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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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18789662 No.18789662 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

I propose a new rule of the internet, an evident truth.

Rule 40,000: There is a 40K crossover of it. No exceptions.

Rule 40,000.2: If a 40K crossover of something cannot be found, /tg/ will make it.

>> No.18790118

If you shitpost on a Warhammer board, and the regs hijack your shitty troll, you must post "U fags insert 40k into EVERYTHING!!! WAAAAH!!!" as soon as you realise you've failed utterly.

>> No.18790178
File: 69 KB, 563x587, 1313736400869.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>Mork before Gork
You's sure is da stupid.

>> No.18790277
File: 25 KB, 187x187, ORKZISORKZISORKZIS.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

'Ehz unna dem stupid ummiez, wuz ya espect?

>> No.18790301
File: 110 KB, 443x516, 1328514972620.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


/tg/ - Traditional Games, not /tg/ - Just Warhammer 40K

>> No.18791854

I really want to read this book. Does it really exist?

>> No.18791876


Ah but Gork is before mork lower down the page.

Also I would imagine that the book is actually "double sided".

You flip it over and there is a The Art of Waaaagh by Gork & Mork, with a green and black cover.

One half of the book being about brutal and cunnin, the other half about being cunnin an brutal.

>> No.18791898



>> No.18791909


I'm throwing money at my datasleet

>> No.18791916
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>/tg/ will make it.

Sometimes it's not always /tg/ either.

>> No.18791963

This thread has compelled me to rewrite the entire works of sun tzu's art of war entirely in ork spek wif orky taktikz!


When fightin da space marines be sure ta uz ya slugga boys ta tie dem up sos ya can do that blood axe'y fing called flankin EN DEN SENDS IN YA NOBZ ER STORM BOYZ

If yas spot an 'umie drinkin froma riva SMASH DAT GIT!
If yas spot an unmie gettin wata from a riva KRUMP DAT GIT!
If yas sees an umie gettin wata wif un uv doze tanky fings LOOT DAT GIT!

>> No.18791993

'Umies be scaredie gits around fire. So uz yer burna boys ta light up da field deys chargin in. Den laugh as dey do da burnie dance.

If yas gotz not ennuff dakka, dens you must paint yer stuff yello da make ya look shootier
If yaz gotz not enuff shottas, yas must paint yer stuff red so ya boyz be smashier

All waaghfare iz based around WAAAAAGH!

Needz moar dakka
No serusly, getz maor dakka
I mean LOTZ uv Dakka!
Why yu reedin dis GET MOAR DAKKA YA GIT!

>> No.18792009
File: 16 KB, 328x240, guinness_brilliant.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>orky version of The Art of War

My god it's not even noon yet and my day has been made.

>> No.18792029
File: 70 KB, 216x282, 1306165654460.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>my gob when this git can't spell waaagh

My Blood Axes would definitely read the book though. Or at least shout loudly at eachother about what it says without actually having read it.

>> No.18792060


is liek readin codexs

>> No.18792085


Let's get started, folks.

>Sun Tzu said: The art of war is of vital importance to the State.

>It is a matter of life and death, a road either to safety or to ruin. Hence it is a subject of inquiry which can on no account be neglected.

>The art of war, then, is governed by five constant factors, to be taken into account in one's deliberations, when seeking to determine the conditions obtaining in the field.

>These are: (1) The Moral Law; (2) Heaven; (3) Earth; (4) The Commander; (5) Method and discipline.

>> No.18792089
File: 21 KB, 214x310, artofwaaagh.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>> No.18792130

>Sun Tzu said: Der art of WAAAAGH is roight proppa to da sta- da g- keepin ya gits together, ya grot

>It a matter of crumpin' or gettin crumped, gettin fragged or knowin' ta run so you can have anuvver go. Dat means you GOTTA KNOW DIS STUFF, BOYS!

>You got five tings ta pay attention to, den, dat lets you know if it's time fer dakka or choppy or ta gather da boys or all that crap.

>Does lot are: (1) WAAAAAGH; (2) WAAAAAGH; (3) WAAAAAGH; (4) Da Big Boss; (5) WAAAAAGH

>> No.18792134

>Gork & Mork said: The art of WAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH is of vital importance to the Klan.

>It is a matter of fightan and notfightan, a road either to winnan or winnan. Hence when in doubt WAAAAAAAAAGH.

>The art of WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH, is dominated by 5 important stuffs

>these are: Dakka, Choppa, Orks, Da Boss, and more Dakka

I'm terrible at writing in "Orkish"

>> No.18792151
File: 9 KB, 239x256, Friends.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>Does lot are: (1) WAAAAAGH; (2) WAAAAAGH; (3) WAAAAAGH; (4) Da Big Boss; (5) WAAAAAGH

How perfect it is.

>> No.18792172
File: 95 KB, 600x753, blood axe boss.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


Mork sez: Waaagh is da best, right ladz?

Itz about gettin' krunked or gettin' loot, da paff ta 'avin' a good kip afta bashin' in some git'z 'ed or gettin' yer own gob smashed in. So itz best ta look inta 'ow ta do it, innit?

Da Art of Waaagh is bossed about, den, by, uh, one... two... lotza zoggin' fings, whitcha gotta fink about before ya go runnin' out ta shoot ya dakka at some gitz,

Dese are Kultur, Da Place Wot Da Godz Live, Da Ground, Da Boss, an' 'ow ya go about stompin' gitz while krakkin' 'edz ta keep da ladz in line.

>> No.18792176

>The MORAL LAW causes the people to be in complete accord with their ruler, so that they will follow him regardless of their lives, undismayed by any danger.

>Da Mo- Vo- Dat ting dat 'appens when yore tryin' to decide whedder to pull one eyeball off'n a 'umies corpse or two, makes it so dat you follow da Big Boss and you'll die for 'im, unless 'e doesn't 'and out proper loots.

>> No.18792197

OP is a fool. Never post a picture more interesting than your text!

>> No.18792203
File: 228 KB, 900x574, Dakka.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>The MORAL LAW causes the people to be in complete accord with their ruler, so that they will follow him regardless of their lives, undismayed by any danger.

Orky Kultur is 'ow da boyz know wot da Boss wantz, doin' wot 'e sez even if dey get snikt onna 'count of it, not even givin' a zog about tough gitz.

>> No.18792209
File: 322 KB, 500x500, 78867554.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Noice pickin's uv dem wurds, boyz.

>Dis theadz gotz me interisfinks
>Muh Fess Wen: imma chappin' on somma krumpetz

>> No.18792218

>Dese are Kultur, Da Place Wot Da Godz Live, Da Ground, Da Boss, an' 'ow ya go about stompin' gitz while krakkin' 'edz ta keep da ladz in line.

I think this works better, let's use this.

>Da Place Wot Da Godz Live - dis ere is a bit silly to say, it's mukkin around, but ya gotta know when youze gonna go, when itsa a good time ta krump instead a lootin or burnin, an when you gotsa leggit.

>Da Ground is where da tracks are, where da hideyholes is, what good killin' grounds are, where you can shoot up da enemy gitz and not get shot up yerself and all that crap.

>Da Boss is da Boss because if you don't do wot e sez e'll crump you one.

>'Ow ya go about stompin' gitz while krakkin' 'edz ta keep da ladz in line is just wot it sez it is.

>> No.18792251

Start yer editin or git crumped

>> No.18792271
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>> No.18792272
File: 83 KB, 495x700, 132-753248134-7.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

"Regard your soldiers as your children, and they will follow you into the deepest valleys.
Look on them as your own beloved sons, and they will stand by you even unto death!"

>Huv dem gitz loik deyz hows u loik dem squigs, fo dems gonna WAGHHH wid youz toz zog's stinkest butkraks!
>Seez dem, en preutenz demz ar okry, fo demz gonna be krumpin wiz yuz til deyz krump no moar.

>> No.18792304

How many people are working on this?

>> No.18792334
File: 316 KB, 1052x1092, Killy Dread.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Dese fings orta be know'd by ev'ry Boss. Da git wot knowz 'em will get da loot; da one 'oo don't, e'z gonna get krunked.

So, when yer finkin' about 'avin' a scrap, when yer findin' out wot da WAAAGH is gonna be like, fink about dis lot, in dis order:

Wun - Fink about which Boss got Kultur on 'iz side.
Too - Wot Boss knowz da most about scrappin'?
Free - 'Oo got da strongest gods and da best turf?
uh, more - 'Oo keepz 'iz boyz in line da best?
lotz - 'Oo got da biggest mob?
anuvva wun - Wot bosses and boyz got da most practice scrappin'?
da last wun - 'oo's mob knowz before da scrap, 'ow dey gonna get loot 'r dere 'edz krakked if dey bollocks it up

>> No.18792350

Imma loik dis jobs maeks me wanna wroit summ'or!

"The art of using troops is this:
......When ten to the enemy's one, surround him;
......When five times his strength, attack him;
......If double his strength, divide him;
......If equally matched you may engage him;
......If weaker numerically, be capable of withdrawing;
......And if in all respects unequal, be capable of eluding him,
..........for a small force is but booty for one more powerful."

>WAAGGHS bits loik dis
>Wen youz has moar choppas, smash 'em gud!
>Wen youz has moar MOAR choppas, smash 'em REAL good, den houyz hafta burnz 'em!
>Ivs youz has moar gits dan dem , sneakies toz pick em offs ar also gud for gettin sum.
>Ivs youz haz saem gruntz as 'em, ol da moar fun!
>ivs deyz gots moar gitz dan youz, sneaky runnawaeys iz can be proppa!
>cuz iz yor smal WAGHH iz but a JOWKS, and is UNORKY!!!

>> No.18792385

Though we have heard of stupid haste in war, cleverness has never been seen associated with long delays.
>Dem runnan to dem foigtin' iz gud, but Gork sez youz cun olso bez sneakiest to hav 'em krumpins' for loiters.


>> No.18792478

>OI! werz dem odder gitz wen ofta? iz foin cuz mins moar fo Bort lessuns.

'So in war, the way is to avoid what is strong and to strike at what is weak.'

>Listan erre boyz, wez can hav fun wif dem hummies, but wen 'em big "titun" meks cumz rollan' aboutz, we hafta maeks da runnies, yah hearz?!

>> No.18792579

When the common soldiers are too strong and their officers too weak, the result is INSUBORDINATION. When the officers are too strong and the common soldiers too weak, the result is COLLAPSE. When the higher officers are angry and insubordinate, and on meeting the enemy give battle on their own account from a feeling of resentment, before the commander-in-chief can tell whether or no he is in a position to fight, the result is RUIN.

>Wen dem nobz ar bettra dan da boss, boss gets krumped.
>Wen da boss is da strongiest, da gitz getta be roit in fruotov da foightin.
>Wen dem nobz ar itchen to getz to da foigt, an forgetz to hav brung moar dakka, an da boss sez "Woit, you grots, youz forgetz da dakka!", den dem dunz ar gonna git der 'hinnies toss'd!

>> No.18792687

Throw your soldiers into positions whence there is no escape, and they will prefer death to flight. If they will face death, there is nothing they may not achieve.

If our soldiers are not overburdened with money, it is not because they have a distaste for riches; if their lives are not unduly long, it is not because they are disinclined to longevity.

Bestow rewards without regard to rule, issue orders without regard to previous arrangements; and you will be able to handle a whole army as though you had to do with but a single man.

>Sumftyms, youz hafta get da boyz toz goe foitin' widouz da trukks, so as deys hafta be orkiest to foigt wens dars no trukks to maeks da runnan'.

>Ivs dem grots dun loik da lootin's, den youz ar gots no death skull mob problams, fo lootin' iz gud, but moar lottin' iz gonna haf yur ass krump'd.

>Maek be da meanest, da strongiest, DA ORKIEST! An maek dem oder boyz nott forgets it, an youz will maek da strongiest WAAAGGHHH, iz tru!

>> No.18792769
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Dis ere wroitin is bolloks, an Bort'z dun wonna maek brainz pain agen.

Toz' youz lot, youz bucha wanker 'ummies!

>> No.18792789

Guys, GUYS!
Don't forget to drop the h's! Apart from being very cockney in itself, it's one of the most easily recognizable ork speech quirks. You may even dial down on the rest of the changes if you get it right.

>> No.18792936
File: 504 KB, 600x783, 189413284138-14.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>Git, am dissapointz

Finnash da woark, yah mucksak piesov crud!

>> No.18792947
File: 36 KB, 406x437, 1330771720274.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

'nd ifn ya putz yer boyz on dat place where dey gonna krump or be krumped dey gonna krump dose gits twice as guud cause dey got dat dere killy place at dere baksies

>> No.18793007
File: 261 KB, 1440x900, wallpaper-700266.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

inquisitor andrastia report 1103329: thread exterminated fleet en route back to holy terra

>> No.18793140

Piz ov, you mook! Bort ain' wonna doz it no moar. Bort 'stead gonna leaf dis 'erre moar SUN TZU kwotasyuns fo dem oder wierdboyz to go muckin aboutz

>WUN. If your enemy is secure at all points, be prepared for him. If he is in superior strength, evade him. If your opponent is temperamental, seek to irritate him. Pretend to be weak, that he may grow arrogant. If he is taking his ease, give him no rest. If his forces are united, separate them. If sovereign and subject are in accord, put division between them. Attack him where he is unprepared, appear where you are not expected.
>ANNUR WUN. To fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy's resistance without fighting.
>Annur MOAR. The good fighters of old first put themselves beyond the possibility of defeat, and then waited for an opportunity of defeating the enemy. To secure ourselves against defeat lies in our own hands, but the opportunity of defeating the enemy is provided by the enemy himself. Thus the good fighter is able to secure himself against defeat, but cannot make certain of defeating the enemy.
>STIL MOAR. In all fighting, the direct method may be used for joining battle, but indirect methods will be needed in order to secure victory. In battle, there are not more than two methods of attack - the direct and the indirect; yet these two in combination give rise to an endless series of maneuvers. The direct and the indirect lead on to each other in turn. It is like moving in a circle - you never come to an end. Who can exhaust the possibilities of their combination?
>FREE. We cannot enter into alliances until we are acquainted with the designs of our neighbors.

Das it! so shush yur mouf ivs youza don Bort to stompz it shush for yahs

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