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/tg/ - Traditional Games


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16113201 No.16113201 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

You have all been gathered here tonight from near and far across the realm; united under a common banner towards the cause of defeating our common foe. At times, they have broken our strongest blades and arrows; and at other times, our greatest plots and schemes. Individually, we have no nope of defeating it; but together, perhaps we may be able to answer this one simple question.

How do we defeat humanity?

>> No.16113262

>>16113201
Communism. Then introduce plenty of fecal matter into all of their drinkable water supplies. Also, drop some lovely decaying corpses into the mix, just because you can.

>> No.16113284

Why do you persist on fighting? Can't we negotiate? Or just surrender?
>Totallynotahumanspy.jpeg

>> No.16113320

Breed a race of infertile nympho monster waifus

watch humanity die

>> No.16113480

>>16113320
All waifus would have to be completely unappealing to the monster population. Also, all women would need to be slowly replaced with these replacement waifus.

>> No.16113510

>>16113480
>slowly replaced
you underestimate the male sex drive, women would be replaced in weeks. and honestly who only has sex for procreation? just get rid of the sperm banks and the population would drop dramatically
then there's all the farmers and laborers that would stop working

>> No.16113518
File: 9 KB, 200x231, hellyeah.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16113518

MY NAME IS MR. NAMUH, YES, THAT'S IT...I COME FROM SOMEPLACE VERY FAR AWAY


I THINK WE SHOULD GIVE THEM ALL OUR GOLD SO THEY STOP BREAKING INTO OUR HOUSES AND KILLING US

>> No.16113527

Bio-weapons, OP.

It's the only feasible solution.

>> No.16113550
File: 169 KB, 500x500, Finking_wiz_siantz.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16113550

WUT IF WE TOOK ALL DA HUMIES AND POOSHED EM SOMEWHERE ELSE?

>> No.16113577

>>16113510
>women would be replaced in weeks
You know, if we do it all speedy like, someone might actually notice what madness we were up to.

>>16113518
No. I like my money right the fuck where it is. Go buy us some hookers and blow if you want to be broke that badly.

>> No.16113608

>>16113550
.... THIS MAN IS A GENIUS

GIVE ME A LONG ENOUGH LEVER AND I SHALL MOVE THE HEAVENS!

>> No.16113614

>>16113550
This... is the best plan ever. Let's do it!

LLEEEERRRROOOOYYYYY~

>> No.16113699
File: 133 KB, 612x612, got-moustache-still-wanna-add-fake-moustache.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16113699

Hello, I'm not anyone suspicious but a simple human hater passing by. I hate humans all the day and wish they were dead, grrr.
I completely agree with Mr. Namuh's splendid proposition, since it is widely known fact that human are allergic to gold. I happen to know that other substances inimical to them are booze, weed and coke, which should be piled up in large quantities near human habitats. That'll should do short work of them!

Also, my neighbour Ms. Realmonster told me that once she succeeded in driving humans away with a pair of prostitutes (brunettes, preferably asian), you might want to try that.

>> No.16113737

>>16113550
ALL OFS MAH TEEF!!!

>> No.16113763

>>16113699
actually part of this could work. all we have to do is get some of that 400 proof ale the dwarves can make and start mass producing it. alchohol poisoning and automobiles would solve the rest

>> No.16113785

let's share different parts of our technology and learning with select groups of humans, and incite them to war against one another. Man's impulse to destroy himself is not to be underestimated.

>> No.16113802
File: 310 KB, 256x231, RacesChangelingMale.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16113802

Children, children.

You seem to be implying that they're not already doomed.

Our highest members are just keeping up the facade. One word and it all comes crashing down.

>> No.16113809

by posting moeshit in /tg/

>> No.16113830

>>16113785
Humans are cunning and, above all, adapatable.

Even if we were to share flawed designs to them, it is not unreasonable to assume that we would one day have to face our own weapons turned against us

>> No.16113835

>>16113201
Dude a humans weak point is its head. For those of you who don't know what a head is, its the top part of the human's body. It has all the sensory organs and the main cognitive nerve.

One bullet to the head is usually all it takes.

Its not all that complicated

>> No.16113876

>>16113830
humans are apes, guided only by their drive to destroy and conquer. The sole meaning of human existence is to acquire power and wealth by warring against others. If we give them things to be fought over then they shall surely fight over them. Even if a single man emerges as the victor, his strength will be much-sapped by his long wars of conquest.

>> No.16113877

We outfuck humanity.

They don't have the stamina to keep up with us in prolonged campaigns, or prolonged bacchanals.

>> No.16113886
File: 27 KB, 466x594, Shalelu_Scary.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16113886

SPEAKING FOR THE WOOD ELVES, WE'VE BEEN TESTING A HYPOTHESIS REGARDING THIS SORT OF PLAN FOR ABOUT 120 YEARS NOW. IT IS NUANCED AND INCLUDES A SEVENTEEN STEP PROGRAM WITH MULTIPLE PERMUTATIONS BASED ON PREDICTABLE VARIABLES, BUT THE LONG AND SHORT OF IT IS:

WE FUCK THEM. ALL. WE TESTED THIS IN GOSSIA, IT WENT WELL. THE KEY IS REMEMBERING THAT HUMANS ARE INCAPABLE OF ABORTING FETUSES WITH ABSOLUTE SAFETY. OFTEN THEY WILL NOT EVEN TRY.

THEREFORE, EVERY HUMAN WOMAN THAT IS IMPREGNATED ADDS A HALF-ELF TO THEIR NUMBER. HALF ELVES CAN, AND HAVE BEEN, RE-BRED INTO ELVISH SOCIETY BEFORE. IT TAKES TWO GENERATIONS TO REMOVE ALL TRACES OF HUMAN LINEAGE BEYOND A SLIGHTLY BROADER JAWLINE AND THICKER EYEBROWS. (OH HOW AWFUL.)

SIMILARLY, ELVISH WOMEN IMPREGNATED CAN ABORT THE INFANT OR SIMPLY CARRY IT TO TERM AND DEPOSIT IT SOMEWHERE IN HUMAN LANDS.

THE KEY HERE IS NOT TO FUCK HALF ELVES, ONLY HUMANS. ENCOURAGE HALF ELVES TO ALSO FUCK HUMANS. VERY FEW HUMANS WILL CHOOSE ANOTHER HUMAN OVER AN ELF, WE CAN DEMONSTRATE THIS PRETTY EMPIRICALLY, AND SO, WITHIN 2-3 GENERATIONS OF CONCERTED FUCKING, I BELIEVE THAT WE CAN BREED THE HUMAN RACE OUT OF EXISTENCE.

WE ARE BLUE. THEY ARE RED. THE RESULT -WILL- BE PURPLE, THERE IS ONLY ONE QUESTION YOU NEED ASK YOURSELF:

VIOLET, OR BURGUNDY?

WE COULD ALSO JUST MURDER THEM ALL. YOU KNOW. LIKE HALFWAY THROUGH THE FUCKING.

>> No.16113905
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16113905

We've got a weapon in waiting, descended from the mighty FTW device of Boatmurder Fortress, the DOMAIN anti-everything defense system can be yours for only 10 Billion Dwarfbucks. What says ye?

>> No.16113912

Why don't we just get all our wizards together near a human kingdom and attempt some kind of mass sundering. Humans are useless without weapons to protect them!

>> No.16113933

>>16113886
This iiiiiis... a good plan.

>> No.16113935
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16113935

>>16113876
That's pretty rich coming from another hominid. Just because you got some sort of bullshit early start on evolution doesnt mean your crap doesn't stink.

>> No.16113952

>>16113614
I regret to report a serious setback in Operation "Push the Humans Away". While initial pushing gave promising results, the pushed human quickly became cross and punched me in the nose. Further attempts yielded similar results, except with the young and the elderly, who either cried or fell over. Also, does anybody have some ice?

>> No.16113953

>>16113876
Underestimating your opponent can only lead to defeat. One does not simply rush into the business of shifting an entire civilization based on hasty assumptions.

The idea that mankind is brutish and warlike belies a cruel ingenuity bred into their very genetic code.

While they may fight against each other, gods help us all if they ever come to perceive a common enemy threatening their mutual existence.

>> No.16113955
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16113955

BAH! Talk-talk! Nothing more! Meeting is silly-silly.

Need action. Need guns. Need miners in good locations. Need bombs, and gas, and flying death.

Total War, demi-things.

DO YOU SPEAK IT?

>> No.16113968

Fellow fae I have travelled into the seed underbelly of the human city known as the Fourth Channel! Once there I infiltrated the clan known as the Hunters of Traditional Game. It was while their that I discovered their seedy secret and they way in which we will defeat them.

You see, the warriors of the clan secretly desire to copulate with the females of our kind in a ritual known as "elf raep, wat do." I we therefore leave a few "helpless" females along the main roads then we can defeat them using only ambushes and guerilla tactics!

>> No.16113973

>>16113886
What the fuck, the elves have a good plan. Shit.

>> No.16113982

We will cull them at their sources. One by one, the "cities" of these vermin shall be cleansed, and what survives will be destroyed. For are we not their superiors? Their forefathers? Man is nothing before us.

>> No.16113983
File: 73 KB, 400x454, Zarus' Holy Symbol by Wayne England.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16113983

>>16113886
Do that and the Zarites end up flipping the fuck out and waging a genocidal campaign.
This is a Very Bad Thing.

>> No.16113986
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16113986

Get this crap out'a here.

>> No.16114019

>>16113983
The zarites are isolated. The Wood Elf speaks of a wise plan but... I think one that would best be implemented over a century rather then a decade
I myself believe that a campaign of cultural domination rather then military might will be the key. If the enemy now speaks your language, works your farms, wields a sword paid for by you, well... he is no longer your enemy. He is you.
>>16113955
War war war. Is that all you beasts can think of?

>> No.16114020
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16114020

>>16113982
>rape
>elf
Sure, den dey's can burn water.

>> No.16114070
File: 46 KB, 482x632, warhammer1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16114070

>>16114019
Wot else is dere? Yoo is muckin' about.

>> No.16114080

>>16113953
let me propose an alternative to that plan, one which does not hold the inherent danger of exposing us to defeat by our own weapons.

Let the great sages of elves, and dwarves, and gnomes forge and anoint a crown. Have them declare that he who wins dominion over man shall wear the crown and in so doing be blessed with eternal life. This will launch the kings of man into an endless cycle of war, one from which we can abstain ourselves as the petty kingdoms fight for our favors. If one king grows too powerful some of us shall aid his rivals so that he is pushed back. Through a watchful eye we can maintain a balance of power and constant enmity between the princes of man. Divided, he poses no threat to us.

>> No.16114082

>>16114020
Why don't you say that to my face you pigfaced sonova....

>> No.16114099
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16114099

Lookz, I'z just a goblin, I'z not the smartest or the strongest, but I survived an attack from humans. Me and me boyz, we went and attacked a human caravan, get some food, maybe some shinies. Cut down the little ones and the lumpy screamy ones, and most of the bigguns, but we didn't quite get one. He was cut up bad, we thought he was dead, cause a goblin would have died from that. So bout a month later, this lunatic with all them whatchacallit, bandages on his face, he burst in, hurling fire and lightning from his hand like it weren't nothing, killed almost all the boyz, woulda got me too if I wasn't the best hider. And I knew it was the biggun, in a months time he learned magic, just for revenge.

So, whatz I'm tryin' ta say, make sure you kill them all if you're gonna kill 'em, because I don't wanna know what the last one will do for revenge.

>> No.16114104

>>16114080
Humans do have wizards, you know.
What do you say when they realize that it isn't an immensely powerful magical artifact? "Sorry"?

>> No.16114105

>>16113802
So...you're saying that we should bring back the glam rock?

>> No.16114117

>>16114019
Humans don' wish tae live as we do. They don' want oor culture, they wan' theirs, lass.

>> No.16114137

Give the humans fatty slabs of meat continuously. Humans love to eat and eat, so they will get obese. They will no energy to defend when we come and murder them....If they don't die of heart attacks or strokes first.

>> No.16114147

>>16114105
Absolutely.

>> No.16114150

>>16114080
But again this puts us in the state of having heavily armed human kingdoms on a constant war footing.

The idea though.... I think is sound. To truly bridle the human race, that must be our goal, to make it so that our continued is intertwined invariably in their own.

We have to ensure that humanity is dependent on us.

Suggestions?

>> No.16114164
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16114164

Why do you want to defeat humanity in the first place?

They can give us nothing of value. Not even as slaves.

>> No.16114176

You know this will sound crazy but how about we stop trying to undermine humanity and try to work together. Seriously.

>> No.16114187

>>16113699
>I happen to know that other substances inimical to them are booze, weed and coke, which should be piled up in large quantities near human habitats. That'll should do short work of them!
That is a very good plan, although it needs some fine-tuning.
1. Do not "pile them up". Sell them. Sell them, and gradually raise the prices.
2. Establish organisation of middle-men, among humans, who will do actual pushing and trafficking. They will become our lackeys in no timee. support them and help them strengthen their stranglehold on human societies - and watch them degenerte.
3. Introduce more potent and deadly substances over time. Humans will gladly use hem as well. They will inject poisons in themselves that melts their flesh and kills them in two months - and they will pay all they have and all they will manage to steal from others for that.
That are some basics. Other measures, political and economical, that will destroy and collapse humans even as they will cheer and help along with their own destruction i will delve in later.

>> No.16114189

What if we make them reliant on some good or service they think only we can provide?

Instead of offering them a crown of immortality, we offer to perform for them some manner of ritual which will grant the human of our choosing eternal life. Then we have them compete in challenges of our choosing to be the recipient.

>> No.16114218

>>16114082
Den wut would you do, elf? Run away'n shoot arrows at me?

>> No.16114222
File: 29 KB, 320x320, 1293950722761.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16114222

>>16113201
Does enslaving them count as defeating them?

Because i say we just include them into our empire as a lesser species and outsource all our menial industry to earth.

>> No.16114224

>>16114150
Request alliances with human kingdoms. Offer to have your bureaucrats take over the tedious businesses of economic planning, taxation, city planning, cultural policies, and everything else that human kings don't want because they're always at war. Always. Loan them money, tighten your own belt so that they don't have to tighten theirs. Ensure that you work tirelessly to hamstring their societal development, don't allow them to educate their people, don't allow them to gain surplus wealth, let them pour it all into the military and let the little boys fight like they love to.

After four or five generations of this, they won't remember what life was like without Elves running the numbers for them while they fight, and you will have become totally integral to their civilization.

Other human kingdoms will do this as well, so as to remain competitive. Once they're all working for us, we can keep them in a state of perpetual, brutal, culturally ethnically religiously and economically motivated warfare until they are so weak that we can simply absorb what is left of them and outbreed them in their own countries, as-per >>16113886.

>> No.16114229

>>16114222
They'll be running your empire in a week, cow-man. And you'll thank them for it.
THAT is why they must be destroyed.

>> No.16114238
File: 496 KB, 1636x1000, orks_by_skor2d-d420tor.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16114238

>>16114222
OR WE KRUMP DEM.
AN' KRUMP YOO.

>> No.16114248
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16114248

The undead withdraw interest in a confrontation with man.

Though we will gladly pick up your delicious pieces after the conflict.

>> No.16114250

>>16114218
Or maybe I'll just cut your throat and take your ears as trophies?

>> No.16114253
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16114253

>>16114224
Bullshit.
If humans just willingly let other species do everything important for them, they would be no problem. This is why you elves are useless.

>> No.16114271

>>16114250
I's a warrior, elf. Elfs is useless in a fight.
What'd happen is I'd beat you down an' fuck you.

>> No.16114280

>>16114253
If you do it better for them, and you do it for free, they will take you up on it. Humans are business savvy, so they will know a good deal when they see one. And that is exactly what we're offering them: A good deal, an unlimited line of credit.

What we're also offering them is slavery ten generations down the line. They probably /will/ see that coming, but I don't think they'll care. Humans are more willing to sell their souls than they are to light their own hearths.

>> No.16114295

>>16114271
Yeah, an' what do you think I got this bleeding knife for? Cuting posies?

Face it greenskin I was cutting throats before you even crawled outta the mud, and I could have you down on the ground, completely in my power like that!

>> No.16114299

You are implying you want to defeat humanity. Ask yourselves this. In generations from now, you will have a meeting to determine how to defeat the elves. And then the dwarves, the orcs, the gnomes.... It is a vicious cycle.

>> No.16114303

Guys, we tried this once, remember? We made the Pornonet. Only they went and took that unlimited amount of porn available in their homes and turned it into something almost useful.

>> No.16114309

>>16114187
We shall start the propaganda of human rights, freedom and such. We will set them as a standard to be achieved, and those who do not follow will be lauded as vbilains. Weshall find humans who will be our mouthpieces, it is not that hard. We will tie those freedoms nd rights with free spread of our weapons - first, narcotics, and next - loans that we shall give them with the money earned.
In no time humans will be paying us interests that will continue to pile up. The kingdom of men will then be easily turned on each other in search for profit - and by controlling the flow of gold we will decide who will the victors be - and then collapse their economies and societies as needed.
We will empower criminal organisations that distribute our "trade goods" and eventually will pit them against goverments. Chaos will ensue, and the rule of greed and brutality will replace the rule of law and order. Even while we do that, we will offer a safe haven for those humans whose talents could have benefitted their race, and take them as our minions, so that no svior can arise.
In the end, when humans are wrring like wild animals against each other, they will be fully in our power.

>> No.16114319

>>16114271
>>16114295
Are these two .... flirting with each other?

Are they going to fuck or something?

>> No.16114324

>>16114280
Despite what you may think, the advisers of kings are generally competent. Sometimes even the kings are competent.
They would tell the kings "What the elves are trying to do is enslave us slowly. Do you wish to become known as the king that willingly sold his people into slavery?"
Humans aren't complete idiots. We won't fuck them into extinction like you idiots think because they aren't enough elves and they breed like rats. You want to kill them? Use subterfuge, or magic. Don't enslave them. Don't even try. Proposing slavery will automatically make you an enemy in their eyes.

>> No.16114340

>>16114295
An' you's still dies like any human I's come across. Elfs can't fight.
I'd have you on da ground in three seconds. Den the fun'd begin.

>> No.16114347

>>16114253
>If humans just willingly let other species do everything important for them, they would be no problem
Look at the history of humans. That time after time they let outsiders do something important for them and come into ruin because of that is easily apparent.

>> No.16114353

>>16114347
Other species?
Like when?

>> No.16114367
File: 759 KB, 840x1200, 1314230981008.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16114367

>>16114248
Is there ever a time where the undead do something other than eat, rule and abide?

No and thats why we're fucking amazing.

>> No.16114369
File: 160 KB, 800x962, 100TC___39__Kawaii_by_Choco_Doodle.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16114369

>>16114340
Hah, the only fun would be when I took this blade and shoved it so far up your-
>>16114319
I... what?!?

NO

Gods above no!

>> No.16114394

>>16114369
You elfs always want da dicks of young races.
Why else is dere lots of half-elves? We does it, too, but we rapes dem to do it.
Dat's why you's can't rape an elf. You's love it.

>> No.16114406

>>16114324
>Despite what you may think, the advisers of kings are generally competent
That is rarely the case. In human society rise of one in his station is commonly determined by how useful and inoffensive he is to others, not how competent it is - that is the mark of bureacracy. That's why nobodies end up as rulers after some two or three generations.
Sometimes, true visionary appears and in even rarer cases his rise isn't impeded by those envious to him. Those people should be eliminated, disarmed or subverted early on.
As for the "enemy" bit: we should change the mentality and language, so that "evil elf", "elf is an enemy" would be self-contradictory and meaningless statements, like "cold fire" or gazebo hates you". We have superior culture - we can use it as a tool in achieving this particulr goal.

>> No.16114425

>>16113201
How about we all just travel through time 200-some years? By then humanity should have wiped itself out pretty thoroughly

>> No.16114428

>>16114189
Yeah right, like what? We don't have the infrastructure to produce anything here in the Elven Kingdoms, since land's bounty is more than enough to fulfill all our material needs, and only trade we have perfected over the millenia is the proud elven ladyboy tradition. Sure, we're the providers of the world's finest sexually ambiguous companionship services, but that's not enough to make humans dependent on us, is it?

>> No.16114430

>>16114406
You claim you are superior, but you are dying to humanity. And you cannot change language without changing everyone's subconcious.

>> No.16114449

>>16114428
Wait, there are male elves?

>> No.16114465

>>16114394
You shut your mouth you filthy greenskin or I swear I'll make you wish I stuck this knife where the sun shineth not

>> No.16114466

>>16114353
I said outsiders, not different species. There is a difference here. When appealing to human history, as i did, it is impossible to take other species into account without specifying a world.
s for example: americans took the gravely important right of money emission and gave it away from their hands to a agal of bankers, and were all too happy to do that.

>> No.16114478

>>16114466
But those weren't a completely different species renowned for its sneakiness.

>> No.16114481

>>16114465
I bet you's dream about orcs stickin' somefin else where da sun don't shine.

>> No.16114482

>>16114478
...This is the wrong time for a Jew joke.

>> No.16114487

>>16114482
Oh, c'mon.
I ALMOST wrote "race", but it'd be too obvious.

>> No.16114488

>>16114449
Uhh, yeah, there's something you ought to know about all those so-called 'female' elves...

>> No.16114493
File: 5 KB, 453x499, 1298377011662.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16114493

I eerh...

I have... uhm..

... an idea?

How about we urhm.. if we.. if we make someone dress up as humans and urhm...

... rub their noses for them?

When someone walk in on them they will be so ashamed that they will flee and never se seen again.

Oh god please dont kill me...

>> No.16114502

>>16114488
But they have vaginas AND anuses.
Well, usually.

>> No.16114507

>>16114481
.... we're going to have hatesex on top of the conference table, aren't we?

>> No.16114509
File: 27 KB, 320x463, 320px-Gundam.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16114509

We build giant, ride-able robot weapons for the humans and make sure they only work via lethal amounts of radiation and MUST be operated in the nude. One after another they will climb into it, slay their brethren, and succumb to radiation poisoning.

>> No.16114510

>>16114493
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIeSGUK-Lyo

Erm, forgive me, but the Rap Elf delegation is tendering its alarm that you were allowed into this meeting.

>> No.16114511
File: 155 KB, 445x759, Kobold.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16114511

>>16114493
The fuck are you?

>> No.16114522

>>16114511
>>16114493

... adoooorableeeee that's what he is!

>> No.16114527

>>16114507
Yar, prob'ly.
I's gonna assume you's a woman an' go from dere.

>> No.16114528

>>16114430
>you cannot change language without changing everyone's subconcious
And that can be achieved in under two generations with enough determination. One needs to be blind and deaf to not notice that.

Elven superiority lies in their ability to survive indefinitely as the society. Humans, on the other hand, after a fewof pitiful millenia hit the limits of natural resources hard and their civilization perish, leaving wastelands nd ruins.

>> No.16114531

WAIT GUYS.
What if we...
Are you listening? Seriously here.
What if we STOPPED being the antagonists?
I know, you think I'm crazy. But if we became the protagonists instead of the humans?
Then maybe, just maybe...

>> No.16114541

>>16114531
YES

THEN WE WOULD BE PROTECTED BY PLOT ARMOR

>> No.16114546

>>16114528
Still how can you make them change their language? And the whole Language=Thought theorem was proven to be bullshit. Cold fire is an oxymoron, yet we can imagine a fire that feels cold instead of hot.

>> No.16114550

>>16114531
>>16114541
And how do you propose we do that?
We're never the protagonists.

>> No.16114558
File: 22 KB, 395x300, frodo.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16114558

Why don't we just throw the humans into Mount Doom?

>> No.16114564
File: 80 KB, 400x564, advent_calendar_dec_3_by_bobbaji-d344rgw.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16114564

>>16114527
Good eye.

I top.

There will be whips and possibly a brand, depending how drunk I need to get.

>> No.16114566

>>16114550
You'd have to become the underdog and more relatable than the other side. So you have to make humans perform a campaign of genocide on you.

>> No.16114568

>>16114550
Well... what if we became more... stay with me on this... detailed
So that some of us were multifaceted and could provide depth!

Then we'd be shoe ins as protagonists!

>> No.16114574
File: 360 KB, 750x690, 1290604781841.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16114574

>>16114511
I am the dungeon master of our local group. What are you?

>> No.16114581

>>16114564
We'll see 'bout dat, elf.
I's an orc. Da stronger one tops.

>> No.16114589

>>16114566
How do you propose we make all humans everywhere do that?
>>16114568
That's crazy talk.

>> No.16114593

>>16114546
Cultural transfer.
Books. Songs. Music. Tales. Dramas. Hymns. Holidays. etcetera.
Remember how humans first met an elf in Silmarillion? That's the principle we are coming from.

>> No.16114597

>>16114581
Fine, if you can think you can handle the ride, you ugly son of a bitch.

>> No.16114602

>>16114593
They won't switch their language, and won't adapt new terms unless they are useful.

>> No.16114605

>>16114589
No really! If we stopped being defined by single characteristics, like orcs being strong or Halflings being doped out of their minds, then who knows what we could achieve as far as a detailed adventure goes?

>> No.16114609

Hey I've got an idea? Humans like pie, right? What if we bake, like, a pie, right? Like, a pie so good that humans'll want it, right? And we put in a room somewhere, with like, an orc or something guarding it. Humans come along looking for pie, and then bop! the orc kloks 'em one. Then we just wait for enough of them to get hungry, right, that they'll all come for the pie, cause then they'll all get boped!

And then we eat the pie!

>> No.16114615

This is the plan. Orcs, elves, make orc-elves. Dwarves, kobolds, make the orc-elves giant suits of magical armor. Gnomes and everyone else, make something awesome to add to the magical armor. Once our orc-elf magical powerarmor wearing hero is read, cast enlarge person on the whole shabang.

>> No.16114617

>>16114597
I will. Don' know if you'll break, dough, you twiggy knife ear.

>> No.16114624

Perhaps if we developed some sort of technology or device that made their lives easier... so easier that all of their other skills atrophied as they focused more and more of their lives on these objects, or they come to rely on this device or service so much that it becomes integral to their society

>> No.16114627

>>16113886
Esteemed colleagues, while this proposal sounds valid on the surface, I've done the math and found out that there is no way this project could ever work. There are three major problems:
1. While it is true that human features of half-elves can be bred out in two generations, the reverse is also true. A half-elf breeding with a human produces almost always human offspring, and two half-elves are incapable of producing a true-blooded elf child.
2. The sizes of breeding population are vastly skewed to human's favor. Although there are regional variables, in general human breeding stock outnumbers elves 10:1
3. The time required for an elf to reach puberty is significantly longer than for humans. In the time before a trueblooded elf is capable of reproduction humans have already passed two generations - that is, a human will already have grandchildren before an elven girl even starts thinking about boys.

All these points combined make it virtually impossible for elves to breed humans to extinction. Even if we were to force all elven males of one generation to breed solely with humans (meaning no trueblooded elves born), we would hardly make even a dent in the human population.

However, there is an another point to consider. As we all know elves have been in decline for centuries, and there is a real possibility that within few millenia our race will simply vanish. Some extremists have proposed a program to forcibly breed into human race as a way to stave the inevitable. For the aforementioned reasons this wouldn't save our race, but it would ensure that elf genes would be maintained recessively in the human populus, which, in a way, is a form of immortality. Instead of living only in their memories, we could also live in their blood.

>> No.16114634

>>16114609
Who let the kender in here?
Also, where's my coinpurse?
>>16114605
Don't be absurd. Depth is for humans.

>> No.16114635

>>16114617
Hah, this twig is like old hickory tusk face. I've been toughened by a hundred years of skull fucking your ancestors. If anyone's going to break it'll be you.

>> No.16114655

>>16114635
Den I'll haf to soften you up, won' I?
For my ancestor's sake.

>> No.16114669

>>16114602
Their history suggests otherwise.
Maybe you should suggest your measures, instead of overestimating their practical-mindness, cultural integrity, intelligence of their social entities and other qualities?

>> No.16114742

>>16114655
Right, right for honor and all that crap, now stand still while I go get the collar.

( I know this is kinda awkward but... you wanna continue this in private?

>> No.16114754
File: 59 KB, 579x720, Glados_side[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16114754

>>16114609
I tried that with cake.

Didn't work.

>> No.16114776

>>16114742
Like what, IRC?

>> No.16114783

>>16114669
Still if they already have a word for sandwhich they aren't gonna replace it with another word because why bother? You can already call them sandwhiches. And the Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis was debunked ages ago.

>> No.16114793

>>16114776
That or AIM

>> No.16114803

>>16114793
I don't give out AIM. Bad experiences.

>> No.16114815

>>16114803
S'okay buddy. Hell, if you don't want to do this it's fine with me

>> No.16114819

Sometimes I wish /tg/ could get over its enormous boner for shitty HFY.

>> No.16114825
File: 30 KB, 400x308, m1-tank-classic.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16114825

Fuck this shit, The humans just invented what they call a 'tank'.

>> No.16114833

>>16114815
It's just that I don't usually make a habit of it. You know.

>> No.16114844
File: 121 KB, 650x787, RMCute.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16114844

>>16114825
That's cute. We domesticated something called a "rust monster" thousands of years ago.

>> No.16114845

1.Fire a nuclear missile at the U.S.
2.Watch as everyone reacts to this.
3.????
4.Profit.

1.Make AIDS airborne.
2.???
3.Profit.

>> No.16114855

>>16114833
heh, completely understandable.

All things considered it's completely reasonable. Ah. If you're still interested I set up a chat room on suptg irc though.

Only if you're interested

>> No.16114858

>>16114844
They made it out of Bronze Chrome and titanium.

>> No.16114865

>>16114855
I might.

>> No.16114870

>>16114858
Or we could just wrap the damn thing in plastic, ceramic, or give the tank the gauntlets of rust enchantment.

>> No.16114881

>>16114865
Try #elf

I'm waiting big boy~

>> No.16114988

>>16114858
Amusingly, that makes no difference at all. A rust monster prefers ferrous metals, but it can consume any.

>> No.16115071

>>16114783
>And the Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis was debunked ages ago.
According to Wiki, only in strong form - and its weak form was confirmed

>> No.16115117

>>16114881


...you better post this somewhere.

>> No.16115410
File: 21 KB, 540x539, Crusader.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16115410

>still no plan how to defeat humans

you guys are pathetic.
Humans can effectively outbreed you, outthink you and out-do you in art of war and destruction.
How can you hope to defeat them?
And don't try to destry their societies from within: they've been doing this to themselves for how long and look where they got with it.

>> No.16115425

>>16114988
Plastic coating

>> No.16115439

>>16115410
There's no point in arguing with /tg/ about human superiority, because there are a bunch of people who go nuts about it and must have it in any setting they design or participate in. It doesn't matter that humans are defined in D&D terms by their lack of advantages *and* disadvantages so that each race has at least one area where it is somewhat superior to humans. Reasoned argument on why anyone might contest a race of 1HD humanoids will not work here. People are too erect over the possibility of conquering all those other fantasy races and raping them, or whatever the fuck the appeal is in a universe of humans and then a bunch of uninteresting weaklings.

>> No.16115449

First we kill all the economists. No one will notice since no one actually considers them human.
Then we give everyone in the world money. Treasures and gems, things fit for an Emperor. They're too busy thanking us to realize that we just fucked up their economy.
Then we sit back and enjoy the show.

>> No.16115472

Ahem
Now that the orc representative is occupied elsewhere, i have another suggestion to make, that concerns his race.
The gist of the plan is to make orcs the slaves of humans.
What will that achieve, you ask me?
1. Increased social differentiation beween slave-owners and those who are not. If all goes right, magnats will appear who will rise on their cheap slave labour and dominate their surroundings.
2. That disbalance as a consequence will give birth to social unrest and instability, as on one hand slave-owners will have littleto no regards to law due to their power and others will go to the extreme measures to survive against concurention.
3. That's where orc mercenaries start coming in as a mean for rich slave-drivers to deal with each other, pesky goverment and rabble beneath them.
4. Meanwhile, orcs breed like they do and intermingle with humans, leading to large and growing orc and half-orc population.
5. Eventually situation will devolve into civil war and/or slave rebellions, wherein our intervention shall deal with those two problems in one decisive blow!!!

>> No.16115502
File: 23 KB, 356x318, dragon.gif.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16115502

Gentlemen, gentlemen, please.

We dragons have long held the solution to the problem of humanity.

True, we've been accused of being one note wonders, kidnapping maidens and BBQ-ing the men.

However, we have made significant strides in our final plan.

In human form, we have infiltrated several major human cities. Disguised as clerics and wizards, we have created great artifacts of healing. These artifacts will heal everyone in the city of any ailment or malady, no matter how small.

But wait, I hear you say. How does healing them help us?

The answer is simple, you idiot lesser beings. The magical devices not only heal people, but make men infertile and unable to get it up.

This will leave entire cities full of sterile men and delicious, fertile young virgin maidens.

Should they abandon the towns, they'll be outside their defenses and their maidens will be ours.

And it was all the plan of ME! THE GREAT DRAGON ASHCHENN!

ALL HAIL THE ASCHENN PLAN!

>> No.16115511

>>16115410
>look where they got with it
You know, "where they got" doen't look all that hope-inducing for humanity. nor it is the best possible position it could have, with all those societies crumbled, civilizations lost and whatnot.

The main question is, though, one of population growth. "Humans outbreeding" is NOT in fact a given. I'd like an analisys to be made of possible population growth rates - and of mostoutstanding population losses with historical examples.

>> No.16115520
File: 19 KB, 195x278, zaius.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16115520

>They have problems with humans

By the Great Ape... Just put them in a cage and lobotomize them for goodness sake.

>> No.16115528

>>16115449
Oh, yes, because a crippled economy has killed us already. You might as well kill environmentalists.

>> No.16115539

>>16115502
>makes people infertile
Yeah, saw this coming a mile away. Too bad the country bumpkins will still be standing at the end of the day.

>> No.16115544

Guys, why don't we just rape all the humans?

>> No.16115553

>>16115539
I suppose the plan for "country bumpkins" was to just catch, roast and ea them, as they lack adequate defences from dragons' attack...

>> No.16115554
File: 14 KB, 322x312, dragon_2.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16115554

>>16115539
We dragons like those small towns, they tend to be properly fearful, poorly defended, and on time with their tribute of young maidens.

Besides, they never produce any meaningful resistance. It's not like a lone survivor of some farming village I burned down last week will somehow manage to go on a one man quest and de-virginize all the women in the large cities, exploiting the one weakness in our spell.

That would be absurd.

>> No.16115556

I can't decide if I should go nosy at those horribly ERP-ers or not.

>> No.16115558

>>16115544
They'll breed that way. I suppose that's another method of getting rid of them, but that kills everyone, and it will take several generations.

>> No.16115565

>>16115553
Right until you find a retired adventurer who can take a dragon in single combat.
>>16115554
Because that isn't literally half of all stories involving dragons right?

>> No.16115583
File: 85 KB, 768x1024, 1293689840945.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16115583

We'll take their shinies! They'll be powerless without shinies!

>> No.16115593

>>16115528
I said everyone. Even the Africans.

>> No.16115599

>>16115593
Okay, so all currencies that are based on gold are useless, still doesn't kill the entire species.

>> No.16115612
File: 50 KB, 400x310, kender.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16115612

Okay, guys. How about we "borrow" all their stuff, then, once they're dead from starvation, we tell them it was all a joke, and give it back?

>> No.16115634
File: 295 KB, 707x557, guts_epic.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16115634

>>16115612

I have a better idea. I hack you into small chunks of flesh and bone, then toss your remains into the sea.

Fuckin' non-humans.

>> No.16115642

>>16113201

Make an asymptomatic air and body fluid transferring disease that carries through genetics that causes sterility in humans alone.

>> No.16115688

>>16115634
Hey, man, why don't you chill out? Hang out with your mercenary mates or something?..
Oh wait, they are all dead..
Well, a nice chat and whatnot with your girlfriend should cheer you up. Oh, is she still a wreck from that rape you didn't prevent? Well, too bad.
Sincerely yours, Griffith.

>> No.16115690
File: 390 KB, 645x389, kyubey-is-still-creepy.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16115690

If we leave them alone, surely a race that quarrels among itself thanks to its mental disability called "emotions" will inevitably destroy itself?

>> No.16115735
File: 126 KB, 400x320, skynet.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16115735

Proposal For Most Effective Course Of Action: Seal Them Into A Virtual Reality Where They Think Everything Is Okay. Nothing Can Go Wrong.

>> No.16115749

>>16115690
You've really hit upon something here. We don't need to destroy the humans. We can make them fight amongst and destroy themselves. It's simple. We simple need to make Humanity: 4th Edition.

>> No.16115750
File: 340 KB, 1400x1050, Guts_FANCY.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16115750

>>16115688

Species-traitors get no say here. Fuck off, you effeminate manchild.

>> No.16115758
File: 46 KB, 320x320, 320px-Computer-aj_aj_ashton_01.svg.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16115758

Foolish bio-creatures, it is apparent that we must first get them addicted to technology, and thus we shall destroy them from the inside!

>> No.16115761

>>16115634
I'd tear my hair out in frustration if its revealed that Guts is part-monster or descended from some famous hero

>> No.16115772

>>16115750
You are just mad 'cause i am styling on you, silly Black Swordsman

>> No.16115791
File: 426 KB, 430x533, griff1.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16115791

>>16115688

Don't put words in my bea-

>Griffith

Oh. Sorry.

We don't need to defeat humans. Just peace with them. Some will have to die. The bad ones. We will raise their children better. Teach peace. Better than slaughter.

>> No.16115792
File: 39 KB, 162x258, Auditor_of_Reality.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16115792

We must strike at their Belief, and we shall exterminate Humanity and Life itself.

>> No.16115815
File: 88 KB, 400x300, light-virus-1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16115815

We have killed more humans than all of you put together, now kindly leave us to our jobs, we have a head start on killing them all already.

>> No.16115868
File: 1.56 MB, 983x1073, Guts_RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16115868

>>16115772

SO MUCH RAGE. I WISH I COULD BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH YOUR FIRSTBORN CHILD.

>> No.16115883

>>16115761
I'd be fine with the famous hero part, people like him don't spring up from nothing. The other mercenaries in his group? Sure. Guys who are basically superhuman? Not so much.

>> No.16115907
File: 20 KB, 240x150, trollgriffon.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16115907

>>16115868

But why you mad, human?

>> No.16115922

>>16115907
He's always like that. I blame his armor, it's evil you know. I mean literally evil, it's trying to get him to kill his new crew and girlfriend.

>> No.16115950

Our ongoing efforts are quite effective. There already are former humans who willingly gave up their status as human beings. They call themselves furries, bronies, and otherkin, and are no longer human. Soon, all former humans shall be otherbronies, which will mark our victory.

>> No.16115960

>>16115922
The great thing about it, though?

Forged by Dwarves.

The Dwarves plan to exterminate humanity has already begun. Give Guts the Berserk Armor, flood the world with Magma after he's killed everyone.

>> No.16115973

>>16115950
This is why I plan to join the cyborg master-species and kill every human that doesn't take that next step.

>> No.16115980
File: 213 KB, 378x382, Tabbycatlook.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16115980

No, we need not Defeat them. They are already our slaves. And so will you be, soon. You wouldn't dare hit a kitty, would you? Gooood. Now fetch me my food.

>> No.16115991
File: 122 KB, 300x453, Cyborg_Head_01_by_mmarti.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16115991

By converting them to our better, more effective race.

>> No.16116070
File: 232 KB, 1200x1600, CATINMYPANTS.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16116070

>>16115980

You called?

>> No.16116095
File: 54 KB, 450x450, cyberman2.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16116095

>>16115991
YOU ARE INTERFERING WITH OUR UPGRADE PROGRAM.

>> No.16117637
File: 219 KB, 1590x1119, 1314386864069.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16117637

"Sons of /tg/, of 4chan, my brothers! I see in your eyes, the same fear that world take the heart of me. A day may come when the when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship. But it is not this day. An hour of war and shattered shields when the age of men comes crashing down. But it is not this day, this day WE FIGHT!"

>> No.16117728
File: 70 KB, 800x600, skaro.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16117728

WHY UPGRADE THE OBSOLETE? EXTERMINATE!!!! EXTERMINATE!!!! EXTERMINATE!!!!

>> No.16117759
File: 107 KB, 410x295, tenth-doctor.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16117759

>>16117728
I only look like a human, anyways.

>> No.16117780

>>16117759
No humans look time-lord, they were first.

>> No.16117874
File: 41 KB, 195x192, 1308437145949.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16117874

STOP! YOU HAVE VIOLATED THE LAW AND ARE HEREBY PLACED UNDER ARREST ACCRDING TO ARTICLE 17 SECTION 5 OF THE INTER-SPECIES COOPERATION TREATY, CONSPIRACY TO ELIMINATE A SENTIENT SPECIES.

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