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File: 46 KB, 674x471, Live from CNNBCHQ.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19139963 No.19139963 [DELETED]  [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

"And welcome back, everyheretic. This is Betty Bloodgorger reporting live from the CNN headquarters. My colleague, Deathworlder Dan, could not be with us tonight as the Prince of Excess has replaced his mouth with unmentionables. Get well soon Dan!

>> No.19139974
File: 32 KB, 517x434, Creed could not be rached for comment; shot our reporters..gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19139974

And speaking of recoveries, we were able to get word on our warmaster's latest injuries in the war on Cadia. For those fresh from servitude to the false emperor, Lord Abaddon the Despoiler was recently wounded in a skirmish with Cadian ruler and military commander, Ursarkar Creed.
Troops near Lord Abaddon during the fighting report looking away and noticing a tank had appeared seemingly out of nowhere. Lord Abaddon was critically wounded when the tank rammed him, and rolled over his prone form, severing his arms and legs.
Reports from the clinic report that the legs will be swiftly reattached, however the Despoiler will need new arms, once again.

>> No.19139988
File: 56 KB, 432x288, BLOOD ORGANGES FOR THE BALANCED BREAKFAST GOD!.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19139988

And, on the lighter side of madness, we've got Kharn's Kuisine coming up next. How are you doing Kharn?"

"I HAVE MURDERED NO LESS THAN SIXTY TWO LOYALISTS ON MY LAST DAY OFF! I'M DOING FINE BETTY!"

"That's our Kharn, ladies and gentlemen."

"AND HOW! TODAY I THOUGHT I'D TRAVEL TO THE PARADISE WORLD OF CERVANTES PRIME TO REVIEW A FRUIT I HAD HEARD MUCH ABOUT! THE BLOOD ORANGE!"

"Sounds Khornite!"

"NO! IT IS NOT KHORNITE! THIS FRUIT DOES NOT BLEED NOR ARE WARS FOUGHT OVER IT, NO MATTER HOW DELICIOUS! THE VERY THOUGHT OF NAMING THESE 'BLOOD' ORANGES IS AN INSULT TO THE MIGHTY KHORNE HIMSELF!
HOWEVER, THEY ARE VERY TASTY AND NUTRITIOUS! TRAITOR GUARDSMEN ON THE WORLD REPORT THAT IT IS ALSO A VERY EFFECTIVE WAY TO WARD OF SCURVEY, AS EATING ONLY CORPSE STARCH BARS TENDS TO LACK VITAMIN C!
I GIVE THEM THREE SKULLS OUT OF FIVE! BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD!
Back to you Betty!"

"Enlightening. After this commercial break, we've got a touching story about a Nurgling that found it's way home and a discussion with either Alpharius or Omegeon, we're not sure which. Stay tuned!"

>> No.19140004

OP is a faggot, but a cool faggot like Freddie Mercury.

>> No.19140009
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19140009

How in the....I did not pay for CNN....oh well I guess they put it in for free

>> No.19140092
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19140092

TODAY

Are those charming Tau neighbors really friendly aliens or are they evil servants of the heretical Orphans of Foreign Wars foundation?

The High Lords of Terra; Emperor's Chosen or closet heretics?

How big should a Space Marine's pauldrons be? The debate rages.

Shine up those jackboots and fire up the ovens, because we're about to have an Emprahcaust. THIS...IS THE REPORT.

>> No.19140103
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19140103

>> No.19140117

I must see the dakka network

>> No.19140158
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19140158

OP is a cool guy

>> No.19140171
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19140171

>>19140004

>> No.19141451

Bump for storytime!

>> No.19141486
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19141486

>> No.19142125
File: 98 KB, 460x602, Warhammer 40k imperialcock 1250997211544.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19142125

IMPERIAL COCK BLOCKED

>> No.19142191

I'M WATCHING THE SPONSORS' COMMERCIALS BUT CNN WON'T COME BACK ON
I MUST HAVE MORE DAMN YOU
BY THE DARK GODS GIVE ME MORE

>> No.19142218
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19142218

>>19142191

>> No.19142253
File: 124 KB, 400x425, op was a pretty cool guy.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19142253

>> No.19142732

OP here. I expected more people would chip in with ideas and stories and trolling.
Calling me as gay and cool as Freddy 'Sexy Motherfucker" Mercury is cool too.

Anyway, left the tread for the woman, but I'm back. I'll fix up something for all the love.

>> No.19142870
File: 1.50 MB, 3250x2554, warhammer 40k 1336087466040.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19142870

>>19142732
Show us what you're capable of, "tiger."

>> No.19143355
File: 45 KB, 674x471, Those crazy cultists!.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19143355

"Hey there again lost and damned ones! Betty Bloodgorger here again after a startlingly long break. Turns out all four interns on camera duty were trying to gain favor with a different god. Some words were said and blood was shed, and in the end, only Ernie, the Tzeenchian was alive. Thankfully, we sacrificed him and got a Horror of Tzeentch to man all four cameras!"

"T̩͈͉͈̘̍̎͗̉̈́ͪ̃z̰̼͒̈́ͪ̓͒̆e͕e̱̥̒͂̍̐ͮn̲̰̮͊t͙͖͉͈͕̞̱ĉ͎̦̣ͩ
̞͍̪ḥ̘̟̘̥ ̗͚̣͑ͦ̇͊̆̏͌p͉͖̪̯ḻ̯̝͖̝̔̄ǎ̟̜͔̜͛̃̎ͬ̑nͬ̽̚ṇ͉̞̜̬̦̬̇̍̈́ͦë͑
̹̆͂ͬ̓d̻͙͍ͮͦ̏̔ ̗̭̲͔̙̳̬̄̂̌͑͋ͮ̚f͉̩̫̼͙ͅȍ̟̦̠͍̬͖͂̔̈͗ṟ̫͓̰ͥ͌ ̩͖͙a̼̣̪̯̮͈̻͋̐ͯͤ̔͗̓l̫͔͕͑̋ͮl̅ ̻̣̣͍͉̭o͖̲̝͚̤̣ͬ́ͤf̲̗̎ͪ ͉͓t͖̗͇̞̆̄̃̉h̻̠͓͒ͭ̃̿͐ͮ̔i͎̦͖̻̤̲ͅs̱̗͙͈͙̮̓̉̈́̓̽̽,̑̓ͧ̇̈̾ͦ
͕̙̞ͣm͕͛̑̎̾o̥͚̣̝̹̅̍̈́̑ȑ̻͙̖͖̎̈͑͆t̝̼̜̩̱ȃ̰ͪ͂ͭl͉̈́̔ͪ̑ͪs̏͑ͦ
̣͈͉̯̙!̖̭͙̩͈̈́̎ͅ ͨ͆ͧ̒ͨ ̤Y̟̭͕̽́o̙̙̤ͩ̍̆̽̐̅ụ̘̮̙̞̣ͦ͑̚ͅr̠͔̗͓̲̬ ̣̹̣ͫ̆͆̑̿͐̚s̤͕̬͕̗̻͈o͉̻̘̯̤͉̾̌͋̆ͤ̈́̉u͓̤ͬ̊̓̃̌̽̚l̖͖̰͕̀̍s͛̋̿
̼̺̦͕͈̤͙ͮ̂̈́ͦ ̩̖͇̙̼ͩͬͥ̅̄ͅa̯̠̘ͅr͉̅ͯ̌͂e͈̝̜ͣ̿̾̿ͯͅ ̞̼͇ͯͥ̊ͩ̅ḟ͉̗̩̬̰̥ͭo̳̊̂͗͊r̓̐ͪ̋ͣf̠̥͚͖͕̙ͅe̞̫̗̓̓̍͒͑̊̐ĭͧͫ̊
̤̼͍ͪt̺̲͇̽͋̎̉!̹̪̩̟̖̍̾͑
̐ͩ
͙̠̞͙ͤ̀̓ͫ͊ͫO͍̳͊̿͂̇̊̃̾h̙̰ͥ̎̓ͤ,̱̦̯̘͑ͦ ͉̹̥̝̮̱͇̑̆ä͕̝̱̠́n͙̙̑̾̌d̗͈͑̑ͭ̈́͗ͭ H̘̭͙̖̝̙̔I̞̹͓ ̜̪̰̠̰͕̪͐͂ͫ͑́ͮͣD͔̼A͕̓Ď͈͙̓̾͋̚ͅ!̣͎̿̂ͪ̃̓͗ͫ"

"Isn't he a riot? Anyway, last we heard of that brave little Nurgling, he was eaten by a screamer of Tzeentch. Thankfully, that screamer was consumed by a plaguebearer! All returns to rot in the end, huh?"

>> No.19143369
File: 8 KB, 184x184, NANANANANANANA.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19143369

"Well, enough of this war between change and decay, for this episode at least! Ha ha ha!
I think Doomrider had a special message he wanted to share. Doomrider?"

"I DO COCAINE!"

"Thanks Doomrider!
Now, with more news from the galactic front, here's Dishonest Abe with the movements of loyalist forces this week."

>> No.19143375
File: 248 KB, 1227x1002, Look closely to find an angry marine giving the finger..jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19143375

"Thanks Betty.
Now, since last week, there's not been much movement by forces, mostly thanks to a fleet from Kaurava disappearing into the Warp mid route. I'd pity those guardsmen if they didn't serve a corpse upon a chair.

However, not all is fun and games this week, folks. The Black Templars, a big old space marine chapter, has been moving in the southern side of the galaxy. Word down the grapevine is that there's going on a Xeno hunt, however, so keep your head down until they pass, then try to take over any worlds they leave behind. Less for clearing out Orks for us, eh?

Back to you, Betty."

>> No.19143383
File: 28 KB, 273x320, 40Kchan.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19143383

"Thanks, Abe.
And last, before the Nurgle hour, we've going to take an inside look at the Psyker web. A spider's web of thought and whims, or a paradise for the mad? You decide!"

Souls or GTFO

Implying souls make it this far

>Implying without greenthoughts

>IMPLYIN' DAT YOUZ GREEN IZ GREEN ENUFF

Tzeentch will claim your life Xeno!

Tzeentch? I suppose he's OK. I Worship Malal. You probably haven't heard of him.

I'm Slaaneshi and even I can call you a faggot.

how do i worship korn?

STOP USING PSYKER POWERS AND GO CLAIM SOME SKULLS YOU MONSTROUS FAGGOT!

"Well...that was...illuminating. On that note, we're heading over to the Nurgle hour. 60 minutes of maggots. Ladies, gentlemen, and deamonettes, this has been Betty Bloodgorger from CNN HQ. More news when it breaks."

>> No.19143444
File: 902 KB, 1202x2914, warhammer 40k RapeOfAnEldar.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19143444

NEXT TIME ON EXTREMELY SPECIFIC SEXUAL FETISH THEATER...

>> No.19143461

>>19143444

Fuck yes! I love this show!

>> No.19143485
File: 24 KB, 300x367, img3c1ed428bf9ab.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19143485

>>19143461

Cool, now move your ass over! I need to sit by the speakers to hear anything.

>> No.19143555
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19143555

>>19143444

Gotta remember to tape that one if I'm out killing xenos that day..

>> No.19143614
File: 69 KB, 600x694, fuklaw.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19143614

And now to Commissar Fuklaw for today's weather report:

"It's raining anger!"

>> No.19143697
File: 54 KB, 600x800, RDamonette[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19143697

And now a weirdly disturbing public service announcement from your friends at Chaos...

>> No.19143718

>>19143697

You
Sick
Fuck

>> No.19143743
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19143743

>>19143697

>> No.19143827
File: 29 KB, 285x285, Hrud.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19143827

WANTED

>> No.19143876
File: 75 KB, 257x165, 1304184710560.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19143876

>>19143827

I SEEN HIM BEFORE! I SEEN HIM BEFORE!

>> No.19144218

"Aaaand tooo-night on Slaanesh's New Uses for Household Objects, it's SOUNDING NIGHT! Interesting ways to penetrate your urethra for you new to the cult!

Tonight, we'll be focusing primarily on the corkscrew, metal skewer, and meat thermometer-plus a segment with turkey basters for the ogryns in the audience! Stay tuned!"

>> No.19144301

>>19143697
she's probably also in a stable monogamous relationship with someone of the opposite gender, the sex is probably also probably pretty normal. Which for slaneesh is rebellious to the point of... heretical, but this is chaos so, so then un-heretical? huh. now that's a head scratcher.

>> No.19144394

>>19144301
Double heresy!

>> No.19146650
File: 501 KB, 939x861, Sisters_of_repentia_sisters_of_battle_Adepta_Sororitas_rule_34_montage_can%27t_believe_how_hard_fetish_rule_34_Warhammer_40k_myoc_redux[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19146650

>>19144394
heresy. right.

>> No.19148107

Herasy

>> No.19149729

>>19148107
You guessed it; all day, every day, and with minimal commercial interruption!

>> No.19149930
File: 41 KB, 500x424, 1331684691536.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19149930

this thread needs more heresy

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