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/tg/ - Traditional Games


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[ERROR] No.13211572 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Occasionally, I like to wander into hobby shops, not to buy anything or play any games, but just to mingle about and see how much trolling I can get done.

Today, I brought a friend into a Games Workshop. Since he knows nothing about 40k, he became my unwitting accomplice in finding ways to annoy people.

The first target was a game being played using the Assault on Black Reach set. "See, these orks are gonna have a go at those smurfs over there. They have guns that shoot rocket exploding bullets, laser cannons, and walking tanks. But more importantly, papa smurf over there is gonna run up and hit them with his sword. That's how we get things done in the future."

Seeing little potential here, we headed further back into the store, where two marine armies were in the middle of a battle.

"And this right here is an act of heresy. I don't think the emprah's going to be happy about all this." At this point, my buddy spots a land raider which had made its way quite near some enemies, and decided to offer his tactical advice:
"Why don't you just run those guys over with the tank?"
"Because that guy with the big oven mitt will punch it and it'll explode."
"Really? But it isn't even his turn."
"Yeah, he's not a very good sport."

Later, he wanted to know why the space marines were fighting against each other. One player had ultramarines, and the other had unpainted marines he was calling dark angels.

"You see, there's been a major dispute over who gets to control the imperial paint reserves on this here planet 'table four'. The smurfs hold all the supply, and by the orders of their great leader Matt Ward, they're forcing everything to be blue because he's been playing Earthbound lately. But the Angels want to be green because they think orks are really cool. Clearly, fratricide is the only answer."

>> No.13211607

Then he noticed that there was a predator on the other side of the table. It was in a patch of cover, surrounded by some trees. One of the trees had been displaced by the tank. The players had placed the tree on top of it.

"What's that tree doing on top of the tank?"
"It's probably possessed by wood elves."
"There's elves in this?"
"There's always elves."
"What do elves do in space?"
"They trick space marines into fighting each other over paint."

>> No.13211629

Your friend is awesome and he should feel awesome

>> No.13211649

boring as shit, captain.

>> No.13211685

That was your trolling?
Fucking dreadful.

>> No.13211707

>>13211607
>>13211572
Good story, bad trolling attempt.

>> No.13211742

Eh, every night can't be a gold mine. Last time I went into a Games Workshop pretending to know nothing about Warhammer. I immediately sought out the local redshirt, asked lots of innocent questions, and with every answer replied "Oh, that sounds a lot like warcraft/starcraft! Is this like that?" After being corrected several times about which setting came first, I roped the guy into playing a short game, convincing him that he was hooking me in. I kept asking to do things that are against the rules, like shooting into a melee and trying to justify it because "those guys are too dumb to run away anyway, I'm just going to kill them for treason after this is over."

After all of this, I made my phone ring, "checked the time," and hurried out, buying absolutely nothing, having wasted an hour of the man's time.

>> No.13211764

Wow it's fucking nothing.

>> No.13211834

>>13211742
Man, you're just an asshole.

>> No.13211842

This one time I went into an icecream store and asked for a vannila waffle cone with a chocolate coating. The woman serving me asked if I wanted peanuts and I said yes. She started to pour peanuts onto my icecream and I couldn't stop laughing. I didn't actually want peanuts. Oh my god, that stupid bitch. She got trolled so hard. SO HARD.

>> No.13211867

This seems less like trolling and more like snotty behaviour from kids trying to act superior to others.

>> No.13211874

>>13211742
Yeah, you're just a douche.

0/10

>> No.13211879

You guys are making me sad. I tried my best for youuuuu

>> No.13211882

Cool story, OP. Reminds me of this time I went into a Games Workshop and bought an Eldar Battleforce.

Joke's on them. I play IG.

>> No.13211903

GAWD I GET IT IT WAS LAME I'M SORRRRYYY

>> No.13211941

I once brought a 10 year old into a GamesWorkshop after giving him melted chocolate so it was all over his hands and let him run free. Smearing everywhere, and anytime some fat slob got near him, I exploded like a soccer mom all over their pudgy piss stained hands getting near an innocent child.

>> No.13211946

I walked into my local GW and saw two thirteen year olds having a battle. They were both Space Marines of course. I swaggered over and in my best cool guy voice and complimented them on their little toy dolls. The guy closest to me thanked me for my compliment and asked if I was interested in learning to play. I hastily rejected his offer and kicked a quick retreat out of there.

Yeah, he got burned so bad. Master troll in the house.

>> No.13211947

OP, you're the worst kind of asshole: the kind who thinks he's funny, but isn't.

>> No.13211977

I WILL NOT PRETEND TO HAVE NOT DESERVED THIS

IT IS A ART AND I AM BUT A SIMPLE ACOLYTE

EXPERIENCE AND MISERABLE FAILURE WILL BE MY TUTOR

>> No.13211990

>go into gw
>tell them you like the tau because they're the good guys
>get beaten and thrown out

>> No.13212034

You are neither a good person nor a good troll. You should feel terrible.

>> No.13212035

once I walked into a GW and took a giant shit in this dude's army case!

And I didn't even know him!

HILARIOUS

(the army was dark angels by the way)

>> No.13212047

This one time, I went onto 4chan and saged a thread. Am I a master troll or what?

>> No.13212066

>>13211977
>that image

d'aaaawww

>> No.13212096

>>13211742

That story is made up.
Even if it wasn't, you wasted an hour of your own life.

>> No.13212118

Well boyz, looks like we got us here a shitty little thread.

Let's loot it an' make it orky!

>> No.13212121

>>13211742
>wasted an hour of his time
>he wouldn't have been doing anything but standing around anyways

Sounds like you wasted your own time, dipshit.

>> No.13212142

>>13212118
Deff Skwadron reportin' fer duty, boss!

>> No.13212155

>>13212142

>> No.13212158

Ork fanboys are worse than Space Marine fanboys.

>> No.13212166

>>13212155

>> No.13212177

>>13212166

>> No.13212196

>>13212177

>> No.13212201

>>13212196

>> No.13212211

trollin'?

>> No.13212238

>>13212201

>> No.13212246

>>13212238

>> No.13212263

>>13212211
What da zog?

>> No.13212272

>>13212263

>> No.13212288

>>13212272

>> No.13212299

>>13212288

>> No.13212307

I once walked into GW to paint some Sisters of Battle.

Am told I can't paint non-GW minis in store.

I walk back out.

>> No.13212323

>>13212299

>> No.13212336

>>13212323

>> No.13212346

>>13211742

He was getting paid.

You wasted an hour of your own time.

>> No.13212350

>>13212336

>> No.13212364

>>13212350

>> No.13212383

>>13212364

>> No.13212391

>>13212307
Wait what?

Really?

>> No.13212410

>>13212383

>> No.13212435

ITT: asswipes telling stories on how they were total douchebags for no reason.

>> No.13212723

>>13212391
Yep.
I wasn't even gonna say anything. If GW is that incapable of giving their recruits some basic fucking training then I won't even waste my time doing for them.

>> No.13212741

>>13212723

That story sounds fake as fuck.

>> No.13212833

>>13212741
So, how fake does fuck sound again, I never really paid attention.

Heres what happened, blow for blow.
I walk into GW, my bag had seven Sisters of Battle, under-coated, all repeats of the one holding a grenade pulling pin with teeth.
I spend a few mins looking at the BL shelves.
I place my bag down in the designated bag corner.
I remove the girls from my bag and a paint brush.
I sit down at the table, minis in front of me, and poke around for the silver paint at the centre of the table.
Spotting the paint in question I grab it and open the lid.
Roaming Blackshirt has a look at what I intend to paint.

"You know you can't paint them here?"
"Sorry?"
"Those miniatures, they're not Workshop."

I screw the lid back on the paint pot.
Pick up my Sisters of Battle and grab my bag and leave the store.

>> No.13212865

>>13212833
He possibly didn't see precisely what they were, and you could have gone "oh no these are sisters" and he would have gone "oh, alright, sorry about that. Carry on."
Instead you were a jerk. Shame on you.

>> No.13212901

>>13212833"Those miniatures, they're not Workshop."

>>"o..o..ok"
>>I meekly screwed the lid bad on and walked out, tears welling

>> No.13212948

Tales of Passive-Aggressiveness: Chapter One - The Unpainted Miniature

>> No.13213067

>>13212948
>>13212948
>Read through this guys post.
>mfw

fucking LMAO.

>> No.13213075

>>13212833
That doesn't sound any more realistic than >>13212307 you know. You posted the exact same shit with more words.

>> No.13213202

>>13212833

That story still sounds fake as fuck. The chances of a GW employee not recognizing GW miniatures is very slim. IN that slim chance he didn't you still could have just explained ot him it was sisters of battle instead of walking out the store like your big shit.

>> No.13215903

wat

>> No.13216486

wat

>> No.13216545

I once bough a box of tyranids. I glued them, and painted. Then I smashed them all with a common hammer. Take that GW!

>> No.13216592

>>13216545
Once I saw a video of people smashing ForgeWorld Death Korps of Krieg with a hammer. I was horrified.

>> No.13217133

>>13216545
>>13216592

wut

>> No.13217263

>>13216592
Good god, why.

>> No.13217309

>>13212833
Actually, I think the problem here is since they were all the exact same pose, he assumed these were home molded, as /tg/ has mentioned how to do before.

>> No.13217326

>>13217263
Because typical guard fans are the most loud-mouthed fanboys this side of final fantasy. Ever see a thread saying "what would you do to make 40k awesome" thread? Basically the guard fans' idea is to remove everything that's NOT the guard and make the guard more awesome.
Orks player here, once I bought a lemon russ and called it "DA LEMON!" after converting it. There was so much rage from the guard player that I fought that he directed all firepower on it to destroy it as fast as possible, ignoring the KFF mek in a battlewagon with a deff rolla RIGHT BESIDE IT for the three turns it lived.
Took out quite a bit of guardsmen before it went kabloom, at which point I rammed the fuck out of his russ with my BW and wrecked it. Lots of shoota boyz were on that thing, shit was so cash. I went on to win it with trukk-based shoota boyz and a few choppy 13-wound power klaws.
I bought a squad of guardsmen, and to rub it in his face, put a bunch of bodies on pikes on my vehicles.

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