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/tg/ - Traditional Games


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19104329 No.19104329 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Alright listen up elves, cause it's time for Throg Shabbog to hit you all with some hard facts.

Now I know you knife eared little bitches probably won't believe this, but the thing is... nobody likes you. The Gnolls laugh at you behind your backs because of your girly hair, the humans think your a bunch of slow learning, stuck up pansies and the Dwarves... man don't even get me started on the Dwarves.

Lucky for you good old Throg Shabog has seen it in his infinite wisdom to help you all out, so listen up and listen well.

Girly haircuts are not impressive.
Pale skin is not impressive. (get a goddamn tan)
Long lifespans are definitely not impressive, especially when you guys don't put them to good use. (Honestly... if us orcs lived as long as you, we'd run this shit by now. There would be none of you left)
Bows are for pussies... are you a bunch of pussies? Start weilding warhammers.
Get your people out of the underdark, that place belongs to the dwarves, stop fucking with them.
Your gods are a bunch of dicks. Stop praying to those assholes and start praying to Gruumsh. If you're lucky, he might take pity on you.

>> No.19104340

Also... you guys should really consider mixing up your wimpy little bloodline and getting rid of some of that inherent racial weakness. Naturally the best choice for all of you would be getting jiggy with some members of the Orc master race, but I get the feeling most of your males would go limp dicked at the sight of a real orc woman, so please just get out there and start fucking the first thing you see. Even Xvarts would be an improvement at this point. (That inherent baldness will only improve your situation, I mean seriously guys... what the FUCK is with those girly haircuts?)

>> No.19104363

Throg, for the last fucking time get back to work. If you and your team don't meet the quota this week the overseer is going to have your ass sent to the labs for vivisection.

>> No.19104365

Now Throg Shabbog is only a single orc and I can't do all the hard work for you, impossible as that may seem. So hopefully you guys will heed some of my advice here and finally lift yourselves up into the world of real warriors.

I wish you the best of luck.

>> No.19104368

>>19104363
Come on man, don't worry. Throg Shabbog always gets shit done.

>> No.19104382

>>19104368

With all your rousing speeches it makes the management nervous. Just quiet down and we'll have you out bagging elves in no time.

>> No.19104402

Dear Throg,

I am a long time reader, first time responder. I am an elf, but I try not to let that hold me back. I took a lot of your advice to heart and recently tried to confess my love to an orcish warrior woman.

It went less then well. My orkish is improving , but when I kept saying PRONT HOLZIA which should be orkish for I rape you now, she just kept laughing. I pray to grummush everyday to give me strength, so to defend my honour, we fought. It was awkward with her obviously taking pity on me.

Then if my orkish is good, she said I am now her handmaiden. apparently she thought i was a girl the whole time. So on to my question.

Do orkish women really have a pseudopenis like a hyena?

Concerned and confused in orkland
Cocio

>> No.19104407
File: 72 KB, 462x480, howlinwolf.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19104407

Elves always remind of of rockstars, and that's cool.

>> No.19104411

>>19104382
You don't need to do shit, Throg Shabbog knows how to handle his business.


I am an expert motherfucking business handler. I've got more irons in the forge, than you've got teeth.

>> No.19104414

You know there's better ways to pick up Elf women right?

>> No.19104425

>>19104414

Irrelevant, he's clearly trying to pick up men.

>> No.19104427
File: 52 KB, 1280x800, 1701-lotr-facepalm.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19104427

>>19104329
>>19104340
>>19104365
>elvenkinds collective face when

>> No.19104447

>>19104402
Who the fuck told you that? I bet it was the humans. Those pink skins tell some of the most fucked up sex stories.

Well anyways, I can assure you that Orc women do NOT have pseudopeni, and frankly it sounds like you need to learn how to get shit done. The next time this fine orc lady of yours is sleeping, you better get all up in her shit and teach her how a real man handles his business.

Also, don't be afraid to leave bruises or cuts... Orc bitches love that.

>> No.19104450
File: 45 KB, 450x588, fingolfinX.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19104450

Alright listen up Orcs, cause it's time for Nolofinwe Harakono to hit you all with some hard facts.

Now I know you green skinned little bitches probably won't believe this, but the thing is... nobody likes you. The Dwarves laugh at you behind your backs because of your barbaric stench, the humans think your a bunch of slow learning, stuck up savages and the Hobbits... man don't even get me started on the Hobbits.

Lucky for you good old Nolofinwe has seen it in his infinite wisdom to help you all out, so listen up and listen well.

Tusks are not impressive.
Green skin is not impressive. (get a goddamn spray tan)
Quick reproductions are definitely not impressive, especially when you guys don't put them to good use. (Honestly... if us Elves had half the numbers as you, we'd run this shit by now. There would be none of you left)
Warhammbers are for compensators... are you compensating for something? Start weilding swords.
Get your people out of the woods, that place belongs to the Ents, stop fucking with them.
Your gods are a bunch of heathens. Stop praying to those assholes and start praying to Eru. If you're lucky, he might take pity on you.

>> No.19104452

Also stop letting your men dress like women. One time Throg was really drunk, and I mean, it didn't stop the Thorgmister when I saw that little twig and berries down there.
But now I just feel weird about the whole thing. If you are an overly girly elf man, wear a sign or something that says you are male. Dig?

>> No.19104455 [DELETED] 

Also... you guys should really consider mixing up your absmal little bloodline and getting rid of some of those inherent racial weaknesses. Naturally the best choice for all of you would be getting marrying some members of the most High-Elven race, but I get the feeling most of your males would be awestruck at the sight of a real Elf woman, so please just get out there and start proposing the first thing you see. Even Hobbits would be an improvement at this point. (That inherent tooth decay will only improve your situation, I mean seriously guys... what the FUCK is with those gruesome tusks?)

>> No.19104473

>>19104452
Hah. Imposter, Throg would never complain about elf traps

>> No.19104477 [DELETED] 

>>19104450
Quiet elf or we're putting you or we'll have to ruin the merchandise. We wouldn't want that now would we?

>> No.19104479

Also... you guys should really consider mixing up your abysmal little bloodline and getting rid of some of those inherent racial weaknesses. Naturally the best choice for all of you would be marrying some members of the most High-Elven race, but I get the feeling most of your males would be awestruck at the sight of a real Elf woman, so please just get out there and start proposing the first thing you see. Even Hobbits would be an improvement at this point. (That inherent tooth decay will only improve your situation, I mean seriously guys... what the FUCK is with those gruesome tusks?)

>> No.19104480

>>19104402
Honestly Orc women only go after the Human and Half-Orc guys these days. I got to eat them off of me with a stick, and got to beat the Orc dudes off the human ladies. It's a craze that every Orc wants Half-Orc babies, ever since Anglena Orliee and Brad Pittion had an Half-Orc kid.

>> No.19104481
File: 252 KB, 1280x1024, Elf Lord with Girl Slaves.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19104481

Dear...Throg (ugh, what an unfortunate name...)

Why should I even begin to give a single fuck about what a bunch of putrid, unwashed subraces think of me and my race?

Signed, Malenus, the Pimp-Handed

>> No.19104483
File: 11 KB, 224x263, schopenhauer04.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19104483

>>19104473
Nigga u gay I ain't gonna take no advice from no gay ass nigga homo
Peace

>> No.19104484

>>19104452
Ignore this clown, he is a jealous imposter. Probably some assdamaged Elf who's all upset because Throg Shabbog knows how to please Elf females better than he does.

>> No.19104489

>>19104473
I'm the imposter? Do not make me laugh, Orc. My kindred were here making Orc jokes long before you crawled out of the mud and made jabs at us.

>> No.19104503

>>19104450
>>19104479
Quiet Elf or we're going to have to lower your market value. We wouldn't want that now would we?

...I will never see why humans pay top coin for you all...

>> No.19104508

>>19104450

You know you don't help your case by copying the Orc in order to attack him.

>>19104481

At least this guy was semi-original with his rebuttal.

>> No.19104512

>>19104481
Fuck you Malenus, I know for a fact you're nothing more than an angry flat chested female.(not that anybody would notice the difference) Nobody is buying your bullshit, go blow a halfling.

>> No.19104516

>>19104484
I would dispute that point. Many a Orc woman has fallen to my blade, if you catch my meaning.

>> No.19104519
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19104519

>>19104414
>>19104425
“Hello, ladies, look at your elf, now back to me, now back at your elf, now back to me. Sadly, he isn’t me, but if he stopped using ladies scented body wash and switched to demonic corruption, he could smell like he’s me. Look down, back up, where are you? You’re on a boat with the tiefling your elf could smell like. What’s in your hand, back at me. I have it, it’s a horned demon skull skull with two tickets to that thing you love. Look again, the tickets are now diamonds. Anything is possible when your elf smells like demonic corruption and not a lady. I’m on a Balrog.”

>> No.19104529

>>19104450
>>19104329
yes, yes subraces, you are all special or whatever. Can you keep it down while we get on with running this shit?
thanks awfully.

>> No.19104530

>>19104519
Sir, marketing is down the hall and to the left. You can't miss it.

>> No.19104537

>>19104529
Knave you do not want to start this conflict.

>> No.19104539

Actually while I've got some of you elves here, I have to ask... why the fuck do you all smell like berries? I'd rather stink of blood and battle like a real warrior, than walk around smelling like a fruit bush.

>> No.19104547
File: 242 KB, 800x1148, Elves.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19104547

You want badass elves? Read Kouta Hirano's Drifters. The stick their arrows into their own shit before firing them at their enemies and are led by a triumvirate of Japanese warlords such as Oda Nobunaga, Yoichi and Shimazu Toyohisa. They're effectively an army of desperate geurilla archers on the verge of extinction due to oppression from a fantasy version of Nazi Germany that Hitler himself created.

Yes, it is exactly as fucking amazing as it sounds.

>> No.19104550

>>19104537
They did and they already won it.

>> No.19104554

>>19104516
See now this guy sounds like he knows how to handle his business.

>> No.19104558

>>19104503
They're tight, all them. Even after a day of breaking them in, the next day they're tighter than ever. Also the fact you can't tell M&F apart, so it doesn't make it gay to fuck a male Elf.

They break easily, so a good return warranty is needed. "Slightly" used Elves give best value on secondhand market.

>> No.19104560

>>19104547
Nobody gives a fuck about your bullshit elf propaganda.

Nice try, though.

>> No.19104561
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19104561

>>19104539
I would argue that point with you but I'm busy actually benefiting all races at the moment!

Who the hell just left a Balrog here!?!

>> No.19104568
File: 27 KB, 358x500, Human.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19104568

Alright listen up everyone, cause it's time for Hugh Man to hit you all with some hard facts.

Now I know you weaker little bitches won't believe this, but the thing is... nobody likes you. The Gods laugh at you behind your back because of your pitiful place in life, science says you're a bunch of slow learning, barbaric pansies, and the undead... man don't get me started the undead.

Lucky for you good old Hugh Mann has seen it in his infinite wisdom to help you all out, so listen up and listen well.

Your stupid haircuts are not impressive.
Not having tan skin is not impressive.
Your attempts at creating a working civilization are definitely not impressive, especially when you guys don't put them to good use. (Honestly... if us humans tried as many times as you, we'd run this shit by now. Wait, we already do.)
Your weapons are for pussies... are you a bunch of pussies? Use a longsword and shield.
Get your people out of the mainland, that place belongs to the humans, stop fucking with them.
Your gods are a bunch of dicks. Stop praying to those assholes and start praying to Pelor. If you're lucky, he might take pity on you.

>> No.19104570
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19104570

>>19104530
ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!

>> No.19104578

>>19104539

Well how else are we supposed to make our delicious wines for our fertility festivals that you aren't invited to?

>> No.19104581

>>19104547
Jesus is the BBEG.

>> No.19104586
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19104586

>>19104561
ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!

>> No.19104593

>>19104561
God, more propaganda.

Listen you little asshole, there's not an elf in the whole kingdom man enough to take on a Balor, demon to knife eared little bitch. Quit your bullshitting.

>> No.19104595

Also... you guys should really consider mixing up your wimpy little bloodline and getting rid of some of those inherent racial weaknesses. Naturally the best choice for all of you would be bangin some members of the Human master race, but I get the feeling most of your males would go limp dicked at the sight of a real woman, so please just get out there and start fucking the first thing you see. Even Dryads would be an improvement at this point. (That almost human like shape will only improve your situation, I mean seriously guys... what the FUCK is with those weird forms?)

>> No.19104597

Grenskins tukin shit agen?

I got too heds on yu little horsuns, cum at me

-Grum, ogir

>> No.19104600

>>19104561
My apologies. It got out of its cage.

Throg, if you see the goblins in security before I do please give them a good "talking to".

>>19104558
We do offer a variety of warrenties, it's just that so many seem forgot that the standard package does not cover wear and tear caused by normal usage.

>> No.19104603

>>19104581

Yes, that too.

>> No.19104604
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19104604

DRINK BOOZE ERRY DAY

SMITH AWESOME SHIT

KILL THE FUCK OUT OF ANYTHING THAT LOOKS AT YOU OR YOUR CLAN THE WRONG WAY

WHAT THE FUCK ELSE IS THERE TO SAY

>> No.19104608
File: 404 KB, 900x1169, Fingolfin_challenges_Morgoth.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19104608

>>19104586
BY ERU BACK THE FUCK UP YOU'RE LIKE RIGHT IN MY FACE!

>> No.19104614

>>19104578
Wine tastes like shit and you know it.

Drink some mead like a real warrior.

>> No.19104616
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19104616

>>19104608
AAAAANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!

>> No.19104623
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19104623

>>19104616
ANYTHING!

>> No.19104625

It's like an Orc from DnD meets the manliness of Elves from the First Age.

P.S. Balors have nothing on Balrogs. Good choice in mount Demon-Spice Guy.

>> No.19104627
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19104627

Alright listen up Overworlders, cause it's time for Xallibossk to mentally hit you all with some hard facts.

Now I know you tan eared little Ulliparinters probably won't believe this, but the thing is... nobody likes you. The Beholders laugh at you behind your backs because of your thin skin, the Troglodytes think your a bunch of slow learning, stuck up pansies (Which is pretty impressive coming from them) and the Drow... man don't even get me started on the Drow.

Lucky for you good old Xallibossk has seen it in his infinite wisdom to help you all out, so listen up and listen well.

Attacking with anything other then the mind or tentacles is not impressive.
Skin that has seen the light of day is not impressive. (go inside or something, goddamn)
Short lifespans are definitely not impressive but either way it hardly matters, especially when you guys all become food. (Honestly... if us Illithids lived as tasted as good as you, there would be none of us left)
All forms of resistance is/are for Ullipsine's... are you a bunch of Ullipsine's? Stop resisting.
Get your people out of hiding, ALL places belong to us, stop running away.
Your gods are a bunch of dicks. Stop praying to those assholes and start praying to Ilsensine. If you're lucky, we might (Ha!) take pity on you.

>> No.19104628

>>19104578
>>19104614
WILL IT MAKE YOU DRUNK?

DRINK IT

DRINK IT ALL

>>19104623
GET READY TO GET DRANKED MOTHERFUCKER

>> No.19104632
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19104632

Other races wish they had the tactical mastery and skill in warfare that us hobgoblins possess.

Also elves are featherweight pussies who can't stand a good bonfire.

>> No.19104636

>>19104623
Sir please, you're damaging the merchandise.

>> No.19104637

>>19104597
Who the fuck gave you guys a keyboard? I bet it was those fucking gnolls.
>>19104600
Will do, chief.
>>19104604
I like this guys style. He knows what's up.

>> No.19104658

>>19104627
Xallibossk, please, we're trying to keep that quiet if you know what I mean.

>> No.19104665

>>19104627
Come out of the underdark and say that to me, bitch. It's been too long since I had some calamari.

>> No.19104667
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19104667

Oh? What's that? Arguing over women? Let me tell you a thing or two: You've got nothing on me. I don't even need to talk and I get all the bitches begging to get on my back. You think they ride me just to get around? Please. I got more game in one little feather than you measly bipeds got in your whole naked-ass bodies. That's why all -your- women are dreaming about -us.- And that green skinned savage shit? Hah. The ladies want a -real- animal, not a puke-coloured monkey with a hygiene problem.

Two legs bad. Four legs good. Four legs and wings? Fucking pimp. Say jelly, groundfags.

>> No.19104675
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19104675

Well this isn't going to end well.

You said anything right? How bout me not getting cleaved by a fire-ax. Can Demon corruption stop that from happening?

>> No.19104680

>>19104623
Good god and I thought dwarves had bad breath. Back the fuck up man, I can almost taste you.

>> No.19104687

You know it's BS they say Elves are dying out because long pregnancies. I've bred some Elven bitches with excellent Elven Toms, and pregnancy only lasts about 10months. Elf babies fetch good market price, apparently they're a delicacy for some. Others use their blood for sacerfice.

They squirm when anything othe than the pencil dick the toms have enters. Yet it feels so good. I even have some half-Elven children running about helpin me and my business of breaking in new slaves

>> No.19104690

>>19104667
Go fuck a manticore, asshole.

>> No.19104695
File: 111 KB, 400x530, Alhoon.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19104695

>>19104665
Your resistance only makes my tentacles harder!

>> No.19104696
File: 26 KB, 650x441, feanor.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19104696

Wow, wow man. That ain't cool. I think even the Orcs can agree.

>> No.19104700
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19104700

>>19104695
HAAAARRRDDDEEERRR

(I can do it too stupid Overworlders!)

>> No.19104706

>>19104690

Maybe a womanticore. Giving reach-arounds is more your style. Oh, oh, right- You "can't tell if an elf is male or female." I'm sure it's real hard to see his balls when they're in your mouth, after all.

>> No.19104707
File: 26 KB, 650x441, feanor.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19104707

>>19104687
Wow, wow man. That ain't cool. I think even the Orcs can agree.

>> No.19104720

>>19104687
Sir you might want to stay behind the wall of force. Things are getting a little hectic here.

>>19104667
I believe we're hiring for that very position. Go talk to Resources next door.

>>19104675
WOULD SOME BODY GET ME A CLERIC AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT THAT DAMN BALOR?

>> No.19104728
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19104728

>>19104628
Sure why not. After all. Anything is possible!

>>19104636
If you have it, you don't need it. If you need it, you don't have it. If you have it, you need more of it. If you have more of it, you don't need less of it. You need it to get it and you certainly need it to get more of it. But if you didn't have any of it to begin with you can't get any to get started which means you really had no idea how to get it in the first place. Do you? you can share it, sure. You can even stockpile it if you want to, but you can't fake it, wanting it, needing it, wishing for it.

The point is, if you never had any of it, ever. People just seem to know.

Try demonic corruption today!

>>19104680
No wonder you elves have no kids.

>> No.19104741

>>19104720
What the hell man? Who left a Balor and the Griffin out?

>> No.19104749

All you inferior races bickering like you always do. Follow the wisdom of your half-brothers and join us so you don't have to live in your primitive accommodations.

>> No.19104752

>>19104741
That would be the goblins forgetting to properly lock things up. I'd help but there is only so much an incorporeal spirit of bureaucracy do.

>> No.19104760

It's cool guys, the balor is back in his cage, and I fucked the griffin into submission. I might keep him as a pet.

See now this is how a real man handles his business. You elves should try and learn something from me.

>> No.19104776

>>19104728
Did you just call me an knife ear, you nub headed fuck?
Yeah, didn't think I could spot those implants, huh? Here's a tip: you ain't fooling nobody.

>> No.19104779

>>19104547

I can't wait to see how he does dwarves.

>> No.19104789

>>19104779

Doggystyle so the beard doesn't get in the way.

>> No.19104803

>>19104789
The beard is the best part, asshole. Throg Shabbog likes something to hold on to.

On that note, I once tried to fuck a halfling but jesus... the mess it left afterwards was ridiculous. I'm not making that mistake again.

>> No.19104813

>>19104803

Halflings are pretty resilient. Are you sure it was an adult?

>> No.19104826

>>19104813
It could have been a gnome, I'm not sure.


I don't do well with telling the shorties apart. Except for the dwarfs, of course.

>> No.19104830
File: 1.06 MB, 1280x1662, 1329362283213.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19104830

Spess Elf here.
A hundred-thousand years, and still not giving a fuck.
I understand that you don't get us.
It's cool. You couldn't, and I wouldn't expect you to try.

>> No.19104837

> To Fix Elves
> Add facial hair
> Problem solved.

>> No.19104847

>>19104830
Oh man get the fuck out of here. It's only a matter of time before you bring my retarded cousins here with that bullshit and nobody needs that.

>> No.19104862

>>19104779

I'm more interested in seeing the hobbits. They're probably gonna be some motherfucking badass spies and scouts with sniper rifles made by the dwarves.

>> No.19104863
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19104863

>>19104837
Damn straight.

>> No.19104870

>>19104830
Warning: possible planar and/or spacetime breech detected. Recommending immediate dispatch of all combat certified wizards, clerics, and warlocks.

Capture is prioritized but should that prove unfeasable, termination is authortized.

>> No.19104880

>>19104862
Listen man, there's not a single alternate universe out there, where hobbits aren't a bunch of pipe smoking, tree planting pussies.

Deal with it.

>> No.19104890
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19104890

>>19104830
Spess Dwarves here.
...shit

>> No.19104892

>>19104870
I told you we should close the endless hall of parallel dimensions but noooooooooo.

>> No.19104893
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19104893

>>19104847
WHOZ RETARDED HERE YA SQUISHY GIT?
SAY DAT TA MY CHOPPA AN' SEE WHAT HAPPENS, GREEN MONKEY!

>> No.19104900

So Throb, care enlighten us about a day of Orc Life?

>> No.19104909

>>19104892
Because I totally have HANDS that can do that. It's those goblins again I bet because the logs say they're closed.

>> No.19104910

>>19104893
Goddammit, you see what you fucking did?

>> No.19104947
File: 130 KB, 918x1350, 1315500755207.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19104947

Savages, all of you. No, i don't blame you,it's all land you grew in, but you could learn something from us and dwarves. Even elves, as buch of poofters as they are, are advancing. Everything you do is kick each other's skulls. And the last war campaign? What you were running at us with, clubs? Don't make me laugh. Thankfully some of you are starting to learn Civilized Man's way in our factories.

>> No.19104953
File: 17 KB, 345x365, Machoman.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19104953

Alright listen up everybody, cause it's time for the Macho Man to hit you all with some hard facts.

Now I know you all y'all little bitches probably won't believe this, but the thing is... nobody likes you. My hat laughs at you behind your backs because of your girly hair, the shades think your a bunch of slow learning, stuck up pansies and the guns... man don't even get me started on the guns.

Lucky for you good old Randy Savage has seen it in his infinite wisdom to help you all out, so listen up and listen well.

You all are not impressive.
Pale skin is not impressive. (get a goddamn tan) I do agree with the downy orc on this point!
Long lifespans are definitely not impressive, especially when you guys don't put them to good use. (Honestly... if the Macho Man had lived as long as you, I'd run this shit by now. There would be none of you left)
Non-improvised weapons are for pussies... are you a bunch of pussies? Start weilding war-chairs.
Get your people out of the your nerd books, that place belongs to the ass-burgers, stop fucking with them.
Your gods are a bunch of dicks. Stop praying to those assholes and start praying to me! If you're lucky, I might take pity on you.

>> No.19104969

>>19104900
Well first Throg Shabbog wakes up in the morning next to whatever the fuck I slept with lastnight. (I have one rule: If it doesn't faint on the first thrust, then we're good to go.)
After that, I usually eat a healthy breakfast of whatever the fuck I slept with lastnight. After that, it's on to handling all of my business. To be honest the goblins do most of the hard work, I'm just here in case someone fucks up and lets the Balors or any of the other wide variety of caged beasts out and shit gets too real.

>> No.19104990

>>19104953
WHO LET THE FUCKING SAVAGE OUT OF HIS CAGE?

Man, I can't be bothered with this... for some reason fighting this guy into submission always involves pyrotechnics, a ring and a fuckload of war chairs. I still don't know where he keeps finding these things.

I blame those little bastard goblins.

>> No.19105007

>>19104947
Can you just like... stop. Just stop. Stop being a self-righteous imperial fucktard, and actually let non-imperial players have fun for once?

>> No.19105049

>Bows are for pussies... are you a bunch of pussies? Start weilding warhammers.

You do know how much strength of the upper body a good pull requires, right? Archers are only girlymen in promo material for the armies to get people to join up, real archers look like they can break you in half.

Not to say that Warhammers aren't awesome.

>> No.19105056
File: 4 KB, 123x126, Oh lawd.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19105056

>> No.19105064
File: 56 KB, 480x360, 0.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19105064

OLD ATHAS BODY SPRAY HAS SIXTEEN HOURS OF CANNIBALISTIC POWER! IT'S SO POWERFUL, IT CAN DOUBLE THE SUN AND MAKE PLANTS GROW! BUT THEN IT'S NOT DARK SUN ANYMORE, SO IT MADE EVERYTHING DARK! DOUBLE DARK SUN POOWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRR!
`
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OLD ATHAS BODY SPRAY IS TOO POWERFUL TO LET THIS POST END!


POOOOWWWEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

>> No.19105071

>>19105049
Don't talk shit.
There's no such thing as a well built archer and you know it. Plus all you pussies hide in the back or up a fucking tree. I've got no patience for that particular brand of pansy-ass bullshit.

>> No.19105077

I... I think I love you, Throg Shabbog.

>> No.19105095

>>19105077
Perfectly natural.

>> No.19105107

>>19105007
If you consider kicking skull of a nearest living being "fun", who am i to stop you? Meanwhile those who abandoned wild praires and deserts enjoy much more high-class forms of entertainment.
And while we are imperial, i admit, even sometimes a little bit too self-righteous, we do it for undeveloped races' sake. I mean, what did those kobolds do on their islands before we arrived? Poking other kobolds with their funny curved blades and worshipping dragons?

>> No.19105122

>>19105049
I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the gurgling sound you're making. It might help if you pull a few hundred arrows out of your self-righteous ass.

>> No.19105124

>>19105071
Man, have you SEEN an Orc longbowman and what they can fucking do? Arrows as wide as your god damn fist, flying hard enough to punch through two men IN ARMOR, with pull weights easily in excess of 120 pounds? And they have to hold that shit, bro, AND aim. Gruumsh Snipers are fucking terrifying.

And then you go and say bows are for pussies. Sure, Elves with compound bows might be, but a decent longbowman looks like a fucking gorilla.

'Round these parts, we respect each martial art. Makes it easier to kick your ass.

>> No.19105140
File: 48 KB, 137x150, 1267550321498.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19105140

>>19104910
(pic related)

>> No.19105154

>>19105122
Throg Shabbog eats arrows for fucking breakfast, you dickhole.

>> No.19105184

Guys, what the fuck? I came here for a pint of milk.

>>19104728

Can Demonic Corruption get rid of the divine curse that got slapped on me because some dude couldn't keep it in his pants? Because that would be nice.

>> No.19105186

>Bows are for pussies... are you a bunch of pussies? Start weilding warhammers.

Blood Brother Throg I understand you are trying to make the dagger ears see the way but you shame the way of our ancestors.

>> No.19105192

>>19105154
Must be good for fiber.

>> No.19105206

>>19105124
I don't respect anyone who's so far away from their enemy that they can't smell the fear welling up in their drawers as they die.

>> No.19105234

>>19105186
Alright, alright I'll tell you what. I'll take back what I said about the bows, if you guys promise to at least get face to face with an enemy at least twice a week.

>> No.19105241

>>19105206
Stupid Orc.
Don't you know your ancestors conquered half of the world using the bow as their main weapon?

>> No.19105247

>>19105206

What if you just punch them in the face with an arrow? Is that acceptable?

>> No.19105255

>>19105247
That... that sounds pretty fucking amazing, actually.

I'm down with that.

>> No.19105256

>>19105206
Throg, we the Orckin use bows for generations, they are great to soft the softies up so our berserkers can mope them down.

it's also great to pester cowards so they foolish charge on our black shields.

Learn some god damn tactics son. Gruumsh can't protect your ass forever.

>> No.19105276

>>19105256
I don't need Gruumsh to protect me.

Throg Shabbog knows how to handle his goddamn business.

>> No.19105280

>>19105234
Time and a place for every weapon, Throg! A sword for those who fail to wear armor, a hammer for those who walk about like a gong! An arrow for those who flee, and a fist for those who insult me. A dagger for the weak, a greatsword for the strong, a polearm for the many, and an axe for the few.

Orc poets are the best poets.

>> No.19105284
File: 90 KB, 640x510, 46ace7a81da7e0_full.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19105284

>>19105154
of course you do. How much arrows did you brought back home when trying to break in our city drunk? I stopped counting on thirty.
Oh, and Throg, that tree you broke when trying to get to one of our archers. It was dryad-inhabited and she's angry. Hope you like spontaneous ent growth in your backyard.

>> No.19105298

>>19105284
> Hope you like spontaneous ent growth in your backyard.

Bro, there's nothing like waking up to wrestle a malicious giant tree. It's a bracing morning workout.

>> No.19105320

>>19105298
This guy totally gets it.

>> No.19105322
File: 154 KB, 620x648, sorinmarkov.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19105322

You're all faggots.

You fall in droves to that weak ass old age bullshit, and you can't even jump between planes on a whim. I doubt even one of you has crafted a godlike angelic being out of the raw aether and tasked it with the protection of your homeworld.

Get on my level mortals.

>> No.19105337

>>19105322
Whatever you say Sparkling guy.

>> No.19105353

>>19105322
You look like a drow, you total fucking pussy.

>> No.19105371

>>19105320
Throg, Throg. Hear me out. The pointy-eared gits are not your enemy. Elves, despite their weediness, have their (limited) merits. The Dwarves are roight proppa drinkin buddies. But ALL of us, need to rally and take down the true evil in the land. You know what it is. They are everywhere, poisoning our lands, our countryside, our discussions. They are the spess muhreenz. We must all unite and throw down these oppressors less they swarm over the country-side in numbers that none of us on our own could ever hope to stand against! We must crush these powder-armor sissies, burn them in their panzee plot-armor, and WRECK.
THEIR.
FUCKING.
FACES!

>> No.19105413

>>19105371
I remember the last time one of those power armoured pussies came through a parallel dimension portal. That bitch cracked like an egg after five seconds of semi serious punching.

If you need some help fighting those guys, I'm totally down.

>> No.19105419

>>19105413
I'm not down for all that WAAAAAAAAAAGH shouting stuff though... that shit gives me a headache.

>> No.19105420
File: 72 KB, 630x477, sorinmarkov3.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19105420

>>19105337
I fucked your mother.

>>19105353
Yours too.

In fact, most of you probably have some of my blood in you.

>> No.19105429

>>19105420
Jokes on you
I have no mother

>> No.19105431
File: 107 KB, 400x595, 1314853455429.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19105431

I hate all of you stupid living creatures. Enjoy death.

>> No.19105433

>>19105420
Go back to the underdark, you little albino bitch. The gnomes are more intimidating than you.

>> No.19105485
File: 96 KB, 611x634, sorinmarkov2.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19105485

>>19105429
Because she's too busy cruising around with me in my extraplanar castle, (un)living it up Brides of Dracula style.

>>19105433
Albinos have red eyes, you moron. As do drow.

>> No.19105512

>>19105485
No, i have no mother because i'm a Golem.
Also go back to Innistrad where people may give a fuck to you

>> No.19105516

>>19105485
Sorry, but you faggots all look alike to me.

>> No.19105624

Things I learned from this thread
>Orcs are fucking awesome

>> No.19105672
File: 77 KB, 561x800, sorinmarkov4.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19105672

>>19105512
A golem? Nay, merely a simpleton.

>>19105516
Deary me, you seem peturbed. I almost wish I could hear you over the sound of your sister's lips upon my dick.

>> No.19105677
File: 169 KB, 640x465, 126.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19105677

Alright listen up Mortals, cause it's time for Marut to hit you all with some hard facts.

Now I know you mortal little bitches probably won't believe this, but the thing is... nobody likes you. The Raven Queen laugh at you behind your backs because of your girly hair, Orkus thinks your a bunch of slow learning, stuck up pansies and Vecna... man don't even get me started on the Vecna.

Lucky for you good old Marut has seen it in his infinite wisdom to help you all out, so listen up and listen well.

Flesh is not impressive.
Pale skin is not impressive. (Throg got this right, get a goddamn obsidian spellhide)
Short lifespans are definitely not impressive, especially when you guys don't put them to good use. (Honestly... if us Maruts lived as long as you, we'd get our shit together. There would be none of you left)

Lives are for pussies... are you a bunch of pussies? Start Dual Wielding Fists.
Get your people out of the mortal life, that place belongs to the undead, stop fucking with them.
Your gods are a bunch of dicks. Stop praying to those assholes and start praying to hell we don't catch you breaking the laws of nature. If you are and your lucky, we might take pity on you and kill you quickly.

>pic related , its me and my homies being unstoppable embodiment of the natural law.

>> No.19105734

>>19105624
Damn right we fucking are.

>>19105672
Throg Shabbog has no siblings. Plus the only pussy you can get is probably Gnolls, since they're nocturnal.

>> No.19105777
File: 90 KB, 544x800, sorinmarkov5.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19105777

>>19105677
Natural law is for pussies.

>>19105734
Separated at birth. Your mother feared that growing up alongside a proper orc would leave you emasculated and weepy. ‘Tis a pity her countermeasure had little effect.

>> No.19105787

Oh god.

When I grow up, I want to be Throg Shabbog.

>> No.19106435

>>19104547
>Kouta Hirano's Drifters
Goddamn, /tg/, you made me read almost 20 chapters in one sitting, and I gotta say shit's awesome. Reminded me of Eternal Champions.

>Dat Nobunaga
>Dat Joanne D'Arc
>Dat Anastasia
>Dat campaign and character potential

>> No.19107126
File: 370 KB, 640x870, goblin cavescout.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
19107126

You know what? Fuck you. All of you.

Fuck you all, Orcs. You talk about how big and baaad you are, but who is doing all the heavy lifting? Who is making your weapons? Who is making your war machines? Who is making your dinner when you want to eat something that doesn't move? Who is dancing like an idiot to summon spirits of your ancestors? Fucking Goblins, that's who. Without use to move things around you would be just a bunch of lazy ass losers who do nothing but fuck each day, we made you the threat you are and what we get for it? You kick us, feed us dirt, rape us and eat us, not necessairly in that order. Seriously, fuck you!

And fuck you too Elves. You like to talk about how old and ancient you are.Well maybe you need a little reminder who lived in the fucking forests before you hippies come there and kicked us out! Because of you we needed to go and slave ourselves to the Orcs! And what you do then? you build fucking towns IN THE FOREST! And you call yourselves children of mother Earth? Back in our days we just sleept on threes! Now we make undergound tunnels and fight kobolds! Do you know how annoying those bastards can be, sticking a tiny sword into your as at every corner?! No you don't, all you're good for is singing whiny songs, yeah, in caves it would get you killed, because you fuckers would attract great worms!

Oh, and mister Mind Flyer - fuck you to. See yo next time you try eat a goblin, have fun sucking what isn't there.

We're the Goblin. We get kicked by everybody! We went through shit that would make you wept on daily basis and we endure. So stop talking how great you are, get here in the tunnels and try taking down kave spider with just a pen!

Seriously, fuck you
Fart, son of Fart.

>> No.19107209

>>19107126
PS: And fuck you humans too. When we were inventing bombs your kind was still all furry, living on the threes and calling a banana "Yup yup!"

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