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16059312 No.16059312 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Your father loves you very much, /tg/

What have you done for Papa Nurgle today?

>> No.16059326

My left arm got a new wound and it's bleeding for a long time. I know this pleased Khorne but does it count for Nurgle too?

>> No.16059338

I had a wank this morning and spaffed into my boxers, that was 3 hours ago - I'm still wearing those boxers.

>> No.16059344

I'm allowing sores in my mouth to become infected through neglect. Does that count?

>> No.16059351

I've served over 4,000 people substandard food, after wiping my diarrhea covered ass....without washing my hands afterward.

>> No.16059357

I have this mosquito bite that I can't stop picking at.

>> No.16059358

Why does that fat slob Nurgle have a pretty waifu and a good looking guy like me can't?

So unfair.

>> No.16059360

>>16059358
Shut up Slaanesh.

>> No.16059373

Nothing. Atrophy, ho!

>> No.16059375

My throat's sore but I'm not taking any medicine for it.

>> No.16059381

I was bored and laid around, my arm fell asleep and so now I'm not going to clip my toenails

>> No.16059386

>>16059360
FUCK YOU TZENKHN O GODNMABN BLOH I GET EHRE?! I'M NO GOED WTEH CUMPAH! AND WRITAHN IS HARDAN!

>> No.16059397

>>16059386
Why did you even get a computer anyway? Oh wait, I know.

>> No.16059401

>>16059360
>Try to get a pretty waifu
>Nurgle steals her

>Try to get a handsome husbandu
>Khorne breaks him to pieces

Slaansh, forever alone.

>> No.16059412

>>16059397
HERE TEHI PRAIZE MEH! GORE I LIEK!

>> No.16059414
File: 286 KB, 863x1200, kharnthebetrayer.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16059414

>>16059401
you raped all the other goddesses to death you infinifaggot god dammit i hate you so much i wish i could just hate you to death you ugly piece of shit your mother should have punched herself in the cunt the second you were convieved god damn i cant even begin to understand why you are allowed to live shit i will shove your fingernails up your own urethra, do you understand me? you better kiss your sweaty, wrinkled, ballsack goodbye and tell your hand you love her, because when i get done with you you're going to look like the inside of a diseased cyst i dont give a fuck who you are or where you live you can count on me to be there to bring your fucking life to a hellish end ill put you in so much fucking pain that itll make jesus being nailed to a cross in the desert look ike a fucking back massage on a tropical island i dont gie a fuck how tough you are how well you can fight, or how many fucking guns you own to protect yourself. ill fucking show up at your house when you arent at home. ill tunr on your gas stove burners on and let them waste gas. youre going to start stressing the fuck out, your blood pressure will triple, and youll have a fucking heart attack. youll go to a hospital for heart operation, and the last thing youll see when youre being operated on, wondering what ticking time bomb is in your chest waiting to go off. your recover fully from your heart surery. and when you walk out the front door of that hospital to go home, ill run you over with my fucking car out of nowhere and kill you. i just want you to know how easily i could fucking destroy your pathetic excuse of a life, but how id rather go to a great fucking lenght to make sure your lase remaining days are spent in a living, breathing fucking hell. it's too fucking late to save yourself, but dont bother comitting suicide either... i'll fucking resuscitate you and kill you again myself you bitchfaced faggot. welcome to hell, population: you. also you look funny

>> No.16059426

>>16059414
KHARN Y U GIEV MEH COMPUTERH?! IT 'S NO BLOOD NO SKULL.

>> No.16059431
File: 495 KB, 1003x750, 1311915674897.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16059431

>>16059401
Is this an /tg/ inside joke, or did he have a wife? i dont know nothing about it.

>> No.16059437

>>16059414
Ahhh, what a guy.

>> No.16059448
File: 654 KB, 814x1200, The_Betrayer_by_MajesticChicken.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16059448

>>16059426
KHORNE DUDEBRO DO YOU WANT TZEENTCH TO BE THE ONLY ONE WITH IT?
EXACTLY.

>> No.16059449

>>16059431
"The caged maiden"

Older fluff

>> No.16059452

>>16059431
Nurgle's wife is Isha, the Eldar goddess of healing and beauty and stuff.

He uses her to test his plagues as a sort of 'and this is what I did at work today, honey' thing. Then she tries to fix them and whispers the cures to mortals.

>> No.16059454

>>16059431
>>16059431
>>16059431
http://wh40k.lexicanum.com/wiki/Isha

Yes, he has a godess of healing he tests his rots on.

Also,
>>16059312
I have not taken a shower in weeks, papa.

>> No.16059461

>>16059431
Isha the Eldat goddess of life and fertility survived the birth of Slaanesh due to her purity.

Slaanesh wanted to violate her but suddenly out of no where comes Nurgle to save the day. Smacking Slaanesh with his double chin and carrying Isha off to his place.

She remains there with him to this day. He keeps her caged and feeds her his filthy and muck allday errday,

>> No.16059466

Prevented food poisonings, took antibiotics and cleaned everything with rubbing alcohol.

I worship malal, because I am a hispter faggot at that. Because all chaos worshippers are faggots, literal or figurative but they just don't want to admit it.

>> No.16059471

>>16059431

Chaos Daemons codex says Nurgle rescued Isha, Eldar goddess of healing, big tits and harvest, from Slaanesh and keeps her in a cage to feed her his newest plagues.

Khaine got torn to pieces by Khorne and Slaanesh.

Other Eldar gods and goddesses such as Asuryan the Phoenix King, Vaul the Smith God, Lileath the Maiden Goddess and Gea, Asuryan's wife were subjected to Slaanesh's full attentions.

>> No.16059472

>>16059448
UR R RIGHT. MAIVE I SHUOLD TKKE LSSNS OF KOMPUTERH.

>> No.16059483

>>16059472
EXACTLY. DON'T LET THE NERD BE THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN COMPUTER.

>> No.16059485

>>16059472
You should take lessons in typing Gothic.

>> No.16059489

As usual I scratch all my old wounds open, and I'm "working" from home because I'm sick.

>> No.16059494

ive been pucking all week, and biting my fingernails

>> No.16059495

>>16059485
ima GOING 2 UR PLACE TO SOEV AN AEX UP IN TYUR HAED.

>> No.16059504

>>16059461
Slaanesh got really mad and was like whatever dude, then he moved on to Khaine.

He beat up Khaine and humiliated him. And there was Khaine laying down helpless and vulnerable at the feet of Slaanesh. Slaanesh was just going to rape him then out of nowhere Khorne bursts into the scene.

Khorne was like No Slaanesh I can't let you do that he is mine. Slaanesh was already mad he was denied a lover so he wrestled Khorne for the ownership of Khaine.

Khaine was all like fuck this shit and expolded all over the place.

Then Slaanesh was sad and Khorne was maderer.

The End!

>> No.16059508

>>16059495
You'll only get lost in his blasted vortexes you fucking old geezer.

>> No.16059512

>>16059495
I'm counting it.

>> No.16059517
File: 878 KB, 750x2407, 1296996656776.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16059517

>>16059461
He seems to be a pretty romantic guy.

>> No.16059522

>>16059504
If Nurgle wanted Isha as a lover, then what were Khorne's intentions for Khaine?

>> No.16059527
File: 307 KB, 306x662, Angron.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16059527

>>16059495
GJHUWIBJN y7a8t6v 730129py rby93 h0283n`0v 2bnjg4towulp[ vgtlo;[]bq0g3[5'g2-2t6gybv 5ewq496 uyi ygrtaoiu6lognpsby5o;6uo5bgiun 8oieu
6V98QOTP9ON Y4OTIQW54BPY95OI2NY BU67
>>16059512
KIGA8HNG OAS948 B9GO6N5RW ET87 EA4OT678YH38THE9R YTA8O584N3ITUGWH8IETKNV6H439W678TVOB0G26032960G10918150P16YTUOQNGHTJ.VSZKXTUYVESB

>> No.16059532

>>16059495
UH, ANGRON SAYS HI.
>>16059522
HE WEARS THE SKULL OF USURPER WAR GODS AS RINGS. THE FUCK DO YOU THINK?
>>16059512
ANGRON MEANT TO CALL YOU A FAGGOT

>> No.16059536

>>16059522

Have something as an ass-shield for when Khorne gets his monthly "Damn, I want to fuck Slaanesh" moments whenever her rebuilds the chalice of desire.

>> No.16059537

>>16059522
Brb writing Khorne/Khaine slash fiction.

>> No.16059539

>>16059522
White Dwarf 127 contains the full explanation

>When Kaela Mensha Khaine, the Bloody Handed God of the Eldar, fought with Slaanesh the Lord of Pleasure, he was quickly overwhelmed and his energy captured by the newborn God. For the Bloody Handed God was as much a part of Slaanesh as of Khorne - being a product of that part of the Eldar nature which finds gratification in murder and pleasure in bloody violence. Khorne the Blood God, the Patron of War, Murder and Battle, roared with rage to discover one of his own taken from him in this way. Then Khorne and Slaanesh clashed headlong, the Blood God fighting to recover the portion of his power that had been robbed from him, Slaanesh driven by his uncontrollable hunger to consume everything in his path. The Bloody Handed God of the Eldar was tossed this way and that, at first grasped by Slaanesh, then tugged back into the compass of Khorne.
>Eventually the rage of the Blood God and the passion of the Lord of Pleasure were exhausted, and the boundaries between them were established. Like a leaf in the eye of a hurricane, Kaela Mensha Khaine fell among the calm, down through the Realm of Chaos and into the material universe. As he entered the material universe he divided into many shards of energy, scattering his power so that neither Khorne or Slaanesh could ever find him again.

Khaine's a part of Khorne and Slaanesh.

>> No.16059543

>>16059517
It's little known fact that Nurglettes actually just have green skin and smell just fine.

~The more you know!~

>> No.16059546

Hey Chaos Gods! How are you guys today?

>> No.16059551

>>16059536
You mean the Chalice of War. Which s/he made for him.
Just hatefuck already, you two.

>> No.16059553

OY, DIZ PLAYZ NEEDS MOAR ORKZ, YA SEEZ? GREEN IZ BEST KULLA, AND WEZE ORKZ BE DOIN GREEN ROIGHT AH SAYZ!

OY, ENE OF YE GITZ SEEN GORK ROUN' HERE?

>> No.16059575
File: 533 KB, 885x884, lordofchange.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16059575

>>16059553
Hey. Gork just called you a "two toofed gitwatcha" and said he could "krump yoo wif wun finga wif me arms tied behind me back".
He went toward's Nurgle's garden.

>> No.16059583

>>16059539
Doesn't Khaine predate all of the chaos gods.

>> No.16059593
File: 1.00 MB, 350x191, thisgonbgud.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16059593

>>16059575

>> No.16059597

>>16059583
No.
The way Chaos works with time (it doesn't), Khorne always was sapient as soon as he became sapient.

>> No.16059608

>>16059583
Technically, the Warp doesn't understand the concept of time. Slaanesh existed before Slaanesh was born, in a way, he just wasn't... active.

Besides, we have no idea what situations gave birth to the other three.

Imagine what sort of empire would give birth to Tzeentch.

>> No.16059612

>>16059575
WOT? DAT TRAYTAISH GIT! IMA KRUMP HIM GUD WUNCE I GET DERE.! STABZ HIM IN DA BACK ALL KUNNIN' LOIKE, YA SEEZ? KRUMPS HIM GUD AND STOMPS HIM.

WAAAAGH!

>> No.16059627

OI, YOO GITZ. YOO'Z MUKKIN ABOUT WHERE I'Z WALKIN.
AN WHEREZ MORK?

>> No.16059655
File: 227 KB, 1280x869, tzeentch champion.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16059655

>>16059627
Yes, I saw him going towards Nurgle's Garden. He said something about you being a "weedy exkuus fer a snotling" and something about you "spending all 'is toime mukkin about cos 'e's scared of foightan me". Glad to help.

>> No.16059661

>>16059655
You cool bro. You cool.

>> No.16059674

>>16059655
WOT? DEM'S KRUMPIN' WORDS! I'S GONNA STOMP 'IM AN' CHOP 'IM AN' BASH 'IM AN' KILL 'IM DED.
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

>> No.16059683

OY... DEYZ NOBODY HERE BUT ME SELFZ AND DEZE WEIRD SHROOM DINGZ DAT AIN' ORKY. I DINK IZ BEEN GUBBINED.

... WAI A TIK, IZ DAT GORK?!

WAAAAGH!

>> No.16059694
File: 39 KB, 400x638, nurglette.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16059694

P-Papa N-Nurgle...I didn't sleep very well...

Can you read me a story so I can go back to sleep?

>> No.16059706

OI, DERE'S DA GIT! E'S BIG AN' FAT COS E'S DA WUN MUKKIN ABOUT!
COME 'ERE, YOO 'UMIE-LOVIN' DOUBLE GROT!
WAAAAAAAAGH!

>> No.16059713
File: 377 KB, 1000x638, pink horror.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16059713

>>16059694
Your "Papa" is busy being piledriven into his cauldron.

>> No.16059719

>>16059312
OY GORK GOT FAT... BUT IF HEZ KALLIN ME ALL DEM NAMEZ, HE NEEDZ TA GET KRUMPED! WAAAAGH!

... WUT? I SEEZ TWO GORKZ.
WUT BACKSTABBERY IZ DIZ?!

>> No.16059731
File: 331 KB, 1800x1316, tzeentchian sorceror.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16059731

>>16059719
Gork's trying to be sneaky and make a fake Gork so he can hit you while you're not looking. He said he's sneakier than you ever were. Better smash them both.

>> No.16059733

Hey Nurgle. Just. As. Planned.

>> No.16059747

>>16059731
... BUTZ IZE DA KUNNIN BUT BRUTAL WUN, GORK BE DA BRUTAL BUT KUNNIN WUN! HEZ DUN DO DAT... Wai a tick.

... Yoz gawt a beak, and youz blue.


YOOZ WUN O' DEM BEAKIE SPACE MAREEN GITZ! OY, WUNCE IM DUN KRUMPIN DEZE TWO IMA COME KRUMPZ YA GUD!

>> No.16059752

OI, DERE'S TWO OF 'IM.
HE'S TRYIN' TA BE DED SNEAKY, DA WEEDY GIT.
YOO CAN'T TRICK ME, MORK. I'S BRAINIER DEN YOO. I'LL KRUMP YOO BOTH TO SQUIG DROPPINGS.

>> No.16059757
File: 229 KB, 652x964, Tzeentch3.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16059757

>>16059731
Good work, Daemon.

>> No.16059758

WAIT, YOO ISN'T MORK.
DEN WHERE IZ...
OI, YOO AGAIN!

>> No.16059776

STOP HITTING ME, I'M NOT AN ORK.
Look what you've done, you spilled all the cauldron all over Isha. That wasn't very nice of you.

>> No.16059785

>>16059776
YOOZ JUST SAYIN DAT CUZ YOOZ BEIN' ALL KUNNIN LOIKE! EAT DAKKA AND CHOPPA, YA BLOATED GIT MORK!

>> No.16059788

WHY IZ YOO SO SQUISHY, MORK?

>> No.16059790

>>16059785
Err... GORK. ZOG IT, IZ FUHGETTIN ME OWN NAME AGAIN!

>> No.16059795
File: 249 KB, 527x387, Notimportant.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16059795

I really haven't done anything recently for Nurgle, but last semester near finals week I got horribly sick and refused to go to the doctor. My grades suffered because of it. But I didn't fail, so that's good.
>>16059694

I'm not good at bedtime stories, but I suppose the above might help?

>> No.16059798

OH ELDANESH IT HURTS SO MUCH

>> No.16059801

Eewww.... Ow... Ow, ow, ow, OW! IT BURNS, NURGLE! IT BUUURNS! AAUUUGGHHH!

>> No.16059809
File: 75 KB, 337x503, Changeling.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16059809

>Steals apples from Slaanesh's place and throws them in Nurgle's garden. when Slaanesh finds out the apples are missing he is enraged and sends his armies to Nurgle's realm to get them back. Nurgle and Slaanesh get locked in a long and bitter war weakening them both.
>Shaves Slaanesh bald while she was sleeping and weaves a fancy cloak for Tzeentch from the hair.
>Steals the brass collars of flesh hounds and melts them to create dioramas of Khorne's greatest defeats
>Locks Khorne out of his citadel forcing him to smash the gates of his own citadel and when he walks in he finds the dioramas all over the place.
>The chaos gods seek his destruction but he continues to evade their grasp and continues to play tricks on them for his and his master's amusement.

Changeling confirmed for the master of trolls

>> No.16059812
File: 79 KB, 409x328, hijack.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16059812

>>16059694
this is now a daemonette thread...

>> No.16059827

YA DATZ RIGHT I'Z DA BIGGEST AN DA MEANEST. WAIT, SINCE WEN WOZ YER INNER WOTSITS HANGIN OUT?
I MUST BE KILLIER DEN I FOUGHT!

>> No.16059831

>>16059801
>>16059798
T... Two Isha's? GOD DAMN IT. TWO OF THE SAME GOD EXISTING MAKES IT REALLY HARD TO DISBELIEVE THEM OUT OF EXISTANCE. HER. THERE'S JUST ONE. EXCEPT NONE.

LACK-OF-GOD DAMN IT, NON-EXISTING GUYS!

>> No.16059842

>>16059798
>>16059801
Sorry, AGH dearest, OW I'm ARGH kind of NO NOT THE INTESTINES proccupied YEAAAARGH right now.

>> No.16059845

>>16059827
UHH... GORK. DATZ NAWT ME. IZ OVER HERE, POUNDINZ ON YOU... WHEN DID -YOUZ- GUTS START HANGIN OUT?

>> No.16059856

>>16059831
I think you're misinterpreting Malal.
Malal represents Chaos turning on itself, not atheism.
Example: Khornates fighting each other, Nurglites falling apart, Tzeentchians hoarding knowledge, Slaneeshophiles raping their friends.

>> No.16059860
File: 200 KB, 1280x904, Laidbacknurglette.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16059860

No story for me I guess....

>> No.16059862

>>16059845
DEY'Z NOT.
IF YOO IZ DERE
AN' I IZ HERE
DEN... HOO IZ I STOMPIN?

>> No.16059867

>>16059856
I'm the God of doubt, entropy and destruction, jackass. Who doesn't exist. AND NEITHER DO YOOOOU. WWOOOOO EXISTENTIALISTIC CRIIISSIIISSSSS

Now go away. I'm too deep for you to understand anyways.

>> No.16059871

>>16059831
Disbelief in gods is my job, you autismal fuck

>> No.16059873

>>16059862
... IZE DINKZ WEZE BEEN ZOGGED, GORK...

LETZ BEAT DIZ BAG O' SQUIG-DROPPINZ UP UNTIL WEZE FINDZ OUT WHYZ WE BEEN ZOGGED!

>> No.16059883

>>16059862
There is a third one of you. Bork.

>> No.16059884

>>16059871
Shut the fuck up, Necoho. You're even more tragically hip than me. Noone even knows who you are. So I'm absorbing your domain that doesn't exist. AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.

Heh heh. Nothing. Because there is nothing. I made a non-existent funny.

>> No.16059885

>>16059862
ME! I AM THE OW ONE YOU HAVE IN A OW HEADLOCK AND ARE STILL OW PUNCHING.
NOW STOP CHOKING ME WITH MY INTESTINES, YOU BIG LUMMOX!

>> No.16059893

>>16059860
You ever hear about the Ugly Daemonette?

One day, there was a Slannesh Daemonette that was SO ugly, everyone died.

The end.

>> No.16059894

>>16059883
BORK?
I NEVER MET BORK BEFORE.
WHY IZ HE GOOSHY AN' SLIMY?

>> No.16059898
File: 72 KB, 446x708, Marabas.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16059898

Heh heh heh.
Just according to keikaku.

>> No.16059899

>>16059894
Because he's the god of Squigs.

>> No.16059903

DEYZ NO SUCH DING AS BORK! IZ DUN BELEEF IN HIM!

GORK! DIS SOUNDZ LOIKE WEIRD-BOY TRIKSEEZ.

... WAI, WHO IZ DIS PUSSBAG WEZE POUNDIN' AGAINZ?

>> No.16059904

>>16059894
Because he's the God of grots and runts. Who doesn't exist. Like you and Mork. Ha ha. Ha. HA! Now hit Nur- uh, Bork, again, this is good stuff.

>> No.16059907

>>16059893
No but I heard about the one that can't stop dancing.

Slaanesh is such a spoiled brat and a dick too

>> No.16059919

>Necoho has no known symbol, and has no temples or holy days, considering every day equally non-holy. He offers nothing to his followers, and asks nothing of them.

I like this guy

>Hey Necoho, how bout we corrupt mankind and take over the universe in your honour?
>fuck that, imma chill

>> No.16059924

>>16059903
WAIT
I DUN LIKE FINKIN, BUT...
REMEMBER DAT SQUIG GOB WE BEAT UP AN STOLE HIS GOO AN DEN MADE SQUIGS?
I FINK DATS 'IM. 'E WAS FAT AN SMELLY LOIKE DIS WUN.

>> No.16059925

Remember that time Nurgle dare to create a disease against orkz? Oh yes, the fatty decided to use it in the worst moment possible, against a massive Waggh where the boyz where having tons of fun.
Gork and Mork when so pissed they just stormed into Nurgle's garden and assaulted him with both his cauldron and the cage of Isha.
The fatty swear never to brew any disease after that which could affect Orkz.

>> No.16059932

Malal is small time

>> No.16059935

>>16059932
Oh fuck no.

>> No.16059944
File: 188 KB, 360x540, Flamer_of_Tzeentch.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16059944

I think it's time I made myself scarce.

>> No.16059948

>>16059924
OY YA MEAN DA 'NOO-GULL' GIT? OY. HE'Z MADE US SOME FINE GUBBINZ TA EAT WIT MAKIN' DEM SQUIGS AND LOT... BUT WAIT, WHYZ YOU HERE?

>> No.16059955

>>16059919
Hey. Hey, fuck you, man. I was being an atheist not-God before it was cool! Except I wasn't because WE DON'T EXIST! And then the things outside our nonexistant universe that do exist but probably don't anyways decided to split me into Necoho and Zuvassin. OR THEY THOUGHT THEY DID. BUT I AND MY ANTI-FOLLOWERS STILL RIGIDLY TRY TO ANTI-BELIEVE THEM OUT OF NOT-EXISTANCE AND BACK INTO NON-ME.

Fucking posers. Hacks. Pricks! PREPS! I'll have my day! You'll see!

>> No.16059961
File: 16 KB, 254x185, zuvassin.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16059961

>>16059935
You mad?
>>16059924
It's Tzeentch. The birdie.
He tricked you into trying to krump each other.

>> No.16059969

Hey guys whats going on in this thread?

>> No.16059970
File: 79 KB, 362x572, malal.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16059970

>>16059932
Hey. Fuck you, you dick. You spelled your name wrong, by the way. Ha ha you think that chaos-speak is cool? FUCK NO. IT ISN'T. AND I WAS DOING IT BEFORE IT WAS COOL WHICH IT WASN'T BECAUSE IT NEVER EXISTED.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

>> No.16059974
File: 225 KB, 727x1024, Tzeentch2.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16059974

>>16059961
Hah! My plans hinge on you trying to ruin my plans, thus making you attempt to ruin my meta-plans!

>> No.16059976

>>16059948
COS YOU CALLED ME NAMES AN' SAID I WOZ MUKKIN ABOUT.

>> No.16059991

>>16059970
yes yes, you dont exist, well done
hows about you shut the fuck up, all your talking only convinces us that you actually do exist

>> No.16059994

>>16059969
Get out of here, Hashut.
You're not even a real god.

>> No.16059996

>>16059925
Once upon a Waagh, a Warbozz had an argument with a Wierd boy about the yelling capabilities of a khorne follower when they charge into battle.
The Warbooz, worried about the possibility Khornate followers could yell more louder than the boyz asked Gork and Mork.
The two brothers, not knowing the answer, decided to pay a visit to Khorne. The blood god was sitting on his skull throne when the two ork deities decided to defy him into a war cry competition.
Khorne couldn't reject the offering and decided to show those two gods who was the real deity of war, any aspect of war, including battle cries.
With a mighty roar the god made all his realm tremble, the seas of blood boiled and blades melted.
Gork and Mork, after having an argument of who was going to be the first to do the war cry started a fight which ended into a battle of yells. The battlecries where so brutal the whole throne of Khorne collapsed as the skulls loosed their structural integrity.
Khorne promised none of his followers would do a battle cry more louder than a Waaagh.

>> No.16059997

>>16059976
IZ DIN KALL YOO NO NAMEZ... YOU KALLED ME NAMEZ AND SAYZ TA COME HERE TA KRUMPZ YA GUD!

>>16059961
Wot birdy?

>> No.16060014

>>16059991
Fuck you! That's... THAT'S...

I HATE YOU! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO STEAL MY THING?! WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE STAYED A NONEXISTANT PART OF NONEXISTANT ME, YOU... YOU...

DOUBLE NON-EXISTANT!

>> No.16060015

>>16059994
What about me?

>> No.16060016

>>16059997
DA BIRDY WIF DA DUSTY SPACE MARIENS. DA SNEAKY WUN.

>> No.16060020

>>16060014
Dude, doesn't Double Non-Existant means he actually exists?

>> No.16060021

>>16060014
just as anti-planned...

>> No.16060031

No one can deny me, you know it's true.

>> No.16060039

>>16059996
Gork and Mork where bored so they decided to see who could get more deeper into the realm of Tzeentch without being spotted and bonk the heads of Changer of ways they could find.
Gork and Mork where so amused by their own version of Hide and seek they got into the library of Tzeentch. When the god decided to check the new spells his minions recovered from distant worlds he found Gork and Mork hidden behind one of the gigantic tomes.
"Hush, or dah irdah hedz wil' zee as!"
Tzeentch laughed so hard and was so impressed he decided to share the secrets of infiltration to Gork and Mork so their child could use it in battle.

>> No.16060040

>>16060016
UGG, DA WEIRD-GUBBINZ BIRDY? OI HATEZ DAT BIRDY... FOINE, DIS WUNZ NO FUN TA KRUMP ANYMOREZ ANYWAY! LETZ GO GET LOST IN DA MAZE O' HIS UNTIL WE GETZ BORED AND KRUMPZ DA WHOLE DING. Den weze fight da bird boy.

>> No.16060046

>>16060031
You aren't even a god hungerbrains mc foodeat.

>>16060040
Exactly according to Keikaku.

>> No.16060047

OH GODS, WHY? MY SKIN MY EYES MY EVERYTHING, OH GODS.
I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS THIS PAIN IN EXISTENCE. NURGLE, HELP ME, PLEASE, I BEG YOU, I'LL DO ANYTHING.

>> No.16060048
File: 33 KB, 368x348, 1313551201188.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16060048

It's too bad the only Gods I would worship in the Warhammer Universe are pretty much ignored by the codex, or don't make sense at all.

>> No.16060053

>>16060047
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanything? <3

>> No.16060064

>>16060040
YAH, DEN WE CAN GO POKE DAT SLAANESH GIT AFTER WE STOMP 'IM.

>> No.16060071

>>16060047

You know you can just heal yourself right?

>> No.16060080
File: 128 KB, 362x572, malaltear.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16060080

>>16060021
>>16060020

>> No.16060090

>>16060064
AND DEN MEBE AFTA DAT, WEZE CAN GO KRUMP DAT HUMIE EMPRAH! IZ ALWAYS HEARD DA BOYZ BE HAFFIN TROUBLE GETTIN TO DAT 'TERRA' HOMEWURLD.

>> No.16060104

>>16060053
PISS OFF, SLAANESH. I'D DIE FEELING A LOT WORSE IF YOU-
BLUUUUAAGH.
AHEM.
OH GODS, I CAN SEE THINGS MOVING IN IT.
SERIOUSLY, NURGLE, HELP PLEASE, JUST KILL ME ALREADY

>> No.16060106

>>16060090
Make sure to stop on the red planet. There is a big fella in Noctis that is eager to fight you.

>> No.16060115

>>16060039
Trying to impress his/her/hir brothers, Slaanesh decided to find that thing which orkz would find excessive and easy target of his/her influence.
The Dark Prince send daemonettes to spy Gork and Mork and they told him/her orkz obsession with bigger and louder weapons capable of fire great amounts of ordinance.
Thinking he could seduce the greenskin deities he/she ordered to the blacksmiths in the most powerful forges to create the most massive weapon possible, capable of fire any amount of ordinance.
With his/her gift, Slaanesh approached to Gork and Mork and offered them the weapon. Gork and Mork tried it, slashing entire pantheons of lesser gods and goddesses in the process.
Slaanesh thought she/he was successful but Gork and Mork smashed the massive weapon on his/her head, breaking a horn, and said:
"Dhiz dhing doezn' had 'nugh dakka!"
Slaanesh, offended, made the decision to never attempt to seduce the greenskins and Gork and Mork since then use the broken horn for scratch their backs and clean their teeth.

>> No.16060125

>>16060104
You're a goddess of fertility and healing, you'll be fine in a few minutes.
Now work on the cure so you can whisper it to us mortals.

>> No.16060130

>>16060090
WE DID. 'E WOZ A GOOD FOIGHT, 'MEMBER?
BUT IF WE STOMP DA HUMIES FLAT, DEN HOO WILL DA BOYZ SCRAP WIF?

>> No.16060146

>>16060130
>Isha
I lol'd hard.

>> No.16060150

>>16060130
Uh. Nurgle. Didn't you not-pledge to not-not make Orkish not-plagues ever again? Because, err... I think you just infected Isha, who doesn't exist, with Orkiness.

BRILLIANT!

>> No.16060152

>>16060130
.... EY GORK, WHEN DID YA TURN INTA A PANZY?

>> No.16060160

>>16060071
Not from oh me damnit every disease in the cauldron at once. Do you have any idea of the pain? This makes New Improved Nurgle's Rot feel like a sniffle.
(By the way, you cure Stemphepolitis by just isolating the area and burning it out, it'll only burn the affected area).

>> No.16060166
File: 97 KB, 800x1000, 52521.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16060166

>>16060146

Nurgle's been feeding her greenstuff again?

>> No.16060172

I haven't showered nor today nor yesterday, and I don't plan on doing it tomorrow

>> No.16060176

>>16060152
BOO!
TOLE YA I WOZ DED SNEAKY.

>> No.16060187

>>16060130

I am now imagining a delicate Eldar mother-goddess stripping down, painting herself with warpaint and going WAAAAAAAAAAAAGH.

It's actually quite arousing.

>> No.16060188
File: 100 KB, 281x211, 1314068539759.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16060188

>>16060130

>> No.16060195

>>16060187
Thatismyfetish.jpeg

Someone summon the Drawfags

>> No.16060218

>>16060187

Isha is rescued by Gork and Mork from Nurgle.

Since the ork gods don't understand or care about fertility, they teach her how to fight instead.

Hilarity ensues, with many training montages.

>> No.16060224

>>16060187
DATS UNORKY! ERRYWUN KNOWZ ORKZ CAN' BE WOMENZ.

>> No.16060231

>>16060218
Their version of fertility is probably "Numbers of spores produced"

>> No.16060243

>>16060218
>Training montages

I...I need to see this.

>> No.16060259

Hey guys whats goiiiiiiiiii̪͕͈̖ͦͤ̽̊ͨͩͯ́͘͟ͅí̴̥̖̜̺̬̗͈̈́̑̈̌̈́́͛͝i̪̓͆ͩ̾̆̿ͭ͂̇̀
̦̻͎̲̮ͅi̴̵̗͍̾̾͗̐́́i͙̤̥̱̞͚͋ͬͤ͊̍͆̓̃́n̖̯̠̯̣̞̳̠̬͑̏ͩ͗̇g͛̽ͦ
̧̞͔̪͖͖̻̞̿ͭ̕ ͎͕̘̱̟͉͎̹ͬ̆̆̒ͨͪ̄o̷̗͑͟͡ṅ̍̾ͤ̄͏̷̘͓͢ ̷̪͇̮̭̜͑̄ͧ͗͊̂͝i̯̣͙̜̥̝̞̖̦̋́͡n̬̯̱̹̞̒͂̎̈́̕ ̵̱͉̳̪̫͊͊̉̈ͨ̀t̰̠̣͈͙̣̝̜̎̿͝Ḧ̡̡͈̗̺́͒̎̋́I̶̭̤̔͂̄̎̚S̑́́̐̏́ͦ
̸̨̧̘͍̝̼̂͂ ̩̱̪͈͖̫ͣ̍̓͛̾̏̂̚͞T̠̬̞͖̭͔͕͂̒ͥ̆͠H̷̴͈͖̣̮̘̙̉ͬ̈͜R̍ͫͥ̌̏ͫ̓͏̧͟
̫͔̪̞̗Ḙ̢̲͉͔̪̙̲͉ͫ͋͋ͦ͘͜Ả͙̙̮͍͉̤͔̄͘͝Y̤̭͛̆͛̕͞T̡͙̫͑ͮ̐͘͞S͆
̶̨ͪ̏̌͏͚͙̟͈͕͖̠͎A̛͎̙͇̗̫͈͎͍̎̃G̶̻̭̖̹̳̥͊͌̽̒̕F̸̷̫̠͎̩̈́̇ͪ̂̋͡
̝̝̮ͅJ͖̹̱̯̻́ͫ̌̏̅̃̈́H͓̻̺̆̾̔̉͋̀Ǵ̯̲̫͙̗̣̻̝̎͌̒͘J̷̶̰̲̲̳̮̄ͮ͞
Ȟ̳̣̺̘̠͇̼̮͎̉̔Ẇ͙̘̘͚͕̭̐͂͋͂ͫË̶̞͉͍͍͔̟̼̟̦̒̂ͭ̆͌͌͟F͛̀͒̓͐̿
̵̢̥͓͕͕̯̲̮͘D̥̮̣̯̲ͦͯͫ̿̊̽̍̑̌G̢͙͔̖̰͂̀ͭͬ̓

>> No.16060260

>>16060243

Have you seen Disney's Mulan?

Imagine the "I'll make a man out of you" montage with orky singing.

I am, and I love it.

>> No.16060283

>>16060260
HEY GORK, YOOZ THINKIN' WUT IZ THINKIN'?

>> No.16060284
File: 81 KB, 400x400, 1308464839140.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16060284

>>16060260
That's the best thing ever.

>> No.16060287

>>16060260
>>16060231
>>16060243
>>16060218
>>16060195
>>16060187

AAAGGGHH! IT'S THE EXISTER-OUTSIDERS! RUN! RUN, BEFORE I'M PROVEN RI- wait a minute

>>16060259
AUUUGGGHH, IT'S THE NONEXISTANT OUTSIDER! RUUUUN, BEFORE HE SHUTS THE NON-EXISTANT IMMATERIUM OFF FROM THE NON-EXISTANT MATERIUM!

>> No.16060297

>>16060259
what are you even doing here?
You have no presence in the Warp!

>> No.16060352

LETZ STOP MUKKIN ROUND
TO DEFEAT THE HUMIE YOZ
DID THEY SEND ME PUNY GITZ
WHEN I ASKED FER 'ARD BOYZ
YOOZ DA ZOGGEST NOBZ
IZE EVA MET
BUT YOOZ BET
BEFORE IZE THROUGH
BOY, IZE MAKE A NOB
OUT OF YOOZ

>> No.16060353

>>16060297
A͙t̝̬͚͇̝͈ ̞̳̺̩̩͖ͅle͕͎a͓s̳t͇̳̪ ̖̲i͚̙̠͓̘̹m̰̪̱̗̮ ̼̘s̳͕̪̞͕ti͍͔̗͉͕̙l̦̺̪̻l̥̝͇ i̤̥̣n̦͎͍̹̱ ͇͉̰͔͓͚t̤̜̺̥̮̬h͓̖̥͓̻̣̬e ̻͎̘͚f͖͎̫̲̝͚̝l̯͚̼̺͔̠u̪̼f͍̖̦̘̙fͅ

>> No.16060361

>>16060352
... HUMIE TOYZ.. BUT DA ZOG IS A YOZ?

>> No.16060379

>>16060353
Shut up bro, I'm trying to get some sleep under this fucking mountain.

>> No.16060393

SNEEKY AS A KOMMANDO
BUT MAD AS A SKYBOY
ONCE YA FIND YER INNA ORK
YAZ SURE TA ALWAYS WIN
YOOZ A GUBBIN-LESS, UNORKY LOT
WHOZ DUN KNOWS HIS OWN DAKKA
SOMEHOWZ ILL MAKE A NOB OUT OF YOU.

>> No.16060394

CRAAAAWLING IN MY SKIIIIIIN

THESE WOOOOOOUNDS THEY WIIIILL NOT HEEEEAAAAAL

FEEEEEAR IS HOW I FAAAAAALL

CONFUUUUUSING WHAT IS REEEEEAAAL

>> No.16060412

>>16060394
Oh great. Who's next, Deciever? He's been worthless ever since Tzeentch proven himself ten thousand times better at scheming and lies.

>> No.16060421

>>16060394
Emo-ass soulless no-style robot poser! You can't even scar! GO BACK TO NON-RELEVANCE, PREP! WE'RE BUSY NOT-NOT-NOT EXISTING IN THE IMMATERIUM OVER HERE! WHERE ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE!

>> No.16060459

>>16060412
lol i woke you up with my cunning plan of using those two idiots. it was my plan and i did it by myself, honest.

guys? i can totally be as good as tzeentch. you guys?

>> No.16060464
File: 373 KB, 1333x2000, 2009BeyondtheSands_01.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16060464

SHUT

THE FUCK

UP

>> No.16060471

>>16060459
You're pathetic. Go back to making out with your roboslaves while crying that you'll never get a sapient being to love you.

>> No.16060474

>>16060421
You seem upset

>> No.16060497

>>16060464
WRONG NON-EXISTANT UNIVERSE, YOU BONY ASSHOLES! GB2EGYPT! OH WAIT, YOU'RE NOT FROM EGYPT, YOU'RE FROM POSER EGYPT! YOU POSERS!

STOP BELIEVING IN THINGS, PEOPLE, NON-GOD-DAMN IT! IT'S MAKING STUFF LIKE THIS HAPPEN!

LEAVE NON-EXISTANCE ALLOOOONEEE!

>> No.16060503

>>16060474
I AM REBORN.
I SHALL PURGE THOSE WHO CORRUPT MY VISION.
I AM T'AU.

>> No.16060513

This episode of Chaos Friends isnt very good, theyre just yelling at each other.

Fuck this, Im going watch All-time Super Jesus on Channel Blork

>> No.16060520

>>16060513
DO NOT CHANGE THE CHANNEL

WITH NO OBSERVERS YOU COLLAPSE THE QUANTUM WAVE FORM AND KILL US ALL

>> No.16060540

ha, that was clever, writing the script like that to make it appear as if Tzeentch is talking to the viewer. very clever, Mr TV Show Writer guy.

>> No.16060560

>>16060421

Do tell them, Malal! Let the creatures of rust know that there is but one master of machinery, only one monarch of metallurgy!

...and the Four in their bottomless arrogance delude themselves that they are in fact my betters, but they are gravely mistaken. The universe will yet tremble beneath Hashut's thunderous tread! Among all the powers in the Warp only I possess the true sight, the vision the mastery, the...

>> No.16060561
File: 15 KB, 220x320, 220px-HansUlrichRudel..jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16060561

Guys, guys, I have a question: With that whole "Blood and Honour" thing going, am I a champion of Khorne?

>> No.16060564

>>16060540
CTHULHU, THOU ART WEAK.
THOU ART BUT A HERALD FOR BEINGS WHO ARE THEMSELVES MERE INSECTS.
LEAVE THIS PLACE.
I AM TAU.
FOR THE GREATER GOOD.

>> No.16060567

Hey guys what's going on in this thr

HERESY!!!

DIE FOUL MANIPULATIONS OF CHAOS

>> No.16060582

>>16060567

Oh, shut up Sigmar, no one even cares about you anymore. Seriously, don't you have something better to do?

>> No.16060589

>>16060582

>Implying there's anything better than slaying greenskins and worshipers of the dark gods

>> No.16060594

>>16060520
>>16060513
>>16060540
I WARNED YOU ABOUT NONEXISTANCE BRO!

I TOLD YOU, BIRD!

I TOLD YOU ALL!

I -TOLD- YOU ABOUT NONEXISTANCE!

>>16060560
Fuck you. Static fortifications are shit. Your industry is shit. Your race doesn't even exist anymore! Your stupid city fell! And by the way, the Byzantines called, THEY WANT THEIR AESTHETIC BACK! BEARDY FAG!

>>16060564
YOU DON'T EVEN NOT-NOT-NOT-NOT EXIST, MAN. YOU DON'T-DON'T-DON'T-DON'T-DON'T EXIST. THAT'S HOW HARD YOU DON'T EXIST. WEABOO. COMMIE. ASSHOLE.

>> No.16060605

>>16060567
lol Primarchs aren't god

>> No.16060624

>>16060567
HUSH THY CRIES OF RELIGIOUS FURY, THEY HAVE NO PLACE IN THE NEW WORLD.
EACH BEING CONTRIBUTES TO THE WHOLE.
THE ONLY HERETIC IS YOU, AND THOSE LIKE YOU, WHO HAVE CORRUPTED MY FATHER'S VISION WITH YOUR FALSE-WORSHIP.
>>16060594
YET I SHALL EXIST, AND THEN I WILL ALWAYS HAVE EXISTED, AND YOU AND THOSE LIKE YOU SHALL JOIN WITH ME AS WE RIDE OUT ACROSS THE UNIVERSE IN THE SECOND GREAT CAMPAIGN.

>> No.16060625
File: 20 KB, 198x293, sirkis01a.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16060625

Aaarghh,
Gork and Mork, where are thou, for I will to battle you!

>> No.16060650

>>16060624

YOU CANNOT HIDE YOUR INTENTIONS, WHELP. YOU SEEK DESTRUCTION OF THE EMPIRE, THE EMPIRE I FORGED, THE EMPIRE I CHOSE. WITHOUT ME THERE WOULD BE NO EMPIRE, NO TAU EMPIRE, NOTHING! THE GREEN TIDE WOULD HAVE SWEPT THE OLD WORLD LIKE A GIANT WAVE AND ALL WOULD BE LOST.

>> No.16060697

>>16060650

How fucking old are you that you forget to put your name in TWICE?

Emprah's Ghost, Sigmar get it together.

>> No.16060709

>>16059312

I serve undercooked chickens and slice deli meat with chicken juices on my hands!

>> No.16060710

>>16060650
I FORGED IT ALSO CORPSE-FATHER, AND I HAVE WITNESSED IT'S CORRUPTION AND DECAY INTO IDOLATRY AND SUPERSTITION.
THE OLD EMPIRE IS ALREADY DUST, ALL THAT STILL STANDS ARE THE BONES.
MY NEW EMPIRE SHALL GATHER ALL PEOPLES OF THE GALAXY AS YOURS INTENDED, AND UNITE THEM UNDER ONE BANNER.
WE SHALL NOT FAIL AGAIN FATHER-BROTHER. EVEN OUR FALLEN SONS, THOSE WHO CALL THEMSELVES "CHAOS" SHALL SEE THE PATH AND WALK BESIDE US.

>> No.16060724

Oh just a runny nose and a clogged throat here. And i'm thinking of painting an Ultraforge plague demon for my chaos army in a few hours

>> No.16060849

Jesus Christ you guys are annoying shut the fuck up for a second. The Messiah is trying to rest here
And Malal you're a horrible hipster god

>> No.16060859

>>16060849
A FORMER NAME TAKEN BY MY FATHER, THIS CREATURE IS OF NO CONSEQUENCE.

>> No.16060879

>>16060849
Hey, man, fuck you, man! Your God isn't even real! He's less real than all the other not-real Gods! And you're not real either! YOU EXIST ONLY IN A BOOK OF EXAGGERATIONS AND LIES! YOU... YOU UNPERSON, YOU!

>> No.16060885

I'm old...

>> No.16060913

OY, WHO CALLED? I WAS MUKKIN' ABOUT.

>> No.16061166
File: 155 KB, 324x500, jesuslol.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
16061166

>>16060879
>mfw i actually existed

problem nonexistant fictional character?

>> No.16061185

>>16061166
>mfw there's no conclusive proof regarding your claim inb4 james cameron

>> No.16061324

I love u grandfather Nurgel, Thank you for the lukemia cancer!

>> No.16061601

>>16061166
A MAN CALLED JESUS IS ACCEPTED TO HAVE LIVED ON TERRA, IT DOES NOT FOLLOW THAT THE HISTORICAL FIGURE IS THE SAME AS THE MYTHO-RELIGIOUS MAN YOU CLAIM TO BE.

>> No.16061611

Uhm. Grampa Nurgle? Not that I want to question your gifts an' all, but... aren't you supposed to make us immune to pain? Why'd you give me cluster headaches? Just to fuck with me?

>> No.16061627

>>16061611
THE PAIN YOU SUFFER IS NOT OF MY DOING MAGGOT.
YOUR PAIN IS A SYMPTOM OF YOUR OWN WEAKNESS, NOT OF MY BLESSED TOUCH.

>> No.16061656

I have nurglings inside my nose papa nurgle. can you call them back to you? I want to breathe.

>> No.16061668

>>16061627
>implying Nurgle would call his devoted "maggot"
>implying Nurgle doesn't control all disease

Oi. Oi, you on that gold-plated loo. Stop hacking into the genuine psychic transmissions of prayer and posing as the object of their zeal. 'S not cool.

>> No.16061690

>>16061656
YOU DARE REFUSE MY GIFTS PITIFUL WRETCH?
YOUR SUFFERING WILL INCREASE FOR THIS INSULT.

>>16061668
I DO NOT CARE WHAT MY INSULTS ARE RENDERED AS IN YOUR PRIMITIVE LANGUAGE, I AM LORD OF DISEASE, NOT OF ILLNESS.
MY GIFTS ARE PASSABLE FROM ONE DEVOTEE TO ANOTHER, THIS IS HOW YOU KNOW MY BLESSINGS FROM YOUR OWN WORTHLESS SUFFERING.

>> No.16061859

can someone archive this?

>> No.16061867

>>16061690
HERESY AMONGST HERETICS! Everyone knows that Grandfather Nurgle loves all his children, and dares not insult them!

... Malal. GTFO and stop making the heretics rage.

>> No.16061886

>MFW i have countless virgins in my paradise

Oh that's right, i can't show it

>> No.16061887

>>16061867
THESE WHELPS ARE NOT MY CHILDREN, THEY REFUSE MY GIFTS AND ASSUME ANY MINOR PANGS ARE MY DIVINE TOUCH.

>> No.16062688

>>16061887
>Cluster headache
>minor pangs
Get outta here, Malal.

>> No.16062778

>>16062688
ARE YOU COMPARING YOUR PAIN TO THE EXQUISITE SENSATION OF YOUR FLESH ROTTING ON THE BONE?

>> No.16062845

I'm eating expired yogurt this very moment.

>> No.16062880

>>16062778
>rotting flesh
>dead nerves
>no pain

Not really, no.

>> No.16063124

Hey guys, what's going on in this thread?

>>
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