/tg/ - Traditional Games

die in forest alone.


I re-roll a wizard, fuck this shit

Die horribly confused

>Implying I'm not a stupidly over powered Mary Sue Necromancer.
>Implying I don't just pick my sefl up and brush off the dust.
>Implying I'm not going torch the entire forest with zombie dragons to get back at that bitch.

>>20494757
Get high.
She obviously blew her latest load of shit - that is to say, cocaine - at my face.

I realize that the powder is just ground maple bark and wonder what the crazy elf bitch was on about.

Give the DM a good smack upside the head for not giving me some kind of saving throw, then another one for using "but she was an elf" as an explination for why I didn't get a Listen/Spot check.

FOOL! YOU ONLY ACTIVATED MY FINAL FORM!

Realize in my last few moments of life that maybe I shouldn't have gone to that sorority party after all. I wasn't even a lesbian. She came on to me. Oh god the blood.

and then I die due to crazy wild elf magic bullshit.

Is it wrong the first time I saw this thread I just read 'ravage your throat' and assumed this thread was about something completly different?

At any rate, die confused like the other anons.

Drink some more ale to help my sore throat and continue the journey onwards. Fucking racists.

>>20494757
never use that magic card again

Burn down the forest. Kill all the elves.

Good thing I was wearing my gas mask. Stuff a rag into my bottle of homemade vodka, light it and throw it after her.

>Looks like that great evil that was sealed inside me is going to get released after all.

I ask my GM what the hell? And roll new character, his name will be Inigo and the elven maiden should prepare to die.

>elven maiden
>"me daughter"

Obviously I'd wake up, because this isn't making sense.

> wonder why the elf was using bad grammar. "me daughter"? Is she part dwarf?
> dust self off and get back up cuz no save? No fail.
> head off to kill the rest of her children...and make her watch. >:3

>>20494925
You obviusly killed female elven jesus or something.

Well done!

After the powder wears off enough for my regeneration to kick in, I get up, dust myself off, find her, fill her with dildos, gift wrap her and deliver her back to the elven village/town/whatever along with a note to get her back into school because her grammar is atrocious.

They can take care of their own delusional nutcases.

>>20494757
Become confused and angry at my DM, roll a new character and tell said DM if he didn't like something about my character he should've just said it to my face and we'd work something out, not use some shitty passive-aggressive autokill encounter that makes no sense.

The only reason I'm not leaving this group is because apparently someone other than me is finally DMing.

>>20495010
Actually, that girl proves that they, in fact, cannot.

Which brings me to my new grand plan.

Asylum for mentally ill of all races.
And I just found my very first patient.

>Oh me gods, Ulfric, I just saw a ghost near that old cementery on the hill. Call them adenturers!
And that's where I step in

Three words.

IRON
HEART
SURRRRRRRRGE

Joke's on her, I'm a skeleton

I let out a cold electronic laugh as the elf blows her powder in the face of a robot and finds it worthless. Then I cover her stupid forest in so much fire, as my retaliation program has been labelled a bit extreme.

I walk through the forest of Shambriad, listening to the various sounds from its depth.
I have travelled through a great deal of woods like these but never have I had the chance to truly feel its presence before.
If I had to choose another career than a mercenary, I would have been a bard singing about the wonders of the world.

Like the wind passing by my cheek, a elvish woman appears infront of me. My eyes are suddenly in excruciating pain, drawing red tears from within as I fall to my knees. I start coughing up blood, feeling my throat is on fire. I hear her screaming something at me in elvish and the next thing I know, she's gone.

I can't move my body anymore. Days go by and all of my flesh has been consumed by small woodland creatures.
Weeks after my death, a person finds my corpse. Instead of running after help, he takes out a book from his bag

I am now his skeleton minion and will serve him until the end of days.

>>20494757
With my last moments, I scramble through my belongings and grab the abundant amounts of Alchemists' Fire that I had been buying.

If I'm going down, then so is this entire forest.

>Implying dwarf master race is not immune to faggot elf poisons
>Recommence the strip mining of ancient forest lands

Go back in time then kill her daughter for revenge!

I'm a fucking Orc. Green powders don't do shit to me, because my dump stats don't get figured into my Fort.

>A wild elven maiden suddenly leaps out of nearby trees to land before you. Before you can do anything the elf blows a fine green powder onto your face.
Bullshit, I demand a reflex roll

>>20495256
only if you have evasion

" What the hell Dm, I though you said none of this 'revenge filled npc' shit ever again?" Roll up Brute, the half orc Barbarian, procede to then wreck the pervivbial shit out of her.

If I am alone, I die horribly.
If I am with my party (much more likely!) chances are this is the start of a new adventure!

>>20495259
That's not how evasion works.

>>20495010
you win, sir

BUT I'M A SKELETON
HOW AM I BLEEEEEEEDIIIING

I enslave and sell her.

>>20495415
She revived you. You soon will be real boy!

>>20495445
YAYYYYY

Years of smoking unfiltered Marlboro cigarettes have steeled my lungs against her petty "green powder". I cough some more and think nothing off it, as the cancerous lesions in my lungs destroy whatever toxin she blew at me.

Fake death, because i'm a lich and can do that, then, when she turns her back on me teleport her to the plane of fire. Go on my marry way trying to find this bitch's village and turn the into zombie slaves.

>>20495491
*merry

I CURSE THEE FOR MURDERING AN INNOCENT MAN MAY ALL YOUR CHILDREN BE BORN WITH HUMAN EARS NOBODY WILL BELIEVE YOU IT'S A CURSE THEY'LL CALL YOU A FILTHY HUMANFUCKER AND EXILE YOU AAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAACKCOUGH

I thank her for removing all the caked on blood from my machinery, and proceed to slap her silly. Who goes and tries to poison robots?

>>20494757
By the Slaanesh! I just fall in love!

What if we're reading it wrong and it's:
"That's for murdering me, daughter."

Either she was murdered and decided to stop being so, or perhaps she's actually giving us a weapon with which to murder her?

>>20496544
Do I look like an elf broad to you?

I want "elf what do" to go.

...
...
...
What?

>>20496626
Kinda, if you squint a little.

Use Giant's Fortitude to heal from the effect and use Chasing Strike to attack the elf. I rolled a 47, did I hit?

>>20496656
I'm in the boat with this guy. I don't know... Get fire or something.

>>20496759
>Your orifices start to bleed.
Uh... I roll for anal circumference?

>Your orifices start to bleed.
I like to play trolls.
combining regeneration and hit dices, I'll probably flood the whole forest with my blood, drowning every creature in the area.
i'll probably survive this, given that I roll a decent swim check

But I didn't kill your daughter, I only raped her!

>>20496909
You killed he's daughter verginity
are you become repe

>>20496959
This elf is a guy? Fucking elf traps.

>>20496959
> he's
Oh gods dammit! And here I thought that elves just had elongated clits like their ears and a cloaca.
>are you become repe
What. Repe is my brother, senior, I am Pepe

I'm a warforged. I won't be bleeding out of anything any time soon. I guess I just kind of sit there and wonder what happened.

>>20494969
>implying you even get a save
This is 1e. Roll up a new character, or wait for a resurrection.

>>20496991
ELONGATED CLOACA

Write three pages in italic about how i feel about it.

>>20497188
So they're like hyenas or some shit I should have been sticking it in the other hole at the end of the clit/penis/thing? Well shit, that looked painful as all hells, but if that's how elves get groovy...

>>20494757
Again? I'm getting tired of this DM's bullshit.

Die and reroll my character, this is WFRP, and not the edition that shall not be named. I'm used to it by now.

>maiden
>has a daughter

This doesn't make sense. Being a maiden implies being a young (usually virgin) woman who is unmarried.

>>20498318

WOOD ELVES, MATE. THEY'RE BUGFUCK AS A RULE.

HER DAUGHTER WAS PROBABLY SOME PATCH OF MOSS YOU TOOK A PISS ON, OR A TREE YOU FELLED FOR FIREWOOD.

NOT MAGICAL MOSS OR A DRYAD'S TREE, JUST REGULAR OLD PLANTS.

>>20498318

Maybe she adopted?

Sit down and masturbate one final time. You know she's watching, so it's totally going to gross her out, plus it's a huge turn-on. Revenge is mine!

>>20498343
>Wood elf adopts flower
>Flower wilts
>Goes on quest to kill winter

>>20498343
>>20498373
Elves everybody!

>>20498373
Fuck you, now I need to post pic related

>>20494757

Roll a natural 20 on my Fort save.

NEXT

Congratulate myself for taking enough levels in druid for poison resistance as the bleeding stops.

Then I turn the Forest itself against her.

>>20494757
Or I could hold my breath and quickly shut my eyes when someone blows pocketsand (Or the equivilant thereof) in my fucking face, like a normal person.

>>20498296
>can't even mention WH without shitting on one of its editions
I don't even want to know which one. Seriously, you're worse than D&D fanboys.

>>20499510

That's if your reflexes are fast enough. That's why it's a reflex save.

Now somebody post that pocket sand gif.

>>20499697
POCKET SAND!

>>20494757
>maiden
>daughter
What?
That's not how maidens work.

Find the elf's daughter.
Murder her.

Thus the balance of the universe was restored.

>>20499510
Spoken like someone who's never been maced, much less dealt with any chemical training.

A fine enough powder will still get into your eyes, nose, mouth, or even the pores of your skin despite how fast your reflexes are. The real question is if enough of the stuff got through to do any damage.

be undead. Necropolitan preferred.
find and the wild elf,
bind her soul.
animate her lifeless body
mount her soul on her animated body.
have her watch while "she" kills EVERY SINGLE PERSON THAT SHE EVER KNEW!!!!!!!

>>20501237
ur a faget

I deficate mightily, and scratch into a tree "Secundus was here".

The sky erupts in a purple mist, as undulating pillars of red light pass over me. I can't move, can't think. I attempt to stand back up, but gravity isn't the same anymore.

Feels almost like a dream.....

Well my orifices don't start to bleed because poison or disease I'm immune to that garbage. Then it's off to ask her what that was all about. With my boot.

>>20501537
god damn it Secundus

I start casting fire, just fire, everywhere.

I make the forest become fire.

That's about it.

I'm playing in a setting where if you die you have a fair enough chance of just coming back undead.

So I try to use my resources to deal with the poison, and if I can't make the save, come back as a zombie.

>>20494757
I turn around and head for the lake, because clearly I am an idiot and got powder all over myself.

I don't even have any ranks in poison stuff.

>implying my character can be surprised
>implying my character does not have immediate action abilities
>implying my character kills females

Remove disease
Holy purge
Lay on hands

Then I venture into the forest to fix this misunderstanding and hopefully bring retribution to the villain who ruthlessly murdered this poor woman's daughter.

Maybe distribute some righteous hot dickings in the name of Lastai

>>20503133
>Paladin of Lastai

>"That's for murdering me daughter"
u wot m8

Survive poison

elf rape her

Then kidnap our half elf child and raise them to hate their elven mother and forests in general.

>>20502159
>I am become death, destroyer of worlds.

The problem you all have is thinking that "wat do" is an interrogative, when rather it is imperative. OP is commanded you to to wat do. I recommend we all do wat immediately. Anything else qualifies as shitposting.

Ya'll ninjas posting in a do wat thread.

I'm playing a dragonfire adept at the moment.

Fuck that cunt, if I'm dying from poison (which I'm not because POISONS FUCKING SUCK) I'm spending as many rounds as I can torching the goddamn forest.

I die, of course.

I then come back as a ghost, possess the elf, and march her to MY mother so that she can explain how she is a horrible, horrible murderer and how blindly lashing out in perceived vengeance has turned her into exactly what she hates.

Before passing on, I shall ensure that she is driven quite mad in grief over her failure. Because I'm a spiteful asshole.

>>20503133

Die in agonizing pain, regretting that I was never able to find my Scottish Elf mother after I had been kidnapped by Amazon bandits so long ago.

I get healed by the partys healer. Duh. If I'm the healer it's party-wide heal checks to wash the shit out of my face and inhale a potion-mist. It's a final fantasy 11 inspired potion you inhale just in case you can't drink for some reason. Costs twice as much as liquid potion, but well worth it.

Anyways that was ameture, let's go beat some answers out of her!

Regret that I died not to blade or bow, a mighty warrior of renown, or even some lad trying to prove himself.

I will not die in a blaze of glory protecting something from countless hordes.

My skill with my greatsword, unpolished as it is, shall not be sung of.

No, I shall die of poisoning from a slighted elven mother, alone, and in obscurity.

So many things I wanted to do...so much fame and fortune I was to acquire...

With my last breath, and an odd name popping into my head, no doubt the result of the poison, I shout to the gods, "WITH MY LAST BREATH, I CURSE ZOIDBERG!"

The rest...is silence.

>>20503619
>everyone'sfw they realize that's an incubus and not a succubus

>>20503900
It only makes my erection harder.

>>20503900
Actually, this is mfw

>>20503900
...How do you tell?

>>20503900

Dude, considering we sometimes nearly cross into /D/ territory, I would be surprised if there wasn't at least one person in this thread that was alright with that thought.

>>20503937
I think I count two. Probably more.

>>20503937
I never said that was a face of horror...

>>20503900

Hate to say it boss, but most won't care.

And those that do realize and do care... well...

As they say, resistance only makes the penis harder.

>>20503937
>/D/
What?

>>20494757
Well, I'm a druid, so I'm immune to poison.

I also multiclass monk, so I'm DOUBLE immune to poison. And disease.

I'm also Lawful Neutral and therefore don't give a fuck about your problems.

Why are the elves Scottish/Irish? Why does an elven maiden have a child? Why am I not getting Spot and Listen checks to notice the elf, Reflex saves to avoid the powder, or Fortitude saves for resisting it?

Terrible DMing, bad homebrew setting, 1/10 would not play again.

>>20503900
Well I'll be...

no matter
My vows to the goddess disallow me from denying my dick to any, be it a hot babe or a sexy boy, sometimes neither, sometimes even both

>>20494757
I get out of there.

i cough a bit, and when she leaves i stand up, not having the heart to tell her im an undead that uses disguise self really well

>>20503933
here is how you can tell, its a male, an incubus is a male succubus that is lawful evil

It is simple.

Gentlemen, we burn it all down.

>>20494757
Well first take a reflex save to dodge that dust, then a will save to resist it.

You're not gonna railroad me that easily.

Wonder how I was poisoned when I am currently a sapient patch of pixie dust that can cast spells.

>>20494757

MFW ITS YOPO