>>22342107
Nevermind it, I think I will go and be counterproductive to the advance of chaos again...

>> No.22342141

>>22342124
A bulge in a loincloth?

>> No.22342142

>>22341889
BRING IT! I SHOWERED IN A BLOOD FROM SOME OF THE PUREST SISTERS OF BATTLE!

>> No.22342154

Oh look! Skellingtons! 2heretical4me

>> No.22342156

>>22342124
Chaos gods can change shape. Why would Slaanesh always have a bulge?

>> No.22342158

>>22342123

>> No.22342181

>>22342141
>>22342156
Because Slaanesh. I've figured that since they've started stating up Primarchs in Forge World now, eventually we'll get to some craziness like the Chaos Gods and the Emperor.

Slaanesh's weapon? The Bulge. Just "The Bulge".

>> No.22342182

>>22342142
Kaldor, that's not how you spell "i fucked a bunch of sisters on their periods".

>> No.22342189

>>22342156

HEY SLANEESH! Kaldor Draigo IS TRYING TO DISRUPT THE PARTY!

>> No.22342200

>Left head
Malice is the fifth Chaos God!
>Right head
Malice does not exist at all! He's just another of the Great Schemer's lies!

>> No.22342227

>>22342200
Necron Gods are all Pricks

>> No.22342233

>>22342189
>>22342142
Draigo, the Emperor is upstairs. You know you want to talk to the master of humanity, don't you?
>>22342181
>Because Slaanesh
>implying the fetishes of Slaanesh aren't fickle and at some point they wouldn't want to be a she

>> No.22342238

Fun fact: The ancient Terran "Battle of the Bulge" was an early Slaaneshi movement that, at the time, confused the three existing Chaos Gods with its depravity. Khorne was the least freaked out.

>> No.22342270

Excuse me gentlemen my car just broke down and i was wonde.....IN THE NAME OF THE HOLY EMPEROR WHAT'S GOING ON HERE???!?!!?

>> No.22342274

>>22342227

that's tzeentch's man. yah dope! We don't have a "Fateweaver", the only C'tan close to that is my bro, Mephet'ran...

>> No.22342275

It's okay Malice, hey if i got a beautiful wife, then i'm sure you can get a great wife too

>> No.22342283

>Email
Man that was embarassing

>> No.22342313

>>22342233
Your tricks will not work on me foul daemon!

>> No.22342331

>>22339743
I commit the genocide of thousands of children each and every night.

>> No.22342350

>>22342275
Screw it, im joining the Imperial Guard

>> No.22342368

>>22342283
HEY NURGLE, WANT TO WATCH A MOVIE?

>> No.22342371

>>22342313
No, I'm serious. He's upstairs talking to Tzeentch.
Though, I suppose, that's not what you've came here to do now, now is it?
Look at me. Serve me. Fuck me.

>> No.22342372

>Left head
The Emperor is alive!
>Right head
The Emperor is dead!

>> No.22342403

>>22342313
Hello.

>> No.22342404

Hey sorry to interrupt whatever you guys are doing, but big E wants to know where you guys keep the booze around here.

>> No.22342405

>>22342270
>Car breaks down
>Outside the Fortress of Khorne in the warp

>> No.22342413

>>22342368
Sure buddy
I just rent "O BattleBrother, Where Art Thou?"

Wanna watch it?

>> No.22342452

>>22342403
Hey Big E.

>> No.22342469

>>22342413
What happens in the movie, just don't spoil it for me.

>> No.22342477

>>22342452
Who are you?

>> No.22342503

>>22342477
I am Malice, the Chaos god that is hated by all the other Chaos God. I am Chaos working against itself.

>> No.22342534

>> No.22342548

>>22342503

Chaos Working against itself, eh?

>> No.22342573

>>22342469
So a bunch of Space Marines are stuck in Commoragh and they're trying to reach back Terra.
During the travel they face hijinks, like a Genestealer Cult and Sexy Sexy Eldars.

It's apparently based on the book released by Lord Homer "Odissey in Space"

>> No.22342582

>>22342548
Yep, I am the despised renegade Chaos God.

>> No.22342589

>>22341708
DOOMBREED ALWAYS SAYS HES KHORNES FAVORITE BUT ITS NOT TRUE>

>> No.22342618

>>22342503
I could live for centuries and still not understand the gods of chaos. I should really take the time to learn about the enemy more

>> No.22342630

>>22339743
HEY BIG K. I FISTED FAILBADDON LAST NIGHT. MAYBE YOU COULD THROW A CRUSADE MY WAY HMMMMMMMM

>> No.22342655

>>22342618
I could give you Lorgar's vox, if you want. He's got a lot to saw about Chaos.

>>22342630
Yeah, give Kharn a crusade!

>> No.22342677

>>22342405
He is not a clever man.

>> No.22342684

>>22342655
HEY BUDDY. UP HIGH!


SO UH ANYBODY SEEN CYPHER AROUND LATELY?

>> No.22342712

>>22342684
Hey man, what's u-CRUNCH-
Well shit.

>> No.22342714

kharn, why did i wake up with your necklace in my ass.

>> No.22342718

>>22342677
>>22342405
>>22342270
That reminds me. I have to do our chaos god party/meeting next. Unless, Tzeentch would like to do it before me.

>> No.22342724

er, hey guys, we just found these two terminator arms with a Lightning Claw and a sword laying around.

Hope everyone's cool with us taking them home, heard you guys were the one's to ask about it.
>>22342684
Thanks for the axe, by the way.

>> No.22342741

>>22342724
Heh, hehe. Good job, mates. All part of the plan.

>> No.22342753

>>22342655
That might not end well for me

>> No.22342759

>>22342718
I just want to say that i'm a married man, so i politely asks you to decrease a little your usual stuff

She is a very frail and timid girl

>> No.22342763

>>22342753
You can always stay at my Malice fortress.

>> No.22342776

>>22342753
Come on, give it a shot. He's a real pious bloke, very accepting. You'd love him.

>> No.22342787

HEY BIG K. NICE ONE!
>>22342724
DON"T HURT MY BABY!
>>22342714
THERE YOU ARE.
YOU KNOW WHY

>> No.22342797

>>22342741
>>22342741
I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT SIR.

I also DO NOT want to thank you for giving us pointers to Magnus' armoury so we can get back our pre heresy gear.
That was NOT incredibly helpful and we WON'T be very grateful.

>> No.22342802

>>22339743

I HAVE SKULL FUCKED MANY OF HIS WORSHIPERS IN GLORIOUS BATTLE!
IS THIS WHAT PASSES FOR FURY AMONGST YOU HERETICS!
COME YOU FALLEN HERETICS!
COME FACE THE ONE TRUE MIGHT OF THE UNIVERSE; AND WITHER UNDER THE GOLDEN THRONE'S GAZE!

>> No.22342811

>>22342759
Well, I know that. As long as you don't tell her what happened yesterday, everything should be fine. Also, did she ask where those daemonnetes came from?

>> No.22342813

>>22342787
hey now
i didnt say it was a bad thing

>> No.22342817

>Something is happening to Khorne!

>> No.22342824

>>22342787

>> No.22342841

>>22342776
As long as he is over the whole Emperor putting at detachment pf cutodes to watch over him
>>22342763
Right now it's the time of the Millennium were we redecorate the palace so the custodes will be busy until the emprah is happy were we put everything

>> No.22342847

>>22342787
Of course we didn't steal it! How can you possibly accuse us of such a…
wait, what?

I guess Kyras was right, you are a swell guy.
Don't worry, we've got the finest gear from Mars and Vulkan to maintain it!

>> No.22342857

>>22342817
Well, thats it, I shall will myself into unreality

>> No.22342863

I immolated 3 forts filled with dwarves

(on accident)

>> No.22342873

Speaking of Khorne, the Lexicanum article on his realm, the Fortress of Khorne, is sorta funny.

>"The Fortress of Khorne is Khorne's realm within the Warp. It is a monument to fury and bloodshed, and is built upon foundations of murder and conflict. This blood-soaked realm echoes constantly with Khorne's bellows and the clash of weapons. At the centre of this mighty fortress lies the Brass Citadel, where Khorne's mighty throne resides. He sits atop a mountain of skulls, those slain in his name. A great fire pit lights Khorne's gloomy chamber, the dark flames consume the souls of cowards who have fled from battle. Around the citadel flows a moat, and is filled not with water, but with the boiling blood of those who have lost their lives to war. Beyond this moat lies league upon league of cracked land, littered with the ravaged bones of those fallen in battle. A mighty crevasse splits the wasteland in two, a canyon many miles long and bottomless. It is said that Khorne himself was once consumed by such rage that he took up his sword and smote the ground, splitting it asunder for eternity. This fell sword is known by many names including 'Warmaker' and the 'End of All Things', and is capable of laying waste to worlds with a single blow.[2]"

Every sentence has like BLOOD, MURDER, BATTLE, MORE BLOOD, SOME SKULLS, and violence in general. Its like Tourettes Hell.

>> No.22342876

>>22342817
>Your KHORNE is evolving!

>> No.22342880

>>22342802
ILL SHOW YOU FURY. ILL BET IVE KILLED MORE OF KHORNES GUYS THAN YOU AND IM ONE OF THEM>
>>22342813
IT WASNT! IT WAS GOOD!
KHARN HAS NO EQUAL IN PILLOW TALK

>> No.22342882

>>22341436
Sometimes, Khorne DOES care from whence the blood flows...

>> No.22342895

>>22342817
Honey, are you feeling alright?

>> No.22342897

>>22342817
>Khorne changed into Horus!
Hi!

>> No.22342905

>>22342873
My lord is a god of simple tastes. He's direct and to the point, like the knife I just put in your gut.

>> No.22342907

Well, yesterday I rode over my graphic tablet cord with my chair and sewered it.
I had no one to blame for it, it happened right before the holidays, I have no money and that tablet is the only thing that stops me from (rightfully) believeing that I'm worthless.
I was so angry, but got overwhelmed by despair and had to go into my room and cry for a bit.

>> No.22342916

Ah, sorry for leaving for a bit, had to go do the "Kiritsugu Special" to a rival sorcerer. Couldn't resist he set himself up for that one perfectly. Honestly, holing up at the top of the spire is always a bad idea. The real smart route for lair location is to have it somewhere in the lower level slums and make it as unassuming as possible. I lived in a tiny shack for a long while, only going into the proper residential areas when I needed to (like when I was watching the orgy/bloodbath in front of the Arbites station. Was so glad I remembered to bring popcorn and a beer for that one. Again. Fucking. HILARIOUS!)

>>22342759
You really should give her back to her proper owner pussbucket. Though I do salute how you plotted to get her. Still hate your disgusting pustule ridden guts though.

>>22342718
Do remember, my lord and that "thing" don't very much get along. So you are at least preferred in that you and your followers are actually quite helpful to him. But again, heed my advice. We want our babes to be smart and devious. Play that angle up hard and we will hit it.

>> No.22342920

>>22342880

YOU DID NOT JUST ISSUE A CHALLENGE TO A BLACK TEMPLAR! OH YOU DID! YOU FUCKING DID!

CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL!

>> No.22342936

>>22342802
Bloody, dying templar is best templar

>> No.22342940

>>22342873
>Blood and blood-related stuff mentioned 3 times.

>> No.22342945

I SKULLFUCKED YOUR MOTHER!

>> No.22342947

>>22342920
I like this guy! Two thirds of what he's saying is worth listening to!

>> No.22342959

*Pzzzzt*

>> No.22342970

>>22342936
Dead heretic impaled on powersword is best heretic.

>> No.22342976

>>22342797
I'm sorry I won't tell you any more pointers. Not even the ones with Iron warriors, World eaters, Death Guard, and the Word bearers.

>>22342863
Dwarves? Oh, you mean Squats? Shame what happen to them...damn...shame...

>> No.22342981

>>22342976
Didn't you knew?

Squats are back

>> No.22342990

I SHOVED THE INFECTED PUBIC HAIRS OF CHRISTINA AGUILARA INTO MY ENEMIES WOUNDS, then shat on a turtle

>> No.22342993

>>22342959

Oh goody, you died. I want to see if I can eat his soul!

>> No.22343002

>>22342920
KHARN AND KHITTEN CAN PLAY THAT GAME.

KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN!

>> No.22343007

>>22342981
>>22342976
Look, we've apologized time and time again for that!

We didn't know they were in there, our warehouses are sodding enormous!

>> No.22343014

I SHOVED MY CHAINSWORD INTO ONE OF THE MANY ORIFICES OF NURGLE, and he loved it

>> No.22343017

I was in a bar fight on new years.

>> No.22343021

>>22342981
No, they aren't. Squats aren't GW IP. The guy who made them copyrighted them in his name and took them with him when he left GW.

>> No.22343028

>>22342993

>> No.22343032

>>22342970
incidentally that Bloodthirster went on to not only kill that Emperor's Champion, but the Castellan and the Marshal.

>> No.22343044

>>22343002
CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL! CLEANSE! PURGE! KILL!

IN THE EMPEROR'S NAME LET NONE SURVIE

>> No.22343051

>>22343007
I heard news reports of that how do you get a heavy bolter to do that exactly

>> No.22343053

>>22342916
Keep this in mind: though, you are loyal to Tzeentch, you are not his voice. And Tzeentch's schemes run much deeper than you think. I know that. I've fucked him before. How do you think he has daemonettes?
>>22342959
I guess this is the prime example of chaos working against itself.
RIP Malice. I'll take care of your malicettes.

>> No.22343055

I created a mountain of skulls, some skullmen, and some skullballs, and went sledding down skull mountain while throwing skullballs at the skullmen

>> No.22343069

>>22343032

I think i have an FoK Dark crusade replay in which two squads of sword brethren and a dreadnought with Emps champ and charlie chaplain slaughter khorne world eaters without losing a single man.

>> No.22343092

I keep trying to have sex with skulls, but its just too damn hard without the wet bits.

>> No.22343093

>>22343021
Squats are back as of 6th Edition

Look it up

>> No.22343100

>>22343051
When working with Heavy Bolters, go Vulkan made, Tarkus Swears by them

>> No.22343109

>>22343100
>using projectile weapons
Pffft. Weaklings. How are you supposed to bath yourself in the blood of your foes if you aren't up in their face as they die?

>> No.22343117

Khorne! I love you! I want you to have my baby!

>> No.22343119

>>22343100
>oh god my sides

>> No.22343125

>>22343028

Is Khorne going to put that on his throne? If he wont, I will take it.

>> No.22343143

>>22343109

Well guardsman, You first gather all the blood of your foes from the battlefield... Then you bath in that!

>> No.22343145

I let my girlfriend bang me in the ass, but...

I killed like 5 people yesterday, so its okay.

>> No.22343147

>>22343109
It makes bloody enormous (no pun intended) mess of the gear, then Martellus gives us an earful when he's repainting it.

Trust me, nobody nags like a techmarine.

>> No.22343162

What does khorne do with the abnormal skulls? Does he fling them into the river of blood, or do they hold a unique place amongst the skull throne?

>> No.22343172

>>22343109
KHARN AGREES. DOWN LOW!
>>22343002
KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN! KILL! MAIM! BURN!

BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD! HEY BOSS! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE! GET HIM KHITTEN! RIP HIS BALLS OFF!

>> No.22343176

>>22343143
Alternatively, you can use a basilisk, aim at the enemy, fire.
BOOM! Instant blood shower.

>> No.22343194

Does khorne approve of skull bowling? Or is there some sort of skull quota he has to meet, and can't spare any skulls for leisure or recreational activity?

>> No.22343203

I've hit a goblin so hard with a battleaxe that I literally turned it into a puddle of juices and pulp.

>> No.22343213

Does anyone know where the rest of me is?

>> No.22343221

>>22343143
What the hell do you think I've been doing? BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!

>>22343172
Just a minute, my hands are full of eldar guts.
>mfw I actually managed to kill one of those coneheaded fuckers.
>mfw I have no face due to his firelance
Worth it.

>>22343147
You have red armor. Red. Fucking. Armor.
How would anyone even tell, or fucking care?

>> No.22343226 [SPOILER] 

>>22343053
Oh yes I do know that I am but a mere pawn on his chessboard despite serving loyally and righteously for centuries. I've talked to him many times, becoming something of a prophet for my lord for the cultists in my sector of the galaxy. They are the most fulfilling, enlightening, and edifying days of my life.

He is inscrutable, his knowledge infinite. Thus, a limited mind like mine or yours will never truly understand him. I'm just trying my best to help you out here. It has been a long time since he's seen any action and that needs to change.

Also I do like you somewhat, your followers are the only ones I can have an intellectual and serious conversation with. Granted they're usually in the middle of sex or request that I talk whilst I screw them. I do sometimes, but the sex I can take or leave. The plotting mind needs a breath of fresh air to recharge sometimes and discussing the finer points of theology, philosophy, and science relaxes me to no end but some of them are quite good at multitasking.

>> No.22343228

ooh, ooh, i know!

What does Khorne do with those floatie skully things the emporium uses?

>> No.22343236

>>22343213
Check in Fenris.

>> No.22343261

>> No.22343270

>>22343226
Well, the only ones I can stand talking to besides my fellow believers and such, but that is a given.

>> No.22343280

>>22343221
That's exactly what hairgel said!

But no, he STILL moaned about it. Said something about He'd know, and that's what matters.

I swear to the Emperor, that guy's got an Augmetic period.

>> No.22343292

>>22343226
Oh brother, you are making me blush. I killed myself only to get Khornes hat without him noticing. To accomplish something.

>> No.22343308

>>22343069
That can happen too, especially if you are facing a shitty comp on easy. I was playing online with a few mates. You should know how to back the berzerkers with fire power and tanks, not even BT can stand against Khorne if you play them well. Nurgle is also solid, they eat up sword bearers along with the Chosen Khorne champions.

>> No.22343312

Hey I hear I missed one hell of a bash last night, so we partying again or what?

I brought the noise marines, things are about to get loud.

>> No.22343317

I follow Tzeentch, I like psychic powers and hawks and books can I chill with you guys?

>> No.22343329

>>22343226
HEY HEY TZEENTCH GUY! WHAT IF. WHAT IF THERE WAS NO PLAN?

>> No.22343342

>>22343228
He packs melta bombs in them and skips them across the river of blood that forms after every battle. One time it skipped eighty-six times before it crashed into a thunderhawk! It was occupied.
They were assholes anyway.

>>22343329
What now, birdfuckers?

>> No.22343344

KHORNE! I FARTED LOUDLY! DOES THIS PLEASE YOU?

>> No.22343368

>>22343312
Ahhh yeeeeaaahhh. I also brought Basilisk as well for extra loudness. Let me get them from the back of Khorne's fridge...

>> No.22343384

>>22343344
Not if it was wet with blood, and your head promptly fell off and stripped itself down to tis skull while simultaneously yelling Skull for the Skull Throne and Blood for the blood god.

>> No.22343386

>>22343329
Hey kharn still praising slaanesh with cypher behind khornes back are we?

It's alright he doesn't need to know just let me know if you ever want to make it a pantheon.

>> No.22343388

DUAH, I SMASH SKULL GOOD!

>> No.22343399

>>22343329
Ah but there is, and you thinking there is no plan is in fact a key part of it. He plays us all, myself included. We believers are better off than everyone else because we *know* we are being played and will be disposed of if it is convenient to our lord. I shall continue to serve him regardless. To see the fruition of his ultimate inscrutible plan, to see the greatest, most convoluted, most epic of all plans play out, and to be a part of that great tapestry no matter how small... There is no greater joy.

>> No.22343411

>>22343329
There's always a plan, it just never comes out to Tzeentch's desires; not like he or his followers will admit it. Heh, heh.

>>22343344
Good work soldier, You'll make a good trooper for the Noise mariens of slaanesh or the marines of nurgle... just stand riiiiiiiiight over there.

>> No.22343423 [SPOILER] 

>>22343411
Something's weird about creed today. I can't quite put my finger on it...

>> No.22343425

>>22343226
I know just a way to get Tzeentch to see action. After all, having more tzeentchian daemonettes wouldn't hurt?
Also, despite my love of Khorne, Tzeentch is one of the entertaining chaos gods in bed Malice is second *wink**wink**nudge**nudge*. Being everchanging and having great plans makes for an unbelievable experience.
And really, no hard feelings towards you either. I like Tzeentch as a friend, but he'd be so much better, if he'd just unwind for a bit. Still, nothing compared to Khorny.

>> No.22343430

>>22343329
dude, I've always wondered, where the fuck did your left arm armour go?

I know for a fact that we had nothing to do with that particular one.

>> No.22343431

>>22343388
Good Work Soldier, keep smashing those skulls, limit Khorne's ability to collect ALL the Skulls.

>> No.22343438

>>22343425
What is it with you and Khorne?

>> No.22343440

>>22343386
KHORNE HAS MANY FACETS OF BLOOD WORSHIP. YOU COULDNT HANDLE IT SNAKE BOY.

>> No.22343441

>>22343384

I RIPPED OFF A TANK TREAD WITH MY TEETH, THEN HEADBUTTED A BASILISK ROUND AS IT WAS COMING OUT THE BARREL!

>> No.22343442

GOTTA GO, THERE'S A SITUATION THAT REQUIRES MY ATTENTION BUT I'LL RETURN AS SOON AS POSSIBLE! KEEP THE PARTY GOING!

>> No.22343452

>>22343430
I heard it get stuck when he shoved his entire arm into a gargantuan squiggoth's ribcage, and he didn't notice that it didn't come out with his arm when he ripped it's spine out.
Kharn's so cool.

>> No.22343455

>>22343423
I think he's fine. It's not like the exposure to the warp here is effecting any of us....

>> No.22343466

I WANT SLAANESH TO FUCK ME IN THE ASS WHILE I SNIFF COCAINE FROM A DAEMONS GIRL COCK

THERE I SAID IT

>> No.22343469

>>22343442
Don't worry, I'll get the first company on a beer run.

Bjorn knows a secret passage to the Space Wolves' brewery, I doubt we'll even make a dent on it.

>> No.22343473

>>22343455
It's not effecting me, at least. I'm pretty sure those teeth were already there.

>> No.22343475

Where's Tzeetch? He's missing the party

>> No.22343482

>>22343425
Nurgle wants in on the party

>> No.22343484

>> No.22343485

>>22343423
Nothing is wrong with a little target practice for the men... I see no reason to have the inquisition involved. Its not like there ISN'T an ARMORY to be RAIDED, while the people of chaos are partying...*Wink*

>> No.22343488

>>22343425
Oh my lord slaanesh I didn't see you there, truly you are the most exquisite vision that a mortal could lay eyes upon.

>>22343440
Hey look at these scars I could handle it, just try not to be to rough I have this habit of getting inside a guy.

>> No.22343513

>>22343473
I feel strange.....must be nothing

>> No.22343524

>>22343485
>>22343423
wha…
oh, right!
Luckily Hairgel is somewhere around here.
The kid's got it covered.
Not that we're doing anything. *Ahem*

>> No.22343527

>>22343441
lol, i'm just picturing this berserker sticking his head into a tank barrel yelling from inside

"MY SKULL FOR THE SKULL THRONE!"

>> No.22343551

>>22343438
He's just as passionate as me, he has a self-improving hobby(skull collection) and he's powerful in bed.
>>22343455
Ahem:
>>22341161
>>22341228

>>22343466
Seems a little bit too vanilla. Beg for it, while wearing the most trap outfit of all.
>>22343482
Nurgle specifically asked me not to. He doesn't want to disturb his wife and as also a goddess of love, I'll respect his wishes(plus he's kind of a bro).
>>22343488
Why thank you Lucius. How are the things going outside?

>> No.22343557

Seriously...Khorne isnt so great...Just because I dont do anything against the Imperium doesnt make me incompetant.

>> No.22343561

>>22343430
I NEEDED A TAN SO I TOOK THE ARMOR OF AND GAVE THE GAUNTLETS AND GREAVES TO KHITTEN TO SLEEP IN AND THE PAULDRON TO DOOMBREED AS A CROTCH PLATE.

>> No.22343566

>>22343527
That's fucking stupid, you'd ruin your skull doing that.
Props for the fervor, though.

>>22343513
Just chill out, man, it's all cool. Lemme get you a drink, the bartender here makes a great bloody mary, even if her name was susan.

>> No.22343568

>>22343425
Indeed, having more of them would certainly help. Really, they're the only women I've ever been with that actually know what they're talking about and the only ones that ever made sex satisfying. The heated debates I had with one as we embraced one another in ways pleasing to you. I actually learned a thing or two from her. The whole arbites orgy plan was inspired by a joke she told me in her afterglow. A pitty she had other places to be. For like all of us believers, love is good, but the call of our plots and plans cannot be denied. Though with that planet now properly "Dakka'd" as the orks would put it, I have some free time. I think I'm going to call her up.

>> No.22343590

>>22343557
BUT MY LORD, WE SHALL ALWAYS HAVE EACH OTHER? ALSO MY POOP IS CHECKERED NOW. IS THIS NORMAL?

>> No.22343599

>>22343590
>implying your poop wasn't always checkered
Just when you thought it was safe to imply things.

>> No.22343600

>>22343551

I'm wearing the prettiest pink dress with lots of frills

And my lips are begging for cock

>> No.22343612

>>22343551
I just got back from a date with Macha...you are better than her...by far...shes too..invasive.

>> No.22343621

I WANT YOU TO BREAK ME! KHORNE WANT TO BE LITTLE GIRL!

>> No.22343630

>>22343590
Yes, it should go away in a week

>> No.22343636

>>22343599
>Implying that it wasn't I who made his poop checkered for my Master Plan.

>> No.22343645

>>22343612
You should hear our Chapter Master talk about meeting her.

Poor Guy still has nightmares about it.

>> No.22343646

>>22343566
Sure a couple of drinks couldn't hurt.

>> No.22343648

>>22343612
You are bad at the "art" thing.

>> No.22343655

HURT ME INSIDE MY BRAINHOLE! PAIN FOR THE PAIN GOD!

KHORNE WANT TO SING SONGS ABOUT HEARTBREAK AND KNOW WHAT MOTOWN SINGERS ARE TALKING ABOUT!

>> No.22343663

>>22343600
>>22343621
Calm down there gents. Not everyone here is Slaaneshi.

>> No.22343668

>>22343648
I try to get them done as fast as possible to reply as fast as possible, fuck you.

>> No.22343671

>>22343551
My goddess your debauchery spreads well of late, the power of nurgle wanes in it's hold over the mortal realms. As yours rises inexorably with the blessings of your icons of excess, now our warriors seem to shrug off seemingly lethal wounds.

The noise marine ranks swell also sowing beautiful and terrible discord with sonorous praise to you my lady.

>> No.22343676

>>22343646
Pick your poison, big boy.

>> No.22343677

>>22343636
>implying it was your plan all along and you didn't just stumble upon it and claim it as your work
>implying you have a master plan

>> No.22343705

KRUSH MY HEART BETWEEN WICKED FANGS! CHEW ON MY BLOODY STUMPS LIKE CRUNCHING ICE BETWEEN YOUR TEETH!

UGH.. korne apologize for last outburst. korne has been having some relationship trouble recently and...

KHORNE NEEDS PERFORMANCE BOOST! SKULLS! I NEED SKULLS!

>> No.22343709

>>22343663
Even if they should be eh sweetcheeks

*gives kharn a little spank on the ass*

>> No.22343731

>>22343709
Oh FUCK.

DUCK AND COVER.

>> No.22343735

>>22343676
I wish to acquire all of them into one giant glass and a rather large cigar, mine is running low.

>> No.22343750

>>22343600
One last touch: each bit of pleasure you'll have, will turn you into a half-daemon catgirl.
>>22343709
I wouldn't do that, Lucy. Well, not that obviously, anyway.

>> No.22343755

>>22343677
Surprise me it's not like anything could go wrong....

>> No.22343759

>>22343705
Korne first notice problem when korne smashed the skull of one of his greatest rivals, and... well, suffice to say, it did nothing for him.

>> No.22343779

>>22343755
correction
>>22343676

>> No.22343781

Guys, there's some bloke with robotic arms banging on the door, my boy spotted him when bringing in the Fenris Booze.

Shall we let him in?
I don't think he has an invite.

>> No.22343790

This picture...this picture right here

>> No.22343820

>>22343759
kornes followers all looked up at him, like they expected him to say something, but Khorne just kind of tired, wanted to go home.

On way back, APC wouldn't start, too much blood and guts inside the engine compartment, and Korn basically say, "Fuck it, I'm walking"

Berserkers just kind of stood there, blinking, waiting for something to happen, but Khorne walked home alone.

>> No.22343822

>>22343790
YAY! I HAVE A FRIEND NOW!

>> No.22343827

>>22343709
ITS KHARN TIME!!! STOP HITTING YOURSELF STOP HITTING YOURSELF.

>> No.22343834

>>22343822
Yes! Even cultist chan chooses Malice

>> No.22343840

>>22343781
Let him in, then let him gift you with him arm...

>>22343790
I am guessing that hispter cult tends to get very, very lonely. heh, heh.

>> No.22343843

>>22343790
>implying you are lesser known than Zuvassin and me
You are mainstream.

>> No.22343852

>>22343750
But my master I must spread debauchery in your glorious name, besides he can't do anything oo bad about it unless he wants me wearing a kharn suit thanks to you my magnificence.

>> No.22343854

>>22343840
Thats my plan

>> No.22343867

All day, Khorne look at internet, (PRON! PRON FOR KRONE, I mean KHORNE!) but nothing excite him like it used to. It all seem like some distant fantasy, something that could never happen to khorne in real life.

>> No.22343873

>>22343827
Mmm yes now work the back, you can borrow my whip if you like.

>> No.22343886

>>22343827
HAHA! THIS PLEASES KORNE!

>> No.22343900

>>22343852
Our corruption will be spread. It's just going to be done very subtly.
Can't you see I'm trying to get Tzeenetch's boner?

>> No.22343902

>>22343873
yes mistress

>> No.22343905

>>22343867
>implying khorne is capable of feeling attraction or pleasure
He doesn't even exist and I know that.

>> No.22343919

>>22343905
I stole his hat, fuck Khorne.

>> No.22343921

>>22343873
KHARN WILL KILL YOU WITH HIS OWN WHIP THANK YOU VERY MUCH. OH KHORNE DAMMIT. WHERES GORECHILD? NEVERMIND. KHARN NOT NEED HIM TO KILL YOU SNAKE BOY.

>> No.22343924

KHORNE IS USING WHIP! KHORNE IS FEELING SOMETHING HE HAS NEVER FELT! POWER!

>> No.22343931

>>22343905
Go away already. I thought you said you didn't exist yesterday.

>> No.22343967

>>22343886
It pleases me too *fap fap fap*

>>22343900
Yes mistress of course whatever pleases you, for what is existence without pleasure.

>> No.22343983

KORNE HAS GIG! KHORNES SKULL AND BONE EMPORIUM! RADIO AD! PAY KHORNES BILLS!

(10 cents a skull? what kind of deal is that?)

>> No.22343984

Man *hic* so what is currency in the warp unless you guys take Imperial currency I'm going to owe alot here

>> No.22343986

>>22343931
Yeah but I'm still homeless.
Please don't kick me out again, warp rain is full of nightmares and the smell of rotten Tau.

>> No.22343995

If I join Tzeentch can I have psychic powers?

I just wanna be spheshul

>> No.22344004

>>22343995
You get whatever Tzeentch wants you to get.

>> No.22344005

>>22343984
Nurgle charges coughs, Khorne charges Skulls, Tzneetch charges plans, Slaanesh...you dont want to know. And everything is free in my domain

>> No.22344009

>>22343984
We've got you covered bro, they accept relics as payment.

Speaking of, that's some nice armour you've got there…

>> No.22344020

>>22343921
Snake boy, so you were peeking in the shower then, you can't hide that blushing behind blood, I do talk to cypher you know.

I hear you love to play interrogator chaplain and fallen angel.

>> No.22344024

>>22343984
Don't worry mate, I got your back, your drinks are on me.

>> No.22344028

I don't think I would like that. Khorne has landlord.

Tzenich: I Invented property schemes. One of the boons of immortality, you know. Compound Interest.

>> No.22344054

>>22344009
This armor contains all .... oh how many names do I have now...

>> No.22344059

>>22344004

What does he wants me to get?

I'm all for time controling powers

>> No.22344093

>>22344059
Hehe, heh. Good luck trying to squeeze that out of that bird brain, you'll be his bitch if you ask for too much.

>> No.22344097

>>22344024
Ah, Creed, you're here.
Why did you miss our last game of paradox poker?
Its just not the same without you...

>> No.22344102

>>22344059
Whatever Tzeentch wants you to get.
This changes with every point in time. He is unknowing, random, and consistent. You will know when it is given to you, or not, whatever he wants.

>> No.22344126

Sup guys I'm back

>>22344059

Nah,have this bird-like wings instead,they will be very usefull.

>> No.22344127

As a servant of slaanish, i can not afford to trust anyone. If the other gods knew what I was up to..

>> No.22344131

>>22344054
I've heard that the bar won't serve you any hard liqueur unless you're out of you're armour (don't blame me, blame the daemonette at the bar).

I'll help you out of it if you want

>> No.22344151

>>22344127
of course, it would be nice to have a companion, but who can you trust? You end up wearing your flesh as a hat.

>> No.22344159

OI WHERE ALL DA BOYZ AT?
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH!!

>> No.22344165

>>22344131
You think I need people to take their armor off first? Bitch please.

>> No.22344170

>>22344020
KHARN WILL IMPALE YOU ON POLE AND ORBITAL DROP YOU INTO EXTERMINATUS PLANET AND FOLLOW YOU DOWN AND SMASH YOU SPINE WITH HIS ASS.

>> No.22344174

I think its fused to my skin. It hurts sometimes.

>> No.22344178

>>22344127
>implying the gods care about what you have been up to
>implying tzeentch hasn't already cataloged it and sent it to whatever loved ones you still have
Come now those drugs haven't made you that naive.

>> No.22344188

>>22344165
Dude, Don't GiftBlock me!

>> No.22344190

>>22344126
>>22344102
>>22344093

I NEVER GET WHAT I WANT

I HATE EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING SUCKS, EVERYBODY BLOWS

>> No.22344195

>>22344097
Hehe. Had places to manage, troops to run, planets to conquer, tactics to mark, Stratagems to stage; I'll be in Paradox Poker next time.

>> No.22344198

>>22343900
Indeed, that probably will do it if you keep it really, really subtle. Prove to him you can plot and plan using your strengths without brute forcing anything like musclebrains *always* does. He's boring as fuck, prove to my lord you can be interesting and you will garner his favor.

I remember the first time I did. You'll love this, it involves seduction. I though I'd get the local inquisitor to fall to chaos. She was a hardcore puritan from my research so I took it as a challenge. I was chaos undivided at the time so I used any and all means I could. Yeah, brute forced it a little but hey, I was only 17 and unknowing of the joy of serving my lord exclusively. I joined her retinue and became good friends with her and everyone else. I lured her gently and slowly, first to radicalism, then to full-blown heresy. I lied when I whispered "I love you" into her ear. I tenderly fucked her, and eventually, through many plots, got her to sacrifice her entire retinue (who did it willingly no less) to summon a greater daemon into the world. We chose a Lord of Change because hell, I thought it'd be funny (told them it was the best hope for heresy to take root). They thought we were all going to die, but really, we were one man over the requirement and I made sure I was the odd man out, just as planned. Upon materializing he commended my efforts told me of the joy of serving my would be lord. I have been his devout servant ever since.

>> No.22344208

>>22344131
These crafty daemonettes what are they planning.... anyway I shall stay in my armor for now

>> No.22344246

>>22344170
I'm sorry but all i took from that was something abut impaling me on your pole and smashing me in the ass, in which case... I'll see you behind Khorne's throne

>> No.22344252

>>22344208
Ah, I fully understand brother.

I'll have my Scouts get our drinks for us.

>> No.22344259

LETS JUST SAY KHARNES SITTING IN THE RIGHT CHAIR!

>> No.22344288

>>22344188
>Daemonette
>Dude
I think you might have had enough to drink for tonight.
Which means your next three are on the house. Drink up motherfucker!

>> No.22344300

>>22344259
Is there a left chair?

>> No.22344315

>>22344190
That sounds great to me.
Why don't you slide over here, and I give you a taste of the "private" bar?

>> No.22344319

>>22344288
I still didn't get my "Everything in a giant glass".

>> No.22344326

>>22344315

YOU BETTER HAVE CHAMPAGNE

>> No.22344334

>>22344288
>>22344315
I've taught you well, daughter.

>> No.22344346

This thread needs more DAKKA

>> No.22344349

>>22344246
RAHAAAAAAAA. KHARN NOT RUIN NICE ATMOSPHERE. YOU VERY LUCKY. CYPHER. WHERE ARE YOU?

>> No.22344356

>>22344288
Well I can't argue with that

>> No.22344372

>>22344288
for fucks sake, of all the daemonettes in all the galaxy…
I'd assumed I was safe using whatever pronouns I wanted with you guy…people.

>> No.22344392

>>22344326
I can put some bubbles in it if you like.

>>22344334
Mmmmm, you certainly did.
I think I might need a refresher course later though, if you know what I mean.

>>22344356
That's right baby, drink it alllll up, right down to the bottom. Mmm.

>>22344372
Hey, I put a lot of effort into these tits! Took me eight years to get the jiggle juuuuuust right.

>> No.22344395

>>22344346
FOINALLY DA WAAAHBOSS IS ERE
WAS GETTIN WORRIED U 'OULDN'T SHOW AUP

>> No.22344404

>>22344372
You think you got it bad? I can't figure out these new claws to get the drinks in my mouth. At least I got cultist manning the recruiting station now "hugs and waffles for kay-oss" seems to be rather effective. Plus she can actually type/write stuff due to having hands.

>> No.22344417

>>22342630
>HEY BIG K. I FISTED FAILBADDON LAST NIGHT.

That sounds like something Slaanesh would do

>> No.22344446

>>22344346
>>22344395
Long time no see guys! Is the looting contest still on?

>> No.22344460

>>22344392
And everyone was *hic* worried when I said I was going on a mission in the warp this place is alright.

>> No.22344466

>>22344395
OI SHUT YOUR MOUF BEFORE I PINCH YOUR 'EAD OFF
GET DA BOYZ READY FOR DA WAAAGH
WE NEED
I WANT ME UH DEFF DREAD

>> No.22344484

>>22344392

SURE WHATEVER GIVE ME BOOZE

>> No.22344490

>>22344093
You fool. We are *all* his bitch. I feel sorry for you, you think you are not, that your loyalty to that corpse on a throne protects you. No. You, me, them, they, all, ALL of us are his bitch. We are *all* but pawns, threads in his tapestry of fate. The sooner you realize that, the sooner you will understand your very existence.

>> No.22344502

>>22344484
Aright, one warp spawn coming right up, with a little extra something from me~!
Hint; it's cum.

>> No.22344504

>>22344490
>existence
I would spill my drink if those existed as well.

>> No.22344536

>>22344502
I FUCKING CALLED IT!

>> No.22344537

>>22344349
Aww you're such a tease maybe next time eh muscles.

>>22344315
A private bar you say I'm certain I could find something agreeable there.

>> No.22344538

>>22344502

WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU SPEAK LOUDER

AND GIVE ME ANOTHER I ALREADY DRANK THIS

>> No.22344550

>>22344417
WELL I WASNT GOING TO KILL HIM OUTRIGHT> I MEAN COME ON!! HE"S CHAOS CHOSEN ALTHOUGH NO ONE HAS
EVER TOLD ME WHY
>>22344392
WENCH I NEED A DRINK.

>> No.22344563

>>22344466
BOSS WE ALLWAEYS READY FOUR A WAAAAH

>> No.22344572

>>22344538
Sure thing, just -ah- let me mix it up for you~

>>22344550
Bloody mary sans mary coming right up!

>> No.22344577

>>22344502
Do you have any glasses these claws won't shatter? I've been stone cold sober all night.

>> No.22344583

>>22344502
WAH'S A DRINK FOR DA BOYZ
YOUR BETTA BE SERVIN' FOR DA ORKZ

>> No.22344586

>>22344577
I could let you drink straight from the tap if you like. Hows that sound?

>> No.22344603

>>22344563
WHERE DA MECHS
AND DA SHOOTAS AND SQUIGS WE CAN'T WAAH WITHOUT SQUIGS

>> No.22344604

>>22344490
So him losing to me at Chess is all part of his little plan? What a winner you have there mate. Heh, heh.

>> No.22344605

>>22344572
DO YOU HAVE ANY SKULL COCKTAIL GLASSES?

>> No.22344608

>>22344586
I don't even care at this point, My Lord's depression is affecting me and I need something to take the edge off

>> No.22344611

>>22344583
You want a green tide, a red one, or a WAAAGH!?

>> No.22344628

>>22344572

HURRY IT UP AND PREPARE ANOTHER

I'M GONNA DRINK ME SORROW TONIGHT

FUCKING TZEENTCH I ONLY WANTED COOL PSYCHIC POWERS WAS THAT MUCH TO ASK UH? WAS IT? WAS IT BARTENDING DAEMONETTE?

>> No.22344635

>>22344550
Because just like failbaddon I can kick your ass one on one, but seeing as you're a cool guy and we are in khorne's pad i'd better not embarrass you sugarlips.

>> No.22344639

>>22344572
Where is the safest *hic place to nap off the alcohol here? I feel it is time for a short break.

>> No.22344643

>>22344572
Demon! I wish to have a "JUST AS PLANNED!" Drink

>> No.22344644

>>22344628
Hey man, leave her....HIC....alone. She just....she just....HIC.....works here

>> No.22344655

>>22344603
WELL DA MECHS R PARKED OOTSIDE
WE GOT DA SHOOTAS ROIGHT ERE WIT DA BOYZ
AN I FINK WE STILL GOTT A FEW SQUIGS ROUND ERE SOMEWERE
OI SAY WE REDDY FOUR A WAAAAAAAAH

>> No.22344667

>>22344611
Hey serving khornes servants first was fine it's his pad but not orks, is this cause of the last party I swear I thought all three of them were you baby.

>> No.22344676

>>22344644

IM JUST ASKING A QUESNTIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON

>> No.22344677

>>22344605
I got fresh Kreigers and Sororitas, and some fancy eldar ones too. Take your pick off the shelf there.

>>22344628
Ohhh, just a sec, you're gonna dry me out at this rate! I love it~

>>22344643
Coming right up babe.

>>22344639
Here's my key, right up the stairs there, second on the left. I'll come check on you in a bit, hmm?
You can leave the armor on.

>> No.22344679

>>22344639
We have a mobile armoury you can rest in if you want.

Though you may want to watch out, there's been sighting of space wolves about. You know how Those Magpies are

>> No.22344685

>>22344563
Hehehe, almost forgot about that plot for you dumb backstabbing fucks to revolt on the planet in that system. It's hard to keep up with all my plans sometimes, but that is yet another reason I pray to my glorious lord. Through his wicked intellect and divine favor I succeed despite my limited and truly puny mind. Once more, I hail the greatest power in all the cosmos. My lord Tzeentch, I live to serve you. And he shows me favor yet again. My lovely daemonette Irene, my one I love, just told me of her successful plots over the warp. She's almost as good as me, what a woman, *the* woman. Getting a whole squad of Smurfs to fall among other things, I can't wait for our "discussions" tomorrow night.

>> No.22344687

>>22344611
AH WANT AH RED ONE
RED GOES DOWN DA FASSTEST

>> No.22344710

>>22344687
SURE THING BOSS. WAAAGH!

>>22344667
Chill man, I serve Everybody.

>> No.22344723

>>22344677

THIS CHAMPAGNE TASTES FUNNY WHATSINTIT OH LIKE IT MATTER SIHT ME MORE

>> No.22344731

And now I rest *thud*

>> No.22344733

>>22344685
WOT MAKE YOU THINK DA WAHP COULD FIGHT GORK N' MORK
ONE OF DA GROTZ COULD 'ANDLE YOU

>> No.22344745

>>22344723
~Ahhh~ You love it, don't you, you dirty little heretic. Suck it all down!

>> No.22344748

>>22344731
Bloody hell, thought he'd never go down.

Quick lads!
Nick 'is armour!

>> No.22344753

>>22344604
Your little matche had quite a bit of loopholes in the losing condition. He couldn't *directly* intervene, but us true believers can and do. He never helped out much directly anyway. He told us what he wanted us to know/believe and we acted on it. He is still a force in this world, and a very powerful one despite the restrictions. You must remember, even when my lord loses, he wins. Like with Khorne a few weeks ago. He wanted to lose, truly, tried as hard as he could to make that happen without outright letting him win, and musclebrain was just so fucking dumb that my lord won anyway. You cannot beat him ultimately, thus why he truly is the ultimate power.

>> No.22344755

>>22344635
YOU ONLY THINK YOU COULD HANDLE ME SNAKE-BOY. GO CRY INTO YOUR DRINK.

>> No.22344763

>>22344710
I will take liquified all life in the galaxy please.

>> No.22344769

>>22344748
Aw, how sweet of you to give a girl a hand. I'll just bring him upstairs and out of the way for you all~

>>22344763
Sorry, going on break.

>> No.22344771

>>22344745

I DUNNO WHAT YOU TALKING ABOUT BARTENDER I JUST WANTED COOL PSYCHIC POWERS BUT

pause

I GOT CHAMPAGNE INSTEAD!

APPLAAAAAAUSEEEEEEEEE

I DON'T WANT YOUR PITY, HIT ME MOREOH IM SO SILLY

>> No.22344780

>>22344731
*just as planned*

>> No.22344781

>>22344677
IM FEELING FANCY LETS TRY SOME ELDAR.

>> No.22344782

>>22344710
DATS MORE LOIKE IT
DA WURLD A BETTA PLACE WHEN ERRYONE GOIN WAAGH

>> No.22344790

>>22344769
If anyone asks, it was Space Wolves.

>> No.22344811

>>22344790
Doesn't matter if they ask; a lady never tells.

>>22344781
Hey baby, mind if I borrow your axe real quick? I need something with some... leverage.

>> No.22344829

>>22344811
HIC....I gots claaaaws

>> No.22344842

>>22344811
Funny you should mention that…
>>22342724

>> No.22344847

>>22344829

WHERES ME CHAMPAIGNE

>> No.22344848

>>22344753
*match
Sorry, Irene just popped into my room way before the ritual should have finished so forgive my typo. Dear lord, she even predicted the time that torpedo would hit! The very thought of debating her (among other things) enthralled me for a second after that. My plots and plans consume me, but when I'm free my thoughts are of her. If this isn't "love" I don't know what is. Truly, the only girl who understands.

>> No.22344854

>>22344769
Dang. I will just have to hold myself over by consuming all my fellow bar patrons.

>> No.22344875

Fetch my spear heretics are attacking *loud snoring*

>> No.22344880

>>22344811
ASK DIOMEDES. HE ABDUCTED MY BABY. I MAY HAVE TO PUT OUT A CRIMSON ALERT TOMORROW MORNING IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. YOU CAN HAVE MY HELMET IF YOU WANT.

>> No.22344885

>>22344811
AH KAN DO IT
OI'LL MASH HIM WITH MY BIG ORKY FIST

>> No.22344888

>>22344753
Pretty fucking optimistic guy I must say, never lets a rainy day take him down. I heard the bullshit line over and over again whenever we play chess together; I think its cute how he tries to look cool in-front of others. Heh, heh.

>> No.22344895

>>22344854
Just for the record I don't exist so feel free to pass me over.

>> No.22344899

>>22344854
and on that note, It's time to retire to Aurelia.
Thank you all for your wondrous gifts! the mobile armoury has never been so full!

and Kharn, the Bartender has your axe.

>> No.22344907

>>22344847
Well if you're still so thirsty, maybe you should come up here with us?

>>22344875
Oh my, that's quite a weapon you have there. Ara ara~ You don't want to purge a little old daemonette like me, do you?

>> No.22344925

>>22344888
He has good reason to be optimistic. After all, if you're playing poker and know what cards the others are holding, and they don't know you know their hand, how can you not be optimistic? You *know* if you should call or fold, and my lord does. You can't win Creed, neither can anyone else. Be glad and rejoice that your "victory" was also a part of his great plan. You are but a mere thread in his tapestry of fate, as am I, as are us all.

>> No.22344939

>>22344907
Magpies took his spear.....HIC.....Still got my...my......claws if you HIC need leverage

>> No.22344943

>>22344899
OHHHHKAYYYY BLUD RAVEN. WARP SAFE.

>> No.22344953

>>22344907
By the throne! a Daemon amongst men!?
Meh, I have not enough las to back the emperor's will!

>> No.22344956

Ah, look at the time; I must go back and continue my stratagem elsewhere.

>>22344907
Demonette, I would like Kegs, and I MEAN KEGS of both "JUST AS PLANNED!" and "IMPERIAL GUARD", none of that quarter-kegs, I want full sized kegs of them. My boys on Cadia are going to have a party.

>> No.22344957

>>22344907

HOW CAN I COME WITH YOU BARTENDER DAEMONETTE

IF I HAVEN'T DANCE IN ALL NIGHT LONG

HIT IT

>> No.22344967

*random talk of battles and missing bolt rounds followed by more snoring*

>> No.22344993

>>22344925
> Implying I haven't had victories against Tzeentch on a CONSTANT basis.

Yeah, yeah; I have heard that saying in many different forms from many different gods. That deciever, that xeno clown, My Emprah even. Well, hope you have fun in your "Grand Scheme".

>> No.22345015

>>22344880
OH UH I GOTTA VOX-CALL I GOTTA GO. WAR OUT GUYS.

>> No.22345019

>>22344967
*mock fear* OH NO TYRANIDS
Whatever shall we do Custode!?

>> No.22345085

>>22345019
Hush you, we're having a rather tender moment.
Actually come to think of it, how's you get in here anyway? I locked the door after me.
Not that I really mind. The more the merrier!

>> No.22345088

>>22344993
But if you best even what is seen as the god of men why do you worship him?
If they can be outsmarted how are they gods?

>> No.22345099

>>22344993
Oh and we do Creed, we do. Your assertion that you've beaten us is, well, most entertaining. Keep thinking you've vanquished the threat of chaos, keep thinking that corpse is a "god". That too, is part of the plan.

>> No.22345115

>>22345085
Well you see...the warp...is like it...
Whatever carryon

>> No.22345126

>>22345088
If you allow someone to win, did they really win? No. They were *allowed* to win. He beat my lord because my lord wanted to be beaten at that time. Such are his inscrutable ways, a finite mind like ours cannot comprehend it.

>> No.22345163

>>22345126
Sweety, you really need to realize something.
She and Creed have only ever fought in the sack, and Tz's a total sub.

>> No.22345179

Throne my head hurts....what was I doing...

>> No.22345202

>>22345179

IM FEELING KIDNA DIZZY TOO MUST BE FOR ALL THAT DANCING
WWWHEREAM I

>> No.22345219

>>22345179
Me. And that other guy. And a commissar for a second at the end. Smoke?

>>22345202
Still in my ass, actually. My boss decided to, ah, grant you a gift, let's say. Lemme get my shears.

>> No.22345227

>>22345179
brother!, you're awake!

thank the emperor, A group of Space Wolves knocked you out and stole your gear! I was just pursuing them, but they shook me off!
luckily this helpful lady took care of you

>> No.22345241

>>22345126
Tzeentch merely has a firmer grasp on events and time than others, but he is no different than a glorified psyker. None of the warp presences are. I'm not any different either.
You mortals waste your time searching for gifts from a dimension based on your emotions. You praise what is catered to you as better when they are nothing without you. Truly sickening to see such obedience to something that could be so easily dismantled.

>> No.22345248

>>22345219

AaaaaI'm feling kinda dizzy I think I ahve to go homme adnd osdes I don't have any chamapgned lefetsu

>> No.22345274

>>22345248
Ow, wait a sec, you're still stuck. Really, just let me the the shears real quick, it won't hurt all that much and it will grow right back, I swear.

>> No.22345307

>>22345227
Point me in their direction, give me something to fight with, and someone to make a banner for this battle!

>> No.22345329

>>22345274

Grow what baaack? Oh you so silly Daemonette bartender, if I was slaaneshsexual and wanted a hot daemonette girlfriend who was also a bartender I would so fall for you

But I do not

I neeed to go back home maybe tomorrow Tzeentch would grant me wish, bye~~!

>> No.22345356

>>22345329
Well I guess I can take a sick day or something but really, we're kind of attached at the moment. It's just one quick little snip...

>> No.22345387

>>22345163
Curses, you told them about my Master-Plan, my relationship with Tzeentch!

>> No.22345417

>>22345163
It's a change of pace to be dominated, he's usually the dom you see. But he is the lord of change, so being a switch is hardly surprising. He knows of joy in a way that'd give Slaanesh pause. He knows all, from personal experience no less. So just fall down and obey, as you already do despite your protests to the contrary.

>>22345241
You cannot dismantle hope. For so long as there is sentience, there is hope. Your necrontir slaves hoped to escape their mortality through following the C'tan. That hope lives on in the deepest recesses of their programming. Thus, so long as thought exists, so shall my lord. To beat him, you must kill everything, then kill yourself and render all the cosmos unto nothingness. You don't have the balls or the capability to do that. Thus, my lord is truly eternal.

>> No.22345420

>>22345387
So your "master plan" was getting laid?

...nice

>> No.22345421

>>22345356

>attached

Oh

Oooooh

Daemonotte bartender I had no idea you were going through such a hard phase, look you can totally crash at my place if you need to

It's pretty small and I snore a lot though and you gonna have to sleep on the ground

But I gueeeeess you can get the bes pillow in the house

It is also the only pillow

>> No.22345453

>>22345421
Oh for fucks sake, your dick is still stuck in my ass. How the warp did you not notice.

>> No.22345489

>>22345417
And as long as there is hope there will be truth to defy it.
That's why I'm here. That's why I'll always be here, stuck in the warp relaying the crushing reality upon deaf ears. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

>> No.22345501

>>22345420
Actually, that plan was already mapped and executed.
This was my other Master-Plan, of course, being a Grand Tactictian, I have many, master plans.

>> No.22345518

>>22345417
You can call it what you like, but the fact of that matter is that your boss has had ten of Slan's kids and two of mine, soooo... there's that, yeah.

>> No.22345533

>> No.22345548

>>22345533
meant to quote>>22345453

>> No.22345567

>>22345533
well, looks like tzeentch gave the poor bastard a gift after all

>> No.22345575

>>22345548
I guess that didn't go as planned, did it?
Somewhere Zuvassin is laughing his prick head off.

>> No.22345585

>>22345453

Wa? whaa? How did? You think I' m not stupid enough to notice if my dick is

Oh what would you know it reall is, letme just pop it ou---

>>22345533
>>22345548

TZEEEEEEEEEEETCHHHHHHH GIVE MY POWEEEEER THAT IS RIGHTFULLY MINEEEEE

>> No.22345606

>>22345585
What do you think I've been trying to do this who-Did you just cum again? Really?
How do you even do that without noticing. I almost feel sorry for you.

>> No.22345608

>>22345585
Guy just got you laid, clearly pimpin is your destiny

>> No.22345655

>>22345585
Jeez man,I hooked you with the daemonette and you still want those stupid powers?
Fine,have some silly time powers,now you can stop the timejust for 1 second and you can't move

>> No.22345657

I have returned from plundering the Spcae wolf ship what have I missed?

>> No.22345672

>>22345655
Seriously? Not "stop time but you can't move and all sensory input is cut off during that second so that it appears to stretch on for an eternity?"

>> No.22345687

>>22345672
I assumed he was keeping that part a secret so the dipshit would try it once.

>> No.22345709

>>22345533
Indeed my lord, all is going according to thine divine plan. Please, continue to gift me with but a fraction of thine intellect. I shall serve the graciously unto the moment of my planned demise. Quite happy you let me see Irene again though, truly a daughter worthy of you and I am overjoyed that you deemed me worthy of her.

>>22345585
No power is rightfully yours fool. All belongs to the Changer of Ways. If you are granted power, be glad it was all according to his divine tapestry of fate that your thread required said powers be granted unto you. I know my own powers are but a gift given because it was necessary for his inscrutable plan to complete itself. Even if I was to be but a mere corpse in a cemetery, without any of my grand achievements in history but to serve as an unknown and unremembered catalyst for something else, I would understand and die gladly. You ought do the same. Hail the one true power, hail the Architect of Fate!

>> No.22345719

Archived, FYI.
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/22339743/

>> No.22345721

>>22345606
>>22345608

I don't know what you're talking about daemonotte bartender is my best friend an my bartender there's no way I could fuc-- >>22345655
>>22345655
>>22345655
>>22345655
>>22345655

YES

YES

THAT'S A BEGGINIGN MY LIFE ROCK YES PSYCHIC POWEEEEEEEERS

>> No.22345761

>>22345721
>>22345606
Wait, that's not cum, that's shampoo.
...
Feels kinda nice, actually. I might have to try this again later.

>> No.22345774

>>22345719
I haven't even finished my glass of fucking nothing yet.
Don't be so quick to the trigger, more stuff is happening.

>> No.22345810

>>22345761
Clearly you've never had shampoo in an open wound before, can't imagine it'd feel too good in your ass

>> No.22345813

>>22345774
We're nigh on 500 posts and autosaging, dude.

>> No.22345826

>>22345810
You're right, I haven't. I'll note that one down to try later, thanks!

>> No.22345842

>>22345826
This makes me wonder what really happened when I was unconscious

>> No.22345849

>>22345761

Oh Slanesshite bartending daemonotte you're so silly and pretty I can't be mad at you

...NOT WHEN I HAVE UNLIMITED POOWWWEEEEER!

And now is time to sleep byeee Daemonette~! Bye Slaanesh~! Bye secondary characters~!

>> No.22345860

>>22345813
currently on page 8, won't be too long

>> No.22345862

Guiss,were is this going to the archive or do I need to make screenshots aaaallll the way?

>> No.22345865

>>22345709
I love it when these cultist types start getting worshipy.
I'm almost tempted to get some of my own just to see them force themselves to squabble and squirm because I sneezed. Then they'll kill the next town over because they didn't eat the nasty boogers that came out and call THEM the barbarians. It causes me nearly as much amusement as gut wrenching disgust.

>> No.22345882

>>22345862
Most of it is archived. We're good.
Screenshots are better for spreading around, though.

>> No.22345892

>>22345842
Oh, all sorts of things.
FYI, I wouldn't suggest getting too close to any other ladies for a week or two, I'm pretty sure you're emitting beta particles.

>>22345862
Already did, >>22345719

>> No.22345897

>>22345810
You truly don't understand Slaanesh. All is pleasure to his/her followers. Pain is pleasure, pleasure is pleasure, EVERYTHING is pleasure. Since everything includes things like art, science, and philosophy, more than a few of them can hold a conversation with me. That'ss more than I can say for the followers of pussbucket and musclebrains. God I can't stand those idiots. Pic related, it's what they are in point of fact. Drooling, moronic fools who know nothing. Their very existence disgusts me. I'd kill them all, if they hadn't proven themselves consistently useful for my purposes...

>> No.22345933

Did the other thread from last night get archived? I didn't stay up till its end, and it 404'd by morning.

>> No.22345934

>>22345862

Foolz archives everything silly

>> No.22345936

>>22345897
>yakui
>not a follower of slaanesh
do you even nijuara?

>> No.22345963

>>22345897

And my purposes you little pawn!

>> No.22345974

>>22345933
Also yep. They're the two newest under the "chaos" tag.

>> No.22346034

>>22345974
Many thanks, my attractive friend. Could I possibly get an Eye of Horus, on the rocks?

>> No.22346083

>>22346034
Sorry, I'm all taped out at the moment, if you catch my drift~

>> No.22346091

>>22345865
I am no cultist. A cultist does not know of the truth of chaos, they merely buy what another charismatic fool is selling. I *know* my lord, I have spoken to him. I *KNOW* I am but a mere, insignificant pawn in his designs. And I am glad he let me know that.

Cultists, on the other hand, think they're something special, that they are somehow "truly" favored by their god(s). I know I am not. I know my place in all this, I know my fate to some vague extent because of that. I *can* change it and work for that end, for a total submission to fate is the realm of Nurgle and we all know how I feel about pussbucket he can suck my ceramite plated, disinfectant soaked balls. But even those efforts are planned for by my lord and all fits perfectly within his plot. I cannot win, only he can. Is not such an existence worthy of worship and devotion. Is that not the definition of a *true* God!?

>> No.22346095

>>22346034
And I want a double "justasplanned"

>> No.22346177

>>22346095
Oh all right, but only because it's you. I can barely stand, here!

Wait, where the hell is all the curaco. I could have sworn we had some...
Ah. Fucking magpies.

>> No.22346220

>>22345963
That they have my lord. I am filled with joy that our wills have overlapped so perfectly over these many centuries. May they continue to do so for centuries more.

>>22346095
I'll have what he's having, as will my date/your sister Irene here.

>> No.22346329

>>22345518
Once more I shall say unto you... Just. As. Planned. You are merely playing your part daemon, as are we all.

>> No.22346402

>>22346329

Well the last one wasn't so really planned.

Captcha: sexiest ergrror

>> No.22346441

>>22346329
Aww, you're so cute when you get all huffy.
Did you know your boss is a screamer? When she came, she wiped out three daemon worlds by accident.
Ohhh, she was just MORTified. All blushing and embarrassed even while I was pumping her slutty cunt full of my seed. She LOVED it. You can talk about plans all you want, but in the end, she was BEGGING me not to pull out.

Speaking of which, my shift's over and I need to go see the twins; Lilly's just going into her "growing phase", and she's moody about it. Tootles!

>>22346402
Seeya babe!

>> No.22346539

>>22346402
Ah, but even that kind of thing serves your purposes my lord, you told me as such. "Keep plotting, keep up your plans for they please me even in their failures."

For even if things don't go as you planned, is it not refreshing to experience that slight change of pace? You succeed so consistently that a failure is a refreshing change. For example, an epic win for me but one I did not see coming (rare for me, I always see when a win or fail is coming on my part). I didn't really expect to pull it all off so perfectly, that exterminatus I mean. The torpedo even hit what I most wanted but figured to be the very least likely impact point (i.e. the Imperial Governor's mansion, dead center, perfect hit). Change is change is it not? I was overjoyed that I didn't predict by a wide margin the totality of my victory. I am sure you felt the same in some form.

>> No.22346613

>>22346539
Warp, you're a fucking toady. Do you ever stop brown-nosing?

>> No.22346889

>>22346539
Sorry, a night with Irene puts me in that kind of mood. How she squirmed, cried, and complemented me on the new and very complex binding I invented for her as she screamed in extacy whilst enlightening me on the intellectual joys of our relationship.

So edifying was it that I cannot help but praise my lord in these ways. I do hope Kharn has helped you to have such an exquisite experience. Followers of musclebrain often comment on his ability to reaffrim their faith in the blood god. I can respect him for that at the very least. Truly, a hell of a guy to be around given the stories of his exploits. I can only hope I do the same for my flock of cultists.

>> No.22346947

>>22346889
Sorry, meant to comment on >>22346613. Damn I'm off my game now.

>>
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