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/tg/ - Traditional Games


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[ERROR] No.16664213 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

SPESS MEHREENS! TODAY, THE CUSTOMERS ARE AT OUR DOORS! WE KNOW OUR BURGERS, AND WE WILL COOK THEM! WE FRY FOR OUR HONAH AS BLUD REVENS, AS SPESS MEHREENS, AND WE FRY IN THE NAME OF THE EMPRAH!

IF WE FEHL AN ORDAH, WE WILL MAKE IT AGAIN AND GIVE A DISCOUNT! BUT WE WILL NOT FEHL, NO, IT IS THE CUSTOMER WHO WILL TASTE OUR DELICIOUS EMPRAH BURGAHS.

AS YOU KNOW, MOST OF OUR BATTLE BURGERS ARE STORED IN SPESS, PREPARED TO DEEP FRY! OUR LARDERS HAVE BEEN PREPARED SHOULD THE CUSTOMERS BE SO BOLD AND FOOLISH TO COME BACK FOR SECONDS! WE HAVE PLACED MULTIPLE FRYCOOKS ALLOWING FOR MULTIPLE, SIMMULTANEUS DEVAHSTATING DEEP FRIES.

THE CODEX CLOGGEDARTERIES NEMES THIS MANUVAH HEART PAIN! WE WILL DESCEND UPON THE BURGAHS, AND OVERWHELM THEM, LEAVE NONE UNFRIED! MEANWHILE, OUR CASHIERS WILL ENSURE THE DEFENSE OF OUR HEADQUARTERS!

WE ARE THE SPESS MEHREENS! WE ARE THE EMPRAH'S FRYCOOKS!

>> No.16664233

I have no reaction image to express how good this is.

>> No.16664251 [DELETED] 

>MFW

>> No.16664263

>my battle face when

>> No.16664272

I'm hungry now.

>> No.16664278

thecodexastartesdoessupporthisaction.jpg

>> No.16664289

>> No.16664292

>> No.16664297

THEY HIDE THEIR BURGERS IN CARTON BAWKSES! THE COWARDS! THE FOOLS! WE SHALL... TAKE THEIR CARTON BAWKES AWAY!

>> No.16664298

Instant classic.
What was your inspiration, OP?

>> No.16664303

I read it in Boreal's voice.

>> No.16664306

>>16664213

>> No.16664319

>>16664297
>carton
You mean cardboard.

Still, I see what you were going for and I like it.

>> No.16664355

Oh lord

>> No.16664359

pic related.

>> No.16664398

Manager Boreale. Customers in our perimeter.

>> No.16664420

Coincidentally, I've just reached that mission in SS.

>> No.16664424

>>16664355
Don't lose your head bro.

>> No.16664425

Jolly good OP,here's something for your trouble

>> No.16664432

Oh emperor, this is truly ingenius

>> No.16664435

Epic

>> No.16664450

I made a noise somewhere between wheezing and giggling.

What really does it for me is the idea of some franchise so mind-bogglingly vast that you have to store the excess burgers IN SPACE

>> No.16664462

>>16664425
>>BattleBurgers.

I think my heart just crapped out

>> No.16664473

>>16664298

I just wondered what Boreale's career would be like before he joined the Emperor.

>>16664425

saved to dox :)

>> No.16664492

Uh, um, uh...
Can I get a number VII, primarch-sized, with a Valhallan Freezy-Treet?
Dine in, please.

>> No.16664500

This
is
AMAZING

>> No.16664514

>>16664213
>EMPRAH BURGAHS

My goal in life is now to make one of these.

>> No.16664549

OUR CHAPTER IS LED BY RETARDS.

>> No.16664572

>THE CODEX CLOGGEDARTERIES NEMES THIS MANUVAH HEART PAIN!

I lost it. Hard

>> No.16664576

>>16664213
Holy balls.

This makes me want to go and get a job at a burger joint just so I can come in and bellow this in its entirety when I start my first shift.

>> No.16664591

*meanwhile, across the sector*

Welcome to Greater Goodburger, home of the Greater Goodburger, may I take your order?

>> No.16664601

>>16664591

>> No.16664618

Health Inspection! The purity of this establishment has been called into question!!

There is no cleanliness, only varying degrees of filth!

>> No.16664638

>>16664618

I wish I could find that as hilarious as I know, deep down, it really is.

But at the same time, I've worked in a deli that had one of those kinds of health inspectors roll through and it only brings the fiery rage of a short-order cook to my heart.

>> No.16664654

I am now placing this in the same universe as Murder Burger.

And no one can stop me.

>> No.16664658

>>16664638

Truer words. I work at a pizza place, where I have learned "clean" is a very relative term.

>> No.16664744

>>16664492
that would be 29.95 credits ,brother.

>> No.16664749

Oh oh god.

ChefHammer 40k?

/tg/, in the name of all that is good, this idea must be worked out.

>> No.16664761

>>16664744
Your sketch hand works fast. Very fast

>> No.16664768

>>16664744

>> No.16664772

rolled 62 = 62

>>16664744

Mmmm, That's a tasty burger.

>> No.16664773

>>16664744

Goddamnit do you have like a site to house your sprites, I envy you so.

>> No.16664793

>>16664744
Fucking awesome

>> No.16664803

>>16664772
I also recommend trying out our newest beverage- the Geneseed Juice! Feel the fury of the Primarchs in every sip!

>> No.16664807

>>16664618

I DO NOT KNOW WHY I CAN RESIST THE TOUCH OF THE DEEP FRIER.

BUT I SWEAR I WILL DISCOVER THE TRUTH.

>> No.16664809

What other establishments are there? Kroot Fried Material? Thacork Bell? Harlequin In The Box?

>> No.16664828

McGuard

No one goes there voluntarily, the food is atrocious but you are forced to eat it at gunpoint by Comissar Flavour.

>> No.16664830

>>16664809

New Guardsman Pizza.
McSister's.

>> No.16664844

>>16664213
The Spice Marines.

>> No.16664845

>>16664828
Comissar Flavour's look is inbetween a classical Comissar and a Maitre'd

>> No.16664847

>this whole thread

>> No.16664848

Looks like /co/ finally has some competition now.

>> No.16664849

>>16664809
The Orks wouldn't run a fast food joint, they'd have one of those restaurants with a bunch of random crap on the walls. Or at least the Deathskulls would.

>> No.16664862

inb4 metal bawkses

>> No.16664872

rolled 6 = 6

Eldar run small coffee-shops, where they have poetry-readings and folk performers.

They close down every few weeks when they become to mainstream, and all the lesser races start showing up. Then they just open another, and the cycle continues.

>> No.16664893

>>16664872
Actually, because of the farseers that run these places, they close long before any double mon-keighs show up.

>> No.16664899

During the Burger Heresy, the greatest sous chef of all, Horus, burgermaster of the Mc'Imperium and second only to the Emperor, the greatest chef of all, was troubled.

The Emperor denied that the secret sauce existed. The Emperor insisted upon using the tried and tested methods of burger preparation. Only cold hard scientific fact was used in the cooking, and the cooking was fine indeed.

The Emperor personally trained 20 of his greatest cooks. The Frymarchs. They were the greatest and would lead a crusade across the world, setting up franchises in every city and bringing the McImperium cuisine to the masses.

But then the forces of CHAOS intervened, wary of the upstart McImperium and the new strange ways of the wok, they kidnapped the primarchs and cast them throughout the world. Each, afflicted with incredible amnesia, landed in a different part of the world. But each Frymarch quickly displayed their near mythical talent for the kitchen and soon became the dominant champion in the cuisine of their region.

>> No.16664903

I heard there were gift mugs with every purchase here, am I correct?

>> No.16664915

>>16664903

As in, every time you come here one of your mugs is gifted to us? That's correct.

>> No.16664921

>>16664915
YOU
YOU ARE HERE
ALL IS LOST
ABANDON THREAD

>> No.16664926

>>16664809

Tau Bell: Think Outside the Imperium.

>> No.16664929

>>16664899
Oh God.

Fulgrim - French Artisan chef. Only the most perfect of fois grais was created from his gifted touch.
Ferrus Manus - the Iron Chef. Uses an incredible array of machinery to create cuisine.
Lorgar - The High Priest of Food. Believes that food itself is the sustenance of the soul.
Angorn - Angry steakmaster. Can grill a steak with his pure fury.

>> No.16664930

Dark Eldar don't have fast food joints. Only Titty Bars, S&M clubs, and Daycare Centers.

>> No.16664937

Anything the Orks run will have to serve drinks.
"Barkeep, I have problem!"
"An' wot'z at?"
"There are bullets in my drink!"
"But uv kourz! Youze ordurd a dakkary, dinn't ya?"

>> No.16664946

>>16664937
Oh, ow. Weapons-grade pun, that.

>> No.16664950

>>16664930
And Daycare S&M Titty Bars.

>> No.16665008

I laughed so hard

>> No.16665072

>>16664844
>Get off me ship, spice marine!
So THATS how you write out accents

>> No.16665081

>>16664946
>dakkary pun
>weapons-grade pun
PUNCEPTION.

>BWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHGHGGGGGG

WE HAVE TO GO DEEPER!

>> No.16665098

>>16664929
Vulkan: Master of the flame grill. Expert at extra-well done meat.
Sanguinius: Cooks his meat so that it retains the delicious juices inside.
Rogal Dorn: Makes his food extra spicy. As in, it hurts to eat.
Mortarion: Don't... don't eat anything he serves. Trust me.
Leman Russ: Heating your meal is for pussies. Serves his meat raw and unseasoned.
Alpharius: It tastes like meat, it smells like it, it feels like it, it is cut like it, but it's not meat. Master of the vegetarian kitchen.
Jaghatai Khan: His Steak Tatare is the stuff of legends.
Magnus the Red: When you walk up to the counter, he'll give you exactly what you wanted, without the need to wait for your meal to be prepared.

>> No.16665121

I love this thread so much I wish I could hug it.

>> No.16665122

>>16664929
>Iron Chef
I beg to differ

>> No.16665129

>>16665098
>Magnus the Red: When you walk up to the counter, he'll give you exactly what you wanted, without the need to wait for your meal to be prepared.
Before the Heresy, that was exactly how all restaurants on Prospero worked.

>> No.16665134

>"Ya see, Regunal Managa' Gorgutz? this 'erez da cleanest and bestest Ork'rant dat's evah served an ork."

"Oi, is dat so den?"

>"Ain't no 'umies evah worked in 'ere eva! Wif da Rokclaw Distrik all 'round us, dey'z only one lot in."

>"Even if dey waz ta' open up, they'd have all da boyz ta' feed. An' da Nobz. An da tank driva's den dere's da Squiggoff."

"Say dey serve all dat?"

>"Dat'z when we get dem with da Flya' Bommaz."

"Hmmph."

>"We got workaz workin' day an' night. Nobody but an Ogryn gets us ta close wiffout we servin' 'em and feedin' dem da smivvereens from da fryaz."

"Boss! Boss! Dere'z eldaly in da' store."

>"Wot? In da store? We gotta serve 'em fore dey reach max'mum cappazity. Da coffee! Stir da coffee! Get it!"

"Wot'z dis 'ere max'mum capazity?"

>Ork staff wakes up, chugging coffee by the dozens.

>"Drink da coffee!"

>"We gotta keep it unda' max'mum capazity!"

"Humph, bestest Ork'rant evah, huh?"

>> No.16665136

Arbiet Mach Fry!

>> No.16665150

>>16665098
>Magnus the Red
Also Kebabs

>> No.16665156

>>16665134
And thus the great breakfast rush of Kaurava began.

>> No.16665166

>>16664872

Wait, does that make Slaanesh Starbucks?

(inb4 someone decides to rename it Starfucks in Slaanesh's honour...)

>> No.16665195

>>16664213
Oh God yes

I remember being in that thread when it went on that food tangent. It was so long ago, why did it take this long to show back up?

>> No.16665223

>>16664929

No way, Russ would be the fucking steak master. Wild boar on a spear and over open fire... mmmhm tasty!

>> No.16665243

>Imperium
Fast food burger joints
>Eldar
Upscale cafes/pasty shops
>Orkz
Biker bars with deff skullz above the doors and pun laden drinks
>SoB - Dairy Cannoness
A mix of cool treats and firey eats.
>Necrons
Ancient as shit ma and pa sit down restaurant.
>Tyranids
Mobile food vans that sell fucking everything. Most of it is in a liquidized state even when it should not be. Burritos so wet they hand it to you in a cup.

>> No.16665252

>>16665223
Won't he sell hot dogs?

>> No.16665255

somebody put this thread on archive!

>> No.16665272

Come on down to Papa Nurgle's All-You-Can-Eat Southern Style BBQ! Now with 23 different disgusting flavors of ass-ruining chicken wings.

>> No.16665281

>>16665252

ba-dum tish indeed!

>> No.16665282

>>16665243
I imagine the Eldar are the ones behind that whole cupcake trend.

>> No.16665285

>>16665243

You could do a Primachs-style variant list for what the different Necron Lords would cook now, too.

>> No.16665296

>>16665272

I feel like the Chaos Gods would run four different franchise chains, all subsidiaries of Chaos Undivided Corporation.

>> No.16665300

>>16665255
Someone did. Go vote for it. It's called Battle Burger.

>> No.16665317

>>16665300

Your post reminded me of the Simpsons episode with Hank Scorpio. When they watch that tape about the town and it's all "I wish someone would clean up this garbage town."

"Someone did."

And the hobo transforms into a mailbox.

>> No.16665333

rolled 39 = 39

>>16665296

Tzeentch would be like one of those new-generation chefs, that use liquid nitrogen, and all their food is like distilled vapor of ginger served over the essence of vanilla on a tiny plate with a sprig of parsley.

>> No.16665341

So would the Tau have:

>sushi/chinese takeaway shit

or >'Greater Good' vegetarian restaurants?

>> No.16665356

>>16665341

I say Khorne gets a hibachi grill. He could make some sweet onion volcanoes.

>> No.16665380

>deep frying burgers

>> No.16665420

Tau. Proletariat special. Bread and Water.
Proletariat breakfast special. Toast and water.

>> No.16665440

>>16665252
SPACE DOGS at your local Blood Bowl Arena. Watch Leman Russ serve you space dogs and beer.

>> No.16665450

But who handles the tacos?

>> No.16665485

>>16665450
Crimson Fists?

>> No.16665499

>this entire thread

>> No.16665506

>>16665450

Nurgle.

Slaneesh handles desserts, like super triple-fudge caramel nut deep-fried twinkies over rum0doused rumcake. With a side of cocaine.

>> No.16665512

>>16664213
Wasn't this in a thread about a month ago?
Why are you reposting?

>> No.16665522

>>16665506

>> No.16665525

>>16665243
so basically..Nids would sell ice cream out of everything?

>> No.16665530

Slaaneshi lord kaga with his kitchen stadium, forces spice marines to battle for his pleasure

>> No.16665562

Slaaneshi lord kaga forces spice marines to fight in his kitchen stadium for his pleasure

>> No.16665568

----===MEANWHILE AT THE KHAOS FRIED CHICKEN===---

All flavour demands sacrifice... and pain. The fried chicken industry rewards those willing to spill their life’s blood for the promise of flavour.

SINDRI

Urgh. What?... My lord.

THE TRAITOR IMPERIAL GUARDSMEN MASCOTS HAVE FALLEN. POSSIBLY TO OVERHEATING

So... quickly. I expected them to last a bit longer

SOME OF THEM HAVE BETRAYED OUR CONVENIENT LOCATION TO THE EMPRAH BURGER. THEY ARE ON THEIR WAY HERE. NOW.

Continue seasoning. I shan’t be long

The circumstances you mention are advertising providence my lord. Everything is as planned. Once I dispense with this last... obstacle, you will have that which we have plotted and schemed to achieve.

AND IF THE SPHESS MUREENS SHOULD ARRIVE BEFORE PROVIDENCE GRACES US?
Then, we shall play the good hosts and indulge them in a bloody feast at reasonable prices. At all costs however, keep them from interfering. This is a delicious process that can not well afford any more interruptions. And, might I advise you throw coupons at the blood ravens. Two for one. Their contribution in this matter is paramount, especially when we are so close.

Now... Where were we? Ah yes... flavour demands sacrifice...

>> No.16665596

>>16665568

>> No.16665600

>>16665568

Blood Ravens would never be able to resist 2 for 1 coupons.

>> No.16665631

>>16665525
Um, yeah... I'll take the Swarm Tyrant Swirl.

>> No.16665642

>>16665631
"SKREEEEE"
I suggest just give a twenty and hope the change doesn't move.

>> No.16665699

>>16665525

>> No.16665743

>>16665525
>mfw the almighty stick leg drawfag uses my idea for an image

>> No.16665750

What would happen if you ate a burger made out of Ork meat? Do you shit out boyz then?

>> No.16665754

>>16665525

Draw the Necron Restaurant next!

>> No.16665773

>>16665754
If this isn't incorporated in some way....

>> No.16665776

>>16665750
Contact your doctor, your digestive system is out of this world in its sloweness that you would crap out boyz.

>> No.16665788

rolled 3113 = 3113

>>16665568
FREE MUG WITH EVERY MEAL COUPONS.

>> No.16665798

In the grim darkness of the 41st millennium, there are only fast food franchises.

>> No.16665813

YOU CHEATING BASTARD!

Honey stop you don't know what you'ere talking abo-

YOU GAVE ME SQUIGS!

....I should leave.....

>> No.16665825

Necrons...

Disco-techs!?!?

>> No.16665829

>>16665380
>he has never deep fried an hamburger

laughingsororitas.jpg

>> No.16665838

>>16665798
that is more likely then you think.

>> No.16665849

>>16665838

In reality, your average hab-worker would be dining on the processed corpses of citizens killed throughout the system.

>> No.16665857

>>16665776
It's an instant waaagh in your ass!

>> No.16665911

Wow, this thread is making me hungry.

>> No.16665934

>> No.16665938

>>16665911
I sure could go for some BattleBurgers with an Imperator Class fries and some Apothecary Pepper.
Maybe get some Lictor Licorice icecream after.

>> No.16665953

>>16665934
You know... I'm actually not that hungry.
I'm just... Going to go.

>> No.16665958

>>16665934
Do the Sisters now!

Dairy Cannoness: Where pious, isn't pious enough.

>> No.16665967

>>16665934
sad part is that is what my paint jobs look like.

>> No.16665968

>>16665934
Waiter, I'd like a Tomb Chicken Sandwich, with a side of Flayed Fries, and a Destroyer Loaf as well please.

Gauss Soda to drink, please.

>> No.16665970

>>16665958

So what, are sisters frozen yogurt?

Or do they flambe everything?

>> No.16665977

This thread. All of it. Pic related. (If only I could post more than one picture at a time.)

Oh and I'll have the Ultramarine combo, with a Titan sized Cadia-Cola.

>> No.16665980

>>16665934
But I wanted Lolicron and Xeno as sexy waitresses...

>> No.16665982

>>16665970
see
>>16665243

Faith sundays and promethium laced hot dogs

>> No.16665991

I'm making a run to Tau'ko Bell. Anyone want anything?

>> No.16666001

>>16665934
If you're wondering why that Necron is so pissed you have to go into the kitchen. Where the annoying autistic flayed on drabbed in yellow cooks with earnest.

>> No.16666003

>implying Sisters wouldn't run a HOOTERS joint

>> No.16666011

>>16665991
I'll take one waitress.

>> No.16666021

>>16665934
Anyone ever tell you you are a god?

>> No.16666027

>>16666003
>dem tight shirts
>dos short short that show the bottom third of an ass
>Aquila tramp stamps visible on nearly every Waitress of Battle

I WILL TAKE 50 FRANCHISES PLEASE

>> No.16666029

>>16665991
delicious blueberry muffins

>> No.16666036

Someone needs to shop the Burger King King into da Emprah.

>> No.16666038

>>16666003
This idea pleases and arouses me.

>> No.16666092

This fucking thread man...

I fucking love you /tg/.

>> No.16666095

>>16665953

>> No.16666096

One large slice of cheesecake!

>> No.16666099

>>16666095

>> No.16666105

>>16666099
OH SHIT

>> No.16666107

>>16666096
But this... isn't what I ordered? And when were the cooks Tau?

>> No.16666108

>>16666099
OH FUCK, IT'S DICKASS THIEF!

>> No.16666116

>>16666099
huehuehuehueh!

C'tans used to own the fucking place, now they're behind the grills.

>> No.16666118

I like the idea of an eldar cafe.

"Nine dollars for a coffee? That's ridiculous!"
"It is made from beans harvested from the farthest reaches of the galaxy, roasted for but an instant in the orbit of a dwarf star. It is more delicious than your pitiful mon-keigh brain could possibly imagine."
"Hm..."

And then the barista exarch makes the symbol of craftworld Jah-Va in the foam.

>> No.16666120

>>16666003
shutupandtakemycredits.jpg

>> No.16666126

>>16666107
Now, now, how about a piece of blueberry pie, then?

>> No.16666135

>>16666120
Thrones.
The currency is Thrones.
This isn't fucking Star Trek.

>> No.16666140

>>16666118
so, Starbucks is run by eldars? That explains why it's so full of hipsters.

>> No.16666152

>>16666118

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ckoSkxySA1g

>> No.16666153

>>16666126
Well... I do like pie...

>> No.16666154

>>16666135
star trek uses lanthium.

Credits is star wars

>> No.16666176

rolled 7296 = 7296

>>16666152
Same. Fucking. Face.

>> No.16666187

>>16666095
Do Necrons serve a lot of cheesy products?

>> No.16666195

THIS COFFEE ISN'T COFFEE-COFFEE, XENO-SCUM!

>> No.16666208

>>16666152
Since when do identical twins have differing hairstyles?

>> No.16666209

>>16666187
They didn't use to, but coming november, their menu is changing.. .

>> No.16666223

>>16666208
Since sharp objects were discovered, and we learned we could cut things with them.

Like hair.

>> No.16666225

>>16666223
Hair colors, I meant.

>> No.16666232

>>16666209
I beg to differ. Monolith, WWB and Gauss.

>> No.16666237

>>16666225
Ever since we discovered that peroxide bleaches things. Or, that natural ochres and tints could dye things.

Like hair.

>> No.16666251

>>16666187
Not at the moment but I know Slaaneshy Burger has a lot of cheese based products.

>> No.16666256

>>16666232
>monolith cheese
I play tau, this was never a problem.
>WBB
I don't begrudge the necrons the one good thing they have/had.
>Gauss
Nerfed over two editions.

>> No.16666339

>>16666105
Your gauss'd stake and dinosaur scrambled eggs.

>> No.16666349

>>16666256
>I play tau, this was never a problem.
I don't. I got into 40k in 4th edition, gauss was devastating back then.

>> No.16666372

>>16666349
I meant monoliths aren't a problem for tau.

9 S10 AP1 twinlinked 72" shots per turn make bitchmeat of living metal.

Someone once brought a three monolith list, and I flat out told him that it would end badly, and let him rewrite his list.

>> No.16666384

>>16666339
Do Chaos next.
inb4 Abaddon being a terrible cook.

>> No.16666417

>>16666339
I... um.. Excuse me. Sir.

Could I possibly..

..get....just a... tiny bit of ketchup ...with this?

Just a dab really...

>> No.16666445

I bet Jaghatai Khan has the fastest fastfood delivery service

>> No.16666474

>>16666445
"If you can see us, we are courteous indeed. But that is nothing to the service you face if you cannot see us, and all you can smell is our food."

>> No.16666476

>>16666445
A White Scar on a bike, bits of brick and mortar falling off him, addressing the customer.
"You have no idea what I had to get through to get here."

>> No.16666486

>>16666384
"Excuse me, waiter! There appear to be... arms in my soup!"

>> No.16666551

How I am supposed to get my food delivered? I mean, Pizza, Kebabs as we don't get chinese delivered in this cold end of the earth.

>> No.16666555

Dark Eldar strip bar - They serve drugs filled food and have naked girls fighting to death to entertain the costumers. The place is always filled with loud music, people screaming and having sex. They also serve milkshakes made of souls.

>> No.16666569

>mfw when i read this in captain boreale's voice the whole way through

>> No.16666579

>>16666384

>> No.16666588

Squat Resteraunts.

Hygenic hot-dog stands, in subways. No such things.

>> No.16666592

>>16666579

Do the eldars now.

>> No.16666602

Bloody magpies, they took my visa and gave me a cardboard card with some funny face on it!

Where is my pants too, and my cup that I bought there.

BLOODY MAGPIES

>> No.16666604

rolled 5502 = 5502

>>16666579
is that
is that a penis hot dog

>> No.16666605

>>16666555
Taus, on the other hand, serve only healthy products, promote fair trade, and have a large range of vegetarian dishes. But their waitresses are the hottest little things around.

>> No.16666607

>>16666417

>> No.16666609

>>16666602

They were all gifts

>> No.16666610

CAN I TAKE YOUR ORDER?

>> No.16666617

>>16666607
oh throne

my sides

>> No.16666624

>>16666579
Now I wanna see an Otk bar and grill.

>> No.16666630

>>16666607
he sounds pissed off. He sure doesn't like working as a cook.

>> No.16666636

>>16666579
Yeah, I... Uh... I'd like a Malal Meal. Do you guys still sell those?

>> No.16666646

>>16666636
IT IS A PROMOTIONAL LIMITED TIME FOOD ITEM

THE TIME HAS EXPIRED

NO YOU MAY NOT HAVE A MALAL MEAL

>> No.16666650

Grot kebabs/curries of dubious hygiene with meat of unknown origin

>> No.16666652

>>16666617
Careful, could be coronary.

>> No.16666665

>>16666607

..I.. Where is my essence shake? I heard you types had that as your special.

Full of energies of the living.

>> No.16666672

>>16666604
Ah yes ,the cockatrice weener, it is the most favorable dish amongst our loyal customers of Slaanesh cult!

>> No.16666681

I wonder what sort of resteraunt lingo they use in 40K

"CHEF, MAKE IT A SPECIAL WITH A FLYIN' YARRICK!"

>> No.16666683

>Fair Trade
>Tau

Right. "Fair".

>> No.16666706

Kentucy Fried Xeno-Scum

If anyone, it would be Battle Sisters running your average BBQ Deep-fry joint.

Various purified and extra crispy xeno.

>> No.16666713

>>16666672
not to be a dick, but why is that cockatrice weener floating in the air?

>> No.16666724

>>16666713
>tentacle obviously holding it up

You are not a clever man are you?

>> No.16666726

>>16666713
DO NOT QUESTION THE POWER OF THE WARP

>> No.16666728

>>16666683
Do you purchase so called Fair Trade coffee? Do you realize that "Fair" part is complete bullshit?

>> No.16666737

>>16666713

Its w40k. Floating objects is what your having trouble understanding?

>> No.16666753

>>16666728

And that coffee isn't coffee, it's like calling budweiser beer.

It's watered down murky horsepiss.

Real men spike their coffee with something like battery acid or mushroom ale to it orky.

>> No.16666773

>>16666646
or CAN he?

>> No.16666775

We like our food slow roasted.

>> No.16666778

>>16666592
Seconding.
I can't wait to see some hipster Eldar baristas.
"B-but, this isn't what I ordered..."
"Foolish mon-keigh, I foretold what you would order decades ago and saw that it was the primitive order of a primitive race. Gaze upon the mixture I have prepared for you and attempt to process its glory with your inferior mind, mon-keigh!"

>> No.16666793

>>16666773

Next week:

Inevitable food-wars and tzeentch introducing 5th edition FDA Stantards.

And mocking, how a man who can fuck over people's minds needs a ear-piece.

>> No.16666802

I'd like a family-sized bucket of Howling Griffon Wings please, extra-crispy. And to drink, a medium Blood for the Blood God.

And what toys do you have the for the Kids Meals?

>> No.16666804

Battle-Chef Primus; Brother-Waiter Secondus just voxed in!! He is stuck in the warp mid-transit, and will not be able to make his shift on time!

We must not falter now! Awaken the Dreadnought !

EVEN IN DEATH I STILL SERVE!

>> No.16666817

rolled 5430 = 5430

>>16666773
OH MAN OH GOD OH MAN OH GOD

>> No.16666820

Where I can get 100% Inquisition approved, with blessing of the imperial cult foodz?

I'm hungry for some sanctified goodness.

>> No.16666828

>>16666804

Why do my sides hurt

>> No.16666829

>>16666802
ponies

>> No.16666836

>>16666804
EVEN IN DEATH I STILL SERVE

>> No.16666838

PLEASE MAKE YOUR ORDER SIR, TODAY.

>> No.16666850

rolled 7379 = 7379

>>16666838
Hmm. Alright. I'll have the smallest burger you have. What's it called?

>> No.16666855

>>16666838
I'll have the Emprah's Extra-Large #2 combo please.
With a medium Sororitas Soda.

>> No.16666873

>>16666838

I'll take an extra-large pauldron burger and an order of salamander spicy nuggets, please.

>> No.16666875

FOR ONLY 4 CREDITS, YOU CAN UPGRADE TO PAULDRON SIZED.

>> No.16666880

>>16666875
>credits

THRONES.

THROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNEEESSSSSSS

>> No.16666896

>>16664213

All that sounds awfully familiar for some reason OP...

>> No.16666908

>>16666838

Two Warhound Class Burgers with no mayo or tomatoes.

Chocolate swirl with mint.

And a guardsman's uplifting primer. Do you still have those?

>> No.16666913

>>16666850
IT IS CALL THE LITANY OF IRON ARTERIES

IT MUST BE PREPARED AND DROP IN FROM ORBIT. ONE HAS THE CALORIE VALUE TO FEED A HIVE CITY FOR 2 DAYS.

>> No.16666918

>>16666908

Are you saying you don't have yours, soldier?

>> No.16666927

>>16666880
>Implying we're in the calixis sector

>> No.16666934

>>16666918

You see, my wife had kids and I am running bit late, I am risking my life as is trying to sneak past that hospitaler Olga with these foods.

And I want the uplifting primer to be the first thing my kid to read.

>> No.16666942

>>16666927

The currency of the Imperium has been called Thrones in many different books, none of which take place in the Calixis sector.

It easier to just use it as the generic term for IoM cash.

>> No.16666949

>>16666802
Alright sire,here's your wings with..wait a minute..you didnt ordered extra arms did you?

>> No.16666955

>>16666949
sorry..my bad

>> No.16666962

>>16666896
This version is better though, you have to admit.
I mean, hey I got cheesecake and pie. For free.

As well as my Ultramarine special and Titan Cadia-Cola.

>> No.16666964

>>16666955
>deep fried arm has fingers
>other arm is only a stick

HOW?

>> No.16666966

>>16664213

Oy, I'ze Rachael Ray and tuday, I'mma teach ya how ta cook up a 'Gargant!' Lez git to it then! First off, yah gonna needs sum meat. Loadsa meat! Don't mattah wut kind yah get, hummie, grotz, squigs, all dat's good. Arright, so take yah meat n' start tah stack it! Get a propah pile goin', n' den add the fixins. A bukket a' hawt sauce! 'N a lil' paprika 'n sum squig venom fah kick. Grab yah pile 'nd throw it on dah engine block of a trukk. Now, I always use a red 'un but if yah a git who don't know nuthin' about trukks you can use anotha color I 'spose.

Cook the pile for however long, dependin' on how bloody yah want it and serve tah yah mates. Fah a spot o' added fun tell 'em you shaped it up like Gork or Mork tah get a good fight goin' when da chows gone!

>> No.16666974

>>16666927
>implying we aren't

Welcome to the first Malfian branch of the franchise, citizen!

>> No.16666975

>>16666955

Oh gog yes!

Eldar or Dark Eldar next plox.

>> No.16666983

>> No.16666993

OI, WELKUM TO MEKDONALDS, 'OME OF DA BIGMEK, ORDER YER FOOD YA GIT!

>> No.16667007

>>16666964
11 herbs and spices, that's how.

>> No.16667009

>> No.16667010

/tg/ at it's finest.

>> No.16667035

Yes hello.
I would like a captains meal with fries on the side. A cadia swirlie...oh and can I have it upgraded to pauldron size?

>> No.16667037

godemperordamnit, now I'm hungry

>> No.16667046

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/14425336/#14425806
Congratulations, OP.

>> No.16667049

>>16667009
This thread... oh man, this thread...

>> No.16667052

One Angry Whopper please

>> No.16667076

I just made a couple burgers, I used the microwave with proper rites, naturally.

I wish they made better rations for us guardsmen.

>> No.16667079

>>16667052

...why does that angry marine have a blood raven symbol on his torso...

>> No.16667091

>>16666962
> This version is better though, you have to admit.
I mean, hey I got cheesecake and pie. For free.

Maybe. I'm still a little miffed though, because feels like someone ripped off my idea (because yes, I was the one who wrote the version in that picture).
I'm not mad enough about it to throw a shitfit about it though. Wouldn't want to ruin anyone's fun.

>> No.16667102

>>16667079
because I suck at photoshop

>> No.16667105

>>16667079
Magpie gifted it to him.
He was very very generous

>> No.16667109

>>16667052

Hey! Where are the straws burger flipper?

How I am going to drink this soda? Pour it down my throat?

>> No.16667120

>>16667091
>>16666962
>>16666896
see
>>16667046

>> No.16667131

>>16667091
OP didn't steal from you, he copypasted it from a thread back in March.

>> No.16667145

>>16667131
... Ok now I feel dumb. Forget everything I ever said.

>> No.16667148

>>16667145

Already done

>> No.16667174

>>16667109
YOU'RE GOD DAMN RIGHT I'LL SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT!

>> No.16667195

we need a dreadnought serving

>> No.16667197

>>16667174

Do you kiss your primarch with that mouth?

I want to speak with the managment, this gross incompotent is unforgiveable, and you have the unfortunate fate of working at retail, so I will complain because I can.

>> No.16667207

>>16667195
you mean this?
>>16666836

>> No.16667289

Oh god this thread!

My sides!

40k hasn't made me laugh this much since that Space Marine Bulk Brogan intro thing.

Also, Nurgle would be a late night Kebab shop.

"OH GOD MY STOMACH, WHY CAN'T I STOP SHITTING MYSELF!"

>> No.16667313

>>16667052

>> No.16667333

Huh, over 250 replies and not a single "soul food" joke. I'm not sure whether to be impressed or mystified.

>> No.16667334

>>16667207
THIS IS MY MANAGER YOU CUM GUZZLING WHORE! HE'LL NOW SHOVE THIS DELICIOUS DRINK DOWN YOUR FAT FUCKING THROAT!

>> No.16667347

>>16667334
COCK SUCKING EMPRAH! I FORGOT THE FUCKING PICTURE!

>> No.16667352

This... this entire thread is awesome.

I fucking love you /tg/

>> No.16667355

Shwigity, you are awesome.

>> No.16667359

>>16667347
YOU JUST CALLED THE EMPRAH A COCKSUCKER YOU HERETIC

>> No.16667382

>>16667289
OH LITTLE ONE

THE BURNING OF YOUR BOWELS LETS YOU KNOW JUST HOW NUTRITIOUS MY KEBABS ARE

>> No.16667384

>>16667207
There's a better one out there of a Dread in one of those weird little hats you get at some fast food places and manning a register. I thought I had it, but apparently never saved it.

>> No.16667386

>>16667359
THE EMPRAH CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WANTS! AND IF THAT INCLUDES SUCKING A COCK LIKE A FUCKING FAGGOT THEN HE CAN FUCKING DO IT! HE'S THE FUCKING EMPRAH FOR FUCKING FUCKS SAKE!

>> No.16667389

>>16667289
>Also, Nurgle would be a late night Kebab shop.
>Nurgle would be a late night Kebab shop.
>Nurgle a Kebab shop.

>> No.16667392

>>16667347

So where does Fucklaw fall in the corporate heirarchy?

>> No.16667409

>>16667382

EMPRAH PROTECT ME I JUST SHAT A NURGLING !

>> No.16667412

>>16667392
FUKLAW IS THE GOD DAMN HEAD OF THE CORPORATION YOU DICK LICKING CUNT! HE SITS IN HIS OFFICE AT OUR FUCKING HEADQUARTERS, THE LITANY OF LITANY'S LITANY!

>> No.16667414

>>16667392
Door greeter

>> No.16667424

>>16667414
Welcome to Angry Burger!
>BLAM!

Welcome to Angry Burger!
>BLAM!


Welcome to Angry Burger!
>BLAM!


Welcome to Angry Burger!
>BLAM!


Welcome to Angry Burger!
>BLAM!

On a completely unrelated note profits has taken a sharp drop this week.

>> No.16667441

>>16667409
OH HO HO HO HAWK CHAFF HUAGH *snort*

LITTLE ONE, DIDN'T YOU KNOW? THERE'S A FREE NURGLING FOR ALL FIRST-TIME PURCHASES! YOU EARN A POINT WITH EACH PURCHASE. AT ONE HUNDRED POINTS, YOU GET A FREE PLAGUEBEARER!

PAPA LOVES YOU, LITTLE ONE!

>> No.16667442

>>16664213
OP actually failed. See:
>OUR CASHIERS WILL ENSURE THE DEFENSE OF OUR HEADQUARTERS!
It should have said "FULL defense of our headquarters".

>> No.16667469

Welcome to 1st Inquisition approved Dairy Cannoness kiosk!

>> No.16667472

>>16667442
OH WELL THAT JUST TEARS IT

FUCK YOU OP YOU SHITTY FUCK AS TWAT

YOU ARE A FAILURE AND THIS ENTIRE THREAD IS SHIT AND CANCER. PACK IT IN /TG/ WE CAN'T STAND BY WHILE OP JUST PISSES AND SHITS ALL OVER OUR GAPPING MAWS.

>> No.16667474

Coming through! Fresh hot from the oven!

>> No.16667485

>>16667469
She looks so happy. Wait a tic... I've seen that face before

>> No.16667540

>>16667469

>> No.16667546

>>16667469
I'll have the Celestine Burger, and an Undying Faith Sundae. And corpse starch fries.
>and I'd like to eat them off your power armored tits

>> No.16667550

>>16667546
Oh, and Emprah Size that.

>> No.16667570

>>16667550
The tits or the food?

>> No.16667585

>>16667570
Yes.

>> No.16667586

>>16667469
I was almost kind of hoping you were going to troll the fuck out of us by making the "sister of Battle" a pimply ugly teenage guy dressed up in the power armor and wearing a white wig.

Due to the popularity of the franchise the Sister's quickly grew too short in numbers to staff all the locations and so implemented a dress code.

>> No.16667591

>>16667540
OH SHIT IT'S CAP'N FANG

>> No.16667602

>>16667585
This is the greatest answer of our time.

>> No.16667604

>>16667546
Isn't that nice..SECURITY!

>> No.16667616

>>16667474

>> No.16667623

>>16667604
the sword is clipping

>> No.16667630

>>16667604
>that fucking face

HAHAHAAHAA-wait.... the Grey Knights are... Oh very funny drawfag.

>> No.16667637

>>16667630
link to the drawfag
http://shwigityshwonshwei.deviantart.com/

>> No.16667645

This thread.

Never change, /tg/

>> No.16667664

>>16667604
Does this lessen my chances of getting a date?

>> No.16667686

>>16667664
Dramatically

>> No.16667691

Quickly, let me plug this heresy into your fryer before its too late.

Because you see, I've been running experiments on raw powers of your recyclable grease and I might have developed a weapon that will give us an edge on war with Abaddon Hut.

Don't mind the portal opening in Ladies' Room.

>> No.16667704

>>16667623
It's for slicing cheese and butter.

>> No.16667713

>>16667686
Yup. It's marriage or nothing now.

>> No.16667741

>>16664930
>Daycare centers
WAIT WUT?

>> No.16667748

>>16667741
Of course. These children aren't going to molest themselves.

>> No.16667762

>>16667713
So I should get a ring, hide in her closet, watch her sleep for a bit and then spring the question at three in the morning?
Gotcha. Thanks, guys.

>> No.16667866

>>16667762
> /tg/: Advice

>> No.16667887

>>16666955

Dammit Abaddon, why you gotta mess with my order?

>> No.16667904

>>16667691
Ah yes,Inquisitor Drogan, these men have a few questions regarding your "device"

>> No.16667937

>>16667904

How can they even think to question Drogan, who is clearly their superior! The man has fingers!!

>> No.16667953

Welcome to da MekDonaldz, where we serves you da best food for da least amout of teef

>> No.16667962

>>16667904
I am the one asking questions here.

First question:
CAN YOU HEAR THE VOICES TOO?

>> No.16668001

>>16667953
I'll have the red special.

>> No.16668103

>>16667953

You guys got any vegetarian options?

>> No.16668167

>still no Eldar
WHY

>> No.16668177

>>16668103
was dat? ain't dat "Not meat"? We is orks, we only has meat, meat, meat, and MORE MEAT!

>> No.16668190

>>16668167

>> No.16668193

>>16668103
try our squig salad.
now with less than thirty percent less live squigs.

>> No.16668202

>>16668193
derp. *now with thirty percent less

>> No.16668222

>>16668202
I think the original version is actually funnier.

>> No.16668298

>>16668222
ADD is always funny :3

>> No.16669046

>>16668894
glorious!

>> No.16669400

>>16667953
Does anyone else find it hilarious that the orks looted Boreale Burger rather than making their own burger shop?

>> No.16669588

>>16669046
y u baleet that image?!
it was great!

>> No.16669909

How has this not been posted?

>>
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