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/tg/ - Traditional Games


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[ERROR] No.20817601 [DELETED]  [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

>wake up one morning with the worst headache ever

>"Welcome, Forerunner. You have been in stasis for nearly four centuries. By your archaic calendar, the year is 2405. We have cleared your genetic profile of most degenerative properties and susceptibility to disease but have stopped short of granting you biological immortality, as we understand the people of your era valued their state of entropy. If our records are correct, those of your generation were also exceedingly violent and highly sexually aggressive, but as you can see, we are of a more enlightened age and have not restrained you. A word of caution however: despite my lithe and delicate appearance, I am prepared to protect myself if necessary. The compact configuration of my systema musculare affords me nearly six times your physical strength and I am well-versed in defensive martial combat as is required of all First Contact agents. Now, before we proceed any further, have you any queries or statements?"

What say you, human of old?

>> No.20817622

>shit loads of predjudice
>"enlightened"
stick me back in stasis

>> No.20817627

A woman who's stronger than you AND is accusing you of being a rapist? Man, this is prime troll bait for /pol/ posters.

>> No.20817628

every repost is a repost repost

>> No.20817629

I demand to speak with a man.

>> No.20817632

Why am I a squid?

>> No.20817633

>Evacuation beginning

>> No.20817636

>>20817627
and for /tg/ posters, since >>20817622

>> No.20817642

First i'd like those "muscolar system upgrade" like thingy that you just said...

Then put me back into stasis

>> No.20817645

>>20817629
Me too, but for sexy reasons.

>> No.20817646

>>20817601
I demand a lawyer and sue her for slander.

>> No.20817675

I quietly watch her for a few minutes and call her a fool before laughing and revealing my true form, a massive hive of bees held in the shape of a man to infiltrate the future. Soon all will suffer my wrath of stinging and honey!

>> No.20817679

I care not if it is naturally harvested or lab-grown. I desire meat, show me where to find some, I can do the work myself in harvesting it if need be.

Also, would you please stop being a condescending bitch about people from my time? We're not all the stereotypes your records state.

That said, I do have a pretty brutal case of morning wood. Please point me to the restroom so I can take care of this. It's kind of hard for me to concentrate in this state.

>> No.20817681

i demand to be made 7 times stronger

>> No.20817704

Nigga what. I didn't sign up for shit so fuck off and let me sleep before i shoot you. Jackass.

>> No.20817710

>>20817675
>2405
>Not being made of giant spiders made of bears made of spiders

>> No.20817724

>>20817710

>> No.20817757

What is the difference between a duck?

>> No.20817762

Start bullshiting them
Yeah sure whatever. Look before I fell into this capsule i was knife fighting with a Liger rapist Shaolin monk which other then being the weirdest criminal I've ever met is also extremely dangerous so please tell me I was alone.

>> No.20817797

>>20817601
"Wow, you're a really annoying, arrogant cunt, aren't you? Please give me my immortality, then take your condescension and passive aggression somewhere else. I find it pathetic and immature."

>> No.20817812

>>20817601
I pull out my gun, and shoot the bitch

Compact musculature my ass

>> No.20817832

"Why are humans still using biological bodies in the year 2405?"

>> No.20817840

>>20817601
WU-TANG AIN'T NOTHIN TO FUCK WITH.
Now where can I get a gun I got some cocaine to collect.

>> No.20817873

First Question: Whats the point of bringing some random dude to the future.
2) What does your statement enlightened society entail
3) Is everyone here a prick or is it just you.

>> No.20817883

Why has my consciousness not been digitized and uploaded into a computer that controls a fleet of faster than light self repairing probes that I will use in my quest to know everything there is to know? Huh? Who dropped the ball? Point me towards them and give me a pair of sturdy ass kicking boots.

>> No.20817937

So, how many alien species have we met?

What? None?

What have you wastrels been doing with our legacy? Tanning and wearing bikinis around like you own the place? How's the Mars base doing? Where are the robot? Show me some bloody progress, damnit!

>> No.20817963

>>20817937
Fermi's Paradox. Intelligent races tend to destroy themselves in the Atomic revolution.

>> No.20818040

>>20817963
2405, you lazy bums! You've had 397 years to find or invent some other species who won't or haven't nuked themselves to death! Get to it!

And is this how young people dress nowadays? Put on a sweater, you'll catch Robot Flu or something. Kids these days... back when I was your age, we had to fight viruses all by ourselves--none of this "enhanced immune systems" or "antiviral nanites' or other gizmos. We had to do it on our own! Through six feet of bacteria, too!

Now, where was I?

>> No.20818063

>>20817963

I suddenly feel very small. And alone. Even for a Friday night.

>> No.20818109

>>20817601
That woman is 40+ years old. Mother of God.

>> No.20818130

>>20818040
This. Where the fuck are my semi-bipedal sapient dogs to be best fucking bros with?

>> No.20818139

>>20817963
I think it's far more likely that they scanned our communications, and having done so judged us retarded and not worth dealing with.

>> No.20818150

>>20818139
I think it's far more likely that other species don't bother with extrasystem exploration because FTL is impossible. You know, the same reason why we won't go out and discover alien life.

>> No.20818157

Man, this pasta is stale as fuck. You could at least throw some new toppings on it. Jesus.

>> No.20818164

>>20818150
>because FTL is impossible

Says a species that can just barely get crap into space.

>> No.20818179

>>20818150
What about bending space and wormholes and shit?

>> No.20818181

>>20818150

http://news.discovery.com/space/warp-drive-possible-nasa-tests-100yss-120917.html

>> No.20818193

>>20818179

>tfw humans are the only species in the universe who look at the stars and ask "what if?"

>> No.20818199

The pic looks like the president of Argentina

>> No.20818210

>>20817797
>Please give me my immortality, then take your condescension and passive aggression somewhere else.
"GIVE ME EVERYTHING, THEN GO AWAY BECAUSE I HATE YOU". TG DOT TXT

>> No.20818212

>>20818164
It would literally require more energy than exists in the entire universe to accelerate a particle with mass beyond the speed of light because of the way energy and inertia interact at relativistic speeds.
>>20818179
Wormholes don't work the way they do on TV.
>>20818181
That allows for near-light-speed speeds. Light speed or faster would still be literally impossible. As the speed of a particle approaches the speed of light, the energy required to make it accelerate approaches infinity. There is an asymptote there, all that the warp drive does is change the curve to require less energy right up until that limit.

>> No.20818226

>>20818212

>implying asymptotes have limits

>> No.20818234

Stop projecting your rape fantasies onto me and give me immortality already!

>> No.20818235

>>20818226
The asymptote IS the limit, it's not what HAS the limit.

>> No.20818257

>>20818234
>give me immortality already!
It is AMAZING how many people are saying this in the same breath as "fuck you you dumb whore cunt", as though pride and self-confidence and manners somehow disappeared in the hundreds of years gone by.

>> No.20818259

>>20818212

Someone didn't read the article. They are redesigning the shape of the warp drive so that it could actually be possible. Also, the ship is in a region of flat spacetime. It isn't actually moving faster than light at all.

>> No.20818266

>>20818212
Again, says a race that can barely get shit into space, a couple hundred years ago we knew for certain that the earth was a flat disc, scientists are proving each other wrong all the time, like half their job is to look at some other dude's shit and go "look at this asshole, strutting around like he knows what's what, I'll show his ass. Can't put Hitler's brain in a robot shark, we'll see about that!"

>> No.20818285

>>20818259
They're redesigning it so that it would require the energy-mass of an object the size of the voyager satellite to approach light speed instead of the energy-mass of an object the size of Jupiter. Regardless, light speed isn't met or exceeded, just approached.

>> No.20818287

>First Contact agents

No one else has pointed out that these people are aliens who clearly abducted you, a human? And now they're assuming your shape to make you feel comfortable and at ease. I wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't even the future. It might have only been 20 or so minutes since they snatched you up in the dead of night.

>> No.20818288

>>20818266
This. Who's to say what's possible when you have enough time and crazy bastards.

>> No.20818309

>access allnet
>eat some books
>fight interdimensional entities
>kill the greek gods
>put on a fucking shakespeare production

>> No.20818323

I say I'm going to roll up into a ball and cry for the next two hours.

I never asked to be separated from my friends and family and revived into a future where I have a fuck's clue of how anything works or anyone around me. Quite frankly, I'd rather be half blind with a shitty back and a shittier attention span around people I care about than being given perfect skin and spine but having grouchy future women thinking I'm a dumb rapist and being alone.

Don't give me immortality, just point me to a high rise. I'll see myself out. Hell, point me at a bridge over a river, I'll save you the clean up.

>> No.20818350

>>20818287
They're First Contact agents because they're making contact with people who come from a culture and society almost four hundred years in the past. They're not necessarily aliens.

>> No.20818358

>>20818259

> An Alcubierre warp drive would involve a football-shape spacecraft attached to a large ring encircling it. This ring, potentially made of exotic matter, would cause space-time to warp around the starship, creating a region of contracted space in front of it and expanded space behind.

>Meanwhile, the starship itself would stay inside a bubble of flat space-time that wasn't being warped at all.

they'd better be calling this the farnsworth drive.

>> No.20818361

>>20818285
A quote straight from the article, you illiterate bastard:

"With this concept, the spacecraft would be able to achieve an effective speed of about 10 times the speed of light, all without breaking the cosmic speed limit."

>> No.20818365

>>20818358

>an alcubierre warp drive

doesn't seem like it bro, sorry

>> No.20818373

>>20818257
She is initiating contact with someone by accusing them of being would-be violent rapists as well as people who have death wishes, boasts of how superior she is to us, THEN goes on a lengthly rant about what a badass she is and "don't fuk with me nigga I whoop you good."

I don't know where you come from, but when someone makes extremely hostile remarks to me, I make hostile remarks back at them.

>> No.20818379

"Your records are incomplete. For many, the fear of death was the greatest single fear and anxiety of their existence, and I am no exception. Assuming it is no great inconvenience, I would as soon be rid of what is to me, very much NOT a valuable state of Entropy.".

>> No.20818385

>>20818350

They've got some pretty horrible first contacts then. "Welcome to the future. We made you fancy, but we didn't make you live forever because we're fairly sure you're a rapist. Don't rape me. Also, all that you know and love is dead, because this is the year 2412. Now let me tell you how I can beat you up instead of anything relevant pertaining to how society has changed or why you were selected."

>> No.20818407

>>20818358
Ever play Zone Of The Enders? That's what they use to get shit around the solar system, although instead of the devices being mounted on the actual ships they are space station type things in orbit around the planets called Urenbeck Catapults. The main character's mech in the second game even gets a miniaturized version installed that gives it superspeed.

>> No.20818421

>>20818361
Fails to mention that the radiation produced by such a drive would be lethal for anyone actually inhabiting the ship.

It's a viable concept in much the same way that da Vinci's tank and robot were viable concepts. We have the gist of it but there's a long way to go.

>> No.20818423

Either give me whatever passes for whiskey around here, or put me back in the fridge you found me in, because there is no way I'm going to listen to your problems sober.

>> No.20818436

>>20817601
Joke's on her, it's been 397 years and I'm still a virgin! Nothing can stop the world's greatest Wizard!

>> No.20818437

I ask her if we have made contact with aliens.

Because I want to fuck one.

>> No.20818448

>>20818385
Yes, they're bad at this. But maybe tact just isn't a thing anymore in 2405.

>> No.20818451

>>20818421
But they've shown that FTL is at least feasible via this means, which is a far cry from "FTL is impossible" which is what the article was posted to rebut.

>> No.20818462

>>20818448
If tact isn't a thing anymore, then there's nothing wrong with being a blunt asshole and calling her a bitch while asking for immortality.

>> No.20818464

>>20818266

actually, people have suspected the earth was round for a very long time. Pythagoras mentions it in 6th century BC but the idea seems to be older.

Eratosthenes measures the circumference of the earth to within about 5% in 200 BC using nothing but motherfucking sticks and math.

>> No.20818475

"Who won the superbowl?"

>> No.20818492

>>20818421
How much radiation? Like walking into a reactor naked, or even more than that? Because we've been slowly but steadily working on rad shielding.
We'll also need to figure out life support (Probably of the cryogenic variety) and terraforming, but then we should be good for FTL travel and colonization.

>> No.20818500

>>20818373
>I don't know where you come from, but when someone makes extremely hostile remarks to me, I make hostile remarks back at them.
And then you demand immortality?

>> No.20818502

>>20818421

until we build one we don't know if that will happen when the warp field collapses. but even if it does it could just mean that future starships with have giant shields made of ice in the front of them.

>> No.20818503

>>20818448

>Humankind has gained immortality
>Lost physical and sexual aggression
>Gained ability to manipulate their bodily systems without prosthesis
>Perfected cryostasis
>Has an established system for administrating cryostasis
>Do all this in 400 years
>Despite all this, nobody knows what social skills are anymore.
>Again, only 400 years

OR

>They're aliens who are fucking with your head

Mine seems a lot simpler, and makes a lot more sense. You'll have to convince me these people are actually human.

>> No.20818504

>>20818451
It could self-destruct in a cloud of Hawking radiation if it passes the speed of light in space, or Visser radiation if it does in time.

Things that look FTL aren't necessarily FTL.

But if they are, and somehow, magically work...then at least we have time travel.

>> No.20818506

>>20818437
This guy knows what's up.
If we haven't found something sentient out there that likes a good dickin then you are all doing it wrong.

>> No.20818515

>>20818462
Clearly, they're enlightened because they no longer hold any pretense about what they are. The strong rule the weak, and that's just how it is. Being a blunt asshole may just lead to you getting beat up and spaced.

>> No.20818524

>>20818436
>Joke's on her, it's been 397 years and I'm still a virgin! Nothing can stop the world's greatest Wizard!
What if that's the reason they woke you?
To turn you into a never-ending supply of Mana to push their tech into to god-like levels?

>> No.20818533

>>20818503
Cryostasis must have been perfected before you died, otherwise this scenario would never take place.

Remember, all you know about this future is what the woman has told you. The simplest explanation is that this is just a human who is fucking with you.

>> No.20818536

>>20818503

This actually isn't a bad thought. Consider this:

>Aliens find earth
>Study, observe
>Eventually, decide humans are about to branch out
>Decide to test them first to see how to deal with these new additions to the spacefaring community (if there even is one)
>Snatch a random joe (or a bunch of them)
>Disguise as a member of the opposite gender (attractive based on their observations of us)
>Insult the abductees while implying that they've been giving a gift and have the potential to get more gifts.
>See how they react

Seems like a pretty good galactic litmus test, imo

>> No.20818547

>>20818533

So it really depends on whether or not cryostasis is a thing by the time this happens. If you wake up and are told you've been in cryostasis, yet you know it wasn't around when you went to sleep, it's aliens. If it was a thing, then it's probably people.

>> No.20818551

Remember, even the most well thought out theories regarding FTL and reaching light speed in general are tenuously tested at best. As far as I know, we've never tried to accelerate anything to near-light speed in space, so for all we know, there's an inexplicable plateau of energy requirements to accelerate things. It's not very likely, but it's never actually been tested.

>> No.20818566

>>20818503
In 400 years we'll probably have done more than that. The social skills part is because AI do the hard work, while humans play in their personal VR-porn worlds.

Humans still control the AI, which is why humans handle first contact and must approve requests for rare items.

>> No.20818592

>>control f
>> No bathroom, toilet, pisser
>>mfw
"Yeah OK. Where's the bathroom"

>> No.20818601

>>20818551
We have tested relativity thoroughly and know the results: the speed of light is not like the speed of sound.

And yes, it does take exponentially more energy the faster you go, which is one reason why lightspeed can't be breached, it would take infinite energy.

>> No.20818606

>>20818551

Not knowing a lot about science means I can make ridiculous conjecture like "the speed of light isn't the speed limit, but rather a peak on a symmetrical (or repeating) scale of energy", such that once you hit it, you need progressively less energy to go faster beyond that point, until the next 'peak'

>> No.20818612

>>20818533

Alternately, considering all we know about this situation, the simplest explanation is we've been kidnapped and the kidnapper is apparently from some roidded up space cult who believes it's actually the year 2400 and that they can gain immortality. We've probably been in "cryostatis" for a few weeks, at most.

DRINK NOTHING.

>> No.20818615

>>20818500

Only if they seem reasonably capable of granting that request.

OH SHIT WAIT, this all makes sense. She said her kind have eliminated aggressive tendencies. The main reason politeness is a thang IRL is because you can potentially be murdered for saying "FUCK YOU NIGGER" to everyone you see.

With aggression gone, people have begun to communicate like they're really on the internet, and coming up with longwinded ways to passive aggressively insult one another.

>inpatient bruture

"This 21st century bruture (brute-creature) is an inpatient at our space hospital."

>> No.20818637

>>20818615

But everyone is mad on the internet. That's where the passive aggression comes from.

>> No.20818645

"you know, i was never that much of a fan of personal entropy. also, is that Tau codex out yet?"

>> No.20818650

>>20818601
Has anyone ever actually tried? Even if it's impossible to our current understanding of physics, that doesn't mean it's actually impossible. For all we know, there could be another law of physics regarding energy and acceleration that we haven't discovered yet, since no one's tested it thoroughly.

Remember, at one point, it was common belief that gravity effected things differently based on their mass. Until someone tested it, and proved that wrong.

>> No.20818677

Say nothing, but strive to learn how to make this arrogant, dickass future burn.

'Highly violent' and the first thing they do is insult me? If their First Contact agents are this rude, they need to die for fucking everything up.

>> No.20818684

>>20818637

Well, considering this is a incredibly sexually and emotionally repressed (interpreted as "being beyond such things" by the future-people but still), I can see why they would be mad all the time. And if everyone is super-strengthed out and any fist-fight or dicking leads to massive internal and external injuries on both participants, it just leaves being passive-aggressive bitches.

Shit, this must be why she's reviving us. It's nothing to do with any future charity, she just wants to egg us into fighting/raping her so she can have a perfectly one-sided fight and not have to worry about her own ribs and fists.

>> No.20818706

>>20818684

>implying no VR in the future

>> No.20818721

>>20818706

I didn't say she was SMART. I merely implied she wants to beat us up without impuity or risk of injury.

>> No.20818723

>>20818650
We know more about it than gravity and electricity. We know it very well and have tested it.

It's science 101, wikipedia level.

What you are saying is the equivalent of a child saying "I'll jump off this building and float, just because no-one's done it before, doesn't mean it's impossible."

Light speed is like the clock speed of a computer. You can't go faster than that if you're inside that system; and if you magically jump outside, do some things, and come back, the order of the programs will be all screwed up.

>> No.20818739

>>20818637
Right, but I'm suggesting that this, at least partially, is due to the fact that you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the other person cannot kick your ass and that there can be no repercussions of mouthing off at all.

Mouthing off to your elderly grammaw doesn't carry the risk of being beaten up, but it does carry the risk of feeling bad about it later.

>> No.20818740

>>20818723

But people HAVE tried jumping off of buildings to fly. That's why we know it doesn't work.

>> No.20818744

Make me a girl now. Do it now.

>> No.20818750

You talk big, let's see how strong your Kung Fu is.

>> No.20818758

>>20818750
Forgot my picture.

>> No.20818782

>>20818740
Yeah.

People have also tested relativity. That's how we know it exists and going faster than light is impossible.

>> No.20818805

>>20818782

But consider this: People jumping off of buildings wearing wingsuits. Suddenly, Gliding happens!. Now, if you find a way to provide thrust in that same system, you can generate life and actually fly!

Now extend that analogy to whatever the applicable terms are for relativity, and we've come full circle to "impossible from what we've tried, but in the grand scheme of things, we haven't tried a whole lot"

>> No.20818808

>>20818758
"We trained him wrong, as a joke"

>> No.20818824

>>20818808
>"We trained him wrong, as a joke"

You forgot the trigger warning for McDojo students.

>> No.20818826

>>20817601
"First, I need to piss. Second, you are making sweeping generalizations about my personality using second hand information that is near four hundred years out of date. Third, you just made me aware that everything I knew about the world is ALSO out of date and did it in an aggressive manner.

And FINALLY, if you have the capability to lock me up and keep me preserved for four hundred years than it's a safe bet you have security measures in place to stop me if I flip out because of mental trauma of everything I just said.
Oh and my name is Anon. What is yours?"

>> No.20818836

>>20818805
You're taking the metaphor too far.

>> No.20818838

>>20817601
woman, you truely are of inferior intellect. you judge and perceive based upon assumptions based on second hand judgements. honestly from the way it looks from here you devolved into self preferential hypocrites. besides if i wanted to do something as stupidly savage as force myself on you, being physically stronger will do nothing in dealing with me. you also probably made your deduction of hatred against immortality due to reading the terrrible tripe that is nihilism. since you also seem to also project that your entire society is as deluded as you are.

therefore my deduction is that mentally after i went into cryostasis humanity has actually regressed mentally. please excuse me while i proceed to go to the bathroom then return to cryostasis until such a time where this species is enlightened enough to not be so condescending and insulting towards another of our kind based on slander and misinformation.

good day.

>> No.20818874

>>20818836

>humans went from still using horse drawn cavalry to nukes and walking on the moon in span of 50 years

>we won't find anything else out in 8 times that length of time

We know everything there is to know about the universe and physics and shit.

>> No.20818876

>>20818805
Lightspeed is a universal cap. The fact that you think it's possible to extend an analogy that compares gliding to passing lightspeed indicates that you are so ignorant of relativity, I can't tell you anything about it.

>> No.20818894

>>20817679
> I care not if it is naturally harvested or lab-grown. I desire meat, show me where to find some, I can do the work myself in harvesting it if need be.

>complains about sterotyping
>acts like a retarded barbarian.

But yeah, where the fuck do you get off with your negtaive sterotypes, you haughty slut? We may have had violence, but we also had awesome things. Like violent sports and decapitation videos and ah yeah, I see your point. Do you people have a liberal attitude to non-monogamous sex, by the way, because I've got a 400 year old stiffy that needs dealing with here, and it would be a shame to waste it. Just a quick nosh would do to be honest - I recon it would take you about 90 seconds, tops.

>> No.20818899

>>20818838
>tries to make a giant post about how intelligent he is
>"truely are of inferior intellect"
Money in the bank.

>> No.20818909

>>20818266
> "look at this asshole, strutting around like he knows what's what, I'll show his ass. Can't put Hitler's brain in a robot shark, we'll see about that!"

You are truly the Popper of your generation.

>> No.20818910

/le sigh
I ask her for a societal tutorial, capital in the form of a nanotech factory/shielded spacecraft/computer to run myself on, and a guide to laws, capabilities, and social norms.

>> No.20818911

>>20818876

The fact that you are claiming the scientific high ground while spitting in the face of its very reason for existence makes me think you're probably autistic and can only live in a world where textbooks are absolute and nothing can counter the diving truths therein

>> No.20818918

>>20818874
Protip: Progress is not linear.

>> No.20818940

Let's pretend that a miniature version of the warp drive as hypothesized is applied to a tube that's floating in space. Why is there a tube floating in space? Fuck you, that's why. Let's put a person in this hallway, and make him magically not die from being in a warp field.
We activate the warp field. To outside observers, the front of the tube is suddenly several lightdays long. To the man inside, it hasn't changed. He takes a step forward. To outside observers, his entire body is suddenly a hilariously elongated caricature of a human body, and his foot lands lightdays ahead of where he started. To the man, he just took a perfectly normal step.
Relativity says fuck you to the light speed barrier.

>> No.20818941

>>20818874
>>20818911

And now you're just babbling with no relation to the actual point. Look...

In the terms of the analogy, jumping off of buildings would be equivalent to jumping in a spacecraft that is not properly designed with the limits of physics in mind, and then summarily flinging yourself into nonexistence.

Overcoming or harnessing gravity is not the issue. The existence of gravity is the issue. We thoroughly understand that breaking the speed of light without one of the methods used above is not possible, to the greatest extent of the knowledge we have. This does not mean some physicist is going to come along and say, "Hey, maybe if we put a 3 in that column instead of a 2.9, the equation works out!" It means someone is going to come up with a long, convoluted method of getting around the limit, maybe, possibly, at some point in the future, with great risk and effort and sacrifice.

>> No.20818943

>>20818266
>a couple hundred years ago we knew for certain that the earth was a flat disc

No. Since antiquity, anyone with a modicum of education knew the world was round and even more or less how big it was. And since basic education was free since Charlemagne...

>> No.20818952

>>20818911
No. It's been thuroughly tested, we alraedy know how it works.

You are arguing that we should, at great expense, retest whether gravity exists, despite the fact we're still standing on earth, because a unicorn might have deleted it while noone was looking.

The GPS in your phone works because of relativity. If relativity was bullshit, then your phone would work differently, so don't try to tell me it's imaginary when I can hold the results.

>> No.20818955

>>20818266

> a couple hundred years ago we knew for certain that the earth was a flat disc

Okay, technically I'm on your side in this argument, but that shit you just said is retarded. We've known for millennia that the earth is round.

>> No.20818969

>>20818506

Thirded.

I want to bum someone who's green before the day's out or I'm going back into stasis until these dicks get their collective act together.

If possible I'd also like to go to a bar where I can rashly challenge an alien who is much larger than me, and from a warlike culture to boot, and then unaccountably beat him in phyical combat by punching him in an unskilled manner.

Rape you, love? Get over yourself, put your knickers on, and make us a cup of tea. Four sugars.

And a fry-up wouldn't go a miss. Egg, soss, beans and a fried slice. Chop, chop - I been asleep 400 years, I'm bloody starving.

>> No.20818994

>>20818940
Outside observers wouldn't be able to see his foot, because the light wouldn't arrive for days.

Any FTL machine is also a time travel machine. Besides the little things like killing Hitler or winning at the stock market forever, it can calculate certain classes of otherwise-impossible math problems, instantly.

It becomes a god-machine that makes strong AGI look weak.

>> No.20819012

>>20818969
"I am sorry sir, british food was erased from the universe 200 years ago due to unanimous agreement that it was disgusting."

>> No.20819014

>>20818952

>dat strawman

pretty sure he was extending your analogy, not saying that gravity was a sham.

>> No.20819018

>>20818994
They'd see it a few days later. Or other observers near the end of the tube would see it.

>> No.20819033

>>20819014
Overextension of an analogy is also a fallacy, if we're bringing those up.

>> No.20819037

>>20819018
yeah, just not immediately. It's a tube in time as well as space, so there will be shenanigans.

>> No.20819046

Fuck it, here's my little idea...

"Lady, your records are entirely wrong. Many of us despised our state of 'entropy' and would have done far more violent things than your records show in order to end that state if it were genuinely possible for us to do back then. Yeah, I'm sexually aggressive, you have no idea how hard I beat myself and for how long to get off, but that's because I can't just get someone to calmly suck my dick. My only question is this. Are you going to make me immortal, suck my dick, stick me back in the tube, or some combination of those?"

That's assuming they've made me to where I won't be all, "duhhh, huh?" due to being totally out of it.

>> No.20819047

>>20819012

Don't be a wally darlin' you can't erase black pudding, bubble and beans. It's got a life of it's own. At least get me a Greggs pasty.

>> No.20819057

>>20818899
actually the reason is said that was essentially: they want me for something, or they wouldn`t have kept me in the first place. i also saw she was such a condesending bitch that i felt to do what i felt was approprite: insult her in terms she could understand as much as possible. basically in leymans terms i said she was a retard,her entire society was run by retards, and i`d rather be a popsicle and watch that shitpile burn in a fire that they may have needed me to help them fix because she was such a retarded bitch.
not sure she would have gotten the message if i said it any other way.

>> No.20819060

>>20819037
I bet that could be used as an RKV. It could probably slag a planet if you pointed it towards one before activating it. Not very cost-effective though.

>> No.20819084

>>20819060
Is cost-effectiveness a primary concern when your objective is destroying planets?

>> No.20819099

>>20819084
Would you rather spend every dollar you own to destroy your hated enemy's ugly house, or do it cheaply so you can have a bitching barbeque while you watch it blow up?

>> No.20819104

>>20819084
Probably not, but accelerating a few big chunks of metal to near-light speed is probably less expensive than wasting an entire warp drive.

>> No.20819105

Okay, listen lady, I'm sure your whole "world of 2405" thing is real fuckin' nice, but I've gotta point out a few things.
First off, people from my time are not some creepy hivemind or any of that shit. I do NOT value my mortality, and would LOVE to live forever, because then I could learn god damn near everything about god damn near everything.
Second, I think it's pretty fuckin' arrogant of you to immediately assume that I'm some kinda psycho murderer rapist because of your bullshit "records". while going on and on about how superior you are. I'm not about to try anything like that, not that I WOULDN'T fuck you, you're pretty damn good lookin', I just wouldn't do it if you weren't game. Third, I need to take a shit the size of the Twinkie used in the analogy by Dr. Egon Spengler to explain the elevated level of Psycho-Kinetic Energy he discovered in the greater Manhattan area in the mid 1980s, and a piss to match.
Now that that's out of the way, I've got some questions.
What's the attitude towards casual sex these days?
What's there to do for fun? Rugby's still around, right? Where can I find a gaming group that won't look down on me as some kind of cave man?
My last but most important question, however, is this. Where can I get a towel?

>> No.20819120

>>20819057
>or they wouldn`t have kept me in the first place

They may have been waiting for the technology to defrost you for years. You're probably not the only one. They inherited all these savages from the past who froze their stupid bodies rather than just dying like good little hicks, and their enlightened society wouldn't allow them to just die, so they reluctantly decided to keep them frozen and create a First Contact Dept.

The strangely unclothed lady has been doing this a few years, and has had to deal with the defrosting of everyone in this thread, most of whom have called her a bitch, a large number have requested sex and most have criticised her culture without ever having seen it. Oh, and one time there were these two weirdos who were defrosted at the same time and instantly started an argument about FTL travel.

Basically, she's pissed off, thinking "is this really what I want to do with my life?" and her feet hurt.

She's not condescending, she's just tired of all this 21st century shit and she wants to get home to some 5d anti-gravity fucking with her multi-donged boyfriends.

>> No.20819126

>>20819084

You've never worked for the military, have you?

>> No.20819127

>>20819099
I would rather kill everyone in my hated enemy's ugly house, make it pretty, and put some of my family in it.

Destroying planets seems kind of counterproductive, because planets are resources.

>> No.20819132

>>20819105

I like you.

>> No.20819144

>>20819120
Well maybe she should ask whoever wrote her spiel to try again, since most of the people who call her and her culture assholes have plainly stated that it's because she's being a condescending, prejudiced bitch.

>> No.20819154

>>20819120
>Oh, and one time there were these two weirdos who were defrosted at the same time and instantly started an argument about FTL travel.

I'm not imagining two men who were frozen mid-argument, who completely ignore this first contact agent to continue rambling about their scientific beliefs, despite the fact that they're both certainly outdated by this point in time.

>> No.20819156

>>20819127
>Destroying planets seems kind of counterproductive, because planets are resources.
>planets are resources
Yeah. Weapons. That you can use to destroy OTHER planets! What you do, is you render two planets "free" (floating without inertia in any direction, unaffected by any gravitational wells, et cetera), then you launch these two "free" planets on courses so that they smack into the planet you want to destroy from precisely opposite trajectories, shattering the planet in the middle. We call it "Nut Cracking".

>> No.20819171

>>20819156
I'm pretty sure this has something to do with Lensman. Or maybe that was the strategy of launching antimatter planets at regular planets.

>> No.20819193

>>20819120
Only reason I requested sex is because she started it, that's like if she said.

"We heard that you people enjoy pizza"
>"Yeah, are you offering some?"
"No, I'm just telling you what I heard."

And then some asshole comes in and paints us as jackasses for demanding pizza.

>> No.20819197

>>20819154

>not

Clearly I mean now

>> No.20819199

>>20819120
That, of course, ignores the fact that the only reason people were and would be calling her a bitch, is because she calls everyone inferior, and a rapist, and brags about how she could beat them up. At the first time she meets someone.

I don't think I can even begin to imagine someone so icy that the first time they meet someone they say

>You are a rapist
>You have a death wish
>All your friends and family are DEEAAAD
>You are inferior to me in every way
>I can and will totally beat you up

>> No.20819200

>>20819171
Yes, it is from Lensman. Yet ANOTHER classic SF setting that would slap 40k's shit. Never let the 40kids claim they have the most high-power setting as long as Lensman and The Culture exist.

>> No.20819202

>>20819171
I'm not sure if that a planet sized chunk of anti-matter would last very long, since all it would take is a few meteors to make the entire thing explode.

>> No.20819205

>>20819193

...seriously though, anon, do you have pizza? Cause I could rape for some pizza right now.

>> No.20819224

>>20819120

She insults everyone who she meets in these tubes. I can admit, her job is terrible and maybe she'd be better off going dick spelunking than dealing with this, but it's not our fault she's got burnout and has taken it out on innocent and confused people who have been revived, many of whom without their permission and probably the result of grieving families freezing their bodies without their permission.

I'd also be calling a nurse who proceeded to call me a brain-damaged retard who probably should've had the decency to die in the car accident instead of go into a coma and give her more work horrible names too. Yes, maybe she's having a hard time and she's overworked and she just wants to take her boyfriend's dick up her ass, but you know what, you can find a new job lady.

>> No.20819230

>>20819205
I don't have any pizza, but there's a half naked woman standing over there, she might have some to give you if you rape her enough.

>> No.20819233

>>20819156
>>20819171
>>20819200

And seeing as it borrows heavily from it a recent Green Lantern animated movie had Hal pull the nut cracker on Sinestro using two of OA's moons. It was awesome.

>> No.20819239

I ask if this is a glorious feminist paradise where men have to live out their lives in hamster balls to keep them from raping all the womens.

>> No.20819245

>>20819230

What if we want the pizza but without the side of rape? Do you think Nurse Hulkbitch can give us pizza, or is that another thing the future has outgrown?

>> No.20819252

>>20819132
And if she takes offense at my cussing, they're not a very enlightened culture, are they? They're JUST! WORDS! "Fuck" has never been used to carry a hateful connotation, it's just an exclamation, or a verb for "to have sex with".

>> No.20819255

The best part is that her culture is actually a bureaucratic hell-hole that makes the USSR crossed with the DMV look efficient, and she was never issued any biological enhancements, actual historical data, proper training for first contact, or even clothing.
She's absolutely terrified that you're going to rape her (Since the extend of her historical knowledge is hearsay and snippets of "shocking historical facts" propaganda designed to make the current regime look good in comparison).

>> No.20819262

>>20819193

No it's more like she works in a burger place and every night a bunch of drunks come out of the bar next door and come in saying "do you do pizza?" and at first she was OK with it, but it's always the same assholes and after a couple of years, she's just sick of it. So whenever a drunk comes in she just says "No, we don't do pizza, sorry, and I'm accustomed to people sperging out about the fact and wrecking the joint so I've learnt krav maga and I've got a .45 behind the counter".

If you've ever worked with the public, you'll know the feeling. Except the krav maga and the .45. In my case, anyway/

>> No.20819273

>>20819245
They probably have feta cheese, spinach, and olive oil pizzas only. Hell, that's probably the 'greasiest' option available. You can sure as shit forget about wings and ranch. As for the rape, you started it so I just thought I would direct you to the only person in the room who knows where we are and where pizzas might be.

>> No.20819280

>>20819245

>a future without pizza

And someone is trying to convince me these creatures are human?

>> No.20819283

>>20819262

I just call the cops when they sperg out, but that's the nice thing of being less than a block away from the local police department and being the cops' favorite source of hot coffee and sammiches overnight.

>> No.20819289

>>20819120
so shes a whore wjo hates her job and takes it out on people who just wake up? i was frozen for 400 years for no fucking reason, i have a massive headache and i wake up to someone telling me: ″everyone you know is dead, your a retard and a savage rapist, in addition i`m going to be predjudiced and claim your beliefs are the same as everyone elses. finally i`m stronger then you and i WILL kick your ass if i even look at you funny.″ tell me you wouldn`t be pissed as hell about that even happening.

>> No.20819291

>>20819262
You're forgetting something. SHE is the one who accuses everyone of being a rapist. She has had that part in the spiel since the very first time this was posted. She has ALWAYS accused us of being rapists.

Also,
>Krav Maga
Shit-tier Israeli copy of Fairbairn Combatives, -5/10, would not operate operationally in operator operations with.

>> No.20819300

>>20819262
She works with extremely traumatized, vulnerable, alone people who have lost every last one of their friends and family and pets and jobs and possessions.

What does she tell these people, to set the tone of all such conversations? "You are weak rapist scum. We could have made you immortal, instead, we are going to let you die. Everything about you is inferior. I can totally beat you up."

Maximum bitchmode.

>> No.20819303

>>20819273

Look, I'm just a casual observer who has no skin in this rape game. Quite frankly, I'm more worried about her raping us considering half of her "Welcome to the future" speech is "You better not try, for I am STRONG. Seriously, don't do it."

I just want some pizza. And a nicer consultant, because obviously she's pissed off and taking it out on everyone.

>> No.20819319

rolled 2 = 2

>nearly die in a car accident
>thank god for cryo-insurance
>wake up 400 years later in clapistan
>americlapper lady wearing some spandex strips
>accidentally look at her clearly displayed tits
>beats me into a coma
>wake up again three weeks later in clapistani hospital
>nurse charges me 400,450,957 space dollars plus tip
>no free healthcare in the future
>don't have enough to tip
>nurse beats me again with futuristic meth and hulk-o-power
>die
>end up back in cryogenic facility
>mfw the technicians start clapping when they succesfully freeze me.

>> No.20819321

>>20819262
I work with the public five days of the week, but I also learned that it's stupid to push your preconceptions forward because it generally provokes stupidity where there could have been something simpler. She is aggravating the issue by being bad at her job and putting ideas out there that wouldn't be out there otherwise.

If someone starts something then you give off the appropriate response. It may be more difficult to care about doing your job right but as an enlightened bitch she should understand the virtues of such a thing.

>> No.20819339

>>20819262

Considering she's the one starting it, this is more you telling everyone who walks into your burger place "You are a disgusting and drunken fuckwit who will die from liver cirrocis. Also, I have a gun so you can't do shit about it, wino, now buy a goddamn burger. And no, I'm not turning on the milkshake machine, the milkshakes are for day customers, and you're not worth it. Drunk."

>> No.20819342

rolled 8 = 8

>>20819289

Well, in my mind, yes. But in reality, I'm hanging around /tg/ and I'd probably just say "yes'm" and then later in my room I'd think about all the things I could have said while regretting not asking the attractive woman out, masturbating and sobbing to myself.

>> No.20819352

rolled 1 = 1

>>20819291
>>Krav Maga
>Shit-tier Israeli copy of Fairbairn Combatives, -5/10, would not operate operationally in operator operations with.

I knew someone would pick on that - at almost /k/ommando speed too, well done. I'm surprised nobody flamed teh .45 with glockiness or whatevs

>> No.20819354

>>20819262

Actually, it's more like

She works in a burger place and every night some drunks come out of the bar next door. She knows drunks are violent and have horrible judgment, so she tells them "We don't serve breakfast yet, so don't ask. And we have cameras and an alarm system, so don't try stealing anything or wrecking the place up."

Every night she tells the drunks who come in that line. Eventually, one of them is pissed off enough by it to actually act on that feeling and wreck up the place.

Also, assume the drunks are in their state because their family and friends all died the same day that their possessions all got repo'd, and this woman reminded them of that fact by saying that "the people who are you were friends/family with were horrible degenerates."

>> No.20819356

>>20818952
The GPS in your phone works by triangulating your position based on the differences in time the signals reach you. It is true they have to account for relativity in that satelites are moving faster than us in their high speed orbits making their frame of reference slightly slower for them (but a few moments faster for us).

At least IIRC, I may be wrong but I think thats right.

>> No.20819361

>>20819352
They make Glocks in .45.

>> No.20819369

>>20819342
Don't bring reality into this, you know that at least 100% of the board read that and sighed in defeat.

>> No.20819371

rolled 18 = 18

>>20819339

Yeah. I'm not saying I agree with it, but that's who she is. She should never have gone into a public-facing job, and you have every right to complain to her supervisor later.

You'll get nothing but a smacked arse from calling her a cunt to her face and sperging out though.

Pizza sounds good, and I know I've just got up, but I've heard beer is good for post-cryo recovery.

>> No.20819378

rolled 18 = 18

>>20819361

I don't know shit about guns. My gubmint took em away.

>> No.20819382

>>20819352
>I knew someone would pick on that - at almost /k/ommando speed too, well done.
Well I AM a /k/ommando, although I'm mostly kidding. KM isn't actually BAD, it's just ridiculously overhyped. The .45 has my respect though, although i personally prefer a good 10mm AUTO, that's just because I have absurd wrist strength so the recoil isn't an issue.

>> No.20819383

>>20817601
A Man-Animal, lecturing me? Allow me to show you what a Superior creature the Psychlo is

>> No.20819384

>>20819371

>nothing but a smacked arse

>> No.20819391

>>20819378
You sad, sad non-American.

I got a gun with my tire change the other day. They showered me in cartridges and stuffed an extra magazine in my pocket with a wink and a smile.

>> No.20819395

>>20819371
Nothing wrong with calling her a cunt and a bitch and a whore, she said she lacks aggression but will respond to violence with violence.

>> No.20819402

>>20819383
>man-animal mind

>> No.20819411

>Be a First Contact commander, in charge of sending teams of First Contacts to greet and introduce Forerunners to the 25th century
>Spend several months training teams in efficiency and compassion, reminding them often of the shock of sudden future upswing
>Constantly demanding progress reports, mental evaluations of First Contacts (to prevent burnout and emotional exhaustion) as well as Forerunners, one-on-one meetings
>Feel like you're maintaining a well-run operation, have a society integration rate of 78% and rising
>Take a night off
>Immediately have to come in
>Apparently, one of the veteran First Contacts had a meltdown, removed all of her clothing, and proceeded to insult all of the Forerunners she was schedule to awaken and threaten to beat them to death if they tried anything

Fucking hell, Susan, you could just quit like a normal person.

>> No.20819415

>>20819402

When you were still learning how to SPELL YOUR NAME!

>> No.20819418

>>20819391

Did you all clap at the completion of the succesful transaction?

>> No.20819422

>>20819197
Her complete bafflement as they utterly ignore her to argue with each other using outdated knowledge and logical fallacies.

>> No.20819425

>>20819418
We did. We clapped with bullets. It was glorious.

>> No.20819431

>>20819425
Don't forget about the fireworks and complimentary burger.

>> No.20819439

>>20819431
How could I? They put smoked Gruyere and smoked bacon on it.

>> No.20819442

>>20819425
At least this Man-Animal embraces his clapping nature, instead of denying it like a beast that does not know itself. Make a note that Man-Beasts enjoy clapping.

>> No.20819443

>>20819425
Truly, we are the best country.

>> No.20819447

>>20819439

Gruyere? I thought this was America, not Commiecanuckfrenchistan. That better be your way of saying Wisconsin Cheddar or Kraft Singles, son.

>> No.20819451

>>20819439
For you non-Americans, he's talking about the fireworks. What we put on the burgers themselves is a national secret, which none of us would ever consider sharing with dirty foreigners.

>> No.20819455

rolled 3, 17 = 20

>>20819411

>be first contact operative Susan X178620
>get involved in stupid game of beer-pong with team after Cheryl P186234's bachelorette party
>lose heavily
>pay forfeit
>end up wearing a bikini in the forerunner chamber
>terms of forfeit say I have to threaten to beat them up
>Commander calls me into his office next day
>apparently my conduct is unbecoming to the workplace
>hated that fucking job anyway
>smash supervisor's hover car with mega-hulk strength on way out
>police come to space-hab
>resist arrest
>shot, die of multiple
>court sentences me to cryo-storage until such a time as my wounds can be healed and I can serve my sentence
>wake up 400 years later
>greeted by angry woman in bikini
>fucking traditions

>> No.20819458

>>20819451

Hey! I just had a shower!

>> No.20819459

>>20819447
Have you not tasted the glory of delightful cheeses mixed with high-quality beef and bacon? Truly you have not utilized your AMERICAN FREEDOM to steal everything that is delicious from other cultures and call it your own.

>>20819443
Needs moar gunz n tractors.

>>20819451
Yeeees.... of course.

>> No.20819463

2405? Neat.

As for the rest of your speech... Lady, my parents raised me better than to do shit like that.

Now, what's there to do around here? And how do I go about getting that whole immortality thing?

>> No.20819465

>>20819443
>Truly, we are the best country.
And yet, another country produced a videogame so AMERICAN! that it was TOO AMERICAN! for AMERICA!

>> No.20819468

>>20819458
You can't wash the unamerican out of your blood.

>> No.20819469

>>20819458
Congratulations. Don't forget to mark your next scheduled shower on your calendar, you dirty foreigner.

>> No.20819474

>>20819465
>Forgetting your pic
Idiot Man-Animal!

>> No.20819486

>>20819474
It didn't sell well in America because it looks like a news story.
Everyone knows the President has had a giant robot ever since Truman commissioned a Sherman tank with legs.

>> No.20819492

>>20819411
Oh lawds, gold star post. may have to use this as inspiration an RPG sometime...

>> No.20819496

>>20819486
>It didn't sell well in America
It was never even RELEASED in America!
Stupid gubmint decided since they can't get our guns, they'd take AMERICA! FUCK YEAH! the vidya away instead.

>> No.20819498

>>20819474
Oh man oh man oh man, I loved that game.

Even after it killed my Xbox and I had to reformat the HD in order to get it to work again.

Then I played MORE Metal Wolf Chaos until I beat it.

Because I believe in my own JUSTICE.

>> No.20819510

rolled 4, 7 = 11

>>20819469

Hah! Jokes on you, my merry clapping chum. I don't need to mark my calendar because the equinoxes and the solstices are ALREADY MARKED!!!!

How does it feel to be outwitted by a calendar, eh? I bet you feel a bit dim.

>> No.20819516

>>20819486
And JFK himself was a synthetic lifeform, as this short historical video clearly demonstrates.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7y2xPucnAo&feature=related

>> No.20819518

>>20819369
in reality i would have asked for an apology and when i didn`t get it i`d probably kick her ass to make a point.
starting by stomping her knee in, blocking the cross punch from what i guess isher right side because around 90 percent or so of people prefer that side because its their ominant hand. then i`d punch her neck to watch her keel over and then i`d knee her temple hard enough to knock herout stone cold. i`d then probably yell for someone else to come in and clean up the mess because thats a high level of faggotry.
seriously i don`t put up with that shit.

>> No.20819533

AMERICA, FUCK YEAH

>> No.20819544

>>20819518

>someone was rude to me
>let me break their knee, crush their windpipe, and give them a concussion

I don't know why I read that seriously. I'm not erasing what I already typed, but that was clearly a joke post.

I'm going to bed now.

>> No.20819548

Let us freeze rapists and when we thaw them out present them with naked women
FUCKING BRILLIANT
TRULY ENLIGHTENED IDEAS HERE
>In other news stay classy /tg/

>> No.20819555

>>20819548

>/tg/ - We really do screencap EVERY FUCKING THING

>> No.20819560

>>20819518

I'd just complain to her manager or her supervisor.

Logically, to prevent horrific mental shock and physical/mental abnormalities, as in the ones that they spent at least a significant amount of time curing everyone of before they had them properly awoken, you would want someone who has had some form of consolation training to introduce people to being woken up several centuries in the future with no warning. Instead, we got a horrible woman who's first five sentences were threats and sixth was about rape.

Either the future is incredibly shitty and I can have it confirmed so I can just go an hero in peace, or she's having a meltdown and should be transferred out of this particular department until she learns how not to talk about rape to someone who just lost their everything. Either way, I'm sure the supervisor can clear this up for me really goddamn quick.

>> No.20819580

>>20819555

I never understood why people do that. We have an archive that records every single thread. For instance, here is an example of this same exact thread being posted 4 months ago.

http://archive.foolz.us/tg/thread/18980988/#18980988

>> No.20819581

AMERICA YOU SAY
MURICA

>> No.20819587

>>20819560
>talk to the supervisor
It turns out you've been thawed out by some kind of bikini clad future cult. You are not sure if this is the cultural norm.

>> No.20819597

>>20819581
That's clearly a foreigner's idea of America. If it was an actual picture of America, the eagle would have a cowboy hat and there'd be at least 30% more burgers.

>> No.20819603

>>20819555
I dont know about you but I always like seeing what /tg/ does with threads like this after a hundred replies

>> No.20819607

>>20819597
Also the burgers would come with a side of gun.

>> No.20819609

>>20819587

Well, I'll talk to the guy in charge of designing the bikinis or the Assistant Space Cult Manager or something. There's got to be someone reasonable here besides Cranks McKenzie here, and I'm going to find them.

>> No.20819613

>>20819607
Almost forgot that part. There should be a variety of guns interlaced with the burgers.

>> No.20819617

>>20819597
The cowboy I never considered but 30% more burgers? Are you mad? The burger mass index is already dangerously high as it is. Add more and you could risk a burger singularity

>> No.20819624

rolled 16, 13 = 29

>>20819587
>You are not sure if this is the cultural norm.

I'm not sure if I care. Bikini cults are A-OK with me. this is why I got myself frozen and reanimated in the future in the first place.

Show me to my hovercar and chop me some lines of spacepowder.

Oh, you say everyone I ever knew is dead? Fuck those guys. Besides, I know everyone I know, and one of those wankers will have got themselves frozen somehow. They'll turn up eventually, probably flat broke and poncing money for space drugs.

>> No.20819626

>>20819597
There's also a dangerously low Bacon Number, and there isn't enuff dakka.

>> No.20819630

I just want to see the Deadliest Warrior throw-down of Terl versus Susan.

>> No.20819632

rolled 14, 13 = 27

>>20819607

A side of gunS. What are you, canadian or something?

>one gun as a side
>2412
>I shiggytydyggytyfutirehiggity.

>> No.20819654

>>20819624
>Show me to my hovercar
Anon... the truth is... you're in a dystopian future of... shitty 30 mph electric segway cars.
Do YOU have the courage to fight da powah on an older, more powerful, faster vehicle? Dare you ride... A VESPA?!

>> No.20819669

>>20819654

Yeesh, no wonder why Susan is so pissy. She's probably a gearhead who got the Forerunner treatment and is trying to sublimate her desire for a sweet right with bitchery and meta-body muscle mods.

>> No.20819675

>>20819654
I would murder a thousand babies before letting a vespa touch me.

>> No.20819696

>>20819675
So would I. I love vespa's and all but fuck babies.

>> No.20819700

>>20819675
>I would murder a thousand babies before letting a vespa touch me
Have fun paying through the nose for gas, I can go MONTHS between trips to the gas station, and can still hit 80 if I really feel like it.

>> No.20819709

Woah, woah. I feel like we're getting off on the wrong foot here. My name's Anon, what's yours?

>> No.20819710

1. Are the Jews gone yet?

>> No.20819717

>>20819700
You do that, meanwhile I will enjoy life, secure in the knowledge that I have never befouled my very soul by utilizing the gayest form of conveyance known to man.

>> No.20819724

rolled 13, 13 = 26

>>20819654

Hey, back in 2012, I rode a bicycle. Admittedly, it was an awesome bicycle, but I will take that little yellow seed-mobile of your hands in a Mega New York second.

Things are looking up, bikini lady. Under your crusty and unsociable exterior, you're A-OK. Heart of gold, I reckon, heart of gold.

Now, that fry-up? I am still bleeding starved.

>> No.20819731

>>20819717
enjoy not being FABULOOOOOUS

>> No.20819732

>>20819717
>the gayest form of conveyance known to man
>Vespas
>Gay
A Vespa is not a Moped. MOPEDS are gay. Vespas are not.

>> No.20819749

>>20819732
Nope, Vespas, even gay dudes roll by you when you're on that thing and are thinking, good God what a faggot.

>>20819731
This is not the cool kind of gay, like Freddie Mercury, it is the bad kind of gay.

>> No.20819757

How enlightened is the future when they still hate their jobs and haven't realized that being condescending at first contact is probably why everybody is being rude and making them hate their job?

You don't hit people with an information bomb when they are disoriented and lost, you let them know that they're safe, that you mean them no harm, that they are not in trouble, that they aren't here for some sinister purpose, and that your job is to answer their questions.

>> No.20819760

>>20819749
I do believe you have some issues with your own sexuality anon. You may want to see a specialist about your need to repress your obvious latent homosexuality by describing everything you don't like as "gay".

>> No.20819774

>>20819749

Vespas are a proper motorbike with a funny shape. they're not a scooter. Pic related is 500cc and goes pretty well.

They will not be allowed in the future because of petrol and dangerous.

Lots of gay people do ride them, however. That's not homophobic, or a criticism, it's just my experience.

>> No.20819778

>>20819760
That sounds like projection buddy, just because you are gay, or wish you were, doesn't make me gay, and it doesn't make riding a vespa any more acceptable.

>> No.20819782

>>20819757

>implying the future will change human nature

Do you like your job? Nobody likes their job.

Jobs suck donkey cock as a preference.

>> No.20819798

>>20819774
>Vespas are a proper motorbike

Okay buddy, why don't you try telling that to a biker, you will need a seismograph to accurately measure how hard he/she laughs at you.

>> No.20819804

>>20819774

How do we know it will be banned due to dangerous though? All we know about the future is apparently it's commonplace for women to undertake unnecessary gene therapy to gain incredible muscle ability and that rape is something that's treated with both strong disdain and as casually as farting.

If anything, I get the feeling is a shitton more dangerous, especially if most of the population is indeed immortal and Silver Bikini isn't just lying.

>> No.20819823

>>20819804
We're discussing a dystopian future of shitty 30 mph segway cars like in >>20819654
As the guy who posted the shitty segway car, the idea is that the guys on Vespas spend their time buzzing around and being all "FUCK DA POLICE!" while getting into chases with special police pods designed to chase them down and he whole thing generally being an awesome idea for a setting for a less serious game.

>> No.20819828

>By your archaic calendar, the year is 2405.
Crap! I was trying to make it to 2525: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhNM2K8cmU8

>> No.20819835

>>20819828
>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WhNM2K8cmU8
>Zager & Evans

>> No.20819842

>>20819823

It could be a future of shitty 30 mph segway cars that are incredibly dangerous at the same time. A world of Pinto-esque Segway cars that explode into flames and biofuel-based napalm would be incredibly shitty and dangerous.

>> No.20819862

>>20819319
This is a character arc in Cowboy Bebop

>> No.20819871

>>20819862
The first part (up to "nurse charges me" and et cetera) is Faye's backstory yeah, but it was all a con. She really WAS frozen, but the debt and everything were a con.

>> No.20819931

>>20819842

Paranoia RPG. WITH RASCALS.

>> No.20819955

"wheres the VR porn room? What? No, I don't care about that. Wheres the VR room?"

>> No.20819965

"Why was I in stasis?"

"Also. Food. I'd like food please. And porn. I'mah go masturbate."

>> No.20820035

>>20819965
>>20819955

semi-wankmind

What is wrong with you people - at least four of you in this thread have assumed that the first thing you'd do when ressurected in the future is masturbate.

Fuck hoverboots and space-aliens. Forget about replicators and a post-scarcity society. Fuck all that, I'm away to punch kojak in the head.

You guys need to take a long hard look at yourself.

>> No.20820053

>>20820035
Dude, 400 years in cryo makes for MONSTROUS morning wood. You don't do your serious talking and/or thinking when El Jefe is still standing at attention.

>> No.20820099

>>20820035

Why? because I enjoy the endorphin release I get when I blow my load all over the floor after a good jerking to quality porn?
Keep your hover boots. Nobody want em.

>> No.20820110

>>20820099

>would rather wank than hover boots
>the city of 4chan.

>> No.20820119

>>20820099
>>20820110
>not wanting to get two sets of hoverboots, then get a hoverblowjob
You are smalltime.

>> No.20820129

>>20820035

Look, it's not like she's going to give up anything cool any time soon. She's convinced we're all rapist barbarian pigmen.

Might as well take a little time, have a wank, have a snack, and take a siesta until either someone else fills in for Crabbykini or we can get enough sense without her yammering on about her amazing future Taekwondo and penises to actually look into what the hell is going on.

>> No.20820141

I take it the Flood are dead?

>> No.20820149

>>20820035

>not jerking off to relive some stress and think clearly
>2405

>> No.20820159

>>20819774
Isn't that what the Intergalactic police or whatever ride? Just before portals in people's minds release giant robots, of course.

>> No.20820174

WHERE IS THE NEAREST SPACE SHUTTLE WOMAN

I MUST GO INTO SPACE

IT IS THE FUTURE I NEED A SPACEHOUSE

Or at least, direct me to a training program for spacestation operators.

>> No.20820178

>>20820159
>Isn't that what the Intergalactic police or whatever ride?
Yup.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMGqzek7HVA

>> No.20820184

>>20817601

"why?"

>> No.20820202

>>20820178
I love the Pillows after FLCL. Didn't know them before, but they're great.

>> No.20820203

>>20820178
>Blues Drive Monster
Oh god that Spaghetti Western bot... That thing was awesome, and I'm waiting for the chance to make my players fight something like that.
>>20820174
>a training program for spacestation operators.
>Not wanting to be a space garbageman
Do you even Πλανήτης?

>> No.20820208

>>20820202
Pillows hijack?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7GZ8GZP5KM

>> No.20820210

>>20820203
>space garbageman
>not wanting to run a tramp freighter between the stars that dabbles in the occasional piracy

>> No.20820213

>>20820208
is it just me or does "I'll hijack your pillows." sound vaguely like rape?

>> No.20820221

> I say put me back in the fucking tube and make with the biological immortality. I never valued my entropy, and I won't age and rot for your people's amusement.
> No neutering me, either. I like my aggressive nature, frankly.

> Yes, my language is coarse. That's how the world was when I was growing up. And I'm not a morning person, so expect me to be grumpy until I've woken up properly.

> Wait. First contact? You mean, you're not the same civillisation as the one that froze me in here?

> Okay, okay. Fine. Give me the immortality treatment, and when I'm out of this tube again, I'm gonna go all Demolition Man on your society. Prepare for a brave new world. Or a brave old world, anyway. And give me some of that compact muscle stuff while you're at it, 'kay?

>> No.20820224

>>20820210
>not wanting to run a tramp freighter between the stars that dabbles in the occasional piracy
If I wanted to be a smuggler/pirate I'd just move to Thailand. There's a city there where a defaced Buddha sits in the harbor, and a noose hangs from the bridge that acts as the overland entrance. It is the city of the walking dead.

>> No.20820233

>>20817601

"... why?"

>> No.20820234

>>20820224
But it's better in SPAAAAAACE

must..get...to...SPAAACE

>> No.20820241

>>20820234
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUKrAwpZrc8

>> No.20820250

>>20820234
>But it's better in SPAAAAAACE
>Implying a certain borderline-sociopathic Chinese-American New Yorker would be hotter in space than on the ocean, sweating under the hot sun, getting soaked by the spray, and... I'll be in my bunk.

>> No.20820256

>>20817601

Sure, I'll bite.

First off, why me? Being an 'enlightened' people, surely you have some reasonable explanation for bringing me out of stasis.

Second, I've not committed a crime in my life, save for speeding and driving while intoxicated. Surely I some centuries old records tucked away somewhere?

...And finally, while we're on that topic, why the fuck are you dressed like that?

>> No.20820262

>as we understand the people of your era valued their state of entropy
No we didn't. Now gimme that immortality.

>> No.20820263

>>20820241
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-iAUwamHTM4

>> No.20820275

>>20820263
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmH7tAJ0SfA

>> No.20820281

>>20820208
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0-K-FgHE94

>> No.20820294

>>20817724
By the emperor, how horrifying...

this looks almost as bad as the deathclaw cazadore. Good thing it can't fly.

>> No.20820318

>>20820275
>They say great Science is built on the shoulders of giants. Not us. Here at NERV we do all our science from scratch. No hand holding. Now for this next test, I'm going to need you to pilot a giant robot containing the soul of your mother into battle with an alien entity. Just follow the purple line on the floor.
I would totally play in an AdEva game like that.

>> No.20820344

>>20817601
You would arrogantly call yourself enlightened, youngling? You, who accuse me of aggression and violence? You, who presume to know we of yore and yet wear attire fitting of a cheap wench would dare tell me of my sensibilities? To claim to know of our sexual aggression and choose such whorish display is testament to your foolishness. I despair for mankind should you be an exemplar of our inheritors.

Tits or get the fuck off

>> No.20820345

I reach out and start to touch her acting intrigued but silent.
When both of my hands cradle her head I gouge out her eyes.
Before I'm incapacitated I wonder if the next time they wake me up there will be someone with a helmet or if I will be restrained.

>> No.20820360

>>20820345
Well...

>> No.20820369

I see that women have still not evolved dicks.
As the instructions for my stasis have been disregarded I request a lawyer to file a suit against your company.

>> No.20820382

>>20820369
>I'm just messing around, fishing for old men
That made me laugh heartily, could I get a sauce on this? The meat's a bit dry.

>> No.20820391

Frankly I'm disappointed that you had to deliver this information to me orally.

>> No.20820396

>>20820382
Here ya go.
http://g.e-hentai.org/g/351982/a4eedc188e/

>> No.20820405

>>20820396
>http://g.e-hentai.org/g/351982/a4eedc188e/
Thanks much, anon.

>> No.20820407

>>20820391
I'm as disappointed that I had to receive it aurally.

>> No.20820416

>>20817601
I hope you got the last album of taylor swift, i need something depressing to remember my life.

Also, ancient humans...

>> No.20820422

>>20817601
Puede repetirmelo en espanol? no entiendo el ingles.

>> No.20820434

>>20820396
>Retard! I'm a fuckin' guy!
Oh god damn this is great!

>> No.20820470

"About that immortality thing.. is that still possible?"

>> No.20820475

Why am I naked?

>> No.20820489

Hey, i just met you...and this is crazy...but could you bring a sandwitch and a soda?

>> No.20820501

I sure hope that this is Corwrainer Smith's future.

Cause if it is, I'll become the husbando of a deliciously brown homo superior waifu who will love me forever just as I will love her.

Also: depressed nazi killer robots, bears with monocles and catgirls/doggirls.

>> No.20820609

>>20818941
So, exactly the same as the early days of flight then?
We crash, we learn, we improve.

>> No.20820720

>>20820609
Sort of, but with more scientific method and less, "hey this looks cool, let's jump off a hill with it."

In neither case is the theory of relativity likely to simply up and leave, nor is an energy-efficient method of getting around it likely to be found and implemented easily.

>> No.20823540

>>20820396
>http://g.e-hentai.org/g/351982/a4eedc188e/
I'm a tranny and a feminist, so why am I fapping to this instead of getting outraged? v.v

>> No.20824018

>>20818723
>"I'll jump off this building and float, just because no-one's done it before, doesn't mean it's impossible."

You bet I can!
I just need to get my glider or chute and it wont be a thang. I'll even float.

Fuck you!

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