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[ERROR] No.16438023 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

“What in the seven hells of Chaos are you waiting for? Personal orders from the Emperor himself? When I say take that damned hill, I mean take that damned hill, not damn well stand around and stare at it! I don’t care if there’s fifty L’Huraxi up there. I don’t care if there are fifty thousand L’Huraxi up there! Our orders are to take that hill and I’m going to damn well take that hill even if it means I have to kill every last one of the purple-skinned giants myself. Damn it, follow me. I’ll show you how it’s done. That’s it, get stuck in there. Medic! Stop whining, Brook, you’ve got another damned leg. D’ya think I cried like a damned new-born when I lost my arm? Course I damn well didn’t, I upped and ripped that damned land shark’s damned throat out with my damned teeth! That’s it, Sergeant Reed, give ‘em some Catachan steel. Emperor’s teeth, their blood stinks. Get that heavy flamer into that trench; flush the damned Grox-heads out. That trench, you idiot, not this one! Oh yes, smell those aliens burn. Smells better than breakfast, don’t it? Give me that damn grenade. Do I have to do everything myself? See? That ain’t proper armour like you’d see on an Imperial tank – no it’s flimsy, fall-down-in a- strong-breeze, I-hope-they-don’t-spit-at-me armour. I didn’t really mean spit at it! You there! Yes you! Pick up Sergeant Creek’s hand. The medics might be able to stick it on for him again later. Don't stop now, you damned work-shy sons of acid-grubs, we’re only damn
well halfway up..."
--Colonel Straken
Battle of Moden’s Ridge, Yaquit 27 campaign

>> No.16438104

Makes me want to take on the world.

>> No.16438198

>>16438104
Do it, maggot!

>major vendict

>> No.16438217

When Duke Nukem meets Warhammer 40k.

>> No.16438252

Is it bad I read that in the Soldier's voice because of >>16438198

>> No.16438271

Nope, just means the internet spores have finally taken root in your brain.

>> No.16438305

>I didn’t really mean spit at it!

God damn, can't stop laughing.

>> No.16438365

>>16438023

Jason?

>> No.16438372

I always imagined that Straken spoke with R. Lee. Ermey's voice

>> No.16438387

>>16438365
No.

>> No.16438401

>>16438372

i do too...i want to make a straken model that looks like ermy

>> No.16438422

>>16438401


totally but GW or FW still needs to make cavalry/cowboy hats for their IG models to do it right

>> No.16438455

>Also, this is my counter-argument to anyone who actually thinks 40k fluff hasn't declined in recent times.

>> No.16439417

>I love this place
>It's just like home!

>> No.16439660

Cadians have Creed (Churchill)
ultras have Telion (Connery)

I'd rather have Rambo on my side any day of the week.

>> No.16439700

Man i would love to play catachans if there the were just a teeny bit less bulky and didn;t have huge fucking jew noses

>> No.16439705

>>16439700
The models should be more like the artwork,the models make them look too short for all the muscle

>> No.16439842

>>16439705

id just be happy with heads that didn't look like they have down syndrome

>> No.16439963

>>16439660
>Creed = Churchill

Ohshitniggerhwhatareyoudoing.jpg

>> No.16439974

>>16439842
>>16439705
>>16439700
>In proportion models
>40k
Pick one

>> No.16440058

>>16439963

>fat old cigar smokin guy leading a people against an evil foe trying to invade their homeland

granted according to the writers The appearance and personality of Ursarkar E. Creed is based loosely on the famous World War II-era British Prime Minister Winston Churchill, the Soviet Field Marshal Georgy Zhukov, the American General George S. Patton, and the Roman Consul Gaius Julius Caesar. (im going off warhammer wiki for that) but his appearance always reminded me of churchill.

>> No.16440096

>>16439974

how bout just new ones? haven't these been around since 3rd edition?

>> No.16440111

>imperial guard troops
>tough

pick one

their fluff should be non existent, they die in one hit from anything, no save, no exceptions

>> No.16440129

>>16440111
Fluff =/= rules.

>> No.16440135

>>16440111
they have the same saves as cadians even back when they had their own codex. so that must mean cadian armor is only slightly better than wet cardboard. so wtf does that mean for the fluff?

>> No.16440156

I better not have been the only person with this mini.

>> No.16440166

>>16440111

I'm sure if a human gets hit with a giant laser, exploding bullet, or razer sharp shurikens or bio-plasma, they'd die bro.

>> No.16440185

Remember that the scale of stats in 40K has big gaps between the individual numbers
T2 is a puny grot or midget, T3 is a fit mortal human, while T4 is a superhuman astartes. Catachans are tough, but they're not angels of death tough.

>> No.16440187

>>16440166
that's quitter talk

You just can't give up everytime a deathray blows off your head

>> No.16440196

>>16440166

never stopped Straken. not even for a second.

>> No.16440212

I saw Straken get shot in the head by an eldar sniper once.

He spit out the shuriken and rammed it down the eldar's throat.

>> No.16440263

a Khorn Berserker cut off both of Straken's legs once. Straken pummeled him to death with his own dismembered limbs then stapled them back on.

>> No.16440273

I heard Straken made Kharn cry once.

>> No.16440306

Straken was once stepped on by a Titan.
Straken brushed himself off and walked away.

The Titan still has a limp to this day.

>> No.16440347

Straken is the reason Draigo is still lost in the warp, he owes Straken $20 from poker night.

>> No.16440426

Straken stopped a black legion advance with just a stern look.

pic related: it was like this x100

>> No.16440433

I hear Straken only has sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation.

>> No.16440462

Straken drives an ice cream truck made out of human skulls

>> No.16440474

>>16440462
All ice cream trucks are made of skulls in the year 40k

>> No.16440486

I heard Straken got his iron hand because the xenos were complaining that punches from his real hand hurt too much.

>> No.16440509

>>16439842
classic metal 'chans bro

failing that, the new HQ/Heavy weapon plastics (though I think the early 'chan plastics are charming in their own way)

Catachan fluff is the best IG fluff. I'd make an army of them if it didn't mean (buying and) painting a thousand of the buggers

>> No.16440524

>>16440462

>Strake Drives a ice cream truck covered in pink ribbons

FTFY

>> No.16440525

>>16440433
Straken's was once invited to a party.

There were no survivors.

>> No.16440528

Straken Slept for 8 hours a day!
well in that respect he was pretty normal.

>> No.16440532

Who would win in a wrestling match, Straken or Alessio Cortez?

>> No.16440541

Straken wears a live rattlesnake as a condom

>> No.16440545

>>16440532
Cortez by default since Straken would break the table every single time.

>> No.16440551

>>16440545
No no no, I meant greco-roman wrestling.

>> No.16440553

>>16440532
Cortez would win by disqualification.

>> No.16440561

>>16440551
Technically speaking it would be Cortez still.
Even though he had all his bones broken he would find a more efficient and cheaper (Albiet more painful) way for an exterminatus.

>> No.16440567

>>16440509
It's sad there's such a disconnect between catachan fluff and table top. In the rules, they're just guardsmen, but in the fluff they can match or even beat space marines. One of my favorite bits of fluff was probably them out sneaking the Night Lords and teaching them that no, you can't sneak around in power armor with retarded looking wings on your head, and we're going to strangle your dumb asses for trying.

They really need a codex of their own, forget the latest flavor of space marines or xenos, I want a Catachan army that actually lives up to their fluff.

>> No.16440568

I once saw Straken scissor kick a hive tyrant.

>> No.16440571

Hey, does anyone have that image of cortez acheviments. I have purged my computer and lost it.

>> No.16440575

>>16440571

M41.853 - The Battle of Steel Cross: Slew an Ork warboss and his entire retinue. Cortez is known to have disarmed the warboss by getting the Ork's sword stuck in his ribcage.
M41.867 - Attacking Eldar positions despite heavy fire, and suffered 17 wounds.
M41.892 - Defended a breach in the Fortress Maladon for 21 hours of constant fighting.
M41.903 - Fights the entire Kardian six week campaign without supplies (breaking the old record)
enjoy. also he went missing after fighting eldar or somesuch

>> No.16440588

>>16440575
Thats just the cut down version on lexicanum not his full list.

>> No.16440601

Cortez/Straken buddy cop movie would you watch it /tg/?

>> No.16440602

>>16440567
the old Catachan codex had some pretty sweet stuff. the Ambush rule was insane, broken, and i loved every minute of it.

>> No.16440603

>>16440588
No that's the full known list.
Usually there aren't any survivors to record his feats.

>> No.16440606

>>16440575
He also beat an ork warboss to death with his own arm.

>> No.16440613

>>16440601
thats like teaming up John Mclaine with Martin Riggs.

>> No.16440617

>>16440567
Their old one came damn close.
Getting a melee with Catachans meant they ripped your face off with their knives and wore them as bitchin' red bandanas.

>> No.16440620

>>16440601

No, they're too similar.

Straken/Calgar buddy cop movie. The street-smart (or jungle-smart) badass and the by-the-book cop.

>> No.16440639

>>16440620

Straken/Leandros buddy cop movie. The street-smart (or jungle-smart) badass and the by-the-book cop.

FTFY

>> No.16440651

>new Catachan codex comes out
>Sly Marbo
>Straken
>Griess
>Catachan Devils
>crazy sentinels
>everything can infiltrate even the tanks
bueno.jpg

>> No.16440661

>>16440639
>Lets go punch that Ork Warboss in the face!
>But sir the codex astar-
>-Takes the codex and kills the Warboss with it.-
>Completely surprised and shocked.
>And THAT'S how you use a book!

>> No.16440673

>>16440639
nah bro Logan Grimnar/Leandros buddy cop movie.

>> No.16440679

>>16440651
> enemy gets to melee
> orks? no problem
> tyranids? beat their asses like cheap hookers
> space marines? don't make me laugh

I'd buy it. Having a human army that can beat down all the marines and xenos in melee would be awesome. Might even shut the pricks up for a change (aw, who am I kidding, they'd whine endlessly about it).

>> No.16440688

>>16440620
>Straken's bionic arm + Gauntlet of Ultimar

I imagine ending an entire black crusade with a single Brofist

>> No.16440689

>>16440651
>>16440679
>Why is that baneblade so close to me you're not running creed
>CATACHANS I AINT GOTTA EXPLAIN SHIT!

>> No.16440713

>that feel when I still have my Catachan Codex and it's amazing.

>> No.16440730

>>16440688

where's a drawfag when you need one?

>> No.16440752

Take the IG codex. Give everything infiltrate, move through cover, stealth, S4, T4, 2-3 attacks base, L9-10, and furious charge. That's a good approximation of a Catachan codex that's true to fluff. Yes, that includes vehicles. Infiltrating, stealth vehicles.

>> No.16440765

>>16440661
And then Leandros tells on him to the police chief.

>> No.16440776

>>16440765
>police chief
No, that would be respecting chain of command and a reasonably appropriate action. Leandros tells on him to the CIA.

>> No.16440788

>>16440776

>> No.16441799

>>16440713
>That feel when you can still download 4th edition codex catachans from the GW site. Just google it.

>> No.16442796

“Stinking, fly-ridden, pox-laden, Emperor-cursed jungle! I hate it!” Lieutenant Castor flung his machete at the ground.
“Sure isn’t like the forests of home,” agreed Trooper Raven, turning to look at the Lieutenant while he used his bayonet to saw through a vine as thick as a man’s arm.
“Can’t understand how anyone can fight in this,” added Trooper Bren, waving his arm at the dense undergrowth that all but blotted out the light in every direction.
Just then, a movement rustled the purple leaves of a bush to their right and the squad spun round, lasguns at the ready. For a moment it was impossible to see what had caused the disturbance, then a burly figure stepped through, his body covered in swirls of camouflage painted onto his rippling muscles. Five other soldiers followed him onto the trail where Castor’s squad were standing.
“Been listening to you boys for half an hour. You sure make one hell of a racket,” their leader drawled. “Lucky there ain’t no Eldar nearby, they’d have been on you quick as a bloodwasp on a corpse.”
“Thanks for the advice, Sergeant...” Castor said sourly.
“No, Captain. Captain Stone, Fourth Company, Catachan Twenty-Third,” the newcomer replied, his eyes pure white as they stared out from the camo paint on his face. “You trying to link up with the supply column?”
“Yessir! Seems like this damn jungle doesn’t want us to get there though,” Castor answered quickly. Captain Stone gestured to his squad who started to efficiently cut away the creepers blocking the trail.
“How does anyone survive in this hellhole?” Bren asked half to himself. Stone squatted down beside the kneeling Guardsman and laid his massive arm across his shoulders.
“This ain’t nothing, boy!” laughed Stone, his pearly teeth shining through the dark camouflage in a big grin.

>> No.16442814

>>16442796
“Yeah, that’s right. You Catachans come from the deepest hellhole in the galaxy...” Raven said sarcastically, rolling his eyes dramatically.
“That’s right, boy!” Stone exclaimed, turning his gaze to Raven but keeping Bren’s shoulder in a vice-like grip. “We’re from the worst place you could imagine, worse than anything this little bit of greenery’s got to offer.”
“Yeah, yeah. Two-hundred foot Catachan Devils, mantrap plants that swallow you whole, giant lizards that destroy buildings. We heard the stories already,” Raven grumbled.
“That’s just what you offworlders know, boy. Let me tell you about the real Catachan,” Stone drawled back with a lop-sided smile. “You boys been here for six months but I wouldn’t give you more than three days on Catachan. You don’t have to worry about the big critters you’ve heard about. You can hear 'em coming miles away and they’re easy to avoid. It’s the little things that’s the real danger. Them bloodwasps; about the size of your thumb, and they don’t wait ’til you’re dead to start feeding. Seen them strip a man to the bone in an hour. Then there’s these tiny little bugs. We call ’em heretic-ants on account of the fact that they go for your feet, after your soles so to speak! One bite from them and you’ll be in the infirmary for a month. Two of 'em get you and you’ve about a day to get yourself treatment. Three bites and you’d better get ready to say hello to the Emperor! The vein worms are bad as well. They secrete this ooze that numbs you where they bite, so you don’t feel a thing then dig their way under your skin and into your blood-stream to lay their eggs. The eggs get spread all round your body and then this larvae hatch out, eating at your brain, your heart, your bones. Ain’t nothing noone can do to save you from vein worms if they get in.”
“Emperor’s teeth...” whispered Raven shaking his head.

>> No.16442833

>>16442814
“That ain’t the worst,” Stone told the Guardsmen, turning to look each of them in the eye. “Even a heretic-ant you can see, squash him quick. The diseases, that’s another matter. There’s all kinds of poxes and fevers can kill a man in a few hours. There’s some swamps where one breath of the fog will burn your lungs, five hours later your throat’s all swollen up, you can’t breathe and you choke to death. Foot rot will get you after a few weeks in the bush, your feet dropping off your legs, the stink making you wanna heave. Gotta look after your feet in the jungle, boys.”
The assembled men glanced down at their travel worn boots with troubled looks. Stone laughed and stood up.
“This place is just jungle, nothing special,” he told them.
“Bet you was really glad to get offworld, Captain,” Bren suggested with a smile.
“Hell no!” Stone exclaimed. “Us Catachans love our world, boy. Ain’t nowhere else I’d choose to be brought up. Catachan’s got but one thing for the Emperor – us. Ain’t no minerals, can’t build a hive world there. But you want some real tough men for your fighting, Catachan’s the place to go to. You live on Catachan, you’re a born survivor. Half the kids die before they learn to walk. Half of those that walk won’t see ten years. But you celebrate your tenth birthday, you’re gonna be a real man. Everyone works together, see. Can’t go into the bush without some real good men to watch out for you. To pick off the deathflies from your back, to chop the head off a big old Catachan Viper when its snaking towards your arm. We look after each other, we don’t backstab no one. We ain’t out for ourselves, we’re there for each other. And Catachan’s independent, don't rely on no one to look after us. Now and then you get some official come into the village, try to tell you what to do. They don’t last long. Hell, I shot me three of them myself!”

>> No.16442858

>>16442833
Stone looked to where his men had chopped through the obstructing trees and bushes.
“Better get moving, boys,” he told them pointing along the now clear trail. “You don’t want to be out here after dark. Not with them Eldar around. See ya’ll!”
As Lieutenant Castor settled his pack onto his shoulders and set off along the trail he glanced back. He saw Captain Stone give a friendly wave with a wide smile before disappearing, merging with the jungle once more.

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