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/tg/ - Traditional Games


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[ERROR] No.21811819 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

So lets say you decide to settle down in the 40k universe (if it were possible) then who would you take as your wife and try and start a family with....or just live the rest of your life with fuck idk.
Personaly I would go with a Krieger cause im not into those hyper girls that always bouncing. For all I care it can be chaos or even tau fuck it but please state why, things like the way they act.
Please say why you would choose them

>> No.21811850

btw going by name of sodacan now so youll know its OP posting :/

>> No.21811875

I would never sleep with a woman who knew war.

>> No.21811925

>>21811875
Because she was tainted by the world outside of your basement?

>> No.21811934

>>21811875
They are the same as normal women. Used to date one and nothing was diffrent.

>> No.21811944

I'd go the LCB route and get an Eldar. I've got a thing for star-crossed lovers destined to meet a tragic end, especially since there isn't much to live for in 40k

>> No.21811946

Doesn't matter because you're killed/eaten by...well fuck anything really, approximately 1 month in.

>> No.21811949

>>21811925
funny

>> No.21811950

>>21811819
Settle? Probably come nice polite Cadian girl who would like to cook things with me.

Fling? Most certainly get dominated by a Catachan or Kasrkin, some strong willed lady who would keep me in line.

>> No.21811965

Either a SoB or a whole pile of tau girls. Both if I could manage it. Maybe throw in some elf ears, too.

>> No.21811968

Either a Callidus Assassin or Vostroyan chick.

Then again for the Callidus, I can't tell if it's a chick or not.

>> No.21811969

>>21811950
What would a commissar be too much dom?

>> No.21811984

>>21811965
Remember this isnt all about sex.

>> No.21811998

Which one has no problem being a complete and utter monster in winning fights?

>> No.21812009

>>21811969
I'd like a lady who is the boss of me, not just in charge of me. If that makes any sense. Like it seems like a commissar girl would think I wasn't worth the time.

>> No.21812013

>>21811819
>>21811850

>Settle down in 40k

I would literally sooner move to Equestria and fuck a technicolor, talking pony every single day of the rest of my life then "settle down" in 40k. The odds are VERY good I'd just be some random joe who lived in horrible conditions, worked a job that makes my current one look like a fucking paradise, and who will probably die at the age of 40 to some horrible disease, at which point my mortal remains are used to make a twisted mockery of a robot or melted down into solvent green. No, if I'm going to be magically teleported to any setting, It would have to be Star Trek. Mayyyybe Battletech, depending on exactly what the time period was.

Sage for shitty 40k thread.

Also die in a fire, etc, etc for your use of emoticons.

>> No.21812015

>>21811984
Not wanting a league of tau girls to wait on you hand and foot for the Greater Good, an eldar to wax poetic under the starlight with, and a SoB to keep all of you in line
In a universe of one-dimensional factions, you gotta shop around a little to get all your needs met.

>> No.21812018

>>21811965
Okay lets put it this way, what would you like about them? I admit some Eldar would be nice with the whole "Im higher than you" thing but otherwise...fuck me idk what would a Tau girl be like anyway? I id think a super shopper or somthing.

>> No.21812028

>>21812013
That time of the day ehh troll?

>> No.21812038

>>21812015
ah gotcha

>> No.21812044

>>21812015
And I forgot my greentext, dont I feel silly.
>>21812018
see >>21812015
Tau girls for general maintenance and tech stuff, Eldar for the romantic conversations, SoB because I like passionate musclegals. AdMech could replace tau, maybe, but both have a love of technology so its all good.

>> No.21812064

>>21812018
Tau probably vary by caste. Fire would be more like the pictured IG ladies, for example.

>> No.21812083

I wouldn't bother.
No matter which one I picked would get devoured by tyranids, chopped up by orcs, any host of shitty things. It'd be better off to not even bother.

>> No.21812086

I'd blow my load in the local Hive whore and then be shipped off to some backwater planet to be eaten alive by tyranids.

You know, the usual.

>> No.21812092

>>21812013
>>21812028
I'm biased because I agree with him, mind, but 40k is one of the *worst* settings to 'settle down' in, it seems like.

But hey, hypothetical discussion is /tg/.

>> No.21812100

>>21812083
>>21812086
Emprah titty fuckn Terra!!!
Okay going on the grounds of all this shit got sorted out by some lucky ass IG named Max who somehow managed to kill Malal THEN how would you "settle" down ya grimdark neckbeard.

>> No.21812110

>>21812092
Thanks for the support
So who would you settle with?

>> No.21812120

>>21811819
Those are some borked bra sizes

>> No.21812124

>>21811819
>I'd settle down with a woman from Krieg

Dude, man, pic related, that's your neighborhood but 2000 years in the past. Now'er'days it'd be a lot of depressingly gray radioactive dust.
...AndEveryoneFromKriegIsDoingTheirBestToFindAbsolutionInDeathAndRaisingANewGenerationIsDoneThroughC
loningVats BUT ANYWAYS.

>> No.21812125

>>21812100
No need to settle down then because you safely do space cocaine off a daemon strippers asshole and the surf across the warp while tentacle dicking five differently ladies at once and having a sweet guitar solo duel with an ork warboss without any fear of Chaos Gods devouring your soul or being killed by said warboss because everything has been sorted out

>> No.21812140

An SoB I guess.

>> No.21812149

> that always bouncing

I, for one, don't regard that as a bad thing.

Let's be honest, though, the ladies of the 40K universe are not likely to be quite as bubbly as those in /tg/ fluff. In a universe like that, probably heavily oppressed and more or less used as baby factories to make more soldiers for the meat grinder. "Burned out and haggard" comes to mind when I think 40K ladies outside of the SoB, who - if they weren't sisters would probably have at least eight screaming children at that point.

>> No.21812151

>>21812125
Just bear leaves for me!

>> No.21812154

>>21812100
Odds are it would probably still blow.
BUT, to humor you, it would probably be a commissar. I'm admittedly probably best not left in charge of my own funds. I play Warhammer 40k, after all, and I probably could've bought my own car with all the money I've spent on an army than cruising in my dad's old 2007 honda.

>> No.21812189

>>21812149
Kriegers are sterile thanks to the nuclear shithole of a plannet that Krieg has become.

>> No.21812219

>>21812149
Dibs on Jubblowski.

>> No.21812234

>>21812124
Looks nothing like Munich if thats what your implying.

>> No.21812240

>>21812219
Have at her tiger!

>> No.21812270

I wouldn't mind a Vostroyan girl.

Because she'd probably have dat accent.

>> No.21812276

Sigismund is my husband.

>> No.21812302

>>21811819
Obviously an Eldar banshee bitch.

Imagine the arguments.

>> No.21812309

Im surprised you guys havent gone for some heretical tits yet.

>> No.21812323

>>21812276
Im assuming you two do alot of praying

>> No.21812347

>>21812309
Cultist would make a better daughter than a wife.

>> No.21812354

>>21812347
Yeah I was gonna put Nulge-chan but people might get the wrong idea

>> No.21812360 [DELETED] 

>>21812309
>wanting to fuck Cultist-chan
>wanting anything to do with that annoying pile of waifufaggotry
Though you might have just started a waifu war by including /tg/ waifus, so grats on that.

>> No.21812363

>>21812347
Yes. An adorable baby girl.

>> No.21812368

>>21812323

My prayers are the last breaths of those who refuse the light of the Emperor.

>> No.21812380

>>21812189
Except for the fact that nearly all of their women are pregnant...

>> No.21812385

>>21812368
He ain't got a gun. Very brave.

>> No.21812386

>>21812380
>planet-wide NTR

>> No.21812400

>>21811819
Settling down would mean prioritizing happiness over my duty to the Emperor.

And we all know what that is.

>> No.21812432

>>21812400
What about playing 'just the tip' with sisters of battle?

>> No.21812439

>>21812360
> waifu war
Welp, I know how these go.

>> No.21812450

>>21812400
But ... but, the imperial guard and space marines will be undermanned.

>> No.21812454

>>21812400
Alright who called the commissar?

>> No.21812462

>>21812454
perhaps it were I?

>> No.21812463

>>21812439
I think the guy calling us a troll is actually the troll. Nothing to do with war.

>> No.21812471

>>21811819
What is with the retarded bra sizes? Why is the commissar so fat?

>> No.21812476

>>21812471
I wasnt the one who made it the picture.

>> No.21812487

>>21812471
You don't get much exercise when all you do is blam all day.

>> No.21812488

>>21812471
But you(?) posted it.

>> No.21812498

>>21812400

>> No.21812508

>>21812488
1d4chan
I aint gotta explain shit man

>> No.21812516

>>21812487
It's true.
All she does is scream at people and shoot things. And probably eat a lot to cope with the stress. even though I don't see how she's fat

>> No.21812535

>>21812516
>even though I don't see how she's fat
Neither do I, but assuming she is its probably from all that ice cream she eats to cope with the fact that all the other girls hate her.

>> No.21812539

>>21812450
Son, what millennium is this? The third? The eighteenth?

NO.

It is the fortieth. My seed will live on because a sample of it was taken at my last physical. The Apothecaries will know better what to do with it than I; their purview is life, whilst mine is bringing death to the Emperor's foes.

>> No.21812545

There is no "settling down" in the grim darkness of the future you neckbeard pleb. Every so often The Imperium holds a special event where guardsmen get their choice of unpregnant women to stick their seed in so as to bare them lots of young for future soldiers.

This is were arguments of heresy come in, as The Sisters believe the way these men long for these events and treat their fellow human as a slab of meat to be devoured borders too closely to Chaos, and instead The Sisters promote pure abstainence and castration of both gender's genitals. (There's always cloning technology. As unreliable as that shit is...)

Either way, being a woman sucks in the 41st millenium either as a sex slave, or as a bitter, forever alone, feminist who considers half of the entirety of the human race heretics but there's little you can do about it.

All this, and Dark Eldar are making deals to collect humans at young ages for rape and torture in exchange for weapons or information. Tau kidnap the young to convert them to the greater good. Craftworld Eldar try to make everyone sterile, Orks, Necron, and Tyranid just kill you and your rape baby. And then there's Chaos.

>> No.21812550

>>21812539
Your off topic. Lets try and steer this back to the origanal topic.

>> No.21812551

>>21812360

I can't see any other Waifu's mentioned yet, so you're wrong.

besides, what other waifus are there?

>> No.21812570

>>21812551
>besides, what other waifus are there?
Well, theres one that sens any thread into hysterics...

>> No.21812576

>>21812551
Lets's not even begin...

>> No.21812578

>>21812551
Besides the IG ones?
Daemonettes, sisters, the chem-chan (idk), Tau, Eldar, Dark Eldar, ect

>> No.21812586

>>21812535
> all that ice cream she eats to cope with the fact that all the other girls hate her
So it's like high school?
How sad...

>> No.21812587

>>21812498
There is only one way to deal with heresy.

>> No.21812588

>>21812551
>>21812576
Boone and Raeg's characters and those faggs.

>> No.21812600

>>21812588

those faggs?

>> No.21812615

>>21812570
>xenos love

>> No.21812620

The origanal thread is what type of girl(or guy) that youd be willing to settle down with in the 40k setting without all the shit.
I stated mine would be a a krieger and then it just snowballed downhill/

>> No.21812633

>>21812615

No Xenos Love.
Only glorious Humans or Posthumans in here thankyou!

>> No.21812634

>>21812586
>“I'm gonna show them! I'm gonna show all of them! If Becky makes fun of my hat behind my back again I'm gonna blam her so hard!”
>She said between spoonfuls of tear soaked ice cream.

>> No.21812635

>>21812600
The others idk names of them
>>21812615
Piss off fuklaw

>> No.21812653

>>21812634
> "The commissar is such a bitch!"
> "And did you see her new hat? Can you say tacky?"
> laughingsluts.jpg
inb4 blamming

>> No.21812656

>>21812586

Don't mention High School. Not with Waifufaggotry going on. It leads to only one thing...

>> No.21812657

>>21812635
Right back at you, filthy heretic.

>> No.21812671

Shitstorm in 3,,,2,,,1,,

>> No.21812675

>>21812656
I'm not sure what you're getting at here.
Sounds like mixing nitroglycerin and coke, yes, but what exactly do you mean? You have piqued my curiousity as to what happens when you mix waifufaggotry and high school.

>> No.21812686

>>21812671

Has anyone done drawfaggotry of a Shitstorm? I'd like to see that.

>> No.21812695

>>21812657
Look the anrgy marines are an old meme that needs to be relaxed.

>> No.21812700

>>21812675
Warhammer High.

>> No.21812718

>>21812700
The primarch daughters or the one with Cultist? The primarch one actually has gotten shit done. Still think its a waste of talent though.

>> No.21812739

>>21812718
There is no Warhammer High with Cultist, just primarch daughters. And no, no talent is being wasted there. Time, yes, but not talent.

>> No.21812746

>>21812620
Hey, I played it straight. I wouldn't settle down in 40K; I'd purge heretics and xenos in the name of the Emprah.

Were I so ordered, however, I'd take a nice human wife and get a place in a nice hab-block somewhere.

>> No.21812748

>> No.21812753

>>21812700
Sounds like it could be good if handled by someone who knew how to write and wasn't a complete weeaboo. I'm assuming that isn't the case.

>> No.21812763

>>21812653
>Commissar levels her gun to execute Becky
>Misses due to tear filled eyes
>Tries to play it off as a warning shot and runs back to her private quarters to cry and eat more ice cream
Then she got the nickname Commissar Paunch and it was all over.

>> No.21812765

>>21812739

Well, I don't see you or anyone else writing 200,000 word stories for their /tg/ activities.

You have to admire that, that's LOTR sized.

>> No.21812779

>>21812765
Quantity is not indicative of quality. And for all you know, I am a writefag and I just don't advertise the fact.

>> No.21812787

Ive been instructed to contain my anger but its never going to stop. They dope me up on pills and recaff to keep me sane but it only makes it worse. I need to end this cycle. When the stress comes I have to eat but it only gives me more stress knowing ill be called fat again. I know I have a god given duty to the emperor to become a commissar and train his soldiers but I feel as if I am going to end up killing myself before this all ends.
-Journal of Commissar Jane H. Le'ston

>> No.21812818

>>21812787
>>21812763
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJMt_j4-0I4
And then come the "STOP BULLYING" PSAs and all that mess.

>> No.21812820

>>21812779
IE: I suck at being a writefag. Going out on a limb here and saying that you are correct. If somthing is too long you start to feel like its becoming the same basic thing over and over again.

>> No.21812830

>>21812779

Just so long as it's better then Twilight or Maradonia, I'm fine with it.

But then, is there anything as shit as Twilight or Maradionia in existance?
>inb4 My Immortal

>> No.21812844

Goodnight 4chan going our for a drink with some buds. I kinda hope this gets archived...

>> No.21812849

>>21812830
Yes.
It's called 50 Shades of Gray.

>> No.21812866

Why does Vostroya say Codex Approved, exactly

>> No.21812874

>>21812866
All of them are codex approved. Its part of a larger picture with a bunch of xenotits as well.

>> No.21812880

>>21812849

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5K1RcKJVbHA

>> No.21812883

>>21812763
>Commissar Paunch

SOMEBODY GET A DRAWFAG IN HERE, RIGHT NOW

>> No.21812901

>>21812883
I already asked for it the drawthread, though I suppose I should link them here.
>>21812579

>> No.21812911

>>21812874
Where could one find this picture, eh?
>>21812883
Second'd. Drawfags, stat.

>> No.21812937

>>21812830
It really isn't. All the girls are edward levels of supar speshul.

>> No.21812942

>>21812880
>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5K1RcKJVbHA
It's funny in that video. But try reading it without Gilbert Gottfried. Impossible.
It's impossible. It's like a fapfic that is entirely too long and stupid. And that's saying a lot.

>> No.21812967

>>21811819

Myself, I'd settle down in Ultramar. Generally safe, peaceful, and who knows, one of my sons could become an Ultramarine.

Certainally better then living anywhere else, I'd think.

>> No.21812980

>>21812880

I LOLed. The Parrot from Aladdin reading 50 Shades of Grey.

>> No.21812990

>>21812937 if >>21812942 is correct, then you are wrong.

>> No.21813028

>>21812990
I know I'm right. My girlfriend read it. My sisters read it. My mom fucking read it. And none of them spared me any details.
I couldn't believe what they were saying was real - or that my family and girlfriend has such shit taste - but I read it, and it was. And they do.
I'm still debating a break-up and self-imposed exile from the rest of the family.

>> No.21813073

>>21813028

I feel for you. No-one should be subjected to that kind of shite. Surely whatever was said above is better then this, even if only by a small amount, right?

Also is a drawfag on the fat Commisar yet?

>> No.21813091

>>21813073
Yeah, check the thread. Someone's on it. That doesn't mean much, though.

>> No.21813129

>>21813073
And yes, Twilight is better than 50 Shades of Shit.
Twilight is kind enough to spare us explicit sex scenes of bondage. The way its described and the dialogue is laughably bad, but then you remember what a success the book was, and all the humor just drains.

>> No.21813171

>>21813129

I was talking about the 200,000 word waifu-fic they were talking about above. Surely it's better than 50 shades of shite, right?

>> No.21813213

>>21813171
I certainly fucking hope so. Warhammer High, right? I'll read some of it if I can find it.
If it's truly worse than Fifty Shades of Gray you'll never hear from me again, because I'll probably kill myself.
Again, the odds its that bad are astronomically low but... stranger things have happened.

>> No.21813224

>>21813028

My mother, sister, and most of my female cousins read it as well. However, my sister was mostly reading it because she wanted to know what the hell everybody was on about and my mother's intent switched from vague interest to reading it for the utter trainwreck factor after the first chapter or so, and mocked it with me.

I was still utterly horrified when I realized what she was reading the first time, though.

>> No.21813236

>>21811819
I know I'm gonna catch some flak for this but...Pic related
>well read
>good sense of humor
>friendly personality

However since that would take some character bending, I'd go for a cadian, SoB, or Catachan who got along with me

Fuck me sideways I like strong personalities, otherwise a relationship gets boring

>> No.21813250

>>21813224

It's still on the net, right? Were can I go to sample it and see if it really is as shit as you say?

>> No.21813251

>>21813171
Dude. someone else shits better waifu fic than 50 Shades of Caine.
I hate it for the twisted logic and pointlessness of it, but the point still stands like /tg/'s cock for monster girls.

>> No.21813271

>>21813251

What is this 50 Shades thing?

>> No.21813284

>>21813236
Good choice.

>> No.21813298

>>21813224
I don't typically do this, but... I really do know that feel. I'm sorry, friend
just wait for the movie.

>> No.21813313

>>21813224

Ok then, I have a challenge.

What would the 40k version of 50 shades be? in the 40k 'verse?

Would it be a Slaneeshi text? Dark Eldar?

>> No.21813315

>>21813236
Too bad everyone who ever loved her meets a horrible death! Then again, that's kind of par for the course in 40k.
Never mind, go on.

>> No.21813329

>>21813271

A book that started as shitty BDSM Twilight fapfiction and was published as its own book/series after the names got switched around and all the bits about vampirism removed. While kinky/not-boring sex entering the public sphere of interest is great, the book is...not very good at actually depicting either a healthy kink relationship, or kinky sex in any way other than "ridiculous."

>> No.21813337

>>21813271
Fifty Shades of Grey. A smutty novel that somehow became immensely popular, and features quite a lot of BDSM. I've read it myself, it's honestly not that good but it's a genuine page turner.

>> No.21813340

>>21813313
Slaneeshi text, dipped in Nurgle juice and farted on by Khorne. Tzeentch probably pissed on it too.

>> No.21813345

>>21813313

It'd just be imperial.

50 Shades isn't really that perverted.

>> No.21813376

>>21813271

>> No.21813398

>>21811819
>settle down with Tau girl
>follow her doctrine for the greater good
>It makes her happy
>Let her know that with all the hatred of the 41st millenium, that happiness is possible everywhere
>sad that we cant have kids, but it lets her and I follow our passions in life together

Years later...
>She is dying of old age, and I am halfway through my forties still a strong man
>She is sad that she has to leave me
>I tell her that I will find her on the other side
>Her hand goes limp in mine and I know she is dead
>Join up with IG
>Fight xenos
>Be stoic silent warrior
>Never speak to fellows
>Brutal in combat, angry at the world for taking her from me
>My hate and anger cause me to be furious in combat
>get promoted and augmented
>Gods and superiors wont let me die and join her it seems
>fight for another 40 years
>Find a tau that died with eyes open, I gently close them and say the Emperor's prayer for it
>Buddies in trench astounded
>Go back to work
>Buddies ask why I did that after working up the nerve
>I tell them that I finally know why I have lived for so long

"because someone very dear to me hasn't left yet, they are watching over me"

Another day in 40K

>> No.21813401

>>21813345

50 Shades' worst crime isn't that it's too kinky/perverted/sinful, it's that the language it uses to describe the acts is like listening to a middle schooler talk about sex. It's juvenile and pretty tactless. There's a fine line between dirty talk or general explicitness, and just sounding like you have Tourettes.

Plus, again, most of the stuff they do is babies-tier kink aside from the skeevy stuff like the total power exchange contract before they even really get to know each other.

You want Slaaneshi? Read 120 Days of Sodom or The Training of O. That shit's where the boundaries start getting set up.

>> No.21813431

>>21813236
>well read
Damn right, apparently her room is a converted storage bay and it contains a large pile of scavenged books

>> No.21813453

>>21813401
>120 Days of Sodom
Okay, you win.
I don't know how I forgot about that but fuck you for reminding me

>> No.21813463

>>21812380
>except they're not.
They use Womb-Creches... eg: cloning vats. One of the few planets that gets to use them (Cause you don't want that falling into heretic hands) because they proved their loyalty by nuking their own planet rather than allowing rebellion to take root.

>> No.21813467

Does it matter? Just take a harem of women for yourself to serve as slaves and push out your spawn. Dibs on all of Warhammer High.

>> No.21813495

>>21813401
How does Venus in Furs measure against that?

>> No.21813497

>>21813401
>The Training of O

I flipped through the book and yea, holy Slaanesh indeed.

>> No.21813499

>>21813453

I saw the film of that. 'shudders'.

Is the book worse?

>> No.21813503

>>21812302
also, imagine if she's a screamer in bed.

>> No.21813524

>>21813467

/tg/ we loves us our harems. Even in board tans we try to get ourselves a harem.

>> No.21813529

>>21813398

>> No.21813537

>>21812576
I believe they're refering to Harem Knights
http://www.1d4chan.org/wiki/Harem_Knights
Which is an entire setting predicated on the idea of "We got ported into a fantasy world." and then kinda went crazy from there.

Opinions are heavily divided upon awesome/fail levels.

>> No.21813558

>>21813499
I can't say, because I never watched the whole movie. Don't have any desire to, either. I thought /b/ had desensitized me, but nope.
The books pretty fucked up too, but the visual stuff might be worse depending on how bad it gets.

>> No.21813576

>>21813537
Oh, that.
Okay, yes, I can see why.
I think its awesome though. In its own autistic way.

>> No.21813600

>>21813398
I'm sorry. I can't read on, because I have to ride a truck to brazil with the woman of my dreams.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZshIb5IJQU

>> No.21813601

>>21813558

I have seen some shit before. Antichrist was iffy, but not as bad as 100 Days of Sodom.

>> No.21813626

>>21813537
wait did harem knights evolve from '1000 fa/tg/uys fell from the sky?

>> No.21813630

>>21813495

In comparison to 120 Days, babies mode. To Training of O, journeyman mode.

>>21813499

You can get away with a lot more in text than you can on film. S'all I'm saying. De Sade was one fucked up mammajamma.

>> No.21813640

>>21812309
You know, thinking about it she would be very devoted to Chaos, and if she cared about you you would eventually be nothing but chaos.

Now where would you settle? Where would you live? and you can bet she would want to keep causing chaos wherever you lived.

>>21811819
OPs query? Catachan, try to settle with a catachan on a not quite deathworld

>> No.21813647

>>21812937
they ARE the daughters of friggin' Primarchs...

>> No.21813650

>>21813630
The book never got finished, did it?
DeSade got thrown in jail before he could finish it and died, and all that's left for the ending are notes and manuscripts... Right?

>> No.21813664

>>21813650

Enough notes to make one fucked up film...

>> No.21813673

>>21813600
Brazil was a God-Tier movie, not sure what this has to do with my answer though

>> No.21813696

>>21813673

It was made by a Monty Python alumini...

>> No.21813703

>>21813431
>Dat smile when you bring home a hardcover collection of some book series she likes

>> No.21813707

>>21813696
It shows, too.

>> No.21813724

>>21813673
Too sad, must escape reality.

>> No.21813728

>>21813703
> Dat smile when all the time
She's cute. In a creepy, skin-you-alive-in-your-sleep way.
Where do I get more?

>> No.21813732

>>21813650

The first section is complete, while the rest are progressively more and more summarized, but still effectively complete with footnotes, drafts. De Sade wrote it in about a month while stuck in the Bastille during the French Revolution and lost the manuscript when it got stormed, but it was found after being overlooked by looters. It was all on a single gigantic roll of paper in tiny-ass script.

>> No.21813739

>>21813524
though we treat them better (in our heads unless we're very lucky bastards) than >>21813467
seems to want too.

>> No.21813747

>>21813626
yep.

>> No.21813762

>>21813732
Jeez. He was one dedicated mother fucker.
Sick, but dedicated. I salute him.

>> No.21813771

>>21813739

Why do they treat them worse?

>> No.21813776

I'll settle for a female space marine please.

Can keep me safe in the 40k.

>> No.21813801

>>21813728
>Where do I get more?
http://www.1d4chan.org/wiki/Harem_Knights

>> No.21813817

>>21813728
>more?
This character has been drawn in many different styles by artists all over the net

Use your google fu and deviant art kata because sadly I have very little Creation of Mr. Culexus

>> No.21813826

>>21813771
>Just take a harem of women for yourself to serve as slaves and push out your spawn
phrasing

>> No.21813835

>>21813801
damn, sorry. http://mr-culexus.deviantart.com/
I didn't ctrl+c right.

>> No.21813846 [DELETED] 

This thread has de/evolved from settling down in the 41st Millenium to discussing Waifus, 50 Shades of Grey and 100 Days of Sodom.

I love you guys.

>> No.21813851

>>21813747
shit... that was months ago...

>> No.21813852

>Not getting comfy in a trench with Kriegess
>mfw

>> No.21813859

This thread has de/evolved from settling down in the 41st Millenium to discussing Waifus, 50 Shades of Grey and 100 Days of Sodom.

I love you guys. No Homo.

>> No.21813877

>>21813398
>dat story
>right in the feels
have some blueberry pie for your effort sir

>> No.21813897

>>21813851
yeeep.

So far the canon is
-Fell from sky. Mostly died. Met Cat-people tribe. Killed elves. struck alliances. gun-runner war. Vampire Mongol invasion up coming.

>> No.21813935

>>21811819
>All over the krieg chan. All over.

>> No.21813938

>>21813835
>>21813817
Danke. I will make good use of this.

>> No.21813954

>>21813398
Beautiful.
Simply beautiful.

>> No.21813964

>>21813398

And also heretical

>> No.21813982

ALL OF MY FEEEEEEELS!

>> No.21814036

>>21813817
I found another one

>> No.21814090

For me? Between a Tau and a Catachan, preferably one whos friendly and clever

>> No.21814091

>>21813859

>> No.21814105

>>21813859
I'm tempted to archive it. Just for shit's and giggles. Should we?

>> No.21814107

>>21813938
No problem anon. Mr-Culuxes is one of our awesome artists, he doesn't get nearly enough love from /tg/

>> No.21814111

>>21814090
Captaion:

"Wanna wrassle?"
"Uhh..."

>> No.21814119

>>21814036
oh wow o-o a cuddly cuddles.

>> No.21814123

>>21813982
Don't be sad, tiny Xeno.

>> No.21814127

>>21814105
go for it. Tag it well. and book mark it. So that we can spread knowledge of it.

>> No.21814141

>>21814107
I think he got more than enough in his time. More than enough hate, too.
He's just a drawfag who draw funny and cute thingies.

>> No.21814154

>>21814107
I actually found Mr. Culuxes back in like '07 I think it was on dA.
His comics got me into 40k. No joke. I owe him everything.
I'm still finding out stuff like this every day though.

>> No.21814166

>>21814127
On suptg or the regular chan archive, which one do you think it would be better received on? I know suptg is kind of stingy about what they archive.

>> No.21814177

>>21813398
GRIMDARK DAMMIT. IT'S ALWAYS RAINING. YEAH.

>> No.21814190

>>21814154
>people getting into 40k through his comics

So that explains the rising amount of idiots who claim that 40k can only be taken as a joke....

>> No.21814227

>>21814190
I don't know if thats the case or people who don't read any of the lore.

>> No.21814239

>>21814177
I cant call that grimdark, too hopeful with a semi happy ending

>> No.21814391

>>21814166
regularchan then, no reason to fuck with suptg. Poor guy has to deal with enough as it is.

>> No.21814407

>>21813776
>female space marine

>> No.21814410

>>21814227
not reading the lore. People forget that Mr-Culuxes actually has a few hardercore pieces on it. it's not all fluffy bunnies.

>> No.21814453

>>21814410
CU
LEX
US

No Culuxes or Culexis or Lex Luthor.

>> No.21814458

>>21814239
But it's 40k. EVERYTHING is grimdark. /tg/ said so.

>> No.21814467

>>21813091

>>21814357

>> No.21814470

>>21814391
All right, well it's up there if anyone wants to vote for it.
http://chanarchive.org/request_votes

>> No.21814476

>No one has mentioned Eversors yet

WHAT HERESY IS THIS?!

>> No.21814484

>>21814410
Unfortunately, whenever he tries to make serious/sad/scary stories, he does it in his usual "fluffy bunnies" style and it comes off as unmoving, weird at most.

>> No.21814531

>>21814476

Don't date girls with substance abuse problems. Ain't worth it.

>> No.21814543

>>21814484
This is true. That style doesn't exactly lend itself to grimdark very much.

>> No.21814565

>>21814543
At all. Despite their angular business and occasionally his use of Sin City high-contrast black and white, it still doesn't work.
And the funny little speech impediments and Aussie idioms his characters usually have don't either.

>> No.21814586

>>21814119
Got another!

>> No.21814607

>>21814586
She's not so cute in that one.
Probably how she'd really look, so it's fair.

>> No.21814610

>>21814586
>10/10
>would still love tenderly

>> No.21814613

>>21812110
JESUS CHRIST SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING FACEBOOK FAGGOT

>> No.21814626

>>21814476
you sir have fine taste

>> No.21814630

>>21814467

We got our Pic!

>> No.21814642

>>21814565

Is he an Aussie?

>> No.21814730

>>21814586
Random girl on a farmworld planet

>> No.21814736

No love for the guardswoman?

>> No.21814737

>>21814630
I saw. Empra's blessing to Fujoshi.

>> No.21814773

>>21814736

Has anyone ever made a Imperial Guard Mixed Gender Army?

I know I have a few female Tanith troopers, but not even a squad's worth. I mean an army with a fourth and above female Guardsmen.

>> No.21814800

>>21814470
The archive thing has one more vote left, if anyone wants to take two seconds to make one more.

>> No.21814938

>>21814586
I'd still settle down with her

>Reading books together cuddling
>Fuck the grimderp

>> No.21814950

Catachan all the way.

>> No.21814985

>Not wanting to wrastle with Cata-chan

>> No.21815102

Xeno love?

>> No.21815119

>>21814985
>>21814950
these guys know whats up.

though i'd rather see Cata-chan and Eversorchan mud wrestle

>> No.21815220

So /tg/, what's the consensus?

Is 50 Shades of Grey better or worse then WHH?

Is a Catachan better then a Blueberry?

There are so many unanswered questions in this thread, give us answers!

>> No.21815344

>>21815102
God why are Eversors so awesome? Why can't we get a hack and slash game about them?

>> No.21815513

>>21812818
>"I hear she eats so much ice cream she uses a chainspoon to scoop it faster!"

>> No.21815526

>>21815513
That whole concept has writefaggotry written all over it.

>> No.21815543

>>21815220
50 Shades is worse than WHH.
Much worse.
I don't even think there's competition.

>> No.21815561

>>21815220
>50 Shades vs WHH
50 Shades is blantantly offensive whereas WHH just sucks, so 50S.
>Cata vs Blueberry
Depends on the blueberry. Theres not much to Cata-chan, though.

>> No.21815573

>>21815344
>Eversor game
>Assassins Creed meets Vanquish
I came rainbows made of technicolor skulls.

>> No.21815585

>>21815543

According to what I've seen, some people say there is. But then, everything has its vocal supporters and detractors here on /tg/. Some love it, others hate it, and I wish they would respect each other's views and not shit up threads with their fighting.
Here is a thread where the mention of WHH hasn't summoned up a shitstorm, and I like that. Instead it's summoned up 50 Shades and 100 Days.

>> No.21815587

>>21815220
Any blueberry is better than Cata-chan.

There's even a freckled redhead muscular blueberry.

>> No.21815595 [DELETED] 

I would want a cute family like this.

>> No.21815599

>>21815587
>cata-chan
them teeth, we're done. you lose.

>> No.21815607

>>21815585
Sometimes, respecting other people's views means disrespecting your own views.

>> No.21815617

>>21814626
>>21814476
I would ask her to keep the mask on during sex. Not because she is ugly, mind you, but because some drugged up monstrosity forcefully bedding me with the eternal grin of a skullface who orgasms with a cry of WRYYYYY after wringing out a tenth orgasm out of me is too damn sexy to pass up.

>> No.21815626

I want a family like this.

>> No.21815631

I am married to my chapter and the Emperor!

>> No.21815636

>>21815526
I just want to see more silly little pictures about like back in the old days.

>> No.21815644

>>21815626
You want your disgusting half-breed daughter to get raped by lesbian musclenuns?

>> No.21815646

>>21815626

Is that supposed to be a vindicare? why does he have service studs?

>implying that could be a marrine

>> No.21815658

>>21814586
>>21814036
>>21813817
>>21813703
>>21813431
>>21813236
All this made possessed me to make a Cuddles minecraft skin. It's incredibly shitty but it might amuse someone.
God forbid help you if you want to use it, but you can if you so desire.

>> No.21815664

>>21813345
Its more its just offensive, both to those who legitimately enjoy BDSM and those who legitimately enjoy reading.

>> No.21815674

>>21815636
Sorry friend, the golden days of rampant drawfaggery and writefaggery is gone.
I'm right there with you... Now if only I could draw.

>>21815644
Hush, you. I want a family like that too and I won't let you ruin it!

>> No.21815681

>>21811819

Whoever doesn't choose Tallarn is a silly goose.

God damn she's fine.

>> No.21815684

>>21815674
Hey I am willing to draw damn near anything, just ask and I'll probably get around to it when I have the time.

>> No.21815698

>>21815646

One has not heard of LCB? WTF are you doing here?

>> No.21815709

>>21815674
Writefaggotry is still fairly common, its mostly cutesy little images that have fallen by the wayside.

>> No.21815712

>>21815698

Vindicare do not have service studs, faggot. That's the entire point. Hurf durf never herd o taldeer mai waifu

>> No.21815854

>beach wear
Jesus christ that's adorable.
Does this character have a name?

>> No.21815870

>>21815854
I'm not sure which one you're talking about but you just opened up a can of worms, I'm afraid.

>> No.21815883

>>21815854
Also the one on the left is Boone and the one of the left is Cuddles, the latter already been posted earlier in the thread.
inb4 Boonequest

>> No.21815890

>>21811819
Have the fixed image mate. That Cata-chan is way too short.

>> No.21815904

>>21815890
Is that the full image? Someone earlier said that there was xenos on the full picture.

>> No.21815909

>>21815904
There were several of these.

>> No.21815928

>>21815909
I know someone threw them all together, let me check for that one.

>> No.21815933

Well there was a quest thread a while back that had a feudal agri world called Targon.

The people were mostly nordic types, space nords. anyway the chapter was slowly bringing technology. Guards had no commissars because the killed them all in 'honour' duels.

Probably settle down as some form of guilds-men and craft quality goods for a living or become some sort of PDF drill sergeant.

It is a relatively safe world and it has a chapter of fucking space marines on it. Might even have a son join their ranks and bring much honour to the family.

>> No.21815944

>>21815928
>>21815909
Nope, doesn't seem that I do.

>> No.21815956

>>21815944
Well, thanks for posting those at least.

>> No.21815962

>>21815933

Point is, the Imperium is so big that you're guaranteed to find a boundless number of "nice" worlds where you'll be able to live the rest of your life in peace, harmony and (gasp) happiness.

>> No.21815973

>>21815909

>Milf gaunt

YES

>> No.21816016

>>21815890
So why isn't there a dongs of the imperium collection yet?

>> No.21816046

>>21815626
You and me both

>> No.21816053

>>21816016
No chart can fathom BigEs BigP.

>> No.21816093

>>21816053
>BigEs BigP

>> No.21816126

>>21816053
> BigEs BigP
Aw shit, 5 star post.

>> No.21816128

>>21816053
What if he had a respectively large but otherwise perfectly normal size to reflect his perfect nature. The question is then, what is the perfect penis size?

>> No.21816218

>>21816016
Gabriel's 'Daemonhammer' is capable of exterminatus in a single blow.

>> No.21816225

>>21815928
Got you covered.

>> No.21816233

>>21816128
Clearly Roboute Guilliman's.

>> No.21816235

>>21816128
I think we have a Heretic here boys...

>> No.21816282

>>21816233
So that's why there's so many successor chapters.

>> No.21816297

>>21816233
Yeah, I'm sure with a name like Rowboat Girlyman, he'd have the standard.

>> No.21816333

>>21816297
I'll have you know that his name is in fact, Rawbutt Girlyman.

>> No.21816592

Wow, when I posted in this thread at the beginning hours ago, I didn't think it'd turn into... this.
Thanks for an interesting night, /tg/.

>> No.21816677

>> No.21816767

>>21813398
>MFW she has no warp presence thus has no soul

>> No.21816773

This whole thread

>> No.21816797

>>21816767
Eh, that story didnt hit me really. It felt like it was trying too hard to be honest.
The death of Blue gets me like a bitch, though.

>> No.21816804

>> No.21816826

>>21816767
Tau have a warp presence. They're not Pariahs. Their warp presence is just so weak that daemons will ignore them in favor of humans and Eldar, and Tau can't manifest psychic powers.

>> No.21816828 [SPOILER] 

>>21816797
The one with Boris overall made me sad.

>> No.21816830

>>21816797
What are you talking about? Is this something I missed?

>> No.21816857

>>21816830
Twas a story of Blue growing old.
Dont have it though.

>> No.21816869

>>21816828
That one was trying too hard too. It was needlessly cruel and thus disconnected me. Blue growing old, though...
>>21816830
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/20964362/

>> No.21816902

>> No.21816977

>>21816869
> “Sleep well, Blue, fer as long as it takes.”
Sad orks are like sad looking cats.
Just thinking about them makes me sad too.

>> No.21817053

>>21816977
Think about a cat trying to revive a dead kitten and not understanding why it wont get back up.

Now imagine that cat is Zizzbitz and that kitten is Blue

>> No.21817084

>>21817053
Wow, I really wish I hadn't already used that picture above because I really want to use it again.

>> No.21817089

>> No.21817178

>>21816869
why.jpg
All these feels welling up in me.

>> No.21817504

>>21815513
Did somebody say CHAIN SPOON?

>> No.21818325

Imma go with the Commissar. I'll probably be a guardsman from a regiment that's understrength, we get sent to back up another regiment during an engagement. Wind up entrenched during an enemy assault. Love blooms, Well lust blooms. We share a moment of passion. Eventually the siege breaks and our regiments go our seperate ways.

I wind up staying, totally of my own free will. No I don't mind being the only male in a regiment of female guardswomen. No, no, no I love tankes and artillery. No its perfectly normal for guardsmen to get transfered from one regiment to another so they can serve as a commissar's personal aide.

>> No.21818355

>>21818325
Just make sure you encourage her to work out and are prepared to deal with her crippling depression.

>> No.21818408

>>21818355
Lock up the ice cream. I hear she likes chocolate chip cookie dough the best.

>> No.21818472

>>21818408
>>21818355
Crippling depression, ice cream? Why my lovely Lady Commissar is fit as a fiddle and in no way shape or form possessed of any disorders, emotional or physical

She likes strawberry milkshakes and she gets mopey if I don't rub her shoulders at the end of the day. Mopey=Bad since that usually leads to impromptu sessions of poetry about how beautiful she is. She lets me know how good my poetry is by how much she shoots me with her Las-Pistol. Usually its on stun. Usually.

>> No.21818494

>>21814476

>> No.21818513

>>21818472
Sounds like a healthy relationship to me. She seems like a completely stable individual who will bear you're children and raise them well.
Run.

>> No.21818557

>>21818472
>Why my lovely Lady Commissar is fit as a fiddle and in no way shape or form possessed of any disorders, emotional or physical
Oh please, /tg/ canon now dictates all female Commissars are now Commissar Paunch.

>> No.21818569

>>21818557
Quick, we must rectify the information on 1d4chan. The good word must be known!

>> No.21818609

>>21818513
Yes, I am surely destined for wedded bliss! If it's a boy We'll name it after me, if its a girl we'll name it after her.

I tried that, she had the sentinel girls hunt me down and kept me tied up and locked in a crate of dirty uniforms. The ministorum has me marked down as KIA. I hear we're being deployed to fight tyranids next.

>> No.21818642

>>21818609
>locked in a crate of dirty uniforms
Her dirty uniforms?

>> No.21818658

>>21818609
Oh my...
I'll pray for your safety. Don't know how much it'll help, but maybe the Emperor will save you.
I'm in a similar situation. Jericho reach. Not sure where, just send help.

>> No.21818674

>>21818642
I think he means a crate of dirty uniforms belonging to an all female regiment...
Lucky dog.

>> No.21818696

>>21818674
Oh man, oh jeeze.
Turns out its the ogryn ladies' uniforms

>> No.21818735

>>21818696
> ogryn
Oh that poor bastard...
He's as good as dead. Probably suffocated on the skid marks alone.

>> No.21818760

>>21818658
>>21818642
Uniforms, dirty, hahaha... Laundry day isn't for another two days, you guys are such kidders. Why my situation is normal as normal can be. I'm sure all the other commissar aides get taken to monthly strip poker games with their commissar's friends after all the Emperor has decreed that every all female regiment has to have a few strapping young lads around for morale!

yes, dirty uniforms from the whole damned regiment. You ever spend ten hours under dirty shorts, bras, panties and trousers? Oh and you Jericho Reach guy, I'll pray for you but I think we're fucked. I know for a fact I'm listed as KIA.

>> No.21818808

>>21818760
No, doesn't really sound normal. At least, not to me. What do I know?
Yeah probably. I can hope, though, right? Maybe if you pray hard enough they'll let me out of this closet and remove the grenade set to explode if I open the door. Mother always said I was making a mistake dating a guardswoman but no, I knew better...

>> No.21818875

>>21818808
Oh you kidder, this os normaller than an Ork with a guitar and a Squig Wig.

Off them feet rubs, I don't care how bad their feet smell after a hard day's march. I don't care how much your hands hurt after 20 consecutive rubs. It's the only way out of the closet short of the emperor's direct commandment.

>> No.21818895

>>21818875

Some how, deep, deep down, I always knew not having a foot fetish would come back to bite me in the ass. God damn.

>> No.21818943

So the Sororitas Pedophilus are a real branch of the Adeptus Sororitas right? They Recruited me from Saint Elmur's Training Academy for troubled boys and so far my duties have not included nearly as much praying and self flagellating as expected. Mostly its bolter, flamer, and armor polishing. Same with me and the other boys and girls, most of us are either descended from line guardsmen or hive scum.

My "tutor" keeps me on a leash when visitors aren't around. She's recently purchased a great deal of holy oil and begun talking about training. How fast do you think jumping out the air lock would kill me?

>> No.21818980

>>21818943
A few seconds if you don't hold your breath. You could just "accidentally" shoot yourself with a bolter while cleaning it, if you have a bolt near by.
and no. No it isn't, hate to break it to you.
You have been coaxed into a snafu.

>> No.21818981

>>21818760
>>21818808
>>21818674
Of course its normal for a mostly female regiment to be assigned one or two strapping young men for morale purposes

Of course its normal for the men to be regularly rotated for different guard locations all the time

Of course its normal for the mostly-female regiment to be ordering vaso-dialator medication

Of course its completely normal for the male soldiers to get semi-regular skin grafts

the enemy seems to be aiming for the groins, thank god his armor protected him and he appears to just have minor tears and burns

this is what I get for picking catachan, getting passed around the barracks like a bag of chips until we settle down somewhere

>> No.21818997

>>21818895
For your sake I hope you don't have any catachans in your regiment. They like it when you suck their toes.

>> No.21819038

>>21818997
This guy
>>21818981
You're not kidding I've eaten more catachan than any predator on the planet is likely to do it one lifetime

those aren't enemy shots, they are friction burns

>> No.21819042

>>21818997

I guess I'm lucky it's Cadian... [/spoiler[
Right?

>> No.21819055

>>21818980
Snafu...? Why that sounds mildly foolish, heretical even.

They don't let me near knives or ammunition, though my tutor has begun tattooing me with holy symbols, saints, and she atkes particular pleasure when she puts me in a frilly dress.

I hear we're getting deployed on an eldar craft world soon. With any luck I can get shot by an eldar or lose myself in a guard regiment.

>> No.21819077

>>21819055
Oh god, you poor soul...
I always knew those SoB's were fucked up behind closed doors. Not that they were ever secretive, but... you know.
I think that's just a girl thing in general. My regiment tried to get me to do that once. I hid in the garbage disposal. For a week.

>> No.21819096

>>21819042
>>21818981
Why Catachan's are loyal servants of the Emperor, I'm sure they wouldn't be so brash as to wear out one of their fellow soldiers with wanton illicit behavior.

Cadians like oral, doesn't matter where or how, they want your tongue. For your sake I hope no one in that regiment has a fondness for anal.

Oh an Catachan guy, annointed oils, ecclesiarch or mechanicus, they do wonders if you're feeling chafed. Just don't use the gun oil, has lead in it.

>> No.21819144

>>21819096
Oh no... Oh fucking Emporer kill me now...

All those enema machines make such horrifying sense in retrospect.

>> No.21819154

>>21819077
Oh it's not so bad. They let me have candy when I'm in the dress.

They also make me get on my knees and lick heavy bolter shells anointed in sweetened oil when I'm in the dress. Usually those heavy bolt shells are strapped to cod pieces.

I knew I should've been a hive ganger.

>> No.21819183

>>21819154
Yeah... Funny how we all ignored good advice and look at where we are now.
"I'M TELLIN' YA, THOSE CADIAN GIRLS ARE NO GOOD. YOU SHOULD SETTLE DOWN ON A NICE PARADISE WORLD AND MARRY A NORMAL GIRL." Fuck you, mom, why are you always right?

>> No.21819269

>>21819144
>>21819183
Oh its not so bad JRIG. You do the emperor's work for one of the most exalted worlds in all of the Imperium.

First thing. Mints, they make the taste of any oral activity easier to bear, or spicy candies. Anything that tastes strong really. I hope you're ready to associate the taste of candy with the smell of sweat and a long day's march though. My regiment has got girls from all across the imperium and more than a few of them want some portion of their body tongue bathed after a long march.[/spoiler.]

>> No.21819285

You know, I always wanted to be a hero in the Guard when I was growing up. It's not so bad on Agri-worlds, now that I think about it. Life was easy, especially compared to a Hive. But when the Guard come marching around, and your pappy fills your head with all kinds of nonsense about how "the life of a Guardsman must be grand indeed!" or how "Guardsman are all heroes, every one of them!" ... you kinda get swept up in it all when you're a little one, you know?

About a month into basic drill had completely broken me of any of those stupid ideas, and it only got worse from there. I was with the 423rd on Bounty's Fall, fighting against the Orks when things took an ever worse turn. Our Commissar -that fucking ass- had been pushing us hard, executed my old buddy Stevenson for 'treason' even. The man was trying to take a piss, for the love of the Emperor!

>> No.21819312

>>21819183
Dark Eldar are raiding the convent! Surely the Emperor will protect us!

You think I should try suicide by DEldar? I mean my tutor's been prettying me up for months so I look more like a girl than a boy these days. I think they'd just take me captive and I'd end up even worse off.

>> No.21819327

>>21819269

Oh, I am not looking forward to this in the slightest... But...
> Eat spicy peppers
Perform asshole oral (I can't believe I just said that)
I really hope that has the desired effect because despite everything, that would be fucking hilarious.

>> No.21819341

>>21819312
DO IT.
DO IT YOU POOR BASTARD, AND MAY YOUR DEATH BE QUICK AND PAINLESS!

>> No.21819346

>>21819285
Anyway, another Regiment shows up to keep our flank from collapsing to the green tide. I, of course, think nothing of it -mainly because we just started taking heavy shelling and shit was flying everywhere. All of the sudden, I see our Commissar, or rather who I thought was our Commissar, standing on the line with his back to me and laspistol pointed downrange. Of course I thought to myself, "Bloody hell, he's gone bonkers! But this is your chance, old boy!"

So I did what any stupid and foolish Guardsman would have done, and tackled the Commissar back into the trenches - good thing I did, too, as both the spot I'd been standing in and the Commissar's exploded behind us.

"Commissar, are you alright?!" I asked like a gibbering idiot.

>> No.21819358

>>21819327
Its called analingus and you guys have taken this shit far enough.

>> No.21819366

>>21819358
It is truly amazing how far this thread has devolved. Just... wow.
It's kind of beautiful, in a sick way.

>> No.21819387

>>21819341
Onichan this did not go according to keikaku.

They're teaching me wierd Eldar words and I get a spanking everytime I use Imperial Gothic. I got 3 new piercings just for being taken captive and they're slowly replacing my old Tattoos. I think I prefered the dress.

>> No.21819393

>>21819366
I would be afraid to play a game with /tg/ IRL because you guys get creepy as fuckall when it comes to roleplaying.

>> No.21819400

>>21819346
Thinking back, I should have known that the Commissar was a bit more top-heavy than he should have been, that the Commissar was bald, or even that our Commissar didn't even use a Laspistol. But when She turned over, glaring with death reaching from the depths of her eyes to take my very soul to the Emperor ... It would have been better to have taken that shell.

But then she noticed that I'd saved her life, and she smiled -as much as a Commissar can smile. And I noticed that my hand had indeed fallen around her left breast when I'd tackled her. It was a match made in hell.

"Thank's for the save, Guardsman. I'll be paying you back for it, more than this." She winked at me, and after pushing her bust into my hand a bit further (I'd been frozen by the sudden turn of events, you see) she threw me off and began shooting again.

>> No.21819404

>>21819387
I think it's a sign.
Embrace it.
Learn to love the bomb... Er, bondage. I guess.

>> No.21819405

>>21819393
As someone who roleplays with people from /tg/, this is pretty much what it's like.

Like I'm fucking complaining, I'm just the same.

>> No.21819411

>>21819393
What I'm saying now about ass-hole licking and shit I would never say if it wasn't 4 AM (or if I was thoroughly inebriated) and therefore have all the maturity of a 12 year old.
I don't think most of us are this creepy IRL... most. I hope. Fuck it, probably

>> No.21819425

>>21819405
I guess it could be worse. You could be forced to play a game with the Harem Knights guys.
>>21819411
It was more just everything piling on each other. The guy pretending to suck on catachan toes, the cadian tonguebath guy, the obligatory underage trapfaggot. Thank fuck its past bump limit is all I gotta say.

>> No.21819435

>>21819327
Oh you rascal you! Such silly notions.

The amount of capacian (active ingredient in peppers) it would take to have an effect would probably render you unconcious. Or at least cause permanent damage to your ability to taste things. Which come to think of it may not be a bad thing.

>> No.21819436

>>21819096
Well, I can't say they are wearing me out, because every time I'm worn thin I get patched up, not sure how much of me is my old self at this point. I'm a part time quartermaster, I get to see all the equipment orders.

I'm hoping to never see certain mechanical appendages ordered

My lady still likes to have those special nights reserved for just us though

catachans like to ride

>> No.21819444

>>21819425
Like I said before, it's fucking hilarious in the worst way., that this thread could go through so many stages and end up like this.
I don't even know where I came up with Cadian Tongue Bathing or shit it just did.
I really need to go to bed.

>> No.21819466

>>21819435
I think it's about that time.
I found a stash of Ghost Pepper Flakes - this shit'll knock you off your feet. Also, for what I'm in for, I don't think I want taste buds.
Pray for me, friends. Tis a far, far greater thing I do now than I have ever done before...
Kill me.

>> No.21819472

>>21819400
After we pushed them back, she played a few hands of poker with my superiors, apparently. She came out without her boots and cap, but had their uniforms and paperwork to have me as her personal aide. The Commissar, well the old one anyway, even took me by the shoulders and wished me good luck. I swear the man was almost crying, and at the time, I thought this a good omen. I mean, Commissars don't cry unless they've been blessed by the Emperor, right?

...No. No, no, no, my friends. The first things she did was have me press and iron all of her uniforms, polish her boots, and get out her personal case of "performance enhancers."

As I did my best to meet her demands, if I even failed in one task that didn't meet her specifications, she'd whip me, or use her riding crop, or one of the other things in that horrid case. True, she takes me to bed every month or so -believe me its amazing and it's true what they say about red-heads, but by the Emperor's Golden Throne being passed around to those that 'please' her on the battlefield... You don't do that to a man! You just don't! I'll die soon, by either a landmine or some lady Guardsman not giving me enough air!

>> No.21819481

>>21819444
At least we got Commissar Paunch before everything went to shit.

>> No.21819491

>>21819481
This is true.
When I'm in a more lucid state and not sleepy-high I want to try to write something for it. But knowing me I'll never post it and it'll disappear forever.
But, we'll always have this thread.

>> No.21819495

>>21819436
Ah the Quartermaster position, truly an honorable place, even if you only serve there part time.

Order some lubricant. The stuff marked "Ecclesiarchal Chamber Oils" its the stuff that Ecclesiarchs use with their mistresses. Trust me, makes servicing a lot of women in a short period of time less stressful.

>> No.21819517

>>21819466
Oh don't worry JRIG, I'm sure everything will turn out all right.

You don't need Taste Buds where you're going.

>> No.21819524

>>21819285
>>21819346
>>21819400
>>21819472
5 Stars, would read frequently.

>> No.21819532

>>21819517
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XTGyeGgMpk8

I couldn't resist. Now, I'm going to bed before I make an ass of myself further. Hopefully I won't dream of Cadian asshole licking. Yet another thing that should never be said that I just did.

Good night, /tg/. I love you.

>> No.21819554

>>21819491
I'm not this creepy during the day light hours either but I find this stuff hilarious in a sort of "so bad its good way." At the very least I've got material for lost and the damned regiments.

>> No.21819565

>>21819554
I don't think any of us are...
Correction; many of us are.

>> No.21819599

>>21819532
good night brah!

>>21819565
I like to assume at least that those of us who are this creepy hid their terrible power level and only bring forth their eldritch power when appropiate.

>> No.21819667

>>21819524
Well, glad somebody liked it. Thanks!

>> No.21819714

>>21819667
no problem, have a good night IF.

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