/tg/ - Traditional Games

Krooza holds steady above the world of Nogred. Governor Maximus Huge has just taken a rokk pod down. As the Logitech Launcher is brought to the Mekbridge, the Skanna Jamma starts beeping again. Pieces fall off as the message is transferred to Krooza for perusal.

"Oy, get dat. I'z busy." says Kroz.
Wazgor jets over and smashes the button. Bringing up the message, he can hear a familiar voice.
"Word up, word up, Catalyst Station, we got ourselves a problem." says Inquisitor Doggfather, "Orks."
"No gitz's betta at foightin' Orks den da Deffwotch..." Wurrza smirks.
"The Orks of Mezzigo have constructed something, a big-ass ground based cannon that can shell other planets." says Doggfather, "We lost an observation post on a nearby moon thanks to it."
"Otha...planets?" stutters Kroz.
"We gotta loot dis kannon!" yells Wurrza.
"A Ground attack is impossible, but I dispatched some Navy forces in the meantime." the message continues, "That cannon's gotta go, and I know that Deathwatch team can handle it. Send'em immediately, yo." The recording ends. Numerous grot riggers begin trying to reattach the bitz that fell off to the Skanna Jamma.

"Oi, Kroz. Where we 'eadin'?" asks Grakgut.
"Uh... Wotever dat place woz. I'z busy. Sum'un else do da button." says Kroz.
Grakgut and Wazgor both simultaneously pelvic-thrust the button, sending Krooza into the warp.

As Krooza enters the warp, it's expected to take two days of travel. Wazgor decides to make a revelation.
"You gitz gonna hate me when ya learn who oi am." says Wazgor.
"IZ YOU GARO?" asks Kroz.
"Iz you loot?" asks Wurrza.
"No, ya gits, I'z a Blood Axe." says Wazgor.
"...oh. Eh. Oi dun't care. You'ze gots lotsa gud bitz oi moight need." says Grakgut.
"Jus' make sure we loot dat kannon." says Kroz.

It is unknown if this is the reaction Wazgor was expecting.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPPNpLx8EAA

As Krooza enters the warp, the first day starts normally enough. Kroz begins working on something, until he notices his arm. Or, should I say, armrest. Kroz is a sofa.

"YOU GITS DIDN'T 'IT DA BUTTON ROIGHT!" Kroz yells angrily.

Grakgut hops around in his sofa form, eating grots, which have turned into yarn balls. Wazgor the rocket-powered La-z-boy flies around the launch bays, not caring. 'Eadmangla the love-seat continues the search for Skarfang with Dak the Yarnball. Wurrza the beanbag chair flops around using his psy powers. A balloon floats by, chirping.

"DIS AIN'T ORKY AT ALL! I'Z ALL SOFT AN' COMFY AN I'Z DUN MEAN ME CHAIR!" yells Grakgut.

I love you.

As the days comes to a close, and the Reality Erosion restabilizes, the Kill Team can get actual work done. While 'Eadmangla and Wazgor continue combing the vents for Skarfang, and Wurrza considers the strange question of Daemonhosts, Grakgut decides to get outfitted. Heading to Kroz, he gets a set of big shootas and a plasma cannon mounted to him, as well as sticking grots there to use them. However, one of the shoota sponsons falls off.

"Uh... Youze really left.. uh... treads. yeah. Kan try again later, but fer now you'ze gotta, um... wear down dat roight bit of armer dere or it dun stick, yeah!" says Kroz hastily.
"Uh, 'kay." says Grakgut, who rolls off to test his new gunners, dressing them in red shirts and sticking them on the Plasma Cannon.

The third day, Krooza exits the warp, leaving a small trail of fabric behind. The Kill Team looks upon Mezzigo, a mountainous jungle world.
"So dere be mo' boyz 'ere?" asks Grakgut.
"It'z a proppa place ta build..." says Wurrza.

Numerous ork ships are holding position around the world. While they have clearly seen the Kill Team, they don't fire. They think the Kill Team is a part of the fleet. However, the Kill Team can see a steady stream of bommas and whatnot heading to the surface of the planet, towards one jungle area. There appear to be explosions rocking the surface in that area.

since when are orkz aussies?

"Roight. So all we gotta do is, uh...um..." Kroz falters.
"Why we stoppin' a Waaaaagh anyway?" asks Wurrza.
"Hm. Wundah wut deze boyz is foightin'..." says Grakgut, "Let'z kall'em! Remembah to call Kollekt so they spend da teef!"
Grakgut punches the number into Wurrza's brain, and he sends the message down.

"OI! DIS IS DA LOOTED KROOZA, WE'ZE ALL FOIGHTY AN STUFF. WOTS DA FOIGHT DOWN'ERE?" says Kroz.
"Lotsa 'umies! WOt're ya waitin' fer? Get stuck in!" yells a voice over the voxcaster.
"'umies? Wait..." starts Kroz.
"Oi, wherez da warboss?" asks Grakgut.
"'e'z sittin' on top o' da Shandaleer!" the ork says.
"'ow big iz 'e?" asks Grakgut.
"'e'z big enuff! So quit muckin' about!" the ork says, annoyed.
"Ahaha!" laughs Grakgut, "Bet 'e ain't bigga den me!"
"Say dat to da boss an' see wot 'appens!" the ork yells.
"Hm. Letz foind dis 'Shandaleer', an' krump dat boss!" says Grakgut enthusiastically.
"But which of da boyz iz we supposed ta 'elp?" asks Kroz.
"Dunno. Let'z krump ev'ryone 'till we figure it out!" declares Grakgut.

Everyone rushes toward da Last Danca.
"Lookz loike dis iz gunna rekquire sum logik." says Grakgut, "Da warboss iz where da most foightin' iz! So letz go to dat place!"
"Now dat'z logik oi kan get behind!" says Wurrza.
"But wots a Shandaleer?" asks Kroz.

As the Kill Team boards da Last Danca, they see Uzgob.
"Oy, boss!" yells Uzgob. He's holding a metal box.
"yeah, Uzgob?" asks Wazgor.
"Dat komputah kalled deze fings 'SODs,'" says Uzgob, "Oi put a bunch on ya bomma!"
Uzgob begins to head out.
"Rokk'em wif yer new Sod-offs!" says Uzgob.

>SOD: Stand-Off Dispenser. Releases a cluster of bomblets over a large range. Roll Ballistic skill, and determine Degrees of Success. The SOD Does that many hits to GROUND TARGETS ONLY, allocated by the firer. Hits are 3d10+10 Pen 10 with a range of 400m.

Boldo flies in, chirping.

>>17809108

U WOT M8?

Da Last Danca rokkits out of the launch bay, followed by da rest of da boyz in their fightas and bommas.
"Form up 'round da leada, boyz! We'ze got a lot'o fasta ta be doin!" yells Kroz.
Da boyz respond with an enthusiastic WAAAAAAAGH!

Breaking atmosphere, the Kill Team sees a battle between Ork fightas an Inquisitorial Air Forces. Flying further in, they see something too huge to be missed.

A Cannon. The size of a battleship. It is currently aimed at the sky. It's propped up by tons of scrap and whatnot.

"Aye, dere'z da rub. Wot it'z betta ta be krumpin da 'umiez like gud an propa orks, or, by protektin, end'em."
Something flies by close to da Last Danca.
"Deathwatch! Glad you could make it!" Walrus says from his Marauder AWACS, "This fight's as good as ours now!"
"Welp, dat solves dat problem!" yells Grakgut.
"Gud ta see ya, Walrus. We'ze gonna get da Krooza ta pick up dat gun." says Kroz.
"Well, not sure how you'll do that, considering its size." says Walrus, "Though no doubt it would be of use to the MEchanicus."
"Leave dat ta us, boss!" says Pliskin over the vox, a rokk pod streaking through the sky.

"Well den. All systemz nominal. Wot foights ya gots fer us?" asks Kroz.
"This weapon can fire shots that can hit planets. It's all but invincible to a frontal assault, but we've discovered a weakness!" says Walrus.
Walrus transmits some targetting data.
"The Greenskins have placed the cooling towers on the outside of it!" Walrus continues, "There are six, and heavily defended. We need to take those out!"
"Da Cookbook Astartiz sez...uh..." Grakgut pages through the Codex, "Wot do oi look fer in da Table o' contentz?"
"Dis a big foight, Grakgut, so check da bits on roasts." says Kroz.
"I'll be providing AWACS as needed, Deathwatch!" says Walrus, "We're glad you're here."
"Any otha gubbinz we need ta dakka?" says Wurrza.
"Once the primary cooling towers are gone, the secondary cooling tower will be revealed. That's all I know at the moment."

Kroz pulls da Last Danca into a steep dive towards da Shandaleer, and guns the engines.

>>17809182
>Da Cookbook Astartiz
Well done.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muaIrJtifDw

Da Last Danca opens fire with everything it has at the enemy fighta bommaz and anti-aircraft emplacements. Wazgor uses the SODs to maximum effectiveness while Wurrza, "Eadmangla, and Grakgut cover with the Reapa Autokannon turrets. Kroz finally fires the ADMM system installed a while ago, causing da Last Danca to engage a roll as a series of missile pods appear from the Danca's wings and underside, and firing 12 missiles in all directions at the enemy.

>ADMM: All-Direction Multiple-Purpose Missile

The Kill-Team is also slightly confused by Walrus's updates. While they determined FOX to be a code for rokkitz, and GUNS to be pretty self-explanatory, they couldn't figure out "DRIVE" when the ADMMs were fired.

"OI! Why're ya yellin' DROIVE so much dis toime?" asks Grakgut.
"Walrus Likes dat game wif da squig and tryin' ta hit it into da little hole real far on da grass." replies Kroz.
"Oi didn't know 'umies 'ad dat game too!" says Grakgut excitedly.

The Kill team delays the attack on the coolant towers, opting instead to fire at da enemy boyz instead. However, they do not expect da Shandaleer to start moving. Da Shandaleer suddenly groans, as its barrel moves backward from recoil as it fires a massive round into the sky.

"Boss!" says Clarence, back on the ship, "That blast just hit us!" We're on damage control right now though, so don't worry about us!"

The Kill Team decides to stop mucking about, and focus on those cooling towers. Grakgut takes out two with accurate(!) Reapa fire, while 'Eadmangla takes out a third. Wazgor focuses on using the SODs to clear out AA fire as da Last Danca circles da Shandaleer and Wurrza takes down enemy fightas. On the other side, Kroz takes out the remaining three coolant towers with ADMM missiles, as the Kill Team works to one-up each other in terms of kills, and hopefully slow down da Shandaleer's assault on Krooza. After the destruction of the last coolant tower, the secondary Coolant Tower rises, which the Kill Team hammers down.

They think it's all over, until the gun begins sinking.

"OI AIN'T LOSIN' DAT DAKKA!" yells Kroz.
"BY GORK AN' MORK, IF DAT FING BLOWS UP..." exclaims Wazgor.

The Shandaleer begins shuddering, as the barrel aims down slightly to cool off.
"Deathwatch, I'm reading energy signatures inside that weapon!" says Walrus, concerned, "You geed to get in there and stop that firing sequence!"
"PANZEE GITZ!" says a voice over the vox, "TOO GROTTY TA FACE ME!"
"SEZ DA GIT HIDIN' IN DA KANNON! WE'ZE BEEN LOOKIN FER YA DA 'OLE TIME!" says Grakgut.

Making Awareness, as the Last Danca pulls up, near the sinking barrel, Wazgor and Kroz see something - The Warboss. Inside Shandaleer. Down the Barrel. Kroz angles da Last Danca towards the barrel...

...and fails to get a good angle this pass.
"Zog it, we shoulda left some bommas about! Danca 'ates klear skies!" sighs Kroz.
The barrel continues sinking, energy building up. And Kroz flops the second pass.
The Barrel is level now, energy charged at maximum. The Kill Team has one last chance to make the run.

They make the run. Flying down the barrel of Shandaleer, they can see the Fire Control of the weapon, the Warboss bellowing a cry of challenge. Hitting every red button possible, da Last Danca accelerates toward the Warboss. As the Warboss comes into view, every SOD, missile, and kannon, as well as Wazgor and Grakgut, are fired directly at the Warboss. Grakgut's grot gunners blow a hole in the back of da Shandaleer to allow Last Danca's escape as Wazgor and Grakgut pulverize the Warboss, 'Eadmangla and Wurrza providing covering fire.

With the death of the warboss, and the collateral from everything else, da Shandaleer grinds to a screeching halt.

"KROZ TO ALL ORKS. ALL OF'EM. YER BOSS WOZ A PANSY. NOW 'EZ KRUMPED. YOUZE WERK FER US NOW AN YOUZE GUNNA BUILD A GUNSHIP TA BRING DAT BIG GUN INTA SPACE, INSTEAD OF SUM DUMB FOIGHT WIF 'UMIES." Kroz messages the boyz. While most of the kroozas and ships are fleeing, the remaining bommas and ground krew join the Kill-Team.
"Actually, boss, I'z got an idea..." says Uzgob over the Vox.
"Wozzat?" asks Grakgut.
"Oi fink oi kan take da gubbinz from da Shandaleer, an' put'em on da Orkross Kannon!" says Uzgob excitedly, "Make it so ya kan fire da kannon while itz chargin'."
"DO IT!" says the Kill Team simultaneously.
"Good to fight alongside you again, Deathwatch!" says Walrus, "We're pulling out."

As Grakgut, Wazgor, and 'Eadmangla argue over who gets the body of the Warboss, Kroz lands the Last Danca so everyone can re-board. As The Kill Team reunites, Wazgor notices something out the corner of his eye.

A blue light.

Rushing toward it, they hear a voice, and couldn't be happier.

"Got a selection of good things on sale, stranger..."

Kroz picks up a combi-bolter. Grakgut finally gets his lathe-shavings, so he can Lathe-Forge his Mega-Armor. Wazgor gets Hexagrammatic Wards, which involve the Merchant taking out a sanctified sharpie and writing "Daemons go away" on his armor. 'Eadmangla gets an Archeotech Blurshield, barely. Wurrza tries for some Blue Fire drug, and fails. The Kill Team gets repairs for Krooza as their ship req, and Kroz tempts fate with a second acquisition of Metal Storm ammunition.

The Merchant walks behind a wall, as the Kill Team boards the Last Danca. Boldo nibbles on the dead Warboss's head on the way up.
"Boldo pls go" sighs Wazgor, "Dis is my 'ead."
Boldo chirps.
"Boldo's gotta get bigga!" says Kroz.

Da Last Danca enters the launch bays. Looking outside, the remaining Flyboyz are landing in the Launch bayz.
"Alright, boss!" says Pliskin, appearing out of a cardboard box, "'Ere's da loadout!"

They received 500 XP, 2 PF, and full Orkross Kannon functionality, meaning it can fire as a macrobattery while charging. We called the session here.

>>17809091

"Boss."
"Yah?"
"I fink I'z a sofa."
"I know 'ow ya feel."
"WAAAAAAAAAAAGH!"

Another Ace Combat style mission, I'm pretty sure some of my players were able to guess which mission...inspirated me. They finally learned what the ADMMS were, and were quite excited that the Orkross Kannon can be fired now, though the power requirement might be a bit high.

Ork BS is a magical thing. These fightas were working under about BS 25 after penalties and bonuses, and consistently made it. I found it hilarious.

>Wazgor gets Hexagrammatic Wards, which involve the Merchant taking out a sanctified sharpie and writing "Daemons go away" on his armor.

i fucking lost it

Does normal always get thrown out the window like this in Rogue Trader?

>>17809681

Always. If you aren't counted amongst the ranks of the Deffwotch or Poirot or McDuck, you have failed.

bump

Evening bump.

Archive this magic.

>>17809352
>Wazgor gets Hexagrammatic Wards, which involve the Merchant taking out a sanctified sharpie and writing "Daemons go away" on his armor.

All my thumbs-up, Shas.
Goddamn I love Deffwotch.
Have something that confuses Papa-N.

Will be wanting to get that melta upgrade for the rokkits as that will affect the missiles. Then all that's needed is to figure out some way of zappy gubbinzing that so that its instead firing dozens of homing lasers instead. Because Panzer Dragork. Which not so coincidentally is also what I'm gonna do to that metalstorm legion combibolter after a few days of modding up.

I believe the average insanity stands at roughly 28-32 or so across the party. Were we humans we'd be starting to be rather obviously a little touched. Luckily that's all perfectly normal for orks. We all started rather delusional anyways.

For anyone wondering why we'd be so quick to go against a WAAAGH! its fairly simple. The Deffwotch's entire organisational structure is built around Deathskullsing the galaxy. We effectively just WAAAGH!'d a WAAAGH! and looted its biggest things.This is probably why no one's really affected by Wazgor's coming out as a bloodaxe. We're all already trecherous brained out assholes.

>>17809795
Rogue Trader is all about being MY NAME IS HUGE. You play shakers and movers in a bloody galaxy, that's not just your regular planetary adventurers there.

Even as a rank 1 rogue trader character you've had years of experience behind you. Your starting point is having reached a position of power, influence and skills that's starting to straddle that "are they even still human" paragon borderline. You gotta have a larger than life personality and ego to go with the grand new problems and events you'll be calling your day to day.

Shit that's usually just overheard by the party at an inn when some level 20 wizards are swapping stories about interplanar conquest? Yeah that shit is tuesday to RTs too.

Wow, this RP is great. I couldn't resist binging it all. Added to 1d4chan's Orkhammer page for now.

>>17812729
What's the source? I can see it's connan comic, but anything more specific?

>>17814820

Deffwotch needs its own page on 1d4chan. I'm surprised it's taken this long.

>>17816308
OK, I'll split it.

Shas i love you more than one heterosexual man should ever legally love another. Deffwotch should become a proper supplement for DH i think

>>17816691

It would be better as a RT supplement, since Orks are already there.

>More Deffwotch

>>17816825
... I could probably write up a lot of that fluff, particularly equipment and the such.

Authentic Ass Tartitz Reliks and wotnot

>>17816308
Deffwotch now has its own page. It will probably need some wiki magic, though.