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[ERROR] No.20965984 [DELETED]  [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Let this be a cautionary tale to always carry some Detox on you. It's the simple things that make the difference. In Squat Crusade: The Musical, the players are some of the last Squats in the galaxy, having narrowly escaped the destruction of the Homeworlds. Their objective is to rebuild their race (because 6e says it's okay), but they must deal with a hostile galaxy, enemies who would see them burn, and their own ineptitude.

Philip Ragebeard, Warlord
Mortimer the Lazy, Hearthguard
Kim Il Sung, Guild Pilot
Engineer Velm, Guild Engineer

Welcome to Squat Crusade: The Musical.

>> No.20966001

The Brotherhood, now content with the fact that they will not starve, return to Vectis Station to repair and rearm. The establishment of Hylios as an Agri-Center will allow the Brotherhood to feed their numerous Squat Holds across the Sector. Or at least, it would, if the Brotherhood had remembered one thing...

Before they could remember, the vox line opens, and Cpt. Brenner requests the Brotherhood's presence at O'Malley's Bar and Grill.

>> No.20966020


"Good to see you, Warlord." states Cpt. Brenner.
"What's wrong?" asks Ragebeard.
"Simply put, while we have an agri-world, we have no way of shipping our food to our various holds. In addition, each hold will require defenses and armaments we simply cannot provide from here," explains Cpt. Brenner.
"So we need to establish supply lines, and supplies." states Morty.
"Correct," states Cpt. Brenner.
"Do you have any suggestions?" asks Sung.
"Actually, consider the world of Deleator," replies Cpt. Brenner, "I'm told the people there can manufacture fine weaponry and supplies, though may need some convincing."
"Right then, We depart tomorrow," declares Ragebeard, who requests a heavy one from O'Malley.
"Pack warmly," says Cpt. Brenner.

>> No.20966075

Ragebeard orders Sung to work on upgrades and weapons, but Sung disobeys orders to research more on Deleator. Sung determines it is an icy feudal garden world, with high gravity. The steel age villages have ties to the Inquisition, and are divided into warring nations. Ragebeard, noting that almost no work has been done, is furious to find Sung not doing his job, and gives Morty an on-the-spot promotion to First Officer, granting him almost as much power as Ragebeard himself. Sung, angrily, begins upgrading weaponry. The following day, the Brotherhood's Fleet moves out, towards Deleator.

But nothing can ever go peacefully.

>> No.20966109

Sung gets a weird feeling, and stops the Bearded Fury.
"Why did we stop?" asks Velm.

Her question is answered as a Cairn-class tombship disengages inertia-less drives and holds position dead ahead. Flashes of green light startle the players, as they turn around to see a squad of Lychguard, Hyperphase Swords and Dispersion shields at the ready. The silence is deafening.

"I don't suppose you're here for friendly terms?" states Ragebeard, addressing the Lychguard.

The Lychguard step to the side, facing each other, as another pair of flashes indicate new arrivals.

"WHY HELLO THERE, TINY ENFLESHED! HOW ARE YOU DOING?" says the ever-affable Phaeron Ramsestron.

>> No.20966123


"Things could go better," replies Morty.
"Exhausted, My Phaeron, please stop playing with the primitive races." sighs Cryptek Thutmosis2000.
"The Tesseract Labyrinth?" asks Velm, "I suppose it would if we knew how it worked."
"Uh, no." says Velm.
"Amused, you forgot to give them the instructions, my Phaeron," says Thutmosis2000, "Let it be proclaimed the Tonal Architect is as generous as he is forgetful."
"WELL THEN...HERE!" Ramsestron yells as he holds out an ancient spess-papyrus scroll.
"We...can't read this..." says Velm, looking disappointedly at the scroll.
"Sarcastically, I believe the term the Enfleshed use is 'Whipping Bitch.'"
"I'm gonna regret this..." sighs Ragebeard, stepping forward.

>> No.20966184

>Just for 30 seconds or so.

Phaeron Ramsestron extends his arms, and from the thunder and energy produces a living metal synthesizer. Ragebeard finds himself drawn up in a flood of strange energy, coursing through his scarred form as Ramsestron drops a phat beat. Thutmosis2000 monitors the situation as Ragebeard feels the entirety of the Necron Language forced directly into his mind, in a way only he can understand. As Ramsestron finishes the rhythm, Ragebeard drops to the ground, a smoking wreck.

"Yeah..." stutters Ragebeard, as Velm holds the scroll in front of him, expecting a translation.

As Ramsestron and Thutmosis2000 phase out, Sung realizes something.
"Dammit, I forgot to ask him about Sigma Harmonics!"

>> No.20966197

I've been waiting for this for..so long. Shas', you are truly a god amongst men.

...haven't missed any threads have i?

>> No.20966218

Ragebeard takes an hour to perform the translation, and orders the Fleet into the warp. The warp trip over is actually quite surprisingly calm. Morty stands over Sung, ensuring he works as he's supposed to, upgrading the team's weaponry. Meanwhile, Ragebead begins combing the archives to see if there was anything Sung missed. He determines that the world provides Spess Mehreen initiates and guardsmen, the native Vikings proving to be loyal servants of the Emprah, and that it is advisable to prove one-self to them before they will negotiate. He also finds a large amount of trash information that he must sift through. Deleator has no jungles, dammit!

Arriving in orbit over Deleator, Velm performs an augur sweep, detecting multiple small villages and few large towns. Picking one at random, the Brotherhood embarks upon the Kirov, and descends into a Coniferous forest. Jumping into the Termite, the Brotherhood makes their way toward the large town, surrounded by a palisade. Upon reaching it, they disembark and begin negotiations.

>> No.20966248

"Hail!" yells Ragebeard.
A viking sticks his head over the gatehouse ramparts.
"What?" asks the Viking.
"We come bearing gifts!"
"What kind of gifts?"
"We got food! What else you got?"
"Is there someone else we can speak to? Someone in charge?"
A second viking sticks his head over.
"Do they bring women?" asks the second.
The first viking slaps him, and points at Velm.
"Never mind about the women!"
"We have beer."

The doors open.
"...wow." mutters Velm angrily.

>> No.20966293

>spess egyptians

>> No.20966298

The Brotherhood continue down a main road, past numerous smaller houses, until they reach the Jarl's Longhouse. Entering, they see one of the Vikings from the palisade sitting in the throne of the Jarl.

"You said you brought gifts..." says the Jarl.
"Ragebeard produces a bottle of O'Malley's Finest, and passes it to the Jarl.
"Hmm...this is good!" declares the Jarl, "So, what do you want?"
"We were told you could produce arms and equipment." states Morty.
"The finest!" says the Jarl.
"Even starships?" asks Sung.
"The Skyfathers declare our work quite fine!" says the Jarl.
"Well then, can you make us stuff?" asks Velm.
"Hmm..." The Jarl convenes with his Thanes for a moment, but then turns to the players.
"VERY WELL!" says the Jarl, "To prove yourselves worthy, you must undertake...a quest!"
"A Quest?" asks Ragebeard excitedly, his beard beginning to grow.
"A Quest!" says the Jarl.
"A Quest!" yells Morty.
"A Quest!" replies the Jarl.
"What kind of quest?" asks Ragebeard.

-Collect 5 Snow Moose Pelts
+Kill 10 Snow Moose (Optional Objective)
-Slay the Badass Snow Moose

"Accept Quest Y/N?" asks the Jarl.
"You have got to be kidding..." says Ragebeard.
"You got it!" interjects Morty.
"Wonderful!" exclaims the Jarl, "Party hard tonight, for tomorrow your quest begins!"

>> No.20966339

Ragebeard and Sung get completely hammered, while Morty engages in tests of strength with some of the Vikings. Velm decides to turn in early, and notices something strange about her room. It shouldn't be bathed in blue light like that.

"Got a selection of good things on sale, stranger..."

Ragebeard drunkenly stumbles forward and acquires a box of Beamer Meltaguns for everyone, though he is content with his Model K's. Morty acquires good-quality MIUs for everyone. Sung acquires Cranial Armor for everyone. Velm picks up some pain wards, so everyone can avoid stunning and other negative effects. While Ragebeard and Morty advised other essential equipment, like advanced medkits and medical supplies, they ultimately gave in to Sung's whining, and as a team, they acquire Hexagrammatic Wards for their light Exo-Armor.

"Heh heh heh, thank you!" says the Merchant as he steps into a closet and vanishes.

>If only they knew...

>> No.20966358

The following day, as Ragebeard and Sung recover from a Hangover, Morty enthusiastically leads the hunt. With his tracking skills finely honed from his time as a mercenary bounty hunter, Morty searches out Snow Moose tracks, while Velm follows up with an auspex sweep. Unfortunately, only Morty knows how to properly hunt game, and Ragebeard and Sung decide to help by driving the Termite headlong into a crowd of moose. While they can get one Snow Moose down, the rest scatter. The Snow Moose drops its pelt, and the Brotherhood continues on, wisely deciding to let Morty lead the hunt. After Morty discovers more tracks, and Velm locks the positions with her auspex, the Brotherhood decide a different tactic. Ragebeard triggers his jetpack, and will attempt to herd the Moose together into the waiting guns of Sung, Velm, and Morty.

But they failed to realize what type of moose they are dealing with.

>> No.20966381


Morty and Velm get into position, while Sung sneaks forward. Ragebeard begins his sweep around, landing behind the group of five Snow Moose. Instead of scaring them, however, this only seeks to enrage them. Sung is forced to dodge out of the way of razor-sharp goring horns, while Ragebeard narrowly avoids the Snow Moose's poison stinger. Morty and Velm come under fire from another Snow Moose's fiery breath weapon. After a tense struggle, the Brotherhood finally down the Snow Moose only to realize, to their horror, only three of the five Snow Moose dropped their pelts. They still need one more.

>> No.20966419

Heading once more into the woods, the Brotherhood find another group of Snow Moose nesting. Deciding on a shock and awe alpha strike, the Brotherhood manage to successfully down 4 of the 5 Snow Moose in a surprise round. The last goes down in a hail of melta and revolver fire. The Brotherhood collect their pelts, and realize they have completed a primary and secondary objective. All that's left is the Badass Snow Moose.

>> No.20966430

Following a set of tracks far larger than most, the Brotherhood comes up to a large lake. Auspex shows SOMETHING is down there. And is it ever.

The immense form of the Badass Snow Moose rises out of the water. It roars, spreading fire and flame everywhere. This is absolutely fucking terrifying, and Sung and Velm break fear and begin to run.

"INCOMING BADASS!" yells Morty.

"Warlord!" says the voice of Rockfist Fearengine over the vox, "We're sending support!"

What seems to be a small drop pod is shot through the sky, and sinks through the water.

>> No.20966459


Alongside Ragebeard and Morty flops a carp onto the beach. Its tiny beady eyes, full of hatred and destruction, fall upon Velm and Sung. Everything in the universe stops mattering as Sung and Velm stare at the Carp. As the Carp passes its Galvanizing Presence test, Sung and velm realize, deep down in their souls, that they fear the Carp more than the Snow Moose, and return to formation. Kim Il Sung, understanding his calling in life, mounts the Carp, and rides to battle. The rest of the Brotherhood ready their heaviest weapons, and brace for combat.

>> No.20966515


Sung and Carp charge the Badass Snow Moose, while Ragebeard jets over and starts mashing it with Thunder Hammers. Unfortunately for Sung, while he is immune to shocking, the Carp is not, and the conduction into the dirty water causes the Carp to get stunned. This enrages Sung, but Ragebeard gives no fucks as he continues to wail. Morty carefully picks his called shots with his Mole Mortar, and Velm fires her Melta at the Badass Snow Moose. Ragebeard takes a razor horn to the gut, while Morty and Velm continue to dodge flaming breath weapon shots. Sung is hit, but he does not feel the poison injected into him, beginning its work paralyzing his lungs and sealing his windpipe.

Ultimately, the assault rings true, and the Brotherhood reign supreme against the Badass Snow Moose. As it dies, it drops a good-quality Model 41873 Repeating Rifle, much to Ragebeard's joy.

"Hey, I think I took a pretty solid hit there, I might need some Medica-"

Sung collapses to the ground, unconsious.

>> No.20966539

Velm rushes over, with her medkit. She determines that Sung has been poisoned, and cannot fathom how he did not feel it. She's also becomes quite concerned at

her medical mechadendrite flashing "IMPURE IMPURE IMPURE" over and over again.

"Guys, he's been poisoned." says Velm, "He's going to die in the next few minutes unless we save him!"
"Is there a cure?" asks Ragebeard.
>Yeah, your medicae tells you a dose of Detox should do it.
"Uh...anyone have Detox?" asks Velm, "Because I don't."
Ragebeard shakes his head.
Morty shakes his head.
"Oh no..."mumbles Sung.
>The one time I use a poison that has a simple cure, and none of you have it?
"Obviously we needed Hexagrammatic Wards first!" says Ragebeard, glaring at Sung.

>> No.20966565

Despite their best efforts, the poison wreaks havok within Sung's body, and he ends up exploding inside the Termite. After burning Fate to live, Velm gets to work starting to fix the damage. As they head to the Kirov, they make a quick pitstop at the Viking town.

"Hey!" yells Ragebeard.
"Hello again, hunters!" says a viking.
"We finished your quest, but we have a medical emergency! We'll talk more later!"
"We'll be happy to build your stuff when ready!" yells the Viking.

Ragebeard haphazardly pilots the Kirov up, and onto the Drinks All Around. They toss Sung in a Resuscatrix chamber, and begin the spin-dry process of healing. But as if to add insult to injury, the Brotherhood gets a concerned message from Cpt. Brenner.

"Warlord, something's...out there."

>> No.20966591

The Brotherhood rush to the Bearded Fury, to stare at something very familiar. A light cruiser appears over the skies of Deleator, far too close for Warp Travel, its vox transmissions frantic.

"They're everywhere!"
"By the Emperor, it's in the darkness!"
"It IS the Darkness!"
"Somebody, he-blargh."

The hull of the ship erupts in inky blackness, as something shadowy covers the ship, billowy tentacles floating in spess.

>> No.20966608

So how did the mutation thing go Shas?

>> No.20966611


The Bearded Fury turns to engage the Shadow Cruiser, drifting toward the Brotherhood's fleet, firing a mysterious Dark Cannon that blinds the Bearded Fury's windshields. While Morty does some damage with the Macrocannons, it is not enough, and the Shadow Cruiser ends up near the Bearded Fury - near enough for black tentacles to latch onto the Bearded Fury and initiate a boarding action. Ragebeard leads the defense personally, his twin thunderhammers igniting as a wave of darkness kills the lights. Ragebeard fights admirably, the Squat Defense Forces ultimately leading a countercharge onto the dark ship itself. Ragebeard determines this to be a massive Umbra organism, a poorly understood Xenos that uses the shadows themselves as a weapon. The attack falters, however, as the Umbra push the SDF soldiers back. The brave SDF soldiers hold the line, buying enough time for Ragebeard to break the grapple, deploy the Gravity Anchor, and fill the Umbran Cruiser with torpedoes. As the wreckage of the Umbran Cruiser falls to Deleator, the crew cheers.

>Their first encounter with the 'Future Fleet,' I couldn't help it.

>> No.20966673

Ragebeard allocates 15000 Squats to the new hold, allowing for supply lines to be established. The Squat Fleet turns back, and heads to Vectis Station, only a bit of Lost Time standing in their way. The Fleet finally docks at Vectis Station, where Sung is transported to better Medicae decks.

"What happened to him?" asks Rockfist.
"Poison." says Velm.
"I still don't know how he just walked it off like that."
Rockfist scans Sung with his own tools. His brow furrows when his tools read "IMPURE."
"We'll discuss it later." says Velm.
The Brotherhood and Rockfist work hard, ultimately purging remnants of the poison out. Rockfist, however, brings the Brotherhood aside.

>> No.20966694


"Warlord...there's only one reason that warning would show up." says Rockfist.
"I don't think this is the ti-" starts Velm.
"He's a mutant." interjects Rockfist.
"How did we not notice before?" asks Morty.
"Had he ever been wounded before?" asks Rockfist.
"No..." replies Ragebeard.
"He's hid it surprisingly well, then." says Rockfist.
"Well, we'll wait for him to wake up, then put him back on active duty." says Ragebeard
"Warlord, I advise caution. One should never trust the Mutant," starts Rockfist, "But I defer to you, Warlord."
"Well, it's not like we hate mutants or anything." says Morty.
>Actually, you do, sort of. Mutants led to the fall of many holds in the Age of Strife.
"But we don't get Hatred: Mutants so we don't REALLY hate them." says Ragebeard.
I facepalm, but continue.
"As you wish, Warlord. Do be watchful." says Rockfist as he wanders off.

Ragebeard, Velm, and Morty are left to stare at the recovering Sung, aboard Vectis Station.

>> No.20966749

No doubt many of you have questions.

>Snow Moose? The fuck.

There was a running joke amongst multiple groups I've been in that if you fail a knowledge Xenos test on an Eldar, you get the following three bits of information
1) It's a Moose
2) Avoid its Breath Weapon
3) Beware its toxic stinger

I simply brought the concept to life. The Brotherhood were quite shocked.

>This reeks of MMO



Overall, the team now knows he's a mutant. But they still want to give him a chance I already have a cure devised, so I wouldn't worry about it too much. I also fully intend to refund the XP from the background should the cure ever take effect.


Art thou frustrated?

>> No.20966807


>"But we don't get Hatred: Mutants so we don't REALLY hate them." says Ragebeard.


>> No.20966889

What a ship of fools.

>> No.20966936


I wouldn't say it's THAT bad. But Ragebeard is most concerned with looking awesome, leaving Morty to pick up the slack of tactics, and Sung has now explicitly declared he is only going for bonuses. Velm is quiet as ever.

>> No.20966967


This is the Fifth. If you've missed any, they can be found on Foolz. Simply search "Squat Crusade."

>> No.20967610

I can't say I'll look at moose the same way again.

>> No.20970414

Evening bump

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