/tg/ - Traditional Games

Batman. OR maybe Jackie Chan, though I suspect they are one and the same.

The Flash. In any system.

The SPEEESSSHH MARINEZZZZZZ!!!!!

>>13411678
Squirrel Girl.

>>13411743
Excuse me, but I've never heard anyone say the words "The Goddamn Flash" before.

Darkseid. Derp.

>>13411754
Which one?

>>13411762

You obviously haven't seen the Flash outrun time itself, or death, or himself before.

Or the whole "You only touched me because I let you" thing he's done to Batman before.

Or the fact that he can, and has, kicked the shit out of Superman before.

The Flash

Are we talking DC being dicks here?

Batman has an internal list of characters every allowed to defeat him meaningfully at DC, anyone else instantly loses according to them.

If not, The Flash could possibly do it because 13 trillion times the speed of light. A really smart inquisitor maybe. (Batman has canonically killed a god)

>>13411789

Wait.

I thought we meant Flash Gordon Flash.

He was cooler.

>>13411789
>implying Superman can beat Batman
Well THERE'S your problem!

>>13411762
Obviously you've never heard of "The motherfucking Flash!"

Done.

Now go away.

>>13411791

Keep in mind that this isn't even the most powerful flash. Wally is leaps and bounds above him.

Point being, Flash is broken, Flash wins.

DA ORKS
DEYZ DA BIGGEST AN' DA STRONGEST
WAY BIGGA AN' STRONGA DEN DAT BATHUMIE GIT
HE DONT EVEN YOOZ GUNZ!

Superman from space with heat vision.

Oh boy Flash time

>>13411802
Obviously this is all part of Batman's cunning plan to guilt Superman into being an hero.

Superboy Prime.

>>13411817
Batman doesn't sunbathe.

Superman.

He's killed just about everyone and everything at some point.

>>13411856

I've yet to see an Elseworld or otherwise where he HAS killed Batman though. They're usually Bros.

Even in Kingdom Come and The Dark Knight Returns they're hatebros.

Taskmaster

>>13411856
Batman has kryptonite. He is prepared for EVERYTHING.

Since Flash is on the front in this thread, can anyone of you /co/mrades explain how the fuck any of his villains can pose any challenge to him? I was reading Blackest Night and goddamn, they're like what, Mr. Freeze cosplaying as an ice-climber, a stereotypical australian with boomerangs and a dude who can go into mirrors.

What the hell can they do to someone who can run so fast that he goes FORWARD in time?

>>13411891

While I search, here's one where he kills Lois.

Just because he has PLANS to beat everyone, doesn't make him the default winner in any scenario. Batman's plans can fail, we've seen them fail a lot of times.
At the end of the day, he's still a mortal man with some gadgets. In a universe were demigods, shapeshifting aliens and freaking SUPERMAN exist.

Jerry Bruckheimer.

>>13411907

Um.

I can run so fast that I run forward in time. In fact, I don't even have to move and I'm going forward in time.

>>13411891
suicide but still.

>>13411907
Anyone can run forward in time.

>>13411920
... you have clearly not read many Batman comics.

>>13411907
It's simple. The writers admit to writing him less intelligently than he is. (He's actually a genius who could basically stop all crime forever)

>>13411907
The rogues are particular in that they work together for maximum effect. But honestly, with Flash's brokenness they should be piece of cake. However, despite being a smart guy in all incarnations and a scientist in some, Flash is incredibly stupid for plot purposes.
It's surprising he's not drooling on every panel.

>>13411895
Dude, Superman generally has a pretty high resistance to Kryptonite nowadays. Sure, it annoys the fuck out of him, but usually you need a fuckton of it to render him incapable of fighting.

Red sun radiation is your best bet.

>>13411919

Also, it's all Superman's fault that Batman's parents died.

Because he's a dick.

>>13411907

They don't. That's the problem.

In most media, DC has to play down Wally's power, they have to either write him off as somewhere else, or ignore half of his ability. DC made the mistake of fatally overpowering a character, and they're having a hard time fixing it.

Wally West could destroy any possible threat in the DC universe. The only thing stopping him? The DC writers saying "He doesn't feel like it."

>>13411920
Batman has actually murdered superman before, He also (In main line) killed Darkseid, a god by all rights.

>>13411915
This means it would only take the flash ten minutes to run the length of my dick.

>>13411678

Jack Bauer

>>13411920
>Batman's plans can fail, we've seen them fail a lot of times.
Batman's superpower is BEING THE GODDAMN BATMAN! His plans work.

>>13411891

Superman: Red Son

Though it's less kill, but he had won at that point.

>>13411907

Separately? They don't. They're never separated, really. Also Mirror Master fucking owns him alone would fuck 99% of all other superheroes up but good.

Poor, poor Metropolis.

>>13411936
>>13411946
>>13411954
Jesus christ. So he basically doesn't autowin for the same reason that Batman=Batgod for the fans.

Terrible writing.

Found this, gonna keep looking.

>>13411954
To be fair, they have to dumb down a lot of the powerful characters, especially around batman. Yeah, sure, he's great at prep blablabla but a lot of them should be able to splat him before a single synapse fires.

>>13411936
>>13411962
>>13411979
What a selfish pussy.

This is now a thread about Superman being a dick.

>>13411678

What kind of emo fag dresses up like a bat and haunts the city for a hobby?

>>13411974
The Batman can solve any problem, including a dimensional labyrinth.

>>13411992
Just so you know, Golden Age isn't canon anymore; All the things you posted count as "Never happened" now. They were different characters back then.

>>13411969
That wasn't really Batman though. Bruce Wayne never became Batman in that story. That Batman was former Russian military, born and bred in the USSR.

Maybe we should let Soviet Russia Batman and Regular DCU Batman fight it out. That would be interesting.

>>13411996

>>13412006

To be fair, Batman's a dick too sometimes.

>>13411974
I have hard time believing that it matters whether they are alone or all grouped together, when the opponent can just run in and punch them before anyone realizes that they've lost.

The same reason that I find hard to believe that Batman could beat Superman or Flash. When someone goes faster than a human mind can process or sense, you're fucked no matter what. Batman could overcome The Hulk or something, because Hulk can't attack him from the other side of the world going at 1.0c or more.

>>13412016

Denial.

>>13412000
>>13411992
>>13411976
>>13411951
>>13411919

I honestly wish DC would make a Universe where Superman acts like a hilarious dick (not a whiny pussy like SBP) and the rest of the world just goes along with it because he's at Pre-crisis power levels. Batman, Lois and Jimmy are his favourite buttmonkeys as he spends all day scaring the shit out of them to teach them "lessons" for his own amusement. And their own good of course.

Guys! Guys!
Wait! Listen!
What if...Megaman

>>13412040
I enjoy superman being a prick as much as anyone, but as of current line, Batman basically wrecks Superman. Also he's half-dead and time-travelling which resulted in pirate batman at one point.

I was thinking of something from Exalted, but then I realised with an hour of prep time, Batman would probably get a night caste exaltation or something.

Golden Age comic book covers are like New Yorker comics; often funnier if you remove the text and add the caption "Christ, what an asshole" to the bottom.

>And their own good of course.

You mean what Superman deems is for their own good.

>>13412054
It also made /tg/'s secret wet dream of Inquisitor Batman canon, even if it wasn't 40k.

>>13411974
Why don't you try reading it? The Rogues are on a completely different level compared to other villains. They work as a team, don't hate each other and only pick crimes that are practical. They don't want to destroy the world or cause mayhem and killing the Flash is never an objective because it would do more harm than good. They know that A Flash will always be instrumental in saving the universe during the next crisis and they think of the bigger picture and focus on getting rich as possible like an organized mob instead of bunch of destructive villains.

>>13412064
Oh shit I remember that.

Noir batman was amazing as well.

also i'm out of images

Piderman!

"Oh hai, Baman, dis is Piderman."
"What the hell are you doing in my Batcave?"
"I come over da house!!"

No one can be more devious than Superman.

>>13412072

Yeah I'm well aware of this, jackass. I'm pointing out for the unread man that they are rarely if ever fought separated and even though their objective doesn't involve killing The Flash, the only way The Rogues can pose a threat to the Flash is by working together.

Also Captain Cold and Heatwave don't really like each other because hurr temperature differences.

Superman: American Hero.

>ctrl f
>no one mentions pic related
Son, I am disappoint.

>>13412072
sensible super villians? how do they work?

Also i'm missing the image where Wally punches a superman-equivalent over half of the earths distance, making them collide with a mountain at nearly the speed of light, killing it.

/a/ here.

Accelator was here, Batman is a loser.

>>13412123

You seemed to have made a statement with an oxymoron in it, friend.

>>13412105
Are all of these and the World's Finest...fake? Or what? They look so legit to a comic noob.

>>13412135

This one is acceptable pre-crisis; post-crisis, though, a Green Lantern and a Flash are more than enough for Superman.

>>13412100
The point is that they shouldn't by any logic pose a threat even when together, unless they're with one of the Anti-Flashes or something.

Being able to go faster than speed isn't really a power that anything near a normal human can beat.

>Making out on the grave of your dead wife

That's fucking classy.

Still waiting to see how batman will take on ORT

WTF why is Superman being a dick in so many of those covers?

>>13412143
They're real. Just old. lolcomics.

>>13412160

Forgot picture.

>>13412143
During the Silver Age, they often created zany covers to "shock" people into buying it.

"Superman a mass murderer! Oh noez! I'd best find out why!"

Sometimes the story wouldn't even have anything to do with the cover.

Batman is the most unrealistic superhero EVER. Thus, Batman wins.

>>13412164
http://superdickery.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=section&layout=blog&id=3&I
temid=3

There's plenty more where that came from.

>>13412164

Because he's a dick.

>>13412143
They are real. Some of them were storytimed on /co/ a while ago, sadly most of the stories were just misunderstandings and the Superdick covers were just made as bait. He never really turns full evil mode.

>>13412143
They're not fake. Those types of covers were used as a way to suggest to the kids buying them what the content of the issue was in an indirect way. Sort of like teasing them to find out what the fuck was going on. The events depicted did not happen in the issue. Superman certainly never acted like a dick just because.

>>13412181
LMAO superman trying to prevent a song about him from becoming a hit, but if i read it, the story will have nothing to do with the cover right?
damn shame

>>13412167

I choose to ignore what that grave stone actually says.

"There can be only one."

Lois Lane as a Highlander.

What do, Superman?

Superrape.

Superman's had his weird moments.

But Batman is still the clear victor. Nothing in all of Superdickery can top this.

>>13411892
That's actually a reasonably good fight.

He could actually possibly beat Batman since he could pretty much counter and copy anything the Bats threw at him.

>>13412215

Kill her!

As for those advocating the Flash earlier...There's this.

>>13412199

>Those types of covers were used as a way to suggest to the kids buying them what the content of the issue was in an indirect way. Sort of like teasing them to find out what the fuck was going on. The events depicted did not happen in the issue. Superman certainly never acted like a dick just because.

>>13412233
Ok, someone has got to post the "this leather thong still has your teethmarks in it" -panel.

Some of the entries at the superdickery innuendo-section have to be the most hilarious comic-related things I've ever seen.

Superman vs. The World.

Superman: Wife Beater.

All the money in the world? Time to destroy it!

>>13412314

Huh.

Does anyone have the "CAPTAIN AMERICA! I COMMAND YOU TO-" *wank* pic?

This one looks so similar, I can't tell if it's just the filename or there's an actual resemblance.

myheadisfulloffuck.jpg
+
lolwut.jpg
+
thispleasesgaga.jpg
=
mfw superdickery

Superman's a dick.

>>13412399
I was gonna say something about "swearing with your left hand doesn't count," but the Devil asked specifically for the right to be on the "pitchfork".

>>13412016

>Just so you know, Golden Age isn't canon anymore; All the things you posted count as "Never happened" now. They were different characters back then.

And so he continues to be a dick in new incarnations.

>>13412430

Jimmy deserves it for wearing that jacket in public.

>>13412448

>Jimmy deserves it for being Jimmy

>>13412430
You'd think the world would be used to Superman being a dick since he apparently does it every issue.

Superman: He orphans little children.

>>13412448
His secret identity?

>>13411907
Zoom II, and Professor Zoom.

The former is so fast that Wally can't even see him, and the latter was equal to Barry prior to developing the Negative Speed Force.

>>13412490
Don't get started on Jimmy's superpowers. Just don't even go there, man.

>>13411791

>Charity

Sounds like an excuse to me.

>>13412510
You mean the power of PARTY?

>>13412524
An excuse to leave the Flash marooned in deep space, too exhausted to go on, let alone turn back?
>superdickery.jpeg

For anyone still in denial over how much of a dick Superman is, there's this.

>>13412583

OH SNAP!

Super sabotage!

That's some heavy shit right there, dog.

>>13412602

>Terror as a weapon
>Essentially summing up all the previous posts

>>13412602

It makes REGULAR sabotage look like rigging a game of Mouse Trap! SHIT, MAN

>>13412583
"Terror was my secret weapon"

Oh man, I just imagine him as a kind of nice, cooking lady reveling the secret to why here pies are so delicious.

"The secret to the best flavor is Terrorism!"

>>13412638
>How to murder the earth

Clearly, the first step is disintegrating Batman.

>Duel to the death with guns
>Superman is bulletproof

>>13412638
>how to murder the earth
And that my boy, is how Superman got the rights to publish books on Apokalips.

>>13412693
>batman's face

>>13412693
The Penguin is on a pegasus.
With a cowboy.

>>13412693
>AND Batman doesn't use guns
superdickery

>>13412773

Superman likes to stack the odds heavily in his favor. Even if Batman can bring himself to actually fire, that gun isn't even loaded.

Superdickery.

>>13412773
>>AND Batman doesn't use guns
See
>>13412029

>>13412355

The Immortal Iron Fist.

Prince of Orphans, for sure.

Deadpool.

Captain America

Maxwell, the Scribblenauts Guy.

He is unbeatable.

>>13412100
Capt. Cold is pretty cool, actually...goddammit stupid pun! >_<