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/tg/ - Traditional Games


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[ERROR] No.19265526 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

We elves, despite our patience, have finally decided to act in response to the shameless encroachment upon elven territory by disrespectful humans.

Henceforth, we declare /tg/ to once again belong to the dominion of elves, and all humans shall swear fealty to our council of elders or face exile or death.

All who shall resist shall feed the roots of our sacred trees.

Those humans who do not wish to be ruled by elves are free to leave and shall not be harassed, but must do so as soon as possible. Any humans who have not sworn their oaths to our council that are found within our lands after the next two decades will face the most dire of consequences.

Thank you, and may you have a pleasant year.

>> No.19265542

DORF THREAD

>> No.19265555

>> No.19265566

You're just tsundere for big human dick, aren't you?

>> No.19265568

>> No.19265573

>>19265526
So Deedlit, how does it feel demanding fealty from Humans when we all know you have a massive craving for Human cock? Seriously you're not being very subtle about this attempt to make us your stable of fucktoys.

>> No.19265576

Why not an ogre thread?

>> No.19265585

>>19265526
BREAKING NEWS

Elves remain giant pansy faggots that no one likes, the Council of Races reopens discussion on razing the elvish forest and, I quote, "putting those pointy eared assholes in their place". Prices of salt rise in anticipation of the largest permanent scarring of natural wilderness in our lifetimes.

and now the weather.

>> No.19265588

Orcs 'ere. 'Ave uh noice, frahstee glass of go-fuck-yourself!

We're joinin' up wiv da Stunties on dis wun! Dey makes fer bettah drinkin' buddies!

>> No.19265599

We only have TWO DECADES? Absurd, we can't possibly be ready to leave with such a short period to prepare. We'd need at least five to be able to take our leave in a civilized and orderly fashion.

>> No.19265600

>>19265573
do insult deedlit because OP used her image.

>> No.19265602

Capped as a motherfucker.

>> No.19265604

>>19265526

>> No.19265606

>>19265588
Yew wich yew wuz as kewl az uss gobbs, shetlickuh

>> No.19265618

>> No.19265620

>>19265600
do not...... fuck

>> No.19265621

>>19265585
>Burning the Elves' forests to the ground and salting the earth.
We Romans now.
But wait, the elves are too gay to be Carthage.
>>19265600
>insult
Dude, it's not an insult, the lady has good taste.

>> No.19265631

>coolstorybro

>> No.19265634

>>19265585
Thanks Chuck, Weather Wizard here.

Our five day forecast shows sunny skies up into the weekend with a 90% chance of Sulfurous Doom from the skies if you're in the Sacred Groves, but after that things should be cooling down to a comfortable 75 degrees.

For those of you in the Dread Peaks we're issuing a Yeti Warning, remember folks, mating season is going to be rolling around soon and you don't want to get caught in the upper passes when that happens.

>> No.19265635

Who let the elven entertainment out of the pen?

>> No.19265637

>>19265618
Can't 'ere youz ovah duh sound uv 'ow drunk I am!

>> No.19265653

Mighty Serbia endorses this doctrine.
Wait, we're elves, right? If not, then it is war, and we will hunt and kill you in your kitchens. But we're totally elves. I mean, the Bosnians can't be the elves. That'd be ridiculous.

You are worst human. Return to croatia.

>> No.19265663

>>19265526

Elf, I think you've spent too long in your trees.

/tg/ is no longer the sole dominion of humans.

In fact, it belongs mostly to the dwarves, dorfs (not to confuse the two), monstergirls, liches, kobolds, and some humans with really big hats with large yellow angry men.

In fact, the Council of Liches have declared humans to be a protected species within the realm of /tg/ under the Protected Sentient Act.

If you would also like to enjoy similar protection, I suggest you contact your nearest council representative with information on your species' numbers, holdings, and 20,000 signatures petitioning for the protection of your people.

>> No.19265669

Are these knifeears serious?

>> No.19265672

>>19265653
>Serbia
>Elves
You Serb bros are totally human, as are the Bosnians, the Bosnians are just fucking stupid humans who should be wiped from the Earth. I say after we finish off the Elves we go to work on the Bosnians.

>> No.19265681

well well whats going on here attack the elves and you fuck with the church you heathen scum!

>> No.19265682

>>19265672
Are the Elves Muslims? Or Catholic?

>> No.19265683

Will we also build factories that convert Albanians in to fuel?

>> No.19265693

and if i don't leave, who are you sending in to my house to evict me, you long eared warm-blooded blonde fairies?

I wouldn't come in the front door if I were you.
Or the back door.
Or the windows.
Or that deer path behind the cottage.
Or over the lawn, that's mined.

Actually, you know what? You'll probably just like it better if I stay here.

>real /tg/ master race

>> No.19265694

>>19265683
That would imply that Albanians have some intrinsic worth, which would be false. I don't think they even burn well, they're like green logs.

>> No.19265695

>>19265681
But the Elves are tree worshiping heathens.
DEUS VULT!

>> No.19265702

>>19265682
I don't know, but they sure as hell aren't Orthodox.

>> No.19265705

rolled 4 = 4

>>19265695
they are vegans!

double heresy!

>> No.19265713

>>19265694
You know that damp, blackish brown stuff you find under the first layer of leaves?

That's Albanians. Fucking useless.

>> No.19265725

>>19265695
>>19265705
God made the trees you sinners! there for they worship god! NOW REPENT!

>> No.19265733

>>19265693
Apparently the Serbs. See if you can out booby-trap them, scaly!

>> No.19265748

>>19265733
Every dead thread will have a bouncing betty off of it. Every frontpage will be rigged with a spike trap. You've just started a war like you couldn't believe.

>> No.19265749

>>19265725
By that logic EVERYONE worships God because God made everything.
Meaning that we wouldn't get to commit large scale slaughters in the name of God.
Do you even Catholic?

>> No.19265756

...So does this mean I can fuck an elf?
Because that's a pretty big thing for a decision-maker.

>> No.19265757

rolled 35 = 35

>>19265725
and god created the angels who turned into demons also... so worshiping Satan is worshiping god?

>> No.19265763

Humans of /tg/. The Order of the Flaming Rose stands with you.

We need not fear these non-humans. They merely sense their own impending doom and like a trapped animal they mean to fight.

This insult will not stand. No human shall bend knee to any elven lord while I still draw breath. You tried to enslave us once, elf. As you subjugated the Vran and the Dwarves. You failed then and you will fail now.

Come brothers! Let us give these non-humans the death they seek.

>> No.19265772

>>19265725
The Elves do not worship us!
Are we not God's favorite creation?
How can they be true Christians if they don't worship God's favorite creation?

>> No.19265778

>>19265749
Some people just weren't cut out to follow the mother church. Fucking barbarians.

>We should all be friends!
I blame the protestants. We're turning into the First Church of :D these days.

>> No.19265787

>>19265763
I ain't taking no orders from a gutless virgin!

>> No.19265793

Alright, so we let the Drow know that then and let you two fight it out.... Good to know. XD

Also joining in on the Dwarves for this one. XD

>> No.19265798

>>19265756
Of course you can fuck an elf.
That's been the case ever since first contact all those millennia ago when the first human met an elf and wanted to fuck it.

Just as long as you marry a human.

>> No.19265803

As a sell sword I dont really care. Shit if you pay me enough gold I'll kill some humans for you

>> No.19265804

>>19265713
Kosovo is totally Serbia. You know who disagrees? Probably the elves.
Got get 'em.

>> No.19265814

>>19265756
You already can pink-skin. Or are you one of those sick fuckers that have consensual sex with the elven.

>> No.19265819

....so, we actually gonna submit to the demands of the proto-Eldar, or we gonna stand up and strike a blow for mankind?

As for salting Earth: I think Exterminatus works better than some pesky minerals.

>> No.19265824

implying you can make us leave

>> No.19265863

I'm sleepy. What do you elves have in the means of hammocks, couches, beds, snooze-friendly seats and so on.

You got any of that magic to make me rip van winkle?

>> No.19265867

>>19265819

No Exterminatus, this planet's where I keep all my stuff.

That said, I'm like ninety percent sure I could take the entire elf nation in a fistfight. None of that one at a time shit, I'll take all those bitches on!

>> No.19265894

>>19265867
>Fistfight
I'd rather challenge them to a bout of wrestling.
Giggity.

>> No.19266072

What's that lesser races? I can't hear you over the sound of us making the Chaos gods our bitches.

Maybe once we're done we'll show you space marines how to use a ranged weapon.

>> No.19266204

>>19265798
I kind of plan on marrying this elf lady I've been seeing.
>>19265814
totally the latter.

>> No.19266374

>>19265526
You are powerless to stop the forward movement of Lord Zarus' chosen.

>> No.19266627

<ahem> THE COUNCIL OF LICHES HAVE FINISHED CONVENING ON THE EMERGING /TG/ CRISIS

THE ELVES STAND ACCUSED OF WAR CRIMES AND VIOLATING THE RIGHT TO SELF DETERMINATION OF THE HUMANS. THEY WILL RELINQUISH THEIR MISBEGOTTEN HUMAN TERRITORY EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY. IF THEY FAIL TO DO SO THE COUNCIL WILL UNILATERALLY DECLARE A NO-LIFE ZONE IN ALL ELVEN DOMAINS. OUR JUDGMENT IS FINAL. ALL HAIL MISTRESS DEATH.

ANY QUESTIONS FROM THE PRESS?

>> No.19266656

>>19266627
Does the council have any position on the pro-dorf position characteristically adopted in this thread? Is there any concern about the Council's actions with respect to the Orc tribes?

>> No.19266871

>>19266656
THE COUNCIL IS WILLING TO INCLUDE DWARVEN AND ORCISH INPUT AND SUPPORT IN THE ELVEN-HUMAN CONFLICT. WE ALSO ENCOURAGE BOTH PARTIES TO STRENGTHEN TIES WITH THE COUNCIL FOR GREATER JOINT SPECIES DEFENSE COOPERATION AND EVENTUALLY EMBRACING THE ALL-ENCOMPASSING POWER OF DEATH.

>> No.19266905

I knew this shit was coming. I knew the elves could not be trusted. The barley told me so!

>> No.19267097

time for us proper races to cut their ears and watch as they die from blood loss.

>> No.19267138

LIVE FROM CNN: ELVES HAVE BEEN CAUGHT USING BIOWEAPONS IN HUMAN CITIES

>> No.19267184

>>19266627
Could we donate our bodies to you upon death in return for cash?

>> No.19267232

We stand with the Elves.

Humans, Dwarves, Orcs, and Liches - prepare your buttholes.

>> No.19267263

>>19267138
Fellow members of the Council, it appears the elves have sent us their response to the Cease-and-Desist Order. I propose a surgical blight-team be sent into their Sacred Heart-Tree with my patent Anathemic Cauldron. What say ye?

>> No.19267281

>>19267232
SKY-RAN-GER ROLLIN DOWN THE STRIP

XCOM ROOKS GONNA TAKE A LITTLE TRIP

>> No.19267305

>>19265713
Makes good fertilizer, though.

>> No.19267323

rolled 32 = 32

HOLY SHIT GUYS! SHIT JUST GOT REAL

EVERYONE GET IN HERE!

burning faping hands reporting in

>> No.19267337

>>19267281

>> No.19267347

>>19265526

>two decades

You're giving me 1/4 of my natural lifespan to make a decision? That's pretty cool, I suppose. I can spend 25% of my life thinking of a way to violently deal with your attempts to throw me out

>> No.19267382

I've survived things a lot scarier than you, elf. Ain't nobody forcing me away from my livelihood.

>> No.19267390

I for one welcome our new Elven overlords.

Sweet sweet Elf poon. It tastes like honey.

>> No.19267426

KAISER! DIE ELVE VANT TO KICK US AUF OUR LAND!

DEN DE VILL VACE OU WRATH!

>> No.19267431

Also, Dwarves are required to by law to admit that their species reproduces homosexually.

>> No.19267434

Humanbro here. I prefer our current mutually beneficial agreements with the dorfs to bending knee to you hippy scum.

Also, this bullshit?
>>19267138

It's fucking on now.

>Captcha: the itivei
Oh, now the Itivei are with us. You done fucked up now, knife-ears.

>> No.19267442

>>19267390
If it's so good, then why not side with us, wipe out their civilization, and leave the females to serve at our pleasure?

I, for one, welcome our new Elven sex-slaves

>> No.19267445

>Elf dominatrix, wat do?

>> No.19267451

Dear Elvish Council,

. Remember how half-elven births were initially considered a fad? And as the half-breed birth rate climbed rather than fell, Elven Philosophers proved incapable of finding the cause?

Yeah, we scienced the fuck out of that shit. Chart related.

Now, where the Elf women at?

>> No.19267470

>>19267138
FUCK THEY TORE RIGHT THROUGH THE GUARD, WHERE THE HELL IS BACKUP

>> No.19267471 [DELETED] 

>>19265526

Goddamit, we were here first. Get in line.

>> No.19267472

>>19265663

Liches are inferior.

>> No.19267477

>>19267470

>> No.19267487

>>19265526

You fuckers... that's our MO!

>> No.19267500

>>19267470
Sit tight, soldier! I'm sending in our best man!

>> No.19267507

>>19267472
Why is that gray-haired child casting Dancing Lights? And why does she expect it to impress us?

>> No.19267512

>>19267470
Backup is on the way. Sit tight, sweetheart.

>> No.19267525

It never stops being funny watching /tg/ shit itself over elves. This is from the same guys who make all those HFY threads, but focused on fantasy rather than scifi.

The defining feature of elves is that they are better than humans. And nothing gets /tg/s impotent, frothing rageboner more erect than there being a race better than humanity.

>> No.19267529

rolled 95 = 95

>>19267470
HOLD ON SOLDIER IM BRINGING SOME FIREPOWER

>> No.19267543

>>19267507
it's Cthulu(not my waifu, unfortunately).

>> No.19267546

>>19267525
Only way I can get it up anymore.

>> No.19267554

>>19267263
We, the people of humanity, would ask that a capture team be sent instead. Yes, it is less economical, but while the elves are clearly a threat to the self determination of other species, their extinction will rob us of a workforce that does not require youth or retirement. Seeing as Humanity was threatened by the elves, we think it only fit that upon capture, the elves be remanded to us under servitude status, with the appropriate servitude collars. We will make great use of this workforce in bolstering the economy of /tg/

>> No.19267577

>>19265526

Come and take me, then!

Show me what you're made of, sword-ears! Show me what all those centuries of tree-hugging can do!

Besides, what you're doing is in direct violation of the Sentinel's Pact! You already have gotten the attention of the Council of Liches!

You attacked us *first* at Serenity Vale, elf! Did you think we'd forgive you after you nearly wiped out the 97th Overlanders?

>> No.19267595

>>19267525

I think it is less that they are better than us at magic and culture, but more that they are those things AND stereotypically pretty. /tg/, being nerds who likely had a very rough go at highschool, instinctively hate pretty people. That's why we like dorfs and necromancers so much. No one expects a necromancer to be pretty, and dorfs are known for being fat, hairy, dirty introverts who rarely leave their caves.

We identify with dorfs, dorfs stereotypically hate elves. so we hate elves. But elf women are hot, so every time /tg/ gets worked up over elves it inevitably turns into some version of screaming how big humanity's cock is so we can act out some bizarre, species-wide rape fantasy wherein we subject a race that, in tolkienesq fiction, can slaughter us wholesale in battles where we outnumber them 5:1.

>> No.19267598

>>19267554

The truth is, the Humans already have a dinner engagement and play-date.

>> No.19267619

>>19267525

I don't get it. I'm all for preferring humans in fantasy yet humans and elves are like Britain and America. We have fun when we're working together.

Elf guys get the human chicks since they like the pale and lethargic look nowadays.
Human guys get the elf chicks.

>> No.19267649

>>19267595

So I identify with elves because I was attractive but didn't fit in with the rest of the people at school at all because I was "too weird?"

Also, know your place you no-eared, sub-elven beasts.

>> No.19267668

What are my idiot descendants up to this time? What the..the fuck? I'm 12,000 and what the fuck is this!? This will not end well for you guys, and I'm not gonna stick around to watch, I'm gonna go hang out with the dragons.

>> No.19267669

>>19267451
>Average Human - 5 inches

>Average Human Adventurer - 10 inches

...so simply declaring yourself an adventurer doubles your dick size?

>> No.19267671

>>19267649
And I identify with doppelgangers/changelings because I was someone different to each of my social circles.

>> No.19267676

>>19267649
My place is right here, elf. With my head held high.
If you want me, come and get me.

>> No.19267686

What sort of foolery is this? Do my degenerate, tree dwelling cousins turn so easily from the spirit of Eru Ilúvatar? Do you truly seek dominion, and to persecute our younger brethren in this world? We are strong, but we will fade, and lack the vitality of Man, even bereft of the blood of Númenor. Cease your vitriolic prattle, or the blades of the Noldor and the house of Finwë will meet your claims. Eä is for all of Eru Ilúvatar's children, now, and for all time.

>> No.19267696

>>19267686
>picture related.

>> No.19267698

>>19267669
I think it's rather that people with huge cocks are more likely to be adventurers. I mean, when you're given a gift you have to share it with as many people as possible. It's only fair.

>> No.19267711

>>19267669

So humans are basically niggers.

>> No.19267715

>>19267671
So then I guess I identify with orcs, because I'm hairy, not clever, and think violence solves most problems. And nobody likes me.
Mostly that last one.

>> No.19267732

>>19267676

Longbowguy meets an ironic fate of being pwned by superior elven archers. Oh all the things you could have challenged them at, you picked archery?

>> No.19267740

>>19267669
Why do you think people do it anyways? It's like painting a target on your chest for fate to throw all its bullshit your way, may as well come with a (5") silver lining

>> No.19267748

>>19265526
You know what? I've had it with you motherfucking elves and your motherfucking treehugging.

Break out the alchemist's fire boys, we're gonna have ourselves a good-old-fashioned firestorm.

>> No.19267768

>>19267732
Actually, that was just a distraction. You might want to check on your sacred springs.

>> No.19267790

>>19267740
"I shall fend for myself! I shall triumph over adversity! I shall become an Adventurer!"

>SHRRIP!

"...but first I shall buy new pants!"

>> No.19267805

>>19267669
I would assume subtle jab at PCs.

>Barlow, Kingson, & Harris et al.
Fantasy University penis scholarship. With citations. Fucking PCs.

>> No.19267810

>>19267669

More likely that the adventurers are the ones that pay the bards to sing stories about them. Its kind of like how history is written by the winners: if you tell the minstrels to sing of your manliness, it doesn't matter what you were really packing down there. All people will every remember about you is the songs that described you as tall, broad shouldered, and hung like a centaur.

So our 'adventurer' statistic is probably more fiction than fact. Its not like we would have checked that shit, we don't even have the scientific method yet! "I heard it from a guy passing through town" is a credible source of information for most settlements.

>> No.19267837

>>19267525

>> No.19267845

rolled 40 = 40

>>19267525
but /tg/ loves skeletons more than humans

>> No.19267877

>>19267525
This implies that there is any race more fit than Man to rule the galaxy. The Eldar had their chance, and were brought low by their own depravity, and thus they must be cleared away for Mankind to stand in his rightful place as masters of the Earth and Stars.

As for the Liches: As long as they don't start preaching their weird religion, we're good.

>> No.19267892

>>19267525

I want to see a setting where Humanity is permanently at the bottom of the shit-heap.

>> No.19267896

>>19267740
Pic is effective representation.

>>19267810
>So our 'adventurer' statistic is probably more fiction than fact. Its not like we would have checked that shit, we don't even have the scientific method yet!
Barlow, Kingson, & Harris et al. would beg to differ. They apparently did math to this shit. And you best not be messing with the one-armed two-legged Prince Kingson!

>> No.19267903

>>19267892
There was a thread on that earlier, I think the game is called Space Punks. It sounds pretty twisted, yet ballsy.

>> No.19267906

>>19267892
Lorwyn

>> No.19267943

>>19267892
40K.

>> No.19267996

>>19267943
I think he means that all the races are clearly better than we are and we aren't much more than talking apes. 40k comes close at times, but we're still fairly powerful if only because of our numbers and massive and decaying Imperium

>> No.19268017

I don't imagine an elf war would be much of an issue, by the time they get their warplan finalized, we'll be colonizing other planets in FTL space ships.

>> No.19268079

People, surely there is some common ground we can reach?
Elves, there is no need to dominate something that can so easily be shared. Let's avoid any unnecessary bloodshed.

>> No.19268124

>>19267598
>purposeless rampage sent back by a lone, unarmed, shrine maiden or a perfectly normal magician
You just go back to bed while the Liches discuss more important things.

THESE FUCKING ELVES.

>> No.19268142

>>19267732
>Good at archery
>Average adult elf male has less upper body strength than the average adult human male
laughingarchers.gif

>> No.19268153

>>19267748
Just keep the pyrophobic warriors away from the inferno.

>> No.19268154

What's wrong with being an asskicker with some elegance, again?

Pic related because the Andii are blatantly elves.

>> No.19268172

>>19268142

That's not actually a real thing outside of /tg/'s conception of elves. They're lean, not weak. Elves don't get a strength penalty, and your average human isn't the Beefchest McBuffson Human Fighter who put his +2 in Strength.

>> No.19268173

>>19267554
You misunderstand me, mortal. My Anathemic Cauldron will not actually harm the elves! What it will do is effectively neatralize the life and growth of all plantlife and non-sapient fauna within the Heart-Tree's sphere of influence. It will, for lack of a better term, KILL everything the elves think they have a right to.

>> No.19268198

>>19268173
But aren't those same things useful to us? I think we should be looking at killing the Elves, if anything, and taking the resources they lay claim to for our own use.

>> No.19268211

>>19268154

Wasn't the general consensus in-series that Caladan Brood could have matched Rake in a straight-up fight? Both of them had some pretty bullshit weapons.

>> No.19268215

>>19268173

You're going to do WHAT now?

>> No.19268256

>>19268172

And the elves +2 dex actually DOES make them better archers. They might not be using that super-strong composite longbow, but that doesn't mean they are not going to be freakishly accurate with their weapons of choice.

Hell, if we are talking about 'average' humans? Bows are martial weapons, not simple ones. So your average commoner-pressed-into-service isn't even PROFICIENT with a bow. So they are eating a -4 penalty on top of lacking the Elves innate ability.

Sure, they can spend some time to train to be soldiers and and specialize in actually being worth a shit at archery. But that is still them investing great effort just to be only SLIGHTLY worse than any random totally untrained elf who was never held a longbow before in their life.

Dem natural weapon proficiencies, man...

>> No.19268277

>>19266072
Nah. We're good.

>> No.19268299

>>19268256
But that's only by D&D bullshit "we have no clue how archery works" logic.
The average draw of a Welsh Longbow (which are most definitely NOT composite bow of any sort, just a long piece of yew) in the medieval period is estimated at about 90-110 lbs force.
That is a HEAVY FUCKING DRAW WEIGHT, and you ain't drawing that shit unless you're pretty damn strong.

>> No.19268327

>>19268299
And by the way that's one of the most conservative estimates.
Another source puts them from 100-185 lbs force at the 30 inch draw.
You have to be STRONG to use a longbow.

>> No.19268333

>>19268277
As are we

>> No.19268340

>>19268299

Yes, but there's literally no source saying that elves are physically much weaker, on average, than humans.

People are getting jealous of a fantasy race, because the flaws they have aren't flaws that make them feel better about themselves, so they invent new flaws for them to puff up their egos.

And it goes both ways! Dwarves in most media are actually less likely to help humans than elfkind, because they only care about their glorious industrial mountainhomes.

>> No.19268342

You do know that D&D elves are exactly as strong as the humans, right?

In many other settings,they're even stronger.

tl;dr: humans are weaksauce, can't even outlift an elf.

>> No.19268360

>>19268340
There are maybe ten bowmen IN THE WORLD today capable of using a 180-185 lb draw bow.
So no, a human who has trained his whole life to be good with the bow will NOT "be outclassed by any random Elf who picks one up" at all, which is my point here.

>> No.19268379

>>19268342
Just as strong, maybe. But not as tough.

What good is throwing a good punch if you have a glass jaw to go with it? Hell, it wouldn't even matter if the elf won constitution, the human would just take the hit like a champ and proceed to flatten him.

>> No.19268394

Hey, Lillith here.

Do you peoples mind terribly if my sisters and I make sex to the Elflings if we promise to eating them afterward?

Yes?

>> No.19268409

>>19268394
I'm am horrified and intrigued at the same time.

>> No.19268460

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU PUNY MORTALS ARGUING ABOUT NOW?

>> No.19268485

> humans vs elves
> pretending anything other than getting our shit rocked by elves

This is what happens when humans and elves fight:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=132WIdxvgdo

All those guys he slaughters? Humans. Easily dispatched humans, slaughtered in mass by a single elf. And you want to fight an army of guys like him?

> greatest elf hero in Tolkien: a tossup between the guy who fought Melkor, the incarnation of all evil in the world, to a standstill for hours, and died after inflicting a wound to the great enemy that never fully healed... and the guy who killed 4 Balrogs (Gandalf died to kill just 1) and then died fighting the lord of all Balrogs.
> greatest human hero in tolkien: a guy who scored a lucky crit to cut off a guys fingers mid battle. He then fails a will save like a chump, and dies to some random orcs on his way home.

>> No.19268496

>>19268460
Oh sit the fuck back on your throne and shut that godsdamned sewer hole, Orcus, or I'm gonna have to smite yo bitch ass into next wednesday.

>> No.19268545

>>19268485
>Thinking that scene happened in the book
>Thinking Legolas is a greater hero than Feanor
>Thinking Isildur is a greater hero than Beren
>Never having read the Silmarillion
>Thinking Lord of the Rings is the only thing Tolkien ever wrote
What the hell is wrong with you?

>> No.19268555

>>19268496
YOU WANT TO DIE PALADIN?
CAUSE THEN I WILL RESURRECT YOU AND USE YOU TO KILL YOUR OWN FAMILY!

>> No.19268584

>>19268485
All those guys he dispatches? More like sub-human mercs. And, if I'm correct, is he fighting alongside humans?

Why are we even saying "Oh x is better than y because..."? All races have strengths and weaknesses, which is all the more reason we need to work together against more...pressing matters.

>> No.19268657

>>19268545
Uh..he DID mention Fingolfin, though, so he has at least some cursory knowledge of the Silmarillion.

>> No.19268685

>>19268584
Like the weeaboo space communists?

>> No.19268687

>>19268545
I don't think he said any of those things, except for not giving Beren proper credit.

So, really, the greatest human hero is known for falling in love with an elf, pulling off one of the greatest heists in history, but ultimately dying in the process.

>> No.19268694

>>19268555
Orcus. Chill the fuck out and go torture the undead or whatever it is you do these days.
You whiny ponce.

>> No.19268726

>>19268685
Indeed.

>> No.19268728

>>19268687
There's also Hurin and his family ahead of fucking ISILDUR, who was a bitch.
He cherry picked like a faggot.
There's also the fact that Humans MASSIVELY outnumber Elves, and can outbreed them if it comes to a war. Humans would win by sheer weight of numbers if we fought Elves.

>> No.19268772

>>19268728
Also, Elves don't have any sort of cavalry, so they get their shit slapped in any field battles.

>> No.19268805

>>19268728

Depends when in history.

Early on? Elves rock our shit.

In the middle? Depends on when in the metaplot and how much prep time each side has.

By the time of Lord of the Rings, most of the elves have left. The only elves left to fight are the ones that are dragging their feet, and most of them are already in the process of packing up their stuff for their last roadtrip. So yeah, we outnumber them in Middle Earth. But even if we raise an army to kill every elf we can get our hands on, there is still a whole nother land of Elves that is just living it up, forever beyond our reach.

>> No.19268854

>>19268805
As >>19268772 said, they have no cavalry.
Do you know how much rape cavalry brings against infantry on a medieval battlefield? Enough to crash any rape based economies within a hundred thousand leagues of the battle, that's how much.
And the ones that have left Middle Earth never to return, will never ever be our concern.

>> No.19268947

>>19268694
Ok Im sorry guys,
its just the I have been getting so few visitors lately and you can only kill and resurrect the same corpse so many times before it gets boring. none of my cultists have been praying lately, I think a lot of them have moved on, it just sucks being forgotten 'ya know?
I'm really sorry for getting mad earlier, and Bahamut you gonna be at my barbecue next weekend?

>> No.19268967

>>19268854
>Enough to crash any rape based economies within a hundred thousand leagues of the battle, that's how much.
What if they've reached the point where their economics are supported by factories.

>> No.19268983

>>19268854

>Enough to crash any rape based economies within a hundred thousand leagues of the battle, that's how much.

That's a potentially bad analogy, as I can't fathom any economy based on rape to be terribly stable to begin with.

>> No.19269004

>>19268983
>2012
>Not knowing about rape based economies and the rape factory

>> No.19269039

>>19268983
The Dark Eldar would like a word sir. They brought all the rape based innovations with them as well

>> No.19269042

>>19268256
>Commoners pressed into service
>longbowmen
>implying Longbowmen are not professionals
>implying it was not uncommon for back injury later in life to be caused by some boys starting training with their longbows too early

No fucking commoner uses a bow. Bowmen are *professionals.*

A commoner, however, might be a crossbowman. Which is why crossbows were so controversional - some mud-raking peasant could kill a noble (knights) or a professional (archers) if he got a clear shot within his range.

>> No.19269069

>>19268854
fyi we don't call it rape these days. The word you're looking for is "flax".

>> No.19269078

>>19268947
>nipple rings

He truly is a manifestation of evil.

>> No.19269118

>>19268854
Wait, what? The Noldor used cavalry to crush the orc hordes in the second battle of Belariad (The same battle where Feanor is fatally wounded). Noldor elves aren't tree-hugging hippies, you have to understand. They're straight up killing machines.

>> No.19269161

>>19269118
Right. Being "wood elves" is for the scrub-tier faggots who never saw the light of Valinor. The Noldor went to Paradise and then decided to leave because there was VENGEANCE TO BE HAD.

>cue Blind Guardian

>> No.19269163

>>19269039

Ah, but the Dark Eldar don't base their economy entirely on rape. Rape is but one subset of the many different atrocities their economy is fueled by.

>> No.19269174

>>19269161
Cueing it now sah!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tOuu4Rp8hp4

>> No.19269186

>>19268947
*sigh* Sure.
Just don't do that thing where you tell stories about the adventurers you've slain and then reanimate their corpses to re-enact the fight.
It creeps the piss outta me.

>> No.19269198

>>19269163
BUT, I think it is safe to say that, despite diversification in the Dark Eldar economy, rape remains a healthy and necessary staple, to the point where I would feel comfortable saying that the economy is solidly based in the benefits which rape provides to the general consumer

>> No.19269295

>>19269186
Don't worry this time I got Michael Jackson to play.

>> No.19269352

>>19269295
The black or the white?

>> No.19269357

This just in, breaking news regarding live coverage at the Nordic Moot. Coming to you now, live from Midgard, High Jarl Sven Bloodfucksteel:

"....and I promise, you silly, froopy, craven southern whoresons, with your foppish hats and your feminine, baggy pants, if you make one move to ally with those dirty, greedy, gold-thieving Dwarves, we, the dread Sons of the North, will march on your cities and towns, and bring nothing but death and horror in our wake, cleansing the soil of your impure Southron blood and supporting the claims of the Elven Council, so shall it be."

>> No.19269378

>>19269352
I cant tell anymore if its his skull or he is just that white and gaunt.

>> No.19269398

>>19269357
>Nord footsloggers
>A threat to Southron heavy cavalry and dwarven shield walls
laughingknights.jpg

>> No.19269459

>>19269357
Oh hell. Who invited these guys?

>> No.19269501

>>19269398
>Cavalry
>Against Nords
Don't make me raise my voice little man.

>> No.19269551

>>19269459
They tend to invite themselves, My Lord. They are a most uncouth and barbaric lot.

>>19269357
In what way does an alliance with the Dwarves solely to combat the Elves concern you, High Jarl? Surely the Elves are no friends of yours either?

>> No.19269573

>> No.19269596

>>19269398

>Implying cavalry can swim, be in ten places at once, and doesn't have to go to sleep.

>Further implying that you cowards won't shit your britches and hole up in your cities and keeps, throwing wealth at us until we go back home

>Implying that Dwarves didn't used to inhabit the entirety of the North, and the Nords, at any one point in time, gave a single fuck.

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