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[ERROR] No.19126715 [DELETED]  [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Hey, hey guys!
Attention Fellow Heretics!
I, your glorious leader, have a NEW PLAN!
A plan which will bring eternal blessings upon us from the Great and Powerful Slaanesh! Indeed the Prince of Pleasure will be most excellently pleased!
Ok, so, follow me on this one, right?
So, Slaanesh, our Dark Lord and Master, is all about the feels, ya'know? Like, the more intense the feeling, the better. Pain, Joy, Lust, Greed, Hate, like.... whatever. It's the feel and the intensity that counts.

>> No.19126725

Now think about this. You know how like, sometimes you're having a really awesome day? Like, you've just smote a bunch of corpse worshiping fools, corrupted some Sororitas, and then rolled around on your new couch made of baby skin. Great Day. Right, so that's great and all, but then something bad happens. Like... I don't know, the Space Marines, (the dickish ones, not the cool ones with the spikes and horns and shit), show up and kick you so hard in the nuts that you can't even remember what they look like anymore.
Sucks, right? Totally, cause nothing FEELS worse than having a really shitty time right after you've been having a good time.
Keep with me now, it's gonna get complex here.

>> No.19126748

So, now, what's the greatest thing ever? Worshiping Slaanesh, right? I mean, the other three are nice and all, but we know who's really got it going, am I right?
And what's the worst thing ever?
That's right, worshiping that stupid stinking chair-bound sack of flesh. I get queasy just thinking about it.
Do you see what I'm getting at here?

>> No.19126769

Now, you remember that planet we liberated last week from the Imperium? Like, Goltrex Prime or something, right?
What if... what if, for the sake of showing Slaanesh like, the biggest feels ever, we... bear with me here, we go back and... hold on... go back and... re-enslave them to the corpse god?
It'd be the WORST DAY EVER! Slaaneshi as fuck, amirite?
They'd be all like, "man, sure is great being an awesomely cool heretic and chaos worshiper. I've never felt better!"
And then they'd be all like, "Wow! This worshiping the emperor thing is really lame and shit, I'm so miserable!"
It'd be feel-tastic!
Now come on, lets go do the Emperor's work, FOR CHAOS!

>> No.19126780

That sounds like a pretty good plan.
Maybe a bit too good.
How can I be sure you're not a Tzeentchite infiltrator?

>> No.19126798

Sure, we might as well give it a try.
*clears throat*

Hey, this shit works, I feel terrible.

>> No.19126802

... You're the single worst Alpha Legion operative ever.

And that's why you'll be leading the campaign on Kronus.

>> No.19126818

This sentence explain the Dawn of War series.
All of it.

>> No.19126824

Frankly Tom, that hurts. It hurts me that you would say that. How many times have we done SuperCocain off the ass of a nun together?
I thought we were in this together?
And now you accuse me of that?
All I wanted to do was forever more ensure an entire planets miserable subservience to the might of the hated Imperium.... how could you doubt my loyalty?

>> No.19126864

I know, right?
This is totally our best plan yet.

>> No.19126868

Well, Alice, I suppose we just have our theological differences.
I prefer to look on Slaanesh as a lord of positive feelings, as clearly, if there is a god of shitty feelings, it's the corpse-god on Terra.
Whereas clearly, you seem to look upon our lord and master as a lord of all feelings rather than only the positive ones.
I suppose it was wrong of me to accuse you of such, and I apologize.
Please, follow me back to my land raider and enjoy the rave party/orgy/heroin-and-child-soul filled bath tub taking place there.

>> No.19126914

Child souls, you say? Oh you're sweet. You know how I love the feel of the damned souls of the innocent.
But really, I think this is gonna work. And just think how happy the Big S is gonna be if it does! He/She is probably gonna make it rain prostitutes for a month. It'll be awesome.

>> No.19126939

Oh okay, I'll give it a try for your sake.

Here goes... *Ahem*


Well, that felt... That felt pretty nice, I'll try again.
I could get used to this.
Maybe I should go back to, um...

>> No.19126978

Is that a collar or a tentacle?

>> No.19126981

I told you it'd work.
Once it gets going we're gonna have intense forced prayer sessions, and a complete orgy of love and tolerance, and then the drug rehab clinics..
Man, this is going to be the best worst day ever!

>> No.19126986

Probably both.

>> No.19126996

What is this Heresay? We can't let these heretics get away with this! Time to reconquer Goltrex Prime for Slaneesh, for the Empereror!

>> No.19127004

Look, Alice, I...
I uh, I feel kinda...
I feel kinda strange, could you get me the coca-

>> No.19127005


NO! That's blessed Slaanesh reinforcing your good feelings toward the project, not the filthy Corpse God making you feel good.

>> No.19127037

Now you're getting into it.
Here, let me get into my new outfit.
This is gonna make all the heretical worshipin' of the Almighty God Emperor even easier.
We are the best cultists in history. For Serious.

>> No.19127042

Are you kidding me? A two-year old could come up with a better plan then that.

Seriously. Who the hell takes the time to be this mind-blowingly stupid?

>> No.19127058

I don't know.
I'm kind of sad about all this, because it reminds me of my one true regret.
That I can never be an Ultramarine.

>> No.19127069

And who are you to pick apart such an awesome plan? You some kind of corpse worshiper? Which would make you a heretical heretic.
Or a double loyalist.
Either way you don't properly understand the glorious brilliance of venerating Chaos by serving the Emperor with boundless vigor.

>> No.19127083

It's a pain we all must bear.
I mean, not me of course, but most people.

>> No.19127098

God damn it, Mark, you just had to flaunt that armour around, right?
Now you made me all teary-eyed, you big jerk.
I'm going to go and try to rape a techpriest now, maybe that'll cheer me up.

>> No.19127186

Look, don't hate just cause you jelly.
And leave the mech-bitch alone. She's still got dents from the last time.

>> No.19127213

Fuck you Mark, I rape whoever I damn well want and your shiny, handsome...
Oh so sexy blue armour has nothing to do with it, even though you do look very...
Breathtaking in that.
Would you mind if I, ahem, touched it?

>> No.19127346

Y-you want to touch it? Uh...
Uh, sure, o-ok.
Just don't mess up the polish...
Not that I got it shiny for you or anything... I just... want it to look nice.

>> No.19127362


What in the name of the God Emperor is going on in here?

>> No.19127399

Ooh, Onii-chan, your power armour is so shiny, and...
You just sit right there while Tom-kun polishes it for you.

>> No.19127420


>> No.19127459

Nothing at all in the God Emperors name, only the darkest heresies for Slaanesh!

Hey, wait, I'm a heretic! Could you get rid of me commisionar sir? We can't have heretics like me making our Imperium worlds worship Slaanesh again because then how would they serve Slaanesh?

>> No.19127472

Um... if you're going to do that...
would- would you mind if...
If I called you my Spiritual Liege?

>> No.19127500

Anything for Onii-chan <3

Oh, Onii-chan, powersword is so huge, how can it all fit?

>> No.19127524

Thats He-...

>> No.19127558

...The sheer amount of wtf in this thread.

Don't know if purge.

>> No.19127589

get me a tzeentchie
is there somewhere in the warp a place for WTFwin threads?

>> No.19127636

By the might of the Emperor, all things are possible.

>> No.19127655

I lol'd, those fucking pictures

>> No.19127663

Apparently, by being the cultists have found a way to make being non-heretical heretical.
I fear the only way to counter this might be by being so heretical, we become loyal again, thereby reversing their reversal!

>> No.19127707

The only conclusion to this train of events is Heresy. Heresy everywhere. Such a convoluted and asinine plot to replicate the worship of the God-Emperor can only be the work of Tzeentchian puppet, posing as a pure and whorish Slaaneshi servant.

>> No.19127710

Only by loyal worship of the Emperor can we truly please Slaanesh!

>> No.19127723

when girls make this face it makes me want to put it in their pooper...
i don't know why.

>> No.19127745

Won't this whole thing just end up in a paradoxical state of double-worship wherein everybody is doing everything heretically for the God Emperor and sanctifying Slaanesh, causing a weird unconscious tumbling in the nature of reality?

...Sorry, guys, I'm being a downer. Anyone want a hug?

>> No.19127750

Oh Onii-chan, my chainsword is moving on its own.

>> No.19127751

Oh no, don't you drag me into this. This plan is retarded even by my standards.

>> No.19127766


You're the second worst Alpha Legion operative ever.

You get the invasion of Kaurava.

>> No.19127777

Then it's working. By being a sanctified agent of the Imperium, and causing such feelings, she's already being pretty Slaaneshi. At this rate, we'll be back to being loyal in no time!
We'll show those filthy heretics yet!

>> No.19127800

O-o-oh my Spiritual Liege!
Ultramarines ADVANCE!

>> No.19127807

*snorts cocaine*
You say that now, but...how can we trust your Tzeentchian double-speak? "Retarted even by my standards" implies that your standards are different from the rest of us. Therefore, it is possible that your "retarded" is considered "adequate" for dealing with us in the simplest manner. "Even" implies that this plan is of a seriously high level of retardation, such that it is incredibly adequate, perhaps even approaching the level of "brilliant." I submit to you, sir/mam/thing in a box, that this is quite likely simply one of your ever-more complex schemes to spread heresy throughout the galaxy.

>> No.19127848

Oh Dorn, you're the best!

I mean...
I mean Onii-chan is the best, of course.

>> No.19127858

Wait, or you a loyalist trying to reveal a heretic, a heretic trying to protect your name as a Slaaneshi heretic or a Tzeentchian heretic trying to disprove the Tzeentchianness of another heritic through reasoned debate?

...I'm confused.

>> No.19127861

Look who's talking. That idea was so convoluted and double-thinking that it almost didn't not make sense. It was downright worthy of me.
No, it's not my plan, but if this is what it does to people, I'm starting to wish it was.
Speaking of which, you seem pretty bright. Why not ditch the Fag Prince, and join a real winning team? Unless of course you're already on my team.... Or are you?

>> No.19127864

A glorious idea my good friend.

This plan seems like it will work.

>> No.19127870

Wouldn't this eventually result in a horrifically corrupted god-Emperor and the purification of Slaanesh?

Oh god, everyone, cancel the plot! We're going to make Slaanesh a holy fixture! And probably doom humanity to corruption, but not before tentacle rape becomes an acceptable way to guide someone through the warp.

>> No.19127887

Nope, Malice already has the Big E's backing.

Biggest dicking of chaos is to support the guy killing you.

>> No.19127915

W-what? Dorn? What the hell Tom!
What the hell. Don't make this all gay!
We were all having a good time peasfully and chastely admiring my armor before you dragged that kind of shit into it.
Seriously, what the hell?

>> No.19127981

I'm sorry, Mark, but...
It's Dorn!
I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings or anything, but I just, I don't think you could live up to Dorn.
I mean, if only you'd been there...

>> No.19127983

I am so confused...

>> No.19128024

That-! I can't believe-! After everything-! AAAugh! ....
I-I guess it's ok. I mean... it's all pretend, right?
So... do you want to polish my... er, Dorn's armor some more?

>> No.19128028

By the Emperor...

>> No.19128035

Hohohoho, see what I mean? Now the Chaos has been doubled and confusion has been sown. The ranks of our Slaaneshi brethren grow thin and talk of "feels" has fallen short as Tzeentch's influence is revealed in all its glory. Just as planned? I would think so from this evidence.

The Prince of Desire versus the Prince of Lies! Who's goals will be met by this worship of the God-Emperor!? For surely, it makes me feel so many strange and wondrous feelings, yet doubt remains in my heart as to the originator of such a cunning idea.

>> No.19128056

What is this...
I don't...
Is this even pleasure anymore!?

I'm gonna do a mountain of Cocaine! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

>> No.19128069


>> No.19128070

Quickly! Worship faster! We can't let those Slaaneshi freaks win. This victory for chaos will be won by the followers of the true Master of Plots!

>> No.19128097

At last, my plan comes to fruition!
For I am not, nor have I ever been, Tom.
I am Kevin, Sorcerer of the thousand sons and the destroyer of you self-esteem, foolish ultramarine!
Tzeentch be praised!

>> No.19128098

I for one welcome our new Slaaneshi overlords.
In the name of the God-Emperor, touch me! Feel me! And let me feel for the Dark prince!

>> No.19128100

Wow... this plan worked out even better than I had hoped.

>> No.19128161

Damn you foul Sorcerer Kevin!
Now I'll never be able to tell Tom how I feel!

>> No.19128192 [DELETED] 

Indeed it did, indeed it did.

>> No.19128233

Yes praise The Emperor! YES!!!!

>> No.19128256

That's what you get for stealing my girlfriend in the 6th grade.
You thought I'd never forget, but I planned.
Oh how I planned.
I plotted and schemed, and finally Tzeentch saw fit to grace me with this most glorious of victories!

I guess what I'm trying to say is...
In your face, Mark.
Fuck you, your straight A grades and your quarterback physique.

>> No.19128261

This might have been the greatest plan ever.
And I don't even know who's it was anymore.

>> No.19128265

How will you Slaaneshi fooools prove your faith to the Emperor? Can any of your lewdness be used to teach slaves the faith of the Golden Throne? I think not! Only the machinations of Tzeentch could spread his word amongst the useless masses! Look here, upon this Imperial testament and see me found a great flock in the Emperor's name!

>> No.19128294

Indeed it did. I knew the foul followers of Chaos would be unable to deflect the power of reasoned arguments used by a knowledgeable soul. And now that we have drawn in Tzeentch, the two factions will fight one another for dominance, thus negating their heresy entirely, and perhaps even leading to the establishment of true Imperial faith.

Such is the power of the Emperor's Inquisition.

>> No.19128304

Free blowjobs with every worship service.
Purity Seals are now sold with two ounces of pure SuperCrack.
We're gonna get people addicted to Faith!

>> No.19128330

...maybe I should start doing miniatures...

>> No.19128332

I wonder what Eldar sex feels like.

>> No.19128337

Certainly didn't except that one coming

>> No.19128338

Let's say we provide the cultists of Slaanesh with a 21st century 'optical buzzkill', shall we?

>> No.19128361

Nobody ever expects the Inquisition.

>> No.19128369

You should always expect that one coming, even when you're not.

The eyes of the Inquisition are everywhere. Watching you, as you eat, worship, sleep, fuck, plot, collect skulls, buy rotisserie ovens, even pick your nose. Always.

>> No.19128399


>> No.19128414

lol watch the prey fight amongst itself and ignore us....
soon they shall all be us.

>> No.19128425


>> No.19128435


>> No.19128442

Um... Yeah. Hello.
So a couple of Emperor's Children raided our temple yesterday, and captured the ones they didn't kill. Thankfully, someone brought out the cocaine before the rape-fest started.
So when I woke up this morning, my armor had been repaired, shined, and returned to me. The other sisters said the same thing.
The chaos mar--

I just saw a chaos marine giving a piggyback ride to a sister. What in the emperor's name is going on?

>> No.19128443


>> No.19128446

>penis cannon

>> No.19128449

As a long time Slaaneshi worshiper, my nipple boners request more.

>> No.19128457


u jelly bro?

>> No.19128467



>> No.19128488



>> No.19128496


>> No.19128509

I have no idea. I really don't. Something has gone horribly horribly wrong. A daemonette knocked on my door this morning and gave me a bunch on ecclesiastical pamphlets and invited me to church. Two hours later, a sororita broke into my house and raped my dog...
What the fuck?

>> No.19128520


>> No.19128542


>> No.19128569

It's okay, I should not have expected you to get that one.
I'm sorry.

>> No.19128574

...I'm beginning to suspect this is chaos undivided's plan.

Feels for pleasure-boy, plans for bird-man, friendship for Papa rot, arguments for Khorne...

>> No.19128591

A sororita raped your--

No. I give up. I'm going to look for some Khorne lunatics, Their always up for a flamer-fight.

>> No.19128662

All we need is an eversor and the madness is complete.

>> No.19128678

Dear gods I hope someone archives this thread.

>bnsucrit camels
Very interesting, Captcha

>> No.19128993

let me get this straight.
The heretics are going loyal, which would make them heretical loyalists who are heretical by being loyal.
And the loyalists are going heretic, so that they can be loyal by becoming heretical enough to be non-heretical thereby becoming heretically loyal.
And this is all part of Slaanesh's plan which is part of Tzeench's plan which is part of the Inquisition's plan which is part of a plan for all of Chaos Undivided.
Oh dear... I seem to have gone all cross-eyed.

>> No.19129016


>> No.19129158

This fucking thread...
This is now the plot for my next Black Crusade campaign, and my next Dark Heresy one.
Hell, this is now the plot for all my games.

>> No.19129424

You forgot the still-sane people going off to fight Khorne cultists.

>> No.19129446

I demand the source of that image.

>> No.19129495

And all the xenos going, dafuq?

>> No.19129531

Boss thes humies jus ain't riot.

>> No.19129587

What is this Heresy?

>> No.19129593

I recognize it as the guy that makes the Commissar Fuklaw fanart on Deviantart.
Half of his artistry is absolutely awesome;
the other half seems indicative of him being a homosexual.

>> No.19129611

Oh, no heresy here good sir! Just a Radical Xanthite Inquisitor manipulating Chaos to his own ends!

>> No.19129614



Back when we still had drawfags. Before Rubyquest, but after Faulty Kai.

>> No.19129704

All right I'm genuinely confused, am I supposed to be for the emperor or for chaos? You know what fuck this shit I joining the Greater Good.

>> No.19129718

So was this a tau plan all along, wheres TIDF when you need him?

>> No.19129849

HELLS YEAH! Orgies for the golden thro... I think we might have some problem with this guys.

>> No.19129933

Don't worry about it. Just have some of this lovely crack and think loyal thoughts.

>> No.19129939

Fapping to his Tau porn, no doubt.

>> No.19130135

So who is the master mind, is it chaos, impperium, tau, hell no it's mother fucking Eldar!

>> No.19130160


>> No.19130167

Eldrad would be dickish enough to think this up.

>> No.19130174

We have no idea, apparently.

>> No.19130194

Can't be the Tau, probably the Eldar. They keep pulling this kind of shit.

>> No.19130352


Just. Just what?

>> No.19130630


>> No.19130739

So if we followers of Slaanesh go back to the corpse god to harvest the emotional suckege for our god is the basic plan right?

So then do we have to stop our space-coke fueled orgies cause I am not okay with that. And besides correct me if I wrong but doesn't the Imperium just purge all cultists so... damn I am so confused... Also what about the demons do we purge them cause of corpse god or do we have them convert?

>> No.19130798

You have to in order to maximize the suck quotient, to receive the the largest downer coefficient as possible.

>> No.19130809

Seriously this is Suckology 101, you all should know this by know if you were true followers of Slaanesh.

>> No.19130823

As for demons, why not both. Convert the demonettes and purge everything else.

>> No.19131128

>implying this would be a bad thing
Sisters of Slaanesh! Purify these fools!

>> No.19131315

>converted Daemonettes
I am now imagining Daemonettes chained up, branded with aquillas and other imperial icons, mindraped into the imperial mindset, or does simply being put on a daemon automaticly desecrat the symbol?

>> No.19131434

You know I think that might be the only way a Slaanesh would use what with the bondage, torture and all

>> No.19131491

In Eisenhorn you could bend demons to your will by using such tools but I would personally recommend never reusing the seals or leave them on for to long.

>> No.19131707

So in theory, you could repetedly brand them, wearing them down until you could get some one to bless the Daemon itself?

>> No.19131837

That's the idea but forcing them to take be a sanctified part of an Imperium cult would would be about the ultimate backwards heresy

>> No.19131882

well that is the point of this thread

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