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21971643 No.21971643 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Welcome, my fellow Inquisitors of the Ordo Hereticus. I apologize for interrupting you in the midst of our Feast of the Emperor's Ascension preparations, but an urgent matter has arisen which requires our unified attention!

Inquisitor Van Alum has come to this conclave with grave news. It appears that we will NOT be able to sponsor the annual Ascension Day Demolition Derby, for the Adeptus Mechanicus has denied our request for... 30 unpainted Leman Russ battle tanks, 42 maintenance servitors, and 18 female Tech-priests, scantily-clad.

Now, I am not one to suggest that the Mechanicus is without honor, rights, or privileges, but they have clearly overstepped their boundaries here! We are the Emperor's most holy Inquisition, and we must have the tools necessary to combat the Ordo Malleus' Ascension Day Sororitas Wrestling Competition! To say nothing of the Ordo Xenos' Ascension Day Beach Volleyball Tournament!

What shall we do?

>> No.21971672
File: 94 KB, 572x591, Tau Ice Cream.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
21971672

Don't worry, I can get those.

>> No.21971683

Xenos was here. Hereticus are losers.

Suck it.

>> No.21971691

>>21971672

No! I insist.

>> No.21971693

>>21971672

TAU PLS GO

>> No.21971743

>>21971693

I can stay, right? I'm totaly not going to tell my master everything once you're done.

>> No.21971764

>>21971672
>>21971683
It looks like the rumors were true after all; one of the "exhibition" matches during the volleyball tournament will be comprised of xenos!

>> No.21971771

Sir Sir maybe instead of a demolition derby we should have a Sororitas roller derby.

>> No.21971827

>>21971743
Quick, seize him! We can't have Ahriman showing up again with his Daemonette Conga Line!

>> No.21971844

But...we're Hereticus. We should have the Sororitas wrestling. If they're stealing our holy order, we should steal theirs.

Grey Knight luchadores, anyone?

>> No.21971865

>>21971827

Daemonette? Who do you think I am, Slaaneshi?

Bloody Imperials, can't tell a Tzeentch from a Slaanesh.

Plus the Ascension Day Demolition Derby fail? That was my master's doing. Just as Planned.

>> No.21971881
File: 278 KB, 900x900, 1343555462247.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
21971881

>>21971764
But of course, Inquisitor. We must see which is better, Eldar Soulstones or the Tau’s Greater Goods.

You must know a threat in order to combat it and we intend to know the xenos threat...intimately.

>> No.21971935

>>21971764

Yup! I can set up my Eldanaide stand there, right? It's the drink that gives you three flavors, all of them delicious and sweet to taste!

>> No.21971942

>>21971771
Blast it, we can't. The Ordo Malleus managed to convince the new Canoness that being too close to those cog-worshipping Tech-priests would put them at risk of heresy, and she pledged her convent to them instead. Now all those fine ladies are all busy practicing their grappling skills, and the canoness stopped returning my calls after one of Inquisitor Van Damme's servo-skulls was caught in the convent's bathhouse.

>> No.21971944
File: 100 KB, 640x480, Adeptus Piggybackicus.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
21971944

AdMech here, the rest of you can suck it. Now if you'll excuse me, we just found an STC for flavored lubricants, so things have gotten a little crazy around here.

>> No.21971946

>>21971865
Well, thank goodness for that. We'd rather not see what a Tzeentchian Daemonette looks like, thanks.

>> No.21971960

>>21971865
We're Hereticus, not Malleus. The specifics of daemonic allegiances aren't our concern. And what are you still doing free? Here, stand still and let me grab you.

>> No.21971971

>>21971944
All you Ad-Mech have been working on lately is turning jailbait into Techpriestesses!

>> No.21971975

>>21971946

They shapeshift. One second they're the hottest piece of arse in the universe, next they have feathers and a beak. right in the middle of sex. Just as Planned.

>> No.21971994

>>21971844
... You know, that wouldn't be too bad. Who has Kaldo Draigo's phone number? I've been trying to snag that fine piece of Astartes for a few missions but they keep denying my requests for "lack of daemons to slay." I've had to make do with the Deathwatch, and while they're quite skilled, they're not the same thing.

>> No.21971997

Go away! I'm...researching these xenos. Yes, purging them!

>> No.21972028
File: 368 KB, 1300x1000, Admechasaurus Rex.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
21972028

>>21971971
Jailbait? Pssh, I'm more into jailbreak.

>> No.21972042
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21972042

>>21971975
>next they have feathers and a beak. right in the middle of sex

Get this heretic out of here!

>> No.21972072
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21972072

I say we have a sit down with several prominent members of the Admech and the other ordos on planet Virez. We should all come unarmed and with no armies so there is a trust amongst us. And don't worry, the reports of Virez being overrun by Tyranids is completely unfounded and are simply a rumor.

>> No.21972079

>>21971960
>>21972042

I've been chased by Harlequins for millenia, and escaped them every time. You think you can catch me?

Also, has anyone seen Czevak? My master wishes to meet with him, for reasons.

>> No.21972095

>>21971942
oh ..... That quite distressing Sir. Maybe we could have a carnival with Ferris wheels & roller coasters with the main event being the Grey Knight luchadores.

>> No.21972101

>>21972079
Too bad I know your ultimate weakness!

Angsty teenagers.

>> No.21972112

>>21971997

What are you doing with my mom?

...That's not where a spiritstone goes.

>> No.21972118

>>21972072
Are they now? Well, that sounds smashing! What else is in this plan, beyond stepping foot into a tropical paradise unclothed and unarmed?

>> No.21972129

>>21972118
Slather yourself in barbecue sauce. For...cultural reasons.

>> No.21972144

>>21972112
>>21971997
Dammit, where are all these Xenos coming from?

>> No.21972169

>>21972144

I'm not going to say I let them in...

Just as Planned.

>> No.21972175
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21972175

>>21972112
Shhh. No questions now.

>> No.21972183

>>21972169
Why isn't this thing dead yet?

>> No.21972185
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21972185

>>21972118
Invite as many people as possible, especially important military leaders like Calgar or Vulcan He'stan. Not Creed though, as he is our sleeper agen... I mean he is too busy fighting Abbadon. You know what? Why don't we just bring the golden throne with us too. Just to make this the best meeting ever.

>> No.21972200
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21972200

>>21972169
IF YOU SAY JUST AS PLANNED ONE MORE FUCKING TIME I SWEAR TO FUCK

>> No.21972228

>>21972200

Calm down, I know there's at least one Slaaneshi hiding here somewhere, along with a couple of Alphas. Go seek out the Slaaneshi, I'm sure he'll be delighted to see you.

>> No.21972275

>>21972175

Errr... Can someone help? I think she's going to eat me.

>> No.21972288

>>21972275
Don't worry she won't eat you (I already called dibs on that)

>> No.21972303
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21972303

>>21972228
YEAH WELL OKAY ... Fine.

By the way, where the fuck's the bathroom in this place? The Inquisition's architects can put skulls everywhere (nice touch by the way) but they can't even place bathrooms properly? I swear to Khorne I'll just kill an adjutant and pee in his fucking chest cavity if I don't find one soon.

>> No.21972343

Who let all the Xenos and Chaos in here?

>> No.21972389
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21972389

>>21972343
Yes, your security seems a little lax. Not at all Codex compliant, if I may so myself.

>> No.21972395

>>21972343
Radical Inquisitors my friend, Radical Inquisitors.

>> No.21972405
File: 595 KB, 697x900, Lord_kaldor_draigo_by_piyastudios.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
21972405

"Hereticus.

Small timers."

>> No.21972417

>>21972343

The back door was open. There was a guy in green armor there but he was kinda asleep so I just let myself in.

>> No.21972490
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21972490

>>21972275
>>21972417
No need to worry, see? I have tea and cookies.

>> No.21972520

>>21972490

Tea is for old people. But, hey, cookies.

>> No.21972571
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21972571

Ordos Hots Babeus here, "inspecting" the hot babes of Ordo Hereticus in the name of the Emperor

>> No.21972663

>>21972417
Stick around that SoB long enough YOUR back door is gonna be open ifyaknowwutimeen.

>> No.21972672
File: 152 KB, 715x937, 1227858843066.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
21972672

>>21972520

Just shut up and get in the bag already.

>> No.21972703

>>21972490
>serving tea with cookies

It's like you want me to vomit all over your carpet.

>> No.21973043
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21973043

Who's the cocksucker who ganked my booze?
If you assholes are going to be keeping me up I'm not doing this sober.

>> No.21973096

>>21973043

Oh great, first Tau, then Chaos and Eldar and now Necrons. Next thing you know, the Squats will arrive and join us.

>> No.21973143

>>21973096
too late :3

>> No.21973213

... if you're so desperate that you've got to watch techpriestess rally queens or Sororitas wrestling matches, you're not using the Remit properly.

Just saying.

>> No.21973265
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21973265

>>21972672
Oh dear, that poor Eldar boy.

>> No.21973365
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21973365

>>21973265
MAN UP YE LITTLE SHIT, YOU DIDN'T GET ENCASED TO WALK AROUND LIKE A MOPEY FAGGOT.

>> No.21973372

Someone needs to get the broom and clear all these heretics and xenos out of here!

>> No.21973467

>>21973372
Hey, the xenos are fine... mostly. And when it comes right down to it, most people nowadays are heretics anyway.

>> No.21973561

>>21973467

What he said. Now, Czevak anyone?

>> No.21973721

Any specialists on the eldar present? Is there a Path for service girls?

>> No.21974086

So I was playing some strip poker with a Farseer I happened to meet on a business trip to the Southern Rim. Turns out she could see what my hand was going to be before I even drew it.

How is that even fair?

>> No.21974118

>>21973561
Does he have more than that one book?

>> No.21974431

So I take it this party is over?

>> No.21974442

>>21974431
It never got started.

>> No.21974450

>>21974431
If you want to do it again, do it Wednesday ro something.

>> No.21974611

>>21974442
Thread was DOA.

>> No.21974797

>>21974611
Just like any celebration the IoM throws. They just know how to be angry and racist.

>>
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