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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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[ERROR] No.22069727 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

fuck YOU , Dad. This is all your fault! If you hadn't lost the war we wouldn't be refugees in the Elven Kingdom and there'd still be free human women out there! I refuse to marry a fucking elf just because YOU have a debt of gratitude to Lord pointy-ears!

Just, go back there and drink yourself stupid again.. I want peace and quiet.

>> No.22069735


>> No.22069888

Go to bed, son. There's a surprise waiting for you in your chambers. Let's see if you still don't like elves in the morning.

>> No.22069913


>> No.22069930

(the surprise is the prince of the elven lands)

>> No.22069934

>Not wanting to marry a female elf

Just how LGBT oriented can you be?

>> No.22069957

A worthy mate if there ever was one. It will be good to see our houses joined.

>> No.22069964

oh anon... females elves are made for basements, not marriages.

>> No.22069980

Wrong. Human females are for basements as they've got a shelf life so you use one for a few years and discard it as it ages.

Elves are perfect trophy wives because they'll maintain their youthful beauty for your entire lifespan and you never need to worry about replacing it once every 10 or so years like you would for most 20 y.o. human wives.

>> No.22069981

It's not love if it's an elf.

>> No.22069984

(the joining includes anal)
(actually, it's mostly about anal)

>> No.22069989

You don't want an eternally young woman to do with as you please until you die?

That's stupid.

>> No.22070001

Seeing as everyone here lives in a basement, I'd say it was a fair idea to marry it

>> No.22070004

I live in the attic.

>> No.22070005

Huh. This actually makes sense.

>> No.22070010

It's only gay if you take it

Thanks, random High School Senior when I was a freshman. Your life lesson has stuck with me

>> No.22070012

I live on the first floor.

>> No.22070021


So you get bored with the same Elven wife after fourty years of life?

No, sirrah, the bounty lies in having a new wife brought to you every day to lie with you for a night, and then have her killed in the morning before she can cheat on you with another man.

King Shahryar had it right in the first place.

>> No.22070024

It's other way round, though. You're the token partner in your sham of a marriage who's just shown around in public events. You can bet your sweet ass that she's not going to even let you touch her while she fools around with elven men behind your back.

>> No.22070027

>stuck with me
I see what you did thar.

>> No.22070030

Third story walk-up, here.

>> No.22070032

Oh la dee daa, aren't we all fancy huh. Go play the piano and some crumpets you pest

>> No.22070036


I live in a room my parents boarded up.

>> No.22070037

Did he stuck you with his lesson in the bathroom or behind the gym?

>> No.22070045

Do they occasionally feed you fish heads too?

>> No.22070049


>> No.22070051

>fooling themselves with meaningless hights while posting in a thread about elven waifus

oh /tg/

>> No.22070056

>tfw a random anon on /tg/ can make you feel more British than living there

I have tea and scones too.

>> No.22070057

No you don't really understand the purpose of a wife do you? A wife is for other people to look at and be jealous of how beautiful she is, how 'good' you are together, how much you seem (outwardly) to love one another, and what a wonderful family you make. She is a social tool not a carnal tool. The longer you are together the more admiration you gain and that's compounded by her continued beauty.

Your concubines fulfill the purpose of keeping you entertained and they are expendable.

>> No.22070061

Pfft, like one you're one to talk. I bet you even have windows and all, captain sunshine. Meanwhile I live in a pit dug on the back yard of my parents house, like a real fa/tg/uy.

>> No.22070071

I live in a tree house. Well, a tree with some logs and planks against it to form a shelter.

>> No.22070076

bah, spoiled newfag. I had to dig my own pit in my parents basement when I was 8, and I still life there!

>> No.22070086

I play vidya with a bro from Britain quite often and the fucker doesn't even have a posh accent, I'm so damn mad

>> No.22070096

>being denied sex by your hot elven wife
>being jilted by your hot elven wife
>being forced to watch while she copulates with all kinds of lowly creatures
>having your throbbing man-part crushed under her heel as she stands before you naked and stinking of rutting-sweat, laughing
Absolutely horrifying, who would want something like that?

>> No.22070103

I know that feel, brah. It's like they're not even trying to look down on the working class scum.

>> No.22070104


>> No.22070141

>-4str for female added to -2str for elf
Even the skrawnist nerd should be able to reverse that situation.

>> No.22070149

But at least it's not a lower-class accent, right?

One day I'll teach myself received pronunciation and be properly British.

>> No.22070155


>> No.22070160

That's fine son.

She was mine all along.

>> No.22070169

Every time I try to mimic a british accent (I'm a danefag by the way) I end up bringing indian into it

>> No.22070206

A British Indian accent? That works.

When I try to mimic a proper British accent (as a not upper class brit), I end up bringing American into it...

>> No.22070249


>> No.22070257

My British accent is apparently Russian or Dane.

Fuck you, vocaroo threads, fuck you.

>> No.22070276

The best I can do are shitty, over-the-top Cockney/Irish/Scottish accents by softening my consonants.

>> No.22070284

>be elven show wife
>go to dinners and social outings with husband
>at night, he kisses me goodnight and I get into my bed in his bedroom
>and he gets into the master bed with a concubine
>fall asleep listening to them
>in the morning, concubine goes back to the servants quarters
>and I go to breakfast with my husband
>sometimes he'll sleep with me instead

>> No.22070294

>being wed to the daughter of the elven king as a peace offering
>on your first meeting she tells that she's never going to let a filthy human touch her luscious flesh
>makes you wear a chastity belt
>tells you that if you ejaculate the marriage is called off
>every night you're forced to witness as she and her sisters indulge in their unspeakable carnal desires
Being a noble is suffering...

>> No.22070296

Maybe if you weren't such a bore I'd rev your engine.

>> No.22070304

(the concubine is male)

>> No.22070349

I often start out as sounding relatively british, but I often switch to a campy german accent as I go on. Well, not actually german, to be honest. It's more like I, a swede, am trying to sound like an american trying to sound like a german trying to sound like a british person.

>> No.22070440

I like this.
Some Marriages are not legally binding without consummation.

>> No.22070448


if the concubine is an elven male, I see no problem with this at all.

>> No.22070565

But I'm not so boring you don't like to show me off to your friends!

I don't really associate with them, but sometimes I think so.

>> No.22070587

Actually, the concubine is your wife's mother...
>300 years old MILF
>elven longevity ho!

>> No.22070605

You're like a model car.

You're nice to look at, but besides the customary drive around town to show you off you're useless.

Why don't you prove yourself worthy, if you're so great?

>> No.22070612


>> No.22070617

She may be a bore, but at least she knows how to please a woman.

>> No.22070626

But I thought you liked my company, if not my performance...

Who told you that? I haven't done anything with my maids!

>> No.22070634


Well, that's why I don't go to bed with her.
She'd have no idea what to do driving stick.

>> No.22070659

I'm willing to share the concubine with my wife if she'd just beg me to. I'd even let her join me in my evenings spent with her mother, as long as she can promise she'll partake in the usual activities.

>> No.22070674

>I haven't done anything with my maids!
Maybe you should.

>> No.22070682

Can an elf rape you?

>> No.22070700

You're fine enough as a friend.
Honestly, you've never cared this much before. What's gotten into your head?

Not if I get to it first.

>> No.22070701

Only the females

>> No.22070713


Why don't you go take your kingdom back if you're so great? Go on, do it without the elves. You're king now, tell everyone I died of liver poisoning or something.

I don't care what you fucking do kid, I'm way past that now, as long as you do SOMETHING. Marry the goddamn elf and spawn a billion half breeds to be pawns in the courts, run off with my knights to wage a guerilla war in our lands, sell your soul to demons for the power to restore our kingdom. Seriously, whatever.

Just don't fucking waste away doing nothing about it.

Don't turn into me, my son....

>> No.22070737

Why do you say that?

Well I didn't know just how boring you thought me! I thought the concubines were just nice variety!

>> No.22070746

What part of "It's not rape if it's an elf" don't you understand?

>> No.22070753

Just be glad you're dad didn't take refuge with the dwarf-kind.

Always getting my stones busted by the 'missus'

>> No.22070775

Can we have more NTR elf waifu please?

>> No.22070790

>wanting NTR
Kill yourself (unless you mean your fetish is being on the receiving end in which case I guess that's okay)

>> No.22070797

>Elf waifu

>> No.22070805

Dude, your pic isn't even an elf

>> No.22070806


well there aren't any dwarf women so .. yeah.

>> No.22070823

Then, what is his pic?

>> No.22070838

IIRC some kind of anthropomorphic sword

>> No.22070839 [SPOILER] 

Nice variety my ass.
They're entertaining.
What I'm searching for is the REAL prize.

>> No.22070856

> complaining about having to marry a hot elf babe
Oh you poor baby abloo abloo you suffer so much.

>> No.22070872

It's not like he's even forced to marry a specific elf who he can't stand, I'm sure the alliance could be sealed by marrying him to the daughter of one of the elf king's favored nobles, surely there must be one of those he can at least tolerate.

>> No.22070884

Pretty sure he is xenophobic.

>> No.22070917

> sharing a bed with an elf woman for a night
> remaining xenophobic when he wakes up the next morning.
you don't understand elves, do you?

>> No.22070927


I don't understand /tg/'s elves that's for sure.

>> No.22070934

>hatefuck your disgusting elf wife
>tell her to stay quiet in the bed, do her while keeping your eyes shut
>treat her like shit, spend your time hanging out with your male human friends
>your hot male human friends
Sucks for the bitch that divorce isn't an option.

>> No.22070936

Sounds like someone needs to find god.

>> No.22070956

What is that thing?! And what'll become of us if you find it?

>> No.22070991

It's my pride and joy, taken from me by some bandits in the wastelands.

As for us, well, I'm sure you'll be fine. You elves live forever, and all that.

>> No.22071027

Will I still get to sleep in your room? I'd like to keep doing that...

>> No.22071036

Why're you being such a ninny about all this?
If you're so lonely, go find some peasant boy for all I care.

>> No.22071072

A peasant boy doesn't have a massive bedchamber, and won't take me to balls with other nobles!

Besides, it's not like I wanted to marry a human originally either!

>> No.22071100

You're hilarious, darling. I do believe there are some heroes mucking about in the main chamber. Go send them off on a quest or something, I have more important things to do than discuss your feelings.

>> No.22071125

>marriage is peace offering
>threatens to call the marriage off

>i wait until she's with her sisters, then i tie them all to the same bed and continue covering them with my glorious human semen all night long
She has literally no say in the matter, she's just a pawn in the game of chess that is high fantasy politics.

>> No.22071147

Politics ho!

>There will never be a loli high fantasy politics simulator

>> No.22071153

Covering them, is that post impregnation?
If so, good work.
If not, i suggest you knock them up first.

>> No.22071180


>> No.22071192

This. This. This.

Fuck your BESM catgirls.

>> No.22071197

>knock them up

Cut them open and tie the tubes, so that more of their wretched kind will remain unborn!

>> No.22071199

>Fuck your BESM catgirls.
With pleasure.

>> No.22071221

Go home Zarus, you and your ilk are what turned HFY from fun and new into pointless masturbatory fantasies.

>> No.22071284

Can't one of the servants do that? We used to do important things together...

And I listen to your feelings! Even when they're about looking for weird monsters...

>> No.22071297

I really liked Zarus, on first exposure, but if there are hot girls there, I want to do them, not exterminate them.....
Emperor too, those eldar girls are attractive, right?
Do want.

>> No.22071342

Most sects are fine with it as long as you don't create half breeds.

>> No.22071353

Cry more, At least you're getting tied to a surface Elf.

I was forced to marry a Drow. How she put up with what they view as a degrading role beats me, I have heard whispers that she's a deviant among her kind. The sex is plentiful, but... kinky doesn't begin to describe it. We've had 12 kids together, so far only 3 have made it to adulthood due to the infighting amongst them. She thinks it builds character.

So here I am, contributing to the downfall of my nation to further drow ambitions, and now i'm hearing of a "life-extension" treatment because "tormenting him for one lifetime would be a disappointment". I don't wanna hear it, OP you've got it so easy.

>> No.22071364

Killing halfbreeds is the only thing that makes Zarus any more evil than any other racial gods in my book.

>> No.22071430

More like
>be wed to the daughter of the elven king as a peace offering
>her mother decides that she should at least make the best of things
>she imparts her hundreds of years' worth of knowledge to her daughter
>uses you as a teaching aid
>shows you how to get her daughter off
>50+ years of amazing sex with an eternally hot partner
>die content if you're a regular human
>or find a way to extend your life

Because seriously, I don't see how it could ever "get old" if it's literally night after night of the best sex ever: so long as she's not irritating or boring to be around.

>> No.22071458

>Carl Glittergold
>genocides kobolds
>not evil
>Corellon Larethian
>genocides orcs
>not evil
>doesn't approve half-breeds

>> No.22071459

You're still here?
Get the hell out of here, woman. I'm the Duke here, not you. If I wanted a servant to go meet the heroes, I would've sent them. We never did anything important together. We were married solely to fulfill a pact, along with the obtaining of land and tribute.

>> No.22071478

So, you're still living topside, eh? Have you tried being more assertive towards her? Maybe you should try to be what she wants you to be: a man who can take her as his own. You already said she's a deviant and that she's basically screwing you over, so, why not try to take control over your relationship? She can't kill you without rendering your marriage moot, and she can only withhold sex that you can just as well get from anywhere, being royalty and all. Man up, son!

>> No.22071489

He also wants to subjugate all other races and render them second class citizens *at best*.

Yeah, every other (good/neutral) racial god has rival (and often evil) race or two they want to see exterminated, but other than that they mostly keep to themselves. He's definitely the best of the evil aligned gods though, since he won't fuck over his followers for shits and giggles.

>> No.22071503

I'm betrothed to a kender. Stop whining.

>> No.22071504

>implying that the daughter of an elven noble wants to have anything to do with a filthy human ape
>implying she'll have any interest in your uncultured human hobbies
>implying you won't live the next 50 years of your life being cockblocked by her

>> No.22071528

But he justifies it with "it'll be better for them that way".

He wants humans in the top not because he hates all the other races, but because he thinks that humans at the top would make the world the best place it could be. It's like Hitler vs Nietzsche.

>> No.22071536

>implying I'm not a dragon who will outlive even her life tenfold.

>> No.22071539

If mammals and reptiles could cross breed I'd destroy whatever abomination resulted of the union.
That shit is a insult to logic.

>> No.22071586

That he tries to justify it doesn't change the fact that his goal amounts to a racial caste system where humans are the lords and everyone else is the servants. D&D uses modern Western standards as an objective morality so that goal is Evil.

>> No.22071614

Cuckolds creep me out, it's like they lack a key part of humanity.

>> No.22071622

Good in theory, but what about practice? Would an elf wronged by a human have any chance in the courts? What about good dragons that have egos far too massive to ever submit to humans?

It starts with sort-of-but-not-quite slavery, then psionics get popular, then someone figures out how to drain the slaves for power, and next thing you know humans are illithids.

>> No.22071640

Fine! I going for a walk! And I'm taking that anon's advice and bringing one of the maids with me! We'll see how you like it!

>> No.22071649

>D&D uses modern Western standards as an objective morality
No it doesn't. Stop spreading lies.

>> No.22071652

Woah man, just see it from the opposite perspective:
You fall in love with a human, a relatively short living being, aging fast.
You get together with him/her.
If you're female and the human male, you might have children and vice versa.
You might be a gay couple, who the fuck knows.
He/she will go through so many changes as it ages, mentally and physically, that you think the person you loved yesterday changed today almost completely.
You just can't hold all these changes, these challenges every day.
Too much than you knew, yet your love to each other is still fresh.
Then the children will grow faster than you.
Mature, in your eyes, so fast you can't catch up, while your mate takes care of them leisurely.
Then, when you become relatively two years older, your mate dies from old age, who became more dependent on you with it weakening.
Your children reach puberty at that time, a fraction of your time as a baby, becoming more mature and much riper than you are right now.
The moment when your human mate is put into the grave, you realize how much you spend your time with that person, laughing, whining, sharing and caring with each other. So much, too much than you deemed possible in such a short time before you met.
It will change your view of life, it will scar you, make you realize how much your heart will truly bleed with the loss.

>> No.22071692

Wooo! You go, gurl!

>> No.22071702

Your kin, your elf-kind will never know, can't ever comprehend, how much this person ever meant to you in this short time, bitter. Your children, next to you, griefing in a mix of shock from losing your husband/wife, who was always there for them as stonepillar who shined through the mist to guide them, even you, safely into the safe roads of life and sadness from never sharing the good and bad times ever again. Every day. Every hour, second, moment.
And yet, you will carry on with the children.
Your children and their children.
And their children, and so forth.
There will be many men/women from your kind and other species, who will try to light the spark in your heart.
Who knows, they might be able to succeed, maybe not.
You might compare them to your mate, unsatisfied.
The ancient widow.
You might find a case after so many eras, hidden in the home you shared with him.
There might be letters, letters for you.
Letters that open your eyes, that life is, too beautiful to stop, too beautiful to stay apathetic, too beautiful to wallow in sadness.
They might make you smile, make you cry, make you break down the wall in your heart, containing all the loss, emotions you bottled up in your heart from your mate's death on, your love.
And then, when all these things are washed away, you might look up the blue sky.
And smile.

>> No.22071717

Time is never on your side.
Now now, not ever.

>> No.22071735

Ehh, it'd be more like losing a pet. I mean, your dog dying of old age sucks, but it's not gonna scar you for the rest of your life. Just get a new puppy, like elves do.

>> No.22071742

I know I'll regret asking this but sauce?

>> No.22071781

Yeah! So, uh, how do I know which maid will be into that sort of thing?

>> No.22071785

Not for long. This city is about to go to the Hells in a hand basket when our deal with the Mind-Flayers go through.

Half of my guard is drow in disguise now, and we deal with other houses often enough that I can't publicly stand up to her without consequence. My only credit is that I'm a Psion, so I'm invaluable enough to gain some dominance.

She won't withhold sex, she needs it more than me. And if I refuse, well, lets just say magic makes rape a possibility. She's quite taken with me somehow. Enough that I'm trying to alter her mind to gain dominance, and she might even be planning on that.

Wait, how do i know your not part of her plots?! Oh shit.

>> No.22071805

I said might, didn't I?

>> No.22071829

Time is an unbeatable foe.
In the end, it will win. It always does.

>> No.22071864

What if my fantasy is being the person switching lovers?

>> No.22071879 [SPOILER] 

Doesn't really matter much what they think. If you give the order they have to obey, as is their duty. They will be into it if you say so. If you want a maid that is actually into that sort of thing on her own then, well, I overheard this one make some comments about your "sexy" behind.

>> No.22071929

I'll go with the "giving orders" idea. I hope it won't be too cheeky to pick a concubine...

>> No.22071964

Try buying emotion stones from the mind flayers and scattering them about, that should mellow her out. You could even ask for tips on controlling drow if you bring some juicy brains for them.

>> No.22071991

Fair lady, why would you consort with the servant folk when the King of Goblins himself has expressed a romantic interest in you? He is desired by womenfolk, high and low, but rebukes all but the lucky few who has gained his affection. Shall I ask the scryers for a visual record of him? Surely, what harm could there be in just having a look?

>> No.22072019

Well, a goblin... I mean, the thought's occurred to me, just in passing you understand, but it's never beet appropriate to...

Alright then, I'll have a look. Queen does sound nicer than Duchess, after all.

>> No.22072039

Did I hear you wanting to BE somebody?

>> No.22072040

Look deep in the pools of vision, milady. What do you see? Is he to your liking? Shall I set up a meeting between the two of you?

>> No.22072078

Yeah, so?

Y-yeah. Meeting please. Will I need to get a divorce under human or elven law, does goblin law not care about that stuff?

>> No.22072100

Woman, you are mine, and I ain't letting no prancy prick taking what's mine away from me.

Seneschal, prepare my men. I have some property to defend.

>> No.22072122

After my mom's dog died when she was a kid she never got another one.

>> No.22072213

Hey, you were the one who told me to go off and do what I liked!

Besides, I'm just looking. It's not like he could beat your smooth charm, right?

>> No.22072253

I don't think you understand.


Besides, I'll need heirs soon enough, and it doesn't count unless it's within a noble marriage. So make your choice. Me, or that goblin.

>> No.22072339

Gee, calm down honey, let's talk about this. How close exactly? And no more calling me boring, or having me deal with all the adventures wanting jobs and peasants wanting them to do jobs, okay?

I'll still meet this goblin actual king, just for diplomacy. No harm in just meeting him.

>> No.22072368

Within the year.
You're still rather boring. Maybe some with some 'training' I can get you nice and ready.

>> No.22072444

W-what kind of training? I've already been to that stupid human school for nobles before we married.

How come it's okay for you have have all those little care, but you always complain when I want new clothes?

>> No.22072528

Ahem, I mean little cars.

I'm spilling my words after that glass of wine earlier.

>> No.22072772

Rolled 29

The fuck am I reading?

>> No.22074113

I just got back after doing some work.

I have no fucking idea.

>> No.22074823


elf-waifu-wat-do thread
just hilarious.

>> No.22074830

(and sexy)

>> No.22078501

Just a marriage almost breaking down, but it's alright now. He'd better get that throne though.

>> No.22079303

So has anyone actually had a character who married into an elvish family?

Just asking, cause it seems like that'd be a pretty common thing in fantasy RPGs.

>> No.22079400

I'm a Half-Celestial, and I've been happily married to several human women. It's sad to see them grow old, which is why after the first wife, I stopped every other wives aging at their peak. Some age really well and get more beautiful as they grow older. Others as soon they're in their 30s it goes own hill fast.

Most were just political marriages. Which lasted as long as they continued to have Aasmir sons & daughters. I long for long term partner, but Elves don't wish anything to do with me. Dwarves, there's no female dwarves.

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