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/tg/ - Traditional Games


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[ERROR] No.15788111 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

>I am no longer allowed to cast portal entry under the party with the exit 200 feet in the air when offended by disrespectful comments toward me.

>> No.15788116

Things Mr. Welch is no, longer allowed to do thread?

>> No.15788120

>I am no longer allowed to drive a truck into a BBEG.
>I am no longer allowed to have a truck.
>I am no longer allowed to find crowbars, ever.
>I am no longer allowed to decapitate people with crowbars.
>I am no longer allowed to have crowbars.

>> No.15788126

>I'm no longer allowed to be a Dwarf Fighter that desires to be a Paladin, and does his best impression by having his answer to anything be "Smite."

>> No.15788137

All buildings in D+D towns reach no higher than 4 stories, following a string of high-velocity murders with everyday objects and the Sneak Attack feature.

I am no longer allowed to declare my wand a holy symbol of Mystra

>> No.15788147

I am no longer allowed to have a truck or Humvee in d20 Modern.

They always turn into wannabe-Bradleys with more guns than a Dodge Ram should ever be able to carry.

>> No.15788150

>The Jack of All Trades feat is a privilege, not a right.

>> No.15788151

>I am no longer allowed to play a Mage. Ever.

>> No.15788154

>I am no longer allowed to declare sunder attempts on my opponent's genitals.

>> No.15788160

>I can not use my animal companion to catch beastialists in the act, and ransom them for money.
>Even if it has 18 Charisma.
>Especially if it has 18 Charisma.
>I am not allowed to commit sexual acts with my animal companion, even if it does have 18 Charisma.

>> No.15788165

>I will not cast Shatter in the Mirrored Hall of the Glass King
>I will not cast Shatter in the Mirrored Hall of the Glass King
>I will not cast Shatter in the Mirrored Hall of the Glass King
>I will not cast Shatter in the Mirrored Hall of the Glass King
>I will not cast Shatter in the Mirrored Hall of the Glass King

>> No.15788175

>While I may have faith, I am no longer allowed to be religious. This includes playing religious classes.

>> No.15788183

>>15788165

>> No.15788187

>I am no longer allowed to build a character who uses a combat-wrench that weighs more than the average person.
>I am no longer allowed to I am no longer allowed to build a character who uses a combat-wrench that weighs more than the average person, who is actually more dangerous when he stops using it.
>I am no longer allowed to make a character who's fists do more damage than a high caliber shotgun.
>I am no longer allowed to use craft skills to construct a giant half pipe for the purposes of launching sneak attacks on whole buildings with cars.
>I am no longer allowed to taunt the Lady of the Lake, even if I have a machine gun.
>I am no longer allowed to have a character who does not speak the only language spoken in the area where the game takes place.
>If I do, I am not allowed to engage in high stakes political negotiation.
>Political negotiators do not enjoy Pictionary.
>Even if they do, you cannot declare war simply because the Russian diplomat could not properly identify your drawing of "mitochondria".

>> No.15788205

i am never allowed to play a psyker

>> No.15788206

>>15788183
It was so tempting!

My GM had to have known what would happen!!

It was an enclave of Stained Glass Golems in a giant glass building full of mirrors for fuck's sake! How could I NOT cast Shatter?

>> No.15788211

>I am not allowed to play engineering related characters
>If I say I'm creating a villain, he cannot be morally ambiguous
>I should not kick start either mech creation or transhumanity
>Definitely not in a DnD game
>Iron Man was a cool movie but was not a reason to have my DM approve my creations in separate parts and then put them together later on
>If I the activation word for any wand I ever create is "Cast in the name of God, ye not guilty" I will be asked to leave the table.
>It is not Showtime

>> No.15788217

>>15788187

>This_is_how_I_engineer.png

>> No.15788244

>>15788111  
That's why you should always be I good terms with caster.

>> No.15788249

>I am no longer allowed to play a spellcaster
>I am no longer allowed to ask the DM if I see a dragon every five minutes
>My druid is no longer allowed to be a bear-wildshaped-bat riding a bear while summoning bears
>I am not allowed to taunt trapped and imprisoned demons, no matter HOW strong I think their bindings are
>I am not allowed to trade the souls of other members of the party for power
>I am not allowed to trade the souls of the children of other members of the party for power
>I am not allowed to trade any soul at all for power
>I am not allowed to take any ranks in a Knowledge skill that would tell me about Pazuzu

>> No.15788251

>>15788206
Cast a spell that makes the room steamy, write all over shit

>> No.15788263

>Assuming I should clone NPCs and slowly tell the DM how I mold them, I should not cause him to play a stolen character
>If I actually want the DM to try to screw me over, I am probably really out of line
>There's definitely some rule against tricking the DM into playing just the character you need when he thinks he's pissing you off.
>At no point should the world ever pull back and reveal awful truths
>You should not realize that your tyrannical ruler of a nation, based on Vetinari, who needed someone to play Vimes, has led you to molding the DM to play the perfect NPC who truly believes he's both helping the city and fucking up your day.
>You are Vetinari, and your DM is Vimes

>> No.15788277

>>15788187
>use craft skills to construct a giant half pipe for the purposes of launching sneak attacks on whole buildings with cars.

Mon visage quand

>> No.15788280

>I am no longer allowed to use Shrink or Enlarge Object
>I am no longer allowed to go anywhere near a boulder or a castle/fortified wall

>> No.15788296

>Explosive Runes is a privilege, not a right.
>It is not acceptable to intersperse Explosive Runes among the normal text of books in a library.
>Especially not in the children's section.

>> No.15788302

>I am not vengeance
>I am not the night
>I am not allowed to keep my spell components in a "utility belt"
>I am no longer allowed to make a character whose PARENTS ARE DEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAD
>no tailor will ever sell me a black cloak ever again
>I am no longer allowed to take favored schools
>I am required to take at least one spell in Evocation no matter how inefficient I say it
>If I show up to the table packing Glitterdust, Grease, Shatter, Color Spray, etc. Then my sheet will be confiscated
>I am no longer allowed to play a Wizard
>Archivists count as Wizards
>In fact no more arcane classes for me
>I will not make a Druid who can turn into a Beholder, with all of it's abilities
>I will not make a Cleric who is a better Fighter than the Fighter

...

>I am no longer allowed to make my own character sheets

>> No.15788308

>>I am no longer allowed to have effectively infinite henchmen.
>>Not even if I'm playing a telepath with Leadership
>>Especially not if I am
>>I am definitely not allowed to have my cohort be a necromancer so I get to recycle my used minions
>>And not in Rogue Trader, either
>>'Detect traps' does not mean 'shove a mook down the suspicious corridor and see what happens'
>>'Disarm traps' does not mean 'clog its workings with body parts'
>>I am never allowed to shout 'send in the next wave' when playing Tomb of Horrors
>>I need to consider solutions other than 'throw corpses at it till it stops being a problem' now and then
>>Especially social situations.

>> No.15788309

>>15788211
>It is not Showtime

no_fun_allowed.cylon

>> No.15788318

>>15788296
>1 Fish
>2 Fish
>Red Fish
>Blue FOHMYGODICAN'TFEELMYLEGS

>> No.15788320

>I am no longer allowed to use the summons shadow stead and dress in a black cloak of fire resistance and catch myself on fire and ride through towns swinging a scythe telling everyone that Death is coming to destroy there town and that everyone must leave in 3 days or I will kill everyone, then come to town 2 1/2 days later and take everything that isn't nailed down

>> No.15788332

>Use the vampire we captured to make more vampires is not an acceptable solution to anything, ever
>I am not allowed to use Ghouls as improvised weaponry
>I am not allowed to tie Ghouls to improvised weapons I am already using
>I am not allowed to tie Ghouls to my armor, no matter how thick it is
>I am not allowed to fire Ghouls out of a catapult
>I am not allowed to play Necromancers until I learn to respect the use of Ghouls
>I am not allowed to have a Necromancer cohort
>I am not allowed to play an intelligent undead
>Causing a zombie apocalypse is never the solution

>> No.15788338

>If a battle takes place over more than two days, my character cannot be screaming incoherently non-stop the entire time.
>Not even if they can make the fort save to do it.
>Defenestration is not the traditional greeting in my home country.
>Especially not if we have a meeting with the king.

>> No.15788351

>>15788332
>>Causing a zombie apocalypse is never the solution
HowaboutIslapyourshit.jpg
It's -always- the solution.
For me...
>>My dwarf cannot worship Armok the Blood God
>>Dwarves are not randomly stricken by 'fey moods'.
>>My dwarf isn't allowed to feel perverse sexual lust for adamantine
>>Any mention of Boatmurdered is a keel-hauling offense.

>> No.15788359

>Not allowed to create a railgun with wall of iron and lightning bolt
>Not allowed to specify relative points for immovable rods
>Not allowed to create UFOs with wall of iron and lightning bolt

>> No.15788368

>When playing a human child synthesist Summoner, I may not have a summon that looks just like me, but is older, has super high strength and con, who can fly.
>If I do, my one minute summoning ritual is most certainly not 59 seconds of intense focusing on the sky and 1 second of yelling "SHAZAM!"

>> No.15788374

>I am not allowed to find faults with 4E
>The faults I find are not gamebreaking if someone else finds them
>I am not immortal
>I am not allowed to 1-hit a dungeon with the DM's backup plan
>If I do, I certainly shouldn't live
>I'm not allowed anywhere near ANYTHING that suggests that I can EVER ignore all damage from 1 source.
>Void genasi star-pact warlocks are right out

>> No.15788381

>>15788359
>>If the DM ever looks at my spells for the day and sees I've filled every available spell slot with Wall of Iron and Fabricate, I will be messily murdered
>>Same goes for buying a hundred ladders, a bucket of paint, and a paintbrush
>>I'm not allowed to cast Locate City ever again.
>>I'm not allowed to play a kobold. Ever.
>>I am not allowed to have a Frenzied Berserker, ever again.
>>I'm not allowed to play a half-giant, either.
>I'm not allowed to pick my wizard's prestige class.
>I'm not allowed to play wizards.
>I'm not allowed to play clerics
>I'm not allowed to play druids
>I'm not allowed to play rogues
>I'm not allowed to play fighters
>I'm not allowed to play D&D with my own character sheets anymore.

>> No.15788385

>I am no longer allowed to address monarchs by the color of their shoes
>I am no longer allowed to carry alchemist fires at carnivals
>A race must have arms to be able to be a Monk
>I am no longer allowed to use my fists to dig holes under castle walls
>I cannot play a rogue that owns a horse and buggy that carries a ballista for the purpose of sneak attacking with said ballista
>Minions are not bag of holding/portal hole combo black hole suicide bombers

>> No.15788390

http://theglen.livejournal.com/16735.html

>> No.15788413

>>15788318
>1 Fish
>2 Fish
>Red Fish
>BOOM FISH
ftfy

>> No.15788431

> I am no longer allowed to play The Bear Jew.
> I am no longer allowed to scalp anyone.
> I am no longer allowed to play Paladin.
> I am no longer allowed to use a club.

>I am no longer allowed to play in FLGS.

>> No.15788448

>I am no longer allowed to have two flame throwers with pistol grips in Dark Heresy

>I am no longer allowed to have four full belts of frag grenades that are all primed to detonate at once in Dark Heresy

>> No.15788457

>>15788308
Are you Zap Branagain?

>> No.15788467

>I am no longer allowed to have a backpack with 50kg of promethium bound into the 'Call Item' power in Dark Heresy

>> No.15788482

>i am no longer allowed to enter a room by throwing a thunderstone+sunrod combo.
>i am no longer allowed to play call of duty the same day we play dnd

>> No.15788496

>>15788448
>>I'm not allowed to play a feral guardsman who likes to take the skulls of his enemies anymore.
>>Joking that the 100 result on the psychic perils table is "Daemons. Every PC, every orfice", and then rolling Perils is not good for anyone's mental health
>>I'm not allowed to use sleight of hand to cock the dice for a 100. Ever.
>>Especially not then
>>I am not allowed to use my psyker powers, ever, on pain of 'blam'.
>>Ending every sentence with an Imperial quotation gets old, fast. (Blessed is the mind too small for questions)
Deathwatch:
>>Dropping a Rhino on the big bad's head was only awesome the first time.
>>If playing a Salamander, not all problems can be solved with meltaguns
>>We don't talk about multilasers.
>>My Black Templar is not allowed to carry a hand-flamer at all times for on-the-spot emergency witch-burning.
>>Even if I'm not chem-gelded, I'm not allowed to hit on Eldar farseers. Or call my power fist my pimping hand.
>>When wearing Terminator armor, I am not allowed to say "Ahll be bock" whenever I deploy
>>Especially if fighting Necrons.

>> No.15788503

>>15788457
Zapp Brannigan was an amateur compared to me.

>> No.15788509

>Megastructures are completely out
>Conventional atmospheres are a must
>If I should happen to take over a setting by non-violent but semi-aggressive expansion I shouldn't be playing a character with a language and cultural familiarity keyed to the top 10 GDP nations
>Ruining a nation's infrastructure and economy and then posing as their savior doesn't make me the hero
>In then end, if I was supposed to be the villain, I should stay that way. There should be no way, whatsoever, that the PCs want to take my side

>> No.15788522

>I am no longer allowed to make trip attacks
>I am no longer allowed to grapple NPCs
>I am no longer allowed to tell NPCs that I will trip and grapple them if they do not comply with my demands
>I am no longer allowed to have Strength as my main stat

>> No.15788547

>>If I ever meet myself in the past, I can't play the amnesia card if I forget how I used to be in the rare circumstance that the universe doesn't implode.
>>No matter how quickly things die to it, must not spam the 12km FUCK EVERYTHING sword.

>> No.15788553

>I am no longer allowed to see a good thread on /v/.

>> No.15788556

>>15788547
>>If I ever meet myself in the past, I'm not allowed to fuck myself, ever.
>>Apparently no one cares whether it's incest, sex, or masturbation and thinks it's just plain creepy as hell.
>>This goes double if my timeclone isn't of legal age.

>> No.15788646

>I am no longer allowed roll to acquire an army's worth of stink bombs and foul the atmosphere of an entire planet with them.
>I am no longer allowed to refer to my darkholds as "the bilge grenade factory."
>I am no longer allowed to airdrop limpet mines on enemy compounds.
>I am no longer allowed to have a dart caster to snipe with.
>I am no longer allowed to use a legion of shade servitors to black out the sun until a planet pays me ransom.

>> No.15788659

>>15788646
>I am no longer allowed to use a legion of shade servitors to black out the sun until a planet pays me ransom.
Are you Mister Burns?

>> No.15788673

>>15788659
.... Yes.

>> No.15788715

>>15788673
>>15788659

>> No.15788720

>>15788646
>I am no longer allowed to purchase Carnelian Sievestones or the purpose of creating "purest urine."
>Purest urine is no longer allowed to be sold as finest liquer.

I'm pretty sure the GM's going to strip me of my Writ of Trade any day now.

>> No.15788865

>>15788556
>>This also applies if I'm not of legal age.

>> No.15789219

>I am no longer allowed to make death camps for pilgrims.
>I am no longer allowed to make captured Eldar my personal maids.
>I am no longer allowed to make Deathwatch Marines that can kill a Greater Daemon in 2 rounds.
>I am no longer allowed to cast Warp Corruption using hive's vox network.
>I am no longer allowed to cast Soul Killer while projected.
>I am no longer allowed to kill inquisitors by blasting entire hive spires with vortex torpedo warheads.
>Any attempts to become a Daemon Prince will cause my character to turn into a Chaos Spawn.
>I am no longer allowed to play psykers, sorcerers and tech-priests.
>My characters are no longer allowed to have more then 30 Fellowship.
>I am no longer allowed to play a character with even slightest heretical tendencies.
>I am forever forbidden to take following Forbidden Lores: Daemonology, Warp, Heresy and Cults.

>> No.15789232

I am no longer allowed to put my obscure, barbaric Dwarven god over Tyr, the good of our cleric.

>> No.15789713

>I am not allowed to take Hedonism as a motivation. Ever.
> I am not allowed to change my motivation to Hedonism either.
>Especially if I take Addictions.

>> No.15789720

I must ask - why would anyone prohibit these options if they are legal according to the official resources?

Especially if they sound so god-damned fucking awesome.

I would fight tooth and nail for the right to do as i please in a RP as long as it is rules wise legal.

>> No.15789783

>"The ability to do anything, as long as it's not that hard" is not a real superpower."
>"My swashbuckling fop cannot take the dark flaw not gay."

>> No.15789798

>>15789720
Many of them are of the 'awesome, but completely break the flow and mood of the game' strain, and thus get a whole lot of DMs' panties in a twist. Plus, they're a backwards, joking way of bragging.

>> No.15790077

>No longer aloud to persuade the dm to allow me to become a lich.
>Especially if i also persuade him to allow me to be the partys nemisis.
>Not aloud to be the BBEG of any campeign as well as having a moderately high int.
>Not aloud to become the BBEG of any campeign where i was a spellcaster of any sort.
>Not aloud to ruin the DM's special seige plotline by hiring an army of mercinary bowmen and mages and levitating everything for half a day while screaming "I AM THE GOD OF HELLFIRE!"
>Not aloud to base bbeg's off songs.
>Especially if the songs in question are: Metallica - Creeping death. Iron maiden - Bring your daughter to the slaughter. Meatloaf - Bat out of hell. Anything by edguy... or avatasia, or anything tobias sammet has been remotely near in the last 10 years.
>Not aloud to persuade the king that the bard is the BBEG because and have him send the entire army after him when he sleeps with my EX.
>The parlay tent is not to be rigged with enough explosives to blow up the entire castle i'm charged with defending.
>Not aloud to trick the dm into letting me slowly become any of the four horsemen.
>Not aloud to declare war on heaven.
>CERTAINLY not aloud to win the war.
>If the dm brags about spending hours coming up with a logic puzzle, not aloud to open my mouth for at least 15 minutes when we encounter it.
And the one moment that always gives me a smile.
>Not aloud to clear it with the DM to become the BBEG halfway through a campeign, and then "Call in a few favours" That results in four kingdoms dispatcing their armys to my castle when the party shows up to beseige me.

>> No.15790165 [DELETED] 

>>15788308
>> This entire green text
>> Mfw

>> No.15791356

Everything in this post is stuff I have actually been yelled at for and told not to do again.
>I will not destroy the other players at freeform RP.
>>even if I told them to use dice and they insisted on freeform.
>Can't force two DC 25+ Toughness checks in one round, unarmed, at PL4, without buying powers.
>>Especially not on the DMPC.
>It's okay for this game, but no longer allowed to make characters who can hit DC47 on a take10 at PL8.
>Can't crowd control thirteen mobs single-handedly even if the DM's stupid house rules allow it.
>Can't know more about the setting than the DM, even if he did rip it off from a visual novel.
>Not allowed to grapple the NPC, even if she is a spellcaster and that's the only way I can be useful this fight.
>Can't play a villain who has the moral high ground over the PCs.
>Can't acquire a map of the area we're invading and present a small-unit tactics plan that completely destroys the setpiece, even if that's my character's job.
>Not allowed to have a higher Int score than the rest of the party put together, in or out of character.
>Can't seduce a lesbian with my male character, even if the rules say I can and their player is agreeable to it.
>>Especially not when the DM is trying to get her to sleep with his loli DMPC instead.
>Can't call the DM out on being a lolicon, even if he is.
>Not allowed to reveal the entire plot two weeks after the game begins, even if it's patently bloody obvious.
>Not allowed to build a character who can't be damaged by the rest of the party, even if certain party members are plotting to kill her.
>Can't build a character who is cooler than the loli.

>> No.15791367

>>15791356
>No longer allowed to play female warriors who have no intention of bearing children.
>Can't play a female soldier who keeps rubbers on hand.
>Can't play a male investigator who is more attractive than the DM's eye candy lolis.
>Can't play said investigator as knowing lots of stuff about the PCs, even if he's been investigating them for months and the rules say I can.
>Can't use Hokuto Shinken, even if the rules say I can.
>Can't set the idiot berserker on fire, even if the rules say I can.
>Can't throw the idiot berserker out an airlock without anybody finding out, *especially* if the rules say I can.
>Not allowed to tell the idiot berserker that I fucked his girlfriend, *especially* especially if I did.

>> No.15791451

>I am no longer allowed to have ANY character named John Marston

>I am no longer aloud to stray from the group every mission looking for Dutch

>> No.15791477

I am not allowed to make a missile launcher into a flamethrower via Exterminator packs.

>> No.15791590

>>15791451
We had a guy actually do this in an AdEva game.
The rest of the party were evil as fuck, though, so he didn't last long.

>> No.15791605

>I am no longer allowed to play any character with a base STR of 25
>Despite being 8 meters tall, castle gates do not threaten multiple squares
>I am not to force my DM to roll for castle gates
>I am no longer allowed to abuse Handle Animal skills to asphyxiate the chapter boss beneath a tide of ferrets in the second round of the fight
>Nor asphyxiate a Tarrasque with more of the same, even if it DOES circumvent the Tarrasque's regeneration.
>In fact, I'm not allowed near any animals. Ever.
>I am no longer allowed to roleplay regional accents
>Or Irish
>My Dryad Bard must choose an instrument other than the trombone
>It is not allowed to be a violin. Not even the world's smallest one
>I am no longer allowed to use meta-knowledge to interrogate a BBEG
>I am especially not allowed anywhere near lube or barbed wire
>I am not proficient with improvised weapon: 2nd Rate Ship of the Line. Even though I gained somewhere around 300 kills with one.
>Bayonets may not be mounted on crossbows. Ever.
>I may not troll the creepy guy's raging lesbo-fascist Paladin by rolling seduction with my extra manly Barbarian and winning
>I am no longer allowed to make called shots with a siege engine
>Blasting powder is now off limits.
>As is lamp oil
>And matches
>And Chaotic Neutral alignments
>Alchemy cannot be used to produce 'purest green'
>I must explicitely state my intentions in future when making Grapple attempts
>I'm not allowed to crash the weapons market just to lower prices on my favourite toys

>> No.15791637

>>15791605
>Alchemy cannot be used to produce 'purest green'

You win the noble prize for alchemy, good show.

>> No.15791643

I am no longer allowed to take the uncouth flaw in shadowrun
people died

>> No.15791677

>>15791605

>Bayonets may not be mounted on crossbows. Ever.

So awesome, But my clear favourite is

>I'm not allowed to crash the weapons market just to lower prices on my favourite toys

>> No.15791685

>Karl Franz has put out a restraining order on me.
>And a restraining order on me on behalf of all horses south of the Chaos Wastes.

>> No.15791704

>>15791685
Even Avenland?

>> No.15791708

>I am no longer allowed to plan political coups on every planet we land on.
>I am no longer allowed to exploit fragile economies for my own gargantuan profit.
>I am no longer allowed to gamble with my gargantuan profit to bankrupt the local underworld.
>I am no longer allowed to play any character capable of rational thought.
>I am no longer allowed to make myself Planetary governor by session 4.
>I am no longer allowed to say the line "are those lasguns at your hips or are you just pleased to see me?"
>I am no longer allowed to roll Charm to see whether people liked my terrible jokes.
>I am no longer allowed to roll Charm.
>I am no longer allowed to roll my own dice.
>I am no longer allowed to roll my own characters.
>I am no longer allowed to roll with da gangstaz.

>> No.15791709

>I'm not allowed to play crazy people
>Not allowed to touch a Malkavian character sheet with a 10 foot pole
>Not allowed to have any record of financial wealth/assets which takes up more than 2 pages
>Really, not allowed to be a merchant of any kind
>Definitely not allowed to involve other PCs in any sort of economic deals
>1200% profit margins are bad
>Starting a party conflict because you've been making that kind of money off the other party members is bad
>All of my characters must have Oath of Poverty

>> No.15791729

>I'm not allowed to force the PCs into a fight with their arch nemesis without any rolls regardless of whether or not the plan to get them into the fight is utterly undetectable to them
>Okay, just this once because it was awesome
>I am not allowed to point out the fact that we've done this about 10 times. Every time I do it I'm still in the wrong until I get to describing the completely awesome part

>> No.15791740

>I am no longer allowed to pay PCs cash bounties on the heads of other PCs.

>> No.15791746

>Not allowed to, after making five ridiculously unlikely rolls in a row to deflect the planet-sized Angel's huge laser, tell the DM that my luck is inversely proportional to my enjoyment of the game.

>> No.15791747

>>15791740
Ouch. I get the feeling we'd have done well together

>I'm no longer allowed to accept cash bounties to murder other PCs

>> No.15791752

>>15791704
Especially Averland.

>> No.15791780

>I am no longer allowed to play were-spiders in Werewolf: the Apocalypse
>I am no longer allowed to make variant Gifts based on existing ones.
>I am no longer allowed to make NPC allies who are at a certain comfort level with my character.
>I am no longer allowed to drink the blood of 10 characters, boost my stats to 15s, transform into the Pithus shape and destroy an entire Pentex black military single handedly.

>> No.15791812

>I am no longer allowed to play a Barbarian with more than one arm.

>> No.15791857 [DELETED] 

>>15791605
>I am not allowed to make seduction rolls against dragons and win.
>I am not allowed to later use the same dragon as a mount to fight the BBEG. Especially when other party members spend the rest of the session sniggering over the exact usage of the term 'mount'.
>Or to aggrevate them further buy purchasing a ladder and large bucket of oil the next day
>I am not allowed to persuade the new guy to roll a Fighter in 3.5 when the rest of the party are Wizards, Druids and Clerics.
>I am not then allowed to turn him into a grapple-AoO-square denial-spring attack bouncing rape monster later in the campaign
>Even if he was pretty much roleplaying Prince of Persia anyways.
>I am not allowed to use meta knowledge to make poison
>I am not allowed to use thermodynamics to asphyxiate the entire dungeon and everything in it, then go back later and claim the loot
>I may not 'doodle in the margins' of the Mage's spellbook
>Stimulants are forevermore off-limits to my character.
>As are opiates.
>I am not allowed to use meta knowledge to derail the DM's naval campaign... or point out that the enemy fleet would have sunk before we even got there.
>Even for the sake of historical accuracy
>Even if it is relevant to the campaign
>My Ultra manly Barbarian must use an axe smaller than his torso, even if the rules say he can get away with it
>Greatswords are not reach weapons and I am not allowed to persuade my DM that they are
>Even if they are
>I am no longer allowed to offend the mormon in the party by having my scummy wizard turn water into wine

>> No.15791861

>>15791857
>Dread Commando prestige class is forevermore off-limits to me.
>As are khukuris
>Crossbows do not have alternative ammunition. Especially not dildos.
>I am not proficient in Weapon: Field Artillery. Even if it is technically not an exotic weapon and my class allows it.
>Furthermore, I cannot bring a cannon into a dungeon, even if it would fit and the rules allow it.
>I am not to roll high initiative when using a cannon.
>Furthermore, grape shot and langridge shot are now off-limits to me. Because no DM likes it when an encounter is over in the first round.
>I am not allowed to guess my DM's plot and easymode it.
>In future I must open the chest in the dungeon and not remove it for easier cracking later. Even if my base STR is 25.
>Nor am I to force my DM to roll for Adamantium Bound Chests when ambushed on the way out.
>The best way to tackle Underdark creatures is not with a giant roach motel.
>Or a rolled up newspaper
>Or a horde of ferrets
>No matter how awesome, I am not allowed to roll Ghenghis Khan
>Especially not in a vaguely Native American setting
>Or to recreate scenes from Shadow of the Colossus in the same setting when confronted with an Elder Earth Elemental

>> No.15791873

>>15791356
>>15791367
Just wanted to let you know, your DM might not be great, but you are that guy.

>> No.15791883

> I am no longer allowed to base my merchant NPCs off of pawnstars.
> I am no longer allowed to make every blacksmith in my campaign setting based off of my high school tech ed teacher.

>> No.15791886 [DELETED] 

>>15791857
>I am not allowed to make seduction rolls against dragons and win.
>I am not allowed to later use the same dragon as a mount to fight the BBEG. Especially when other party members spend the rest of the session sniggering over the exact usage of the term 'mount'.

>> No.15791911

>>15791873
>in this thread
>that accusation
>really.
Enlighten me.

>> No.15791914

>>15791886
>Or to aggrevate them further buy purchasing a ladder and large bucket of oil the next day

>> No.15791940

Did I wander into /v/?

>> No.15791953

>>15788308
Oh god, I lol-ed so hard...

>> No.15791960

>>15791940
No

gb2 >>>/v/

>> No.15792014

>I am no longer allowed to hire six other dwarf rogues and equip them with crossbows, black-powder demolition charges and throwing/sneak-attack axes.
>I am no longer allowed to use "dwarf sense" to detect structural weaknesses, ale and feast-halls.
>I am no longer allowed to equip my self with crossbows and black-powder demolition charges.
>I am no longer allowed to play a dwarf.
>I am no longer allowed to play a short-arsed elf who has rejected his tree-hugging heritage in order to "try out" for a dwarven commando team.

>> No.15792021

>>15792014
>>>I am no longer allowed to play a short-arsed elf who has rejected his tree-hugging heritage in order to "try out" for a dwarven commando team.

GENIUS!

>> No.15792032

>I am no longer allowed to use my own knowledge of chemical interactions ingame to create nuclear weapons.
>I am no longer allowed to craft power armour from scraps inside a cave
>I am no longer allowed to quote Monty Python more than once per session
>I am no longer allowed create PC's using Splatbooks that exist solely within my mind.
>I am no longer allowed to diplomance the incarnate of Death.
>ESPECIALLY if she is hot
>Repeating everything back to your captors in a sarcastic fashion is NOT a spy technique to resist interrogation.
>Dynamite may be the answer, but I must first endevour to at least try to figure out the question before resorting to blowing everything up.
>I can no longer suggest plans or make rousing speeches that are simply lyrics from Cher songs.
>I can no longer implement glorious communist revolutions
>I can no longer kill any man with title of Vizer on sight.
>I can no longer quote Shuma Gorath.
>Shouting out my attack at the top of my lungs does not improve it in any way.
>I will not be a passive-agressive attention seeker if there is already a girl in the group.
>I will not quote the simpsons or family guy, I understand that doing so will lose us about an hour that we will never get back.
>I will no longer wonder aloud why the Warner Brother "Wacko" had a liverpudlian accent.
>Being black does not mean you are a half-orc.
>Elves do NOT all have "hoighty-toighty" french accents.
>Halflings however DO have West Country accents, and my germanic accented halfling with a thin mustache and a hatred of Gnomes is RIGHT OUT.
>Kobolds do not trade in Dragonborn Porn.
>Not openly anyway.
>I can no longer construct an Orbital Ion Cannon in D&D
>Keelhauling is not something you can just "walk off."
>...Especially if it's Rogue Trader we're playing.

>> No.15792056

>>15792032
>I can no longer construct an Orbital Ion Cannon in D&D
Design please!

>> No.15792060

>>15792032

>I am no longer allowed to use my own knowledge of chemical interactions ingame to create nuclear weapons.

>chemical interactions
>nuclear weapons

Out.

>> No.15792063

>I not allowed to play another Advanced Greater Carrion for SLA Industries, out of the Contract-Killer's Book.
>Nor am I allowed to increase his Hobby:Cooking beyond max.
>He is also not allowed to try out for 'Iron Chef', again, and is he allowed to have *another* cooking-show.
>Having one lucky Studio Audience member be the "Secret Ingredient" for today's show, is perfectly acceptable however.

>> No.15792066

>>15792032
>I am no longer allowed to diplomance the incarnate of Death.
>ESPECIALLY if she is hot
I've done this too...

>> No.15792075

>>15792056

Well, it's mostly just about constructing a big enough wand of maximised telekinisis

Still not as effective as using said wand to carve a Rune of Madness or Charm Person on the Moon though.

>> No.15792076

ITT: Dick DM's who can't accept fun.
That being said, I have a few of my own.

>Am no longer allowed to homebrew a monk class with the intent to be Kenshiro
>Am no longer allowed to homebrew a monk class with the intent to be Jackie Chan
>Am no longer allowed to homebrew a monk class with the intent to be any of the movie roles Jackie Chan has played.
>Am no longer allowed to out-roleplay the drunk dwarf while stone-sober
>Doubly so if the player in question is drunk as well
>Roleplaying is good and encouraged. Roleplaying a traumatic nervous breakdown to the point where the whole party OOC is convinced i'm going to kill myself is not.
>Am no longer allowed to play a technomancer based on Stephen Hawking
>Am no longer allowed to have a troll street sammy who's fists can do more damage than a point-blank nuclear warhead
>Am no longer allowed to base my techpriest off HK-47
>Am no longer allowed to base my techpriest off Wall-E
>Am no longer allowed to base my techpriest off Bender
>Am no longer allowed to base my druid off Bob Ross
>Am no longer allowed to base my bard off Brian Blessed
>Am no longer allowed to make a grappling fighter without expressly explaining to my DM that I do not intend for him to become the DC80 ass-crawler.
>Am no longer allowed to play any race under 4 feet tall
>Am no longer allowed to base any character off Carl Sagan and convince the BBEG to get stoned and discuss cosmological philosophy.
>Am no longer allowed to base any character off Fred Rogers and convince the BBEG to turn good.
>Am no longer allowed the above 2 options ESPECIALLY if they have a 99% chance of succeeding.

>> No.15792077

>i am no longer allowed to play a dread necromancer
>i am no longer allowed to raise the dead of our enemies, even if the rules allow it
>i am no longer allowed to have CHA be over 18
>i am no longer allowed to have a minion be a gigantic dire beetle, even if the DM pits us against it
>i am no longer allowed to hollow out said gigantic dire zombie beetle
>i am no longer allowed to mount siege weapons on said gigantic dire zombie beetle
>i am certainly no longer allowed to create zombie tanks for my party of other halflings
>i am no longer allowed to have my party of halflings ride around in said gigantic zombie dire beetle tank with a ballista mounted on it

>> No.15792080

>>15792032

>A tripfag is That Guy

Stop the fucking presses.

>> No.15792113

>I am no longer allowed to strip for cash when I run out of it and have no other useful skills
>Just because the setting has porn as a fairly common industry doesn't mean I can become a pornstar
>Getting another party member to help me negotiate a contract where I only work with alien women makes us both bad people
>I am not allowed to play someone who is both nearly immortal and a back stabbing assholic coward
>I'm on thin ice with the Judas Priest references
>If anyone even suspects a space ship I own is an Iron Savior reference, it will blow up

>> No.15792120

>>15792113
>I am no longer allowed to strip for cash when I run out of it and have no other useful skills
Is that in or out of character?

>> No.15792122

>>15792077
yes

>> No.15792159

>>15792076
How about you homebrew a monk class with the intent to be Miyamoto Musashi?

>> No.15792165

>>15792075
How'd you get past the range issue and wands storing up to level 4 spells?

>> No.15792166

>Just because the GM ruled that droids with no force powers could still use vibro weapons to block does not mean I should make vibrofists
>I'm not allowed to out-jedi the actual jedi
>Bruce-3 is not a clever name for a droid martial artist
>I am not allowed to utterly derail the game by calling out both the Jedi and the Sith
>Any droid character I ever build is instantly an illegal model and no more of them are allowed to be built
>No matter how many flaws the Jedi and the Sith have I cannot replace them with a council of droids

>> No.15792177

>>15792120
Both, I guess

>> No.15792209

>>15792080

I've never done any of these. They're just good ones from previous threads.

Hell, my RPG group is three guys, although Stu could totally be That Guy if he tried.

But based on that...

>I will not create a character expressly designed to be contrary to the setting I know the campaign to be.
>I will not murder little girls in front of my players in vast bulk for three hours on end with no way for them to stop it
>A grenade launcher is not a good substitute for a lockpick.
>I will not make anime references that are obviously references, but only I will get.
>I will not torture the comedy villain in a 1970's Supers game for no reason.
>I will actually read my own superpowers properly, ESPECIALLY superspeed based powers.
>Abusing the fact that I have an army at my beck and call is mean to the GM.
>The GM needs to grow a pair and understand the level of things that Rogue Trader operates at
>Yes Matt I mean you.

>> No.15792236

>I am not longer allowed to build fake robot Daleks that shout "Faggotry" and shoot holographic sparkle-lasers at people
>especially when around daleks
>I am no longer allowed to lecture Cybermen ambassadors on artificial creative intelligence, the Singularity and Humanity Fuck Yeah
>transdimensional killsats is not how you solve problems in Doctor Who
>neither is grey goo
>I am no longer allowed to glue pocket mirrors to Weeping Angels and write "trololololol" over them.
>...but I'm still allowed to turn the TARDIS into totally reflective middle finger
>the TARDIS is not the CORE Commander, nor will it ever be
>I am forbidden from visiting the planet of cocaine and nubile slave girls
>and Equestria too, while we're at it
>Time Lord chemistry sets are not for mixing pan-galactic gargle-blasters
>I am not allowed to regenerate into a Red Dwarf cast member

>> No.15792335

>>15792236
>I am not longer allowed to build fake robot Daleks that shout "Faggotry" and shoot holographic sparkle-lasers at people

Also, Dr. Who RPG WHERE?

>> No.15792354

>I am no longer allowed to construct a Belt of Battle of Battle of Battle of Battle of Battle of Battle of Battle of Battle of Battle.
>I am not allowed to play a Ruby Knight Vindicator.
>I am preemptively forbidden from any other course of action that will allow me to take 10 turns in a row.
>The only crafting skill I am allowed to invest points in is Underwater Basket Weaving, but even then I must explain my intentions before doing so.
>I am not allowed to invest points in Knowledge (Meta).
>If we do a gestalt game, I am strictly forbidden from making a character with more than 3 spell lists.
>If my character has more than 109 AC, I will not complain when asked to make a new one.
>Grappling is forbidden. Jumping is forbidden. Scrying is forbidden. Stacking abilities so that every attack I do deals quintuple damage is forbidden. Having eight arms is doubly forbidden.
>Celery is permitted, but peanut butter is forbidden.

>> No.15792363

>>15792236
win so win. i would go to equestria and get a unicorn companion

>> No.15792364

>>15792236
>I am no longer allowed to ask aliens for piggy back rides
>I not allowed to use Seduce on the Doctor
>or Peri
>especially Peri

For a different game:
>just because my character didn't ask to be called up for a quest doesn't mean I can make Deus Ex references in front of the Princess
>I am no longer allowed to make deals with hyperactive bakers, Nyarlathotep and hipster unicorns
>even if I am pretty obscure
>and for future reference, attempting to troll a living god might just get me killed

>> No.15792416

>i am no longer aloud to play any character who can control sand
>or a caster
>or melee
>i am allowed to play commoner, but only if i cant beat the bbeg alone later on

>> No.15792424

>I am no longer allowed to teach children
>I am no longer allowed to be within five feet of a child

Oh wait

>> No.15792427

>>15792416
COMMONER IS BEST CLASS

>> No.15792461

>>15792236
>the TARDIS is not the CORE Commander, nor will it ever be
Do I hear BEST/WORST CROSSOVER EVER?

>> No.15792474

>>15792363
Oh, that reminds me.
>technobabble is a privilege, not a right
>I am not allowed to recruit David Bowie as a companion
>I am no longer allowed to recruit sentient nuclear missiles as companions
What is this railroading bullshit AMIRITE GUISE?

>>15792335
It's based on a similar system that the Buffy RPG used. 2d6 + stat + skill, roll high. Tends to put some people on /tg/ off for some reason, but I've really enjoyed the system so far. It's called Doctor Who Adventures in Time and Space. There was a FASA one done in the 80s too, but I heard that sucked.

>> No.15792498

>>15792474
And then Verd was exterminated.

>> No.15792517

>>15792166

>Bruce-3 is not a clever name for a droid martial artist

Good show Anon

>> No.15792574

>I'm not allowed to make a mandolorian with more guns then the rest of the party combined.
>Particularly if its a Dark Times game, and we know Vader is after us.
>Yes crashing a droid piloted airspeeder loaded with Negron-14 into him was fun and all, but he still gets to survive due to plot power.
>Particularly if the Emperor is also in the room with him.

True story.

>> No.15792612

>>15792498
Heya GM, btw Tom has got your rules folder and he should be making a character for tomorrow's game. Is junior Time Lord okay? I think I left him with the impression it was basically a requirement.

Also
>I am not allowed to use tiny autons as wargaming pieces
>I am not allowed to use the TARDIS troll Chris-chan
>or recruit him as a companion
OR AM I?

>> No.15792694

>i am no longer allowed to use permenance on ANYTHING. ever.

>> No.15792712

>>15792694
i am no longer allowed to know, learn, buy, or mention to other players permanency

>> No.15792728

>I am not allowed to play a mutated gnoll/ant centaur
>Barbarians are forbidden in Athas
>Monks and Avengers are right out
>I am no longer allowed to play Dark Sun at all
>I am no longer allowed to purchase hirelings to spy on/assassinate fellow party members
>Lethal poisons cannot be crafted regardless of my nature check or alchemical proficiency
>I am not allowed to synthesize heroin and sneak it into the party's rations.
>Nor shall I distribute it among the populace in a cloak
>I am not proficient in the use of Dragon Dildoes
>A Dragon Dildo is not an offhand weapon

Different groups.

>> No.15792742

>>15792236
>not solving every problem with killsats

>> No.15792754

>>15792694
>>15792712

Oh come on, permanency is more than balanced by the XP cost.

>> No.15792769

>I am no longer allowed to play the Fist of the North Star theme when I use Juggernaut
>I am no longer allowed to use adorable LSD excreting mushroom-men as a plot point in any of my settings

>> No.15792777

>>15792754
what about when i can make it a spell like ability?

>> No.15792790

>>15792728
>I am not allowed to play a mutated gnoll/ant centaur
>Barbarians are forbidden in Athas
>Monks and Avengers are right out
These seem oddly familiar for some reason..

>> No.15792794

>>15792769
Needs the trumpet version used in the show.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ebC8EVe1JQ

>> No.15792803

>>15792728
PIGDOG?

>> No.15792855

>>15792769
> I am no longer allowed to use the map of the 7th Guest mansion for layouts
>same for GoldenEye's Bunker
>and the Facility
>and Doom E1M1

> I am no longer allowed to make the BBEG a thinly veiled stand-in for Hitler
>or Vega from Street Fighter
>or Azathoth
>or /b/

>> No.15792860

>>15792612
1) Sure, I'll also have a word with him tomorrow, but I don't think he'll have any problems.
2) That's awesome! Why the fuck did you think I'd not allow that!
>Shutupandtakemymoney.jpeg
3) No. I'm not going to even attempt to impersonate that piece of shit for you.
4) No.

>> No.15792885

>>15792855
>I am no longer allowed to interrupt NPCs by shouting "That's Numberwang!"
>regardless of how things work on my ship, Shetland ponies are not welcome on Inquisitorial vessels

>> No.15792936

>i am no longer allowed to play unicorn mages
>any form of equine
>i cannot play a paladin/wizard who worships princess celestia, even if the party loves him
>especialy if the party loves him
>when slaying bbegs i cannot include "friendship" in my final battlecry
>or in any battlecry
>i cannot become fallen and shout "for the lunar republic"
>i caannot refrence or watch mlp:fim at the tabble

>> No.15792962

>I am not allowed to repeat anything I saw in AGC.
>Especially if Joe Chaos did it.
>ESPECIALLY especially if Omit did it.

>> No.15792994

>>15792860
Fuck yeah. Time to find some Auton companions.
Shame the Smart Bombs turned out to be pic related. Guess haters gonna hate.

Also:
>in D&D, I am no longer allowed play Donkey from Shrek
>in World of Darkness, I am no longer allowed to play Nanny Og
>in Star Wars d20, I am no longer allowed to play Arnold Schwarzenegger
>on a related note, "Get your ass to Mars" is not an appropriate response to a tech priest

>> No.15793021

>In Dragonmech, I am not allowed to claim that 'the mech is talking to me'.
>Not even after I give it a voice box and use it as a glorified 'speak and spell'.
>Not even after given it a twenty Discriminators and essentially an artificial intelligence.

>The mech is not my new god and the rest of the party are not to be called 'flesh bags'.

>> No.15793078

>>15788251
>cast prestidigitation to fog up the mirrors
>cast mage hand to write explosive runes on one mirror
>it reflects to every mirror
>????
>Profit.

>> No.15793117

>>15792936
>I am not allowed to send moon pies to Princess Celestia
>action movie puns are not acceptable in horror games...
>...unless I one shot the monster first
>the evil AI will not be my waifu
>the evil psychic commander might but I should totally kill my party members first

>> No.15793208

>>15792936
Y U DO THAT?
SRS DUDE

>I am no longer allowed to make sound effects when playing 40k
>I am no longer allowed to troll That Guy with tailored lists
>I am no longer allowed to troll /tg/ with tailored threads
>I am no longer allowed with three clicks of a Rick Astley song
>Or Robo's Theme
>I am no longer allowed to say to NPCs "How about I slap your shit?" and ask the GM for an intimidate check

>> No.15793320

>>15793208
i manely did it as a joke and noone caught on. then he became powerful and everyone finally got what i was doing. i love luna so i became a blackgaurd. one of my favorite characters

>> No.15793388

>>15793320
>unsure whether faggotry or awesome
Also I'm sure my GM has done something like this but pretty sure he's not in a D&D group.

>> No.15793432

>>15791356
>>15791367
Same campaign(s), different yelling.

>Can't care more about the setting than the DM, *especially* if false advertising was involved in getting me into the game.
>Can't not fuck the loli DMPC or the DM's Best Friend's PC and expect to retain moral high ground, *especially* if my character's more dedicated to their job than either.
>Not allowed to at least save someone IC if they've been drummed out of the game OOC.
>Not allowed to save a fellow PC if they've been separated from the rest of the party by DM Fiat, *especially* if it was done so for the express purpose of wrenching eroRP from their player.
>Not allowed to refute the DM's declaration of my character's sexuality (quantity OR polarity).
>Not allowed to call bullshit on OOC events, even (especially) if my character has had psychic intercourse with an Alternity Transformer.
>Not allowed to modify my equipment if I'm not the DM's best friend.
>Not allowed to tailor-make my upgrades when my canon equipment has no reasonable way of resisting DM Fiat.
>Not allowed to use a Pokemon alternate form for anything other than sex, *especially* if said sex is fuel for useful arcane powers.
>Not allowed to conspire with previously quoted user to perform any of the above, OR anything he posted, OR even just to have a positive demeanor towards him without it being written off as some form of mind control.

>> No.15793464

>>15793432
What the fuck kind of game are you playing in?

>Not allowed to use a Pokemon alternate form for anything other than sex, *especially* if said sex is fuel for useful arcane powers.
No, I don't want to know. What the fuck.

>> No.15793579

>I am no longer allowed to play my Arbite characters as Leslie Nielsen
>I am no longer allowed to take "Improvised Weapon: Ladder" for my monk characters
>I am no longer allowed to play Dr Wily from the Protomen albums
>or the original games either
>or Dr Robotnik
>I am no longer allowed to design robots for sci fi campaigns
>or D&D campaigns
>I am no longer allowed to name characters 'Scriptarius'
>I am no longer allowed to troll our Star Trek fan by saying Galactic Empire could beat up the Federation
>I am no longer allowed to troll the group brony by posting him 1980s MLP videos with a note "as congratulations for coming out of the closet"
>I am allowed to troll That Guy by flaming his fanfiction.net account

>> No.15793619

>I am not allowed to play as an uplifted octopus with an unhealthy obsession with Japanese anime.

>> No.15793643

>>15793464
Bad ones... it makes sense in context, but you don't want to know the context (suffice to say that particular line started out as a joke).

>> No.15793645

>I am no longer allowed to line my character's clothing with gunpowder slowly over the campaign and have him light himself right in front of the BBEG as he's about to die and say, "Bang...."

>> No.15793700

>>15793579

>I am no longer allowed to play my Arbite characters as Leslie Nielsen

That sounds awesome! I can't believe they don't let you do that!

I would learn to run Dark Heresy if I had friends willing to do that for me

>> No.15793729

>this thread

>> No.15793744

Deathwatch:
>>My Salamanders are not allowed to re-enact the "English motherfucker" scene from Pulp Fiction
>>Reclamation pools are not 'dead nidda storage'
>>Salamanders like to burn things, true, but a meltagun with an exterminator attachment and a hand flamer is taking the concept a touch too far.
>>Afros are hairesy
>>No matter how large and curly they are.
>>Salamanders do not use the word 'muthafucka' like a comma.
>>I'm not allowed to be part of a Salamanders successor chapter called the Black Panthers.

>> No.15793745

>I am not allowed to fire a Deathstrike Missile at a Daemon Prince at point-blank range.
>I am not allowed to fire a Daemon Prince at a Deathstrike Missile at extreme range.

>> No.15793807

>>15793700
>My name is Sergeant Marvin Dretch, Lieutenant Commander of the Divisio Immoralis, a special detachment of the Hive Sibellius arbites precinct. There had been complaints about Slaaneshi pornography plaguing the western habs. Unfortunately I was assigned to the east habs investigating illegal printing press. I was across town on patrol when I got the call. My boss was already on the scene.

>I am no longer allowed to use fate points to reroll a successful drive check to not a trash can

>> No.15793826

>I am no longer allowed to force the Tech Priest to jury rig a rail gun at gunpoint
>I am definitely not allowed to fire him through it afterwards
>Even if it "just" tears his augmetics off and away and leaves him "essentially" alive

>> No.15793857

This isn't a DnD thread.
This isn't even a "That guy" thread.

This is an "I've gonna be a massive prick to the DM, only my happiness matters! Why am I the only one who can see how awesome I am??? thread."

>> No.15793915

>>15793857
>I'm autistic and have completely failed to understand this thread

Most if not all of the posters in this thread haven't actually been banned from doing anything, and most of them are also exaggerating a teeny tiny bit. It's a cheeky way of doing bragging rights and its a parody of Things Mr Welch Is No Longer Allowed to Do, which I'd thought was required reading before coming on to /tg/.

>> No.15793952

>>15793320
>likes Luna
Get the fuck out moon lover, before the Princess of the Sun banishes you again.

>> No.15793995

Bump.

>> No.15794117

>>15793952
dont besmirch the moon goddess

>> No.15794174

>>15793952
>>15794117
Touhou? On my /tg/?

>> No.15794205

>>15794117
What you gonna do about it? Lose another fight against to a bunch of neurotic teenagers?

>> No.15794221

>>15794174
no
>>15794205
nightmare moon fell, not my princess

>> No.15794266

I am not allowed to make my phylactery a dildo.
I am not allowed to place said phylactery in the house of a known nymphomaniac.
I am not allowed to place explosive runes on my door frame or mailbox.
Explosive runes on the dildo is also prohibited.

>> No.15794279

>I am no longer allowed to play a dragonwraught kobold.
>Actually, no kobolds at all, just to be safe.
>No humans either.
>Or dwarves.
>Or elves.
>Or halflings.
>Or gnomes.
>From now on, I will only be allowed to play awakened house cat fighters.

>> No.15794332

>>15794221
I can't tell whether you're a cool dude or a creepy guy who likes something waaaay too much, but you've been pretty good fun to reply to either way. I figure we ought to quit now before we shit the thread up.

>>15794174
Haha, don't I wish.

>> No.15794384

>>15794332
im cool just saying it like he spoke. brohoof mi amigo

>> No.15794530

>I am not allowed to play a Deva Bard in a game that already features a Deva as a PC, just so that I can claim, upon being asked "Are you not men?" or a variation thereof, "We are Deva!".
>Xenophilia is okay when you're hitting on the Elf chick.
>It's not when you're hitting on the Minotaur.
>No discussing female Dragonborn's boobs. It is considered to be in poor taste.
>Though I am allowed to say "Just as planned" everytime something goes right/wrong in a Deathwatch game, I'll be the first to die.
>I am not allowed to roll it if I can't pronounce it.
>I am not allowed to call Necoho the god of Hipsters. Though accurate, we do not talk about him anymore.

>> No.15794560

>>15794384

>> No.15794682

>I am not allowed to force the gunnery grews to drink copious amounts of questionable alcohol
>Especially before or during combat
>I am not allowed to 'hunt' the crew during long trips through the warp
>I am not allowed to 'hunt' the passengers during long trips through the warp
>I am not allowed to 'hunt' during long trips through the warp
>I am not allowed to tamper with the ship's Gellar Fields to give me something intersting to fight during long, boring trips through the warp
>I am not allowed to play a Blood Axe Kommando in Rogue Trader
>Or Dark Heresy

>> No.15794877

>I am no longer allowed to make characters.
ForeverDM.jpg

>> No.15794973

>I am no longer allowed to make cohorts that specialize in AoOs as rouges.

>> No.15795003

>I am no longer allowed to make my Explorator sound like the Unicorn Mayonaise Guy from Robot Chicken, regardless of how low his fellowship is.
>It doens't matter HOW goo my tech skills are or how many enemy corpses we loot, I cannot have a number of servo skulls with quadruple digits.
>No matter how good our acquisition rolls are, I CANNOT outfit them all with lasguns and/or bolters
>>I CANNOT add a powerfist to my special servo skull, and I CANNOT call him "FISTER ROBOTO", even if everyone there save the GM has watched Archer

>> No.15795052

>I am not allowed to install speakers and amplifiers on my mech.
>I am not allowed to hold impromptu concerts in the middle of combat.
>I am not allowed to buy, steal or scavenge an LAM.
>I am not allowed to play Slough Feg during a game.
>I am not allowed to organise any sort of band or play any instrument.
>I am not allowed to leave the party to try and break into the Banzai Institute for Armoured Warfare.
>I am not allowed to make a playlist of guitar riffs to play when I make piloting or gunnery rolls.

>> No.15795059

>>15794530
>"Are you not men?", "We are Deva!".
DEVO BROFIST!

>> No.15795297

>I am no longer allowed anywhere near a splitting bow
>Or a bow with the force enhancement
>I am no longer allowed to have a cohort who crafts items for less than 1% of market price
>I am no longer allowed to take leadership
>I am no longer allowed to use any of the celerity spells
>or Shivering Touch
>the feat Snowflake Wardance may only be obtained by receiving training from an NPC
>Shadowcraft Mage, Planar Shepard, Hathran, Ruby Knight Vindicator, and others have been banned by my DM since before I've even started playing
>and that goes double for me

My DM is still a pretty cool guy who can handle just about anything I throw at him. He is not mad at all about my current character's untrained skill checks having a higher bonus than if those skills were fully trained.

>> No.15795425

>I am no longer allowed to use real life chemistry to use mix plentiful availability items into something of rare or near unique availability.
>.I am no longer allowed to put caltrop dispensers, mounted flamethrowers, smokescreen dispensers, or any blatant James Bond references on our vehicle and claim that I can do it "because ork shit doesn't have to make sense or be able to work normally".
>It is a magazine not a clip, even if that is what it says on the sheet.

>> No.15795480

>Paladins of freedom are fine
>Paladins who serve a goddess of love are fine
>Paladins who are sexually promiscuous are okay, so long as they uphold their deity's ideals
>Paladins who try to redeem evil or abherrant monsters are fine
>Paladins trying to implement the fourth qualitiy here MUST NEVER integrate this method with factors 1 through 3

>> No.15795655

>>15788211
dude I'm watching big o right now.
<3.

>> No.15795679

>>15795655
>A human cleric of the Becoming God with max ranks in diplomacy may "Cast in the Name of God", but he need not share that with everyone whenever combat begins

>> No.15795734

>"The Kraken" by Hans Zimmer may no longer be playing during any large encounter
>I am no longer allowed to surpass god
>I am no longer allowed to critique characters
>I am no longer allowed to provide advice
>Even when I am asked
>especially when I am asked

>> No.15796082

>I may not play a Cleric who gains his abilities from the belief that he is a god
>I may not play a Cleric who gains his abilities from the pursuit of culinary perfection, revenge, or sarcasm
>If I play a Cleric, I must have a patron deity from PHB

>> No.15796103

>>15792728

>gnoll/ant centaur
>dark sun

PIGDOG DETECTED

>> No.15796109

>No matter how deep into Malfeas you go, no matter how important the Yozi which grants wishes is to the campaign, as a Storyteller, it is bad form to have said Yozi to propose to the female PCs to 'make a contract with me' in a high-pitched voice. ESPECIALY in a high-pitched voice

>> No.15797024

>I am no longer allowed to play Psychic Warriors like The Men Who Stare At Goats
>I am no longer allowed to try to hate someone to death as a Psychic Warrior, no matter how appropriate it is
>I am no longer allowed to play Psions who keep marionettes that look like my fellow PCs
>Because it's creepy, that's why, and it weirds out everyone
>If I do keep marionettes that look like my fellow PCs, I am not allowed to attempt to give them sapience and free will
>Even if the rules are already there to make it happen
>Even if the roleplayer of the group is fascinated by the idea
>Especially if it makes the powergamer of the group get that gleam in his eye that says "I'm about to get massive bonuses from this."
>If I play a Soulknife, I am not allowed to manifest my mindblade in the middle of a friendly handshake
>I am no longer allowed to play Wilders, ever

>No psionics

>> No.15797347

>I am no longer allowed to pick pyromancer, shopping cart hoarder, and crack addict as my homeless character's cliches

>> No.15797391

>I am no longer allowed to be able to set anything that's not indestructible on fire
>I am no longer allowed to be able to pull anything I need from a shopping cart
>I am no longer allowed to be addicted to crack

>> No.15797515

>I am no longer allowed any access whatsoever to buckets, monkey corpses, or cake
>I am no longer allowed to take vow feats
>I am no longer to, under any circumstances, play an evil character. Ever. People will vomit.

>> No.15797560

>Even if he DID sign the contract, and even if he DID fail to notice the fine print, I cannot take the virginity of the monk's mother. Time Travel does not work that way.

>> No.15797586

>I am not allowed to have my electropriests catchphrase be, "Baby I give a whole new meaning to The Shocker"
>I am not allowed to hit on the ships captain to get to the sexy, sexy ship.
>I am not allowed to drain all the power in a hive city for my own personal enjoyment.

>> No.15797600

>I am not allowed to react to the gay guy's evil psion using the bullshit power to overwrite an NPC's personality with his own by shrieking "See! It's the gay agenda in action!"
>The fact that I drove said player to the town's Gay Pride Parade does not give me special permission to do this
>The other party members are NOT allowed to call these so-called privileges "handler's rights"

>> No.15797616

>I am no longer allowed to be an arms dealer
>I am no longer allowed to create a scope that increases the effective range of my crossbow, even if the rules allow it
>I am no longer allowed to have an eyepatch that increases my ability to shoot at ranges beyond first increment, even if the rules allow it
>I am no longer allowed to craft AMF bolts that center the antimagic field around the point of impact of the weapon, even if the rules allow it
>I am no longer allowed to have an Alkendrovich Arms Model 318 Nostromo Crossbow outfitted with the prior-banned scope, eyepatch accessory, or ammunition
>I am no longer allowed to create a bolt-action crossbow loading mechanism, even if I write the schematics for it
>I am no longer allowed to create a portable hole + bag of holding bolt, even if the rules allow it
>I am no longer allowed to invent any modifications for a crossbow that allow for automatic fire at a rate of fire comparable to a modern machine gun, even if the rules, magic and the prior-written schematics allow it
>I am no longer allowed to play a sniper with a Russian accent
>Eastern European is also banned
>I am no longer allowed to teach the party members to refer to enemies as "tangos", "hostiles", or any other term of a similar flavor
>They do not have the technology to create red-dot sights in D&D, and I may not use magic to do it anyway
>Same with thermal scopes, night vision goggles, and laser-guided target painting for the sorcerer's fireball spell
>I am no longer allowed to create a crossbow bolt that acts as a MIRV that explode on contact
>I am no longer allowed to create anything that can be described as "similar to a MIRV"
>I am no longer allowed to carry a ranged weapon of any kind in D&D

I killed the BBEG from just under half a mile away. DM was not pleased.

>> No.15797618

>Even if the rules allow it,my mechanic cannot have the right to 'upgrade' the pelvic muscles of female androids for any purpose, prurient or otherwise.

>> No.15797637

>Failure to share does NOT give a charisma bonus to Displomacy checks made against wookies and ewoks, no matter how intuitive I may find this

>> No.15797660

>>15797586
>I am not allowed to hit on the ships captain to get to the sexy, sexy ship.

but... Dat Aft

>> No.15797669

>>15797637
shit. I meant 'shave'


>Even if the undercover cultist is insane beyond measure, it is still forbidden that he tell his neighbours that offerings to Nyarlathotep are an obscure Eastern orthodox Christmas tradition. it will only end in tear. Most likely from the GM

>> No.15797680

>>15797600
Bravo!

>> No.15797694

>>15797616
I'm also not allowed to have a velociraptor animal companion, moreso if we store the bag of holding on it.

>> No.15797700

>Even if I fail the sanity roll, describing the ghost as 'moe' will earn me a swift slap upside the head.I don't care if the campagin IS set in Japan

>> No.15797728

>I am not allowed to build a stage carried by undead for the party bard to jam on
>I am not allowed to attach a minotaur skull to the paladin's shield
>I am not allowed to make a flesh golem, put a suit on him and a mask and name him Jenkins
Unlike you other guys its not a cool story, the team pally just don't want me doing this shit

>> No.15797738

>If I read it in a fortune cookie, my monk is NOT allowed to say it. Even if he is an egotripping Solar Exalted.

>> No.15797763

> I am no longer allowed to cast Grease on the elf chick.

>> No.15797777

>"Retarded brawler" not a viable character concept, and is, in fact, terribly insensitive.
>There is no such thing as Weapons Proficiency: thrown poo.

>> No.15797799

>Casting Arcane Mark on surface of the Big Bad's retina so that she only sees your face is unfair and unkind.

>> No.15797806

>I am no longer allowed to make NPCs my pets
>I am no longer allowed to cast enlarge person while being devoured by a T-rex
>Especially if the damage will not kill it
>Even after I have torn my way out with a powerfist

Yeah... my mates cleric did nothing for the rest of the session.

>> No.15797811

> I am no longer allowed to make a Warforged Bard who is covered in spikes and skulls and plays a huge drum.
> I can no longer purchase long black haired wigs.
> Said Warforged Bard is NOT under any circumstances allowed to create the Metal music genre.
> The DM is NOT mad because my Warforged is styling on him.

>> No.15797821

>I am not allowed to use my knowledge of the DM's actual tells when rolling against a bluff check

>I may not have any sword longer than a rapier or wider than a gladius

>I may not take mindworms from Planet and deploy them on the space-elf homeworld

>>Even if my character thinks they deserve it

>>>Even if they are at war with the space dwarfs

>>>>As of last session, mind stapling elves is also banned

>not all elves are gay

>I may not petrify stilties, attatch a blade to their head, and use them as a polearm

>>Even if I can make the strangth check

>>>They may also not be used as: pikes, javelins, ballista bolts, or arrows

>I am no longer allowed to play any sort of genre savvy character

>>even if I could tell the plot from the very first meeting

>I am no longer allowed near the 2-liter bottle of coke and am restricted to cans

>I may not play a lawyer when the campaign will involve deals with fairies, fae, demons, the devil, or gods

>I may not use diplomacy to become best buds with Satan

>>Even if the character thinks he was screwed over

>>>This one repealed as of last session

>> No.15797831

>>15797700
goddamn those little girls are moe

>> No.15797834

>Having my paladin declare that cutting welfare to balance the kingdom's budget as an evil action is not an in-character statement and is - in fact - me trying to troll the political science major. To deny this is to risk being banded "That Guy"

>> No.15797845

>The commandered warlord titan's name is NOT Unicron
>Nor can its absorb a gargant into its chest for the purpose of refitting that gargant into a machine known as Galvatron
>Do not argue with a titan's machine spirits. They have friends. Like your bolt pistol's machine spirit.

>> No.15797859

>>15797845

>> No.15797867

>Asking if the weeaboo guy's gnomish alchemist with a read cloak, blonde hair and a prosthetic arm & leg if "his parents are DEEEEAAAAAAD!!" is unsporting. Cutting the DM's 14-year-old cousin some slack is good manners

>> No.15797872

>>15797845

You can play in any of my campaigns

>> No.15797883

>I am no longer allowed to play Demon the fallen

>> No.15797886

>Even if the rules allow it, I cannot use prestigitation to make our meal taste 'stupid'

>> No.15797915

>>15797867
Me and a friend were going combine our back-stories by saying my Warforged Fighter was supposed to be protecting his young Wizard.

When we asked if we could do this our DM told us that he wasn't going to let us turn his campaign into FMA.

We were both like "wow" when we realised what we'd created.

>> No.15797938

>My backstories cannot contain any of the following:

>As a warforged, originally built to be a servant golem and retrofitted to fight against another artificer's eight super-powered golems
>As a cleric, wandered the desert for weeks on the verge of death before being gifted with a container of a suspiciously orange juice by Pelor and told to "Unleash the power of the sun."
>As a monk, pulled into a battle of good versus evil by a disembodied head and its robot servant because I was a "teenager with attitude"
>As any psionic class, formerly a writer until a scathing review of my work unlocked psychic powers through sheer rage
>As an elf, "the second coming of Feanor and Fingolfin combined"

>> No.15797947

>Having my samurai 'be tripping balls' is not an excuse for breaking the bushido code. You lost the save against the unknown herb fair and square

>> No.15797962

>I am no longer allowed to play a black scottish man with high demolitions skills
>I am no longer allowed to play a fat, heavy russian with a minigun
>I can no longer make anything resembling TF2
>"I tame it to use as a mount" is not the solution to all giant monsters
>>Especially Terrasques
>I may not use a portable hole and bag of holding to make explosive arrows
>I may not use immoveable rods as an assassination tool
>even if it doesn't involve the movement of planetary bodies
>I may not name our vessel the "Event Horizon" then sabotage the gellar field
>>Even though it was an accident

>> No.15797984

>Even if he does worship a fertility god, my Summoner's cannot have an Eidolon with any sexual characteristics. We don't need to explain THAT story to our GM's mom again.

>> No.15798003

>My warrior's ancestral weapon cannot be a plankton-eating shark. No matter how much sense it makes in context.

>> No.15798031

>Combat flatulence is not a viable substitute for my Dragonfire Adept's breath weapon. The party doens't care HOW off the bean dip was at that last tavern

>> No.15798045

>Astral cuddling will never be a psionic discipline. Save that shit for your girlfriend when the rest of the players are gone

>> No.15798070

>I may not lead a peasant uprising and establish a non-feudal government
>>Even if the government has performed gross human rights violations
>>>Exception: any empire our DM made furry and/or while drunk
>I may no longer keep poisons given to me during an "evil" campaign after an assasination assignment
>>This rule can be considered void provided I tell the DM what I'm planning with them.
>I may not use the peasant rail gun
>If a roll a natural 20 on diplomacy, then I CAN use the same principal as a super-collider
>>I may not call any resulting material unobtanium
>Creating that zombie computer was a clever idea.
>>Turning it into a zombie skynet was not

>> No.15798077

>>15797984
>>15798003
>>15798031
>>15798045
Couldn't have just said it in one post?

Or is this a major fail samefagging...

>> No.15798078

>If I ever end a game of Adeptus Evangelion in this manner, I am banned from GMing for a month,

>> No.15798080

there's a really good list of thee for some Specialist in the Army. I just can't remember his name.

>> No.15798115

>>15798077
>>15798077
<ajor fail samefaggin. I tired, drunk, and figured the pretty pictures might make it funnier. i guess not. my bad. Have one more for the read, then. I'm out.

>my warlock will stop referring to every kill as 'sending them to the shadow realm'. The darkblast invocation does not help matters

>> No.15798120

> No longer am I allowed to play any form of Spy/Interrogator/Diplomat/Analyst due to my work experience in DC
> No longer am I allowed to attach a chain to two immovable rods to create "derpchaku"
> Nor am I allowed to use an immovable rod as hilt or as any component in any weapon.
> If I am only pretending to have a disability such as blindness/or deafness I must inform the DM before hand
> On second thought, just no pretending to be blind or deaf
> Or actually being blind or deaf
> I am not allowed to use bull sharks for fun or profit
> I am not allowed to own property.
> I am not allowed to use any vows ever.
> No Psionics. Nor am I allowed to steal Githyanki Silver swords to sell for fun and profit.
> I am not allowed to start any kind of revolution industrial/technological/political or spiritual.
> Glyph of Exploding Runes cannot be used as a tattoo for vain BBEGS
> I cannot grow more Black Lotus than I can put into a Small Bag of Holding.
> I am not allowed to Make horrible scientific chimeras involving warforged, oozes, demi-lich, elemental, and or golems or any combination of the above
> or Gnomes Halfings or Dwarfs
> Even if they whole-heartedly agree to it.
> If it explodes my character sheet will meet a fiery end
> No sharks with lasers. Ever. Or Flying sharks.
> No Shark-chucks
> No Bribing the GM's romantic interest with jewelry/money/video games to "fuck the GM's Brain out so they are more likely to be complacent and or go along with my shenanigans."
> I am not allowed to use the power of science and magic to make the following: Low Orbital Ion Cannons, Chainsaws, Light Sabers, Guns that make people dumber or Hell Ball Machine guns
> All of these rules are immediately repealed if I GM the game session in the style of Brian Blessed

>> No.15798205

>I am no longer allowed to make my unarmed attacks into ranged attacks
>Especially not as a Warforged
>Rocket Punches do not fit the atmosphere of Dungeons & Dragons

>> No.15798279

>>I am no longer allowed to look at, think, or acknowledge the existence of the weeaboo book of fighting magic
>>especially not a warblade
>>I am no longer allowed to use silverware
>>I am no longer allowed to invent indoor plumbing
>>I am no longer allowed to invent loading mechanisms for primitive fire arms
>>I am no longer allowed to invent elevators either
>>I am no longer allowed to give the dm the choice on an invent check Nat 20 between death cannon and power armor
>>I am no longer allowed to take knowledge architecture and engineering
>>I am no longer allowed to take knowledge
>>I am no longer allowed to take professions
>>actually skills are right out
>>under no circumstance am I allowed to build a soul eating wish machine

>> No.15798349

>>15798279
>>>under no circumstance am I allowed to build a soul eating wish machine

No Heinrich King of Blades you mustn't become a magical girl.

>> No.15798387

http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/15788111/
Archived for holy shit this thread is hilarious.

>> No.15798804

>>15798080
Skippy's List. http://skippyslist.com/list/

>> No.15799115

Don't forget to request on chanarchive as well.

>> No.15799120

>I am no longer allowed to play a demilich who believes himself to be the god of pastry chefs.
>>said demilich cannot use a custom crafted epic spell (Epic pastry creation) to rain sugary baked goods over a two square mile area for an entire day.
>I am no longer allowed to play a homosexual evoker who attacks only those enemies who have committed high crimes against fashion.
>I am no longer allowed to play a hobgoblin sumotori/
>>Especially when said sumotori kills the BBEG by teleporting sixty feet above him, arms stretched out, yelling, "FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH!"

>> No.15799978

>>15799120
i suppose rolling thunder and spinning heel kicks are banned too then?

>> No.15800136

>I am no longer allowed to inscribe explosive runes on stones that that read "ALAHU ACKBAR!".
>I am no longer allowed to give said explosive rune stones to the thrall horde of my friend.
>I am DEFINITELY not allowed to instruct the thrall horde on the explosive rune stone usage In a parody of Enemy at the Gates thusly

> "The one with the stone shouts the phrase when near the enemy, when the one with the stone gets killed the one without a stone picks up the stone and shouts the phrase near the enemy"

>> No.15800308

>I am no longer allowed to loudly sing "I GET KNOCKED DOWN, BUT I GET UP AGAIN.." while captured to annoy the shit out my captors in WoD
>I am no longer allowed to play a Techpriest with treads for legs and four servo arms with Devastator weapons
>I am no longer allowed to have a hollowed out staff filled with strong alcohol for sudden fire magic and intoxication
>I am no longer allowed to, and I quote "solve all of my problems with a shotgun"
>I am no longer allowed to use multiple grenade launchers at once with the force
>I cannot call things "schway" without the fear of death
>I can no longer drive a semi truck full of explosives and bullets into an enemy, detonate it, and walk away slowly while smoking a cigar

>> No.15800583

>I am allowed to play a warrior.
Thats it.

>> No.15800728

>My Void Master is no longer allowed the access codes for the cargo bay airlocks
>My Void Master is no longer allowed the access codes for any airlocks
>Just because the Best Quality weapon is pretty does not mean that it's literally crying out for use.
>In future, weapons which are literally crying out for use are to be afforded more security than Voidman Bob and his three-legged cyber-mastiff.
>It does not matter how well-balanced the Freeboota is, he is still not valid macrocannon ammo.
>I am to stop trying to find out whether Eldar maidens produce rainbows when they orgasm, even if it is for science.
>I will never again wear anything to an Ecclesiarchy conference which provokes mass self-flagellation.

>> No.15800924

I'm actually not allowed to play any wizard/cleric/druid/bard/rouge/paladin/ranger/monk/psion/barbarian/elf/dwarf/gnome/human/tiefling/de
va/shardmind/minotuar/dragonborn/half-dragon/thrikreen. And if I play a fighter in AD&D I may not use the Ultimate Fighter's Handbook nor may I specialize with any weapon other then a hand crossbow. I'm pretty sure the rest of the group hates me.

>> No.15801600

I am not allowed to survive re-entry by surfing on a shard of my dreadnaught's exploded hull, even if the dice say I can

I am not allowed to create a Salarian-fetishist Krogan, even if the party salarian thinks it's hilarious

I am not allowed to biotically levitate, aim, and fire more guns than fit in the armoury without implant overload, even if the dice say I can.

Mass effect tabletop is exactly as much fun as it sounds

>> No.15801677

>My character is no longer allowed to be mentally retarded
>If my character is retarded, my default response to everything new is not allowed to be "I slap it with a rabbit corpse"

>> No.15801704

>>15800728
>not allowed to vent

Wow shit's gotta suck. That is our primary method of dealing with shit. Even when boarding another vessel, we find a way to vent it.

>> No.15801839

Man, I wish I had awesome ones like these, but my GM usually catches such instances before they happen. Only ones I have are:

>I am not allowed to invent or drive any vehicle that works on land, sea, and air.
>I am not allowed to roleplay in a British accent, because I suck at it.
>Or Irish.

>> No.15801931

>>15801600
Or rather, it's better than I make it sound but the DM liked Matt Ward.

>> No.15802001

>>15792209
Derek is that you?

>> No.15802030

>Bagpipes are not an allowed instrument when playing bard.
>Neither is the vuvuzela.
>Combining these two instruments gets me a one-way trip to a very special circle of hell.
>There is no such thing as Orctoberfest.
>When playing a gnome, there's no calling elves, orcs or dragons "easy", just because there are no half-gnomes.
>When playing a Divine class, no singing of the classic Disney song "Hellfire".
>No saying that the Becoming God is being build in a cave, with a box of scraps.
>No Rickrolling people in languages they do not speak.
>There is no such thing as a vorpal crowbar.
>Even if they did, no pointing out the Simpsons did it first.
>Shardmind Shard Slayers are not like the Immortals from Highlander. When playing one, I cannot say "There can be only one!" when killing one.
>When playing a Dragonborn, no chanting the Prophecy of the Dragonborn from Skyrim.

>> No.15802135

>>15791709
>oath of poverty
>munchkin's favorite oath
just as planned

>> No.15802238

This thread is glorious. Today is my birthday, /tg/, and I thank you for this thread. It's kept me laughing for hours.

>> No.15802937

>No longer allowed to say "The solution to everything is called 'Wish'"
>No longer allowed to say "The solution to everything is called 'Miracle'"
>No longer allowed to say "The solution to everything is called 'Reality Revision'"
>No longer allowed to say "The solution to everything is called 'Gate in an Efreet'"
>No longer allowed to say "The solution to everything is called 'Gate in a Solar'"
>No longer allowed to say "The solution to everything is called 'Gate in a Balor'"
>No longer allowed to cause monsters to Disjunct our God-crafted items just to summon them unleashed on our foes (even if it leveled a part of Gehenna the first time)
>No longer allowed to play Good/Evil/Law/Chaos-native Outsiders
>No longer allowed to play an Elan cerebromancer baleful-polymorphed into a Mind Flayer
>No longer allowed to build a Cloistered Cleric with Spontaneous Domain : Spells just so that I don't ever have to prepare a spell list
>No longer allowed to teach Psionic characters how to recharge their PPs in full in under a round
>No longer allowed to teach Sorcerers the meaning of "Arcane Thesis"
>The "BROKEN" section in optimization forums in NOT a tutorial resource
>No longer allowed "craft contingent spell"
>No longer allowed "contingent wish"
>Barring evocation is a good idea every time for several reasons.
>Not allowed to retcon history as a side-effect of completing a quest
>Not allowed to be immune to the whole game system
>Not allowed to build a Master Specialist Abjurer Incantatrix Archmage to justify being immune to the whole game system
>A psyker who casts 300 bolts of 300 dmg each over a mile-wide circle in a round is not "an interesting character concept"
>A psyker who casts 300 bolts of 300 dmg each over a mile-wide circle in a round is not "an exciting boss challenge"
>Even if there's one in Eisenhorn/Ravenor

>> No.15803863

>>15791367 Some stuff I forgot.
>Not allowed to quote Legend of the Galactic Heroes in character, no matter how appropriate it is and whether or not my character is a fucking weaboo.
>Not allowed to plot an invasion of Terminal Dogma for the purpose of stealing Adam and backstabbing NERV, even if we would have totally pulled it off.
>Can't take out a full-grown soldier as a 15-year-old girl, even if he fucked up his parry check.
>Even though it worked and was awesome, probably shouldn't cause the perfect soldier to turn back into a raving, cannibalistic berserker.
>>Especially not by beating him up and then making out with him in full view of the OD.
>Not allowed to use real-world nature survival knowledge to destroy the DM's outdoorsy setpiece, even if the character in charge is justified.
>>Especially not allowed to make the DM give up by slaughtering a bear and then making off with its leg for food.
>Not allowed to order drinks that the DM has to look up.
>>Not allowed to order drinks that the DM has to look up *for other party members*, in or out of character.
>Not allowed to use my superior knowledge of computing to destroy the DM's "Everything is Online" campaign, even if my character is the best hacker in the world.
>As referenced earlier, not allowed to seduce Death, even if she is hot and the dice say I do.
>>Especially if she is hot.
>>>ESPECIALLY especially if I'm playing a Dr. Manhattan-tier pornomancer.
>>>>Hyper Upper Especially if she's supposed to be the mind controlled fuckslave of another player's villain PC.

>> No.15803899

>>15803863
>Probably shouldn't spend fifteen minutes describing how I climb Zeruel/perform a Super Inazuma Kick/fight off five Jet Togethers, even if the DM does give me a +60 bonus for amazing roleplay.
>>Similarly, not allowed to play off the DM's love of Gunbuster to get huge bonuses.
>When playing a wuxia game in future, I will render my character name in the English translation, not in Mandarin, if I want the rest of the party to be able to pronounce it.
>I will not refer to the annoying-as-shit loli as 'Runt'.
>>After their player is kicked out of every campaign they're in, I will not nickname them "PS3".
>Not allowed to use Mimic Field on Adam and shut his ass down with an Anti-AT Field learned off him.
>Not allowed to make a build designed to do 8d10 damage per turn, even if it does leave me suicidally open.
>My ATT is no longer allowed to cream her flightsuit when she oversynchs with her Evangelion, even if I play it for creepy and the other pilots tease her for it, because some of the players find this strangely arousing.

>> No.15803905

>>15803899
>Not allowed to come up with any plan that will result in the swift death of one half of the PCs, even if they are on the other team and a pair of dicks.
>Not allowed to defeat the DMPC in single combat.
>>Especially not because I've actually read DH core and am using combat actions the DM is unfamiliar with.
>>>Especially not if I'm playing a girl.
>Not allowed to mock the "loli powerboost" in character.
>>Especially not when I'm under house arrest for showing the loli up.
>Not allowed to make everyone else look bad by throwing a mock battle to gather intelligence on them while hiding my own, even if they are on the opposite side.
>>Not allowed to beat up the Champion in single combat on my debut, even if the dice say I can.
>Goblins are sentient creatures, not pets.
>Removing a creature's sentience does not qualify it was a pet.
>I should not receive a pension for babysitting the Int 6 party members.
>Being immune to the DM's "you take this 12 damage" fiat is not considered to be in good taste.
>Not allowed to convince the idiot pointman that whenever he turns up to a session late, the other characters have spent the time he missed in a gigantic girlpile.
>>Especially if my character is male.

>> No.15803911

>>15803905
>I should remember that tabletop games should involve dice rolling, and any plan which secures victory without rolling at least one die is not allowed.
>My friend and I will not hook up our characters for the express purpose of avoiding being coerced into cybering with that one guy.
>>Even if we play the incredibly-fast hookup realistically.
>Not allowed to play a hero-turned-villain who answers his cell phone when his hero girlfriend calls.
>>Especially not if he is drinking beer and playing videogames with her boss at the time.
>I am not allowed to have any Device rig that grants me 2000 or more pp, even if the rules say I can.
>>Similarly, I am not allowed to use a simple back-and-forth rig to get 300 pp, even if the rules say I can.
>I am not allowed to play any male character who can be misconstrued as a female.
>>Especially not in a game full of lesbians.
>>>Especially especially when I can win opposed seduction rolls against them on a take10.
>I am forbidden from declaring The Blues Brothers canon, no matter how much sense it makes.

>> No.15803944

>>15803911
>If the rules say that newbies can't use real-life cards from Extreme Victory onwards but allow anime cards, I will not build an anime-cards-only Temporal Machine God deck that perfectly counterpicks all the moderators.
>Similarly, I am no longer allowed to play roleplay decks which revolve around: Aura Armor, Self Destruct Button, cards with "Cat" in the name, Super Vehicroid Stealth Union, Gorz the Emissary of Darkness, Satellite Cannon, Flint, Victory Viper XX03, the Volcanic archetype, Core Chimails/Koa'Ki Meiru, the Tech Genus archetype, Synchro monsters in general, Gandora the Dragon of Destruction, "direct attack" cards, Trap Monsters, anything that I'm borrowing from the guy who topped a tournament with a deck containing Neo-Spacians but no instances of Neos, Exodius the Ultimate Forbidden Lord, Dark God, any deck containing more than 30 traps and less than 5 monsters, any deck used by and in memory of that girl in our circle who died, Amazoness, White Knights, the Armor Subtype, any deck which runs three copies of Grave of the Super-Ancient Organism, Quasar/Halberd Making Game decks that can consistently summon Shooting Quasar Dragon or Tech Genus Halberd Cannon MAXXX-INFINITY in a single turn, any deck capable of Accel Synchro Summoning, any deck capable of *Delta* Accel Synchro Summoning, any deck based around a card which hasn't been updated with Waboku's errata, Scab-Scar Knight.
>I am not allowed to bluff my opponent into thinking that I have Mirror Force facedown and then top into it on my next turn.
>Can't play mindgames with my opponent by declaring their obvious next play before they make it.
>Shadow Duels are not "best 2 out of 3".

>> No.15803975

>I am no longer allowed to harvest the genitals from the dead and keep them in a bag strung on my waist.

>> No.15804124

>>15803975
Even if it gives you a bonus to Intimidate?

>> No.15804131

>i am no longer allowed to play a dread necromancer
>i am no longer allowed to raise the dead of our enemies, even if the rules allow it
>i am no longer allowed to have CHA be over 18
>i am no longer allowed to have a minion be a gigantic dire beetle, even if the DM pits us against it
>i am no longer allowed to hollow out said gigantic dire zombie beetle
>i am no longer allowed to mount siege weapons on said gigantic dire zombie beetle
>i am certainly no longer allowed to create zombie tanks for my party of other halflings
>i am no longer allowed to have my party of halflings ride around in said gigantic zombie dire beetle tank with a ballista mounted on it

>> No.15804284

>There are rules for crossbows for creatues a size larger than Medium. These are not anywhere near the rules for siege equipment.
>>When playing a Large creature, no calling my crossbow the Piecemaker.
>>>I may not quote Discworld more than once a session.
>>>>Holding your crossbow "Gangsta style" will cause the bolt to fall off, no matter what the dice say.
>There are no rules for crowdsurfing. My idea of surfing kobolds into battle is automatically vetoed.
>When playing an Orc, saying "It's not easy being green." will get me automatically kicked.
>I have no need for Vorpal razor blades.
>"Human resource management" does not involve eating any party members.
>There is no WoD supplement based on Thriller. I must stop asking.
>When I try to perform any action that might hurt the Lady of Pain, I die. No matter what the dice say.
>"Io Io Tiamat Fhtagn." is not a proper prayer.
>I am not allowed to kill death.
>>I may only fight death if I am Theodore Roosevelt.
>I can use several accents for my character if I wanted to. But not at the same time.
>>Brian Blessed is not a way of speaking.

>> No.15804674

>>15803899
>>15803905
My god, what is it with your DM and his loli obsession?

>> No.15804704

>>15804674
Two *different* fucking DMs, man...

>> No.15804723

>I am no longer allowed to secretly betray the rest of the party to the BBEG in the first session
>especially not if I get the BBEG to make me his right hand man

>> No.15804763

>>15804674
Oh, about the loli in >>15803899
That's actually a *third* game, and the lolicon that time was another player (TWO of them actually; they both got drummed out).

>> No.15804884

>>15803863
>>15803899
>>15803905
>>15803911
>>15803944
I remember practically all of these except the goblin ones.

>Not allowed to retroactively spend Hero Points to affect matters metafictional when the DM randomly declares to the players he cares about that they recharge as Fate AND are gifted to half-PL value in powered form.
>>Especially not via pooling of said HPs that the players the DM didn't care about were never made aware they had available.
>Not allowed to plug Pizza Hut's Bacon Cheeseburger Supreme pizza when the group is predominantly American, no matter how much research I've done to make actions, landmarks, etc. appropriate to non-American settings.
>Not allowed to give my villains INT/CHA scores commensurate to the average Ace Attorney witness.
>>Unless we're playing an Ace Attorney game, in which case the cap is lifted to "average Death Note secondary."
>>>Unless we're playing a Death Note game, in which case I've already probably been booted for playing too accurate a Light or L.
>>>>Hell, make that in *ANY* setting.
>Must be mindful from now on that the difference between a Rules Lawyer and a That Guy is whether or not the game in question has any intent on following the rules, much less equally enforcing them.
>No longer allowed to simply stand back and let the group burn when they go apeshit about dissenting opinions being made public. It's unfair to the Rules Lawyer when he gets much of the blame after I put all that hard work into telling it like it is.

>> No.15804927

>>15804884
>No longer allowed to conflate becoming Gendum with evolution.
>>Especially if my character's desire to evolve is largely inspired by the Parasite Eve series.
>>>Extra Especially if her powered form is rigged to teleport-kick, throw fire, Overdive, etc.
>>>>Fuck it, at this point I'm barred from using PE, Metal Gear Solid, Code Lyoko, most Gundam AUs, most Super Robot Wars games and cast members, pretty much all of Konami, Final Fantasies 6, 8, and 9, and anything built on Source as in-world or fictional inspirations for my characters.
>>>>>Maximum Hyper Especially if the end product of aforementioned shenanigans is meant to be romantically involved with anything made by the Rules Lawyer.
>>>>>>Final Maximum Hyper Especially if they engage in /d/eviant intercourse, on-camera or off.
>Not allowed to make characters revolving around nested puns.
>>Especially if already in violation of the aforementioned.

>> No.15805286

My group is far less full of grumps and we just love doing shit like this, so my list is mostly our "you shouldn't be allowed to do this in a universe with a benevolent god" list:
>shouldn't be allowed to use science to figure out exactly how much energy a storm chamber can create and use it to power whatever we damn well feel like
>shouldn't be allowed to use storm chambers to create perpetual motion electro magnetic generators
>shouldn't be allowed to make warjacks for less than 10% market price powered by said generators
>shouldn't be allowed to be a twenty foot tall, huge trollkin frenzied berserker
>>especially not if his motivation is hunger
>shouldn't be allowed to make Calliope rocket launchers to attach to whatever we damn well feel like
>should never have been allowed to combine dragon mech with iron kingdoms, whatever were you thinking
>the arcane mechanik should not be able to disable the 140+ HD Gargantuan II mech in one round
>>He should not then be able to attach a cortex and automators to it to make a Gargantuan II warjack
>there should never have been a Sister of Battle in the Rogue Trader game
>>especially not with all the heresy going on
>>>the Rogue Traders should have never been permitted to have ork crew members
>>>>nor Kroot
>Campaigns should probably stop ending in nuclear apocalypse and orbital strikes
>>Especially if the players didn't realize they were going to happen
We have a lot of fun

>> No.15805614

>I am not allowed to "KICK IT IN THE FACE WITH MY ENERGY LEGS"
>>Even if I am playing an Obrimos Mage
>After Mr Faces, I am not allowed to play a Malkavian. Ever.
>>Nor am I allowed to play a character suffering from extreme paranoia

Stupid group, not letting me have any fun (even if my definition of 'fun' is their definition of 'that's fucked up yo').

>> No.15805847

>>15793432
>>15804927
what the fuck is wrong with you. NONE of these things are good ideas.

>> No.15806280

>My clerics are no longer allowed to cast Remove Disease on prostitutes for a discount.

At least, I think that's the point the DM was trying to get across when he inflicted death by succubus on said cleric.

>> No.15807231

Despite my characters stats I am no longer allowed to;
>Recreate the following A.I's - Shodan, Hal 9000, >GLaDos or Icarus/Daedalus
Recreate the following fictional corperations -
>Stark Industries, Weyland-Yutani or Liandri Corp.
>>Doubly so if to evade the DM's thinly veiled X-Men campain by going to outer space.
In fact, I am no longer allowed to play Gadgeteer.

>>
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