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[ERROR] No.13038944 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

Dear Abby,

I've recently come into the possession of a halfling farm. Foolish things aren't yet aware it's not just plants were growing, any way I digress. I was thinking of getting my fellow feinds together but I think a simple halfling roast, while a staple of fiendish cuisine, just won't make the impression I need on my superiors. I need something with a certain flair to it, something beyond the ordinary rape and torture that would be sure to impress even my most jaded guests. Any advice?

Sincerely yours,
A Fiendish Farmer

>> No.13038956

Dear Abby,

I've recently signed a work contract and it just seems too good to be true. I get a sinister feeling from my employer. How can I confirm or rebuke my suspicions?

Your Sincerely,
A Hesitant Halfing.

>> No.13038985

Dear Abby,

I recently found some some work contracts for halfling farm workers but I suspect they're going to end badly. If they get killed at work and later raise as undead, will the workers be able to sue me post mortem?

Sincerely yours,
A Tredpidatious Temp-Agency

>> No.13039131

Dear Abby,

Why so serious?

Sincerely,
Elder Brain of the Illithid

>> No.13040391

DEAR A FIENDISH FARMER,

HAVE YOU CONSIDERED FORCING THE HALFLINGS TO COMMIT HORRIBLE ACTS OF TORTURE UPON EACH OTHER ON THREAT OF MINDRAPE WITH PRETENSES OF FALSE HOPE? THIS WOULD CERTAINLY SHOW YOUR SUPERIORS THAT YOU ARE A CAPABLE MANAGER FIT TO PRESIDE OVER DAMNED SOULS.

YOURS SINCERELY,
ABBY


DEAR A HESITANT HALFLING,

REVIEW THE WORDING OF YOUR CONTRACT AND CHECK THE CREDENTIALS OF YOUR EMPLOYER. IF YOU STILL HAVE DOUBTS I WOULD RECOMMEND THROWING YOURSELF INTO THE MURKY DEPTHS BEFORE YOUR FEARS COME TO PASS SO THAT YOU MAY TOIL FOR THE GLORY OF THE ABOLETH MASTER RACE.

YOURS SINCERELY,
ABBY


DEAR A TREPIDATIOUS TEMP-AGENCY.

THIS IS HIGHLY DEPENDANT UPON THE FEEBLE LAWS ENACTED BY FOOLISH GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS. IF IT TURNS OUT THEY DO PROVIDE LEGAL RECOURSE FOR THE UNDEAD, CONTACT A RELIGION KNOWN FOR ITS ZEALOUS HATED OF THE UNDEAD TO REPORT THEM AS UNDEAD LOVING SCUM.

YOURS SINCERELY,
ABBY

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