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[ERROR] No.18887581 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Hello, my friends.

One year ago today, I started Tales of the Emperasque.

One year ago (well technically one year ago tomorrow but that's a Saturday) someone asked what would happen if the Tarrasque appears on Holy Terra. I responded with what was, at first, a series of completely unrelated journal flashbacks about the shenanigans said Tarrasque would get up to.

Since then, said Tarrasque, with the Emperor aboard, has ripped Abbadon the Despoiler's arms off, rescued an Eldar Goddess, saved Ulthwe from a Necron assault, forged a peace treaty between the Craftworlds and Earth, blunted the advance of Leviathan Hive Tendril 3, rescued six of his sons and briefly spoke with a seventh, dead son, and rooted out a Slaaneshi cult from Terra itself.

One year ago, I started to write the Tales, and the Tales part of the name was just a joke, since I couldn't imagine every making it much longer than 3,000 words.

I am presently at 146,645 words.

You, and the TvTropes thread whom I have linked here, are cordially invited to join me on a One-Year-Anniversary Emperasqastravaganza. Today and tonight, I'll be recounting my own personal favorite scenes from both stories, along with a few choice pieces of fanart. Tomorrow and Sunday, I'll be writing constantly, creating new content for the story.

Along the way, I'll be recounting some of the /tg/ milestones we've passed in that year; memorable new 1d4chan and sup/tg/ pages, and I'll wrap up today with special thanks for the /tg/ people who made this possible.


>> No.18887649

Favorite scene 1: Guilliman gets stolen

Finally, the ceiling gave way, and a hole big enough to fly a Marauder through appeared in the abused roof. Vast chunks of the building fell inward around the hole, sending the pilgrims scrambling for their lives. Tigurius overcame his stupor to dazedly knock the bigger chunks harmlessly aside, as an enormous orange animal fell through the hole. It landed with an earth-shaking THUD at the foot of the throne, knocking Cassius aside like a bowling pin. The enormous creature stared at the figure of Roboute Guilliman on the throne, and in a rather more reasonable tone, continued. “SHIT, SON, THAT GLITTERY TRAITOR FULGRIM REALLY FUCKED YOU UP, DIDN’T HE? GOOD THING SLAANESH USED HIM FOR TOILET PAPER.” The creature padded up the flight of stairs leading to the throne, with the Ultramarines at its feet gazing on in astonishment. The monster looked at the man with…what? Pity? Sorrow? Regret?
At length, it spoke again. It was still gazing at the blue-armored man on the marble chair, but its words were directed at the Ultramarines. “HEY, YOU GUYS. LISTEN, GO GET IN TOUCH WITH WHOEVER’S RUNNING THE RAVEN GUARD, THESE DAYS, HUH? I HAVE A DOCTOR’S APPOINTMENT TO BE AT.” With no more talking, and no pomp or bombast at all, the colossal monster vanished with a thunderclap of displaced air, taking the stasis-protected Primarch with him.
Marneus Calgar, the man who punched Khaine to death, the Space Marine who broke Behemoth over his knee, stared at the empty space his bestial Emperor and spiritual liege had just vacated. All he could manage, with his centuries of oratorical skill, was a single “What the FUCK?”

>> No.18887652


Good Show SE

>> No.18887693

Favorite scene 2: Universe At War jokes

One of the Pariahs lurched back up suddenly. Taldeer gasped and drew her sidearm, but another distinctive *click* sounded from the tower, and the Pariah flew apart at the seams. “I’m the ghost in their machine,” the Vindicare’s voice intoned in her ear. Taldeer tried to suppress a smirk.

>> No.18887729

Oh boy here we go~!

>> No.18887739

Favorite Scenes 3: Faux Pas
A blob of purple mist appeared in the vehicle bay of the Ravenspire. The assembled Raven Guard, what few remained, knelt reverently. The enormous form of the Emperor appeared with a burst of displaced air, and Corax collapsed on the ceramite floor, sound asleep. The chapter Chief Librarian bent his head. “My Lord God, thank you for returning our progenitor to us. I feel his mind is exhausted, though no worse for wear after a trip through the Warp here with you.”
“It shall be as you say,” the Librarian intoned.
“The Dark Angels called ahead via astropath, my Lord God, and Lord El’Jonson himself informed us you would be visiting soon, with Lord Corax accompanying you. We shall tend to him until his mind recovers.”
“GREAT! WOW, THAT WAS RELATIVELY PAINLESS.” The colossal Emperor glanced down at the rigid body of Corax. “UH, FOR ME. UM. ANYWAY, I SHALL RETURN WHEN I HAVE FINISHED. GOOD LUCK.”

>> No.18887761

Favorite Scene 4: Draigo Gets Told

The Custodian whirled around. “Master Draigo, I can only assume you came here to enact the Terminus Decree. Not even we of the Household Guard were privy to its orders, but I can imagine them. The Emperor Himself informed us, the day after Malcador sealed those orders away, that they told you to come here and await Him. Well, He’s gone.” The light from thousands of luminators glinted off his jet-black helmet lenses. “Deal with it.”

>> No.18887819

Favorite Scenes 5: Bjorn Gets Into the Holiday Spirit of Giving

Angelos turned to look Bjorn in the optics, looking stunned. “How…you…is it true? You walked under the same sky as the Emperor Himself?”
“Sure did,” Bjorn said, wandering around the sandbags to the piles of discarded clothes and weapons where the evaporated daemons and cultists had once lain. “Really, are you okay? You’re looking kind of wobbly. Here,” he said, lifting a discarded combi-bolter with his lightning claw. “Take this. A little looting after a battle always cheers you up.”
Incidentally, Bjorn is my favorite character after Vulkan and Isha. He's the only sane man in this entire fucked-up universe.

>> No.18887842


Random WIN!

>> No.18887872

Favorite Scene 6: Tu'Shan's mind is BLOWN.

“Yeah, Primarchs. Two of them together would ward off the armies of Chaos well, and Ulthwé will do anything to damage the ancient foe.”
She nodded with sardonic respect. “Also, I know it because your Emperor himself told us. Personally. He has visited Ulthwé twice in the last several days.”

>> No.18887904

Favorite Scene 7: Let's Put Those Claws to Use

The shells seemed to twist and pass him by, skirting past him without hitting anything. The crew opened up with their sposon-mounted lascannons, but the beams simply did not hurt him, the marks they left on his armored hide fading after a few seconds. In desperation, the tank crew fired their single Havoc missile, which froze in midair before it even reached him. The crew slammed their tank into reverse, still firing their autocannon and lascannons, but to no effect. The Emperor leapt up, landing mere centimeters from the tank, and thrust his clawed legs forward, gripping the turret, and pulling it clean off. A pair of Techmarines inside looked up and screamed, pitching themselves out of the tank, desperately scrambling to clear their sidearms. The Emperor casually slammed the turret down on one, reducing him to a greasy stain on the hillside, and batted the other one into a tree with his free claw.
After the snapping noises stopped, the huge Emperor looked back at where the shimmering warp taint was still staining the distant hill, and shook his massive head. “WHERE WAS I?” He walked back to the rift, much more sedately. He stared at it, contemplatively. “YEAH…WELL, HERE WE GO…” Without hesitation, he walked on through.

>> No.18887915

Favorite Scene 8: I Only Told You That Story So I Could Tell You This One

“KNOCK KNOCK MOTHERFUCKER WHO ORDERED A BEATING?” a psychic voice suddenly roared, shocking Nurgle from his cooking and Isha from her ennui.

>> No.18887933

Favorite Scene 9: Mental Images

“Grandpa Eldrad?” the girl asked in a small voice, hesitant. Eldrad stared at her blankly, confused. Taldeer walked around to the girl’s side of the table, placing a protective hand on her shoulder.
“Father, this is Lofn, my daughter.” Eldrad’s eyes went as wide as dinner plates at the words.
“I have a granddaughter? I have a son-in-law? What?”
“Yes, Father,” Taldeer said sheepishly. “Ah…you’ve been gone long enough for…events to occur.”

>> No.18887934


Get out

>> No.18887956

Utterly pretentious. Get your fanwankery out of /tg/.

>> No.18887961

Favorite Scene 10: Knights of the TOLD Republic

“When you have witnessed an Eldar mother shrieking in horror and regret after seeing her child fall out of a car and die without wearing a soul stone, knowing with certainty that Slaanesh is raping and eating his innocent soul at that very second, it becomes difficult not to see them as people, my Lord God,” Livii said flatly.
The Emperor didn’t really have anything to say to that.

>> No.18887972


>> No.18887975

Favorite Scene 11: Slippery When Wet

The Astartes troops fired their jump packs yet again, and soared above the dam. The Enginseer flipped a switch on the top of the dam and sprinted away, as fast as his augmetic legs could take him. The Orks slowed their charge as it occurred to them that there was no way to follow. Before any of them could do anything about it, though, the artificial logslide gave way, and the water that had been backing up the entire time broke free, crashing into the front wave of Orks like a tidal wave.
The Orks were swept back towards the two rock barricades, their horde reduced to mere dozens, easy pickings for the Guard units that were still standing along the edges of the canyon. When the Orks washed by, roaring and shouting as if it helped, the Guard was there, picking them off with glee.
Of the five thousand Orks that entered that canyon, not one lived until noon.

>> No.18887997


“LOOK OUT BELOW!” a voice suddenly cried, and the crowd parted as the chartered Captain suddenly landed in their midst with a *clunk*. Several of the group drew weapons and trained them on the man, but before the hall could dissolve into gunfire, the Fabricator-General laughed.
“Romes, I see you haven’t lost your ability to make an entrance.”

>> No.18887999

I watched this episode yesterday. Just this episode.
It's the first DBZ episode I've seen in months.

>> No.18888001


Why are you doing this? This is an utterly retarded idea and a waste of everybody's time.

>> No.18888026

Favorite Scene 14: Honor of Medals 2: Duty of Cthulutech

“They were out of their minds, and attacked us. Yes. However, they attacked us because they were being controlled by something foul, something they didn’t summon. Where it is and how long it’s been here I have no idea. Looks to me that they got here when the Emperor’s new form was announced, tried to summon a daemon to cause some anarchy for their own gain, and got brainwashed into attacking us by a sorcerer nearby with far more power, who noticed their clumsy attempts,” Draigo said, dropping the papers into a heap on the floor of the train station’s security room with contempt. Vulkan swept the Spear through the heap and they instantly burst into flames. Tu’Shan hefted his own bolter and nudged the door open, and the six men walked back into the train station.

>> No.18888034

Hence extravaganza.

Also: Happy Birthday, Big E!

And thanks to Lord else for all this effort.

>> No.18888039

Favorite Scene 15: Sequel Hooks

“As you say, Father,” Russ said, his mind already back on Fenris, not looking forward to the task.
“Aye, my Liege,” El’Jonson said, thinking about the trip already, and wondering what he would say to the Angels when he arrived.
“Yes, Father,” Vulkan said, anticipating the reunion on Nocturne.
“Yes, Sire,” Guilliman said, grinning wistfully at the thought of returning to his beloved Macragge.
“Yes, Sire,” Jaghatai echoed, wondering if he could convince the Adeptus Mechanicum to restart Jetbike production.
“Yes, my Liege,” Corax said, cradling his hand. “It’ll be good to be home.”

>> No.18888068

146,000 words is freakin' unreal.
All SE needs is a Kickstarter fund and he's a professional author.

>> No.18888089


I would fund it. Of course it'd be totally illegal (since he'd be getting cash for using GW intellectual property).

But if SE wanted to raise money to write an original novel or something, I'd donate.

>> No.18888104

And, we have the whole Emperasque thing summarized in a few short words.

It's amazing how you managed to do it in 17 words while he's so proud of his 100K+.

>> No.18888105

I'm not entirely sure if that would work.
But compared to many Black Library publications...

>> No.18888119

Thank you!

Incidentally, the people I want to thank for making this possible are, in no particular order, you three, for being there to cheer me on when this story (and Venus' Burn) were about the only things keeping me from giving up on life entirely. So thanks!

I want also to thank Brother-Captain Fumbles and Thermobaric Lemon for fanart and criticism, and FlintTD and Ragnasal for making the Emperasque 1d4chan page and awarding it the AWESOME Award of 2011.

Thank you also to Woxxy and Lord Licorice for maintaining the archives, and to the various Anons who made the Emperasque fanarts that currently decorate my wallpaper.

Not going to do a Favorites thing for Shipping Trip since it's not over yet.

Instead, I'm just going to start writing.

>> No.18888131


You're clearly new here, so let me elucidate - samefagging a thread to show your disdain is utter pointless. Just ignore the thread, get on with your day. Some of us quite enjoy SE's writing, and if you don't, then grow up and deal with it.

>> No.18888185

Oh, you. Stop it.
I'm trying to cultivate an icy stare here and you're totally ruining it.
Shit, now I'm giggling. That's all your fault.
Y-y-you s-stupid M-m-mon Keigh.

>> No.18888196

>shipping trip
what have I done D:

Also, because I forgot them, thank you Waffle House Millionaire and STORYTIEM aka Sword 'n' Board, for being the best writefags we've ever had, and Wikifag, for your patience and general awesomeness. You should do more State of the Wiki threads, broseph.

>> No.18888252

It is, and I mean this literally, All Good.

Besides the sheer volume of work and massive breadth of events touched upon, you've done a thing entirely remarkable: been fair to the entire setting. That's hard.
That's a fucking Lifetime Achievement Award.
The Imperium, The Grey Knights the Eldar, CHAOS, The Tau, The UItramarines, the effin' Sanguinor(!) -no one's your "fanboy scapegoat." If there's a faction that hasn't appeared yet, I am 100% confident they'll get a fair shake and feel right.
And if you look at the problems /tg/ has dealing with the basic concepts of propaganda, that's no small triumph.
There's much, much win here.
But being fair to everyone is what really impresses me.
(that and your persistence. holy shit you don't quit! XD)

>> No.18888254

The moment the ships broke the skein of the Warp and started pulsing active sensors, trying to locate the concealed station, their presence registered on the xenos’ sensors. The kabalites manning the sensor consoles laughed at the apes’ arrogance. No puny active sensors could detect the ship through its advanced baffles and countermeasures.
Then the leading Battle Barge fired a plasma salvo into the station’s hull, cracking the material like drywall under a wheat thresher, and suddenly they weren’t laughing any more.
Archon Caled’rios, the base Commodore, was personally leading his raiding fleet when the Imperial ships arrived, and was therefore unable to lead the defense in the station in person. This, as it turned out, did not matter greatly, since the attack was led by Jaghatai Khan himself.
“OOOOHHHHHHHHHH YEEEEEEAAAAAAH, FEEL THE WRATH OF MUNDUS PLANUS, XENO FILTH!” Khan roared at the top of his lungs, hosing down a static tower with his bolter.
The White Scar Attack Rider at his flank silently turned his heavy bolter and sprayed a small void shield projector next to the tower, marveling at his situation. Not only was he fighting beside his Lord Primarch, which was honor enough. No, he was also doing it…in space.
For at that moment, Jaghatai and a select group of his Riders were driving their Bikes and Assault Trikes across the surface of the space station like a series of hills, blasting away at anything that looked valuable.

>> No.18888331

You're writing already?
Hell yeah, motherfucker.

I have no inkling how they got onto that station, but who cares?

>> No.18888335

Thanks muchly, Iron Lung.

And...come to think of it, the only factions we haven't really visited yet are the Mechanicum and the Tyranids. The Mechanicum doesn't really play a role here, but they will play a big one in the final arc of Shopping Trip. The 'Nids are back burner. How do you portray a race with no individuality?

The 'Crons are the main faction in the fourth Tale, which I haven't started, called Tales of the Emperasque Four: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the C'Tan. Think Dr. Strangelove, staring Assholetep and Trollzyn. That comes after Tales of the Emperasque 3: High Plains Matron, which will be a bit like how a Spaghetti Western would look if filmed by the crew of Mystery Science Theater 3K and set on an Exodite season during Megalodon mating season.

Of course, this assumes I can find the time. I've started a job that eats up my free time, and I can't really justify writing this stuff at work even if I am a Tech writer.

>> No.18888381

Awesome will find a way.
It always does.
You could still make a Kickstarter account.

>> No.18888385

Thunderhawk transporters, it's described in the next bit. Fucking character limit.

4chan's character limit is the reason I write piecemeal at work now. I'm so used to writing in 300-330 word chunks that I do it without even thinking.

>> No.18888425

Uh, I discovered less than five minutes ago that I'm needed elsewhere in town for a few. As soon as I'm back I'll write more.

>> No.18888607

Now worries. Like always, we will be here, waiting and bumping.

Always waiting and bumping.

>> No.18889430

*lurkan, bumpan*

>> No.18889446

It's been a year already?

My how time flies.

>> No.18889609

I know. It honestly doesn't feel that long to me.

Anyway, back. This is a fanart of the Custodian who greets Draigo, telling it like it is.

>> No.18889875

The ships kept up their barrage, hammering away at the hull of the station on one side, as the flight of Thunderhawks which had carried the Bikes around the station swooped about, preventing panicked Corsairs from fleeing. The bikes rode over the hull of the station across from the ships, disarming the station, bit by bit.
Inside, it was total bedlam. The Dark Eldar pirates crewing the station scrambled to mount a defense, to fight off the Imperials attacking them, even as their hull emplacements went dark. The collection of human and alien mercenaries on the crew, nearly a third of its population, were better prepared, as most of them were more experienced in space warfare than their ‘allies.’
“Get moving!” the leader of the human contingent roared. “If the Corpse’s men are here, the boarders won’t be far behind!” He turned to glare at the nearest Dark Eldar, who was busily loading his splinter gun. “You! Forget that thing! Corridors this tight, it’s sidearms and buckshot for you!”
“Be silent, monkeigh filth,” the alien sneered, pausing to look up at the human. “I will take no orders from apes like you.”
The corsair glared at the alien for a moment before neatly bisecting him with his power sword, sending both sizzling halves toppling to the floor. He turned to face the other troops in the room, including his own. “Any other objections?”

>> No.18890171

Jaghatai slowed his bike, spotting a thermal vent on the hull of the station. Like all Dark Eldar ships, its armor was paltry compared to an Imperial ship of equivalent displacement, but it was still far too tough to take with bolters. A few well-placed explosives, however…
“Riders! Prepare for breach!” Jaghatai called over the comm. The other Attack Riders slowed their rampage across the hull, angling to Jaghatai with great care in the low gravity. Jaghatai tapped his sidecar gunner on the shoulder, and the gunner dropped his satchel charges into the vent as they drove past, tapping the button once they were out of range. The bombs flared and detonated, the tiny oxygen packets laced into the thermite warhead sending a brilliant spark through the dead, black battlefield. The hull was scorched, certainly, but not breached.
That, however, was enough.
Out of the darkness of the interstellar void, a massive block of metal, easily four or five times the size of a Land Raider, slammed into the damaged hull plate, sending shards of metal flying into space. The colossal Minotaur boring drill, usually used to deliver assault pods through armored Hives, cut through the metal like a chainsaw through tapioca, cutting through the heat vents into the interior of the station. Without hesitating, Jaghatai gunned the Bike, driving through the hole, dropping into the interior of the station.

>> No.18890187


Good to have you back, bro.

>> No.18890393

The artificial gravity tugged at the Bike, slamming it down on its wheels with a *clunk* of shattering engine parts. Jaghatai leaped from the saddle, drawing his two heavy bolter pistols and firing them into a frantically running mercenary security team.
“Counter-boarders to the pod deck!” barked the speakers overhead, accompanied by the sudden sounds of several dozen Minotaur bikes and trikes following him and his Scars vanguard through.
“Leave the bikes,” Jaghatai said with some regret, eyeing the narrow hallways of the station.
“Lord Khan, the drill?” the Minotaur leader asked, pointing down the massive hole, to where the drill was still visible, boring away.
“Leave it running until we’re in danger of stripping the head,” Jaghatai said. He raised his voice, lifting a heavy bolt rifle, complete with grenade tube underslung, from the sidecar. “Astartes, our objective is the Webway gate in the main hangar. Move out!”
The human Corsair looked over the room in front of him, and the nearly three hundred mercenaries and Dark Eldar crewers within. “All right, you dregs, we’re up against Astartes here. I know some of you have fought them before, but these are boarding actions, which means close quarters, which means fight smart!” He gestured at his power sword, which he had ripped the hand of a dying Commissar, his own. “Hand-to-hand, Astartes are invincible. That means explosives and shot!”
He gestured at the corridor out of the room, to where the Astartes had landed. “The ships have stopped firing. That means they want the station intact. The Astartes are here to claim it. Hit them with everything you have!”

>> No.18890784

The Minotaur and Scar teams split up, storming through the corridors in search of the Webway gates. The halls were thick with the smell of fear and suffering, blood and rotting souls. Terminators would have been ideal, of course, for such a battle, but neither Chapter could mount more than a few Terminators on Bikes on such short notice, so only five Scars were so equipped, and Kaghatai was not one of them. The Minotaurs, however, were experienced boarders, and lent the usually more hit-and-run Scars the heavy support they lacked.
“Take it!” Jaghatai snarled, punting a Dark Eldar crewer back into the cabin from which he emerged, tossing a satchel charge in after him. The room flooded with fire and bits of xeno, casting the pile of human bones beyond into relief.
“Lord Khan. We’ve spotted the Archon’s ships returning,” the fleet captain reported into the Primarch’s vox channel.
“If they try to run, burn them. If not, they’ll probably try to open the Webway gate in the middle of the station, and flee into Commorragh,” Jaghatai said, reloading his bolter and readying another satchel charge.
“Aye. The bombardment has succeeded, sir, all power relays and conduits on this half of the station are gone,” the captain reported.
“Excellent. Withdraw a little and launch all craft. Prepare precision lances for surgical strikes on the Dark Eldar ships. They may be slavers. Take them intact,” Jaghatai instructed.

>> No.18891127

“ALL I’M ASKING IS, CAN IT BE DONE?” the Emperor roared.
“I…I will give it the best I can, of course, my Emperor, but teleporting armored vehicles is difficult at the best of times,” Lord Castellan Creed admitted, standing on the Kasr parade grounds and staring up at his liege.
“Well…what do you have in mind?” Creed asked.
“And you want me to spearhead an attack against them, my Liege?” Creed guessed.
“I am truly honored, my Liege. Will the force be drawn from the forces here?” Creed asked, thinking over the numbers of soldiers remaining on Cadia after the Astartes had started pulling out.

>> No.18891182 [DELETED] 

See you all tomorrow morning.

The board has never been faster, so if the thread dies overnight, I'll just make a new one.

>> No.18892425

I am not pursuing Mew Bu!

>> No.18892440


>> No.18893911 [DELETED] 

Curse you oddish, and your lack of sleep. Bumps for the bumps throne!

>> No.18893951

Ima bumpan this thread. Also someone else, I might just consider having your babies right now. Hopefully no homo involved.

>> No.18894357


>> No.18895172

Bump up the volume!

>> No.18895737

I am alive, for now.

>> No.18895745


>> No.18895776

Just popping in to note that I hope you die in a freak grease fire.

>> No.18895857

I'll see you that hope, and raise you a wish that you die of genital cancer while your parents watch! =D

>> No.18895866

And a good day to you, sir.

>> No.18895890

Oh...kay. Well.


It occurs to me that we haven't seen much Corax since we started, but since the finale of the previous story was all him (and I know nothing about the Raven Guard) I don't think we'll be spending too much time with him for now.

Instead, I think I'm going to take us back to Commorragh for a while. Intermittent spring cleaning may occur, however.

>> No.18896030

bempeth for the God Empahesque

>> No.18896420

“Under attack?” Vect said softly. “However is that?”
“No idea, my Lord Vect,” the unfortunate messenger said nervously. “The dirty apes simply appeared nearby. Perhaps one of the Corsairs was captured, and convinced to sell his knowledge?”
Vect snorted in contempt. “Defeated by humans? Let them rot. Seal off the gate.”
“As you wish, Lord Vect,” the messenger said, bowing out.
Vect stood, and glanced out the window of his throne room to the twisting geometries of Commorragh. The monkeigh may have had their Imperium, certainly, but this…this was HIS empire.
A Webway gate in the distant, red sky flickered and died completely, signifying the loss of the connection to the station the apes were conquering. Nodded dispassionately. It was the least they deserved, losing to mere humans. Let the eternity of torment take them , it was the least they deserved.

>> No.18896493

“Under attack?” Vect said softly. “However is that?”
“No idea, my Lord Vect,” the unfortunate messenger said nervously. “The dirty apes simply appeared nearby. Perhaps one of the Corsairs was captured, and convinced to sell his knowledge?”
Vect snorted in contempt. “Defeated by humans? Let them rot. Seal off the gate.”
“As you wish, Lord Vect,” the messenger said, bowing out.
Vect stood, and glanced out the window of his throne room to the twisting geometries of Commorragh. The monkeigh may have had their Imperium, certainly, but this…this was HIS empire.
A Webway gate in the distant, red sky flickered and died completely, signifying the loss of the connection to the station the apes were conquering. Vect nodded dispassionately. It was the least they deserved, losing to mere humans. Let the eternity of torment take them.

>> No.18896569

Jaghatai brushed a chunk of Ork Freeboota off of his pauldron and stared at the room the brute had been guarding: the station armory. “Superb,” he announced. “Boarders, the armory is ours. Direct your attention to the Gate rooms.”
“Lord Khan, this is Mike Six, the Gate room is vacant,” one of the Minotaur officers reported. “The Gate is dead, power systems decoupled. Looks like the Gate on the other side was destroyed, or had its power interrupted.”
Jaghatai cursed. “Acknowledged. Are the Dark Eldar showing any sign of retreat or surrender?”
“Negative,” the officer reported, glancing down at the remains the Mandrake at his feet. “They’re fighting for their lives.” The Khan thought that over for a moment, a plan forming in his mind.
“Are they aware that the Gate is destroyed?”
“Possibly not, Lord, the Gate room is secured entirely now,” the Minotaur reported.
“Then we shall maintain the illusion that the Gate is operational,” Jaghatai said. “Herd the xenofilth into a pincer attack.”
“As you will it, my Lord,” the Minotaur said. “How shall we proceed?”
“Are any of your men equipped with teleporters?” Jaghatai asked, prying the sealed armory door open.
“Four, plus the Terminators,” the Minotaur said, reloading his bolter as his men finished off the last few, feebly twitching Gate guards.
“None of my men are, but I suspect…yes,” Jaghatai said with a smirk. The armory, in addition to the usual array of splinter, pulse, shuriken, and other Eldar weapons, contained a smattering of human and Orkish and Kroot weapons, to equip the mercenaries. “Is the path between us clear?”
“Aye, sir,” the officer reported.
“Good. I’ll be right there.”

>> No.18896681 [DELETED] 

The best way to get nid based characters would be to use genestealer hybrids, and Old One Eye is kind of a rouge element two.
as for Necrons, I can see that being very fun.

>> No.18896724

The best way to get nid based characters would be to use genestealer hybrids, and Old One Eye is kind of a rouge element two.
as for Necrons, I can see that being very fun.

>> No.18896742

I guess I could use genestealers, but that would entail a fairly small-sclae interaction with the 'Nids. Emps would hardly stop to chat with one.

>> No.18896747

I think the Doom of Manenti is independant

>> No.18896752

True. But newly-reawakened Necron nobility would certainly justify social interaction.

>> No.18896855

This could be _spectacular_ Troll the Eldar material.
Few things make a mockery of new-found stability like the phrase "we come in peace, morrrrrrrrrrrtals."

>> No.18896946

Archon Caled’rios, meanwhile, was having a poor day. “Monkeigh scum…” he grated, digging his clawed nails into the human leather of his seat. “…you will regret this…helm, take us into the station, through the Gate.”
“Yes, Master,” the drone at the helm mewled, dragging his warped hands over the control stubs The Imperial battlefleet was between them and the station, and managed a few, paltry salvos at the Dark Eldar group. The raider ships, however, were built specifically for slipping past defenses, and tore past the Imperial ships with only minimal damage.
As they neared the station proper, a swarm of fighters and gunships drew off from their patrol routes to engage them, peppering the Dark Eldar convoy with bolts and lasers, picking off a few escorts and a captured freighter or two. The main bulk of the convoy surged through, burning the vacuum for the Gate at the heart of the circular station.
“Master, we approach the Gate,” the helmsman managed.
“Hail Controls, we are Caled’rios Group, returning from the harvest,” the Archon said, including the emergency alert phrase…but no response came.
“Master, they do not reply,” the helmsman said.
A frown of pure rage cracked the porcelain face of the Archon, who dug his fingers into his chair until the leather cracked. “Send it again.” The helmsman did so, but again, no reply came.
“We are cut off,” the Archon muttered. “Vect, when I see you again, I will cleave your head from your shoulders.”

>> No.18897211

All right, be back in a few.

In the meantime, Ragnasal, if you're around, PM me on 1d4chan.

>> No.18897238

One last bit I wrote before I go.


“The aliens seem to have grasped their predicament, Lord,” the fleet captain reported.
“Take their engines,” the Khan ordered, walking into the smaller, internal personnel Gate room. The bag of loot from the armory clanked off his armor, drawing the eyes of the Minotaur troops guarding the room. “When their ships are immobile, they will attempt to self-destruct and re-board the station, and recapture this smaller Gate.”
“Aye,” the fleet captain said, nodding at his gunnery officer. The officer tapped a few keys on his panel, sending his targeting orders to the gunners. The ship’s lances fired, carving through the armor of the suddenly slowing Dark Eldar ships, slicing through hull plates and crew until they bisected engines and power conduits. The ships careened off-course, with several slamming into the station outright. The other vessels, including the Archon’s, slowed to a crawl, desperately firing off forward thrusters to avoid collision.
“Abandon ship, all hands,” the Archon barked into the ship’s vox. “Bring as many of the Imperials in the hold as possible.” He didn’t need to mention that getting back into Commorragh would probably mean bartering them all away.

>> No.18897593

Oh Someone Else, your gainful employment has not reduced the awesomeness of the Emperasque, it's nice to see the highlight reel!

>> No.18897646

I'd donate for a professional novel by SE. Hell, you *can* legally publish fanfiction, but it's got to be "for personal use" and not sale. So, if he put up a master file, we could take that file to (insert small press house *here* and have a small run of it printed off for our personal enjoyment.

I used to read Emperasque on the train in to work. It made a depressing job that much more enjoyable.

>> No.18897673

>How do you portray a race with no individuality?

As an ever-present pressing threat and hazard. And some of the 'nids *do* have personality, but it's mostly just the Genestealer cultists, the Patriarchs, and the Magios. They have *plans* and objectives.

>> No.18897678

It is kind of important to remember though that the real Emprah was kind of a cumwad. Proof would be how he treated Angron back before the Heresy, with that "I won't leave my brothers behind! / Fuck you bitch, do what I say you baby primarch" exchange.

>> No.18897873

Yeah, and then everything he had done since taking over Earth blew up in his face.

>> No.18898442

Back. About to wrap up this chunk of the story and start moving towards the next arc.

>> No.18898449

“And here they come,” Jaghatai said under his breath, as tiny black tendrils leeched from the hulls of the stricken Dark Eldar ships, and Dark Eldar, herding clusters of terrified Imperial citizens and ship crewers through short-range teleporters and Webway tunnels into the station. A Minotaur Assault Marine stepped next to him, waiting for the signal.
“Lord Khan?”
“Do it,” Khan said, anticipation tightening his grip on his bolter. The Minotaur pumped his fist twice, and the small group of White Scars and Minotaurs in the Gate room dispatched their orders. “And…here we go,” he finished.
Caled’rios felt the thin filaments of his teleport field recede, and he stepped forth into an empty corridor on the space station. The bodies of four or five crew and a slave dotted the ground, surrounded by bolt fragments and pellets of buck. The lingering Warp-scent of suffering, and terrified souls, lingered in the air, and Caled’rious shook his head wistfully, scattering his black hair over his armor. If only he had time to spend…

>> No.18898456

A metallic clanking nose behind him drew his attention. He slunk into the shadows, silently reaching for his sidearm. A human soldier, one he distantly recognized as leader of the mercenaries he had hired to watch over the slaves, since his own men couldn’t be trusted not to do it, walked through the hatch, quietly sweeping the corners with his assault shotgun. Caled’rios waited until the human was looking away before emerging from cover. “You, human. What happened here?” he demanded, gesturing at the carnage.
The human reacted instantly, flinging himself to the ground beside a topped slave, locking his shotgun onto Caled’rios with all the speed and precision of a Hydra battery. His eyes widened when he saw the speaker. “You! You son of a bitch, how did you get back here?!” he demanded, clambering back to his feet.
“Fool. The technologies of the Eldar are beyond your understanding. Now answer me! How did this happen?” Caled’rious hissed.
“Not so advanced that they can read a simple battle site,” the human sneered, his shotgun not wavering an inch. “The Imperium attacked. Space Marine boarders on one side, Navy on the other, boarding troops fighting towards the Gate controls, ships taking out weapons.”
“I mean here, inside,” the Dark Eldar said with monumental patience.
“What the bloody hell does it look like? A few slaves got their hands on weapons, broke free when your idiot brigade panicked, and got caught in the crossfire between the Marines and my men,” the mercenary said.

>> No.18898463

The deck shuddered as something exploded, very nearby. “The Gates. Were they held?” Caled’rios asked. “Your men can no more escape this station than mine if they haven’t.”
“Don’t know,” the human said, stooping to retrieve an intact concussion grenade from the floor, turning it over in his free hand before slipping it into a pocket. “I think so. The Marines weren’t too numerous. No Terminators that I saw.”
“Good. Then we have a chance,” Caled’rios said, turning from the human towards the hatch.
“ ‘We?’” the human said ominously. Caled’rios turned to face the human, a pithy comeback dying on his lips. A chunk of something hard and metallic bounced off his forehead, and he flinched back in surprise. The human dropped to one knee, his shotgun flaring. Caled’rios lurched backwards a step, buckshot bouncing off of his armor, but he was already recovering, and drew his splinter pistol, firing it on the treacherous human. The human raised one arm, and the splinters bounced off, shattering on the metal plates beneath his skin. “You left my men to die, alien,” the human spat, firing another cartridge into the Dark Eldar’s armor.
“Traitor!” the Eldar bellowed, sliding to one knee under the salvo, and lashing out with a taloned glove at the man’s waist. He howled in pain, collapsing onto his back, shotgun clattering to the ground. Caled’rios continued his roll, stopping in a crouch next to the man’s head, talons mere centimeters from his throat. “You thought to defeat me?!” he snarled.

>> No.18898543

“Not ‘thought,’ filth,” the human said, smiling through a mask of pain. His augmetic arm, running off its own power supply, snapped sideways like a striking snake, launching the grenade, from which the human had drawn the pin he had used to get the alien’s attention, directly into Caled’rios’ eyes.
With a deafening *BANG,* the bomb went off, instantly blinding and deafening the hypersensitive Eldar senses of the Archon, who stabbed downwards with a panicked thrust. But the mercenary wasn’t there, he had slapped his free hand against the ground, rolling out of the way, and he rammed his knife into the joint between the alien’s neck and collar. Caled’rios died instantly, his soul ripped screaming from its housing, off to the Warp, to please Slaanesh. The mercenary watched the black corpse slump aside, shaking off the after-effects of the blast.
“How can a member of a race that spends its every waking moment dying slowly be so bad at seeing its own death coming?” the human muttered, rooting around in his pockets for a blood coagulant. He splashed it on his wound, snarling against the pain.
A horrific scream, abruptly truncated, announced the death of another Dark Eldar up above. The merc grimaced. The aliens weren’t reinforcing his men fast enough. He couldn’t win.
He struggled to his feet again, gripping his shotgun, and painfully reloading. “Not dead yet, Marine,” he muttered bitterly.

>> No.18898923

Food break.

Any critique?

>> No.18899050

I'm having a little trouble following the action here.
Especially that last fight seemed a little unclear to me.

>> No.18899065

Hmm. OK. What was unclear?

The Dark eldar teleported in, saw the human, turned away after some words, the human shot the alien and got himself shot and slashed in retaliation, then blinded the alien with a concussion grenade and stabbed him. Is it the line spacing that got confusing?

>> No.18899172

is this human one of the humans that was working with the deldar previously mentioned? And is the human traitoring against the imperium as well?

>> No.18899188

I think it's the lack of a clear separation of action and response.
The shot bounces of the armor, why does the Eldar have to recover and from what exactly?
How does the merc manage not to be deafened and blinded by the grenade as well?
It all seems one breathless haze.
It's pretty clear what happens in the end, but I feel like having lags and missing the inbetween.
I hope I have made myself halfway clear.
Fucking language barrier.

>> No.18899270

>I think it's the lack of a clear separation of action and response.
>The shot bounces of the armor, why does the Eldar have to recover and from what exactly?
Impact of buckshot against armor may not penetrate the armor, but it will still knock you back.

>How does the merc manage not to be deafened and blinded by the grenade as well?
He did, but he knew it was going to happen, wasn't looking right at it, and has much weaker senses than an Eldar anyway, since he's human.

>It all seems one breathless haze.
That's combat, yeah.

>It's pretty clear what happens in the end, but I feel like having lags and missing the inbetween.
>I hope I have made myself halfway clear. Fucking language barrier.
Yeah, I see what you meant. I'm sorry if it was unclear.


>is this human one of the humans that was working with the deldar previously mentioned? And is the human traitoring against the imperium as well?
Yes, he's a former Imperial Guard Sergeant who went rogue and brought his platoon with him, to become independent mercs. He's the guy who gave the briefing before.

>> No.18899371

>Impact of buckshot against armor may not penetrate the armor, but it will still knock you back.
>He did, but he knew it was going to happen, wasn't looking right at it, and has much weaker senses than an Eldar anyway, since he's human.

And that kind of information should probably not stay implied but be written out so the reader does not have to read the passage thrice and piece together what must have happened.
It's all simple and clear in your head. But that is because it's your idea.
Your reader (e.g. me) does not have that kind of information and doubtlessness.
To you it could not have been any other way, but to me it's one possible outcome among many.

>> No.18899405

I dunno, Hodo, spelling that sort of thing out any more than I did makes me feel like I'm patronizing the reader.

>> No.18899475

That is indeed a very real risk.
But I feel you are far away from doing so.
Closer to the other extreme in my perception; hanging the reader out to dry.
At least in the battle scenes where exact information becomes more vital.

>> No.18899638

All right.

Well, I'd love for others to weigh in. Any other thoughts?

>> No.18899699

Postin the Emperasque Anniversary thread. I remember reading that first thread as it developed.

>> No.18899747


Yeah, that was fucking wacky. From Tarrasque on Terra Wat Do to "BEHOLD THE STAR CHILD" to Sand People bodyguards to Alpha Legion Tarrasque Marines to my thing to Abbadon, Dreadnought.

>> No.18899928

oh shit, SE! what the fuck are you doing, nigger? fuck you! stop creating bullshit threads and go write more awesomeness!

[spoilersdontworkontg] you and abaddonquest guy are my favourite writefags [/spoilersdontworkontg]

>> No.18899956


ok, disregard that, I've just got to the novel part

>> No.18900394

Back from fooding. Next up, the conclusion of this Dark Eldar thing.

>> No.18900473

Ohhh yeah, I'm waiting for Abaddon's eventual supah dreadnought return.

>Capatch: among orkes

A Waaagghhhhh and a black crusade? That would be awesome.

>> No.18900618

The Dark Eldar crews, fleeing their crippled ships, hurried towards the Gate, merging groups whenever they could, sometimes with slaves in tow, sometimes not. None of them had been able to raise Caled’rios on comm; n fact5 he seemed to be dead, and that was seen as further proof of what most of them had come to suspect: he hadn’t had what it took to be leader. Dominance battles would have to wait until the relative safety of Commorragh had been reached, however.
One of the newly self-elected leaders of the Dark Eldar contingent led a large group of the aliens, and a few mercenaries that had somehow survived that long, towards the Gate room, avoiding prowling packs of Minotaur Assault Marines. The twisted xeno forced the Gate room hatch open, and immediately tripped over the corpse of a Kroot mercenary, sprawled over his weapon in a tangle.
“Fan out!” he snarled, a trap evident. The room was ankle-deep in corpses, mostly other Dark Eldar, but a few of every race of mercenaries too. His followers spread over the floor, occasionally prodding a fallen comrade for signs of life.

>> No.18901100

Whoops, forgot to actually post this. Was busy reminiscing on the IRC channel over BF2 memories.

Jaghatai watched their progress on his auspex, wondering whether they would even stop to question why the room looked like a cattle slaughterhouse. Apparently not, though. Even as he looked on through the wall, the first alien to reach the Gate controls started desperately tapping at them, twisting runes to align the Gate with the Webway.
Jaghatai waited until the last few slaves had been herded into the room before hefting a flashbang and preparing to open, just as he had the last several times. Before he could use it, however, another contact entered the room.
The human mercenary leader stumbled across the threshold, staggering towards the Gate. “Stop!” he yelled, pain clenching his throat. “Stop, you idiots! Look! Look at the bodies! They’re all facing the hatches!” He gestured at the mounds of corpses, and indeed, the bodies were all arranged towards the doors, which concealed the Marines beyond.
Jaghatai didn’t wait. He tapped the button on his vox that served as the Go signal, and kicked the hatch open, already firing with his bolter.
The nearest few aliens went under like wheat under a rocket-propelled scythe, collapsing and jerking as explosions tore them asunder. The next few ranks, however, had had time to process the warning, and dove for cover amongst the dead and dying on the ground. Jaghatai stepped into the chamber and took a knee, switching his bolter to full-auto.

>> No.18901323

The other hatches opened, and the Astartes poured in, hosing down the enemy with bolters and fire. In the thick of the fighting, there would be no question of sparing the slaves. They had been exposed to Dark Eldar tortures, they were beyond salvation as it was. Regrettable, but unavoidable.
The mercenary leader slung his shotgun and scrambled for the Webway Gate controls, desperately trying to open it. The other mercenaries and Eldar were dropping in droves, caught in the crossfire of bolts that had ripped every previous wave apart.
This time, though, they had numbers on their side. The two Scars following Jaghatai into the room collapsed backwards as a Mandrake Hunter managed to slip behind them, slicing their backs open with his blades. Jaghatai pivoted at the waist and blasted the Mandrake with his bolter, but it was too late, the distraction was all the Dark Eldar had needed. One of them managed to reach the controls, shoving the human aside with contempt, and pressed his palm against the machine, activating it.
Or trying to. Vect’s lockout remained in place. The Gate did not open. The Eldar stared at the machine, trying to comprehend his failure, when a bolt caught him in the spine, blasting him apart at the seams. The explosion knocked the human merc leader to the ground, knocking him out cold.
The last few aliens standing died under the relentless Minotaur and Scar barrage, their blood mixing colors and sluicing towards a drain in the floor. A Minotaur Apothecary tended to the few Space Marine casualties, while Jaghatai hauled the human mercenary leader up by his collar.

>> No.18901382

“Wake up, mercenary scum,” he snarled, shaking the injured mercenary. The man stirred, and his hands immediately shot to his throat, as Jaghatai held him at arm’s length. “What are you and the other humans doing here?”
“I’ll say nothing, Marine,” the man snarled through a split lip. “I choose my own destiny.”
“Crock of shit,” Jaghatai said, shaking him again. “You’re trapped on a space station, serving xenos. A waste of human genes.”
“As opposed to you, who allowed some corpse’s servants to twist yours into ribbons?” the man shot back. “I’m more human that you’ll ever be!”
Jaghatai let an oily smile sneak across his face. “I am Jaghatai Khan, Lord Primarch of the White Scars, you detestable worm. And believe me, when I’m done with you, human is all you’ll wish I was. I was trapped in the Webway for ten thousand years, with nothing to think about except how much I HATE the Dark Eldar.” He paused, raising the struggling mercenary over his head. “Their souls travel, even now, to Slaanesh, to suffer for eternity. Give it a few days, and you’ll wish you’d joined them.”

>> No.18902780

Brilliant. I sleep now, Knowing the White Scars have done their duty.

>> No.18903297


>> No.18903440 [DELETED] 

problems on my end, see you all tomorrow

>> No.18903447

Congrats man, and thanks for the shout-out!

SE you got an email or skype?

>> No.18904770


>> No.18904796

Someone Else, why must you always kill of the characters i love? :(

>> No.18905990

to everyone dismissing SE for fanwank

of course this is fanwank you dense faggots. but, unlike other /tg/ fanwank, this one has a good literary workshop, doesn't rape canon too much, is not a retarded fapfic, explores new areas in the universe and advances it. please go be newfags somewhere else

>> No.18906661

Lad, they are trolls. Please refrain from feeding them, will you?

>> No.18907041


I do not in fact have AIM, ICQ, or Skype, but I do Mumble, gmail, and Steam. I'm on the #swq channel on the IRC at more or less all times, as well.

Uh, sorry. I didn't know people were getting that attached to Caled'rios. Or did you mean somebody else?

>> No.18907767


>> No.18908277


>> No.18908342

Mere hours later, Jaghatai voxed the fleet captain with the news. “Fleet command, this is Sierra Lead, the station is ours,” he reported, looking down at the sobbing wreck of his mercenary captive. “And it seems the Webway Gate is now inoperable. We’d need specialists to get it going again.”
“The external Gate is also offline, Lord,” the fleet captain reported, looking over the sensor panel before him. “What shall we do with the captured Eldar ships?”
“Call in a freighter and have it all hauled off to Bismarkine, or some other local shipyard,” the Primarch said, “we may as well salvage them for scrap.”
“Aye. And your prisoners?”
Jaghatai stared pointedly at the mercenary. “There’s none worth the shipping cost.”
“Aye. Well done, my Lord. Fleet out.” Jaghatai cut the vox and stared at the mercenary, smirking. “Well. You know…I could change that order. Make room for one passenger. What say you?”
The mercenary’s sobs of agony and shame quieted for a moment. “…the terminal…uses biometrics…the Gate, they’re paranoid…”

>> No.18908352

“The haemonculi can bring back fallen leaders of the Dark Eldar,” Jaghatai pointed out, tapping his armored finger on the table of the impromptu interrogation room, which was nothing more than a storage chamber. “Cloning would render the process insecure.”
“…it works…they don’t, they can’t even…understand their own technology…” the merc managed past his injuries.
Jaghatai shrugged. “Works for me.” He lifted his armored fist and slammed it down on the merc, crushing his head to a pulp in an instant. He tapped in the inside of the door, alerting the men beyond of the interrogation’s abrupt conclusion.
“Have the Techmarines rip the information from the Gate control computers,” Jaghatai said, brushing gore off his gauntlet. “The data inside should let us open still-active Gates elsewhere.”
“As you command, my Lord,” one of the Marines responded. “The drill has been salvaged, and is stowed aboard the Scourge of the Heretic. Shall we withdraw after the gate computers’ data are retrieved?”
“No, we’ll stick around for a while, in case the Emperor needs to reach us,” Jaghatai said, closing the door behind him. “And I suspect he will. We have a lot of work ahead of us.”

>> No.18908359

Lords -
GotE- 149pts
FPA, Enchanted Shield, Dragon Bane Gem, Fencer's Blades
Wizard Lord- 285pts
Lvl 4 Life, VHS, Preservation

Captain- 143pts
BSB, FPA, White Cloak, Shield
Warrior Priest- 112pts
Silver Steel, 2 Hand
Warrior Priest- 99pts
Hvy, Endure, 2 Hand
Battle Wizard- 90pts
Lvl 1 Shadow, Dispel
Witch Hunter- 105pts
Brace, Other Shard, Armour of Fortune

Halberdiers (50)- 330pts
Halberdiers (49)- 324pts
Knights (5)- 120pts
Knights (5)- 120pts

Demigryphs (4)- 297pts
FC, Steel Standard
Demigryphs (3)- 214pts
FC, Eternal
Cannon- 100pts
Cannon- 100pts
Cannon- 100pts

Hurricanium- 130pts
Hurricanium- 130pts

>> No.18908364


you dun goof'd

>> No.18908377


tell me what i did wrong i have no idea how to play this fucking game. I just got a bunch of things that look like they would fuck shit up real good.

>> No.18908384


well, you posted in the wrong thread for starters

>> No.18908395


Wheres the left thread.

>> No.18908406



>> No.18908415

Wheres the right thread?

>> No.18908424


how the fuck should I know? this is an emperasque thread, not a list thread, stop being a newfag/troll and delete your posts

>> No.18908435


I saw a squidbilly at the top and thought this was the list thread.

Wtf is an emperastauaisnfiadsndas ganza anyway

>> No.18908459


writefaggotry about the emperor. also reported for stupidity

>> No.18908957

I go grocery shopping for an hour and what is this

Anyway, real life has occurred, I will return some time this evening with further faggotry.

>> No.18910017



>> No.18912294

Well, I was talking about the mercenary, which is technically not dead. Yet. Also, Fapptau, may he fapp.. Well, I guess peace does not apply where he is....

>> No.18912320

Never mind. He dun dead now.

>> No.18912563

Thanks for the Emperasque mate, my gaming group read it close to three months ago upon my urging and now we're about three sessions into the greatest Rogue Trader game of my life in the 42nd millenium.


>> No.18912594

Ooh, really? Do tell! I would love to hear about your Rogue Trader shenanigans in the Emperasque-verse.

>> No.18912633


I've always loved this depiction -- His pauldrons have people in them. With pauldrons.

>> No.18912750

Nice to see this Celebrated. it was the Tales of the Emperasque which got me into writefagging for /tg/, and look where THAT has got me, with the Emperor Heresy and the Warhammer high tales.
I blame you, Someone Else.
Incidentally, i wonder what would happen in the Emperor Heresy Timeline if the Dark Emperor became the Dark Emperasque?

>> No.18912800

Well, haven't really read the series, so I don't know.

>> No.18913146


I am not much of a writer but I'll look back on my notes of the sessions and see what I can do when I get home.

>> No.18913447

At nearly the same time, the Emperor himself was having his patience tested. “I assure you, Omnissiah, I would never have allowed it if I had known it would fail,” the Fabricator-General said nervously.
“I beg your forgiveness, Omnissiah,” the Fabricator-General said, inclining his waist joint. “The test was successful, at least.”
“We have managed to assembled Assets E1 through E128 as per your instructions, my Lord God…but I must register my objection. It seems somewhat…profligate to throw so many assassins at a single target,” theMaster said carefully.
“Very well, my Lord God. My men are yours,” the Master said, setting the plan the Emperor had created over a month ago in motion.

>> No.18913455

Great, sounds like a blast. You said your group recommended it to you? Are they fa/tg/uys, or tropers?

>> No.18913628

Oh derp, never mind, you said you recommended it to THEM. My bad.

>> No.18913829

Me and Archie are occasional /tg/ visitors, usually lists and HFY threads. We both run small teams of the tabletop, painting is something to do as we watch the tele in the evenings. He caught one of your threads and our Mouse Guard group will never be the same.

Alright lets get started shall we? I might be a tad slow remembering things from a month and a half past.
Lets get into a nice clean post.

>> No.18913848

Well it was recommended to me and then I recommended it to them so you are right on both accounts.


Let me tell you a tale of Rogue Trading in a universe where the Emperasque is extra-huge.
Our cast:
Aderyn Victrim – Rogue Trader
Cadwell Victrim – Astropath
Emily Clandusky – Seneschal
Devan Arcweld – Explorator (me)
Victor Himell – Navigator (not present first session)
Aderyn is a high officer on one of the vessels, Victrim, a small ship, barely bigger than a shuttle. Cadwell is the only reason that ship is of any importance to the navy, it gives him good Warp resonation. Emily is a childhood friend of Aderyn’s and stuck in an endless desk job for the Munititorium upon Waylend III. I’m an Explorator who’s normally an enginseer upon a larger vessel and am currently on the surface repairing gear of all things. The Navigator is at the table but he and the DM have something up their sleeves that they didn’t want to show the first session.
Our tale begins on the Munititorium world of Waylend III, on the edge of the swarm of the hive-fleet Leviathan. They’ve been gearing up for a right nasty confrontation, tons of transport ships on the surface loading up to resupply the ships in orbit. After having been ferrying supplies up and down with no action for months Aderyn’s gone a damn sight stir crazy. He initiates plan “Steal the Victrim and go renegade for fun and profit.” He ropes in Emily as she’s dying to get off this rock, Cadwell because damnit they’ve been together for years and he likes the ship, as for Devan (me) I’m quite indignant that I’ve been working day and night with lasguns and laspistols that barely have any machine spirit in them. Victor explains he’ll show up in the next session and so we carry on.

>> No.18914044


The plan is we’ll wait for a big day, like the changing of the fleet where the supply ships go up and new ones come down where everything will be haywire for a few hours, last minute cargo loads and bureaucrats skittering. We all go to work relatively quickly, Emily secretly modifying the cargo lists of the Victrim to have everything we’ll need for the new life we’re planning on cutting out on the razor’s edge. Me, I’m prepping special weapons for each of while I’m still around the Omnissiah blessed machines to do so with, a power sword for Aderyn, stub revolver for Emily, laspistol for Cadwell, and a proper lasgun for myself as well as a small mixture of the flash-bang grenades for our dash and go. Cadwell is just chillin’ on the ship, giving us reports of what’s going on around the place.

The day that we’ve been waiting for comes, the ships begin going up with their loads. Aderyn is just a high officer and not the captain so he’s unneeded for these trips. Thus he schmoozes it up with the gate guards to the spaceport, telling them he’s, “Just here to see her off,” which is reasonable since he’s been coming most every day in the setup period to do some scroll work on her prodigious hide, carrying his tools and wrench with him. Emily attaches herself to a group of people checking the posted cargo lists before lift-off and plans to join us as we near the ship. Me I’ve been getting reports of a “distressed machine spirit” in one of the Leman Russ tanks in storage nearby the Victrim. Cadwell is reporting to us via microbead that the Captain has all men at stations, waiting for the list to be checked and getting the ok from console command to go, we have an estimated 20 minutes.

>> No.18914179


I grab the weapons from my workbench and tools and wander over to the Leman Russ. I tell the others in the hall to leave so I may perform my “sacred duty.” As soon as they’re gone I unlock the door to the next chamber, securing a discrete route for Aderyn to enter from. I make motions, writing out runes in chalk beside the tank that say something along the lines of, “Haha stupid non-blessed by the Omnissiah peasants,” in case anyone comes in. Aderyn scurries between patrols, getting caught occasionally and has to stop and converse with them before passing,
“Where are you going?”
“To my ship.”
“Why were you not already present?”
“Because the Captain forgot his watch so I had to run and grab it. Now let me through we’re almost ready to lift off.”
As he nears the storage hangar where I am he’s stopped by the guys I sent out. They tell him no one’s allowed in since I’m in there and I wanted peace to work in. So he chats them up giving them the same general reply only that I needed something. They’re about to let him go through when asks,
“Can we see it then?”
An oh shit moment happens. He thrusts his hands into his pocket, mumbles something, then grabs the wrench he’s been carrying. It darts out and knocks the first guy unconscious and he gets into a struggle with the second guy, leaning on his throat so he can’t make a sound but tied up in a struggle.

As this happens Emily’s crew joins up with the Victrim’s captain, confirms the list and is nearing the struggling two. She delays herself by dropping a dataslate and goes behind some boxes where the “stylus rolled.” The group carries on without her and the Victrims engines are getting hot. I enter the area at the sound of the engines. As all hell is about to break out when the group comes upon Aderyn and the guards a glorious thing occurs.

>> No.18914288


Cadwell is screaming over the microbead,
In the middle of the goddamn spaceport there is a purple mist appearing. The air is unstable and console command orders all ships in lift-off phase to shut down, something big is coming through the Warp. Then it happens.
POOF! And with a roaring shockwave that stuns the guard and Aderyn, the bureaucrats, and everyone else present the biggest, orangest, and pimpingest Daemon of Khorne stood in the middle of everyone in golden power armor.
Aderyn recovers the quickest and knocks out the other guard, hiding the bodies from sight inside the structure where I was. Cadwell is blubbering and crying and praising DA EMPRAH so we all shut him out of the microbead network. A good portion of the IG opens fire upon the Daemon. Nothing seems to be happening as it yells out,
The high command who has indeed apparently read the communications with their superiors gets on the vox and tells everyone to lay down arms and comes out to meet the Big E and prostrate themselves, telling them how sorry they were.

At this we are kinda stunned. We didn’t expect the DM to pull out the BIGGEST FUCKING GUN IN THE SETTING so fast. We had the extra time to make it to the ship easy now, but how the fuck were we gonna get by the BIG E HIMSELF? Especially when everyone was going to be on their highest alert both here and in orbit?

>> No.18914439


So we are all together, sans Cadwell and seclude ourselves in the hangar. As everyone recovers we hammer out a new plan, we’ll have to take her in orbit now and blaze a hole in the warp in the first direction we’re pointed in without a navigator or any of the cogitator sims we would have normally requested from the fleet as a smaller support ship and hope to High Terra our Gellar fields held. Till then Emily snuck back out and joined the swarming attendees to the Emperor, getting him information on the status of the fleet above. He’s checking in on all the major supply bases for a strike he’s planning out the Hive Fleet, he plans to strike their rear while keeping the main of their forces locked down with his assistance on multiple worlds so they cannot maneuver easily to stop the large naval force popping out of the Warp on their ass.
So while she’s dropping numbers on fleet size, IG strength, PDF composition, etc. Aderyn makes it to the captain and tells him that HOLY SHIT THE EMPEROR IS OUTSIDE CAN YOU BELIEVE IT. They totally fanboy and geek out (totally uncaring of why he would be nearby when he didn’t need to be because GOD EMPEROR DAMNIT, THE EMPEROR IS HERE) and rush out to see him (Aderyn at this point hopes to delay the captain outside so he won’t have to mutiny him in orbit, the captain is like an adopted dad to him). I slip onto the ship after getting into an argument over the condition of the engines and he’s a appointed Enginseer so neener neener I’m right you’re wrong. So he gets on. Cadwell makes it to the door as he passes by to the engine room and tells me that I need to get him outside RIGHT NOW. I sight and pick him up and take him out.

>> No.18914465

Do continue. This is awesome.

>> No.18914613

The one thing i've dearly wanted tpo see is what the Traitor Primarchs think of the Return of their father in a new form.
the obligatorial 'war room' scene on boeard the Planet Killer, with Angron, Mortarion, Magnus, Lorgar, Peturabo and Fulgrim all coming together to decide what to do.
Hell, i might even write it myself

>> No.18914679

Insert fanboy squeal.

Then faced with the two guards waking up and warning people Aderyn gets a crazy idea. A crazy, wonderful idea. One that in all likelihood would get us smeared. He marches straight up to the big gathering of people around the BIG E’s feet. At first no one gives him any real mind, lots of people want to be close to the God Emperor. Then he starts pushing and shoving, getting him lots of glares and stares. Then he makes it to the front and tugs on the Emperor’s giant powerboot. It is described like a little kid pulling on his mom’s hem that he can go look at the new Legos while she shops. Moment of truth time.

THE GOD EMPERASQUE, LEADER OF MANKIND, GIANT LIZARD OF ASSDESTROYING, turns around to see him down there. Interrupted and mildly annoyed he kneels down, still taller than even most of the buildings and asks,
“Lord God Emperor, Hero and Saviour of the Imperium of Man, I have been Your servant all my life in Your Imperial Navy. Long have I been serving, but I will to serve better, to serve beyond the rank and file, to expand the Imperium and bathe the lost in Your light. I come before you now with my life in your hands knowing that you will judge my soul soundly even if my affront causes my death. I ask for a Warrant of Trading so that I may carry out this fiery passion in Your name, Your Grace.”
To this the Emperor raises an eyebrow, he can clearly see into the mind and soul of this “Aderyn.” It has recently been planning on stealing a holy ship of the Imperial Navy, knocked out two of his men, and has even had accomplices. He’s moments away from moving his right toe on top of him when he feels another tug, this one psychic.

>> No.18914720

Oh man.

(also he's not armored and doesn't refer to himself as a god canonically, but keep going anyway, this is fucking amazing)

>> No.18914752

Fulgrim's in the doghouse right now for being a dumbshit and attacking Terra.

Angron doesn't know yet.

Lorgar think it's cute and is scheming to kill him.

Magnus is scared shitless. He's desperately looking for a way to split the Emperor's soul from the daemon, killing them both.

Mortarion is already in hiding, preparing a plan he created before this whole mess.

Perturabo is angry as hell and looking forward to a reunion brawl.

Whether I ever actually write this out is another thing.

>> No.18914832

Give me a minute. I need to apply some cream to my hand since I burned it yesterday.

>> No.18915008

A confrontation between the Emperor and one (or more) of his sons could also be cool. Maybe some of them (Emperor included) have come to regret whatever was said and done that caused the division, and maybe some could come around to the idea of a reconciliation, but I bet most of them feel that they have committed far too much to their current path to turn aside. Magnus and Lorgar could be especially tragic, since the Imperium ended up embodying their visions, more or less, after they were thrown to the Dark Gods.

>> No.18915088

All right, I have to get up at oh-dark-thirty for work, but keep posting that story! I love it.

>> No.18915163


“He is of good soul, even if he is at times too stupid to realize what he’s doing at the time.”
Ah, it’s the astropath again, Cadwell.
“I have served him many times; he is capable above his rank and knows his ship better than any. He will mind your word in spirit, if not in law if he sees it in the common interest of the Imperium. Have mercy upon his tiny soul, oh Great Lord and Father of the Imperium.”
So the Big E just takes a moment, deciding whether his stupidity should be stepped on or give him what he wants, a loose agent might be useful somewhere in the future. Then he realizes the hilarity of the situation, the earth starts rumbling as he chuckles. Then he shakes the air and very warp itself, causing ships in orbit above to list as his great quaffs reach the heavens, slapping one huge knee as he laughs.

>> No.18915179

Shit forgot the title on the last bit.

There is an immediate scrambling; some attendants bring him a huge sheet of paper, like the kind they feed into newspaper making machines. Next a machine priest with a writing mechandrite offers himself up as a giant pen. So the Big E grabs his “pen” and writes with a flourish the first Emperor Approved Warrant of Rogue Trading in ten thousand years. There is a little pomp and ceremony, one of the local lords popping a champagne cork and giving Aderyn a much needed drink, he offers the rest of the bottle to the Big E. He declares the Victrim as property of Aderyn, wishes him luck, and gives a touch of starting money. While still under par for a normal crew, we’re better off than we would have been. Shit now we’re even LEGAL.

Everyone goes back to work, there’s some back slapping from the other officers, some minor noble wank as they try to curry favour with the newest quasi-noble in the region, and then we hit the Captain of the Victrim. He goes over to Aderyn, his adopted son of a first-mate, “I wish you well boy, er should I say, Captain.” He hands over his hat, and salutes, proud tears streaming from his eyes. They embrace and Aderyn offers him the position of First-Mate and a portion of the earnings and glory. The old man declines, he’s in his four hundreds, he won’t be around much longer and you can find worse ends than upon Waylend III.
“Do me proud, do the Emperor proud, do us all proud. Remember, the Emperor protects.”

>> No.18915227


With that our first session ends. We’ve got a tiny ship (house-ruled smaller than any other ship in our books, barely over shuttle size, crew of like 50 plus us, deemed constructed by the shipyards of the Knights Inductor) and 10,000 thrones and a lifetime of adventure before us.

I’ll have to tell the rest of the tale another time because my hand is throbbing, note to other people, don’t ever trust another person with steaming hot water to hold their side of the chaffing dish level, find another sucker to do that job. Otherwise second degree burns all over your favourite hands.

So Something Else, hope ya' enjoyed this and everyone else did as well. I'll keep posting if this up on the 'morrow or make a new thread if not.


>> No.18915273

That is so fucking gratifying.

Go ahead and post it here if it's still intact, but I can't 4chan at work, so if it dies I'll just catch the rest on foolz. If you decide to make a new thread, include the phrase "The Emperasque Protects" in the first post somewhere so I can find it on a foolz.us search.

>> No.18916440 [DELETED] 

One delete, one bump.

>> No.18918198

Waste my days (waste my days),
Drown a ways (drown a ways),
It's just the thought of you,
In love with someone else,
It breaks my heart,
To see you hanging from your shelf.

>> No.18918219


>> No.18918274

You've got some serious perspective problems omae.
Consider relaxing, and getting a browser addon that lets you Hide threads you don't like.

>> No.18918299



>> No.18918311

Oo, eloquent!

>> No.18918333

Seriously, FOAD

>> No.18918343

I've read these in the past.

The first "Chapter" is good.
The rest kinda...

Are terrible.

>> No.18918344

>calls others autists
>in a post complaining that a post has been on the front page for 3 days
what the fuck

>> No.18918355

Apparently, "The Ongoing Adventures of God Mode Stu" is a legitimately good premise to some people.

>> No.18918372

Well, someone is having a bad day, it seems. Also, i love the way you help us bump the thread.

>> No.18918382

I mean that's fine and all. The whole idea of the Emperor is that he's a Bloodhungry god of Mankind and etc

But a lot of the later chapters are just /tg/ fanservice. Especially the shit about the Eldar.

A few jokes are funny but the best bang-for-the-buck one is the first one.

Captcha: one beasto

Yes Captcha, I agree.

>> No.18918421

/tg/ has a tendency to run shit into the ground and then beyond.
See... well, everything about the Death Korps of Krieg, ever.

>> No.18918441


I've always felt /tg/ should do more stuff like the Angry Marines and less like that, honestly. /tg/ is still one of the best boards on this site and I can't think of any good things that are coming out of /tg/.

All of these quest threads are fucking ridiculous and out of control.

>> No.18918445


The continued adventures of Rogue Trading in the Emperasqueverse. Session 2, the one in which we meet the Navigator.
So the party rides the ship up to orbit, Aderyn has us pick out our bunks. Cadwell keeps his room, though he adds a new Aquila he bought to put on the door, engraved in it is The Emperasque Protects. Emily takes up the old First-mate quarters, we joking label it the First MATE quarters. As for me I find a store room near the engines and set up a hammock in it, put a workbench on one side, and hang some pictures of various “Omnissiah pleasing” machines, even a calendar with the Land Raider equivalent of those muscle car calendars you’ll find in most man-cave garages. He summons us to the Captain quarters when we’re all settled, he wants us all to hammer out a motto of some sort as we unroll the Warrant and hang it on his wall.

Cadwell posits, “The Emperasque Protects,” but we all thought it would be a touch too easy. There was some silly option back and forth before settling on, “Victory and Victrim!” It’s etched on a tiny plaque we put up beside the Warrant. We admire it for a bit before Emily reminds us that we have no job to be doing right now, we should probably fix that. Oh yeah. We get on the vox and one of the captains of a larger vessel offers us a deal, take a few squads of IG and some supplies to a back-water front world that was fightin’ the good fight. We agree and dock in their cargo hold (again tiny little ship we can do things like that).

>> No.18918454

I do miss Norsca Quest. But there's like sixteen fucking quests going on at any time now. It's retarded.

>> No.18918622


So we load up the hold, standard stuff like lasguns, rations of who knows what in tins, flak armor, and a packaged sentinel. We string up some ropes across the hold and hang hammocks for the troopers to sleep in, me and Emily are put on kitchen duty for the trip. Aderyn requests cogitator warp travel scripts since we don’t have the Navigator yet. They’re all plugged in, I start the drive and we have the Gellar fields flicker on. Nothing too terrible happens on the trip, it’s a short two day jaunt from Waylend III to Costim I. There was a momentary hiccup with the Gellar field and a trooper complained an eyeball was in his soup. So Cadwell’s walking by and turns and lifts his hood to the trooper,
“Is it mine?”
Everyone got a good chuckle from that after the trooper’s momentary horrified expression. Crew morale +1.

Whelp we get out of warp and are hanging out above the planet waiting for the coordinates for a drop zone. Spaceport gives us the directions and we settle down, as we poke through the atmosphere you can see parts of the continent burning and huge exhaust plumes headed towards our landing site. Some of the IG are grimacing, knowing they probably aren’t long for life. I feel bad for the guys really, I offer to help set up their sentinel, get their minds off of it for a bit. We land and start unloading; the local general tells Aderyn that there’s an ork Waaagh! of a decent size plaguing the world and would appreciate any help they could give us.

>> No.18918707


Meanwhile I’m rolling the Sentinel out of the hold, the DM oks me to make some rolls to add extra guns to it we have sitting in boxes prepared for our originally planned jaunt. I make most of them, so it’s a sentinel armed with an extra three heavy stub guns, a few lasguns, and a one use grenade launcher that fires four grenades at once. There’s some cheering from the pilots and the squads as he makes a show of walking about, firing some shots at some test dummies his mates set up out of scraps that look somewhat orky. A good time is had, my mechanized face even breaks into a grin. Though apparently this creeps out some of the people around me, -10 fellowship.

Emily and Aderyn go visit the war room that the general has set up in the control tower. Turns out the spaceport is one of the last four major bastions of the world against the green tide. The others are the only major city on the planet, a military base, and one noble’s stead that is surprisingly resilient for being on an Agri-World. He points to a block on the map, a big red block signifies the Warboss and his personal horde is nearing the location as they speak, and reports tell they have a strangely powerful Weirdboy amongst them.
Aderyn is fairly excited, saying that he’ll see what they can do. This is his first real opportunity to be a Rogue Trader, doing the will of the Emperor, saving the Imperium, guts and glory stuff. As for Emily, she’s hammering out a price, thank god we have her or we’d have gone into the red long ago.

>> No.18918739

I just came from /v/, would you please go back there.

>> No.18918750

>I just came from /v/
That explains the shitty taste.

>> No.18918759

Well then shut the fuck up

>> No.18918767

Why would he go "back" to /v/ or have to do that? You go back to /v/

>> No.18918877


The general agrees to spare the squads we’ve just delivered to help us on our spearhead mission to cut the head off the big Waaaghin’ snake. We form up our three squads and one Sentinel, we deck them out with some grenades and mines that aren’t their standard issue, one guy with a rocket launcher and we head off through the gate. I’m riding in the gunner’s seat of the Sentinel because it, “Makes the machine spirit happy,” and it rumbles responsively like a purring cat to my fingers guiding the turret. We pass trench lines with men waving at us, some shouting encouragement, some warnings, and others singing songs.
Some of the men get pretty distraught about charging into death’s doorstep when Aderyn slaps one of them on the back and says, “At least we don’t have a Commisar,” which they ruefully agree with. Some stories are swapped, DM scrambling to adlib the background of nameless mooks. The elected force leader besides Aderyn is Felix, Sergeant of the 156th Tetlend. He’s seen action against orks and tyranids already and gives some sound tactical advice, like nobs are bad to be around, so keep them clear of the sentinel so it can do some hit-taking for us. The Warboss himself might be able to be distracted by a decent fight and want to go man to ork with a single target.

>> No.18918883


Damn I'm just slipping with titles today, thrice I've forgot it in this thread. Ah well with that I've got to go again and get ready for class. I'll return in some hours.

>> No.18919508

Do keep going, I love it.

>> No.18919611

Won't have time to add anything here, I will drop by in the afternoon if the thread's still breathing.

>> No.18921044

One more bump to spite the haters.

>> No.18922016

We've been through this before, i'ma bumpan.

>> No.18922300

This is just what I needed to brighten up my day after Deffwotch concluded.

>> No.18922737

It's the contrast I appreciate.

So much of 40k is "the perpetual state of everyone getting worse and doing horrible things to each other on a planetary scale" that it's a nice change of pace to see what kind of person the Emperor would be if he was brought back.

Though honestly, I wish the Tarrasque-y nature of the beast the emperor is inhabiting would come to the fore. not just in the "I'M HUGE AND I HAVE HUGE FEET" way, but in the "WOW, KILLING ALL THESE TYRANIDS HAS SURE MADE ME... SLEEPY... I THINK I'M... GONNA... TAke a.. lil rest...." Followed by a snoring not unlike improperly lubricated chimera engine held to a megaphone.


>> No.18923810

Well, eventually he's going to just going to kill himself.

>> No.18925960

Rogue trader guy, you still around?

>> No.18926005

SE, what's your steam?

Mine is Storytiem.

>> No.18926383


I promise not to abuse this knowledge at all.

>> No.18926786

Same as my IRC handle. Your steam profile doesn't seem to exist, by the by.

>> No.18926819

I am now, work took a tad bit longer than usual today.
So give me a minute and I'll get cracking.

>> No.18926888

Fucking awesome~

>> No.18926993


As we’re marching we encounter some small bands of orks, some light skirmishes to get us introduced to the combat system as most of us are first time Rogue Traders coming from Mouse Guard. No casualties yet except for one trooper who has a pretty decent limp from taking a shoota shell to the leg but he can still move and shoot so we put him up on top of the Sentinel. Further in we come to a point where the DM says that the Warboss should be coming through, a tall yet fairly narrow valley. It is our decision whether to set up on top of the valley’s edges or meet him face on in the pass. We think about setting up a dual position but if they have Stormboyz then both groups could be assaulted and without the numbers to repel them. So our illustrious leader Aderyn decides that we’re to fight in the pass, if we fire upon them from above we have no chance of engaging the Warboss in single combat (which of course we plan on immediately betraying and firing everything we’ve got at him once he’s alone).
So we have eight hours in game to fortify our position. We break out the grid paper and use the Sentinel to haul boulders to form a defensive wall, everyone using picks and shovels to pack the holes with earth, digging a trench, and laying cut down trees atop of it to form a roof that was covered with yet more dirt. Then from our bunker the exhaust trails were visible on the horizon, the low rumble of ten hundred thousand orks stompin’ and rompin’ and Waaaaghin’ all the way down. There’s some double-checking of our defenses, weapons, and any equipment we’ve got. I climb into the gunner’s seat with my pilot and we get to a pit that mostly secludes us from view but not from the firing line.

>> No.18927186


First comes the huge armored van of the ork army, assault bikes and killer kanns driving abreast in the narrow valley, occasionally one spinning out and exploding in the tight space of their own accord but with another rushing to take its place. The first of them hit our forward lines, mines blow the wheels off of the first vehicles which causes them to spin out and form a barrier of metal. A few ranks of vehicles pile up into a massive fireball before there is a ramp formed somewhere in it which the ork bikers exploit, crashing over into our firing range. Lasgun fire lances out and as they approach a few are picked off while they pound the earth berms with slugs. As of yet we’re lucky not to take any hits to our fighters while the ground before us became littered with burning promethium and scrap metal.
We’re celebrating because holy shit we’re holding out. Then there’s a rumble back at the massive ork vehicle pileup. A loud whine pierces the air and you can see sparks flying. A huge Mek is using the buzz saw arms to cut straight through the blockade! As it smashes through a wave of Sluggas and Shoota’s come running to support it. As we have Stormboyz flying in and crashing onto the bunker Aderyn has to lead some troopers with fixed bayonets to prevent them from exploding their packs and destroying the roof. Cadwell takes the lead of the firing crews, using his Warp masteries to see even behind cover that they’re trying to use on the advance. Emily is tending to the wounded as she has the only medicae skill between us, usually just digging a bullet out and wrapping gauze around them with a nice big needle of morphine before propping them up somewhere with their lasgun to keep firing. It’s clear we are gonna be overrun pretty damn soon if something doesn’t happen.

>> No.18927464


Time to be the big damn hero, I order the pilot to get us out of the pit and draw as much fire as possible, and to close the gap between the Mek as nothing we’ve been throwing at it is harming it much. I’m keeping the heavy stubbers blazing, the tiny armored compartment we welded on from the bike scraps is holding our wounded trooper near the turret so he can load them when out of ammo as well as add his lasgun to our firepower. We’re stomping the orks in our path, a green paste left behind as the Mek turns to face us. Over the crude speakers of it we hear a voice crackling out,
“Oi! Ye gits comin’ to fight now ain’t cha’? Yer mek looks even spindlier than what me grots can cook up! Bahaha waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!”

Shit I didn’t think those things could move so fast. I’m pounding it with everything I’ve got as we close together, Sentinel cockpit down like a rugby player about to run through some defensive line. CLASH! BANG! SMASH! Our vehicles crash together, we’re so close that he can’t get the huge circular saws to actually hit us but our lasguns and stub guns aren’t having much effect either. I remember the grenade launcher I affixed, but we’d already shot the canister of them at a bike group earlier that had gotten too close for comfort. The Pilot comes up with an idea, overcharge the lasgun packs and shove them in there and they’ll work great as grenades. So we yell it over the din of clashing metal, Sentinel bringing the knee up into massive Mek’s crotch in a vain hope of cartoon logic since they’re orks.

>> No.18927470


Our wounded soldier discharges the all the lasguns we have on the front for their packs, links them together in an unstable fashion and chucks them in the launcher. We’re currently point blank with the Mek so I want to step back a bit so I can fire without murdering our faithful veteran but both he and Pilot demand pulling the trigger now as a step back would probably kill us all with the saws poised so.
My fingers pressed down on the control button…
The dice were set…
The Imperium lost a great man that day in service of a noble deed. The Mek was dead, his servos rendered inoperable as the machine fell down with his speakers crackling with mirth over the “good fight, I got right krumped!” I leveled my guns with the cockpit and let loose till it tore the armor plates away and the Pilot rammed down a hydraulic heel on the loathsome xeno.

>> No.18927593


Manly tear.

>> No.18927815


The rest of the party has held on while I’m off having my moment of glory, covering our retreat back to the pit so I can climb out and resupply the guns for the next assault. We’d barely swept the field when there’s a thunderous clapping sound- bouncing off the walls of the valley, clap, clap, clap; the most ominous of slow claps. Atop the valley edge we see a massive ork, absolutely huge, the size of the Mek we’d slain at least.
“You gits put on a good show eh? I was tinkin’ dat der might be some hummies on dis ball o’ dirt who might be good for a wrassle.”
He then jumps from the top of the valley, plummeting into the ground and leaving a fair sized crater before jumping out of it. From behind the blockade more orks come streaming, forming a semi-circle around their Boss, just waiting for him to do something. Then he takes his hand to a pocket and pulls out a squirming green creature, it’s got green skin and flashing blue lights dance around it. Weirdboy… but something was definitely off about it. The big Warboss leans slightly to the left and starts talking to the Weirdboy,
“Dis da fight, Gretch-kin?”
“Oi Boss, dis is it.”
“Den let’s get Krumpin! Ye blithering grot-suckers come out. I wan’ ta see ya’ bossman.”
So Aderyn stands up, Emily follows, Cadwell is slowly behind and is sparking with the Warp as well in preparation to fight the Weirdboy. Me, I’m hanging from the underside of the Sentinel as the pilot walks us over to the line forming up. Those troopers that can still walk stand in line with us. Of the three squads that came on the mission only four troopers were left standing, and three were alive in critical condition unable to move in the bunker. Covered in dust he looks us over, our steel ready as the great iron jaw clanks while he rubs his chin slowly.

>> No.18928366

...And, that's the story? Where's the rest?

>> No.18928460

Gimmie a bit, some of my burn blisters popped and it quite hurts.

>> No.18928640


He lifts a huge sodding axe and charges us. We scatter out of the way, I climb back into the gunner’s seat while Aderyn scrambles atop the cockpit, brandishing his power sword. He instructs us to get into close quarters with the beast. The rest of the group is firing shots at the Warboss to little effect. The Weirdboy lashes out with a wave of energy that knocks about half them on their rears. Cadwell then locks into a psyker battle with the Weirdboy, the Warp flailing about as the ork army riles themselves up into a cheering Waaaagh! and amplifying the Weirdboy. Thankfully with the Emperor back to his conscious state the tie to an Astropath is strengthened and they hold each other at bay.
Aderyn is somehow parrying the Warboss’ hulkingly powerful strikes with a mixture of careful distraction by the Pilot ramming, stubber fire, and use of the Power field around his blade. We bound backwards to escape a swing aimed at our legs before charging forward, Aderyn knocked loose and holding onto the huge ork. Before the behemoth realizes what’s going on we drive a hydraulic knee into his squishy bits which allows Aderyn to make a called shot at the beast’s gaping maw which has been hanging open laughing for some time. The hit plunges the blade through the jaw, rightly pissing off the Warboss. He yelps in surprise and grabs Aderyn, flinging him against a rock. He brings the axe up and swings it towards him as we dash in between with the Sentinel. We manage to block the blow but it cleaves the cockpit from the legs, now out of a vehicle me and the Pilot ditch to grab our side arms and blast away as fast as possible.

>> No.18928901

Emily rips her attention from the Warboss for a moment and uses some of her great logic to call shot a few rounds from her stub revolver into the knees of the Weirdboy. She makes one of them, he staggers and loses concentration so that Cadwell can blast him into unconsciousness. He falls backwards, spent and tired after his first real counter psyker combat in decades, he’s an Astropath damnit not an ordained combat psyker!
“Oi! Ye gits whacked me Gretch-kin! Yer gunna pay fer dat!”
The beast roars out.
So now with everyone realigned against a single foe we can do some damage while his back is turned to some of us at least most of the time. As Aderyn, the Pilot, and I dash through a cluster of boulders to prevent instant gibbings if we get touched by the axe, our troopers overheat their lasgun power packs and use them as thrown grenades to get its attention. They do a decent amount of damage, getting him to change targets. They strap on their bayonets and form a tiny screaming line. Aderyn sees this and charges as well, I lead the Pilot back to the fallen cockpit and try and reorient the guns in the general direction of the Warboss. The troopers last two rounds before all but one getting splattered in a single axe blow. At this time Aderyn is going mano-a-mano with the huge beast with no direct support now. He’s struck but is saved by the carapace plate armor, tossed aside like a rag doll and barely alive.

>> No.18929098


Now I’d like to say this conflict ended with Aderyn getting back up like a movie hero, spitting teeth and a one liner and charging him for Grendel like exploding dice. But what happened was me and the Pilot got our guns firing and managed to initiate some exploding dice of our own, three rolls later and a massive burst of fire that used every last bullet in the magazines has penetrated the armor of the Warboss, hundreds of stub rounds that have been rolling and turning inside his body turning it to mush.
He stumbles, leans on the axe pole and finally topples nearby the Weirdboy,
“Oi, yew’re right Gretch-kin. Dis be me last fight and I got good and krumped. Heha!”
He leans up a bit and looks at Aderyn,
“Yew won little hummie, now ye see dis Gretch-kin right here? Gork and Mork got big things planned fo him and yer gunna help him. He seen it in him visi-ons, you his Boss now eh? He good luck ona ship, never get lost yet. Make him big un’ stronk, I know ye hummies like ta’ fight almost as much as orks so it aint gunna be too hard heh eh?”
With that he finally bites the dust. The remaining ork horde looks stupefied but makes no move to stop us from grabbing the Weirdboy. So the Pilot, four troopers (three unconscious), the party, and one (unconscious) Weirdboy stomp back to the spaceport.

>> No.18929226

When we get back the general is surprised that we’re still alive. Aderyn recommends that they firebomb the pass so the mass of dead ork bodies don’t go to spore and produce more orks to deal with. Emily taps her dataslate expectantly in payment, the thrones transferred into our account is assured and they’ll refuel the Victrim on the house. We spend some time at the IG mess hall before we go, in which a spontaneous celebration breaks out with all the troopers hearing our deeds. The wounded troopers are taken to the infirmary as we swill what passes for liquor on Costim I and feast on hard-tack cakes made slightly more appetizing by the rich bowls of some sauce derived by the native plants of the Agri-world.
I spoke with a commanding officer about the deeds of the Pilot who was so crucial to our success. I managed to pull some strings, a few thrones in his pocket, and the Pilot was free from his IG obligation to follow us on our adventure. I learned his name was Johnson L. Grahm. I’d begin training him in the arts of the Mechanicus as his gift for guiding the machine spirit of the Sentinel was inspired and I could use another gearhead to chat with out in the void. The Weirdboy is taken to the Victrim and restrained. When we examine him he has some strangely non-orky features, he’s more of a human shape with green skin and some added muscle mass and some teeth that look they haven’t seen a brush ever. Yet he was undeniably human, when we lifted the floppy mass of hair on the head a third eye peered out at us. Shit, this is our Navigator!

>> No.18929299


Our Navigator player at the table explained that his character was from a renegade genus of Navigators that attempted to access the powers of the ork Waaaagh! It led to some mild success and when the planet was overrun when he was a child the Warboss figured with his green skin and orky feature he was a Gretchen, thus his nickname Gretch-kin.
He thoroughly believes that he is an ork, an interesting member of the crew at least.

With that my tale of the second session ends. The third tale will have to wait till past Thursday as we were left mid-event last session and have to wrap it up this go.
I don't know how you have the stamina for this Something Else, massive respect after doing just under 6k words, 146,645 is simply massive.

>> No.18930448

Try it in all caps maybe its case sensitive. I'll add you tomorrow man

>> No.18932706

I just do it in stages.
Invite sent. I assume it's you with the Dean avatar?

>> No.18932729

This is stupid and OP should delete it. He will never be as good as Weaver or Wasteland Warrior.

>> No.18932779

They see me readin', they hatin'

>> No.18932797

>mfw Emprahsque thread

>> No.18933267

>mfw no updates

>> No.18937641

I didn't think the thread would last past Sunday. I'm as surprised as you.

Also, I'm out of ideas. I will do some Bleeding Out writing this weekend, though.

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