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12374819 No.12374819 [Reply] [Original] [4plebs] [archived.moe]

So /tg/
You have always been good to me and so I'm giving something back.
Brought to you by BADWRONGFUN Productions.
Behold, the results of a stupid bet with my GM, sleep depravation, Whiskey and Wuthering Heights.
I bring you!
Trashy £3 romance novels based in Edwardian England...The RP...
AKA: Silk in the Glen
For those times when you want to GM something you'll regret forever and MAID isn't on hand.

>> No.12374823
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12374823

>>12374819
Mysteriousness (Mys): is your Int Score, basically roll against it to reveal hidden depths, like you know how to operate a steam engine. It's also your Cha score when you're being all aloof and mysterious and trying to charm people with that, amongst other rolls.
You gain a number of ‘Mysteriousness points’ equal to your Mys score which allow you to on the fly reveal hidden twists about your character, such as ‘He knows how to drive a steam engine (Gain Skill ‘Train driver’), is on the run from the law and is really a known ‘Robin Hood’ criminal (+1 Byronism, but also hunted) or is the Heir to his ailing fathers large fortune (Gain ‘Status’ merit), the GM can choose how many points an ability costs, but it can never cost more than 3 for a natural ability, or more than 5 for a supernatural (If the GM allows them.), if the GM thinks it should cost more, he can throw in disadvantages to even out the cost, but must warn the player of these disadvantages before hand.

>> No.12374832
File: 23 KB, 400x300, 41f72f594aaf404d_victoria.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12374832

>>12374823
Mysteriousness points can be earned at GM discretion, for great acts of mysterious, aloofness and being damn attractive while doing it.
Byronism (Byr): Your roguish, rough and tumble nature, physical rolls as well as your Charisma roll when you're being all devilishly handsome and Anti-heroish.
You also have a number of Byron points, equal to your Byronism score which allow you to avoid the consequences of your darker actions. When you are caught out in a villainous act, you may spend a number of Byron points, the witnesses must roll a contesting roll to be shocked or truly horrified by the act, or to disbelieve any excuse you make.

>> No.12374845
File: 58 KB, 350x467, caridee-romance-novel-fabio.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12374845

>>12374832
Chivalry (Chiv): Social and Etiquette rolls; for when you want to know which spoon to use, also your Cha when you're being all charming, heroic and Lady like/Gentlemanly. You also gain a number of Chivalry points, equal to your Chivalry score, which can be spent to gain dice, when defending a cause or person you care about.

Gentleness: Inner strength and soft strength; subtle actions and intrigue, stealth and avoiding the crowds while remaining yourself, also allows resistance rolls against Charm rolls; also your Cha score when you’re being subtle and romantic, or gentle but kind. You also gain a number of Gentleness points equal to your gentleness score, which allow you to up the pass roll of others against you.

>> No.12374861
File: 28 KB, 288x375, heathcliff.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12374861

>>12374845
Stats use a Rock, Paper, Scissors 'Beat each other' system.
Series:
Mysteriousness: Strong against Byronism
Byronism: Strong against Chivalry
Chivalry: Strong against Gentleness
Gentleness: Strong against Mysteriousness.

Statting:
Attributes: 6 attribute points to start, no attribute can be greater than 4, all start at 1 for free.

Type: Your type is your highest Stat (Or highest Stats if you have a tie, if you have a tie between more than 2, you must choose 2 of them to be your types.), you gain a bonus of 1 dice against any roll opposed by the Stat your type is strong against, but a 1 dice penalty against any roll that is opposed by the Stat your type is weak against. E.g. a Gentle Hero/Heroine gains a +1 against Mysterious opponents, but a -1 against the chivalrous.

Skills: You have 15 skill points to spend, no skill can be greater than 6. Skills can be anything from ‘Duelling’ to ‘Sewing’

>> No.12374867
File: 56 KB, 342x480, I-am-Heathcliff-wuthering-heights-7913675-342-480.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12374867

>>12374861
Preference and dislike: You must choose 1 preference and 1 dislike out of the 4 stats, you are weak to your preference and strong against your dislike; anyone attempting to use your dislike against you must roll +1 pass to succeed, anyone attempting to use your preference against you gets -1 to the number needed to pass. E.g. Mrs Edgar prefers mysterious men, but dislikes men who are too weak, anyone attempting to entice her by being aloof and mysterious gets -1 to the pass required, anyone attempting to gently charm her finds if more difficult and has a +1 to the pass required.

Merits: You have 2 free strengths, these can be things such as ‘Status’, where you are rich, ‘Handsome’, where you are attractive and may gain bonuses to charm rolls or ‘Ex-Soldier’ where you may reroll 1 failed dice per roll in a ‘Duel’ or any relevant situation. You also gain 1 extra Merit per 2 flaws you take over 2.

Flaws: You must take 2 flaws, these can be things such as ‘Low Status’, where you are a Stable Boy, ‘Enemy’ where you have a rival within the household, or a Phobia of some kind . A GM may decide that a flaw is large enough to be worth 2 Flaw points, for example: ‘Weak constitution’ where you must reroll 1 success per roll involving anything strenuous.

>> No.12374893
File: 34 KB, 300x500, tony-ranaudo-romance-novel-cover.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12374893

>>12374867
Experience: In long running campaigns, the GM may decide to grant experience points for good role-playing and ability gain.
To buy an extra attribute point costs [Number of points in that attribute]X20 XP.
To transfer an attribute point costs 20 XP.
To buy an extra skill point costs [Number of points in that skill]X5 (5 for 1st point)
To trade an attribute point for [Current points in Attribute]X2 Skill points costs 10 XP.
The total number of attribute points a character can have at any one time is 15.

And that's it.
The difinitive system for Dark, Brooding Mysterious heroes in lace, Women who go 'My Word!' and using purple prose like 'his pillar of sausages thrust into her mound of black pudding' to describe sex.

>> No.12374935
File: 49 KB, 400x396, 1284427866695.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12374935

>>12374819
>>12374823
>>12374832
>>12374845
>>12374861
>>12374867
>>12374893
There are...
There are just no words to describe this Anon.
I don't think that words exist to describe how I feel right now about this...
Just...What the fuck? What. The. Fuck?

>> No.12374949

*abject horror*

0_0

>> No.12374950

>>12374893
>his pillar of sausages thrust into her mound of black pudding

This? This made the whole thing.

>> No.12374977
File: 156 KB, 946x946, 1283718886300.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12374977

>Who's awesome ?

You are awesome, OP.

>> No.12374982

All we need is a chart/random generator for nonsensical sex scene descriptions.
"He gazed into her languid orbs longingly; the urge mounting within him to take her there and then, the front of his silken pants bulging with his tree like manhood.
The Priest coughed, the guests at the wedding looked slightly arkward, as the drunken Best man stopped staring at the Bridesmaid."

>> No.12374984

It's beautiful.
Simply beautiful.

>> No.12374993
File: 447 KB, 335x284, 1284481396026.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12374993

>>12374982
>fixed dounsyn

>> No.12374997

>>12374982
Like the technobabble generator in SerenityRPG?

>> No.12375014

>>12374982
"And then he put his thingy in my you-know-what and we did it"

>> No.12375051

Are you from TVTropes?

>> No.12375057

He [verb] his [adjective][adjective][noun] into my [adjective][adjective][noun].

>> No.12375069

You're a gentleman and a scholar, OP.

>> No.12375073

I think my mind just shut the fuck down.

But on the other hand...
I really want someone to run this on IRC, just so I can play a dark, brooding, mysterious man, attract all the women by accident, then troll the fuck out of them when I'm caught fucking the stable boy in the ass in a closet at a dinner party.
>... he rests all his weight on one elbow and without looking slips a hand between them. Tries to avoid his own pistoning shaft as he further parts the soft flesh and reaches in to find the young man's own, throbbing Meatcock.

>> No.12375089

>He ran his majestic powerful soldier into my delicate demure fortress

That works althogether far to well

>> No.12375107

>>12375051
No, but I did use TVTropes as Inspiration.
My GM has a standing policy of 'You build a system, I'll run it'
So I decided to outdo FATAL for sheer Shinannigans.
On the other hand, it's a well balanced system as far as I can tell, you got mysterious for smart guys and Gals, Byronic for Tanks and Villians, Chivalry for Heroic sorts and Gentlemen/women and Gentle for the Subtle and indirect.
So Int, Phys, Cha and Dex basically.
Can anyone think of anything to add to this fucked up insanity?

>> No.12375109

>>12375073
Mucking out his stables, eh?

Nice show OP. This is something, that's what.

>> No.12375134

>>12375107
how would we play a dastardly villain?

>> No.12375137

Right, we're making a generator for this. I'll use inspiration Pad Pro.
We need 5 types of Word
Thrusting word,
Penis word,
Vagina word,
Descriptive phallic,
Descriptive feminine.
So he [Thrusting word] his [Descriptive Phallic] [Penis Word] into her [Descriptive feminine] [Vagina word]
Start listing /tg/. If we get about 100 words for each, then I can add in terrible descriptions of other sex acts when I'm done with this one.

>> No.12375147

>>12375137
He thrust his phallic penis into her feminine vagina.

>> No.12375152

>>12375137
Pound
Quivering phallus
Glistening repository
Pulsating
Demure

>> No.12375155
File: 27 KB, 469x469, fc54110_proceed.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12375155

Over the top accents, mute characters, amnesiacs, angels made manifest, a period piece set in Whitechapel in the late 1880s...

Yeah, this has potential. For lulz.

>> No.12375165

Genius is happening here, but I just can't stand to look at it anymore...

>> No.12375173

>>12375134
High Byronism.

>You also have a number of Byron points, equal to your Byronism score which allow you to avoid the consequences of your darker actions. When you are caught out in a villainous act, you may spend a number of Byron points, the witnesses must roll a contesting roll to be shocked or truly horrified by the act, or to disbelieve any excuse you make.

Basically get Byronism high enough and you can shoot someone in the face while their back is turned in a Duel and everyone will be too shocked at how Anti-heroic you looked doing it to arrest you. You can rape the Scullery Maid and as long as you can blag your way out of it, people will still retain a view that you're just a little 'rough around the edges', not a total out and out bastard.
Plus you get a bonus against Chivalric types.
Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights, or, to a lesser degree, Lord Byron himself, perfect examples.

>> No.12375187

>>12374819
>The Blind and Bottomless Horseman

>> No.12375189

>>12375173
Will this mean that Byronating someone will no longer be restricted to "bending them over a couch and buggering them?"

>> No.12375199

>>12375173

A good complement to this is a two-point merit in status, where you're of high enough society and such incredible wealth that you're all-but immune to the laws of man. Or a point of status and a point of criminal affiliation, where you're both mayor AND crime boss.

>> No.12375219

>>12375137
>Thrusting word,
Pistoned
>Penis word,
King, Rook, Bishop, Knight, Steed, Engine, Carriage
>Vagina word,
Castle, Bay, Lagoon, Study, Chapel, Pew(s), Field(s)
>Descriptive phallic,
Steely, Gleaming, Shivering, Noble
>Descriptive feminine.
Dusky, Feminine, Unspoiled, Well-trod/visited, Floral

>> No.12375222

>>12375137
Verbs:
Penetrated, ran, smashed, pierced, charged, invaded, crossed, tunnelled, burrowed, ejected, plunged, forced, galloped, hammered, drilled, sank.

>> No.12375231
File: 19 KB, 250x139, fabio multiclass.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12375231

The internets are in your debt, anon.

>> No.12375247

>>12375073

"Secretly Gay" would make for an awesome flaw for this. The question is whether it would count as 2 flaws for men but only one for women? Or vice versa?

>> No.12375268

>>12375231
If I play any Fabio alignment do I get bonus checks against being hit in the face with birds?

>> No.12375269

How would you create a temporally displaced viking Navy SEAL in this system though?

>> No.12375296

>>12375269
Mysteriousness. Mysteriousness EVERYWHERE.
Also, Byronism through the roof.

>letupka banstorm

>> No.12375299
File: 61 KB, 659x483, cawk.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12375299

People her are making the genre worse than it is.

Have an image of a street figher with a gigantic cock.

>> No.12375302

>>12375269
Use an ordinary viking Navy SEAL who suddenly finds himself beset with maidfolk upon his arrival and decides his fate isn't so bad, so he runs with the free sex.

I imagine a lot of Mysteriousness and Gentleness would be useful for roleplaying purposes.

>> No.12375315

Please tell me someone will archive this

I must show it to my group...

>> No.12375318

>>12375269

High mysteriousness, high Byronism, some rather interesting flaws and perks. Is he a temporally-displaced Viking seconded to the SEALs, or a temporally-displaced SEAL who RIP AND TEAR'd his way to leadership of a Viking warband?

>> No.12375320
File: 108 KB, 600x792, defeatawkward.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12375320

>>12374819

OP, you are awesome. Simply awesome.

>> No.12375328

So far possible results
He slipped his pulsating, glowing knight into her glistening repository
He jammed his glowing carriage into her feminine, dusky study
He popped his glistening thunder cock into her feminine, unspoiled study
He ,with the tenderness of a saint, entered his quivering, glowing king into her pure virginity
He ,with the tenderness of a saint, entered his glistening, quivering thunder cock into her dusky lagoon
He rammed his pulsating engine into her naked castle
He slipped his phallic knight into her feminine, moist fields
He popped his glowing steed into her glistening, bare pews

>> No.12375343

i put in the request to suptg.

>> No.12375349

>>12375328

Slip flaccid into the phallic description word list, just for fun.

>> No.12375356

>>12375318

He's a viking who later became a Navy SEAL, and as bizarre as it sounds, he's actually from a romance novel: Viking Unchained.

>> No.12375363

>>12375349
We already have a possibility of a glowing penis and 'wall to wall shag carpeting' on women.

>> No.12375366

So, would it possible to make modules fo this, for modern and fantsy settings? I ask only out of curiosity...

>> No.12375376
File: 160 KB, 800x640, shellyfinal.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12375376

>> No.12375388

>>12375173
>shoot someone in the face while their back is turned
What.

>> No.12375389

>>12375356

Aha. Then I'd center his flaws around his disconnect from normal society (He still has HOLY SHIT ELECTRICITY moments and a phobia of riding in cars) and his perks around rowing, killing, affiliation with a powerful agency (US SOCOM), and killing.

A few points of Gentleness for his hidden vulnerable side?

>> No.12375393

>So, would it possible to make modules fo this, for modern and fantsy settings?

No need for it. There's all sorts of wierd shit in those novels.

>> No.12375404

>>12375388

Ricochet Shot feat.

>> No.12375407
File: 40 KB, 338x475, Big Lesbian Stories, sir.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12375407

>> No.12375416

>>12375318
He's a retired SEAL who after having a triple-Fatwah placed on him flees to a third-world country in Central Asia, finds an isolated village of Vikings, and buys the caravanserai (incidentally becoming the lord of all)...

>> No.12375441

>>12375366
Modules? I mean, the system looks simple enough... fantasy, modern, sci-fi, literally all you have to do is treat Mystery appropriately for the genre as to what it allows at what difficulty, and then you just need to add a few appropriate flaws & perks. This isn't exactly a system for high adventure, so you don't need much specifics.

>> No.12375481

Wait, where's the character generation rules?

>> No.12375488

Done unless anyone can think of more ways to say 'He porked her in the Twat': Possible results include:
He thrust his wild knight into her pure, demure, dewy lagoon
He jammed his throbbing, randy king into her waiting, pure repository
He hammered her with his pulsating, glistening, throbbing, halariously oversized king into her puckered, vice like, dewy, bare womanhood
He charged his glowing, throbbing, aroused, turgid rook into her womanly, dewy, unspoiled, love juice covered love cave
He sank his glowing, plump manhood into her dusky, peeled, dewy petals
He slipped his pulsating, halariously oversized man root into her naked chapel
He skewered his randy steed into her floral, exposed virginity
He hammered her with his aroused bishop into her exposed, warm, pure, desperate study
He rammed his randy, Iron hard, glistening, meaty carriage into her dusky, womanly, silken bay
He thrust his glowing steed into her glistening chapel
He gently slid his galloping, plump, meaty fuck rod into her womanly mound of Venus
He thrust his flaccid steed into her vice like, shorn, wall to wall shag carpeted, bare chapel
He invaded her with his turgid, virile, Iron hard dong into her waiting, feminine, vice like, naked core of femininity
He rammed his quivering phallus into her floral, dusky, love juice covered, unspoiled lagoon

>> No.12375508

>>12375488

"Pressed into" as a thrusting verb?

Though, that'd require restructuring of the sentence so the feminine descriptors came first.

>> No.12375512

>whathassciencedone.jpg

My god...
I fucking love you /tg/, FUCKING MARRY ME!

Captcha: Femininity efuncy

...Captcha is an AI, I swear.

>> No.12375526

>>12375481
See
>>12374861
>>12374867
>>12374893

>> No.12375527

>>12375134
There need to be bonuses for invoking the tropes:

"I have you now my pretty"
"Bathe her and bring her to me"
"Gogo Enslavement"
"Arab Oil Sheikh"
"Bound and Gagged"
"Rape is Love"

etc. They tend to show up quite a bit...

>> No.12375560

>>12375488
We should make an optional rule where the rest of the group get to Mad-Lib your sex scene.
How well your character performs depends entirely on how far you can get through the sentence before breaking out in a shitfit of giggles, or how erotic you can make this utter nonsense sound.

>> No.12375562

>>12375488
>wall to wall shag carpeted, bare chapel
>wall to wall shag carpeted
>bare

Something tells me the random generator needs some work.

>> No.12375573

>>12375560

Deadpan comedians would be Gods among men in campaigns running with this system.

>> No.12375582

>He's a retired SEAL who after having a triple-Fatwah placed on him flees to a third-world country in Central Asia, finds an isolated village of Vikings, and buys the caravanserai (incidentally becoming the lord of all)...

...The Ghost-Series is not a Bodice Ripper...

>> No.12375586

>>12375527
>"Gogo Gadget Enslavement!"

Inspector Gadget as a romance novel villain?

>> No.12375603

>>12375488
>He thrust his flaccid steed into her vice like, shorn, wall to wall shag carpeted, bare chapel
>his flaccid steed
>flaccid
Doing it wrong.

>> No.12375607

>>12375603

Maybe it's his fetish.

>> No.12375631

>GM something you'll regret forever and MAID isn't on hand.

All I've ever heard about MAID marks it at awesome casual

>> No.12375643
File: 564 KB, 1349x1797, Barons and Br.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12375643

Here you guys go. Now it's available in handy PNG format.

>> No.12375647

>>12375441
Well it was originally designed specifically for a game where the PCs are all servants and members of the Master family at an Psudo-Victorian Mansion, probably named something like 'Four winds mansion' or something.
The idea was 'No plot the players don't start amongst themselves or bring in using mystery points, 95% character interaction, off you go!
Watch them make their own intruiges, screw each other about, mess with each others heads, bring the roof down, blame dodge, plot against their own social betters and have scandelous sex in the stables on rainy nights when the woman is meant to be wed the next day.
Why? Because it's funny.

>> No.12375656

>>12375137
>[Thrusting word]
slammed, infiltrated, struck deep, lampooned, drove, lampooned, plowed
>[Descriptive Phallic]
large, massive, magnanimous, magnificent, marauding, murderous, Machiavellian, mercurial beautiful, brash, bare, sexy, supreme, stocky, certain, dastardly, delightful, delicious, enormous, erogenous, erratic, evil
>[Penis Word]
sword, battering ram, mace, club, beast, pillar, ramrod, rifle, barrel, cock, hammer, dragon, serpent, arrow, spear
>[Descriptive feminine]
murky, fetid, glistening, damp, pink, flushed, parted, blooming, mercurial, parted, dripping, waiting, loving, desperate, desirous, hungry, vacuous, loose, tight, fang-studded, feline
>[Vagina word]
slit, orifice, hole, onion, axe mark, pussy, kitty, cat, child depositor, bullseye, chamber, heart, soul, girlhood, womanhood

>> No.12375658

>>12375582

http://www.amazon.com/Viking-Unchained-Time-Travel-Sandra-Hill/dp/0425222950

Time travelling viking romance novel. I'm amazed it actually exists! I think >>12375356 got it a bit mixed up, it's about a viking who's looking for his son, winds up in the present, and then the main woman falls in love with because he looks like her dead Navy SEAL husband (and because her son looks like the viking's lost son).

>> No.12375675
File: 29 KB, 548x500, vikings.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12375675

>>12375658

Why does Google have "Time Traveling Viking Navy Seal" in its autocomplete?

>> No.12375681

>>12375586
Go Go enslavement is where they have a very specific outfit to show someone is enslaved. An example is metal-bikini Leia.

>> No.12375682

>>12375675

I lol'd.

>> No.12375689

>>12375675

Because those 5 words are the most memorable part of the concept of the book? Plus it's not like there are 2 books about time travelling viking Navy SEAL lookalikes.

>> No.12375694

>>12375658
There is probably more than one franchise which uses time traveling to bring together Viking and Navy Seal.

>> No.12375697

Mys: Amanda Quick hero, just for the random SCIENCE! and martial arts knowledge.
Byr: Kathleen Woodwiss hero. Early Lisa Kleypas hero.
Chiv: Julia Quinn hero.
Gen: Later Lisa Kleypas hero.(Paired with high-Byr slut women.)

I'd also like to point out I only like romances written during the Edwardian time period. 1700s books everyone's a slut or an asshole, Victorian era books the guy's always a lawyer and the chick's always a suffragette.

>>12375393
Grabbing the one nearest to me, a telepathic daughter of an itinerant preacher goes to London looking for her slut of a sister. The sister is accused of murdering a duke's brother and she disguises herself as the sister to find her. Of course she winds up falling for the duke.

>> No.12375701

>>12375681

It can still work, it's just an outfit created by Inspector Gadget. So naturally, it's prone to comic mishaps at any time.

>> No.12375712

>>12375656
Right.
DEFINETLY done now.
He invaded her with his halariously oversized, chocolate-dipped, nut sprinkled, virile steed into her feline, waiting, peeled, love juice covered chamber
He forced his beautiful, sexy, wild, halariously oversized dong into her naked, demure core of femininity
He popped his flaccid, galloping spear into her pink bullseye
He gently slid his randy, stocky, certain knight into her dusky hole,
He sank his enormous, dastardly, flaccid mace into her floral, womanly kitty
He lampooned her with his wild, flaccid spear into her wall to wall shag carpeted, demure love cave
He gently slid his aroused, erratic, phallic thunder cock into her flushed nether lips
He struck deep into her, bringing forth a gentle moan with his beautiful carriage into her love juice covered kitty
He infiltrated her with his brash ramrod into her blushing core of femininity
What the fuck have I created /tg/?

>> No.12375739

>>12375712
>halariously
You mean "hilariously" right?

>What the fuck have I created /tg/?
Something amazing, that's what.

>> No.12375744

>>12375712
That's too many phallic adjectives. Decrease the number by one.

>> No.12375753

>>12375739
Yes I did.
Sorry

>>12375744
It uses 1D4 adjectives a time. Those were the prime reel as it is.

>> No.12375763

>>12375527
Rape is love kind of went out with the 80s. Its still in shojo manga though.

>> No.12375774

>>12375753
>>12375753
>Decrease the number by one.
>It uses 1D4 adjectives a time.
So make it use 1d4-1
Easy.

>> No.12375781

YO WE STILL NEED CHARACTER CREATION RULES

>> No.12375783

>>12375774

Or 1d3.

>> No.12375789

>>12375763
Oh. I didn't know if we were just sticking to modern-day stuff, or "classic" examples.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Sheik_(novel)

Was written in 1919, a practical laundry list of values dissonance.

>> No.12375796

>>12375781
YO MAYBE YOU COULD READ THE THREAD
>>12374861
>>12374867
>>12374893

>> No.12375801

I fucking love you, /tg/. You are the best board.

>> No.12375809

What's the preffered upload site for this monstrosity of a generator?
Rapidshare? Mediafire?
What?

>> No.12375814

>>12375809
Mediafire or Megaupload. Rapidshare sucks ass unless you buy an account.

>> No.12375838

>>12375789
And I thought The Flame And The Flower was bad.

>> No.12375839
File: 129 KB, 424x700, romance-novel-21.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12375839

>>12375809
http://www.mediafire.com/?xtd75valdxjqwd0
Gentlemen.
May God have mercy on our souls.
Anyone want to do the 'Do her in the ass' and various forplay options? I'm not that good with IPP.
For those who need IPP
http://www.nbos.com/products/ipad/ipad.htm

>> No.12375865

Fuck you /tg/
I've just read through this thread; and woken everyone in my house at 4 in the morning by laughing too hard. Now they're all pissed at me.
Right, let's find a plot generator and archive the fuck out of this thread.

>> No.12375873

ARCHIVE THIS SHIT FOR FUTURE GENERATIONS

>> No.12375892

>>12375839

Well if we're sticking with bodice rippers, there should be one along the lines of "He [past tense verb] her [item of clothing], revealing her [adjective] [term for breasts]".

>> No.12375920

>>12375892
He slashed her corset, unveiling her luxurious mounds for his ravenous appetite."

>encrusted patterns
Clothing description chart too.

>> No.12375929

>>12375865

Plot generation? Just arrange all the main characters in a circle, and start drawing lines between them, using different colours for various relationships. So if you have 4 PCs, half a dozen major characters and a stable boy (because there's ALWAYS a stable boy), you're going to end up with plenty to work with, even if you just have one or two lines per person.

>> No.12375970

Generators:
http://novelistvmd.awardspace.com/RomanceTitleGenerator2.htm
Campaign name.

http://www.ugoi.net/nonsense/plot.html
http://www.seventhsanctum.com/generate.php?Genname=romance
http://xangela.net/generators/romance.html
Plot generators

http://cheappeeks.com/romance/index.shtml
Plot generator site, includes a LGBT plot generator, for when you just really don't have enough men in corsets.

http://nine.frenchboys.net/marysue.php
Obnoxious character description generator for females

http://nine.frenchboys.net/clothes.php
A dress generator...for...Mask balls and things.
I don't know.

>> No.12375971
File: 165 KB, 598x425, bd415f6de1c38a1461ba673cc86ead3d.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12375971

>>12375658
>Searching for his little boy, 11thcentury Viking Thorfinn lands in modern times, where he stumbles upon a dead wringer for his cheating ex-wife. Single mom Lydia Denton mourns the loss of her SEAL husband. Then she meets a man who resembles him. Despite Thorfinn’s strange accusations, Lydia finds it impossible to ignore the chemistry between them. And as she gets to know this handsome Viking, she can’t help but wonder whether two souls, separated by time, have found their way back together.

>Thorfinn

>> No.12375976

Plot: Two of the characters hook up and have babies.

Then the villain hooks up with the previous heroine's sister and they have babies.

Then the villain's school buddy hooks up with the first hero's sister and they have babies, after the first hero tries to kill him in a duel.

Meanwhile, a handyman with a thick scottish accent hooks up with the tweeny as a B plot.

>> No.12376007

>>12375892
>[past tense verb]
tore
ripped
pulled
raked apart

>[item of clothing]
Corset
bodice
bra
front of her dress
shirt
silk shirt

>[adjective]
Buxom
Huge
perfect
round
sweet
delicious
bountiful
great big
stonking

>[term for breasts]
Tits
bosom
mammary glands,
udder
mammilla
milk factories

>> No.12376010

Here's the infamous Wuthering Heights RPG:
http://www.unseelie.org/rpg/wh/index.html

Technically it appears possible to have your character be a Gay Jewish Albino Swordsman Alcoholic.

>> No.12376011

>>12375976

I was hoping the villain would hook up with the babies at some point, but I guess that'll have to wait until next session.

>> No.12376029

>>12375971
yeah, you know your book is good when the blurb contains a spelling fuckup

>> No.12376035

This system would probably work well for a soap opera RPG system too, bar some name changes.

>> No.12376041

>>12376007
ivory orbs is not a possible result, list is shit

>> No.12376047

This makes me sad that my group will never be willing to play this.

>> No.12376054

>>12376010
Rolling
Rage: 11+39= 50
Dispair: 7+39= 46
Oldness: 2+15=17
Problem: 51: Poet, 4 hours a day
Name: Byronic the Dude

Hang on a fucking minute
>Some original rules were not translated; in the French version, you'll find rules about large battles, psionic powers, vampyres, martial arts and more ...

...WHY THE FUCK DID THEY NOT TRANSLATE THAT! I could have played the Kung Fu, psychic Heathcliff!

>> No.12376064

>>12376054
They didn't translate it because the "French version" is a lie.

>> No.12376077
File: 213 KB, 1104x1000, oh ho ho ho.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12376077

>my face when this thread

>> No.12376088

oh shit, so what would a female's stats be? Or there aren't any in this sort of game?

>> No.12376092

ORIGINAL

MOTHERFUCKING

CONTENT

>> No.12376101

>>12376088

I'm guessing females aren't characters so much as they're NPCs.

>> No.12376107

>>12376101

>I'm guessing females aren't characters so much as they're props.

ftfy

>> No.12376124

>>12376011
From what I recall, most book-series tend to go

Second Brother
Third Brother
First Brother
Sister
Villain from Earlier Book
Fourth Brother
New Generation - New Series

Or maybe that's just Julia Quinn

>> No.12376141

>>12376088
Women are left as nebulous as possible so the reader can imagine themselves in the roll.

Its like when you're playing a hentai game and the main character is always shadowed.

>> No.12376167

>I'm guessing females aren't characters so much as they're NPCs.

This board has some serious problems with the concept of "females" and is generally at its most comfortable in spaces with only men.

>> No.12376205
File: 340 KB, 750x750, 1270712204965.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12376205

Dear Sirs,
I write to convey both my astonishment at this gem of a system seemingly plucked from the fetid refuse heap of "bodice-rippers" and my gratitude for the renewed vigor reading it has given me.
My own project, which if all goes well will be placed humbly before /tg/ in its time, has become increasingly arduous, but in beholding these rules, I was filled with a rush of enthusiasm welling up from my deepest parts. I applaud your efforts, and I eagerly anticipate our future congress.
Sincerely,
Anon

>> No.12376211

This is excellent OP, /tg/ cannot see the potential. I'd have a blast parodying victorian romance novels using this.

>> No.12376296

>>12376088
>>12376101
Same.
I was going to make different names for them, but I thought 'eh, fuck it'
Mysteriousness-> Aloofness
Byronism-> Sauciness
Chivalry-> Breeding
Gentleness-> Ladyness

But those names are shit, so I left them out.

>> No.12376321

This thread is a thing of beauty.
Now all we need is to design a system for reinacting Musicals in RP form and all my dreams will be complete.

>> No.12376362

>>12376296

"Breeding" and "Sauciness" are good.

>> No.12376387

>>12376167
>>12376296
OP here, the original concept was 'all female party; attempt to get the guy', but then I expanded it to 'PC only household'; so it's definetly geared more towards playing females.
However that doesn't mean you can't make Pillow Biter Abby, complete with it's Lord and Master, Duke M. B. Buggery; situated on Scenic Brokeback Moors, with no women around for miles and the entire staff are nubile young boys reaching the age where they start to experiment.
Or the complete opposite with Dame Scissoring. It's not meant for that level of lewdness, more for Drama and romance with a streak of Lust, but hey, D&D never said female adventurers could fit a Whole Minotaur cock, but that didn't stop some people.
The exact proporition of male to female is up to you/the group, the less women, the more of you will end up prision gay, or killing someone for a Ladies affection or whatever.
Such is the amusement factor of the game sometimes.

>> No.12376426
File: 78 KB, 300x355, 1283722548142.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12376426

>>12376387
>Pillow Biter Abby, complete with it's Lord and Master, Duke M. B. Buggery; situated on Scenic Brokeback Moors

Oh god...my mind.
I saw that and instalty thought of...well...
Pic related.

>> No.12376486

>>12376321
>>Now all we need is to design a system for reinacting Musicals in RP form and all my dreams will be complete.
THIS ! FUCKING THIS !

>> No.12376503

This thread is mind boggling.
How can /tg/ go from 'KILL THE FUCKING ORCS! LOOKIT MAH +12 great axe! Fucking Minmax that bastard up another notch! Trolling-trolling-trolling; romance?! Screw that! The GM'd only kill her off!' one minute, to 'Ah, yes a roleplay based around Mills and Boon, books in brown style erotic romance; based in a novel of manners style setting; how jolly delightful; shall we discuss this in greater depth?'

>> No.12376523

I cast UNYIELDING BUTTONS, what now, rogue?

>> No.12376524

>>12376503
because despite our "THAT GUYS", our edition wars and our trollfeeding boardwide industry, /tg/ makes shit done.
and now, something completly different :
gentlemen, let's create "Musicals : the RPG"!

>> No.12376525

>>12374819
/tg/ is back, bitches.

>> No.12376526

>>12376503

Because, unlike /v/, there is still some tiny spark of goodness left in /tg/ with which it may yet redeem itself.

>> No.12376529

>>12376503
It's one of those strange abilities /tg/ has, to go from 'We hate this and everything that could possibly come from it' to 'Oh dear God! I just came all over myself over this!' if something is presented in a brilliant and well made way.

>> No.12376540
File: 92 KB, 500x653, 0001-1285125018080.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12376540

>>12376503
haven't you heard? we're Elegan/tG/entlemen as well as fa/tg/uys.

>> No.12376554

>>12376503
Because it's different people doing it.

>> No.12376562

>>12376524
Right.
One of my friends made a system for a Brutal legend game a while ago, I'll try and get that off him; we can reforge it with a series of abilities instead of 'guitar' and 'drums', such as 'sorrowful vocals'; have combat be represented by sing offs, or singing for bonuses.
The GM then gives circumstancial modifiers for the Players ad-libbing their own songs IRL and singing them, or for finding a relevant song which works the situation.

>> No.12376598

>>12376503

gods amongst men

also we're all totally schizo

>> No.12376662

>>12376503
I have never seen /tg/ do that first thing.

>> No.12376673

Reading through this thread, I am slightly disturbed by how some elegan/tg/ents here seem to be familiar with the tropes and authors of this particular genre.

>> No.12376679

>>12376673
I was surprised at it, but not disturbed.

>> No.12376682

has this thread been archived?

>> No.12376689

>>12376673
eh, CLASSICAL romance isn't bad but most of the shit you see lonely middle-age women buying is awful.

>> No.12376698

>>12376689
And I assume you speak form experience? No, stay on our side of the room, thank you.

>> No.12376703

>>12376689
It's about as awful as generic fantasy, frankly. Just a different set of tropes.

>> No.12376709

>>12375376

Awesome! Source?

>> No.12376711

>>12376703
Well I am awfully familiar with generic fantasy. As a lad I'm afraid I sprained my brain reading crappy Ed Greenwood's Elminster (and other) novels.

>> No.12376721
File: 10 KB, 300x300, tg.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12376721

OK, drawfag and GM reporting. I'm volunteering to (a) run this game on irc and (b) drawfag in Kate Beaton parody style. Requests?

>frowing time
srsly captcha is sentinent.

>> No.12376726

>get Byronism high enough and you can shoot someone in the face while their back is turned
>shoot someone in the face while their back is turned

Byronism makes physics its little bitch.

>> No.12376735

>>12376703
I've never read any romance novels, but I suspect they're kinda like Clive Cussler's stuff, with ACTION! and DIVING! replaced by KISSING! and FLOWERY NARRATION! while retaining the template plots of Cussler's stuff.

>> No.12376741

>>12376721
Well let's start with Elminster putting on... taking off his robe and wizard had and putting moves on Mystra or Simbul or whoever.

>> No.12376763
File: 159 KB, 800x671, robinhoodfinal.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12376763

>>12376709
http://www.harkavagrant.com/

>> No.12376784

I am, at the same time, thoroughly ashamed and incredibly honoured to be part of this thread.
It's...special, in every sense of the word.

>> No.12376792

>>12376598

>totally schizo

This this this.

In the middle of a quest thread where we were about to free our three slaves and have them come adventuring with us, because we were determined to be the ultimate bro. We turned around and decided to not only not free, but sadistically rape them just because I reminded them they were slaves because they'd committed crimes in the first place.

>> No.12376797

>>12376721
OP here; run it!
It's not been play tested yet, so why not. Let's crack out some dice and break out the frilly shirts and wigs.

>> No.12376824

I'm not sure why you draw on Mills and Boon so much when it seems like that source of this material is Gothic Romance. But hey, whatever works.

STAT BYRON: Byonism: MAX. Mysteriousness: MAX. Chivalry: MIN. Gentleness: MIN. BYRON IS A MIN-MAXER.

>> No.12376827

>>12376054
>>12376064

Is it actually a lie? Because otherwise someone point me at a working link as I might as well put 12 years of French Immersion to some decent use.

>> No.12376828
File: 10 KB, 357x338, tg.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12376828

>>12376741

I have to conflicting images of Elminster, one of a mean looking 3e style wizard and other of a gandalfesque mage with red robes.

(I know shit about FR btw)

>> No.12376866
File: 108 KB, 646x1305, Computer Reaction.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12376866

Well, I'm in awe.

This even beats Wal*Mart Apocalypse for best role playing system I've seen on /tg/.

Golf clap.

>> No.12376868

>>12376827

Looks like it's not, but I can't find the core rules anywhere. Mainly because I don't know how to search for that shit in French.

All that comes up when I google the name is a bunch of expansions people came up with.

>> No.12376884
File: 11 KB, 357x338, tg.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12376884

>>12376797
OK, the room is #SilkInTheGlen in the suptg irc

>> No.12376906

>>12376884
Can't connect for some reason. Save logs.

>> No.12377030

I'm killing time making a handy table btw:
https://spreadsheets.google.com/ccc?key=0At9qWv6Ej3DGdDQwamRzWlJLQkVINnRkTTN5LTM3enc&hl=en&a
uthkey=CKbg8qYJ

>> No.12377059
File: 57 KB, 348x1796, 1274011796296.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12377059

ITT: Pic Related.
"His steaming, vapid nipples..."

>> No.12377100

>>12377059
More like:
ITT: We discover /tg/ has a huge hard-on for mad homebrew ideas, Byronic heroes and anything involving Lacey clothing.
"I demand satisfaction!"

>> No.12377192

Thank you /tg/ for reminding me why I come here every day.

>> No.12377220

>>12376525
Guess who's back?
Back again.
/tg/'s back.
Tell a friend.
Guess who's back, Guess who's back, Guess who's back, Guess who's back, Guess who's back, Guess who's back, Guess who's back.

>> No.12377234

OP comes in with a mad idea.
/tg/ welcomes it with open arms and makes OC.
A game is forged.
Stay Classy /tg/
Stay Classy.
Maybe we could build some settings for it?

>> No.12377277

>>12377234
The OP came with OC, bro.

>> No.12377282

This is why I love /tg/

>> No.12377289
File: 33 KB, 184x184, 1271285333846.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12377289

>this fucking thread

I love you, /tg/. Never change.

>> No.12377307

>>12377277
I think he means the generator as well.

Also, OP is in the IRC channel!

>> No.12377351

I am gay for you /tg/, I really am.

I don't think this should be restricted to bodice-ripping period pieces though. There's plenty of trashy romance novels set in the modern day with dashing doctors and vulnerable ex-soldiers or mysterious teachers or whatever.

>> No.12377358

>>12377234
-Victorian Mansion (Obviously)
-Medeival Castle for a Gothic setting. Throw in a Vampire for fun.
-A London Street
-Any closed space really where the PCs are forced to interact with each other instead of wandering off.

Moors are a definet though, whever you end up, you need a Moor.

>> No.12377373

>>12377351
A Police man, protecting a marked woman from a dangerous Stalker.
But when he lets her get too close, what will he choose when given the choice between the woman he loves, and his duty...

I like it.

>> No.12377386

Proof that sleep deprivation, gambling and drinking heavily are good for society as a whole!
Or at least creativity.

>> No.12377387

>>12377358
>Moor
A filthy Saracen? "The barbary ram is tupping my milk white ewe"?

>> No.12377402
File: 18 KB, 640x480, Dsc00159_Rannach_Moor_B.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12377402

>>12377387
Wrong type of Moor you're thinking of.

>> No.12377422

>>12377402
Moors! Moors on the moors! Moor your boat here to avoid the moor-moored Moors!

>> No.12377463

>>12377422
Mybrainisfullofmoors.jpg

>> No.12377534
File: 38 KB, 300x425, mybrainisfullofmoors.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12377534

>>12377463
If this image is ever seen again outside of this thread.
It will be a fucking act of Byron.

>> No.12377545

http://suptg.xp3.biz/
have fun, suggest more wacky terms.

btw the irc room needs players, no one intersted?

>> No.12377555

>>12377534
Oh Lord.
Anon, you Card.

>> No.12377565

>>12377534
Genius!

>> No.12377568

>>12377545
>He penetrated her with his throbbing, erogenous dragon into her exposed pews.

This sounds like a book I read once...

>> No.12377595

>>12377545
>He popped his virile, virile, Iron hard buggering stick into her fang-studded, fetid, blushing core of femininity.

-7 Byronism

>> No.12377596

>>12377545
>He rammed his glistening man root into her feline chestnut patch of pleasure.
Fucking furries.

>> No.12377601
File: 42 KB, 460x500, flashman460.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12377601

So is Flashman focussed on being Gentle (because he's a sneaky, lying cunt) or Byronesque (because he's a gigantic dick and it doesn't stop everyone thinking he's awesome)?

At least we know Chivalry's his dump-stat.

>> No.12377619

>He forced his chocolate-dipped, nut sprinkled club into her love juice covered honey pot.

hahaha oh wow.

>> No.12377626

>>12377601
Flashman is strong Byronism, good Mysteriousness, decent Gentleness, terrible Chivalry.

>> No.12377647

>>12377601
byronesque I say

>> No.12377653

>He plunged his magnificent phallus into her tight orifice.
This sounds realistic. God dammit.

>> No.12377669

Take your purple prose. Post it.
Then, put it into Google and see what happens.

>> No.12377696

>baxtrics: The Rancher's Wife
31 Aug 2010 ... She moved over to the cucumber patch and pulled three big ones for ...... pleasure from her mouth on his gigantic shaft sunk into her mouth, that ... silk, the waving chestnut hair soft as satin. He guided her face and ... out again and appear, glistening from the wetness of her saliva and his ...

>LLP-274 Caesar's Revenge Book Two by Jon Reskind
of flames at the thin, wetly glistening opening he knew to be the mating slit of ..... pleasure he had and was bringing her. She felt his powerful body responding to ..... her hands shoved deeply into the patch-pockets of her red robe. ..... He rammed the gears into reverse, then turned to gape at inch-distance ...

>The Horse Meadow
15 posts - 3 authors - Last post: 24 May 2006
The girl yawned contently as Bob led her outside and into the afternoon sunshine. .... The black organs were glistening with sweat, and the stallion's scent was .... He moved his gaze from the chestnut's angry face, to the beast's .... and erotic feeling of horse cock being rammed up his colon. He ...

My God. It's full of sluts.

>> No.12377850

>>12377545

uhm...

how do i join an irc room
...

>> No.12377886

>>12377850
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/chat.html

type /join #silkintheglen

>> No.12377946

>>12376741
Elminster doesn't even have a hat.

>> No.12377965

>>12377946
Here's a hint: it's not on his head.

>> No.12377979

>>12377965
wikipedia is trolling me, I guess:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elminster

>> No.12378102
File: 114 KB, 500x848, lovelacecomicpg1new[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12378102

Byronic bump.

If you want to play: >>12376884
we need players plox

>> No.12378227

>>12377351
Any romance novel that takes place after 1859 is shit. Any romance novel that takes place before 1804 and doesn't involve pirates, vikings, or scotsmen is shit.

Just look at Jayne Ann Krentz. Her books written as Amanda Quick(Historicals with a strange touch of James Bond) are good. Her books written as herself are crystal moon powers bullshit.

>> No.12378253

Now we have to run Duskwood Hearts in this system.

Oh God, that would be both horribly amazing and amazingly horrible.

>> No.12378267

>>12377234
Shall we get shit done, /tg/?
I think we can get some archetypes at least

>> No.12378302

If this thread has not been archived, why hasn't it been archived?

>> No.12378348

>>12377351
I like this idea -

Woman comes home from military service, emotionally scarred, and a kindly and gentle man and his kindly and gentle dog help her realize it's safe to love again... the normal way, though. The dog doesn't get any.

>> No.12378406

>>12378253
Or Blue Rose. All your bishie husbandos? THEY MAXED OUT BYRONISM.

>> No.12378422

>>12375586
Gadget Hackwrench as a romance-novel villain.

>> No.12378425

>>12378406
inb4 love can bloom

>> No.12378427

>>12378348
Fuckin' dog, man.

>lengthened reneeth
Oh, Captcha . . .

>> No.12378430

>>12378348
>woman
>military service
I hope that guy likes sloppy eighty-fourths.

>> No.12378458

>>12378422
WRITEFAG NEEDED.

>> No.12379136

Bamp that others might witness the horrible beauty.

>> No.12379283

>He gently slid his galloping seed into her blushing, love juice covered, dewy undiscovered country. The rest of the dominoes fell like a house of cards. Checkmate.

wat

>> No.12379310
File: 17 KB, 300x225, zapp2.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12379310

>>12379283
In the game of checkers, you must never let your opponent see your pieces.

>> No.12379353

>>12378430
It's all about how the characters approach the sex, not about how much actual experience having sex they've had. A shell-shocked soldier who endured a lot of rough living might be the perfect person to appreciate a soft touch, whereas it's the bitchy character with the sense of entitlement who might be more able to appreciate a really rough session of fucking, the kind that leaves you bruised and sore (and determined to continue as soon as you can catch your breath).

> Agent nobblaf

Someone with a laughing (k)nob is an agent, now?

>> No.12379365
File: 58 KB, 480x640, Kif Facepalm..jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12379365

>>12379310
Ugh...

>> No.12379415

Somebody post this shit on RPG.net.

>> No.12379465

>He hammered her with his turgid, terrifing, marauding rifle into her divested, non-euclidean bay.

Tekiliki-li! Tekiliki-li!

>Having flubmid

You said it, captcha.

>> No.12379477

This shit is bonkers, yo!

SERIOUSLY guys!

I love you, /tg/.

>shecon you
Wait, she do? Fuck.

>> No.12379501

>He horrified pulsating, dastardly, erogenous serpent into her bare, non-euclidean repository.
...So it is some kind of Lovecraftian romance novel?

>> No.12379521

>>12379501
Well considering that Lovecraft's general writing skills where about on the level of bodice rippers...

>> No.12379525

>He slipped his sad, sexy sword into her unspoiled, desirous, moist cat.

A cat is fine, too.

>> No.12379553

>He slammed his meaty, massive engine into her loving, parted, feminine fields.
Sexy, AND addresses the social issue of the rise of industry and its negative effects on the agricultural sphere.

>> No.12379746

He put his chocolate in her peanut butter.

She put her peanut butter in his chocolate.

>> No.12379801

We are about to start a game, come and join to watch the debauchery and decadence.

>> No.12379937
File: 194 KB, 550x1043, denofvice_002[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12379937

>>12378102
byronic lovelace bump

>> No.12379964

>He chiseled his pleasure-horn into her wet stuff, shooping all of her woops and undulating clockwise with the passion of a thousand hateful SMB3 suns.

>> No.12380245

>>12379353
Agent Noblaf is a special agent, with the mission to break into your room while you masturbate, and laugh at your nob.

>> No.12380425
File: 32 KB, 603x218, Capture.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12380425

I think this actually beats any of the fake lines anyone's made in this thread.

>> No.12380450

>>12380425
. . .

. . .

Jesus. I very much resent having my funbox likened to a horse's mouth.

>> No.12380461

>>12380450
Is it more like a weeping furnace?

>> No.12380471

>>12380461
That's slightly less disgusting than a horse's mouth.

>> No.12380510

>>12380471

Hatchet-wound, then?

>> No.12380516

>>12380425
>He , with the tenderness of a saint, entered his wicked, plump, chocolate-dipped, nut sprinkled fuck rod into her warm horse mouth.
Not anymore

>> No.12380521

This is the best thing. I think I'm going to run this if my GM doesn't show up for Dark Heresy tomorrow night (or tonight, rather). I hope he does, though, next session is going to be great.

Also, I vote that anything that comes out of /tg/ from now on must be called BADWRONGFUN Productions, if the game author doesn't want to be named.

>> No.12380561

>>12380425
That's not even bad. It's an emotional thingamajigger, that represents that the dude is compassionate and shit.

>> No.12380648

>>12380521
Give me your mail and I'll send you the logs of the session we are playing atm

>> No.12380659

>>12380450
Now, now. You should never look a gift horse in the mouth, you know.

>> No.12380948

>posting bits from ongoing game:

>Beefgnaw_the_Chunkman charged through the crowd, knocking over servant and noble alike, and leapt into the longboat waiting at the end of the courtyard. Why did he look so hurt? Why did he thrash about so? How the fuck did he sail a longboat on land?

>> No.12380977

>>12380948
(0:53:05) ***Beefgnaw_the_Chunkman spies the villainous Rockbone out of the corner of his eye and glares through the slits of his helmet at him. A fire kindled in his savage breast. A fire that burned for the crimson life-blood of his enemy! He turned, snatching the axe that had slain so many a troll from his belt, and slashes brutally at the rope as it flies toward him, promising castration!
(0:54:16) Slants|GM: Bilice, impotent to do something, catches the phallic symbol of his disgraces with his magnificent rope
(0:54:35) Slants|GM: Beefgnaw, has lost his axe, feeling emasculated in front of everyone.
(0:55:21) ***Rockbone_Bilicie yanks the rope back toward himself, picking up the axe as he dragged it to his feet
(0:55:49) Beefgnaw_the_Chunkman: "You troll-shaving DEVIL. THAT WAS MY FATHER'S AXE!" he cries as he sails off. Revenge is plotted, but will be enacted another day.
(0:56:46) Rockbone_Bilicie: Axe in hand, Bilicie grinds his teeth together, furious at his failure.

>> No.12380979

>>12380450
>>12380461
>>12380471
>>12380510
I once found some British porno mags a while back, Aside from some fairly unattractive women in them, they had some really unerotic and somewhat depressing stories where the guys A) cheated on their wives and B) referred to vaginae as a "slash."

>> No.12380991

>>12380977
Holy Christ, that is all kinds of awesome.

>> No.12380997

(1:29:29) Rockbone_Bilicie: As the large head of the blade approached Perrywether's unprotected, vulnerable back, Bilicie suddenly fell into a sort of daze
(1:29:50) Rockbone_Bilicie: He imagined the axe haft as his own member, suddenly magnificent and great
(1:30:21) Rockbone_Bilicie: Delerious with joy, he thrust forward, toward flesh that was ripe for the cleaving.
(1:31:30) Slants|GM: He skewered his mercurial, glowing , throbbing bishop into her pink, pure, fang-studded chestnutwound of pleasure.
(1:31:35) Slants|GM: *into his
(1:32:38) Rockbone_Bilicie: Falling into the trance of his vision, he let the axe slip from his hands and clatter to the floor. Rockbone himself collapsed, blind to the world, as he rubbed furiously at his groin, groaning and writhing in pain and extacy
(1:32:44) Rockbone_Bilicie: *ecstacy
(1:37:51) ***MarcusPerrywether pointed at the man who had slighted him earlier. "You there
(1:38:05) MarcusPerrywether: come quickly! My compatriot needs assistance.".
(1:38:26) Slants|GM: A woman, just new to her forties approach Bilice
(1:38:37) Slants|GM: "Young man, are you okay, you seem to be having a seizure"

>> No.12381019

>>12380997
(1:39:05) Slants|GM: The woman, past his few wrinkles, is well endowed and curvy, like a Rubens painting
(1:42:14) Rockbone_Bilicie: Rockbone gave no response beyond an impassioned scream, as he began to grind his hand harder against his semi-errect phallus
(1:42:38) Slants|GM: "We need a doctor here!" Said the woman
(1:42:58) Rockbone_Bilicie: As he pressed his hand harder against himself, he began to feel a sharp pain from his repositories of seed
(1:43:19) Rockbone_Bilicie: The pain only made him scream louder and rub harder, bringing himself almost to a limp, sticky climax
(1:47:02) Rockbone_Bilicie: Sobbing in frustration, Bilicie slowed his hand, then went limp, as darkness closed around him.
(1:47:09) Slants|GM: He sank his iron hard, Machiavellian, magnificent balls into his womanly, loose pants.
(1:47:13) Rockbone_Bilicie: For the first time in years, his phallus reached proper firmness
(1:47:28) Slants|GM: The sudden blood flow made Bilice pass out
(1:48:15) ***MarcusPerrywether , once focused on calling out the man who had bested him with his scathing words, Marcus now stepped several steps back from the masturbatory gentleman.
(1:48:17) Rockbone_Bilicie: As he lay unmoving, the rush of blood from his head erased his memory of the entire evening, leaving him floating in peaceful bliss

>> No.12381067
File: 92 KB, 479x446, Auughhh4.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12381067

>>12381019

>> No.12381122

(1:16:45) Slants|GM: The countess, climbed on the flying longboat and the first thing she did was pulling Beefgnaw ear, like a small child "This is all your fault, you brute. You shall be held responsible." Lady Tyler step in the middle of the fight: "gentlemen, please.... take this fight to other place, you are disturbing my guests and disgracing ME as your host."
Beefgnaw_the_Chunkman grunts as his ear is yanked and shoves the rudder toward the deck, driving the prow into the dirt and landing the amazing craft. "Very well," he growls, standing. He walks to the rail after briskly shaking off the countess' hand and puts a roughened hand on the worn oak of the rail. "My lady. I apologize for my savagery. My blood was up. I could not hold back."
Beefgnaw_the_Chunkman glances once at the Contessa, giving her a long, searching look before allowing his eyes to soften and his brow to unknit. He apologized to her with a downward look, then grabbed a rope tied to the mast and swung down to the courtyard.
(1:22:12) Slants|GM: Lady Lovelace puts her hand on Beefgnaw's cheek.
(1:22:55) Slants|GM: "You are a gentle person, after all. But you should have some manners, sir!" - she said with a feigned tone of dignity

>> No.12381125
File: 60 KB, 400x400, FAPPING LIKE THE FIST OF THE NORTH STAR_bb.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12381125

>>12376387
>However that doesn't mean you can't make Pillow Biter Abby, complete with it's Lord and Master, Duke M. B. Buggery; situated on Scenic Brokeback Moors, with no women around for miles and the entire staff are nubile young boys reaching the age where they start to experiment.

FAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPF
APFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFA
PFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAP
FAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAP

>> No.12381134

>>12381122
(1:23:59) ***Beefgnaw_the_Chunkman pauses in his swinging to turn his bearded cheek into her hand. "I... am sorry. Manners are not prized where... /when/ I am from. Strength is. But..." He closes his eyes and lets the cool warmth of her hand soak into his beard. "Perhaps..."
(1:34:40) ***Beefgnaw_the_Chunkman is thankfully to engrossed in rubbing his beard into Ada's hand to notice his axe being violated.
(1:36:33) Slants|GM: "How this boat can sail on land, good sir? What mechanism empowers it?"
(1:36:42) Slants|GM: Asked the countess to Beefgnaw
(1:41:56) Beefgnaw_the_Chunkman: "Magic," he says simply as he turns from her and begins tying up his ship and retrieving his axe.
(1:49:54) ***Beefgnaw_the_Chunkman curls his lip in disgust at the unmoving slob laying on the ground, then turns and grabs Countess Lovelace and swings back to the deck of his ship.
(1:50:10) Beefgnaw_the_Chunkman: grabs countess lovelace by the waist
(1:53:43) Slants|GM: Poor Ada Lovelace, her curiosity got the best of her.
(1:54:09) Slants|GM: "Teach me about what you call magic stranger, how should I call you?"

>> No.12381143

>>12381134
(1:55:52) ***Beefgnaw_the_Chunkman turned his head toward her as he swung up onto the deck and flashed her a brief smile through his beard. As they landed, he lay her gently on her feet on deck and turned his broad, muscular back toward her. He took a step away, then paused, caught by her melodic voice. "I am Beefgnaw the Chunkman, son of Biggrin the Rustrod. I have slain many giants and the Serpent of the North Sea."
(1:56:01) sakuraba left the room (quit: Quit: ).
(1:56:42) Slants|GM: The countess lovelace left the party, sailing on the mysterious earth-sailing boat of the time traveller, her paradigms of science shitifing with every heartbeat.
(1:56:49) ***Beefgnaw_the_Chunkman turns toward her as a sudden breeze kicks up behind him, ruffling the loose flaps of his tunic and teasing several hairs from his beard, and looks her straight in the eye, his striking blue meeting her soft green. "You may call me Beefgnaw if you wish."


>Guys I think we just created steampunk, if Ada Lovelace got interested in magic.

>> No.12381158
File: 7 KB, 251x190, 1273615373876.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12381158

ITT:
>masturbatory gentleman

ahhahaha.

>> No.12381213

rpg log:
http://pastebin.com/TM9cvQrw
most of it it's about gathering players, skip to (23:52:37) to get the juicy, flaccid, masturbatory bits.

http://pastebin.com/fXB7wHgs
OOC log, mostly about mechanics and rollan.

>> No.12381587

The only thing I can say is 'he marched his wounded soldier into her rustic chapel, never to see the light of day again'.

>> No.12382991

Holy fuck this is still up?
I honestly belive I will never be able to look at /tg/ or Roleplaying the same way again after this thread...
It's magnificent.

>> No.12383011
File: 24 KB, 267x400, Gentleman of the Internet.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google] [report]
12383011

I have created this specific award, just for the OP of this thread.
You sir, are a scholar and a gentleman.

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