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/tg/ - Traditional Games


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[ERROR] No.16129333 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Hello, heretics.
Look at your rolls, then back at mine, then back at your dice, then back at mine.
Sadly, they aren't mine. But if you stopped being a filthy heretic and started having faith in the Emperor, you could roll like me.
Look down, back up. Where are you? You're in a GW shop with the army your army could be like.
What's in your hand? Back at me, I have it: It's an IG codex with all the units and special characters you love.
Look again, the codex is now diamonds.
Anything's possible when you're a loyal follower of the emperor and not a heretic.
I'm in a Chimera.

>> No.16129359

Hello, heretics.
Look at your rolls, then back at mine, then back at your dice, then back at mine.
Sadly, they aren't mine. But if you stopped being a filthy heretic and started having faith in Sigmar, you could roll like me.
Look down, back up. Where are you? You're in a GW shop with the army your army could be like.
What's in your hand? Back at me, I have it: It's an Empire armybook with all the units and special characters you love.
Look again, the armybook is now diamonds.
Anything's possible when you're a loyal follower of Sigmar and not a heretic.
I'm on a Griffon.

>> No.16129394

Hello, counterrevolutionary wreckers.
Look at your suffering proletariat, then back at mine, then back at your suffering proletariat, then back at mine.
Sadly, they aren't mine. But if you stopped being a filthy Titoist reactionist and started having faith in Marx you could establish a worker's paradise like me.
Look down, back up. Where are you? You're in a Gulag with the slaves your slaves could be like.
What's in your hand? Back at me, I have it: It's Ukraine, with all the starvation you love.
Look again, Ukraine is now diamonds.
Anything's possible when you're a loyal follower of Stalin.
I'm on a T-34.

>> No.16129408

>> No.16129417

>>16129394

>It's Ukraine, with all the starvation you love.

>> No.16129433

>>16129359
Hello, Sigmarites.
Look at your gods, then back at mine, then back at your gods, then back at mine.
Sadly, they are like mine but you just don't know it yet. But if you stopped being a weak Southerner and started trusting in the Will of Chaos, you could mutate like me.
Look down, back up? Where are you? You're in the frozen north sacrificing slaves on a pyre to Chaos.
What's in your hand? Back at me, I have it: it's an enormous claw with all the ripping and tearing and bonus attacks you love.
Look again, the claw is now diamonds (thanks Tzeentch!).
Anything's possible when you recognise the true nature of your false gods and turn to Chaos.
I'm on a two-headed dragon.

>> No.16129439

Autoinclude.

>> No.16129474

Sadly one of the better threads of /tg/ in the last day.

>> No.16129477

>>16129333
Fuck faith, look where it got the Sisters.

>> No.16129511

Hello thinlings.
Look at your gut, then back at mine, then back to your gut them back at mine.
Sadly you don't have one. But if started eating Brettonian horses and rocks, your gut could look like mine.
Look down, back up. Where are you? You're in the deserts of Cathay, giving praise to the Great Maw.
What's in your hand? Back at me, it's a gnoblar carrying all the shinies you love.
Look again, the gnoblar is now encrusted with diamonds.
Anything's possible when you praise the Great Maw.
I'm on a rhinox.

>> No.16129531

>> No.16129535

Hello, disgusting mon-keigh females.
Look at your primitive male, then back at me, then back at your male, then back at me.
Sadly, he could never compare to me. But if he had been born ten thousand years ago in the darkness of the webway, he could have had a better chance of being like me.
Look down, back up. Where are you? You're on a Craftworld, meditating with five more beings as glorious and wonderful as me.
What's in your hand? Back at me, I have it: it's a shuriken catapult, an elegant weapon of a more civilized age that can rip a pathetic mon-keigh guardsmen to shreds in half a second.
Look again, the shuriken catapult is now wraithbone.
Anything's possible when your'e a craftworld eldar and not a ridiculous, barbaric mammal.
I am on a fire prism.

>> No.16129557

>>16129531
The best.

>> No.16129576

>>16129535
Ok needle dick. I'm pretty sure the reason Eldar stopped mating for pleasure had nothing to do with Slaanesh.

>> No.16129582

>>16129531
My spaceship is called Da Wasp?
'Mental note to me, Torture my Ship Namer'

>> No.16129595

>>16129531
Hell yeah.

>> No.16129599

>>16129582
Oy Boss, Iz made ya ship more Orky! ... Whyz ya lookin' at me wit dat whip?

>> No.16129616

Hello, kommanders.

Look at your winter guard infantry, then back at me, then back at your infantry, then back at me. Sadly, they arent me. But if they stopped being sane and started berserking, they could fight like me.
Look down, back up. Where are you? You're in a village, slaughtering traitors and your own soldiers as the monster you could be like.
What's in your hand? Back at me, I have it: It's a massive axe capable of dismembering man and machine alike.
Look again, the axe is now inside a filthy Cygnarian.
Anything's possible when you're a raging psycopath and not a coward dog.
I'm on a rampage.

>> No.16129617

Hello, gue'va.
Look at your men, then back at mine, then back at your men, then back at mine.
Sadly, they aren't like mine. But if you stopped fighting mindlessly for a violent and degenerate faith and embraced the Greater Good like me, you could all be like my comrades.
Look down, back up. Where are you? You're in the central square of a beautiful shining city where everybody is always happy and content.
What's in your hand? Back at me, I have it: It's a pulse carbine, a plasma weapon of peace and enlightenment which must sometimes tragically be used to educate those who are not eager to accept the Good.
Look again, pulse carbine is now a list of your daily duties, comrade, which you will fulfill happily for nothing more than your own self satisfaction at a job well done.
Anything's possible when you're a member of the glorious Tau Empire.
I'm in a Broadside.

The Shas'Vre your man could smell like.

>> No.16129664

>>16129617
Hello, Empire.
Look at your men, then back at mine, then back at your men, then back at mine.
Sadly, they aren't like mine. But if you stopped fighting mindlessly for an opressive and degenerate faith and embrace the eternal truth like me, you could all be like my comrades.
Look down, back up. Where are you? You're in the central square of a utilitarian military compound, where everyone knows your name.
What's in your hand? Back at me, I have it: It's a bonding knife, a weapon used to cement the bonds of brotherhood between comrades.
Look again, the bonding knife is now a list of your next assignments, which will send you across the galaxy to learn about it's races by fighting alongside them.
Anything's possible when you're a member of the Enclave.
I'm in a Crisis Suit.

>> No.16129705

all of this is perfect.

>> No.16129730

>>16129333
>implying this man is not actually the Emperor.

>> No.16129823

Hello, bitch.
Look at your boyfriend, then back at me, then back at your boyfriend, then back at me. Sadly, he isn't a gorgeous undead adonis like me. But if he started sparkling and putting on lipstick and writing sappy poetry, he could be kinda like me.
Look down, back up. Where are you? You are in my ancient palace of angsty black roses and angel tears. What's in your hand? Back at me, I have it: It's a white, silky handkerchief of gothic sadness.
Look again, the handkerchief is now diamonds, like my deep, beautiful eyes.
Anything's possible when you are a vampire in a fat teenaged girl's romantic fantasy.
I am sparkling like a disco ball.

>> No.16129869

'Oy, you weedy gitz!

Look at your boss, now look at me,
Now back to your boss, NOW BACK TO ME!

Sadly, your boss ain't me. But, if 'e quit yoozin' deem weedy sluggaz and switched to a kombi-skorcha, 'e could krump like me.

Look down, back up. Where'z you at? Yoo'z on a Kill Krooza wif da Boss your Boss could WAAAGH! like.

What'z dat in your 'and? Back at me, I have it. It's... um... 'ordes o' slugs for dat shoota you love.

Look again, dem slugz is now teef!

Anyfing's possible when yoo'z followin' a big Warboss.

I'z in a Rok.

>> No.16129901

>>16129869
Me again. Wish I'd seen >>16129439 earlier. Don't want to come off as a copy-cat, though I'm not a huge fan of that particular version.

>> No.16130379

>>16129535

This warlock looks kind of disabled to me, with one healthy arm and one deformed, vestigial one. Must be something his mom smoked during pregnancy.

>> No.16131764

>>16129823

Trolling troll is troll? How does that have anything to do with /tg/?

>> No.16131944

rolled 39, 17 = 56

Hello, living organisms.
Look at your gods, then to mine, then back at your gods, then back at mine.
Sadly, they aren't mine. But if you gave up your life and encased your soul in living metal, you could serve them.
Look down, back up. Where are you? You're in Gw buying the New Codex for the army your army could be like.
Look again, we have now enslaved the C'tan.
Anything's possible when you can destroy your enemies at the atomic level and cannot die.
I'm on a Destroyer Body.

>> No.16132544

Hello, man-things.
Look at your weapons, then back at mine, then back at your weapons, then back at mine.
Sadly, they aren't mine.But if you stopped smelting iron and start using warpstone, they could be like mine.
Look down, back up. Where are you? You are in a dwarf-thing's fortress with the female that you desire.
What's in your hand? Back at me, I have it: It's the skull of the superior who's position you will be taking.
Look again, the skull is now warpstone.
Anything's possible when you have massive quantities of warpstone.
I'm on a Screaming Bell.

>> No.16132559

Hello, space marines.
Look at your brothers, then back at mine, then back at your brothers, then back at mine.
Sadly, they aren't Ultramarines. But if you were a little more awesome and a lot more righteous, you would have had a slightly bigger chance of being worthy of kissing my underwear.
Look down, back up. Where are you? You are on the battlefield, along side the Chapter your Chapter could strive to be like.
What's in your hand? Back at me, I have it: it's an Ultramarine codex with all the special units and characters you love.
Look again, the codex is now pure justice and faith.
Anything's possible when you are a member of the Ultramarines.
I'm in terminator armor.

>> No.16132561

>>16131944
I smirk'd

>> No.16132602

Fuck you i don't have time to tell you how fucking awesome i'm. but you know i'm that fucking awesome.

>> No.16132677

Look at your bolter. Now back at me.
Now back at your bolter. Now back at me.
Sadly, that is not your bolter. But if you were a Blood Raven it could be.
Look down, back up. Where are you? You're in a warehouse with the armory your armory could be like.
What's in your hand? Back at me, I have it: It's those parchments for the blessings you love.
Look again, the parchments are now relics.
Anything is possible when you're a Blood Raven.
I'm on the Throne.

>> No.16132940

Hello, ladies.
Look at your man, now back to me, now back at your man, now back to me.
Sadly, he isn't me. But if you attended a game of D&D 4e, he could pretend he's a dragonborn who looks like he's me.
Look down, back up. Where are you? You're enjoying an extended rest with the character your man could be playing.
What's in your hand? Back at me, I have it: It's your non-spellcasting class's list of moves with all the at-wills and encounter powers you love.
Look again, the powers are now balanced.
Anything's possible when you try something before you decide you hate it.
I'm using a healing surge.

>> No.16132942

>>16132677

Damn you, Gabriel, step aside and let Thule do the man's work here.

>> No.16132981

Hello, friend.

Lookit yer friend. Now back t' me. Now back to yer friend. Now BACK to me.

Sadly, he ain't me. But if 'e loved you like I do, 'e could be like me.

Look down, back up. Where is you? Yer on the battlefield, with the bestest, most loyal friend you'll ever have. What's in yer hand? I have it! It's the skull of the enemy what tried to kill you. Look again. The skull is now aqui....aki...aqui...EMPEROR BIRDY THINGS!

Anyfing's possible when you got a friend who loves by yer side.

I's in a Chimera.

>> No.16132996

>>16132677

Sadly, this is not your bolter, and it never was.

If you think I stole it,you happen to be mistaken.

It always was a Blood Raven Bolter.

>> No.16132999

>>16132981

Goddammit, now I have to read that whole fic all over again.

;-;

>> No.16133038

HELLO, FUCKERS.

LOOK AT YOUR FANCY SUITS, THEN BACK TO ME. THEN BACK TO YOUR FANCY SUITS, THEN BACK TO ME.

SADLY, YOU AREN'T ME. BUT IF YOU STOPPED SUCKING CORPORATE DICK FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE THEN YOU WOULD END UP LIKE ME.

LOOK DOWN, BACK UP. WHERE ARE YOU? YOU'RE ON THE FUCKING STREET WITH NO SECURITY.

WHAT'S IN YOUR HAND? BACK AT ME, I HAVE IT: IT'S A FUCKING SHANK.

LOOK AGAIN. THE SHANK IS NOW IN YOUR CHEST.

ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE WHEN YOU FUCK THE POLICE.

AND I'M TAKING THESE MINTS!

>> No.16133045

>>16132999

Wait a minuet... You mean "Gav and Bob"?

...

;_________; I will never smile ever again. *BURSTS INTO TEARS*

It's the "Grave of The Fireflies" of 40K...

>> No.16133064

>>16133045
>>16132999

What the fuck are you pansies talking about?

>> No.16133076

>>16133038
lol, well done.

>> No.16133078

Demon weapons.
Demon weapons everywhere.

>> No.16133099

>>16133064

The Story of Gav and Bob.

READ.IT.ON. 1D4CHAN.

>> No.16133114

>>16133064

http://1d4chan.org/wiki/Gav_and_Bob

There it is, my brother. Don't forget a glass of water, or you will cry yourself to dehydration.

>> No.16133117

>>16133099

Jesus, calm down. I'll read the fucking story already. But it better blow my fucking mind.

>> No.16133141

>>16133045

WOW.

I've heard a lot of compliments for that story, but that's hard to top.

Also, FYI: I'm currently writing a few more chapters of the Gav story. Just keep watching /tg/ for the next couple days.

>> No.16133205

>>16133141
Thought you said you would leave it open-ended on purpose?

>> No.16133225

>>16133205

Yeah, but for the purpose of other people writing Gav stories. Then nobody else tried to pick it up and other ideas kept popping up in my head. So I decided 'fuckit' and started writing.

>> No.16133261

>>16133205

Also, "Gav lives happily ever after with the Inquisition" just doesn't seem like a good place to end it. Gav deserves a more awesome ending, along with a heaping bucketful of sad shit happening to him.

So yeah. Gav vs. The Tau. Expect it in a few days.

>> No.16133271

>>16133225
People left it alone because it doesn't need to be expanded, according to them.

>> No.16133311

>Leave awesome thread for five minuets
>Come back
>Pussies have taken over

DAMN YOU /TG/!

>> No.16133498

>>16133261

>Bracing for awesome.

>> No.16133604

>>16132559

GTFO WARD WE KNOW YOU'RE HERE

>> No.16133759

this is why we can't have nice things.

>> No.16133791

>>16133114

>> No.16133835

OI YA GITZ.
LOOK AT YER DAKKA, THEN LOOK AT MY DAKKA, THEN BACK TO YER DAKKA, THEN BACK TA MINE.
SADLY IT AINT MAH DAKKA, BUT IF YOU STOPPED MUCKIN ABOUT AND STARTED KRUMPIN' SOME HUMIES IT COULD BE LIKE MOINE.
LOOK DOWN, NOW LOOK BACK UP, WHERE AR YA? YOUR ON A HUMIE PLANET IN THE WAAAAAAAAGH YOUR WAAAAAAGH COULD WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH LIKE.
WHAT'S IN YER HAND? BACK AT ME, I GOTZ IT, ITS A CHOPPA, WIT ALL DEM POINTY BITS YA LIKE.
LOOK AGAIN, DA CHOPPA IS NOW TEEF. ANYTHINZ POSSIBLE WHEN YA WAAAAAAGH WITH GORK AND MORK.
IM ON A SQUIG.

>> No.16134007

>>16133114
I fucking cried.

>> No.16134039

>>16134007

This fic makes eldar farseers bawl their eyes out.

>> No.16134206

1d4chan eagerly awaits your return, oh noble writefag.

>> No.16134480

>captcha: fluid ditizati.
>I feel so dirty for some reason

BUMP

>> No.16134506

>>16134039

Most pleasing.

>> No.16134854

This fic is like Forrest Gump is the Hunchback of Notre Dame is the Master Chief. I keep expecting for the little girl with leukemia who's going to get burned for being a latent psyker or some shit.

I am bursting with conflicting emotions right now. I have seen true beauty.

>> No.16134980

>>16132677
I fucking lost it. I love this thread.

>> No.16135664

The tread is now diamonds.

>> No.16135878

Hello, peasants.
Look at your knights, then back at mine, then back at your knights, then back at mine.
Sadly, they aren't mine. But if you stopped being a filthy peasant and started having faith in the Lady, you could have knights like mine.
Look down, back up. Where are you? You're in my keep with the knights your knights could be like.
What's in your hand? Back at me, I have it: It's a lance we use to slay faggot elves and pussy chaos warriors.
Look again, it's now a free ward save.
Anything's possible when you're a Knight of Bretonnia and not a filthy peasant.
I'm on a Pegasus.

>> No.16138241

Hello, Terrans.
Look at your manipulative appendages holding metal weapons, then back at mine, then back at yours, then back at mine.
What, i dont have hands? Right, i am a Zerg Cerebrate and i dont need them. If you were a creature blessed with perfection of a Zerg essence, you probably would not have hands as well, may be a tentacle or two.
What's in your hand? A rifle, back at me. While you are distracted, a hydralisk cuts of your hand.
Now, stop screaming and look at this small egg. Now it is an ultralisk.
Anything's possible when you are a huge larva-like brain and create organisms out of minerals.
I'm on a mutalisk. It is this big.

>> No.16138265

rolled 4, 2 = 6

cool

>> No.16140639

>>16138241

Someone needs to do Protoss.

>> No.16140825

>>16135664

Anything's possible when you use 4chan /tg/.

I am on a meme.

>> No.16141082

Who's the actor in the original commercial?

>> No.16141519

>>16141082

Isaiah Mustafa

>> No.16141902

bump

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