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/tg/ - Traditional Games

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17351359 No.17351359 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Alright, a few changes since the last thread...

Rather than needing to link all the prior threads, an awesome anon has done one hell of a job constructing a 1d4chan page with all the prior threads linked toward the bottom:


I've started a twitter if people want to know tentatively when the next thread will be at. Its HereticalLoveQ

The landraider makes for quite a bumpy ride as it rumbles along the rocky terrain. Though admittedly this is not what’s on your mind.

You are, after all, sitting inside with almost a dozen of some of the most deadly zealots in the universe.

And they are pampering you.

When the sisters find out that you’ve been pretty hungry for a while, they bust out a plethora of food. The table fare ranges from local stuff they’ve picked up, smoked fish and whatnot, to some of their own rations.

You are a bit annoyed at how much better their rations are then what the guard supplied you. While you were chewing on protein pucks they were indulging in preserved fruit and vegetables. Not that you are going to voice your complaints.

After about half an hour of riding, and stuffing your face perhaps more than you ever have, the tank finally sighs to a stop.

The sister’s have claimed some administratum building as their base, or so you surmise. The area outside of the place is littered in papers and various office supplies. Whoever left here, they did so in a rush.

Inside the building is heavily fortified, two automated heavy bolter turrets guarding the front door alone, and several bored looking soritas cleaning their weapons.

Everything seems to be going, as much as it surprises you, fairly smooth.

This only puts you on edge, life on Yagis V has not been easy on you, and you don’t trust that to change.

>> No.17351382
File: 151 KB, 500x376, begins.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>> No.17351391

Your rampant paranoia is acknowledged, when a more mature and particularly fierce looking sister steps into your path.

“And pray tell, what are you girls doing with HIM?”
She points at you, and the sisters look sheepish under her fiery gaze.

“Oh, it’s no problem, sister…”

You gesture with a thumb toward a few of the Soritas behind you, who are carrying the armor they stripped off of you.

“As you can see, I’m with the Blood Ravens.”

The canoness raises a skeptical eyebrow.

“You? With the Blood Ravens? Surely you jest…”

You do your best to act natural under a gaze which could probably out melt a melta.

“I’m from a different world, and they claimed me as a relic. Something about a link to their chapters past or something, I’ve been trying to find out ever since. These sisters are simply going to help me with a bit of maintenance, as I don’t possess the required materials at the moment.”

She smiles at your words, like a cat at a mouse.

“Do tell then, what exactly have you been doing with your… Brothers?”

“Steal artifacts, mostly, kind of our shindig.” You reply with shrug.

A drawn out moment of very uncomfortable silence passes, you are trying not to sweat as you wait.

The canoness finally nods, and turns to go back to her business.

“Sounds about right.” She murmurs before heading off.

>> No.17351403

Threads 8-9.5 seem to be non-existant.

>> No.17351414


>> No.17351417

Shit, forgot to mention.

Vote who you want for the next SDT dialogue and I'll tally it up to decide the winner at the end of the night.

vote your choice with

Its fairly certain every girl will get a dialogue eventually. If you haven't read the last thread, or didn't notice, there is a SDT dialogue for Kaleshi and a surprise one I'll let you figure out.

>> No.17351425
File: 14 KB, 340x308, yes.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>> No.17351433
File: 9 KB, 190x265, pa.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.17351434

links to archives at the bottom
>yet calipers

>> No.17351452


>> No.17351458

>>mika the techpriestess for SDT

>> No.17351466


Tsunseer, /tg/, you know you want it.

>> No.17351492

Holy shit, you didn’t really think that would work.
Your heart is drumming in your ears, you don’t know what would have happened to you had she found out you were lying. You are fairly sure, however, that you are glad not to know.

The sisters break out into giddy but muffled laughter as they smuggle you deeper and deeper into the structure. They seem to be happy to not have been discovered as well.
Finally they push through two heavy wooden doors and you follow them into their makeshift bunk.

There is one thing you notice right off the bat.

They have beds.

Not those terrible canvas-on-sticks “cots” that you were supplied with, generally less preferable than the ground they sat on.

Real, clean, plush beds.

“I can’t hold it in any longer, you are so damn lucky and I’m jealous as all hell…”

The sisters giggle furiously as they close the door and bolt it behind them. It seems they either didn’t hear you, or don’t really care to respond.

“I can’t believe that worked!”

“I know! I thought she was going to roast him alive!”

“…We would have gotten punished as well…”

Well, good to know they were so confident…

>> No.17351520

a twitter account and random folks archiving the threads. optional extras. Heretical Love keeps growing in popularity. What's next, an animated series?



>> No.17351532

>Thinks a mere sister can take on Max Decarus

>> No.17351537


This. So much this.

>> No.17351546
File: 1.29 MB, 1280x900, Squeee.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Yes! My body is ready.

>> No.17351555
File: 393 KB, 600x589, end result.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

this would be the final episode.

>> No.17351556

fixed that for you

>> No.17351594


It would end with all those ladies showing up at the protagonist's door and all simultaneously calling out "Onii-chaaaaaaaan~!"

>> No.17351607
File: 942 KB, 1000x999, 1308575967339.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>Ailia, for the greater goods

>> No.17351633


>> No.17351653

I'd kill to watch a 40k show.

Smiling, giddy, and beautiful faces lead you hand-in-hand through the room. As cranky as you are at the obvious preferential treatment, you can’t really be mad at the moment.

You follow them as they lead you right into…

A large multi-head shower.

“Why the fuck is there a shower in an office building?”

The girls ignore you as they start stripping down and washing off.

Your own body and most of your brain starts ignoring that part of you as well.

Not wanting to reek of sweat and battle, you start cleaning yourself up a bit as well.

The hot water is amazing, and you recall you haven’t had many opportunities to clean yourself up since the turn of events that followed the annihilation of the guard here. You even take the opportunity to get a nice close shave with a razor supplied by a chesty sorita.

Several others get jealous of her as she applies the shaving gel for you. They close in and before you know it, you are being attacked from all sides as they each try to fix you up in some way. It isn’t efficient, but you certainly aren’t about to stop them.

After you finally can’t take any more of the heat, you walk back into the other room as you towel off.

It appears that the girls who left the shower before you have been busy. They’ve arranged the beds together to form one giant one. It’s like they did the impossible and somehow combined them.

>I apologize if my writing is a bit slow tonight, I'm pretty beat after pub trolling key west all day

>> No.17351664
File: 74 KB, 576x576, sadnidissad.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>the one time a nid didn't get shafted

>> No.17351689

>Greater Goods :D

>> No.17351738

You collapse face first into the pile of starched white sheets and fluffy pillows. After everything you’ve been through, it feels like heresy to be this comfortable.

So comfortable, in fact, that you start falling asleep.
Or would, if there weren’t ten dripping wet soritas wrapped in nothing but short towels standing around you.

“No rest for the wicked, eh?”

The girls laugh.

“Not until we’re through with you.”

They jump you before you can react, and you find your limbs being held down, each sat on by a sister. Well, it would seem soritas prefer to shave, might be more comfortable in their armor.

Your musings are confirmed as Lycheria jumps up and straddles you.

“I hope your body is ready.” She coos.

“I’m not going to lie, so do I.”

She gently maneuvers your Inquisitor into position, and he stretches in preparation for his exercise.

You have to admit, watching that cute silver haired sorita riding you.

You could easily get used to this.

And it appears you are going to have to, as nine others wait for their respective turns.

>> No.17351771

rolled 18 = 18

Rolling for the Emprah's blessing.

>> No.17351792

If you're rolling a d20 - well done.
If you're rolling a d100 - oh boy.....

So please stop doing noko rolls, I doubt they even count unless it's a 1.

>> No.17351793


He is smiling upon us this day.

>> No.17351807

It was a d20.

>> No.17351854

One by one, they take the bull by the horns and finish themselves off. By number 7, you are really having a hard time holding on.

The ones who have taken their turn already lay down near you, with satisfied sighs.

Finally, the last one bucks her hips and trembles as she collapses on top of you.

Leaving you with a fully primed melta gun and no one to man it.


Lycheria looks up from her position snuggling your right side.

“Oh, how rude of me.”

She leaps back on top of you, and before you can reach for your protection, she snatches you up with her mega milks.

Lycheria grins as she watches you squirm, grinding you between her Emperor’s gifts. It may not be heretical, but damn does it feel good.

It doesn’t take more than a minute for her to finish you off, and when it finally happens you feel as though all your energy is completely expended.

You fall asleep before she can even quip wittily about you making a mess.

>> No.17351858
File: 37 KB, 501x480, inconceivable.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>Good enough for Max, Boner of Daemons, The Emperor's Surfing Bro, Nailer of Khorne's daughter, and Sorritas Ass Punisher!
Pic related

There aren't enough 20's in the world for THE BEST FISHERMAN!

>> No.17351859
File: 4 KB, 220x251, 1323504992822s.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

When there's a good thing going, why do we try so hard to cripple ourselves?

>> No.17351893

>actually here on time for a heretical love thread from the start
oh fuck yeah

>> No.17351917
File: 208 KB, 729x800, maxdecarius.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.17351921


ok, so how do i roll AND noko without doing a noko roll?

>> No.17351930

you don't

>> No.17351934

joyest of joys, another heretical love

>> No.17351936

noko+dice+(amount of dice)

>> No.17351944

Get the "4chan x" firefox script.

>> No.17351947

Testing noko dice roll

>> No.17351993

rolled 19 = 19

For a pimp of Max's caliber, the only challenges in life are self-imposed.

>> No.17352015

You sir, make a good point

>> No.17352031

When you finally come out of your hibernation, you notice you are the only one in the room.

A hastily scrawled note informs you that they had to leave early for some important mission, though it doesn’t say what.
Meh, you’ll sleep another hour or so while you think of what to do next. Wait…

What’s this package on your chest…?

You rip open the brown paper, and gawk openly at what you see.

“HAT-CHAN!” You grab him and hold him up to the light.

He sparkles back at you, once again quite cleaned up.

“Dude I thought I’d lost you forever! I was going to rip this planet asunder in my search for you!”

“Yeah well, it ain’t easy being a hat while pimping this hard.”

You unfold and read a small red stationary.

“Dear Max, thought you might like this back. Get me something nice, you owe me <3. – Kaleshi”

You quickly get dressed, and in a last final motion, place your beloved hat back upon your head. You feel instantly complete.

“Oh yeah, now I’m ready.”

[ ] Spy on what has the Orks acting so weird, you’ve never seen them like THIS.

[ ] Help the Tau girl find her brother.

[ ] Give your axe-murderer a jingle.

[ ] Mind bullet training with the tsunseer.

[ ] Head out to give the Necrons a proper round 2.

[ ] Dinner date with the Dark Eldar twins.

[ ] Let Mika finish fine-tuning your new arm.


>> No.17352047


>> No.17352051

> [X] Let Mika finish fine-tuning your new arm.


>> No.17352055

>[X] Head out to give the Necrons a proper round 2.

And if we have to forge a female Necron by ourselves.

>> No.17352058

[x] Orks.

C'mon guys, we should get through all of the starting options, shouldn't we?

>> No.17352064

Mindbullet training with tsunseer

>> No.17352068

Let the Techpriestess finish our arm. I don't want it to explode because we try to finger a woman.
The mess would be terrible.

>> No.17352072

[ ] Let Mika finish fine-tuning your new arm

>> No.17352080

[x] Help the Tau girl find her brother.
Come on, why not?

>> No.17352085

[ ] Help the Tau girl find her brother.
She really hasnt made an appearance since we last saw and fed her our "food stuffs"
otherwise, im down to go on a date with the Tsunseer...

>> No.17352092

Lets go talk to Mika.

>> No.17352099

>[X] Spy on what has the Orks acting so weird, you’ve never seen them like THIS.
finish dem starting options

>> No.17352100

>not training to use our mighty new psychic powers
Seriously, guys, tsunseer

>> No.17352109
File: 44 KB, 500x749, Gendo Tang Poster.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>[X] Let Mika finish fine-tuning your new arm.
[X] Spy on what has the Orks acting so weird, you’ve never seen them like THIS.
Because >>17352058 anon is right. We should at least start on the last starting option.

>> No.17352110
File: 1.59 MB, 1565x1743, 128606705643.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>[X] Help the Tau girl find her brother.


>> No.17352111

Tau-girl or Children of the Khorne. Either or

>> No.17352128

Btw papa, will we ever see an appearance, or at least a cameo of Malal? I'd love to see ur take on him.

>> No.17352140

[X ] Mind bullet training with the tsunseer.

>> No.17352156

Go see our little Tech Priestess, then, TO DA WAGGGGGGGGGGH!

>> No.17352168

Tsunseer is waifu of the year, all years

>> No.17352171
File: 96 KB, 422x553, 1324770348803.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Hey, Papa!

I requested this in a drawfag thread, its the techpriestess!

>> No.17352182

Orkz Orkz Orkz!

>> No.17352184

either Tsunseer mind-bullet training or our dinner date with the DE twins

>> No.17352186

Maybe, who can say really...

>> No.17352188


>> No.17352192

Tech-priestess, then WAAAAAGH

>> No.17352197

Hey thats pretty cu...
>wires in pocket

>> No.17352205

We should train so that we actually know how to use our mind powers.

>> No.17352227

[X] Orks

>> No.17352255

Maybe she'll show up for our lesson in a hot teacher outfit.

>> No.17352268
File: 858 KB, 1300x1700, 1319373920918 - Copy.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>[WAAAG...] Orks

>> No.17352286
File: 293 KB, 280x252, Marneus Calgar is a pimp.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

I give less than two shits about your quest thread or story, but that picture inspired me to make this just to go even further on the mocking scale.

>> No.17352301

i think in homage at that picture we should go with MIka

>> No.17352310

Go fuck yourself. This thread and its predecessors are awesome.

>> No.17352325

I never said I didn't like it, I'm just saying I'm not interested in it. Sorry if it sounded like that.

Polite sage for lack of anything.

>> No.17352333
File: 228 KB, 900x574, Dakka.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Orks ya git!

>> No.17352334

I like it!

Looks like the tech girl option won?

>> No.17352338


>> No.17352341

That gif is worthy of a save

>> No.17352354
File: 45 KB, 480x640, Greenmarine 377.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.17352359

It's time we showed our 'proper respect' to the machine spirits.

>> No.17352361
File: 379 KB, 800x800, Finking_wiz_siantz_2.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

[X] Orks

>> No.17352371

How could Max betray the Partridges like that?

Does he not know that unlike the dirty Space Wolves, the Partridges have lost only a single man in their entire history since the Horus Heresy?

That man was of course, and sadly, the Supremely Glorious and Grand Kaiba, first Chapter Master of the Partridges and greatest Egomancer in history.

But more to the point, he didn't even die in battle, he died when he fell down Peart'ree's Glorious 5000 Steps of the Grand Codex when a Space Wolf spy most definitely pushed him.

>> No.17352378

barely, but yes, it did win

>9 tech priestess
>8 tsunseer mind bullets

>> No.17352389

You are going to need a chance to pick up something really nice for Kaleshi, you owe her more than some sloppy thrown together gift. As such, you decide against giving her a ring right off the bat. You don’t have to instantly barrage her with thanks, you have a feeling she already knows.

You are a bit on edge as you start to sneak out of the building. It would be a lot to explain if the canoness caught you now with a commissar hat. You would probably be explaining it to a flamer.

You would probably be on fire…

Quickly, however, you discover your ninja skills are quite unnecessary. You seem to be the only one here. Whatever called out all the Soritas must have been fairly important, you make a mental note to ask Lycheria about it next time you talk to her.

It’s probably time to let Mika get freaky on your arm again, you know she wasn’t quite finished when you left. You are quite glad you remember how to get there, your arm has started having some errors.

As in, every few hours or so at random, it attempts to strangle you and you almost feel like cutting off the hand and attaching a chainsword to it. But it’s probably a better plan to just let Mika fix it.

So you set off to procure a vehicle to ferry you to the bunker.
You don’t think the sisters won’t mind, you just have to return it like you found it.

Surely that’s possible…

[ ] Immolator

[ ] Exorcist

[ ] Landraider

[ ] Bike

[ ] Buggy

>poor Orks never getting a thread, we might just have to make it happen one of these days

>> No.17352406

Bike! It's time to RIIIIDE!

>> No.17352407

Land Raider

And before anyone says anything, Max Decarus doesn't not compensate, he supplements.

>> No.17352409

Buggy, maybe if it's simple enough we can actually drive it?

>> No.17352411
File: 5 KB, 251x240, 1323674128897.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>But more to the point, he didn't even die in battle, he died when he fell down Peart'ree's Glorious 5000 Steps of the Grand Codex when a Space Wolf spy most definitely pushed him.

I lost it, thank you for that

>> No.17352414


>> No.17352418


>> No.17352423

[ ] Bike

Na na, na na.

>> No.17352426

I don't want to drive a church organ and it seems silly to take a fucking land raider. Bike, we actually know how to drive it, when we crash it no one will mind.

>> No.17352429


>> No.17352434

And race Doomrider there.

>> No.17352436

[ ] Bike
mayhaps Doomrider will appear and we shall have the most epic bike race ever

>> No.17352438

Litanies of Fury could be heard for nearly a half hour, for the Great Kaiba did not die until the 342th step

>> No.17352452

landraider, yeah they certainly wont miss something like that.

>> No.17352458


>> No.17352467

>[ ] Bike

Two of them. Because we can.

>> No.17352473

>[X] Bike

>> No.17352486

bike on condition of deathrace with doomrider.

Otherwise, Land Raider

>> No.17352497

No Penitent Engine option? Man. Going for the bike, the only thing we've driven so far that hasn't gone up in flames of hatred.

>> No.17352510

As tempting as some of the other options are, you feel the bike is probably your best bet. You have driven one before after all, it’s completely inconceivable that you will somehow wreck this one.

You hop on the large, intimidating bike. The first thing you notice is the two bolter rifles sticking out of the front. That is pretty cool, and you have to really restrain yourself from testing them out.

The bike starts easily, and chortles happily as you get settled in.

Hmm, what’s this?

An engraved plate reading “Canoness” on the fuel tank?

Ah well, what could go wrong?

You rev up the engine, and squeal the tires a bit as you tear out across the pavement. The wind feels good in your face, and you find yourself having a bit of fun. You might just have to pick yourself up a bike.

If you ever make it off this planet alive, anyway.

The bike rumbles harder as you turn your wrist, pushing the speedometer as high as you can get it to go.

Unable to help yourself any longer, you slow down and take aim at an abandoned civilian transport.

With a squeeze of a trigger, the bolter rifles open up.
The hail of fire tears into the vehicle, ripping off a door and punching holes larger than your fist through its thin metal. Finally a bolter round catches the fuel tank and the whole thing ignites in a fireball, blowing the glass outward. That was pretty satisfying…

>> No.17352516

theres really no way you could crash a landraider. coincidently, theres really no way you could drive a landraider by yourself.

>> No.17352527

ah fuck, I forgot about that. I tried to look up the GW site but my internet connection here is horrendous DSL and is having a hard enough time loading this page, keeps failing on the GW one.

>> No.17352540
File: 15 KB, 400x320, facepalm.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

> An engraved plate reading “Canoness” on the fuel tank?
...oh god

>> No.17352541
File: 2.69 MB, 448x336, 1312883820222.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

rolled 17 = 17

Rollin' for bike driving skills.

>> No.17352546

How would we, you know, DRIVE one? I mean, it's a woman hooked up to a PAIN TRAIN. Literally.
Would we steer her with our dick?

>> No.17352550

It's okay, we don't need a giant ravening sexbot for you to go Huehuehuehuehue over...

I hesitate to think of what she would do with her Close Combat Weapons. Also; They're turned off unless in battle.

>> No.17352587

>stealing bolter bitch queen's bike

abort abort abort

>> No.17352601
File: 69 KB, 560x440, 1318227503331.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

You thrust harder.

"No no... LEFT, damn it, LEFT!"

The girl grinds her teeth in frustration.

You try to angle yourself to the left. Its exceedingly difficult to do both, you don't think these things were really made to drive...

You must have slammed your magazine in her well too hard, because she jolts and the walking death machine jumps upwards.

>> No.17352621

>... Boner achieved.

Damn you good sir, damn you.

>> No.17352631

i vote we retcon the last bit and get ourselves a penitent engine

>> No.17352682

>Listening to Black Eyed Peas "Rock your Body" current line " I wanna ride your body, I wanna go for a ride, I wanna rock your body"...
>Reading that post.

Face, meet palm.
And then there was muffled laughter.

>> No.17352693

You whip your head suddenly to your left, something having caught your eye.

Through the alleyways separating buildings, you think you make out a glimpse of fire.

Your suspicions are confirmed as Doomrider catches some sort of ramp and flies overtop the low buildings, before crashing down on the opposite side of you.


“Hey! What’s going on man?” You shout back.

He faceplants a bowl of cocaine before pulling his head back out and shaking it off.


“Hey, thanks for that man! I owe you one!”

Doomrider laughs heartily.


This might be a good opportunity to get some info.

“Will do! In the meantime, do you know anything I can get her as a thanks!?”

Doomrider scratches his chin inquisitively while at the same time tossing back a bottle of some black liquid that you don’t think you would try.

“WELL…” He finally says.


You think that over for a few seconds. It’s not surprising, but you don’t know how you would take her to a bloodbowl game, you doubt there are any here.


Doomrider’s cackling voice shatters your thinking.

Can you beat Doomrider in a race?

>> No.17352708


>> No.17352713

rolled 17 = 17

Let's see if we can. :D

>> No.17352715


YES. Yes we can.

>> No.17352720

rolled 15 = 15


>> No.17352724

If we can outsurf the Emprah, we can beat Doomrider!

>> No.17352725

rolled 7 = 7

Chewy, Hit the thrusters into Overdriive, we're racing Doomrider here.


>> No.17352762
File: 14 KB, 400x300, thumbnail_10276.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

rolled 1 = 1

>beat doom rider in a race?

You fucking know it, man.

>> No.17352768
File: 21 KB, 383x329, 2 (1).jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.17352774

ok OK enough rolling after this one for Emprah's sake!

>> No.17352781
File: 48 KB, 297x350, 1276570659045.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.17352785
File: 684 KB, 1280x720, Yeah.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

rolled 11 = 11

Let's do this. Full throttle.

>> No.17352787

Yeah i can see it

>> No.17352790
File: 26 KB, 600x251, 1274371588948.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.17352793
File: 44 KB, 450x338, screens_feature-38215..jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


what have I done?

>> No.17352796
File: 58 KB, 250x250, 11470316.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.17352797 [DELETED] 

rolled 1 = 1


This shit; begone with it!

>> No.17352807

>war-machine powered by fucking

Slaanesh approves.

And so do I.

>> No.17352813
File: 1.74 MB, 360x359, 1270700766606.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

rolled 16 = 16


Fuck these guys.

>> No.17352817

rolled 18 = 18

>2 1's... Can't get much worse.

Hoping to delay the rape train.

>> No.17352820

Well fuck. So much for getting that bike back to the Cannoness.

>> No.17352822
File: 16 KB, 400x300, fucked.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


Oh man are we fucked.

>> No.17352825
File: 382 KB, 400x374, guise.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.17352828
File: 51 KB, 500x500, 1294595527480.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

rolled 20 = 20


i too noob at this

>> No.17352831
File: 101 KB, 500x397, 1282880227226.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>nat 1
>in b4 pic related

>> No.17352834
File: 11 KB, 194x186, 1302083803649.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.17352841
File: 38 KB, 604x483, 1322953784182.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

...but worth it

>> No.17352847

rolled 20 = 20

The dice love us.

And then they brutally anal rape us.

Can we use this as a save?

>> No.17352862

Some people just want to see the world burn
But others love it

>> No.17352866

I don't think noko dice counts, but yours damn well does

>> No.17352869

don't delete your rolls you fucking cheater.

>> No.17352871


You grip your controls hard, grinning.

This is going to be a fun race.

The two of your engines echo ever louder off the sides of the buildings as you race down the street. Doomrider cackling madly as he shoots up with his free hand.

You are too busy laughing to notice the blown out lemon russ turret blocking your path.

"OH FUCK!" You see it, but it's too late for you to react.

The front of your bike hits hard and you are thrown violently over the handlebars. You can only curl into the fetal position to try to minimize the damage now.

The pain is excruciating as you bounce and skid along the ground, the hard pavement ripping off pieces of your skin.

The bike explodes behind you, but you are too incapacitated to notice.

You've finally stopped bouncing, and you notice sickeningly the bone jutting out of your leg.

>> No.17352875
File: 67 KB, 429x410, 1320199893307.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>yfw you realize that Papa-N never asked for dice rolls
>prepare for some HUEHUEHUEHUE

>> No.17352885

Welp that's when the two 20 saves us

>> No.17352886

i believe that two 20's outweigh one crappy roll

>> No.17352887
File: 455 KB, 965x714, 1324433636133.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Be merciful, Papa.

>> No.17352888
File: 3 KB, 96x126, binladen.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

a thousand fatwas on those who rolled 1's

>> No.17352889
File: 33 KB, 620x352, nichijou 10-620x.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>> No.17352914

>double 1's
>implying I can resist that temptation
>but seriously, I was just about to post up these options lol

“I’m not going to take it easy on you!” You grin and shout at him.

Doomrider revs his engine in response.

You grip your own controls hard, and get your mind ready. You don’t know the top speed of this thing, but you know his bike is really fast. Beating him on speed alone might not work, you may have to get tricky.

The two of you thunder down the road, picking up more and more speed as you go. You notice his bike definitely has an edge as far as speed is concerned, not that yours is by any means a slouch.

Your hand is twisting the handle as hard as you can manage, holding the throttle all the way open. This is the fastest you’ve ever gone on land, you are fairly certain of that.

A river looms ahead of you, and it looks like you have several options to get across.

[ ] Ramp up the arm of a crane

[ ] Go down a side street and get to a bridge

[ ] Jump onto a barge and jump again to the far side

>> No.17352920
File: 99 KB, 452x308, 1272068561665.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.17352921
File: 70 KB, 448x342, 1323384402725.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Hey Max, you got this! Just go out there and break a leg!

>> No.17352922


>> No.17352924


>> No.17352929

ramp up the arm of the crane

>> No.17352932

[X] Ramp up the arm of a crane!

>> No.17352933

[x] Ramp up the arm of a crane

>> No.17352938

[X] Ramp up the arm of a crane

Do we need to roll performance?

>> No.17352942


>> No.17352955

rolled 11 = 11


>> No.17352956
File: 212 KB, 728x518, 1322795562273.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Ramp up the crane onto the side street. Then continue under the bridge, and use the barge to get to the other side.

Because why not.

>> No.17352962

[ ] Ramp up the arm of a crane
Isn't it obvious?

>> No.17352972

"Hey! Watch it you idiot!" The girl shouts as the engine lands. Not that you can understand her through the gag ball.

Unfortunately for her, the landing also drives you into her as deep as you can penetrate.

"Hiii!!!" She shrieks in surprise.

Fuck it, you can't drive like this. But you aren't through trying.

You pick up your speed, and the walker starts stumbling along as the girl squirms and moans in pleasure.

The engine wobbles and shakes as the girl starts convulsing, pressing against the bonds connecting her to the vehicle as she rides her climax.

Finally, she goes slack inside the machine, and the walker crouches down.

Well, you didn't get anywhere, but it was fun.

>> No.17352994
File: 646 KB, 384x216, 1322803623459.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>> No.17353068


>> No.17353072

It’s a split second decision, but you point your front tire right at the arm of a crane. It’s a bit of a drop onto it, but if you can get enough speed, you should be able to fly to the far side of the river.

You give it everything you’ve got, pressing the bike as hard as it can go, trying to coax out all of its speed.

The road drops out and you fall for a few moments, the engine revving madly against no resistance. The tires crash down onto the arm of the crane, and squeak as they catch traction. It’s too late to turn back now, you gun it.

Despite the steep angle, the bike quickly regains lost speed and tears up the crane arm. You hold on for dear life.

You realize, only too late, that this is going to be a really, really hard landing.

The bike roars furiously as it soars into the bright sky. You have to squint against the sun in your eyes, you can’t do this blind, that’s for sure.

You pick out a mound of dirt on the far side of the river, that seems like the best place to aim for.

Though the ride seems agonizingly long…

Doomrider is beneath you now, having decided to jump to the barge. He had to turn around to line up his second jump though, meaning you are slightly ahead!

Your stomach plummets as the bike begins its decent. You try to angle yourself right, the only thing you have to go on is those clips of astartes on bikes jumping titans. You hope your calculations are right.

Clenching your teeth hard, you brace for impact.

The bike lands hard, but you managed to catch the back side of the dirt. Surprisingly, you lost very little speed on the landing.

Maybe too little.

You have to pull the handles hard to avoid hitting a light post, but you’ve made it across.

>> No.17353092
File: 20 KB, 250x250, 1316204173590.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>hfw his bolter is smashed against the bike

>> No.17353105
File: 22 KB, 256x256, 1320537742376.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.17353142

Turning the bike, you skid to a halt.

A few seconds later, a laughing Doomrider does as well.

“YOU RIDE THAT LIKE A NATURAL, KID!” He slaps you on the back, his flaming skull a giant grin.

“I got lucky, you’ll get me next time.” You laugh as you feel your heart finally slowing down.


Doomrider hands over an envelope, bro fists you, and wheelies his bike into a fresh warp hole.

You sigh in relief, very glad he didn't invite you along, you aren't sure what a slaanesh orgy competition involves, and you might be better of not knowing. For now, at least.

Curious, you open up the white envelope. Being sure to avoid touching the slime green glob throbbing on one side of it, whatever that is, you don’t really care to know.

Inside, two tickets.

“Dastardly Daemons Vs. Da Stompiest”

Worth it, though you groan as you feel the pain pulsing in your groin.

Well, you are getting fairly close to the Admech stronghold, you shouldn’t stick around here long.

[ ] Pick up something for Mika at a nearby Voxshack

[ ] Pick her something up from a flower stand

[ ] Grab her some food from “uncle Russ’s fine eatery”

[ ] Head to the stronghold

>> No.17353149

[x] Voxshack. Get that bitch some diodes. Bitches love diodes.

>> No.17353151

Bitches love Voxshack!

>> No.17353153

Voxshack is great for finding gifts.

>> No.17353159

get her something from the Voxshack

also, partridge 1d4chan page now includes the details of Kaiba's death

>> No.17353160

[X] Pick up something for Mika at a nearby Voxshack

>> No.17353166

Voxshack. Make it happen

>> No.17353170

[x] Pick up something for Mika at a nearby Voxshack

>> No.17353175
File: 5 KB, 157x120, whatyoudidthere.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.17353195
File: 76 KB, 407x405, 1322959706356.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

[X] Pick up something for Mika at a nearby Voxshack
indeed they do!

>> No.17353209

>Get that bitch a cannon. Bitches love cannons.

Fixed that for you. Lending my support to Voxshack.
>[x] Pick up something for Mika at a nearby Voxshack

>> No.17353239

Well, the Voxshack is closest, and it sounds like some place she might enjoy shopping at.

The door is locked, but seeing no one around, you don’t think anyone will care if you break in.

You pick up a nearby bench and chuck it through the shop window.

“Ah! Your breaking my glass?!”

you use your metal arm to create a hole large enough for you to slip into.

“N-no! There’s no way you can fit! Ahhhh!!!”

Though it’s still a tight squeeze, you manage to pull yourself inside of the dark store.

“Hah! Yo-your inside me?!”

You start to browse around, snatching up a couple bags. You aren’t really sure what she would want, so you simply start pulling things off shelves at random.

6 pack of promethium cell batteries, sure why not. Servo cleaning kit, void-dragon brand diodes, AOL version 7654 disk, servo skull hat, baneblade treats…

When you finally have several bags full, you figure it’s enough.

It takes you a few minutes to get it all to fit inside the saddlebags. You don’t want to leave the canoness’s stuff behind. Digging around to make room, you find a clean pair of her underwear. White with a pink bow, she might not be so evil after all. Though you probably shouldn’t bring that up…

You hop back on the bike, now laden with gifts, and set out toward the stronghold.

It’s still a bit of a ride, so you enjoy yourself by taking potshots at random objects with the two front mounted bolters.

>> No.17353288

>6 pack of promethium cell batteries, sure why not. Servo cleaning kit, void-dragon brand diodes, AOL version 7654 disk, servo skull hat, baneblade treats…

what do baneblades eat anyway?

>> No.17353289
File: 89 KB, 453x640, failbaddon.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Hey, Papa-N! I finally found this thread.

Here's that old request, as promised. Finished it on Christmas.

[x] Voxshack all the way.

>By the Emprah, that took a long time.

>> No.17353297
File: 124 KB, 732x976, 1268422226423.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Go on...

>> No.17353320
File: 99 KB, 1200x800, 1323550359534.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.17353321

Oh my god this is so excellent, you really did a hell of a job!

Love the addition of cultist-chan as well.

I was hoping we would see you again, and I'm glad we did.

You mind if I use that for the next thread's opening pic?

>> No.17353334

Do they prosecute heathens as well as heretics?

I mean, technically a heretic would be someone who worships the God-Emperor, but in a different way than the Imperial Cult. A Heathen would be something else entirely, like a follower of the Eldar gods.

>> No.17353345

You hear the mechanical bark of the baneblade “Rex” as he rushes out to greet you. What a weird tank he is, but at least he’s friendly. You admit you wouldn’t want to tango with his bristling weaponry.

Reaching into the saddlebag, you grab out a treat and chuck it to him. You aren't exactly sure what the treats are, but it said "NOW WITH 55% MORE OIL!!!!!" on the side, so you assumed they were good.

Rex runs the treat over, his antenna wagging happily. You reach out and scratch his side armor, his antenna increases speed. Well, whatever.

You drive the bike down the ramp and into the large open space, slowing to a stop and resting the bike on its kick stand. You climb off the bike and fix your clothes up a bit, not wanting to look too windblown.

SLaDOS lowers itself from the ceiling slightly to meet you.

“~Welcome back, if you are looking for Mika, she is helping me with something at the moment and is quite unreachable.~”

You look up at the robotic eye skeptically.

“Helping you with what, exactly?”

“~…Science…~” The robot chimes back after contemplating your question.

>> No.17353358
File: 523 KB, 1654x2326, harpyxmas.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Damn, late post.

Anyways, as a present/apology for lateness, have a christmasy draw.

Papa-N, you are more than welcome. Hell, I'd be honored.

>> No.17353368

make out with SLaDOS

>> No.17353372
File: 32 KB, 358x400, 1305421671937.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.17353378


>> No.17353379


>> No.17353413

Well SLaDos, I need her to finish my arm, and I have gifts for her, so if you could retrieve her?
And if SLaDos doesn't want to offer to find a NEW person to help her with Science.

>> No.17353432
File: 544 KB, 900x1000, GLaDOS.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Oh. This is not going to end well. I already know it.

>> No.17353451

You can take as long as you need man.

Well, you decide to wait. It’s not like you have much going on.

SLaDOS offers you coffee, which you decline.

It than asks if you want an orange jump suit, which you also decline.

Instead, you lay down on a bench and reach around to grab a magazine out of a box.

“Admechgirl! Inside: The dirtiest servitors you can even imagine! Servos vs Gears, hear the professional opinions! Is that a basilisk barrel in your pants or are you just happy to see me? Find out the REAL low-down on increasing your size! Featuring: Nikki “six arms”, read her tips on a proper claw job!”

You flip through the pages, becoming less and less interested as you do. This magazine isn’t nearly as cool as you though it would be…


“Aww sweet!” Frederick hisses as he sees the latest Admechgirl. He looks around, making sure no one is looking, before opening it up.

“Oh omnissiah, those parts…” His eyes are glued to the magazine.

He sticks it inside his robes, as interested as he is, he's way more excited/terrified at his movie date with Helena, which its almost time for.

>> No.17353510

After several bored minutes of reading, you look back up at SLaDOS, which hasn’t taken its eye off of you.

“Hey, can’t I just go find Mika?”

The robot’s eye whizzes softly as it zooms in at you. You realize now how creepy this thing is. Though judging by what you just read, it’s probably ridiculously sexy to a tech-priest. You try to get into the mindset, but brushed metal and slightly exposed wires just don’t do it for you.

“~Well, Commissar, if you are that impatient…~”

A mechanical arm reaches out, clutching a white orb-looking gun. At least you think it’s a gun.

“Is this uhh… The only way to find her?”

“~Indeed so!~” SLaDOS responds cheerfully.

[ ] No thanks, I’ll wait here

[ ] Take the gun

>> No.17353523

Take it, then rub the computer seductively.

>> No.17353528


Either that's what you're implying it is, and this is going to be awesome.

Or it isn't and we're about to enter a running man style competition for an insane AI's amusement.

Ah fuck it, I vote yes either way.

>> No.17353529

Take it. For science.

Also, : yesyme 1st

Even the captcha wants Max to take it.

>> No.17353541

[x] Take the gun

What could go wrong?

>> No.17353545

I'm pretty damn tempted to take the gun but ..
this anon's idea intrigues me. Max IS the pimp of the Imperium, should we tap that metal ass?

>> No.17353549
File: 89 KB, 366x358, bread_loaf_science1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

[ ] Take the gun
Theres always time for science in between amazing sex sessions

>> No.17353550
File: 27 KB, 325x265, 1322955042086.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

rolled 2659 = 2659

>[X] Take the gun
what kind of man would we be to turn down a free gun from a creepy AI

*also it seems that my noko doesn't work

>> No.17353555

[X] Take the gun


>> No.17353556


If Mika has one too....

Noh mye god. Double portal action with the cute tech-priestess?

Aw yeah.

Take that gun son.

>> No.17353558

We'll need the gun.

>> No.17353570

Hey, guys. I have a draw that is a bit related to this, shall I post?

>> No.17353573


What would we stick it in? At least we know that Mika's equipped. With a mouth if nothing else.

>> No.17353574

Also very happy to finaly have a quest to fill the gap left by Abaddon Quest

>> No.17353578

i too think we should get us some of that fine silicon ass. maybe a threesome with mika...

>> No.17353586

"Oh SLaDOS, I can't take it anymore! Your terminals are just too fucking sexy!"

You reach out and grab her panel roughly.

"~No! Wait!~"

You don't wait, instead tapping several of the keys seductively.

"~Ah! When you touch there, mmmmm!!!!~"

You keep doing it, until a small hole opens on the side of the computer bank.

Wasting no time, you plunge your usb drive into it.

"~It feels so good!~"

You pick up your pace, hammering your device into that dirty slot.

"~Oh, I'm going to....! 01000011 01110101 01101101 00100001~"

With one last thrust you finish as well, and you lean against the terminal bank, panting hard.

"~You had better take responsibility...~"

A chute opens on SLaDOS, and a small cube falls out of it. The emblem of a Commissar hat on it's side.

>> No.17353592

Of course. Was there ever any question?

>> No.17353594


Don't talk like that.

You make comments about her equipment she's going to end some sort of tranny dominatrix who double teams her victims with Servo-chan.

>> No.17353602



Stop giving him ideas.

>> No.17353603


>> No.17353610
File: 61 KB, 600x450, 1309319659903[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.17353614


>> No.17353624


Love and cherish it, Max.

>> No.17353631


Well. That was....

I'll be honest, I'm just glad it wasn't the Mika-trap thing those other guys were on about.

>> No.17353636

I'm so hot right now.

>> No.17353648
File: 181 KB, 592x591, 1324708321057.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.17353649

Sweet jesus... a Weighted Commissar Cube?!?!

>> No.17353666
File: 728 KB, 2115x3131, gladosbefore.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

C. .Companion Cube?
Our own Companion Cube?

Awwwwwww Yeeaaahhhhh!

Here ya go, Papa-n!

>> No.17353670


"Daddy push me! I don't got legs and I wanna SWIIING"

>> No.17353672
File: 39 KB, 97x126, 1314403765080[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>MFW this is our son.

>> No.17353680

Aperture Science would like to remind you that the Weighted Commissar Cube cannot speak, or blam you.

>> No.17353682

We should be proud of our son, and teach him about the good things in life.

>> No.17353687

Take. That. Gun.

>> No.17353689

Why does this remind me of the fact that the cube is an assistant in Slave maker?

>> No.17353693

This is probably some kind of really kinky Admech fetish.
>I like it

“Well… I guess I’ll give it a try…”

You reach out wearily and take the gun, which is surprisingly heavier than it feels.

“~Well then Commissar, let’s begin the SCIENCE!~”

“Wait, I thought I was going to find M…”

A trap door opens from beneath you, and you plummet downward before you can finish your sentence.

Faster and faster you slide, for what feels like a very long time until the passage starts leveling out.

You slide out of a wall and fall hard onto your ass on a cold tile floor. The passage behind you seals itself shut.

Looking out, you see a high glass wall in front of you, which stops about ten feet below the high ceiling. Through the glass you can see a large pad close to the glass wall.

“~Now then~” You hear the voice of SLaDOS chime.

“~Let’s get started!~” She sings cheerfully.

You don’t know if you like where this is going…

[ ] Try the gun

[ ] See if you can reason with SLaDOS

>> No.17353705


>> No.17353708

That gun you got there... try it out.

>> No.17353714

[x] See if you can seduce SLaDOS

>> No.17353718


Shoot the panel.

With the plasma gun in our arm.

>> No.17353721

You I like.
I second the motion.

>> No.17353723

rolled 14 = 14

This. Roll to seduce.

>> No.17353728

rolled 19 = 19

Need higher then that.

>> No.17353731


Oh god yes.

Shift this into maximum overtroll.

Ideally, she should never know if we're stupid or fucking with her.

>> No.17353740

>mfw I have no face

>> No.17353741


Now would be a good time to stop rolling, just in case.

>> No.17353746
File: 100 KB, 761x700, 1314408622722[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

We all know reason won't work, c'mon we've all played portal, this'll be easy!

>> No.17353756

rolled 29 = 29


i will add my strength to yours, brother.

>> No.17353759


On the one hand, amazing idea.


On the other....

Shoot with the Plasma gun as a back-up plan then?

>> No.17353767
File: 422 KB, 1280x1987, You_have_no_face.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>MFW you have no face
>here's your face!

>> No.17353777


This. If we can't stick it in her, let her think we're an idiot.

Then if/when she turns evil, we'll reveal we're not a horny idio-

Actually, i have no idea where i was going with that.

>> No.17353792

It doesn’t appear that you have much of a choice, you finger the white gun nervously.

Holding it as far away from your face as you can, and turning your head, you depress the trigger.

A small noise and no explosion, thank the Emprah.

You slowly turn to see what it did, and you notice a large orange rimmed black void on the wall in front of you.

“…SLaDOS, have I ever told you how sexy I think you are? Those wires and that multi-zoom lens? That seriously gets me hot.”

“~Oh Commissar, you are amusing. Perhaps you require some… Motivation?~”

A door hisses open to your left, and a white orb like thing turns toward you with its red eye.

“Beep boop, purge the heretic.” It chimes happily, before panels open and you see two gun barrels sticking at you.

You barely manage to jump out of the way as the autocannon fire rips past where you just stood.

Holy shit.

This isn’t a motherfucking game.

>> No.17353803

[ ] Keep going, for SCIENCE

[ ] Nope, try giving Mika a call

>> No.17353806

Plasma Arm, NOW!

>> No.17353807

We arn't trying hard enough. Compliment her pleasing ascetics, her multifunctional uses, and her hot, HOT hard drive.
Also blast the turret with one of our Arm Guns.

>> No.17353811

PEWPEW finger gun

>> No.17353812


"Well then. Can you at least point me in the general direction of Mika then?"

>> No.17353816

rolled 6 = 6

SCIENCE, what's the worst that can happen?

>> No.17353824


Call Mika. Blast turret.

>> No.17353829


>> No.17353834


inb4 "What test? i never signed up for a test? Max, where are you?"

>> No.17353838

> [X] Call Mika

>> No.17353843


i never even considered that.


You. Knock that shit off.

>> No.17353858

Shoot Turret, Call Mika, eat a Sandwich.

>> No.17353870


>> No.17353871


Fuck Turret, Shoot Sandwich, Eat Mika.

>> No.17353873

[x] Keep going, for SCIENCE

>> No.17353875


>[X] Nope, try giving Mika a call

>> No.17353895


shoot orc with finger lasgun until dead, preferably while staring at slados with a very, very bored expression.

if it goes well, ask if she's done.

>> No.17353904


orc = orb. i'm just drunk.

>> No.17353924
File: 1.99 MB, 260x192, 1288243499051.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

rolled 10 = 10


mfw i can't roll

>> No.17353936
File: 16 KB, 450x333, 1310526155612[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>rolling unpromted

>> No.17353941

“Yeah, no, this isn’t fun.”

You switch out your plasma cannon and shoot the turret.

“I’ve always loved you…” It says before exploding.

You whip out your communicator and dial Mika’s number.

Fuck, she didn’t answer.

After you wait a few seconds, you dial it again.

“Hey, sorry!” You hear Mika exclaim as she answers.

“Oh thank the Emprah…” You sigh in relief.

“…M-max? What’s up?” She asks, surprised at you giving her a call. Its the first time a boy has called her, after all.

“Mika, listen to me very carefully. SLaDOS has dropped me through some kind of trap door and I don’t know where I’m at.” You talk slowly, making sure she hears everything.

“Well… Give me a second here…” You hear her set down the device and start typing.

A door to your right hisses open.

“That’s a secondary access tunnel, follow that and I’ll find you. As for SLaDOS, she’s just bored… I think…”

You take Mika’s advice and walk as quickly as you can through the tunnel. There are several more automated turrets, and though they seem inactive, you blast them with your finger lasgun to make sure they don’t shoot you in the back.

>> No.17353945
File: 136 KB, 400x640, 1322804691888.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Alright, call Mika, we've had enough of these shenanigans.

>> No.17353947



Just.... stop. You want us to shoot orbs and orcs that aren't there, and now you're rolling unprompted.

>> No.17353960

rolled 14 = 14

>capatqcha:(creed, time)

>> No.17353961
File: 177 KB, 640x477, 1323925318132[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Our face next time we see SLaDOS.

>> No.17353964


When we get to her, take her hand and kiss it, all gentlemanly.

Be Suave. Bitches love Suave.

>> No.17353966

Unrelated: Does anyone know what book that actually is? I'm thinking an early Gaunt's Ghosts book, but not sure.

>> No.17353970


Stop. Rolling. Unless. Asked.

>> No.17353975


>A door hisses open to your left, and a white orb like thing turns toward you with its red eye.

orbs that aren't there, eh? way to pay attention. and i thought i was drunk.

also: ok fair enough about the rolling.

>> No.17353983


>When we get to her, take her hand and kiss it, all gentlemanly.

I'm voting for this.

Apologize for being a nuisance, but our arm needed a tune-up.

Not that we wouldn't come back just to see her lovely face, or course.

>> No.17353994

We'll need new pants because she'll RIP US OUT OF THEM!

>> No.17353999



Just fucking perfect.

As shy as she is, being the perfect gentleman will sweep her off her feet.

>> No.17354016
File: 98 KB, 756x731, 1318184715224.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


Pic COMPLETELY related.

>> No.17354029

This plan, I approve of it. Also; we should take her and Rex on a walk through the park. Because D'AWWWWW sequence initiated.

>> No.17354037


Fuck yes.

This whole quest I've been out of my element. Shy nerdy girls are something I can handle.

>> No.17354045

After stumbling through a particularly large and pitch dark section, you manage to trip and fall face first through a doorway.

“Ah!!!” Mika yells in surprise, leaping back to avoid you.
You pick yourself up and dust off your clothes a bit. The tech priestess is facing you, but looking around as if she doesn’t know what to say.

“Well, that was weird.” You finally comment.

You can see a bit of relief on Mika’s face, since you were the one to break the silence instead of her having to.

“Y-yes, SLaDOS is acting very strangely…” She fidgets with the sleeve of her robe.

“Yeah, strange in a homicidal mad heretek way.”

Mika giggles quietly.

“I don’t think she meant it, like I said, I think she’s just bored.”

You grab her hand suddenly, and give it a squeeze with a smile.

“Come on, I brought you some stuff.”

Mika starts walking after you, but her cheeks are completely red and she doesn’t look like she knows what to do.

“You have really soft hands…” You comment as the two of you walk, you rub her hand with a finger, causing her to shiver slightly.

“T-t-they aren’t great, they aren’t even mechanical…” She trails off, looking away.

You raise her hand to your own face, looking it over. Mika has really soft skin, a bit pale, but really its pretty much perfect.

“I don’t know why you would want to replace these, I think they are perfect as is.” You press your lips against her hand, giving it a soft kiss.


Mika jolts in surprise, her face turning back to you, beet red and eyes spinning.

>> No.17354060
File: 70 KB, 800x600, gendo005.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]



My master plan!

Tell her that someone as beautiful and intelligent as her has no reason to be so nervous around us.

>> No.17354072


What SORT of presents?

Something .... Romantic?


>> No.17354073
File: 28 KB, 320x360, 1311124415368[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.17354089


I like how Max's inner monologue apparently consists of 50% maniacal laughter.

>> No.17354100

No, tell her that you love the sound of her voice, and mearly being in her presence brings joy to your life on this miserable planet. Even in hell, an occasional respite will offer itself.

Just consider her a beautiful, semi-mechanical oasis.

>> No.17354102

FUCK! What was that story called? Did it ever get finished? I only remember reading the first couple of threads.

>> No.17354104


All class.

Though I'm honestly scared Papa-N's gonna combine that with >>17353594

For some weapons-grade trolling.

>> No.17354109
File: 613 KB, 1010x572, Tex Richman.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Maniacal Laugh! Maniacal Laugh!

>> No.17354111


Please stop giving him ideas.


>> No.17354119

Your problem with that is? Listen to Trimetrick-The Rage. You'll be in love with Robot Dominatrices in an instant.

>> No.17354133


It's not so much that that worries me, so much as Papa-N activating her trap-card.

And THEN the quasi-rape.

>> No.17354137

You grin as you give it another smooch.

“Ahh!” She pulls away and hides inside her hood.

“Aww come on, don’t be like that…” You put your hands on her shoulders.

“You are really cute, you know.” You pull her hood off, revealing her very embarrassed face and currently untidy hair which is pulled into a hasty ponytail.

“I-I’m not… I’m not cute…” She tries to put her hood back up, but you take both of her hands in your own.

“I’ll be the judge of that. Now come on, I want you to see what I got you!” You start pulling her along lightly, but you notice she’s lagging a bit.

“Something wrong?” You stop and ask.

“It’s n-nothing… I’ve just been on my feet all day…” She says quietly, toying with a strand of her hair with one of her mechanical arms.

“Oh, I can help with that!”

In one swift movement you crouch down, grab her by the thighs, and lift her onto your back.

Mika lets out a startled cry as you stand up, and she wraps her arms around you tightly. All four of them.

“W-ww-what are you d-d-doing?!?!” She stammers.

“Relax, I’m not going to let you fall.” You assure her.
Mika’s face is pressed against your back.

“I-isn’t this hard on you? You should let me down so you don’t strain yourself…”

“I used to do this for my little sister if she was tired out, so It’s no problem.” You turn your neck and smile at her.

>> No.17354151

God DAMN! Max you smooth. Smooth like expensive Vodka.

>> No.17354168


>Papa-N not trollin us.
>Despite grade A material.
>Instead high quality delivery of exactly what we wanted.

I... I shouldn't feel conflicted about this.

>> No.17354182


inb4 "Something pokes you in the back..."

>Hey Mika, do you have a screw driver in your pocket?

>Noooo... Not exactly.....


>> No.17354184

Only you feel something semi-hard pressing into your lower back.

"Hey, uh, Mika? What's hard in your pants?"

Mika jumps slightly, and squeezes you with her legs.

"It-it-its... My penis."

>> No.17354193

OK, trollingdonewithmovingon

>> No.17354194


>Actually beat Papa-N to it.

My face, it hurts from the smiling.

>> No.17354197

Doesn't out Younger sister want our cock like all the other bitches in this dimension and beyond?

I can't remember and I don't feel like going back and looking it up, I might get distracted by all the T&A.

>> No.17354202
File: 55 KB, 621x646, 1302924514979.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.17354204


"Oh really now?"

Pull her/him into a deep passionate kiss.

>> No.17354208

Like a sir.

>> No.17354214


Are you trying to counter-troll?

Or are you trying to take the quest in a new and interesting direction?

>> No.17354217

no, she has her own things to deal with.

>> No.17354219

>/tg/- No matter the genitalia, as long as we're not so lonely.

>> No.17354225

What was it that advice dog always said?
"If its Pretty fuck it, there is no gay"

>> No.17354233


/tg/- Totally gay.

Besides, I think that Max is a is a whammy sexual. Spins it every-where, sees where it goes next, and hopes it doesn't end up screwing him.

>> No.17354236

“…Y-you have a lit-little sister?” She asks, and it feels like she relaxes a bit.

“Yeah, a little brat of one. She likes getting me into trouble, but she’s actually pretty nice to me.” You talk about Helena a bit as you continue to carry her back to the main room.
Finally, after several winding hallways, you’ve arrived.

“~Commissar, so good to see you again!~” SLaDOS sings.

“Please don’t do that again…” You groan back.

You set Mika down lightly on a bench, and despite looking very nervous she doesn’t scoot away after you grab the gifts and sit next to her.

“Here!” You smile as you set a bag in her lap.

She stays frozen for several seconds, before nervously looking to you.

“F-for me? Are… Are you sure…?”

“Come on, I want you to have them, open them up!” You smile reassuringly as you take her hand and lower it down to the bag.

Slowly and quietly she reaches in and pulls something out.

FUCK, how did that get in there?

>> No.17354248


Actually, I think that was Courage wolf.

It went something like "If it's pretty fuck it." "Worry about implications never."

I used to have that pic on my old PC. Made me feel better about my own confused boners.

>> No.17354252

"Well, I just wanted to show you that no matter how many augments, not even these girls can compare to how lovely you are. However, I thought you might like the new servos more."

>> No.17354260

That's the wrong bag! When the hell did I even take this!!

>> No.17354261

Wait now, that isn't right. Must have fallen in there when I was grabbing you your gifts. The REST of the stuff if yours.
Then casually throw the magazine away. You aren't interested int hat stuff.

>> No.17354262



>> No.17354266

Engage pokerface.

>> No.17354269


Oh shit.

Act genuinely surprised.

"I actually have no idea what that is...." Take it from her, flip through it.

"Oh. Oooooh." Turn it sideways on some random ad-page. "Oh, my." Turn it to her. "Custom bolt pistol grips, gonna have to get me some of these."

Poker face. Poker face hard.

>> No.17354270

New thread? Possible OVERTIME or do you want to sleep tonight Papa N?

>> No.17354276


>> No.17354283


"i think I saw that in the lobby, must have fallen in the bag when I was abducted by Slados."

If that fails, shove the magazine down our pants, and our tongue down her throat.

>> No.17354285


Oh yes, work that charm like you did on the Tau.

>> No.17354292


Pokerface, show complete indifference to the magazine.

"I actually have no idea what that's doing in there. the rest of it's yours."

>> No.17354300

Side note, am I the only one reading Max's lines in Steven Blum's voice?

>> No.17354311


I don't know who that is.

>> No.17354312

“Haha, must have grabbed it along with that copy of Gearskull…” You pluck the magazine out of her hands and toss it aside.

She doesn’t look angry though.

Instead, Mika is looking at you out of the top of her eyes, her face angled toward the floor. You can barely see her pupils underneath her hair, but you can tell she’s wearing a faint smile.

“…Anyways, grab out something else.”

She obliges and pulls out the pack of diodes.

“Ahhh~” She stares at them, open mouthed.

“Err… Do you like them…?”

She doesn’t look like she knows what to say.

“I mean, it’s cool if you don’t… Plenty o’ other stuff in there…”

But you stop when you realize she’s grabbed your hand, and you notice her eyes look a little watery.

“Are they a bad thing to gift a tech-priestess? I’m sorry if I’ve offended you or something.”

Mika shakes her head slightly.

“I-I’m not mad. It-it’s just that…”

Her lip is quivering a bit and she’s trembling again.

“N-no one’s ever given me diodes before… I… I don’t know what to s-say…”

>> No.17354319
File: 134 KB, 837x1194, 1319330355129.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

And then she burst into treats.

>> No.17354325

get out of my head GET OUT OF MY HEAAADDDDD

>> No.17354332

Out of nowhere she erupts into sobs.

“Whoa! Hey there, no need to cry!” You put an arm around her shoulders to comfort her and she hides her face in her sleeves.

“Sorry, I must have screwed up.”

Mika shakes her head more violently this time.

“I-it-its not that… I like them… I-I really like them…”

She lowers her sleeves, and despite the tears she’s wearing the biggest smile you’ve ever seen on her.

“It’s the nicest… The nicest thing anyone’s ever given me…”

>> No.17354339

She says that now, wait till he meets Max's little Inquisitor.

>> No.17354341


Slowly put one hand under her chin, and gently tilt it up until she's looking us right in the eye.

Put one hand on the small of her back (Position is important here. Too high and it's a hug, too low and you're groping her ass).

And then just smile, kindly and lovingly.

She will literally THROW herself into our arms.

>> No.17354349

I'm dying from the utter D'AWWWness of this...

>> No.17354352


DO THIS >>17354341

It can/will only end well.

At worst, make out and snuggle. At best, she get's to meet the inquisitor.

>> No.17354368


I support this plan.

>> No.17354371


Best plan.

>> No.17354380



Seriously, this is good shit right here.

>> No.17354383


>> No.17354401

Did the voice of Spike in Cowboy Beebop, and Rodger from Big O and basically every other male lead in Anime.
Also Takatomon from Digimon.

>> No.17354405


I am now.

It is a good sound. Shit I even imagined him looking a bit like Spike / Mugen.

>> No.17354414


Nobody mentions he voiced fucking TOM?

Am I the only one who remembers?!?

>> No.17354424

I remember, I also remeber Jamie from Megas XLR

>> No.17354430

Nope, See ya' later Space Cowboy.

Got me everytime.

>> No.17354431

Papa-N's taking a while to respond to our plan.

This either means he's going to post something big, or he's going to troll us.

>> No.17354448


I too, am nervous.

But then, he might be making an Overtime thread.

>> No.17354450

>impying he can't do both

>> No.17354451


I'm sure hes just fapping to either the real post or the huehuehue.

>> No.17354471


>Implying that's not the most terrifying option yet.

You know he never said or did anything to suggest >>17354184

Wasn't canon. Fits right the fuck in there.

>> No.17354481
File: 36 KB, 640x480, 1311735935411[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.17354485

>still gets me

“B-but… I don’t have anything for you…” Her smile fades a bit.

You laugh, lowering your arm to her back and giving her side a little squeeze.

“Spending some time with me is way better than me giving you some little gifts. And the mechanical arm is pretty awesome.”

She gasps and then beams.

“The arm! I almost forgot, I need to finalize it!”

You don’t protest as she grabs your arm and pulls you to her feet. She looks so happy she’s practically glowing.

She giggles and informs you of some of the technical aspects as she walks you to the workshop. You don’t understand any of it, but you nod and smile. You just like hearing her voice.

Mika pushes open the doors, leading you back into the little shop she’s set up for herself. Rows of assorted gears, strands of wire, a metric fuck ton (actual imperial standard measurement) of tools.

“Um… You’ll need to take your shirt off…” She bites her finger and looks away, embarrassed.

You comply, pulling it off and setting it aside.

She reaches out slowly, her delicate fingers drawing nearer and nearer, finally placing themselves on your chest. She pulls back slightly at the touch, and looks you in the eyes. You smile. She does too.

Gently she pushes you down onto a table, and you lay flat on your back.

She takes your mechanical arm in her own hand and pulls it away from you slightly so she can work on it. Despite the arm being metal, you can still feel the soft caress of her fingers as she places them in different spots along it.

You watch as she works diligently, her eyes matching her content smile. It feels a little strange when she starts adjusting things, despite that, you find yourself enjoying the moment.

Mika hums quietly to herself as she makes minor adjustments, turning a screw here, calibrating a servo there… You can tell she’s enjoying herself too.

>> No.17354497


He was also Cyrus in DoW2, perhaps more recognizable for fa/tg/uys.

>> No.17354505

"Done!" She finally exclaims happily.

Something weird flops down in your mechanical hand, and you look down from her face to see what it is.

Her 9" schlong now rests in your palm, and its rock hard.

>> No.17354512


"Oh my."

Stroke it lovingly.

>> No.17354513


haha, nice one. You really got us, eh?

nice troll, right?

>> No.17354514
File: 71 KB, 500x200, 1305855290718.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>> No.17354515


I am now picturing him as a Non-faggot version of Cyrus, except with even better hair in a more manly style.

>> No.17354522


Right when i took a drink of water.

Dammit George Takei

>> No.17354536


I get the feeling this is the same guy....

>> No.17354542

>implying we didn't want a trap

>> No.17354546


It is.

I just decided not to name fag in case my relative fame drew attention away from the quest.

It always seemed rather rude to me to crash a party like that.

>> No.17354555

>Famous on an anonymous picture board.

Don't get ahead of yourself now. Go back to enjoying the quest like the rest of us.

>> No.17354556


/tg/ - Totally Gay.

>> No.17354558

Double check, maybe she's both?

>> No.17354561


Welp, can't say we didn't see it coming...

>> No.17354567


This is exactly why I took the name off. I only mentioned it because someone called me on it.

Now I will go back to relative obscurity.

>> No.17354570

>Does not see that this is most likely just more huehuehue

>> No.17354580


Let's be fair, do we really give a damn?


So I just did exactly what you were trying to avoid.

My bad.

>> No.17354585

“…There…” She closes a panel and secures it.

“It’s finished.” She smiles sweetly at you.

You start to get up, but her hand stops you. Mika is looking away, biting her bottom lip.

“Actually, there’s one last adjustment I need to make… Can you… Can you close your eyes for just a second?”

You lay back down and shut your eyes.

Soft hair tickles your nose, and it takes everything you’ve got to not open your eyes right the hell now.

You feel soft lips plant a tender kiss on you cheek.

“Eeeek!!!” Mika jumps back, covering her face.

“I-I-I can’t b-believe I just did that!”

You stand back up, grabbing her hands and gently moving them aside.

There isn’t anything you need to say, as you lean in and kiss her. She jumps as your lips touch, but you don’t let her retreat, and after a second she stops trying and one of her mechanical claws softly wraps around you, followed slowly by her hands.

>> No.17354587


>Only one who really cares.

>> No.17354597
File: 180 KB, 480x502, TechPriest.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>Let's be fair, do we really give a damn?

Not all /tg/ likes dickgirls, I suppose, myself included. Always seemed kinda pointless to me. If you want dick, why not just get hot for a guy?

>> No.17354617


Because tits.

And while I'm aware that a lot of /tg/ ight not hunger for cock, enough do and/or are tolerant of it to the point where /tg/ was known as /totally gay/.

>> No.17354635


Oh, don't get me wrong, I don't care what wets a fa/tg/uy's whistle.

Oh also,


I haven't done threads 8-9.5 yet, just had a lot of other shit to do. I'll have them and this one done by tonight, somewhere around 7/8 PM GMT

>> No.17354646

/tg/ seems to appreciate beauty in a different way then other people. How else do you explain attraction to demons and monstrosities that would make the average person shudder?

>> No.17354661



Ah luvs me some Monmusu Quest. Speaking of which, is the english translation for part 2 done yet? MY BODY IS ALMOST READY

>> No.17354666

“Master Abbadon, we’ve arrived…”

Abbadon nods, than has to blow the hair out of his eyes, which are seething in fury.

“Show it to me.”

One of his followers runs his gauntleted hand across the object, wiping away countless millennia of dust.

“…Are you certain this will work master?” Another follower, a sorcerer, asks tentatively.

Abbadon smiles, a mirthless, cold endeavor.

“Certain? Nothing is certain. However if the fools of the chaos gods think they can simply whisk me aside into obscurity, than perhaps it is time I find new gods.”

Abbadon’s heartless laugh echoes throughout the chamber as he peers down at the symbol.

The white and black two-tone skull sneers its toothy grin up at him…

>> No.17354667

Low standards?

>> No.17354678






>> No.17354679

I'm just going to give everyone some fair warning. I'll try to keep doing threads while I play Katawa Shoujo, I really will.

But when Monmusu part 2 gets its translation... You may not see me until I'm finished with at least one run through.

>> No.17354683

>Dem numbers
>Dat Malal

>> No.17354687


I read a really interesting psychology paper on the nature of sexuality once. It talked about how people aren't really attracted to men and women, but more to certain physical and/or psychological traits. It just happens that some occur more in men and some more in women.

It really was an interesting read.

>> No.17354688

Oh Hell ya, Malal be up in this bitch!

>> No.17354689

There was a thread about it on /d/ the other day, and I believe the part 2 translation isn't done yet. I do have the link for the translator's site though. I'm reluctant to post it though, not sure if the mod/bot/whateverthefuck will ban me for posting the link.

>> No.17354692

How much left tonight, I need SOME sleep.

>> No.17354707


What's the guy's username, or alias or whatever? I'll google it.

>> No.17354713

I'm probably going to call it good here tonight, seems like it was a halfway decent thread, and everyone probably needs some sleep.

Also my floodlight is flashing so I think there is an iguana fucking about around my place, so I'm going to stick it with an arrow and enjoy it for lunch tomorrow.

I'll stick around for a bit after if people want to chat, q/a, whatnot. Its a bit too late to go overtime tonight though.

>> No.17354721


Don't worry Papa, I think most of your readers will be busy too.

>in b4 it gives him ideas for more HUEHUEHUE

>> No.17354725

Iguanas? where are you?
anyhow good night

>> No.17354736

Just google roguetranslations. It should be the first result.

>> No.17354738


These bizarre snippets of your life make me wonder just quite what kind of ubermenschen you are, Papa.

>> No.17354773

an undisclosed island in the Florida Keys at a place I inherited down here. Iguanas really surged maybe 4 years ago, but I've been killing them off pretty steadily. Learned from a Jamaican that they actually taste pretty damn good too.

unfortunately it was just a feral cat this time.

>> No.17354781

No overtime tonight papa?

>> No.17354810

eh, its pretty late. My girlfriends dad has been bugging me about wanting to catch some tuna, so now that I've got my boat engine fixed I might give it a go if its not too rough in the evening. My sisters and girlfriend dragged me all over Key West today as well, so I'm beat.

>> No.17354856


>> No.17354900

I MIGHT throw up a thread tomorrow night, but I'm not quite sure yet as it depends on what goes on for me tomorrow...

You awaken from your deep hibernation, your roar petering off into a yaaawwwnnnnn. Fucking bear leaves, you sleep like a ROCK on bear leaves.

Scratching at your flaming head, you awaken a few daemonettes in the process, who smirk up at you and poke you in the belly.

"Right, probably time for breakfast then, is it?"

[ ] cocaine

[ ] cocaine

[ ] cocaine

>> No.17354932


[x] Crepe

>> No.17354939

You wake the other thirty or so daemonettes up, as you stand up and stretch out.

"Yeah, definitely time for breakfast."

You sluggishly wander over to a cupboard and pull out a big box labeled "instant cocaine!"

Pouring yourself a generous portion, you grab the cup and sit down.

You inhale the contents quickly, and it perks you up.


Just as you reach for a second helping, a daemonette slaps your hand away.


She wags her finger at you.

"Don't give me that, you know the doctor said you need to start monitoring your cocaine intake."

She sets down a plate with a crepe on it.


"Naww, I was just fucking with you." =D

You and the daemonettes consume no less than fifteen boxes in an hour or so.

>> No.17354954

We might have to do a Doomrider thread eventually...

Anyways, I'll probably start working on the tsunseer SDT dialogue before the next thread, though it may not be ready by then.

Until next time, you stay classy /tg/

>> No.17354966


Good show

>> No.17355216

If a daemonette creped on a plate for me, I'd eat it. Unless I was just creped out that she frosted it with her butt.

>> No.17355323
File: 92 KB, 694x642, 1315697182637.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


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