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13724990 No.13724990 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Having shitty 21st Birthday, no Booze in house to get sloshed and Girlfriend wont pick up her damn phone....

Can we have a funny 40k thread please?

>> No.13725012
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I have so much Advice Guardsman. Let me share.

>> No.13725017
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No. You suck.

>> No.13725029
File: 28 KB, 208x228, Advice Guardsman Affix Bayonets.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

4chan is slow tonight.

>> No.13725030

Actually, guardsman, knowing y'alls luck he can and will.

>> No.13725038
File: 674 KB, 1500x1125, 1288605225832.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Sure, bro. Most of my good 40k images are already in other threads, though.

>> No.13725058
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>> No.13725059
File: 72 KB, 407x405, Advice Guardsman Army Cases.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>Captcha patome Athenians
>Patome is a database that consists of 1) biological sequence data of issued patents and/or published applications mainly in the U.S., Europe, Japan, and World Intellectual Patent Office (WIPO), and 2) their annotation and analysis data that were generated with bioinformatical methods.
Huh. Learn something new every day.

>> No.13725061

>Isn't aware that on average that's almost a full dead squad of terminators.

>21st birthday
>girlfriend won't pick up phone
Happy birthday, she's busy fucking another dude.

>> No.13725065
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>> No.13725070

Happy Birthday!

>> No.13725076
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>> No.13725101
File: 72 KB, 407x405, Advice Guardsman Commissar's Alive.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>Plasma rifle
Someone sucks at making these.

>> No.13725123
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That and my personal computer bit it yesterday, so far been a bad couple of days, however I love chillin on /tg/ human interaction is healthy.

>> No.13725139
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>> No.13725148
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>> No.13725149
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>> No.13725169
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>> No.13725207
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>> No.13725240
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>> No.13725252
File: 80 KB, 407x405, Advice Guardsman Grid.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Most of these are kind of sucky. People liked to redo certain phrases, but make them worse. I don't know why.

>> No.13725262
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>> No.13725276
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>> No.13725297
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>> No.13725309
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>> No.13725330
File: 65 KB, 407x405, Advice Guardsman Life Ain't.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

How goes it OP? Maybe you need to ditch that lho.

>> No.13725347
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>> No.13725353
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>> No.13725374
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>> No.13725377
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>> No.13725387
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>> No.13725392
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>> No.13725399
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>> No.13725404

She's been quiet lately, I've been out of touch physically with her as of late due to some Financial issues, whenever I talked to her she'd been supportive, its just...I wanted to get in her pants tonight cos well, 21st birthday, I deserve to get a fuck from her tonight right? Lately however, she's been dodging sleepin with me :/

>> No.13725408
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>> No.13725413
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>> No.13725419
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>> No.13725430

Sorry you have to deal with that, OP. Happy Birthday, go out drinking with bros (or fuck, do it alone), but don't just sit in. /tg/ can only help so much.

>> No.13725441

Lol well too late for headin out, got some serious booze in me now, but trust me I'm laughing at these Advice Guardsman pictures, cheers!

>> No.13725444
File: 88 KB, 407x405, Advice Guardsman tractor.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Sucks, yo. But y'know, no matter a man's financial situation, he can always find money for alcohol. Amazing, that.

>> No.13725445
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>> No.13725447
File: 116 KB, 400x398, I-clubbed-a-Chaos-Daemon-to-death-with-a-BaneBlade-Baneblade-crew-was-too-stunned-by-how-awesome-I-a.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

commence angry dump

>> No.13725448
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>> No.13725459
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>> No.13725463
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>> No.13725468
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Happy birthday OP.

>> No.13725470
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>> No.13725478
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>> No.13725482
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>> No.13725494
File: 50 KB, 400x400, Advice Techpriest Aquire Bionics.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Advice for OP

>> No.13725495
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OP donbt be a pussy, Do something thats fun and entertaining

>> No.13725510
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>> No.13725512
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>> No.13725515
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>> No.13725524
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>> No.13725533


Well I got plans for tommorow! Just that Im still fully awake, chocked up on Lemon Russ cake (Awesome Lemon/Vanilla cake with a Leman Russ on top, friend brought it over, a fucking Demolisher kit too he modded, awesome bro he was) I'm excited I get to field it tommorow but, Im probably not going to be in asleep till like 4am...shit I need to load some games onto this thing.

>> No.13725536

I would kill in cold blood for an IG hero who could give his men the ability to fire template weapons even if they would hit their own troops.

>> No.13725538


True fact, fa/tg/uy.

>> No.13725539
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>> No.13725546
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>> No.13725553
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>> No.13725558
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last three girlfriends ive had had been fucking another guy when they acted like that. have fun with your crushing misery.

>> No.13725559
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>> No.13725579

Is cruelty really the right way to go here? If he's gonna have shit happen to him, why add to it?

>> No.13725584
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>> No.13725592
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>> No.13725597


just informing him of the most likely scenario. i wish i had people / friends to shake me out of my dumb ass state of mind and try to tell me whats more than likely going on.

its a terrible thing, and i wouldnt wish it on anyone. sorry if its the case op.

>> No.13725602

This is a 40k thread! Isn't it supposed to be Grimdark?

That made me laugh more than weep in misery

>Captcha: Dear Science

Mmmm whatcha saaaay

>> No.13725609
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>> No.13725611
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>> No.13725623
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i actually chuckled a good bit at the grimdark thing too.

hope its not the case. but yeah bro. happy bday and all that shit. if it makes you feel any better my last girlfriend fucked 3 guys the week we broke up. even got an std from that shit.

>> No.13725641
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Xenos and Heretics amirite brother?

Haha, even if she's fuckin some guy on the side, I happen to be her financial source, ride to work, take care of her cats, and her parents love me!

But I highly doubt it, I think she's just being unintentionally dodgy!

>> No.13725656
File: 72 KB, 640x400, emprah's new clothes.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


>ex gf lived with me for 1 1/2 years
>pretty much paid for all her groceries
>more or less filled up her gas tank every time she needed it
>parents loved me too

xenos and heretics man
xenos and heretics.

>> No.13725657
File: 367 KB, 514x591, AverageGuardsman.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>Send in the next wave!
>But sir! Some of those men have children...
>Good point...

>> No.13725675
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>> No.13725688
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>> No.13725700

Happy birthday, pal.

>> No.13725704
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>> No.13725710
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>> No.13725728


>google cultist chan cosplay
>proceed to vomit uncontrollably

>> No.13725735
File: 51 KB, 407x405, Dickriver.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


I made this :3

Have another one of mine.

>> No.13725746
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>> No.13725749
File: 92 KB, 400x400, Advice Techpriest Servo Skull.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

I have Seven Seas of Rhye stuck in my head.

>> No.13725752
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>> No.13725761


First thing I thought of when Is aw this thread. And now I'm going to watch this movie.

Happy Birthday though, OP. Forget about the whore. Go get some booze and get shitfaced.

>> No.13725780

I assume those are fake teeth.
She would probably look ok without them.

>> No.13725790

Got what I left of the Cap'n, half a bottle, cheers /tg/!

>> No.13725797
File: 46 KB, 368x367, emprah starts to vomit.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


its mainly just very. VERY. overweight girls.
slaanesh wouldnt even hit that.

>> No.13725820

Not the one I saw. She wasn't pretty, but she was passable. She just had hideous fake teeth in. Because cultist-chan has pointy teeth, I guess.

>> No.13725823


Real men drink Rye, but I suppose rum will have to do.

Have a good one, man. If you can still see, you're doing it wrong.

>> No.13725835
File: 53 KB, 600x400, 161d0151777de3f5ea5c12df80ba6bb7.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Its the teeth for me, Love Chubby girls, more to love in my humble opinion.

>> No.13725856
File: 200 KB, 1092x1534, Kaptain Bluddflagg.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>Rum not for real men
>Pirates not real men
Gots a problem wiff dat, 'umie?

>> No.13725860
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I too am having a very shitty day, OP. Month, actually. Depressed as fuck and drinking $6 vodka while I eat various junk foods to soothe the pain of existing.

Have this.

>> No.13725866
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>> No.13725879
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Heresy? In my /tg/?

>> No.13725884


It's my Canadian ways. Rum is too tropical for me. I need something warming and able to get me hammered quickly to forget about the five feet of snow outside.

Rye's been the Canadian drink of choice (rural Canada anyways) for fucking centuries.

>> No.13725893

Got a court date cuz my ex's sister took a restraining order on me (after being told to by her mum) saying I threatened to kill er when I did't coming up in the next week.

Said ex left me about four days ago. My birthday was eight days ago. No doubt she'll lay down false testimony to completely fuck up my career for good.

I feel your pain, OP. Oh, how I feel it.

>> No.13725920


cultist-chan cosplay is OK
http://www.flickr.com/photos/32613560@N08/4853792074/#/photos/[email protected]/4853792074/lightbox/>&

>> No.13725930
File: 1.94 MB, 464x348, slapped-and-pied.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Women need to learn their place; pic related is how to do it

>> No.13725945
File: 28 KB, 759x508, Baby.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Why do people have ex-girlfriends and boyfriends and ex-wives and husbands anyway?

They never do you any good, so why have them?

>> No.13725947

>>This is not the page you're looking for.
I don't think that link works.

>> No.13725954
File: 341 KB, 1109x796, ADEPTUS ORTHODONTIS.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Be thankful you even have somebody to ignore you, OP.

God damn it I hate myself. More vodka! (Upside: Apparently they're now selling Mello Yello in California. Sweet, sweet Mountain Dew alternative with no brominated vegetable oil!)

>> No.13725958

Not much choice, bro. Unless ya just kill everyone you break up with/who breaks up with you.
Most people ain't willin to do that.

>> No.13725972
File: 141 KB, 295x255, 1275591183605.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Sure would solve a lot of problems though...

>> No.13726009

Yes, Khorne, you are right. This would be a solution. Give me your blessing and it shall be done!

>> No.13726021

Damn right it would, but fucked if I'm gonna turn out to be the psycho bastard my ex's family are telling the courts I am.

Might work for the rest of you guys though. We need someone to try an experiment and see the results. For the best data, we'd need a fair few people to do it.

>> No.13726190

damn bro, I really sympathize with you

I fucking hate women in most conceivable ways,, but their infectious..... womanness is like a fuckin lleech you cant avoid

>> No.13726201

Turn to homosex, problem solved.

>> No.13726361

Ha. I have a girlfriend AND a fuckbuddy and they're both very satisfied. I don't know how people continually mess up their relationships so badly.

If you really hate women, go ahead and stop bothering them. More for me.

>> No.13726362
File: 183 KB, 600x800, Cultist_Chan_at_Otakon_by_IIRukiaKuchikiII.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


Aw come on, she's pretty cute. 6 or 7/10. Maybe for some unfathomable reason you guys have high standards but I'd get a boner for her just for the fact she's a decentish looking chick that LIKES WH40k.

>> No.13726374

Like I said: those fake teeth are ugly as all hell.
The rest of her is ok. Not real pretty, but passable.

>> No.13726376
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>> No.13726411

I wuddnt mind an attractive person being Cultist chan.... But..... Yeah

>> No.13726417


I'd burn her as a heretic in the name of the Emperor if you know what I mean.

The fake teeth are pretty disconcerting but hey, they're supposed to be. The rest of her...well, any girl who owns a pair of boots like that, you can guess certain things about her. Slaanesh no doubt is very pleased by her devotion.

>> No.13726467
File: 17 KB, 430x306, thigh-high-boots.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]


I know seriously man I have a fetish for those things hardcore (along with every other straight male). I could care less about feet or any other shoe type but for those call me a foot fetishist.

>> No.13726468


Problem being, she's... well, borderline chubby, obviously well-fed. Cultist-Chan is somewhat gaunt. So you don't just need a pretty girl, you need a malnourished pretty girl.

>> No.13726478
File: 328 KB, 600x800, borded nerd or homo.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

I like how that nerd in the background looks totally bored. Must be some real interesting shit on his phone.

>> No.13726484

Pasty white also. Cultist-chan is most-defiantly tan.

>> No.13726504
File: 238 KB, 580x900, 2689386.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

While we're on the subject of cosplay, I was trollin' through the other articles on the site with cultist chan and found Jack from ME2. All I have to say is GOD DAMN...does she have a good tailor.

>> No.13726508

Women call them "FMB's" short for Fuck Me Boots.
Women know precisely what they are saying with their clothes, don't think differently for a minute.

>> No.13726520

She's got the tats on her stomach on the wrong sides

>> No.13726583
File: 172 KB, 900x588, jack.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

I know right?
She mentioned that she was wandering around Las Vegas late at night in that costume and some drunk guys thought that she was really topless. You have to look hard to see the wrinkles in her skin-colored shirt.

>> No.13726599

That's not borderline chubby, that's average (admittedly, I'm from the midwest.) and yes, that's not ideal for cultist, who's supposed to look malnourished. But what, you expected her to stop eating a month before the con? This isnt the fashion industry, man.

>> No.13726655


>> No.13726664
File: 61 KB, 252x221, 1292975199473.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>I could care less

>> No.13726667


>> No.13726682

>not borderline chubby

Enh, I guess. You can see the bottom of her ribcage, so it's all good fat. But still, I'm white as a ghost, you don't see me cosplaying as Octave from Interstella 5555. Know your limits.

>> No.13726690


Borderline chubby? Seriously? You can see the outlines of her hipbones and her ribs. She'd have a way to go before she got a job as a fashion model but I actually find her body more pleasant to look at than a very thin woman's.

>> No.13726695


>> No.13726708

I really don't see why people care that a non-emaciated pale woman wanted to make a Cultist-chan costume.
It is a good costume. And how many really thin brown women dress up at cons? We need to take what we can get.

>> No.13726746

>And how many really thin brown women dress up at cons?

I remember a particularly hawt one that dressed up in a Shirow Masimune costume that bordered on obscenity. Good times. Cosplay really does bring out the inner slut in ca/tg/irls.

>> No.13726754

There's usually lots of thin brown people at cons cosplaying as underpaid illegal immigrant maids and janitors.

>> No.13726764

Shit mate, best of luck. I've been at quite a few threats to kill trials (Britfag so I admittedly don't know much about your terrifying country's legal system) and I've never seen anyone get off without at least being bound over to keep the peace.

>> No.13726786

Cosplay: the fabric equivalent of Jaegermeister.

>> No.13726798

I've gone topless to such events. COP OUT.
She has a muffin top. That is repulsive.

>> No.13726888

I think she's actually pretty cute, even if she's not the ideal Cultist-chan.

>> No.13726902
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Not always.

>> No.13726907

What is a 'muffin top'?

>> No.13726929

Something being hallucinated about, apparently.

>> No.13726948
File: 7 KB, 223x226, delete later.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

a varying ammount of spill-over from the waistline. even girls with otherwise perfectly fine bodies get them when they wear low-riding, close-fitting pants. I personally dont give two fucks.

>> No.13726973

Hmm. Wouldn't any non-emaciated woman get that small roll of fat if she wore tight pants?
I'd hit that cosplayer. I don't see the problem. She really isn't chubby. Not that she is Cultist-level malnourished or anything.

>> No.13726997

One of the more recent things for women to get obsessed and upset over. "Oh no my clothing isn't perfectly fitted to my body! How ever will I find the right man?"

It's as bad as when thongs first started getting really popular and everyone treated a visible knicker line like it was cancer.

People bitch on about men making women live up to unreasonable stereotypes, but that's bullshit. You can tell a woman coined the term "muffin top" because if a bloke did we'd be calling them hip tits or something.

>> No.13727005

Yes, she would. But here's the thing: people are stupid.

Hollywood Fat=real-world average.
Hollywood Average=real-world thin.
Hollywood Thin=real-world dead.

>> No.13727027

ewwwwwwwwwww I can see nurgle working his effects here

>> No.13727043


Well, damn. Now I will keep thinking of those rolls as 'hip tits'.

>> No.13727050
File: 39 KB, 600x501, 1265313750982.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

I hear ya, it's funny though considering how americans really are.

>> No.13727051

You know what really limits the minimum size of a waistline? All those pesky organs.

But a simple procedure removes unnecessary dead weight such as kidneys, liver, and spleen, as well as all those coils of intestinal tract. Have the best-looking half-a-day of your life!

>> No.13727070
File: 42 KB, 193x217, clapping bear.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

I dub thee Sir Optimistic.
Take this, for it shall guide you from clarity.

>> No.13727096
File: 34 KB, 480x360, coolorious.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>hip tits

>> No.13727107

This thread kind of shows the differences between America and the rest of the world. I'm not trying to start shit here, I'm just saying that due to the wealth and excess of food in the US (I'm sure you know what I mean) you guys have a different sense of average weight than other countries.

>> No.13727110
File: 267 KB, 1600x1200, 1295330333339.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Happy birthday, dude!

Here is a picture of a kitten to cheer you up. It isn't 40k related, but you can pretend that it's actually a Bloodthirster in disguise or something like that.

>> No.13727119

>we'd be calling them hip tits or something
I thought they're called 'love-handles', for when things get rough?

>> No.13727123

>Uses BMI.
NOPE. BMI isn't a valid method of determining whether or not someone is overweight.

>> No.13727129

American agriculture, bitch. Finest on the planet, FEEDING that planet. We get first dibs.

>> No.13727130

Yeah, I think there's either something wrong with that chart, or the meanings of words have changed.

I think a better measure is how well a person gets around. I'm 5'11 and 255 lbs (and dropping), and I have no problem with physical activity. I swim, I nature-walk, I bike, I do a little martial arts. I get winded a lot quicker than other people when, say, sprinting, but that's about it.

>> No.13727146

Pretty much. It creates a huge industry too, based entirely around weight-loss.

>> No.13727162


Not saying it's bad, just saying that it's kind of funny how a woman considered overweight in a lot of the world is considered average for you guys.

>> No.13727178

Fun fact; the rate of obesity in America is slowing, in much of the rest of the developed world, it is increasing.

>> No.13727189


That's cool. Doesn't change the fact that your perception of weight is skewed in relation to the rest of the world.

>> No.13727196


We're about even with europe now.

>> No.13727228

Kids in the UK are getting fatter and fatter. We'll be up there with the USA before too long.

>> No.13727229

Lets not forget places that do force-feeding to fatten up girls for marriage, though.

ideas of what's attractive shift. If girls have to resort to anorexia, bulemia, or exercise-as-life and are STILL "overweight," I think there's a problem somewhere. I happen to like curves, as has humanity for most of it's history. The time periods that have an obsession with thin-ness are few and far between.

>> No.13727253

Oh, UK, how the mighty have fallen. I used to idolize your writers, with their wit and absurdist humor. Terry Pratchett and Douglas Addams and the Pythons and all those greats.

Then I find out that the UK is a Orwellian nanny-state full of chavs. What a crushing disappointment.

>> No.13727255

eh. give it ten years for them to go through clinical trials and us first-world types will have honest-to-god PEELS that tell the body's "MUST STORE FOOD FOR WHEN TIMES ARE BAD!" reflex to go fuck off into a corner and die.

No, seriously. Shit's being tested RIGHT NOW.

>> No.13727299
File: 67 KB, 400x398, Oh-shit-look-Busy-Here-comes-the-Commisar.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

I leave this thread for a few hours to go watch some Snikt-Bub and friends and its turned into a Cosplay thread? No! Heresy!

>> No.13727328

Yes, I'm sure S.T.A.L.K.E.R.s in the Ukraine are a perfectly fine and healthy example to compare to nation where there is food.


>> No.13727374
File: 13 KB, 274x234, 1284826031849.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

Actually went to meet buds at bar by the way, scored some lip action with fine ass chick at bar...

At least I think she looked good.

>> No.13727421

Dude you don't go ass to mouth

>> No.13727441

shes using you most likely. Look on the brightside if shes sleeping around and you stop providing for her shes fucked. So in the end you'll at least get a laugh.
and after seeing all the forever alone in this thread I'm kinda glad I killed romanticism a long time ago.
Listen op if you don't believe me and the others here that say drop the bitch test the water and see how it goes. Start droping questions like are you sleeping with someone right now. and stop doing stuff for her. If she flips out about it most likely she is. Cheaters are hugely insecure. If she thinks your onto her shes going into panic mode. Just make sure after you have your heart broken to never give her so much as the time of day. otherwise she'll continue to mooch off of you without giving anything back.
Remembering what its like dealing with a cheater makes me glad I'm chasing guns instead of women right now. talk about the riddle of steel.
captcha elysian any

>> No.13727455
File: 259 KB, 506x451, 1295344288619.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]

>> No.13727494

She may have been saving his condoms in order to impregnate herself with his kid as a final measure and then get child support forever. If her lawyer is good enough, you can be forced to pay FOR CHILDREN THAT ARE NOT GENETICALLY YOURS.You can never be too sure with bitches, man.

>> No.13727535

that or if shes caught she claims rape and sends the other guy to jail forever, even if it was consensual. If that happens drop the bitch you could be next on the he sexually assualted me list. but don't help the guy she cheated on you with. for obvious reasons

>> No.13727827


You guys are either virgins repeating horror stories you read in copypasta or you really need to start dating a better class of women.

You need to be a serious sociopath to even consider either of those strategies (I really doubt that semen saved from a used condom could impregnate someone anyway and false rape allegations rarely lead to actual rape convictions because nonexistent evidence is tough to come by). If you're sleeping with women who would do that, you should know there's something wrong with them and then it's your problem for choosing to get involved with deranged people.

>> No.13727871

Op here! Uh yeah, I was hoping my birthday we could have our first time...

Never slept with her yet but, she's the definition of an adorable cuddly girl. She's not a virgin, I am, I think she's just being dodgy about taking my virginity or somethin

>> No.13728028


Don't wait for her to take it so much as give it to her on a silver platter, man. Take her out, show her a nice evening, come home and relax, have a little alcohol, start getting physical, and then tell her what you want to do to her. She will then have to say yes or no, and if it's no, well, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

She's probably not entirely sure if you're really ready or maybe how to go about it and she's content to avoid the awkwardness of it and wait for you to make a move. Girls are big on avoiding awkward situations where they have to actually make decisions and risk rejection. Everybody hates risking rejection but men accept that they have to do it. Be aggressive about it, because life is a lot better once you don't have that particular issue weighing you down anymore, trust me. And sex is pretty great.

>> No.13728162

The obvious information to take from this thread is that in a majority of cases involving nerdy guys, inviting a woman into your life is inviting pain, suffering, and possible years of damage and detriment for the benefit of not having to masturbate.
Bitches be crazy.

>> No.13729878

At least you have girlfriend OP

>> No.13729930


You dont know anything, rather no girlfriend than a bitchy whore of a girlfriend

>> No.13729939

Then simply don't get a bitchy whore girlfriend. It's the same with a boyfriend, just don't get a lying douchebag boyfriend and it's nice.

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