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/tg/ - Traditional Games


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[ERROR] No.13509996 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

well /tg/ i'm rather depressed tonight
i don't really feel like discussing my problems but if you could could we have a warhammer 40k humor thread? i need a good laugh right now

>> No.13510012

Talk about your fucking problems, weakling.
Show your weakness so we can hammer you into a tool of the emperor.

>> No.13510036

>> No.13510049

requests are against the rules

>> No.13510057

>> No.13510137

You cant kill the metal...

>> No.13510211

Oldie but goodie. This always makes me laugh.

>> No.13510229

Sorry to hear bro, going through a strange shitty time myself atm. Here's one for ya

>> No.13510252

>>13510137
If Nathan is the Emprah, then Skwisgaar is either Russ or a Sensei. He ams nots a mortal. He ams a gods.

>> No.13510306

>> No.13510433

>> No.13510689

>>13510433
He's feeling like warmed up shit and you're gonna bust out... Cultist-chan?!? You want the poor bastard to an hero?

>> No.13510927

>>13510689
oh god that made me laugh hard

>> No.13510950

>>13510252

Dr Rockso is Slaanesh in disguise.

>> No.13510968

Oh sweet -- I was just looking for an excuse to post this!

>> No.13511011

>>13510968
I'd vote for him.

>> No.13511103

>> No.13511161

>>13510433
I lol'd so hard I spooked my neighbor who was walking by my window.
KHOOOOOOOOOORNE!

>> No.13511191

>>13510968
I really wish that comic ended differently

it felt like the lazy way out

>> No.13511213

>>13511191

It's not hard to figure out what happened after.

>> No.13511242

That last KHOOORNE and I liek khorne always gets me

>> No.13511270

>> No.13511280

>> No.13511311

There were victory celebrations, that much I can remember. Then the blood and other body fluids flowed.

I woke up on some busted old bed in the remains of what was the Planetary Governor's palace, my blood-and-filth encrusted shirt half-draped out a nearby window. My head was ringing and as I groaned and rolled to my left, I came eye to eye with what I thought was one of those Sororitas. For a moment my heart skipped a few beats.

It all came back slowly. She was one of those holy ladies once, but she realized she liked burning and cutting things more than actually praying. Now she was just like me, only with more tattoos to Khorne and a rusty nail put through her lip.

"Hey there beast" that fallen lady grinned, before kissing me on the cheek and giving me a big ol' scar in the process with her 'jewelery', "You guys were phenomenal"

"'You guys'?" I groaned out, whilst rubbing my cheek. It was then I became aware of a shuffling behind me, and hurriedly I rolled over.

There was Khârn, still in full armor, reading a newspaper that was a week old, a cigar jammed in his helmet's respirator.

"Great fight." the fallen sister remarked.

Khârn glanced up from his newspaper and stared at me. After a very long moment, he put out his fist. I did the same, and as we brought our fists together, we both shouted "RESPECT KNUCKLES!" as I felt my entire arm shatter.

>> No.13511313

Ice Ice baby, too cold...

>> No.13511386

"Are you listening NOW, Avitus?"

>> No.13511427

>> No.13511442

MORE CULTIST-CHAN FOR THE CULTIST-CHAN GOD!!!

>> No.13511447

>> No.13511448

>>13511386

>> No.13511452

>> No.13511460

>>13511442
Cultist Chan you say...

>> No.13511479

>> No.13511483

>> No.13511484

>> No.13511485

>> No.13511495

>> No.13511500

>> No.13511504

>> No.13511508

>> No.13511513

>> No.13511517

>> No.13511519

You know what the worst thing about besieging a hive for the Ruinous Gods is? It's not being forced to run at the hive so your bodies pile up high enough so your uncaring Traitor Astartes types can climb up you (and boy, when you're pinned under a pile of your dead comrades don't you ALWAYS get an itch?). No; it's the waiting.
We were into the sixth month of the Draxian Persecution. Hive Draxia Primary was this pretty huge hive that had somewhere along the line hopped onto the backside of a mining facility and never gotten off, burying halfway into this huge mountain that tried to race to the top. No biggie for the Red Rivers. They were going to hold us back until a small crack appeared in the defenses and then send us in to die in horrible droves.
The Khorne guys in the army didn't take so well to that, and neither did Khârn. Big fella got really antsy after about the second minute of the siege, and the ball of yarn just wasn't working the way it used to when it came to distracting him.
So we're just waiting for something to happen and Khârn grabs a bunch of us, and asks us politely to come with him. After screaming a little due to his polite request (he had charts about what he was going to do to the entire planet if we didn't. I don't know where he got the stationary), about fifty of the Rivers joined his party to ascend the Draxia Spire-Mountain.

>> No.13511529

After ten days, three dares of "I bet you can't jump that gap", an avalanche caused by Khârn punching a mountain goat and almost all of us dying in horrible ways, we finally reached the summit of the mountain. Flat on top was that summit almost eerily so... like it had been hacked off by someone with a large axe.
Anyway, we get there and what does Khârn do? Breaks out the marbles. I don't know, I don't know where he keeps getting these things. He challenges the last four of us to a game, and since we had nothing better to do we had a run of it.
Three more fatalities later and it was clear I was going to win. Khârn just didn't have the patience for marbles. He could see my smiling and in return nodded his helmeted head as if to say "Just watch THIS shot, Smug McSmuggy" ... shortly before screaming "TRICK SHOT" and hurling his sole marble down the side of the mountain.
We stood there in silence and watched as the marble plinked from sight, and a rather large amount of debris took its place. This debris loosened even more of it, as the entire mountain began to shake and tear away from the hive. Draxia Primary shuddered a moment, and then began to collapse.

>> No.13511532

>> No.13511540

Is there more of this one? Anyone know?

>> No.13511546

Neither of us looked away from the sheer destruction and loss of life that had just been wrought, and the sound of our respect knuckles tapping together and my entire arm dislocating in the aftershock were muffled even from the great height we were at. It took a further two days for things to settle, and through it all neither of us said a word.
It was Khârn who broke the silence, that competitive look somehow burning from what little I could see of his crazed eyes set in his helmet, as he bent forwards simply so he could stare right into my face. I could see up his nose too. It was pretty gross.
"RACE TO THE BOTTOM"
Don't worry, Khârn made sure it was fair by giving me a head-start. Even pushed me hard enough that I cleared about half of the mountain. Medics are telling me that I should probably be dead instead of unable to move or feel my anything, but Khârn himself told me no one ever won a race by not landing head first in the twisted wreckage of humanity's folly.
He's a deep guy.

>> No.13511561

>> No.13511572

>> No.13511578

>> No.13511584

>> No.13511594

uu liek??

>> No.13511602

>> No.13511604

>>13511495
tactical genius

>> No.13511605

>> No.13511606

>>13511594
Been looking for that one. Thanks.

>> No.13511613

>>13511540

Isn't that more like a Terraformer?

>> No.13511615

>> No.13511630

Dem zany Orks

>> No.13511638

>> No.13511641

>> No.13511649

>> No.13511684

"Flippin' Flashgitz Bat Ork!"

>> No.13511686

Don't really have much,
So have some Epic music instead

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m0Oejbjk_z4

>> No.13511694

>>13510968

"YOUR DEFENSES HAVE BEEN SLAIN. I HAVE KILLED YOUR ELECTED OFFICIALS."

Er, excuse me, Mister...Kharn. But although your forces managed to level several city blocks in Poughkeepsie--along with the mayor's residence--they, er...reportedly ran out of ammunition and have all been killed by a single AC-130 gunship and a pair of attack helicopters."

"YOUR WEAK FORCES ARE NO MATCH FOR THE BLOOD GO-"

"Oh. We apologize to any of our younger or more sensitive viewers; that appears to have been Mister Kharn's head being torn off by...some sort of cannon round, I expect. But those are the risks of live television. Now, back to the Great Poughkeepsie Cleanup..."

>> No.13511713

>>13511694

I wonder what would happen when on live televison Kharn's head reknits itself and the AC-130 is suddenly Lucius the Eternal.

>> No.13511755

>>13511694

I was watching this thread with great interest....and this post happened...

way to thread kill asshole.

>> No.13511774

bump for hilarity

>> No.13511814

>> No.13511816

>> No.13511826

>> No.13511838

>> No.13511850

>>13511816
CREEEEEEEED!

>> No.13511883

>>13511694
No fun allowed huh?

>> No.13511884

>> No.13511885

>>13511850
Tactical Genius HURR

Post moar creed

>> No.13511910

>>13511884
generation kill reference?

>> No.13511916

>>13509996

Space Marines on both sides go batshit for artifacts. Why hasn't anyone just told them there was an artifact somewhere, the First Company Terminator Veterans Angryguard all show up, and then remote detonate a nuke?

For example, in Throne of Lies a shit ton of Night Lords stormed an abandoned Callidus temple in search of a recording of Kurze's final moments. One nuclear device hidden beneath the temple would have wiped out a major threat to the Imperium. Why didn't they do that?

>> No.13511918

Speaking of Creed, anyone have that story about Horus (was it Horus?) going to the shrink? It has a surprise ending.

>> No.13511920

>>13511885
The other one may take a bit to find.....

>> No.13511925

>> No.13511932

>> No.13511936

>> No.13511941

>> No.13511953

>> No.13511957

>>13511920
Found it!

>> No.13511964

>> No.13511970

Every skull in the original picture has been replaced by Chuck Norris.

>> No.13511977

>>13511936
That is one classy Wraithlord. I bet he taps like a motherfucker.

>> No.13512020

>>13511964
That one got me.

>> No.13512102

>>13511694

>implying the rage of Khorne wouldn't compel his forces to take over the nearest missile base and launch themselves all over the country.

>implying if Kharn landed in America he wouldn't develop the ability to propel himself through the air through sheer condensed rage

>implying American 'freedom' wasn't conjured by the Gods and they aren't laughing at it

>> No.13512384

Posted last night.

>> No.13512452

From DRW40k, which I love.

>> No.13512498

Bump!

>> No.13512619

>>13512452

>juvenile equestrian

DOHOHO

>> No.13512861

>>13511964

>> No.13512885

>>13512619

>> No.13512896

>>13512885
NO
go back to /co/
a lot of our bronies are fa/tg/uys, we dont wanna turn their board against us too

>> No.13512900

The Ultramarines movie.

I'm watching it and playing a drinking game for the second time, and finding it even more terribadly hilarious.

>> No.13512925

>>13512900
coulda been worse
they coulda included a bishie dark angel who only goes melee and dance-fights

>> No.13512935

>>13512896
wait, WHAT
WHAT HERESY HAVE OUR ALLIES FALLEN TOO?!

>> No.13512948

>>13512896
This is /tg/ we troll ourselves constantly and hate each other more than anyone can.


We cannot be conquered by outside forces, for our only enemies are ourselves.

We're Europe: we bicker amongst each other but as soon as an outsider threatens us, we fuck them up and proceed to continue squabbling.

>> No.13513004

>>13512925
i would consider actually watching it with that.

>> No.13513032

/tg/ has had a hand in MLP

>> No.13513065

>>13513032
full pic in the corner

>> No.13513088

>> No.13513091

can we get back to 40k stuff?

>> No.13513165

Bump for confirmed awesome in this thread.

>encouraged Morage
Captcha demands MOAR RAGE
POST SOME MOTHERFUCKING ANGRY MARINES

>> No.13513167

>>13513091

Who is that done by? I'm only asking because he does terrible space marine faces. He really should stick to giving them helmets in the future because if he doesn't, I'll find him and kick him square in the nuts. Rant over./

>> No.13513186

It's the...BREADNOUGHT
YEAHHHHH

>> No.13513197

>> No.13513208

>> No.13513235

>>13513088

Hee hee, that's cute. Who says that Black Templars can't be friendly?

>> No.13513246

>> No.13513262

My entire 700$+ IG army was stolen in this past week. does my shitty situation make yours feel any better?

worst part is i went to the shop tonight just to hang with the guys and ended up being a lot more upset by it than i had thought i'd be. goddamnit

>> No.13513516

>>13513262

From where was it stolen? Home? Table?

>> No.13513542

>>13513516

vehicle was broken into

>> No.13513570

>>13513542
At the LGS? Did you check Craigslist and all the LGS in the area to make sure it didn't pop up?

>> No.13513607

>>13513570

yeah, been at it but it's been a week and i'm starting to lose any hope. it really sucks. i had just gotten two friends into the game too and now i have no stomach for it.

>> No.13513979

>>13513088
You know, whenever I see that, I can't help but think about the lone Black Templar left behind. Listed as dead and his gene seed unrecoverable, with no astropaths on the planet to communicate with the outside universe, he's left to find his own way.

Though the planet is peaceful now, to this day he continues to fight Chaos any way he can. They might be little ways, insignificant to almost everybody, but he's been doing this for centuries. He can see the bigger picture, how one act can steel somebody for a lifetime.

Patiently he waits for the day when an Imperial ship will come for its tithe, when he can be taken back to battle. But until then, a little girl is crying. He has work to do.

>protect Impina
Yes, captcha. He will protect Impina until he can find her mother. Woe betide anybody who dares even look at her funny.

>> No.13514058

>>13513979
...Fuck you, writefag. In a strange way that's horribly grimdark, but in a d'aww way. I'm not supposed to feel depressed d'awww. That's not how it works.

>> No.13514458

>>13513979
DONT FUKIN STOP

>> No.13514749

wont let this die until that writefag comes back

>> No.13514843

>>13514458
At first, it's helping the people to stabilize themselves after the battle is done and the heroes leave. Then, it's making sure that something like this doesn't happen again -- fortifying the place, building shelters, etc.

Then it's feeding them, helping the farmers since their animals of burden are dead from the fighting. Then its protecting them from predators. Then it's...

Eventually, he realizes that his armor's power won't last forever, and should the planet become under siege again, he will need it at full strength. He enshrines it for when it will be needed. Oddly, he finds himself enjoying the added challenge that the lack of the armor provides. It makes him work that much more to accomplish something. The few surviving techpriests vow to find a way to recharge the armor, but it may take generations.

The people come together and craft a set of plate that resembles his old armor. A point of pride for them, to give something back to their hero. It does nothing for him, but they enjoy it so that he wears it anyway. And as the years pass, they make more of them -- every decade, in the main city of the agri world, those who work the metal come together to forge a new suit under the watchful eyes of the techpriests. It is a time for celebration for the planet, revering the Emperor and His Son who Protects Them.

>> No.13514862

He thinks it's all poppycock, but he can't deny the effects on the people. So he squares his jaw and accepts it as part of his duty, to be a symbol of the Imperium to these people...

...all the while, thinking about the time that has passed. The tithe ships are far late, but he never says that. He never mentions his thoughts that the planet, much like him, has been listed as dead and unrecoverable. That they are effectively alone in the void. But it doesn't cause him to doubt. For he is a Space Marine. It is his duty to protect the Imperium, to defeat its enemies. And if these people are all that he may protect... Then he shall do so with his head held high. He will protect this child, regale her with tales.

Duty takes many forms, but duty to the Imperium is forever.

>> No.13514921

>>13513088
Oh man... was little Impina playing with her terminator toy, the only thing that gave her comfort since her mum disappeared? And then, suddenly, the wall behind her goes CRASH- and standing there, large as life...

(sob)

>> No.13515012

>>13514921
It's the celebration. New armor is being crafted. People from around the planet are in the city for this in pilgramage. Including her family. Her mother gave her a few coins, and the church was selling those dolls.

She... she didn't mean to wander off to buy one. It just... It was so cute, and she knew that it would protect her from the things under the bed. But then she turned around and her mom was gone! So many people in the city, and she couldn't find her mom!

So she hugged her new doll really tight as she cried, praying to the Emperor with all her might that He might somehow bring her mother back to her...

...but instead, His Son appeared, to save her.

>> No.13515079

'Are you weally a Terminator?'
'YES.'
'Weally and twuly?'
'YES.'
'Cwoss your heart and hope to be shot in the face with a wocket launcher?'
[sigh] 'CROSS MY HEART AND HOPE FOR GLORIOUS MARTYRDOM, YES.'
'....that's bwilliant!'

>> No.13515088

>>13515012
please sir.....could i have some MOAR, i also would love to hear the story of how he got there

>> No.13515318

>>13515088
That, my friend, is a complicated question. The answer depends entirely on who you ask, and where.

Some say that he was birthed on a world far away, and fought in the Emperor's name many times. That he saved many worlds, destroyed others, and did great works.

Others claim that he has simply ever been, moving across the Great Void, battling as the Emperor saw fit, ever vigilant to protect the common man. He saw This World as Worthy, and when the Great Heroes left, he stayed behind as a guardian to protect them forevermore.

Other still claim that he was from this world originally, and decided to return in their hour of need.

One story, that is considered borderline heretical, says that he was once a greatly different man, who thought little of the plight of the common man, seeing only the enemy. It was the Emperor's will that opened his eyes, turning him from a mere warrior of the Imperium to a true vanguard of Humanity.

He himself says little of such things. His stories are great, and he speaks of many battles, but rarely of what happened. But a few say that, if you catch him on the right day, he will tell the following tale. Though few understand it, his tone quiet commands that you commit it to memory.

>> No.13515337

"The machine spirit tried, it really did. Three direct hits before it finally fouled. Threw off the deep strike horribly. Far too deep within enemy lines. We had to do a slow charge through countless forces, making use of whatever we could. Krantz pushed us hard. We pushed hard. Moved through, found a place to funnel. They pushed hard against us. We knew our duty, and we knew we could not survive without backup. Maybe we could have teleported, but there were so many bearing down on us. The tactical advantage was ours. So we ordered the bombardment, using ourselves as bait. Waited until they surrounded us so deep we couldn't see the sky. And then we made the call. And then I awoke, and the battle was done."

A strange, incomprehensible story indeed.

>> No.13515439

Welp that's it then. Internet's over, we can all go home.

>> No.13515476

>>13515439
Yeah, sorry that last one sucked. Apparently I ran out of steam.

>> No.13515479

>>13515337
>>13515318
did anyone else hear bagpipes while reading this?

>> No.13515486

>>13515476
There was FUCK-ALL wrong with any of them. I meant to say that nothing is going to top that, and I can now log-off content.

>> No.13515530

>>13515486
I second this man's idea. that was some DAMNED GOOD writing. I really really love the idea of a space marine, abandoned, but still serving, and realizing that duty takes more forms than just killing enemies.

>> No.13515531

>>13515486
Oh! Well, thanks then! Honestly, though, I could have done better with the last one. Maybe some day I'll give it a proper treatment.

>>13515479
No, but now that I've re-read it I do. Excuse me, I have something in my throat...

>> No.13515580

>>13515531
Does he have a family or anything? I could see him having "adopted" orphans or just orphans who stay near him until they're adults but still consider him something like a father.

>> No.13515651

>>13515580
There are those who see him as friend, protector. But all keep themselves just distant enough to keep from crossing further out of respect. His duty is not to them, but to all of Humanity on the planet. How could they ask more of him than just that?

He, in turn, does not allow himself to think of people as more than acquaintances. Centuries ago, he made friends. He gained confidants. Centuries ago, he learned better. He is not like them, they wither and die so quickly.

But there are nights where his hand goes to his chest. Buried within is the gene seed. Even he isn't sure how long he will live, how long he will be on this long walk alone. Will there come a time where they will be without him? He does not know. But he does know that while he could possibly extract that precious seed, he doesn't know the procedures of implantation, of creating another battle brother.

For now, the risk is too great. For now he will do nothing but entertain the occasional thoughts of holding a great tournament to test the skill, temperament, and willpower of the youth here, dreaming of the day that he might some day call another man "brother."

>> No.13515674

>>13515651
FUCKING BAGPIPES IN MY HEAD

>> No.13515718

>>13515651
goodnight sweet prince

>> No.13515746

anyone got the horse heresey story, or even better, is there drawfaggery of it?

and contributan, /a/ related

Coad Geaz: Looloosh of da WAAAGH.

So derez dis weedy humie named Looloosh an' 'es a weedy git. 'E gets kick out a dis big humie waagh called Britaneeuh fer bein' a weedy git. Now derz dis uvver mob of 'umans called da Japaneez er sumfink and dey getz it in dere eadz ter tangle wiv da Britaneeunz. So da Britaneeun WAAAAGH goes ter Japan an dey chops dem up right an proper. So Looloosh starts ter fink that 'e can kill da Britaneeun warboss 'an e can be da Warboss but he don't cuz e don't got da gubbinz. Den e meets dis humie woman wiv orky hair an she lets him make da humies do wat e wantz. So e starts werun dis mask sos da Japuneez 'umans don't see e's a weedy git. Looloosh startz ter attack da Britaneeunz an chop dem up and DAKKA DAKKA DAKKA. Den dere's dis confusink stuff wiv a hairy squig an a humie grot wiv legz and eyez dat don't work an why Looloosh ain't made dem into emerguncee rashunz yet I dunno. Den dere's more chopping finks up an DAKKA. An dis uvver weedy git called Soozakoo starts ter fink about doin dem squishy fings day 'umans do wiv dis uvver umie dats called Yoofemeeuh er sumfing unorky like dat. Den Looloosh fills 'er full a holes an den everfing gets blasted ter zog. An dat's da show.

>> No.13515772

Somebody want to tell me why we have writefags who can take a silly (if kind of stupid) image and turn it into a story that's badass and manly but kind of caring and sweet while still being grim and dark and well-written IN A HUMOR THREAD?

I'm not sure if this makes us the Best Board or Most ADD Board.

>> No.13515781

>>13515772
>Implying those two things are mutually exclusive

>> No.13515786

Does anyone have the story about a lone surviving (Possible blank) Ork boy left stranded on a world, where necrons purges his entire clan and everything else on the planet?

>> No.13515792

>>13515772
why cant it be both? after this thread im done with /b/,
fa/tg/uy fo life

>> No.13515816

>>13515772
That's mybad, and I apologize. I should have start a new thread. Unfortunately, when the inspiration for something hits, I usually just start typing and don't think about stuff like, hey, this might work better in its own thread!

Sorry about that.

>> No.13516098

>>13513979
>>13514843
>>13514862
>>13515012
>>13515318
>>13515337
>>13515651
Writefag, you should write this all up properly and submit it in May to Black Library. I'd kill for this shit to be canon.

>> No.13516109

>>13515786

Aye, posting in a sec

>> No.13516117

A waaagh lands on a desolate necron tombworld, and the soulless automatons quickly arise to eradicate the infestation. Every single one of the boyz is vaporized, and sterilization fields are activated that kill off even the spores. But through mutation and sheer luck, one spore is unaffected by the sterilizing fields. A single Ork is born.

He acquires a choppa and pistol from the ruins of the orc's encampment, but there aren't any boyz to be found. The ork looks about uncertainly, then smiles and with a tentative "waagh!" runs off in a random direction- the boyz left without him, so he'll just have to track them down.

He wanders the dusty wastes for weeks. Once he sees smoke, but it turns out to be the remnants of some spilt fuel containers. He plays with the fire for a while, but moves on- after all, the real fun will be when he catches up with the boyz.

>> No.13516121

Then, to his joy, he finds one of the entrances to the necrons tombs. Down in the vaults, he gazes across row after row of inert warrior. He runs through the halls for a while, roaring and firing his bolter, trying to liven the place up a little. Eventually he walks over and punches one of the warriors in the shoulder; it simply tips over. The tomb remains inert.

Since he's the biggest, the orc figures it's his job to whip these funny-lookin boyz into shape. He gathers a bunch of them together in a pile, then stacks a few more to form a nearby podium. Standing on it, the ork gives a rousing speech about how this is a sorry lot but he'll get them shipshape soon enough. He tries all sort of things to get a waagh going- insults, violence, praise and flattery. . .He tries hobbling around on folded knees, thinking that if he's smaller someone else might go and do a better job of starting a waaagh.

Eventually he goes up on the surface again. He heads off and eventually manages to find the camp. Nothing there has changed. He grabs up as much dakka and choppa as he can carry and hauls it with him as he spends several weeks looking until he finds the tomb entrance again. Staggering over to where all his boyz are, he dumps the huge assortment of weaponry down and looks up hopefully. The moment stretches out as he stands there, looking on with a tentative smile. Eventually he starts picking up choice bits of weaponry and offering them to the necron warriors. None show any signs of interest.

>> No.13516134

He tries fitting in for a little while, by standing in the same posture and not moving. He pretends to leave and then sneaks back and peeks around the corner to see if they move.

He wants to fight with somebody, just once. He wants to get shot up, to ride shotgun, hooting and hollering. He wants to meet a weirdboy or a nob or a dok. He wants to chant and pound the ground in unison with a massive crowd, to sail through the stars to a new world, to play catch with another ork using gretchins.

Just once, he wants to hear somebody call him something. Just one time; then he'd have a name.

He wishes he knew why the boyz left him behind.

>> No.13516152

...
Fuck.

Now I have to re-write the backstory of the Space Marine homebrew chapter I'm going to make. An entire Chapter rebuilt from a shattered company that went through the same epiphany as the Greatest Terminator that Could.

>> No.13516155

>>13516134
shit son if you stop now im going to cry

>> No.13516162

>>13516152
YES, make a thread about it, please, please please, your writing is much better than the drek they peddle at the black library

>> No.13516163

>>13516098
...Sadly, no. I'm only submitting one thing, and it's already requiring a massive rewrite in order to whip it into shape. And before THAT, I need to post the last bit for /tg/, which means finishing the last chapter. I'm only one man, and can only do so much stuff that induces silly, mind-boggling terror at once. (Don't ask, I'm an odd guy who fears success, apparently.)

tl;dr only one submission and /tg/ already told me what I must submit so nyah

>> No.13516164

>>13516155

Right, sorry about that

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The mutation was that he started growing faster. When the sterilization field was activated he was already too big for it to kill him.

He would have been a really good ork because of it. Big and strong, everybody woulda liked him. And then one day he'd get to be so big that he'd be the warboss, and he'd lead his loyal hordes on waagh after fantastic waagh. He'd be great at it.

...


He saw the explosion, the great wreck screaming through the air and crashing headlong into the horizon. His mind raced almost as quickly as his legs: they came back for him! he thought! The boyz is come back fer me! And if nothing else, it was some other crew of grots he could have a proper fight with.

>> No.13516169

When he came upon the wrecked spacehulk, the boyz inside had already been engaged by the Necrons. They were holding their own, but it wouldn’t be long before the massacre repeated itself. The lone ork ran down towards the embattled boyz, the dust and fires of their planetfall still thick in the air.

A mekboys shouts at the lone wanderer, assuming he was one of their own.
“Oi, you grot, whatchu muckin about here fer? Get ta fight’n!”

A great surge of emotion overcame him. With just that one ornery command, he had found himself. A name, by Gork! And something more, a purpose, a fight. He felt this rush inside of him, a swelling of pride and strength. Without his concent, but not against it, he raised his weather-worn choppa to the air and let loose a mighty roar, a “WAAAAAGH!” from somewhere deep inside himself. And to his surprise, the call was echoed by the host of boyz. Finally, he’d found them. They’d come back, and brought him a fight, a WAAAAAGH! of his own!

He felt the explosion before the pain, the wartrukk being blown to bits. He looked down at his chest to see the large piece of shrapnel, a great chuck of metal embedded in his body. The Necrons advanced in their fashion, a slow wave of blasting death. With his last breath, he held up his blasta and let loose just one round before collapsing.

Darkness overwhelms his sight.

Finally, he thinks, I’m with the boyz.

>> No.13516173

>>13516162
>>13516152 here

Not the guy writing this stuff. I've writefagged for /tg/ before, but my stuff was never this good.

Credit where it's due, the writefag(s) in this thread rock.

>> No.13516185

>>13516169
*Sniff*

Funny thing is, Orks reproduce by the spores coming off their body. The time when they release the greatest number is just after they've died. For an Ork, dying is basically the joy of parenthood all condensed into one glorious moment.

That Ork's offsping will kick Necron ass.

>> No.13516193

>>13516169
thats a really good short story

>> No.13516196

>>13516163
Wait. Are you Shy Guardsman?

>> No.13516220

>>13516196
If he says yes, I'll believe him.

>> No.13516246

>>13516196
im assuming shy guardsman is a writefag, good literature? if so does anyone have any of it?

>> No.13516258

>>13516196
Yes. Yes I am.

Yes, I am working on it, I've only gotten about 4.5k words done due to a heavy work load. No, I'm only on the fourth scene, if my count is correct. (Depending on how you want to look at it, it's between scene 3-5.) No, no idea when it'll be done. It depends if work continues to require dederplication and how much it will require.

That said, I do thank you for thinking enough of me that you were able to figure out who I am! Kind of a shot to the ego.

>>13516220
And same thanks goes to you!

>> No.13516285

>>13516258
>dederplication

iseewhatyoudidthere.gif

>> No.13516329

>>13516246
Define good. For d'aww-inducing stories about socially inept guardsmen hooking up with sisters of battle while staying mostly true to the fluff? If you're into that sort of thing, then yes. For manly tears over fuckawesome Marines? This thread should help you decide.
Here's a link to his Klightus stuff. He hasn't told us what his other other stuff is despite his claims that he's writefagged before.
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/13153384/
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/13331994/
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/13444943/

>> No.13516389

>>13516329
idgaf im going for a while tho keep the thread alive if you can, if not....mentlegen its been awesome

>> No.13516490

>>13516329
Just to clarify, I'M not Shyguardsman, and I'm >>13516173

Shy Guardsman is the one who wrote the AwesomeTemplarTerminator bit in this thread and Klightus's awesome story in the threads you posted. I have no idea if he's written elsewhere before (probably).

I wish my stuff was as enjoyable to read as Klightus, but I'm a subpar writefag. Closest I've come to good work was a quick one-off story about Bjorn the Fell-Handed being a grumpy bastard and the Space Wolves constantly getting history wrong.

>> No.13516508

>>13516490
Oh, and pretty sure Shy Guardsman wrote the Ork piece as well.

Shit would be easier if stating the definite "I" wasn't so imprecise.

>> No.13516582

>>13516490
Dude, I'm going to tell you the same thing that I tell everybody who says anything like what you just did: keep at it. At the end of the day, the biggest difference between us is that I try and write something every day, so I have more practice. Yes, most of my stuff gets pitched because it's horrible in my opinion. But just keep at it. Even if you don't post it on here, keep. Writing.

Every time you stick your neck out and try something new and different, you have a chance to learn what works and what doesn't. The more of that you learn, the better your work will be as a whole.

Also, get some people you trust to run ideas and your stuff by. Creative people, well read people. Get their feedback, ask them questions about sections that you aren't sure about. Right now, I'm up to four people that I run everything by, and I only count two as friends. They give me ideas on how to improve stuff, different twists that I can add to plots, or just banter about dialogue ideas. I don't use a lot of it, but it makes me think. I trust these people to be honest with me, and that's the most important part.

One last thing: Don't give up. Please. People may bitch about writefags, but they're just trolls. We need every writefag we can get on the board, even the bad ones. Because writefags take ideas and tinker with them, throwing stuff back at us in a form that's less mind-numbingly boring than most RPG books. They spark other ideas in people that they can run with. We need as much of that as we can get.

>> No.13516601

>>13516582
And I'm not saying you're bad! I didn't mind Bjorn! I'm just saying in general.

(And no, please don't ask to run stuff past me. I'm the worst editor/reviewer on the face of the planet. "I like it! It's good! ...Um... The part with the... nifty... it was... er... nifty!")

>> No.13516741

>>13516582
Don't worry, I'm not giving up.

I'm currently sitting on the beginnings of a novel (about the worst pirate ever in a fantasy world advanced 400 years or so - a Kobold), two short stories (one of which I'm going to try and submit to BL) and two RPGs (weeaboo wuxia martial arts, and /tg/s own b-movie monster RPG nearing its final draft).

>> No.13516806

>>13516490

Chin up fa/tg/uy, I wrote quite a few stories but the only that was anyone liked was K59. You'll improve as you go, and even if you're a good writer already (I don't know) but come up with ideas people don't find interesting, keep trying and eventually you will. Maybe not the best advice, but it paid off for me.

>> No.13516814

>>13516741
Excellent! This pleases me...

>>13516806
Dude, you wrote K59? You have my props!

>> No.13516827

>>13516814

Heh, thanks. Even I get lucky eventually.

But really, keep writing and I'll keep reading.

>> No.13516843

When the Emprah says
We is da Master Race
We Heil! Heil!
Right in da Emprah's face

>> No.13516866

>>13516843
When herr Yarrick says
We own de worlds and space
We Heil! Heil!
Right in herr Yarrick's face

>> No.13516876

>>13516866
Are we not de Space Marines?
Human, pure, Space Marines?
Ja we ist de Space Marines!
Super Duper Space Marines!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iumEGAUceDg

>> No.13516880

>>13516843
>>13516866
>>13516876

I... I never imagined I would live to see this.

>> No.13516884

>>13516876
Glorious.

Education for Death is my favourite. Disney nazis, they are so adorable.

>> No.13516888

>>13516843
>>13516866
>>13516876
Saving those for future use.

>> No.13516894

>>13516843
Sauce. I remember seeing those somewhere.

>> No.13516918

>>13516894
http://art.titanatelier.com/main.php?g2_itemId=1358

>> No.13516989

>>13516843
>>13516866
>>13516876

Oh my.... if a cartoon ever gets made, ill start an ig army

>> No.13517026

An Ork warboss is sitting in a trench with his horde of boyz behind him, when he hears an Astartes shout from the other side of no-man's land "One Space Marine is worth ten Orks!" Recognizing a challenge when he hears one, the Warboss immediately sends ten eager boyz up and over to make the space marine eat his words. A moment later, the sounds of battle echo across the field, and ends just as quickly without a single Ork returning.
Then the same voice calls out "One Space Marine is worth fifty Orks!" Now a bit miffed, The Boss sends fifty lads to stomp in the challenger's face. Once again, the sounds of combat are heard, the Orkish warcries filling the air, but after a few minutes it dies down and the greenskin attack is completely silenced.
"One Space Marine is worth a HUNDRED Orks!" cries the champion. Utterly furious, the Warboss summons a hundred of his best warriors, taking a while and enlisting a few Grots to help count that high with their fingers, and the warhost charges the Imperial position with a deafening WAAAGH. An epic battle is heard for ten minutes, but much to the boss's frustration, even that peters out until the field is silent once again.
However, this time a single nob crawls back into the Ork trench, and tells him "They cheated, boss! Dere was TWO of 'em!"

>> No.13517055

>> No.13517057

>> No.13517065

>> No.13517074

>> No.13517093

>> No.13517236

>>13517057

Makes me want to kill everyone in the world

>> No.13517974

>>13517236
and how does this make you feel?

>> No.13518201

>>13511540
>Terraforming

>> No.13518215

>> No.13518346

>>13518215

Inb4 geneseed mutation beakie.

>> No.13518380

>>13516490
dude i loved that story
>>13516806........K59 was some of the best reading ive ever laid eyes one, and ive read alot...mad props bro if you can churn out a story like k59 per 200 shitty stories its worth it to the max, keep trukin

>> No.13518620

any more writefaggotry? if not filthy filthy filthy thread
got to meet some of my favorite authors o O
U

>> No.13518868

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND ALL THAT IS HOLY, THIS MUST NOT BE LOST

ARCHIVE IT OR PUT IT ON 1d4chan NOW

>> No.13518885

Hah hah hah, oh, wow, /tg/ I really needed this thread.

So I'm contributan.

>> No.13518908

>> No.13519023

My personal favorite

>> No.13519058

contributan

>> No.13519297

compliments of /d/ if you read this before you click the thumb .. warning it is from /D/ lol good day

>> No.13519386

>>13511694
>>13511694
>>13511694
>>13511694

funny how your only military references came from modern warfare 2

>> No.13519433

contributing

>> No.13519454

>> No.13519457

>> No.13519466

>> No.13519480

>> No.13519487

it saddens me that nobody has posted this

>> No.13519494

>> No.13519504

>> No.13519519

>> No.13519529

>> No.13519544

>> No.13519560

>> No.13519565

>> No.13519580

>> No.13519594

>>13511513
not much of a disguise....

>> No.13519628

>> No.13520838

bump for more humor

>> No.13520930

Fine, fine. I'll post what I can find in my collection.

>> No.13520943

No OC though. Wish I had my good computer with me. I'd try to make something good.

>> No.13521159

>> No.13521478

>>13516843
>>13516866
>>13516876
Glorious

>> No.13521538

Gotta go, will be back in ~3.5 hours.

>> No.13522777 [DELETED] 

>>13521538
>mfw i come back after a day and my thread is still up

>> No.13522814

does that mean you're still depressed?

>> No.13523052

>>13522814
nope

>> No.13523509

Please tell me this is on SUPTG!

>> No.13524833

>>13522777

Where is this from?
Tineye's got nothing

Also, contributan

>> No.13524842

>> No.13524860

>> No.13524865

>> No.13524871

>> No.13524876

>> No.13524897

>> No.13524907

>> No.13524915

>>13523509

Nah, rarely are the image dumps archived as it's against LL's rules, I think.

>> No.13524925

>> No.13524948

>> No.13524984

>> No.13524991

>> No.13524996

>>13522777
>>13524833

No one's got an answer?

Mnnrgh

>> No.13525099

>> No.13525332

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>> No.13525818

>>13525784

>> No.13525906

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>> No.13525998

>> No.13526027

Just hit the image cap, I think we have achieved our goal.
And OP I hope you enjoyed this.
Good job /tg/, it's been an honour.

>> No.13526041

heh, this thread is 30 hours old. I'm proud.

>>
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