/tg/ - Traditional Games

Returning from the world of Taedium, the kill team re-enters the launch bay to find a raucious party going on. All da boyz are celebrating the victory over the Rak'gol.

"WOT IN THE NAME A GORK N' MORK IS GOIN ON IN HERE?" yells Wazgor.
"PROPA FOIGHTIN-AFTERMATH IZ WOT" replies Kroz.
"Oi see nuffin' rong wit a little pahty." adds Grakgut, "If only we culd git sum myoozik..."
Grakgut coughs loudly. "GRAKKAGRAK."

Grakkagrak the manservant rushes out from the crowd.
"Yes, boss?"
"You find da band yet?" asks Grakgut.
"Come see, boss! Dey'z about ta go live!" Grakkagrak replies.
"Dat makes no sense. Dey'z not gunna play myoozik if dey wuz ded..."

Grakkagrak leads the kill team to a large stage, ringed with fire and squig. Grakgut takes the corpse of a rak'gol and sits on it, while 'Eadmangla puts on his rak'gol hat. The curtain rises. Five orks are their with various instruments.
"I'll try ta point'em out to ya, boss." says Grakkagrak.
"Oim listenin'" says Grakgut.
"Da fat git on da drums, 'is name iz Squigloaf. Da git on da bass, 'dats Gurk Kobane. On da lead rokka, ya kan see Basorka, an' next ta 'im iz Da Boy Formerly Known As Nob on da keyboarda. Standin' toward da right iz Dakka Kersplosion, who makes all da myoozik, and da git in da centa..." says Grakkagrak with awe...

"...dey call'im Freddy."
"Freddy? I thot dat git waz jus' a legend" exclaims Grakgut.
"...guess not, boss." says Grakkagrak.

The flames spread as the show begins.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgzGwKwLmgM

The boyz are sitting around watching the show, hooting and hollering, letting out displays of dakka an' choppa. As the first song comes to an end, with a number of 'splodin' squigs going off in the background, the voxcaster starts to buzz.
"Oy, boss! Ya dere?" asks Uzgob.
"Wut. Iz buzy enjoyin' meself. Dis betta be important!" declares Grakgut.
"No, go away." mutters 'Eadmangla, "Myoozik."
"Dats perty 'portant." notes Kroz.
"But da Skanna Jamma's always beepin'!" says Wazgor, "'Ow do you not know dat means itz workin?"

The party reluctantly leaves the concert, and heads toward the Mek Shops.
"Oi, Clarence." says Grakgut on the ride up,
"Whys da 'umiez alwayz sayin' dat... 'fank yoo' an' 'pleeze' an' 'gud job' 'n stuffs?" asks Grakgut, "Oi saw dem say it wit da loights aftah we saved dem frum deze chairs."
"Wot? Dats easy. We'ze beakie." notes Kroz.
"Most humans are completely unable to defend themselves from the various dangers of the galaxy. Working 20 hours a day for a war you will never see tends to weaken a human. " adds Clarence, "They do not get the luxury of fighting like an ork does."
"But why duz dey be sayin' dose tings? We 'elp 'em an' deyz all loik 'FANK YOO DEFFWOTCH'"
"Explaining thanks is difficult. It is kind of like they are happy you were able to do what they could not." says Clarence.
"So da 'umiez loik it wen we take dere foights?" asks Grakgut.
"If da foight's gotten too big fer'em. Like when boyz go to come back 'n win 'nother day." says Kroz.
"Precisely. The common man, unable to defend himself otherwise does, yes." says Clarence.
"...umiez iz weird." sighs Grakgut, "Oill nevah undahstand dem."
Wurrza looks to Clarence with some incredulity. "Never gonna understand oomies, dat's a fact. Wot bozz says 'ain't no fightin,' it's a whole-lot uv mukkin about."

The party finally arrives at the Mek Shops. "Ah, gud ta see ya, boss!" yells Uzgob, "Take a look at dis!" The message begins playing
"This is Agri-world Nebraskus! We require assistance!" a voice says. "The Space Hulk 'Triumph of Unoriginality' has appeared over our skies!"
"Wuts so bad about dat Space 'ulk?" asks Grakgut.
"DAT SOUNDS OMIN-MOUSSE. WIF A NAME LOIKE DAT... MOAR BEAKIES?" posits Kroz.
"We looted da krooza from a Space 'ulk, din'nt we?"
"We are defenseless here! Every time this space hulk has appeared, worlds have gone silent! We don't want to be next!" the voice cries. "Please, hel-" the signal cuts out.
"Guess dis ting be lootin' dat 'umiez frum da 'umiez!" says Grakgut.
"Space 'Ulks always got a good fight, boss." says Uzgob, "Neva know who ya gonna fight on'em."
"We culd foind anutha ship on it!" says Grakgut.
"DAT SETTOLZ IT. 'TENSION ALL 'ANDS OF DA LOOTED KROOZA. DA TRI-UMPHS OF UNORIGINALITY IZ DA NEXT PLACE FER WAAAGH! 'NITIATIN JUMP!" yells Kroz.
"Ere we go!" screams Wurrza.

Da Looted Krooza shakes as it enters the warp. The trip to the world of Nebraskus is actually relatively calm, except for odd signals on the searchy gubbinz.
"YOUZE." yells Kroz, ""YOUZE GOT 'WAY LAST TIME, BUT NOT DIS ONE!" Da Looted Krooza once again begins firing into the void.

In the downtime of warp travel, 'Eadmangla grabs his new grot assistant Dak, and passes him a hellgun. They head to the lower levels and practice marksmanship. Dak does decently, but not under pressure, especially when 'Eadmangla tosses a face-eater squig at him and expects him to shoot it.

Meanwhile, Grakgut heads to the Painbay. He reasons that if nobody can see anything on the searchy gubbinz, he'll make something that can. He grabs about 6 grots, and the Torso with legs from Skarfang. He then proceeds to graft the six grots in a ring where the neck stump once was, so they can see in all directions.
"NOW DIS GIT IZ GUNNA SEE ERRYTING!" states Grakgut triumphantly.
Duct Taping a bunch of grots to the ork, it barely registers. You see the grots all trying to move the body in different directions. As it stumbles, they start bickering amongst one another
"OI YOO GITZ. WORK DA GETHA!" Grakgut yells.
Grakgut then attempts some minor brain surgery to link their minds together. Unfortunately, this is quite difficult, and even Grakgut fails at this. He fries one of the grots' brains, as the five remaining are all screaming, attempting to move the body in unison towards the door.
"DON'T YOO RUN AWAY FRUM ME! GRAKGUT AIN'T KILLED NO PASHUNT YET!" yells Grakgut angrily, "OI NEED SUMFIN' STRONGA!"
Grakgut rushes to the voxcaster.
"OY! ANY UV YOO GITZ A NOB YET?" he yells.
"Uh, dun fink so, boss." says one of the boyz.
"GAAAAH! GRAKGUT AIN'T GUNNA FAIL DIS WUN." It is now a matter of personal honor.
Grakgut grabs the grot-monstrosity and runs towards the zappy bitz in the enjin room. The grots are screaming.
"UZGOB. GIT ME DAT KOMPUTAH TING. NOW." says Grakgut, " AN' 'EAD TO DA ENJINZ. WE NEEDZ MO' POWAH"
After a few minutes, Uzgob rides with Clarence to the Engines. He has a cogitator with him. Grakkar is there as well. "I dun wanna miss dis!" he says.

"GROT BRAINZ TOO SMALL. TOO WEAK. WE NEEDZ METAL BITZ. AN' MO' POWAH. WE GUNNA MAKE DIS DA SMARTEST GROT TO EVAH WAAAAGH." states Grakgut, "DEN NO ORK IZ GUNNA SAY DAT GRAKGUT FAILED MEDIK SKOOL AGAIN!"
Grakgut connects all the grot brains to the cogitator, using the computer as a central processor type thing. He then fashions the grots in a sphere around it, and sticks it onto the ork body for good measure before finally shocking the hell out of it to give it life. After a difficult medicae and tech use, Grakgut successfully integrates the Cogitator into the CyGrot. It buzzes and whirrs.
"Iz...iz...iz youze alive?" asks Grakgut.
"bzzzz...btt...wot."
"Yoo git. Tell me wut youze name iz."
"wwwwwhrrr....wot."
"YUR NAME YOO GIT."
"zzzzzz....wot."
Grakgut sighs. "If youze name iz wot, den foin. Wot, TELL ME WUT IZ FOLLOWIN' UZ OUTSIDE DA SHIP!"
"bzzzzz....whirr....machine noises....unknown anomaly detected. Unknown anomaly disappeared."
"Hm. 'ow far kan youze see tings?" asks Grakgut.
"zzzzzz....we kan see stuff fine, boss..." the Cygrot says. All five grot heads turn to Grakgut simultaneously.
"Dats kreepy..." mutters "Eadmangla.
"Den tell me... uhh... informashun about da place weez 'eadin to." says Grakgut.
"krzzzz....Nebraskus, Agriworld, no dakka...bzzzzzzzz...Space Hulk above'em..." buzzes the Cygrot, "btttt....no info available..."
The cogitator starts smoking as the Cygrot powers down.
"Uzgob. Make shure dis ting dun git borked." says Grakgut as he walks off.
"Right, boss..." says Uzgob. He ties a rope to it and drags it off. He doesn't want to touch it.

The Looted Krooza begins shuddering as it exits the warp. It proceeds to enter orbit over the world of Nebraskus. The Kill Team can see the endless fields of growing plants, even from spess.

"Oi 'erd dis place wuz all grox-squig 'n grass" says Grakgut, "Mo' borin' den dat 'umie myoozik."

Off the port side of the Looted Krooza appears the massive form of the space hulk Triumph of Unoriginality. The Triumph of Unoriginality is TITANIC. It makes the Looted Krooza look like a raider in comparison. Dozens of ships fused together in a ball of jumbled metal.

"Wundah why itz named dat." asks Grakgut.
"Cuz uvva names ain't kunnin' 'nuff." replies Kroz.
"Letz jus' git on dis ting. Or meybe jus' blow it up frum 'ere?" poses Grakgut.
"BLOW IT UP? YOU GIT, DATS OUR TREASURE!" says Kroz.
"DEN WHY'RE WE MUCKIN' ABOUT FER? LETZ GO!" replies Grakgut.

The kill team starts scanning for a place to dock. Grakgut and Wurrza both find one.
"Go datta way!" says Wurrza.
"No! Datta way!" yells Grakgut as he points at the spot he found.
"It's DATTA WAY!" says Wurrza as he points at his spot harder.

Kroz decides to dock at Grakgut's point, and manages to bring the Looted Krooza down. There is a grinding as the Looted Krooza docks with the Triumph of Unoriginality. The access point appears to be through the Boyz' Barracks. Clarence brings the Kill Team toward the access point. It seems a majority of the boyz have already rushed onto the Space Hulk. The Kill Team heads through the docking passage.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qbhelu0X_Wk

Uzgob keeps The Looted Krooza in decent shape. As the Kill Team begins to leave the leave the Looted Krooza and enter the Hulk, they notice the lights flickering and the metal creaking.

"wez dunt 'no wuts on duh ship, soz i sez, i scout a'headz" says 'Eadmangla.
"CLANG CLANG CLANG" goes 'Eadmangla as he fails sneaking, staying flush with the wall, forgetting his armor is metal.
"Soft az a 'ard boy'z singin'..." sighs Grakgut.
"WHYS IT SO DARK?" Wazgor yells, in an attempt to be stealthy.

Passing through ancient rusted hallways and darkened corridors, the kill team wonders how deep this goes. Continuing on, they see one corridor glowing with a blue light.
"... WOT. YOU CAN'T BE FINKIN DAT..." starts Kroz.
"Got a selection of good things on sale, stranger..." says the Merchant.
"'OW'D YA GET 'ERE?" asks Kroz.
"I get around, stranger, heh heh heh..."

Wurrza picks up some Preysense Goggles. Wazgor manages to get an Omnissian Power Axe. 'Eadmangla decides to get a Best Quality Pulse Rifle with Mo' Shooty Upgrade. Grakgut, surprisingly, acquires a suit of Mega Armor, good quality meaning it's been roughly kustomized to look like Terminator armor. And Kroz?

Kroz finally gets a pulse rifle, though an Ammo Glutton.

As a team, they acquire a manufactorum for their ship, to assist with repairs.

"Thank you, stranger..." The Merchant then turns around and walks through a nearby door. Grakgut walks over to the door as it closes.

It's a broom closet. Empty.

Deciding to head deeper into the Space Hulk, 'Eadmangla tries to find a set of vents, but unfortunately fails. Grakgut punches a hole in the wall, revealing one, which 'Eadmangla hops into. 'Eadmangla gets his sneak on as he takes point in the vents, while the rest of the team follows down the hallways. As 'Eadmangla travels down the vent, his subdued clanging suddenly turns to squishing, though still very quiet. Everyone in the main hallway also begins making squishing.

"It looks like da drops o...some squishy dropsy bugthing" notes Wurrza.

Looking around, there's this strange brownish yellow muck about. It's covering the floor first, then the walls and the ceiling too. Grakgut attempts medicae, and notes this biomass...seems to be made of various bits of flesh broken down into a sort of slurry. He can identify bits of 'umie at times, bits of other creatures at other times. The quiet is interrupted by a sudden screech through the halls. As if that wasn't bad enough, one of the walls suddenly explodes. Crawling out are these weird...things - tiny tentacled balls of metal and flesh. A massive swarm of them. As well, down the hall, the kill team sees a trio of running figures. As they get closer, they appear to be 'umies, but...rotted out.

"DEZE 'UMIEZ AIN'T ROIGHT!" yells Grakgut.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llC8DOBE9vk

The Slaught begin their attack. The swarm of Slaught Infection Forms engulf Grakgut, but fail to hit him. The three Slaught Combat Forms begin firing with plasma repeaters. One is taken out with concentrated pulse fire, as the other two begin advancing.

"DEY SMELL WORSE DEN DA SQUIG PEN!" yells Grakgut.
"WOT? DATZ... DATZ PERTY BAD." replies Kroz.

Then Wurrza decides to Push. Perils later, the hall begins to rain blood and Kroz is knocked on his ass. Luckily, one of the plasma repeaters overheats, and the Slaught Combat Forms can be taken care of no problem. Wurrza's burna does major damage to the swarm on Grakgut, and the swarm is finished off by mega-armored power klaw.

"WAAAAAAGH!" yells Grakgut as he punches out the last of the Slaught Infection forms.
"DATS ROIGHT BOYZ, KRUMP'EM LIKE DA KREWE SEZ IZ GUD!" says Kroz.
The kill team hears more screams all around them, however. Nearby windows to the void show them crawling all over the surface of the hulk.
"Deze tings are errywhere. We shuld blow diz place." says Grakgut.
"Where da rest o' da boyz anyway?" asks Wurrza.
"WUT IF DEY GIT ON DA LOOTED KROOZA?!" yells Grakgut in sudden enlightenment, "KALL DA BOYZ BACK. WE GOTTA BLOW DIS TING UP!"
"We 'ear ya, boss! Deze slaught gits are everywhere!" says Pliskin over the voxcaster, "We'ze 'eadin' back."

The kill team decides to leg it. Retracing their steps, they come to a dead end. Except...that end wasn't dead when they last passed through it, and it sure as hell wasn't covered in yellow muck. Grakgut manages to cut partway through the wall, making a hole. Unfortunately, it's not big enough for an ork, and the hole already seems to be...regrowing. Wurrza takes his burna, and singes the renegerating parts, which stop regenerating. Grakgut opens it the rest of the way, and they continue on.

"Wen derez a door, make anutha door!" exclaims Grakgut, "Jus' loik surjery!"
"Oy boss!" yells Uzgob over the vox, "I fink I know a shortcut!"
"POINT US AT IT ROIGHT NOW!" yells Kroz.
"Jus' continue on, den make a right, dat'll put ya straight back to da krooza!"

Heading through the hole, the kill team is rushing through the hallways. They make a right, just as Uzgob said. Continuing down this new hallway, the kill team notices the floor getting thicker with that slaught biomass. As the Kill Team reaches the end, they look up to a spacious room.

The Warp Core.

"Weze gotta blow it." says Grakgut.
"Itz gonna be a pretty big boom..." says Kroz.
"Wait, if we zog da core, how we supposed ta loot the ship?" asks Wazgor.
"Dunno. Why don'cha ask da rotted 'umies?" quips Kroz.

As the kill team approaches the core, a voice rumbles through the darkness. The biomass around the kill team begins to shift around the warp core.

"THE SLAUGHT KNEW NOT WHAT THEY HAD WROUGHT WHEN THEY CREATED ME..."
"MIND AND BODY WILL JOIN ME, INSTEAD OF ROAMING FREE."

"...wot." says Kroz. "Ain't dat git a Slaught?"
"DIS MUCK BE MEDIKALLY IMPLAUZIBLE!" exclaims Grakgut.

Sinews of biomass curl around the warp core as one of the Tentacles turns to the Kill Team.

"JOIN YOUR CORPSE TO MINE, AND SING OF TIMELESS VICTORY," says the largest tentacle of the Slaught Compound Mind.
"OI AIN'T JOININ' WIT NO GIT!" replies Grakgut.

Multiple insectoid Slaught Pure Forms enter the core, as the Kill Team readies themselves against this new enemy. Wurrza notes something odd about the compound mind, but can't quite figure it out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpOVKbM7vlA

The Compound mind unfurls its tentacles. Sustained Pulse Fire damages it heavily, but the real damage to the Kill Team comes from the Slaught Pure Forms. One skitters forward, morphing into a hulking monstrous form as it smashes directly into Wazgor. Another morphs into a fleshy protrusion that shoots lances of biomass at Grakgut, which even his Mega Armor has trouble defending against. AS Wazgor and Grakgut work on the Pure Forms, Kroz, 'Eadmangla, and Wurrza begin attacking the Compound mind, which itself retaliates with its toxic tentacles.

And Wurrza once again decides to Push. This time, it's only Shadow in the Warp, and everyone gains a few insanity points. However, his Ork Bolts fly at the Compound mind...and fizzle. Wurrza once again tries psyniscience. He looks deep into the Compound mind...and sees nothing there.

"Da boyz got Gork n' Mork, da 'umies got dere Empz, but dis git ain't got nuffin!" yells Wurrza, "Rokk'im!"

Enough concentrated pulse fire can kill anything. 'Eadmangla takes aim at the Compound mind, and lets out a single called shot. It hits straight in its talking tentacle. It shudders for a moment, and then it starts talking again.

"NOW THE GATE HAS BEEN UNLATCHED, HEADSTONES PUSHED ASIDE,"
"CORPSES SHIFT AND OFFER ROOM, A FATE YOU MUST ABIDE..."

"HAHAHAHAHA YOUZE ALL LISPY NOW!" yells Kroz.
"i shot em up... but i dun loiuk wut 'e said!" says 'Eadmangla.
"'least ya shut it up!" replies Grakgut.

The warp core suddenly starts shaking.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Unkrc1saV2A

"Warp levels critical. Energy spike rising. Evacuate immediately." says the hulk's voxcaster.
"GIT OUTTA 'ERE LADZ!" yells Grakgut.
Running through the halls toward the Looted Krooza, the kill team is chased by countless Slaught pure forms. Firing wildly behind them, they finally reach the passageway into the Looted Krooza. Uzgob has rallied some of da boyz to lay supressive fire, and by that I mean fire down the hallway and maybe something will get shot. As the kill team hops through the closing bulkheads like bosses, Wazgor gets one last shot with his melta and fries a bunch of Slaught infection forms. Clarence shows up, and brings the kill team to the bridge.

"GIT US OUTTA 'ERE! DA TINGS GUNNA TAKE US WIT IT!" yells Grakgut.
Kroz disengages Da Looted Krooza as the Macrobatteries and lances are pounding the hulk. But it seems the explosions are coming from inside. After a bit of rumbling, the Space Hulk blows up in a massive ball of plasma and warp energy. Most of the debris seems to be burning up in atmosphere. The Slaught do not have Dispersal Pods, it seems. You do see some slaught burning in the atmosphere, but it seems most of them were sucked in when the warp core went nuclear.

Wazgor, Grakgut, and 'Eadmangla notice various bits floating outside, probably from the space hulk. 'Eadmangla goes outside to get a piece of the broken warp core as a souvenier.

Don't you stop don't you ever fucking stop

The voxcaster picks up a signal.
"N...noble Space Marines, have you come to deliver us?" a human voice says.
"Wuts dis git mean?" asks Grakgut.
"WE'ZE BLOWN UP DAT HULK, TINY 'UMIE." says Kroz.
"Oh...I...that was you, I...Thank you, Space Marine, for saving us all here!" says the voice. "All of Nebraskus will never forget you!" it says.
"Mehy duh Emprah watch ova ya?" says 'Eadmangla.
"DA EMPRUH ALWAYS SEZ: YOUZE GETTIN SAVED IS DELICIOUS. BUT DA BEST PART OF DA ENJOYABLES IS DA WAITIN FER IT. YOUZE HAVE A GUD FOIGHT NOW. LOOTED KROOZA, OUT." says Kroz.

As 'Eadmangla hangs his trophy on his wall, and Grakgut begins checking the boys for slaught infection, we called it there.

> 'Eadmangla goes outside to get a piece of the broken warp core as a souvenier.
like... with a void suit?

Overall, Pushing is hilarious.

Also, I completely forgot that the Compound mind had Fear 3. I keep forgetting to call for fear tests. I'm gonna write it on my wall or something, so I remember for next time.

>>16738650

He held his breath.

>>16738662
now dats orky!

>>16738662

>>16738662
I love it.

Slaugth would decimate my dark heresy party.

>>16738730

Just about anything will decimate a Dark Hershey party. It's like sandblasting a soupcracker.

This is just... A new level of awesome.

I counted the syllables. He actually keeps to Trochaic Hexameter. I'm surprised.

Overall next session should have a bit more humor in it. This one was more or less (a bad attempt at) horror.

>"zzzzzz....we kan see stuff fine, boss..." the Cygrot says. All five grot heads turn to Grakgut simultaneously

>>16738877
Cygrot will be GLORIOUS! ....I hope.

>>16738969

All things considered, Grakgut has only one spare part left - Skarfang's head. All the rest of the parts were used.

>>16738825

I count seven feet per line, at least in the last two.

Also, this is a fucking awesome idea. How does the merchant work? Do they make profit factor tests, or what?

>>16738982

They tell the Merchant the item they want, the quality, and what they're trading in. Then they roll Profit Factor based on those conditions. Failure means you don't get the item. Success means he pulls it out of his coat or a nearby box. So essentially it's a normal Acquisition test. It's just the Merchant is a walking Armory.

It's a simple system because I'm lazy as fuck.

Best part was when he named the dice-maid John Madden.

There was much praying to Gork, Mork, and FOOTBALL. John Madden smiled upon us that day.

Wazgor here.

Incase anyone was wondering, this is pretty much verbatim of what happens. He maybe edits a thing or two for grammar and format, but nothing changes.

bump

bump for late night

DEM WARP SHIP ECK OOS IZ FROM DEM POINTY GITS DA FOOTURS. IZ'LL MAKE DA KROOZA FAST'NUFF TA CATCH DEM SOON 'NUFF. DEYZ STOP LAUGHIN AT ORKSEZ DEN.

We totally forgot to steal those infected's plasguns though. That's an oops on our part.

Now to figure out how to arm and armor Squire Boldo...

Seconding what Wazgor sez 'ere. Though some of the longer chats get cut, but that's probably for the best as kroz rants and the cod-deck's empruh quotes are pretty horrible. Some near-OOC things also get the chop, far as I can tell. Story's all there.

Ork toughness makes for a wonderful SOP in regards to getting swarmed by small things. Forget spoor targeters, forget being careful with your aim. Just unload directly AT the writhing mass with the ork caught under it, and you'll probably clean him off with nary a scratch to the greenskin. If you've got ten 'umies piled up on you trying to stab you to death, a friend with flamers is a friend indeed.

You think a half-powered hexagramatic ward upgrade would be snazzy as a bomma jacket? Or should we go all the way into the horribleness 'dakka rangers' spandex colors on our armor upgrades? Pretty sure that would at least inflict Fear 1...

This persists to be the best goddamn thing on /tg/. The best. Thing. Ever. You and da boyz is awesome.

>>16738602
The only complaint I have with this, and it's not even related to Deffwotch, it's Stephen Harper ruining that picture. That's why Canada can't have nice things, cause he always looks bad.

>>16741917

par for the course for canada?