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/tg/ - Traditional Games


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18980988 No.18980988 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

>wake up one morning with the worst headache ever

>"Welcome, forerunner. You have been in stasis for nearly four centuries. By your archaic calendar, the year is 2405. We have cleared your genetic profile of most degenerative properties and susceptibility to disease but have stopped short of granting you clinical immortality as we understand the people of your time valued their state of entropy. If our records are correct, those of your generation were also exceedingly violent and highly sexually aggressive but as you can see, we are of a more enlightened era and have not restrained you. A word of caution however: despite my lithe and delicate appearance, I am prepared to protect myself if necessary. The compact configuration of my systema musculare affords me nearly six times your physical strength and I am well-versed in defensive martial combat as is required of all First Contact agents."

What say you, human of old?

>> No.18980995

"Yeah, okay. Where's the bathroom?"

>> No.18981000
File: 40 KB, 392x200, this.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18981000

>>18980995

>> No.18981011

...Tits?

>> No.18981015

>>18980995
"And then how about getting a pot of coffee going while I'm there, thanks."

>> No.18981016

>>18980995
"I gotta pee like a race horse"

>> No.18981020

>>18980988
Where can I get a goddamned burger?

>> No.18981024

>>18980988
Did we defeat feminism?

>> No.18981026

What did you do with my pants?

>> No.18981027

>>18981015
Wait, see if we can get breakfast out of this too. We don't know what this bitch is up to, but might as well face it on a full stomach.

>> No.18981029

got any cheetos?

>> No.18981030

>>18980988
Do all women dress like this now?

>> No.18981033
File: 31 KB, 300x166, tropic-thunder-quotes-61[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18981033

"Who left the fridge open?"

>> No.18981035

>>18980988
Am I in some kind of porno? Why am I dressed like this?

>> No.18981036

"Have we evolved beyond our primitive nudity taboos? Doesn't matter either way, I'm not putting my clothes back on."

>> No.18981039

So, why is there a space bimbo wearing about ten pounds of what looks like mardi gras beads bringing me out of stasis in the not so distant future?

>> No.18981041
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18981041

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU FUCKING MEAN WE'RE FUCKING VIOLENT YOU CUNT!?

>> No.18981048

If I shot you in the head, or severely harm your body in any specific manner would you die?

>> No.18981053

You wake me up after 400 years, and the first thing you do is warn me not to attack you? This is bigotry of the worst sort! And you say these are more civilized times...

>> No.18981054

Are you required by protocol to assume the sleepers want to rape you, or is that a common greeting in your time? Just FYI that's kind of insulting, not to mention vain.

>> No.18981057

...why the hell didn't you give me immortality, then let me decide when i die?

asshole.

and then i leave, ignoring their protests and all that fun stuff. the hell i'm gonna be their little joke.

>> No.18981058

"Are the Jews dead yet? Otherwise put me under."

>> No.18981062

>>18981053
>>18981054

Also, I don't know who supervises you First Contact types, but I demand to speak to them about your customer service. This is downright insulting, both to myself and your organization as a whole!

>> No.18981063

Are the Jews still around?

>> No.18981065

>>18980988
"Uh huhuhuhuh!
So, like... are we gonna... do it?
huhuh!"

>> No.18981071

Has FATAL been updated yet?

>> No.18981072
File: 27 KB, 195x195, 1333156644198.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18981072

"Is the Emperor still alive? I have a message for him! The Doctor is still alive, and he sent me here!"

>> No.18981074

Bitch you will give me that immortality right the fuck now or I will rape it out of you.

>> No.18981085

Your records are wrong. I'll take the clinical immortality.

What was your name again?

>> No.18981087

Joke's on you, I was infected with ultraplague by aliens from the end of time.

>> No.18981088

Look, Lady, we---and I do mean we, since apparently you shoved the entirety of 4chan into this body's headspace--need a piss, some food, and some pants.

After that, an explanation would be lovely.

Games workshop still exist?

>> No.18981089

>>18980988
Is there, like, a rebellious faction of insane grimdark punks I could join, or am I condemned to live in what basically amounts to the Tau Empire.

>> No.18981098

WHY THE HELL DID YOU PUT ALL OF US IN ONE ROBOT BODY AND WHY IN FUCKS NAME IS IT RUNNING SOME SORT OF HYBRID MISHMASH OF VSTA, MAC AND UBUNTU?

>> No.18981099

>>exceedingly violent and highly sexually aggressive

"I never knew we'd be judged by HBO and Fox. Then again, we did the same with Shakespeare."

>> No.18981101

>>18981088
>>Pants
Pants are primitive and backwards! Cry havoc, and release the dong of war!

>> No.18981106
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18981106

>1
Bathroom?
>2
What's the food like?
>3
So what do you guys do for fun?

>> No.18981107

I demand an arm wrestling match to see how true what she says is.

>> No.18981108
File: 181 KB, 534x430, Ming_Xiao_mentions_Malk.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18981108

Holy shit I read that entire paragraph in Ming-Xiao's voice.

>> No.18981110

Are you implying that all the people from my time are violent rapists?

This is slander!

I'm suing you and your organization. Please direct me to the nearest lawyer right the fuck now!

>> No.18981113

>We have cleared your genetic profile of most degenerative properties and susceptibility to disease

Okay, so, have you removed the wart on my anus or not?

>> No.18981117

"The hell is wrong with your neck woman? I mean, is that what counts as attractive these days? 'Cause if it is you can put me right back under until it's not attractive anymore.

>> No.18981119

Do we still have alcohol?

>> No.18981124

>>18980988
two fucking questions:

Are customizable robo-waifus available?

Are 90s bikinis fashionable again?

>> No.18981125

>>18981117
>implying long thin necks aren't sexy as hell
I don't know about you, but if she's at all representative of the people of the future, this is going to be very relevant to my interests.

>> No.18981127

Did... did they finally release episode three yet?

>> No.18981128

>>18981127
Soon

>> No.18981131

>>18981127
Nope. Team Fortress 3 just became free to play though.

>> No.18981137

WHY THE HELL DO I HAVE TO FUCKING FILL OUT A CAPTCHA IN ORDER TO SPEAK?

>> No.18981139

2/10 WOULD NOT BANG, WAKE ME UP WHEN YOU GET SOMEONE HOT WORKING HERE.

>> No.18981143

>>18981131
We all know that's just to try and regain some goodwill from Portal 5 through.
That ending, I tell ya.

>> No.18981147

>>18981035

>Am I in some kind of porno?

You're clearly in a Heinlein novel.

>> No.18981149

>>18981119
Damn, I wish I had thought of that

>> No.18981154

>>18980988
Where I'm from it's customary that you greet me with a blowjob.

>> No.18981156
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18981156

"Please tell me we won't be wiping our asses with seashells."

>> No.18981160

>>18981147
>Heinlein
> Peaceful utopia, we are considered incredibly violent

bugs attack and force us to kick their asses when?

>> No.18981168
File: 473 KB, 441x340, 1336092310464.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18981168

>>18981147
>Implying they're two different things.

>> No.18981169

Where's my fucking pants?!

>> No.18981171
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18981171

Clinical immortality, eh?

>> No.18981173

I'm a fucking ghola, ain't I? And I take it I'll screw you to get my memories back in order?

That supposed to be "old Gammu" fashion or something you're in?

>> No.18981176

>>18981160

Actually, this really is a Heinlein novel. Everyone in this future is peaceable (and apparently semi-nudist, which is Heinlein's thing) while the main character (i.e. you) is a raw, violent, sexual Man. You're here to enforce the old frontier lifestyle teach this peaceful race of cowards that they don't know how to live.

It's too bad they're inherently physically superior.

>> No.18981179

>>18981147
That's even worse!

>> No.18981180

>>18981147
so, while not a porno, it will be either a series of deeply skeevy sexual practices or batshit insane marriages

>> No.18981182

>>18981149
You've got to find ot if any of your friends are still around.
And alcohol is humanity's friend.

Plus, I need to know if we'll have to order a beer with a ratburger later.

>> No.18981183
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18981183

>>18981156

>everyones face when they go into the bathroom to see the seashells

>> No.18981184

>>18981119
>>18981119

Where is that Yang Wen-li picture went I need it.

>> No.18981188

>>18981168
>dat gif

fukken saved.

>> No.18981190

>>18980988
>What say you, human of old?
I... I'm sorry, I can't understand a word you're saying. Where am I? Why am I naked?

>> No.18981194

>>18981168
Need source on this tumblr.

>> No.18981195
File: 66 KB, 750x501, laughingwhiteguys.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18981195

>>18981156

>Wiping
>He STILL doesn't know how to use the three seashells!

>> No.18981199
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18981199

Did Dunkelzhan finally become president?

>> No.18981209

"Wake me back up when you've cleared my genetic profile of this fucking headache"

>> No.18981210

>>18981160
As soon as the population needs to be united against a common, outside enemy.

>> No.18981211

Get tenure writing absurd theses about the time period I come from, pay for life-extending treatment from the income.

>> No.18981218

>>18981210
Oh god, living metaphors for communism from Outer Space!

>> No.18981219

>2405
>still using human forms

Show me to the robot faction, please.

>> No.18981222

Get of my lawn dammit!

>> No.18981227

>>18981211

>Get tenure writing absurd theses about the time period I come from, pay for life-extending treatment from the income.

That's a good plan. Hopefully they don't have perfect records.

>> No.18981233

If this was a Heinlein novel, that girl would be 13 years old and your sister.

>> No.18981241

>>18981227
Did you know, Rick Astley's mastery of PR and social conditioning made him one of the most successful African warlords of the 20th century?

>> No.18981256

>>18981227
Yes send us to your nearest 20th century history course. You have probably all forgot of the swarms of dick wolves that ravaged the planet.

>> No.18981257

>>18981227
Their records are going to be great unless something disastrous has happened to the internet. This is no longer a time period with 99% illiteracy that people are going to have to dig up cave paintings of to try and work it out.

>> No.18981259

"Right, right. Where's my alcoholic robot buddy and shitty, exotically life-threatening job? I'm thinking... delivery boy."

>> No.18981260

>>18981227
Let's not be complete dicks, though.
We'll write accurate accounts of our time, and have them be released on our deathbed.
But while we live(hopefully for quite some time)we shall wear the greatest coolface ever.

>> No.18981269

How can I be sure this is real, and you people didn't just pickle my brain and put it in a simulator?

>> No.18981271

>>18981257
You have to understand... it was so terrible on earth. We lied about our lives in our records so... that hope could survive.

No.

That too is a lie.

So that we could salvage the hope that things could get better.

>> No.18981278
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18981278

"I was sent with a message. They are coming, and they cannot be stopped. I am here to give you the mercy of loving one last time before the hordes dig up from beneath the crust of your world, hidden deep in the mantle, their hate sustaining them.

You will have only a few days, once you hear their call. Hue. Hue. Hue."

>> No.18981279

>>18981259
fryseewhatyoudidthere.jpg

>> No.18981284

>>18981260

>deathbed

You know, apparently they can slow or stop entropy.

>> No.18981293

>>18981284
Apparently, we value entropy, though.

>> No.18981295

"Bitch give me my clinical immortality or put me back under."

>> No.18981296

yfw they are a First Contact agent because they are an A.I. descended from the aggregate of the social network known in your time as 'Tumblr'.

>> No.18981305

>>18981296
Fecking hipsters

>> No.18981311

>>18981271
Don't even get us started on the Dwarf wars. Where we had to save our dwarven allies from certain destruction from the evil rapeiphants.

>> No.18981313

>>18981293
If their records are wrong, how would they know?

>> No.18981314

BRING ON THE IMMORTALITY

>> No.18981323

"Let me guess, your modern grognards are still crying about how everything since 5th edition has been terrible."

>> No.18981325

>>18981296
>See here, our 3000 mile high monument to the triumph of 'Homestuck'
>You will be inducted into our society at the headquarters of the Social Justice Corps.
>This digital tapestry is called 'The Death of Cis'. It was woven by uplifted autistic spiders.

>> No.18981326

>>18981293
You're only proving our points.

>> No.18981337

>>18981311
"Boatmurdered. A doomed fortress built where once our 'White House' stoof."

>> No.18981339

>>18981296
>>18981257
I would've assumed the old internet had to be destroyed after it finally evolved into a malignant, techno-organic growth mass that threatened to swallow the world.

The new internet will be a pay-per-hour service where you only visit the sites within the subscription plan that you've purchased.

>> No.18981347

>>18981339

What plan would 4chan be on?

>> No.18981359

>>18981199

Briefly.

>> No.18981363

>>18981347
The name is automatically censored by your brain implant.

>> No.18981364

"...Is 4chan still up?"

>> No.18981367
File: 240 KB, 552x339, sHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY CARD.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18981367

>>18980988
"So uh...are we fucking? Or is that everyday wear."

*puts on shades and AC/DC music plays*

>> No.18981371

>>18981339
It did swallow the world, not long after the citizenry of the most affluent nations had almost universally adopted the hSync implants. This was well after your time, of course.

You will want to see our Constitution of Memes, I am sure.

>> No.18981378

>>18981337

All simulations leak data from a higher plane of simulation; it is due to the conscious ordering of simulations as opposed to the non-conscious ordering of non-simulated realities.

Siva's manifestation in the Mahabharata is proof that we exist in a simulated reality.

>> No.18981379

>>18981325
So, that last one would mean this is really a dude?

>> No.18981387

>>18980988

This reminds me of the Dark Tower. You newfags won't get this.

>> No.18981388

>>18980988
Girl, you sparkly. Why you wake me up for, anyway?

And them records bogus, violence and sexual aggression were already unfashionable by my time.

>Captcha: notabro away
And if you ain't notabro, you can get the hell away

>> No.18981389
File: 29 KB, 337x404, Heh.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18981389

>>18980988
...You wake me and immediately go on a diatribe of your accomplishments, this makes me think you're posturing to impress me and therein hiding a bunch of HORRIBLE mistakes which you only thawed my out in hopes that my input would somehow help to fix them.

Either that or your culture has become extremely insecure, which is also dubious and makes me think you have an angle you're trying to push...

>MFW I get shoved back into the fridge.

>> No.18981391
File: 480 KB, 1130x1600, end times 1.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18981391

>>18981347
>>18981364

You read it like a manga, right to left.
1/7

>> No.18981393

>>18981378
Why Shiva's, specifically?

>> No.18981397
File: 585 KB, 1131x1600, end times 2.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18981397

2/7

oh, it's an /a/ comic, but whatever.

>> No.18981405
File: 547 KB, 1131x1600, end times 3.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18981405

3/7

>> No.18981408

I get my mind overwritten with a personality construct templated off Doctor Doom and topple their puny egalitarian society.

>> No.18981411
File: 27 KB, 450x398, COCKSUCKER.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18981411

>>18981389
This motherfucker right here knows what's up.

>> No.18981419
File: 577 KB, 1131x1600, end times 4.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18981419

4/7

>> No.18981426
File: 72 KB, 428x595, Blowjob silencer.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18981426

>>18980988
>highly sexually aggressive but as you can see, we are of a more enlightened era

"So is this era enlightened in a sense that women wear shit like yours everyday and sex is a fun activity even for friends and that's considered normal? Or enlightened in the sense that sex is barbaric and you guys just reproduce in vitro because you're tired of putting D's in to V's."

"Enlighten me, baby."

>> No.18981427
File: 507 KB, 1131x1600, end times 5.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18981427

5/7

>> No.18981428

>>18981405
This premise is just unreasonable. The internet isn't going away in our lifetime. It might transform and become regulated, but it's too valuable for commerce to be destroyed entirely.

>> No.18981431

>>18981389
Of course, they need one of you violent, sexually unstable types to tell their enlightened, peaceful AIs how to beat the Hegemonising Swarms that are just now engulfing their most precious Fleets of Friendliness.

>> No.18981432

It ain't gonna suck itself.

>> No.18981436

>>18981387

You're right, I don't. What exactly does this have to do with the Dark Tower?

>> No.18981437
File: 442 KB, 1131x1600, end times 6.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18981437

6/7

>> No.18981442

>>18981431
Fuck you Heinlein. I refuse to do it. I hope you enjoy the human race being destroyed just because you pissed me off that much with your damn books.

>> No.18981445
File: 687 KB, 1131x1600, end times 7.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18981445

7/7

And nothing of value as lost.

>> No.18981446

>>18981426
Trigger discipline just isn't that important in the future, I guess.

>> No.18981447

>>18981364
They have something different; 4Scene. It's like 4chan, but fun for the whole family. You can even customize your very own avatar called a 4Me.

>> No.18981452

>>18981442
And so they return you to stasis and decant the next one.

>> No.18981456

>>18981446
Right, because all guns are actually just theater props.

>> No.18981459

>>18981452
Who says they have more?

>> No.18981467

>>18981445
Shiva is a god of ambiguity and paradox.

>> No.18981469

>>18981459
They don't, if we want to keep piling on the cliches.

>> No.18981472

>>18981445

My god, that is the saddest comic I have ever read.

I literally cannot imagine living a life without 4chan, as sad as that sounds. I love you guys. I mean, you're a bunch of raging terrible faggot assholes, but you're *my* raging terrible faggot assholes, you know?

Or, I guess I should say, *we* are *our* raging terrible faggot assholes.

Fuck it, /tg/, give me a hug. Big ol' sweaty neckbeardy group hug.

>> No.18981473
File: 80 KB, 480x720, 1332391007840.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18981473

>I will not be your hero, I will not give you that chance. You will fall, because you never tried to stand for yourselves.

I would then attempt to kill myself in the most bloody way possible.

>> No.18981474

>>18981442
Protagonists with objectivity is hilarious.

Whatever DM that set this up is probably ready to explode when >>18980988 gives her long-winded speech and then the response is apathy mixed with conjecture.

>> No.18981482

>>18981472
>We are our assholes
Eww

>> No.18981484

>>18981472
Yeah, I don't even know what I'd do. Read a lot, I guess. That's what I did before the internet.

>> No.18981494

Worst case scenario: the future has become so "enlightened," that they consider human flesh a delicacy. You've been dethawed because some rich guy ordered finely-aged, vintage meat to be served at a soiree he's holding.

>> No.18981495

>>18981472
I've wasted so much time here in the past few years. It would be good for me if it was shut down.

I mean, I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Elf slave threads in flame wars off the shoulder of threads on Scion. Ban-me's glittering in the darkness of the mod enforcer hate. All these... moments will be lost in time. Like tears. In rain.

Time to die.

>> No.18981499

>>18981474
He should expect that response, if his players are using neckbeard characters.

>> No.18981504

>>18981389
Just their luck eh? The future winds up with the one asshole that likes to poke holes in things.

>> No.18981509
File: 55 KB, 1280x724, 1332639155384.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18981509

>>18981495
>All the threads that exist only in your memory will be lost to the blackness of oblivion when you die

I don't want to be in this universe anymore, guys. I want out, let me out, FUCKING LET ME OUT

>> No.18981511

"Right, I'd like the total package please. Any and all upgrades, plus a few skillsofts and a primer of the last four hundred years of history. The laws might be nice as well."

"Actually, just the memory and intelligence enhancers and the history for now, I'll get back to you on the rest."

"Also, what's this time's/your own personal policy on casual sex? Apparently it's been a while."

>> No.18981512

Just out of curiosity, which Heinlein book exactly have we ended up in?

>> No.18981513

What, nobody said the obvious yet?

"...then why is there a car from 400 years ago behind you?"

>> No.18981514

>>18981494
>>18981474
Oooookay, so I got my next adventure idea...

>Woken up by beatific cyborgs, start going on about wonderful future
>Players poke holes in it, conjecture they need them
>Yeah we're just fucking with you, we woke you up because we were hungry
Cue chase/murder shenanigans on some far future space cruise liner.

>> No.18981515
File: 17 KB, 460x276, ComputerHug460x276.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18981515

>>18981472
Come 'ere, ya big sap.

>> No.18981526

>>18981509
The Archives will eventually shut down.
Every last person who remembered this site, its memes and its ideas, will die. The threads are unrecorded and will be forgotten, even if you try and save a few.
Eventually, time will erase all of our efforts here.

>> No.18981527

>>18980988
... do they still have bacon in 2405? I need bacon. Bacon and coffee, and grits, and a biscuit.

>> No.18981528

>>18981513
I guess we belong in a museum.

>> No.18981532

>>18981513
is to ease you into situation, future shock is bad, no?

>> No.18981536

>Where's the toilet
>What's illegal?
>I'm hungry
>Wanna fuck?

Not necessarily in that order.

>> No.18981538

>>18981512

Apparently the Past Through Tomorrow. That full version is 900+ pages long and contains all of Heinlein's ideas about society, culture, nudism, and casual sex.

>> No.18981539

>>18981513
We resurrected it for you, of course.

>> No.18981541

>>18981539
Oh, great, you must have scanned me and discovered I'm an automobilephile.

>> No.18981544
File: 34 KB, 423x400, Ezreals face when.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18981544

>>18981528

>> No.18981550

>future society wakes you up
>confronts you with all your fetishes incarnated as recreation material
>...and realistic personality constructs of your extended family
How will you bear the shame.

>> No.18981552

>>18981528
I feel an amusing sort of glee knowing that my frozen naked body is on display for all to see, complete with raging boner and a stupid grin on my face.

>> No.18981562

>>18981472
Me too man.
Me too.
I guess, in the end, we're all gonna carry that weight.

>> No.18981565

Yeah? We still have freedom right? Where's my gun? Who's president now? Did we secede yet? Do those damn Europeans still think they're hot shit? Is Africa still a shithole? How 'bout the middle east and Asia?

>> No.18981566
File: 208 KB, 1024x783, 1203389252360.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18981566

>>18981550
1: Realize that I'm just a personality construct as well.
2: Go Garibaldi on their asses.

>> No.18981570

>>18981536
>he doesn't know how to use the three seashells

>> No.18981574

>>18981565
Is there anything resembling the Rhodesian Bush War going on anywhere?

>> No.18981578

>>18981472
I hate you to asshole, I hate you to.

>> No.18981581
File: 177 KB, 1280x1440, 1327232306630.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18981581

>>18981550
Pic related.

>> No.18981586

'I would like to bang the nearest alien chick'.

Also, the fact that you're Asian give me no hope for this future...

>> No.18981594
File: 312 KB, 1024x768, 1275188093594.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18981594

>>18981550
>>18981550

>> No.18981596

>>18981514
Whenever the poor can't afford to pay a debt, they work off the money they owe on "farms," where slices are removed from them daily and placed for purchase on a market exclusive to the rich. Medical science has advanced so far that flesh regeneration isn't a problem.

When you are "employed" on one of these farms, you're put on a strict exercise regimen and supplementary diet to ensure that you deliver the finest quality product.

>> No.18981610

>>18980988
>What say you, human of old?

Ba-weep-gra-na-weep-ninny-bong.

>> No.18981612

>>18981596
No, that's dumb, there would be no value in what was merely grown flesh. You just have a fetish and need to cater to it.

>> No.18981623

"2/10 would not bang"

"fetch me a bag of cheese puffs, mountain dew and a precision d20"

>> No.18981624

>>18981612
I was trying to come up with something horrific. Get rid of the flesh regeneration then; replace it with weeping people en mass in cells, scared that one of the staff will pass by, tap their bars, and send two security officers in to retrieve you for processing.

>> No.18981628

>>18981612
It's the fetish of the rich. Certainly, with the technology available, flesh can be vat-grown easily. Very few people eat animals anymore.

But to watch the very meal you're eating being cut from another human being, that's something you can't get from a vat.

Welcome to the future.

>> No.18981629

>>18980988

"Y-you too."

>> No.18981638

>>18981629
Then you infect the future with spaghetti-itis. Man's great space empire, brought low by your social awkwardness.

You should have b-b-b-backed that ass up.

>> No.18981643

>>18981628
>that feel when you'll never be rich enough to be a cannibal because we have to buy our plastic crack.

>> No.18981648

>>18981628
>>18981624
Moderately better.

>> No.18981650

>>18981378
Hey! Hey you! Stop doing that!

Don't post something that's the outline of an interesting subject and then not expand on it.

Tell me about that shit!

I know the mahabharata is twelve fucking iliads in length, that's why I haven't read and grokked the whole thing.

>> No.18981652

>>18981643
You don't have to be rich to be a cannibal. You just have to be rich for it to be legal.

>> No.18981665

>>18981650
Just go read it, it's awesome. Vishnu is terrifying.

>> No.18981669

>>18981652
Cannibal is such a terrible-sounding word; I'm sure they would prefer being called the "dietarily liberal"

>> No.18981671

>>18981610
Where's a picture of Captain America saying that he 'understands this reference' when you need one.

>> No.18981680

>>18980988
>If our records are correct, those of your generation were also exceedingly violent and highly sexually aggressive
... aw shit, you dug up Oakland, didn't you?

>> No.18981688

>>18981669
They're rich enough to have bits of poor people cut off and fed to them. Would they care about the name? Would anybody?

>> No.18981699

>>18981325
>>The Death of Cis
This explains why they believe were a bunch of rapist.

>> No.18981722

>>18981650
It's on my to do list. While you're at it, what's your preferred translation?

>> No.18981731

>>18981628
If this were a movie, the climactic scene would be the protag fist-fighting the director of the whole program.

Cue the scene where the protag is struggling with the director over a surgical laser saw while the director gloats that he'll be eating protag's liver on a cracker before it's all over.

>> No.18981762

>>18981731
Escape From the Flesh Farm.

Brought to you by the director of The Human Millipede.

>> No.18981778

>>18981731

"Joke's on you, Mr. Director. I'm an alcoholic!"

>> No.18981797

>>18981762
More like director of Planet Terror if we get comedic with it.

>> No.18981800

BUT WAIT!
if this the future and we've been tube'd for the entire duration of our sleep shat means we're still virgins...
that and its been a good 400 years so we're WELL over 30 years of age...
EVERYONE IS WIZARDS!
>>18981731
>"no you won't" i say nonchalantly
>Disintigrate

>> No.18981802

>>18981778
"Stop making up words, forerunner."
>Protagonist dies, scene later with dead villain
>Turns out that prohibition, many years later, had rendered everyone incapable of digesting or processing alcohol

>> No.18981811
File: 62 KB, 300x357, taco-bell_300.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18981811

We should go to taco bell, and then you can explain the three seashells to me.

>> No.18981812

>>18981797
I wonder if the future will have grindhouse films.

>> No.18981827

>>18981800

That's why we were all resurrected. They need an army of wizards to battle the encroachin evil

>> No.18981829

>>18981811
Gotcha. In this universe, White Castle won the Franchise Wars.

>> No.18981837
File: 27 KB, 450x300, naankadavul06[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18981837

Did you people ever get around to harnessing fire, inventing the wheel, paper, and such? Our tribe elders told of something that was supposed to come in the future they called video games.

>> No.18981838

>>18981797
>That scene with the guy who melts his balls

AUGH AUGH AUGH

>> No.18981845

Not a single

"I never asked for this"

>> No.18981852

>>18981494
That's actually still a Heinlein novel.

>> No.18981857

>>18981845
Perhaps the joke has run its course?

No, how silly of me. Memes last forever.

>> No.18981861
File: 745 KB, 680x544, Desu Ex Tsundere Revolution.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18981861

>>18981845
I'm not doing this b-because I LIKE this stupid meme or anything, so don't get the wrong idea. B-baka!

>> No.18981862

>>18981762
>>18981762
The horror wouldn't be steeped in blood in gore, it would be in how sterile and congenial the setting is in comparison to how disturbing the concept of the plot is.

I can't think of any movie examples of this being pulled off, but I'm sure there are some.

>>18981778
"Guess I want have to stew it in white wine then!'

>> No.18981873

>>18981800
actually if the power gian is cumulative (IE you double in power at 60 get 3x as much as 30 at 90, etc,) than we would have the ppower of 13.33333 + X wizards where X is your age/30

>> No.18981876

>>18981845

I never asked for this.

>> No.18981880
File: 24 KB, 549x471, 1301901490199.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18981880

>>18981829
I don't want to live on this planet anymore.

>> No.18981892

"So... this is Hell, then. Ah."

>> No.18981895

"Oh God, I fell into a LARP of Zardoz!"

>> No.18981912

UGH this future, its so, so, BRIGHT
We must pool our fa/tg/uy wizard powers to make this galaxy as GRIMDARK as 40k, minus the terrible fluff of course

>> No.18981918

>>18981912
If all of us are here, we don't need to do anything to make the setting hopeless and depressing.

>> No.18981928

Why are you dressed like that, if society has gotten so enlightened as to be beyond sexualization? Following your logic, your outfit makes no sense. If you were telling me the truth, then:

A) You would be naked, and feel no shame about it

B) You would wear the most practical clothing available, with no regard to its appearance.

>> No.18981932

Finally, a place and people that will be impressed by my stupidity.

>> No.18981955

>>18981918
True, but it still wouldn't be at the 40k level of hopeless and depressing

>> No.18981956

"Yah, okay. You realize I can see your nipple right? Does that protect from the elements? Anyway, your records are wrong. Not everyone is a rapist, and not everyone is violent. We also don't "value" entropy. We do, or did, everything we can to avoid it. How about that clinical immortality now?"

>> No.18981971

"Any aliens yet?"

>> No.18982014

>>18981762
>>18981802
>>18981778
>>18981797
Soylent Green: Coming in the Summer of 2012

>> No.18982016

There was a movie about exactly this...I think it had Arnold Schwarzenegger in it...

>> No.18982029

Well it could be worse this could be freejack.

>> No.18982061
File: 24 KB, 632x467, heavy chickenshit outfit face.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18982061

>>18980988
I shoot the cunt in her fucking face.

It's time to rebuild real humanity.

>> No.18982198

>>18980988
> but have stopped short of granting you clinical immortality as we understand the people of your time valued their state of entropy
Instantly at this point interupt them and ask them to continue the process as the people from my time were idiots. Obviously they have lost all records of me otherwise they would not be so stupid as to have not granted imortality.
Everything else thay say is also followed by my informing them that yeas people of my time were ignorant savages and to get me up to speed with whatever bio/cyber tech is required.

>> No.18982207

>>18981581
source?

>> No.18982250

>>18980988

1.
> A word of caution however: despite my lithe and delicate appearance, I am prepared to protect myself if necessary. The compact configuration of my systema musculare affords me nearly six times your physical strength and I am well-versed in defensive martial combat as is required of all First Contact agents

Given that this sounds like a threat: resist the urge to be a dumb animal and lash out/assault first contact. High stress situations make for poor decisions that I'd regret.

2.
>Ask the obvious:
where am I, where is the bathroom, where is the food.

3.
>Ask what they want from me
They must have had a reason to revive me. No free rides after all.

4.
>Ask for supliferious/cool shit.
I want me genitals to be twice as large, I want super strength and durability, that sort of shit and be able to regenerate.

..Yeah, that should be it.

>> No.18982277

>sexually aggressive
Obviously her database knows nothing about the eunuchs that make up /tg/

>> No.18982333

>>18982277
>Eunuchs
>Not Wizards

Call us by our real titles, simpleton.

>> No.18982356

>>18982333
peh, as 400+ year old virgin we'd be far superior to mere wizards

>> No.18982368

>>18980988

The only reason you are waking me is because someone like me from my time got the same treatment for 'science' or out of 'enlightened thinking', overpowered one of you, got loose and is now raping and killing all over the city, right? And let me guess... you gave THAT FUCKER clinical immortality on top of it, hence why I didn't get it.

I saw Demolition Man; you need my violent, sexually aggressive self to go out there and bring him to justice. Well there is only one kind for someone like him. Give me the best gun you've got, then get out of those fucking cloths and start paying me the down-payment for my services in sexual favors. Once I've fucked that haughty look off your face, I'm going to go track down the son of a bitch and kill him.

And when I get back, you better be in an apron and nothing else making me dinner and desert. And by dinner, I mean meat. And by desert, I mean I'm fucking you some more.

>> No.18982374

>>18982356

Like that episode of Seinfeld where George becomes a genius.

>> No.18982376

>>18982356
>400 years of sexual power

My god

The Black Lords are finally ready to awake.

>> No.18982394

I try to fight her, to see if they can really best me in a fight.

This is quest thread right?

>> No.18982402

rolled 28 = 28

>>18982368
And if you have any hot female coworkers, I want them here too when I get back. I'm gonna FUCK the arrogance out of all you future bitches!

>> No.18982431

"Hey, what the hell, you didn't think to ask me whether or not I wanted immortality or not? You call yourselves enlightened and then make the same mistake countless previous generations did by unfairly generalizing an entire group of people. That is shameful. What kind of enlightened culture identifies themselves as such, anyway? All that tells me is that you are pretentious, and not as enlightened as you might think."

>> No.18982453
File: 264 KB, 840x1117, 1300979612165.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18982453

>>18982356
The fabled 'Tesla-level' powers?

>>18980988
Okay, a few questions.

1. Any relatives/derivatives left?

2. I don't remember getting iced, mind going over that one for me again?

3. Is getting re-sleaved an option or did you y'all not achieve mind/machine interfaces?

4. Picture related, on multiple levels?

>> No.18982475

>>18982376
indeed.
″so theres hidden power in these old bones succubus. if you truely think you can just kick me around for your perverse pleasure, have at thee, but be forewarned: you will lose, and there is nothing you can do aabout it, we are the masters of war for a reason~
then just throw her out of the way telekinetically and hunt for clothess.

>> No.18982582
File: 21 KB, 431x352, I can fap.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18982582

>>18981581
Sauce please, this relative to my interest...

>> No.18982601

>>18982376
We will make CoC a reality.

>> No.18982623

>>18981509
Don´t worry, anon. When you leave this world, all your pleasant memories will become part of the Great Archive, where all good things are archived for eternity. And you will be able to read everything beautiful and awesome that´s ever been written. And you´ll be able to write in new stuff and talk about cool shit and there will only be good and win and no one will spam pony shit.

>> No.18982627
File: 76 KB, 500x500, 1335713617824.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18982627

>>18982061
Pull a Humanity Fuck Yeah upon our descendents, I like the way you think.

>> No.18982644

>>18981811
I see what you did there...

>> No.18982645

>>18982601
Wait do you mean Corruption of Champions or Call of Cuthulu?

>> No.18982648

>>18982623
Will there be sage?

>> No.18982652

"Get me out of your sick fetish fantasy, freak."

>> No.18982654

>>18982645
Honestly I can see it going either way. Probably 50:50 down the middle.

>> No.18982664

>>18982645
Why can't it be both?

>> No.18982671

>>18982664
corruption will notbreed themselves out... so nah.

>> No.18982693

Finally, can I have my god damn space ship now?

>> No.18982718

>>18982693
The vehicle you see before you was chosen based on information from your time, to acclimate you to our mode of transport.

It is space-capable.

And yes, that would be the car, not the woman.

>> No.18982730

>>18982718
>And yes, that would be the car, not the woman.
I'm going to ride both just to make sure.

>> No.18982737

"First off most people didn't value their 'state of entropy', such as myself, I do not value it at all. Also violence is relative I have never aggressively attacked anyone, as well most people never attacked anyone. As for highly sexually aggressive? What is wrong with your view of history? this is something that has never be a thing for a majority of the species, sure it has been prevalent, but never a majority. And so I find it insulting that you would suggest that that is what you expect of me."

So first, bathroom, second, food, third immortality, forth history lesson.

>> No.18982817

>>18982648
Sage implies evil or wrongness. there´s not even autosage in the immortal board, since time nor space can force a limit to it.

Of course, if you live a wicked, heretical life, your spirit will be 404´ed, denying you forever access to all, doomed to be forever alone in oblivion.

>> No.18982857

>>18982817
>>18982623

OK I am starting a religious movement base on this. Who is with me?

>> No.18982862

>>18982817
But there still won't be any ponies, right?

>> No.18982891

"What do you mean by genes? I'm a fully functioning android! I may be a little outdated, but that doesn't make me comparable to some fleshy git. Now please do me a favor and bring me some ethanol or caffeine."

>> No.18982908
File: 472 KB, 1360x768, fuckyeah.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
18982908

>>18982718
Fuck. Yes.

>> No.18982917

>>18982862
...Only you don´t wish them to be, my son.

Let us pray, that in our death beds, we be worthy of the archive. That we pass the test of the worthy, the captcha of heaven!

>> No.18983024

Soo...we've got a new version of elf slave wat do? that we'll actually respond to?
>I'm ok with this.

>> No.18985195

Can you turn me into a girl yet? That'll give you a chance to add that clinical immortality you skipped on.

>> No.18985807

As if this never turned into a quest. Oh well, best get fapping...

>>
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