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/tg/ - Traditional Games


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[ERROR] No.21103199 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

>be new initiate
>zygotes hasn't kicked in fully yet
>some marine sergeant kick us outta bed at fuck nothing in the morning
>exposure trial dust-off in 15
>collect my survival kit, camocloak and sniper rifle
>drowsy as fuck but new organs seem to kick in nicely and start pump adrenaline
>we all troop into this huge thunderhawk thats idling outside
>no windows, and the pilot is taking his sweet time getting to where we are going
>suddenly feel landing skids touch down
>we get dumped in shithole, nowhere and told to get back to fortress-monastery within two weeks. oh and just about every fukkin' plant, animal and fungi is either poisonous or wants to eat you on this shithole rock.
>yes, even the fungi wants to eat you. slight feral ork problem
>manage to find my way to the fortress-monastery with two days to spare.
>only five of us made out of a batch of 17 guys.
>get elevated to full scout

this was 200 years ago. I am now a devastator sergeant and next in line for Deathwatch assignment. (see attached pictrecording)

Oh shit gotta go. The resident techmarine is looking at me funny. Guess he wants his datalectern back.

>> No.21103226

The ranking goes Scout -> Devastator -> Assault ->Tactical ->Terminator

You must be one slow motherfucker.

>> No.21103241

>>21103226
Marines can refuse promotion.

>> No.21103245

>>21103226
Experienced marines go where they're needed, a sergeant could well have Terminator Honors and lead a different squad.

>> No.21103259

>>21103226

maybe he's overcompensating for something by holding a big gun?

>> No.21103268

>>21103226
Guess your chapter is one of those that follow the Codex Astartes to the letter.

Over here, where we actually think outside the box sometimes, the ranking goes Scout->Assault->Tactical->Devastator->Terminator
You gotta know how to pick your foe apart at close quarters before you can advance, since you will probably get engaged in close combat eventually even if you stay behind the front and chuck frags at the enemy

>> No.21103292

>>21103199
Well, I hope your Plot Armor's worth the struggle.

I may be going slowly extinct, but at least I get a damn bed to sleep in.

>> No.21103382

>>21103268

You acknowledge the box, and let it frame your whole way of thinking. Throw out the entire construct, or you will never be free of it.

>> No.21103421

>>21103382
What this asshole said

>> No.21103423

Oh cool space marines.

Hey, uh, I kinda have a legitimate question for you guys, if it's acceptable. Seem, I'm a Guardsman. A tanker, specifically, my ride's a Leman Russ Executioner.

How come most of you guys don't use, well, good tanks? Land Raiders are expensive and, while powerful, they don't run as reliably as Leman Russes do (or on as many different fuels), and they're harder to repair. And Predators... I mean, you guys use either lascannons (which are still cool) or autocannons as the main tank gun for 'em.

Autocannons.

I mean.

We use those on our light troop transports.

Not on... main battle tanks, you know?

And I was always just wondering. I mean, if some space marines told me to get out the tank and hand it over, I'd be 'yes sir thank you sir' because you're space marines.

>> No.21103438

>>21103423
We have tanks that can attack people in melee over here in the Eye of Terror. You should check it out sometime. It's slightly less horrible than the name would imply.

>> No.21103440

>>21103423
All that matters guardsman, is that we crush them under our boot heels and destroy them with our bolters.

>> No.21103452

>>21103440

Well, uh, okay then sir, as you say, boot heels and bolter shells.

I'll head back into providing fire support as ordered, then.

>> No.21103460

>>21103423
We focus more on getting ourselves to the conflict and we can carry most of the heavy weapons ourselves as well, so the tanks are either to get us there in a big hurry, or to follow that big hurry with a gun.

>> No.21103461

>>21103423
Mechanicus here. We've been telling them guardsmen tanks are shit for centuries., and they actually believed us.

>> No.21103462

>>21103423
I sentence you to be beaten, then suffer one hundred lashes, and to perform your drill in irons for the next year. Don't let me ever catch you disparaging the Angels of the Emperor again, understood?

>> No.21103468

>>21103423
Guardsmen how dare you question the emperors will. please report to the quad for summary execution
love commisar Jenkins

>> No.21103473

>>21103462
See this shit? Doesn't happen with Chaos. It's all fucking and gambling and sacrifice

>> No.21103480

>>21103226
I was not aware of this because I don't play Spess Mehrens

>> No.21103490

>>21103480
ORK DETECTED

>> No.21103495

>>21103268
>Scout->Assault

Have fun dying out once you run out of veterans.

>> No.21103503

>>21103462
>>21103468

Uh, Comissars, I asked Commissary Garn if posing this question was overstepping my bounds, and his interpretation was that so long as it was done over the anonymous text-and-images of the Quadboards, it would not be overstepping my bounds as a guardsman.

I mean, not arguing of course, summary execution, hundred lashes, drill in irons, just noting, sirs.

>>21103461

I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry at this, though.

>>21103460

I do suppose that makes some sense. Less need for a tank's armor when you're wearing it, all that? Thank you for the acknowledgement, sir.

Anyway, off to getting lashed, ironed, and then probably killed.

Guardman's life for me.

>> No.21103506

>>21103473

Your transport might eat you to regain hull points though.

>> No.21103511

>>21103438

They really ought to change its name to the Anus of Bewilderment.

>> No.21103534

The Leman Russ is actually inferior to Rhino-chassis STC's as it's much easier to produce and replicate. However, it is indeed better in the rules.

Space Marines use Rhino-chassis vehicles because of their history and their modus operandi, same reason Elysians don't use Leman Russ either. Look it up if you're actually interested.

>> No.21103535

>>21103503
Commissar Garn was testing your faith, Trooper. You failed. Your rations will be bread and water for a month because of your backtalk.

>> No.21103539

>>21103506
Yeah, but there's gonna be, like, 10 of you there. Besides, serve the Dark Gods and they'll reward you well. All that bullshit about soul eating? Ain't true.
>>21103511
Are you that Slaaneshi champion we picked up on that backwards ass planet we planned on raiding? Cause shit, you make a really good case for it. I tried to bring it up with Abaddon, but they said I couldn't go near him while I'm armed. Also they called me a Squatfucker.

>> No.21103540

>>21103534
If I recall, the Space Wolves occasionally use Leman Russ tanks because of their name.

>> No.21103541

>>21103503
I like the cut of your jib, Guardsman. I'll put a word in with the commissars for you.

>> No.21103546

>>21103540

Space Wolves operate differently from codex-adherent chapters.

>> No.21103549

>>21103535

Yes sir, bread and water following the other punishments, understood sir.

>>21103541

You honor me with your acknowledgement, sir.

>> No.21103555

>>21103540
Well they were named that in honor of the man himself, so it seems appropriate.

>> No.21103564

>>21103268
>Putting your brand-new marines directly into the thickest fighting where they can flail around, get overwhelmed by the enemey and ultimately accomplish nothing except put more strain on your manning.

Did it ever occur to you special snowflake chapter that the "box" exists for a reason? It's to stop stupid things like this from happening.

>> No.21103567

>>21103541
>implying BA's aren't STC hoarding douches

How're them Baals treating you?

>> No.21103569

>>21103503
Hmm guardsmen you are very smart for asking for permition first. since your commissary gave permission i rescind my punishment. and for your loyalty and desire to assist the emperor above and beyond. I hereby promote you to Commissar yourself. Welcome aboard.

>> No.21103578

>>21103569
Are you sure you're a Commissar? I've ripped the spinal chords out of several of your type and this seems very out of character.

>> No.21103586

>>21103564

This guy's an Honour Guard; you better listen to what he says.

EVEN CHAPTER MASTERS HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO SEEK ADVICE FROM HONOUR GUARDS

>> No.21103587

>>21103564
I hate the Ultrafaggots but those honor guard armors might as well be goddamn pimp suits.

>> No.21103589

>>21103569
Guardsmen can't be promoted to Commissar.
Impersonation of a Commissar is punished with summary execution without honor.
*BLAM*

>> No.21103593

>>21103569
Inquisitorial Stormtrooper here.
Don't trust this guy, noob.
Take your lashes and irons and bread and water like a man of The Emperor.

>> No.21103594

>>21103587

Note the aerodynamic mouthpiece designed to increase muff-diving speed.

>> No.21103598

>>21103587
They aren't?

All these years I thought they were Slaaneshi infiltrators.

>> No.21103601

>>21103578
by my baneblade

>> No.21103602

>>21103587

Honor Guard is pretty much what made me pick Smurfs as both army and chapter.

>> No.21103607

>>21103593

That's the plan, sir.

I'm a Guardsman. It's the life for me, even if the infantry like to make fun of us treadheads for sitting in tanks all day. Wouldn't trade it for anything.

>> No.21103610

>>21103541

Oh, Don't encourage it.

Him.

I mean, him.

>> No.21103612

>>21103567
I implied nothing of the sort. They work well, especially with those modified engines, which you also don't have.

>> No.21103613

>>21103587
They are.

>> No.21103650

>>21103610
Come now, Brother, a few words of encouragement cost us nothing, we are on the same side after all.

>> No.21103660

>>21103650
WHY AREN'T WE KILLING YET?

>> No.21103665

>>21103610
See that, uh... Guard dude? These fucks don't even think you're a person. Admittedly, we don't either, but at least you can rape and pillage to your heart's content. There's also a slightly larger chance for promotion!

>> No.21103668

>>21103567

Splendidly, if I do say so myself.

>> No.21103681

>>21103607
Oh man do I know that.
I always get shit from the guys up on our ship whenever I drop into battle. "Oh you're going planetside? Man, it sure is nice and cozy here next to the Lance Battery control"

>> No.21103691

>>21103665

Yeah, but see, I was never much for the whole, uh, pillaging thing. Or rape.

I mean, come on, I'm in a mixed regiment, and the priests encourage relationships among same-ranked guardsmen under the idea that you fight harder for someone you love (and this has proven true enough that no one's brought down the hammer on the regiment yet). And I don't care about promotion, because where I want to be is in my Executioner, aiming the plasma cannons and unleashing the fury of a hundred suns on the enemies of the Emperor and Imperium.

So basically you can go fuck right off.

>> No.21103694

>>21103660

Is that helmet a totem or something? It obviously doesn't fit his fat fucking machinetentacled head.

>> No.21103695

>>21103665
Don't make us kick your asses again.

>> No.21103699

>>21103660
Because there are no enemies here brother. Calm yourself.

>> No.21103702

>>21103691
That's just cus you haven't tried it, man. See, with Cha-
>>21103695
Something has suddenly come up. I need to, uh, go raid something.

>> No.21103704

>>21103650

OF COURSE WE'RE ON THE SAME SIDE!

WHO TOLD YOU WE WEREN'T?!

>> No.21103708

>>21103694
The helmets of Terminators fit over their face instead of their whole head.

>> No.21103714

>>21103694
>doesn't recognize TDA collars

You person.

>> No.21103719

>>21103695
>Space Sharks have shark teeth

Best mutation ever. They should put that in.

>> No.21103725

>>21103719
>shark teeth constantly grow and replace th
Battle-brothers with Orkz.

>> No.21103727

>>21103719
No, they file their teeth down to spikes. Says so in Badab War.

>> No.21103735

Hey, fellow Space Marines! How's it going? I hear there's a skilled young guardsman here ripe for, uh... Inquisitizing?

>> No.21103737

SM transformation starts with early to pre-teens, ideally, right?

How old would a new recruit be by the time his implants are thoroughly matured?

I know there's lexicanum etc but honestly, I don't trust 'em.


Why do scouts always look like they're in their late thirties?

>> No.21103744

>>21103737
The Bald of War accelerates their aging.

>> No.21103747

>>21103735

You ain't fooling anyone, man. You just aren't.

>> No.21103753

>>21103704
I think it was one of the Ultramarines

>> No.21103757

>>21103737
A new recruit? 16-18.

>> No.21103759

>>21103737

Probably because the primarch's genes take over and bulk their asses up which probably accounts for half of that age, the other half being the huge amounts of stress placed on them during recruitment.

>> No.21103762

>>21103747
I have no idea what you're talking about, sir. I am from the Death Watch. The red armor means I am here for special recruitment, but you wouldn't know because it's top secret and shit.

>> No.21103767

>>21103753
Hey, don't go dragging us into this.

>> No.21103779

>>21103767
>>21103753
>>21103704
It was that Guardsman over there. The one that was talking with a Red Corsair and a bunch of Commissars. I heard him say it.

>> No.21103782

>>21103702
You know I almost went with red corsairs. Horon seems like a cool guy now that he give infiltration to a few squads full of buddies. But I had to stay true to my Slaaneshi nature and while also trolling Imperial fist players around me. Praise slaanesh for the Crusaders of Dorn falling and becoming the brotherhood of Lethe.

Who wants a sonic weapon chaps?

>> No.21103783

>>21103762
I happen to know that is not how the Deathwatch works.

>> No.21103789

>>21103762
I know Deathwatch. I've had the honour and privilege to work alongside one of the Emperor's Angels.
And you sir, and no Deathwatch.

>> No.21103792

>>21103610

Yeah sweetie c'mon give him a break.

>>21103607

Who's a cute little guardsman? you are!
ya want the ball guardsman? wheres the ball? wheres the ball? go get it boy!

>> No.21103797

>>21103782
Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn! Kill! Maim! Burn!

>> No.21103799

>>21103783
>>21103789
We, uh, we're a special ops group. Pretty small. You probably wouldn't have heard of it, because it's almost brand new and completely secret.

>> No.21103808

>>21103792

... Ma'am, with all due respect, I'm not attached to a scout tank.

>> No.21103814

>>21103753

WELL HE'S WRONG
PRAISE THE EMPEROR
GLORY TO THE IMPERIUM AND ALL THAT

Now which Ultramarine was it, I want to ..ask him something.

>> No.21103830

>>21103799
For a second time, I declare your intentions false.
I've not encountered anything in my life newer than 100 years made.

>> No.21103831

Rolled 68

>>21103292
The Eldar are not going extinct. There are millions and billions of them.. in Comorragh. Just one variety of the Eldar culture that's busy going extinct.

It might take a few generations for the DE to get their psychic abilities back up to snuff, though. Maybe a few more, given that despite the Eldar's supreme strength, they can't exercise it all without getting nommed.

>> No.21103832

>>21103792
Greetings. There is a nanite weapon we need to negate, and we require your help.

>> No.21103834

>>21103762
You're recruiting in the wrong sector, corsair.

>>21103767
Apologies, I must have misheard.

>> No.21103843

>>21103831
>It might take a few generations for the DE to get their psychic abilities back up to snuff
They kill people who try that shit with extreme prejudice.

>> No.21103844

>>21103814
Nah man, I'm telling you, it was the Guardsman. An Ultramarine would never say something like that, because they respect you. Those Guardsmen, though, they're always talking about you guys behind your backs.
>>21103830
Dude, this shit is, like, brand new.

>> No.21103845

Rolled 2

>>21103735

rolling sense motive

>> No.21103847

>>21103797
Kharn please leave. I already told you I don't want to be part of your little pow-wow.....from across the battlefield....at a safe distance...While I watched you slaughter eight of your buddies.

>> No.21103854

>>21103844
I can totally vouch for him. Also he's not here because he had special Death Watch stuff to do.

>> No.21103860

>>21103834
Stealing our pict-captures, now? Classy, brother.

>> No.21103861

>>21103832

Ah shit, Party's over. Who invited the dork brigade.

>> No.21103865

>>21103767

That Ultramarine looks so Caucasian it hurts.

>> No.21103878

>>21103792

You know those pornos where the chick is being boned by a dog?

>> No.21103880

>>21103847
Burn? Maim kill slaughter.
Blood for the Blood God!

>> No.21103886

>>21103861

Yeah...

Alright, which one of you chucklefucks called the cops?

>> No.21103896

>>21103797

dude you always get like this!
remember the last inter-chaos picnic to promote synergy?
Abbadon put you on hotdogs for 5 minutes an next thing you're running around bashing up noise marines with a spatula screaming

GRILL! MAIM! DON'T LET THEM BURN!

do you even realise how loud noise marines can get when they're pissed off and have hotdogs stuck in their noise pipes.

>> No.21103905

>>21103861
The Brotherhood of Titan does not answer to you.
>>21103886
We care not for your petty grievances, we merely require this member of the Sororitas.

>> No.21103913

>>21103845

Hahaha, the inquisition's sly investigation skills do it again.

Now if you'll excuse us we have to go venerate the Emperor and purge heretics and stuff.

We're definitely not leaving because there's a few too many inquisitors in here so don't think we are.

>> No.21103920

>>21103860
I think you will agree those are Blood Angel markings. If you feel slighted please tell me and I will summon the remembrancer responsible for the image.

>> No.21103923

>>21103896
SORCERY! KILL! SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!

>> No.21103928

>>21103905

I know where this is going...

>Hide the Sister! Great Baal, hide the Sister! They's gonna turn hat her!

>> No.21103930

>>21103896
I did hear it turned into quite the brawl shortly after that. My second in command was delivered back to me with his head missing...rather glad I missed that meeting.

>> No.21103939

>>21103913
The Space Wolves are just down the hall, maybe go play with them so we can all have a laugh or, better yet, go get them and bring them here so we can all play with the Inquisition.

>> No.21103941

>>21103913
>Now if you'll excuse us we have to go venerate the Emperor
>we have to go venerate the Emperor
>venerate the Emperor
>the Emperor
DEATH TO THE FALSE EMPEROR

Ah, shit.

>> No.21103951

>>21103941
Last words? Heretic.

>> No.21103952

>>21103797

Oh, kharn. He's just so silly looking. I can never help but laugh at his awkward and just plain silly looking armour.

>> No.21103955

>>21103913
If by "venerate the Emperor" you mean "abandon fellow brethren to hunt down one guy who said 'fuck you' 10,000 years ago" then have at it.

>> No.21103963

>>21103832

oh nonononononononononono.
Last time I heard that from a Grey knight we ended up dating for about 3 months, then I found out he'd been seeing other sisters!

and turning them into hats!

>> No.21103964

>>21103941

Told you you weren't fooling anyone.

"Though it may think it hides in plain sight, remember always that the Taint of Chaos, as all enemies of mankind, will show itself eventually. It is then that it is to be crushed under the treads of our tanks, blasted with the guns of our artillery, and shot with the las of our infantry. Such is life in the Imperial Guard."

Want me to keep quoting? I can do this all day.

>> No.21103966

>>21103920
You will find that that is a slightly altered version of this famous pict of my Chapter.

>> No.21103978

>>21103951
Quick, beam me up, Tzeentch!

The Red Corsairs are blasting off agaaaaaaain!

>> No.21103986

>>21103955

PLEASE IGNORE THE RAVINGS OF THIS CRAZY IDIOT

HE IS CLEARLY CRAZY

AND ALSO AN IDIOT

>> No.21103990

>>21103928
I have no idea what you are talking about.

>> No.21103997

>>21103905

dude every time we party with you guys it turns into a sausage fest, because the sororitas you don't scare off you turn into clothing.

>> No.21104002

>>21103963
Will this set of plant genitalia be sufficient barter for your time?

>> No.21104003

>>21103986
Cypher is in this thread, I heard.

>> No.21104010

>>21103978
So as it turns out Tzeentch is an asshole and didn't beam me up. Luckily, I brought my daemon grill! Kharn, get over here and have yourself a dog!

>> No.21104011

>>21103905

>Grey Knights are the kinds of guys who can't ever get laid so they take it out on the girls

You sons of bitches. You bastards. Leave the poor girls alone! I'll take you on myself! Mutant scum!

>> No.21104020

>>21103966
Hmmm, that is troubling. Truthfully, it looks better in our colors, but I shall go and... Speak, with the one responsible for the forgery.

>> No.21104023

>>21103997
The Sisters of Battle are more willing to ally with us than with yourselves. What does that tell you?
>>21104011
What does "get laid" mean?

>> No.21104027

>>21104003

No, Chaplain. We all cool here. No Cyphers, no sir. We'll let you know when we see him.

>>21104011


Brah, let it go... They gots Ward armor...

>> No.21104034

>>21104023

Ya know, we break the mutant with two backs.

>> No.21104036

>>21104023
It's what all those daemons there don't want you to do and it feels almost as good as praying to the Emperor.

>> No.21104038

>>21103423
>Autocannons.
>
>I mean.
>
>We use those on our light troop transports.
Technically "Autocannon" is a VERY broad category. It ranges from a little 20 mil all the way up to what they put on a Pred, which is probably a 75mm or larger.

>> No.21104052

>>21104023
It's when you get knocked prone....aaaaaand like it!

>> No.21104054

>>21104010
Burn? Souls for the Soul Eater?

>> No.21104057

>>21104038

Yeah, but they all hit the same, you know? An autocannon class weapon will tear through a light or even potentiallly medium armor and eats light to medium infantry alive, but it ain't an MBT gun, you know?

Well. In the Guard it's not.

>> No.21104060

>>21104023
my my my....what daemonworld was this pict-capture recovered from praytell? Looks like a roaring good place for The brotherhood to visit.

>> No.21104061

>>21104054
Yes, Karn. Souls for the Soul Eater.

>> No.21104069

>>21104060
Hey buddy, planning to stay for the Grillathon? Karn's here, but you don't need to worry about him. He's really cool when you get to know the guy.

>> No.21104073

>>21104002

awwww I do love Plant genitalia

>> No.21104080

>>21104023
...that The Emperor's Paint Chips aren't good supplementary rations?

>> No.21104090

>>21104034
I don't understand.
>>21104036
You may wish to bother changing your armor before attempting to lie to me, scion of Chaos.
>>21104052
Why would one enjoy losing combat efficiency?

This "getting laid" seems like a waste of time.

>> No.21104094

>>21104027

I've beaten worse.

>> No.21104096

>>21103607
>even if the infantry like to make fun of us treadheads for sitting in tanks all day
Try being an artillerist. Those bloody infantry fuckwits just don't understand the precision that goes into the operation and maintenance of a Basilisk. Not my fault they were too stupid for any job other than serving as a meatshield.

>> No.21104103

>>21104090
No man, I'm being serious here. You're a fucking Grey Knight, we're at least smart enough to know that lying to one of you fucks is pointless.

>> No.21104117

Brothers.

How goes the Crusading?

>> No.21104121

>>21104090
Uh, hold on...I need to research something...

>> No.21104126

>>21104096

Hah, I suppose that's the truth. Me, I got all the respect for our ground-pounding fellow guard, though.

It weren't for their screens and volume of fire, your positions would get overwhelmed and my supply lines would get cut off. They need our firepower to win, we need their protection to work. The river flows both ways, you know?

>> No.21104130

>>21104069
Fine, just keep that hound of Khorne away from me.

What foodstuffs will I be consuming until I cannot walk this evening corsair?

>> No.21104136

>>21104060
Its name is irrelevant, as it was righteously purged in cleansing flame.
>>21104073
The matter is settled, then, I trust?
>>21104080
Be as that may, the Battle Sisters hate the Black Templars.
>>21104103
If daemons did not wish me to do something, I would be taught its use as a tactic.

>> No.21104150

>>21104117
Well

>> No.21104155

>>21104130
Did you just elevate to a Daemon Prince, or have I not noticed? Fuck it, whatever.

We're eating grilled dogs. Like, literal dogs. And a few guys I found dead in an alleyway and covered in semen.

>>21104136
Yeah, you got me there. Hotdog?

>> No.21104162

>>21104130
WHERE IS THE BLOOD I WAS PROMISED?
>>21104061
KILL!

>> No.21104163

>>21104150

Last I heard, there was a WAAAAGH gunning for Deliverance.

But you guys are you! You must've sorted out them green bastards in a hurry.

>> No.21104164

>>21104150
Everyone's on break, so not at all. It's Empmas day, you know.

>> No.21104168

>>21104136
That's too bad.
The BT's can be down-right decent once when Helbrecht's not looking.

>> No.21104177

>>21104162
Don't worry man, I brought Wine. Or maybe it's blood, not really sure.

Actually, it could be ketchup. Whatever.

>> No.21104178

>>21104117
Rumor has it we are about to have a serious bug problem back home.

>> No.21104180

>>21104096
> Those bloody infantry fuckwits just don't understand the precision that goes into the operation and maintenance of a Basilisk. Not my fault they were too stupid for any job other than serving as a meatshield.

I'd show a little respect to your precious feelings if you weren't shelling us every goddamn time the line gets split.

The least you can do is show a little respect to the comrades you're obligated to murder.

>> No.21104191

>>21104164
Really? I didn't know that, I've been-

WAIT A SECOND

WASN'T I JUST FIGHTING YOU GUYS?

>> No.21104195

>>21104155
Hmmm...It has been a while since I last consumed dog Though it was not covered in reproductive secretions before being consumed. Perhaps it will add to it's flavor, I do recommend doing something slightly less spur of the moment next time. Perhaps you could raid one of those rich hiveworlds and bring back something rare.

>> No.21104196

>>21104150
Ignore me!
>>21104121
I would not suggest that.
Ignorance is a virtue.
>>21104155
My Grand Master taught me never to accept food from heretics.
>>21104168
We have allied with them before. Grudgingly.
It was adequate.

>> No.21104202

>>21104057
>they all hit the same
(Only on the table, because GW are too lazy to give two VASTLY different autoguns different stat lines.)

>> No.21104204

So, like, has anyone else wondered why nobody ever called the Emperor out on being a total mutant? Four fucking lungs, two hearts, two livers, acid spit, etc. etc. etc.

Hell, I'd wager the Emperor is actually a full Xeno who's abusing the human race for his own ends. Bastard.

I mean, he's so inhuman that he can't be considered a part of our race. Why is he our boss again?

>> No.21104205

>>21104178
I once tried to show a 'Nid the glory of the Dark God's, actually. Didn't go well. Ended up slicing a bunch of our slaves to bits.

>>21104191
Yes, actually. I was about to engage in single combat with you after killing some of your squadmates, including that guy doing his first engagement as an Assault marine. Empmas day is truly magic.

>> No.21104209

>>21104204
Come enjoy a dog with us. We'll tell you all about the so called Emperor.

>> No.21104216

>>21104180

Hey, it could be worse, groundpounder. At least he's not Imperial Navy, eh?

>> No.21104219

>>21104126
True enough, yeah, but the next time some leg tries to start something in a bar in transit I swear I'm gonna bitchslap him with a Grox cock.
>>21104180
Hey buddy, I just put 'em where the Lord General says to put 'em. You got a problem with that, you let him know.

>> No.21104221

>2012
>not worshipping khorne
I seriously hope you god emperor dick suckers don't do this

>> No.21104222

>>21104209

Fuck no, Chaos Gods aren't any better than the so-called God Emperor.

Humanity was fucked the moment the Emperor conquered it. Never shoulda let him do it. This is what happens when we let filthy mutants take control!

>> No.21104223

>>21104177
BLOOD! I ACHE FOR THE TASTE OF BLOOD!

>> No.21104227

>>21104204
The Space Marines have all of that. The Emperor is not a Space Marine.
Are you retarded or what?

>> No.21104231

>>21104205
I swear, when I get back on the battlefield...
>>21104196
Oh hey, it's the no fun police! How goes the purging of innocents?

>> No.21104232

>>21104204
10,000 years of darkness that you fear.
I for one, welcome it.
sounds
chaotic.

>> No.21104235

>>21104180
>>21104096
Isha's tits, Mon'Keigh be crazy.
You nutty apes must spend more time shooting at each other then anything else.

>> No.21104240

>>21104219

Man, do what I do when people try to start shit in bars. Drinking contests. Saves on reprimands, and if you artillerists are anything like us tankers, you live on rations and engine degreaser anyway.

>> No.21104241

>>21104180
One of those fucking Artillery Nuts dropped a shell half a click from my location once, next thing I saw was my buddies head land next to me. The damn Xeno were FOUR CLICKS in the other direction, learn to aim dammit!

>> No.21104243

>>21104205
Meanwhile, we're flying around in hive ships.
You guys fucking suck.

>> No.21104250

>>21104223
DAMN IT KHARN! YOU BURNT THE FUCKING FOOD!
Keep it under control man.

>> No.21104255

>>21104222
Look man, I'm just offering you a dog is all. Truth be told, you don't actually have to worship the Dark Gods. Frankly, they don't give a shit. Hell, our ship's Captain doesn't even worship them. It's all about freedom, man. It's about making your own path through life.
>>21104223
Help yourself. Mind watching the grill for a minute?

>> No.21104260

>>21104227

>Geneseeds, based on the Primarchs, based on the Emprah's genes

The Emperor is still an eight foot tall manchild and psyker, regardless of whether he has redundant organs or not (he does). He's a fucking mutant.

>> No.21104269

>>21104178
'
Also, one of our neighbors is coming back with a real hard on...

What's his fucking name? Ka-something...

>> No.21104277

>>21104243
Oh boy, you guys. Look out everybody, it's the unlife of the party!

>> No.21104278

>>21104231
Innocence proves nothing.
>>21104235
Who was it that had to save your precious soul stones for you, alien? Remind me.

>> No.21104284

>>21104235

It's not our fault the Techmarines won't fix our microwaves! "Not really important," they said. "Better of with nutri-paste," they said!

Fuck 'em, I want my Thronedamned burrito!

>> No.21104291

>>21104250
KILL! KILLLL!
>>21104255
BURN!

>> No.21104295

>>21104260
>hive rat with extra chromosomes calling THE EMPEROR a mutant

The irony is thick.

>> No.21104299

>>21104260
You mean the Primarchs that he genetically engineered?
You heretical babble is cutting off the blood flow to your brain.

>> No.21104305

>>21104278
INNOCENT
CIVILIANS

What about that don't you get? Emprah dammit you're thick...

>> No.21104306

>>21104241
Were they from Armageddon? The artillery guys, I mean. Those old Armageddon-built guns pack a serious whallop, but their accuracy is shit, and they tend to fall short.

>> No.21104308

>>21104278

'Cause they can find Drago, who's been dicking around the Eye of Terror snorting Warp-blow?

Fuck me, Iunno...

>> No.21104315

>>21104299

He based them off of his own genes.

If that's not enough proof for you, look at the goddamn Grey Knights. Their geneseed comes straight from the Emperor himself. Guess what? They get redundant organs!

>>21104295

Never said I was a hive rat.

>> No.21104321

>>21104315
Screw them, man. They don't know shit. The Inquisition keeps everyone in the dark. Did you know there's actually a Chaos God of fighting Chaos? I shit you not, all this crazy fucking purity and shit they got going on created another Chaos god.

>> No.21104322

>>21104269
If the daemon ka-bandha is coming back, well, he has been broken before and he will be broken again.

>> No.21104323

>>21104306
Nah I think the Artillery-spotter sneezed on his binoculars and thought Charlie Company was gooey Orks or somethin'

>> No.21104327

>>21104278
....uh....I'm really stoned, so you might have to remind me.
Look, mutual good blah blah blah. You, whoever You might be. Have been. Were.
Mind wiping, how does it work?
Here's the deal: "you" wouldn't have believed us if we'd sent an envoy to tell your =][= that that accursed Priest had dug up a warp-tainted artifact.
Ulthwe did that once, and that ambassador got shot in his face for his courage.
Lesson learned.
So we went in alone. And Khaine's hand took us by the throat.
...
We're still grateful. Pragmatism counts, even among enemies.

>> No.21104332

>>21104315
Trust me, we can tell.
>>21104321
Hey, buddy, behind you...

>> No.21104334

>>21104277
Chaos is not about "fun". We fight the long war, not through vain notions of duty and honour, but through a far purer purpose: hatred. At the height of our glory we were betrayed and cast out by our kin. Guilliman, Dorn, Sanguinius - these are names I curse. Horus, Perturabo, Angron - these are names I revere, names I would follow to the very end. It is this hatred that has sustained me through the long millennia. I tend it with bitterness. I nurture it with the deaths of my former brothers. For I know that when the end is upon us and Horus is returned, then the false emperor shall be cast down from his sepulchral Golden Throne, and we shall take our rightful place at the side of Horus, the true Emperor of Mankind.

>> No.21104336

>>21104295
What the hell is a "Manchild?"
I don't know much about Mon'Keigh growth cycles, but I'm pretty sure your species doesn't work like that.

>> No.21104338

>>21104278
>Who was it that had to save your precious soul stones for you, alien? Remind me.

Dancing to the tune of the foul xenos, eh Mr. Grey Knight? You thin-blooded Chapter-twats that popped up after the Crusade never cease to amaze me...

>> No.21104344

>>21104336

Let me tell you about a little place back in the second millenium called 4chan...

>> No.21104347

>>21104332
I am getting tired of >>21104321 's heresy. You go low and I'll go high, brother?

>> No.21104348

>>21104322

Bugs on one side, freaks from the beyond on the other...

Good thing I left the Jericho Sector. Sounds like a great welcoming home party.

>> No.21104351

>>21104334
>>21104347
Hey Karn, mind helping a brother out?
>>21104334
You too, Ironman. Put up or shut up.

>> No.21104352

>>21104315
No one knows about the Grey Knights except their enemies.

I didn't know they laid cable in the Warp, demon.

>> No.21104355

>>21104334
....wow. That's....terrifying.

And remarkably like how an Exarch talks.
Totally locked into a destiny soaked with blood from start to end, for reasons utterly pure in their devotion to burning hatred and an eternal, undimming grudge.

>> No.21104360

>>21104355
Kinda reminds you of someone, huh?

>> No.21104363

>>21104305
The weak will always be led by the strong. Where the strong see purpose and act, the weak follow; where the strong cry out against fate, the weak bow their heads and succumb. There are many who are weak; and many are their temptations. Despise the weak for they shall flock to the call of the Daemon and the Renegade. Pity them not and scorn their cries of innocence - it is better that one hundred innocently fall before the wrath of the Emperor than one kneels before the Daemon.
-The First Book of Indoctrinations
>>21104308
I will NOT hear you speak ill of Supreme Grand Master Draigo in my presence, understood?
>>21104327
It was not done for your sake, but we would not see Slaanesh fed for any price.
>>21104338
The Eldar Harlequins have done much to fight the foul daemon. They are worthy foes.

>> No.21104366

>>21104352
That's the other function of The Webway.
Freakin' fantastic wireless.
Cegorach was originally our sys-admin.
Then one morning he just started laughing.
And the passwords started to get weird.

>> No.21104368

>>21104347
I'm already there. Bring your plasma, I'll bring the lightning claws.

>> No.21104369

>>21104334

Enjoy those long millenia of warfare.

I enjoy frying the asses of those like you with massive firepower fired from my tank's plasma cannons.

You guys die pretty quick to that, you know that?

>> No.21104376

>>21104352

>Nobody knows them hurr

Just one more bit of retarded fluff to try to justify GK being complete dicks to everyone and make it seem like it's totally valid and moral.

>> No.21104380

>>21104366
Say, do you guys have wi-fi on your ships? Because I'm picking up some weird networks. One of them is in these fucked up runes that I can't read. It pissed me off and I accidentally ripped the spine out of one of our sla- I mean interns.

>> No.21104383

>>21103495
Just like the Space Wolves did?

Oh fucking wait.

>> No.21104387

>>21104360
We know things about Hatred only beings like him can begin to understand.
When Khaine walks our rancor dims the galaxy.

>> No.21104390

>>21104363

Here's a thought, greyboy; Make me.

Least I don't murder anyone who sees my red-and-gold ass on the grounds of "Secrecy". Least I didn't murder anyone who fought on my side during the First Armageddon War...

>>21104355

I heard Perty over there dicked over some of his own Legion just 'cause they wouldn't play with him during the Heresy..

>> No.21104396

>>21104351
I have no loyalty to you. Enjoy your death.
>>21104355
Eldar. Fragments of a failed, degenerate race. What have you to say that is of practical use to anyone?
>>21104369
We are Iron within and Iron without. We have tanks of our own.

>> No.21104397

>>21104323
Shit man, that... that really sucks. Look, whoever it was that fucked that one up should be flogged 'til he's dead. I've only had to shell a friendly position once in the eighteen months since I joined up. The position was being overrun, the greenskins who were hitting it outnumbered the remaining defenders ten-to-one, it was the only strategically sound decision, but I still have nightmares about it. Look, I'm sorry if I came off as crass, it's just bravado. Like those old jokes about what the Navy guys do on long cruises, y'know. I didn't know. I'm sorry.

>> No.21104398

>>21104387
I uh, I was actually talking about the Big E's buttboys. You guys are cool with me, just for that Slaanesh thing.

>> No.21104399

>>21103564
SW do it.
BA do it.
Both are going strong. So strong they have their own armybooks. Eat a dick, smurf.

>> No.21104407

>>21104380
Oh yeah. Harlequins maintain the encryption, it's cool.
But hey, you can by access time cards in Commoragh.
Just hit a Radio Shriek store, and bring Souls.

>> No.21104408

>>21104363
>The Eldar Harlequins have done much to fight the foul daemon.

No member of that wretched race could ever do enough to make up for their eternal shame. Do you really get kudos for eternally fighting that which your own shortage of character begat?

Don't believe the hype, "cousin".

Now behold my mighty stead, for now I must ride back to my incredible fortress and get some sleep.

>> No.21104409

>>21104368
If it's all the same to you, I'll bring the hammer as well.

>> No.21104421

>>21103737
Because by the time they get in the fight they've been training for several years?

>> No.21104422

So... what happens after the wars are over? Assuming mankind wins, do the remnant space marines just start more fucking wars because that's all they know how to do? Do the primarchs flip out assuming they've returned and aren't dead? Does the Emperor just keep on decaying on his fucking throne?

Why do people think Space Marines are a good thing?

>> No.21104424

>>21104407
Alright, that's what I was wondering. We were considering commencing boarding actions until prepping to commence boarding actions before we noticed that.

>> No.21104438

>>21104390
We do not murder those who see us, else you would be dead.
We "murder" the tainted. This naturally coincides with situations worthy of our presence.
>>21104408
What is done is done. Holding undue animosity to them for their past actions is folly. The true enemy of all creation is Chaos, not xenos. They are a secondary concern.

>> No.21104441

>>21104407
Thought so. We were prepping to board until we noticed that. The hell are you guys doing out here anyways?

>> No.21104442

>>21104422
>In the grim darkness of the far future, there is only war.

Good thing we don't have to worry about that happening any time soon.

>> No.21104445

>>21104422
Because Mankind isn't likely to win?
Its only hope lies in evolution or maybe finding an STC system.

>> No.21104455

THE ROAD TO SALVATION IS PAVED WITH THE SKULLS OF- shit, wrong thread.

>> No.21104457

Excuse me, everyone, but that Red Corsair guy had go away for a long time. He won't be talking anymore.

>> No.21104464

>>21104438

And who calls the shots? Who has the final authority on who's tainted? You and them blackcloaks? Yeah, real fair... Your Captain Aurelian must've been so proud.

Grimnar made the right call.

>> No.21104467

>>21104455
The fuck are you? Is there an all male sect of the SoB or something?
>>21104457
Joke's on you, I'm "cursed" with eternal life.

>> No.21104468

>>21104390
That's a fair parallel.
All Exarches are banished to pocket shrines for the good of all.
They're the Spirit of Murder, the High Priests of Khaine.
_No_one_is safe around them.

>>21104396
Heh heh heh.
Oh, nothing, right? Necron tomb planets? Who cares about that? How about the roots of the Jokaero? Who cares about orange apes who can make plasma grenades out of discarded IG ration packs?
What could an immortal race who've been probing the corners of known reality for millenia have discovered? Or be guarding?
Like, say, an intact Standard Template Construction system?

I'm sure that's all unimportant though.
If there's one thing your great Golden Crusade proved it's that we were just goofing off every time we set up Titans to eternally ward a planet.
Good thing you Mon'Keigh couldn't take no for an answer!
Thing about how great your life of Eternal War is, how liberated you are from Honor, and Fealty, and Glory.
brb, more drugs!

>> No.21104487

>>21104397
Is cool man. We wiped the Orks from their positions 'bout an hour later, Bravo Company put in the report that Charlie did most of the work so most of the dead got posthumously promoted. As sucky as it was, seein' it happen made me push harder t'get away from our Artillery-Boys at least! I'm servin' as a Sergeant in the Armageddon Ork Hunters now cause I fought so hard t'not get shelled. Not a lot of that in the Jungles, just a shitton of Orks

>> No.21104488

>>21104464
Who do you trust? A mere mighty warrior, or scholars of the Daemonic who have studied this threat all of their life?

>> No.21104492

>>21104464
That's ENOUGH, Citizen! Adeptus Arbites, if you come quietly you're looking at life in a Penal Legion, but if you resist... Go ahead. Make my day, creep.

>> No.21104496

>>21104468
None of that matters. What matters is crushing the weakling Imperium to dust.
I personally take great joy in crushing the soulstones of your weakling race.

>> No.21104499

>>21104441
Well, I'm a raider.
I'm hoping to get another Ministorum pilgrim transport that's wandered off a warp corridor by accident.
Some of those "women" things are kinda tasty!
On nom nom, delicious brown Mon'Keigh!

>> No.21104502

>>21104455
Hey, nice armour! Could you come with me for a second?

>> No.21104507

>>21104467
Don't mind us. We were told there were Cygnarans to burn. Guess those fuckers are somewhere else.

>> No.21104515

>>21104464
We do. And we know far more about the Daemonic than any others.

>> No.21104518

>>21104422
This is an important question.
I'm actually somewhat certain of the survival of Humanity.
And no state of survival is eternal. At some point cultural homeostasis will have to happen, and then....what?
Do you even know when you've won?

>> No.21104520

ha ha ha! look at you space marines spitt and joust about like there's not the emporers bidding to do, Yarrick here and we sshhoouulldd all get back to work, just putting it out there

>> No.21104522

>>21104499
What a coincidence! We actually just slaughtered the crew of a pilgrim ship and left it floating. So, you mentioned drugs? Well, in that case, I think we'll resume boarding actions. You should probably prepare to repel, if you catch my drift.

>> No.21104525

>>21104492
Are you der lerw?

>> No.21104528

>>21104502
The fuck are you? Some kind of iron lich?

>> No.21104529

>>21104507
Sonuva Nurgle!
Where the White Armored Women at?!

>> No.21104531

>>21104515
Ahem. I'd say we are a close second, at least.

>> No.21104534

>>21104499
What subsector is this we're talking about, roughly?

>> No.21104539

>>21104525
Sly is not the law. I am the law.

>> No.21104540

>>21104488

The warrior who fought since planetfall and got the measure of those poor idiots who fought for a homeworld that did nothing but tax 'em of every drop of blood and sweat. My choice.

>>21104492

Better with you than clowns like the Gay Knights over there...

S'cool, Judge... I'll go quietly. Though you might have to talk with my captain.

First Astartes in a penal legion. Bet the history books never heard of that. Might be cool...

>> No.21104541

>>21104396

Bring your tanks.

Mine's backed by faith in the Emperor... and a thousand more tanks.

What we can't drown in bodies, we'll drown in iron.

What we can't drown in iron, we'll drown in faith.

Come at me, heretic.

>> No.21104542

>>21104522
It's not a problem, I'm already gone.
And I'm feeeeeeeeeee-eeeelin' strong,
I will sing, I will sing, this victory song:
Goddamn it's good to be a gangsta!

>> No.21104555

>>21104528
Something like that. *throws bag of Mindshackle Scarabs*

Please, step right this way.

>> No.21104570

>>21104534
ERROR 404.
The connection you're looking for isn't there.
-Have you checked the spelling?
-Have you power-cycled your modem?
-HEE HEE HAW HAW HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH -Ceggie.

>> No.21104571

>>21104555
Good thing I've got Hymn of Passage.

>> No.21104572

>>21104531
Well, certainly. You are quite worthy of respect in that regard.
It is still second to ourselves, however.
>>21104540
We do not fight to make friends. We fight to protect the human race from the daemonic. Your weak words betray your craven nature.

>> No.21104587

>>21104464
>Grimnar made the right call.
>Grimnar
>Right

...........

>> No.21104589

>>21104541
hahahaha its funny...
GUARD! i command you to throw MORE bodies, MORE iron, and MORE faith at the enemy of the emperor than these metal colossi

>> No.21104593

Oooh, Cadian girls ain't got no combs
Haul away, haul away!
They brush their hair with mutant bones
And we're bound away for the Eye!
So heave away, me bully boys, bully boys
Heave her up and don't you make a noise
And we're bound away for the Eye!
Cadian girls ain't got no sleds
They slide down the hills on mutant heads!
Cadian girls ain't got no frills
They tie their hair with mutant gills!
Cadian cats ain't got no tails
They lost them all in the northern gales!

>> No.21104594

>>21104572

And your hard words betray a nature that forgot what we're fighting for.

Good talking to you, for what it was worth.

Farewell, brother. May we never meet again, in battle or by His side.

Judge? Shall we?

>> No.21104601

>>21104587

Didn't Magnus get scared just 'cause some furfag threatened to throw a stick at his eye? Again?

Just puttin' it out there...

>> No.21104610

>>21104571
Good, you'll need it for the speculums. I guarantee it will be a pleasurable experience.

Look at all the fun they're having, afterall.

>> No.21104615

>>21104593
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U6dxYka2tRk

Dat some Ace'Op Rock?

>> No.21104617

>>21104541
And ours are backed by iron and hate. I know which I would count on.

>> No.21104622

>>21104615
Sea Shanty

>> No.21104634

>>21104617
(I'm with the insane Mon'Keigh monsters. They're basically the best of Humanity gone completely rotten, and they can chew right thru an ocean of bodies)

>> No.21104641

>>21104594
Nothing that protects humanity can be evil, not even the most strenuous inhumanity. If the human race fails it has failed forever.

May we not meet again. I fear if we do it would be because you were tainted.

>> No.21104645

>>21103737
Ventris mentions that his facial features didn't 'square out' like the majority of marines in the first UltraSMurf book. It's a quirk, like how they etiher make acid spit with that extra organ in their mouths, or their bodies store toxins they've ingested in that organ.

>> No.21104651

>>21104622
Yeah, was kind of an OT stretch.
Crooked had just come up in rotation and I thought it was kinda /tg/.
Been fun though! Good light rp.

>> No.21104652

>>21104601
>That is just a huge pile of fucking bullshit sweet unholy Tzeentch where did this guy even get schooled. This ignorance wouldn't have flew back in Tizca I fucking swear.

...............

>> No.21104655

>>21104617
>>21104634
that must be a purtty mouth

>> No.21104664

>>21104150
Well what? Who needs to report in from patrol.

>> No.21104667

>>21104652

I don't hear what really happened... Man, did this party suck...

>> No.21104672

>>21104634
Good to know your kind is not completely moronic.
>>21104655
Extremely. Why don't you come over here and try me?

>> No.21104673

>>21104655
Pretty mouth?
Priorities, Mon'Keigh, priorities.
I like it with the helmet on.

>> No.21104676

>>21104610
You know, a priest tried the same thing with me, only it was candy. He got wracked for fifty straight days. Ahh, good times.

Anyways, has anyone seen any Cygnarans? They wear blue, have stupid hair, would rather sit on a hill and plink away with pussy guns rather than deliver the Lawgiver's justice in person?

>> No.21104692

>>21104672
Please.
The day the "Hamburger of the Emperor" stops pouring itself down The Lord of Hate's throat is your Screaming Lord is overtaken by She Who Thirsts.
You have no idea how much of a favor they do your infernal patrons.
Maybe that delightfully wry Gray Knight will come and explain it...

>> No.21104695

>>21104673
Tell me more, I'm almost there.

>> No.21104696

>>21104673
Just so you know, Slaanesh made my dick work again.

>> No.21104709

>>21104672
>>21104673
a mask party eehhh? mind if a psycho guardsmen joins in//

>> No.21104710

>>21104695
>>21104696
Well, you've heard of the infamous Trap Marine, right?
What a clever concept! The obvious is such a potent weapon.

>> No.21104715

>>21104676
Why yes, I have. He's right through there. I captured him for you, several in fact but one specimen towers above all, a giant in armour. *points at disguised stasis chamber*

>> No.21104728

>>21104692
The Blood God is indeed the strongest of all the gods.
However, Slaanesh is the weakest by far, and holds little hope of ever being the strongest, no matter how power waxes and wanes. That s/he is your spawn says a great deal about you Eldar to me, personally.

>> No.21104733

>>21104715
Again. Not falling for that one. That's an ogrun you put in some very funny-looking armor though.

>> No.21104780

>>21104728
Don't fret, I won't take that judgement personally from someone who doesn't understand the merit of getting laid.
We can still unwillingly cooperate.

>>21104695
Here's a quandry: to make you die and stay dead the warrior who strikes you down must take no pleasure from the deed at all, right?
Where would someone, Mon'Keigh or otherwise, find a being with kind of "superhuman" self-discipline paired to equal martial skill?
I'm sure no Human could manage the feat, but maybe you've been fishing in the shallow end of the galaxy for too long.

Maybe Mon'Keigh like overmuch to believe an enemy that runs is one who've lost their will to fight?
I think so. I think Mon'Keigh of all allegiances overvalue believing first and thinking second.

Does that just make you want to...scream!?

>> No.21104791

>> No.21104795

>>21104733
Well, better luck next time. Maybe I can pass myself off as that Asphyxious fellow.. Those big machines looks fabulous.

>> No.21104802

>>21104780
Even Eldar take satisfaction from the death of one such as I.
Trust me, I know from personal experience. One of my fondest memories, in fact.

>> No.21104813

>>21104795
If you want to nab yourself a couple of bane thralls, be my guest. Saves me the Menoth's Fury I have to waste to burn the bastards.

>> No.21104821

>>21104780
I still do not understand what this "getting laid" is, nor why it is supposedly worthy of merit. I will admit to some confusion.

>> No.21104822

>>21104780
No pleasure, pride, or satisfaction.

And, to be frank, Slaanesh would likely just bring him back anyway. He's too perfect a champion.

>> No.21104834

>>21104780
I still do not understand what this "getting laid" is, nor why it is supposedly worthy of merit. I will admit to some confusion.

>> No.21104846

>>21104822
I never got this.. Stitched skin/face capes.

So do particular Chaos Marines do embroidery while in warp transition or something? I figure it's hard to tread a needle properly when your table is trying to lick your anus.

>> No.21104847

>>21104821
It's the driving motivation of your species, Mon'Keigh!
It's....even your most devout of zealots does....
....
Never mind, I'll cease trying to dillute your faith with my xenos trickery.

May your bolts always strike the warp-tainted true, and thanks again for the soulstones.

>> No.21104849

>>21104813
herp derp, a game based more on luck than strategy. What is equivalent to playing craps w/ minis.

>> No.21104852

Hey guys, wh40k noob here
I havent played the tabletop, but i have purged legions of xenos scum in space marine, and i know quite a bit about the game lorewise
Is the actual game worth getting into?
And are necrons as gay and op as everyone says?

>> No.21104859

>>21104847
The driving motivation of my species is faith, xenos. I would not expect you to understand that.

>> No.21104861

>>21104849
Ehhh, what. Who let this killjoy in?

>> No.21104864

>>21104822
Well yes, but we finally get a new Codex maybe we'll get to win a few battles for a change.
Perhaps we could even defend a Craftworld _without_ it suffering catastrophic damage in the process!
Ha ha.
Even a Farseer wouldn't predict that.

Stupid Mon'Keigh plot armor. It's just not fair.

>> No.21104871

>>21104864
Don't make us kill another one, alien.

>> No.21104880

>>21104859
This, oh gloomy Grey golem, is my faith.
I'll let you puzzle out the rest.

>> No.21104883

>>21104859
You tell no lie. After all, the Corpse Falsegod managed to trick the entire Imperium into worshiping him, damning each and every one to a bloody and inevitable death or enslavement at the hands of the Black Legion.

>>21104864
You tempt Slaanesh. Continue.

>> No.21104884

>>21104846
I'd hate to burst your bubble kid, but up until Uncle Sam decided the US military needed to have completely idiot proof velcro uniforms, sewing has been a manly profession since the dawn of the country.

its the serviceman's responsibility to mend his uniforms and needle up his stars and bars in the field if he receives a field promotion.

marines can't just sew, they're fucking gangbusters at sewing, and they've been doing it since 1776. Do you have any idea how fucking good they've gotten at it over the course of 40,000 years, especially those guys who've been doing it for 10,000 of those years, in the warp, where time doesn't matter?

I'll tell you how fuckin good they are at it. Fabius Bile's tailor is a god damn demon prince of Slaanesh. That bitch can stitch.

>> No.21104890

>>21104871
I...I don't even care.
*sniff*

>> No.21104899

To many Xenos around. Time to start Cleansing.

>> No.21104902

>>21104883
What?

>> No.21104904

>>21104880
Your faith... is a dead Farseer? You aliens speak in riddles.
>>21104883
Blind faith is a just cause.

>> No.21104913

This thread needs to be archived.

>> No.21104916

>>21104890
If you don't shut up, I'll kill your Avatar again and trap you behind your own defenses.

>> No.21104919

>>21104902
Nothing. Continue your filthy Xeno's tempting, I will merely be here contacting some Daemonettes.

>>21104904
Your 'faith' is as empty and blind as the very corpse god you follow. It is worth nothing but a painful death.

>> No.21104923

>>21104899
nope... i call exterminatus

>> No.21104932

>>21104923
agreed... the xenos are.... talking back... it bothers me

>> No.21104934

>>21104919
Without the Dark, there can be no Light,
We have purpose
Without the Lie, there can be no Truth,
We have purpose
Without the War, there can be no Victory,
We have purpose
Without the Death, there can be no sacrifice,
We have purpose
Without the Hope there can be no Future,
We have purpose
Without the Loyalty there can be no one chapter,
We have purpose
Without the Emperor, there is nothing,...
And we would have no purpose

>> No.21104936

It's like it's Stehl Raining Mon'Keigh wierdos.
I'm out, enjoy your ten-thousand years of darkness, and watch out for those Iron Warrior things.
They look pissed!

>> No.21104949

>>21104919
<3

>> No.21104955

>>21104936
Iron Within! Iron Without!

>> No.21104960

>>21104934
Yes, keep up your weak minded blathering, it will never drown out the doubt in your mind, for you know that the Imperium is bloated, corrupt, and utterly anathema to mankind.

>>21104949
I will never understand the Xenos filth. Enjoy Slaanesh.

>>21104955
Ah, an Iron Warrior. Competent, if nothing else.

>> No.21104963

>>21104949

>> No.21104967

>>21104960
We had Power Feet before it was cool.

>> No.21104981

>>21104960
Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of the daemon, I shall fear nothing. For I am what the daemon fears.

Doubt is a sign of weakness. I have none.

>> No.21104998

>>21104960
Feel free to bring your own artillery to the next Black Crusade, then, for you can count us out.

>> No.21105011

>>21104981
>For I am what the Daemon fears
Amusing. No, you are what it hungers for. Purity, to be corrupted.

>Doubt is a sign of weakness. I have none.
Oh, correct, I forgot, your bones ignite if you are corrupted. Of COURSE you have no doubt, you are a brain blasted monster with less free will than a Servitor, worthy of nothing but death. Worry not, the beasts that did this to you will earn a painful fate at the hands of I and my masters.

>>21104998
Oh? So you are now going to give up on the only chance your legion has to again assault the Imperial Palace? Has the flames of your hate worn so dim? We may give small insults, but we offer the blood of Imperial Fists.

>> No.21105029

>>21104967
>>21104955
>>21104960
>>21104934
>>21104932
OHY dem squishy gitz and dem metal humiz fink dare better den us.....

>> No.21105045

>>21105011
No Grey Knight has ever been corrupted, and none ever shall.
A slave to the dark powers such as yourself would not understand such an idea.

>> No.21105062

>>21105011
So you were responsible for the Iron Cage, were you? Apologies, I did not know.
We will fight in your wretched Crusade, but we will not take orders from your failure of a commander. We have leaders of our own.

>> No.21105068

>>21105045
Tell that to the Knights that decided to cut open Sisters of Battle, because they were not holy enough to fight some Demons.

>> No.21105081

>>21105045
>None have ever been corrupted.
Incorrect. The Tomb of Forgotten Miseries recounts several of your brother's fates once awakened to their horrible destiny. Each of them exploded into flame immediately, courtesy of the slave emblems written on your very bones.

You are no man. You are merely an armor clad slave.

>>21105062
No, I spoke of the Siege of Terra and massacre, when Horus himself gave you the chance to siege Terra (and its Dorn made defenses) itself.

And our 'failure' of a Warmaster has, in his many profitable crusades, done far more than Perturbo, who has done a very good job of playing siege on his Daemon World for the past 10,000 years.

The 13th goes well. Cadia has all but fallen. The Eye shall extend to the Segmentum Solar. Our final assault is near. We must unite to burn the loyalist scum to ashes.

>> No.21105116

>>21105081
>>21105081
cadia never falls...................... ever..

trust me, i'v seen some shit

>> No.21105125

>>21105081
>The Tomb of Forgotten Miseries recounts several of your brother's fates once awakened to their horrible destiny. Each of them exploded into flame immediately, courtesy of the slave emblems written on your very bones.

Is this an actual fluff thing? Just askin'

>> No.21105129

>>21105116
All Xenos fall before us Sir

>> No.21105135

>>21105068
We are not immune to the weaponry of Chaos, scum. They were. The Sisters died as martyrs and allowed us to purify the land.
>>21105081
Your lies compound upon your heresies.
The loyal servant learns to love the lash. I have purpose. You do not. You are a pawn of Chaos, and worthy of only pity.

Praise the Emperor for his sacrifice,
as He endures so shall we.
We who are Hunters of Daemons,
shall strive in his name eternally.

>> No.21105144

>>21105116
The vast majority of Cadia is held in our grasp, illiterate slave of the False Emperor. The rest of the Cadian Gate has enjoyed our attention, and suffers for it. Nothing will stop the Despoiler.

>>21105125
>The Tome, which I misspelled due to it being early, definitely isn't, but I believe several Brothers may have fallen, but nothing came of it due to the whole 'instantly incinerating bone-runes'. I cannot give sources, however, so take it with serious salt.

>>21105129
I am more a man than you, indoctrinated slavewarrior.

>> No.21105153

>>21105144
I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how Awesome the Guard is.

>> No.21105157

>>21105081
Our loyalty is to Horus and to our primarch, not to your leader.
We fight the lapdogs of the False Emperor despite you, not because of you. Find us a way OFF of Cadia, or we will do it ourselves.

>> No.21105164

>>21105129
>
of course my boy... weather its the pounding of our boot or the crash of our shells, none can stand against the imperium

>> No.21105173

>>21105135
Sacrifice is a potent tool of sorcery. I am not surprised you know this, given that you use the methods of Chaos. Frankly, at times I wonder if you are merely a deluded Tzeentchi cult...

>>21105153
Oh, I do not doubt the courage of mankind. I would not be fighting for its salvation if I did. But you serve the wrong master. A shame, the guard units that have turned to the true Gods of Man have proven so useful.

>>21105157
The Despoiler is the heir of Horus. Do not doubt this. The Imperium must fall, and Chaos has chosen Abaddon to lead the effort. But I do not ask for your loyalty, I ask that you cooperate and kill more slavedogs.

>> No.21105180

>>21105153
good man

>> No.21105187

>>21105144
>>21105173
im not to sure i like your tone...

>> No.21105198

>>21105173
Abaddon is the usurper of Horus, not his heir.
I saw Horus in action. I have fought the Long War. Abaddon is a pale imitation of his glory.
The loyalist filth holds the skies. Find us a way off of this accursed world so we may slaughter the weakling sons of Dorn, or we will do it by ourselves.

>> No.21105209

>>21105129
>>21105153
>>21105187
there is a very special commissar for all of you fine men

>> No.21105217

>>21105187
Of course you do not. It goes against every lie you have been taught. But do not fear, mighty guardsman, in time, you will find that the Gods are ever so kind to those that know them. Trust in Chaos. Embrace their love. Kill your oppressor.

>>21105198
It will be done, Iron Warrior. Have the patience you are so known for. The wait will not be long, and in the mean time you have the chance to kill the slaves of the Imperium in a siege battle.

>> No.21105242

>>21105173
We know much of sorcery. We do not discriminate in our weapons against Chaos, and we know our foe well.

We the Order of the Hammer,
shall delve into the Dark Shadows.
We shall seek out the Tainted,
we shall pursue the Vilest Evil.

>> No.21105252

>>21105242
Indeed. And that is why you will die, one day. At our hands, or at the hands of the Imperials you butcher for your safety.

>> No.21105253

>>21105217
See that it is. The Emperor's bootlicks here are all but defeated. Very soon, we will have nothing to fight but each other.

>> No.21105257

>>21105217
what? no.

>> No.21105263

>>21105252
It is we who stand guard,
our Eternal Watch shall not fail.
For we are the Ordo Malleus!

We will not die so long as the Emperor endures. This I can promise you.

>> No.21105268

>>21105263
That is a promise I will keep you to. Very soon indeed.

>> No.21105274

>>21105164
>>21105180
Our foes may be powered by the darkness of Chaos, fueled with bloodlust that could see them kill entire systems, armed with weapons that punch a whole through a fully armored mans chest. But we will fight, we will hold the line, and when they grow weary, when their weapons fail them, we will be upon them like a great Tide of Vengeance, and our foes will know the Emperor watches over us, and with his strength we crush them and turn them back into the Abyss from what they sprang.

>> No.21105295

>>21105268
I look forward to proving it. The lost and the damned inevitably fall before our might.

We Grey Knights are the Hammers,
we slay the Darkness without fear.
Founded in great mystery we were,
Chapter six hundred and sixty six.

Though on Titan we be hidden,
yet our eyes encompass the Galaxy.
No Devil shall elude our gaze,
no Daemon shall elude its Fate.

We shall be the Keepers Immortal,
all Secrets shall be our Knowledge.
We are the Guardians of Mankind!

>> No.21105296

>>21105274
We do not weary. Our weapons do not fail.

But I appreciate your fervor. It has that... vital quality that the Slave Marines lack. I will look forward to seeing you, warrior, when you bring me the eyes of your commander.

>> No.21105309

>>21105296
I look forward to sticking my Hellgun where your Rectum should be and giving you a Laser Enema, chaos scum

>> No.21105320

>>21105295
>We will not die so long as the Emperor endures. This I can promise you.
This is the promise. It may be true. You will die when the Emperor does.

His death comes, slave, and the Despoiler brings with him the salvation of mankind that you have so zealously fought against. Your slavestate will fall, despite its current maddened flailings.

>>21105309
Ah, such passion...

I look forward to our meeting with glee. It will as when Ollianus Pius came before the Warmaster, and offer him his sword.

>> No.21105342

>>21105320
Saint Pius had Balls of Adamantium, yeah he delivered his sword; right into Horus' face.

>> No.21105344

>>21105320
The End Times will come, this I know. But we shall overcome as we always have, for we are the Ordo Malleus.

>> No.21105371

>>21105342
Ah, I see you believe the lies of the Imperium. Pius is a saint, yes, in the Warp, where he has received his reward. He swore his eternal loyalty to Horus, and had been the one to scatter the teleportation parties. The Emperor, faced with the truth of Mankind's understanding of his deception, struck slew Ollianus, and Horus was distracted by the loss of such a warrior.

>>21105344
What an amusing thought. How many 'End Times' have you stopped, slave? The Imperium's fall is not the end, it is the beginning. A beginning that should have happened 10,000 years ago. Your enslavement of mankind will not last.

>> No.21105392

>>21105371
Pius bought the Emperor time, to save us all from the blackness of Chaos. He did what us Guardsman do best, he died holding the fucking Line. If he can stand up to a veritable Demigod of Chaos, us Guard can stand up to wusses like you.

>> No.21105401

>>21105371
Stopped? No, it will not be stopped.
There will come a great reckoning. The Prognosticars are certain of this. But I have faith that we shall overcome, and my faith will not be shaken.

>> No.21105409

>>21105392
Pius' death showed the Emperor's ultimate cruelty. He cared nothing for Mankind, only his own power.

>>21105401
Then you are a fool. Your death will come, as it does to all fools.

>> No.21105418

>>21105409
One day, you will die at the hands of a warrior much like myself. And when you die, your soul will become the plaything of thirsting gods.
Let that thought take you to oblivion.

>> No.21105423

>>21104363

nah he's cool bro he's my main warp blow hookup.
you should really check this place out mang, eye of terror is the tits.
They got warp blow, Nurgleweed, heaps of hottie skanks, and theres a 7-11 on every corner with a slushie machine bro!

>> No.21105440

>>21105418
If I must die at the hands of slaves for the salvation of Mankind, I will.

But then, the Gods protect those that enact their will.

>>21105423
Can anyone else agree that this man must die? He is the biggest liar in the Eye and Doomrider will NOT stop whining about him stealing his Hookers and Blow Dimension.

>> No.21105445

>>21105409
Pius' death showed everyone the strength a single man can possess. Which you will see when the forces of the Imperium come down upon you with righteous fury. Especially that Ordo Malleus guy that has been talking, you really pissed him off.

>> No.21105447

>>21105423
Cease your lies, daemonic doppelganger. Draigo endures despite being assailed by all the daemons of the Warp, and one day, he will return.

>> No.21105450

>>21105440
I am completely down with that guy dying though

>> No.21105456

>>21105440
The gods care nothing for you or anyone else. For all your talk of freedom, you are their slave.
You are free to try to kill Supreme Grand Master Kaldor Draigo, though. In fact, I encourage you to try.

>> No.21105474

>>21105445
Pius showed that Man can stand against the False Emperor's deceptions and rise up. And were I 'you', I would worry more about the fact that the entire Eye of Terror will expand all the way to the Segmentum Solar within the decade. It will not be the Imperium that strikes.

And I do not fear slaves in tin.

>>21105456
No, I will not go NEAR that fool, I do not want to end up in the hallucinogenic nightmare joke that is his existence. The last time I encountered Draigo I woke up in a squig, in a Warboss, hiding in a Tyranid Bio-Titan. He is madness incarnate, and you do not trifle with that without great caution.

And the Gods care for me far more than your Emperor and Lords care for you, statistic that you are.

>> No.21105488

>>21105474
Except that oddly enough, time seems to stand almost completely still and nothing actually gets expanded or moved forward in any significant way... Strange.

>> No.21105489

>>21105474
So you do fear at least one "slave in tin", then.
Not so certain your gods will protect you, then?

>> No.21105504

>>21105489
Draigo is no tin slave. What he is, I cannot say, but calling him a Grey Knight, or even a man is not something I'd do. More a Daemon of some type, a joke of Tzneetch or Khorne.

>>21105488
Yes, that is rather odd, isn't it? I feel like I've been waging this Crusade for decades longer than I have...

>> No.21105506

>>21105504
Tzeentch I mean. This damned audio-typer is not the most reliable. Shows what happens when you rely on looted Imperial gear.

>> No.21105526

>>21105504
Draigo is the greatest of all Grey Knights.
You should be proud, you lie like a daemon.

>> No.21105544

>>21105526
If Draigo is a man then the Dark Angels are a stable, sane group of marines with absolutely no dark secrets at all.

He has spent centuries in the Warp itself. He has traveled to the dens of the Gods. He has warred directly beneath the Gaze of Khorne. Look at your own records, at the sorcery of the Grey Knights, and realize that he cannot have stood. I believe his the very embodiment of the fury god Malice, who drives the faithful of Chaos mad with rage and strikes against the true Gods that he belongs to.

>> No.21105550

>>21105504
It's almost as if... someone is unwilling to move the Galaxy forward, so they can continue rolling in some type of green paper and not have to think.

>> No.21105567

>>21105544
The Dark Angels are stalwart servant of the Emperor. Draigo is more than a man, he is a legend.
He has stood unbowed by the depredations of Chaos, and returns to us periodically, still unbowed.

The daemonic are without number, and their legions span the galaxy. But faith does not tire. Should it take us an eternity, the Ordo Malleus will find and exterminate them all.

>> No.21105568

>>21105550
Indeed. Like some sort of vile Stasis has seized the Galaxy, keeping it from coming to the glorious climax that the Gods have promised. Whatever is behind it, they cannot be allowed to keep Chaos from its victory.

>> No.21105577

>>21105567
Look within your own ranks for treachery, blind slave, and realize the pitiful, hypocritical joke that is the Imperium.

>> No.21105586

>>21105577
There is no treachery in the Grey Knights.
None has ever fallen, and none will ever fall. If our purity seems impossible to a pawn of the Dark Gods such as yourself, that simply proves your weakness.

>> No.21105602

>>21105586
Do you know what cannot be 'corrupted'? Those already sworn to it. Think on that, when you hear of these warriors that can somehow resist the lure of the Gods that recruited the very children of the Emperor themselves, including the greatest and more loyal of them.

>>
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